WEBVTT - Karol Markowicz Show: Motorhome Prophecies with Carrie Sheffield 0:00:02.600 --> 0:00:05.920 Hi, and welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:10.400 No monologue today, but coming up an interview with Carrie Sheffield. 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:11.880 Join us after the break. 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:18.479 Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:21.720 guest today is Carrie Sheffield. Carrie is author of Motor 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:25.160 Home Prophecies, A Journey of Healing and Forgiveness. So nice 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:26.280 to have you on, Carrie. 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:28.920 Hey, Carol, thank you so much for having me. Good 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:29.400 to be here. 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:33.240 So your book has been compared to Vice President jd 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:37.640 Vance's book, He'll Billy Elogy. He credits his grandmother for 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:42.199 helping him overcome a difficult childhood not dissimilar from the 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:44.000 one you describe in your book. 0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.440 To get to where he is today. Did you have 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:51.120 someone similar help you? You know, Carol? Megan Kelly asked 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:54.720 me that same question. And did I have a mamma? 0:00:55.640 --> 0:00:59.400 Because said at the convention that was a big theme 0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:01.760 for JB where he talked about the mamma with the 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:02.840 gun and every drawer. 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:04.399 I need to read his book. 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:05.720 I didn't read it because I didn't want to be 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:09.240 accused of plagiarism. But now that the book's long out 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:11.440 and the cover of folks want to check it out 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:16.400 let her prophecies. I need to read it. But from 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:22.039 what I've gleaned and what I told Megan was sometimes there. 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:24.440 Is no mamma, and. 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:28.400 So in that respect, I've had to be my own mamma, 0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:32.959 and it's I have not done a good job at 0:01:33.000 --> 0:01:36.080 it at times since Donorry. 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:39.120 Neither did Mema. Mema also did not do a good 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:41.199 job at it at times, and he described that. 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.440 Yeah, but I think to have a figure in your 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:49.120 life that is defending you and looking out for you, 0:01:50.520 --> 0:01:54.240 I just didn't have that. And so for people who 0:01:54.280 --> 0:01:58.120 are listening, you know, viewers in your show, but maybe 0:01:58.240 --> 0:02:01.480 you know a child in your life who maybe it's 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:05.920 a distant niece or nephew or someone you know, just 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:09.079 know that you could be that person for someone and 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:15.480 maybe that's where God placed you. I think partially why 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:19.040 it was a lot harder for us was because we 0:02:19.040 --> 0:02:23.480 were always moving and I ended up going to seventeen public. 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:24.720 Schools and home school. 0:02:25.320 --> 0:02:27.079 So the name of the book is called Motor Home 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:32.160 Prophecies because with my seven biological siblings, our mom all 0:02:32.240 --> 0:02:34.680 ten of us, our dad made us live in the 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:38.040 motor home partially so that he could he could run 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:42.040 away from authorities. One of the earliest memories I talked 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.880 about in the book was child custody when I was 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:49.000 about four years old or so, trying to take. 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:51.200 Us away and taking us down to. 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:56.880 Child Protection Services office and interviewing us. And we packed 0:02:56.919 --> 0:02:59.880 up and we high teled it. This that happened in Massachusetts, 0:02:59.880 --> 0:03:03.240 and we packed up and went to Utah to avoid, 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:08.400 you know, scrutiny. And so the difference with is I 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:10.640 understand it again, I need to read it. But with Dad, 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:14.400 it seemed like he had more, at least a little 0:03:14.440 --> 0:03:18.840 bit to some degree. Different circumstances obviously, but but he 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:22.080 at least was able to have a home, and in 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.720 my case, we had sheds and tents and motor homes. 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:28.919 And so I told Megan, I was like, he's a 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.240 US at the time, he was a US senator, happily 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:34.639 married with no kids, and like I'm forty one, not married, 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:36.800 no kids, and I spent three days in a psych 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:39.720 unit at age thirty six, and I don't think he did. 0:03:39.800 --> 0:03:42.600 So he's he's had much better life outcomes as an 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:43.360 adult than I have. 0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:50.280 Right, what you know only so far, well, I mean. 0:03:50.520 --> 0:03:52.520 He's the second highest office in the land, so I 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:54.160 think he's done pretty well for himself. 