Speaker 1: Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. How are you doing.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you for tuning in to the Vitamin
Speaker 1: D Podcast, where our mode is to get you excited
Speaker 1: about life so that you can live life on purpose
Speaker 1: and for a purpose. And this is your first time. Welcome.
Speaker 1: I am so glad that you took time. I try
Speaker 1: to have to sit here and kick it with me
Speaker 1: to talk to me. And you know, on this podcast, um,
Speaker 1: it's all about shedding night. You know, you get vitamin
Speaker 1: D from the sun, right, so I'm here to shed
Speaker 1: light into your life. Because my name is Dawn. You
Speaker 1: can get it. Okay, you follow, and if you're returning,
Speaker 1: welcome back. I appreciate you. I should probably call you
Speaker 1: like my daylights, you know, just to get a lot
Speaker 1: light here and there. Um, but nevertheless, I'm just so
Speaker 1: glad that you're here now. Usually on the Vitamin D Podcast,
Speaker 1: we'll do certain interviews where we're talking to notable celebrities,
Speaker 1: sometimes people just like you and me, having just inspirational
Speaker 1: conversations and inspirational in science. And then I'll do my
Speaker 1: quick doss which you've probably had the special treat of
Speaker 1: me catching those on a Wednesday and Friday twice a week.
Speaker 1: And basically that's just simply me using the lyrics of
Speaker 1: popular music and intertwine and get into a motivational message.
Speaker 1: Then we got something special. It's where I here directly
Speaker 1: from you. I have some of my listeners that write
Speaker 1: in and for the Vitamin D Advice letters. And you know,
Speaker 1: if you have a letter that you'd like to cement,
Speaker 1: you can go ahead and email at Vitamin D at
Speaker 1: dawn day Speaks dot com and just simply if you
Speaker 1: have any questions about relationships, about love, about career, about
Speaker 1: just decisions, any and everything that you use the second
Speaker 1: opinion on. But let me tell you right now. I
Speaker 1: said it before and I said it again. Vitamin is
Speaker 1: about shutting the light. And you have to understand that
Speaker 1: when you shed the light, it's gonna be on the
Speaker 1: good and the bad. So just the same with this
Speaker 1: advice that I'm gonna give you, it's going to be
Speaker 1: real because we can only grow from what we know. Okay,
Speaker 1: you don't grow from being in the shade. You grow
Speaker 1: from being in the light. So we're gonna cut on
Speaker 1: some light and it may not be as nice or
Speaker 1: friendly that you may like, but guess what it is
Speaker 1: a true. Now, I can keep on yapping, but I'd
Speaker 1: rather dive in to see what we're talking about here. So,
Speaker 1: without further ado, it's time for your dose vitamin D.
Speaker 1: D right with me and get excited about all right,
Speaker 1: So let's dive into the first letter subject and I
Speaker 1: just overthinking it, dear Dawn. So I've been seen this
Speaker 1: man for about a year now. He's sweet, hilarious, and
Speaker 1: almost as smart as me. It's been great. I sometimes
Speaker 1: even catch myself fantasizing about adopting kids with him. Someday.
Speaker 1: We're just clicking this way that fills me with joy.
Speaker 1: So here comes the best. I don't know why I
Speaker 1: can't shake the feeling that he doesn't want to be
Speaker 1: with me, like he generally shows up but only after
Speaker 1: I make plans. And while I don't mind going out
Speaker 1: and taking the initiative, I can't help but feel like
Speaker 1: he doesn't put the same value in me when I
Speaker 1: don't see the same effort. Now, I'm a man in
Speaker 1: my thirties, so I'm not really too afraid to cut
Speaker 1: and run. But I also can't decide if this feeling
Speaker 1: is based in fact or if I'm making a bigger
Speaker 1: thing out of it than it warrants and should just
Speaker 1: shut my mouth and enjoy this man who wants to
Speaker 1: be with me right now. What are your thoughts? Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to call you damsel and distress. Here's the
Speaker 1: thing that I would say. You always have to trust
Speaker 1: your vibe because whether or not it's you that feels
Speaker 1: the insecurity or that you feel the other person is
Speaker 1: into you, something is off now, whether that's a matter
Speaker 1: of you stepping up in your confidence or just having
Speaker 1: a genuine conversation. You know, they say that oftentimes in
Speaker 1: relationships that they sometimes don't work out, not because another
Speaker 1: person doesn't love them, not because another person doesn't care
Speaker 1: about them, but simply because there are different love languages.
Speaker 1: You know. Some people enjoy the physical contact of touch,
Speaker 1: and it doesn't always have to be sexual. Some people
Speaker 1: like to be affirmed if their love. Some people like
Speaker 1: to be shower to gifts. It doesn't make them shallow.
Speaker 1: What it says is, hey, this is how I receive love.
Speaker 1: And I think with any type of relationship, whether it's intimate,
Speaker 1: whether it's something that's business, you have to learn to communicate.
Speaker 1: And like you said, your partner could legit be on
Speaker 1: some quality time stuff and showing out and showing up.
Speaker 1: But your thing is to say, hey, I want you
Speaker 1: to take the initiative to well, I think like it's
Speaker 1: any type of relationship of a balance, just like you
Speaker 1: have a yen and a yang. You know, the sun
Speaker 1: doesn't get jealous of the moon because it doesn't come
Speaker 1: out during the day, but it knows the position that
Speaker 1: it plays in that relationship, of this cycle, of this
Speaker 1: evolution of life. So think about in your relationship and
Speaker 1: who balances out who does what you know, just in
Speaker 1: your relationship, somebody may be a great cook, so maybe
Speaker 1: they handle the big dishes, and maybe that you're doing
Speaker 1: the signs doesn't make that any party less known. But
Speaker 1: like I said before, whether or not you're overthinking it,
Speaker 1: only you can answer that. But what I inquiring, what
Speaker 1: I urged for you, is to take action and communicate,
Speaker 1: express your concerns with your partner, because no one can
Speaker 1: read your mind, and it's unfair if you expect anyone
Speaker 1: to let them know and say, hey, I'd like for
Speaker 1: you to plan things or throw something out there and
Speaker 1: let him take the reins. But don't give up on
Speaker 1: a relationship with somebody showing up because guess what, if
Speaker 1: somebody doesn't want to be somewhere, they won't be there.
