Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janet Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which is your favorite holiday? It is
Speaker 1: my favorite holiday. What makes it your favorite holiday? What
Speaker 1: makes it my favorite holiday? Well, it's actually kind of,
Speaker 1: um a sad thing. But as a kid, um, when
Speaker 1: my parents got divorced, well even even like when my
Speaker 1: parents were together, it was always Christmas was just crazy.
Speaker 1: We were had to go to like so many different families,
Speaker 1: and then when my parents got divorced, it was one
Speaker 1: side of the family was never happy, so no matter
Speaker 1: how long we stayed there or didn't spend time, so
Speaker 1: it just became like pressure and I didn't like having
Speaker 1: to be I don't know, I just was I wish
Speaker 1: like our family got up together at the same time
Speaker 1: time and we were together, and but not having to
Speaker 1: go to this house in this house because my parents
Speaker 1: are divorced, and so that always just put a little
Speaker 1: damper of Christmas. But with Thanksgiving, even when my parents
Speaker 1: got divorced, Thanksgiving was always my aunt Susie's house and
Speaker 1: that never changed. And I just, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: just I love Thanksgiving because it was so much fun.
Speaker 1: It was my aunt and uncles and my grandpa and
Speaker 1: my grandpa makes the best stuffing of all time, which
Speaker 1: I am now pressured to make. Well. We almost last
Speaker 1: second decided to just go to Michigan because I'm like,
Speaker 1: my grandpa's getting my grandma Grandpa both getting so old,
Speaker 1: and it's a stuffing and my Grandma's pumpkin pie for you.
Speaker 1: But then I realized, Okay, God forbid, we have something
Speaker 1: that we catch on the plane and we give to them.
Speaker 1: So I hope they're around next year that we can
Speaker 1: and this will all be we'll all be vaccinated or
Speaker 1: whatever and we can go to um, you know, to
Speaker 1: have Thanksgiving with them again. But I don't know. Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: there's just like no pressure and it was just fun
Speaker 1: and we played games, we played ker and we had
Speaker 1: great food and there was just no pressure of gifts
Speaker 1: or going from house to house and I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's just yeah, it was just chill and the food,
Speaker 1: I mean, the stuffing. He's famous for it. And now
Speaker 1: you're stressing out a little. But we went to the
Speaker 1: grocery store this morning. It's are you worried? Because Grandpa
Speaker 1: came here two months ago and he sat down and
Speaker 1: he told you exactly how to make it. It was.
Speaker 1: It wasn't like exactly step by step. I had about
Speaker 1: five people. It was like your grandpa, then your mom,
Speaker 1: your Grandma's like, well, then you gotta just the bread
Speaker 1: is actually a stale bread. Don't forget the onion, oh Marge.
Speaker 1: And then someone else saying and someone else saying something else,
Speaker 1: and I'm just like jotting down chicken scratch. Can't even
Speaker 1: read my own handwriting this morning looking back at it.
Speaker 1: But and then my Grandpa's like, and then you take
Speaker 1: the what was it the heart or giblets? The giblets,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what's the giblets And he's like, that's
Speaker 1: the good stuff. Yeah, like the liver and grind it
Speaker 1: up and put it in the pan with the onions
Speaker 1: out on it. We'll find out. So here's to hope.
Speaker 1: And I don't ruin your Thanksgiving. He won't ruin it.
Speaker 1: But there is something to be said about just his
Speaker 1: thanks I mean, his his stuffing. It's so good. Which, shoot,
Speaker 1: we forgot the gravy. I hope we have gravy. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna have to text our friends. You have to have gravy.
Speaker 1: You have to have gravy. I know. I feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes people don't have enough gravy and we have to
Speaker 1: have meshed potatoes. Oh my goodness, I gotta make sure
Speaker 1: that the menus. Yeah, but I'm I'm excited though, even
Speaker 1: though I'm sad that we're not going to do a
Speaker 1: family But what is your favorite holiday? It used to
Speaker 1: be Thanksgiving. Um, kind of not for the same reason,
Speaker 1: but a little bit for the same reason. You know,
Speaker 1: my parents were the ones that got divorced. But my
Speaker 1: parents are the only ones on either side of the
Speaker 1: family that have never been divorced or married in general. Um,
Speaker 1: so Thanksgiving was always my mom's side of the family.
Speaker 1: And that was like when my grandma was active and
Speaker 1: not suffering from dementia, and she was the most unbelievable cook,
Speaker 1: like everything from scratch, She like cook it all herself.
Speaker 1: It was unreal. And you know, the parents are upstairs.
Speaker 1: She had a little split split foyer the house and
Speaker 1: the kid's tables downstairs. And I just remember just the
Speaker 1: memories of Thanksgiving downstairs with me and my cousins and
Speaker 1: my sister and you know, because there's six of us
Speaker 1: and are all around the same age. So that was
Speaker 1: just a lot of fun. But now I think it's Christmas,
Speaker 1: and growing up, I think, you know, my family was
Speaker 1: an outlier where we got to benefit from just both
Speaker 1: families happen to do on different days. My dad's side
Speaker 1: was always Christmas Eve. My mom's side was always from day,
Speaker 1: so there wasn't any pressure of all right, we gotta
Speaker 1: go to get your dad's side of family. Okay, we
Speaker 1: gotta go here. That's just the way it was when
Speaker 1: I was a kid. So that was you know, we've
Speaker 1: benefited from that. But I just love to get getting together.
