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Speaker 1: You have to do all the work, and you have

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Speaker 1: to be brave enough to put yourself out there. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes a lightning bolt is going to strike from the

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Speaker 1: heavens and it's going to work out. And sometimes it's

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Speaker 1: just not going to flow, and it's going to be

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Speaker 1: one of those days that it doesn't work. But if

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Speaker 1: you're not willing to put yourself up there and to

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Speaker 1: put yourself in a position to be great, you're never

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Speaker 1: going to be great.

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Speaker 2: Hey everyone, Emily a body here.

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Speaker 3: You are listening to a very special episode, episode one

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Speaker 3: seventy one of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast, writ I

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Speaker 3: sit down with inspiring individuals to talk about big wins,

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Speaker 3: tough moments, and everything in between. On the show, what

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Speaker 3: you can expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions with everyone

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Speaker 3: from top athletes and CEOs tom firing entrepreneurs on what

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Speaker 3: it really takes to follow your passions. My mission is

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Speaker 3: simple to inspire you to be your best self, move

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Speaker 3: with intention, and have some fun along the way. And

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Speaker 3: honestly saying that all together, the phrase have some fun

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Speaker 3: along the way literally couldn't describe today's episode today's guest anymore.

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Speaker 3: I am resurfacing my conversation with Mollie's sidel from early

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Speaker 3: twenty nineteen. Because Mollie earned the bronze medal in the

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Speaker 3: Olympic Marathon. She's only the third ever woman to ever

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Speaker 3: medal in this event, including past Turtle guest Dina Castor

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Speaker 3: as well as Joan Benoit Samuelson. And get this, she

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Speaker 3: did this in her third ever marathon. I was watching

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Speaker 3: it at my dad's house in Trumbull. I was absolutely geeked, crying,

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Speaker 3: so overwhelmed with emotion and just so amped knowing her journey,

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Speaker 3: knowing her story, which I am so excited to bring

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Speaker 3: back to the feed today. This episode was originally episode

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Speaker 3: one hundred and it was the last recording in person

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Speaker 3: of Hurdle before the pandemic. Just so crazy to think

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Speaker 3: how much has happened since then. We recorded it in

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Speaker 3: Molly's then home in Boston, sitting on her couch, and

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Speaker 3: it was just a really special opportunity. Not long after

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Speaker 3: she had placed at the US Olympic Marathon Trials down

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Speaker 3: in Atlanta. For today's episode, Mollie talks about how she

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Speaker 3: earned her spot at the Olympics. Fun fact that Olympic

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Speaker 3: Trials was her first ever marathon back in early twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 3: She qualified to be there based off for her half

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Speaker 3: marathon time. We talk about how she braved so so

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Speaker 3: so many hurdles to get there, including battling obsessive compulsive disorder,

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Speaker 3: disordered eating, and a string of injuries that at so

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Speaker 3: many times set her back seriously. It is the most

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Speaker 3: beautiful story of perseverance of mind and body. And ever

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Speaker 3: since meeting her and having this conversation, I have been

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Speaker 3: enamored by her. I am just so in awe of

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Speaker 3: how today she has emerged after all of this adversity

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Speaker 3: as such a strong athlete for sure, but really just

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Speaker 3: such an admirable woman at.

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Speaker 2: Twenty seven years old.

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Speaker 3: She has made such unbelievable strides in this sport, and

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Speaker 3: I am so excited understatement of the year, to continue

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Speaker 3: to follow her amazingness going forward. Fun fact, back at

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Speaker 3: the trials, Molly's marathon time was two twenty seven thirty one.

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Speaker 3: That's a five thirty eight mile average overall. In the

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Speaker 3: Olympic Marathon, she ran a two twenty seven forty six,

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Speaker 3: so basically in obscene heat and conditions and humidity, Mollie's perseverance,

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Speaker 3: her strength, her tenacity just shone through. I am just

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Speaker 3: so so geeked for her and again so excited to

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Speaker 3: bring this conversation back to the feed and share her story.

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Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to the opportunity of regrouping with Mollie

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Speaker 3: in the near future, so say tuned on that. Obviously,

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Speaker 3: so much more that we can bring into the mix

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Speaker 3: since this original conversation in early twenty nineteen. I am

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Speaker 3: also super super super stoked because Hurdle Merch is officially available. Sweatshirts,

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Speaker 3: hats and mugs. Link to snag yours is in the

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Speaker 3: show notes follow along with Hurdle at Hurdle Podcast. I'm

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Speaker 3: over at Emily a body with that. Let's get to hurdling.

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Speaker 1: Today.

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Speaker 4: I'm sitting down with Mollie Sidel. She is a pro

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Speaker 4: runner assume to be Olympian that will never get old.

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Speaker 1: No, it really doesn't.

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Speaker 5: And every time my heart kind of like jumps a

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Speaker 5: little bit.

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Speaker 4: I feel excited and a little bit honored that I'm

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Speaker 4: sitting here on your couch.

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Speaker 2: We're in Boston.

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Speaker 4: I am really just kind of in awe of you,

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Speaker 4: as I think a lot of people are right now.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's a I'm vastly underwhelming when people

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Speaker 1: actually made me. I had a girl tell me the

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Speaker 1: other day She's like, I expected you to be taller. Like, okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond to that.

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Speaker 4: I'm sure you're kind of interacting with a lot of

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Speaker 4: people for the first time right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, it's wild because in the lead up to

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Speaker 1: the trials, a lot of a lot of pro runners,

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Speaker 1: like myself, we kind of like it's almost like this

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Speaker 1: monastic life, like you really kind of narrow in focus.

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Speaker 1: I was actually out in Flagstaff, Arizona, so it was

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Speaker 1: kind of like a very like focus on your training,

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Speaker 1: like you're not really going out a whole lot. It's

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Speaker 1: just like you're nailing your one hundred and fifteen one

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Speaker 1: hundred and twenty miles a week and that's your life.

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Speaker 1: And now it's like I get back to Boston where

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Speaker 1: all my friends are here, it's just a very Boston

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Speaker 1: is a huge running community in general, and so now

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Speaker 1: it's really weird. Like before I could just like bang

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Speaker 1: out my runs on the river and kind of like

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Speaker 1: put my hat down and go, And now I've even

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Speaker 1: just today I got stopped by a girl I always

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Speaker 1: like want to be polite and friendly and introduce myself,

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Speaker 1: and I'm also like I kind of need to finish

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Speaker 1: my run kind of in a little bit of a rush.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, I'm technically working right now, and I mean forget

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Speaker 4: in real life, but I can't even imagine what the

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Speaker 4: outreach has been on social media. And I mean, I'm

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Speaker 4: sure other wonderful journalists are reaching out to you as well,

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Speaker 4: so it's probably just a lot.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot. It's been pretty crazy. I also

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Speaker 1: like try to keep the perspective of, like if I

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Speaker 1: start to like get overwhelmed or get kind of like cranky,

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Speaker 1: like I just want to like go back to just

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Speaker 1: my little, boring life, I try to remember that this

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Speaker 1: is ultimately very good for the sport of women's running

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Speaker 1: because we don't necessarily get a whole lot of press.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people don't know what professional running is

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Speaker 1: or follow professional road racing, so it is really exciting

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Speaker 1: that all of a sudden people are really excited about it,

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Speaker 1: and it's an Olympic year, it's kind of the prime

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Speaker 1: time to capitalize on it and let people know like

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Speaker 1: what our sport is about.

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Speaker 4: I love it, and so for those that might not

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Speaker 4: be in the loop. Molly came in second at the

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Speaker 4: Olympic marathon trials with a two twenty seven thirty one.

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Speaker 4: That's a five thirty eight mile for twenty six point

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Speaker 4: two miles.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: See, that's the funny thing.

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Speaker 1: If somebody had told me that beforehand that I would

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Speaker 1: be able to run that on that course, I definitely

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have believed them.

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Speaker 5: I wouldn't believe them if they told me I was

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Speaker 5: going to get second.

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Speaker 1: But I was definitely nervous going into it with it

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Speaker 1: being a bit of a rookie in this area about

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Speaker 1: holding that kind of pace for that long. So sometimes

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Speaker 1: you just have to You just have to do it

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Speaker 1: before you're ready to do it.

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Speaker 4: And I mean you just said the keyword there, rookie.

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Speaker 4: So all of the headlines it's Mollie runs first ever marathon,

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Speaker 4: qualifies for the Olympics. So explain how that works to

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Speaker 4: people who might not totally understand how you just showed

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Speaker 4: up and ran your first marathon.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, going to the Olympics.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I think a lot of people have been a

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Speaker 1: little bit confused because a lot of the headlines have

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Speaker 1: been maybe exaggerating of it like girl literally runs the

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Speaker 1: first time in her life and qualifies for the Olympics. Incredible.

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Speaker 1: And I work the part time in a bakery as well,

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Speaker 1: so it's like.

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Speaker 5: Bisa takes two hour coffee break and runs marathon.

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Speaker 1: I being a professional runner, I I do run a lot.

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Speaker 1: I've been running since high school. I ran for many

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Speaker 1: years for the University of Notre Dame at the collegiate level,

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Speaker 1: but I was primarily five k and ten k, so

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Speaker 1: that's three miles and six miles. And as I transitioned

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Speaker 1: to pro running after college, I moved up a little bit,

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Speaker 1: was doing slightly longer races, but it's only within the

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Speaker 1: past I would say four months at this point that

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Speaker 1: I've moved up to the half marathon and now the marathon.

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Speaker 1: So it was I was training at a pretty high

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Speaker 1: level going into this. By no means was I like

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Speaker 1: couch to five k or couch to marathon. I'd been

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Speaker 1: training upwards of about like one hundred miles a week.

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Speaker 1: I've had many interruptions with injury, but it wasn't necessarily

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Speaker 1: a challenge to ramp up to marathon training. My body

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Speaker 1: handled it pretty well because I've got basically oh God,

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Speaker 1: now I feel like I'm going to date myself. I'm

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Speaker 1: twenty five now. I've been doing this since I was

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Speaker 1: about fourteen and running consistently every single day, So yeah,

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Speaker 1: basically eleven years at this point.

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Speaker 4: What made you decide to ramp up and go for

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Speaker 4: the longer distances?

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Speaker 1: Basically, I have struggled a lot over the past several

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Speaker 1: years with injury and things. I just felt like I

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Speaker 1: was hitting my head against the wall and kept getting hurt,

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Speaker 1: kept getting hurt doing this five K ten K training.

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Speaker 1: I ended up leaving the training group that I was

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Speaker 1: with over the summer, specifically for or that was a

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Speaker 1: major part of it.

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Speaker 5: It just wasn't really working anymore.

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Speaker 1: I have so much respect for my previous coach, but

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Speaker 1: it was just frustrating for the both of us that

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Speaker 1: I couldn't do the kind of training that he wanted

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Speaker 1: me to do. When I began to be coached by

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Speaker 1: my current coach, who's a good friend of mine, who

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Speaker 1: was a Soccony teammate of my teammate of mine, John Green,

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Speaker 1: we kind of came to the realization that my body

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Speaker 1: really thrives off of super high mileage, longer tempo runs.

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Speaker 1: The type of training that a marathon or would traditionally do,

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Speaker 1: as opposed to past interval workouts that a track athlete

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Speaker 1: would do. So he was like, let's try this out.

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Speaker 1: We'll see if you're mileage can get up. Just build

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Speaker 1: a good base, get aerobically strong, and then we'll see

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Speaker 1: what happens. And I was feeling really healthy, really strong,

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Speaker 1: and he thought it would be fun to hop in

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Speaker 1: a half marathon. Jumped in a half marathon in December,

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Speaker 1: qualified for the Olympic trials, and we figured, hey, it'll

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Speaker 1: be a cool experience, like we'll go out and then

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Speaker 1: maybe a couple of years from now, when you're a

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Speaker 1: little bit older, when you're closer to the age that

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Speaker 1: women traditionally start moving up to the marathon, then you'll

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Speaker 1: then you can try and be competitive.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, this was all kind of a big shock.

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Speaker 1: Like going in and with my first marathon build up

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Speaker 1: really going a lot better than I expected.

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Speaker 2: And I love what you told runners were old.

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Speaker 4: You said you were going into it and keeping an

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Speaker 4: open mind knowing how much it's going to hurt, and

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Speaker 4: prepared for that amount of pain, the idea of pain

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Speaker 4: and running, and I feel like I've been talking about

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Speaker 4: this a lot lately because it's so true.