Speaker 1: And you haven't told me about this person is not
Speaker 1: showing up to spend quality time. The gripe that it
Speaker 1: seems that you're expressing, or that I've read, is that
Speaker 1: they aren't putting the same quote unquote effort that you
Speaker 1: can receive and what it looks like for you. So
Speaker 1: take some time and just have a conversation. That's where
Speaker 1: you'll start. Let me know how that goes, write me
Speaker 1: back and we'll continue this. Okay, all right, let's move
Speaker 1: on to the next letter. Subject. Am I the run
Speaker 1: of the letter? Dear Dawn. My girlfriend has been babysitting
Speaker 1: her sister's dog for the last few months, and it's
Speaker 1: really starting to wear on my last nerve. We live
Speaker 1: in Maryland, and since we started dating three years ago,
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight, she's twenty nine. I've known that she's
Speaker 1: big into animals. She would volunteer at animal hospitals and
Speaker 1: shelters almost every weekend. I got really used to watching
Speaker 1: videos of cute animals and especially dogs. Then about a
Speaker 1: year into the relationship, she introduces me to her sister's dog,
Speaker 1: who she is literally in love with. You think I'm joking,
Speaker 1: but I do mean literally. She doats on the little
Speaker 1: guy like he's an actual baby. At first, I thought
Speaker 1: that it was cute and just kind of the natural
Speaker 1: extension of her animal love. I thought it was a
Speaker 1: little weird that she treated it like meeting her parents,
Speaker 1: having to give me a special about what the dog
Speaker 1: does and doesn't like. I guess I pushed that reservation
Speaker 1: deep down, so that goes well, and the dog likes me,
Speaker 1: and things seem honky dory. But then come COVID and
Speaker 1: her sister decides to move back to the Midwest to
Speaker 1: help with the family, which I mean, yeah, makes sense,
Speaker 1: but she leaves her dog here with us. Now, personally
Speaker 1: I like animals, but I also think that they're animals.
Speaker 1: No table food, no licking on the face, no sleeping
Speaker 1: in the bed are my general rules. Of course, Rules
Speaker 1: one and three were broken within the first day. Now
Speaker 1: three months in, I a feel like I own a
Speaker 1: dog I didn't choose, and be I feel like I
Speaker 1: have to walk on eggshells less I do something that
Speaker 1: she thinks the dog won't like. It's crazy. I can't
Speaker 1: tell you how many nights I end up almost kicked
Speaker 1: out of my own bed by the dog and her.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just give up and go to sleep on
Speaker 1: the couch, only for her to come out in the
Speaker 1: morning and ask, what's up? Why did you come out here?
Speaker 1: If I were to tell you the truth, I feel
Speaker 1: like I get a blink stare, or she'd accuse me
Speaker 1: of hating the dog or being jealous. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Am I jealous? I know you can't tell me that
Speaker 1: per se, But what do you think? How do I
Speaker 1: stop feeling like the runt in this household? Who chow?
Speaker 1: I had to exhale on that, because there's a lot
Speaker 1: of impacking to do in this letter. You know, There's
Speaker 1: something I always say is that when somebody shows you
Speaker 1: who they are, believe them. And I usually we're talking
Speaker 1: about the money says something that you may not like,
Speaker 1: or something that may be offensive, or something that shows
Speaker 1: ill will of their character. But sometimes we just have
Speaker 1: to put on our observation spectacles and see somebody who
Speaker 1: they are. Now, what you stayed in earlier on in
Speaker 1: the letters that you said that you've noticed that your
Speaker 1: girlfriend has always loved animals. I mean she does it
Speaker 1: on her free time. Also, we see that you know,
Speaker 1: you didn't necessarily welcome into the fact of various animals
Speaker 1: come in the household, especially the job. Now, there's something
Speaker 1: that I think that's important in any type of relationship
Speaker 1: because I think whether it's intimate or platonic, it's all
Speaker 1: boils down from one person to the next, and sometimes
Speaker 1: when that communication comes to a level of boundaries. Now, hey,
Speaker 1: there possibly could be some jealousy as you stayed and
Speaker 1: you said, hey, am I jealous? Maybe because there's a
Speaker 1: lot of attention. I mean, heck, she had a whole
Speaker 1: meat and grief for the dog. You're telling me that
Speaker 1: you get kicked out of the bed because the dog.
Speaker 1: What are you feeling like the dog is on your side? Now,
Speaker 1: what I'm surprised that you didn't say is that but
Speaker 1: you didn't want the dog in the bed because the
Speaker 1: dog has been on the ground and touching whatever it's
Speaker 1: been touching. And I respect the fact of having a
Speaker 1: dog lick everywhere. And I'm toil like you like going
Speaker 1: to a restaurant and I'm seeing the dog at the table,
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, wait a minute, this is not a park. Heck,
Speaker 1: when I'm even in the park, why hasn't the dog
Speaker 1: on the leash? And I like dogs? Um, But what
Speaker 1: I'll say with this is that you need to have
Speaker 1: a conversation with her. I don't think there's anything wrong
Speaker 1: with you express them because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you're not here for the dog, and it's only going
Speaker 1: to be a certain amount of time that you can
Speaker 1: keep holding your piece before you explode. And you wouldn't
Speaker 1: one of relationship to explode over something that's outside of
Speaker 1: you two, because it's YouTube that are building something and
Speaker 1: when you are, all the outside sources to come in.
Speaker 1: Now you're kind of like crambling or getting your relationship
Speaker 1: mixed up. But there's a lot of static clear communication. Now,
Speaker 1: what's gonna happen if she says, hey, it's you're the dog.