Speaker 1: I definitely think Christmas now is my favorite because the
Speaker 1: thanks leavings now my saddest because it's not like how
Speaker 1: it used to be. So I'm not with Grandpa and
Speaker 1: Grandma and my aunts and uncles and my mom and
Speaker 1: that side of the family. But now Christmas so that's
Speaker 1: like become now like my sad memory, um, which is
Speaker 1: I wish we could fly to Michigan, dangy covid um,
Speaker 1: just because you know they're our grandparents are getting old
Speaker 1: so um. But now I think Christmas is my favorite
Speaker 1: just because the kids, oh so much fun and I'm
Speaker 1: excited to you know, it's just yeah, Christmas morning, it's
Speaker 1: it's the best, and then it's like the worst because
Speaker 1: it's like when it's all done, you're like, all right,
Speaker 1: we now putting bad areas and everything. Oh that's funny.
Speaker 1: I love it though. You know, tonight I didn't know
Speaker 1: this if Easter and I were just talking about it
Speaker 1: before the show, but I didn't know until later in
Speaker 1: my life that tonight was like the biggest going out
Speaker 1: night of the year. Really. Yeah, it's like bigger than
Speaker 1: New Year's, bigger than when all the I mean, gosh,
Speaker 1: when I used to come back from l A, oh,
Speaker 1: I just thought I was hot. I would just walk
Speaker 1: into the main street Billiards in Rochester. I was like,
Speaker 1: that's right, I'm back from l A. And then like
Speaker 1: if you just see all, you're like high school. But
Speaker 1: I mean it was packed. It's like sweet Home Alabama.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I couldn't even imagine she does in
Speaker 1: l A. Had you been on anything yet? What have
Speaker 1: you been on anything yet? I mean probably not, But
Speaker 1: I still thought l A was cool. Yeah, Um, I
Speaker 1: guess I never did. I never experienced it because I
Speaker 1: was always in football. Yeah know, I mean I definitely remember,
Speaker 1: but that being the night before everyone went out because
Speaker 1: at any time I would go home for a thing,
Speaker 1: because I never missed a Thanksgiving, even when I lived
Speaker 1: in l A. So, oh my god, I did miss one.
Speaker 1: Remember I touched that story. What happened? He stood not
Speaker 1: to bring up the past, but I did miss one Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: But I mean, that was kind of hard to say
Speaker 1: no to kin to. I'll even admit that. Ethan just
Speaker 1: goes tell the story. The story. Now, I don't want
Speaker 1: to bring up I'm just I had to accurately speak
Speaker 1: the truth because I said I always I never missed
Speaker 1: a Thanksgiving. But then I just remembered the one that
Speaker 1: I did miss because it's someone I was dating. But
Speaker 1: it was like, it's dad, you know. I was like,
Speaker 1: that's pretty cool. And this was probably like the year
Speaker 1: before me. Huh, it was right after I mean yeah
Speaker 1: it was. It was Yeah, I had just broken up
Speaker 1: with someone and then I started dating this other dude.
Speaker 1: Can I just say that? Who that was? I mean Easton? Oh,
Speaker 1: this is actually your neck of the woods. What do
Speaker 1: you mean? Your neck Montito? We went to Montcito. Who
Speaker 1: is it? Wait, let's play a game. Let's do a
Speaker 1: guessing game. This is fun. I don't know how to
Speaker 1: play the game. So this person has a famous father.
Speaker 1: Is that is that? Okay? And his father has a
Speaker 1: home in Montcito? Okay? Um? Trying to think is something
Speaker 1: that clever? He's a mute, he was a mule in
Speaker 1: a movie he's played He's played a mule, he's played
Speaker 1: a and all the movies. I just like, was he
Speaker 1: it an outlaw? Do you feel lucky? Okay? Do you punk? Dirty? Harry?
Speaker 1: I never saw it? Wait this, okay, I I know
Speaker 1: who it is now, But is this person that you
Speaker 1: were with is his son is an actor? Too? Right? Yeah? Okay?
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I think we all know who it is now.
Speaker 1: That's all we'll give you. They're good and they're not
Speaker 1: going to know that. Really everyone knows. Do you do
Speaker 1: you feel a lucky? I didn't know it, do you.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like when you said he played a mule.
Speaker 1: I was like Janet dated one of Eddie Murphy's kids.
Speaker 1: That was it. He was donkey in the Shrek movies.
Speaker 1: But a mule is not a donkey. They're different animals.
Speaker 1: That's not who it is, huh. I mean I wouldn't know.
Speaker 1: So anyways, Janna got the invite to go there for
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving instead of just her whole family that would always
Speaker 1: be there for her and Grandpa stuffing. And she said, nope,
Speaker 1: the same thing. I don't blame you, I mean of us.
Speaker 1: It was Clint Eastwood. Come on, d she just throws
Speaker 1: it out there. I mean, how could I How could
Speaker 1: I say no? But I actually it was so embarrassing
Speaker 1: because I made a fool of myself in front of him.
Speaker 1: What'd you do? Remember at the I was in the
Speaker 1: bathroom when that happened Thanksgiving dinner. No, I told him
Speaker 1: how he should have ended million dollar Baby. I think
Speaker 1: I was nervous. If it was me, I totally would
Speaker 1: have done. But No, I got some to say to you, Clint. No,
Speaker 1: I was. It was so embarrassing because his son went
Speaker 1: to the bathroom and I was just like, your son's
Speaker 1: a very nice guy. And he's like, huh because he's old,
Speaker 1: and I was like, your son is a very nice man.
