WEBVTT - Advice Letters 7 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:05.080 Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. How are you doing. 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:09.920 Thank you, Thank you for tuning in to the Vitamin 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:13.160 D Podcast, where our mode is to get you excited 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:16.600 about life so that you can live life on purpose 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:21.120 and for a purpose. And this is your first time. Welcome. 0:00:21.880 --> 0:00:23.600 I am so glad that you took time. I try 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:24.840 to have to sit here and kick it with me 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:28.400 to talk to me. And you know, on this podcast, um, 0:00:28.440 --> 0:00:31.120 it's all about shedding night. You know, you get vitamin 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:34.160 D from the sun, right, so I'm here to shed 0:00:34.240 --> 0:00:36.239 light into your life. Because my name is Dawn. You 0:00:36.280 --> 0:00:39.280 can get it. Okay, you follow, and if you're returning, 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:42.599 welcome back. I appreciate you. I should probably call you 0:00:42.600 --> 0:00:44.559 like my daylights, you know, just to get a lot 0:00:44.640 --> 0:00:47.959 light here and there. Um, but nevertheless, I'm just so 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:51.239 glad that you're here now. Usually on the Vitamin D Podcast, 0:00:51.320 --> 0:00:54.160 we'll do certain interviews where we're talking to notable celebrities, 0:00:54.480 --> 0:00:57.640 sometimes people just like you and me, having just inspirational 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:02.320 conversations and inspirational in science. And then I'll do my 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:04.760 quick doss which you've probably had the special treat of 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:07.800 me catching those on a Wednesday and Friday twice a week. 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.960 And basically that's just simply me using the lyrics of 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:14.560 popular music and intertwine and get into a motivational message. 0:01:15.080 --> 0:01:18.560 Then we got something special. It's where I here directly 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:21.160 from you. I have some of my listeners that write 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:23.920 in and for the Vitamin D Advice letters. And you know, 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:25.959 if you have a letter that you'd like to cement, 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:29.360 you can go ahead and email at Vitamin D at 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:32.760 dawn day Speaks dot com and just simply if you 0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:36.319 have any questions about relationships, about love, about career, about 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:40.120 just decisions, any and everything that you use the second 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:43.200 opinion on. But let me tell you right now. I 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:47.120 said it before and I said it again. Vitamin is 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:49.840 about shutting the light. And you have to understand that 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:52.000 when you shed the light, it's gonna be on the 0:01:52.000 --> 0:01:54.280 good and the bad. So just the same with this 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:56.320 advice that I'm gonna give you, it's going to be 0:01:56.360 --> 0:01:59.960 real because we can only grow from what we know. Okay, 0:02:00.360 --> 0:02:02.240 you don't grow from being in the shade. You grow 0:02:02.280 --> 0:02:04.240 from being in the light. So we're gonna cut on 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.120 some light and it may not be as nice or 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:08.280 friendly that you may like, but guess what it is 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:10.760 a true. Now, I can keep on yapping, but I'd 0:02:10.880 --> 0:02:13.359 rather dive in to see what we're talking about here. So, 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:17.639 without further ado, it's time for your dose vitamin D. 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:27.240 D right with me and get excited about all right, 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:31.919 So let's dive into the first letter subject and I 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:35.680 just overthinking it, dear Dawn. So I've been seen this 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.720 man for about a year now. He's sweet, hilarious, and 0:02:38.800 --> 0:02:42.040 almost as smart as me. It's been great. I sometimes 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.240 even catch myself fantasizing about adopting kids with him. Someday. 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:47.760 We're just clicking this way that fills me with joy. 0:02:48.120 --> 0:02:51.160 So here comes the best. I don't know why I 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:52.960 can't shake the feeling that he doesn't want to be 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:56.359 with me, like he generally shows up but only after 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:58.760 I make plans. And while I don't mind going out 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.400 and taking the initiative, I can't help but feel like 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:04.000 he doesn't put the same value in me when I 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.400 don't see the same effort. Now, I'm a man in 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.600 my thirties, so I'm not really too afraid to cut 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:11.200 and run. But I also can't decide if this feeling 0:03:11.280 --> 0:03:13.400 is based in fact or if I'm making a bigger 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:15.800 thing out of it than it warrants and should just 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:18.240 shut my mouth and enjoy this man who wants to 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:22.040 be with me right now. What are your thoughts? Okay, 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:25.960 I want to call you damsel and distress. Here's the 0:03:25.960 --> 0:03:28.160 thing that I would say. You always have to trust 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:31.799 your vibe because whether or not it's you that feels 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:34.720 the insecurity or that you feel the other person is 0:03:34.880 --> 0:03:38.760 into you, something is off now, whether that's a matter 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:41.760 of you stepping up in your confidence or just having 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:45.040 a genuine conversation. You know, they say that oftentimes in 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:48.360 relationships that they sometimes don't work out, not because another 0:03:48.400 --> 0:03:51.480 person doesn't love them, not because another person doesn't care 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:54.280 about them, but simply because there are different love languages. 