Speaker 1: I don't think you'll come to that point. But I
Speaker 1: think something that should be said about, Hey, whether a
Speaker 1: dog can sleep in the bed? I mean that is
Speaker 1: your bed too. And you have to realize too, how
Speaker 1: you do anything is how you'll do everything. So if
Speaker 1: you can't speak up by simply mentioning about a dog
Speaker 1: being in the house and how your disposition, what does
Speaker 1: that look like if you plan to build with this
Speaker 1: woman and you plan to have children, What does it
Speaker 1: look like when you have to decide what school? What
Speaker 1: does it look like when you have to speak up
Speaker 1: to your boss about whether or not you want to raise.
Speaker 1: You have to learn to speak up for yourself. You
Speaker 1: have to know where your boundaries are. You have to
Speaker 1: know where to cut off your limits. Now, it's fine
Speaker 1: and hunky dory, per se if she loves a dog,
Speaker 1: but you gotta understand how much you love her and
Speaker 1: also how much you love yourself, and that comes with limits.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. You said that there were some rules
Speaker 1: that were broken. You said rules one and three. That
Speaker 1: tells me that you seem like a guy that like
Speaker 1: says ducks and or and the fact that you have
Speaker 1: one you have a dog that you did not choose. Two.
Speaker 1: You have to walk on eggshells. You can't be you
Speaker 1: in the relationship. What's the point So you're not sleeping
Speaker 1: in the bed alone? What? I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but I said, there's one thing with friends. I'm not
Speaker 1: showing up in person to not be in person. So
Speaker 1: don't come talking to me while you're on your phone
Speaker 1: or you're distracting because why are we here? So what
Speaker 1: are you in a relationship for? If you can't communicate,
Speaker 1: if you can't be yourself, If dogs aren't your things,
Speaker 1: so what is your thing? And why are you allowing
Speaker 1: it to be your thing? Now? You can try to
Speaker 1: hold yourself all you want, but then explode later than
Speaker 1: what and it all? It's going to be your fault.
Speaker 1: It's your fault because whether or not you communicated enough
Speaker 1: and whether or not you studied your boundaries. Now, because
Speaker 1: of the fact that you said there are rules that
Speaker 1: tells me that you and your girlfriend made some sort
Speaker 1: of agreement, then we step into the realms of accident
Speaker 1: or a disrespect because we need to make sure that
Speaker 1: we honor our words. Your words are your integrity, and
Speaker 1: your integrity is all that you have. This is in
Speaker 1: a dramatic sense, but I say that if you are
Speaker 1: communicating with somebody and you're both on the same understanding
Speaker 1: and someone changes it, that's the miscommunication. Don't let this
Speaker 1: be the start of something major that will only continue
Speaker 1: to build on your life. Think about it like this.
Speaker 1: You may be avoiding this conversation with your girlfriend or
Speaker 1: just being frustrated and annoyed. Think of it like a callous,
Speaker 1: a callous that you keep hitting something. So what happens
Speaker 1: the protective shield? It keeps getting thicker and thicker, and
Speaker 1: you know what, something so thick you can't get in
Speaker 1: there and it becomes to be rough. Imagine that type
Speaker 1: of abrasion in your relationship. We're so thick that you
Speaker 1: guys can't touch each other, because you can't see each other,
Speaker 1: because you can't speak to each other. You see how
Speaker 1: that wedge starts to build in your relationship. Now, while
Speaker 1: you're a person who doesn't necessarily like dogs, you gotta
Speaker 1: ask yourself, is this the type of woman that you
Speaker 1: want to be with? Again? This isn't a person that's
Speaker 1: just babysitting a dog because her sister is out of town.
Speaker 1: This is a person who uses her time on the
Speaker 1: weekend to take care of the dog. So when you're
Speaker 1: gonna take care of you and stand up for yourself.
Speaker 1: So when you ask me, oh, hey, you know, am
Speaker 1: I the run of the letter? You're only the run
Speaker 1: because you're choosing not to speak up. You're choosing not
Speaker 1: to stand in your truth, and your truth is you
Speaker 1: ain't trying to be by the wayow dog, and if
Speaker 1: you are, don't put the dog in the bed. Don't
Speaker 1: let the dog look on my face. Have a conversation.
Speaker 1: This isn't a deal breaker, but I'm telling you now,
Speaker 1: don't make a little a lambline into a mountain. You're
Speaker 1: hearing me, all right? That's all I got for now. One,
Speaker 1: Let's move on to the next letter subject more lame
Speaker 1: x uses. Dear Dawn, the guy had been dating for
Speaker 1: a few months to ask me out on Wednesday for
Speaker 1: a dinner date on Friday at six pm. At four
Speaker 1: pm on Friday, he called and I missed it. A
Speaker 1: minute later, he texts that he was very sorry, but
Speaker 1: he would need to cancel our day tonight since some
Speaker 1: good friends of his came into town on a lark
Speaker 1: and he was going to see them. No word if
Speaker 1: they were male or female. I wasn't that bothered by
Speaker 1: it on principle, but the fact that he didn't invite
Speaker 1: me to join them did bother me. I wouldn't have
Speaker 1: wanted to go out with a lot of people that evening,
Speaker 1: but it was ruined out to ask. I would never
Speaker 1: have done this to him, and it made me realize
Speaker 1: that this was the second time he'd canceled on me
Speaker 1: like this when a friend came into town. Who are
Speaker 1: these friends exactly? You heard Marton? Because I was wondering too,
Speaker 1: and what have I never met them? I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm being paranoid, but I also don't want to be
Speaker 1: with someone who can't keep me keyed in on their life.
Speaker 1: Then again, what if he's cheating? Ain't I don't know?
Speaker 1: Should I confirm him about these lamemks uses? Oh? Child,
Speaker 1: things are gonna get easier, I hope lame excuses. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you say you've been dating this guy for about
Speaker 1: three months. It was interesting, um talking with my engineer
Speaker 1: and he was just explaining to me how you know,
Speaker 1: just in the past relationship of somebody he's dating about
Speaker 1: being clear. Gotta be clear. See when you know what
Speaker 1: it is, you know what it ain't, you know what
Speaker 1: you can't? You know what you can't? I say that
Speaker 1: does dating mean exclusive? Are you the one now? Considering
Speaker 1: the fact that he has a tendency to change plans
Speaker 1: in the last minute and you never know a reference
Speaker 1: is who this particular friend is that comes in town.
