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Speaker 1: You know if we're being real, right, if we're being real,

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Speaker 1: be real, baby. I hate pregnancy. When last you've been pregnant?

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Speaker 1: Right now? If I want to be real, I really

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Speaker 1: wonder if women knew as much as they know while

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Speaker 1: they're pregnant, if they regret it. I think that's a

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Speaker 1: fair question. Dead as desk, I'm wondering. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to know ded as. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the

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Speaker 1: ellis Is. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple.

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Speaker 1: That ads is the term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take pillow talk to our whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now. This is gonna be a

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Speaker 1: candid story because, as a lot of people see on

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Speaker 1: social media. I'm super excited about you being pregnant. Um,

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Speaker 1: I love my kids with all my heart. I have

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Speaker 1: to say that I love my kids with all my heart.

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Speaker 1: But this story in particular happened last week. All right,

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Speaker 1: happened last week. Coadina and I have been on a

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Speaker 1: two week like love session, and we've just been loving

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Speaker 1: each other. I've been loving my wife, whispering sweet, nothing's

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Speaker 1: doing inversions, stretching her out, compliment her every day, tell

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Speaker 1: her how beautiful she is. And then, um, I just

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Speaker 1: felt a little bit that at she had kind of

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Speaker 1: neglected me a little bit, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So I was just like, you know, it's two weeks

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Speaker 1: I've been you know, complimentary. Let me just let her

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Speaker 1: know that, Hey, just giving you little heads up that

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Speaker 1: you kind of sleeping a little bit. And when I

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Speaker 1: sat down to talk to Codeine, I was quiet for

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Speaker 1: about smooth three minutes. It was about three minutes, right,

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Speaker 1: and he was like, what's wrong? And I was just

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Speaker 1: like nothing, because I was contemplating if I was gonna

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Speaker 1: say something or not. Was something wrong? So I decided,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna say something, not going to

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Speaker 1: say nothing. I'm never not going right. So I said,

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Speaker 1: I just wants you to notice you sleep walking a

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Speaker 1: little bit. I understand you know everything, but I want

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Speaker 1: to let you know, you know your husband still here.

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Speaker 1: She didn't say nothing to me, She just looked at me.

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Speaker 1: Then she got up and I said, you are right,

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Speaker 1: and she goes, yeah, I'm all right. I'm just pay it,

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Speaker 1: and then them out the room. So the topic of

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Speaker 1: the show today is I love my kids, but I

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Speaker 1: hate pregnancy. And the reason why we want to talk

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Speaker 1: about this is because a lot of people see us

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Speaker 1: and we enjoy the moments that you know, you guys

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Speaker 1: see the moments, the two minute moments we put on

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Speaker 1: social media and enjoy the moment. It's a lot more

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Speaker 1: than those two minute moments with your children. A whole

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Speaker 1: lot of granted, really quick baby. We would not have,

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Speaker 1: I don't think continue to have more children if our

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Speaker 1: boys were not so bombed as absolutely absolutely the kids.

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Speaker 1: The kids are the only reason why we put up

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Speaker 1: with pregnancy. Like, I love all three of them. They're

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Speaker 1: also different, and it's literally like a show up in

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Speaker 1: here every day dealing with the different personalities. It's great

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Speaker 1: because even when our team comes into visit to do

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Speaker 1: the podcast and stuff. They just laugh at like all

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Speaker 1: the antics, you know what I mean, because they see

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Speaker 1: they see what we live every single day. This is

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Speaker 1: literally like these are the personalities. So with that being said,

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Speaker 1: let me ask you this, right, Um, when they came

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Speaker 1: time to think about having another child, you of course

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Speaker 1: was just like, I want I have to go through

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Speaker 1: another pregnancy. I understood that. You know, as much as

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Speaker 1: I was pushing and pushing on one of the child,

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Speaker 1: I understood that ultimately is going to come down to

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Speaker 1: you because you're the one that has to come to pregnancy.

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Speaker 1: I want you to tell the audience some things that

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Speaker 1: you can't say. You feel like you can't say because

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Speaker 1: if you said them, people would look at you like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's ungrateful, she has kids. What are some of the

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Speaker 1: things women go through through the pregnant process where they

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Speaker 1: feel like the emotions they feel that they feel like

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Speaker 1: they can't say. Then now is your time to say, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean there's so so many different emotions and things.

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Speaker 1: So we've already discussed all of the changes that happened,

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Speaker 1: you know, physical, emotional. Um, However, you kind of have

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Speaker 1: to tread lightly sometimes because I feel like we're in

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Speaker 1: such a hyper sensitive state right now with everything. People

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Speaker 1: are so easily offended, people are so ready to be

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Speaker 1: upset about something, So I personally feel the need to

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Speaker 1: have to tread lightly sometimes when I speak to someone

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Speaker 1: candidly about pregnancy. One thing, advice is not always welcome,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes unsolicited advice is some of the worst advice

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Speaker 1: because it's like who to hell asked you anyway? You know? Um,

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Speaker 1: So I'm very careful personally when I am giving advice

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Speaker 1: or speaking of my um experiences to be mindful that

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Speaker 1: it may not be something a woman wants to hear

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Speaker 1: in that moment, or speaking about my journey to even

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Speaker 1: conceive or having a miscarriage. Things like that are very

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Speaker 1: sensitive topics because sometimes you just don't even know what

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Speaker 1: women are dealing with. Some of it is very personal,

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Speaker 1: very private, So it's kind of like you want to

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're saying the right thing, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: even when you do take the care to say the

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Speaker 1: right thing, it's still not the right So pretty much

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Speaker 1: it's unfair to paint a broad stroke over someone's experience,

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Speaker 1: exactly like you can't say pregnancy is to any woman

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Speaker 1: because every individual pregnancy is exactly I think the beauty

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Speaker 1: and what we do is that we just give our experience,

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Speaker 1: you know, which people have known us to do for

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Speaker 1: the past six now six seasons. Um, I hope in

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Speaker 1: giving my experience that people will say, Okay, this happened

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Speaker 1: for them. My walk may not be the same. However,

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Speaker 1: I know that I'm not alone if I'm experiencing something

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Speaker 1: the same way. So I feel like the candid um

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Speaker 1: experiences and telling those stories is necessary and that's why

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Speaker 1: I continue to do so. But I can understand how

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Speaker 1: for some women they're just like I just I don't

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Speaker 1: want to hear it in that moment, or it may

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Speaker 1: be a trigger, you know, for some people. So now

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Speaker 1: people are putting up trigger warnings in the beginning of

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Speaker 1: But here's what was some of your thoughts, like some

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Speaker 1: of your deepest thoughts when you thought about being pregnant

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Speaker 1: again that most women won't verbalize because they're afraid of judgment.

