Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. In this episode, our Love Stories series
Speaker 1: continues and up next doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brody.
Speaker 1: He's black, she's white, she's Jewish, he's not. They're twenty
Speaker 1: seven years at bard in age and they are newlyweds.
Speaker 1: Welcome everybody to this special Cuffing season edition of Amy
Speaker 1: and Tjay and wrote to anybody who's familiar with our
Speaker 1: podcast over the past year knows doctor Guardier and knows
Speaker 1: that we adored as dude.
Speaker 2: We do, and we have leaned on him for more
Speaker 2: than a decade now, but especially in the last couple
Speaker 2: of years. He is known as America's psychologist. He talks
Speaker 2: us through the tough times in this world, but also
Speaker 2: talks about relationships. He is a relationship expert. In fact,
Speaker 2: it's funny because any of you who might have a
Speaker 2: therapist or someone who you lean on for advice, you
Speaker 2: almost sometimes feel like you can't ask them about their
Speaker 2: life or about what their relationship is like. So I
Speaker 2: actually really didn't know that much about doctor Gardier's personal life,
Speaker 2: and we've known his due twenty years.
Speaker 1: I mean, just going back to our days and cable news,
Speaker 1: you've been interviewing this guy for a long long time.
Speaker 1: Was not that familiar with his personal life. No, he
Speaker 1: used to talk about it, his wife and this and that.
Speaker 1: We hear this all the time who he's with, but
Speaker 1: we never put it all together.
Speaker 2: We knew he was divorced, and we knew he was
Speaker 2: with someone else, but other than that, we never really
Speaker 2: pride or leaned in on that because we just didn't
Speaker 2: feel We felt like there was a boundary, okay, healthy boundary.
Speaker 1: We got to lean in recently because we went to
Speaker 1: his wedding.
Speaker 2: Yes, we got the invitation. We thought, well, this is
Speaker 2: an invitation to more than just a wedding. We can
Speaker 2: start asking questions.
Speaker 1: So we did, and you know what we found out.
Speaker 1: We found out that there is nearly a three decade
Speaker 1: age difference between doctor Gardier and his wife, and they
Speaker 1: love talking about it. It seems they love giving each
Speaker 1: other hell about it. They love even at the wedding,
Speaker 1: it was a part of the vows, even the ceremony.
Speaker 1: They cracked little jokes about it.
Speaker 2: So I didn't know what to expect going to the
Speaker 2: wedding or even meeting his better half.
Speaker 3: I think he would say that for sure, they're both doctors.
Speaker 3: Doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brodie. She's a physician.
Speaker 2: Of course we mentioned he's America psychologist, but yeah, she's
Speaker 2: twenty seven years younger than him. And this wedding was
Speaker 2: incredible what it brought together and their level of comfort. Look,
Speaker 2: these two have been together for more than a decade,
Speaker 2: they have two children together, and they just recently, as
Speaker 2: we pointed out, decided to actually make it official and
Speaker 2: get married. So we wanted to ask them all the
Speaker 2: questions that one would have about anyone, but specifically their situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we ask them, as we've been doing in
Speaker 1: our series, the exact same list of questions that we've
Speaker 1: asked all of our couples, and their answers were fascinating,
Speaker 1: same questions, how often do you fight, you go to
Speaker 1: bed angry? Who handles the household chores? But the questions
Speaker 1: got interesting when it turned to age, when it turned
Speaker 1: to certain things that it turned to family accepting a relationship,
Speaker 1: things got a little interesting.
Speaker 2: They certainly did, and I have to say surprising I
Speaker 2: And you know, I always think it's interesting when you're
Speaker 2: asking a doctor who counsels other people on their relationships
Speaker 2: about his own relationship, and no matter what he says, Oh,
Speaker 2: you've got Wifey right there to tell him that's not
Speaker 2: exactly what happened. We saw that happen quite a bit.
Speaker 2: It was amazing. I mean think about it. If you've
Speaker 2: ever been in any therapy, can you imagine turning the
Speaker 2: tables on your therapist. That's exactly what we got to
Speaker 2: do in this episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know what, the folks, we can tell
Speaker 1: you this is is one of our favorites and one
Speaker 1: of the most enjoyable, and I think you're going to
Speaker 1: find it to be as well. In this entire series
Speaker 1: we've been doing. Again, reminded we drop a new one
Speaker 1: every day of the week leading up to Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: and today, enjoy it because we got a treat for you.
Speaker 1: Doctor Jeff Guardier and doctor Amber Brody. Take a listen
Speaker 1: to our conversation.
Speaker 2: And we have the doctors with us right now, Doctor
Speaker 2: Jeff Guardier and his beautiful bride, doctor Amber Brody.
Speaker 3: Thank you for being with us, guys.
Speaker 4: Thank you, thanks for having us. Great to be on
Speaker 4: with both of you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and well we should apologize to Amber. We've had
Speaker 1: doctor Guardia on several times. We didn't extend an invitation
Speaker 1: to the amber until now that's our bad. That's our bad.
Speaker 3: Isn't it fun though?
Speaker 2: To be able to turn the tables and ask the
Speaker 2: therapist questions about his relationship. I've really been looking forward
Speaker 2: to this one. Guys.
Speaker 5: That's why my hands are shaving.
Speaker 2: Well, we'll dig right in. So the first question is
Speaker 2: the one that we ask everyone to start off with.
Speaker 3: And I love this both of you.
Speaker 2: If you would give us three words to describe your
Speaker 2: relationship right now, Jeff will start with.
Speaker 5: You, Friendship, loving, passion.
Speaker 6: Those are good ones. Can I say?
Speaker 5: You could say anything you want?
Speaker 7: You can even gold, fabulous, envious, a nice and.
Speaker 1: Kind and kind. Now I have to say this first
Speaker 1: time we've heard envious of them? Now, why did you
Speaker 1: pick that one? I'm curious envious? Where did they come?
Speaker 6: Envy of everyone?
Speaker 1: That's awesome?
Speaker 5: Envious?
Speaker 8: I don't know when I feel that. When we're with
Speaker 8: other couples, I feel that we're very lucky.