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:58.040 You know. Some people enjoy the physical contact of touch, 0:03:58.320 --> 0:04:00.840 and it doesn't always have to be sexual. Some people 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.680 like to be affirmed if their love. Some people like 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:05.840 to be shower to gifts. It doesn't make them shallow. 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.280 What it says is, hey, this is how I receive love. 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:13.240 And I think with any type of relationship, whether it's intimate, 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.520 whether it's something that's business, you have to learn to communicate. 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:20.000 And like you said, your partner could legit be on 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:23.840 some quality time stuff and showing out and showing up. 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.040 But your thing is to say, hey, I want you 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:29.719 to take the initiative to well, I think like it's 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:32.159 any type of relationship of a balance, just like you 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:34.080 have a yen and a yang. You know, the sun 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:35.960 doesn't get jealous of the moon because it doesn't come 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:38.000 out during the day, but it knows the position that 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.360 it plays in that relationship, of this cycle, of this 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.280 evolution of life. So think about in your relationship and 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:46.240 who balances out who does what you know, just in 0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:48.640 your relationship, somebody may be a great cook, so maybe 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:50.960 they handle the big dishes, and maybe that you're doing 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:54.120 the signs doesn't make that any party less known. But 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:57.200 like I said before, whether or not you're overthinking it, 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:00.599 only you can answer that. But what I inquiring, what 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:03.200 I urged for you, is to take action and communicate, 0:05:03.760 --> 0:05:06.240 express your concerns with your partner, because no one can 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.960 read your mind, and it's unfair if you expect anyone 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.400 to let them know and say, hey, I'd like for 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:15.480 you to plan things or throw something out there and 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:17.760 let him take the reins. But don't give up on 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:22.200 a relationship with somebody showing up because guess what, if 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:25.040 somebody doesn't want to be somewhere, they won't be there. 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:27.479 And you haven't told me about this person is not 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:30.560 showing up to spend quality time. The gripe that it 0:05:30.600 --> 0:05:33.800 seems that you're expressing, or that I've read, is that 0:05:33.920 --> 0:05:36.960 they aren't putting the same quote unquote effort that you 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:40.039 can receive and what it looks like for you. So 0:05:40.160 --> 0:05:43.120 take some time and just have a conversation. That's where 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.760 you'll start. Let me know how that goes, write me 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:49.880 back and we'll continue this. Okay, all right, let's move 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:53.680 on to the next letter. Subject. Am I the run 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:57.799 of the letter? Dear Dawn. My girlfriend has been babysitting 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:00.280 her sister's dog for the last few months, and it's 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.880 really starting to wear on my last nerve. We live 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.279 in Maryland, and since we started dating three years ago, 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:08.240 I'm twenty eight, she's twenty nine. I've known that she's 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:12.120 big into animals. She would volunteer at animal hospitals and 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:15.800 shelters almost every weekend. I got really used to watching 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:19.320 videos of cute animals and especially dogs. Then about a 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:23.080 year into the relationship, she introduces me to her sister's dog, 0:06:24.120 --> 0:06:27.520 who she is literally in love with. You think I'm joking, 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:30.320 but I do mean literally. She doats on the little 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:33.080 guy like he's an actual baby. At first, I thought 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:35.240 that it was cute and just kind of the natural 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.640 extension of her animal love. I thought it was a 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.159 little weird that she treated it like meeting her parents, 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.599 having to give me a special about what the dog 0:06:43.680 --> 0:06:47.360 does and doesn't like. I guess I pushed that reservation 0:06:47.480 --> 0:06:51.520 deep down, so that goes well, and the dog likes me, 0:06:51.560 --> 0:06:54.919 and things seem honky dory. But then come COVID and 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.240 her sister decides to move back to the Midwest to 0:06:57.279 --> 0:07:00.599 help with the family, which I mean, yeah, makes sense, 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:03.960 but she leaves her dog here with us. Now, personally 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:07.560 I like animals, but I also think that they're animals. 