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:56.400 So but again I'm not. 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:00.760 And the thing is, I've learned all so since even 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:03.840 the books come out, the more I was living in 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:07.000 my victim story, the more I was keeping myself down, 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:09.080 you know, And so clearly j D was able to 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:10.520 get out of that victim story. 0:04:11.800 --> 0:04:14.320 And I think that's having a me MO can help 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:14.680 with that. 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:17.919 And if you don't have that, then you've got to 0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.240 be able to do that yourself. And again, this isn't 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:24.279 about me wanting to wallow in that victim story so 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:27.560 much as with the book and even talking about childhood 0:04:27.560 --> 0:04:30.320 trauma is to realize that for a lot of people 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:33.760 struggling with things like addiction, I mean, we have the 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:37.039 highest usaide rate ever and that's ever been recorded in 0:04:37.040 --> 0:04:37.800 the US history. 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:41.240 Why why is that? 0:04:41.320 --> 0:04:43.960 And not something that I've wrestled with a lot since 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:45.640 the books come out. And I think a big part 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.920 of it is that myself and a lot of us, 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:53.400 we don't realize the impact of childhood trauma. Again, not 0:04:54.680 --> 0:04:58.200 as Abigail Schier would say, it's not about getting trapped 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:01.240 in bad therapy it's not a hou getting trapped. 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:01.880 In what I say. 0:05:02.760 --> 0:05:05.320 It's the question is do when I'm going to therapy, 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.320 do I want redemption or do I want rumination? And 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:10.719 I think the way that our mental health industry has 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:14.240 been taken over by the left, it's become a rumination. 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:16.080 Industry where it's just. 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:18.440 A hamster will. And that's what addiction is. That's what 0:05:18.480 --> 0:05:23.400 alcoholism is, drug addiction. In my case, you know, repeated traumas, 0:05:24.240 --> 0:05:25.920 I just get stuck in that hamster will. 0:05:26.040 --> 0:05:29.160 And so therapy can do that if it's bad therapy. 0:05:29.720 --> 0:05:31.919 And so I like to say, if there was a 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:34.120 title for my book, I wanted to be good therapy 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:38.479 because I support therapy. But I think that so much 0:05:39.320 --> 0:05:42.360 like for example, more than two thirds of therapists self 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:46.400 identify as atheists or agnostic of course, right, and yet 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:49.640 eighty percent of Americans say they believe in God. So 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:53.560 there's this huge gap. And there's a researcher who is 0:05:53.680 --> 0:05:58.120 about Jewish. He's fantastic. He's at Harvard Medical School. I 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:00.599 pray to God, they don't try to, can't. But his 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:05.720 name's David Rossmartin. And he's found, for example, that seventy 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:08.880 three percent of mental health care patients say I want 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:12.000 mental health care integrated into my mental health care, and 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:14.520 yet seventy one percent of therapists say, I have little 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:16.839 to no training and how to do that when. 0:06:16.640 --> 0:06:18.560 I integrate what into their mental health care? 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:19.760 Faith? Like faith? 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:23.120 Yeah, and because there's a lot of evidence to show, 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:27.040 even just like with an MRI, that people who believe 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.400 in faith and believe in God and engage in regular 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:32.880 faith practice, prayer, religious community, they do better. They do 0:06:32.960 --> 0:06:36.479 so much better, and yet our mental health industry does 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:37.719 not promote this at all. 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:40.279 So just all I have to say is the book 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:41.479 is about. 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:47.120 Good therapy and how I eventually, despite our mental health 0:06:47.120 --> 0:06:51.560 care system, learned that I needed to integrate faith into 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:54.320 my mental health care. And that's really helped me to stabilize, 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:57.000 and it's really helped me to overcome a lot of 0:06:57.040 --> 0:06:58.720 my inner self sabotage. 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:02.040 What made you have to write motor home prophecies? Why 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:03.360 do you need to tell your story? 