Speaker 5: That yeah, but they're not'm envious.
Speaker 4: They may be questioning, like, what the hell is he
Speaker 4: dealing with her?
Speaker 5: Vice versa?
Speaker 1: Those these are her words, these are her words. Let'm
Speaker 1: have a word.
Speaker 3: She's pinching his cheek right now. It's great.
Speaker 8: I'm old to stop saying old, by the way, relative really,
Speaker 8: and most of the people I spend my days with
Speaker 8: are you know, between eighty and one hundred. So every
Speaker 8: time I come home Monday through Friday, there's this young,
Speaker 8: dapper gentleman.
Speaker 5: And I'm only ten years younger than that.
Speaker 1: That is awesome. Okay, we're going to get into it
Speaker 1: because that questions on here as well. But the next question,
Speaker 1: I'll start with you on this one, Amber. Was there
Speaker 1: immediate chemistry when you two first met?
Speaker 6: Now, well, and I think that's a good thing.
Speaker 8: I think that you know, when flames burned too hot,
Speaker 8: they tend to burn out.
Speaker 5: As at the beginning. Yeah, so at the beginning, the.
Speaker 8: Fact that we had a nice concrete base and foundation
Speaker 8: of a friendship to work with.
Speaker 6: When suddenly there was a flame, it was it was.
Speaker 5: And it wasn't my flame.
Speaker 4: It was her flame, right, it was her flame, not
Speaker 4: my flame.
Speaker 6: It was easy.
Speaker 4: There was there was no attraction, there was nothing going on.
Speaker 4: We were nothing but colleagues, and then from colleagues we
Speaker 4: became friends.
Speaker 3: Wow, that sounds really familiar. We were also on the
Speaker 3: slop story.
Speaker 2: Yes, so who ultimately ended up saying I love you first?
Speaker 6: That was me, yes, and it must have been that.
Speaker 6: I don't know. I've heard the term and I've mentioned
Speaker 6: it to our rabbi as well.
Speaker 8: Godsmack where you're just going about your business and all
Speaker 8: of a sudden you're.
Speaker 6: Just like, oh God, I love him?
Speaker 5: What do I do?
Speaker 6: Like that really actually happened?
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I.
Speaker 3: Am so relating with you. I felt the same way.
Speaker 3: You're like, wait a minute, when did this happen? How
Speaker 3: did this happen? But it's definitely happening.
Speaker 5: Didn't I do.
Speaker 4: That therapy session with you guys on your podcast?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: We don't want to call it a therapy session. We
Speaker 1: had you as a guest.
Speaker 3: Okay, it turned into a therapy We talked.
Speaker 1: Some things out, all right. Next question here, how long
Speaker 1: did you date before you got engaged? How long were
Speaker 1: you engaged before you got married?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 4: We dated for a very short period of time, right,
Speaker 4: and we were friends first for how many colleagues and
Speaker 4: friends for about what three years?
Speaker 6: He says for years, but I think it was six months.
Speaker 1: Now, that's a big discrepancy, guys.
Speaker 8: What Well, if you look at our daughter who was
Speaker 8: born at a particular time.
Speaker 5: When did we start working at the medical school.
Speaker 8: It's great ither I came there in twenty thirteen. Yeah,
Speaker 8: we were like we saw each other like for a
Speaker 8: half of a semester in the spring.
Speaker 5: Semester, so we knew each other.
Speaker 6: We all like of each other. And then someone made us.
Speaker 4: Work on it for a couple of years and then
Speaker 4: we started teaching together.
Speaker 8: I started working there July of twenty thirteen. I moved
Speaker 8: from my hometown of Philly, Go Eagles to New York.
Speaker 8: And our daughter was born March of fifteen. Okay, so
Speaker 8: there's no couple of years there, all.
Speaker 4: Right, So this is confusing. So what happened was we
Speaker 4: worked together at the medical school.
Speaker 5: We knew of one another for maybe two three years
Speaker 5: you were.
Speaker 6: There, No, three years later Noble was born.
Speaker 5: Okay, so you were there for some period of time.
Speaker 6: Not long. I started there in twenty thirteen.
Speaker 8: So anyway, we had to work on a lecture and
Speaker 8: then I fell in love with him, and then.
Speaker 5: We was it was bringing me lunch.
Speaker 4: It was bringing me lunch, and all the secretary usual
Speaker 4: laughing because they were like, you don't know what's going on.
Speaker 5: And I was like I have no idea of what's
Speaker 5: going on. Okay, this is.
Speaker 4: A colleague, you know, I'm not getting involved with the colleague.
Speaker 4: And I was actually helping Jay dates Jewish days.
Speaker 5: I was her going on dates and we.
Speaker 8: Work on our lectures together and our powerpoints and be like,
Speaker 8: let's go get a beer, okay.
Speaker 6: And then I was showing him how to use Tinder
Speaker 6: the apps wipe lefts wipe right, and he goes to me,
Speaker 6: I can't put.
Speaker 8: My face on there, and I'm going, what's wrong with
Speaker 8: your face? I didn't know who he was.
Speaker 6: He was just you know, a.
Speaker 5: Lot of people don't know who I am.
Speaker 4: So anyway, long stories, because we know we're eating up
Speaker 4: valuable time.
Speaker 1: This is great stuff.
Speaker 4: I love it. She invited me after I went through
Speaker 4: you know, Jay dates with her, you know, helping her
Speaker 4: pick her.
Speaker 5: Dates, and saw me, your date, How was your date
Speaker 5: last night? How was it?
Speaker 4: And then so one day she said, meet me at
Speaker 4: this restaurant in Harlem because we used to have Martini's
Speaker 4: and clams dare oysters, you know, just as colleagues to discuss,
Speaker 4: you know, the lectures. And then she said, I think
Speaker 4: we should be together forever. That was the pitch. That
Speaker 4: was the proposal. I said, absolutely.
Speaker 5: Not, you're too young. I'm not gonna do it. Instead,
Speaker 5: I'll give you more children.
Speaker 4: And then she said I'll change your diapers because I'm
Speaker 4: a jenius when the time comes.
