WEBVTT - This is Dramatic: Thank u, next 0:00:01.040 --> 0:00:06.000 This is the most dramatic podcast ever and iHeartRadio podcast. 0:00:07.800 --> 0:00:09.920 Chris Harrison and Lauren Zema coming to you from the 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:13.960 home office in Austin, Texas. We're back home after what 0:00:14.320 --> 0:00:17.040 was just another epic birthday week. 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.520 You have made me learn to celebrate birthdays, babe, guys. 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:23.960 Chris Harrison, he says birthday week. He really believes in 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:27.440 a birthday month for people. In this case it was himself. 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:31.160 It was his birthday, so a belated happy birthday. 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:34.120 It forced me to learn how to celebrate birthdays. 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:37.680 No, I look, my birthday was always near Thanksgiving and 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:40.400 so it kind of got thrown in with Thanksgiving by 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:42.560 my family. Not that they didn't, I mean, my parents 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:45.280 gave me great birthdays. But you really make a birthday 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:48.560 and occasion your family's into that, and it really gives 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:51.159 you an opportunity to celebrate the people you love. And 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:53.840 I always walk away from when we do everybody in 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.000 our family's birthdays with such a heartwarming feeling because in 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:59.360 a very fast paced world, it's really nice to take 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:04.360 a minute to celebrate people. And we celebrated Chris down 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:06.919 in Mexico with some friends, which is why my voice 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:10.400 is gone again. I'm going to make you give me 0:01:10.440 --> 0:01:12.440 some lessons on how. 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:16.640 To yell you do. I used to have the same 0:01:16.680 --> 0:01:18.160 problem and I had to I had to go to 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:18.760 a voice coding. 0:01:18.840 --> 0:01:20.400 I know we talked about this, but I'm just going 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:21.440 to take the lessons from you. 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:26.959 I probably got the appreciation for birthdays, definitely from my 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:29.760 mom and from my mom's mom, my grandmother. This is 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:31.400 on the Jewish side of my family, and I don't 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.399 know if maybe it is a Jewish thing of how 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.920 we really appreciate and celebrate another trip around the sun, 0:01:36.959 --> 0:01:40.479 as we like to say. But my grandmother, who lived 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:42.080 to the ripe old age of ninety nine and a 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.840 half years old, and my mom also bestowed upon me 0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:49.560 how just cherished it is to be written in the 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:52.600 book of life for another year. And so I have 0:01:52.800 --> 0:01:54.840 taken that to my kids, and hopefully I give that 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:56.360 to you. But one of the things I love, and 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:59.560 you are really good about this too. When we get together, 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:03.960 the revelrie and we have a good time. But there 0:02:04.000 --> 0:02:05.440 was kind of a saying when I grew up, and 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.680 love is spoken here. There's a lot of love in 0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:10.680 the room, and we use that time when we're together 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:12.920 to have a great time and goof around. But we 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:14.840 talk a lot about why we love each other, and 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:16.680 we talk about that to our friends, and when we're 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:19.160 sitting at dinner, we raise a glass and we talk 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.000 about what we appreciate about each other. And I really 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.920 like and love that, you know, I. 0:02:24.880 --> 0:02:27.280 Was thinking that, I think we've kind of ironed out 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.720 how to do a trip now. I've learned this over 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:31.720 the past couple of years together because we've done lots 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:34.760 of trips with our friends, and there is actually sort 0:02:34.760 --> 0:02:37.959 of I have a few tips on the right order 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:41.840 of things. We usually do no more than three nights. 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:44.840 I mean, you can't be drinking and partying and having 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:46.960 like it's like vague. She can really only be there 0:02:46.960 --> 0:02:48.760 for about a weekend and then your body just starts 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:52.600 shutting down in protest. But night one, everybody's going to 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:54.840 come in hot, they're excited, So this is not the 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:58.280 time for sentiment. Night one is get there, greet everybody 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.120 with a margarita. You're just having on your being silly 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:04.720 night too. Day two like recoop a little bit. You 0:03:04.720 --> 0:03:06.720 hang by the beach, you chill, you start to get 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:10.440 in conversations, catching up with people, and then day three, 0:03:11.120 --> 0:03:13.560 you can really kind of get crazy again during the day, 0:03:13.639 --> 0:03:15.840 but then on the night, that's when you slow it 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:17.640 down a little bit and you get a little sentimental. 