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:07.600 Yeah? So I wrote this story. Well, it's interesting. I 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:09.200 call this version. 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:11.360 My Paul book. 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.360 For those who are Christian, they'll know the story of 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:17.920 Paul the Apostle versus Saul. So he had the given 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.080 name Saul. So my first edition of the book before 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:24.520 it came out, my first iteration was I called that 0:07:24.600 --> 0:07:29.800 my soul book, pre conversion book, and that I started. 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:31.240 That way back in twenty eleven. 0:07:31.480 --> 0:07:34.920 Goal for that book was going to be my secular 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:38.120 conservative manifesto and it was going to be my call 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:42.600 for conservatism to be more embracing of atheists and agnostics. 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:47.560 Interesting to because things have changed, yeah they have. 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:49.720 And so that's the book. 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.320 So just to take a step back, the book is 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:54.360 about my father. 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:56.240 The reason he had. 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:58.640 Us live this way is because he claimed to be 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:02.840 a Mormon prophet, hence the name Motor Home Prophecies, and 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:07.360 he claimed that he would be president someday, and he 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.440 made us travel around the country playing music on street 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.120 corners and passing out brochures and try to convert them 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:17.200 to be more people to be Mormon. And it wasn't 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.720 so far fetched that he could run for office because 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.560 his father had been the Republican whip in the Utah legislature. 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.800 So it's in my grandfather's obituary that if you turn 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:29.800 right at a red light, that's legal because the law of. 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:30.600 My grandpa wrote. 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:31.480 I like that. 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:33.280 One of my favorites. 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:36.560 Yeah, And so if you're in Utah and you turn 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:38.680 right a red light, you can thank grab a Sheffield. 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.120 And so he was a successful lawmaker, my grandfather, and 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:46.000 chairman of the Zoning and Planning Commission of Salt Lake 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:47.720 City for a long time. So he helped to find 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:53.880 those design those beautiful streets. And the idea of having 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:58.079 my father be running for office is not too far fetched. 0:08:58.720 --> 0:09:01.240 I try to be as fared my dad as possible. 0:09:01.240 --> 0:09:06.200 But unfortunately, my father was sexually molested by a Mormon 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:10.160 babysitter when he was young. And as I looked into 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:15.880 the research, children who suffer sexual assault are multiple times 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:19.280 more likely to commit suicide as an adult. And he 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.200 said that that attack made him feel suicidal as an adult, 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:25.840 and it's pushed him over the edge. You know, childhood 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:31.240 trauma affects you much more. The effects of trauma as 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:34.520 a child are much more profound than on adults. And 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:38.360 then and unfortunately, if that's not treated, then it gets 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:41.360 passed down through generations. And that's what he did to 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:44.000 my siblings and I to the point where four of 0:09:44.000 --> 0:09:48.000 my siblings have attempted suicide and I was suicidal, and 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:54.520 so it's it's very unfortunate that these intergenerational curses continue. 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:55.120 And so. 0:09:56.559 --> 0:09:58.120 I and he put a curse on me in the 0:09:58.200 --> 0:10:00.360 name of Jesus if I left the cult, if I 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:04.480 left the motor home. I have two Schitzophanic brothers now, 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:09.160 who were healthy boys, and the older one tried to 0:10:09.200 --> 0:10:13.120 rape me. He groped me when I was seventeen, and 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:16.080 when I was eighteen, I finally said I wanted to leave. 0:10:16.120 --> 0:10:17.199 I wanted to go to college. 0:10:17.800 --> 0:10:20.199 And so my father raised his right hand like he 0:10:20.280 --> 0:10:22.240 was making an oath, and he said, I prophesy in 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:23.000 the name of Jesus. 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:24.480 You'll be raped and murdered if you leave. 0:10:25.520 --> 0:10:28.400 And to have someone put a curse on you in 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.040 the name of Jesus can understand why I didn't like 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:32.320 Jesus for a long time. 