0:07:08.120 --> 0:07:10.760 No table food, no licking on the face, no sleeping 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:13.840 in the bed are my general rules. Of course, Rules 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.800 one and three were broken within the first day. Now 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:20.440 three months in, I a feel like I own a 0:07:20.480 --> 0:07:22.920 dog I didn't choose, and be I feel like I 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.320 have to walk on eggshells less I do something that 0:07:25.400 --> 0:07:28.760 she thinks the dog won't like. It's crazy. I can't 0:07:28.800 --> 0:07:31.080 tell you how many nights I end up almost kicked 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:33.560 out of my own bed by the dog and her. 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:36.000 Sometimes I just give up and go to sleep on 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:38.200 the couch, only for her to come out in the 0:07:38.240 --> 0:07:41.320 morning and ask, what's up? Why did you come out here? 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:43.960 If I were to tell you the truth, I feel 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:45.880 like I get a blink stare, or she'd accuse me 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:49.080 of hating the dog or being jealous. I don't know. 0:07:49.680 --> 0:07:52.680 Am I jealous? I know you can't tell me that 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:57.280 per se, But what do you think? How do I 0:07:57.320 --> 0:08:01.720 stop feeling like the runt in this household? Who chow? 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.320 I had to exhale on that, because there's a lot 0:08:06.480 --> 0:08:10.520 of impacking to do in this letter. You know, There's 0:08:10.560 --> 0:08:13.720 something I always say is that when somebody shows you 0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:16.720 who they are, believe them. And I usually we're talking 0:08:16.720 --> 0:08:19.200 about the money says something that you may not like, 0:08:19.560 --> 0:08:21.920 or something that may be offensive, or something that shows 0:08:21.960 --> 0:08:25.120 ill will of their character. But sometimes we just have 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:27.800 to put on our observation spectacles and see somebody who 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:30.080 they are. Now, what you stayed in earlier on in 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.960 the letters that you said that you've noticed that your 0:08:33.000 --> 0:08:35.880 girlfriend has always loved animals. I mean she does it 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:38.400 on her free time. Also, we see that you know, 0:08:38.880 --> 0:08:42.959 you didn't necessarily welcome into the fact of various animals 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:46.360 come in the household, especially the job. Now, there's something 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:48.880 that I think that's important in any type of relationship 0:08:49.120 --> 0:08:52.680 because I think whether it's intimate or platonic, it's all 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:57.240 boils down from one person to the next, and sometimes 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:01.840 when that communication comes to a level of boundaries. Now, hey, 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.040 there possibly could be some jealousy as you stayed and 0:09:05.040 --> 0:09:07.720 you said, hey, am I jealous? Maybe because there's a 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:09.400 lot of attention. I mean, heck, she had a whole 0:09:09.440 --> 0:09:12.880 meat and grief for the dog. You're telling me that 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:14.680 you get kicked out of the bed because the dog. 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:16.880 What are you feeling like the dog is on your side? Now, 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:18.360 what I'm surprised that you didn't say is that but 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:19.720 you didn't want the dog in the bed because the 0:09:19.760 --> 0:09:21.920 dog has been on the ground and touching whatever it's 0:09:21.920 --> 0:09:24.360 been touching. And I respect the fact of having a 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.120 dog lick everywhere. And I'm toil like you like going 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:29.320 to a restaurant and I'm seeing the dog at the table, 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:32.840 Like I'm like, wait a minute, this is not a park. Heck, 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.560 when I'm even in the park, why hasn't the dog 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.680 on the leash? And I like dogs? Um, But what 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.440 I'll say with this is that you need to have 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:44.000 a conversation with her. I don't think there's anything wrong 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:46.160 with you express them because at the end of the day, 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:48.840 you're not here for the dog, and it's only going 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:50.480 to be a certain amount of time that you can 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:53.560 keep holding your piece before you explode. And you wouldn't 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:56.480 one of relationship to explode over something that's outside of 0:09:56.520 --> 0:09:59.520 you two, because it's YouTube that are building something and 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:02.000 when you are, all the outside sources to come in. 