1 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 1: Greetings and welcome to Woke F with me Danielle Moody. 2 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,159 Speaker 1: This year, I'm striving to bring more wokeness to my 3 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:21,400 Speaker 1: listeners and myself through the conversations I'm having on woke 4 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 1: a F daily that includes centering blackness and black liberation 5 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:28,159 Speaker 1: in all aspects of life on the political spectrum. I 6 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 1: had the pleasure of speaking with Charles M. Blow, the 7 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,240 Speaker 1: New York Times columnists and author of the new book 8 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: The Devil You Know, a Black Power Manifesto. We talked 9 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 1: about how the black vote is too often taken for 10 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,560 Speaker 1: granted by the white male political system, and the ways 11 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 1: in which we can take our power back and make 12 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:47,199 Speaker 1: our voices heard. Coming up, you'll hear my conversation with 13 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:51,520 Speaker 1: doctor Jen M. Jackson about the revolutionary and liberatory power 14 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,080 Speaker 1: of black love. As always, if you want to hear 15 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: the full thirty minute interview, head over to my Patreon 16 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: and subscribe for just five dollars a month at patreon 17 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: dot com slash woke AF. I keep replaying January sixth 18 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 1: in my head and the trauma of that day and 19 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:13,840 Speaker 1: the fact that I knew you knew we were all 20 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: headed to that place, right. We know that there is 21 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 1: there is something that I believe that is and this 22 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: is me not putting words in your mouth, there is 23 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:27,679 Speaker 1: something that I believe that is inherently violent about white people, 24 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:33,320 Speaker 1: right when faced with their privilege being taken, when faced 25 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: with the idea that they come White conservatives come from 26 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: this place of lack of scarcity, right where they believe 27 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:47,199 Speaker 1: that anything anyone else achieves, anything anyone else is able 28 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: to attain that they already have, is somehow taking from them. 29 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 1: And I wonder how you move, like how you're supposed 30 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 1: to shift a society when you know that there are 31 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: people that believe inherently in your lack of worth as 32 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: a human. I will frame it slightly differently. I don't 33 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: agree with I don't disagree with that, but I was 34 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: saying slightly different than and say that there is something 35 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,880 Speaker 1: inherently violent about white supremacy, that many white people are 36 00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: invested in that and they act out that violence. But 37 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: it is the white supremacy itself that is violent. And 38 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:24,639 Speaker 1: the beauty of this idea, as you know, which what 39 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,080 Speaker 1: kept me up for you know, four or five days 40 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: with very little sleep and very little food in writing 41 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,160 Speaker 1: a book post. I think when I ended. It was 42 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:37,720 Speaker 1: like twenty five thousand words. Was because it was so 43 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,760 Speaker 1: clear to me that we would no longer need to 44 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: center whiteness in black liberation. And whether or not you 45 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,239 Speaker 1: want to acknowledge that it has been centered or not, 46 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: it has absolutely been centered the entire history of black 47 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,239 Speaker 1: people in this country. It either centers their guilt and 48 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 1: us trying to get them to feel our pain. Either 49 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: centers their resistance to our progress. It centers their participation 50 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:10,959 Speaker 1: or their permission. The only reason you don't have reparations 51 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: or police reform is because the white people, primarily white men, 52 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: primarily rich white men in the Senate, don't want you 53 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:23,080 Speaker 1: to have it right, and that idea of the white 54 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: male patriarchy existing and dominating every part of American power 55 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 1: structure becomes the problem. They're the majority of the governors. 56 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: They're only for none white governors in America. None of 57 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: those four are black. By the way, almost all of 58 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: the ones who are, the white ones are male. White 59 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 1: men are the majority of state House representatives in this country. 60 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: About fifty white women are thirty percent and the other 61 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: fifteen percent left over for the rest of us. So 62 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: when we say things like the system responds like this, 63 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: The system is predatory. Stop being euphemistic. The system is 64 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: white men. The system is white people who benefit from 65 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: what those white men are doing. And the only impediment 66 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,480 Speaker 1: to you not being completely free for the system having 67 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: been set up the way it was set up in 68 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: the first place was because white men wanted it to be. 69 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: And what this does. It says there's something that you 70 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: can do. It does not ask their permission, that does 71 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: not need their participation, does not require me to pat 72 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 1: you on the back for your racial growth. This is 73 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: we can just assume this power, and that to me 74 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,760 Speaker 1: was powerful as a person who grew up in the 75 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 1: set in nineteen seven, grew up in the seventies black power, 76 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 1: always hearing revolutionary talk but never quite understand how we're 77 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,960 Speaker 1: supposed to get there. Arm revolution was never gonna work. 78 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:03,680 Speaker 1: But this is legal, this is constitution, It is revolutionary. 