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:19.560 You've now had a few days together, You've caught up 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:22.040 on each other's lives, and you can reflect. And this 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:25.040 is usually when we do a big dinner and kind 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:27.840 of go around the table, and if it's someone's birthday, 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:30.359 like it was yours, everybody might give a little toast, 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:34.720 which I mean we had. I think four of us cried. 0:03:36.320 --> 0:03:39.280 Well it is, including a couple of male friends, which 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:39.720 was great. 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:42.600 Here's the thing, and I urge you especially to start 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:45.120 this at a young age. I am a little bit 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.440 older now. Obviously I got to enjoy another birthday. I'm 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:49.760 fifty two now. And the older you get, you will 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:53.080 start going to funerals and you will wish you had 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.240 a moment where you could have told that person how 0:03:55.320 --> 0:03:57.800 much you loved them, what an impression they made on 0:03:57.800 --> 0:03:59.880 your life. And so what I urge you to do 0:04:00.120 --> 0:04:04.200 is have those moments at Thanksgiving, at Christmas, at Hanukkah, 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:08.360 at whatever, at a birthday. Do it now together when 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.120 everybody can hear it and enjoy it and laugh and 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:15.680 cry together instead of you're giving the eulogy. And I 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.040 know that may sound a little depressing, but I hope 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.280 you can say that to the people you love. And 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:23.280 so that's why I like that we take that moment 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:24.720 and I urge you to do the same when you're 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:26.720 at a great event with a bunch of people, when 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:28.560 you look around the table and you're like, these are 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:30.520 my people. These are the people that move me, that 0:04:30.600 --> 0:04:32.640 get me up in the morning, that help me make 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:36.240 it through the day. Say that. Use those words and 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.159 put it out there. Don't hold it in. You will 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:39.880 regret not saying it. Well. 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:42.240 I'm hoping everybody at home is doing well. I was 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.039 really looking forward to doing this podcast. I'm like, I 0:04:45.120 --> 0:04:48.279 miss talking to everybody. I hope everyone who's listening. 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.680 Is milling well. I miss having these deep conversations. 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:53.880 Because the last weekend was just a bunch of tequila. 0:04:54.320 --> 0:04:56.320 And by the way we did before we move on 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:58.479 to our first headline of the day, I caught a 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:01.920 little shade and I I do like that people are 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:05.000 listening and they will fire off their opinions. But it 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:09.000 was really interesting. I got this one opinion sent to 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:12.760 me disappointing that you were falling victim to giving this 0:05:12.800 --> 0:05:15.039 person their fifteen minutes of fame. This goes back to 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:18.039 the interview I did in a prior podcast to the 0:05:18.080 --> 0:05:20.800 woman that took the selfie with Miranda Lambert, and Miranda 0:05:20.880 --> 0:05:24.240 Lambert shut her down. And this is a woman. It 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:26.240 was the local woman in Vegas. If you didn't listen 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:28.000 to the podcast, you can go back and listen to 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:29.960 the prior ones. But I'll just give you the little 0:05:30.000 --> 0:05:32.160 nutshell here. She was the one with her five or 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:35.280 six girlfriends. They paid for the VIP section, they were 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:38.000 taking their photo and it was a little disruptive and 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.800 Miranda Lambert publicly shame them and shut it down. And 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:45.960 here's the thing. I didn't give this woman her fifteen 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:51.080 minutes of fame to get famous, or to agree with 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:53.680 her or disagree with her. What we like to do 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:58.080 as journalists is give someone their say, their day in court, 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:01.560 a chance to speak. I feel like as an interviewer, 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:03.800 and this is where you can disagree with me. I 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:07.320 questioned her. I asked her some pretty pointed questions. Do 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.200 you regret this, do you think you were in the wrong? 