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Speaker 2: The pain is part of what you sign up for.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think a lot of people assume that when

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Speaker 1: you get to the pro level of running that it

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Speaker 1: doesn't hurt anymore. That if like, it's this idea that

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Speaker 1: if you get fast enough that it won't hurt anymore,

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Speaker 1: and if anything is the opposite, I think it. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's funny because I think I'm the biggest change in

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Speaker 1: going from high school to college professional running is your

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Speaker 1: relationship with the discomfort of running changes and you're able

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Speaker 1: to kind of like come to terms with it and

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Speaker 1: handle it, because that's running at its core, is just

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Speaker 1: being uncomfortable for a long period of time and like

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Speaker 1: battling inside your own head of your brain constantly telling

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Speaker 1: you to stop. And I hate to admit how many

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Speaker 1: times in races I have had the thought of, like,

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Speaker 1: you should just stop right now, and it's like, nope,

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Speaker 1: I can't stop. I have to keep going.

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Speaker 4: I think it's probably pretty refreshing for people to hear

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Speaker 4: that you still feel that way for people who are,

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Speaker 4: you know, maybe even just starting out. Yeah, So, speaking

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Speaker 4: of starting out, you didn't just show up in Atlanta

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Speaker 4: a contrary to some of the headlines, and.

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Speaker 1: We're super oblivious about things in many senses. I had

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Speaker 1: no idea how much to warm up for before a marathon,

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Speaker 1: because for road races and shorter stuff, we warm up

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Speaker 1: twenty minutes or three miles, and so I was assuming

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Speaker 1: that i'd do the same thing for a marathon. And

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Speaker 1: I like asked a couple of people. They're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, no, you don't warm up for a marathon.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna be running for twenty six miles. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm really glad, I asked.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad I didn't go run an extra three.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly because that my coach is like, why would

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Speaker 5: you do that.

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Speaker 1: You'd be running like thirty two miles that day then,

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Speaker 1: so extra I know.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so you didn't just show up and run.

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Speaker 1: I did not just show up.

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Speaker 4: You said you grew up running, But talk to me

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Speaker 4: about where you grew up, what you what your interaction

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Speaker 4: was with sport from a young age.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, grew up grew up running in Wisconsin. Basically, I

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Speaker 1: went to a super super super small school, Like my

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Speaker 1: graduating class was thirteen kids. Grew up in Wisconsin, and

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Speaker 1: I knew that I loved running, but I was doing

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Speaker 1: a lot of other sports as well. I played field hockey,

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Speaker 1: ski racing was our main sport that was kind of

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Speaker 1: like our school's pride and joy. So those were kind

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Speaker 1: of like my main sports. But I knew that I

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Speaker 1: loved running, and I knew I was good at it.

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Speaker 1: I basically got into it through my church. They had

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Speaker 1: a church team and they needed extra kids for like

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Speaker 1: the Catholic School League, and they let me join through

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Speaker 1: my CCD and found out that I was pretty good

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Speaker 1: at it. But at the same time, this was like

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Speaker 1: a pretty pretty small pond to be running in. So

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Speaker 1: by the time I got into high school and I

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Speaker 1: was the only person on our track team, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, I hope that, like I can still

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Speaker 1: be competitive and ended up in going out and winning

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Speaker 1: quite a few state titles at the Wisconsin state level.

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Speaker 2: Is that just constant one on one coaching.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So it was basically my school track coach, Brian Borkowski,

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Speaker 1: who I'm still super super close with. He was just like, well,

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Speaker 1: if you need someone to coach you too, like I'll

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Speaker 1: like come and like run with you after school, like

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Speaker 1: if you want to him Like, yeah, that would be great.

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Speaker 1: And he was actually pretty much the first person that

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Speaker 1: got me kind of dreaming of someday doing the marathon

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Speaker 1: because he would do Boston every year, and in my mind,

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Speaker 1: Brian was just like the coolest individual.

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Speaker 5: I was like, oh my god, he goes.

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Speaker 1: Out and like runs the Boston Marathon and does all

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Speaker 1: this training and he's still super fast, and he'll run

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Speaker 1: my workouts with me.

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Speaker 5: And like, at the time, I was running like twenty

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Speaker 5: miles a week.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't anything for him to like run this extra

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Speaker 1: stuff with me, but he just showed me how to

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Speaker 1: love running. Like he just loved running so thoroughly that

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Speaker 1: it showed me that, like, running is this thing that yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's hard, it's painful, but at the same time, like

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Speaker 1: it is just like it brings you together with people,

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Speaker 1: it helps you find confidence in yourself, and it's it's

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Speaker 1: this sport that's just so much more than just running

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Speaker 1: in circles. Right, So I really am so grateful for

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Speaker 1: him for teaching me how to love running despite all

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Speaker 1: the challenges that it brings.

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Speaker 4: Did you find in high school then that your love

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Speaker 4: for running was kind of a lonely experience If you

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Speaker 4: didn't have a ton of people to do it with

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Speaker 4: aside from your coach.

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Speaker 1: See that's the thing. I never feel like running alone

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Speaker 1: is lonely for me. And I don't know if part

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Speaker 1: of that is developed from so much time running alone,

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Speaker 1: because Brian would only be able to meet up a

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Speaker 1: couple times a week. So yeah, about half the time

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Speaker 1: I was running solo, and then during cross country season,

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Speaker 1: I'd basically be running alone for the majority of the season.

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Speaker 1: And I had to learn a lot of self reliance,

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Speaker 1: I guess, not that I didn't have other people supporting

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Speaker 1: me and helping me, like my family was super supportive.

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Speaker 1: I had a lot of friends through the sport, but yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's I think I had to develop that sense of like,

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Speaker 1: regardless of whether there are people to run with, whether

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Speaker 1: or not the weather is good or bad or whatnot,

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Speaker 1: you just go out and run regardless. And I think

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Speaker 1: that really helps nowadays because I do. I do a

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Speaker 1: lot of my training solo, and I run a lot

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Speaker 1: more now than I was in high school, and so

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Speaker 1: it's just being able to get that like internal drive

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Speaker 1: or I don't know it, probably the fact that I

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Speaker 1: have OCD probably plays into it a little bit. Of

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Speaker 1: just like it's really not a struggle to like go

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Speaker 1: out every day because I'm a little bit obsessive. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh no, I just I have to go out and

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Speaker 1: do it. And after a while, it doesn't even become

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Speaker 1: a choice. It's just like brushing your teeth. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of like, oh, it's not a question of whether I'm

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Speaker 1: running today. I am running today, right.

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Speaker 4: I actually said that to my dad the other day

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Speaker 4: about going to the gym. He just got a membership

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Speaker 4: with the Why and I was like, you just need

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Speaker 4: to establish what days are your gym days, and then

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Speaker 4: you'll wake up and it'll be Tuesday and it's like, okay,

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Speaker 4: it's Jim Days gym day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: That's just it taking the guesswork out of it so

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Speaker 4: you can make it actually a habit, and then that

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Speaker 4: keeps you accountable obviously.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because when it's when you don't have to like

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Speaker 1: make a conscious decision every day of like oh do

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Speaker 1: I want to run, like do it like the weather's

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Speaker 1: not good, like factoring all that in like it's so hard.

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Speaker 5: But if it's just like in.

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Speaker 1: Your mind like oh nope, going out and doing this,

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Speaker 1: it's just not it's just automatic. It takes out that

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Speaker 1: extra guesswork and it makes it that much easier to

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Speaker 1: get out the door.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's why people love training for marathons, right,

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Speaker 4: because it brings another level of consistency and regularity and

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Speaker 4: kind of makes you feel like you have your life

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Speaker 4: together even when you might not, just because you have

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Speaker 4: a schedule to follow. You have something that just feels

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Speaker 4: constant when everything around you might feel a little bit chaotic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and that's the times in my life where

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Speaker 1: I've had running and taken away from me. So like

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Speaker 1: during injuries per se it, I do notice just how unstructured.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm just like a drift kind of

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Speaker 1: and I have no way of like, yeah, I just

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Speaker 1: feel like my days are just kind of lost then,

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Speaker 1: And it doesn't help that this is my job. So

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Speaker 1: imagine then, like not only do you not like have

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Speaker 1: running with the endorphins and the the structure that it gives,

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Speaker 1: but then it's like I just don't have anything to do,

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Speaker 1: so right, yeah, that can be. That was a real

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Speaker 1: real struggle, especially like over the past several years. Once

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Speaker 1: this was like my full.

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Speaker 2: Time job totally.

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Speaker 4: So in high school, you win a few state championships

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Speaker 4: and then you go to Notre Dame.

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Speaker 1: So I ended up I won nationals for cross country

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Speaker 1: my senior year of high school, so it got a

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Speaker 1: scholarship to Notre Dame, which I was just like so

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Speaker 1: excited about. It was the chance to like get college

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Speaker 1: paid for it just because I can run in circles.

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Speaker 1: Kind of still blows my mind a little bit. But

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Speaker 1: I went to Notre Dame, had an incredible team around me,

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Speaker 1: but really struggled my first two years. I struggled with

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Speaker 1: a lot of injuries. I ended up my freshman year

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Speaker 1: having mold in my dorm room, so I was really really,

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Speaker 1: really really sick.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was just not a great situation, and it

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Speaker 1: was it was hard. I thought by the end of

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Speaker 1: my sophomore year, I was considering quitting the cross country

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Speaker 1: team just because I couldn't get anything together. I was

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Speaker 1: just so hurt. I was just in pain all the

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Speaker 1: time and it just wasn't fun anymore. And I ended

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Speaker 1: up basically like I didn't qualify for regionals my sophomore year,

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Speaker 1: just kind of like pieced out, went and did research

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Speaker 1: down in Argentina for the summer, and it was just

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Speaker 1: like kind of fell back in love with it because

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Speaker 1: it was running regularly and doing really high mileage. Was

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Speaker 1: a great way to fight some of the culture shock

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Speaker 1: because I was the only American on.

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Speaker 5: The crew that I was with, So yeah, kind of

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Speaker 5: fell in love with it.

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Speaker 1: And when I came back, we ended up getting a

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Speaker 1: new coach that year, and Sparks just kind of changed

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Speaker 1: my entire collegiate career.

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Speaker 4: And you mentioned before that you had OCD, So when

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Speaker 4: did you start seeing that develop?

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Speaker 1: That was through high school just being around like my

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Speaker 1: family and the structure of that. It really helped being

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Speaker 1: able to and I think it's lower stress in high school.

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Speaker 1: Mine comes out a lot more when I'm under high

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Speaker 1: stress situations, high pressure. So it really started kind of

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Speaker 1: like becoming this really big negative influence on my life

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Speaker 1: during college, just because I was under so much stress

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Speaker 1: with school, so much stress with running, and I didn't

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Speaker 1: have good ways of managing that anxiety. And that's ultimately

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Speaker 1: what OCD is. It's you have all this anxiety and

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Speaker 1: you develop control mechanisms to try and feel some sense

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Speaker 1: of relief or some sense of control over the world

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Speaker 1: that just feels like it's spinning out of control.

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Speaker 2: So what were some of your control mechanisms.

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Speaker 1: Knocking was a big one for me. I would like

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Speaker 1: knock especially on wood, in like repetitive patterns, saying things

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Speaker 1: over and over to myself when it gets really bad.

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Speaker 1: I would like flip light switches, like you can't like

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Speaker 1: leave a room until you've done certain things of like,

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Speaker 1: oh I check things. I flip the light switch on,

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Speaker 1: like obsessively checking like ovens. And I was pretty good

431
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Speaker 1: at like hiding it from a lot of people because

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Speaker 1: I real, like, you know, consciously like this is super weird.

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Speaker 1: I don't like you consciously know that it's not necessary

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Speaker 1: to do these things, but you have to do it,

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Speaker 1: like your body almost like you just feel this sense

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Speaker 1: of dread if you don't. And then obviously it would

437
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Speaker 1: reflect in my running sometimes I would kind of obsessively

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Speaker 1: seek out mileage.

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Speaker 5: And then ultimately it came down to eating.

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00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it developed into really negative disordered eating habits.

441
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 2: Talk to me a little bit about that.

442
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,200
Speaker 1: A lot of that it doesn't necessarily stem from body

443
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 1: image issues though that is a huge problem in our sport,

444
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: this idea that you need to be very thin. I

445
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 1: was kind of like obsessively purging at certain times, so

446
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:45,679
Speaker 1: making myself throw up. That was more towards like the

447
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:50,240
Speaker 1: early end of college. And yeah, just like only eating

448
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,920
Speaker 1: certain kinds of foods, eating certain amounts, and yeah, it's

449
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 1: just finding ways to like exert control over the world

450
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:01,359
Speaker 1: by controlling something like what you put into your body

451
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: is something so easily that you can control. So when

452
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: you're like I can't, like I feel like everything is

453
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: just like spinning out of my like out of my control,

454
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 1: I'm able to just like manage this one thing.

455
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,159
Speaker 2: Right here, right.

456
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 4: And so a lot of people casually will say, oh,

457
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 4: I have the worst OCD.