Speaker 1: And then I just was so uncomfortable and I was
Speaker 1: like sweating, and I was like, Okay, I actually can
Speaker 1: I talk to you about something? And I was like,
Speaker 1: so in million dollars, million dollar baby. When Hillary swank
Speaker 1: it was the last scene and they were going at it.
Speaker 1: The ref said, one more cheap shot and you're disqualified,
Speaker 1: and at the very end, her opponent cheap shot it again,
Speaker 1: so she should have then been disqualified, which would have
Speaker 1: meant Hillary swank one, not the other girl, because he
Speaker 1: gave the championship to the other girl even though the
Speaker 1: ref said one more cheap shot, they get eliminated. And
Speaker 1: he gave me like just to stare and went huh
Speaker 1: m hmm, and I was just like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: bury my head in this bowl. I'm so disappointed in you,
Speaker 1: and I didn't even know you then, so disappointed. But
Speaker 1: do you see what I'm saying though, Like the ref said,
Speaker 1: that's too predictable, you're talking to the guy who wrote
Speaker 1: the damn thing, directed the damn thing, starting the damn thing.
Speaker 1: I was nervous and I was trying to make conversation.
Speaker 1: Triple Crown. That movie didn't win like Best Picture. Also, yeah, yeah, hey,
Speaker 1: you know you could have done on that Best Picture.
Speaker 1: Oscar Huh. I'm crying right now. This is the funniest
Speaker 1: thing I've ever He should have gotten up, walked over
Speaker 1: to wherever his Oscar is, grabbed it and put it
Speaker 1: on the table in front of Janna've been like, I'm
Speaker 1: just saying the ref said, one more cheap shot and
Speaker 1: you're eliminated, and the girl cheap shot at Hillary, which
Speaker 1: then took her out. So the Hillary should have won.
Speaker 1: Here's what people need to know about Janna when she
Speaker 1: watched this thing. If it doesn't end the way she
Speaker 1: wants it to end, it's the rules. The ref said,
Speaker 1: it's over, she writes it off. Movie was terrible, didn't
Speaker 1: end the way I want. Why didn't they end up together?
Speaker 1: Why didn't Why did Glinice win, Harry Swink have a baby?
Speaker 1: Everyone should be happy? Oh lord, you're like sweating right now. Really,
Speaker 1: isn't it. Well, it's just it's because the ref said.
Speaker 1: And so it's like I would have been fine if
Speaker 1: the ref didn't say that, Like he should have at
Speaker 1: least cut that line. I'm in a week up in
Speaker 1: the middle of the night, like later in the week
Speaker 1: and just cry like baby should have entered. I can't
Speaker 1: believe it. He won Best Director for that movie too.
Speaker 1: He has too Oscar. Yeah, I know, Well, Me and
Speaker 1: the Sun broke up like the day after, so maybe
Speaker 1: his dad don't want to break up with me most likely. Alright,
Speaker 1: let's take a break. We'll come back to this. Something
Speaker 1: else please. Okay, So we have a really exciting guest
Speaker 1: that we're going to have on the show. Mike's gonna
Speaker 1: enter her in her second. But um, we basically wanted
Speaker 1: to have someone on because look, Tomorrow's Thanksgiving. UM, we
Speaker 1: have you guys might be getting together with your family.
Speaker 1: You might not, but there might be some fighting arguing
Speaker 1: with the pandemic and the stress of just everything, um,
Speaker 1: politics and just everything that everyone's facing right now. Because
Speaker 1: I'll know, I do know this, Like my anxiety has
Speaker 1: been up just with the cases rising, so um, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of freaks me out work wise and obviously just
Speaker 1: the overall uncertainty. UM. So we have, um, Ryan Hadden
Speaker 1: coming on. Mike take it away. Yeah, we have an
Speaker 1: amazingly accomplished woman on today. Ryan is a certified life
Speaker 1: and spiritual coach. She's a hypnotherapist, certified meditation teacher with
Speaker 1: over sixteen years of experience with clients around the world. Um.
Speaker 1: She does private workshops such as Stepping into your Purpose,
Speaker 1: the work life balance, and finding your center. And before
Speaker 1: all of that, she was in a volatile relationship with
Speaker 1: Christian Slater, and she's helped a ton of people in
Speaker 1: Hollywood kind of you know, rid themselves of the life
Speaker 1: that they that can consume you and helping people that
Speaker 1: are in toxic relationships that have you know, suffered from
Speaker 1: drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, codependency, low self esteem,
Speaker 1: all that. So we're gonna get her on and just
Speaker 1: talk everything that she does. Ryan, Hey, how are you?
Speaker 1: How are you going? You? It's so good to see you.
Speaker 1: Go to see you too. Ryan. We're excited to have
Speaker 1: you on. Um. You know, everything that we've been reading
Speaker 1: about you are things that we talk about on this show.
Speaker 1: And it seems like you're kind of a jack of
Speaker 1: all trades, um in the sense of just everything that
Speaker 1: you cover and so give our listeners, you know, we
Speaker 1: kind of gave them a little bit of background, but
Speaker 1: can you explain to us, like how you got into
Speaker 1: all these fields that you're into. Sure, Well, first off,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 1: And I love what you guys are all about too,
Speaker 1: and thanks for making this platform. It's it's important for
Speaker 1: people to get information, um about how to you know,
Speaker 1: move into a relationship with themselves, and we think it's
Speaker 1: about having relationships with others, but it's ultimately how are
Speaker 1: we showing up for ourselves within that relationship and everyone benefits.
