Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Chelsea Handler. Welcome to Life Will Be the
Speaker 1: Death of Me, a production of I Heart Radio. Okay,
Speaker 1: good morning everybody, Hello Brandon, this is me Chelsea. Hi. Hi.
Speaker 1: This is going to be our last podcast out of
Speaker 1: our twenty episode podcast series. This is our conclusion to
Speaker 1: our podcast, our exit interview. This is our exit interview. Yes,
Speaker 1: we're going to reflect, maybe talk about some new things.
Speaker 1: I think it's very serendipitous that this is the week
Speaker 1: that Nancy Pelosi has also decided to go ahead and
Speaker 1: impeach the president yciting things. Yeah, to start an impeachment inquiry.
Speaker 1: Would you like to explain to people who are listening
Speaker 1: who may not know what the impeachment inquiry is, because
Speaker 1: last night I had to Marco Polio to get some
Speaker 1: insiders to what was really going on. Well, it means
Speaker 1: that they're going to investigate whether or not to impeach him,
Speaker 1: was my understanding is, and then the trial itself is
Speaker 1: the actual impeachment. So whether or not he's found guilty,
Speaker 1: at the end of his impeachment, he will have been
Speaker 1: impeached if they choose to go to trial, if they
Speaker 1: choose to hold an impeachment hearing, what I think. But
Speaker 1: I could also be wrong, but I think I'm right,
Speaker 1: But yeah, that doesn't matter anyway. I'm very excited about
Speaker 1: your participation in the podcast. I think that you probably
Speaker 1: had no idea you'd be podcasting so fervently. Yeah. People
Speaker 1: ask all the time if this was a planned thing,
Speaker 1: and I said, you were literally out the door to
Speaker 1: go interview Mary and said Brandon, come along, And I
Speaker 1: thought I was just coming along for the ride, not
Speaker 1: to actually be on the podcast. And lo and behold, right,
Speaker 1: twenty episodes later, people think you're You're a huge hit.
Speaker 1: People love you. They want to know what your Instagram
Speaker 1: handle is, and I tell them, but I don't really
Speaker 1: respond to those kinds of questions. But I think you
Speaker 1: can announce that you don't have one, because not have
Speaker 1: any social media. Brandon and I are actually eating Wendy's
Speaker 1: as we do this conclusion exit interview, because Wendy's was
Speaker 1: on the way here and we got the spicy nut
Speaker 1: will Powder, Well, I have no will powder powder. And
Speaker 1: Brandon is from North Dakota, right south Dakota, right, like
Speaker 1: I said, one of the Dakotas, and so he eats
Speaker 1: this kind of ship all day long and then goes
Speaker 1: to his spin classes for four hours a day. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's true. It's spend a lot of time with I'll
Speaker 1: chew off, I'll chew off Mike. Um. Yes, we got
Speaker 1: one owner of spicy chicken nuggets, one order of regular
Speaker 1: chicken nuggets mine or the regular. I don't even need
Speaker 1: sauce with them. They're so fucking delicious. You're really good.
Speaker 1: And we got an order of fries, which neither one
Speaker 1: of us love their new fries, but it'll do. I
Speaker 1: grew up with Wendy's, and I would like to say
Speaker 1: that chicken McNuggets from McDonald's I find repulsive, but chicken
Speaker 1: nuggets from Wendy's I find a plus plus because you
Speaker 1: don't get the weird tendons. God, it's like when you
Speaker 1: get those frozen ones where they say with ribbed meat
Speaker 1: in that small font or print, you like, excuse me
Speaker 1: why the fund is rib meat involved in that. What's
Speaker 1: interesting is a lot of places use the small print
Speaker 1: for things they don't want you to know. But if
Speaker 1: you eat a bag of pork crimes on the bag
Speaker 1: in big font, it will say it may cause anal leakage.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember that controversy pork crimes
Speaker 1: cause an a leakage. I think so there was like
Speaker 1: a chip, a snack of sorts that came out that
Speaker 1: would cause any leakage, and they didn't hide that from you.
Speaker 1: They told you in big And what does it have
Speaker 1: like methanism? I don't make pork rinds. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: the science behind it, but this was a thing. So
Speaker 1: I've never eaten pork rins. It's not my thing. I mean,
Speaker 1: maybe I've had some real pork skin at some point,
Speaker 1: but pork ron's has never been my go to. You know,
Speaker 1: it sounds so gross, pork rime. I know people on
Speaker 1: Keto diets love a pork rind because people on Keto
Speaker 1: diets also like to have an a leakage, I guess.
Speaker 1: So bringing it back to hip for the last episode,
Speaker 1: but that's all I ever talked about is feculence. Feculence
Speaker 1: and ship. Why don't we talk about our journey, Brandon,
Speaker 1: our journey together. In the past three years, you've been
Speaker 1: witnessed to all of my changes and all of my
Speaker 1: self discovery and self awareness, which has prompted you to
Speaker 1: do some self discovery. How's your meditation going. It's good.
Speaker 1: I've been doing it regularly, not every day, but maybe
Speaker 1: every other day, just getting in a better routine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the last couple of days. I had a wedding in Tiles,
Speaker 1: New Mexico this weekend, and my friend tried to kill
Speaker 1: me with alcohol. So I have been recovering for like
Speaker 1: two days. I felt nauseous for the last forty eight
Speaker 1: hours because you don't drink anymore, I know, So it's
Speaker 1: a real I do drink, but this is a real
Speaker 1: conundrum for me because I can't afford to be that hungover.
Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I can, but I don't want
Speaker 1: to be that hungover. So it's like, if you drink
Speaker 1: all the time, you don't get a hangover, which is better,
Speaker 1: but then you're just inveterately bloated. And if you cut
Speaker 1: back on your drinking and you only drink once in
Speaker 1: a while, then you really really feel it. So I'm
Speaker 1: at a crossroads. I think you just have to lean
Speaker 1: into the cannabis and you have to like let the
Speaker 1: drinking go. If you know you're getting to that point, No,
Speaker 1: if you know you're getting that point, you're like, this
Speaker 1: is gonna be a rough couple of days, you rein
Speaker 1: it in just pop another edible. I packed enough Now,
Speaker 1: I took a lot of edibles and I drank a
Speaker 1: lot of alcohol, like I did both, and so you
Speaker 1: double down and that's why you're feeling like ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did, I think sometimes so you know, with the cannabis,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be too high because then you're
Speaker 1: just like out on cloud nine. My friend Mary told me,
Speaker 1: she goes, you know, sometimes the cannabis is cute and everything,
Speaker 1: but sometimes you're just like not even communicative while you're
Speaker 1: sitting there. So that I love about it. So that's
Speaker 1: too much unless you're alone, Like when I go home
Speaker 1: at night in bed and I like last night, I
Speaker 1: took twenty milligrams and I was like, here, just wait
Speaker 1: till you fall asleep. Sister, do you remember when we
Speaker 1: were in Sun Valley, we watched the entire series of
Speaker 1: that show. We'd get in bed on and edible every
Speaker 1: night and we'd have to rewatch and rewatch and we
Speaker 1: didn't say a word to each other because we didn't
Speaker 1: remember what show was it. I can't remember the name
Speaker 1: of it. See that's what's great about television. Watch you
Speaker 1: can keep rewatching shows you thought you've already watched. Okay,
Speaker 1: So in terms of health and self awareness, I want
Speaker 1: to just talk about a couple of things. People seem
Speaker 1: to be very responsive to me sharing all of my
Speaker 1: therapy stuff, So I want to talk about reaction versus response,
Speaker 1: because that was my major issue when I went in,
Speaker 1: was my lack of patience and my reactivity. I didn't
Speaker 1: think before I responded, And what Dan taught me was
Speaker 1: there's a space of awareness between those two things. You know,
Speaker 1: I talked about this last week a little bit with
Speaker 1: Laura Lynn Jackson. But there's a reaction and then there's
Speaker 1: a consideration for your reaction because sometimes we react with
Speaker 1: our bodies before our minds, and we have a physical
Speaker 1: feeling towards something, and there's a space of awareness is
Speaker 1: where you can identify that and then respond instead of react.
Speaker 1: And that's something that people have mentioned to me has
Speaker 1: helped them a lot. So it's really easy to incorporate
Speaker 1: that into your life if you've tried it, and then
Speaker 1: eventually it just becomes you know, your habit and you
Speaker 1: can kind of rehabituate your bad habits. And that goes
Speaker 1: back to Dan's and your creation of I'm I am,
Speaker 1: I am identification awareness modification. So like if somebody says
Speaker 1: something to you two that is annoying or that you
Speaker 1: find annoying, or somebody is annoying, it's about, oh wait,
Speaker 1: why am I reacting this way? Why do I not
Speaker 1: like this person? Is it really because of that person
Speaker 1: or is it because of something that that person is
Speaker 1: doing that reminds me of myself? Which usually if somebody
Speaker 1: is annoying you, it's because you see something in yourself
Speaker 1: in them that you do not like. You know, what
Speaker 1: I found interesting lately is your vocalization of how you're
Speaker 1: feeling because before so when you started therapy, I could
Speaker 1: see you making the adjustments even if you weren't saying anything,
Speaker 1: like you taking a second before you respond to a
Speaker 1: dumb question that I'm asking, or we have a lot
Speaker 1: of people around the house that meander through for different reasons.
Speaker 1: Brandon loves it because he gets a kickback. Brandon gets
Speaker 1: a lot of kickbacks on any improvements that I have
Speaker 1: on the house. Oh that's why I have seventeen remote controls,
Speaker 1: because I believe he gets ten percent of each remote control.
Speaker 1: And every time there's a new TV installed, or there's
Speaker 1: always audio visual amount of money is worth the trouble
Speaker 1: all those fucking remote cause so I can tell you
Speaker 1: what sister outdoor patio furniture gets stained and odd colors,
Speaker 1: and then we have to hire outside companies to restain it.
Speaker 1: I mean, ever since he's worked here, things are a
Speaker 1: hot mass at my house. I mean the money is
Speaker 1: going out, out, out, out out, and it's not coming in,
Speaker 1: is it. I have to say, for the record, I
Speaker 1: am very frugal and very thoughtful about how and where
Speaker 1: I spend your money. Look at the house of Spain.
Speaker 1: Look at the house in Spain. We leave it to
Speaker 1: anyone else, and then there's all these problems. People say,
Speaker 1: oh you know, they go there and they said this
Speaker 1: wasn't right and this wasn't right. And now Brandon has
Speaker 1: to go for two weeks to vacation in Spain. At
Speaker 1: my house. They're just to set everything right. Isn't that right? Brandon?
Speaker 1: There is some truth? Are you bringing? Are you bringing
Speaker 1: your lover with you to Spain? You know I wasn't
Speaker 1: going to be able to be he his going what's
Speaker 1: coinky dink? That's so funny. That's such a surprise and
Speaker 1: is my Bell going to Spain Nobell? Not? Do you
Speaker 1: and my Bell have a rivalry? No, I think we're
Speaker 1: I think we're on the up and up. You're in
Speaker 1: good shape with each other. She doesn't listen to this podcast,
Speaker 1: so you can talk about her if you want. Know.
Speaker 1: Everything with me and Bell is fine. She doesn't like feedback. Mabel.
Speaker 1: Mabel is the head han show at the house. To
Speaker 1: be completely honest, like I should really be taking direction
Speaker 1: from She's been there forever she deserves. She was with
Speaker 1: me when I broke up with Ted and I moved
Speaker 1: into my own apartment and she was the first woman
Speaker 1: I saw. I moved into some apartment and she was
Speaker 1: in house cleaning lady and I walked in and this
Speaker 1: was like ten years ago or probably longer, and she
Speaker 1: was like, Oh, my husband is terrible. He doesn't have
Speaker 1: a car. And I was like, fuck, here we go.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to buy this woman a car. And
Speaker 1: then that's exactly what happened, and now we're still My
Speaker 1: father was used car de Lebrandon. Okay, I'm just trying
Speaker 1: to keep the business in the family. I understand it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you've noticed that. Now I'm saying I don't. Okay.
