Speaker 1: Forever. Ah, look at us. Oh, we're here. We have
Speaker 1: not been kicked out of the studio yet. We have not.
Speaker 1: We haven't got any hate mail yet. I mean we know.
Speaker 2: I don't know why we would get that. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: death people know better.
Speaker 3: But have you checked your spam folder?
Speaker 1: We don't have a spam folder also, we didn't. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: she's just excited to be she's enthusiastic. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 1: I love it it. That's what I love it. I'm
Speaker 1: here for it. Holl Marie, how are you doing? I'm
Speaker 1: doing really well, Sydney. How you do it? I haven't
Speaker 1: seen you in a while. When was last week? Did podcast?
Speaker 1: Oh you see your listeners? I don't know. Me and Marie,
Speaker 1: we used to see each other like every.
Speaker 2: Day, every day, all day, literally every day. I remember
Speaker 2: how much my ex boyfriend hated you. Okay, first of all,
Speaker 2: that was like four years ago, bitch. But that's when
Speaker 2: we would see each other every day.
Speaker 1: No, I saw you a lot last year, did you, Yes?
Speaker 1: And even even this year.
Speaker 2: It's just as of late we haven't been seeing each
Speaker 2: other because you've been getting some duke.
Speaker 1: I didn't get anything between actually exactly you know.
Speaker 2: When my friend is getting Uh, I'm not having sex
Speaker 2: every day. You've been traveling. That's what you should That's
Speaker 2: what you should have said. We haven't seen each other
Speaker 2: because you've been booked, busy and blessed.
Speaker 1: No, Maurice's been going their brunch. Falling downstairs. I did
Speaker 1: fall downstairs getting their back blown out. I fell downstairs
Speaker 1: but naked.
Speaker 3: On my birthday, no way.
Speaker 2: Because my phone was bringing you know, people love me,
Speaker 2: and I was like, and I was like, bru, and
Speaker 2: I bounced and rolled and then I falling in public
Speaker 2: in front of people is the most embarrassing thing to me.
Speaker 1: It was so I popped up real fast in private.
Speaker 2: And he was like, oh my god, I thought you
Speaker 2: fell down the stairs, and I was like, I did,
Speaker 2: but I'm smooth.
Speaker 1: Yes, I knocked a bunch of plants down.
Speaker 2: I would have paid money to see that me falling
Speaker 2: down the stairs but naked. Yeah, so actually, good twenty
Speaker 2: five dollars. That's not enough money you gotta spend on
Speaker 2: the run ticket to see me bust my ass, literally
Speaker 2: bust my bare ass. Thank you so much. Sydney bought
Speaker 2: me an edible today and it's tiny. It looks like
Speaker 2: the head of a gummy bear.
Speaker 1: So I know that if I take this, I'm gonna die.
Speaker 1: What is this? This is this myth?
Speaker 2: It's called on the edge, dude. That means I'm gonna
Speaker 2: be on the edge of the I'm gonna save this.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna save I'm gonna take it as soon as
Speaker 2: the episode is done, and then to be high for
Speaker 2: several hours. Oh my god, ten milligrams or something that's
Speaker 2: not a lot. Yeah, I gotta have three of these.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me sit this down, put it, put it
Speaker 1: over there, Sidney, what were you?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 1: An expert in this week? Man?
Speaker 2: Just so much? I guess traveling. I've been traveling. I
Speaker 2: went to passport traveling. Yeah, not very local. I've been
Speaker 2: using my passport though, because you don't. Yeah, And the
Speaker 2: person on Amtrak was like, you could just get a
Speaker 2: regular ID, and it's like, actually, no.
Speaker 1: I like my password. You're you.
Speaker 2: You are living on the edge. If you lose your passport,
Speaker 2: it's like one hundred and ten dollars to replace it.
Speaker 2: Oh really, Oh you didn't know this.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, I know
Speaker 1: you place it, replace it. Who's replacing? When's your passport.
Speaker 1: That's it. When does it expire? Twenty and twenty three?
Speaker 1: Damn sit, are you old? Damn you old?
Speaker 2: Twenty twenty three. That's the year that has never even
Speaker 2: crossed my mind. I started writing twenty thirteen on things
Speaker 2: recently because I for some reason, my fingers can't do
Speaker 2: the eight.
Speaker 1: I'm like, is it thirteen?
Speaker 2: No, this bit would just be lying. She's really fifty
Speaker 2: seven years old. She's just gonna lie.
Speaker 1: Can I look amazing? Yeah? I actually just turned to
Speaker 1: a dy eight. Thank you so much. I'm proud of you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, You're great. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I've been traveling and it's good getting out of
Speaker 2: New York City because New York City ain't shit.
Speaker 1: You know, people are rude. They don't get up for
Speaker 1: pregnant women on the train. Who has time?
Speaker 2: You know, nobody smiles, nobody says hello, nobody has manners.
Speaker 2: So when you get out, you see people who are
Speaker 2: just fucking happy to be around.
Speaker 1: People in New York have manors.
Speaker 2: I've seen people say thank you when somebody doesn't hold
Speaker 2: the door for them.
Speaker 1: It's like, no, that's that's not how I want to
Speaker 1: be treated. Excuse me. I want like gazebo energy.
Speaker 2: I want people who have fucking addicts and backyards and pantries.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's what with addicts are serial killers?
Speaker 2: Yes they are, but they say good morning and good afternoon.
Speaker 2: I feel like Ted Bundy s cititarverybody that he kills,
Speaker 2: and listen before you kill me, if you tell me
Speaker 2: a good morning, that.
Speaker 1: What a gentleman.
Speaker 2: How about you let me live and don't talk to me? Okay, okay,
Speaker 2: how about that? Anyway, So I went to Atlanta this
Speaker 2: weekend for festival.
Speaker 1: He was cool. You know, did you go to waffle House?
Speaker 2: I did not go to waffle House, but I went
Speaker 2: to the place called Homegrown and they had these comfy
Speaker 2: chicken biscuits. Fucking bomb comfy comfy, like comfortable chicken. Yes,
Speaker 2: Like like you just fucked and y'all you got this.
Speaker 2: You still got the club on your chest.
Speaker 1: That's like my mom is here.
Speaker 2: You got it's just and you just lay there. You know,
Speaker 2: you're like, I get it, I'll get it off. Borrow
Speaker 2: is what's you wake up? Just just crunch It's like
Speaker 2: a frosted flake and you're like, oh, this is an
Speaker 2: exfoliant now, No, just on your chest is not a
Speaker 2: pummice stone.
Speaker 1: That's disgusting.
Speaker 2: So you're the expert on things that are gross. Anyway,
Speaker 2: So I had a run in with somebody on my show.
Speaker 2: I was last and uh okay, the headliner and you
Speaker 2: got there later.
Speaker 1: Actually it was first.
Speaker 2: Anyway, this guy, I'm like on stage, living my best life,
Speaker 2: doing my jokes, having a good time, and he interrupts
Speaker 2: me because I was talking about these strippers that were
Speaker 2: at this lounge I had winter the night before, and
Speaker 2: he's like, I don't like those.
Speaker 1: I don't like them titties there.
Speaker 2: And I was like what. I was like, sir, you're
Speaker 2: wearing flip flops. Nobody cares what you want or you
Speaker 2: can't have a preference. Your whole toes is out like
Speaker 2: nobody cares, and so he starts mumbling. He's like, well,
Speaker 2: I want to see your titties. And I was like, oh, oh,
Speaker 2: oh oh. This was a grown ass man. This is
Speaker 2: a grown ass man in a football jersey. I was like,
Speaker 2: are you retired? Are you just upset?
Speaker 1: You didn't get your You didn't get your money this month?
Speaker 1: You didn't get.
Speaker 2: Tell them about it, Raymond, tell you, tell him why
Speaker 2: are you mad? Because he was just like, you would
Speaker 2: not stop like interrupting me. And then eventually, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm going back and forth. You know, I'm roasting him.
Speaker 2: It's great, but he's getting mad, so he's like, just
Speaker 2: be funny.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's what.
Speaker 3: I've been doing, dude, and get the fuck yes.
Speaker 1: Be funny. It's like, y'all, dudes don't know what y'all want.
Speaker 2: Do you want to see some titties or you want
Speaker 2: to see some common You're not gonna get both, no.
Speaker 1: I mean, not for free. If Sydney has the right
Speaker 1: outfit on, you go see them. Sidney will throw a
Speaker 1: sheer blouse on, a turtleneck would have cut out on
Speaker 1: the cleavage. Anyway, they threw him out later and I
Speaker 1: was just like, later, but you were the last comedy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, why am I doing comedy? But
Speaker 2: you know I made it through.
Speaker 1: It was good. I'm proud of you. Yeah, And they
Speaker 1: were gonna fight him after. Who's gonna fight him?
Speaker 2: The ghosts, the ghosts, the ghosts of Harriet Tubman. Anyway, Marie,
Speaker 2: were you an expert in this week? Ah? My goodness,
Speaker 2: everything that I'm saying is gonna be alleged you're not
Speaker 2: gonna be able to person no charges. Just pretend that, no,
Speaker 2: don't pretend. Just allegedly. So I got a bed in
Speaker 2: a box a few weeks ago.
Speaker 1: That's a fact. Yes, yes, yes, that is a fact.
Speaker 2: Allegedly, And you know it's like a Casper, but you know,
Speaker 2: like not that.
Speaker 1: Not Casper was like fifteen hundred dollars for a queen
Speaker 1: size mattress.
Speaker 2: And so I ordered this mattress on Amazon. I went
Speaker 2: to the website, the mattress company's website, and then I
Speaker 2: went on Amazon because they also delivered it. It was
Speaker 2: gonna be available faster. But in the review, somebody was like, look,
Speaker 2: the bed didn't work for me. I called this number.
Speaker 2: Amazon gave me a refund and I didn't have to
Speaker 2: send the bed back.
Speaker 1: And I was like, wait, they put that in their reviews.
Speaker 1: That's what somebody said. Or is that a friend?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, no no, that was one of the reviews.
Speaker 2: A friend of mine did get a mattress.
Speaker 1: Allegedly. Allegedly, a friend that I know I got a mattress.
Speaker 1: He said it wasn't working for him. He called them.
Speaker 2: They were like, what if we give you fifty percent refund?
Speaker 2: And he was like, no, just couldn't get the bed.