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:12.000 Would you do this again now? If you don't like 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.960 what she has to say, that's on her, that's on you. 0:06:15.040 --> 0:06:17.000 And that's how I felt when I was hosting The Bachelor. 0:06:17.040 --> 0:06:19.160 When I put you in the hot seat, I'm going 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:22.479 to give you the chance to redeem or hang yourself. 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:25.440 It's totally up to you. It's my job just to 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:28.000 ask the tough questions and be honest. So if you 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:31.000 go back, hopefully you will see I wasn't taking a side. 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:33.560 I didn't say Miranda Lambert was wrong. I didn't say 0:06:33.560 --> 0:06:35.919 that this woman was wrong. That's not up to me. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:39.039 I just want to just pose all sides. So there 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:39.360 we go. 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.120 Well, let's I might take a side about a few 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:43.119 things we're going to say today. 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:43.960 We definitely will. 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:46.839 Sometimes you're in the interview journalist's hat and then sometimes 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:49.279 you're in the opinionated commentator hat. 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.120 That is what can be confusing about me. 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:52.920 But I love the comments, by the way, I really 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:55.440 enjoy I don't take offense to them. I enjoy them. 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:59.159 If you don't enjoy debate, this probably isn't the forum 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:03.560 for you, because Lauren and I love to debate. Headline 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:04.920 number one. 0:07:04.920 --> 0:07:08.640 All right, everybody, you may have heard about Ariana Grande 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:14.440 getting divorced from her husband, and then the news dropping 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:19.400 very quickly after their split, news that she is allegedly dating, 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:23.160 according to multiple outlets, one of her co stars in 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:27.520 the new movie version of the musical Wicked. So the 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:31.240 plot thickens even more because it turns out that guy, 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:34.960 her co star, is separated from his wife. 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:37.120 Coincidence, total coincidence. 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:40.080 And now his wife as I could not believe this 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:44.360 spoken out on the record, this isn't source reporting, This 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:48.240 isn't sources say. She spoke to The New York Post 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:54.480 and she said that her family is quote collateral damage 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:58.240 of this new relationship between her husband, Ethan Slater and 0:07:58.360 --> 0:08:03.440 Ariana Grande. She told page six, quote, Arianna's the story 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:08.800 really not a girls girl. My family is just collateral damage. 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:12.720 So that really throws a wrench in I think probably 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:15.680 you know the room, the story was gonna be, well, 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:18.680 him and his wife had been, you know, separated for 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:21.440 a couple months, and she arian and Dalton had been 0:08:21.480 --> 0:08:22.920 separated for a couple months, and now. 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:24.880 They're just co stars. You fall in love. 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:29.280 But his wife is being pretty uh, pretty definitive here 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:32.679 in saying, uh, Arianna's not a girls girl. 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.800 This is a poor man's Mister and Missus Smith. 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:37.679 Oh, you mean Brad Pitt and Angelina Joel. 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:39.960 This is Brad Pitt and Angelina, Joe Lee and what 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.800 happened to Jennifer Aniston. This is a very and there's 0:08:43.840 --> 0:08:47.880 a lot of levels to this. We'll start with movie sets. 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:52.560 Movie sets is the Hollywood version of summer camp. You know, 0:08:52.600 --> 0:08:54.120 when you went to summer camp and you're in this 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:56.040 weird world and all of a sudden you end up 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:58.079 making out with that guy or girl that you probably 0:08:58.120 --> 0:08:59.920 never would have made out with or they made out 0:09:00.040 --> 0:09:01.679 with you and you never would have had that shot. 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.680 You get back to regular life in school and you 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.200 break up because you're like, what were we doing? Right? 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:08.360 We had camp goggles on? 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.480 That is a movie set. You are, you know, shooting Wicked. 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:14.880 You're shooting Mister and Missus Smith. You're on set. 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:16.640 You're together all the time. 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:19.760 You spend so much time again, and let me add on, 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.160 you know, as a theater kid, this is what we 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:25.920 call a showmance. Yes, and what that means is a 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:28.960 relationship that develops just during the time that you are 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:32.040 doing the show, the play, the movie, whatever it is. 