Speaker 1: So thank you for talking about those things. And for me,
Speaker 1: my journey is UM that I found most of my life,
Speaker 1: I was looking for that solution outside of myself, be
Speaker 1: it in trying to bend my body to a certain
Speaker 1: weight or um finding that perfect relationship out there that
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. Are in turn, you know, chasing the shine,
Speaker 1: things and people, places and things and all of that
Speaker 1: and then ultimately leading it to a very real and
Speaker 1: present bottom in UM addiction. And so in that recovery
Speaker 1: process that's almost seventeen years ago, I found that I
Speaker 1: really loved working with other women and helping them sort
Speaker 1: of put those pieces together for themselves and really lean
Speaker 1: into themselves and truly finding that from that place, everything
Speaker 1: else kind of worked out, you know, all the purpose,
Speaker 1: the passion, the relationship, the making peace with your body,
Speaker 1: all those different elements. Do you only work with with women?
Speaker 1: I don't. I work with men too now, But it
Speaker 1: started out working with women, and I do work with men. Actually.
Speaker 1: I just that's just opening up and it's very very interesting.
Speaker 1: I have this flood of men that I'm working with
Speaker 1: these days, and I love it. We've got to balance
Speaker 1: the both sides, right, the feminine the masculine within ourselves.
Speaker 1: So of course that would come through my practice. So
Speaker 1: before you got again, we interview kind of gave them
Speaker 1: a background of what you do for a living now
Speaker 1: and before you got into the spiritual life coaching and
Speaker 1: hypnotherapy and everything like that. When you hit your bottom,
Speaker 1: like you said, was about seventeen years ago, what were
Speaker 1: you doing before that? And why was that moment? You know,
Speaker 1: that moment of clarity for you? M hm, you know what.
Speaker 1: I had been a seeker, if you will. It had
Speaker 1: led me at seventeen to run off to India and
Speaker 1: to live in a you know, make a pilgrimage to
Speaker 1: a sacred site and lived there for many years. And
Speaker 1: so I had been a seeker. I had been looking
Speaker 1: for that alignment um, if you will, at an earlier age.
Speaker 1: And UM, I did find a connection with something greater
Speaker 1: that has really carried me through dark days. It didn't
Speaker 1: preclude me from having them, but that connection, I want
Speaker 1: to say that grace um shortened the distance between you
Speaker 1: know the dark knight of the soul and stepping back
Speaker 1: into feeling in the sunlight of the spirit, if you will.
Speaker 1: So I do feel like because I had that at seventeen,
Speaker 1: and I had been a seeker, I was able to
Speaker 1: continue to grow out my spiritual path and yet be
Speaker 1: this courageous person trying out all these other things, still
Speaker 1: looking outside of myself or solutions, until I finally came
Speaker 1: to that resting place seventeen years ago. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm done, I'm done seeking, I'm done thinking. It's somewhere else.
Speaker 1: It's in that relationship. And you know, at that time
Speaker 1: I was married, and that relationship a year or so later, Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't didn't hold, but it continued in another form
Speaker 1: because we were co parenting. We had two small children,
Speaker 1: and so yeah, so that's that's that's that part. So
Speaker 1: I will say, I have always been looking and trying
Speaker 1: to through therapy, through all these different paths of trying
Speaker 1: to find that center within myself. And I didn't know
Speaker 1: it at the time. I didn't know that was what
Speaker 1: I was seeking. But I definitely picked up more urgency
Speaker 1: with that addiction piece, I will say, So I'm grateful
Speaker 1: for it. I'm sure um along with that. You know,
Speaker 1: being a person in recovery myself, you know you come
Speaker 1: across brothers and sisters that have a difficult time leaning
Speaker 1: into the spirituality of program or spirituality in life in general.
Speaker 1: So as a spiritual life coach, uh, I make up
Speaker 1: that you've come across clients that that have you know,
Speaker 1: closed doors to their spirituality. How are you able to
Speaker 1: maybe for our listeners, if there's someone out there that
Speaker 1: has a hard time connecting with that spirituality, how do
Speaker 1: you invite that when you have a client like that.