79 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: We can only experience black revolution and liberation by centering blackness, 80 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 1: not just in our politics, but in every aspect of 81 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 1: our lives. I was so delighted an honor to be 82 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: joined this week by doctor Jen M. Jackson, teen Vogue 83 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:24,160 Speaker 1: columnist and author of the upcoming book Black Women taught us. 84 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: Jen talks about the revolutionary power of black love, not 85 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 1: just in loving ourselves, but knowing and practicing the love 86 00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: that we deserve as black people. For Jen, that includes 87 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: ethical nonmonogamy and polyamory. They talk about what those terms 88 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 1: mean and how freeing ourselves from the patriarchal conceptions of 89 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: love can be truly liberating. There was so much more 90 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,360 Speaker 1: we talked about in our enlightening and engaging conversation, and 91 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: you can hear it all now at patreon dot com 92 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: slash woke af For now, we pick up with doctor 93 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,839 Speaker 1: Jen M. Jackson telling us what exactly ethical nonmonogamy and 94 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 1: polyamory mean. So monogamy in the way that I've grown 95 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,680 Speaker 1: to learn it and understand it how I was socialized. 96 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 1: I grew up in the Black Church, grew up very traditional, 97 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: and for me, it was always about a kind of 98 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: heteronormative principle around possession of one another in a kind 99 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,360 Speaker 1: of marriage or some sort of nested environment. So some 100 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:25,400 Speaker 1: environment where the goal is inevitably an escalator that leads 101 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,920 Speaker 1: you into marriage, that leads you into this lifelong commitment 102 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: where one person becomes your primary source for all manner 103 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: of emotional care, right, so physical love, sex, intercourse, things 104 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 1: like that. But also you know, folks use their marriages 105 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: for things like therapy, for emotional work in terms of 106 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 1: trauma healing, things like that. And so I witnessed this 107 00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 1: growing up in monogamous relationships. And while folks do not 108 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:57,760 Speaker 1: say this as the formal definition of monogamy, I think 109 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: it matters what people do in addition to know what 110 00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 1: they say. For me, polyamory has been really about finding 111 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: ways to love expansively, right, So not just romantically and sexually, 112 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,840 Speaker 1: which is what a lot of folks reduce polyamory too, 113 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: But it's about loving in a way that means that 114 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 1: love does not have to be closed off, categorized, boxed in. 115 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:23,880 Speaker 1: This includes platonic relationships, This includes best friends, to includes 116 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: people who we have deep Internet connections with and we 117 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 1: go on dates and we buy each other gifts and 118 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: we care for one another, but we don't have the 119 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 1: goals of being married, right, And so being in a 120 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:40,640 Speaker 1: polyamorous love style allows for folks to see themselves as 121 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 1: folks who are worthy of love. Right. There's something I 122 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 1: think that is particularly harmful about being black and queer 123 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: and monogamous in a society that all already tells us 124 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 1: that black folks are not valuable, worthy or worth loving. 125 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: Being a black queer woman and monogamous is very violent. 126 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 1: The notion that one person is my one soul, make 127 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,520 Speaker 1: my other half, right, because I knew that someone will 128 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: complete me, and if I don't find them, then what 129 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 1: am I incomplete? Right? Yea? Even yeah, the theory behind it, 130 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: to me, reproduces so many of our own harms and 131 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 1: insecurities and so much injustice toward black folk that I 132 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: can't I can't participate in it um in terms of 133 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: ethical nonmonogamy. So this came up a lot because you know, uh, 134 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: Jada and Will and august Alsina had their whole dust 135 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 1: up last year then a whole right, so a whole 136 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: bunch of monogamous people got hold of it, you know, 137 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: and we're like, oh my gosh, this is what the 138 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:51,880 Speaker 1: polyamorous people do. You know, they've discovered the word entanglement 139 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: and it was a whole thing, you know. Um, And 140 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: that's what I was actually tweeting about when you saw 141 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: that thread. I was tweeting about the that during all 142 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 1: of that there were people who I really respect folks 143 00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: who are in the disability justice space, Folks who are 144 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: in the social justice space, raised justice space, gender justice space, 145 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:14,760 Speaker 1: who were saying horrible things polyamorous people, not realizing I'm 146 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 1: a whole polyamorous person, a very out polyamorous person. I 147 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:23,040 Speaker 1: have a husband, assist gender queer husband. We have three children. 