Speaker 1: Leads me to believe that perhaps whatever this relationship or
Speaker 1: dating ship that you are in. Is it perhaps the
Speaker 1: exclusivity of the one that you hope for. I only
Speaker 1: say that is because you're in the dark, and Vitamin
Speaker 1: D we're all about cutting the lights on, says you're
Speaker 1: gonna have to cut your lights on in this situation.
Speaker 1: You know, people often ask like, you know, how do
Speaker 1: you assess the situation or how do you read a situation?
Speaker 1: You gotta trust the vibe. You know what you feel,
Speaker 1: and it's one or two things. Either it's truth of
Speaker 1: what you think and it's not right, or there is
Speaker 1: no truth in it and you still don't feel right.
Speaker 1: Either way, you still don't feel right. And that's the
Speaker 1: key you to be comfortable in your relationship because it
Speaker 1: either says that the person isn't ready for you or
Speaker 1: you aren't mature for the relationship because you're not communicating. Now,
Speaker 1: if he is bringing in somebody, it does seem to
Speaker 1: me that there's a disregard of just canceling on you.
Speaker 1: And I just want to make sure that you understand
Speaker 1: your value and know what you deserve and to know
Speaker 1: what you're in. You know, it's like trying to tell
Speaker 1: somebody what your location is and you're unable to read
Speaker 1: the GPS. Are you reading this relationship correctly or this
Speaker 1: dating ship correctly? What are your expectations? Mm hmm, what
Speaker 1: do you foreseeing a relationship? Because again you have to
Speaker 1: teach people how to treat you. And if you are
Speaker 1: saying you're in a relationship now and this man can
Speaker 1: cancel that you on any moment, at any last minute
Speaker 1: because he has a special friend to come in town,
Speaker 1: I can't say that that says a lot about you
Speaker 1: because what are you allowing? How you do anything, it's
Speaker 1: how you'll do everything. Let me say that again, how
Speaker 1: you do anything, that's how you'll do everything. So if
Speaker 1: you handle this relationship of just staying in the dark,
Speaker 1: not being sure, wondering, if you're paranoid, spinning your head
Speaker 1: in circles, then go ahead. But to ask somebody else
Speaker 1: if somebody is cheating, only you would know, you know
Speaker 1: the vibes. Look, we're grown. Did you say how old
Speaker 1: you were? Let me say on this letter, no, you
Speaker 1: didn't say how old you were. But there comes a
Speaker 1: time where you're gonna have to what they say is
Speaker 1: read the wrong, take the context clues, and that's going
Speaker 1: to after you evaluating what it is that you want
Speaker 1: and what your expectcitations are in a relationship. Do you
Speaker 1: hear me? Do you want somebody that's just gonna kill
Speaker 1: it so let you at the drop of a time.
Speaker 1: Do you want somebody's gonna keep you in the dark
Speaker 1: about meeting a friend that you have no idea? Tell
Speaker 1: me you didn't say he was your man, You said
Speaker 1: he was dating, So I mean, looking at that, I
Speaker 1: don't think he really owes you anything. Mm hmm. First
Speaker 1: find out where you guys staying before you start enquiring
Speaker 1: where his whereabouts are and why he's doing you the
Speaker 1: way that he's doing. You need to know where this
Speaker 1: relationship is. That's what I say. The first step is okay,
Speaker 1: all right? The next letter subject invasion of privacy. Dear Dawn,
Speaker 1: My girlfriend doesn't trust me, and she has no reason
Speaker 1: not to. We've been dating a few months and last
Speaker 1: night we had a date and things were really going well.
Speaker 1: She was over at my place for dinner and when
Speaker 1: I went out to have a smoke, she got into
Speaker 1: my phone and started going through my messages. After I
Speaker 1: got back, she confronted me, very angry and asked me,
Speaker 1: who are barbed and celest I felt very violent and
Speaker 1: told her she had no business looking at my phone
Speaker 1: barbed and celest our work colleagues, which was clear from
Speaker 1: the conversation. But she doesn't believe me. She accused me
Speaker 1: of being a cheater, stormed out. I haven't heard from
Speaker 1: her in days. I really like her, but recently she's
Speaker 1: been acting in ways that I think are erratic. I've
Speaker 1: tried to ask her what's happening and to create a
Speaker 1: space where she feels like she can talk about it,
Speaker 1: but she just tells me she's fine and we sit
Speaker 1: awkwardly for a while before going to bed. I don't
Speaker 1: want to end the relationship, but I feel like I
Speaker 1: can't even talk to her to work out this disrespectful
Speaker 1: stuff and move forward. Well, listen, hey, if you can't
Speaker 1: talk to her, get out the relationship. I don't know
Speaker 1: if this is a theme and everybody decided to write
Speaker 1: the same kind of letter on this day, but it
Speaker 1: seems as though the theme is about communication. You need
Speaker 1: to communicate, Peter it, that's it, because who wants to
Speaker 1: be any type of relationship or one I have to
Speaker 1: keep looking over my shoulder, meaning are you cheating or
Speaker 1: peeping or be on the other end of work, if
Speaker 1: I leave my phone, if I leave my journal, if
Speaker 1: I leave my computer open, are you snooping? Who wants
Speaker 1: to live like that? You know, we just had the
Speaker 1: other brother talking about he didn't want to confront his
Speaker 1: girlfriend about the dog and whether or not he had
Speaker 1: to walk on end shelves. I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but you know they stay Home is where the heart
Speaker 1: is right, and whether that's figuratively in those four walls
Speaker 1: that you stay in or home that you find that
Speaker 1: love with the person, it's love, it's a connection. It
Speaker 1: feels good. You are no have no business being in
Speaker 1: a relationship that doesn't feel good. That's not right, and
Speaker 1: feeling good does not look like you gotta I gotta
Speaker 1: look over my shoulder or you going through my business
Speaker 1: because we're so open and we're so communicative that you
Speaker 1: know what's going on now. If these are your co workers,
Speaker 1: I do find this interesting. How come she doesn't know