Speaker 1: M I think we can redefine it. I think it's
Speaker 1: about broadening that definition of spirituality. I mean, what what
Speaker 1: could that be? What's something greater than you? You know,
Speaker 1: it could just be the idea of love, It could
Speaker 1: be nature, It could be something that it feels bigger
Speaker 1: than the ego, bigger than the personality. And that might
Speaker 1: even be that godhead within yourself, or that connection when
Speaker 1: you look at your child and feel that that love,
Speaker 1: that's obviously much that transcends. You know, they're the finite
Speaker 1: part of our humanity. You feel that that greatness. So
Speaker 1: I think I would talk to them about redefining what
Speaker 1: spirituality looks like. And it's not the crystals and the
Speaker 1: singing bowls and you know, going to church, and it's not.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be all of that. It can
Speaker 1: be much more simple and much more connected. And um,
Speaker 1: I love that beautiful adage of you know, something greater
Speaker 1: can be closer than our hands and feet, right, and
Speaker 1: so that's within us. So how can we have access
Speaker 1: to that within our own selves? And I think everybody
Speaker 1: wants that because we all are enslaved a certain hard
Speaker 1: to our minds and our thoughts. You know, we have
Speaker 1: eighty thousand thoughts of demost in which are unconscious. So
Speaker 1: to be able to drop past that into that part
Speaker 1: of us that's calm and peaceful, that can be or
Speaker 1: something greater. We can access that through lots of different mortalities,
Speaker 1: meditation being one of them. What with hypnotherapy, is that
Speaker 1: kind of like an E. M D R brain spotting
Speaker 1: or is it completely different? Because I make up that
Speaker 1: like it has the same reaction, But is it or
Speaker 1: is it totally different? Well, it's I can't speak to
Speaker 1: that because I don't practice that. I know it's way effective,
Speaker 1: and I think it's something that you practice too, Is
Speaker 1: that right? Um? So with hypnotherapy though, how how is
Speaker 1: like what what's the process with that? Like? What are
Speaker 1: like what are people getting hypnotized for because I've only
Speaker 1: heard of hypnoti hypnotization when it's to quit smoking or
Speaker 1: I don't know what, Like what else can you be
Speaker 1: hypnotized for? Sure? Well, it's it's let's just say this
Speaker 1: that trance is a natural state for us. So I
Speaker 1: love to start out by talking about that, that we're
Speaker 1: in trance more often than we know. We're in trance
Speaker 1: when we're driving a car for me to b and
Speaker 1: we don't know how we got to be where that
Speaker 1: was a form of trance right or when we're reading
Speaker 1: a book or we're watching a movie. It's really moving
Speaker 1: into this focused state of awareness. And then you have
Speaker 1: these brainway of activity levels like right now we're in beta.
Speaker 1: Below that is alpha, and you can kind of dip
Speaker 1: into that in meditation or when you're you know, doing
Speaker 1: something to the exclusion of other things. And then below
Speaker 1: that is Theta. So when we're in hypnosis would be
Speaker 1: like a guided meditation and hypnotherapist would guide you into
Speaker 1: this very relaxed state of mind and body. And that
Speaker 1: is when in that theta state, that is when the
Speaker 1: subconscious is most receptive to new ideas and new ways
Speaker 1: of being. So that's where we find people do great
Speaker 1: with quitting smoking or nail biting or any of those.
Speaker 1: But it also works great for old ideas around love,
Speaker 1: ideas around um, success, abundance, security, So we find those
Speaker 1: are where all those ideas are stored. Because the subconscious
Speaker 1: mind houses every memory you've ever had, any emotion ever had,
Speaker 1: and your imagination. So that's what we tap into. That
Speaker 1: part of you that really keeps a record of anything
Speaker 1: that's ever happened in the past, and we might have
Speaker 1: picked up ideas around things that actually aren't for our
Speaker 1: highest benefit. So it's it's really getting the conscious mind
Speaker 1: in the subconscious mind on board, and that's how hypnosis works.
Speaker 1: That's cool. Is that something in your practice that you know,
Speaker 1: the hypnotherapy or meditation. Do you eventually try to get
Speaker 1: each of your patients or clients kind of on a
Speaker 1: path of that or is it kind of specific to
Speaker 1: that person, whether or not you think they could get
Speaker 1: to that level of spirituality or or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: You know, different people come to me for different things.
Speaker 1: And and most people have a healthy fear of hypnosis
Speaker 1: because they think they're going to be made a full
Speaker 1: love in some way, or they're going to be acting,
Speaker 1: you know, outside of their balands of you know, they're
Speaker 1: their high ground, if you will. So it's really just
Speaker 1: knowing that I hypnotherepis can't make you do anything you
Speaker 1: don't want to, and it's really what's in line with
Speaker 1: your moral compass. So um, that's one way to look
Speaker 1: at it. And so I feel like I don't really
Speaker 1: have to um. I think you build a rapport with
Speaker 1: someone and then then they come to trust and they
Speaker 1: know your voice and they know you're you know, listening
Speaker 1: to how they are. You have that connection, and then
Speaker 1: from that point then they might be willing to try
Speaker 1: hypnosis or something else something. So people come for a
Speaker 1: different reasons. Some people come directly and just say I
Speaker 1: want to do hypnosis. I know this works, heard I've
Speaker 1: heard it works, I know it's effective. And then other
Speaker 1: people start out through the coaching path and then they
Speaker 1: come to find they realize they're hitting these same blocks
Speaker 1: over and over because consciously, if you realize you're doing
Speaker 1: the same thing, it's sometimes not self knowledge. Is not
Speaker 1: always enough right to actually make that change. You can know,
Speaker 1: oh I do this, I do that. I get triggered
Speaker 1: when this happens, when you say this, this hapen, but
Speaker 1: you can't quite get past that. So what is that?
Speaker 1: Usually that's some idea that's in that subconscious party yourself
Speaker 1: and sort of we stift through that together. It's a
Speaker 1: you know, it's a partnership. Um, so I know, and
Speaker 1: I want to I want to be sensitive this just because, um,
Speaker 1: you know it is your past and you have kids
Speaker 1: with with your ex. How did you heal through the
Speaker 1: pain of things that went on in your relationship, your
Speaker 1: past relationship, Like, what was the thing that helped you here?
Speaker 1: Because I know we have so many people that are
Speaker 1: in bad relationships, toxic relationships. What was the what was
Speaker 1: a the breaking point to be like I deserve better?
Speaker 1: Or and then also how did you heal from within? Well?