148 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 1: We gave birth to those children. I gave birth to 149 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:31,120 Speaker 1: those children, and he is a sexual. We've been together 150 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 1: for eighteen years. I also have a boyfriend who was 151 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: sist gender and heterosexual. He lives across the country. And 152 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: I have two girlfriends, the one who lives in the 153 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,679 Speaker 1: DC area and one who lives in New York City. 154 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 1: I love all of these people very very much, like 155 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 1: very deeply. These are my twin flames. These are people 156 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: who I don't want to live without. And when I 157 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: was witnessing this happening on Twitter, it was very hurtful 158 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,200 Speaker 1: to me because people were saying things like, oh, well, 159 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 1: polyamorous peop who are just trying to have a lot 160 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: of sex, or they're very childish, they can't commit, they 161 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 1: don't want to make that us adults have to meet. 162 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: And I think to myself, that is so interesting, because 163 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: my life I make lots of decisions, and I have 164 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:19,960 Speaker 1: so many commitments, and I actively engage in these agreements 165 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,880 Speaker 1: every day. And so what I want to break down 166 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,920 Speaker 1: for folks is that this idea that monogamy is the 167 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,599 Speaker 1: place where agreements lie is really just a superficial or 168 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: artificial boundary that people have created to make monogamy seem 169 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: like it's righteous and like it's the only way in actuality. 170 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 1: Most polyamorous folks understand that agreements that we enter into, 171 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,680 Speaker 1: entanglements that we enter into, are so important that we 172 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 1: have to actively engage with them and re engage with 173 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: them over and over and over again, whereas monogamy has 174 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 1: this kind of hidden curriculum you're just supposed to know. 175 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 1: I remember growing up, you were just supposed to know 176 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: that when a boy hit you and then he liked you, 177 00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 1: or you were supposed to know that if you were 178 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,080 Speaker 1: going out to problem with someone and this person want 179 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: to go to problem with you, then the other person 180 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: you like, you can't like them anymore. Right Like, all 181 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:10,320 Speaker 1: these rules about how you're supposed to navigate monogamy were 182 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 1: imparted to you implicitly, but in polyamory, because you are 183 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: navigating these kind of open relationships. The dialogue often is 184 00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,319 Speaker 1: also supposed to be very open. So this is where 185 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: we get into ethical and unethical nonmonogamy. So, unfortunately, a 186 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: lot of folks conflate unethical nonmonogamy with polyamory and with 187 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: ethical nonmonogamy. So ethical nonmonogamy is not being monogamous, but 188 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: doing so in a way that is upfront, clear and 189 00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: allows for consent for all parties involved. Okay, at one 190 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 1: point was ethically monogamous. So I did not have additional 191 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: partnerships outside of my marriage, but that I have romantic 192 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: interests people I loved, folks I went our own dates 193 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,839 Speaker 1: with and I spent time with. Absolutely that I care 194 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: for them deeply, That I yes, But was I at 195 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 1: a place in my life where I could build a 196 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: life with them. I wasn't, So I was ethically nominogamous. 197 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 1: They also knew my kids, they knew my husband, they 198 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: hung out with my friend groups. Right, Um, So unethical 199 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: monogamy is cheating, right, This is sneaking out behind somebody's back, 200 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: not telling being right and polyamory and ethical nominogamy are 201 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:32,719 Speaker 1: not the same. As explain explain the difference though between 202 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: ethical nonmonogamy because I think we all at this point 203 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: should understand cheating, right. Everybody has experienced it in one 204 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: way or another, or been cheated on, or you know, 205 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 1: or or cheated um or witness stead. All of those 206 00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: things explain to us the difference between polyamory, where you 207 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:07,720 Speaker 1: are actively in relationship up with varied people, and ethical nonmonogamy. Yeah, so, 208 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:11,000 Speaker 1: I mean it looks different for different people, right, and 209 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: in my life in the way that I've embodied non monogamy. 