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:34.960 Because It's more than just summer camp in Hollywood. It's 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.160 more than just look. I know, people get close in 0:09:37.200 --> 0:09:39.760 all kinds of work settings. Maybe two people do a 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:41.760 project together for a while and they get close and 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:43.880 it's only temporary and they look back and say, what 0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:46.680 were we thinking? But when you're doing a movie with 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:51.520 someone or a play, you are cast because of chemistry, right, 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:55.360 So you are literally put together to be intimately closely 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:58.040 working with people who you have chemistry with. 0:09:58.400 --> 0:09:59.840 This is hard on a relationship. 0:10:00.000 --> 0:10:02.520 It's hard on a marriage if your person's out there 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:05.600 being cast with and having romantic scenes with someone they 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:06.440 have chemistry with. 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:08.440 If you've never seen the movie, or go back and 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:11.120 rewatch it. Watch the chemistry with Brad Pitt and Angelina 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:14.800 Joe Lee. It smells like sex. Yeah, I mean the 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.719 chemistry is palpable and it's a good movie because of that. 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:24.280 Unfortunately for Jennifer Aniston. But you educated me on the 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:30.360 fact that this is also maybe not something new for Ariana. Well, 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:31.360 she's a track record. 0:10:31.600 --> 0:10:34.480 She has a song in one of the lyrics, famous 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:36.640 lyrics of a song that I love is break up 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:40.640 with your girlfriend because I'm bored, which is not reflecting 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:42.079 well now, and it's not reflecting well. 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:43.760 And look, I would. 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:48.920 There's many layers to the truth, and maybe these two 0:10:48.960 --> 0:10:52.520 were separated, and maybe his wife is really devastated by 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:54.880 the breakup. But then you have to ask yourself, Okay, 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:57.160 but why did they separate when he's filming the movie 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.720 and they've only been separated two months, he's already dating 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:02.720 someone else, and they, I should add, have an infant child. 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:06.480 So, bro, it is not a good look this guy, Ethan, 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:07.160 It is. 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:11.200 A very bad look that you are dating, even if 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.240 you and your wife really were broken up before you 0:11:13.280 --> 0:11:16.559 ever started dating Ariana. You know, this also raises the 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:18.839 question of how quickly do you move on You've got 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:21.880 an infant at home, a baby, You and your wife 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:24.480 have just split up, and they were high school sweethearts, 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:27.240 they've been together for years. You don't I don't think 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:31.240 you start dating someone a couple months in like like just. 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:35.720 At the very time, at the very least. This dude 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:40.240 is epically selfish, that's the that's the best. He is 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.120 is unbelievably selfish as a human being and as a father. 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:48.600 That's the start. My guess is, obviously, if there's smoke 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:52.320 in this case, there is a burning fire, and Arianna, 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.520 we got to talk about your choices in men. 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.560 You know, I'm really looking at it going I think 0:11:58.600 --> 0:12:02.400 she's beautiful. She's so talented. She seems like an incredibly 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:05.640 smart business woman. She's built a makeup brand. She's got 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:06.760 a bunch of hit records. 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:09.440 What a talent. And I look at the guys she's dated. 0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:13.199 This even guy, this is your co star. 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:18.280 He's career wise a million levels below her. He is 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.360 just out of a marriage, he's got a kid at home. 0:12:21.679 --> 0:12:24.440 Here's the way I look at it, and correct me 0:12:24.440 --> 0:12:29.120 if I'm wrong. Chew toys. There are certain people that 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:32.640 date a chew toy, meaning you know how a dog 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:34.800 will just sit in the corner and chew on something 0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.080 and then just get bored with it and leave. That 0:12:37.320 --> 0:12:40.880 seems to be the track record that Arianna follows. She 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.840 gets these lesser than men who are not equal or 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:48.560 better than her. That's who you should be surrounding yourself 0:12:48.600 --> 0:12:51.360 with in life as a friend or a significant other. 