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Speaker 1: Like what was one of the first things you felt like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be pregnant again. Is it fear? Is it? Like?

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Speaker 1: What was one of your thoughts that you feel like,

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Speaker 1: damn if I say this women are gonna kill me.

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Speaker 1: But this is how I truly feel. Um, I don't

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Speaker 1: think there was anything like that, only because this is

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Speaker 1: something that I genuinely wanted. However, I did feel like

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Speaker 1: people are gonna be like, oh, well, damn like having

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Speaker 1: another kid, Like how many kids? Are too many kids?

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Speaker 1: So when you say you're pregnant with your fourth, it's

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Speaker 1: like when are they going to stop? Like is there

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Speaker 1: a cap for them? Some people feel like they can

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Speaker 1: put a cap on how many children somebody has, you know.

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Speaker 1: So that was one thing that crossed my mind, like

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Speaker 1: they're just like, oh, is she gonna do it again?

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Speaker 1: Another thing I was kind of concerned about a little

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Speaker 1: bit was like even just from some family thinking like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: I thought you were done because you wanted to do

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Speaker 1: this that in the third with your career. Now you're

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Speaker 1: gonna have to put all that on hold again because

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Speaker 1: you're having what I want to know, because it really wasn't,

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Speaker 1: but that's what you asked. Like what I was thinking, like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, people may think I think I think

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Speaker 1: I'm framing I'm talking about for example, as a as

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Speaker 1: a father, right when people said, oh, your wife's having

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Speaker 1: another baby, right, your first thought processes. Let me say

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Speaker 1: the right thing so that people I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: a good dad. You're like, yeah, I'm excited, like I

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Speaker 1: love pregnancy, when truthfully, a lot of dudes just be like,

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Speaker 1: I hate pregnancy. I hate I didn't think it would

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Speaker 1: be like that for guys because I thought guys don't

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Speaker 1: like pregnancy, so I think guys would be like what

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Speaker 1: I mean, I've figured guys don't like pregnancy would never

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Speaker 1: be like do you think that we could obviously like

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Speaker 1: if someone say, or your wife is pregnant, you could

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Speaker 1: be like, yeah, I know, ship. You can't say that.

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Speaker 1: You know what you gotta do. You gotta you gotta

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Speaker 1: be like, you gotta be like, yeah, I know, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm excited. I'm excited. But amongst guys, the way you'll y'all,

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Speaker 1: not not I won't say y'all, but the way sometimes

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Speaker 1: men even just have like a negative like oh, you're

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Speaker 1: getting married, damp. I feel like you can probably do

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Speaker 1: the same thing with pregnancy if you feel like you're

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Speaker 1: in a safe space with other men who understand what

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Speaker 1: it is. I am talking about our safe space, but

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about when you're not in a safe space.

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Speaker 1: For example, you and I are public figures. Now you

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Speaker 1: we can't just say, well, I know it sounds crazy,

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Speaker 1: but we can't just say how we feel because every

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Speaker 1: space is in a safe space, but our podcast is

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Speaker 1: a safe space. So what I'm saying is I would

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Speaker 1: like to hear some of the thoughts or concerns you had.

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Speaker 1: For example, one of my first concerns was and this

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Speaker 1: is what most men say, but this is what I said.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to have to eat crow and deal with

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Speaker 1: this attitude for ten months, and I can't say nothing,

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Speaker 1: Like as a man, you have to gear up for

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Speaker 1: that because because you know why. You know why your

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Speaker 1: wife is pregnant, You wanted her to be pregnant. You

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Speaker 1: know what she goes, so you understand all of that.

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Speaker 1: But sometimes when you're getting snapped that constantly while trying

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Speaker 1: to do the best, it can be like, yo, how

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Speaker 1: many more these am I going to take before I

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Speaker 1: lose my mind? And knowing that I have to, like

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Speaker 1: I have to deal with him or something that that

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Speaker 1: comes to mind now that you've expressed it that way,

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Speaker 1: that didn't even have to deal with the general public,

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Speaker 1: actually had to deal with you. I was like, now,

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Speaker 1: for the next ten months. I'm want to have to

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Speaker 1: hear this man or not hear him because he'll non

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Speaker 1: verbally bitch and moan about how much he's not going

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Speaker 1: to get sex. See that's but that's honest, and that's honest.

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Speaker 1: I was just like, I was concerned about that, and

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Speaker 1: I said to you, prior to us even deciding if

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Speaker 1: we were going to have another baby again, did I

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Speaker 1: do you understand what we're about to embark on? Do

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Speaker 1: you understand what it looks like for me in the

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Speaker 1: first second third, and do you understand that I'm going

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Speaker 1: to be pretty much out of commission for the next year.

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Speaker 1: Are you able to handle that? Are you willing to

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Speaker 1: deal with that without making me feel bad? Without huffing

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Speaker 1: and puffing around here, without having your mail down every

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks, Like, is that something that you're gonna

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Speaker 1: be able to deal with? Because if you don't feel

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Speaker 1: like that's something you can deal with, we might as

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Speaker 1: well scratch that because I don't feel like investing a

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Speaker 1: year of my life into that. That's a fair that's

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Speaker 1: a fair feeling. And I think that a lot of

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Speaker 1: people don't express that that is a concern, But that

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Speaker 1: is a concern, and as a woman, that was a

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Speaker 1: concern for you, that's unfair, and you've expressed that to

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Speaker 1: me and for you, you've expressed that to me, and

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Speaker 1: I've tried my hardest to be cognizant of that, and

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Speaker 1: you have. But that's initially what we had to talk about.