Speaker 1: I stopped making him the bad guy, right, and then
Speaker 1: I had to give up my victim card. Um, And
Speaker 1: so those are those are a couple of things of
Speaker 1: taking absolute responsibility for my own emotional life and my
Speaker 1: past and my triggers and just showing up in that capacity.
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful that, Um, we had a good shot
Speaker 1: trying to do that and I was able to bring
Speaker 1: these new tools into that marriage. And then there's also
Speaker 1: that moment where you say that we've gone as far
Speaker 1: as we can and UM, I love that when relationships
Speaker 1: can end um with with consciousness, with awareness, with still
Speaker 1: with love bringing that to it and saying, you know,
Speaker 1: with all the tools, I'm working with everything, with me
Speaker 1: taking out absolute responsibility for myself, it's become clear to
Speaker 1: me that this partnership isn't for the highest good and
Speaker 1: I want the best for you, and I want this
Speaker 1: to continue, and it will continue in a different form
Speaker 1: certainly when you have children. It does continue. But that
Speaker 1: level of awareness I'm so grateful for, um, And it
Speaker 1: doesn't doesn't end in drama and in chaos, which I
Speaker 1: brought plenty of to that marriage. So grateful that I
Speaker 1: had another way of closing it up. If you will,
Speaker 1: you know you're talking on that makes you think of
Speaker 1: a topic that you talk about in some year, stuff
Speaker 1: which is radical self acceptance, and that that concept is
Speaker 1: so intriguing to me, and I would love for you
Speaker 1: to kind of give your insight on on what that means. Well,
Speaker 1: I think it's we've touched on it a tiny bit
Speaker 1: and it's you know, radical acceptance is is it is
Speaker 1: a dialectical behavior therapy term. So I want to give
Speaker 1: honor that where it came from, and then the self
Speaker 1: acceptance part is always going to be good. But let's
Speaker 1: first cover the radical acceptance is about things. Accepting things
Speaker 1: as they are, you know, not not necessarily condoning them,
Speaker 1: not not that you don't want them to be different,
Speaker 1: not saying this is the way I wanted to be,
Speaker 1: just saying it is what it is. And a lot
Speaker 1: of times we get stuck as humans and we get
Speaker 1: into that spinning our wheels. It shouldn't be this way.
Speaker 1: It should be different. They should be doing this. I
Speaker 1: should have got that job. I should It's like all
Speaker 1: of that spinning of the wheels. When we can just
Speaker 1: move into that radical acceptance and acknowledging this is how
Speaker 1: it is for right now. And when I accept all
Speaker 1: my feelings underneath that, all that goes with it, when
Speaker 1: I honor all of that, then I can come up
Speaker 1: with another solution and it can be different. I think
Speaker 1: it's just an important step when we're in you know,
Speaker 1: that fighting flight mode. Or we're in that victim mode
Speaker 1: of it shouldn't have happened this way, It shouldn't be
Speaker 1: this way. It doesn't mean I agree with it, It
Speaker 1: just means I accept it m And so that goes
Speaker 1: true for self acceptance. I am doing this behavior again.
Speaker 1: There it is, you know, bringing that curiosity to it. Oh, wow,
Speaker 1: there's that behavior. I think a lot of times we
Speaker 1: have these images of how we think we should be
Speaker 1: and then how we actually really are. And so that's
Speaker 1: you know, there's a lot of pain that happens in
Speaker 1: that in that closing that gap. And so when we
Speaker 1: can move into that space of owning all our parts,
Speaker 1: all that part that we stuff into the shadow, you know,
Speaker 1: the partner basement, that we disown all those parts of
Speaker 1: ourselves and we wear these masks to hide behind so
Speaker 1: we don't have to own those other parts. When we
Speaker 1: can move into you radical self acceptance and say I
Speaker 1: accept all parts of myself, it's assuming total responsibility. Then
Speaker 1: we heal, then we integrate. Then we show up in
Speaker 1: full partnership and not expecting our partner to deliver us
Speaker 1: things that were unwilling to do the work to deliver ourselves. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great, I am what would you say to the
Speaker 1: people right now because there's so much uncertainty with a
Speaker 1: lot of things, the virus, everything happening in the world
Speaker 1: right now, Um, what would you say to them? To
Speaker 1: the soul that is anxious and um yeah, I'm just curious, like,
Speaker 1: how do you how do you help with that anxious soul?
Speaker 1: During these times, I say, I feel you We're all
Speaker 1: in this together, right This is one of those moments
Speaker 1: where I know there's some division, but at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, we're all humans with beating hearts that
Speaker 1: want to know love and security and we want to
Speaker 1: feel connectivity. And it is that moment in time to
Speaker 1: highlight that in your life, in your space, make sure
Speaker 1: you curate you know who you spend time with. It
Speaker 1: really helps, It really creates your reality. Watch what you're thinking,
Speaker 1: Watch how you air to you know, you slide into
Speaker 1: that negative perspective. I think where you can curate that
Speaker 1: positivity in your life, not in that Pollyanna kind of way,
Speaker 1: but really looking for the good where you know, in
Speaker 1: different holidays at this period of time, this would be
Speaker 1: a time to really count your blessings, to look at
Speaker 1: how you have, how this year has changed you because
Speaker 1: it has changed people either kicking and screaming or voluntarily.
Speaker 1: We've had to reprioritize. We've had to um, you know,
Speaker 1: um solidify certain things in our lives that maybe things
Speaker 1: got big and expanded, and we've had to pull that
Speaker 1: in and create our core group, our core circle, and
Speaker 1: also you know, developing that relationship with yourself. I mean,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. There is no security out there, right.