Speaker 5: And I said, okay, only.
Speaker 6: The first that was true.
Speaker 3: What what did he say, Amberwyn? You said that to him?
Speaker 8: He was pretty silent, but put his hand on my
Speaker 8: leg and said okay.
Speaker 3: And that was that wow, And I.
Speaker 4: Said, okay, what am I doing for the next twenty years?
Speaker 5: All right? Fine?
Speaker 4: Just like that, I stepped out on faith Amy and TJ.
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, we're friends, we know one another.
Speaker 4: She seems to be a very nice person, you know,
Speaker 4: why not? And it worked out really well because I
Speaker 4: had four children. She immediately fell into the group.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 4: They got along except for one child who was like but.
Speaker 6: She screamed for like an hour.
Speaker 4: Well because she's closer to your age, right, and so
Speaker 4: after that was settled. But she's been an incredible mother
Speaker 4: along with their mother, who is an incredible mother and team.
Speaker 4: And then we had two more and that's how we're together.
Speaker 4: And we've been together now. We lived in sin for
Speaker 4: ten years and then we finally officially got married. Where
Speaker 4: you guys, we we could tell folks you were there, yes,
Speaker 4: at our wedding. It was the first Jewish wedding in
Speaker 4: the Malcolm x Betty Shabbaz Center in the Muslim Center,
Speaker 4: so we're proud of that.
Speaker 2: It was the most well, it was beautiful and it
Speaker 2: was incredible, but it was definitely because of what you
Speaker 2: just mentioned, one of the most unique weddings I've ever
Speaker 2: been to in my life. To see all the different
Speaker 2: and how cool is that all the different religions and
Speaker 2: backgrounds and ages all coming together to celebrate your love.
Speaker 4: It was absolutely race, religion, political affiliations. Nice mix there, Yeah,
Speaker 4: it was a very nice, nice mix. But we had
Speaker 4: we had Democrats Republicans.
Speaker 3: Oh man, you were the tie that binded them all.
Speaker 5: Together, Republicans. That's why we didn't talk about politics.
Speaker 3: All Right, we've alluded. We've alluded to it quite a bit.
Speaker 2: But go ahead and tell us what is your age
Speaker 2: difference and has that had an impact on your relationship?
Speaker 8: We are twenty seven years in a separation. We always
Speaker 8: laugh that he got his PhD the year I was born,
Speaker 8: If that puts any perspective on it. That's quite impressive.
Speaker 8: Like you were a doctor. I was in diapers.
Speaker 4: You know, I think the important thing here, you know,
Speaker 4: and I point this out to a lot of folks.
Speaker 4: You know, this was not a vanity project. It's not
Speaker 4: about looking for someone, you know, as an older person,
Speaker 4: younger than myself. It just, you know, everything just fell
Speaker 4: in place in that way. I would have preferred to
Speaker 4: be with someone of my own age, but you know,
Speaker 4: she's very mature, so it worked out.
Speaker 1: And we should say you all fully embrace and have
Speaker 1: fun with and even you Amber at the wedding where
Speaker 1: you also were making jokes up there at the altar
Speaker 1: were as you were getting married, so you.
Speaker 6: All not laugh and you'd be crying, right, honey, that's
Speaker 6: what he says.
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, I mean we you know, we talk about,
Speaker 4: you know, our first date. It was the three of
Speaker 4: us and it were like, what do you mean the
Speaker 4: three of us? It was me, you and my walker.
Speaker 1: You're holding yourself, doctor GUARDI are you're a good looking
Speaker 1: I am you're not good looking for your age. You're
Speaker 1: good looking, okay.
Speaker 4: Person, I've said her, if you're going to put me
Speaker 4: in a nursing home later on, because you're a geriatrician.
Speaker 4: I'm getting a girlfriend in that nursing home, I said,
Speaker 4: because I'm walking in there. And if you walk into
Speaker 4: a nursing home at a certain age, you know what
Speaker 4: they say.
Speaker 1: Hey, sexy, I thought you're going to say you ain't
Speaker 1: walking out, so I will say.
Speaker 6: You did ask. The second part of that question was
Speaker 6: on the relationship.
Speaker 8: The I only kind of just notice the difference, like
Speaker 8: he'll talk about something that happened in the past, and
Speaker 8: I will have zero recollection because it happened before I
Speaker 8: was born.
Speaker 4: So I'm as far as music and culture and so on. Yeah,
Speaker 4: she had no idea who Topo GJ was. For example,
Speaker 4: remember that Sullivan to GJ.
Speaker 1: Okay, you got me even at Sullivan.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm much older than you guys.
Speaker 6: Do you guys have an age gap as well?
Speaker 2: Right, yes, I'm four and a half years older than TEJ.
Speaker 1: Four and a half? What is she twelve? Who uses age?
Speaker 5: That's not an age gap?
Speaker 1: But Amber too, You got me be because I used
Speaker 1: this line all the time I was in junior high
Speaker 1: school when she was in college.
Speaker 2: You know what the see But no, but he's saying
Speaker 2: ninth grade and I was a freshman in college. Ninth
Speaker 2: grade was high school where I went to school. So
Speaker 2: he likes to be dramatic and say it was junior high.
Speaker 1: Again, a factual statement. I was in junior high school
Speaker 1: when she was in college, and we'll leave it to there.
Speaker 3: And then I just say, lucky you, lovey.
Speaker 5: You, TJ, lucky you. That's right.
Speaker 2: So why did you guys want to get married? You
Speaker 2: had been together for ten years. Why was it important
Speaker 2: to be married? And what do you think your relationship
Speaker 2: would be like if you just chose to stay together
Speaker 2: but be unmarried, Like why was the ring important?
Speaker 5: I don't even know that was your decision to get married.
Speaker 8: I figure if there was a zombie apocalypse tomorrow and
Speaker 8: I never got.
Speaker 6: To be a bride, that would be a damn shape.
Speaker 8: I've spent my whole life, you know, I think honestly,
Speaker 8: if you recall that movie twenty seven Dresses, that was me,
Speaker 8: you know, going through college, then med school, then residency
Speaker 8: and fellowship.