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Speaker 1: But that's but those are the feelings that I want

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Speaker 1: to hear. I want to hear I'm about to get pregnant.

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Speaker 1: What is my conception? Okay, Well, in the beginning, you'd

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Speaker 1: ask you about what other people would have thought if

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Speaker 1: I was spoken to speak what were you What are

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Speaker 1: you afraid to say that? You fear you're going to

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Speaker 1: get judged from other people about? So? Yeah, so what

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Speaker 1: were you afraid that was? That was on? So you're

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Speaker 1: afraid you're afraid to say that publicly because most women

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Speaker 1: don't want to get judgment or be judgment And if

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Speaker 1: I do say that, allowed you know, and I'd say

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Speaker 1: I was to create a post about it and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, my hus wants to get pregnant again, but

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Speaker 1: that means I'm out of commission for a year. Blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah. Like I just expressed, then, I know of course,

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Speaker 1: the backlash will be, well, that's what he wanted, he

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Speaker 1: wants another child. Da da, Men are so immature, this

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Speaker 1: that the third or you get the adverse side of it,

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Speaker 1: where it's just like, well, since that comes with the territory,

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Speaker 1: this is what you wanted, this is what you asked for,

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Speaker 1: So all of that comes along with me expressing something

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Speaker 1: like that. So yes, in a safe space like this,

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Speaker 1: I would be like, yeah, that's something that was a

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Speaker 1: genuine concern for me. Because if I didn't care about

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Speaker 1: you and how you might have felt, or or your

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Speaker 1: our sex life or anything like that, then I could

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Speaker 1: have been like, all right, well I'm gonna just have

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Speaker 1: this baby and dads don't have to deal with it

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Speaker 1: because he knows what it is. But I felt it

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Speaker 1: was worth a discussion for us to have ahead of

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Speaker 1: time so we can both be prepared or for what

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Speaker 1: was about to happen. So that's one thing that I

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Speaker 1: think was Um, it was definitely paramount and had to

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Speaker 1: be had. UM. I was actually speaking with a friend

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Speaker 1: recently and she was talking about, you know, she just

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Speaker 1: had her second child recently, and she's just kind of like,

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Speaker 1: I had no idea that this was going to be motherhood,

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Speaker 1: and of course sometimes you have to preface it with

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Speaker 1: I love my children, because we know you don't say that,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's a parent it's understood, but we're

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Speaker 1: talking about like general public people. Um, I love my children. However,

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Speaker 1: if I knew everything that went into motherhood, I really

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Speaker 1: would have second guest if I even wanted to be

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Speaker 1: a mother to begin with. And I think that's a

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Speaker 1: fear assessment. That's a fear too and early ye, a

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Speaker 1: lot of stress, um, a lot of change, you know,

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Speaker 1: for herself, She's like, you know, I love me and

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Speaker 1: I love who I was pre children, and I just

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Speaker 1: feel like there's no foreseeable me in sight. And that

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Speaker 1: conversation then kind of spiraled into me telling her like says,

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Speaker 1: aid's gonna get better, it's gonna get easier. Um, knowing

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Speaker 1: now that she's done having children and her two can

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Speaker 1: grow together and she's completely done, what is it that

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Speaker 1: you need you need to keep yourself saying in this moment.

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Speaker 1: So we talked about her having time with her husband,

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Speaker 1: so if it meant that they had little weekend getaways

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Speaker 1: or her doing the things that she used to do

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Speaker 1: pre babies. But I think it's one of those things

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Speaker 1: that as a mom, you still feel that level of

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Speaker 1: guilt because she feel like, if you leave your children

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Speaker 1: for an extended period of time, that you know, no

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Speaker 1: one's going to take care of your child as well

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Speaker 1: as you can, even if you have family members or

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Speaker 1: if you have hired help. So I thought it was fair.

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Speaker 1: And she said that that's something she feels that she

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Speaker 1: can't say to just anyone. She can't say that publicly

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Speaker 1: because she feels that people will judge her for that

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Speaker 1: um And she kind of confided in me in that moment,

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Speaker 1: and she was just like, man, I can't understand, or like,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't fathom having four children, you know, much less

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Speaker 1: the two that I have. She's like, I do have

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Speaker 1: moments where I'm just like, man, had I known that

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Speaker 1: this is what motherhood was going to look like and

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Speaker 1: I had to sacrifice so much of myself, I would

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Speaker 1: have really like thought about when I was going to

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Speaker 1: have children, If I was going to have children, how

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Speaker 1: many years in between these children? Would my one child,

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Speaker 1: my oldest be the only child? And I thought those

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Speaker 1: were all fair questions. So I was happy that she

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Speaker 1: was able to speak with me. About it. But you know,

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Speaker 1: you can't necessarily just like have a whole discussion about

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Speaker 1: that without people saying, well, this is what she wanted.

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Speaker 1: These are one of the things you can't prepare for.

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Speaker 1: You literally cannot prepare for. No matter how much advice

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Speaker 1: you get, unsolicited or solicited. Um, you're always going to

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Speaker 1: have your own experience. And UM, I think that's something

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Speaker 1: that I think it's fair for mothers and fathers to

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Speaker 1: to deal with. You know, yeah, I feel like, um,

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Speaker 1: from my father's side, your our concern is being taken

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Speaker 1: for granted, and it being acceptable to be taken for

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Speaker 1: granted for ten months to a year because your wife

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Speaker 1: is pregnant. Because now it's like a lot of men

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Speaker 1: feel like, and I felt this at times too, that

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Speaker 1: once a woman or once you get pregnant, now it's

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Speaker 1: okay to say, well, I'm not doing that because I'm pregnant,

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Speaker 1: knowing that I'm going to say okay, to the point

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Speaker 1: where now it's just like, you know, I can just

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Speaker 1: disregard devours, feelings, his emotions, his wants, his needs. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, because for me, I'm thinking in the grand

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Speaker 1: scheme of things, ten months to a year, how long

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Speaker 1: is that in a relationship or you know the span

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Speaker 1: of time, so how much of that is? How much

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Speaker 1: of that My question to you is is is it

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Speaker 1: just kind of like I don't want to say bitching

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Speaker 1: and on it, but is it just you guys like

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Speaker 1: not being able to sacrifice a year of life and

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Speaker 1: say this is where I might have to ben? I think,

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Speaker 1: I think. I think what it comes from is everything

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Speaker 1: in marriage is predicated around a woman. We have to

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Speaker 1: propose and get you to ring you want. We have

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Speaker 1: to get married and do things the way you want.