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:06.160 Now you're kind of like crambling or getting your relationship 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:11.440 mixed up. But there's a lot of static clear communication. Now, 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:15.000 what's gonna happen if she says, hey, it's you're the dog. 0:10:15.880 --> 0:10:18.320 I don't think you'll come to that point. But I 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.280 think something that should be said about, Hey, whether a 0:10:20.320 --> 0:10:22.560 dog can sleep in the bed? I mean that is 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:25.360 your bed too. And you have to realize too, how 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:28.400 you do anything is how you'll do everything. So if 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:31.720 you can't speak up by simply mentioning about a dog 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:34.439 being in the house and how your disposition, what does 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.240 that look like if you plan to build with this 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:38.600 woman and you plan to have children, What does it 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:41.000 look like when you have to decide what school? What 0:10:41.080 --> 0:10:42.560 does it look like when you have to speak up 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.679 to your boss about whether or not you want to raise. 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.440 You have to learn to speak up for yourself. You 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:49.640 have to know where your boundaries are. You have to 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:52.360 know where to cut off your limits. Now, it's fine 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:55.000 and hunky dory, per se if she loves a dog, 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:57.360 but you gotta understand how much you love her and 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:01.120 also how much you love yourself, and that comes with limits. 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:03.720 Here's the thing. You said that there were some rules 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.559 that were broken. You said rules one and three. That 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.880 tells me that you seem like a guy that like 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:12.840 says ducks and or and the fact that you have 0:11:13.080 --> 0:11:17.640 one you have a dog that you did not choose. Two. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:20.560 You have to walk on eggshells. You can't be you 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:24.440 in the relationship. What's the point So you're not sleeping 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:27.760 in the bed alone? What? I don't know about you, 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.800 but I said, there's one thing with friends. I'm not 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.200 showing up in person to not be in person. So 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:35.679 don't come talking to me while you're on your phone 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:38.440 or you're distracting because why are we here? So what 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:41.040 are you in a relationship for? If you can't communicate, 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:44.160 if you can't be yourself, If dogs aren't your things, 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.319 so what is your thing? And why are you allowing 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.520 it to be your thing? Now? You can try to 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:50.719 hold yourself all you want, but then explode later than 0:11:50.800 --> 0:11:53.720 what and it all? It's going to be your fault. 0:11:54.040 --> 0:11:56.880 It's your fault because whether or not you communicated enough 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:59.640 and whether or not you studied your boundaries. Now, because 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:01.200 of the fact that you said there are rules that 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:04.360 tells me that you and your girlfriend made some sort 0:12:04.360 --> 0:12:07.559 of agreement, then we step into the realms of accident 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:11.040 or a disrespect because we need to make sure that 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:13.440 we honor our words. Your words are your integrity, and 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:15.599 your integrity is all that you have. This is in 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.000 a dramatic sense, but I say that if you are 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:21.280 communicating with somebody and you're both on the same understanding 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:26.439 and someone changes it, that's the miscommunication. Don't let this 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:29.199 be the start of something major that will only continue 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.160 to build on your life. Think about it like this. 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.280 You may be avoiding this conversation with your girlfriend or 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:41.000 just being frustrated and annoyed. Think of it like a callous, 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:44.760 a callous that you keep hitting something. So what happens 0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:47.880 the protective shield? It keeps getting thicker and thicker, and 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.520 you know what, something so thick you can't get in 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:53.199 there and it becomes to be rough. Imagine that type 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:56.400 of abrasion in your relationship. We're so thick that you 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:59.000 guys can't touch each other, because you can't see each other, 0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:02.360 because you can't speak to each other. You see how 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:07.959 that wedge starts to build in your relationship. Now, while 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:12.319 you're a person who doesn't necessarily like dogs, you gotta 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.400 ask yourself, is this the type of woman that you 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:16.760 want to be with? Again? This isn't a person that's 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:19.600 just babysitting a dog because her sister is out of town. 