1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:05,680
Speaker 1: Hey, CUTI misconnections. That was me staring. There's only two

2
00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:08,080
Speaker 1: places where you can find true love in this world.

3
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:11,000
Speaker 1: One is on the top level of a double decker

4
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,640
Speaker 1: sightseeing bus. Oh wow, remember the other day. If the

5
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:18,640
Speaker 1: upstairs is a rocket, don't come and knock him. The

6
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:21,400
Speaker 1: others on the pages of craigslist dot org, because we

7
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,720
Speaker 1: scour that website every week to find the best misconnections

8
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,440
Speaker 1: that they have to offer, like this first one, titled

9
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,000
Speaker 1: Climbing the Walls of Love rock Climbing Center Woman for

10
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,559
Speaker 1: Man forty one. It's cute, she says. It was my

11
00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:39,800
Speaker 1: first time indoor rock climbing and you were my guide. Oh,

12
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,800
Speaker 1: even though I was a novice. I told you to

13
00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,520
Speaker 1: challenge me and push me as hard as you could.

14
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,040
Speaker 1: But as soon as I got ten feet off the ground,

15
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:51,720
Speaker 1: I wet myself. Oh you can see that all from stared.

16
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,640
Speaker 1: You yelled at me, saying, now it's time to laugh

17
00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:01,040
Speaker 1: in the face of danger. And I did that. I

18
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,440
Speaker 1: mean I tried to laugh, but the only noise I

19
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:10,680
Speaker 1: could make sounded like a seal giving birth. I'm just hoping.

20
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,039
Speaker 1: You then climbed up to meet me at my perch

21
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,680
Speaker 1: and told me not to worry. You then gave me

22
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,720
Speaker 1: a small orange pill and said, this will make all

23
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,840
Speaker 1: your fears go away. Wait a minute, I don't think

24
00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:27,399
Speaker 1: he works there, and all your heroes come to life,

25
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,399
Speaker 1: and she's like, cool, let's take it. I already wet

26
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:35,240
Speaker 1: myself like a baby to a bottle. I popped it

27
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,040
Speaker 1: in my mouth. Okay, And next thing I knew, I

28
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,199
Speaker 1: was scaling the side of Mount Vesuvius with all four

29
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:47,440
Speaker 1: Golden Girls with you. As I reached the top of

30
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:51,160
Speaker 1: the ancient volcano, I lifted both my arms skyward and

31
00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:55,160
Speaker 1: they magically sprouted into wings. I took flight over the

32
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:59,160
Speaker 1: lava bearing beast, and the view was so magnificent. I

33
00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:05,200
Speaker 1: cried lit tears of happiness into the boiling magna mushroom. Yeah,

34
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:07,919
Speaker 1: like what, she's really still only ten feet off the ground.

35
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,720
Speaker 1: Right next thing I remember, I woke up screaming in

36
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:16,320
Speaker 1: your arms and staring into your one good eye. Afterwards,

37
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,680
Speaker 1: you told me you had to go on break, But

38
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:22,200
Speaker 1: I'll never forget the feeling I had that day. Quick question,

39
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,760
Speaker 1: when is the pill supposed to wear off? It's been

40
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,440
Speaker 1: a few days and I'm still seeing the Golden girls

41
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:34,640
Speaker 1: around town. Just parked my car. Yeah, it's those are

42
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,640
Speaker 1: gonna be the ones that haunt you. I say, that's bad.

43
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,280
Speaker 1: That was from Chloe. Wow, that got weird. Yeah. Do

44
00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,079
Speaker 1: you think he reads that and goes, oh, I love

45
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:48,480
Speaker 1: a beast girl. This next misconnection is titled We Bonded

46
00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:58,959
Speaker 1: Over Conspiracy Theories a k a. The Truth Yes thirty

47
00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,560
Speaker 1: three the mall. Oh no, He says, I noticed you

48
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:06,680
Speaker 1: yesterday afternoon perusing the calendar Kiosk area. Oh, it's code

49
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,920
Speaker 1: for something. You had curly red hair, a cute smile,

50
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,560
Speaker 1: and had a good sense of humor. I know that

51
00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,160
Speaker 1: because for at least three minutes you laughed at the

52
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:22,399
Speaker 1: calendar called nuns having fun. And that's when I made

53
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:25,600
Speaker 1: my move. I came up from behind and whispered, did

54
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:30,240
Speaker 1: you know it was really a nun who shot jfk Oh? God.