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Speaker 1: So everything is based on what a woman wants and

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Speaker 1: a woman needs, and anytime a man says what he

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Speaker 1: wants or needs, it's considered bitching and moaning. So women

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Speaker 1: get to say what they want and need all the

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Speaker 1: time and we have to adhere to it as husbands.

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Speaker 1: But if I say what I want and need, then

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Speaker 1: I'm being sensitive emotional and like you just said, bitching

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Speaker 1: and moaning. So now that you're pregnant as to another level,

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Speaker 1: because my wife is pregnant, so it's already in marriage

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Speaker 1: that if I say what I want or need is

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Speaker 1: bitching and moaning. But now if I say it while

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Speaker 1: you're pregnant. During that ten months to a year, it's heightened.

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Speaker 1: So for a month in a year, I it's even

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Speaker 1: worse than what it was when I was married. And

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Speaker 1: that's the concern. And is it a fear that it

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Speaker 1: won't return to normal or is it that you just

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Speaker 1: don't want to sacrifice that ten months to a year

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Speaker 1: of life. No, it's it's a fear that part of

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Speaker 1: it is a fear that it won't return to normal,

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Speaker 1: because nothing goes back to normal once you have a baby.

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Speaker 1: So it's like at first, it's like, I can't do

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Speaker 1: that because I'm pregnant. Okay, Now I can't do that

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Speaker 1: because I just had a baby. Oh I can't do

352
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Speaker 1: that because I'm nursing. Oh I can't do that because

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Speaker 1: the baby's crying. So the fear is is like wherever

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Speaker 1: I was on the totem pole of an importance for you,

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Speaker 1: I don't exist there anymore. You see what I'm saying,

356
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 1: And especially during pregnancy, it's you. You. Your concern is

357
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,000
Speaker 1: you really don't want to upset your wife, so you

358
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:15,000
Speaker 1: get so accustomed to saying okay that she becomes accustomed

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Speaker 1: to hearing okay. That the one time, I don't say, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's a problem. And that's been that's been the way

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Speaker 1: it's it's been for for us over the years, and

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Speaker 1: I mean it's still that way today. I still chalk

363
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Speaker 1: it up to you know, emotions at times, but also

364
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,400
Speaker 1: us having different wants and different needs, and also us

365
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Speaker 1: not being able to be who we want to be

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Speaker 1: for each other in those moments, of course, because physiologically

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Speaker 1: you can't. So maturity comes with understanding that. But that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that it's not a fear. You understand it.

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Speaker 1: And that's how people ask me all the time, how

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Speaker 1: are you able to just still be so happy and

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Speaker 1: excited and do this stuff for your wife's because you

372
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Speaker 1: understand it, not that you don't, not that you you

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Speaker 1: don't you know, it doesn't happen or you don't have

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00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,280
Speaker 1: those feelings, but you understand where it's coming from. If

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Speaker 1: you really understand, then when a woman goes through through pregnancy,

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Speaker 1: you do understand that those changes can can create these

377
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Speaker 1: you know, these different gaps and fractures in the relationship

378
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,080
Speaker 1: during that time. But I know that if I put

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00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:13,480
Speaker 1: the work in, I can men those. So what I

380
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:17,480
Speaker 1: stopped doing was I stopped just being upset and fearful

381
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:19,560
Speaker 1: and wishing that it got better, and just try to

382
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 1: start putting the work in to make it better. But

383
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,119
Speaker 1: that doesn't change the fact that as a man, you

384
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Speaker 1: feel like that. And men don't say that to other

385
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Speaker 1: men because they feel like bitch is bitching and moaning

386
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,840
Speaker 1: or they feel like they if they say it makes

387
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,240
Speaker 1: them sound weak or sensitive. But a lot of men

388
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 1: have expressed to me and you know, in silence, or

389
00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:39,600
Speaker 1: my friends have said to me and I know I

390
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,320
Speaker 1: felt that way, that that you feel that way, and

391
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,960
Speaker 1: you tell I gotta tell you something like it's okay

392
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,040
Speaker 1: to feel that way like because a lot of times

393
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 1: husbands do feel taken for granted like you. You guys

394
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,760
Speaker 1: don't realize it because you're the pregnant when you're the

395
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,159
Speaker 1: one being catered to for a year. But could you

396
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 1: imagine it for a whole year nobody was concerned about

397
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,639
Speaker 1: you at all, and everything you asked for or mentioned

398
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,439
Speaker 1: was said of bitching and moaning while you're catering to

399
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 1: someone else for a whole year. Could you imagine doing that?

400
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,480
Speaker 1: I would feel it would feel like the Yeah, it

401
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,280
Speaker 1: could definitely feel lonely. Um but I feel like also

402
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 1: that you like having those spaces where you, for example,

403
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,480
Speaker 1: can speak to some of your guy friends who I

404
00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:20,200
Speaker 1: know have confided in you recently. I think there's also

405
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,879
Speaker 1: a safe space within people who have experienced the same things.

406
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 1: You know, So when you're talking to your guy group

407
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,720
Speaker 1: of friends who are either becoming first time fathers or

408
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,680
Speaker 1: who have had multiple children, there's like a camaraderie there.