458
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 1: I hate it when people say that, Like, and I realize,

459
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: like I think, I think there are a lot of

460
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:29,159
Speaker 1: people in the world who do have OCD tendencies. But

461
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,200
Speaker 1: like saying like I wash my hands all the time,

462
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,640
Speaker 1: I'm so OCD, or like I just need to make

463
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 1: sure my room is clean. I'm so OCD. I'm like,

464
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: you don't know what real OCD is, Like it's a nightmare. Yeah,

465
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,119
Speaker 1: And it's like it's just these repetitive thoughts. And sometimes

466
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 1: it's this feeling that your brain is like a radio

467
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,119
Speaker 1: that's turned up to like full volume and it's just

468
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 1: these repetitive thoughts. You can't get them to quiet down,

469
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 1: and you can't focus on the world because your brain

470
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: is just so loud and so it's it's hard. But

471
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: I think like people who actually are really struggling with

472
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: it like getting help and like seeking therapy. For me, ultimately,

473
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:13,239
Speaker 1: that was the biggest thing for me, is learning how

474
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 1: to manage it. It's like my life is so drastically

475
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:18,720
Speaker 1: different now than it was, and I've been on and

476
00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:23,160
Speaker 1: auth medication for it. Ultimately, like meditation actually really helps.

477
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,840
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be good with it. And I know

478
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 1: that sounds so like millennial of like, oh yeah, I'm

479
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 1: meditating every day, but like that actually has been a

480
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,360
Speaker 1: super big thing for me. And then just running, even

481
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 1: though some of my OCD tendencies exert themselves on my running,

482
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 1: my running is a very good way to manage my OCD.

483
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:46,120
Speaker 1: Something about like the rhythmic nature clearing my mind. It's

484
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 1: just like sometimes I feel like my brain doesn't fit

485
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 1: with my body. Sometimes it's just like my brain is

486
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:56,239
Speaker 1: just exploding, and then I go for a run and

487
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: it's like my brain finally fits inside it me, Like

488
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,159
Speaker 1: everything just makes sense and everything sinks up in a

489
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 1: way that I feel like my truest self when I'm

490
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: out running, And I think that's ultimately why I love

491
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 1: running so much, because this is the only time that

492
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,280
Speaker 1: I feel like my brain works.

493
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 2: I can relate with that for sure.

494
00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 4: And I mean when it came to dealing with your

495
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 4: OCD and then what eventually became disordered eating when you

496
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 4: got help, was it because that you were ready to

497
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,199
Speaker 4: seek it or was it because that people started to

498
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 4: catch on to the fact that you had a lot

499
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,640
Speaker 4: of ticks per se, So.

500
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: It was it was a combination of things. I originally

501
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: early in college started going and seeing just wanted the

502
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,399
Speaker 1: Notre Dame like counseling center therapists because I knew this

503
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,360
Speaker 1: was a problem and it was really affecting me. It's

504
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: like when it gets to a point of like that

505
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: you feel like you it's disrupting your normal life, that's

506
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: when it gets really hard. So in terms of my OCD,

507
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 1: that was something that I was able to, like, I

508
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:04,199
Speaker 1: identify that I needed help on, sought out help, and

509
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,479
Speaker 1: learned of ways to manage it a bit better. In

510
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 1: terms of my eating disorder, which then kind of took

511
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 1: on a life of its own that was much more

512
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:17,280
Speaker 1: of like I was in such denial about it. And

513
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: I think because of how our sport is structured, the

514
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: normal control stops of like when you see someone losing

515
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 1: a lot of weight, like struggling mentally, that isn't something

516
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:32,919
Speaker 1: that kicks in quite as early as it would in

517
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 1: other realms, just because with running, it's like this idea

518
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: that like, oh you look so fit, you look so lean,

519
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: you look so ready to race, that in other spaces

520
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 1: would have been like, oh, you look really unhealthy, like

521
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: you aren't well right now. But I was running so well.

522
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: I was winning NCAA championships. This was later in college,

523
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: just as more my junior senior year, and I ended

524
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 1: up having probably lost about twenty pounds at that point.

525
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,439
Speaker 1: But it was that I was running so well and

526
00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,639
Speaker 1: I looked so quote unquote fit that things were okay.

527
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: And I thought things were okay because I had moved

528
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 1: past the point where I was knocking on things all

529
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 1: the time, where I was forcing myself obsessively to purge

530
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 1: that now it had transformed into kind of this life

531
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: of its own. I think that's what's insidious about it,

532
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,280
Speaker 1: is that with mental health issues. It can so quickly

533
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: transform into one thing.

534
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I.

535
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: Can go from one thing to another. So I was like,

536
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem anymore. But it became fairly

537
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: apparent by the end of my senior year that there

538
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: was a huge problem once I had gotten so new

539
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,159
Speaker 1: putritionally deprived that my bones started breaking.

540
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 4: Talk to me about a what were you actually putting

541
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 4: into your body at this time, because you mentioned that

542
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,360
Speaker 4: you were so particular about the foods that were okay

543
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 4: and the foods that were not okay.

544
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:50,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was. I won my first NCAA

545
00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,960
Speaker 1: championship at the end of my junior year. I think

546
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 1: it was kind of this idea of, oh, if I

547
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 1: want to win national championships for cross country, which is

548
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: arguably one of the hardest running national championships to win,

549
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,120
Speaker 1: just because it's so competitive, I was like, I need

550
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: to be all in on every sense in my life.

551
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: So I was running super high mileage, at least for

552
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: a collegiate athlete. I was running aboute hundred miles a week.

553
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 1: But then I was eating all the things that I

554
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 1: thought were I was supposed to, that were quote unquote clean,

555
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,439
Speaker 1: that were healthy, like good proteins, fats. I wasn't like

556
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: cutting out anything by any means. But I actually I

557
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:32,199
Speaker 1: was gluten free at the time because I thought that

558
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:34,880
Speaker 1: I had like my stomach would get super upset when

559
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 1: I had certain foods. But it was just because I

560
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: was so nutritionally deprived that like my body couldn't handle it.

561
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,480
Speaker 1: I guess, which I've found out since then, But yeah,

562
00:28:44,520 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 1: I was probably the volume of food. I was nowhere

563
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,840
Speaker 1: near the amount of calories that I needed to be eating,

564
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: but I was still eating a lot, so I was

565
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,360
Speaker 1: able to kind of like fly under the radar.

566
00:28:56,720 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 5: So I was eating the amount that probably someone.

567
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: Who was running fifty miles a week should be eating,

568
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 1: but I was running double that, and so I just

569
00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:08,040
Speaker 1: slowly kept losing more and more weight, but I kept

570
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 1: running faster and faster and faster. Throughout that senior year.

571
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 1: It was like I came in it probably I won

572
00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: my first NCAA championship that passed spring at one hundred

573
00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: and twelve. Came in after the summer having just trained

574
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: so hard, not eating enough, eating so quote unquote clean.

575
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 1: I was probably one o five one oh six. Then

576
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: going to the next season at one hundred and every time,

577
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: because you keep running faster, you think, oh, this is

578
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: my new racing weight, like this, this is what I

579
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,880
Speaker 1: should be at. And then by the time I got

580
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: to the spring and summer of my senior year, which

581
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,680
Speaker 1: was the twenty sixteen Olympic Trials, where I was just

582
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: so obsessed with making an Olympic team. I had my

583
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: world standard for the five k, but I was probably

584
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: ninety five pounds and just so unwell mentally and physically,

585
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 1: and that was that was the breaking point. I broke

586
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,360
Speaker 1: my back and my sake rum in quick six session

587
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 1: and just didn't even make it to line at the trials,

588
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:06,520
Speaker 1: And that was kind of like the rock bottom moment

589
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: that I knew, like, you can't keep doing this, You're

590
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 1: going to kill yourself.

591
00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 4: When you have this moment, is it a conversation you're

592
00:30:16,120 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 4: having with yourself or does it quickly become a conversation

593
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 4: that you're having also with your coaches, with your family,

594
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 4: with your parents and probably uncomfortable conversations.

595
00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, those were awful. So it was I'm very,

596
00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 1: very very lucky that I have people around me who

597
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:42,479
Speaker 1: love me and were able to see and people around

598
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: me who love me and who love me regardless of

599
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 1: whether or not I'm running. And so basically, like I

600
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 1: had a balling conversation with my mom about how she

601
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,320
Speaker 1: was like, I just want you to be healthy, Like

602
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: I don't care about Molly the runner. I care about

603
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 1: Molly the person. And what Molly the person right now

604
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: needs is help, Like you can't do this, And I

605
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: think I had convinced myself was like, I don't have

606
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: a problem. I just like, like, I just need to

607
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 1: gain a little bit of weight back and I'll be fine.

608
00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: Like I know, maybe I'm a little bit too low

609
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: right now at ninety five. Think you're like, oh, I

610
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,560
Speaker 1: just have to get back up to one hundred pounds

611
00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 1: and then I'll be fine. And it was this realization

612
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: and talking with friends and family and my coach and

613
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,480
Speaker 1: be like, no, like you need to like really take

614
00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,720
Speaker 1: this seriously, Like you are not healthy. This is going

615
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 1: to be a long time to get back where you

616
00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: need to be. And I don't think when I was

617
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 1: at the worst of my disorder that I realized just

618
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,000
Speaker 1: how hard it was going to be. Eating This sort

619
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:45,640
Speaker 1: of treatment is really fucking hard, but ultimately it's worth it.

620
00:31:45,640 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 1: It just takes time and that was. I'm very glad

621
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: that I had that support because I would not have

622
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 1: gotten through that alone.

623
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 4: When you broke your back and then your sacrum, did

624
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 4: it start out as just something that fell a little

625
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 4: off then all of a sudden and it was like,

626
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 4: oh my god, this is broken or was there a

627
00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,680
Speaker 4: big moment that you knew wow?

628
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: For my back? It was kind of like a It

629
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: like started out feeling really really sore. This is a

630
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,600
Speaker 1: couple days after indoor Nationals, so March of twenty sixteen

631
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,840
Speaker 1: really sore. Gradually progressed. We thought it was a backstrain

632
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 1: for a while, just from having a long season, got

633
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: an x ray, realized that there were fractures. Cross trained

634
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,360
Speaker 1: so hard all through the spring with the intention of Oh,

635
00:32:27,400 --> 00:32:29,520
Speaker 1: if I just cross trained super hard, I'll be a

636
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: back running in six weeks and I'll be able to

637
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:35,200
Speaker 1: make the trials, and got back on the ground, was

638
00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 1: running and I was in a track workout. It just

639
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 1: so unhealthy. Weight was so low getting ready for the trials,

640
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: and I literally like I felt like I'd been shot

641
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 1: in my butt basically like it just went and I

642
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,080
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, and had to like literally

643
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 1: sit down at the track just stop and we knew

644
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: what it was. Yeah, but even then I was like,

645
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 1: maybe I can still make it back because I was

646
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 1: just yeah, like mentally unwell at that point.

647
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 2: How do you accept that you need help?

648
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 1: It was it was hard. It was hard getting to

649
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 1: that point of like being willing to say, like, Okay,

650
00:33:16,520 --> 00:33:18,360
Speaker 1: I'm going to take a step back from my running

651
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,320
Speaker 1: and going to turn down these pro contracts that I've

652
00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: been offered, I'm going to give up on. And at

653
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:24,880
Speaker 1: the time, I thought I was giving up on my

654
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:27,400
Speaker 1: running career. And that's what like, I just felt like

655
00:33:27,480 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: I was giving up that I needed to keep pushing

656
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,479
Speaker 1: and pushing and pushing and I couldn't anymore. And it

657
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: was it was hard. Yeah, I went back to Wisconsin.

658
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,840
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I'm like moving back home. Cool,

659
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 1: like super successful and uh yeah. I went into treatment

660
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: just outside of Milwaukee and spent four months in super

661
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 1: intensive treatment. And then the still continued to like seek

662
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 1: treatment over the next two years, just on a more

663
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 1: infrequent basis, but staying with my therapist and I actually

664
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: still talk with him fairly frequently. It's been kind of

665
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 1: like my main go to guy because it's still something

666
00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: you need to like keep maintaining you're never fully done

667
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:10,040
Speaker 1: with it.

668
00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 4: So that was an in patient program, so you were

669
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,120
Speaker 4: there for four months, So it.

670
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: Was an intensive outpatient because we lived so close that

671
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:21,480
Speaker 1: it was actually better for me, and my therapist thought

672
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 1: of this that if I was living at home, that

673
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 1: it would be a much better situation for me to

674
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,279
Speaker 1: have the structure of family, for like my mom was

675
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 1: able to like make me meals and be able to

676
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,799
Speaker 1: really watch what I was eating, and he knew that.