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.520 This is a person who uses her time on the 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:25.400 weekend to take care of the dog. So when you're 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.840 gonna take care of you and stand up for yourself. 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:31.000 So when you ask me, oh, hey, you know, am 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:32.760 I the run of the letter? You're only the run 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:35.880 because you're choosing not to speak up. You're choosing not 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:37.920 to stand in your truth, and your truth is you 0:13:37.920 --> 0:13:40.000 ain't trying to be by the wayow dog, and if 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:42.320 you are, don't put the dog in the bed. Don't 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:45.439 let the dog look on my face. Have a conversation. 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:47.840 This isn't a deal breaker, but I'm telling you now, 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:53.199 don't make a little a lambline into a mountain. You're 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:56.120 hearing me, all right? That's all I got for now. One, 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:59.640 Let's move on to the next letter subject more lame 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:02.880 x uses. Dear Dawn, the guy had been dating for 0:14:02.920 --> 0:14:04.720 a few months to ask me out on Wednesday for 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:07.520 a dinner date on Friday at six pm. At four 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:09.880 pm on Friday, he called and I missed it. A 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:12.120 minute later, he texts that he was very sorry, but 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.320 he would need to cancel our day tonight since some 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:16.560 good friends of his came into town on a lark 0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:19.120 and he was going to see them. No word if 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.960 they were male or female. I wasn't that bothered by 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.760 it on principle, but the fact that he didn't invite 0:14:24.800 --> 0:14:27.200 me to join them did bother me. I wouldn't have 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:29.720 wanted to go out with a lot of people that evening, 0:14:29.760 --> 0:14:32.440 but it was ruined out to ask. I would never 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:35.000 have done this to him, and it made me realize 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.080 that this was the second time he'd canceled on me 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:42.440 like this when a friend came into town. Who are 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:46.200 these friends exactly? You heard Marton? Because I was wondering too, 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:49.520 and what have I never met them? I feel like 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:51.600 I'm being paranoid, but I also don't want to be 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:54.320 with someone who can't keep me keyed in on their life. 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.800 Then again, what if he's cheating? Ain't I don't know? 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:02.840 Should I confirm him about these lamemks uses? Oh? Child, 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:10.440 things are gonna get easier, I hope lame excuses. Okay, 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:13.480 So you say you've been dating this guy for about 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:17.320 three months. It was interesting, um talking with my engineer 0:15:17.360 --> 0:15:19.600 and he was just explaining to me how you know, 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.120 just in the past relationship of somebody he's dating about 0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:25.800 being clear. Gotta be clear. See when you know what 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.240 it is, you know what it ain't, you know what 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:31.520 you can't? You know what you can't? I say that 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:38.840 does dating mean exclusive? Are you the one now? Considering 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:42.320 the fact that he has a tendency to change plans 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.080 in the last minute and you never know a reference 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:48.360 is who this particular friend is that comes in town. 0:15:49.400 --> 0:15:53.480 Leads me to believe that perhaps whatever this relationship or 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.120 dating ship that you are in. Is it perhaps the 0:15:57.200 --> 0:16:00.400 exclusivity of the one that you hope for. I only 0:16:00.520 --> 0:16:04.360 say that is because you're in the dark, and Vitamin 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:09.520 D we're all about cutting the lights on, says you're 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:11.400 gonna have to cut your lights on in this situation. 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:13.520 You know, people often ask like, you know, how do 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.520 you assess the situation or how do you read a situation? 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:19.760 You gotta trust the vibe. You know what you feel, 0:16:20.120 --> 0:16:22.440 and it's one or two things. Either it's truth of 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:25.040 what you think and it's not right, or there is 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:26.840 no truth in it and you still don't feel right. 0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:29.040 Either way, you still don't feel right. And that's the 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:32.280 key you to be comfortable in your relationship because it 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.400 either says that the person isn't ready for you or 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:38.000 you aren't mature for the relationship because you're not communicating. Now, 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:40.680 if he is bringing in somebody, it does seem to 0:16:40.720 --> 0:16:43.520 me that there's a disregard of just canceling on you. 