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Speaker 1: You have to be honest with yourself about why are

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Speaker 1: you still here, Why are you holding on what's really

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Speaker 1: driving you? You don't feel like starting the process over

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Speaker 1: with somebody else, So even though you're not feeling it

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Speaker 1: with him, you're wasting your time. The best selling author

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Speaker 1: and host the number one healthy wellness podcast. Hey everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast

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Speaker 1: in the world. Thanks to each and every one of

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Speaker 1: you that come back every week to become happier, healthier,

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Speaker 1: and more healed. And today's guest is here to help

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Speaker 1: us do that. In love, in relationships, in the area

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Speaker 1: of our life that we value so deeply but often

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Speaker 1: make so many mistakes around. I'm speaking to Stefan Labossier,

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Speaker 1: a certified relationship coach, a speaker, and author. Stepan seizes

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Speaker 1: every opportunity to help both men and women overcome the

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Speaker 1: challenges that hinder their relationships. Stefan is highly sought after

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Speaker 1: because he's able to dispel the myths of relationship, your

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Speaker 1: breakdowns and obstacles platonic, romantic, and otherwise with finesse. Stefan's

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Speaker 1: new book is out now called Best of Me, and

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Speaker 1: I can't wait to dive into this conversation Stefan, It's

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Speaker 1: been a long time coming. I can't believe this the

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Speaker 1: first time we're actually sitting together. I've watched your videos,

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Speaker 1: I've read quotes like it's it's been amazing watching you man,

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Speaker 1: and congrats on everything, saying yet appreciate that. Yeah, it's good,

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Speaker 1: it's good to be with you. And I think let's

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Speaker 1: just dive right in because I think me and you

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Speaker 1: can can really get into this. What are the signs

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Speaker 1: that someone deeply loves you? Because I feel like we

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Speaker 1: live in this world where we're always wondering do they

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Speaker 1: love me? Do they like me? Do they really like me?

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Speaker 1: Are they really into me? How do you know when

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Speaker 1: you deeply love someone? And when someone deeply loves you?

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Speaker 1: How do you even know? So I'm gonna start with

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Speaker 1: an answer that people probably won't expect. To me, The

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Speaker 1: first key is do you truly love them? Because look

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Speaker 1: at it like this. To me, a lot of people

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Speaker 1: get caught up in infatuation. They have unhealthy attachments, They

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Speaker 1: have different motivations to why they decided this is the

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Speaker 1: person that I want, and that can make them feel

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Speaker 1: like they're in love. But to me, true love flows

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Speaker 1: both ways. It's not a one sided thing. So when

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Speaker 1: you can say I'm not into them like that, if

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Speaker 1: we look deep into that situation, I can almost guarantee

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Speaker 1: what we'll find is infatuation, attachment, something else. But when

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Speaker 1: you can say no, I feel it too, I'm deeply

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Speaker 1: in love with them, I think that's your first key,

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Speaker 1: because without that, nothing else matters. Because a lot of

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Speaker 1: people are choosing partners based off of what they love

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Speaker 1: me so much so I assume it's safe here, and

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Speaker 1: this is a good choice to make. But the safe

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Speaker 1: choice is usually the wrong choice, and a lot of

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Speaker 1: these people select this individual thinking everything's gonna be okay.

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Speaker 1: But because you're not really into them, you can never

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Speaker 1: be what they need, and they were never truly what

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Speaker 1: you needed, which is why you never even got to

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Speaker 1: that level with them. So to choose them without first

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Speaker 1: evaluating do you truly love them? Would not be wise. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a that's a great question, and I think people

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Speaker 1: struggle with that question too, because I think we think

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Speaker 1: of love as so many different things wrapped into one.

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Speaker 1: For example, I could think I love someone because of

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Speaker 1: how they treat me. I could think I love someone

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Speaker 1: because they have one quality that I really wish I had,

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Speaker 1: or I could love someone because I think that they're

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Speaker 1: out of my league and they give me a bit

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Speaker 1: of attention. And so what we think is love is

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Speaker 1: so complex and so wide that we never stop to

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Speaker 1: ask ourselves like what does love mean? Like what's the

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Speaker 1: definition of love? Like how do I define love? So

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Speaker 1: how do you define love? And how do you encourage

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Speaker 1: other people to create their definitions of love? Well, for me,

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Speaker 1: first off is always God is love. And then when

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Speaker 1: we take it from their love is about kindness, compassion, patience, understanding,

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Speaker 1: a willingness to be selfless important into that individual. But

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Speaker 1: I think what's also important for people to understand is

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Speaker 1: when we're trying to apply it to romantic relationships, we

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Speaker 1: have to understand that there's other ingredients that are necessary

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Speaker 1: before we can move forward. So you could love someone dearly,

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Speaker 1: but if they are not emotionally ready, because maybe they

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Speaker 1: haven't healed from their past, maybe there's still some things

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Speaker 1: they need to work out in their life, then it

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be time to move forward in a relationship with them.

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Speaker 1: And we have this bad habit of the minute we

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Speaker 1: feel like there's love there, we want to move forward exactly.

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Speaker 1: And as you mentioned, we can get caught up sometimes

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Speaker 1: in what we love them because of what they do

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Speaker 1: for us, But what are you prepared to do for them?

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Speaker 1: Love is about giving, all right, So we have to

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Speaker 1: ask ourselves, Okay, do we know what their needs are?

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Speaker 1: Are we willing to fulfill those needs? Because if not,

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Speaker 1: maybe this wasn't love. Maybe it just felt good in

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Speaker 1: the moment. Maybe you got caught up in the hype.

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Speaker 1: And that's okay. It happens to almost all of us,

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Speaker 1: if not all of us, at some point in life.

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Speaker 1: But we have to just be very clear of ourselves

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Speaker 1: about what's really driving the intention right now. But I

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Speaker 1: think all those things I mentioned is what encompasses love,

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Speaker 1: and that's like the foundation of it. And then from

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Speaker 1: there we have to look at some other things to

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Speaker 1: see how we can move forward. So many times you

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Speaker 1: convince yourself something's love. And what I find really interesting

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Speaker 1: is that so many people fall in love too fast,

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Speaker 1: and no one wants to go for the slow, patient

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Speaker 1: understanding love, which is what love requests. You just said,

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Speaker 1: love is kind, love is patient, love is understanding. Those

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Speaker 1: things take time. I think those things take time to

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Speaker 1: nurture and to make sure that we're doing it correctly

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Speaker 1: for each other. So it's about learning each other's love

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Speaker 1: languages and how we make it work within that dynamic.

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Speaker 1: I think also because so many people are not used

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Speaker 1: to dealing with emotions on that level, being that vulnerable

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Speaker 1: people mishandle it all right, So it takes time for

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Speaker 1: us to get to a place so we understand how

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Speaker 1: to manage this and work through this. However, I think

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Speaker 1: that I'm a huge believer in connection, and I believe

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Speaker 1: connection is like your spirit recognizing its match, and it's

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Speaker 1: very instant. When you speak to couples who said they

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Speaker 1: experience a connection, they'll tell you first conversation, first time, meeting,

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Speaker 1: first day, first week, it was pretty fast. So to me,

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Speaker 1: the recognizing of something deeper being here can happen very quickly.

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Speaker 1: But how we now cultivate that and how we move

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Speaker 1: forward is where we need to take our time and

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Speaker 1: make sure we're not rushing and overlooking certain important issues

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Speaker 1: that need to be discussed and addressed. First, to me,

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Speaker 1: it's the understanding of canistry events, his compatibility, and the

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Speaker 1: idea that there needs to be a spot, there needs

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Speaker 1: to be a connection that I feel with someone, like

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Speaker 1: you say, on a deeper level, But I find that

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Speaker 1: I find that most people are not adept and knowing

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Speaker 1: whether the connection they feel with someone is deeper or physical. Ye, Like,

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Speaker 1: I would say that it's easy to You can often

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Speaker 1: feel a spark with if you meet a lot of people.

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Speaker 1: You can feel a spark with a lot of people,

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Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that they're the right person to

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Speaker 1: build a relationship with. Right, So connection to me is

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Speaker 1: a very rare occurrence, right, Yes, So I feel that

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Speaker 1: people who've actually experienced it, they can tell you maybe

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Speaker 1: once in their life, if you're lucky, two times maybe

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Speaker 1: all right, But it's not this thing that happens with everybody.

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Speaker 1: Whereas chemistry, feeling a spark, these things can happen with

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Speaker 1: a lot of different people. So I do think there's

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Speaker 1: this education that's needed to understand how we differentiate these

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Speaker 1: things so that we don't confuse them, because I see

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Speaker 1: a lot of people take that chemistry and think, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is it, this is the one. It's like, but

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Speaker 1: you had chemistry with the last five people. Why is

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Speaker 1: this one the one and not them? So I do

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Speaker 1: think we have to be careful with that. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think so we're on the same pas. There's three things.

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Speaker 1: There's connection on the deeper level, there's chemistry, which is

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Speaker 1: like the spark on a more superficial level, and then

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Speaker 1: there's compatibility, which is like what makes it last. And

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Speaker 1: I can relate to that with my wife, I definitely

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Speaker 1: felt so I'm one of those people who I kind

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Speaker 1: of knew from the first few moments when I met

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Speaker 1: my wife before she was my wife was like I

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, this is my person, Like I felt

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Speaker 1: that way. Yeah, for sure, I felt that connection and

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Speaker 1: there was chemistry there too, but it had to be

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Speaker 1: turned into compatibility in order to create a long lasting relationship.

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Speaker 1: We've been together for ten years, we're still learning, building,

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Speaker 1: going through everything. But that was a big part of it.

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Speaker 1: So that I can get behind is do you see

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Speaker 1: it that way too, or is there something different in

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Speaker 1: so how it believe it or not. I used to

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Speaker 1: make compatibility the least important, but that was because I

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Speaker 1: was looking at it the wrong way. Once I kind

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Speaker 1: of looked at the definitely again, and compatibility is about

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Speaker 1: two people co existing in harmony, then I was like, okay, no,

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Speaker 1: you have to have that. I just I got caught

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Speaker 1: up more so in like, let's say a dating site says, okay,

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Speaker 1: we're going to decide who's compatible. So I view compatible

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Speaker 1: as like and on the paper it looks good, it's

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Speaker 1: supposed to match. But you can have a lot of

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Speaker 1: people who are supposed to be compatible and it doesn't

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Speaker 1: work absolutely. So I think that it's compatibility is that

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Speaker 1: add on. Once we have the connection and the chemistry,

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Speaker 1: now we have to create that harmony, which is the compatibility. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I agree with you, And it is interesting how that

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Speaker 1: word compatibility is thrown around and you're so right that

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Speaker 1: compatibility on paper doesn't mean compatibility in real life exactly.

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Speaker 1: And to me, compatibility really as another word inside of it,

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Speaker 1: which is like adaptability and that deeper understanding of an

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Speaker 1: individual where you know how much you're willing to adapt

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Speaker 1: around certain parts of the relationship. But we'll get to that.