Speaker 2: And they were like, what if we give you all
Speaker 2: your money back and you just keep the bed, And
Speaker 2: he was like okay, and so he kept the bed
Speaker 2: and he got his money back. So I said, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna do the same thing. So I went allegedly allegedly,
Speaker 2: and so I went on, but I ordered a different bed.
Speaker 2: But when I was reading the reviews for somebody was like,
Speaker 2: it wasn't working for us. The Amazon will not come
Speaker 2: pick up a bed that you slept it. It cost
Speaker 2: them less money to just give you a refund and
Speaker 2: let you keep the bed, right, And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: we allegedly. So I called them on Monday, and the
Speaker 2: bed has been bothering my back. I put my old
Speaker 2: mattress protector on it because I have a bad bag
Speaker 2: and my body's been bothering me. Your body's been back
Speaker 2: since you've been anyway, So I've been falling down the
Speaker 2: stairs after that. Dude, well I fell on my butt,
Speaker 2: not on my back anyway. So I called them. Amazon
Speaker 2: was like, all right, well, we'll give you a free
Speaker 2: a full refund, and you have to dispose with the
Speaker 2: mattress yourself, and I was like, who's gonna pick up
Speaker 2: the bed allegedly, and they were like, you got it.
Speaker 2: You can go donate it to a church or a
Speaker 2: good will And I was like, but when do I
Speaker 2: get my money? And they were like, you'll have it now, right,
Speaker 2: So I was like great, thanks Amazon. Then I went
Speaker 2: on the website of the company because I'm like, well,
Speaker 2: if I'm keeping this mattress, i should get you know,
Speaker 2: a mattress protected at works. And I called them and
Speaker 2: I was like, hey, yeah, the bed is hurting my back.
Speaker 2: And they're like, if you send us a screenshot of
Speaker 2: your order receipt, we can send you a free mattress
Speaker 2: stopper for a year.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, let me do
Speaker 1: that right now.
Speaker 2: This scam continues allegedly, so I'm getting the mattress tapper.
Speaker 2: On Monday, I was like, you know what I should
Speaker 2: do with this money that I got back. I should
Speaker 2: get like some new like really nice like linens, like
Speaker 2: some cute sheets, right, and they are like two hundred
Speaker 2: and fifty dollars some linen for some lin I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm gonna just go to TJ.
Speaker 1: Math yeah, or Macy some of these they got good sales.
Speaker 2: Math and Beyond also has really good sheets, yes, and coupons.
Speaker 2: Check the coupons allegedly anyway. So that's what I was
Speaker 2: an expert in this week, is just getting like a
Speaker 2: good night sleep on a freeest bit allegedly.
Speaker 1: Scared the scam man.
Speaker 2: So if anybody wants the number to call Slider my DM,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you what to call, since you can't
Speaker 2: tell everybody because then everybody's going to be doing it
Speaker 2: and they're like, I wonder what the tie that back
Speaker 2: to me? Allegedly anyway, I've been sleeping like a baby. Okay,
Speaker 2: wait Marie, when you got it, you were like, I
Speaker 2: know how this is gonna end. Well, my friend who
Speaker 2: said that he got a full refund and got to
Speaker 2: keep the mattress. Everyone that he told that story to
Speaker 2: didn't work for them, really, it didn't. They They couldn't.
Speaker 2: They either came to pick up the mattress or they
Speaker 2: just wouldn't give them their money back. Interesting, I know,
Speaker 2: I was like, why would you doubt me? They're so
Speaker 2: fucking blessed bits here I am people telling me sleeping
Speaker 2: on a show mattress sleeping.
Speaker 1: On a spring spring mattress.
Speaker 2: People telling me that they want to see my tits,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, damn if I just had a free mattress.
Speaker 1: Honestly, change your life better. I'm having a great week. Phenomenal.
Speaker 2: Speaking of phenomenal, our guest today phenomenal woman. Is she
Speaker 2: phenomenally phenomenally? Is she?
Speaker 1: This guest?
Speaker 2: Our guest today is one of our favorite performers here
Speaker 2: in New York. And we say that every time we
Speaker 2: have a guest, but that we only book people that
Speaker 2: we like. True, I mean me with a fact, with
Speaker 2: the hard facts, a capitol dot real news. She is
Speaker 2: a funny storyteller that performs literally everywhere.
Speaker 1: You guys are gonna love her. She's our cool mom expert.
Speaker 2: And this is this, these are I mean, that's why
Speaker 2: Sidney was talking so crassley before.
Speaker 1: She don't respect my mom. She's cool though, ye yah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah, it's the very funny, the very lovely. It's
Speaker 1: Sandy send them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just wanted to shock me and see if
Speaker 3: I would really react. No, Sandy, I've heard to your
Speaker 3: crusty chest. Sandy.
Speaker 2: I know listen, I know you, I know how you
Speaker 2: get down. You're kind of the cool mom that you
Speaker 2: could also call you by your first name, Sande trash mom, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Trash mom.
Speaker 2: You have two Cardia bracelets on? Yes, yes, okay, forever bracelet.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: When I go through the airport, it takes a long
Speaker 3: time because you have to like basically do a body
Speaker 3: cavity search. Now they put me through the X ray
Speaker 3: of that machine, like yeah, yeah, they're doing it, and
Speaker 3: then it's like the wand everywhere. And I always make
Speaker 3: the same stupid joke. I always say you have to
Speaker 3: buy me a cocktail first, or some bullshit, and they
Speaker 3: always look at me like you're the two hundredth person
Speaker 3: who said that to me today. So yes, give a ship.
Speaker 1: But do they check your hair?
Speaker 3: Well, they couldn't get there's like a meat loafing hereripes
Speaker 3: the Lindbergh babies, a lot of hair.
Speaker 1: Sandy.
Speaker 2: Let's talk about who you are and where you're from. Like,
Speaker 2: first of all, I met you a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2: You were on we were doing a show together.
Speaker 3: That's correct. We were doing a show together and I
Speaker 3: saw you and I thought, I'm madly in love. I
Speaker 3: want to take you home and tuck you in somewhere
Speaker 3: and then give you like Parge in the morning, like poor, yeah, granola,
Speaker 3: a bowl of granola, mac and cheese, Mac and cheese.
Speaker 1: In the morning. Wow, how do you make it? How
Speaker 1: do you make your mac and cheese? I make it.
Speaker 3: I buy everything is gluten free in my house.
Speaker 1: You're not a cool mom. Mom.
Speaker 3: No, I was raising my kids. I gave them Kraft
Speaker 3: twenty six cent box of Kraft mac and cheese. That's
Speaker 3: what it used to cost, twenty six cents when my
Speaker 3: kids were little. I'm old. My kids are old, so
Speaker 3: now I make the same age as us. Well, my
Speaker 3: twins are going to be thirty this year, a little
Speaker 3: older than us, and my son's twenty five.
Speaker 1: I met your son.
Speaker 3: Yes, he's cute.
Speaker 2: Sandy had a show in Brooklyn and she her your
Speaker 2: husband and your son were both there that her husband
Speaker 2: is like super supportive of you.
Speaker 1: He was so supportive.
Speaker 2: But you was there at that show too, the stuff
Speaker 2: that as Sandy talks about, I was like.
Speaker 4: Your son is he yeah?
Speaker 1: You talking about this with your son? Girl five years old?
Speaker 2: Five?
Speaker 1: Well five.
Speaker 3: I did a show last week and my daughter was
Speaker 3: in the audience. This was in la and it was
Speaker 3: all about how I left her father nice. It was
Speaker 3: really classic origin story, super classic. I kept saying, referring
Speaker 3: to her in the audience, saying, Lindsay, I'm sorry, but
Speaker 3: it's true. And everybody started laughing because I was being
Speaker 3: so horrifying. But Lindsay's used to it. I'm her mother.
Speaker 3: She knows, she knows, she's brought today.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she likes Well, is this story embarrassing? But how
Speaker 1: you loved her dead story? It's not.
Speaker 3: It doesn't make him look great, and you're not supposed
Speaker 3: to do that in front of your kids. No. Oh,
Speaker 3: he's a man, but she's a grown up man. Terrible Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's all right. You know, it's like she's a grown
Speaker 3: up woman now, she can hear about it.
Speaker 2: A woman in her thirties knows if she has crabby
Speaker 2: parents that's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it doesn't parent. Yeah, she doesn't need you
Speaker 1: to tell tell her how bad he is or whatever.
Speaker 1: But he was.
Speaker 3: I mean, her dad is amazing as his dad. He
Speaker 3: was just a shitty husband. So I kept saying.
Speaker 1: No, you a man who could do both, dad? Yeah, right,
Speaker 1: that's my dad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So how long are you guys together?
Speaker 1: I think I know the story.
Speaker 3: So my first husband I was with for like fourteen years,
Speaker 3: and my second husband I've now been for almost twenty years.
Speaker 3: So I've been basically, you've.
Speaker 1: Got that long term coochie Yo, long term. I put
Speaker 1: in commitment, coach.
Speaker 3: I've been, you know, doing hospital corners with another dude
Speaker 3: in the house for like thirty five.
Speaker 1: Forty hospital corners. Yeah, you know you like.
Speaker 3: In after everybody leaves in the morning. For forty years.
Speaker 3: I've been making a bed for somebody, is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, okay, So you're married and you every morning
Speaker 2: make the bed.
Speaker 3: I make it because he leave. My husband leaves for work.
Speaker 1: You can't just throw it at the school.
Speaker 3: It's old school. Well I'm home. What am I doing.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm watching.
Speaker 1: You got to do what the kids are doing. Just leave.
Speaker 1: I'm get into this twelve hours from now. To make
Speaker 1: the bed. I don't put I don't put no duvet
Speaker 1: or nothing over it.
Speaker 3: I make the bed. I watch the prices, right, and
Speaker 3: I make the bed.
Speaker 2: Love the prices, not to carry prices, right. I like
Speaker 2: Barker creepy man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Cheryl.
Speaker 2: Look like he does people's elbows, and like the smaller
Speaker 2: their back that's the that's the Prices.
Speaker 3: Wasn't there a rumor that he was stopping one of
Speaker 3: the models, probably stopping that a cool mom turn. Yeah
Speaker 3: she was, Yeah, getting down with one of the models stooping.
Speaker 1: Well, him and Hugh Hefner were really good friends.
Speaker 2: So a lot of those girls were like playmates, the Prices,
Speaker 2: right girls, they were playmates.