409
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 1: The same way, I feel more comfortable, if anything, speaking

410
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:37,159
Speaker 1: with another woman who is persolutely you know, because at

411
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,560
Speaker 1: that point in time now we have stories that we

412
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 1: can compare. People's experiences are different, and I feel like

413
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 1: when it comes to guys, um feeling like they have

414
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 1: to always just kind of take the back seat and

415
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,439
Speaker 1: take the back seat. Um. I think it's easier to

416
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 1: say as a woman, like it's just you know, ten

417
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,080
Speaker 1: months to a year, but that nothing really does your

418
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,360
Speaker 1: right go back to normal after that. So it had

419
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,879
Speaker 1: me thinking of out but also hold on, could you

420
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,440
Speaker 1: imagine if I said that to you in response, if

421
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,200
Speaker 1: you said to me, stop bitching him only it's only

422
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 1: ten months or a a year, and I said, well, it

423
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 1: stop beating the moment about pregnancy. It's only ten months

424
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,680
Speaker 1: to a year, Like, you can't say that to someone,

425
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,439
Speaker 1: you don't. No one wants to receive that. So saying

426
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 1: that to someone, if you think about it's funked up

427
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,399
Speaker 1: because no one wants to have to receive that. But

428
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,520
Speaker 1: and and the term happy wife, happy life exists for

429
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 1: a reason because it's been it's been written or it's

430
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 1: an unwritten rule that as men you have to suffer

431
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 1: in silence so that your wife can be, you know,

432
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 1: in in peace. That's daunting for a man. And how

433
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 1: would those couples know if we don't express these things openly,

434
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 1: how would they know that it's been canceled? Happy wife,

435
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: happy life. It's never gonna be canceled. I'm surprised that

436
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 1: because people be ready to cancel everything. So it won't

437
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 1: cancel that. I know that. You know why they won't

438
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,359
Speaker 1: cancel that because men be canceling stuff. It depends on

439
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,239
Speaker 1: who's doing it canceling. Don't be canceling stuff. Men just

440
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 1: be like whatever. You know. So, with each pregnancy, do

441
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:06,160
Speaker 1: you think it's changed? Absolutely, because I mean I think

442
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,919
Speaker 1: things have gotten better, at least for us when it

443
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 1: comes to having to deal with pregnancy and then coexisting

444
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 1: as parents, as spouses. I think I think no, I

445
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 1: think it's said no, but it's what you said. You said.

446
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 1: When you get into a circle where people have similar experiences,

447
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: you feel comfortable expressing to realize you're not alone. Right,

448
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 1: So for me, saying these things on the podcast are

449
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: important because people can then hear someone else say it

450
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:40,640
Speaker 1: and then realize that they're not alone. You know, see

451
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So so you don't know that you're

452
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,119
Speaker 1: not alone until someone says it. Then someone says it

453
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 1: and be like, oh ship, I feel that way too.

454
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,360
Speaker 1: And this is a large, a large part of why

455
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,040
Speaker 1: I like having these testimonies because when men expressed to

456
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,679
Speaker 1: me like man, my wife ain't doing this, so my

457
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,320
Speaker 1: wife ain't doing that, or I feel like this, and

458
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: I go, bro, I've in there before. Then you get

459
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 1: what you mean. Just looks so happy all the time.

460
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, you see us in our happy moments,

461
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean we don't go through things and

462
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,639
Speaker 1: feel things, which means if you feel this way, that

463
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 1: don't mean that you can't be happy in your marriage.

464
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,879
Speaker 1: That just means you have to take these feelings and

465
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: express it to your spouse so that she can learn

466
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: how to process it and say, and I think the

467
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 1: biggest changes that we've had these conversations before we've and

468
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 1: it's important for people to know. Before we had four

469
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 1: um Kadina and I had a conversation. She said, what

470
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,640
Speaker 1: about we actually just started getting our sex life back.

471
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 1: You do know that once I get pregnant, stuff is

472
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,320
Speaker 1: gonna change at least for a year. And I said, yo,

473
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: I got you, I get it. I understand. So once

474
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 1: we had that conversation, it was like, fine, Conde knew.

475
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 1: I understood. I understand that she understood. And that's why

476
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 1: we told the story in an episode one about us

477
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 1: constantly trying to serve each other because neither one of

478
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 1: us want to exist in that stigma. I'm not gonna

479
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 1: ever fall back and just like all my wife's being

480
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,120
Speaker 1: a bitch, I ain't do nothing about. I don't care,

481
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: and you're never going to fit back and be like, oh,

482
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 1: my husband's bitching about something, I don't care. We constantly

483
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: work on it, and I think people need to understand

484
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: your frustrations you have with pregnancy are normal. As much

485
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,239
Speaker 1: as we love our kids. So honestly, I feel like

486
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,640
Speaker 1: even though we've had those discussions ahead of time were

487
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,720
Speaker 1: develop this is you know what's going to happen. It's

488
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: easier to agree to that prior to than when you're

489
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 1: actually in the moment, because you've had moments even in

490
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,959
Speaker 1: my first trymester, where you were like, well I just

491
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,480
Speaker 1: need this or I just need that, and I'm just like, bro,

492
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,119
Speaker 1: you know what you're signed up for. So why are

493
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: we even having these discussions? And there is no way

494
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,479
Speaker 1: around that. But that's why we have the discussions because

495
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:42,760
Speaker 1: when I said we have a discussion, that we said

496
00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,360
Speaker 1: we understand that doesn't absolve you of all of your

497
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: responsibilities the same way it never like I never get

498
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: a chance to be absolved with all my responsibilities. I

499
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 1: don't think it's looking for a way to be absolved

500
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,399
Speaker 1: of it. But it's like, we know what's not going

501
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 1: to happen in the frequency that you wanted, for example,

502
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,439
Speaker 1: So why are we having this discussion Because I have

503
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 1: to tell you when I feel like it's I understand

504
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,920
Speaker 1: where you're coming from, but it's still been like really

505
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 1: really long. It's like if we have this conversation and

506
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: we say, let me know when it's gone gone too

507
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:15,359
Speaker 1: long or it's been too far. You can't tell me

508
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 1: to let you know because we're supposed to communicate. But

509
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 1: then when I communicate, you get pissed. And that's the

510
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 1: part that as a husband, I feel like gets lost

511
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: in translation. Women say all the time, I just wish

512
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: my husband would communicate, but then when I try to

513
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 1: communicate you the things I may want or need, you

514
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 1: get pissed and say it's bitching and moaning. So then

515
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 1: you don't want me to communicate. You don't want to

516
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,320
Speaker 1: hear what I need, because if I tell you what

517
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,479
Speaker 1: I need or I want, I'm bitching and moaning. So

518
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,919
Speaker 1: then if I if I cut back and I say quiet,

519
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,399
Speaker 1: then it's, oh, my husband doesn't communicate. You see what

520
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying, right, Yeah, And I'm not I'm not asked.