55
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 1: Sure it may have been factually incorrect, but it was

56
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,120
Speaker 1: a genius icebreaker, if I do say so myself. I

57
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:45,520
Speaker 1: then handed you my business card, professional conspiracy theorist. You

58
00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,800
Speaker 1: could literally put anything you want on a card, and

59
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,960
Speaker 1: I wonder if it comes with Benny's. You gave me

60
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,840
Speaker 1: a strange look, and that's when I said, I know

61
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,360
Speaker 1: this country's full of crackpots, but you can trust me. Ah,

62
00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:02,320
Speaker 1: I'm not one of them. I'm different. For the next

63
00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,520
Speaker 1: ten minutes, I spoke to you about the Illuminati, the

64
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:09,480
Speaker 1: true identity of Eminem, and what the special in special

65
00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:16,760
Speaker 1: case cereal really students? Oh my god, why am I curious?

66
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,400
Speaker 1: You then told me that you had to leave for

67
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:26,680
Speaker 1: an emergency involving your spleen. Oh that's a strange go

68
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,320
Speaker 1: to emergency. I hope you see this because my invitation

69
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 1: still stands to join my conspiracy small group this weekend.

70
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,120
Speaker 1: The other guys are kind of skeptical of newcomers, but

71
00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:40,120
Speaker 1: if you bring pringles, they'll be your biggest fan. I

72
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:48,160
Speaker 1: promise don't bring facts, Travis. Let's go to your next misconnection.

73
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,040
Speaker 1: It's titled to the drunk man who occasionally passes out

74
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 1: in our tool shed. Oh that's polite woman for man

75
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:59,000
Speaker 1: for wait you want him there. For the last week

76
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,320
Speaker 1: and a half, i've I seen you stumble into our

77
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:05,600
Speaker 1: backyard and crash in our toolshit. You immediately looked familiar,

78
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,640
Speaker 1: like I may have seen you at the library a

79
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:10,000
Speaker 1: month or so ago looking at dirty stuff in the

80
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: shared computer area. But that could have easily been somebody else.

81
00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,440
Speaker 1: There's a lot to choose from. When I first saw

82
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,320
Speaker 1: you sneak in, I wanted to call the cops, but

83
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:26,000
Speaker 1: then I noticed your hobo swagger. Oh yeah, that's the

84
00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:31,240
Speaker 1: Kanye West new line. Yeah, and I thought, hmm, I

85
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:34,920
Speaker 1: wouldn't mind getting to know some of that. My husband

86
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,120
Speaker 1: travels all the time and it's never home. Meanwhile, you

87
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,000
Speaker 1: don't even live with us in your home more than

88
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:45,600
Speaker 1: he is. Oh, last night, I was tempted to invite

89
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,440
Speaker 1: you into the big house, but instead I got nervous,

90
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,640
Speaker 1: so I just left a half turkey leg near the

91
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:55,240
Speaker 1: shovels and rakes. You not even give a full one.

92
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,120
Speaker 1: I noticed it was gone this morning. Did you eat

93
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,719
Speaker 1: it or did the rats get to it first? Exactly? Anyway,

94
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:03,960
Speaker 1: if you see this and you're still living in my shed,

95
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,359
Speaker 1: I put a flashlight on the top shelf for you.

96
00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:09,240
Speaker 1: There's no batteries inside, but I did fill it with

97
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:15,240
Speaker 1: old pizza pockets. Oh okay, use those for nourishment. You're

98
00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:17,320
Speaker 1: gonna need it for when my husband leaves on a

99
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:23,120
Speaker 1: work trip. Oh ready face. Hey, if there's any husbands

100
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,520
Speaker 1: that are missing hot pockets, they need to talk to me,

101
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,719
Speaker 1: those are your Craigslist misconnections phone taps coming up next