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Speaker 1: I think a lot of people like you know, and

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Speaker 1: that's where we got into this conversation around what is slow.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people are waiting to feel like is

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Speaker 1: this person wasting my time or day the one and

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Speaker 1: so they don't have a deeper connection. Maybe they had

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Speaker 1: that spark of chemistry, and now that's kind of subsided.

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Speaker 1: How do you know if someone's wasting your time? How

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Speaker 1: do you know if you're letting yourself be used or

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Speaker 1: wasted in that way? So to me, again, I think

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Speaker 1: it always starts with self and you have to be

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Speaker 1: honest with yourself about why are you still here, why

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Speaker 1: are you holding on what's really driving you? Because just

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Speaker 1: use an example, let's say you're a woman and the

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Speaker 1: only reason why you're holding onto his guys because he's

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Speaker 1: a nice guy. You don't feel like starting the process

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Speaker 1: over with somebody else. So even though you're not feeling

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Speaker 1: it with him, you figure, let me try to make

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Speaker 1: it work. You're wasting your time. This is where you're

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Speaker 1: setting us off a disaster every single time. So if

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Speaker 1: it's not born out of a true connection love, a

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Speaker 1: genuine desire you really like this individual. Of course, there's

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Speaker 1: always things we have to work through, but is the

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Speaker 1: foundation strong enough for us to say, okay, we can

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Speaker 1: make something special here? And I think once we are

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Speaker 1: honest with ourselves, that kind of helps answer the question.

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Speaker 1: Because sometimes we get so caught up trying to analyze

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Speaker 1: the other individual that it's like we get in our heads,

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Speaker 1: and now we're missing the mark on what's really important here,

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Speaker 1: And we can't always say for sure what's going on

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Speaker 1: with them. I will say that in general, if this

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Speaker 1: person isn't willing to talk about things, they're wasting your time.

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Speaker 1: If they're not willing to address or correct things that

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Speaker 1: have been talked about, they're wasting your time. If you

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Speaker 1: guys aren't on the same page about what you want

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Speaker 1: and where you want to go in life, wasting time.

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Speaker 1: So there are some things I think we can just

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Speaker 1: look at and say, listen, this is pointless here. But

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Speaker 1: a lot of times, and I have to say this,

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Speaker 1: especially for women, women's intuition is extremely powerful. I'm a

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Speaker 1: huge believer in it, and I feel like women know

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Speaker 1: very early this isn't it, but they rationalize reasons to

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Speaker 1: convince themselves to give this man a chance. And this,

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Speaker 1: again is a waste of time because it just doesn't work.

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Speaker 1: I've seen people turn what should have been maybe a

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Speaker 1: couple weeks of dating into years of being married to

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Speaker 1: someone they were not happy with, all because they did

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Speaker 1: not listen to themselves from the beginning. They knew what

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Speaker 1: it was, but they just could not accept it for

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Speaker 1: what it was yeah, And I love that point in

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Speaker 1: an intuition. It's almost like when a relationship finally ends,

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Speaker 1: a lot of us think to ourselves, I knew they

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Speaker 1: weren't right, Like I knew it. I knew that they

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Speaker 1: weren't the one, but you just didn't listen to that

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Speaker 1: part of yourself. Yes, So let's break it down for people,

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Speaker 1: let's help people out. We started doing about three very

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Speaker 1: important words. Connection, which you defined, chemistry, which we've defined,

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Speaker 1: in compatibility, which we've find How do people know the

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Speaker 1: difference between connection and chemistry when they meet someone? Because

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Speaker 1: I find that the science shows that you're experiencing dopamine

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Speaker 1: and cortisol at the same time, So you're experiencing the

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Speaker 1: reward chemical and stress chemical at the same time, which

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Speaker 1: gives you that chemistry feeling, which is the feeling of

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Speaker 1: butterflies in your stomach, or like do they like me?

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Speaker 1: Or they into me? What should I wear? That kind

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Speaker 1: of feeling. But then you're talking about a deeper connection.

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Speaker 1: How do you hear the difference? Because I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of us just get swept up in the feeling

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Speaker 1: of so into that person, they're so into me. How

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Speaker 1: do you know so I think one is are you

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Speaker 1: even being yourself or can you be yourself with this individual?

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Speaker 1: If you're presenting your representative, then this is not a

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Speaker 1: real connection. This is them falling for that person that

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Speaker 1: you're presenting. But that's not real. So to me, you

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Speaker 1: should be already being yourself. But with that person you

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Speaker 1: have a connection with, it's a more natural flow. We

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Speaker 1: don't have to force it. We just feel so much

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Speaker 1: more comfortable around them. I think in addition to that

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Speaker 1: is when you find yourself all caught up in the

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Speaker 1: moment and caught up in that chemistry again, you have

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Speaker 1: to ask yourself, what am I really attaching myself to?

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Speaker 1: What do I really like about this individual? What I

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Speaker 1: find is that when it's really about chemistry, we're still

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Speaker 1: on the surface. You don't really know about them yet.

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Speaker 1: You just know you guys had a good time. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you had fun at this event. You guys were able

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Speaker 1: to talk about a lot of different things, which is great,

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Speaker 1: which is gonna also be important if there is a connection. However,

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Speaker 1: do you even know what kind of relationship they want?

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Speaker 1: Do you know kind of life they want to live?

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Speaker 1: You know, are you guys really on the same page?

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Speaker 1: I think connection is our paths align, our purposes align.

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Speaker 1: So for us to align, we have to have a

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Speaker 1: deeper understanding of where we're headed and can we head

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Speaker 1: there together. So that's why I think though you may

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Speaker 1: feel it, or you may feel like you're feeling it,

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Speaker 1: you have to do your due diligence to dig deeper

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Speaker 1: to find out Okay, it's just just I got caught

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Speaker 1: up on the surface, or there is something real here. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think once we ask enough questions, because I think

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Speaker 1: that's the other big problem. We have this experience where

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Speaker 1: we feel this chemistry, we're so excited, and now we're

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Speaker 1: afraid to ask questions because we don't want to blow

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Speaker 1: up the fantasy. Yes, you know what I'm saying. We're

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Speaker 1: just like, no, no, I want to keep believing this

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Speaker 1: is great. So let me not ask anything, let me

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Speaker 1: not run this person away, let me not rock the boat.

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Speaker 1: But that's gonna be what tells us if this is

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Speaker 1: real or not. Yes, I think you're I think you've

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Speaker 1: hit on something there, Like we're so scared of losing

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Speaker 1: someone that we're okay with not asking important questions and

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Speaker 1: discovering important truths that actually define whether this relationship is

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Speaker 1: gonna last, and that is ultimately, going back to your

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Speaker 1: point earlier, that is ultimately you not being yourself right,

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Speaker 1: You're losing yourself, scared that you're going to lose the

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Speaker 1: other person, So you're okay with not being yourself? Do

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Speaker 1: you think it's ever okay? This is a funny question,

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Speaker 1: I think, but I have to ask you because I

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Speaker 1: think it's a healthy discussion. Do you think it's ever

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Speaker 1: okay to present different sides of yourself in order to

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Speaker 1: attract someone or do you think that you're ultimately setting

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Speaker 1: yourself up for failure in a relationship? Almost like I

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Speaker 1: think a lot of people they may not become someone

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Speaker 1: completely different, but I think a lot of people are like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to show my smart side because it will

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Speaker 1: attract this person, or I'm going to show my this

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Speaker 1: side because they'll like that. Are you saying any of

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Speaker 1: that kind of molding is unhealthy or do you think

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Speaker 1: there's room for that. I think anything that is not

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Speaker 1: sustainable is unhealthy. So look at it as if I'm

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Speaker 1: a man and I'm meeting this woman and I want

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Speaker 1: to impress her. So I'm like, Okay, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: try to spend all my money, take a nice five

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Speaker 1: star restaurant, these things, but deep inside, I prefer a

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Speaker 1: more simple lifestyle. You know, I don't like all that

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Speaker 1: extra stuff. Okay, that's horrible. That's a self for disaster.

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Speaker 1: That's unhealthy because you can't sustain what you're presenting to

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Speaker 1: that individual that's gonna draw them in, So whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: Another like common example is you'll have women who love

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Speaker 1: to communicate. They want to be able to talk to

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Speaker 1: you every single day, but because they're afraid of coming

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Speaker 1: off a certain kind of way, they'll hold back on

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Speaker 1: their communication. So now they'll make it seem like they're, Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're talking every now and then we don't always have

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Speaker 1: to text. And then this guy falls for that. He

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Speaker 1: falls for this low standard. I don't want to call

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Speaker 1: a low standard, but not having such a high expectation

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Speaker 1: of him when it comes to communication. Then he finally

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Speaker 1: gets with the woman. Her true self is gonna come

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Speaker 1: out at some point. No one can suppress their true

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Speaker 1: self forever it comes out. And now it's like, what

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Speaker 1: is this. I did not sign up for this. Now

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Speaker 1: we're fighting. Now we're stressed because you want him to

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Speaker 1: call you more he was used to you not being

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Speaker 1: worried about it so much. That's why it's going to

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Speaker 1: always not work out. So it's extremely unhealthy unless we're

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Speaker 1: presenting a side of us that is truly us and

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Speaker 1: we can sustain it. You've hit on something again that

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Speaker 1: at the beginning of relationships, we often display unrealistic standards,

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Speaker 1: and we set those and then when things shift and

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Speaker 1: now you're back in reality again, the other person's like,

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Speaker 1: but wait a minute, I thought you were really into me.

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Speaker 1: And I even went through that with my wife. When

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Speaker 1: we first met, I was able to spend pretty much

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Speaker 1: every day with her because I didn't have a job,

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Speaker 1: and so I was looking for work, I was applying.

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Speaker 1: I would go see her at her college every day

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Speaker 1: and I would spend the day with her, and I'd

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Speaker 1: be in the library applying for jobs while she was studying,

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Speaker 1: and I could see her every day, and I think

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Speaker 1: I saw her every day potentially for like six months,

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Speaker 1: maybe every single day, five days a week at least.