Speaker 1: who bar and Celesti are? Huh? Because if they're casual
Speaker 1: enough to be in your phone, that's somebody that will
Speaker 1: come up in the cusual conversation. But hey, I'm not
Speaker 1: surprised that you may not know that because the fact
Speaker 1: that she's snooping around tells me there's a disrupt in
Speaker 1: the conversation in the communication because she doesn't know who
Speaker 1: they are. Now me personally stand on the outside. If
Speaker 1: I saw somebody in my mates phone, I would hope
Speaker 1: that there's some type of conversation because this isn't just
Speaker 1: like the homie. This is your your love her your
Speaker 1: homie love her friend, this is your baby, this is
Speaker 1: your boo, this is your rider die. What is this
Speaker 1: you know? And another thing too. I wouldn't sound condoned
Speaker 1: like people to be angry, but one of the things
Speaker 1: I think is so important that when you're looking at
Speaker 1: a relationship and feelings are involved, you're not gonna be
Speaker 1: hurt as far as being sad, and you're not gonna
Speaker 1: be angry if you don't care about somebody. So it's
Speaker 1: not a question about she doesn't care about it and
Speaker 1: she's trying to be all of their business. It's just
Speaker 1: a matter of whatever reason she's left in the dark,
Speaker 1: whether it comes from lack of communication about who these
Speaker 1: people are, or it could be on the flip of
Speaker 1: the coin and now you didn't have any indication of this,
Speaker 1: but she could be very insecure. Do you understand how
Speaker 1: it still doesn't work? You know, I think about just
Speaker 1: my relationships and as I'm cleaning the inventory, and you know,
Speaker 1: I talked about this before. How you have to treat
Speaker 1: certain people like you have a white outfit on. You
Speaker 1: have to understand the proximity in the distance of how
Speaker 1: close do you allow somebody to come in contact with you?
Speaker 1: And sometimes when you have to let people go, it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that they're a bad person. It just means
Speaker 1: that we aren't serving in each other. And if somebody
Speaker 1: doesn't serve you, they don't deserve you. Remember, love is
Speaker 1: not about how much you can take. It's all about
Speaker 1: how much you can give. And if you're on the
Speaker 1: edge and constantly feeling like she's peeping in your stuff,
Speaker 1: that means you're closed off because you're on eggshells. And
Speaker 1: if she's happened to tip around and deepen and dig
Speaker 1: into your stuff, she's on eggshells. Two, how can you
Speaker 1: be with one another? But I'll tell you this, all
Speaker 1: hope isn't lost because you guys clearly care about each other.
Speaker 1: You care about enough to even write end this letter.
Speaker 1: She cares about because she's going through your stuff and
Speaker 1: and getting emotionally involved with it. Sit down and once
Speaker 1: again have a conversation, whether one you need to explain
Speaker 1: to her how you feel about her going through your stuff,
Speaker 1: and then too you need to tell her who barm celestar.
Speaker 1: Now you can say all you want. The conversations are
Speaker 1: very clear. Who got time to be scrolling up all
Speaker 1: in the conversation to see who said what? She just
Speaker 1: saw the names, and you guys were comfortable, and she
Speaker 1: probably got upset because she said who are they? And
Speaker 1: why are you talking after workouts? Which is why why
Speaker 1: are you talking at the workouts? What is a kiki call? All?
Speaker 1: What is it? So as a female or just as
Speaker 1: a person who has been in a relationship, I would
Speaker 1: probably wonder too, because what hasn't it coming a collusual
Speaker 1: conversation and not like it's a bulletin. It's just part
Speaker 1: of a conversation. It just comes up. And when somebody
Speaker 1: is left in the dark, you can only get scared
Speaker 1: to think about it. If you're in a room and
Speaker 1: the lights are off, you'd be literally you'll be anty.
Speaker 1: And that's what they say. The truth is the way,
Speaker 1: The truth is the light, because the lights on you
Speaker 1: can see. And that's what it's about. Seeing when you're going,
Speaker 1: whether it's in your job, whether it's in your relationship
Speaker 1: intimately or platonically, you just gotta see. And right now
Speaker 1: you gotta see. There's some communication. Let's build it up,
Speaker 1: figure out what's going on, but definitely make sure you
Speaker 1: figure out why exactly that she doesn't trust you. And
Speaker 1: I say that because you say in this first line,
Speaker 1: my girlfriend doesn't trust me and she has no reason
Speaker 1: not to. Who How are you gonna sit here and
Speaker 1: tell her what she has no reason not to? Clearly
Speaker 1: she doesn't e't know who Barbara's let's start. That's a
Speaker 1: very you know, cocky thing to say. How are you
Speaker 1: going to speak with some of somebody else said? Hm hmm.
Speaker 1: There's some work to be done on both sides, but
Speaker 1: either way, talked to her, assure and figure out what's
Speaker 1: going on with this. Okay, all right, let's go onto
Speaker 1: the next letter subject kid make heads or tales of
Speaker 1: his intentions. Oh lord, dear Dawn, I think the gime
Speaker 1: dating has an issue with commitment. He doesn't call regularly,
Speaker 1: and he asked me out on days at spontaneous times,
Speaker 1: and I don't like that, though when we do go
Speaker 1: out it's great, and even though we haven't gotten past
Speaker 1: third base, the sexual chemistry is off the charts. I
Speaker 1: like him a lot, and he builds himself as a provider,
Speaker 1: but he seems so ephemeral that I don't know if
Speaker 1: he'd be a stable partner. Like last week he told
Speaker 1: me his ex wanted to see him for lunch. He
Speaker 1: went and didn't say anything about it till I asked him.
Speaker 1: And the week before that, he broke a date with
Speaker 1: me that he had made literally that same day at
Speaker 1: the last minute because something came up at work. It
Speaker 1: just seemed like he doesn't want to be here with me.
Speaker 1: But also acknowledge that I could be just making this
Speaker 1: up in my head. I'm thirty five and he's forty five.