Speaker 1: So the other day you and this has happened more
Speaker 1: than once, but the most recent you had said that
Speaker 1: you were feeling ornery, and and even though you were
Speaker 1: saying it in jest, you've done that now where you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm not in a good mood, or you'll tell me
Speaker 1: before you say something that I might take personally. Perhaps,
Speaker 1: how does that come across? I think that's much healthier
Speaker 1: that you're acknowledging that you're like, I'm in a bad
Speaker 1: mood right now, just letting you know, because like I've
Speaker 1: had to say to you, like I'm I feel wound
Speaker 1: very tight today. And even though sometimes I feel like
Speaker 1: that's not professional, I think it because some of the
Speaker 1: job crosses over between personal and professional. Telling you this morning,
Speaker 1: what part of the job do you think crosses over
Speaker 1: from professional to personal? You prying on my naked body
Speaker 1: in the morning when I'm in my broad underwear, or
Speaker 1: when I'm coming out of the shower and you're in
Speaker 1: the bathroom. Yeah, I mean those are a couple of
Speaker 1: examples reverse sexual harassment. Just so you know, I guess
Speaker 1: you're right, and I could press charges if I knew
Speaker 1: who to talk to. Take into consideration. I mean, seriously,
Speaker 1: you're sexually harassing me if I get out of the
Speaker 1: shower and my beaver and my boobies are exposed and
Speaker 1: you're just, you know, lollygagging around on my night covers.
Speaker 1: I always do seem to cross your path right when
Speaker 1: you are exposing yourself, right as I'm walking out of
Speaker 1: the shower into my bathroom or into my closet to
Speaker 1: get dressed. I guess who pops up. Let's talk about
Speaker 1: my relationship with Burton Bernice, because I think that one
Speaker 1: has improved the most since my therapy. I'm really interested
Speaker 1: in all the relationships and how they've because I would
Speaker 1: say that I have less people in my life now
Speaker 1: socially then I did for a long time, Like I've
Speaker 1: not thinned the herd, because that sounds like, but there
Speaker 1: are only people really in my life now that I'm
Speaker 1: really really close with. I think you're not bringing people
Speaker 1: in is the difference. So like in the book, you
Speaker 1: talk about the scorched earth basically where it's like if
Speaker 1: someone does you wrong, they're donezo. And I don't think
Speaker 1: that that's been the case at all really in the
Speaker 1: last eighteen months. It's just that you're not as prone
Speaker 1: to bringing someone in. You're a little bit more reserved
Speaker 1: with well. I think what the biggest differences is that
Speaker 1: I enjoy my time alone more than I ever have
Speaker 1: in my life. I used to not be able to
Speaker 1: hang out alone. I wanted people in my house all
Speaker 1: the time. I wanted a full house. So the biggest
Speaker 1: difference is that I like coming home alone, and I
Speaker 1: like spending time with the dogs alone, and I do
Speaker 1: value like my time alone. I spend more time alone.
Speaker 1: I sit outside and read more, and I don't need
Speaker 1: noise as much as I used to, which is a
Speaker 1: nice it's a relief. And I didn't realize how many
Speaker 1: times I was leaning on socializing instead of just being
Speaker 1: alone with myself. It was a kind of a distraction.
Speaker 1: And socializing is good, but I mean, I've done plenty
Speaker 1: of socializing in my life, Like I'm good if I
Speaker 1: want to take a little break from it. Do you
Speaker 1: feel the need to force yourself into those social interactions now, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I do sometimes. I mean I can become a little
Speaker 1: bit of a recluse, but that's only because when I go,
Speaker 1: I go so hard. And if I'm promoting the book
Speaker 1: or if I'm on the road or promoting the documentary,
Speaker 1: it's like it's intense, intense, intense, and then I need
Speaker 1: to ze compress, which is actually something I never used
Speaker 1: to do. I did never like spent a day alone.
Speaker 1: But it's good to be interested in doing that. And
Speaker 1: it's good to be reading so many books. That's something
Speaker 1: that I was missing for a few years. I wasn't
Speaker 1: reading as many books as I used to. And uh,
Speaker 1: I like that aspect. You're reading more to Brandon, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to Yeah, you're finishing more books. Right when I started,
Speaker 1: so about three years ago, you would start a lot
Speaker 1: of books and they would all have a few chapters
Speaker 1: in and now you actually finished and pass it on
Speaker 1: to somebody else. Yeah, that's writing, Tampa, because you finished it,
Speaker 1: you're still reading that fucking book. I mean, I do
Speaker 1: work a full time job. Where where do you work?
Speaker 1: Do you think getting all these kick is easy? I
Speaker 1: gotta meet with these people, go golfing. It's unbearable. All right.
Speaker 1: Well back to kind of the last year, you release
Speaker 1: the book, you started in conversations, You've gone into stand up,
Speaker 1: you just had a documentary release, I have this podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you have the podcast. Has there been one interaction since
Speaker 1: your growth that has really stood out to you, either
Speaker 1: with a fan or with one of your friends, or
Speaker 1: just like a moment in the last year that has
Speaker 1: been kind of profound for you. I've gotten I mean,
Speaker 1: I've been getting a ton of messages that are just
Speaker 1: so much different than the tone of messages I used
Speaker 1: to get, and like I get a lot of I guess,
Speaker 1: you know, being on the road and doing these backstage
Speaker 1: we have these meet and greets after the shows, and
Speaker 1: people will say, oh, my gosh, I grew up on
Speaker 1: Chelsea Lately. I grew up on Chelsea Lately. Like I
Speaker 1: didn't realize at the time how popular that show was.