677
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: I was like, when I hit rock bottom, I just

678
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 1: went all in, Like I was willing to do whatever

679
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: I needed to do to save my running career because

680
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: I knew if I didn't take it seriously. He was like,

681
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 1: my therapist was super hard on me, like very frank

682
00:34:48,719 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 1: of like, if you don't take this seriously, you will

683
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:54,279
Speaker 1: never run again. And I was like, I'm going to

684
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 1: be as dedicated to this as I am to my running.

685
00:34:56,800 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 1: So if you want me to drink three Insure shakes

686
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 1: a day, I will drink three goddamnage or shakes today

687
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: and like do all this and like and I think

688
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: he was actually pretty surprised about how quickly I was

689
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 1: able to do it. Usually something like that will take

690
00:35:11,400 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: like six months to a year of pretty intensive work.

691
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: So I think he was very surprised at just how

692
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:22,799
Speaker 1: like crazy, like crazy invested I was, and like, let's

693
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: do this.

694
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 4: So while you're going through this program, how are you

695
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 4: rehabbing your body as well? Obviously a big part of

696
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,320
Speaker 4: it is reshaping maybe your relationship with food and also

697
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 4: the mental side. But what are you doing for rehab

698
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 4: for all of your bones and yeah, that kind of stuff.

699
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: So I didn't run for a while. I obviously like

700
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: just needed to like let my body.

701
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 2: Heal, talk me through the mental side of that.

702
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 1: It's hard, It's really hard because running is kind of

703
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: like what keeps me stable. Part of it is like

704
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: at least when you're like coming back from something like that,

705
00:35:55,760 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 1: at the very beginning, it is just so physically painful

706
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 1: to move that it's like you just can't do anything.

707
00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:05,279
Speaker 1: And just I had been so obsessively cross training and

708
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: pushing through the pain, which is something that you become

709
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: very good at when you're a runner. But you need

710
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 1: to be able to separate like the good pain or

711
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 1: like quote unquote discomfort when you're training from like the

712
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 1: bad pain of like, oh, this is broken, and so

713
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,920
Speaker 1: being able to just learn to be still for a while,

714
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: And that's something that I still struggle with in times

715
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: that like I need to take off where I just

716
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:32,200
Speaker 1: have a trouble sitting still sometimes. Yeah, just learning to

717
00:36:32,239 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: be like okay with your body and okay with your

718
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:39,160
Speaker 1: mind and learning some of those calming techniques and finding

719
00:36:39,200 --> 00:36:42,479
Speaker 1: other ways of managing my OCD and anxiety without having

720
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: to resort to obsessively working out or controlling the foods

721
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,480
Speaker 1: that I was eating right And then because at the

722
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,399
Speaker 1: same time you're doing this, you're having to gain weight,

723
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:56,759
Speaker 1: which goes against basically everything in sports culture and just

724
00:36:56,840 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 1: like I don't know, freaking Instagram culture nowadays, like no,

725
00:37:00,680 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 1: only drink Kale smoothies and you can lose another five pounds,

726
00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:05,839
Speaker 1: and just like this idea of like, oh I have

727
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: to gain ten pounds and yeah, it's like my weight

728
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 1: was so low that even just like eating normal meals

729
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 1: and then they were having me drink like two extra

730
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: Insure shakes a day, like you're going to gain weight

731
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:21,359
Speaker 1: off that. So it's like the mental side is just

732
00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:25,480
Speaker 1: like trying to process, like you've gone through all of

733
00:37:25,520 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 1: this stress and like losing weight and losing weight and

734
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 1: losing weight, and you just feel like a failure as

735
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:32,440
Speaker 1: your weight goes up. But yeah, you kind of just

736
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: have to buck up and it sucks, but you get

737
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:35,399
Speaker 1: through it.

738
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I can only imagine how difficult it's

739
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:40,080
Speaker 4: got to be to get over those mental hurdles of

740
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 4: just accepting this new way of life and these new

741
00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 4: patterns and counteracting the things that you were so diligently

742
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 4: working toward.

743
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, and you have to relearn just how to

744
00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: live and how to think, because I think for the

745
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 1: longest time, my mind had been set to this idea.

746
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 1: It's in sport, it's always okay to be a little

747
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 1: bit underweight rather than overweight. The worst thing you can

748
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 1: do is be one pound overweight. It's fine to be

749
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 1: three pounds underweight. And now my thinking is totally shifted

750
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 1: of like I cannot go under like my minimum baseline weight,

751
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: like because I will get injured and I will like

752
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 1: my bones are gonna suffer. So it's better Now in

753
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, Okay, it's better to be a

754
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 1: little bit overweight in your training, and then like I

755
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 1: don't know, you can get down to like your race weight,

756
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,799
Speaker 1: but you can't go below that and just straight up

757
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,439
Speaker 1: you don't have the energy reserves. Like, I'm so much

758
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 1: stronger now in the training that I'm doing because I

759
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:43,280
Speaker 1: actually have energy to train rather than just like running

760
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 1: off fumes and being so light that sometimes like that

761
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,200
Speaker 1: your body can just propel itself.

762
00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 4: I'm curious to know what your relationship is these days

763
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:53,800
Speaker 4: with a scale.

764
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 2: Do you get I actually.

765
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,719
Speaker 1: Don't weigh myself any more. Yeah, Like I'm fine with

766
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:02,719
Speaker 1: like being weighed, but I think it's I'll get like

767
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,919
Speaker 1: too wrapped up in the numbers. And so I've found

768
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: that it's a lot better for me to actually just

769
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 1: like I've got a better awareness of my body. So

770
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 1: I was out in Ethiopia in the fall doing some

771
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: volunteer work with girls, got to run and training, and

772
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 1: I lost weight while I was over there, and so

773
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 1: when I came back, I was like, Okay, like I

774
00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: can feel that I'm under the weight that I need

775
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,160
Speaker 1: to be. I just don't feel good right now, like

776
00:39:23,320 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 1: I need to focus on like gaining some weight back

777
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: or even like after this marathon cycle. I'm I'm doing

778
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 1: fairly light training right now compared to what I was

779
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 1: doing so like I'm okay with like gaining some weight,

780
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 1: getting like my reserves back up as I enter the

781
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 1: next training cycle because I know it's going to be

782
00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 1: a really long spring and summer, like ause I get

783
00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 1: ready for the games, right?

784
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 4: And how special is it now that you have this

785
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 4: sense to feel how it is that you're doing, because

786
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,360
Speaker 4: before so much of quote unquote how you felt was

787
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,479
Speaker 4: based on what you would look down and see.

788
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. It's like just being able to like have

789
00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:00,760
Speaker 1: that like I guess confidence and awareness to my body

790
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 1: and to like step to the line and no, I'm

791
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: not necessarily the skinniest girl on that line, but that

792
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 1: I'm like confident in my body is like I'm much

793
00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 1: more at peace with it and I don't, like I'm

794
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,520
Speaker 1: not obsessed with it like I was, right, Yeah, and

795
00:40:14,560 --> 00:40:16,720
Speaker 1: that just brings me a lot of like relief.

796
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 3: And taking a break from today's episode to give some

797
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,840
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798
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799
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800
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801
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Speaker 3: marathons and navigated one hundred mile bike rides, and Element

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805
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808
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810
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811
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812
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813
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814
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815
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817
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818
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819
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,719
Speaker 3: want to give some love to my friends at Athletic Greens.

820
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:48,200
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821
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 3: fuel your marathon training with Inside Trackers lead nutrition scientists

822
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 3: and registered dietitian Ashley Reaver, and in that conversation we

823
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,359
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824
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,920
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825
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:08,359
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826
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827
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828
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829
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830
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:25,919
Speaker 2: Complete, complete understatement.

831
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,719
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832
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833
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834
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:39,640
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835
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836
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839
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,520
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840
00:42:58,040 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 2: No code NASA.

841
00:43:07,000 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 4: Okay, So four months through the treatment program, then what happens.

842
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: Uh. Then I was actually healthy enough at that point

843
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: that my therapist had kind of told me, like, I

844
00:43:19,560 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 1: don't think you should be like training super heavily. But

845
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 1: I was like, but I want to train heavily, and like,

846
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,600
Speaker 1: if I can get super healthy in the next four months,

847
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: would you let me like go and maybe spend the

848
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:31,239
Speaker 1: fall out in flag Staff, live back there in a

849
00:43:31,280 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 1: healthy way, and then come back maybe go back to

850
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 1: Notre Dame in the spring then, And so I like

851
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 1: went all in on treatment, got healthy, got back up

852
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 1: to the weight that he had wanted me at, and

853
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:43,480
Speaker 1: then ended up being able to go out to flag

854
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 1: Staff for that fall to do some training, and then

855
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 1: with the intention of coming back that next spring and

856
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:51,520
Speaker 1: hoping to run well so that I could get a

857
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,640
Speaker 1: pro contract. Sorry if this timeline is yeah, I'm running

858
00:43:54,640 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 1: this fall of twenty sixteen, Okay. So I got to

859
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:00,440
Speaker 1: go out to flag Staff just be with friends. I

860
00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:03,040
Speaker 1: took the fall off of school because this was after

861
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 1: I'd graduated, but coming back for a fifth year now,

862
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: so I was not at Notre Dame for that fall.

863
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: Came back in the spring, and even though my body

864
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,560
Speaker 1: was in a much healthier place and eating disorder like that.

865
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,919
Speaker 1: It just kind of SAPs your bones. It has very

866
00:44:17,960 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: long term repercussions that I don't think I was fully

867
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: prepared for just how severe they are going to be.

868
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 1: And I ended up fully fracturing my hip at the

869
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 1: end or my pelvis at the end of my fifth year.

870
00:44:33,480 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 1: So I finished out my NCAA career being effectively immobile,

871
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: not able to do anything, and with just nobody was

872
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 1: offering me contracts because I was effectively a broken toy.

873
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: And yeah, nobody was interested.

874
00:44:47,239 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 4: When you fracture your pelvis, that's such a horrible sentence

875
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:55,920
Speaker 4: to say. When that happens to you, are you do

876
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 4: you feel like you're just back on the ground again.

877
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:02,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. I continued to run on it for

878
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: a while. It was kind of a situation where it

879
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:09,400
Speaker 1: was so excruciatingly painful, but I was really in denial

880
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: about what it was, and I think my coach was

881
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 1: hoping that it was something different than it was, and

882
00:45:13,800 --> 00:45:16,480
Speaker 1: I was under a lot of pressure to perform, but

883
00:45:16,560 --> 00:45:18,760
Speaker 1: eventually got to the point where I could not walk,

884
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,200
Speaker 1: so we went in got the MRI. It showed that

885
00:45:22,280 --> 00:45:25,600
Speaker 1: it was very severely fractured and so that was it,

886
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: and it's just I thought that was truthfully, I thought

887
00:45:28,520 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: that was it, that I was going to be done.

888
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 1: And I healed up but finally was able to do

889
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 1: stuff again, and sock Andy was willing to offer me

890
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,360
Speaker 1: a contract to come out to Boston run on a

891
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: team that they were putting together, and for me at

892
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 1: the time, that was way more than I deserved, Like

893
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: nobody would have offered that kind of contract, that kind

894
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: of developmental contract, and so I like, I'm still so

895
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 1: enormously grateful to them for that. So I moved out here.

896
00:45:56,440 --> 00:45:59,000
Speaker 1: I was training for a year and it had quite

897
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: a bit of success first year of training, but kept

898
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 1: running into this problem that my hip that I had

899
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,399
Speaker 1: thought healed would just get sore. The more track work

900
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: that I was doing, kept getting hurt, kept getting hurt,

901
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 1: and right after USA USA ten K Champs on the

902
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 1: track after that first year of running, Pro went back

903
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 1: in got another their MRI to see if there was

904
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 1: something wrong and they found that it actually never healed fully,

905
00:46:24,160 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: that I had a two millimeter gap in that pelvis.

906
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,760
Speaker 1: So yeah, Ano, they're biggie and then they're like, Okay,

907
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 1: you need to have this like surgically repaired, like this

908
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: won't heal on its own. So that was went in

909
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 1: on my birthday in summer of twenty eighteen. They drilled

910
00:46:42,520 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 1: out the bone marrow from the two crests of my

911
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 1: hip on the very top, spun it down to get

912
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:49,799
Speaker 1: the stem cells, and then injected in the bottom. And

913
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,799
Speaker 1: that was like I've been through some really painful things

914
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: in my life and having to do that with no pain,

915
00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: like because they couldn't do pain medication and they couldn't

916
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 1: put me out for it because I needed to be

917
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 1: awake to like manipulate myself. That was quite literally like

918
00:47:07,040 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 1: what I imagine hell to.

919
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:13,800
Speaker 4: Be, Like, yeah, I can't how like how does someone

920
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:15,520
Speaker 4: endure one?