Speaker 6: I did not graduate from my.
Speaker 8: Training till thirty one, so there was no serious relationships
Speaker 8: and I was the perpetual bridesmaid.
Speaker 3: That makes sense.
Speaker 6: I also do recall that.
Speaker 8: Sex in the City line that Miranda gave when she
Speaker 8: was about to marry Steve, and she said, I think
Speaker 8: it's important to stand there in front of the people
Speaker 8: you love and say those words.
Speaker 4: And that she's not giving you guys any advice, by.
Speaker 3: The way, you know, I like that though.
Speaker 1: It's very good. That's one of the better arguments I've heard.
Speaker 8: Stuck with Nate, because at first Miranda did not She
Speaker 8: was like, that's ridiculous. And then she was like, you
Speaker 8: know what, it is important to stand in front of
Speaker 8: those you love and say those words out loud to
Speaker 8: the one you love.
Speaker 6: And so I wanted to do.
Speaker 5: That, Okay, And we did it. We did it, We
Speaker 5: did it. Yeah.
Speaker 4: And then she had the nerve to renovate our apartment
Speaker 4: in the same year as that wedding. And I looked
Speaker 4: at my bank account and I was like, what happened
Speaker 4: to the money?
Speaker 5: She said, besting in our future.
Speaker 7: I'm like, Okay, the money's still there, all right, all right,
Speaker 7: all right, okay.
Speaker 1: Next next question for you to did your relationship have
Speaker 1: the full support of your friends and family?
Speaker 5: Oh? You had to go there, right, It's on the list.
Speaker 5: How to go there? Well, do you want to share?
Speaker 5: I think we can share what we found out.
Speaker 6: On the We found out on the honeymoon.
Speaker 4: What I mean we found out. Oh no, you didn't
Speaker 4: know either about your brother. No, that story, Yeah, you
Speaker 4: want to tell that story?
Speaker 5: Should we tell that story?
Speaker 1: Please?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 4: This was a big family secret that they finally revealed.
Speaker 5: Go ahead, tell the story.
Speaker 8: From what I got gathered, the family told me that
Speaker 8: they had like had a meeting to get together and
Speaker 8: how are we going to set.
Speaker 4: So they had an intervention, all right, they had an
Speaker 4: intervention on zoom or telephone, yes, where they said Amber
Speaker 4: has lost her mind. She's gotten together with the senior citizen,
Speaker 4: and you know, we've got to stop this from happening.
Speaker 4: What is happening with her?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 4: And so they tried to figure out whether she was
Speaker 4: mentally stable or not.
Speaker 3: No, that's that's serious.
Speaker 4: Keep in mind, and that bet we all get along.
Speaker 4: I love her brother, her brother loves me.
Speaker 5: Where we're doing, Okay?
Speaker 6: Ten years ago this happened a long, long, long time.
Speaker 4: And now things have changed a lot, and her family
Speaker 4: has been on both sides, her mother's side of the family,
Speaker 4: her father's side of the family. They're very embracing, very
Speaker 4: wonderful you know, very.
Speaker 6: Happy and all is well.
Speaker 8: Had that being said, they did admit to us that
Speaker 8: that had occurred, and I did.
Speaker 3: Not know that.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: I mean the cool thing is they've come around and
Speaker 2: look at you now, and that's awesome.
Speaker 3: Exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: How would you this was the next question, but this
Speaker 2: will be slightly amended for y'all because you're newlyweds. But
Speaker 2: how would you describe your first year of marriage? I
Speaker 2: would ask, how is your relationship now that you're married?
Speaker 3: Has it changed?
Speaker 8: Gonna say no, because I always felt married to you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would agree, But I think it's the years
Speaker 4: have gone by Amy and TJ that I think we
Speaker 4: get more and more romantic and more into the first
Speaker 4: couple of years were more about friendship, being best friends
Speaker 4: and changing diapers yeah, and supporting one another two Yeah.
Speaker 4: But now we have really taken the time to be
Speaker 4: We've always been kind to one another, but even kinder
Speaker 4: and more romantic. We make it. We make it a job.
Speaker 4: And what I mean by that is, well, but it's
Speaker 4: you know, if you talk the talk, you walk the walk.
Speaker 4: When I work with with couples, I say, you know,
Speaker 4: it's really important that you do the necessary things check
Speaker 4: off the boxes every day. A hug, a touch on
Speaker 4: the shoulder, a kiss, saying I love you, even if
Speaker 4: you're not feeling it, you should do it. So we
Speaker 4: make it a job. We and but it's it's it's
Speaker 4: it's great work. If you can get it right.
Speaker 1: You follow your own advice. That's good to hear.
Speaker 3: Yes, I do, he does, all right.
Speaker 2: I disclosure on this next question because we've asked everyone
Speaker 2: this and you can answer it however you'd like. But
Speaker 2: how would you describe your sex life?
Speaker 6: Wonderful?
Speaker 4: I think it's one you know, the word I would
Speaker 4: use is very intimate. It's very intimate in that it's
Speaker 4: something just for us. It's something where it's not just
Speaker 4: a physical, you know, interaction, but an emotional and spiritual interaction.
Speaker 5: Wouldn't you say it's something that is so.
Speaker 4: It just it's it's gorgeous everything yet expresses love on
Speaker 4: many different levels.
Speaker 6: Good, great, wonderful.
Speaker 1: Next question here. I know you'll kind of hit on
Speaker 1: this already because you talk about just a simple touch
Speaker 1: on the shoulder, a hug or kiss. But how important
Speaker 1: is physical touch in your relationship? And kind of specifically
Speaker 1: do you hold hands when you're just randomly walking down
Speaker 1: the street.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah, we even hold hands in the house.
Speaker 8: If we get a minute to sit down next to
Speaker 8: each other and the kids are not driving, it's crazy.
Speaker 6: And if we're sitting down next to each other, we
Speaker 6: are holding hands.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we do have to tell them about your
Speaker 4: aversion to sentimental Sundays.
Speaker 8: Wow.