Speaker 1: I say this often, and it's you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: it's can seem shocking. But we've we've we're under the
Speaker 1: illusion that this is this world is a place, so
Speaker 1: we can put anchors and tethers in. You know, we
Speaker 1: have this idea and partnership like you complete me. You
Speaker 1: know that our children are extensions of ourselves. That when
Speaker 1: I get that bank account, I'll be safe, when I
Speaker 1: have that job, I'll be okay. But this is a
Speaker 1: period of time where kind of a lot of those
Speaker 1: things are dissolving and we're moving into pulling in things
Speaker 1: really tight. And what am I in partnership with Truly,
Speaker 1: I'm in partnership with me, partnership with myself. I'm the
Speaker 1: constant kids grow up, husbands, can come and go. You know,
Speaker 1: you guys are still in it, and blessings to you
Speaker 1: much love, because there's great work to be done. You know.
Speaker 1: In partnership, it's really the master class, um, where if
Speaker 1: you're conscious and you're holding up the mirror to each
Speaker 1: other lovingly, that you can really evolve and walk through
Speaker 1: this in a beautiful way together. So partnership is beautiful
Speaker 1: and powerful. Certainly it has so much grace to it. Um,
Speaker 1: they can and then when we're unconscious, we're just like
Speaker 1: bumping into each other and triggering each other all over
Speaker 1: the place, and we think, oh, maybe somewhere else I'll
Speaker 1: get my solution right from But I think people are
Speaker 1: realizing that now that this is a time to really
Speaker 1: check your thinking, check your world, to check your space.
Speaker 1: How connected are you? What's true for you now? M man.
Speaker 1: It's like the perfect message for what we need right
Speaker 1: now with Thanksgiving tomorrow and then with the political climate
Speaker 1: that we're dealing with these days. I mean, nothing more
Speaker 1: than just And sometimes I feel like people get away
Speaker 1: from it being that simple. Right, We're just human beings
Speaker 1: all looking for the same thing, and we don't have
Speaker 1: to overreact to everyone else's opinions or expressions or whatever.
Speaker 1: I know I'm guilty of that at times, but I
Speaker 1: love it. It was like, yeah, you do well, Ryan,
Speaker 1: We really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: spending this time with us and kind of sharing your
Speaker 1: wisdom with it with ourselves, UM and our listeners, you know,
Speaker 1: especially before this holiday season. And if you want to
Speaker 1: know more, UM, definitely go to Ryan Haddan dot com
Speaker 1: are r y A N h A D d o
Speaker 1: n dot com. She's got a six week relationship course
Speaker 1: and a few other courses to in private workshops like
Speaker 1: stepping into your Purpose, the work life balance, and finding
Speaker 1: your center. Um. We actually we visited your website last
Speaker 1: night and it was just I was immediately just like
Speaker 1: I felt zen and I was like, I need to
Speaker 1: take everything on this page, but just thank you for
Speaker 1: putting that energy out into the world because we need
Speaker 1: more people like you, So thank you. Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: You guys have a good holiday. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: we all need. It's something that we kind of talked
Speaker 1: about in where our pastor was talking about in church,
Speaker 1: like everyone should have like a mentor just someone that
Speaker 1: has that energy that can Um. I'm not saying she's
Speaker 1: a mentor, but I mean she could be for someone,
Speaker 1: but just having that life coach or that mentor that
Speaker 1: puts things back into perspective. Yeah, that puts things but
Speaker 1: also can help you kind of not freak out or
Speaker 1: not stress out or just see the you see the
Speaker 1: light when there's a lot of darkness. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean she she definitely has that therapy tone of voice.
Speaker 1: I mean that'll just lull you to sleep in a
Speaker 1: good way of like just kind of calming your nerves,
Speaker 1: like calming your heartbeat. Like everything I felt was just
Speaker 1: like calm and just relaxed. And so I mean, she
Speaker 1: was talking about some amazing messages. So definitely go check
Speaker 1: out her website or her instagram is Ryan Head and
Speaker 1: Coach on Instagram, So go check that out. But let's
Speaker 1: finish up with an email and call it a holiday.
Speaker 1: This is an interesting email because we've deal with this
Speaker 1: a little bit. It's from anonymous. I wanted to know
Speaker 1: how you and my handle each other's friends when you
Speaker 1: don't like them or their spouse. In my case, my
Speaker 1: husband's best friend's wife hates me and always manages to
Speaker 1: talk trash, either directly to me or to others about me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what is your breaking point with friends and friends spouses?
Speaker 1: At what point in the disrespect of your spouse do
Speaker 1: you cut both people out of your lives? Well, all,
Speaker 1: first off, say, if there was someone that was talking trash,
Speaker 1: like if one of my friends was talking crap about you,
Speaker 1: aid to your face or behind your back, like, I
Speaker 1: would have your back and I'd be like, I would
Speaker 1: cut them out. And I would pray that if one
Speaker 1: of your friends talked crap about me, you would, you know,
Speaker 1: which you kind of did to your one friend he
Speaker 1: had said something when years ago, No, this happened in
Speaker 1: January when you when we got caught that stuff, so
Speaker 1: and you you kind of clap back. That's to them,
Speaker 1: But I would just hope that you would do the
Speaker 1: same thing. But it's interesting because we do have situations
Speaker 1: where there's someone in Mike's circle that I do not like.