521
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 1: I'm kind of paying Devil's out here. I'm not asking no,

522
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:48,120
Speaker 1: but I'm just I'm just saying, communicate that. But it's

523
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 1: just sometimes something that crossed my mind sometimes and I'm

524
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 1: just like, but we had a discussion about what this

525
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: is going to look like, and if I'm having a

526
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 1: bad day or I'm having a bad week or whatever,

527
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily want to hear about it, But at

528
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 1: the same breath, I do feel like you need a

529
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 1: space to speak to me exactly, And I think that's

530
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,199
Speaker 1: what people don't understand, and sometimes I think that's what

531
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 1: pregnant women don't understand. Right you you say you want communication,

532
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: I hold off a lot of times when I want

533
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 1: to communicate. I literally wait until I'm like, okay, it's

534
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: going on long enough. For example, we're working out, you're

535
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: supposed to walk twenty minutes. I didn't say nothing the

536
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: first two days you miss, or the third of the fourth,

537
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,480
Speaker 1: but now it's a week. And then finally I say

538
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 1: something because it's been a whole week and now you

539
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,119
Speaker 1: got an attitude, And I said, well, how long was

540
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 1: I supposed to wait before you do something that you

541
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,920
Speaker 1: said you were going to do? You see what I'm saying.

542
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,400
Speaker 1: So it is rather than you being accountable to say

543
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: then I did say I was gonna walk every day,

544
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: but it's been a week. Your thing is I don't

545
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: want to hear it. And as husband, it's like I

546
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: don't want to have to accept I don't want to

547
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,560
Speaker 1: hear it when we've agreed to communicate. If we agreed

548
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,720
Speaker 1: to communicate, don't tell me you don't want to hear it,

549
00:25:55,760 --> 00:26:00,800
Speaker 1: and emotions too, because accountability, if a acountability was a

550
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 1: person to be devout, holding everybody accountable for everything they

551
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: say they want. That's the only way I know how

552
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: to live to which is great because of that as

553
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: a testimony to why you are a successful and we

554
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: are as successful as we right, So I completely get that.

555
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: But Devo, sometimes when you're pregnant, you just don't want

556
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 1: to hear it. And I think you know, and I

557
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: think that's important, just no other way around it. But

558
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:26,200
Speaker 1: but I think that's important for both women and men

559
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 1: to hear as much as people communicate. When you're pregnant,

560
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just not gonna want to hear it. And

561
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 1: that's okay. And as a man, because think about it,

562
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: we've had discussions, right, but how many arguments or screaming

563
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:41,280
Speaker 1: matches have we had? No? Those have? Those have drastically

564
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 1: decreased for us, especially when you're pregnant. I'm not going

565
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 1: to argue with you or screaming yell. I'm gonna let

566
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 1: you know how I feel. I'm gonna let you receive

567
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,159
Speaker 1: in process at how you want. But I'm gonna let

568
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: it go from there, And that's one thing if I

569
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: had to give a tool to too young men or

570
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: men who don't know what it is like to be

571
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,959
Speaker 1: married to a pregnant woman or deal with pregnancy. You

572
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:06,800
Speaker 1: have every right to continue to communicate, but you have

573
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: to let her process and receive it the way she wants.

574
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 1: If she's gonna scream and yell and storm off and

575
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,400
Speaker 1: get an attitude. In the past, I would have followed

576
00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 1: you screamed and yelled, but now I'm like, she's pregnant.

577
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna let her screaming,

578
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: yelling get it out because most of that is emotional

579
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 1: response because you haven't typically responded like that when you

580
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 1: aren't pregnant, so I know what it is. But that

581
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: also doesn't change the fact that as a man, sometimes

582
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 1: you just like, how many times am I gonna let

583
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 1: her scream and yell and walk off? And I have

584
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,320
Speaker 1: to hold it in? You know what I'm saying, And

585
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't buy any means want to use

586
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,520
Speaker 1: pregnancy as a crutch, either to then just be a

587
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: tyrant or to be you know what I mean, disrespectful

588
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:53,760
Speaker 1: sometimes sometimes hit you. I gonna blame nobody, but it

589
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 1: ain't it ain't me. No, But but I do think

590
00:27:56,680 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 1: like having this conversation and hearing people hear us how

591
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 1: we feel about stuff, because people will watch me on

592
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 1: social media. But man, he just loves Codeine when she's

593
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 1: pregnant and they're just always happy together. And some dudes

594
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,199
Speaker 1: may feel like, damn, I don't always feel that way

595
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,399
Speaker 1: about my pregnant wife. So it's something wrong with my

596
00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 1: wife or something wrong with me. And I'm here to

597
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 1: tell you, no, no, no, it's not nothing wrong with

598
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 1: you or nothing wrong with her. Me and Condina so

599
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 1: many days and here we look at each other and

600
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:25,400
Speaker 1: we'll be like yeah, and we make choices not to

601
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,719
Speaker 1: become Badily make those choices. And like I said, sometimes

602
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 1: I just want to be alone in that moment because

603
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 1: I feel like I can feel when my energy is

604
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 1: off or I just want to be left alone, so

605
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: I'll go and be by myself, and then Devout because

606
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 1: he misses me, will come looking for me. Devout, if

607
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: you miss me, just say you missed me, and then

608
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,920
Speaker 1: let it just be. Let's just have those just tell

609
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 1: me you want me close, and then we can alleviate

610
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: some of the issues that way too. I do, but

611
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 1: but also I'm trying to allow you to have space.