Speaker 1: He because, yeah, sany what you sleep on a queen
Speaker 1: for a queen? Sandy?
Speaker 2: I went to your house and what I She had
Speaker 2: a comedy show there.
Speaker 1: Did you steal anything? It took everything for me not
Speaker 1: to take something. I was like, you just had.
Speaker 2: Everything out and I was like, wait, you have all
Speaker 2: these people in your place and you're not locking it up.
Speaker 1: Girl, you didn't take like I wanted to hear her bathroom.
Speaker 2: She has every wonderful beauty product ever and I still
Speaker 2: look like this.
Speaker 1: No, sendy, you look incredible for your age. You're killing it.
Speaker 3: You're sweet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you always have like a designer. Like I saw
Speaker 2: her at a show. She had a Chanel boot on,
Speaker 2: said Sandy. I know that those boots were like thirty dollars,
Speaker 2: And honestly, I wanted to take everything in your place
Speaker 2: and I could have.
Speaker 1: You could have, no, because you probably have insurance on ship.
Speaker 1: That's what it is, why she says, coming to taste.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have cameras everywhere. I was rubbing my butt
Speaker 3: on everything good, good, like.
Speaker 2: A dog that needed to wipe his butt. It was
Speaker 2: market market my spot, you know.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But Tandy, you live in like Westchester, like I'm making
Speaker 2: the rits Carlton bitch.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm like Eloise, old Eloise living at the hotel.
Speaker 3: But it's a condo. It's not a hotel. But it's nice.
Speaker 3: I have to admit I like it. I do. I
Speaker 3: really like it. I'm proud that I get to live there.
Speaker 2: You got art, like real art, Yeah, I have real art,
Speaker 2: like fun art. Yes, you have fun art at your place.
Speaker 2: That's how good all that you are?
Speaker 1: Cool? He's lived.
Speaker 3: Yeah, now I've lived. I've got the track marks.
Speaker 1: So let's talk about it. Let's talk about how you
Speaker 1: got to be so cool? Like, were you a cool
Speaker 1: kid in school?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: I was such a loser. I mean everybody, total loser. Oh,
Speaker 3: I was a loser. I had like I was really
Speaker 3: ugly and I had a lazy eye. No, I had
Speaker 3: one eye that robe.
Speaker 2: Sandy I had a low key. I have a wandering
Speaker 2: eye as well, who wandered.
Speaker 3: I had to work with these prisms for like six
Speaker 3: months and they retrained my eye. It looked like Superman
Speaker 3: ship like up there.
Speaker 1: So I had a surgery. You have to like no.
Speaker 3: Retra doctor Lockdrman made me retrain my eye. And I
Speaker 3: also had a horrible like buck teeth face mouth because
Speaker 3: I sucked my thumb. So I was a hot mess.
Speaker 3: I really was not until I got to high school,
Speaker 3: and then I only became more like acceptable because I
Speaker 3: was in all the school plays theater. I was the
Speaker 3: class clown.
Speaker 1: So you had talent to your tent.
Speaker 3: Well, it wasn't necessarily talented. I was just loud.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean I've been told.
Speaker 3: It just shout ship. People think you're funny.
Speaker 1: Louder than everybody loud.
Speaker 3: So then things kind of worked out after that, and
Speaker 3: then I fixed everything. You're too like, I don't remember
Speaker 3: what color my hair was, my teeth, you know, braces
Speaker 3: that I got fixed, fixed my nose, I believe, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: oh yeah I had Yeah you know you used to
Speaker 3: look like it's cute now well yeah, because it it
Speaker 3: was doctor Klein or whatever his name is, fixed it.
Speaker 3: But no, it was a mess. I was a mad
Speaker 3: little a little too. It wasn't too candy, but it
Speaker 3: wasn't It wasn't pretty believing.
Speaker 2: That I believe gotta have your You gotta be ugly
Speaker 2: as a kid, so you don't like the predators don't
Speaker 2: want you.
Speaker 1: And I get beautiful when you get older.
Speaker 3: And I also have a theory that children that are
Speaker 3: really exceptionally good looking when they're really little turn out
Speaker 3: to be cows.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 2: Everybody in high school that was banging, oh my god,
Speaker 2: trash chillowcases and they all have like four kids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's like since we just graduated.
Speaker 3: But I like to say, is they look road hard,
Speaker 3: put away wet.
Speaker 1: That's my expection. Wait hard, road hard, put them away wet.
Speaker 3: It's like a horse. You ride them hard and then
Speaker 3: you put them away wet.
Speaker 1: Horses, horses. Everybody that's though the podcast is poor.
Speaker 3: But I don't have a horse. Actually, I'm afraid of
Speaker 3: horses because I'm sure I've told you this. My sweet
Speaker 3: husband he lost his her first wife in a horseback
Speaker 3: riding accident. She fell, Yeah, she fell off a horse
Speaker 3: and she died.
Speaker 1: Was she equestrian?
Speaker 3: Yes, she was a jumper.
Speaker 1: She was a professional horse and she died.
Speaker 3: When I tell the story where we go to Mohawk
Speaker 3: Mountain Resort and they had like horses there and he's
Speaker 3: telling me to get up on a fucking horse.
Speaker 1: He's trying to kill you. Did you see the staircase
Speaker 1: he killed?
Speaker 3: Unbelievable anyway, But he would never know it was an accident.
Speaker 1: You said he would never but he has.
Speaker 3: Actually, I think that it was the year.
Speaker 1: It's a good year. It's a good year. So you
Speaker 1: were not a cool kid. I wasn't a cool kid,
Speaker 1: but you were in theater.
Speaker 3: Yes, So then I became when I found out that
Speaker 3: I could use comedy as a way to save myself.
Speaker 3: Was when I was in high school. There were these
Speaker 3: really awful, mean, bitchy girls. They were in the bathroom
Speaker 3: smoking and I was in a stall and they were
Speaker 3: like bruising to like cut somebody.
Speaker 1: Okay, like cut somebody cut somebody.
Speaker 3: And I came out of the stall and I could
Speaker 3: see there were somebody was gonna hurt me because I
Speaker 3: had already once been beaten up in school, and so
Speaker 3: one of them like pulled on my sweater like to
Speaker 3: wallat me. And then the other one said, oh no,
Speaker 3: she was that funny bird in this in sing the
Speaker 3: school show, leave her alone. And I thought, okay, I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna get killed.
Speaker 2: That's your street cred. That was she's funny, She's funny.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, that's the same I was a gleek.
Speaker 3: I used to like run around singing the hills are alive,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: And that's kind of similar to Tiffany Had's story. She
Speaker 2: was in like foster care and these kids were going
Speaker 2: to beat her up, and she.
Speaker 1: Just kept telling me jokes. Yeah, and that's why she
Speaker 1: is who she is now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you can. And I find that if you
Speaker 3: use comedy now in the most mundane situations, like if
Speaker 3: you're arguing with the American Express, I'm sorry, okay, master Card,
Speaker 3: if it makes you feel like I'm less elite, if
Speaker 3: you're going to check Blue anybody, I just want to
Speaker 3: tell you you're funny.
Speaker 2: If you do American Express, they always give the customers
Speaker 2: so nice, they're always the customer is always right with
Speaker 2: Americas Express, they are.
Speaker 3: But if you make you're the person on the phone,
Speaker 3: the customer service person laugh, you'd be shocked at all
Speaker 3: the things.
Speaker 2: I'm not laughing when i'm managed representative, I'm leaning on
Speaker 2: the zero.
Speaker 1: I'm supervisor. Let me speak to your supervisor.
Speaker 3: But as soon as you can disarm them and make
Speaker 3: them laugh, they'll give you whatever you want.
Speaker 1: That's true. They'll be like, I don't usually do this,
Speaker 1: and you'll be like, wow, my first.
Speaker 2: My mood is angry when I'm on the phone with them,
Speaker 2: except for when I got this free mattress. So Sandy,
Speaker 2: you didn't get beat up because you're funny, And then
Speaker 2: would happened? Did you go to school? So then yeah,
Speaker 2: I went to I was at first.
Speaker 3: I went to University of South Florida, Party City, party City,
Speaker 3: which I did not like because what I was there
Speaker 3: this is a long time ago. I was there like
Speaker 3: a month and one of the dudes in one of
Speaker 3: my classes, I swear, he asked if he could see
Speaker 3: my horns because he said, are you a Jew?
Speaker 1: Oh my god?
Speaker 3: I said, yeah, he goes, can I see your horns?
Speaker 3: He wasn't kidding. He thought I had horns. So I
Speaker 3: transferred out and I went to NYJ was a much
Speaker 3: better Jew. It was much more appropriate, and I was
Speaker 3: in their drama department. But I had to drop out
Speaker 3: because I couldn't afford to stay. I had no money.
Speaker 1: How much was a tuition back in?
Speaker 3: It was so cheap. It was one hundred and twenty
Speaker 3: five dollars a credit.
Speaker 1: That's all it was. How did you need?
Speaker 3: You need like twelve every semester?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could never hear it. I had no money
Speaker 1: still like a lot of money.
Speaker 3: Nothing. Also, I might add that back in the early eighties, anyone,
Speaker 3: if you could breathe, you could get into NYU. Because
Speaker 3: I wasn't very smart, but you know they just if
Speaker 3: they wanted your money, they would.
Speaker 1: Take you so different. Now after you dropped out, what happened?
Speaker 3: So then I started, you know, trying to act and
Speaker 3: I was also a dancer. Ah, so you started strip
Speaker 3: stripping stripping. I had worked the pull. No, I didn't work.
Speaker 2: I was like really, I know, I was a little body,
Speaker 2: but I did.
Speaker 3: I was a professional cheerleader for the New York Cosmo
Speaker 3: Soccer team.
Speaker 1: A soccer team. They had cheerleaders and.
Speaker 3: They paid fifteen dollars a game.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine how many games did you do?
Speaker 3: It was too a week? And then public personal appearances. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but that's still was all the week.
Speaker 2: Thought one hundred and twenty dollars was not a lot,
Speaker 2: but then you think, thirty dollars you have to.
Speaker 3: Get to met Life Stadium, which was Giants Stadium at
Speaker 3: the time, and it.
Speaker 1: Was really stupid.
Speaker 3: Yes, But then after I did that for a while,
Speaker 3: I realized this isn't very good.
Speaker 1: Where were you living, Like, were you like staying at
Speaker 1: your parents?