Speaker 1: I mean like I do not like him at all.
Speaker 1: But he's one of Mike's good friends. And what we've
Speaker 1: done is we just don't hang out as a couple
Speaker 1: anymore because and there's someone that you don't like in
Speaker 1: one of my circles, you know, it's not really in
Speaker 1: your circle. I'm just saying it's still a friend that
Speaker 1: you see this that just brews my point. And because
Speaker 1: that one guy that you, I mean, it's not really
Speaker 1: I mean he's one of the circles, but I mean
Speaker 1: that's one of my circle groups and he you know,
Speaker 1: so I just I don't really talk about the person
Speaker 1: in front of him, and he doesn't really talk about
Speaker 1: that person in front of me because I just can't
Speaker 1: stop when it when he brings up, because it's just, oh,
Speaker 1: it's hard. But I will say that's it's it's very
Speaker 1: it's very hard to find a couple that you like
Speaker 1: both parties. Like there's a couple of dudes in his
Speaker 1: circle the dudes are awesome and the wives are and
Speaker 1: then his other side where the wives are awesome and
Speaker 1: the dudes are. Yeah, I mean, percentage wise, do you
Speaker 1: think it's more guys are cool? I see what you're
Speaker 1: doing there. Uh No, I think it's just that just
Speaker 1: happened to be in that No. No, I think in
Speaker 1: our case it is no, because there's only one dude
Speaker 1: I like out of that group. Now you don't even
Speaker 1: know the other ones. No, here's the thing from this
Speaker 1: email standpoint. Yeah, saying if they're talking, then like, if
Speaker 1: any of my friends are talking, I'll call him out
Speaker 1: and say, if you continue to do that, peace, like
Speaker 1: I'll choose my wife. That's right, So but that but
Speaker 1: the but the thing is is like none of my
Speaker 1: close friends would do that, right, So you almost have
Speaker 1: to wonder in this case, like why your husband's Well,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. It's his best friend's wife. His best friends.
Speaker 1: So just imagine if one of your best friends, let's
Speaker 1: say like, who's your who's your best friend? I don't
Speaker 1: have one, but say say, al well, you're gonna say
Speaker 1: the one because the wife does. But she would the
Speaker 1: so his wife does isn't like a huge fan of
Speaker 1: mine and one of Mike's best friends. But so yeah,
Speaker 1: we had a little thing and she doesn't like me,
Speaker 1: and that's okay, it's fine, we have what's fine, we're
Speaker 1: not besties, it's all good. But if she were to
Speaker 1: say something directly to me or to Mike like that's
Speaker 1: so wrong, but you wouldn't be friends with this person.
Speaker 1: You wouldn't stop, I'm sorry, wouldn't stop being friends with
Speaker 1: this person. If the wife was saying, in my case,
Speaker 1: my husband's best friend's wife hates me and always managed
Speaker 1: just talk trash into directly to me or to others
Speaker 1: about me. So you know darn well that this dude's
Speaker 1: wife is going to say bad things about me if
Speaker 1: I was, because we know she asked, because that's how
Speaker 1: we found out about things. Yeah, but here's the thing.
Speaker 1: He did his best at telling his wife to to
Speaker 1: stop with that, and he was kind of playing Switzerland
Speaker 1: a little bit because he was caught in a rock
Speaker 1: and heart between a rock and hard place. But it's
Speaker 1: not like it's an ongoing thing now. If it still was,
Speaker 1: then there'd be an issue, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I would tell like with this guy, I would tell,
Speaker 1: you know, your husband anonymous, he needs to tell his
Speaker 1: best friend, be like, yo, your wife needs to cut
Speaker 1: this out or it's going to affect our relationship because
Speaker 1: it would affect mine with my friends. And it did
Speaker 1: kind of for a second. Did absolutely did. She's a
Speaker 1: bummer because I'm like, I didn't mean to, you know,
Speaker 1: and I tried to apologize and no, I know you
Speaker 1: you handled up like a big person, but um like
Speaker 1: a big girl. I handled it like a big girl.
Speaker 1: But no, I mean, I think you know that is tough.
Speaker 1: But you know, outside of this specific situation, when it
Speaker 1: comes down to it, we're still a lot to be
Speaker 1: friends with who we want to be friends with, as
Speaker 1: long as it's not, uh, you know, harming the relationship.
Speaker 1: Me still being friends with my one friend that you
Speaker 1: don't like doesn't harm our relationship, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So it's just one of those things. Um. You guys,
Speaker 1: we hope all of you have a very safe, healthy,
Speaker 1: happy Thanksgiving, however you spend it. We know a lot
Speaker 1: of you aren't able to be with your loved ones
Speaker 1: this Thanksgiving. Um, we hear you, we see you. You're
Speaker 1: not alone and um and if you're breathing, if you're
Speaker 1: listening to this, be thankful that you are and just
Speaker 1: find you know, so listen those little things like that.
Speaker 1: And if you get lonely, you're not alone, call a friend,
Speaker 1: put your cat, take your dog for a while. You're
Speaker 1: not alone. You're saying, if you lonely, have a cat,
Speaker 1: probably that's what I'm saying. I'm just saying, like, like,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you have a you'll pet your goldfish. And
Speaker 1: if you're all all alone, DM me and we'll DM
Speaker 1: each other because I don't want you to be alone.
Speaker 1: Bet your cat. That didn't sound bad. I'm sorry. Go
Speaker 1: bet your cat. See you next week. Everything's giving me.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.