Speaker 4: So on Sunday, when we're having dinner and a glass
Speaker 4: of red wine, I'll tell her, you know, isn't it
Speaker 4: wonderful that the most improbable relationship the couple people never
Speaker 4: thought could happen? You know, how is it that we're together?
Speaker 4: Isn't it strange but wonderful? She'll say, Oh, it's sentimental Sundays,
Speaker 4: isn't it.
Speaker 5: She said.
Speaker 8: I always tell him he's more of a communicator than I,
Speaker 8: which is a good thing. He thinks something and it
Speaker 8: comes out, or he feels an emotion and it comes
Speaker 8: out and he shows it, whereas I'm just like, oh,
Speaker 8: I'm so lucky and great and I love Jeff so much.
Speaker 8: But I'll just be like saying it while scrambling eggs,
Speaker 8: like I don't say.
Speaker 4: It, but she says, but she says it while scrambling eggs.
Speaker 4: Because we don't know how much longer we'll have with
Speaker 4: eggs meaning to it.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2: On the flip side, how often do you all fight
Speaker 2: or have an argument?
Speaker 5: Rarely?
Speaker 6: If I were to quantify it, I'd say twice the year.
Speaker 3: Of Wow, was it always like that?
Speaker 5: Pretty much?
Speaker 4: And when we do, when we do argue or have
Speaker 4: a disagreement, I think we solve it within what thirty minutes?
Speaker 5: Fifty? Not even that's amazing.
Speaker 1: What do you fight?
Speaker 5: I think? But I think that I think the reason
Speaker 5: is amy. It's the difference in the ages. I think
Speaker 5: that makes a difference. You know.
Speaker 4: I often said to her, if you married someone in
Speaker 4: your own age, you might be divorced by now.
Speaker 5: I have the patience of ah.
Speaker 1: Ah, it is all coming together.
Speaker 3: Now do you what what? When you do fight? What
Speaker 3: do you fight about?
Speaker 5: Most? Oh? I have an answer, but go ahead. What
Speaker 5: do you think? What do you fight about? Most? I
Speaker 5: don't have an answer, Okay, I have an answer. Time.
Speaker 6: Oh, I'm always running.
Speaker 4: Late, like this morning, Like when we went on that cruise,
Speaker 4: I said, listen, the boat leaves, the ship leaves at
Speaker 4: one or two o'clock. Let's get there by eleven. We
Speaker 4: got there five minutes to two. Don't get me started.
Speaker 6: No, that's not true. We made it there.
Speaker 5: Way all right. We got there by one o'clock.
Speaker 6: I made you know.
Speaker 4: I don't take those kinds of chances he's operating on.
Speaker 5: Is there something resonating here with you?
Speaker 1: Yes, we do that. But but dogs the guard deer
Speaker 1: we have we had this issue. But I give her credit.
Speaker 1: She is now completely on her own. She will start
Speaker 1: because you know what, it's it's bitten there in the
Speaker 1: butt a couple of times to where she ends up
Speaker 1: panicked or stressed because maybe there's the first uber canceled,
Speaker 1: or maybe there was a flat tire, maybe there was
Speaker 1: traffic you didn't anticipate. So she is seen where the
Speaker 1: value is in making sure you're always always early.
Speaker 5: But isn't But isn't that the cosmic joke though? TJ.
Speaker 5: People who look like you and I are.
Speaker 4: Always labeled as folks not being on times. Look who
Speaker 4: we're with, and they're the ones who are always late.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1: They own white people times right.
Speaker 2: They ain't even privileged people time exactly right.
Speaker 1: I'll own that you could afford to be late. I
Speaker 1: kind of show up early.
Speaker 3: You know, so I also I see the value in it.
Speaker 5: Right amber, if you call me a DEI higher.
Speaker 3: All right, have you all? Do you all go to
Speaker 3: bed angry?
Speaker 5: Never?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 5: Never?
Speaker 8: Wow?
Speaker 5: Never?
Speaker 6: It's important I think to separate.
Speaker 8: And I know you've heard of or read about like
Speaker 8: certain energies. So and emotions are very powerful and strong things.
Speaker 8: They make people do things that they otherwise wouldn't. So
Speaker 8: if you are in the same room with someone and
Speaker 8: you're arguing and you feel that energy, I think it's
Speaker 8: important to separate until And that's one thing my mom
Speaker 8: used to teach me, go into a different room and
Speaker 8: take ten deep breaths.
Speaker 5: And I disagree with that. Why I disagree with that.
Speaker 4: I think it's really important to talk about it afterwards.
Speaker 4: Then okay to talk about it, and then so for yeah,
Speaker 4: so to talk about it before you go to bed,
Speaker 4: or even say, let's agree to disagree, but out being
Speaker 4: you know, together is important. But for some folks that
Speaker 4: I know, I'm not mentioning any names. Sometimes I'm not
Speaker 4: mentioning any names. Sometimes just having a couple of hours
Speaker 4: apart works for them.
Speaker 5: She doesn't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: We were trying to remember you told you gave us
Speaker 1: a recommendation about going to bed angry, and we're getting
Speaker 1: different reports from different couples about what they decide to do.
Speaker 1: Some say, yeah, go to bed angry. It's okay, but
Speaker 1: we could still kiss each other good night, but I'm
Speaker 1: pissed at you. And then others say, no, there's too
Speaker 1: much tension. We have to resolve this before we go
Speaker 1: to bed, right.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it's not one size fits all. Yeah, but
Speaker 4: I will tell you one thing. If I have had
Speaker 4: on sentimental Sundays as of red wine, I have the filter.
Speaker 4: I have the sensor up here that says, do not
Speaker 4: bring up any conflict. Is that red wine makes for
Speaker 4: a loose tongue. And then you say something and then
Speaker 4: you're like, why did I say that?
Speaker 1: Red wine? Yes, everything.
Speaker 2: I think we've gotten better at the going to bed
Speaker 2: angry thing. I feel like even if we haven't resolved it,
Speaker 2: and certainly we have gone to bed several times without
Speaker 2: having resolved it, but I still feel like like I
Speaker 2: can hold your hand in bed, or I can you
Speaker 2: know we can?