Speaker 1: Very popular. Yeah, I didn't get that. So I think
Speaker 1: it's interesting now that I'm in this phase that I'm
Speaker 1: hearing all of that feedback, all these girls that are like,
Speaker 1: you know, twenty or that are like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: we've grew up watching you. That was nice because I
Speaker 1: was ready to hear it before when people used to
Speaker 1: talk about Chelsea Lately. I'd be like, oh God, up
Speaker 1: about that show already. I wasn't as proud of it
Speaker 1: as maybe I should have been. In terms of it
Speaker 1: being perceived in the way it was and being motivating
Speaker 1: two girls to be proud of who they are and
Speaker 1: and have a loud voice. So all of those things,
Speaker 1: there were good things that came out of it as well.
Speaker 1: Um I think I pooh pooed it for a long
Speaker 1: time because it was just such a hard job to
Speaker 1: leave and it was like one of those ex boyfriends
Speaker 1: that I was trying to break up with and I
Speaker 1: couldn't and then I did and I was like, please
Speaker 1: don't talk to me again. So that's nice to hear.
Speaker 1: And I think the feedback in general from the book
Speaker 1: and the documentary has been really nice because it feels
Speaker 1: like I'm finally contributing something instead of just cashing a
Speaker 1: check from my own purposes. Like what's nice to be
Speaker 1: able to say I want to do a documentary and
Speaker 1: about this subject matter and let and and be able
Speaker 1: to you know, that in itself is a privilege, and
Speaker 1: it's also being around for so many years and being
Speaker 1: able to decide what you're gonna do creatively is a
Speaker 1: huge privilege. But I now realize how much privilege I have,
Speaker 1: so I'm much more careful with it. I feel like
Speaker 1: in terms of what I'm going to use that advantage for.
Speaker 1: You can write a book about anything, you know. I
Speaker 1: wanted to write a book about something meaningful and true,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to do a documentary about an issue
Speaker 1: that was going to make people uncomfortable at myself included
Speaker 1: and like and get answers and start a conversation. Was
Speaker 1: it scary to make that choice to leave a hit show,
Speaker 1: go into another show that was doing really well and say, like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do any of it anymore. I
Speaker 1: want to focus on myself and helping other people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's good to be I mean it was. It
Speaker 1: wasn't hard because I'm so impulsive that I didn't really
Speaker 1: have to think about it. I just had. I knew
Speaker 1: I had to do it. But it's a little bit destabilizing,
Speaker 1: but it's I I like that. I like it a
Speaker 1: little destabilization because you kind of have to scramble and
Speaker 1: figure out what you're gonna do and how you're gonna
Speaker 1: do it and what your moves are going to be.
Speaker 1: But everything always works out. Do you think you're more
Speaker 1: successful ventures have been the ones where you've not thought
Speaker 1: about them, or the ones where you've taken a lot
Speaker 1: of time. Yeah, I think the ones that are more thoughtful,
Speaker 1: the ones that are the most authentic, the ones that
Speaker 1: are true. Like the Chelsea Does series on Netflix was
Speaker 1: really authentic for me, and that was great, And this documentary,
Speaker 1: I mean, that's where I'm what I'm drawn to the
Speaker 1: most now is having conversations with real people about real
Speaker 1: issues and real ways to get involved, to do actionable things,
Speaker 1: to show up for other communities, not just your own. Okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna take a quick break and we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Well back to what's important. Okay. So one night I
Speaker 1: had this epiphany. I was really stoned, and I was
Speaker 1: in my bed and I was like, because you know,
Speaker 1: I assault anybody who is listening to this Burton Bernie
Speaker 1: or my dogs, and if you don't know that by now,
Speaker 1: then you don't know me. So one night they came
Speaker 1: over and I was like, you know what, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to assault them, because that's my problem. I cannot
Speaker 1: keep my hands off of them. I get a little
Speaker 1: bit of Harvey Wine stain around my dogs and I
Speaker 1: know they don't like it, but I don't get to
Speaker 1: spend as much time with them as I would like
Speaker 1: because Birt's too fat to travel and Bernice is a
Speaker 1: bit so I sometimes want to grab them and put
Speaker 1: them in my bed. And I used to take them
Speaker 1: upstairs with a leash and force them to go. I
Speaker 1: had to guide them or lure them with turkey or
Speaker 1: roast beef or whatever. You know, my bell decides to
Speaker 1: buy that week, because obviously I'm out of those decisions.
Speaker 1: And I one night, I was like, oh, I was all.
Speaker 1: You know, I was going through this phase about learning
Speaker 1: how to be present and what that meant and and
Speaker 1: not trying to get them to come to me, but
Speaker 1: just being aware and being there. And as soon as
Speaker 1: I stopped tackling them, they both kind of like meandered
Speaker 1: over to me and both wanted to like be in
Speaker 1: bed with me without me pursuing them. And I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: that's what it's like. You just have to be available,
Speaker 1: not be pushing it. And of course I haven't been
Speaker 1: able to follow that because you know, you've seen Bird
Speaker 1: walking around the house strutting his stuff. It's very hard
Speaker 1: for me not to pick him up, spin him around
Speaker 1: on his back and rub his balet while his head
Speaker 1: is in my lap. He is just such a meaty
Speaker 1: little names just so, such a fur ball. And when
Speaker 1: I sleep at night and his head is on my chest,
Speaker 1: it's like having the lion came with me. Bernice won't
Speaker 1: stay in the bed because she knows that I got
Speaker 1: to take a piss in the bathroom. Yeah, she likes
Speaker 1: to piss in the bathroom. Well, last night I did
Speaker 1: go to beds fairly early, so she was probably holding
Speaker 1: her bladder. But at least they're going in the bathroom
Speaker 1: now on the hardwood instead of the us or on
Speaker 1: the hard floors. I should say the success. Yes, but
Speaker 1: my relationship with them has blossomed. For those of you concerned,
Speaker 1: they do love me more than they used to. Like
Speaker 1: Bernice comes in the car with me whenever I go
Speaker 1: to ben Bruno or can take her and Bert is
Speaker 1: you take her places to that? I have to question.