Speaker 3: Well, I still lived at home, and then eventually well also,
Speaker 3: rent was really cheap back in the early eighties, so
Speaker 3: I lived on the Upper East Side for like three
Speaker 3: hundred dollars a month. Wow, in like a walk out
Speaker 3: all day.
Speaker 1: That's what I would be so well off. You could
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 3: You could do that.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't even speak to anybody. I wouldn't be on
Speaker 1: this podcast.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, sorry, I'm going back to my upper I
Speaker 2: would have a monocle, that's right.
Speaker 3: I would have been the banker. But then I met
Speaker 3: I was taking a dance class with an actor, Peter Weller,
Speaker 3: who was the original RoboCop.
Speaker 1: If you've ever seen that movie, he was the one
Speaker 1: in the robot costume.
Speaker 3: Yes, And he told me he was the original one,
Speaker 3: and in an aluminum foil, and he told me to
Speaker 3: meet his agent. And I thought he was telling me
Speaker 3: that because I was like packing the heat or something right,
Speaker 3: like I was going to be a star. But he
Speaker 3: told me that because he said, you have a good personality,
Speaker 3: should be an agent. So I went there, and before
Speaker 3: I knew it, I was an assistant at a talent agency.
Speaker 3: And I stayed making the stars. Yes, And I thought
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 1: Trying to hook you up with somebody.
Speaker 3: I thought he was going to hook me up to
Speaker 3: because he thought I was adorable, But no, he just
Speaker 3: thought I had you got to go personality.
Speaker 1: You should behind the camera. You should be like in
Speaker 1: an office, in the room, in.
Speaker 3: The back room, in a cubicle. But it's like the
Speaker 3: kiss of death. Like if you're described by a guy
Speaker 3: to another guy, Oh she's a good personality, it means
Speaker 3: she's a dog.
Speaker 2: But well that's when women are described basic dating and nice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but he might have.
Speaker 2: Some money, Yeah, he's yes, nice, he's got health insurance,
Speaker 2: and he's a really nice guy.
Speaker 1: He's a good guy. Like his mom looks like a troll.
Speaker 1: He looks like Shrek.
Speaker 3: So I wound up doing that, and then eventually I
Speaker 3: went with partners and we opened up our own agency
Speaker 3: and then I was called it was called Shiftman Ekman
Speaker 3: Marson and Marx C M and M.
Speaker 2: It was pretty big Jewish, Jewish, Jewish, Jewish and Jewish.
Speaker 3: No, actually only two out of four Jewis Jewish Jewish.
Speaker 3: But it was good. It was really good, and it
Speaker 3: was fun and I got to represent lots of really
Speaker 3: cool people. And who did you rep. Let's talk about
Speaker 3: James Earl Jones.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, legendary James Earl jer.
Speaker 1: Yeah, welcome to me.
Speaker 3: And we had Dane Cook. I like him, he's actually James.
Speaker 3: And then we had oh my gosh, I had so
Speaker 3: many interesting people like Jane Curtin from Third Rock, from
Speaker 3: the Sun and Kate Alley and the regional.
Speaker 2: Saturday Left Wesley Snipe, Wesley Sny like a young Wesley.
Speaker 2: He didn't know the government millions of dollars before he
Speaker 2: started making money.
Speaker 3: When I met Wesley, he was working for Bell New
Speaker 3: York telephone company as like a repair man, and he
Speaker 3: was making extra money by massaging the agency.
Speaker 2: Wow knives was doing couch calls.
Speaker 1: I'm not we're not trying to get sued here. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: she she knows.
Speaker 3: It was legit. He had one of those chairs you see.
Speaker 2: Let you put dirt on my Wesley's knife's name. How
Speaker 2: dare you sad?
Speaker 1: You take it back? Wesley taking?
Speaker 2: He was wow, he really wanted to be an actor.
Speaker 3: I no, no, he was just the backgroud like airport styles.
Speaker 1: So you said the Wesley nips ball rubbing balls. I
Speaker 1: mean it worked. He got love. Yeah, he is great,
Speaker 1: Thank you for that.
Speaker 3: He was good. He's good a massage. No, I wouldn't
Speaker 3: let him because I was.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, don't you thank you black man, because
Speaker 2: I was too nervous.
Speaker 3: He was too attractive.
Speaker 1: You're livesh You definitely got.
Speaker 2: You got, you got, you got your ages moisturized.
Speaker 1: Shut up, sand He oiled your scalp. Yeah, he hit
Speaker 1: your temples.
Speaker 3: He was too cute, too cute.
Speaker 1: He was fine.
Speaker 2: He's definitely a young and he had liked like muscles,
Speaker 2: but not as big as they became.
Speaker 3: He used to have like normal.
Speaker 2: When you have like a lean basketball nineteen eight, you
Speaker 2: got a trainer and ship, then that's when you get
Speaker 2: real muscles.
Speaker 3: Like I also represented a comedian named Joe Piscopo, who
Speaker 3: was like an old s n L and he used
Speaker 3: to be really cute and then he was massage but
Speaker 3: he got he got too musclely. He got like so
Speaker 3: musclely he was terrible.
Speaker 1: You don't like muscles at all, not big.
Speaker 3: Ones like that. You look, he was blown up in
Speaker 3: the morning with helium.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, would you like in a man, because
Speaker 2: you know you've had.
Speaker 3: I like them slim, slim, smart, cute, not too good looking,
Speaker 3: because then the waiters only pay attention to them. I
Speaker 3: don't like that. I've dated those guys where the waitress
Speaker 3: looks at you like, oh you want something to I
Speaker 3: don't know.
Speaker 1: Where are you all going where the waitresses could see
Speaker 1: like that?
Speaker 2: Fancy places, yeah it's fair, you know, places with like
Speaker 2: cloth napkins. Yeah, you got to go to the places
Speaker 2: where they look down and they're like, I don't even
Speaker 2: I can't even look you in that.
Speaker 3: I can't look at you in the eye because I
Speaker 3: have to work like a t I have to wear
Speaker 3: those buttons on my vest to I'm not no, she's.
Speaker 2: Getting like real Italian food. It's like Italian women back
Speaker 2: there cooking.
Speaker 3: I just like a nice sweet face, and I like
Speaker 3: a guy who's willing to listen so I can carry
Speaker 3: on the way I do. I'm mad at someone who's
Speaker 3: willing to listen to all my bullshit.
Speaker 1: I feel like good.
Speaker 2: I feel like most men are there, they'll pretend to listen. Well,
Speaker 2: they'll sit there while you're talking and they're like, well,
Speaker 2: let me see what we're not going to do for
Speaker 2: fantasy football this week. Yeah, and then you asked them
Speaker 2: to run back. You said they won't be able to what.
Speaker 1: I'm listening your job.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's true.
Speaker 1: They're like not listening. So okay.
Speaker 2: So in all this, after with these nipe gave you
Speaker 2: a massage. In all this, you ended up having some kids. Yes,
Speaker 2: three of them.
Speaker 1: You twins, Tress kids, twins.
Speaker 3: I had Trey kids. Yes, I had that set of
Speaker 3: twins with my first Actually, I had all my kids
Speaker 3: with my first husband. Why am I can work sea
Speaker 3: session sea secsion? See each time I have like velcro
Speaker 3: strip in their now snap. Well, I had my twins
Speaker 3: ten weeks early.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of week.
Speaker 3: They look like little gerbils when they were born. They
Speaker 3: were so tiny. Yeah, they were in for seven weeks shit. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but they're fine now.
Speaker 1: I mean there were ten weeks early so seven weeks
Speaker 1: is like they.
Speaker 3: Had a cook they stuck them in the cooker, they
Speaker 3: put them under that light. They were in the slow Yeah,
Speaker 3: in the cock pot.
Speaker 1: Do twins running your family?
Speaker 3: Nope, identical twins, I think are just a freak of fat.
Speaker 1: Oh you didn't take any drugs or anything.
Speaker 3: I figured I was just so aggressive about wanting a baby.
Speaker 3: God said, okay, we'll show.
Speaker 1: You the one that take two.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're going to give you two. So yeah, we
Speaker 3: had two girls, and then four years later I had
Speaker 3: my son, and then when he was four, I decided
Speaker 3: I wanted to get out of my difficult marriage. So
Speaker 3: that was tough.
Speaker 1: When he was four, my son was four.
Speaker 3: I had three kids under the age of eight when
Speaker 3: I decided to get a divorce. Good Lord, Yeah that
Speaker 3: took balls.
Speaker 1: That definitely did.
Speaker 3: But that took especially since my husband had told me
Speaker 3: that nobody would ever date a woman with three kids
Speaker 3: in the suburbs.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's kind like I feel like that's true.
Speaker 3: It's not, it's not. It was raining men, I said, yo,
Speaker 3: see the work.
Speaker 1: They were like, let me help you carry those bags
Speaker 1: to your car.
Speaker 3: It was no, it was not a problem. Well, if
Speaker 3: you work in this I worked in the city. I
Speaker 3: had a business, so I was working and I met
Speaker 3: a lot of interesting people and I put it out
Speaker 3: there after I got divorced, like introduced me to a
Speaker 3: guy who's like worthy of running a small democratic country,
Speaker 3: not like a specific like some guy who could like
Speaker 3: like a Justin Trudeau, you know like that, you know,
Speaker 3: like a Canadian, a Canadian. Yeah, man, And I started
Speaker 3: meeting all these school dudes. And my theory is is
Speaker 3: that you got to do it at the right age,
Speaker 3: like between well it's between their first wife that they
Speaker 3: have kids with and their trophy wife when they're like five.
Speaker 3: So when you're like forty two or forty one, the
Speaker 3: guys are still like have their soul about having like
Speaker 3: a real relationship with a real woman, not not a
Speaker 3: thirty or twenty eight year old when they're fifty like that.
Speaker 1: So what date do you tell a man that you
Speaker 1: got three kids?
Speaker 3: Right away? Because I don't want them to leave the
Speaker 3: check with me on that first day check. But also remember,
Speaker 3: because I'm older, we didn't have the websites that you
Speaker 3: guys have now. We weren't swiping or anything. You will
Speaker 3: go out with one person a month, like some of
Speaker 3: you had to put it out to your friends and
Speaker 3: like that they had as much like options as they did.
Speaker 1: So yeah, they took around a little bit more.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and men like to have a relationship more than women.