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Speaker 1: And then when I got a job, that wasn't the

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Speaker 1: case anymore because I was at work now and I'd

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Speaker 1: set this unrealistic expectation that we could see each other

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Speaker 1: all the time. And even in the beginning, I would

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Speaker 1: see her all the time because I'd spend time with

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Speaker 1: her family, but we wouldn't spend time with my family

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Speaker 1: because I hadn't told my family yet. And so now

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Speaker 1: that my family knew, we were trying to split the time,

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Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, it was like, wait a minute,

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Speaker 1: we spend time at my house. And so even in

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Speaker 1: little things like that, it took a bit of adapting

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Speaker 1: because I'd set a false standard in our relationship. And

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Speaker 1: then thankfully my wife was adapting and she understood and

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Speaker 1: she got it, and it was fine. But I think

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Speaker 1: for so many people, you set unrealistic expectations in who

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Speaker 1: you are, yes, and that's hard to come back from, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And that's why it's so important for us to know

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Speaker 1: who we are so that we can present the real

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Speaker 1: from the jump, you know, because again, a lot of

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Speaker 1: times people you know this idea that we're always changing. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I do think we're always evolving, but some the big

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Speaker 1: shift that you see, it's not because that's just the

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Speaker 1: way life is. It's because you didn't take the time

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Speaker 1: to figure yourself out first, and then you got with

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Speaker 1: this person, and now you want them to adjust. Now,

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Speaker 1: thank god for you, she was able to adjust. But

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of people that they can't handle that,

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Speaker 1: and now everything falls apart from there. So that's why, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: we have to be very careful with what we're presenting

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Speaker 1: from the beginning. Yeah, it's I agree with you and

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Speaker 1: that that we think people change, but actually they just

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Speaker 1: start to understand themselves exactly. They went from being completely

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Speaker 1: unconscious about who they were. You met an unconscious version

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Speaker 1: of a person, and now you think they're changing, but

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Speaker 1: they just became conscious of who they are. Think about

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Speaker 1: the way your team works right now. If all the

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00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,480
Speaker 1: work is spread out across different documents, spreadsheets, and a

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00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 1: stack of workflow tools, it's tougher to focus on getting

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Speaker 1: things done, let alone getting them done together. This is

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00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 1: why you need CODA. CODA is the dock that brings

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Speaker 1: it all together by putting data in one centralized location,

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00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 1: regardless of format, eliminating roadblocks that can stop your team

399
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,159
Speaker 1: in their tracks. With CODA, you'll never ask where are

400
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,160
Speaker 1: the latest project updates? Anyone know where the performance stats are?

401
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: Is there a report about licenses? I can see? This

402
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:25,480
Speaker 1: is what slows down productivity and collaboration. With Coda, your

403
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: team can operate on the same information and collaborate in

404
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 1: one place to get projects across the finish line faster.

405
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 1: Using Coda as a game changer, it allows you to

406
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 1: do so much more than just creating simple documents. I

407
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 1: love how it combines spreadsheets, text documents, and databases all

408
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,840
Speaker 1: in one place, making it so much easier to keep

409
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:50,199
Speaker 1: track of my projects and ideas. The customization options are endless,

410
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: and it's so easy to use that you don't need

411
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 1: any coding skills to get started. I've found it incredibly

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00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: helpful for collaborating with my team and keeping everything organized.

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00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: Trust me, once you try it, you won't be able

414
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,680
Speaker 1: to imagine going back to using multiple tools to get

415
00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:08,560
Speaker 1: the job done. If you're ready to join the efficiency

416
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: revolution with Coda, you can get started today for free.

417
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:16,360
Speaker 1: Head over to Coda dot io forward slash on Purpose

418
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:21,160
Speaker 1: that coo da dot io and get started for free

419
00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: Coda dot io forward slash on Purpose. But the thing

420
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 1: is stefan. As you know, like society doesn't encourage that

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Speaker 1: time of getting to know yourself right when you're young.

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Speaker 1: You're not trained in how to think about who you

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00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,919
Speaker 1: want to be. You're trained in thinking about what you

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00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: want to do. It's about your job, it's about your career.

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Speaker 1: You're not thinking about who you are as a human

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Speaker 1: being or as a person. So how do we in

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00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: this society where understanding who you are is not clear,

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00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: it's not encouraged. Where does one start or where have

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Speaker 1: you kind of found great insights in trying to discover

430
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 1: who we are. Would love to see more parents encouraging

431
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: their children to explore how they're feeling about who they are. Like,

432
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 1: what I have found is a lot of people who,

433
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 1: let's say I had one client where she wanted to

434
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: be an actress when she was a little kid, but

435
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 1: parents kind of push in a different direction. Now she's

436
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 1: like a social worker, for her desire is still to

437
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 1: be an actress. Like the things that they wanted to

438
00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 1: do they want to do as an adult now you

439
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,880
Speaker 1: can find back in their childhood in a lot of cases,

440
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: So I feel like too many people have stifled their

441
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 1: children's growth in certain areas with limited ideas of well,

442
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,600
Speaker 1: this can't make money, or this wouldn't be a good

443
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 1: look for the family, or whatever the case may be.

444
00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 1: It's like, no, let them walk in it and see

445
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,880
Speaker 1: for themselves if that's really where they belong. Outside of that,

446
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 1: for me, I think the big thing is getting into

447
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,520
Speaker 1: and spiritually, I'm just a huge believer in that. I

448
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: feel like me finding myself was when I went into

449
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 1: what I'll call my wilderness period. I kind of just

450
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: shut everything off. That was zom because I used to

451
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 1: be all over having fun, partying all these different things,

452
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,240
Speaker 1: and then God kind of slapped me upside my head

453
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: and I had to really pull away from everything and

454
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,200
Speaker 1: go deeper from within. And it felt like a process

455
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 1: of breaking me down to build me right back up.

456
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,440
Speaker 1: And that's when I start to see things clearer, because

457
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,440
Speaker 1: what I realized is the world is filled with distractions,

458
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 1: and it's the distractions why we can't see ourselves for

459
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,879
Speaker 1: who we really are. If we simply shut off the

460
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:31,880
Speaker 1: distractions long enough, you will learn a lot. So even

461
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: if someone just took a year off, don't worry, you know,

462
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,919
Speaker 1: limit the TV you're watching, limit the music you're listening to,

463
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: limit all the Internet stuff. Just really go deeper within yourself,

464
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,640
Speaker 1: spend more time alone, spend more time you know, thinking

465
00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:49,919
Speaker 1: and processing. You will learn a lot because again, a

466
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: lot of it is It isn't a problem of we

467
00:24:52,359 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 1: don't know ourselves. We are not aware and we're not

468
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: willing to accept. And once we allow ourselves to do

469
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 1: those two things, become aware and then accept it, we

470
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 1: become free. Yeah, I mean I agree with you. I

471
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,320
Speaker 1: think that I've always been a big proponent of solitude

472
00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:10,240
Speaker 1: to understand who you are, because as soon as you

473
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: have another person, you now have another person's opinions you

474
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: have to filter. As soon as you have another person

475
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,679
Speaker 1: in front of you have another person's judgments to filter,

476
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: and so now you can't even say what you truly

477
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,320
Speaker 1: think about something because you're constantly thinking, what does that

478
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 1: person think about me and my beliefs? And so understanding

479
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:33,480
Speaker 1: your beliefs in solitude allows you to be really clear

480
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:37,239
Speaker 1: about what your values and beliefs are. And that's what

481
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 1: it's there for. I think when people get into if

482
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 1: we switch to compatibility again, the idea we talked about

483
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 1: the difference between connection and chemistry, but compatibility is really

484
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: interesting because a lot of people believe that relationship should

485
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,719
Speaker 1: be hard and they require hard work, and a lot

486
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: of people believe relationships should be easy and everything should

487
00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: just flow, where if you kind of discovered your lens

488
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: on that spectrum. So okay, there's a couple of ways

489
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 1: to look at it. I think that most relationships, and

490
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 1: I'll even be more specific, most relationships that involve connection

491
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:19,960
Speaker 1: and true love are typically hard. Not because relationships have

492
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: to be hard, but because most people have been hurt

493
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 1: by something in their life are holding onto past traumas,

494
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,760
Speaker 1: haven't resolved it. Once they meet this individual that they

495
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 1: feel so strongly about, it is scary. This is where

496
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,199
Speaker 1: things get difficult. It's the difficultness and how do I

497
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,119
Speaker 1: handle this? How do I manage this? You'll have people

498
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 1: feel like they're losing themselves, but they're not losing themselves.

499
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,800
Speaker 1: The true self is coming out and it's the self

500
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 1: that's been hiding behind that wall they've been using for

501
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: quote unquote protection. But I always say, the same walls

502
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: people to protect you're the same walls blocking your blessings.

503
00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:00,240
Speaker 1: So now they're being pulled from behind it. It's makes

504
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 1: them feel some kind of way, and again people start

505
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 1: to mishandle things. You also have situations where people are

506
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,879
Speaker 1: getting bad advice, Like I'm gonna give one example. There's

507
00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,680
Speaker 1: this a book called The Game by Neil strauss Off.

508
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: If you ever read that book, Neil, you know he

509
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 1: went to that world to pick up artistry, learned it,

510
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,240
Speaker 1: and he was great with the women. But then once

511
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,400
Speaker 1: he found that woman that he fell in love with,

512
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: all that stuff doesn't work anymore. So you have a

513
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:30,880
Speaker 1: lot of men being taught how to handle women in general,

514
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:32,879
Speaker 1: but they don't understand that's not how you handle the

515
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,720
Speaker 1: women you truly love. And so now again you have

516
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,919
Speaker 1: individuals who, though they are truly in love with this person,

517
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: they constantly mishandle it with bad guidance, with fear and

518
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 1: all these things. This is what makes it hard. And

519
00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: I even think that a lot of times the people

520
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 1: who are supposed to be together sometimes will have the

521
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:55,960
Speaker 1: hardest time getting together. But I believe that once we're

522
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 1: able to conquer that part of it and actually come

523
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: together other it's not hard. Yes, it takes work. I

524
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,840
Speaker 1: believe we have to be conscious and mindful of how

525
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 1: we treat our partners, how we show up, being willing

526
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: to listen. But I think it's so much easier to

527
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,639
Speaker 1: do those things with someone you have a connection with

528
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: and you're truly in love with. It's gonna always feel

529
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,120
Speaker 1: ten times harder when you're in the wrong relationship. And

530
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: I would argue the vast majority of people are in

531
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,760
Speaker 1: the wrong relationship. That's why they're seeing it be so difficult.

532
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:31,040
Speaker 1: And when you see this whole it's easy. Typically it's

533
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 1: easy because you have two people who are not digging deeper.

534
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: They're trying to write out that chemistry we talked about

535
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: earlier for as long as possible, all right, So yeah,

536
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: it seems like it's great, it's easy, no issues, but

537
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: it doesn't really work like that because they're just not

538
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 1: facing the reality of the situation. So I think we

539
00:28:52,240 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: have to understand that there is going to be some

540
00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: bumps in the road because of all the things that

541
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,920
Speaker 1: people have been through. But once we're able to come

542
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 1: together and we know this is our partner, this is

543
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: who we want to share our life with, it can

544
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: get so much better. Yeah, And do you do you

545
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:10,120
Speaker 1: think that people have just been given generally the wrong

546
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: education on how to deal with another person in that life?

547
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:20,160
Speaker 1: One hundred percent, because unfortunately a lot of individuals are

548
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: giving advice from a bitter, hurt place there and they're

549
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 1: trying to disguise it as I'm just looking out for

550
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 1: you no you you having healed, and you cannot properly

551
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:34,600
Speaker 1: guide them in a positive and loving manner. And I

552
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 1: think that a lot of people, you know, I always

553
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: say it's funny how we'll spend a lot of time

554
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: getting educated for the sake of our careers and business,

555
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:46,560
Speaker 1: but we don't do the same for relationships. And yet

556
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 1: relationships arguably are even more important than that career business,

557
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 1: and even if it's not a romantic relationship, just relationships

558
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:58,000
Speaker 1: in general. Your ability to coexist with others, connect with

559
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: others is extremely important. If you that businesses succeed, you

560
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: have to learn how to establish business relationships. There's no

561
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,720
Speaker 1: way around it. So we have to learn how to

562
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 1: talk to people, listen to people, you know what I'm saying,

563
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: and just make things work when we come together with

564
00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:17,719
Speaker 1: other individuals. So I definitely think that we're just lacking

565
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: in a lot of education and again too many because

566
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 1: there's so many voices on the internet now, there's just

567
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 1: so much bad advice being given and the individuals giving it,

568
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,400
Speaker 1: they may be giving like let's say eighty percent of

569
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: the advice is accurate, but it's that twenty percent that's

570
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: completely off that can derail everything, and that's the stuff

571
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 1: that people are gravitating too, and it's just causing a

572
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 1: lot of problems. Can you give us an example of

573
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:49,280
Speaker 1: some of the like, not specific people or anything like that.