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:46.080 And I just want to make sure that you understand 0:16:46.080 --> 0:16:48.440 your value and know what you deserve and to know 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:52.040 what you're in. You know, it's like trying to tell 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:55.120 somebody what your location is and you're unable to read 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.520 the GPS. Are you reading this relationship correctly or this 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:03.840 dating ship correctly? What are your expectations? Mm hmm, what 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.760 do you foreseeing a relationship? Because again you have to 0:17:07.800 --> 0:17:11.760 teach people how to treat you. And if you are 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:14.440 saying you're in a relationship now and this man can 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.280 cancel that you on any moment, at any last minute 0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.840 because he has a special friend to come in town, 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:22.760 I can't say that that says a lot about you 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:26.520 because what are you allowing? How you do anything, it's 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:31.240 how you'll do everything. Let me say that again, how 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:35.320 you do anything, that's how you'll do everything. So if 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:38.000 you handle this relationship of just staying in the dark, 0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:42.800 not being sure, wondering, if you're paranoid, spinning your head 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:47.679 in circles, then go ahead. But to ask somebody else 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:50.159 if somebody is cheating, only you would know, you know 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:52.840 the vibes. Look, we're grown. Did you say how old 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:54.440 you were? Let me say on this letter, no, you 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.080 didn't say how old you were. But there comes a 0:17:57.160 --> 0:17:59.320 time where you're gonna have to what they say is 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:02.520 read the wrong, take the context clues, and that's going 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.200 to after you evaluating what it is that you want 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:09.439 and what your expectcitations are in a relationship. Do you 0:18:09.480 --> 0:18:12.320 hear me? Do you want somebody that's just gonna kill 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:13.760 it so let you at the drop of a time. 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:15.840 Do you want somebody's gonna keep you in the dark 0:18:15.840 --> 0:18:19.520 about meeting a friend that you have no idea? Tell 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:23.200 me you didn't say he was your man, You said 0:18:23.200 --> 0:18:25.800 he was dating, So I mean, looking at that, I 0:18:25.800 --> 0:18:31.160 don't think he really owes you anything. Mm hmm. First 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:34.480 find out where you guys staying before you start enquiring 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:36.639 where his whereabouts are and why he's doing you the 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:38.520 way that he's doing. You need to know where this 0:18:38.600 --> 0:18:41.840 relationship is. That's what I say. The first step is okay, 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:48.040 all right? The next letter subject invasion of privacy. Dear Dawn, 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:51.479 My girlfriend doesn't trust me, and she has no reason 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:54.200 not to. We've been dating a few months and last 0:18:54.280 --> 0:18:57.119 night we had a date and things were really going well. 0:18:57.640 --> 0:18:59.400 She was over at my place for dinner and when 0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:01.600 I went out to have a smoke, she got into 0:19:01.640 --> 0:19:04.600 my phone and started going through my messages. After I 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:07.560 got back, she confronted me, very angry and asked me, 0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:10.359 who are barbed and celest I felt very violent and 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:12.960 told her she had no business looking at my phone 0:19:13.560 --> 0:19:16.920 barbed and celest our work colleagues, which was clear from 0:19:16.920 --> 0:19:20.560 the conversation. But she doesn't believe me. She accused me 0:19:20.600 --> 0:19:23.439 of being a cheater, stormed out. I haven't heard from 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:26.320 her in days. I really like her, but recently she's 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:29.520 been acting in ways that I think are erratic. I've 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:31.800 tried to ask her what's happening and to create a 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:34.080 space where she feels like she can talk about it, 0:19:34.119 --> 0:19:36.680 but she just tells me she's fine and we sit 0:19:36.720 --> 0:19:39.920 awkwardly for a while before going to bed. I don't 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:41.840 want to end the relationship, but I feel like I 0:19:41.840 --> 0:19:44.440 can't even talk to her to work out this disrespectful 0:19:44.440 --> 0:19:48.520 stuff and move forward. Well, listen, hey, if you can't 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.240 talk to her, get out the relationship. I don't know 0:19:51.280 --> 0:19:53.240 if this is a theme and everybody decided to write 0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:55.359 the same kind of letter on this day, but it 0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:57.959 seems as though the theme is about communication. You need 0:19:58.040 --> 0:20:07.520 to communicate, Peter it, that's it, because who wants to 0:20:07.560 --> 0:20:10.240 be any type of relationship or one I have to 0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:13.600 keep looking over my shoulder, meaning are you cheating or 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:16.200 peeping or be on the other end of work, if 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:18.080 I leave my phone, if I leave my journal, if 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:21.560 I leave my computer open, are you snooping? Who wants 0:20:21.600 --> 0:20:23.639 to live like that? You know, we just had the 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:25.320