Speaker 3: Like if men leave women, it's usually for another woman.
Speaker 3: Women leave men because they're miserable. It's different. Men can.
Speaker 1: Hit them with the cool mom merch.
Speaker 3: Men need someone to be there when they get home
Speaker 3: from work to complain about their jobs or make them
Speaker 3: their meals or what. I don't know. I mean, I
Speaker 3: don't want to grossly generalize.
Speaker 4: But.
Speaker 3: We do is generalize. That's our brand, that's my that's
Speaker 3: my experience. So you know. But women were more independent,
Speaker 3: and we're willing to really.
Speaker 1: We are independently.
Speaker 2: Wa That's hilarious because every time I see a chick
Speaker 2: she would four other bitches.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what can I just hang out with you?
Speaker 1: Why are you go girl with you?
Speaker 3: But I was also I was lucky because I was
Speaker 3: able to go out and get my own house. You know,
Speaker 3: I didn't have to depend on a man.
Speaker 1: You got your Where was your house, Sandy?
Speaker 3: It was in Scarsdale, Scarsdale, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It sounds like bread like.
Speaker 3: That's wow, that's where that diet doctor got murdered. Doctor Tanner,
Speaker 3: do you remember that the die doctor murder in Scarsdale?
Speaker 3: Super fancy murder.
Speaker 1: I'll talk about this to talk about murder on this podcast.
Speaker 3: There was this woman named Jean Harris who was like
Speaker 3: a like the head mistress at some girls school.
Speaker 1: Doesn't sound like a mistress name though.
Speaker 3: Oh. She was like a fancy like a secretary like.
Speaker 3: And Jean had an affair with this diet doctor, a
Speaker 3: diet doctor, and he was in Scarsdale, and she in
Speaker 3: a fit of rage and a peak went and shot
Speaker 3: him and killed him, and in a rage. She was
Speaker 3: in a fit. He was cheating on her.
Speaker 1: But was he married? Was she married?
Speaker 3: I don't know those details, but I do know that
Speaker 3: this finishing school chick had to go to that prison
Speaker 3: where Martha Stewart went, the fancy prison, not real jail, yeah,
Speaker 3: like potholder making.
Speaker 1: Jail, the jail that had like the little sandwiches with
Speaker 1: the crest cut off.
Speaker 3: Little watercress jail.
Speaker 2: The jail.
Speaker 3: So that's where we lived. So yeah, the fancy crime location.
Speaker 1: That's nice.
Speaker 3: So anyway, but I was able to be on my
Speaker 3: own and we had joint custody of our kids. So
Speaker 3: the kids, unfortunately for them, they had to go back
Speaker 3: and forth every Friday from one house to the other. Yes, I.
Speaker 1: Was a woman at work, Okay. I just wanted to
Speaker 1: let the listeners know. They know they could tell yeah anyway.
Speaker 3: But it worked out because I was so sure this
Speaker 3: was going to fuck up my kids for life, because
Speaker 3: because who wants to live in two houses? Actually that sounds.
Speaker 1: I thinks that's two Christmases. Yeah, Christmas.
Speaker 2: And if you tired of one person, you just go
Speaker 2: out onto the I'm going back to dance.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 3: That's you could threaten with that the screen door. But
Speaker 3: it seemed to work out somehow, and the kids were cool.
Speaker 3: I mean it was hard to the beginning because we
Speaker 3: were also I was the first Heathenist woman in our
Speaker 3: neighborhood to leave a husband. These women were not Avenue Well.
Speaker 3: I had like a scarlet d on me because the women,
Speaker 3: I think were threatened by the fact that I was
Speaker 3: like that. I made me think they thought maybe I
Speaker 3: was going to try.
Speaker 1: To stand and don't say that. You tell us the truth.
Speaker 1: You were watering your lawn.
Speaker 2: It's short and you were coming out check the mail
Speaker 2: with like your shirt tied under your boots and you
Speaker 2: were like.
Speaker 1: Hegi and they were like, look at this husky.
Speaker 3: And the guys were afraid to talk to me because
Speaker 3: they thought that I might be infectious, like like if
Speaker 3: I get involved in their lives, their wives were going
Speaker 3: to leave leave. So it was a funny time. But
Speaker 3: it all worked out. It's fine.
Speaker 1: So they didn't invite you to none of the like
Speaker 1: Neighborhood Watch.
Speaker 3: Wasn't a lot of potlucking going on.
Speaker 1: A lot of pot looking. They didn't invite you to charades.
Speaker 3: Well, I did have a few good friends, but actually
Speaker 3: my very good they they threw me. They threw me
Speaker 3: a divorce party. They're almost Yeah, all my friends who
Speaker 3: are probably all of them are now divorced.
Speaker 1: And they knew they did the future. What's the divorce
Speaker 1: party like snacks?
Speaker 3: Well it's more like no, it's more like a housewarming
Speaker 3: where they brought me like pots and pants and.
Speaker 2: Shiite, Like you don't need this extra pot now, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you don't need this plant.
Speaker 1: Bitch, because you know you lonely. Yeah, so how were
Speaker 1: you dating when you had three kids?
Speaker 3: Because every other week I was a say I worked.
Speaker 2: Six schedule right every other weekend, she was having sex
Speaker 2: because the kids weren't it.
Speaker 3: But the staff in my office always knew my week
Speaker 3: off because chove to work wearing like, I don't know,
Speaker 3: like tighter clothes, my hair got we can wearing those
Speaker 3: f MPs you know, yeah, total remember those.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So you're going to work dressed up for one day,
Speaker 2: so you were going you were in your date clothes
Speaker 2: to work.
Speaker 3: I would have different shoes, perhaps in the Bounces, yuppy
Speaker 3: new Bounces, but I always had the f MPs in
Speaker 3: my drawer. So then I would just bring my makeup
Speaker 3: to work. And because I would go on a date
Speaker 3: right after work, I would get like picked up at
Speaker 3: my office or i'd meet them.
Speaker 1: Vincent, you heard that Pittures, this is before.
Speaker 2: Well, that's why you're so cool, you know, because you
Speaker 2: like lived your life you as a mom. I feel
Speaker 2: like moms become a little uncool when they just it's
Speaker 2: all about the kids, don't do anything for yourself.
Speaker 3: One of the first reasons I knew that I needed
Speaker 3: to leave my first marriage was because we had nothing
Speaker 3: in common. We didn't get along, and I knew kids
Speaker 3: One day would eventually grow up, and then when they did,
Speaker 3: I was going to be stuck living with someone that
Speaker 3: I really didn't know. We didn't have a great relationship,
Speaker 3: so I thought I better get out now. I want
Speaker 3: to get over my fourteen years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a long time and I have nothing in
Speaker 1: common with somebody.
Speaker 2: Well, we had our kids in common that, yeah, but
Speaker 2: the kids were four and five, five and eight eight.
Speaker 1: No, I've never.
Speaker 3: Listen. This is my biggest piece of expert advice. Let
Speaker 3: me let me never ever have a joint account.
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna do that anymore. Never.
Speaker 3: I always had my own card. My bank account was
Speaker 3: always my own. Always I could you were making money well,
Speaker 3: because I just thought I don't want someone looking over
Speaker 3: my shoulder asking me why I bought that moisturizer. It's mine.
Speaker 3: I don't you know what I mean. And I'm not
Speaker 3: in a situation like that anymore. Because my husband would
Speaker 3: give me the world, but it's my. It's like, I
Speaker 3: don't do that. I just you do your thing. I
Speaker 3: do my thing.
Speaker 2: So wait, well, when you want to use his money,
Speaker 2: you just have his card, yes, but does he have
Speaker 2: your card?
Speaker 1: Why? I already need my car why this is my car.
Speaker 3: I mean we do everything, like we bought a home together,
Speaker 3: We do anything together. And obviously he could have anything
Speaker 3: he wants, of mind, but I like to have my
Speaker 3: own accounts. I want to behold myself accountable for my shit.
Speaker 3: That's all. It's like a psychological thing. Yeah, yeah, hold
Speaker 3: yourself accountable, have.
Speaker 1: Own accounts always. Cool mom, right here?
Speaker 3: Cool mom?
Speaker 2: Okay, So then your kids are older, you're married. Now,
Speaker 2: talk about like how you were raising your kids. Were
Speaker 2: you spanking them, were you like slapping them in the face,
Speaker 2: were you twisting their ears in public?
Speaker 1: That was my mom's move.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I never never, ever, This sounds really unrealistic, but
Speaker 3: I never had a time out or punish or yell
Speaker 3: or anything. So your kids is spoiled, No, no, no,
Speaker 3: they're not really. They're very like they were sort of
Speaker 3: genetically predisposed to being.
Speaker 2: Like you had a nanny too, though nanny was hitting
Speaker 2: them kids, actually West Indian.
Speaker 1: Yeah she was.
Speaker 3: They did have a couple of tough nanny.
Speaker 1: Is that what you got? But I wanted.
Speaker 3: I had a Grenadian nanny when they were little, and
Speaker 3: but the one that was the meanest was the French danny. People.
Speaker 3: She was mean, she was tough on them. But anyway,
Speaker 3: but they were good kids.
Speaker 1: So no.
Speaker 3: But I was the mom who went to pick up
Speaker 3: my son from camp because he wasn't having fun, and
Speaker 3: all the other moms told me I was an asshole
Speaker 3: for doing that, but I said, I'm sorry, he's not happy,
Speaker 3: I'm bringing him home. And the camp director is looking
Speaker 3: at me like you know, I'm Satan, like I can't.
Speaker 1: Believe what kind of car were you picking your kids
Speaker 1: up in? I feel like it was a BMW no mersades. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's why.
Speaker 2: They were like you come, You came and picked them
Speaker 2: up in a ben and what were you playing?
Speaker 1: Some Rick Ross.
Speaker 3: At the time, it was probably no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: I'm more of like a Whitney or.
Speaker 1: She's like you fornt got anywhere? Oh my god.
Speaker 3: That reminds me once I went to pick up my
Speaker 3: school my son at middle school, and I was blasting
Speaker 3: some rap song where they were like motherfucker something ra
Speaker 3: other and my son's like, mom, because my windows were
Speaker 3: rolled down. Of course we had a partial and everyone's
Speaker 3: like motherfucker. It was Jenner. It was j Love singing
Speaker 3: with like.
Speaker 1: Gyrol. That's it.