574
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 1: I just mean, like, could you give an example of

575
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: bad advice? And what about it is bad or unhealthy

576
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 1: for people to try and put into practice. Okay, So

577
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 1: one thing I heard recently was an individual told said,

578
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,280
Speaker 1: some of the best advice he can give to men

579
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: is to not fall in love, you know, basically, just

580
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 1: find a woman you want to be with and kind

581
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 1: of keep it there. The reason why I view that

582
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 1: as horrible advice is because you sit down with any

583
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: man who's lived enough life, they will all be able

584
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,720
Speaker 1: to say this has been at least one time they

585
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:24,720
Speaker 1: fail deeply for a woman. All Right. The problem isn't

586
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,120
Speaker 1: falling deeply for a woman. The problem is we don't

587
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 1: know how to handle it once we get there. The

588
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 1: problem is because we're not accustomed to handling and processing

589
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:37,280
Speaker 1: our emotions a certain kind of way, and being this vulnerable,

590
00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 1: we don't understand what's going to be required of us

591
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: in that moment. We also kind of lose sight of

592
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 1: because I'm a big believer in masculine and feminine energy.

593
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 1: And I believe that if she was attracted to you

594
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,560
Speaker 1: because of that masculin energy that you give off, and

595
00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,479
Speaker 1: now you become this emotional wreck because you don't know

596
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: how to handle all these feelings you have for her,

597
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 1: well you start to become less attractive to her. And

598
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: it's not that it's not fixable. It's fixable, but again,

599
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: a lack of understanding and awareness derails of situation. So

600
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,720
Speaker 1: rather than telling men don't fall in love because it's inevitable,

601
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: let's teach them how we walk in love, how we

602
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,600
Speaker 1: may what I call loving in your masculine how you

603
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: maintain that energy and still be able to sup pour

604
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 1: into that woman in a way that allows relationship to flourish. Yeah,

605
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,280
Speaker 1: and how does that work? When I think obviously a

606
00:32:25,360 --> 00:32:28,560
Speaker 1: lot of people in that example that you're giving. If

607
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: the person's attracted to someone because if their masculine energy,

608
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: but at the same time they want them to be

609
00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:40,440
Speaker 1: empathetic and compassionate and kind, which you're generally seen as

610
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,640
Speaker 1: more feminine energy, how does that person balance the two

611
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 1: or is that is that not how you're explaining? Is

612
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,280
Speaker 1: that no it's about balance. So we have to understand

613
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 1: we all have masculine feminist within us. I'm a believer

614
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:57,080
Speaker 1: in one must be your dominant energy. The other is

615
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: the one you tap into when necessary. So as a man,

616
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 1: you can walk in your masculine and in those moments

617
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 1: tap into those things. But you can't just stay there

618
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 1: all the time, all right. You can't just become this needy,

619
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: emotional guy. That's not gonna work in the vast majority

620
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 1: of cases. And so what happens is there's this messaging

621
00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 1: that's being thrown out there that women don't like good guys.

622
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: I don't believe that's what it is. I believe that

623
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: women become less attracted when you don't know how to

624
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,360
Speaker 1: exude and walk in your masculine energy. It's and we're

625
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,959
Speaker 1: hiding behind the label of good guy. You can be

626
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 1: a good guy and still exude masculine energy. And that's

627
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 1: the thing. And we also think that, oh, they like

628
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: bad boys. No, if you look deeper, it's really the

629
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 1: masculine energy that that quote unquote bad boy exudes. But

630
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 1: what they desire is a mixture of both, the same

631
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 1: way that we would want a mixture of both. We

632
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: would want a loving, sweet woman, feminine women, whatever. And

633
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: if you're a guy who wants a masculin woman, cool,

634
00:33:54,240 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: but you don't want her to be just that, you know,

635
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: you want her to have the ability to tap into

636
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 1: the other side and necessary. I think we all desire

637
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:04,920
Speaker 1: that balance in our partner and I think it's healthy

638
00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 1: and if we just learn how to maintain it and

639
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:12,399
Speaker 1: how to nurture it, we would see greater success in relationships. Yeah,

640
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:16,120
Speaker 1: what are some of the skills with mastering that energy

641
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: that you think we're missing out on and balancing that

642
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,840
Speaker 1: energy and knowing when to be which And because the

643
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,200
Speaker 1: reason why it's hard is I think we live in

644
00:34:24,239 --> 00:34:26,600
Speaker 1: a binary world, right Like, you feel like you have

645
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 1: to choose, Like you're either a bad boy or you're

646
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 1: good doer, or you're a thinker, you're a winner, or

647
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 1: you're a loser. Right Like, we think like that. And

648
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:39,880
Speaker 1: so people go, Okay, I can either be masculine or

649
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: I can be feminine. And I definitely relate to what

650
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: you were saying, Like, I believe that there is a

651
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: lot about me that is massively masculine and energy using

652
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 1: that language in terminology, my drive, my ambition, how I

653
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: work my strategic mind, and at the same time, I

654
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,760
Speaker 1: consider myself to have a lot of great feminine energy

655
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 1: and qualities where it comes to like empowering others and

656
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 1: nurturing and the ability to hold deep, compassionate space and

657
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:11,239
Speaker 1: be empathetic, which are all powerful qualities for everyone, right

658
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: beyond gender. They're powerful qualities and I appreciate And it's

659
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 1: taken a long time to know when to be rich

660
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 1: and it's still and I still make mistakes, right, There's

661
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:24,400
Speaker 1: still sometimes I'm like, I should have been more assertive

662
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: or I should have been more affectionate. So we live

663
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:30,879
Speaker 1: in a world that finds it hard to hold two

664
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:33,759
Speaker 1: opposing ideas at the same time. Yeah, we don't know

665
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: how to do that in any sphere of life, let

666
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:39,880
Speaker 1: alone within ourselves. So what are some of the skills

667
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,319
Speaker 1: that we can learn in order to nurture both those

668
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: energies in a healthy way inside of ourselves. So I

669
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 1: think one, it's going to require a lot of if

670
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:50,839
Speaker 1: you're already in a relationship, it's going to boil down

671
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:53,839
Speaker 1: to a lot of transparency and communication. You know her,

672
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: if you're that man trying to understand that woman, and

673
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,399
Speaker 1: when you can walk in those two energies, her being

674
00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: willing to be honest and open about you know what,

675
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: this was too much over here or I needed some

676
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 1: of this over here. And in time you're going to

677
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 1: become more aware and understanding. It's going to be like

678
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,480
Speaker 1: second nature to you. You won't have to overthink it.

679
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 1: And I think part of it is not overthinking it.

680
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: It's kind of like being ourselves, but understand that we

681
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: have to learn when this is doing too much, and

682
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: vice versa. I also think that in reality, for a

683
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: lot of men, especially when we're talking about relationships and

684
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:33,120
Speaker 1: kind of losing that mask and energy, the underlying issue

685
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 1: is fear. All right, when we become so afraid of

686
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:41,120
Speaker 1: losing this woman, we lose ourselves. And so a lot

687
00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: of men now fall into this very feminine, needy space

688
00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: because they're just afraid. We have to learn that. Listen

689
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,200
Speaker 1: to me. I feel if your partner thinks you're never

690
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,479
Speaker 1: gonna walk away from them no matter what they do,

691
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 1: you've lost that's a horrible place to be in. We

692
00:36:58,480 --> 00:37:00,440
Speaker 1: have to get to a place where we both understand

693
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 1: that as long as we show up the way that

694
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 1: we need to show up for each other, we have

695
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: each other's back. We will be here, but neither of

696
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 1: us will tolerate an unhealthy relationship and someone who blatantly

697
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,840
Speaker 1: does not want to work on making this better. I

698
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 1: would want the woman I'm with to feel that way,

699
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,960
Speaker 1: and I need to feel that way. Once we understand that,

700
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 1: and you have the confidence of I can walk away

701
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,520
Speaker 1: if I have to. That shifts your energy right there

702
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: in itself, and now you don't find yourself falling into

703
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:29,520
Speaker 1: that place where again you start to look a lot

704
00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 1: more unattractive. Or for some men, they become yes men

705
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: in their relationships, thinking that makes her happy, that's turning

706
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 1: her off. She doesn't want you to be her yes man.

707
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:41,600
Speaker 1: She wants you to stand up for yourself sometimes, give

708
00:37:41,640 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 1: your opinion, give your perspective. She wants to be able

709
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: to you know, if anything, be able to have discussions

710
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 1: with you about these things, not just you say whatever

711
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,880
Speaker 1: you want, whatever you want, whatever you want. Over time,

712
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: it becomes a problem. So I think that once we

713
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,360
Speaker 1: conquer that fear, once we create a space where we

714
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 1: can talk about these moments and not feel some kind

715
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: of way. I think sometimes men are not They struggle

716
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 1: with taking the criticism from their partner men and women.

717
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: We all do when we feel we have actual feelings

718
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: for someone. You know, we don't care about you, it's

719
00:38:14,120 --> 00:38:16,840
Speaker 1: not as big of a deal, but we're emotionally invested.

720
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 1: We're more sensitive to it. But we have to understand

721
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 1: that these criticisms or for the sake of making things

722
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,839
Speaker 1: better and strengthening this relationship. So once we can get

723
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: to that place, it's going to be so much easier

724
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:30,920
Speaker 1: to grow in it. And then I think it's just

725
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 1: a matter of understanding that it's this balance isn't just

726
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: for your relationship. So look at it like from a

727
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 1: sports perspective. If I'm on a basketball team, there may

728
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: be moments where I need to take the lead and recognize,

729
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: all right, everyone else is down, somebody needs to step up.

730
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,799
Speaker 1: This is my moment. And then there's other moments where

731
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: I realize, Okay, let's say we already have a team captain.

732
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,200
Speaker 1: Let me show them that I can follow, serve, do

733
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: what needs to be done so that the team can win.

734
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 1: It's just becoming aware of what the moment requires, you know.