921
00:47:15,719 --> 00:47:18,120
Speaker 1: They amy a xanax, So at least I was like

922
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:22,359
Speaker 1: chilled out while it was happening. The doctor who did

923
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 1: the surgery was like, she's one of my favorite people,

924
00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 1: super super nice. She gave me like a sandwich halfway

925
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 1: through because it's like a two part surgery.

926
00:47:31,440 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 5: But yeah, it was. It was hellish. They pulled out

927
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 5: like and even like.

928
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,919
Speaker 1: After you go through the drilling and like the bone

929
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:42,800
Speaker 1: marrows out, your hip is just so hurting, so bad,

930
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 1: And then they unsheathe this like needle that is the

931
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,960
Speaker 1: biggest needle I've ever seen to inject the stem cells

932
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 1: into the bottom of your like like the very bottom

933
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,479
Speaker 1: part of my pelvis. And it was just like, oh

934
00:47:55,520 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: my god. But you just kind of, yeah, you just

935
00:47:58,760 --> 00:47:59,439
Speaker 1: get through it.

936
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:02,280
Speaker 4: You think at this point, even though you were getting

937
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,439
Speaker 4: quote unquote fixed, that you were going to be able

938
00:48:05,480 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 4: to come back to running, were you.

939
00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 2: Sure of it?

940
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,760
Speaker 1: They gave me a fifty to fifty chance of it working,

941
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,840
Speaker 1: And then like even then it might not, like with

942
00:48:12,960 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 1: the full knowledge that like I might never run at

943
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:18,239
Speaker 1: the same level again, just with how impinged and like

944
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 1: impaired my hip would be. So yeah, I'm happy to

945
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: say that I was the better half of that fifty percent. Yeah,

946
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 1: it was kind of like truthfully, it was kind of miraculous.

947
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:31,799
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was basically six months of not being

948
00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:33,080
Speaker 1: able to do anything.

949
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 5: So yeah, from July of that year to the next January.

950
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:39,360
Speaker 2: So now we're finally in January twenty nineteen.

951
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 1: Twenty nineteen. Literally, I know, I'm sorry if there's so

952
00:48:42,640 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 1: much stuff, it's like the timeline's wild, but yeah, that

953
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:50,160
Speaker 1: it's like literally starting from square one, right, and so yeah,

954
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:52,279
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen was hard because it was like trying to

955
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:54,280
Speaker 1: like build back up off of nothing.

956
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 4: What advice would you offer to people who, like you,

957
00:48:58,680 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 4: just feel as though they are getting knocked down time

958
00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,000
Speaker 4: and time and time again by injury.

959
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: I would say that the number one thing is to

960
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,800
Speaker 1: if you are feeling like you're just in this injury cycle,

961
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 1: constantly hurting things, you have to get back to a

962
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: point where you feel fully healthy. You don't want to

963
00:49:21,480 --> 00:49:24,600
Speaker 1: constantly be playing ketchup. And I think that was my

964
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:27,160
Speaker 1: problem for a long time, is that I always had

965
00:49:27,239 --> 00:49:29,279
Speaker 1: something going on and I would try to push through it,

966
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:31,040
Speaker 1: and then it would cause another injury. And I'd try

967
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:33,640
Speaker 1: and push you that and it'd cause another injury. And

968
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:36,439
Speaker 1: I almost think that those six months of being able

969
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:40,720
Speaker 1: to just like sit, let everything heal, and then start

970
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: building off of it, coming from the standpoint of my

971
00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:47,319
Speaker 1: body is finally healthy, my hip is finally healed. I'm

972
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: not like nursing something and then trying to push through it.

973
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:55,319
Speaker 1: I think once you're coming from a standpoint of being healthy,

974
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,480
Speaker 1: then you can build off of that. It takes a

975
00:49:57,520 --> 00:50:02,280
Speaker 1: long time, but if you're constantly like facing these tiny

976
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:05,720
Speaker 1: things or large things, You're going to be hitting yourself

977
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,319
Speaker 1: against a wall constantly. And that's not to say that

978
00:50:08,360 --> 00:50:10,440
Speaker 1: through twenty nineteen I didn't have a lot of injuries.

979
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: I mean, that's ultimately why I ended up with my

980
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 1: new coach, because I had so many like imbalances. But

981
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,719
Speaker 1: now I do feel that at least I'm in the

982
00:50:19,760 --> 00:50:24,880
Speaker 1: standpoint where like I'm able to train at a higher

983
00:50:24,960 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 1: level because like my hip is repaired and because I

984
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: took the time to let it heal. And it was

985
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: really freaking hard being patient enough to do that, but

986
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 1: and it sucked at the time.

987
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, I also think it's I also think that it

988
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 4: was probably important for you, like your mom said to

989
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:46,120
Speaker 4: you when you were younger, like I care about Mollie,

990
00:50:46,239 --> 00:50:49,720
Speaker 4: my daughter, not just Molly the runner. You probably also

991
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 4: had to get to a point where you cared about

992
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 4: Mollie the person and not just Molly the runner.

993
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's like, yeah, having to think

994
00:50:57,880 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 1: about like, oh man, I don't want to like destroy

995
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 1: rowing my body so like twenty years from now I

996
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 1: can't walk, which I think previously I was definitely under

997
00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 1: the opinion like I'm just gonna go as hard as

998
00:51:08,800 --> 00:51:10,839
Speaker 1: I can now and not think about Molly at age

999
00:51:10,920 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 1: forty five and now it's like I want to make

1000
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:18,240
Speaker 1: sure that, like my pelvis doesn't snap when I'm that old. Yeah,

1001
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 1: so it's like, yeah, definitely try and even not even

1002
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: from that standpoint, just thinking like if I want to

1003
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:25,920
Speaker 1: try and stay in this sport for the next hopefully

1004
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:28,760
Speaker 1: ten years, Like I see women now who are competing

1005
00:51:28,760 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: at a super high level in the marathon at age

1006
00:51:30,600 --> 00:51:33,759
Speaker 1: thirty five thirty six, It's like, I'd ultimately like to

1007
00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:36,280
Speaker 1: do that, but I need my body to be healthy

1008
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,960
Speaker 1: to do that, and I can't be like constantly just

1009
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,640
Speaker 1: like tearing myself apart.

1010
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 4: So what's the first race in twenty nineteen that you

1011
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:46,760
Speaker 4: come back to and it's like Molly's back.

1012
00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: I did the BAA ten k that was in June,

1013
00:51:51,920 --> 00:51:55,439
Speaker 1: so it actually had been based almost exactly a full

1014
00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 1: year since my previous race at USA Outdoors on the track,

1015
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 1: and I actually raced way better than I thought I

1016
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 1: was going to. I actually think I like PRD in

1017
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 1: the ten k and there so I was like shocked.

1018
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,359
Speaker 2: I feel towing the line that day, I.

1019
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:12,680
Speaker 1: Was so nervous, but I was so excited. There's just

1020
00:52:12,719 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 1: like nothing feels like racing feels, and I was just

1021
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 1: so like ready to get back into it. Yeah, it

1022
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,120
Speaker 1: was terrifying. I was like, I really hope I'm still

1023
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:23,000
Speaker 1: able to do this.

1024
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:29,359
Speaker 2: So you do the ten k and then you're feeling high.

1025
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:32,640
Speaker 1: Feeling high, go and do a couple more races and

1026
00:52:32,680 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 1: then do Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta on July fourth,

1027
00:52:36,440 --> 00:52:38,800
Speaker 1: and I hurt my hip again and was on crutches

1028
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 1: for two weeks and I definitely like called coach Sparks

1029
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 1: by college coach and cried to him, was like, I

1030
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 1: think this is the end of my running career. And

1031
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,880
Speaker 1: he was like, you're being dumb. You're too dumb to

1032
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:52,520
Speaker 1: quit running. Like You're going to get through this, just

1033
00:52:52,560 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 1: like you've gone through everything else. You just need to

1034
00:52:54,960 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 1: be patient. Right, got through that, spent the summer rehabbing.

1035
00:52:58,320 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 2: When did you say you went to Ethiopia?

1036
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 1: That was actually November, Okay, So that was part of it.

1037
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 1: I had gotten involved with girls, got to run previously.

1038
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:10,200
Speaker 1: I'd been out in January of twenty twenty nineteen actually

1039
00:53:10,239 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 1: doing a relay and it was a really good way

1040
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: of while I was injured and kind of building up

1041
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 1: to focus on something that wasn't just me. Yeah, And

1042
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,399
Speaker 1: I think that actually really helped as well, because it's

1043
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:23,400
Speaker 1: like running is such a selfish sport that you're just

1044
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 1: so self focused all the time.

1045
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 5: It's like how does my body feel? How am I performing?

1046
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 1: And being able to think like bigger picture of like

1047
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:34,280
Speaker 1: what's going to be good for all of these people

1048
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 1: who aren't me was really important for me. And realizing

1049
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: like that ultimately, like our sport is super silly and inconsequential,

1050
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 1: and like there's a huge world out there, and it

1051
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:47,880
Speaker 1: just gives you a good perspective on like I'm doing

1052
00:53:47,920 --> 00:53:53,080
Speaker 1: this because I love running and it fulfills my goals,

1053
00:53:53,120 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 1: but there's more to this than just me, right, And

1054
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 1: so you come back from that trip and you qualify

1055
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 1: for the trials at the Rock and Roll San Antonio,

1056
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 1: Yes one, ten twenty seven. Yeah, and that was well, yeah,

1057
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:08,960
Speaker 1: it was.

1058
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:09,799
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1059
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,799
Speaker 1: I was very surprised, just because it was very hard

1060
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: to train in Ethiopia. It's really high. I had only

1061
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: been running consistently since September at that point, and John

1062
00:54:19,280 --> 00:54:22,400
Speaker 1: was now coaching me, so my current coach and my friend,

1063
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,080
Speaker 1: and so we had no idea how that was going

1064
00:54:25,160 --> 00:54:27,759
Speaker 1: to go. I think John always has a lot of

1065
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:31,080
Speaker 1: confidence in me. But yeah, we were both pleasantly surprised

1066
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: with how well that went.

1067
00:54:32,200 --> 00:54:35,400
Speaker 4: And that's up and that's a one ten twenty seven

1068
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 4: half marathon.

1069
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 2: I feel like we just like throw these numbers around.

1070
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, it's probably like what are these numbers?

1071
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 1: Now?

1072
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 2: What's going on? But then there was more to be had.

1073
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:48,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, So after that race, I was originally set to

1074
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 1: debut in the marathon at the Houston Marathon and then

1075
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 1: the Houston half is the big race that everybody does

1076
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:57,960
Speaker 1: before the trials, and my coach and I were talking

1077
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:01,400
Speaker 1: and he was like, you know what, like maybe like

1078
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 1: you could switch to the half at Houston, And I

1079
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 1: was like, would you let me do the Olympic trials

1080
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,280
Speaker 1: like for the marathon. He's like, I'm not wild about

1081
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 1: the idea, but like maybe we can do this, Like

1082
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,439
Speaker 1: this might be a really cool experience, and like we'll

1083
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:16,320
Speaker 1: see if Houston will let you switch to the half.

1084
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:20,040
Speaker 1: They let me switch to the half and went out

1085
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:23,160
Speaker 1: to altitude. Then beginning of this past year twenty twenty

1086
00:55:24,040 --> 00:55:27,480
Speaker 1: was just train them a butt off and got to

1087
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 1: the line, ran very well at Houston, and yeah, then

1088
00:55:32,160 --> 00:55:34,880
Speaker 1: just was like kind of got that like little inkling

1089
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:37,000
Speaker 1: in my mind of like, Okay, I think I can

1090
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 1: do this.

1091
00:55:37,600 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 4: And I think what I didn't even realize until more

1092
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 4: recently was just the dramatic difference I would say, between

1093
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:46,320
Speaker 4: how fast you have to be as a half marathon

1094
00:55:46,400 --> 00:55:49,200
Speaker 4: or to qualify for the Olympic Trials in the marathon

1095
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:52,960
Speaker 4: versus I mean, within reason, how fast you would run

1096
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:55,480
Speaker 4: a marathon. To qualify for the trials in a marathon

1097
00:55:55,680 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 4: for women, you have to run a marathon in under

1098
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,880
Speaker 4: two forty five and if you are qualifying using a

1099
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:04,160
Speaker 4: half marathon time, you have to run the half marathon

1100
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 4: under one thirteen.

1101
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 2: That is a big difference.

1102
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,040
Speaker 4: I think it's I think it's like talks to how

1103
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:13,160
Speaker 4: much of a badass you are that you qualified being

1104
00:56:13,200 --> 00:56:14,640
Speaker 4: a half marathoner.

1105
00:56:14,320 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 1: And that there are other women who do qualify off

1106
00:56:16,680 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 1: the half marathon. I don't know the exact number of

1107
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 1: us that did, but yeah, it's I think it's kind

1108
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 1: of this expectation like if you're going to be like,

1109
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 1: if you're qualifying off the half, you have to be

1110
00:56:27,719 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 1: willing to go out and like freaking send it like totally, Yeah,

1111
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 1: you have to kind of know what you're getting yourself into.