Speaker 3: Yes, And it's.
Speaker 5: Play a little foot seat or what, yeah, a.
Speaker 3: Little something, just like hey, I'm still here. I'm not leaving, you.
Speaker 1: Know, Yeah, and Jeff, we have to get over it
Speaker 1: quick because we got to work together in the morning,
Speaker 1: all right.
Speaker 4: And you know, But and couples, it's healthy to have conflicts.
Speaker 5: It's healthy, all right.
Speaker 1: Next question here, and this is a practical one. A
Speaker 1: lot of couples deal with how do you handle your finances?
Speaker 1: Shared accounts, separate accounts? What do you all go with?
Speaker 8: We have both personal and shared, Yeah, and multiples of
Speaker 8: there's full there's there's full transparency. Yeah, he doesn't log
Speaker 8: into mind because there's really nothing there.
Speaker 6: That's okay.
Speaker 8: Everything's in the joint so we can both get in
Speaker 8: there and yeah, we.
Speaker 4: We have no issues with that. And as well, same
Speaker 4: thing with our cell phones. We share each other's pass pods,
Speaker 4: but we don't go into each other's. And again, full
Speaker 4: transparency in everything.
Speaker 1: Do you all do the life life three sixty? Thing
Speaker 1: where you all or something where you know where the
Speaker 1: other one is all the time? You can track.
Speaker 8: Them fause she knows where I am at all times.
Speaker 5: I have no idea of where she does use the
Speaker 5: app and I don't. It's amazing there.
Speaker 2: And how do you all divide the household chores like cooking, cleaning,
Speaker 2: to children, pets, et cetera.
Speaker 4: I take care of all the pets. We have two.
Speaker 4: We have two dogs, so that's my job, right.
Speaker 6: But he doesn't brush their teeth.
Speaker 4: I don't brush their teeth. She does that, and she
Speaker 4: gives them medication. I take care of the outside. I
Speaker 4: do all the heavy labor. I move the cars, takes
Speaker 4: out the trash, take out the trash. I do the
Speaker 4: dishes during the day, you know. But she does all
Speaker 4: the vacuuming and laundry right. And cooking, even though I
Speaker 4: love to, even though I.
Speaker 6: Loved She's a much better cook than I have.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I use I use spices.
Speaker 4: When we first got together, I think I lost about
Speaker 4: thirty pounds with her cooking.
Speaker 8: She would cooking. I was like a bra vegan. She
Speaker 8: would buy my sho She would.
Speaker 4: Make salads with like with with with you know, unneeded
Speaker 4: ingredients like like raisins and lots of the ballads.
Speaker 3: Do you like to make cast roles? I like to
Speaker 3: make cast roles.
Speaker 8: Oh, cast roles are good. I need bigger casserole dishes.
Speaker 8: I like them when they're nice and cheesy.
Speaker 3: Yes, same, TJ does not, And.
Speaker 8: You can prep them on Sunday and throw them in
Speaker 8: on likeay.
Speaker 4: So that's how that's how we divvy up stuff, and
Speaker 4: we divvy up everything, and we take the initiative to
Speaker 4: just do whatever we can.
Speaker 5: So you're amazing.
Speaker 4: She she will go into the house and just clean
Speaker 4: out a whole basement. That's her, that's her thing, and
Speaker 4: it will make it amazing. Hyper focused, hyper focus.
Speaker 1: Let me confirm again, how is the laundry specifically handled?
Speaker 1: Because couples give us different answers here, who handles the laundry?
Speaker 6: I do it all. Yeah.
Speaker 8: One time I asked Jeff quickly, honey, can you go
Speaker 8: to the dryer, grab Nova's socks, throw them downstairs and
Speaker 8: turn it back on.
Speaker 6: And I think.
Speaker 8: He paused, didn't know where the dryer was and nor
Speaker 8: where the power button was.
Speaker 5: That's true.
Speaker 4: Wow, And I was like, I'm focused on there, I'm
Speaker 4: focused on others.
Speaker 8: There.
Speaker 6: I haven't asked them to go in there.
Speaker 3: And that's funny.
Speaker 7: All.
Speaker 1: Next question here, now, how much alone time or time
Speaker 1: away from each other do you find you need.
Speaker 6: Alone time? As you know, with young children, you don't
Speaker 6: get any alone time.
Speaker 8: However, I feel like, well, I'm alone when I'm at
Speaker 8: work because I'm not with my children and my family
Speaker 8: and with my patients. But that feels alone to me
Speaker 8: sort of, if that makes sense, because I'm not.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but alone time I would assume from one another.
Speaker 6: From one another.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll answer that question if I may take. Okay,
Speaker 4: I don't need any alone time. I love being with them.
Speaker 4: I love being with all six of my children. You know,
Speaker 4: that's my thing. I just absolutely love it. However, we
Speaker 4: do get alone time when I travel, when I work
Speaker 4: in the city.
Speaker 5: You know, we are separated.
Speaker 4: In that way, but then we're on the phone zooming
Speaker 4: that whole time. But it does feel good. I have
Speaker 4: to be honest with you, to be away from you
Speaker 4: for a day or two because more than enough, because
Speaker 4: I miss you, and then when I see you, it's great.
Speaker 8: I miss the kids, and I honestly have trouble sleeping
Speaker 8: when he's not next to me.
Speaker 6: I'll put a pillow there and pretend it's him so
Speaker 6: I can fall asleep.
Speaker 3: That's really sweet.
Speaker 5: Used to it, you think to yourself, except except the
Speaker 5: pillow doesn't drew.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm going to ask the therapist. Have the
Speaker 2: two of you ever been to couple's therapy?
Speaker 5: Did we do couples therapy once? Oh that was my
Speaker 5: ex wife. No, it was my ex wife. Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, we've never been to couple's therapy, though we've talked
Speaker 4: about it a few times.
Speaker 8: My cousin, God bless her, brought it up and she said,
Speaker 8: but you should do it while things are good, and
Speaker 8: be proactive and do it prophylactically. And I said to
Speaker 8: my cousin, you are absolutely right. It's better to have
Speaker 8: the foundation there in a relationship with the therapist.