735
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:05,960
Speaker 1: And again, I think the more in tune we get,

736
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: the more in tune we get with ourselves and the

737
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: more in tune we get with our partner, the easier

738
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: it becomes to find that balance. That's the challenge, right,

739
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: The challenge is just how much patience we have with

740
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: ourselves and others to realize that you walked into an imbalanced,

741
00:39:21,200 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 1: unbalanced situation, and now it's like how much patience how

742
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,160
Speaker 1: much time are we going to give it to get

743
00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: to that? Because the challenges I think we walk into

744
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,720
Speaker 1: a situation thinking it's perfect, whereas we should be walking

745
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:36,839
Speaker 1: into a relationship knowing it's imperfectly and we're going to

746
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: learn and figure it out together. And I think that's

747
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: what sets us up for failure, is because we walk

748
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,560
Speaker 1: into it going it's perfect, and deep down we know

749
00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 1: it isn't, but somehow we gloss over it. Whereas I

750
00:39:49,120 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 1: find when I know we're going to fight, when I

751
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: know we're going to argue, and I know there's going

752
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:57,120
Speaker 1: to be disagreements, that sets me up to develop the

753
00:39:57,160 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 1: skills I need in order to navigate those things. But

754
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 1: if I assume, like, oh, we're never gonna fight, and

755
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,440
Speaker 1: I always get that right. We always meet someone who

756
00:40:04,480 --> 00:40:06,480
Speaker 1: goes to I mean a friend who goes to me Jay,

757
00:40:06,719 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: We never fight I'm like, how long have you been together?

758
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: Because I don't I don't know anyone who never fights.

759
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,760
Speaker 1: I get that, no one has to get to like, yeah,

760
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 1: the heights to fight, So I get that. I get

761
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: that it doesn't have to be a heated fight. But

762
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:22,960
Speaker 1: I don't know anyone who doesn't disagree. There you go,

763
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,919
Speaker 1: right right. I think that's important for people to understand. Yes,

764
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 1: you have some individuals out there that I'll say arguing

765
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 1: is normal, it's healthy. And to me, it's like, listen,

766
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:36,320
Speaker 1: if we're talking about arguing, where we're now crossing disrespectful lines,

767
00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 1: negative lines. You know, the way that we the tone

768
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:42,439
Speaker 1: we take with each other, all these things, that's not healthy. Yes,

769
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:45,839
Speaker 1: it may happen. You should be prepared for that, but

770
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: it does. Let's not normalize it, and it's gonna keep

771
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 1: doing this and it's it is what it is. But

772
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: you're right to be with each other long enough and

773
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:59,959
Speaker 1: never have a disagreement. That's extremely rare, okay, extremely rare,

774
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: And I do think that again, as you mentioned, we

775
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:05,880
Speaker 1: have to be ready for those moments. We have to

776
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:09,720
Speaker 1: understand and going back to how we find that balance,

777
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 1: especially as men and even for women, it's recognizing. So,

778
00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 1: for example, if my partner is in a very heated moment,

779
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: let's say she's in her masculine right now, all right,

780
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: she's getting rough. Well, meeting her with more masculine it's

781
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,759
Speaker 1: probably going to only make things worse. This is the

782
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: time for me to be compassionate. Go to her, hold her,

783
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 1: calm her down, bring her peace in that moment, you see,

784
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 1: because we need to balance each other out. Same thing

785
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: on the flip side. If I'm all heated and I'm

786
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: extra passionate and then my woman now comes with that

787
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:47,439
Speaker 1: same energy, that's it. Now we're butt in hands. This

788
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: is her moment to say no. Let me now be

789
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 1: the one to soften the moment up. Bring that sweetness

790
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 1: in there, and everybody calms down. So it's learning how

791
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,399
Speaker 1: to feed off of each other and recognize it. Okay,

792
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 1: they're over here, let me bring it back over here,

793
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:04,560
Speaker 1: and now we can work from that point and we're

794
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:08,919
Speaker 1: both good. The problem is that we all see compassion

795
00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:13,080
Speaker 1: and sweetness and kindness in those moments as a weakness.

796
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: We don't want to be that person because we see

797
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 1: that as losing, We see that as giving in, we

798
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 1: see that as us losing our power and strength in

799
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 1: a relationship. If we become the comforter or if we

800
00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 1: become the cara right like that, that's a perception. That

801
00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 1: is the perception, and we have to change that. That

802
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 1: is the power position. So who is more powerful the

803
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,480
Speaker 1: person that lets the energy dictate them how they're going

804
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,359
Speaker 1: to react, or the person that brings the energy and

805
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,600
Speaker 1: dictates how they're going to make this situation play out.

806
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: So if I'm coming in to calm it down and

807
00:42:46,239 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 1: being all sweet because I'm trying to bring peace here,

808
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,799
Speaker 1: I'm in the power position. I'm not losing anything. I'm

809
00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 1: going to gain more peace and happiness and harmony if

810
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:57,719
Speaker 1: I succeed in what I'm trying to do. So we

811
00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 1: have to get out of that mindset of this makes

812
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 1: us weaker, and that is the big key of it.

813
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:04,640
Speaker 1: That's a big problem that for a lot of women

814
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,320
Speaker 1: who struggle with their feminine energy, that's a big issue

815
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: where they feel that being feminine is weakness. It's what

816
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 1: got them taken advantage of and got them hurt. But

817
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: I always say, it's not the feminine energy that's the problem,

818
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,279
Speaker 1: it's who you give it to. Do they respect it?

819
00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: They do honor it. You know, it's the same thing

820
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:24,680
Speaker 1: as a man. Does she respect your masculine If she doesn't,

821
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 1: then that might just be assign your with the wrong person.

822
00:43:27,320 --> 00:43:30,839
Speaker 1: But don't stop being that guy, because the woman who's

823
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 1: best for you is gonna need that in those moments.

824
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 1: But that's exactly what it is, is is that when people

825
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 1: have been their best selves for the wrong person, that

826
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: person brings out the worst in them. Yes, right, Like

827
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 1: when someone's been their best, loving, kinder self but someone

828
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 1: took advantage of it, that person now thinks next time,

829
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 1: I've got to be aggressive, I've got to be you know, powerful,

830
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,400
Speaker 1: I've got to be strong in this way. And I

831
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: feel like that's kind of what most people are dealing with.

832
00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,200
Speaker 1: We know that is that you're just dealing with a

833
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: wounded version of someone, not a healed version of someone.

834
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: But I think people struggle to trust again and again,

835
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,200
Speaker 1: especially when they see the same patterns in the person

836
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: they're weird. And I guess the question is why do

837
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 1: we keep making the same mistakes? Because I feel like

838
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,680
Speaker 1: a lot of us keep gaining the same people, and

839
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 1: there's a part of us that also just keeps closing

840
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 1: off or being more wounded. It's almost like if you

841
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,359
Speaker 1: cut yourself, you now walk around with your hand over

842
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:35,919
Speaker 1: that cut because you don't want to get cut again.

843
00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:38,439
Speaker 1: And then if you lead it off and it gets

844
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 1: cut even deeper, now you're even more conscious of that.

845
00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 1: And so I find that people are doing that where

846
00:44:43,239 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 1: they're closing their heart more and more because it's been

847
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 1: so misused and abused. And I understand that. I understand

848
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: people don't want to be abused and misused, But I

849
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 1: guess the question is how do people find people that

850
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: they know respect them so that they can be their

851
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 1: best version, be a better vision than themselves. So you know,

852
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 1: you can't drive out darkness with more darkness. You can't

853
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:09,239
Speaker 1: expose someone who's gonna hurt you by being someone who's

854
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 1: closed off and holding back yourself. It's kind of what

855
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:15,280
Speaker 1: we were just talking about. We have to look at

856
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: being vulnerable, loving and open as not just while I'm

857
00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 1: setting myself to be hurt. No, it's how you expose

858
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 1: people faster. If I come with that energy and you

859
00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,879
Speaker 1: cannot respect it match it, then I know you don't

860
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: belong here. But if I hold back, I give you

861
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 1: a free pass to hold back. So now we have

862
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 1: two individuals who are hiding behind their walls because it's

863
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: comfortable there, but you can't really see what do we

864
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 1: really have in front of us. Those walls are blinding

865
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: you and you can't properly evaluate the situation. So one,

866
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,799
Speaker 1: we gotta get to a place of healing from our

867
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 1: past so that we're not just walking around with the

868
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 1: hand over the cut. No, you gotta let the cut breathe.

869
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: You gotta let it heal. All right, holding put your

870
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 1: hand on there is delaying the process. And like you said,

871
00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,799
Speaker 1: all it's gonna happen is when you finally take your

872
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: hand off. But you're taking it off with the wrong

873
00:46:08,160 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 1: person and you haven't learned. See, what I want people

874
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:15,719
Speaker 1: to realize is your actions weren't the problem, meaning you

875
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:20,480
Speaker 1: being loving, sweet, kind, compassionate wasn't the problem. It was

876
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:24,320
Speaker 1: the person. Separate those two things that you don't stop

877
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:28,600
Speaker 1: doing the good things. Now, granted, are there levels to

878
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: this to where we have to learn Again, if I'm

879
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 1: thinking about a man, if you got so deeply emotional

880
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:36,360
Speaker 1: to where you kind of lost your mask and energy

881
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:39,680
Speaker 1: and you became very needy, Okay, you can say, all right,

882
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: I need to continue to be loving. But I know

883
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 1: I have to know how to draw a line not

884
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 1: to cross that moment. And again, you only crossed it

885
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 1: because you were unhealthy to begin with. You only cross

886
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 1: it because you were afraid to begin with. Once you

887
00:46:54,239 --> 00:46:56,680
Speaker 1: get to that place where you're healthy and confident, you

888
00:46:56,719 --> 00:46:59,760
Speaker 1: won't find yourself crossing that line anymore. You won't tolerate

889
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 1: and things anymore. So we have to heal, We have

890
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 1: to be confident, and we have to let our light

891
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,800
Speaker 1: sign so we can expose what's in front of us easier.

892
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:13,439
Speaker 1: That's a brilliant answer. I love the differentiation between how

893
00:47:13,480 --> 00:47:16,640
Speaker 1: sharing your light is not the problem, the person's the problem,

894
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:21,080
Speaker 1: because yeah, we start to doubt where there being a

895
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:24,200
Speaker 1: good person, a loving person is actually what wins in

896
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 1: the world. And the truth is that it does win,

897
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,320
Speaker 1: but it has to win with someone who can receive

898
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:33,440
Speaker 1: it and hold that space with you and share that

899
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: space with you. And I find that a lot of

900
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: people keep giving that energy to the wrong person because

901
00:47:44,160 --> 00:47:47,879
Speaker 1: we feel we can make them better. Right Like, there's

902
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:51,560
Speaker 1: this feeling of like I can change this person, I

903
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 1: can make them better, I can heal them. There's some

904
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 1: of us want to fix people, and that means we

905
00:47:57,400 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 1: assume the person we're with is broken. And I think

906
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 1: this is such a subconscious thing. Like if you're always critiquing,

907
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 1: if you're always picking it stuff with your partner, chances

908
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:10,640
Speaker 1: are you don't think they're great like you think there's

909
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 1: some issues with them. When you think that you can

910
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,240
Speaker 1: fix them and they're broken, tell us about that angle

911
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: where now we're almost We've talked about being the loving

912
00:48:17,640 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 1: and kind person, but sometimes we're being the person that

913
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: thinks we're loving and kind because we want to improve someone,

914
00:48:25,040 --> 00:48:28,120
Speaker 1: but that person doesn't want to improve. One big problem

915
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: is that what's really driving people to pick that individual

916
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 1: is that by being the one that can upgrade you

917
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: improve you, I have more value here. By having more value,

918
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: I have a false sense of security. You have to

919
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,439
Speaker 1: appreciate me. You're less likely to walk away, you're less

920
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: likely to cheat because you're lucky to have me. I

921
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 1: feel like I'm the prize here. But those situations never

922
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:58,680
Speaker 1: really work because again, you're choosing someone that is not

923
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:01,600
Speaker 1: capable of pouring into you the way that you need.