Speaker 1: I'm about myself, my business and my dreams. I want
Speaker 1: to get married and have kids, and frankly feel like
Speaker 1: I'm running out of time. But I also I don't
Speaker 1: want to be such a perfectionist that I miss out
Speaker 1: on something so good. So tell me, as an outside observer,
Speaker 1: am I wasted my time? Well, let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: If somebody blindfolded you and told you to walk in
Speaker 1: the circle. How far did you get? I said that
Speaker 1: comparison because you're in the dark. You don't even know
Speaker 1: where you stand, so of course you can't make clear
Speaker 1: of his intentions. On top of the fact, just like
Speaker 1: I've said before, when somebody shows you who they are
Speaker 1: the first time, believe them. Now what you said, that's
Speaker 1: your thirty five he's forty five. Y'all grown like big grown.
Speaker 1: And I don't know about you, but I think there
Speaker 1: comes at a certain time with maturity and age that
Speaker 1: you realize that you value your time. And that's what
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to speak to you on this. This
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with him. I want to talk
Speaker 1: to you for a second. We need to discern how
Speaker 1: much you value in yourself and how much you love yourself.
Speaker 1: Um and ask yourself that you know you're talking about
Speaker 1: this sexual chemistry, but your complaints are on everything opposite
Speaker 1: of that, are on the other side of the spectrum,
Speaker 1: per se. So then it becomes to what's more important
Speaker 1: to you. Are you okay just having spontaneity of oh
Speaker 1: can we do this? Or are you a person that
Speaker 1: wants to be planned to feel like you have a
Speaker 1: place right? Are you going to be just the Oh,
Speaker 1: let me go to seven up and fill up my slurpy,
Speaker 1: or are you going to be that dinner that we
Speaker 1: prepare that I went to the grocery store that I
Speaker 1: sees in the meal, that I cooked the meal, then
Speaker 1: I presented the meal out. That's only up to you
Speaker 1: now if you ask me, from what I am seeing here,
Speaker 1: he's not that into you. Since um, and I say
Speaker 1: that because you're not clear. You know, it's just like
Speaker 1: you know, you said that you're about your business. He
Speaker 1: said that you're about your dreams. You said that you're
Speaker 1: about yourself. You know, they said your first relationship. And
Speaker 1: why so important is self love is because it's the
Speaker 1: relationship of how you teach others how to treat you.
Speaker 1: If you are clear on yourself, if you are clear
Speaker 1: on your business, if you are clear on your dreams,
Speaker 1: why wouldn't you be clear on the next thing that's
Speaker 1: connected to you in a relationship. The difference here is
Speaker 1: says you know what clarity looks like. You said it,
Speaker 1: I'm about my business. Mm hmm. Would you treat because
Speaker 1: I'm only going to speak to you this way because
Speaker 1: you understand the importance of a business and a dream.
Speaker 1: Would you be okay with showing up for your dream
Speaker 1: and then suddenly somebody drops the ball or somebody and
Speaker 1: show up? Based on what I just read, you wouldn't
Speaker 1: be okay with that, So why would you settle that
Speaker 1: and your relationship with somebody that you're trying to build with.
Speaker 1: That's why I say, how you doing anything is how
Speaker 1: you do everything. You do. Not want to infiltrate that
Speaker 1: into your life, okay, to cause more clutter, to cause
Speaker 1: more confusion. Remember we're looking for clarity. Now here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what the pressures are, but you're talking
Speaker 1: about he doesn't call regularly, So why are you up
Speaker 1: here talking about you ready to get married and have kids?
Speaker 1: Are you insinuating that with with him? Hold on, since
Speaker 1: it I get it. Thirty five The heat is on. No,
Speaker 1: it is on, I understand. But it's just like a cake.
Speaker 1: You can't take it out before I was ready. You
Speaker 1: can't serve up cake batter. So whatever you think you're
Speaker 1: cooking up in the kitchen, this ain't the cake boom.
Speaker 1: And to may, you can't eat this cake because he's
Speaker 1: not showing up to bake the cake. Now I get
Speaker 1: it he got the ingredients. Um, you say that he's
Speaker 1: a provider, so I I take it his financialist together.
Speaker 1: And you know, he probably keeps himself up. You know,
Speaker 1: he's spontaneous, he probably shows a swag, he got the
Speaker 1: chemistry or whatnot. But he's not that into you. Another
Speaker 1: thing because he doesn't call regularly. Are you sure that
Speaker 1: he's available, because again you said, I want to get
Speaker 1: married and have kids. But frankly, I'm running out of tome, honey.
Speaker 1: I think that you might be on a different race
Speaker 1: track than him. I think that you guys are seeing
Speaker 1: two different things and you can't miss out on something
Speaker 1: good that ain't even then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, peripheral, you
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying. So as an outside observer says,
Speaker 1: you might be wasting your time, especially because of the
Speaker 1: track and the plan that you are on the track
Speaker 1: of saying, Yo, I'm ready to get married and have children.
Speaker 1: This brother ain't even ready to call you his consistent girl.
Speaker 1: So you can sit here and and try to make
Speaker 1: yourself number one in his life. But remember you're the
Speaker 1: price to be chosen. You remember that guys like to
Speaker 1: go after the chase. Allow him to chase you show
Speaker 1: him I you expect to be treated. Are you gonna
Speaker 1: be okay if he didn't come home every night and
Speaker 1: y'all got kids there? Are you gonna be okay if
Speaker 1: he doesn't call the check in regularly on whatever appointments?
Speaker 1: Are you gonna be okay? With inconsistency? You wouldn't be
Speaker 1: where you are with your business. You wouldn't be where
Speaker 1: you are with your dreams. I'm wondering you wouldn't be
Speaker 1: where you are with yourself because it takes self to
Speaker 1: build up all that kind of stuff without the clarity.
Speaker 1: So you've done so well for yourself. Don't let yourself
Speaker 1: slack off in the most intimate relationship that you can have.