Speaker 6: That you like before it's needed. And I do believe
Speaker 6: in that.
Speaker 5: How do you guys feel about that?
Speaker 7: We?
Speaker 1: I think we're the same as what Amberger said. We
Speaker 1: wanted to go. We've been wanting to go find a
Speaker 1: therapist while we're in a good place and just go
Speaker 1: talk out and have a good time and get a
Speaker 1: referee in the room. And but Jeff, you you have
Speaker 1: been that for us. I mean, really, that's we talked
Speaker 1: some things out with you for everybody to hear. We
Speaker 1: didn't mean for that to be the case, but that was.
Speaker 1: We enjoyed that.
Speaker 5: Uh yeah, I think it's a very healthy thing. I'm sorry, Amy,
Speaker 5: Oh no, I think so too.
Speaker 2: And this has been my longest relationship outside of a marriage,
Speaker 2: and I think it's cool to work on it before
Speaker 2: you take that next step, which is something I hadn't
Speaker 2: done before.
Speaker 3: So yeah, it's it's been good.
Speaker 1: We're fans. Next question for you all here. Have you
Speaker 1: ever threatened to break up, leave, or get divorced in
Speaker 1: the middle of a heated argument?
Speaker 5: Have you? No? No?
Speaker 8: Well, and neither of I right, you use the words
Speaker 8: I'm done, but you has picked it up. Our son
Speaker 8: were like, I've done, I've done, and I'm like, I
Speaker 8: don't really know what that means.
Speaker 9: Like I think in the early I think, I think
Speaker 9: in the earlier years, maybe in the first two or
Speaker 9: three years, I might have said something like that, you know,
Speaker 9: but out of frustration I didn't mean it.
Speaker 4: But the advice I give folks, and we've already talked
Speaker 4: about that, is to not throw that divorce word around
Speaker 4: because many times it's an empty threat that can turn
Speaker 4: into something that can be very lethal and hurtful.
Speaker 5: So I don't think I've said anything like that.
Speaker 3: Is done.
Speaker 6: It upsets me.
Speaker 5: Well, she has.
Speaker 4: She has abandonment issues. Quite honestly, we're being true about that.
Speaker 4: Her parents divorced very young.
Speaker 6: Did much of the raise.
Speaker 5: Her father raised all the children. That's why when she.
Speaker 4: Met me and found out that I was raising four children,
Speaker 4: you know, as a father, she said, hey.
Speaker 5: Sexy, oh that's great. Be it ever so terrible? There's
Speaker 5: no place like home?
Speaker 1: Do do you have? Does Amber have an equivalent? Right?
Speaker 1: I mean you said he'll say I'm done. But does
Speaker 1: Amber say anything? Doctor Gard in the middle of a
Speaker 1: heated argument that anything like that, she's got nothing. Well,
Speaker 1: good for you, no, no, ye should talk groups.
Speaker 3: So what is the sweetest thing your partner has done
Speaker 3: for you?
Speaker 6: He always brings me flowers, yes, and not just like
Speaker 6: one bouquet, two or three.
Speaker 8: Yes, And I'm like, okay, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough.
Speaker 6: And then they just keep showing up, especially in the summer.
Speaker 4: In the summer, every Saturday or Sunday, I bring her
Speaker 4: red roses and then he.
Speaker 8: Gives them to our sun to then get on one
Speaker 8: knee and hand to me like he'll follow the directions.
Speaker 6: And that's it's just so stinking cute. And I'm like,
Speaker 6: thank you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And the most romantic thing that you've done for me
Speaker 4: is been an incredible mother along with their mother as
Speaker 4: far as raising my first four children and then giving
Speaker 4: me two more children. I think that's the most romantic thing,
Speaker 4: that's the most.
Speaker 1: That is so do these guys, that is really guys.
Speaker 1: I'm We'll say it. We'll talk about it plenty here
Speaker 1: with all the interviews we're doing, but we have gotten
Speaker 1: so much out of these interviews we're doing with couples.
Speaker 1: Really for us who still fairly new and navigating a
Speaker 1: lot of things, there's a lot of hope that comes
Speaker 1: out of the conversation with you. All. This is we've
Speaker 1: known you a long time doctor guard dear, but Amber,
Speaker 1: you've I guess you've added to the package here in
Speaker 1: a way we didn't. We didn't even realize it could
Speaker 1: be improved this much.
Speaker 5: But it's uh my secret weapon. A lot of people
Speaker 5: don't know about her.
Speaker 4: But you know, when you invited us, I think this
Speaker 4: is the first one of the first interviews we've done together.
Speaker 4: I think there are a few magazine articles way back
Speaker 4: when that we did for some friends. But you know,
Speaker 4: when you requested, of course, we said.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we do appreciate that. We just have a
Speaker 1: few more questions to get to here, and here is one.
Speaker 1: What would you all say to couples, a couple that's
Speaker 1: considering marriage, what is it that you would take the
Speaker 1: opportunity to tell them to make sure you consider this,
Speaker 1: you think about this, or even maybe you something you
Speaker 1: want to warn them about. A couple considering going down
Speaker 1: the aisle, what is it you would want to tell
Speaker 1: them first?
Speaker 8: I would say, take note that it doesn't change much
Speaker 8: in your relationship. It's not a magic on off button.
Speaker 8: There's nothing digital about marriage. It's it's all analog. It's
Speaker 8: it's this, it's from point A to point B, and
Speaker 8: it's it's a constant journey. And so the actual marriage
Speaker 8: doesn't change your relationship if you ask me in your head,
Speaker 8: if it does, that's great. However, it takes two to
Speaker 8: tango and it's a journey and nothing. Really the change
Speaker 8: is constant, right, that's the only constant. Growth is optional,
Speaker 8: So the growth part is important.
Speaker 5: I would say the first thing is prenup be don't
Speaker 5: believe it or not. We don't have a pre nup.
Speaker 4: So I'm just joking on that, but the lawyers would
Speaker 4: probably say, no, that's really good advice. I would say friendship.