210 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:15,800 Speaker 1: But I always tell folks they ask, how do you love? 211 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,600 Speaker 1: How do you do this? I say, my goal and love, 212 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 1: just as in everything else, is to do justice to 213 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,959 Speaker 1: others and justice to myself. And so when I am 214 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: in an ethical nonmonogamy situation or engagement, I am very 215 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,680 Speaker 1: clear about what my expectations are, how I will engage, 216 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: and what I have the bandwidth for and what I'm 217 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,480 Speaker 1: available for. Right. Monogamy often teaches us that if we 218 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 1: come into contact with our soul mate or our other half, 219 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 1: that we're supposed to just drop everything, move across the country, 220 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: forget our dreams. Right like it's now our whole life 221 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:51,040 Speaker 1: has to change and fold itself around this new person, 222 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,040 Speaker 1: because that's the only one and you better get it 223 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 1: or you lose it. Right. So, ethical nonmonogamy releases us 224 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 1: from some of that right because it says, no, actually, 225 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,560 Speaker 1: you're your twin flame, you are your most complete part, 226 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,439 Speaker 1: You are your whole, and so it puts you in 227 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 1: a position to have authority over your love life in 228 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 1: such a way where you can say, I actually am 229 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: not available to do that, but I still want to 230 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,199 Speaker 1: be in your life. So what are the parameters around 231 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: which we can enter one another's lives and still do 232 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,600 Speaker 1: justice to ourselves. You can still be a whole person 233 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:24,720 Speaker 1: over there, and I can still be a whole person 234 00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 1: over here. Or if we'd like to walk together and 235 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,400 Speaker 1: live together, or we want to have children or start 236 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: a business, or we can do those things, but we 237 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 1: can be clear about where the justice looks like for 238 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,240 Speaker 1: me and where the justice looks like for you, and 239 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,200 Speaker 1: so for me. That's how ethical nonminogamy works. It's this 240 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: ongoing cyclical process that allows for our relationships to grow 241 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: and adapt because we our whole, right, we are whole people, 242 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,280 Speaker 1: and so what we bring to the relationship is the 243 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,920 Speaker 1: most important part, not the fact that we found this 244 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: person who is now going to save us and heal 245 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 1: us six things. And that's the that's the logic that 246 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,120 Speaker 1: we have to get away from. And that's also the 247 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 1: logic that often compels people to cheat, right, because it's 248 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: the same right, ye, Right, It's built of Oh my gosh, 249 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: my body is telling me that i want something else here, 250 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: that I'm missing something. But I'm afraid to actually be 251 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: honest with myself and with others about what I'm feeling. 252 00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,160 Speaker 1: So it's inherently saying my intuition is it's not something 253 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 1: I'm going to listen to. I'm not doing justice. Wow. 254 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:36,760 Speaker 1: So cheating is injustice to others and to ourselves, right um, 255 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,480 Speaker 1: And so ethical non monogamy gets us out of that 256 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: process of injustice. Love should be a process of justice. 257 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 1: I have often quoted Bob Marley's line from Redemption Song 258 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 1: and then to pate yourself from mental slavery, None but 259 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,800 Speaker 1: ourselves can free our minds. I leave you with that 260 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: thought today. Once you are equipped with the knowledge and information, 261 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,200 Speaker 1: it is up to you you to free your mind, 262 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 1: to get woke, and to live in that wokeness. White 263 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 1: supremist patriarchy is a hell of a drug and it's 264 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: fed to all of us, all of our lives. But 265 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: we know there is a better way of thinking and 266 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: a better way of living. If we come together, we 267 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,200 Speaker 1: can build power and make a better world for everybody. 268 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: So please do share Woke a f with your friends, 269 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: your family, and if you have not already subscribe. It's 270 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 1: only five dollars a month to get five new one 271 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: hour shows every single week at patreon dot com slash 272 00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 1: woke AF as I say every week. As I say 273 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: every week, and I'll be saying it until we are 274 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 1: free and mind, body, and spirit. Power to the people 275 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: and to all the people. Power, get woke and stay 276 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: woke as fuck.