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:35.439 And so that was the place where I started to 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:39.080 write the book. Was this place of anger toward organized religion, 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:40.240 toward God. 0:10:40.640 --> 0:10:44.200 The idea of a loving father seemed so ridiculous, and 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.800 you know, I figured if there was a God because 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.040 I was agnostic, I was never apeist, which is you know, 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:54.600 I call it a fence sitter that you shoulder your 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:57.120 shoulder shrugging, You're like, I don't know, right. 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:57.760 But if there is one. 0:10:57.840 --> 0:11:00.440 He seemed like he was a jerk and I so, 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:02.280 and that he hated me and I hated him back. 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:04.320 So that's where I was when I started to write 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:04.800 the book. 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:07.839 And then around that time I also had that I 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:12.160 had a different book agent. I have Jonathan Brendanski. Now 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:16.680 I know you know Jonathan, but uh so my previous agent. 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:20.120 He and I decided, because they had also had an 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:22.800 idea to start at a media company, a TV a 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:26.720 digital TV network, and we both decided, let's do the 0:11:26.760 --> 0:11:29.920 media company first, and then we can use that as 0:11:29.960 --> 0:11:33.319 a launch pad to get more attention and support for 0:11:33.360 --> 0:11:36.680 the book after. And so I figuratively put that book 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:40.559 on the shelf. And in that period I became a 0:11:40.600 --> 0:11:41.719 Christian and. 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.800 The thesis a little bit whle premise. 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:49.440 Yeah. Then the working title of that soul book was 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.600 The Heathen next Door How I left religion and found Joy. 0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.360 Wow, and yeah, totally different. 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:58.480 And so so now it's that convert it's the conversion 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:03.240 story of my journey out of agnosticism. I first had 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:06.360 to just in general believe in God. That was a journey. 0:12:06.360 --> 0:12:09.120 And then and then specifically going to Christianity was another 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:11.400 part of the journey. So so now I wrote the 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:16.640 book with the goal of speaking to people who both 0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:20.360 have maybe people have gone through abuse or trauma, and 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:24.120 then also for people who are thinking about religious faith 0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:28.000 or faith or exploration. I get into some of the 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.640 metaphysics and lay lay person. 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.000 But metaphysics was a. 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:35.880 Big reason why I started believing God the more I 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:40.440 researched it. It's just the probabilities of creation and the 0:12:40.559 --> 0:12:42.920 earth being the way it is to be random. 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.720 It actually takes more faith to be an atheist. 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:51.520 So I wrote that book to really share my my 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:54.880 my reasons for believing in God. And it's a totally 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:59.640 different book, but ultimately the goal is freedom, freedom from pain, 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:05.360 form from trauma, freedom from depression, freedom from doubt, freedom 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:08.520 from living in darkness, because ultimately that's what I think 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:10.440 the truth, you know, like the Bible says, you should 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:10.920 know the truth. 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:14.600 The truth will set you free. I believe there's I 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:15.600 do believe there is a God. 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:19.080 Now, the fact that he allows evil and darkness to 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:23.400 occur does not mean that he endorses it, and I 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:27.400 do believe that he will make all things right. Wow. 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:31.480 Yeah, that's a real twist in your story. We're going 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:33.480 to take a quick break and be right back on 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:39.800 the Carol Marcowitch Show. So you've been through so much 0:13:39.840 --> 0:13:42.880 in your life. What advice would you give your sixteen 0:13:42.960 --> 0:13:45.080 year old self? What would you want her to know? 0:13:46.200 --> 0:13:50.520 There's so much run away from my brother, to not 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:53.000 go near him that way, you can't attack me. But 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:58.200 when I was seventeen, but now, I think the biggest 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:02.959 one would be don't walk away from God. Don't give 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:07.280 up on God. Because I was agnostic for about twelve 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:11.440 years and I call that my walk in darkness. And 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.560 I think a lot of young people are going through 0:14:13.559 --> 0:14:17.400 that right now. And what's been interesting, disease gen Z 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:22.680 is actually swinging back. I saw a piece that said 0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:24.840 that actually gen Z is more likely to believe in 0:14:24.840 --> 0:14:29.120 God than their parents, which is fascinating, and so that 0:14:29.200 --> 0:14:34.360 gives me hope. But I think because our culture, you know, 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:40.800 Hollywood media, academia, has been taken over by this radical ideology, 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:43.800 Marxist atheism that wants. 