Speaker 3: It was joy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Andy's got some celene sheets.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, And what made it worse is I swear
Speaker 3: I had a T shirt. I always like to wear
Speaker 3: T shirts that said ship I still do and it
Speaker 3: said skinny bitch on it.
Speaker 1: And I got to go through.
Speaker 3: I know, it's crazy and my son was like, oh, Mom,
Speaker 3: you've got to get back in the car.
Speaker 1: You get out of the car. She had cool shoes
Speaker 1: and that's why she had them slides.
Speaker 3: But we did have the house that all the kids
Speaker 3: came to because you would have you would have that
Speaker 3: was like, I would rather you drink here, drink outside. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I was the cool mom. What do you guys?
Speaker 1: Like Jim Bean, are you doing? Martiniz Today's show?
Speaker 3: But like when it was prom season, we did all
Speaker 3: the makeup for all the girls in our house.
Speaker 1: But the kids were partying. Had a strong eyebrow, be
Speaker 1: they had a strong yea.
Speaker 3: They had a dusky lid. Yeah yeah, I don't know,
Speaker 3: but they there was a lot of loopliner going around.
Speaker 1: You're hilarious.
Speaker 3: I can't so when the kids, because of our house
Speaker 3: was right near the high school and we also.
Speaker 1: They would cut school and come to your house.
Speaker 3: Yes, but this is subnoxious. But we had a swimming pool,
Speaker 3: so the kids would come like between classes for a
Speaker 3: swim and then go back to school and ship. And
Speaker 3: I always loved to door open and.
Speaker 1: Nobody robbed you unlocked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the keys were sitting in our car in
Speaker 3: our driveway. Yes, I just figured the world will provide.
Speaker 3: Nobody ever ever took the fucking thing.
Speaker 2: We're not doing well because we're worried about you know whatever,
Speaker 2: But the world will provide.
Speaker 3: Provide world.
Speaker 1: Can we put that on her shirt? Should get that
Speaker 1: some jack? Can we get some merch?
Speaker 3: And that's an example of here's my car example. Once
Speaker 3: I gave my husband when he turned fifty, I gave
Speaker 3: him a Vespa, a little motorbike, which was so cool.
Speaker 3: And once somebody tried to steal it from our front driveway.
Speaker 3: They stole it. They went half a block and they
Speaker 3: left it because they didn't have had to like started
Speaker 3: again or something. It might have stalled out. So nobody
Speaker 3: could even try to steal something because karma, because the
Speaker 3: universe was the universe said no, you do not take
Speaker 3: your shoes.
Speaker 1: I got you.
Speaker 2: This white woman needs this. Meanwhile, I fell down the stairs.
Speaker 2: The universe was like.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean you deserve itthday? Yeah, Oops let her
Speaker 1: fall down the stairs.
Speaker 3: Oops.
Speaker 2: Now wait, Sandy, I have a question, like, how do
Speaker 2: you talk to your kids like they're they're older now,
Speaker 2: but growing up, did you talk to them like they
Speaker 2: were already going to be adults, like they already understood?
Speaker 3: But I was trying to be a good listener, which
Speaker 3: I might not necessarily always had been a good listener,
Speaker 3: but I did respect them enough to talk to them
Speaker 3: in a way where I wanted them to be honest
Speaker 3: with me. And we were always really close, so they
Speaker 3: would always tell me a lot of stuff that I
Speaker 3: don't think other mothers would hear from their.
Speaker 1: Kids, or what.
Speaker 3: Gets so small that I never wanted to know. Wait,
Speaker 3: somebody asked questions you want to answer, Sandy, how did
Speaker 3: you get a period talk?
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that sex talk, you know, period first,
Speaker 1: because I.
Speaker 3: Don't think I ever had to. I think they do
Speaker 3: it at school. They were doing nine years old.
Speaker 2: At the period talk in school. I got the period
Speaker 2: talk at home and like, once you get that, you
Speaker 2: could have babies, and that was it. I've never gotten
Speaker 2: a sex talk from my parents.
Speaker 3: I think the only sex talk I ever gave was
Speaker 3: to my kids was I'm not raising your children, so
Speaker 3: I don't want any like MTV like teenage girl pregnancy.
Speaker 3: But I didn't have to worry. They weren't. They just
Speaker 3: weren't those kind of kids.
Speaker 1: What the hell that mean?
Speaker 3: They were like when they were young, they were kind
Speaker 3: of ten. That means they weren't like like roused about
Speaker 3: and they weren't like I was.
Speaker 1: I guess I was roused about that.
Speaker 2: Roused about it because you didn't get to talk that
Speaker 2: your mother was not raising your teeth.
Speaker 3: When they went to college, all bets were off. But
Speaker 3: I didn't want to know about it.
Speaker 1: But you had the party.
Speaker 2: House your kids, like your kids talk to you about
Speaker 2: guys that they like or girls that they're dating. They
Speaker 2: come to you for like advice on things like that,
Speaker 2: like dating. Definitely made out with some money in front
Speaker 2: of the in front of the house.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Speaker 1: People.
Speaker 2: Sandy was like she stayed up. She was sitting on
Speaker 2: the couch just like waiting for them to come home.
Speaker 3: They're pretty good. But once we had once I took
Speaker 3: our son down in Times Square for New Year's Eve,
Speaker 3: and I said to me, you don't care about your
Speaker 3: it's so stupid. It was so stupid. I said to
Speaker 3: the girls, they said, don't have a lot of people
Speaker 3: over you because I knew they were gonna have a party.
Speaker 3: I just knew it. And we get home at like
Speaker 3: one thirty and there is a dude peeing in my driveway,
Speaker 3: not even in the bathroom, flowers, like on the flowers.
Speaker 3: And my husband said, you know, you could use the
Speaker 3: bathroom and side and the guys we have three, got
Speaker 3: a few and the guys said school dude on fun
Speaker 3: like what so, yeah, they had some wild parties in
Speaker 3: our house.
Speaker 1: That's not wild.
Speaker 3: I don't know what was going on in the house.
Speaker 3: I just know what was I mean, who knows what
Speaker 3: was going on if.
Speaker 1: They were cooking? No, wild is like they were having
Speaker 1: sex in your bed.
Speaker 3: They weren't.
Speaker 1: No, you don't know. Sanny. Have a voicemail from your daughter.
Speaker 1: She says, what do you call it? Like like that
Speaker 1: side that side bed side like a cot. No, not
Speaker 1: like a cot. It's like a day bed.
Speaker 3: David Divon in old school Divonne, that's right. Women used
Speaker 3: to have the smelling salts and they would like faint, faint,
Speaker 3: the fainting bed. The fainting bed. No, so, you know whatever,
Speaker 3: but they seem to be they went off to college,
Speaker 3: they all seem to do fine.
Speaker 1: So and your your daughter just got married recently, Yes.
Speaker 3: My daughter, thank god, onnes Day one of the twins
Speaker 3: got married.
Speaker 1: Is that pressure for the other twin.
Speaker 3: No, she has a wonderful boyfriend that she lives with
Speaker 3: in La and she's cool.
Speaker 1: An't nobody gay, Sandy, No, I.
Speaker 3: Was kind of hoping. I was kind of hoping that
Speaker 3: my son would, but know, he's straight.
Speaker 1: Were kind of hoping that your kind of a little bit.
Speaker 3: When he was really little, he was so cute and
Speaker 3: my daughters used to dress him up like Britney Spears.
Speaker 1: That's what girls.
Speaker 3: He was so pretty. But no, he's totally straight. Oh,
Speaker 3: my kids straight.
Speaker 2: It's terrible mainstream, very mainstream, one in four five.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well kids, Yeah, I know you'd.
Speaker 1: Have a gay baby.
Speaker 3: Yeah, too late. I've already closed down that belt prose stream.
Speaker 1: But you have where your baby. That's right, I'm gay.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're my perfect gay daughter.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, problematic work.
Speaker 2: Your daughter, you got dental honestly, weren't trying to get
Speaker 2: this root canal like tomorrow?
Speaker 3: Well you should meet. My husband is a dentist.
Speaker 1: He's a dentist work, but he do pro bono work.
Speaker 1: What's gonna go community?
Speaker 3: But they used to do pro bone work it anyway,
Speaker 3: but he doesn't do it anymore. But he would give
Speaker 3: you a very good deal.
Speaker 1: What the hell is the deal? The deal is zero yea.
Speaker 1: The dealer is bring me a coffee and I'll do
Speaker 1: your teeth for free.
Speaker 3: He would definitely try to work with you.
Speaker 2: But well, I'm gonna have to get a tooth, so
Speaker 2: I'll give my I'll get my room, my root canal
Speaker 2: at n y U and then come to you want
Speaker 2: them just to give you a tooth like somebody else's.
Speaker 3: That's like sitting in a bin or refurbished tois No, No,
Speaker 3: he would build you a too.
Speaker 1: He told me a tooth. You got to pay for that, dude,
Speaker 1: Yeah much that I don't know.
Speaker 3: She don't she don't work work for him. But he
Speaker 3: would definitely make you a very you come up with
Speaker 3: a good dental plan for you.
Speaker 1: Okay, see you could.
Speaker 3: Pay it off really slowly. Shut up. That's exactly like
Speaker 3: a Laywaight Rainbow shops to.
Speaker 1: Brand, yeah away shop.
Speaker 3: I used to love the Rainbow shop.
Speaker 1: Sydney loves Rainbow. Now, I was just there yesterday. I
Speaker 1: didn't have anything in myself. Love lovedy. You're not shopping
Speaker 1: at Rainbow.
Speaker 3: I used to. I was once robbed in a Rainbow stop.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because they were this rich pearls on you at
Speaker 1: the person on the arm. They were like, she got money.
Speaker 1: You know, it was a lot bins in front of Rainbow.
Speaker 1: They were like definitely robbing her.
Speaker 3: Now, this is like thirty five years ago. I was broke.
Speaker 3: Now it was bad.
Speaker 1: I don't believe you're broke thirty five years ago. I
Speaker 1: don't believe.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I didn't start doing born thirty five years ago.
Speaker 3: Years ago, Sydney was only okay.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what that means.
Speaker 3: Thirty five. You'll find out one day when you're thirty five.
Speaker 1: Now, Sydney, well, how does thirty five few?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: She was going to ask you. You just fell down
Speaker 2: the stairs.
Speaker 1: That's some thirty five ship. No, that's some young twenty.