Speaker 1: I'm like, are you sure you can take her into
Speaker 1: the doctor's office. Well, in those instances, she doesn't come
Speaker 1: into a doctor's office. She sits in the car with
Speaker 1: the windows open. And in the tesla they have the
Speaker 1: air conditioning for dogs, so when you get out you
Speaker 1: can leave the A cr has everything. Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1: I wonder how much money you got for that car,
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. Yeah. So you've been seeing Dan
Speaker 1: now for about two years. You don't go as frequently
Speaker 1: as you used to. But has there been an instance
Speaker 1: where you're like, oh, I need to recoporate. I better
Speaker 1: go see Dan. What was the last time you're like this,
Speaker 1: I need to tune up. Uh? Well, I try to
Speaker 1: see him, Like, you know, I haven't seen him in
Speaker 1: like probably three weeks right now, but I don't see
Speaker 1: him as much as I used to because I think
Speaker 1: the important thing about therapy, and I maybe read this somewhere,
Speaker 1: but is that you get all this information and then
Speaker 1: you need to learn how to apply it to your
Speaker 1: real life without being in a codependent relationship with your therapist.
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to be the type of person
Speaker 1: that's calling Dan on the phone in a crisis. I
Speaker 1: want to be able to manage my own crisis. Has
Speaker 1: there been a time where something happened and you're like
Speaker 1: Brandon schedule disappointment. Yes, yeah, I mean not recently, but yeah,
Speaker 1: and while I was in therapy, for sure, Like I
Speaker 1: went on a trip with a friend and we got
Speaker 1: into it and I thought I wasn't doing anything but
Speaker 1: you know wrong, And he guided me about apologizing and
Speaker 1: I was like, no way am I going to apologize.
Speaker 1: I haven't done anything. And he's like, that's not the point,
Speaker 1: and he goes, it's not about being right, it's about
Speaker 1: being empathetic, Like it doesn't matter if you think you
Speaker 1: did anything wrong. You have to just be a good
Speaker 1: friend and say I'm so sorry I made you feel
Speaker 1: that way, I'm so sorry this and that, And it
Speaker 1: was really hard for me to do that, but I
Speaker 1: I am so glad I did because that was the
Speaker 1: first step in being able to forgive people, especially when
Speaker 1: you don't think you've done anything wrong, because it really
Speaker 1: is about the need to be right is always wrong.
Speaker 1: So the need to prove your point. You know what,
Speaker 1: just yesterday you were trying to prove your point to
Speaker 1: me because I had sucked up something and you were
Speaker 1: right about it. Do you remember what that was. No,
Speaker 1: I tried to not do that or make you feel
Speaker 1: that way. Well, you did it well and I heard
Speaker 1: you loud and clear. You were right. So I hope
Speaker 1: you're happy. I wish I knew what it was, and
Speaker 1: I'd be thrilled, I'm sure, But the need to be
Speaker 1: right was a good thing. And that's also another thing
Speaker 1: for people who are like really into learning about I
Speaker 1: don't know, I guess presents and like Eckart Toole and
Speaker 1: that Oprah win Free. That ten episode podcast about a
Speaker 1: New Earth was so helpful to me in terms of
Speaker 1: understanding about not sweating the small stuff, about not getting
Speaker 1: stressed out about stupid little things, trying not to obviously
Speaker 1: I'm not perfect um, and that everything will be okay.
Speaker 1: I used to get so annoyed with people when they
Speaker 1: said everything's going to be okay, because it's like, what
Speaker 1: a pat statement. How can you say everything's gonna be okay?
Speaker 1: But the bottom line is, even if people die, even
Speaker 1: if people get sick, you are going to be okay.
Speaker 1: As long as you're breathing, you have the chance to
Speaker 1: be okay. And so that, in conjunction with Dan really
Speaker 1: let me understand Okay, there's no reason to stress anymore.
Speaker 1: There's no reason to get an email and freak out
Speaker 1: and stomp your fingers and responding to it. It's just
Speaker 1: better to like let everybody be and just chill and
Speaker 1: have a positive vibration. I think that's important to not
Speaker 1: bring in, like, you know, the negativity and stuff, because
Speaker 1: it's hard when you're like me. You know, everyone knows
Speaker 1: what kind of mood I'm in basically the way I look,
Speaker 1: So it's it's beneficial for me to be able to
Speaker 1: be in a good mood most of the time. And
Speaker 1: I would say I am pretty most of the time
Speaker 1: in a good mood on the days that you're not.
Speaker 1: Do you have a mantra that you use? I think
Speaker 1: mantras are so stupid. But you're just saying that everything's
Speaker 1: okay because mine is. Is it really worth being mad over?
Speaker 1: But I think I've said that to you before because
Speaker 1: my aunt told me that I would get so angry
Speaker 1: about everything, and one time we were on the phone
Speaker 1: and I was bitching about something. She goes, but is
Speaker 1: it really worth thing mad over? Like, start asking yourself
Speaker 1: that because everything that's not Yeah, that's a good point. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't have a mantra, because you know that's the
Speaker 1: stupid thing. No, just kidding, I know people have them.
Speaker 1: I don't have a mantra. I just kind of just breathe.
Speaker 1: I'm really into like taking a deep breath and just
Speaker 1: being present. And it sounds really corny, but it's corny
Speaker 1: because it's it's like, it's works. It totally works. You know.
Speaker 1: I never was conscious about my breathing. I was never like,
Speaker 1: if somebody is talking a lot and I feel judgment
Speaker 1: and like, oh my god, why won't they shut up?