Speaker 1: And that's somebody who is going to be honored to
Speaker 1: have the gift to call you his partner. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have to ask you to to to sharpen your vision
Speaker 1: a little bit, sharpen your ears, sharpen that intuition inside
Speaker 1: to see this what it is. You know, you can't
Speaker 1: claim something that isn't available to you. You can't take
Speaker 1: a cake out of the oven before it's baked. Now,
Speaker 1: you sound like you got the ingredients. You just gotta
Speaker 1: find somebody else to mix with. Okay, all right, let's
Speaker 1: go on to the next letter subject selling out or
Speaker 1: letting go of grief. Dear Dawn, I am a thirty
Speaker 1: eight year old artist and I really don't know what
Speaker 1: to do with the painting that I made. I made
Speaker 1: it as a gift for a friend who was now deceased.
Speaker 1: His family gave it back to me when they moved abroad,
Speaker 1: and I've been holding onto it in my living room
Speaker 1: for the last six years. Because of my day job,
Speaker 1: I'm usually on a zoom call with some wealthy person
Speaker 1: or another, and while staring at the screen for seven
Speaker 1: hours a day is brutal. I usually managed to make
Speaker 1: it through. I normally use an alternate background for my
Speaker 1: cause to avoid seeming unprofessional, but recently, on a call
Speaker 1: with the client I have had for OH, I had
Speaker 1: my real background visible. The painting was hanging up and
Speaker 1: it wasn't clear of you. I didn't think anything of
Speaker 1: it until the client asked me about the painting before
Speaker 1: our call ended. I told him about and I think
Speaker 1: he took me to mean that I was just holding
Speaker 1: onto it. He offered me a lot of money for it.
Speaker 1: I was a little caught off guard both by the
Speaker 1: ask and the amount I told him I would think
Speaker 1: about it. So it's the most money I've ever been
Speaker 1: offered for one of my pieces, and that's just a
Speaker 1: big achievement for me. My wife thinks I'd be crazy
Speaker 1: not too, but I can't help but feel like I'm
Speaker 1: doing something dirty or wrong by selling the connection to
Speaker 1: my friend. But then again, it's a lot of money
Speaker 1: and it could do a lot for me and my family.
Speaker 1: Part of me thinks that my friend would want me
Speaker 1: to sell it. Maybe I'm just still grieving and afraid
Speaker 1: to let this go. I don't know. Can you tell
Speaker 1: me your thoughts? Okay, I can really speak on this.
Speaker 1: I've been transparent about this, and you can definitely remind
Speaker 1: some episodes back earlier on and I talk about how
Speaker 1: letting go. I speak on the perspective of saying that
Speaker 1: I learned through my mother's transition that oftentimes the greatest
Speaker 1: form of love is letting go um And even thinking
Speaker 1: of my mom, one person that I've lost, and in
Speaker 1: her life, she's had so much loss that she's held
Speaker 1: onto things. So I've talked about that, talked about the
Speaker 1: love of letting her go, to allow her to transition
Speaker 1: so her body can feel what she feels. There's no grief,
Speaker 1: and then there's the whole thing of just letting go.
Speaker 1: As I've been telling you how I've been getting my
Speaker 1: apartment together, I'm still in transition. I'm building peace by peace,
Speaker 1: but sometimes it takes things to go peace by piece
Speaker 1: so that you can find your peace. Now, the thing
Speaker 1: that I found interesting about this painting and why bring
Speaker 1: it up. You can't hold on and horre things because
Speaker 1: it takes up space. Now, how to identify where your
Speaker 1: relationship stands with this painting is because any other time,
Speaker 1: based on you saying that you're implementing virtual backgrounds says
Speaker 1: that you don't want anybody's just it, almost as if
Speaker 1: it was shame. It was only this one time that
Speaker 1: it was caught off guard that somebody else recognized the
Speaker 1: beauty and said, hey, I want to offer some money
Speaker 1: for it. And you've heard it before. Another man's trash
Speaker 1: is another man's treasure. Gifts aren't meant to be held
Speaker 1: onto you. Nobody says I have a gift that I'm
Speaker 1: holding onto the whole Gifts are meant forgiving. And so
Speaker 1: it was in the season of your life where you know,
Speaker 1: you made a painting for your friend and he gave
Speaker 1: your friend joy until the final death. But now if
Speaker 1: you have no reasons for holding onto it, why are
Speaker 1: you holding onto it for clutter? Even your wife said, hey,
Speaker 1: you could use the money. So here's the thing too.
Speaker 1: Let me correlate this as I was talking to myself
Speaker 1: with giving my home together and how I have to
Speaker 1: make some room for my blessings that are about to come.
Speaker 1: It's just like if you were running track. It's just
Speaker 1: like if you are driving on the freeway in your
Speaker 1: car lane. Do you know how far you can move
Speaker 1: when that track or that lane is clear and you
Speaker 1: have stuff and things you're holding onto one there's energy
Speaker 1: that's being placed in it too. It's taking up space,
Speaker 1: whether that's for blessings, whether that's for opportunity. Because you're
Speaker 1: so gun hold by holding that, you didn't even make
Speaker 1: room for the next blessing to come. Understand two, and
Speaker 1: this is something that you have to balance out with.
Speaker 1: Your friend isn't in that painting. Let me say that again,
Speaker 1: your friend is not in that painting. Here's a difference.
Speaker 1: It would be one thing and that was your pride
Speaker 1: and enjoy that painting. And I'm not saying that you
Speaker 1: were ashamed of it, but I only say because any
Speaker 1: other time you aren't showcasing it. Now, I myself have
Speaker 1: different memorabiliar from my mom, like her jewelry, things that
Speaker 1: I've seen her wear, things that means something to me.
Speaker 1: My mom's jely was important and joy what was important
Speaker 1: for us growing up. So when I wear my mom's ring,
Speaker 1: or if I have her necklace or have a bracelets,
Speaker 1: it's a memory of my mom. And I'm using had
Speaker 1: to carry with me. You're not carrying this painting with you. Heck,
Speaker 1: you're not even showing the painting. Now. You're in a
Speaker 1: situation of blocking yourself because you're like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to give up that painting when you're blessing could be
Speaker 1: that money. What is that painting going to do for you?