1112
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:37,080
Speaker 4: So, needless to say, you come off of the Houston

1113
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 4: half marathon, you're feeling great, and you're like, wow, I

1114
00:56:39,400 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 4: guess it's time to go out there and run a

1115
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:41,720
Speaker 4: full Finally.

1116
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, But I was like, that's not to say

1117
00:56:44,600 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 1: that I wasn't scared out of my goddamn mind, because

1118
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: it was effectively the deepest field the Olympic marathon trials

1119
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 1: that ever had. Just the state of women's distance running

1120
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 1: in the US right now is insane. There are so

1121
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:02,200
Speaker 1: many women who are so talented, So going into this,

1122
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:06,319
Speaker 1: I really was trying to keep my expectations fairly low

1123
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:11,640
Speaker 1: the secret to happiness and really say, but yeah, I

1124
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:14,759
Speaker 1: was not, by any means try like just seeing like, oh,

1125
00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 1: we have Sarah Hall, who's run two twenty two for

1126
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 1: the marathon. We have like Emma Bates, Emily Sism, Molly

1127
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:23,920
Speaker 1: Huddle who's like a thirty time national champion, Desi Lynden

1128
00:57:23,960 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: who's fricking won the Boston Marathon, like all of these women,

1129
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: And every time I would think, I think of like

1130
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,840
Speaker 1: five new other women who are doing this thing, and

1131
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 1: so I'm like, okay, Like let's just like go out

1132
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,920
Speaker 1: with the goal of just seeing what you can do.

1133
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 1: Try and like keep your expectations based on your effort

1134
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:45,040
Speaker 1: rather than on like places, because like I was so

1135
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,640
Speaker 1: mentally prepared to do so badly in this race that

1136
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 1: I was just like typing myself up, Like your self

1137
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 1: worth isn't based on how you finish in a marathon,

1138
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: Like your time in the marathon doesn't tell you anything

1139
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,440
Speaker 1: about your value as a human. And so I was

1140
00:57:59,480 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 1: so ready to do so badly in this race, and

1141
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,560
Speaker 1: then it went so much better than I expected it too,

1142
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: And I almost don't know how to like react to that.

1143
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:10,840
Speaker 2: Now do you attribute that to anything specific?

1144
00:58:12,760 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 1: I think I've been over the last I guess it's

1145
00:58:17,080 --> 00:58:20,280
Speaker 1: five years now at this point, I've running has broken

1146
00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 1: my heart so many times. I've had so many failures

1147
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:28,640
Speaker 1: in this sport that I try to, like not to

1148
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:31,120
Speaker 1: say that I always expect the worst, but I'm always

1149
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,760
Speaker 1: ready for it if it comes. And that's I think

1150
00:58:34,160 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 1: part of my mentality going into that race, of like

1151
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 1: just expecting it to hurt so badly the entire time,

1152
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 1: because that's just I've kind of gotten used to that

1153
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 1: over the last couple of years, like, and I'm okay

1154
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,600
Speaker 1: with that. I know that sometimes like life just sucks

1155
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 1: and you just have to get through it. And I

1156
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 1: kind of expected that to be the marathon, but when

1157
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:55,200
Speaker 1: it's not. That's why I was so surprised that, Like

1158
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:57,080
Speaker 1: the first twenty miles, I was like, the marathon is

1159
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 1: obviously hard. But then I'm getting into it, I'm like, oh, man,

1160
00:59:00,720 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 1: like I feel like consistent and smooth in this Like

1161
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:06,800
Speaker 1: I feel it's this feeling of like power. I guess,

1162
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 1: like you know you're running hard and you feel tired,

1163
00:59:09,240 --> 00:59:11,520
Speaker 1: but you're like, I can keep running at this like

1164
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:12,400
Speaker 1: all day long.

1165
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's this indescribable high.

1166
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1167
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 4: I can't even imagine maintaining the pace that you were

1168
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 4: running and feeling that level of high. But I can

1169
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 4: relate to that feeling because earlier last year I ran

1170
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 4: Chicago at a pace that I had never dreamed of,

1171
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 4: and you're out there and it just is as if

1172
00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:34,720
Speaker 4: you're invincible.

1173
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:38,160
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then even with the crowds at the trials,

1174
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:40,960
Speaker 1: it was crazy. There were so many people there. It's

1175
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 1: like going through its scream tunnel and you're just like,

1176
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 1: but that's the funny thing. I wasn't like elated by

1177
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 1: any means. I felt like my emotions were very in

1178
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 1: check and like I was just in like this flow

1179
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:54,800
Speaker 1: state that I just felt like I was like going.

1180
00:59:54,960 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 4: Talk to me about the moment you realize what's about happen.

1181
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:05,720
Speaker 4: As you were getting toward mile twenty five mile twenty six.

1182
01:00:06,160 --> 01:00:08,720
Speaker 5: Well, I want to preface this with I was in

1183
01:00:08,800 --> 01:00:10,720
Speaker 5: more pain in those last two miles, and I have

1184
01:00:10,840 --> 01:00:13,240
Speaker 5: been just about in any race of my life, like

1185
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:16,480
Speaker 5: it's so freakin' hard, so like you can't really like

1186
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:20,120
Speaker 5: enjoy it because one you're so terrified that someone's gonna

1187
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:22,960
Speaker 5: catch you, and then they give you that tiny little flag,

1188
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:25,040
Speaker 5: like six hundred meters from the finish, You're like, this

1189
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,280
Speaker 5: is way too early to be giving me this flag.

1190
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:30,600
Speaker 5: There's a lot of race left, but I think coming

1191
01:00:30,640 --> 01:00:32,760
Speaker 5: down once you hit the final downhill, because it was

1192
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:35,720
Speaker 5: downhill for the last two hundred meters, and so by

1193
01:00:35,720 --> 01:00:38,560
Speaker 5: that time, I was like, I'm pretty confident that I'm

1194
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 5: going to the Olympics at this point.

1195
01:00:40,600 --> 01:00:44,360
Speaker 1: And I could see my my whole family was there,

1196
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:46,439
Speaker 1: and I could see my brother and my sister holding

1197
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:49,200
Speaker 1: up these ridiculous cutout heads they'd had of me and

1198
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:54,800
Speaker 1: my sister is literally inhysterics, like sobbing, and that's when

1199
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 1: I was like starting to like break, like just break apart.

1200
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 1: I was just like, oh my god, Yeah, it was.

1201
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 1: It was wild because you're just crossing the line and

1202
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 1: it's like the culmination of every dream you've had, so

1203
01:01:07,000 --> 01:01:09,919
Speaker 1: you're like a kid. It was it was like next

1204
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:13,280
Speaker 1: level and just realizing like damn, like I just like

1205
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 1: did that. Yeah, I'm still kind of processing that moment.

1206
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:22,240
Speaker 4: I don't think anyone ever fully processes that moment. You

1207
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 4: just replay it and replay it and replay it, and

1208
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 4: you probably ask yourself, how does it get better than this?

1209
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 4: And I think maybe the answer to that is when

1210
01:01:31,160 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 4: you run in the Olympics.

1211
01:01:32,520 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's like I don't know, it's just

1212
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 1: like it's such an honor to get to like say like,

1213
01:01:39,440 --> 01:01:42,960
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I'm representing the US like at the Olympics.

1214
01:01:43,000 --> 01:01:45,280
Speaker 1: And I think that's the that's the core of it,

1215
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:48,360
Speaker 1: just the opportunity to go out on the world stage

1216
01:01:48,520 --> 01:01:52,720
Speaker 1: to represent everything, like represents the country that I grew

1217
01:01:52,800 --> 01:01:54,800
Speaker 1: up in and like, I don't know, it's just a

1218
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:57,360
Speaker 1: sense of pride and I'm really really looking forward to

1219
01:01:57,360 --> 01:01:59,960
Speaker 1: getting to do that, and everyone dreams is like being

1220
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:04,200
Speaker 1: competitive at the at the Olympics, But at the end

1221
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:06,720
Speaker 1: of the day, it's about like going out and just

1222
01:02:06,760 --> 01:02:09,360
Speaker 1: being a willing to like give your best effort and

1223
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 1: do everything you can on the day to like, I

1224
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 1: don't know, put the best foot forward for the country effectively.

1225
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,479
Speaker 4: I love it and the metaphor of the best foot

1226
01:02:18,480 --> 01:02:21,080
Speaker 4: forward as you move forward with running, you're just so oh,

1227
01:02:21,120 --> 01:02:25,680
Speaker 4: it's seat Joe, it's running so good at this Okay,

1228
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 4: So talk to me about what life's like now. Obviously

1229
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:32,680
Speaker 4: you said your training isn't a well deserved down beach.

1230
01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, my coach has been super nice. He knows that,

1231
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:38,760
Speaker 1: like sometimes in full time off, that my body doesn't

1232
01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:40,640
Speaker 1: respond super well to it, so he's letting me run

1233
01:02:40,720 --> 01:02:43,920
Speaker 1: in these two weeks after the marathon, which really helps. Shockingly,

1234
01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:47,120
Speaker 1: my body actually feels like pretty okay right now. So

1235
01:02:47,240 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: like I've just been doing easy mileage. I think I

1236
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:52,080
Speaker 1: did like thirty miles last week, and it's just nice

1237
01:02:52,120 --> 01:02:54,880
Speaker 1: being able to like enjoy being back home in Boston

1238
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:58,200
Speaker 1: finally with my sister. The weather's been really nice. I'm

1239
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:01,800
Speaker 1: back with my friends, and just kind of like in

1240
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:04,760
Speaker 1: that sense, my life is much calmer. In the sense

1241
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:10,360
Speaker 1: of media and social media specifically, things have been absolutely insane,

1242
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,240
Speaker 1: which I don't think I was prepared for.

1243
01:03:12,440 --> 01:03:13,280
Speaker 2: Let's talk about that.

1244
01:03:13,640 --> 01:03:14,760
Speaker 1: It's been wild.

1245
01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:17,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I mean, how many, like if we just

1246
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:19,680
Speaker 4: take Instagram as a platform for example, like how many

1247
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 4: followers did you show up to the trials with?

1248
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:24,960
Speaker 1: I showed up on trials morning probably with either a

1249
01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,120
Speaker 1: hair under eight thousand or right around eight thousand.

1250
01:03:27,920 --> 01:03:29,960
Speaker 2: And now what are we at, like forty five carry five?

1251
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:32,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, I just got verified as of today.

1252
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:37,080
Speaker 1: That was exciting. Yeah, it's just like it's almost like

1253
01:03:37,120 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 1: a joke to me, Like every time I see it,

1254
01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:41,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't seem real. And like.

1255
01:03:43,520 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 5: Now, I definitely I'm.

1256
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:47,760
Speaker 1: Not super good with posting all the time. I'll go

1257
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 1: dark for long periods of time. Also, I usually don't

1258
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:54,160
Speaker 1: have very good quality photos on my Instagram, So now,

1259
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:56,560
Speaker 1: for one, it's really weird having all of these great

1260
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:58,360
Speaker 1: photos from the trials. I don't know what to do

1261
01:03:58,400 --> 01:04:02,760
Speaker 1: with it. It's really ruining my blurry iPhone running photo aesthetic.

1262
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:07,800
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's it is kind of fun and definitely

1263
01:04:07,840 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 1: like having a little bit more of a platform. A

1264
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 1: lot of people have been like reaching out or dming,

1265
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,120
Speaker 1: so I apologize if anyone hearing this has DMed me,

1266
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:20,600
Speaker 1: and I haven't responded. I'm still working through everything and

1267
01:04:20,640 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 1: I truthfully probably won't get to them all.

1268
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:25,360
Speaker 2: I think you're entitled to have some time to occur.

1269
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:28,640
Speaker 4: And I mean, but the thing about social media is

1270
01:04:28,680 --> 01:04:33,920
Speaker 4: that there's no denying that you want to do the

1271
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:36,120
Speaker 4: best you can to help as many people as you can.

1272
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 4: And I think, I mean it speaks to the work

1273
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:41,200
Speaker 4: that you did in Ethiopia, like you want to show

1274
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 4: up and help other people, and sometimes it feels as

1275
01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:47,640
Speaker 4: though there's just not enough time to help as many

1276
01:04:47,680 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 4: people as you want.

1277
01:04:48,800 --> 01:04:52,280
Speaker 1: No, And that's what like, Yeah, it's like there's always

1278
01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:54,840
Speaker 1: a new message to respond to. There's always like five

1279
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:56,800
Speaker 1: different things, and I feel like you can just kind

1280
01:04:56,840 --> 01:05:00,439
Speaker 1: of like spiral into it and there's no game out.