Speaker 3: Now when she has If she were my agent she
Speaker 3: fell on the stairs, she would have broken her hips. Yes,
Speaker 3: she's still good. You're resilient.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've been. I've been working out. I feel like
Speaker 1: your kids text you and call you all the time.
Speaker 3: They do, they do. They call me. Everyone either text
Speaker 3: or calls at least once a day. And my daughter
Speaker 3: will just send me a picture of a rash and say,
Speaker 3: what's this?
Speaker 1: Or you know you?
Speaker 3: We now do?
Speaker 1: I what? Sorry? You web hm d Now.
Speaker 3: Yes, I've always been I call myself the corner doctor
Speaker 3: shop that grow the pharmacy. You can send pictures of
Speaker 3: any rash and I will have an explanation.
Speaker 1: Sidney, go ahead and pull your picture.
Speaker 2: Whatever it is, I got it.
Speaker 1: I'm gay and clean of rashes. No, I feel like
Speaker 1: that's a lie. So clean.
Speaker 3: No suspicious moldage, No, no, I have lit. That's a
Speaker 3: good one.
Speaker 1: That's standing the booms.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know all this stuff, but they also like
Speaker 3: they they'll ask me about like how to deal with
Speaker 3: bosses or you know, boyfriends or whatever.
Speaker 2: Okay, we'll give us a mother if I if I okay,
Speaker 2: I what would you tell I'm having a doma with
Speaker 2: my boss. He's he's really on my he's really being mean. Yes,
Speaker 2: I'm late every day, but like my boss's business.
Speaker 3: Well, basically, I tell all of my kids that when
Speaker 3: I was you know, a young person starting out, I
Speaker 3: would jump. If they said jump, I'd say how high?
Speaker 3: You do whatever they tell you to do with a smile,
Speaker 3: and you pay your dues and you just eat it
Speaker 3: until you can't eat it anymore. And if it's a
Speaker 3: kind of career job that you really want to stay in,
Speaker 3: then just as we say, bend over and bear down
Speaker 3: the old expression have you heard that all expression said
Speaker 3: before road hard? Or the other expression I always say
Speaker 3: about hating your job. It's like I'd rather bathe an
Speaker 3: old person. That's the other expression. I'd rather bathe an
Speaker 3: old person like you if your boss, if your boss
Speaker 3: tells you go do this, you think yourself, I'd rather
Speaker 3: bathe aan old person. It's just the image of you
Speaker 3: know what that means. You know, it's just not a
Speaker 3: fun thing. But anyway, I always tell my kids, you know,
Speaker 3: just suck it up because you have a job, and
Speaker 3: if it's a career you want, you just have to
Speaker 3: do it. Unless they're either doing something that's i mean,
Speaker 3: really harsh or like sexually predator style shit or whatever.
Speaker 3: But if it's just normal work, ship just.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 3: My daughter works at Lighthouse Management out in La Talent
Speaker 3: Management and my son is working for a real estate
Speaker 3: hedge fund in Brooklyn, and my other daughter and then
Speaker 3: my my other daughter is a special ed school teacher
Speaker 3: at Stephen Gainer on the Upper West Side.
Speaker 1: Oh, you got some good kid.
Speaker 3: She's got a sweet though. They're good kids, so anyway,
Speaker 3: But you know, but I'm also like, I just went
Speaker 3: to la last week to visit Kira, and you know,
Speaker 3: we go. I've made her take me shopping for weed
Speaker 3: at the med med Store.
Speaker 1: Like so cool.
Speaker 3: That's you know, not a lot of moms. I just
Speaker 3: thought that would be fun. I wanted to have the
Speaker 3: adventure you.
Speaker 2: Smoke weed, Yeah, Sandy Blaze after the podcast you take Edibles? Yep,
Speaker 2: So your daughter took you to get some weed in
Speaker 2: l A and you're there just like it.
Speaker 3: Was so much fun. It was like going into the
Speaker 3: Apple store. Yeah, it was super fancy.
Speaker 1: When you have coins, it does feel like the half
Speaker 1: a dozen of those.
Speaker 3: Shiny organic they had, like gum drops and all kinds
Speaker 3: of stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, damn, m should have brought you so fun.
Speaker 3: But the only thing was I was really nervous because
Speaker 3: I had to get it back to New York and
Speaker 3: I was afraid to bring all my drugs like some
Speaker 3: crime scene. I would be like accostant.
Speaker 1: How much? How many? How much drugs did you at?
Speaker 3: So little?
Speaker 1: So little? Roller blunt?
Speaker 3: No a Dutch that's what husbands are for now.
Speaker 1: Your husband rolls the weed for you for.
Speaker 3: Himself too, Yeah he does.
Speaker 1: He used Dutch masters rolling papers. He's like gold foil
Speaker 1: rolling papers. Oh yeah he does anyway.
Speaker 3: But we had fun. It was great and uh when
Speaker 3: we went to see I took my daughter and I
Speaker 3: went to see Beyonce when we were in.
Speaker 1: L A, which is bullshit because you know us, we should.
Speaker 3: Have been there too, so good.
Speaker 1: How much were the tickets too much?
Speaker 2: But she said she was in the front row. She
Speaker 2: said she could see Beyonce's laby. There's no thanks for spanks.
Speaker 3: No, no, it wasn't expensive because my daughter knows people
Speaker 3: being She got hooked up.
Speaker 1: She got hooked city.
Speaker 2: We got we got to quit this comedy making some money.
Speaker 2: You got all these connection.
Speaker 3: Well, you'll have to go see my husband and get
Speaker 3: your tooth.
Speaker 1: I'm going to fix this. Get your tooth, get in
Speaker 1: good with the fair we.
Speaker 3: Have that you have, you know evidence, because I'm recording this,
Speaker 3: I'm telling you I'll be there for Hanukkah, don't Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: you'll come.
Speaker 2: Can you tooth be one of my gifts?
Speaker 3: In other words, we're going to be your tooth fair?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't put a little bit of CBD oil on
Speaker 2: that fucking tooth.
Speaker 1: Yes, I feel like I want to go back to
Speaker 1: on the run you went.
Speaker 2: So, what's the craziest thing that you've done with your
Speaker 2: kids or something that's normal to you?
Speaker 1: But people are like, wait, what, like other people can't.
Speaker 3: Well, I think every day that's where it happens, because
Speaker 3: I really do feel like they Like when my kids
Speaker 3: go out at night when they're all in town together
Speaker 3: at the same time, they'll call me and ask me
Speaker 3: to meet them at a bar, which I don't do
Speaker 3: because it's just hard, it's late, I'm tired, But they
Speaker 3: axsume that I want to go meet them in some
Speaker 3: are at you.
Speaker 2: Know, let me how cool you are standing that they're like,
Speaker 2: my mom mad to be here right now. You never
Speaker 2: call mom and be like, I'm at a bar until
Speaker 2: I want you to come join me.
Speaker 3: Did they do that?
Speaker 2: Not even in the daytime, the nighttime especially, no, Oh
Speaker 2: my god.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you know, I think it's just like a
Speaker 3: general vibe that they they don't think. I mean, I'm
Speaker 3: certainly not their friend. I am their mother, but I'm
Speaker 3: the kind of mom, the cool mom. I'm the kind
Speaker 3: of mom where they don't feel like they have to
Speaker 3: hide ship for me, and they think I will enjoy
Speaker 3: whatever is they're enjoying.
Speaker 1: Which when you go out, what's your drink? What are
Speaker 1: you drinking at the bar?
Speaker 3: Tequila and lime juice?
Speaker 1: Oh you get letty, you got coming, it's coming to
Speaker 1: pick you up. If you got tequila, I like to killo.
Speaker 1: Tequila makes me aggressive. Doesn't make you aggressive, It.
Speaker 3: Just makes me away.
Speaker 1: Yeah. It gives you energy.
Speaker 3: It gives you a lot of energy. Yeah, it's like
Speaker 3: a good healthy alcohol.
Speaker 1: And I did it.
Speaker 3: It's very healthy alcohol.
Speaker 2: I did a tequila on the Run tour as well
Speaker 2: back in the day, and let me tell you, I
Speaker 2: had all the energy.
Speaker 1: I never want to sleep. That's doing coke. But whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, you combo.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I'm not like I don't feel inhibited
Speaker 3: around my kids to drink with them or do whatever.
Speaker 3: You know, we have fun. So oh we also this
Speaker 3: is so obnoxious, but we're kind of the same size
Speaker 3: so my kids will give me their clothes if they
Speaker 3: think there's.
Speaker 2: No way wearing crap tops, in wearing crop tops, but
Speaker 2: Mandy's white pants, little J brand jeans or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sandy, you are cute. You're the cutest, You're sweet.
Speaker 3: You're definitely like I'm embarrassing. Now you think I'm some
Speaker 3: like rich bitch, but I'm not.
Speaker 2: But we always thought that went to your place. Okay,
Speaker 2: I saw your floors.
Speaker 1: I know that you're doing.
Speaker 2: Well, and I've seen them Chanel boots on your feet
Speaker 2: at a comedy show. I said she weren't Chanell for
Speaker 2: comedy's she's a Rockefeller.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Also, I was in your car. I feel like you
Speaker 2: dropped me off at the train.
Speaker 1: Sandy, you're a rough child.
Speaker 3: Well, now I drive an electric car because I'm trying
Speaker 3: to help the environment.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, because you can afford the electric car to
Speaker 2: care about the electric it's electric. So, Sandy, was like
Speaker 2: five tips that you would give to like moms out there.
Speaker 1: It was a huge number.
Speaker 3: But yeah, back all right. So one the most basic,
Speaker 3: love your children all the time, no matter what, no
Speaker 3: matter what, no matter what. You want them to feel
Speaker 3: safe so they can actually tell you ship that they
Speaker 3: don't think you're going to be comfortable with.
Speaker 1: I'm not telling my mom.
Speaker 3: So love them all the time too, you don't spoil them,
Speaker 3: meaning that they have to understand that there's value in money. Money.
Speaker 3: I hold money is something very important and if you
Speaker 3: want it, you better work for it.
Speaker 1: So I had to.
Speaker 3: I help them, but not so much that they could relax.
Speaker 3: I also got them out of the house after college
Speaker 3: because I didn't want to do their laundry. Not interested.
Speaker 1: Get out, take your skid marks and go.