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.840 She gets these chew toys and she gets bored with them, 0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:56.439 and she'll move on to the next movie set, or 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.440 the next song, or the next whatever. This guy is 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:00.760 going to aid like milk. 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:06.840 Well with there, I feel like an idiot, but I 0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:09.600 just realized what you mean by that. And also I keep. 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.400 Thinking quickly and it'll get stale. 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.440 And honestly, he looks like milk. He's so pale. 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:19.880 And now I'm just being mean, but it's funny. So 0:13:21.600 --> 0:13:25.960 the husband she was with at Dalton Gomez another one, 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:28.120 he's like, I think he's a. 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.320 Real estate agent. It's I don't. 0:13:30.480 --> 0:13:33.880 I think it's very difficult to have a successful relationship. 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:37.640 I would give anybody, including Ariana, this advice when someone 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:41.719 is so far out of your league, frankly out of 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:43.880 your realm, and by that I mean, in this case, 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:47.840 lesser than like, these guys are millions of miles below 0:13:47.840 --> 0:13:51.400 her career wise, they are millions of miles apart from 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:52.240 her fame wise. 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:54.920 They're not going to keep up with her. It's not 0:13:54.960 --> 0:13:55.640 going to work out. 0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.680 And in this case, it's not a great look because 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:02.840 you've got a wife and mother saying her family was 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:03.760 collateral damage. 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.160 And when it comes to a relationship and how we 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:08.080 relate this to our own lives, it's not that you 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.080 need to marry or be with someone that is the 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:14.240 same station in the same place as you. It's but 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.400 I think it is important to be reflective of that 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:20.120 of when you are dating someone, ask yourself those tough questions, 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:23.080 Why what do they bring to the table? What are 0:14:23.120 --> 0:14:25.240 they equal or better than me? At? 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:25.800 So? 0:14:26.000 --> 0:14:27.800 How are they a value add to my life? And 0:14:28.120 --> 0:14:30.280 vice versa? How am I a value add to them? 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:31.680 How are we equal partners in searching? 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:31.960 Right? 0:14:32.000 --> 0:14:35.080 Are you have to both add to and expand each 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:49.040 other's worlds in some way? Well, and there's another story 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:51.920 that begs many similar questions, which I want to get into. 0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:54.160 I love when I get to talk about housewives. Let 0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.240 me give you the brief friend down. Real Housewives of 0:14:56.280 --> 0:15:02.000 Miami star named Lisa. Her husband. It comes out on 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:04.360 the most recent season of the show comes out on 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.800 the show that he's cheating on her. He's having an 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:10.200 affair with a woman who's thirty years younger than him 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.720 and Lisa and Lenny they've got two kids, two young kids. 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:17.720 She's totally blindsided and devastated by this. Now, just a 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:22.840 matter of months later, they are still married. He proposes 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:24.240 to the mistress. 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:28.960 They are engaged, and I love the next step though. 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:38.080 Lisa's response is so deliciously. I don't savage. 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.160 The genius is in the subtlety. 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:44.680 She posts on Instagram and says, congratulations to my husband 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:50.280 and his mistress on their engagement. Congratulations to my husband 0:15:50.400 --> 0:15:54.520 on his engagement is so brilliant because she doesn't say 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:58.760 anything mean, but it's such a takedown and so weird. 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:04.200 Think she could have just said you're such a dick right. Instead, 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:08.080 she said the exact same thing in that one the 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:09.120 wording perfect. 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:12.600 Sentence, congratulations to my husband on his engagement. 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:14.840 You might be the biggest d bag in the country. 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:17.760 I mean, the Bravo fans are coming for him. A 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:19.560 lot of people are up in arms about this ariana 0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:24.560 grande situation, and it begs the question for sure, when 0:16:24.680 --> 0:16:27.320 is it okay to start dating? And let's take it 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:29.360 to the next level now that we've added this second story, 0:16:29.760 --> 0:16:32.440 when is it okay to get engaged or married again 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:35.680 when you are divorced or in the process of getting 0:16:35.680 --> 0:16:36.720 divorced or separated. 