924
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,080
Speaker 1: You're basing this off of what you could do for them,

925
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:08,720
Speaker 1: and that's not sustainable, and you're choosing them because again,

926
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 1: you have more emotional control. Here. What happens to so

927
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 1: many people, especially women, It's something that I call the

928
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 1: unhealthy love cycle of women. Where women, in their first

929
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 1: love experience, outside of any childhood trauma man have experience,

930
00:49:23,560 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 1: they're they're most loving, they're just out there, they go

931
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: all the way in. But that typically happens at a

932
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:32,480
Speaker 1: younger age, at an age where men are not mature

933
00:49:32,600 --> 00:49:36,080
Speaker 1: enough to handle those kind of emotions, that level of commitment,

934
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: so on and so forth. So she gets hurt. After

935
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:42,480
Speaker 1: she gets hurt, her moment is saying to herself, I

936
00:49:42,520 --> 00:49:45,759
Speaker 1: will never let this happen to me again. So now

937
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: the woman starts to consciously or subconsciously choose men who

938
00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 1: are I don't want to say lower than hurt, but

939
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:55,080
Speaker 1: essentially a man who does not take her there. He's

940
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:58,760
Speaker 1: good enough to be with, but I'm not that vulnerable

941
00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: with him. He can't hurt me like that first love

942
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:05,400
Speaker 1: hurt me. And so that dynamic usually leads to picking

943
00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 1: that person I can fix, I can make better, who

944
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: will appreciate and respect me. But again it doesn't work out,

945
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 1: and many times you'll see the same situations, the guy

946
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 1: will move on to cheat on her, not because and

947
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:20,000
Speaker 1: I have to say this because some women think, yeah,

948
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,919
Speaker 1: he's just being a man. No, not because he's a man,

949
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,080
Speaker 1: but because you chose a man that you could never

950
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,799
Speaker 1: be the woman that he needed, and he can never

951
00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:30,359
Speaker 1: be the man that you needed. Once he kind of

952
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 1: either gets what he needs from you to build himself up,

953
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 1: or the smoke clears from him being infatuated with you,

954
00:50:37,120 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: he starts to realize I'm not getting everything that I desire,

955
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: and now you building him up has brought him more

956
00:50:44,000 --> 00:50:47,120
Speaker 1: attention from other women. So now the difference between what

957
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 1: you're not giving him and what someone else is willing

958
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 1: to give him becomes way clearer. Now the temptation gets

959
00:50:53,280 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 1: way stronger and he ends up doing something or she

960
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,480
Speaker 1: ends up cheating as well because he's safe. But he

961
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:04,760
Speaker 1: doesn't fulfill her, He doesn't satisfy her, he doesn't excite

962
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 1: her in any kind of way. And that's why I

963
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 1: always said earlier, like the same choice is almost always

964
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 1: the wrong choice. But that is a function of people

965
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 1: trying to choose these fixed or uppers because they think

966
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: it's going to give them some leverage. There it's leverage,

967
00:51:19,160 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 1: that's it. Yeah, it's leverage. Yeah, how do you know

968
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 1: when it's time to go? Like, how do you know

969
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,200
Speaker 1: when it's? Like? I feel like this is a common

970
00:51:25,239 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: question where it's like, how do you know when it's

971
00:51:27,600 --> 00:51:32,880
Speaker 1: just I've tried everything, we've tried together, tried our best,

972
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: maybe we went to therapy, maybe we got a coach,

973
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 1: or maybe you know, maybe we didn't do those things.

974
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: How do I just know that I feel like I

975
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,399
Speaker 1: need to go, but I'm scared of being alone. Yeah,

976
00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:46,359
Speaker 1: I'm scared of dealing with the reality that I put

977
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 1: in a lot of energy. And I feel like you

978
00:51:48,280 --> 00:51:50,680
Speaker 1: said this earlier, but a lot of people stay in

979
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 1: something for a lot longer than they should because they'd

980
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:57,959
Speaker 1: rather not be alone. They'd rather not face reality, they'd

981
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 1: rather not lose two years of their life, They'd rather

982
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 1: lose two more thinking that this, this should stay, Like,

983
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:08,040
Speaker 1: how do you know when it's time to go? Let

984
00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:11,239
Speaker 1: me first say yes, I think I think society needs

985
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:15,760
Speaker 1: to change their thinking as far as letting go doesn't

986
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,680
Speaker 1: always mean it can't work out later, it's just that

987
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 1: it cannot work out under these circumstances, all right, Because

988
00:52:23,719 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 1: some people say, well, I feel like they're the one. Okay,

989
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 1: maybe they are, but maybe the time is not right,

990
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 1: and it's letting go that will allow you both to

991
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:33,840
Speaker 1: do what needs to be done in your own personal lives,

992
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:35,880
Speaker 1: that would allow you to to come back together and

993
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 1: have something way more amazing. So that's number one thing

994
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 1: to consider. But outside of that, it's when one if

995
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: that person is unwilling to put in the work necessary,

996
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:50,280
Speaker 1: it's time to go. There's like so many times I'll

997
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 1: have a video go up about communication and someone will

998
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,760
Speaker 1: comment saying I've tried talking to him and he doesn't

999
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,800
Speaker 1: want to talk to me, And in my head, I'm like,

1000
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 1: why are you still with them? If he refuses to

1001
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:04,439
Speaker 1: talk to you, You've already tried. There's nothing else to do.

1002
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: But people will let it linger on and continue. Why

1003
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 1: they consistently complain or unhappy about this specific issue. It's

1004
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 1: not going to magically get better. They're not gonna just

1005
00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:17,879
Speaker 1: change it just because all of a sudden they see,

1006
00:53:17,920 --> 00:53:20,439
Speaker 1: oh it needs to change. No, if they're fighting it now,

1007
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 1: they have no reason to change it. And what people

1008
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 1: have to understand, you know, especially with this whole trying

1009
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: to fix people up, healing and facing your traumas is

1010
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 1: one of the hardest things for people to do. So

1011
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 1: if they already have you in their life, they're essentially

1012
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 1: getting the incentive or the benefit of relationship without having

1013
00:53:39,560 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 1: to do the deeper work. It's almost like if I'm

1014
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: at a job and the job says you need to

1015
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:45,600
Speaker 1: have a master's degree to work here, but we're gonna

1016
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 1: hire you anyway and give you time to get that

1017
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:52,360
Speaker 1: master's degree. If getting that degree is super hard to you,

1018
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:54,880
Speaker 1: you're gonna drag that out as long as possible. You

1019
00:53:54,920 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 1: may never get the degree until they fire you. When

1020
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:02,440
Speaker 1: they fire you and you realize, oh my gosh, if

1021
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 1: I don't do this, I'll never get this person back.

1022
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,520
Speaker 1: I'll never get this opportunity back. Now, they might go

1023
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:10,680
Speaker 1: and get it, because it's very tough to walk down

1024
00:54:10,719 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 1: the path of the healing process. So if they're not

1025
00:54:14,080 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 1: willing to work on it. You guys have already discussed it,

1026
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 1: and I think that's a big thing because there's a

1027
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:22,719
Speaker 1: lot of relationships that end and the couples don't even

1028
00:54:22,719 --> 00:54:25,960
Speaker 1: know what the real issue was. So the communication, they'll say,

1029
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 1: what we talked about. No, you guys argued you guys

1030
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:32,319
Speaker 1: lashed out. There wasn't a clear communication as to what

1031
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:35,400
Speaker 1: the problem was, what is expected? How do we go

1032
00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 1: about this if you've done that, and I believe one

1033
00:54:38,080 --> 00:54:39,719
Speaker 1: of the most effective ways to do that is through

1034
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:43,359
Speaker 1: a letter, because I feel like verbal communication of deep

1035
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 1: issues and concerns, they typically don't go well. You know,

1036
00:54:46,680 --> 00:54:49,720
Speaker 1: people get distracted, they forget what they want to say.

1037
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,000
Speaker 1: The other person gets defensive. They're not they're listening to

1038
00:54:53,000 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 1: a rebuttal not to understand. But when there's a letter involved,

1039
00:54:56,840 --> 00:55:00,840
Speaker 1: it gives you time to get everything out, can evaluate

1040
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:04,560
Speaker 1: your tone, leave no stone unturned, and now they have

1041
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 1: an opportunity to process it on their time, to really

1042
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 1: take it in. And then you guys can come together

1043
00:55:10,520 --> 00:55:14,240
Speaker 1: and discuss the letter, and now it's so much easier

1044
00:55:14,320 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 1: to stay on point and get everything covered. If we've

1045
00:55:18,200 --> 00:55:22,440
Speaker 1: done that and they're still unwilling or there's still no progress,

1046
00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:25,240
Speaker 1: it's time to go. Yeah, that's great. That's grea advice,

1047
00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 1: And for me, that's the biggest one. It's like, you

1048
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 1: can't make something lost if any one person's working on it.

1049
00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 1: You can't keep hoping and waiting and wishing and and

1050
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 1: like you said, that ending doesn't mean forever. And often

1051
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 1: I've found that two people need to grow individually to

1052
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:52,760
Speaker 1: be able to grow collectively. And we're forcing growing together

1053
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 1: so hard, but we need space to grow. And if

1054
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 1: you can't grow together, chances are you need to grow

1055
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:03,399
Speaker 1: apart in order to see whether you grow together again

1056
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:06,080
Speaker 1: or grow for someone else. And all of those options

1057
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:09,000
Speaker 1: are okay, But we put so much pressure on people

1058
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:13,400
Speaker 1: to grow together that they grow apart. Yeah. And actually

1059
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: if they chose to grow apart and grow separately, they

1060
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 1: could come back together if they learn the lessons. And

1061
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 1: I think that's a mistake too that sometimes people think

1062
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go learn this lesson for this person. I

1063
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 1: meet a lot of people that are like, Okay, they

1064
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:30,640
Speaker 1: broke up with me because I wasn't XYZ. Now I'm

1065
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 1: gonna go become XYZ to win them back. Yeah, And

1066
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 1: I always find I'm just like, well, no, you should

1067
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:41,400
Speaker 1: go become XYZ if you think you're missing XYZ, but

1068
00:56:41,520 --> 00:56:44,000
Speaker 1: not to win them back because you don't know what

1069
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:46,239
Speaker 1: they're gonna do. What's your take on people trying to

1070
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:49,319
Speaker 1: win people back? So I wanted to agree with you, Like,

1071
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,960
Speaker 1: if we're trying to learn or grow. It needs to

1072
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:55,960
Speaker 1: be for the benefit of who we are and just

1073
00:56:56,200 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 1: whoever we deal with. So it's almost like, if I

1074
00:56:58,560 --> 00:57:01,440
Speaker 1: was a bad communicator in this relationship, I shouldn't learn

1075
00:57:01,480 --> 00:57:03,960
Speaker 1: to better communicate for that person. I need to better

1076
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 1: communicate for whoever I'm going to be with. If you

1077
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 1: can't see it in that light, then maybe you're looking

1078
00:57:09,560 --> 00:57:11,720
Speaker 1: at the wrong thing. My thing is this. I think

1079
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:14,759
Speaker 1: it all depends on what the details of the situation was,

1080
00:57:15,239 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 1: what led to the breakup, What were you overlooking, what

1081
00:57:18,240 --> 00:57:21,240
Speaker 1: was missing all these fixable issues, because a lot of

1082
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 1: people are trying to win back someone where the issues

1083
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,600
Speaker 1: are not resolved. So it's like, what's the point of

1084
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 1: going back, We're just going to go in the same

1085
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:31,800
Speaker 1: cycle all over again. They're letting this idea up I

1086
00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 1: missed them. I don't want to be without them, blind

1087
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,000
Speaker 1: them from the fact that you two did not get

1088
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 1: along well, or you two don't want the same things,

1089
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:43,360
Speaker 1: or you two just whatever it is. Maybe there's a

1090
00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 1: lack of sexual satisfaction. I don't know why if the

1091
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 1: need to mention that, but it happens a lot of times.