612
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: It's a lot of hoop jumping. We talked about this

613
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 1: in an early episode. We as men have to do

614
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: a lot of hoop up, and you'll always set these

615
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,040
Speaker 1: rules that just let me do this, just let me

616
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 1: do that, and every time we try to do it,

617
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 1: y'all move the go post. It is frustrating. It is frustrating,

618
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: and I know it has to be frustrating for y'all

619
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: because on this side, right we have a whole another

620
00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 1: set of frustations, And that's what I want to I

621
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: want to hear some of those frustrations because I know

622
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 1: you also had frustrations about you said, the sex thing,

623
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: frustrations about not feeling like you can mom the way

624
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 1: you wanted to mom. You feel like you you'd be

625
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,640
Speaker 1: so out of it that you feel like you're lacking

626
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: as a mom. So so far, you said you feel

627
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,760
Speaker 1: like you lack as a wife in the sex department,

628
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 1: you lack as a mom. What other way do you

629
00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: feel like you have a lack in your career because

630
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 1: you'd be too exhausted. But yeah, like I said in

631
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,920
Speaker 1: the beginning, you know, people thinking like, Okay, nine is

632
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,560
Speaker 1: of a certain age now, so we figured she's done

633
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,080
Speaker 1: with the baby thing, like, is she gonna want to

634
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: do this for her career. I think what the pandemic,

635
00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: for example, has showed me is that a couple of things,

636
00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: one being the value in my family life and loving

637
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 1: the fact that I actually had my children home with

638
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,600
Speaker 1: me all the time. I was actually a fan of

639
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 1: virtual learning because I'm like, I love to know that

640
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: my children are in the house with me and that

641
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 1: we are spending time together. So I loved that portion

642
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:08,800
Speaker 1: of it. Also to it taught me that I can

643
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 1: work from home and there are certain flexibilities that I

644
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,880
Speaker 1: didn't think I could have been afforded before that I

645
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 1: have now working from home. And I realized too that

646
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 1: there's still a lot of life left to be lived

647
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: when it comes to my career, that there's not necessarily

648
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: this timeline that I've had that we all have subscribed

649
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: to that we spoke about in the past, timeline of

650
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: being married and having kids and what age we're doing

651
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:32,160
Speaker 1: what by um, I feel like that's now further extended.

652
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 1: So that being said, I felt that in the beginning

653
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 1: mainly because backlash. I thought I was probably gonna get

654
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 1: from my family, thinking to myself like, okaday, I thought

655
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:43,280
Speaker 1: you were going to get yourself back in shape, so

656
00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: you can be on camera again and you can host,

657
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:47,160
Speaker 1: and you can third and I'm just like it. But

658
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 1: I could host pregnant. I can host after ten months

659
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:53,280
Speaker 1: to a year realistically, in the span of life that

660
00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 1: we're thinking, you know, I think you'll get back so

661
00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: that your perspective on that has changed. Whereas before felt

662
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: like oh ten years in eternity, now you feel like

663
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 1: right because you feel like you start to catch some

664
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: traction with whatever you know career move that I'm making,

665
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 1: and then it's like, oh, you gotta stop and take

666
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: ten months office. Oh you know, you may be forgotten

667
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 1: in that ten months because you know, but no, now,

668
00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,840
Speaker 1: doing the things that we do on social media, people

669
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: can be along on this journey with me. So it's

670
00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 1: not that fair of being forgotten or being out of

671
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:26,040
Speaker 1: the spotlight for whatever, you know job it maybe that

672
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: if anything, people following this journey with us brings a

673
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,479
Speaker 1: humanness to me. And then they say, oh, shoot, now

674
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: she's had the baby. I wonder if she's back to

675
00:31:33,280 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 1: work again. You know, so for me, I don't see

676
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: it as necessarily a crutch. And it may not be

677
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: that way for everyone's career, but for me and the

678
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: things that I want to do, I think that what's

679
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 1: of paramount importance to me first office, family, and I

680
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 1: feel like work can find its way around it. So

681
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: that's how I I was able to kind of reconcile

682
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: with that. Yeah, for myself, one thing I want. The

683
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 1: biggest thing I have to say that I hate about

684
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:06,960
Speaker 1: pregnancy is I miss our companionship. Like like you be,

685
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: you become used to someone existing a certain way, and

686
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 1: then once your wife becomes pregnant, they have to become

687
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: a whole different person. You know. The things that we

688
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 1: used to do together to have fun, we can't do,

689
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: you know, um, And as you change, I do miss that.

690
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 1: And what happens is you don't feel comfortable saying that

691
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 1: I missed the way you were because you don't want

692
00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: your wife to feel like, oh man, I'm not who

693
00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 1: he was anymore. So there's gonna be love laws or

694
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 1: you don't want your wife to feel guilty. But as

695
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: as a husband, I do miss that, And I'm okay

696
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:42,720
Speaker 1: now because I know we're so much stronger than when

697
00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 1: we were younger. I do feel comfortable saying like Kadeen

698
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,880
Speaker 1: when she's not pregnant is a completely different person than

699
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 1: when she is pregnant. And I can appreciate pregnant Cadein

700
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 1: because of course she's the best of life for our kids,

701
00:32:55,640 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 1: but I miss not pregnant Cadein. The non pregnant Kadeen

702
00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:04,600
Speaker 1: is no knock on. Pregnant Code is so much more

703
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: fun because, you know, turning my brother and my sister,

704
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 1: they're like, do you know Code? I know? That's that

705
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,240
Speaker 1: and that's the that's like the like the best part

706
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 1: is like, yeah, you we drink together, we smoke together,

707
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 1: we watched movies together, we stay up late, we play cards,

708
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 1: like all of those things that we can't do, you

709
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying because you physically can't, Like it

710
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 1: will be at eight o'clock and I was like, yore,

711
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: you ready to watch this thing? And like yeah, and

712
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 1: then obviously, oh you think about it. We just bought

713
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,760
Speaker 1: this home and we're here and I literally got pregnant

714
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,560
Speaker 1: within like a week or two of moving in, so

715
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 1: we haven't had to get a chance to enjoy this

716
00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: house or you know, family vacation in a rubo with

717
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 1: the kids like that. You know, I couldn't jump off

718
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 1: the boat like you and Jackson and do all the

719
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: things that I wanted to do. So and the funny

720
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: thing is you to hold Josh. Oh. The funny thing

721
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,640
Speaker 1: is is that I think when men always think that

722
00:34:01,680 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: the thing will miss the most is just, oh, I

723
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,080
Speaker 1: don't get sex when I want. But the truth of

724
00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 1: the matter is when you're married, you don't get sex

725
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:12,640
Speaker 1: when you want. Anyway. The thing I really miss the

726
00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 1: most is like my friend. You know what I'm saying,

727
00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: Like like even simple things like jokes that we have

728
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,919
Speaker 1: now because of the way you feel if I say

729
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:24,719
Speaker 1: certain jokes, they don't be funny to you. Yeah, if

730
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: I say if I say something that, if I say

731
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: some things, you'll be like hyper emotional, you'll cry something

732
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: like that. I mean, I gotta walk on eggshells to

733
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:35,319
Speaker 1: make sure that you're good. And I miss being able

734
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 1: to be loose devour that can just be with my

735
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: best friend. You know what I'm saying. And as a husband,

736
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,319
Speaker 1: you don't want to say that, and you don't want

737
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 1: to say that to other people because then you sound selfish.