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:45.720 To destroy Judeo Christian values. 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:50.280 I understood that for a while because I was so 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:54.800 abused by a man who claimed Judeo Christian values and 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:57.120 so that was part of why I had a hard 0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:01.720 time disaggregating the abuse from the philosophy or the sense. 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:03.320 Yeah, so I. 0:15:03.280 --> 0:15:07.600 Would say, don't don't, don't be confused, Like, don't be 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:11.680 confused that this one person, what he did to you, 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:17.760 is not illustraed of the broader values, because he would 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.240 he would go and preach pro America values on the 0:15:20.240 --> 0:15:22.280 street corners while passing out the brossures. 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:24.360 And so in my head I have this sort of 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:26.600 like deep hostility that. 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:29.280 Was kind of latently trapped in there because I had 0:15:29.280 --> 0:15:32.400 been abused by him. And so I think for a 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:35.840 lot of these students that we see on campuses, a 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.400 lot of them see, and I say this over and 0:15:38.440 --> 0:15:41.120 over in the book, that God is not religion. And 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:44.960 so if they're seeing, you know, pedophilia and the Catholic Church, 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:50.920 or a priest or, a pastor stealing money or abusing women. 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:52.880 That's not God. 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:56.080 And it's sometimes it's easy to be confusing that. So 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:59.320 that's what I would tell sixteen year old Carrie, don't 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:00.840 confuse God with religion. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:02.200 They're not the same thing. 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:07.600 Religion is at best an institution that will point you 0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:09.520 to God. 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:11.520 Yeah, it's exactly. Yeah, it's a tool. 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:15.120 But yeah, don't confuse God with religion, I would tell her, 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:16.600 And don't walk away from God. 0:16:17.320 --> 0:16:20.040 You went to Harvard on a full scholarship, you worked 0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.000 on Wall Street, you have this amazing book. Do you 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.800 feel like you've made it? And are you surprised? If 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:27.600 you think yes, are you surprised that you have? 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:30.560 Well, you know, it's interesting. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:33.160 Well, like I said, it's like the last long term 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:35.480 boyfriend I had was cheating on me with multiple women. 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.320 And it's like, to me, success is not just the resume, 0:16:40.640 --> 0:16:44.960 it's the personal as well. And so in that respect, no, 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:48.240 I'm a failure, Like I want to have kids in 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:53.120 the personal life, you know. But what I realized recently 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:55.560 since figuring out why do I keep? And I have 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:57.680 a chapter in the book called the Queen of Lonely Hearts? 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:00.880 So just it was the same man but with different names, 0:17:00.920 --> 0:17:03.880 over and over and over and over again. You know, 0:17:04.400 --> 0:17:06.280 a man who was a drug addict behind my back, 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:08.320 a man who was an alcoholic behind my back, a 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.480 man who verbally abused me, a man who emotionally abused me. 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:14.879 It's like, while I'm successful in my career, you know, 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:16.600 I'm doing all these things. 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.000 Externally that are really successful. 0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:21.240 Then I come home and then I just get you know, 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:24.399 emotionally abused and cheated on. 0:17:24.880 --> 0:17:26.760 So it's just like, why do I keep doing this? 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:28.520 You know you've had some trauma. 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:31.359 I feel like you're right that it does seep into 0:17:31.440 --> 0:17:33.800 other parts of your life and it's hard to get over. 