0:16:37.920 --> 0:16:41.640 I have two very strong opinions on this number. One 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:49.960 having been through very extreme situations where very good friends 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:54.240 of mine have lost their significant others where there is 0:16:54.280 --> 0:16:59.680 a death. These two people lost their wives. One was 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:03.280 a long battle with cancer. The other one was a 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:08.240 short battle with cancer unfortunately, and both of these men 0:17:08.920 --> 0:17:14.120 rebounded quickly, and in our little social circle, they were 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:17.760 very much judged, and I found it very interesting and 0:17:18.600 --> 0:17:21.000 they both fought against that and said, look, you know 0:17:21.080 --> 0:17:23.040 what's important to me and my kids right now, and 0:17:23.800 --> 0:17:26.560 so a lot of people had really strong opinions, and 0:17:27.800 --> 0:17:29.600 I just kind of sat back to watch it all 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:32.560 play out. The flip side of that is on a 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.440 more kind of superficial level, where there's cheating involved. Obviously 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.840 you're having that is very different to me. 0:17:40.440 --> 0:17:42.439 I talked about this a lot with my mom because 0:17:42.560 --> 0:17:46.920 you know, we lost my dad obviously, and there's a 0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.960 lot of factors there, because if someone's been sick for 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:53.040 a long time, I do think you're grieving that person 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.679 even while they're alive. Really like you're thinking about the 0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:01.080 loss a lot, and you're starting to go through that process. Interestingly, 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:04.600 men start dating again more quickly than women after. 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:07.800 Loss one because we are not equipped to raise kids 0:18:07.840 --> 0:18:11.080 by ourselves, and even as as much of a strong 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:13.840 dad as I would like to, that is usually the case. 0:18:13.840 --> 0:18:16.200 And both of these men had kids, had young kids. 0:18:16.280 --> 0:18:19.640 Yeah, Yeah, I see it from that perspective, and there's 0:18:19.720 --> 0:18:23.720 actually something. I think there's a good intention in trying 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:26.160 to find a partner to help you raise your kids. 0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:29.000 You want your kids to be loved. Also, you got 0:18:29.040 --> 0:18:31.560 to think about your kids. How are they processing that loss? 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.680 I mean you, you know, there's so much to think about. 0:18:34.080 --> 0:18:37.520 Kids at different ages can be different. So I certainly 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:41.480 try not. I definitely judge less from a place of loss. 0:18:41.680 --> 0:18:43.879 Yeah, that's where I would like to separate these topics. 0:18:43.880 --> 0:18:46.320 So if you're listening and you've dealt with that, I 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.840 would say, let's put that in a different basket altogether. 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:52.640 But I think, no matter what, you know, you've got 0:18:52.680 --> 0:18:55.000 to be careful. You're not making rash decisions when your 0:18:55.000 --> 0:18:57.919 brain's in a place of loss or grief. And that 0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.200 might mean a divorce, and you don't rush into anything. 0:19:01.240 --> 0:19:04.639 But I was really trying to think about what the 0:19:04.640 --> 0:19:10.920 barometer is. I certainly think it doesn't look great if 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:14.040 you get engaged while you're still legally married. 0:19:14.080 --> 0:19:16.480 I think we can all agree on this one for sure, 0:19:16.600 --> 0:19:17.840 is not this does not wan. 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:19.560 I also have a friend, though, who is trying to 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:22.800 get divorced from her husband for more than twelve years. Yeah, 0:19:22.840 --> 0:19:25.040 he wouldn't let her get divorced. So what do you think, 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:26.040 what's your barometer as that? 0:19:26.200 --> 0:19:28.080 Well, I mean, look at it. Would you have a 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:30.000 problem if Brad Pitt. I hate to go back to them, 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:31.560 but would you have a problem if Brad Pitt and 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:34.760 Angelina Joli got engaged and I guess they can't get 0:19:34.800 --> 0:19:37.639 married because they're still married because their divorce has been. 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.760 Going on like six seven years at this point. 0:19:39.680 --> 0:19:45.359 This entire century. Yeah, I mean it's gotten so ridiculous 0:19:45.400 --> 0:19:49.919 at this point. So either are those extreme situations. But 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:53.440 I think what we're talking about is basically people who 0:19:53.960 --> 0:19:57.880 barely have their foot out the door, leaving a family, 0:19:58.000 --> 0:20:01.760 leaving young kids. They have so many responsibilities that they're 0:20:01.840 --> 0:20:05.200 running from, and that's exactly what they're doing, and they 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:07.160 just find something that's easier. 0:20:07.640 --> 0:20:09.600 Here's what blows my mind about the guy from the 0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:14.919 Real Housewife situation. He publicly posts about this engagement, this 0:20:14.960 --> 0:20:18.639 proposal on Instagram. They shared pictures of the proposal on 0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:20.240 top of a cliff somewhere. 0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:24.359 Dude, do you think people are gonna praise you? 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:24.720