1281
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 1: And then obviously you always have like the haters online

1282
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 1: of people like responding to stuff, and it's almost like

1283
01:05:08,200 --> 01:05:09,960
Speaker 1: you can't even respond.

1284
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:11,720
Speaker 5: It's like it's not even worth it.

1285
01:05:12,040 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1286
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:15,000
Speaker 1: So, and truthfully, I'm usually sow a wall with my

1287
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:18,120
Speaker 1: social media that I miss half the stuff on there,

1288
01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:20,919
Speaker 1: so probably for the better, sometimes probably for the better,

1289
01:05:21,040 --> 01:05:22,240
Speaker 1: or just like at the end of the day, I

1290
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:24,840
Speaker 1: just try to I try to keep in mind a

1291
01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 1: piece of advice I was once given that don't accept

1292
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,200
Speaker 1: criticism from anyone, that you wouldn't accept advice.

1293
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:33,640
Speaker 2: From Oh good one. Yeah I dig that.

1294
01:05:33,840 --> 01:05:35,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good to keep in mind of, like all

1295
01:05:35,960 --> 01:05:38,000
Speaker 1: the RANDO like let's run haters.

1296
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm sure, and there are definitely a lot of them.

1297
01:05:41,000 --> 01:05:45,480
Speaker 4: When it comes to walking away from that trials experience,

1298
01:05:45,520 --> 01:05:48,840
Speaker 4: aside from obviously a place on the Olympic team, what

1299
01:05:48,840 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 4: would you say, just from that experience and from running

1300
01:05:51,840 --> 01:05:55,040
Speaker 4: a marathon, maybe one of your biggest takeaways was whether

1301
01:05:55,080 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 4: it's technical or a little bit more metaphorical or whatever you.

1302
01:05:58,160 --> 01:06:00,919
Speaker 1: Got For me, I guess it's this feeling of going

1303
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:04,840
Speaker 1: into that race. I felt like I even like on

1304
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:06,920
Speaker 1: the starting line, I didn't feel like I belonged. I

1305
01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:09,920
Speaker 1: don't deserve to be here. I haven't done enough to

1306
01:06:09,960 --> 01:06:12,240
Speaker 1: earn my way here. There's so many people here who

1307
01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:15,760
Speaker 1: have done so much more. I even now like I've

1308
01:06:15,760 --> 01:06:18,720
Speaker 1: felt like a fraud a little bit, and being in

1309
01:06:18,760 --> 01:06:22,080
Speaker 1: that race and finally getting up there, it was actually

1310
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:24,680
Speaker 1: kind of cool. The final part of the course. You

1311
01:06:24,800 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 1: go out underneath the Olympic rings, turn around and come

1312
01:06:28,120 --> 01:06:31,400
Speaker 1: back past the Olympic torch, and as we're coming back,

1313
01:06:31,440 --> 01:06:34,200
Speaker 1: you're seeing the women coming out still and one of

1314
01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:36,600
Speaker 1: those women was Desy Linden, who was in fourth at

1315
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:39,640
Speaker 1: that time and trying to trying to still close the

1316
01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:44,320
Speaker 1: gap make the team, and she saw us, she saw

1317
01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:47,600
Speaker 1: me and Alphine coming out, and she just like looked

1318
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:50,240
Speaker 1: straight at us and gave me a thumbs up, and

1319
01:06:50,400 --> 01:06:52,560
Speaker 1: I was I felt like it was like that moment

1320
01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:55,800
Speaker 1: of like, no, you deserve to be here, Like you

1321
01:06:56,000 --> 01:07:00,720
Speaker 1: freaking go after this, like don't disappoint Deesse Lindon, because

1322
01:07:00,760 --> 01:07:03,200
Speaker 1: like she's just like the freaking biggest hero of mine.

1323
01:07:03,200 --> 01:07:06,040
Speaker 1: Like I cried watching her win Boston coming through mile

1324
01:07:06,120 --> 01:07:08,040
Speaker 1: nineteen and be like, oh my god, she's gonna do it.

1325
01:07:08,440 --> 01:07:12,360
Speaker 1: So like getting that kind of like validation and like

1326
01:07:12,720 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 1: realizing like, no, like I I can perform at this level,

1327
01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:19,680
Speaker 1: like regardless of what I've gone through the last couple

1328
01:07:19,720 --> 01:07:24,000
Speaker 1: of years, Like I have worked way too damn hard

1329
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:26,880
Speaker 1: and suffered too damn much to give up now. So

1330
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:29,760
Speaker 1: I think that kind of validation of like coming overline

1331
01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:33,680
Speaker 1: being like I'm glad that I didn't chicken out, or

1332
01:07:33,760 --> 01:07:36,760
Speaker 1: like I'm glad that I was brave enough to go

1333
01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:39,680
Speaker 1: and run hard before I believed I was ready to

1334
01:07:39,760 --> 01:07:40,800
Speaker 1: run hard in that race.

1335
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:43,200
Speaker 4: And I think that happens for so many people, right,

1336
01:07:43,760 --> 01:07:47,960
Speaker 4: regardless of its running or I mean, how many times

1337
01:07:48,000 --> 01:07:50,560
Speaker 4: do we question do I belong here? Can I show

1338
01:07:50,640 --> 01:07:53,040
Speaker 4: up here? Am I allowed to take up space? But

1339
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:55,920
Speaker 4: how beautiful is it when you do show up and

1340
01:07:56,040 --> 01:07:58,960
Speaker 4: you tell yourself that I do belong here?

1341
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:02,480
Speaker 1: Yeah? Because so often, Yeah, And I think a lot

1342
01:08:02,520 --> 01:08:05,880
Speaker 1: of people probably sell themselves short. I think I definitely

1343
01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:08,200
Speaker 1: have done that on a lot of occasions, assuming like

1344
01:08:08,600 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be up with the front pack because I'm

1345
01:08:11,640 --> 01:08:13,560
Speaker 1: not fast enough to run with that group. I should

1346
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:16,640
Speaker 1: play it safe and stay back here. And that's not

1347
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:18,880
Speaker 1: to say that sometimes it doesn't work out, Like I've

1348
01:08:18,880 --> 01:08:20,519
Speaker 1: definitely had times where I've tried to go out with

1349
01:08:20,560 --> 01:08:23,880
Speaker 1: the front pack and I've blown up spectacularly. I think

1350
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:28,400
Speaker 1: it's it's this idea that like, you have to do

1351
01:08:28,479 --> 01:08:30,200
Speaker 1: all the work, and you have to be brave enough

1352
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:33,599
Speaker 1: to put yourself out there, and sometimes a lightning bolt

1353
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:35,240
Speaker 1: is going to strike from the heavens and it's going

1354
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:37,439
Speaker 1: to work out, and sometimes it's just not going to flow,

1355
01:08:37,479 --> 01:08:38,800
Speaker 1: and it's going to be one of those days that

1356
01:08:38,840 --> 01:08:41,240
Speaker 1: it doesn't work. But if you're not willing to put

1357
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:44,080
Speaker 1: yourself up there and to put yourself in a position

1358
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:46,040
Speaker 1: to be great, you're never going to be great.

1359
01:08:46,439 --> 01:08:48,200
Speaker 4: So you talk to me about maybe one of the

1360
01:08:48,240 --> 01:08:51,160
Speaker 4: biggest takeaways aside from going to the Olympics, from the trials,

1361
01:08:51,200 --> 01:08:53,160
Speaker 4: what would you say was one of the best pieces

1362
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:55,400
Speaker 4: of advice that you were offered going into it.

1363
01:08:56,280 --> 01:08:59,400
Speaker 1: A couple of the amateur women who had qualified for

1364
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:02,000
Speaker 1: the trials was kind of hanging out with them before

1365
01:09:02,040 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 1: the race, just sitting with them. They were super nice.

1366
01:09:04,040 --> 01:09:07,120
Speaker 1: They were like my race moms, and they kept saying

1367
01:09:07,160 --> 01:09:09,760
Speaker 1: they were the women who first told me, don't warm

1368
01:09:09,840 --> 01:09:12,599
Speaker 1: up twenty minutes, like more or five minutes, but then

1369
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:17,160
Speaker 1: also saying like, remember, stay calm, stay patient. The race

1370
01:09:17,280 --> 01:09:20,920
Speaker 1: doesn't start until at least sixteen miles, so on that

1371
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:23,240
Speaker 1: course they were eight mile loops, so that would have

1372
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:26,479
Speaker 1: been the going into the third lap. So those first

1373
01:09:26,520 --> 01:09:30,000
Speaker 1: two laps I was conserve your energy, stay in the pack,

1374
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:32,639
Speaker 1: tuck behind draft off people because it was super windy.

1375
01:09:32,640 --> 01:09:34,519
Speaker 1: It was like twenty miles an hour. But I was like,

1376
01:09:34,640 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 1: use as little mental energy as you can because the

1377
01:09:38,439 --> 01:09:41,320
Speaker 1: race starts on the third lap, and like you have

1378
01:09:41,400 --> 01:09:43,000
Speaker 1: to be ready by the time you get to the

1379
01:09:43,000 --> 01:09:45,960
Speaker 1: third lap. You can't exhaust your legs early in the

1380
01:09:46,000 --> 01:09:48,840
Speaker 1: race trying to race these first sixteen miles because it

1381
01:09:48,880 --> 01:09:52,080
Speaker 1: doesn't start till till, like well into the day.

1382
01:09:52,439 --> 01:09:54,800
Speaker 4: And how valuable is that that that helped you get

1383
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:57,400
Speaker 4: to that point and then really kicking.

1384
01:09:57,160 --> 01:09:59,560
Speaker 1: In that saved me. That saved my race. It's like

1385
01:09:59,640 --> 01:10:01,600
Speaker 1: fast being able to go into the third lap and

1386
01:10:01,640 --> 01:10:04,080
Speaker 1: feel like, Okay, now I'm ready to go. And I

1387
01:10:04,080 --> 01:10:06,880
Speaker 1: think at that point a lot of women in that

1388
01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:10,200
Speaker 1: race were because a lot of women's legs were just

1389
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:14,360
Speaker 1: absolutely fried. People had been playing little strategic games fighting

1390
01:10:14,360 --> 01:10:18,320
Speaker 1: each other, making moves, and with how windy it was

1391
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:20,120
Speaker 1: and how hilly it was, I think it sapped a

1392
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:22,559
Speaker 1: lot of people's legs and a lot of women said

1393
01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:25,320
Speaker 1: that after the race that their legs just felt trashed. Yeah,

1394
01:10:25,360 --> 01:10:29,680
Speaker 1: And I think like between the sixteen to twenty two

1395
01:10:29,760 --> 01:10:32,479
Speaker 1: mile mark is when quite a few of the top

1396
01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:35,640
Speaker 1: group ended up dropping out, and so I think it

1397
01:10:35,720 --> 01:10:38,639
Speaker 1: was definitely a matter of just learning to like preserve

1398
01:10:38,720 --> 01:10:41,160
Speaker 1: yourself as long as you can and like choose your battles.

1399
01:10:41,640 --> 01:10:44,439
Speaker 1: Because that's not to say like the last six miles

1400
01:10:44,439 --> 01:10:48,600
Speaker 1: were the hardest I've ever run, But I felt like

1401
01:10:48,640 --> 01:10:50,639
Speaker 1: I was able to get to that point and still

1402
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:53,760
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, you can be competitive, you can you

1403
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:56,600
Speaker 1: can fight this out and not feel like you're redlining

1404
01:10:56,640 --> 01:10:57,400
Speaker 1: the entire time.

1405
01:10:57,760 --> 01:11:02,880
Speaker 4: You mentioned the forty five thousand and new social media followers. God,

1406
01:11:03,160 --> 01:11:07,280
Speaker 4: they come to your page now and they see this

1407
01:11:09,120 --> 01:11:14,400
Speaker 4: triumphant woman. Don't laugh, It's true. It's just so weird,

1408
01:11:14,560 --> 01:11:20,920
Speaker 4: this triumphant woman who has maybe even surpassed her wildest dreams.

1409
01:11:21,840 --> 01:11:24,679
Speaker 4: You look in the mirror, now, what is it that

1410
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:26,400
Speaker 4: you see staring back at you?

1411
01:11:26,840 --> 01:11:29,519
Speaker 1: Despite everything over the past week and even that race,

1412
01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:33,200
Speaker 1: Like I feel like my general opinion of myself hasn't

1413
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:36,640
Speaker 1: changed at all. Like all of this is fun. It

1414
01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:39,960
Speaker 1: almost like still doesn't seem quite real. But I felt

1415
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:42,400
Speaker 1: like going into that race, I was in a really

1416
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:45,800
Speaker 1: good place mentally. I went into that race because I

1417
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:47,880
Speaker 1: was assuming that it was going to go so badly.