1092
00:57:48,560 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 1: You have to stay focused on what led to the

1093
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 1: end and can this be corrected if it can cool

1094
00:57:56,880 --> 00:58:00,080
Speaker 1: But as you mentioned, correcting it does not gam and

1095
00:58:00,200 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 1: tee you they're coming back, And even if they will

1096
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:09,000
Speaker 1: come back, you don't know when they may need. So

1097
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 1: you may have figured yourself out in six months, they

1098
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 1: might need a year, And I would argue, if you

1099
00:58:14,320 --> 00:58:16,880
Speaker 1: guys are truly meant for each other and they needed

1100
00:58:16,960 --> 00:58:19,720
Speaker 1: a year, you need a year. Two. You're just overlooking

1101
00:58:19,720 --> 00:58:21,720
Speaker 1: some things and you're rushing the process because you want

1102
00:58:21,720 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: to get back to them. Yeah, it's I've never found

1103
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 1: a situation where it was truly only one person who

1104
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 1: had problems and the other person was squeaky clean. No no, no,

1105
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 1: you thought you were, but you have some stuff too

1106
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 1: you needed to correct. So I think we have to

1107
00:58:37,680 --> 00:58:40,920
Speaker 1: be honest with ourselves and just keep striving to be better,

1108
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 1: and rather than focus on winning them back, just become

1109
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,440
Speaker 1: the best you because if you do, and there's a

1110
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:52,000
Speaker 1: true connection there, the opportunity will present itself again and

1111
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 1: you two will be able to make something of it.

1112
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 1: And the struggle is that when people finally make that

1113
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: decision to break up or let go. The studies show

1114
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:05,680
Speaker 1: that the parts of your brain that are activated in

1115
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 1: a breakup are the same as detoxing from cocaine, right, Like,

1116
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:13,120
Speaker 1: you're literally trying to detox, so you can have a

1117
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:17,960
Speaker 1: craving for someone that's bad for you. Or Also, it

1118
00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:20,400
Speaker 1: says that the areas of the brain that are activated

1119
00:59:20,440 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 1: in a breakup are the areas that are the same

1120
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 1: with physical pain. So if someone like punching the stomach.

1121
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,440
Speaker 1: The reason why we say, like, my heart feels broken

1122
00:59:29,560 --> 00:59:33,400
Speaker 1: is because it literally feels like something's broken. Yeah, so

1123
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 1: when you're going through a breakup, when you're feeling the

1124
00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 1: craving to be with that person again, study show that

1125
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 1: eight over eighty percent of people are looking at what

1126
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: their exes are doing on social media right, probably through

1127
00:59:44,400 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: a Finster account or whatever. But you have to you

1128
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 1: have to know what are some of the healthiest tips

1129
00:59:50,160 --> 00:59:51,760
Speaker 1: that you've given to people and the people that you've

1130
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 1: worked with that have genuinely helped people move through a breakup.

1131
00:59:56,000 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 1: The first thing is to ask yourself again, why was

1132
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 1: I even there? Why am I holding onto this individual again?

1133
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 1: I think sometimes we get so blinded by just the

1134
01:00:07,160 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 1: experience or our desire to have this person forever reason

1135
01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:14,040
Speaker 1: that we overlook what was really missing or why this

1136
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 1: could not work anyway. What you'll also find is, and

1137
01:00:17,000 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's probably a study on it, where if

1138
01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:21,880
Speaker 1: you if they broke up with you, You ever see

1139
01:00:21,880 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 1: a situation it happens on TV a lot where the

1140
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 1: person could be like, Okay, I'm gonna break up with

1141
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:29,080
Speaker 1: my partner. They're planning on it, they've been practicing in

1142
01:00:29,120 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 1: their head, right. It took them a couple of weeks

1143
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:33,760
Speaker 1: to muster up the strength they're about to do it,

1144
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 1: and then the partner breaks up with them. Now it's

1145
01:00:36,280 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I gotta get them back. Yeah, so

1146
01:00:38,160 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 1: it's like you just forgot this whole time. That was

1147
01:00:40,760 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 1: your plan. It just gave you the past to do it.

1148
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 1: But now because we don't like to be the one

1149
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:48,840
Speaker 1: being let go of now we're fighting hard to get

1150
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 1: it back. So we have to really not fall into

1151
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:56,400
Speaker 1: these little traps that happened to us as human beings,

1152
01:00:56,760 --> 01:00:59,479
Speaker 1: our brains just playing tricks on us, or something where

1153
01:00:59,600 --> 01:01:02,800
Speaker 1: we can refuse these emotions for oh my gosh, I

1154
01:01:02,880 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 1: must really love them, or even like you said, you

1155
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:08,440
Speaker 1: go into that detox and because you miss always tell

1156
01:01:08,440 --> 01:01:12,280
Speaker 1: people no matter how bad relationship was there's always good moments.

1157
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:14,840
Speaker 1: So if you're trying to break free, you can't just

1158
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:17,960
Speaker 1: let your brain focus on the good moments. You have

1159
01:01:18,120 --> 01:01:21,520
Speaker 1: to remind yourself why this doesn't work. But if you

1160
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,920
Speaker 1: keep focusing on the good you start to make yourself think, oh,

1161
01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 1: because I miss this good moment, I must miss them.

1162
01:01:28,400 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 1: And as this quote that says, sometimes you're not missing

1163
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:33,720
Speaker 1: the person, you're missing the feeling. So you've got to

1164
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:36,640
Speaker 1: be able to differentiate those two things. So getting back

1165
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 1: to how we get over these breakups is recognizing why

1166
01:01:40,240 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: were we really there to begin with? You know, could

1167
01:01:42,720 --> 01:01:46,360
Speaker 1: this actually work? The next thing is, you know, I'm

1168
01:01:46,360 --> 01:01:48,000
Speaker 1: a huge believer that a lot of times a breakup

1169
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:52,320
Speaker 1: is a blessing in disguise. Even if there is a

1170
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:55,320
Speaker 1: chance that YouTube can work together or this is the

1171
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,480
Speaker 1: one for you, you may have needed this time to

1172
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: reevaluate and get things in order. Something is obviously wrong,

1173
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 1: even if it may be something as deep as because

1174
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 1: I've seen situations where everything was going amazingly well on

1175
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 1: the surface and the person broke up with them. Let's

1176
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 1: say the woman, let's go of the man. So to

1177
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 1: the man, that's really confusing. But what it was is

1178
01:02:17,720 --> 01:02:21,400
Speaker 1: that that woman she had not healed from her past relationships,

1179
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 1: and this relationship being so good was scaring her. And

1180
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 1: what happens is the better you are, the scarier it

1181
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:31,200
Speaker 1: becomes for her. She's looking for something to be wrong.

1182
01:02:31,280 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 1: She has to validate her fear somehow. When she can't

1183
01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:37,800
Speaker 1: find it, she'll either sabotage the relationship or she'll run

1184
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 1: from it. So to that man, it may seem like

1185
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:44,479
Speaker 1: this is so unfair, which, yeah, it sucks. But if

1186
01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 1: this woman didn't break up with you now you were,

1187
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 1: it never be going to face this same ending but

1188
01:02:50,120 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 1: at a worse time. All Right, this is still best

1189
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:56,400
Speaker 1: that it's happening now, at least if she can go

1190
01:02:56,520 --> 01:02:58,600
Speaker 1: do what she needs to do. There's a chance for

1191
01:02:58,640 --> 01:03:00,960
Speaker 1: this to come back around later. But it's hard for

1192
01:03:01,040 --> 01:03:03,479
Speaker 1: us to see it in the moment. So I think,

1193
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:06,360
Speaker 1: just really, we also have to focus on our healing

1194
01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:09,680
Speaker 1: whenever a breakup happens. The mistake we make is that

1195
01:03:09,720 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 1: we think it's about healing from the breakup. No, it's

1196
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:16,320
Speaker 1: healing from everything you've been through. You've probably been sweeping

1197
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:19,600
Speaker 1: under the rug your childhood trauma for years, maybe the

1198
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:24,760
Speaker 1: last two three relationships whatever it is, So and not

1199
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 1: healing from those things is contributing to your struggle to

1200
01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 1: get past this breakup and contributing to why you even

1201
01:03:31,680 --> 01:03:34,600
Speaker 1: chose this person to begin with. I'm a huge believer

1202
01:03:34,720 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: that if you haven't healed, you are ninety percent likely

1203
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:41,320
Speaker 1: to choose the wrong person. Yeah, it's just too difficult

1204
01:03:41,640 --> 01:03:44,120
Speaker 1: to pick that person that you truly love and can

1205
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:48,160
Speaker 1: truly love you and accept that level of vulnerability when

1206
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 1: you have still not resolved your past traumas and past hurts. Yeah.