Speaker 1: I take a breath. Anytime I feel judgment towards anyone,
Speaker 1: I'm like, take a deep breath and be in the moment,
Speaker 1: like you have no right to be judging other people.
Speaker 1: And that's nice. I think for a long time, I
Speaker 1: felt I had a superiority complex because I felt like
Speaker 1: I just knew a little bit more than everybody, and
Speaker 1: that was you know, Dan kind of took that away
Speaker 1: from me, like he made me understand, oh, we're all
Speaker 1: here together, we're all equal. You're not doing more than
Speaker 1: another person. You don't have more of a burden than
Speaker 1: another person. It's just all part of your perspective. And
Speaker 1: once I got on an even playing field and realized, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm down with the people. There's nothing special about me,
Speaker 1: then I started to get real. And then you feel
Speaker 1: really grounded. I feel way more in control of my
Speaker 1: life than I ever have because I know that I've
Speaker 1: got my head on straight. Now. So what would you
Speaker 1: say to the people listening who feel that they are
Speaker 1: too self aware or that they're superior to therapy, that
Speaker 1: they feel like they know too much to need to
Speaker 1: talk to someone, Well, maybe you know some people. I
Speaker 1: don't know that every single person needs therapy. I would
Speaker 1: say that most people who claim to be self aware
Speaker 1: are probably not. You know, I think anytime you claim
Speaker 1: to be something, it's probably not that true. Are those
Speaker 1: people who need therapy most? Maybe? I mean I don't
Speaker 1: think everybody needs therapy, but everybody needs the space to
Speaker 1: like think and reflect and be calm. So it's like
Speaker 1: whether that's yoga or meditation, or therapy or going for
Speaker 1: a run. You know, there are different forms of it,
Speaker 1: but there's great value to me and paying somebody to
Speaker 1: tell you what your issues are, you know, I like
Speaker 1: that transaction. I like paying Dan to say, hey, you
Speaker 1: have an empathy deficit and you have you know, like
Speaker 1: that's really helpful. UM so much so, you know what
Speaker 1: I watched the other nights UM Couples Therapy on on showtime.
Speaker 1: Have you seen that? I heard of it? It was
Speaker 1: really good. It's like this it's a real therapist and
Speaker 1: she has like five different couples. They rotate in and out,
Speaker 1: and they take this whole season takes you through all
Speaker 1: these different couple stories and whether break up or stay together,
Speaker 1: and then her story with her clinical advisor about how
Speaker 1: she deals with being a therapist and getting like a
Speaker 1: second opinion on her. It's really good. I mean, I
Speaker 1: watched the whole series yesterday when I was in bed
Speaker 1: or Sunday. But that's a good recommendation on on Showtime. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: this sounds like a good time to take a break.
Speaker 1: There's another disgusting show on Showtime about Roger Ailes called
Speaker 1: The Loudest Voice, where he gets a blowjob from Annabelle
Speaker 1: Wallace that is so revolting, It is so disgusting, and
Speaker 1: Roger Ailes just basically went into work every day and
Speaker 1: thought he was supposed to get his dick sucked by
Speaker 1: any woman that was working there, and a lot of
Speaker 1: them did it. And that was one of the most
Speaker 1: upsetting series I've ever seen, because I just, I mean,
Speaker 1: I literally turned off the TV and just sat in
Speaker 1: bed thinking about how disgusting he was and how how
Speaker 1: foul men are to assume that women are there to
Speaker 1: suck dick. I mean, honestly, aren't they doing a movie
Speaker 1: with Charley's Yeah, Charley says, a movie with Nicole kimm
Speaker 1: In and Margot Robbie coming out on the Roger Ale story.
Speaker 1: I don't know when that comes out, probably soon. It's
Speaker 1: fascinating though. I also watched Chernobyl last night. Once we
Speaker 1: got you logged into HBO go yeah, yeah, Brandon, once
Speaker 1: you got your kick back from HBO co I'll be
Speaker 1: able to retire soon for anyone listening, just I thought
Speaker 1: I thought we were retiring together. We are. We're gonna
Speaker 1: go skiing this winter and we're gonna find a ski
Speaker 1: Shelle and I want to tell all our podcast listeners
Speaker 1: to that. Um, I will be back with a podcast
Speaker 1: when I have something interesting to podcast about. It's just
Speaker 1: not something I wanted to do, like ongoing every week.
Speaker 1: I'm about to leave for a month on tour, so
Speaker 1: I'm going to Australia. I'm going to Brisbane, Sydney and
Speaker 1: Melbourne and Auckland to perform, and then I'm going to
Speaker 1: go on vacation. I'm going to Portugal and Spain. Am
Speaker 1: I meeting up with you in Spain? Brandon? We will
Speaker 1: not cross paths, but will have the house set up
Speaker 1: for your beautiful Brandon. We're going to Spain for my
Speaker 1: sister Shoshana's fiftieth birthday, which means she's been alive for
Speaker 1: fifty years, which is so fucking weird. Yeah, aging is
Speaker 1: really tricky. And yeah, I'm going to be forty five
Speaker 1: this year and you just Brandon, I can't believe I
Speaker 1: scored such a young buck. I know, and I'm here
Speaker 1: for the long haul. What other questions do you have
Speaker 1: for me? Brandon? Well, do you ever feel like you're
Speaker 1: plateau ing and your personal growth? Um, that's a good question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know, I think with anything. I
Speaker 1: think my friend once told me this that his his
Speaker 1: mom was a teacher, and she's like, there's a period
Speaker 1: of learning and then there's a period of growth for
Speaker 1: all young kids. Like you absorb, you absorb your information
Speaker 1: and then you enact it like and you and and
Speaker 1: it and it becomes part of your life and then
Speaker 1: you actually have time to digest it. So like going
Speaker 1: to school, you're like, all this information is thrown at
Speaker 1: you and then say you have summer break to attally contemplated,
Speaker 1: even though that's not what summer feels like it's kind
Speaker 1: of the information and the learning registering in your brain.