Speaker 4: Have a friendship first. Let that be the foundation. Of
Speaker 4: the relationship, even if it's you know, a very physical attraction.
Speaker 4: But make sure that the friendship is in place and
Speaker 4: stays in place throughout the marriage. And of course transparency
Speaker 4: and you know, whatever you expect from your partner, make
Speaker 4: sure that you are ready to deliver the same thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, people thinking about what they're getting, not what they
Speaker 2: need to be giving.
Speaker 3: That's very important. I like that.
Speaker 2: So everyone describes the honeymoon phase of a relationship, and
Speaker 2: then you hear these very non romantic things like and
Speaker 2: then love is a decision, But how do you keep
Speaker 2: the romance alive after so many years?
Speaker 8: I feel like I just met my soulmate, and I
Speaker 8: cannot believe that it's already been more than a decade
Speaker 8: that I've been with this amazing person.
Speaker 6: So truth be told.
Speaker 8: For me, it's very easy that I look back and
Speaker 8: I think, like, I'm still enjoying my time.
Speaker 6: It's Jeff, and I'm still.
Speaker 8: Getting to know him, and so it's not that hard
Speaker 8: on my end, because I truly do believe in soulmates.
Speaker 6: I believe in that.
Speaker 8: I believe in they say the light between us.
Speaker 6: We spoke about it when we were saying.
Speaker 8: Our vowels that we're energies that are moving around each other,
Speaker 8: and when you meet that right energy, it just works.
Speaker 4: I would say, as we said earlier, make it, you know,
Speaker 4: put it on the checklist as to the things that
Speaker 4: you need to do to stay in love.
Speaker 5: And stay romantic. I think that's really important.
Speaker 4: The other thing that I think that really worked for us,
Speaker 4: as I know that it's worked for the two of you,
Speaker 4: is that we work out all the time, and so
Speaker 4: it's important for us to stay healthy for ourselves, but
Speaker 4: for one another to be present, to be able to
Speaker 4: work through whatever medical issues may be, to support one
Speaker 4: another in that way. But you know, staying physically and
Speaker 4: spiritually healthy I think really does help in a romance
Speaker 4: of a relationship.
Speaker 2: I love that, and I love that the two of
Speaker 2: you were willing to sit down and talk with us
Speaker 2: and so we can learn more about I just I
Speaker 2: have been so fascinated by how everybody who we've talked to.
Speaker 3: Who are all happy, have figured out how to be happy.
Speaker 2: But I you know, look, you guys are black, white, Jewish,
Speaker 2: non Jewish. You know, a twenty seven year age difference.
Speaker 2: You had everything working against you, and yet look at you.
Speaker 5: That's right, that's right.
Speaker 6: It was tough.
Speaker 4: The greatest love story never told.
Speaker 5: Yes, right now it's being.
Speaker 3: Told, and it's going to end a lot better than
Speaker 3: j LO.
Speaker 1: And I'm still.
Speaker 3: Okay, they could still reconcile, right.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm hoping for them.
Speaker 1: Actually, to me, I am genuine hoping for those two still.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, because they had that friendship thing. I know.
Speaker 2: I know, well doctor Jeff Gardier, doctor Amber Brodie who's
Speaker 2: soon to become doctor Amber Guardier.
Speaker 5: Yes, that is the one contention that we have.
Speaker 4: I think it's taken way too long for her to
Speaker 4: do that, right, that is the one conflict that we've had.
Speaker 4: Like I give you that that stink face when you say, oh,
Speaker 4: I'll do it.
Speaker 5: I'm like.
Speaker 6: So busy with patients. There's like this much time.
Speaker 8: You have to go to the Social Security Office, right,
Speaker 8: go to the DMV. I have to change three DA.
Speaker 1: Licenses three doctor guardian three.
Speaker 6: That's a lot EA licenses.
Speaker 8: Like that's like you know the Drug Enforcement Agency of
Speaker 8: the United States.
Speaker 4: Well, you better do it, you better do it while
Speaker 4: we still have a drug enforcement We're not going to
Speaker 4: get into politics here, but you know what I'm talking.
Speaker 1: You know what this wasn't on the list, but I'm
Speaker 1: curious about that. How important do you all think it
Speaker 1: is a woman that changes her last name once they
Speaker 1: get married. Robock has a look on her face right now.
Speaker 2: I've been married twice and I've never changed my last name.
Speaker 2: It certainly worked out well for me in that sense.
Speaker 2: Stand in any lines ever, that would have been annoying.
Speaker 5: So I think it's I think it's up to the couple,
Speaker 5: but you feeling.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think one of the things that you were
Speaker 4: talking about was actually hyphenating.
Speaker 5: Right for Brody, guard.
Speaker 8: Take my middle name, which I'm sorry, my last name,
Speaker 8: which happens to be used as a first and middle
Speaker 8: name anyway, Brody, we all know many Brody's. Throw it
Speaker 8: in the middle, that's easy, and then put Guardier at
Speaker 8: the end.
Speaker 4: Right. Brady never asked her to do it, but it's
Speaker 4: something that she said she would do. And because she
Speaker 4: said she would do it, then I would if you
Speaker 4: insisted on keeping the last name Brody, I wouldn't have
Speaker 4: a problem with that. But Guardier sounds a whole lot nice.
Speaker 6: So don't you think it's a fully French name.
Speaker 4: Well, there you go, and it's a Haitian name, and
Speaker 4: we need you in the Haitian core.
Speaker 1: It would be weird though, to doctor Guardian all the
Speaker 1: doctor Guardia in my head is bald and has glasses.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine picture.
Speaker 3: Just Brody Guardier, Brody gard Okay, there you go.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, really, it is so good to see
Speaker 1: you all's faces, and we hope to see y'all in
Speaker 1: here in studio possibly, but certainly when you all learn
Speaker 1: the city. Let us know. Doctor Guardier, doctor Brody, thank
Speaker 1: you all so so much for this all.
Speaker 4: Right, great to see you both, Amy and TJ.
Speaker 5: Thank you, I thank you