1418
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:49,840
Speaker 1: I had come to terms with the fact that it

1419
01:11:49,880 --> 01:11:52,400
Speaker 1: was like, the outcome of this race doesn't affect my

1420
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:56,080
Speaker 1: opinion of myself. Like I was so obsessed in twenty

1421
01:11:56,080 --> 01:11:58,559
Speaker 1: sixteen with making a team. I felt like that was

1422
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:01,320
Speaker 1: what I had to do to have value as a human,

1423
01:12:01,760 --> 01:12:04,640
Speaker 1: And this time around, it was like, I feel like,

1424
01:12:04,800 --> 01:12:07,360
Speaker 1: I love the training that I'm doing, I love the

1425
01:12:07,439 --> 01:12:10,559
Speaker 1: community that I'm surrounded by in Boston, I love the

1426
01:12:11,120 --> 01:12:13,360
Speaker 1: I love just like being in this place right now

1427
01:12:13,360 --> 01:12:16,479
Speaker 1: that I am in my life and making an Olympic

1428
01:12:16,520 --> 01:12:20,200
Speaker 1: team doesn't change that about me, Like, sure it would,

1429
01:12:20,439 --> 01:12:23,120
Speaker 1: like that is my highest goal as an athlete, but

1430
01:12:23,200 --> 01:12:25,200
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, like my value as

1431
01:12:25,200 --> 01:12:29,240
Speaker 1: a human doesn't rest on that, and so going into

1432
01:12:29,280 --> 01:12:31,559
Speaker 1: it and making that team it's so cool, But at

1433
01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:34,000
Speaker 1: the same time it makes me so happy, But I

1434
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:36,920
Speaker 1: feel like my happiness isn't contingent on that anymore. I

1435
01:12:36,920 --> 01:12:40,759
Speaker 1: feel like a more complete person who's got other things,

1436
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:44,360
Speaker 1: And like, truthfully, the happiest moment of that day wasn't

1437
01:12:44,400 --> 01:12:47,880
Speaker 1: crossing the finish line and like having the adoration of

1438
01:12:47,920 --> 01:12:49,600
Speaker 1: people like, oh my god, you made the team. It

1439
01:12:49,680 --> 01:12:53,000
Speaker 1: was sitting in the bar that night eating a burger

1440
01:12:53,280 --> 01:12:56,320
Speaker 1: surrounded by my favorite people in the world, getting to

1441
01:12:56,439 --> 01:13:01,080
Speaker 1: just celebrate this moment and be in it and just

1442
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:05,160
Speaker 1: being happy that I was healthy and able to walk

1443
01:13:05,200 --> 01:13:08,519
Speaker 1: without pain after that race and surrounded by people that

1444
01:13:08,600 --> 01:13:11,560
Speaker 1: I love and just realized that I was going to

1445
01:13:11,600 --> 01:13:16,599
Speaker 1: the Tokyo Olympics. And Yeah, It's like there are these

1446
01:13:16,680 --> 01:13:19,160
Speaker 1: huge moments in our life. I think everyone assumes, like, oh,

1447
01:13:19,160 --> 01:13:20,800
Speaker 1: you make an Olympic team, You're just happy for the

1448
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:23,320
Speaker 1: rest of your life. Like, no, I'm still going to struggle.

1449
01:13:23,320 --> 01:13:26,280
Speaker 1: I'll probably still like get hurt multiple times through my career.

1450
01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:28,599
Speaker 1: There's going to be other things. But as long as

1451
01:13:28,600 --> 01:13:30,559
Speaker 1: I'm okay with like being who I am at my

1452
01:13:30,680 --> 01:13:33,439
Speaker 1: core and able to live with that, that is what

1453
01:13:33,760 --> 01:13:37,280
Speaker 1: brings me. That's what brings me like peace. It's not

1454
01:13:38,439 --> 01:13:42,519
Speaker 1: getting metals or yeah, yeah, getting metals or breaking records

1455
01:13:42,600 --> 01:13:44,600
Speaker 1: or whatnot. All those are temporary. You need to be

1456
01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:46,400
Speaker 1: okay with who you are at the end of the day.

1457
01:13:46,800 --> 01:13:49,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think it's really special that the best

1458
01:13:49,200 --> 01:13:51,759
Speaker 4: part of that day is the celebration of the event,

1459
01:13:51,840 --> 01:13:56,480
Speaker 4: because I think so often, especially in events and milestones

1460
01:13:56,479 --> 01:13:59,320
Speaker 4: where you work so hard, there's so much build up

1461
01:13:59,320 --> 01:14:02,240
Speaker 4: that we don't take the time to stop, look around

1462
01:14:02,479 --> 01:14:04,679
Speaker 4: and enjoy all of our hard work.

1463
01:14:04,840 --> 01:14:09,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and just to enjoy it wasn't even necessarily that.

1464
01:14:09,240 --> 01:14:12,120
Speaker 1: It was like being able to appreciate all of the

1465
01:14:12,120 --> 01:14:15,240
Speaker 1: people who helped me get there, like seeing my mom

1466
01:14:15,280 --> 01:14:18,280
Speaker 1: and dad so happy and having seen them like have

1467
01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:21,120
Speaker 1: to drive me to eating disorder treatment and like be

1468
01:14:21,240 --> 01:14:25,080
Speaker 1: with me through that, or like my sister who was

1469
01:14:25,120 --> 01:14:28,719
Speaker 1: like having to help me like hobble around on crutches

1470
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:31,960
Speaker 1: all summer, and like, I don't know, my brother who

1471
01:14:32,040 --> 01:14:33,479
Speaker 1: was one of the people who was there at those

1472
01:14:33,520 --> 01:14:35,559
Speaker 1: twenty sixteen trials with me that I was like at

1473
01:14:35,600 --> 01:14:38,840
Speaker 1: my breaking point and he got me through it. It's like, yeah,

1474
01:14:38,840 --> 01:14:41,400
Speaker 1: it's just like those are the people who got me

1475
01:14:41,439 --> 01:14:43,040
Speaker 1: through the worst of times, and now I get to

1476
01:14:43,120 --> 01:14:46,840
Speaker 1: share this with them and it's just so much fun.

1477
01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:48,240
Speaker 1: And like now they're going to get to come to

1478
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:50,960
Speaker 1: Tokyo with me and like get to just share that.

1479
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:54,720
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, that's what was really special. It's

1480
01:14:54,760 --> 01:14:57,920
Speaker 1: the act of It's the act of running on the day,

1481
01:14:58,040 --> 01:15:01,240
Speaker 1: like actually being in that race, realizing that there's no

1482
01:15:01,439 --> 01:15:03,880
Speaker 1: other place that I would rather be in the world

1483
01:15:04,640 --> 01:15:07,880
Speaker 1: than full flight in the middle of a race, just

1484
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,240
Speaker 1: hauling and just being in it, and then getting to

1485
01:15:11,360 --> 01:15:14,960
Speaker 1: celebrate and just be surrounded by my favorite people and

1486
01:15:15,160 --> 01:15:18,519
Speaker 1: just appreciate what we've been through to get to that moment.

1487
01:15:19,439 --> 01:15:24,960
Speaker 4: You have an opportunity right now to offer the Mollie

1488
01:15:25,280 --> 01:15:29,559
Speaker 4: who is in the thick of it, she's struggling. You

1489
01:15:29,560 --> 01:15:32,320
Speaker 4: have an opportunity to offer her one piece of advice.

1490
01:15:32,400 --> 01:15:35,800
Speaker 4: Looking back on it, what do you tell her?

1491
01:15:36,640 --> 01:15:41,360
Speaker 1: I would say that nothing lasts forever. In that nothing,

1492
01:15:42,120 --> 01:15:44,800
Speaker 1: no bad thing is going to last forever. No matter

1493
01:15:44,840 --> 01:15:48,120
Speaker 1: how bad it gets, it won't last forever, and good

1494
01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:52,280
Speaker 1: things won't last forever. So it's like you just have

1495
01:15:52,360 --> 01:15:54,479
Speaker 1: to be in the moment and get through it. And

1496
01:15:55,000 --> 01:15:58,680
Speaker 1: this idea that it's okay to feel sad and hurt

1497
01:15:58,960 --> 01:16:03,479
Speaker 1: and to just let yourself experience those emotions and just

1498
01:16:03,560 --> 01:16:06,080
Speaker 1: realize that no matter how much you're hurting right now,

1499
01:16:07,040 --> 01:16:09,600
Speaker 1: that will pass and you're going to be able to

1500
01:16:09,600 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 1: get through it. But you just have to accept that

1501
01:16:11,520 --> 01:16:15,240
Speaker 1: sometimes it's going to be really, really hard and you

1502
01:16:15,439 --> 01:16:19,200
Speaker 1: just have to keep moving and stay strong. And even now,

1503
01:16:19,240 --> 01:16:22,960
Speaker 1: it's like I can appreciate I can appreciate the pain

1504
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:24,920
Speaker 1: that I went through in eating to sort of treatment

1505
01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:27,120
Speaker 1: or when I had my injuries, because I realized, like

1506
01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:29,800
Speaker 1: that's turned me into the person that I am now.

1507
01:16:30,479 --> 01:16:34,640
Speaker 1: But I think I just needed to fully experience that

1508
01:16:34,680 --> 01:16:36,680
Speaker 1: when I was in it, and yeah, it sucked, but

1509
01:16:37,560 --> 01:16:40,160
Speaker 1: now it's like on the other side, I can appreciate it.

1510
01:16:40,600 --> 01:16:43,280
Speaker 1: So yeah, I feel like I didn't say that as

1511
01:16:43,320 --> 01:16:46,720
Speaker 1: eloquently as I wanted to, But just this idea that

1512
01:16:48,280 --> 01:16:50,960
Speaker 1: there's going to be so many ups and downs, but

1513
01:16:51,680 --> 01:16:53,680
Speaker 1: none of them are going to last forever. So just

1514
01:16:53,720 --> 01:16:57,040
Speaker 1: be able to keep riding it out and you're going

1515
01:16:57,120 --> 01:17:00,519
Speaker 1: to get through it. And I don't know, no matter

1516
01:17:00,560 --> 01:17:03,559
Speaker 1: how bad things might be, you never know what's going

1517
01:17:03,640 --> 01:17:04,080
Speaker 1: to happen.

1518
01:17:04,600 --> 01:17:08,720
Speaker 4: And then that today I personally am so grateful for

1519
01:17:08,760 --> 01:17:12,120
Speaker 4: your time and I actually have zero debts in my

1520
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:15,680
Speaker 4: mind that this is going to impact and help a

1521
01:17:15,720 --> 01:17:17,840
Speaker 4: lot of people, some of which you maybe just don't

1522
01:17:17,840 --> 01:17:19,679
Speaker 4: have the time to get there to their DM.

1523
01:17:20,120 --> 01:17:23,280
Speaker 1: I apologize if I left you on unread.

1524
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:24,920
Speaker 2: It's okay, it's okay.

1525
01:17:25,080 --> 01:17:26,719
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thanks so much.

1526
01:17:27,160 --> 01:17:29,240
Speaker 4: Please take a moment and leave a quick review by

1527
01:17:29,280 --> 01:17:31,720
Speaker 4: clicking the link with a description to this episode. We

1528
01:17:31,800 --> 01:17:34,400
Speaker 4: all face multiple hurdles in life. I want to hear

1529
01:17:34,439 --> 01:17:36,639
Speaker 4: about yours. Reach out to me at Emily at hurdle

1530
01:17:36,680 --> 01:17:40,679
Speaker 4: dot us, connect with the podcast Instagram, Twitter at Hurdle

1531
01:17:40,720 --> 01:17:43,040
Speaker 4: Podcast Mollie. Where do they find you? How do they

1532
01:17:43,120 --> 01:17:45,360
Speaker 4: keep up with you? How do they follow you on

1533
01:17:45,400 --> 01:17:46,759
Speaker 4: your road to Tokyo?

1534
01:17:47,280 --> 01:17:50,400
Speaker 1: Probably the best way is through my Instagram at by

1535
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:54,639
Speaker 1: Golly Mollie. I have a pretty much inactive Twitter account

1536
01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:57,840
Speaker 1: at by Golly Molly twelve, so probably don't rely on that.

1537
01:17:58,360 --> 01:18:01,160
Speaker 1: Or if you're around the Boston air and out running,

1538
01:18:01,640 --> 01:18:03,479
Speaker 1: just come say hi to me. You'll probably see me

1539
01:18:03,560 --> 01:18:05,160
Speaker 1: down by the river. Run with me.

1540
01:18:05,479 --> 01:18:05,919
Speaker 2: Perfect.

1541
01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:10,439
Speaker 4: I am Emily a body, another hurdle conquered. Catch you

1542
01:18:10,439 --> 01:18:11,120
Speaker 4: guys next time