Speaker 1: And that's how I feel about therapy. I feel like
Speaker 1: I went full throttle for about a year and a
Speaker 1: half or two years, and then I just decided to
Speaker 1: pare it down. The thing that I have a real
Speaker 1: issue with is social media is something that I needed
Speaker 1: to I need to come like to reconcile with because
Speaker 1: I don't approve of it yet I am part of it,
Speaker 1: you know. I feel like it's detrimental for so many reasons,
Speaker 1: and I don't like myself on it, Like when I'm
Speaker 1: when I'm scrolling and read like, I want to be
Speaker 1: in engaging with my fans. That's important to me, and
Speaker 1: I do that on social media a lot. So it's
Speaker 1: kind of like it's actually for people who don't know
Speaker 1: it is actually her who's commenting back, And yeah, my
Speaker 1: assistants aren't commenting back on d M S. I am
Speaker 1: and and but that you know, also, I don't need
Speaker 1: any damns about cock sucking or you know, your paintings,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just responding to people who have questions and
Speaker 1: comments about the work that I'm doing. But I definitely
Speaker 1: find you know, like for instance, when my book came
Speaker 1: out and my documentary came out, both of those surrounding days,
Speaker 1: I was like tied to my screen and checking messages
Speaker 1: and responding. And while that's good and it don't I don't,
Speaker 1: you know, let it go on for more than that.
Speaker 1: It still feels like it's doing me. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 1: And what are you checking for? Are you checking for?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean I'm checking for. No, I'm
Speaker 1: checking to engage with my fans, That's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I try not to scroll around on Instagram for too
Speaker 1: long because that just leads to silliness. Um. I try
Speaker 1: and support the people that I love that are on
Speaker 1: there and leave comments when I can, But I don't
Speaker 1: like it. It's like anything in life, like the cannabis.
Speaker 1: I don't want cannabis to do me. I want to
Speaker 1: do cannabis. I don't want alcohol to do me. I
Speaker 1: want to do alcohol. I want to be in control
Speaker 1: of all of the extracurricular activities I have. And Twitter
Speaker 1: I like because it's actually much more informational, but Instagrams specifically,
Speaker 1: there's just like I have a resistance to it. I
Speaker 1: think it's so bad for a lot of people's mental health.
Speaker 1: I know it was for me that you just it's
Speaker 1: also just staring into a black hole at all times,
Speaker 1: and it's just dumb. It's dumb like on vacation, when
Speaker 1: our families on vacation and you know, anyone's on their phone.
Speaker 1: It's annoying. It's like, are you seriously checking Instagram right now?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm guilty of that too, but it just
Speaker 1: feels like it's not a good the best use of
Speaker 1: anyone's time, and like let's all be a little bit
Speaker 1: more cognizant of that. But the therapy has forced you
Speaker 1: to kind of reassess things. And again it I hate
Speaker 1: to use the word, but in your brand, like that's
Speaker 1: had a big change too, because again on Chelsea lately
Speaker 1: was basically making fun of brading people all the time,
Speaker 1: and you've really dialed that down. Yeah. I mean I
Speaker 1: don't even like to do it in my personal life
Speaker 1: even now. And some of my friends are you know
Speaker 1: that that annoys them. It's like, oh, really, now you're
Speaker 1: not going to do that. It's like, well, is that
Speaker 1: really how we have to like talk make fun of
Speaker 1: every single person? I don't like that anymore. And I'm
Speaker 1: you know, I mean not in a way that obviously
Speaker 1: if somebody, you know, I can get down with people,
Speaker 1: but it's just it's just negative, negative, negative, negative, complaining, complaining,
Speaker 1: even if you're complaining about somebody else, you're complaining. And
Speaker 1: do you feel like your fans response to that are
Speaker 1: people like when you're on social media and you see
Speaker 1: that that people have been receptive, because I know, right
Speaker 1: when you left Netflix and decided to take the time
Speaker 1: off to help people get elected, there were conversations like,
Speaker 1: you're going to lose your base. The people who love
Speaker 1: you for being kind of a bit they're not going
Speaker 1: to like this new you. Yeah, I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: really care about the fans that I've lost. If you like,
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't matter, because you're going to have
Speaker 1: different fans or new fans, or those people are going
Speaker 1: to grow up with you, which is the case with
Speaker 1: a lot of my fans are like, wow, this is
Speaker 1: so much better than I used to love you. But
Speaker 1: now this is great, Like you're teaching me about therapy,
Speaker 1: about meditation or whatever it is. And you know, I
Speaker 1: think anybody who really is a true fan is going
Speaker 1: to be around no matter what, because I'm always talking
Speaker 1: about what's happening in my world, and I'm being authentic
Speaker 1: about it. I'm never faking it. I'm never making up
Speaker 1: a persona that's not true, and I'm always sharing information
Speaker 1: about what's working for me in life, so those people
Speaker 1: know that they can rely on me for the truth,
Speaker 1: which is you know why I feel so passionately about
Speaker 1: sharing my stories because that's, I guess you know, ultimately
Speaker 1: what I am as a storyteller. And once I accepted that,
Speaker 1: it was like so much easier to get back into
Speaker 1: stand up. But also the quality of work, I would say,
Speaker 1: is different because you've made that change. And so the
Speaker 1: people who were saying that, you know, people might not
Speaker 1: be as interested if you're not making the jokes about somebody.
Speaker 1: There's been a huge cultural shift now to where if
Speaker 1: you were still doing that, it may not benefit you
Speaker 1: at all because now people are more thoughtful about how
Speaker 1: you were ahead of the curve almost right, Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: I've been ahead of a lot of curves luckily. Luckily
Speaker 1: I know when to leave and when I went to
Speaker 1: get out, when to get out of a situation, and
Speaker 1: went to get into one sometimes a little bit, you know,
Speaker 1: it takes a little bit longer, or sometimes it's a
Speaker 1: little premature. You could argue both, but yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: like where I am, so it's not really my concern
Speaker 1: if other people don't. And the people that love it great.