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.840 It's not like you just walk away from that. You know, 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.720 the things you went through as a child and grow 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.200 into a completely functional adult. 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:43.600 It's hard for. 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:45.960 Anyone, really, and I think you've been through a. 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:47.760 Lot, go a little easier on yourself. 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:53.360 Well, what I've realized recently, even actually since the book's 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:57.560 gone out, I went through this amazing program and I've 0:17:57.720 --> 0:17:59.840 posted on social about it a few times. 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:01.280 It's called the Atlas Project. 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:06.040 They're based in Las Vegas and Austin, So I did 0:18:06.040 --> 0:18:11.879 it in Austin, and I realized why I kept dating 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:15.480 these types of men. And I would say men would 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:18.240 have the same traumatized men would do the same, similar things. 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:21.480 So it's not I'm not picking on one gender. It's 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:25.440 about the childhood trauma effect. So I realized going through 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:31.119 this program that because I had fundamentally not accepted my 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:36.520 own worthiness. That I was encouraging and attracting and staying 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:38.280 with men who felt the same way. 0:18:38.520 --> 0:18:40.320 That makes sense, Yeah, because they. 0:18:40.320 --> 0:18:43.200 Themselves felt the same way about themselves too, Because that's 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:46.160 ultimately what addiction is, you know, drug. Because I've never 0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:49.440 had substance to these addiction problems, thank God, Like I've 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:54.200 never so I never understood, like, what's. 0:18:54.040 --> 0:18:56.760 Wrong with me? Why do I keep like attracting these addicts? 0:18:56.840 --> 0:18:58.199 Like what am I addicted to? 0:18:58.400 --> 0:19:00.879 And it's but it's the same brain patterns of. 0:19:00.920 --> 0:19:04.159 A trauma victim, the similar behaviors. 0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:07.560 It comes down to self loathing or self hatred, and 0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:12.840 so that's what addiction is. And so working through all that, 0:19:14.560 --> 0:19:17.720 I realized the book really is more about the father wound, 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:20.440 as they say, and I realized I had not really 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.919 worked through the mother wound. And the mother wound was 0:19:23.000 --> 0:19:26.919 that my mother chose to see with my father, and 0:19:27.720 --> 0:19:31.600 who is a lot like these men. They're different but 0:19:32.440 --> 0:19:36.240 in the same outcome, you know. And so she's been 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:40.040 with him for almost fifty years, and so that pattern 0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:43.560 it gets imprinted, that done, Yeah, it gets imprinted on 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.720 the child. And so subconsciously that's what I was attracted to. 0:19:48.320 --> 0:19:50.880 And so to just be aware of it is half 0:19:50.920 --> 0:19:53.800 the battle. So I'm like, thank God for this program 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:56.720 because I'm like, I will, I will not allow this anymore. 0:19:56.760 --> 0:20:00.879 I'm much more sensitive to the red flags because before 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:05.320 it was just you know, begging this person to love 0:20:05.400 --> 0:20:07.840 me when they didn't deserve it at all. 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:11.760 Well, I love that you've like discovered all these things 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:13.800 about yourself and I believe in you. I think you're 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:17.960 going to be okay. And this is, you know, a 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:21.440 difficult road you've been on, but you have always seemed 0:20:21.480 --> 0:20:24.439 to be someone looking for the right path and it 0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:25.640 does seem like you're on it. 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:27.239 Thank you. 0:20:27.440 --> 0:20:29.560 Well, if you know a great guy, I will definitely 0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:31.400 get you a husband. 0:20:31.520 --> 0:20:32.679 What do you worry about? 0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:36.040 So, I mean there's a lot, there's. 0:20:37.280 --> 0:20:41.920 If anything, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, which 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:46.800 is like worrying too much. But working through that, you know, 0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:51.560 it's I and my faith also has helped to really 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:52.040 temper that. 0:20:54.119 --> 0:20:57.240 My faith gives me the belief that. 0:20:59.480 --> 0:21:04.359 Whatever are going through on this planet, God, God is 0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:06.240 sovereign at the end of the day, and so in 0:21:06.240 --> 0:21:08.560 that respect, I don't worry about anything. 0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:14.120 But that's very abstract. Okay, we accept abstract here. 0:21:15.720 --> 0:21:18.200 So I think though, like on a day to day though, 0:21:19.800 --> 0:21:23.240 you know, I'm worried about China overtaking us in the 0:21:23.280 --> 0:21:24.040 AI race. 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:27.880 I'm worried about. 0:21:27.440 --> 0:21:34.480 Marxist ideology overtaking our major institutions. And as Ronald Reagan said, 0:21:34.640 --> 0:21:37.880