Speaker 1: M hmm. But I'm not here to tell you what
Speaker 1: you shouldn't do. I'm just saying that if you're in
Speaker 1: a situation of one, it's not something that you're completely
Speaker 1: bragging up and screaming up to the eartops about it.
Speaker 1: Why once you get some money, as you said, you needed,
Speaker 1: allow your gifts to bless you, allow life to bless you,
Speaker 1: but remember you gotta make room for blessings. You'd be
Speaker 1: surprised how when you start getting rid of things and
Speaker 1: letting go of situations and letting go of different relationships,
Speaker 1: how much more there's gonna come in. Heck, let's just
Speaker 1: think about oxygen. If somebody would have put you in
Speaker 1: a room, right put you in a box, air tight box,
Speaker 1: it's only for soul all that you were able to
Speaker 1: breathe off your own oxygen. So I gotta ask you,
Speaker 1: are you ready to breathe? Because right now, when we
Speaker 1: hold onto stuff in that room, it's nothing but carbon dioxide.
Speaker 1: You gotta have oxygen to breathe. And see, even breathing
Speaker 1: itself is that movement to keep going, to keep growing,
Speaker 1: to keep being and doing. You are staying in a
Speaker 1: situation of where you're stuck. You're frozen. You're like, hey,
Speaker 1: I just want to hold on to but blocking what's visible,
Speaker 1: not just the background that you're using having visible, what's
Speaker 1: visible for the opportunities in your life. Mhmm. Your friend
Speaker 1: isn't in that painting. So if you asked me, I
Speaker 1: let it go. And this is coming from somebody who
Speaker 1: has lost someone. If it's something that you have to
Speaker 1: put away out of shame, then perhaps it's not meant
Speaker 1: for you to showcase. Let somebody else honna and treasure
Speaker 1: that beauty. Let somebody bless you for where you need
Speaker 1: to be blessed. Who is that to say if that
Speaker 1: wasn't your friend for blessing you back for all those
Speaker 1: years that you created that painting for them, right, who's
Speaker 1: to say that that's not the gift returning back to you?
Speaker 1: But see, that's what happens when you get so caught up,
Speaker 1: just just think about us driving or walking down the
Speaker 1: street or just moving. You get so caught up and
Speaker 1: looking behind you you miss the abundance of the opportunity
Speaker 1: in front of you. Now. I mentioned the car because hey,
Speaker 1: could you imagine if you spent your whole life on
Speaker 1: that little review mayor trying to see what's behind you
Speaker 1: an opportunity. Blessings are as big as your winds ship
Speaker 1: that takes up your entire your view. Hello, they say,
Speaker 1: if you want to be somebody, and if you want
Speaker 1: to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention.
Speaker 1: I know that you loved your friend, but allow your
Speaker 1: friends to bless you. They're not in there. You still
Speaker 1: talk to your friends, you still got journals, you still
Speaker 1: got the memories that lasted in your heart, in your mind.
Speaker 1: But let go of this piece of art and allow
Speaker 1: their gift of painting to come back and bless you.
Speaker 1: Allow your friends, energy or whatever inspired you to make
Speaker 1: that painting bless someone else. And if you choose not to,
Speaker 1: then you better showcase that bad boy and stop playing.
Speaker 1: Because if somebody else can see a beauty in something
Speaker 1: and it's willing to offer you an astronomical amount that
Speaker 1: you can't see, what are you holding onto it? For
Speaker 1: life is too short to not have anything in your
Speaker 1: life that isn't beautiful, So can you let it be beautiful?
Speaker 1: All right? That's it for the rest of the letters.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed that, you know, I think it back in
Speaker 1: these letters, I think the common theme has been communication
Speaker 1: um different parties, and whether it be communication with self,
Speaker 1: of knowing that you need to get off the clearance
Speaker 1: right I can get behind the glass where the valuables are,
Speaker 1: whether or not. It's knowing your worth and your relationship
Speaker 1: with other people and knowing how to communicate that. It's
Speaker 1: about knowing itself. See, that's what I'm saying with Vitamin
Speaker 1: D is about. You know. I talked about this before,
Speaker 1: but we heard the song when we were her children.
Speaker 1: This little lot of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. Hey,
Speaker 1: you ever heard somebody say you're shine from the inside out.
Speaker 1: Cut on that light so that you can see the
Speaker 1: good and the bad. Because we're supposed to be better
Speaker 1: and do better. And for each person that wrote the letter,
Speaker 1: thank you. Thank you for taking time to love on you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for taking time to want to be better
Speaker 1: and to do better. Thank you for being so warnerable
Speaker 1: enough to just share yourself to open up. You are
Speaker 1: appreciated and you are mind for that. And if you
Speaker 1: were just listening and you gotta letter that you want
Speaker 1: to write, I want you to email me. Send it
Speaker 1: to Vitamin D at dawn day Speaks dot com. Okay,
Speaker 1: And I also want to offer this up. I talked
Speaker 1: about this before, but I want to offer some Vitamin
Speaker 1: D sessions. You know, it's just a one on one conversation.
Speaker 1: If you like the advice letters, let's have a sit
Speaker 1: down chat. Pow wow, we'll talk. Let's do it. I offer,
Speaker 1: as you know at no cost for thirty minutes. My
Speaker 1: only requirement is that you leave a review and tell
Speaker 1: your friends to tell your friends about it, and subscribe
Speaker 1: to the Vitamin D podcast because you can hear it
Speaker 1: on every platform. And again, who doesn't want to be
Speaker 1: excited about the life. We live a life on purpose
Speaker 1: and for a purpose. Okay, well that's it for your doss.
Speaker 1: Vitamin D um shine your life. Continue to shine your life.
Speaker 1: And in the meantime, I want to make sure that
Speaker 1: you follow me on all social media at Dawn day
Speaker 1: Speaks in case you need some extra Vitamin D in
Speaker 1: your life. And I want to leave you with something.
Speaker 1: I want you to always remember that you are your
Speaker 1: greatest guys. Act