Speaker 1: You know, Well, now you've gotten back into stand up,
Speaker 1: which you said you would not do a couple of
Speaker 1: years ago. You're like absolutely zero interest, Like, what was
Speaker 1: the catalyst for your desire to do it again? Was
Speaker 1: it the fact that it was therapeutic being in a
Speaker 1: room hearing people laugh at things that you thought were
Speaker 1: difficult to discuss. Yeah, I think I just missed. I
Speaker 1: didn't really give enough credit to or credence to how
Speaker 1: much I enjoyed being in front of a live audience.
Speaker 1: I think because I just forgot. And it was so
Speaker 1: nice to see how excited people were to be on
Speaker 1: that tour, and I just thought, oh, this is so nice, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't have anything holding me back from extending this.
Speaker 1: And after I did about ten shows of interviews, I
Speaker 1: had enough stories from the book that I knew this
Speaker 1: is a one woman show, this is a stand up show,
Speaker 1: and and then I just realized, oh, okay, this is
Speaker 1: what I'm supposed to be doing like now I have
Speaker 1: a message. Now I have a native about getting healthy
Speaker 1: and it's fucking funny and I can bring people through
Speaker 1: that it's not just getting up on stage and telling jokes.
Speaker 1: And also I'm not ship faced. I mean, it's a
Speaker 1: whole different world being sober on stage when I go
Speaker 1: out there, like i've I always took it for granted,
Speaker 1: and I thought alcohol was my fuel, like I needed
Speaker 1: to drink to get through two shows or one show
Speaker 1: and a book signing like I needed it. And so
Speaker 1: now I realized, no, you don't. It's much better to
Speaker 1: be present and get you know, now I'm on stage
Speaker 1: for an hour and a half, whereas before I used
Speaker 1: to like be waiting for like your earliest possible minute
Speaker 1: to get off stage. So, so how do you keep
Speaker 1: that spark going into next year? You know? Are you
Speaker 1: are you interested in still doing stand up? And if so,
Speaker 1: how are you not going to burn yourself out again?
Speaker 1: And you're just gonna take more time between things? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think I'll do this tour And we just added
Speaker 1: these fifteen dates and I think I'll do this until
Speaker 1: I and then I'll shoot a special. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to go at a break next speed for sure, because
Speaker 1: I don't want to burn out and I want to
Speaker 1: be able to do these other projects. I want to
Speaker 1: shoot more documentaries, and I have some other things you
Speaker 1: know that I have to do. So I'm excited to
Speaker 1: like to do this, to shoot a special, and to
Speaker 1: just keep putting out, you know, things throughout the year.
Speaker 1: It's it's easy that it feels very lucky that I
Speaker 1: was able to find what I was looking for so quickly,
Speaker 1: you know, like fulfilling work and doing stuff that mattered
Speaker 1: to me as as it felt like as soon as
Speaker 1: I did the therapy and was present and focused and calm,
Speaker 1: things just started coming to me in a much more
Speaker 1: easy way. Everything, so I felt much more effortless. Even
Speaker 1: the stuff that was effort full felt okay, well this
Speaker 1: is the right thing right now. Um. So it's just
Speaker 1: a level of stress that I don't have anymore. I
Speaker 1: would say that that was really evident with the stand up,
Speaker 1: because you weren't looking to do it at all. You
Speaker 1: just kind of fell back into it. Yeah. I mean
Speaker 1: every manager and agent was like, please do stand up,
Speaker 1: Please do stand up. That's your money maker, that's your
Speaker 1: money maker. I'm like, I'm not doing stay end up.
Speaker 1: There is no way I'm doing stand up, and then
Speaker 1: cut to twenty days later, I'm like, I think I
Speaker 1: want to do some stand up shows. But that's me
Speaker 1: in a nutshell. I mean, you know, I say no, no, no,
Speaker 1: as long as it's anybody else's idea. So that's it.
Speaker 1: The cool question, Brandon is when are you going to
Speaker 1: start doing stand up? Not even an option. I would
Speaker 1: like to give a shout out to Karen for her wedding.
Speaker 1: She's on her honeymoon now, bitch. As many of you
Speaker 1: know her just got married this weekend to her long
Speaker 1: time lover Mica Sligh and uh, they had a very
Speaker 1: very beatific wedding in Mexico this weekend. M Is there
Speaker 1: anyone else we want to say goodbye to from this podcast? Brandon?
Speaker 1: Are you just want to get back to Wendy's for
Speaker 1: that Frosty Man? Is that you want right now? Is
Speaker 1: that frost I mean? We should. We should thank Dan
Speaker 1: for all of his work on you and the multiple
Speaker 1: times he came on the pot. Yeah, we should thank Dan.
Speaker 1: We should thank Sophie, thank you very much. We should
Speaker 1: thank our sound engineer, is it Mike Great? Well, that's
Speaker 1: who we meant and originally Sophie's our producer. I don't
Speaker 1: think she's been introduced, Okay, so if he's a producer,
Speaker 1: she's been here for every episode. And I want to
Speaker 1: thank all of you guys for tuning into us. And
Speaker 1: you can follow us well, yeah, you can follow us
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Make sure you don't abuse it, and uh,
Speaker 1: you can keep up with everything I do on Twitter
Speaker 1: or my accountable page. If you're looking for ways to
Speaker 1: be socially little, socially active, I'm saying it again, social activism.
Speaker 1: If you're looking for ways to be social activism, go
Speaker 1: there and Twitter, Facebook, Emily's List partnered with Emily's List,
Speaker 1: I'm still partnered with them to elect pro uh uh
Speaker 1: progressive Democratic woman. And I guess I will just say
Speaker 1: I hope everybody is doing a little bit better than
Speaker 1: they were when we started our podcast, audios Life will
Speaker 1: be the Death of Me as a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit
Speaker 1: the I heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.