Speaker 3: And I really think it's super important that my children
Speaker 3: as siblings be really kind and good to each other
Speaker 3: because I had a sibling who died when I was young,
Speaker 3: so I'm an only child and they're so fucking lucky
Speaker 3: to have each other. So I want the three of
Speaker 3: them to love and support each other all the time,
Speaker 3: and be really good to their bonus dad, which they are.
Speaker 3: They love him so well.
Speaker 1: They've been with his dad for most of their lives, yeah,
Speaker 1: twenty years.
Speaker 3: And just be honest people that I can respect. And
Speaker 3: I always tell them, don't do anything that you don't
Speaker 3: want to appear on the first page of the daily news.
Speaker 3: Nothing good happens after two in the morning. Nothing nothing.
Speaker 1: Glove morning. So my best friends are from after two.
Speaker 2: So your kids have never done anything crazy, Like they've
Speaker 2: never gotten arrested?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, actually all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, one of my kids was arrested because she had
Speaker 3: a chalk license. They were arresting people for them, Yes,
Speaker 3: they and they it was a racket. They go around
Speaker 3: these like small towns and if they find you have
Speaker 3: a fake ID. Oh they were bored, they send you.
Speaker 3: They they put her in jail. I had to go
Speaker 3: pick her up. They took out her shoelaces out of
Speaker 3: her shoes. I swear she was crying like she had
Speaker 3: like Tammy fay Baker at them. Her eyes were all
Speaker 3: running and the poor kid was like traumatized. How to
Speaker 3: hire a lawyer to get her? She had to do
Speaker 3: community service, Like I don't know, like one hundred old?
Speaker 1: Was she when her license was drock like nineteen or
Speaker 1: twenty instead? Oh she was.
Speaker 3: She wasn't even in a liquor store. She was in
Speaker 3: Dunkin Donuts?
Speaker 1: What yes? Why was she putting out her ideas.
Speaker 3: Because next door was a liquor store where her friend.
Speaker 1: Was tell the truth?
Speaker 2: Like shock, like an Irish coffee.
Speaker 3: So her friend was next door buying probably wine or
Speaker 3: booze or whatever. And then the cop said are you
Speaker 3: here with friends? And her friend gave her up and said,
Speaker 3: they're next door bitches, bitches.
Speaker 2: So and then the bitches who drink Bailey's. I'd be like,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I don't know you. I'm using here to
Speaker 2: get donuts for my mom. She's outside.
Speaker 3: And then my son got picked up once.
Speaker 1: For two arrests.
Speaker 3: Yes, but he no his was that his was mild.
Speaker 3: I don't think we had to go to court. But
Speaker 3: I think he had join in his pocket. Oh and
Speaker 3: they had Oh, I had joined his pocket and they
Speaker 3: had like a case of beer in the backseat of
Speaker 3: the car nothing not open, open but not open. But anyways,
Speaker 3: keg in the car and cocaine in his pocket. So
Speaker 3: two police records out of three, but not all three,
Speaker 3: just two out of three.
Speaker 1: Not bad.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's mostly your kids, that's all of your kids.
Speaker 1: Because the twins is one, yes, so one had a
Speaker 1: chunk idea, you.
Speaker 2: Know, the other one was using the same You have
Speaker 2: other identical twins of course they were.
Speaker 3: So yeah, so but it still doesn't what you say your.
Speaker 1: Kids get arrested and you're like, this is bullshit? Or
Speaker 1: are you like this is what you get for doing
Speaker 1: what you like you did something wrong?
Speaker 3: No, because it's bullshit, bullshits just like it was bullshit.
Speaker 3: It was like, first of all, she was in Duncan
Speaker 3: fucking donuts or she told her she wasn't dunt It
Speaker 3: was bullshit. It was like after nine to eleven, they
Speaker 3: were very careful about everybody's idea. It's like such bullshit.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: No, I never for a minute thought that it was bad.
Speaker 3: I would have done the same thing when I was young. Shit,
Speaker 3: I did worse, probably, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Well we got a couple, We got a couple of Ministela.
Speaker 2: Is the worst thing that you've ever done for the listeners,
Speaker 2: you know, people listening in Botswana.
Speaker 3: Well, actually I do have a new habit which is
Speaker 3: really bad, which I shouldn't tell. But I have this
Speaker 3: thing to say allegedly, well, okay, allegedly, when I go
Speaker 3: into grocery stores, I'm very annoyed that they don't have
Speaker 3: checkout girls that you have to scan it yourself.
Speaker 1: So you'd be stealing. Oh we all take from that
Speaker 1: self checkout bitch. Tay dumb. Why would you let me.
Speaker 3: I've been making check out myself, like this.
Speaker 1: Is a this is more bananas, It's just like juice.
Speaker 3: But I do no, I do things that seem really reckless,
Speaker 3: like I'll I'll say something's not organic, like the fruits,
Speaker 3: but you know, twice the price. Or I'll steal like
Speaker 3: the most expensive small thing, like a little liquid thing
Speaker 3: of vanilla or something. And I feel like Bonnie and
Speaker 3: fucking Clyde when I walk out of the store.
Speaker 1: So she's like, we got a one on a writer
Speaker 1: right here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no small time crime, but there's something bad that I, like,
Speaker 3: I don't know, gives me power. I'm taking the power
Speaker 3: back from the man. If they can't afford to have
Speaker 3: check out cashiers, then they can't afford to lose. They're
Speaker 3: gonna have to some organic apples. You're gonna have to lose.
Speaker 2: I'm getting an extra allegedly, and allegedly. I don't feel anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm a Christian now I still steal Sanny.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being This has been fantastic.
Speaker 1: We had such a blast.
Speaker 3: I hope I hope I didn't seem like a real asshole.
Speaker 2: What do you mean we want assholes on the assholes,
Speaker 2: don't worry about don't worry about speaking yourself.
Speaker 3: Well, I do love you both, And if you could
Speaker 3: come live with me, I would say, come live with me.
Speaker 1: I mean you won't give us car? Yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: a cab to your house is a lot.
Speaker 2: So I first got to have like one hundred dollars
Speaker 2: just to get to Scarsdale.
Speaker 1: But once I get there, actually.
Speaker 3: North, yes, Metro North.
Speaker 1: I know you don't have some proper snacks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have snacks.
Speaker 1: You gonna have crushed ice for me.
Speaker 2: So like crushed and then also cube cue options.
Speaker 1: You know she got the ice that comes out the
Speaker 1: fridge door. No, no, no, no, she's old school for me.
Speaker 1: You don't have sandy. You're doing man? You got a
Speaker 1: regular fridge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have an ice bin. But if they don't
Speaker 3: crush them, they just cube them up, cube them up.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, let's let's schedule some time to hang out.
Speaker 2: Let's grab a drink or you know, at a time.
Speaker 2: I'm a cool mom, I know you're a cool We'll
Speaker 2: go as soon as med met opens in New York,
Speaker 2: will go.
Speaker 1: What the fuck is that?
Speaker 3: That's the place you go to? Place to meet the
Speaker 3: tenders to buy your weed. It's gonna open in New
Speaker 3: York as soon as it gets legal.
Speaker 2: Okay, how big Sandy's ring is on her finger? Let
Speaker 2: me see that's like that's reality storm.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my eye is just blind.
Speaker 2: If you were if there was real Housewives of Scarsdale,
Speaker 2: you'd be like the wife that like threw a glass
Speaker 2: in somebody's face.
Speaker 1: Drink is someone's face.
Speaker 3: Now I'm the one. I'm the be the one keeper.
Speaker 2: Sandy, You're the one flipping tables over like Teresa Judice,
Speaker 2: the fun one.
Speaker 1: The one with like a glass of peanut.
Speaker 3: Like, what are you guys yelling about? I want to
Speaker 3: be that one who's the royal what's your name? The
Speaker 3: the countess Loot, the countess I want to be you want.
Speaker 2: To be her?
Speaker 1: She did? I mean, none of them, all the cool ones.
Speaker 1: I guess.
Speaker 3: I guess I want to be like Bethany then so
Speaker 3: I could own my own skinny tequila company. That would
Speaker 3: be the look, that would be, that would be the look.
Speaker 2: I go.
Speaker 3: She has good toned arms.
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah she's toned. I mean she's miserable
Speaker 1: as a person, but yeah she's Yeah, she's rich. She's rich.
Speaker 1: You're allowed to be rich and sad.
Speaker 3: But you know what, there are a lot of very
Speaker 3: unhappy rich people.
Speaker 1: You would know, you would know what you know. Sydney
Speaker 1: and I are like flogging up the window with our
Speaker 1: poor boys.
Speaker 2: A lot of fucked up rich people, a lot of
Speaker 2: fucked up poor people.
Speaker 3: Do well.
Speaker 1: Tell people listening where they can catch more of your
Speaker 1: cool mom ness.
Speaker 3: Well, my website is Sandy J Marx, M A, r X,
Speaker 3: S A and D I with a smile. Sign over
Speaker 3: at J Marx dot com and listen all my gigs.
Speaker 3: I'll be at the I don't know how when this airs,
Speaker 3: but I'm on the I'm on the Ladies. Uh what
Speaker 3: is it called?
Speaker 1: She Makes Me?
Speaker 3: She Makes Me Laugh Festival next week at the Pit.
Speaker 3: I'll be all over town houring myself. Oh and I'm
Speaker 3: mostly the subject of a documentary. Yeah, so who knows
Speaker 3: when they will get released? Is still being edited. But
Speaker 3: where's gonna be what platform? Well, he's going to submit
Speaker 3: it to all the festivals. It's a short doc and yeah,
Speaker 3: it might turn out to be like a very bad story.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 3: Well hope, I'm hoping. I'm hoping it doesn't come out
Speaker 3: like the Jinx or something incredible.
Speaker 2: Sandy murdering. Yes, well, thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2: You are my second favorite mom.
Speaker 1: Yeah. We love you so thank you and thanks for
Speaker 1: our gifts.
Speaker 2: Hello yeah oh yes, and everybody, make sure you like,
Speaker 2: comment and subscribe.
Speaker 1: You know, tag us on Instagram. Let's know we listening.
Speaker 2: And know that we're doing a show for New York
Speaker 2: Comedy Festival on November fifth, hosting it here in forclin
Speaker 2: So come to that seven pm.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm November fifth, bring your ass yes. Bye Forever.
Speaker 4: This has been a Forever Dog production executive produced by
Speaker 4: Brett Boham, Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts,
Speaker 4: please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our
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