1207
01:03:52,200 --> 01:03:54,600
Speaker 1: So to me, that's the next big thing is just

1208
01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:58,560
Speaker 1: focused on your healing process, because in that process you

1209
01:03:58,640 --> 01:04:01,800
Speaker 1: will also be able to see more clearly if this

1210
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:05,400
Speaker 1: is really for you or not. Like walking around unhealed

1211
01:04:05,520 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 1: is like walking around with broken glasses. You can't see

1212
01:04:07,920 --> 01:04:10,960
Speaker 1: straight no matter how hard you try. But healing will

1213
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:14,360
Speaker 1: clear up your vision really really fast. And now it'd

1214
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,840
Speaker 1: be like, oh, wait a minute, I didn't belong there. Yeah,

1215
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:20,680
Speaker 1: you know, thank god the breakup happened. You know, now

1216
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:23,160
Speaker 1: I'm in a better place. I move forward. So to me,

1217
01:04:23,560 --> 01:04:25,880
Speaker 1: I think, and I would say, in addition to those things,

1218
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 1: is just having an accountability partner, whether that's friend, coach, therapist,

1219
01:04:31,680 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 1: someone that can help keep you in check, help remind

1220
01:04:35,920 --> 01:04:38,040
Speaker 1: you what you need to do, someone that you know

1221
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:40,440
Speaker 1: you have to talk to an update what's going on,

1222
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:41,960
Speaker 1: so that you feel like, Okay, I don't want to

1223
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:43,680
Speaker 1: come back to them saying I'm doing the same thing

1224
01:04:43,760 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 1: over and over again. It doesn't guarantee success, but it helps,

1225
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 1: It helps move the needle some. So I would highly

1226
01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:54,200
Speaker 1: encourage that that one mindset you spoke about that that

1227
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:56,720
Speaker 1: changes everything. And it hit me today. I was just

1228
01:04:56,760 --> 01:05:01,760
Speaker 1: thinking if we would just able or in a moment

1229
01:05:01,920 --> 01:05:07,720
Speaker 1: to recognize that something painful now was going to be

1230
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 1: good for us in five years time, that would change

1231
01:05:11,240 --> 01:05:15,520
Speaker 1: so many things in our life. But we're so poor

1232
01:05:15,760 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 1: at dealing with current pain, even if it means future joy,

1233
01:05:21,360 --> 01:05:24,640
Speaker 1: that we just can't accept that I have to go

1234
01:05:24,720 --> 01:05:29,320
Speaker 1: through this in everything right, Like knowing that someone breaking

1235
01:05:29,400 --> 01:05:32,160
Speaker 1: up with you just saved you ten years of a

1236
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 1: wasted life is so much more than knowing you're gonna

1237
01:05:35,520 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 1: have to go through a few months of pain, and

1238
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:39,680
Speaker 1: ten months of pain. Maybe it's a bit longer, maybe

1239
01:05:39,720 --> 01:05:43,080
Speaker 1: it's two three years, but we just have to get

1240
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:45,520
Speaker 1: our head around that that sometimes the best things that

1241
01:05:45,600 --> 01:05:49,320
Speaker 1: happened to. You are protecting more of your life than

1242
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:51,640
Speaker 1: the pain that they're causing. You need the peace of

1243
01:05:51,720 --> 01:05:54,560
Speaker 1: knowing I did what I needed to do. That's it, ye,

1244
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:57,440
Speaker 1: Because anytime you feel like, well maybe I could have

1245
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:59,480
Speaker 1: done this, but I could have done that leaves the

1246
01:05:59,560 --> 01:06:03,600
Speaker 1: door open for doubt exactly. So it's like, and that's

1247
01:06:03,640 --> 01:06:05,560
Speaker 1: why I'm such a big believer in you know, there's

1248
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:07,600
Speaker 1: people who say, well, once they're done, they're done, they'll

1249
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:10,800
Speaker 1: just move on, and I'm like, no, no, no, express yourself,

1250
01:06:10,840 --> 01:06:13,400
Speaker 1: get everything off your chest because you don't need aithing

1251
01:06:13,440 --> 01:06:16,200
Speaker 1: to linger and you questioning, well what if I did

1252
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:20,479
Speaker 1: this different? No, make speak your full peace, and now

1253
01:06:20,520 --> 01:06:22,240
Speaker 1: you can say, all right, I did what I had

1254
01:06:22,280 --> 01:06:24,640
Speaker 1: to do. It is what it is. I move forward,

1255
01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:26,680
Speaker 1: and I mean it makes it easier. It may not

1256
01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:29,840
Speaker 1: make it one hundred percent, you know, not an issue whatsoever,

1257
01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:32,840
Speaker 1: but it's gonna be easier. And I'll say also for me,

1258
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:37,120
Speaker 1: that's why, like my relationship with God is so important

1259
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 1: because that's where I find my peace. In dealing with

1260
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,160
Speaker 1: a situation that doesn't work out the way I want to.

1261
01:06:42,560 --> 01:06:44,600
Speaker 1: I always tell myself, Okay, if this isn't working out.

1262
01:06:44,640 --> 01:06:46,960
Speaker 1: God has something better for me. You know, if this

1263
01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:48,960
Speaker 1: is happening right now, there's a purpose because I know

1264
01:06:49,000 --> 01:06:52,800
Speaker 1: if I followed his guidance throughout this process, there's no

1265
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 1: need for me to question why is this the current outcome.

1266
01:06:56,240 --> 01:06:58,240
Speaker 1: There's a reason for this, and I've been through these

1267
01:06:58,240 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 1: things enough times to see. As you mentioned, the reward

1268
01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:03,000
Speaker 1: is going to come. It may come next week, it

1269
01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:05,600
Speaker 1: may come years from now. It will come and I'll

1270
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:08,280
Speaker 1: be able to see how it all connected. Yeah, Stefan,

1271
01:07:08,400 --> 01:07:10,840
Speaker 1: it's been incredible talking to you, man, this has been

1272
01:07:10,880 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 1: such a great back to back flowing conversation. We end

1273
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 1: every on Purpose episode with a final five, which is

1274
01:07:18,200 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 1: like a rapid fire, which means every question has to

1275
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:24,840
Speaker 1: be answered with one word to one sentence maximum. Okay,

1276
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:27,560
Speaker 1: so here are your final five. The first question is

1277
01:07:27,840 --> 01:07:31,280
Speaker 1: what's the best relationship advice you've ever received or heard

1278
01:07:32,200 --> 01:07:36,040
Speaker 1: or given? It is too love fully, love fully and

1279
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:38,200
Speaker 1: be yourself because as I said earlier, that's how you

1280
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:40,680
Speaker 1: will expose quicker who is for you and who isn't

1281
01:07:40,720 --> 01:07:44,000
Speaker 1: for you. Second question, what is the worst relationship advice

1282
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:47,120
Speaker 1: you've ever heard or received? Get under someone to get

1283
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:52,800
Speaker 1: over someone, doesn't work, it's going to cause more problems.

1284
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:58,320
Speaker 1: Question number three, how would you define your current purpose

1285
01:07:58,360 --> 01:08:01,880
Speaker 1: in life is to serve the people and help heal

1286
01:08:01,960 --> 01:08:06,959
Speaker 1: hearts and help individuals experience happier, healthier relationships. Question number four,

1287
01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:10,480
Speaker 1: what's something that you used to think was important in

1288
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:14,320
Speaker 1: relationships romantic relationships but you no longer think is important.

1289
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:16,000
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would say it's what I

1290
01:08:16,080 --> 01:08:18,880
Speaker 1: thought it was that important, but I do think I

1291
01:08:18,920 --> 01:08:22,719
Speaker 1: can talk about it now. Is the woman's financial position

1292
01:08:23,560 --> 01:08:25,960
Speaker 1: where I think once upon a time I may have

1293
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:28,799
Speaker 1: put more weight on that when I was a lot younger,

1294
01:08:29,000 --> 01:08:31,519
Speaker 1: and really because that's what society and family told me

1295
01:08:31,600 --> 01:08:35,080
Speaker 1: was important. But now to me and I can say

1296
01:08:35,120 --> 01:08:38,120
Speaker 1: it because I'm successful, that financial position is not what's

1297
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:41,080
Speaker 1: important to me. It's the love, it's the environment in

1298
01:08:41,120 --> 01:08:43,320
Speaker 1: the household, all these things. I mean, of course, I

1299
01:08:43,400 --> 01:08:46,200
Speaker 1: want her to pursue her purpose and her passion, but

1300
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:49,679
Speaker 1: what she has financially doesn't move the needle at all.

1301
01:08:50,040 --> 01:08:51,800
Speaker 1: It all right? And then fifth, and thank you for

1302
01:08:51,800 --> 01:08:54,599
Speaker 1: opening up and sharing that fifth and final question. If

1303
01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:57,120
Speaker 1: you could create one law that everyone in the world

1304
01:08:57,160 --> 01:08:59,559
Speaker 1: had to follow, what would it be? The one that's

1305
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:02,960
Speaker 1: coming to mine is you must be honest. If we

1306
01:09:03,080 --> 01:09:05,880
Speaker 1: eliminated lying in the seat, Oh my god, like this

1307
01:09:05,920 --> 01:09:10,160
Speaker 1: world where he's so much better. Yeah, so you have

1308
01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:13,960
Speaker 1: to tell the truth. Yeah, that would be an amazing one. Yeah, Stefan,

1309
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:16,439
Speaker 1: it's been amazing speaking today. I hope you come back

1310
01:09:16,439 --> 01:09:19,439
Speaker 1: on the show many times. The book is out now.

1311
01:09:19,520 --> 01:09:23,240
Speaker 1: It's called Love After Heartbreak. I'm sure each and every

1312
01:09:23,240 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 1: one of you can relate to having gone through heartbreak.

1313
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:29,000
Speaker 1: This is the book to have to find that love

1314
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 1: within yourself again to make sure you can love others.

1315
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:33,479
Speaker 1: Make sure you go and grab a copy of the book.

1316
01:09:33,600 --> 01:09:35,600
Speaker 1: We're gonna put the link in the show notes so

1317
01:09:35,640 --> 01:09:37,800
Speaker 1: you could go and order the book. I highly recommend it.

1318
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:41,360
Speaker 1: Please make sure you follow Stefan on YouTube, on Instagram,

1319
01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:44,760
Speaker 1: on TikTok, on all the social media platforms. Please do

1320
01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:47,559
Speaker 1: tag me and him on the platforms you use. With

1321
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:50,160
Speaker 1: the insights that stood out to you, the words of

1322
01:09:50,200 --> 01:09:52,320
Speaker 1: wisdom that he said that are going to stay with you,

1323
01:09:52,680 --> 01:09:55,799
Speaker 1: and the ones that you're bringing into your heart and life,

1324
01:09:55,880 --> 01:09:58,080
Speaker 1: and the ones you're sharing with your friends. I hope

1325
01:09:58,080 --> 01:10:00,439
Speaker 1: you'll pass this episode on to someone who needs it.

1326
01:10:00,680 --> 01:10:02,439
Speaker 1: If you know someone who's going through a tough time

1327
01:10:02,479 --> 01:10:04,720
Speaker 1: through a breakup, if you know someone who's single right

1328
01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:07,200
Speaker 1: now and needs to do some more healing, or if

1329
01:10:07,200 --> 01:10:08,760
Speaker 1: you have a friend in your life who's in a

1330
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:12,639
Speaker 1: relationship but struggling, this is the episode to send to them. Stefan,

1331
01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:14,960
Speaker 1: thank you so much for your time and energy. So

1332
01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:18,240
Speaker 1: grateful to you. Pleasures all mine. Thank you man. If

1333
01:10:18,240 --> 01:10:21,519
Speaker 1: you love this episode, you'll love my interview with doctor

1334
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:25,800
Speaker 1: Gabor Matte on understanding your trauma and how to heal

1335
01:10:25,840 --> 01:10:29,160
Speaker 1: emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.