738
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: But the truth is if you still feel that way,

739
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 1: you're not saying it doesn't change the fact that you

740
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: still feel that way. You know what I'm saying, And

741
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,600
Speaker 1: I want this to be a safe space for you

742
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: and for me to be able to express that so

743
00:34:57,520 --> 00:35:00,239
Speaker 1: people who may be feeling the same thing. Because is

744
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 1: one of my close friends. The first thing he said

745
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 1: to me was, YO, Bro, ain't gonna lie to you.

746
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 1: I missed my wife. I can't wait till this pregnancy

747
00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 1: ship over so we can get back to being us.

748
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 1: And said, bro, you do realize she got a breastfeed

749
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 1: she's gonna you know, she have to nurse that baby

750
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: for six months. And he was like, damn, I don't

751
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: even think about that good looking at yo, I was like,

752
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: And I was like, yo, because if you if you

753
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: don't hear it, you feel like you feel like you're

754
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: not prepared for it, and then you feel like, oh ship.

755
00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 1: When this happened, I'm caught off guard. But I was like, bro,

756
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 1: you're missing your wife. That's a good thing. It'd be

757
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,880
Speaker 1: a problem if you didn't miss your wife, because if

758
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: your wife is pregnant. With my consolation, I always say that,

759
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I know you missed me. I missed

760
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 1: you too, and we've said that too off podcast and camera,

761
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:44,319
Speaker 1: like I know that you missed me and I missed

762
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 1: you too, and it's change gonna come and I'm not

763
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: I'm not concerned with that. Like younger Devout who didn't

764
00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: know that it was get back, was concerned. But Devout

765
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 1: now that's why I'm able to smile and be in

766
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,239
Speaker 1: a good place one because I choose to be in

767
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: a good place. Plus I wanted to have another child.

768
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:06,839
Speaker 1: So when you know that this is a decision you made,

769
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,760
Speaker 1: it's difficult to want that and then put the load

770
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,879
Speaker 1: on your wife to be like I wanted this, make

771
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 1: it work. So a lot of it comes with being

772
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: in a position to say this is what I wanted,

773
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 1: so let's do it. You know what I'm saying, to

774
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 1: do it. But it's the last time. We're not doing

775
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 1: anything no more. No, it's a roller coast. I want

776
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,760
Speaker 1: to actually get on a roller coast, like a physical,

777
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 1: actual roller coaster. I don't want to be it's been

778
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: it's been a year that we haven't, you know, since

779
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 1: the miscarriage and then us going to get painting again

780
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: and it makeing sure everything was good. It's been a

781
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:46,360
Speaker 1: year since you've been normal codeem so we said, got

782
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: a little ways to go. So you're tugging it out.

783
00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 1: Though you're tugging it out, you're thugging it out to

784
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:55,840
Speaker 1: you thugging it out to all Right, y'all, let's go

785
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 1: take a little break and we will be back with

786
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:10,760
Speaker 1: my favorite listener letters. All right, we're back with listening letters.

787
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 1: Before we start, I gotta say, the episodes that we

788
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: do about accountability for ourselves and each other seemed to

789
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 1: be the episodes that resonate the most with people, And

790
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:25,400
Speaker 1: a lot of times I hear people say that was

791
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,440
Speaker 1: hard for me to listen because I heard myself. But

792
00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 1: then it makes you feel like Dan's I guess that's

793
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,600
Speaker 1: what it is, you know, And it's like therapy, like

794
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 1: we get to talk about it. We get to talk

795
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,080
Speaker 1: it out loud, so we get to hear each other first.

796
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: So before we get to listen to letters, I want

797
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: to thank you all for being a sounding board for

798
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:48,600
Speaker 1: us because we get to talk and you'll, you guys, listen. Motivation. Yeah,

799
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: sometimes a lot of these topics to spiral out of

800
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 1: things that we've heard from you all. A's feedback right

801
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:57,240
Speaker 1: absolutely absolutely comments and conversations and stuff like that happened.

802
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:01,480
Speaker 1: So we love you'all, like from real for yeah, this

803
00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 1: one says, first of all, I love y'all. See, we

804
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: were just having a whole love session. Love y'all back. Um, Okay,

805
00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: let's get into it. My boyfriend and I have been

806
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,560
Speaker 1: together for almost two years. In October last year, we

807
00:38:11,600 --> 00:38:14,840
Speaker 1: got pregnant. We already have a child. We weren't trying

808
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: and found only found out that I was pregnant because

809
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:22,400
Speaker 1: I had several health challenges or severe health challenges actually,

810
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 1: and had to be taken to the hospital immediately. I

811
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: made the choice not to keep it number one because

812
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,640
Speaker 1: I never wanted kids, but caved with my daughter. And

813
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: two because I was bedridden, severe nausea, temporary memory loss,

814
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:41,600
Speaker 1: and excruciating migraines. I didn't think I could make it

815
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 1: to term with all the pain I was in. We've

816
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,799
Speaker 1: dealt with that, but I've expressed to him that I

817
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,399
Speaker 1: do not want anymore and he said that he would

818
00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 1: be okay with that, but always makes jokes about twin

819
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:56,960
Speaker 1: boys that we're going to have, saying he's keeping hope alive.

820
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 1: But there's no hope left. I don't want anymore because pregnancy,

821
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,320
Speaker 1: what pregnancy does to me. I was also super nauseous

822
00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 1: with my daughter. I'm convinced that my body will react

823
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:11,319
Speaker 1: the same way with another pregnancy and immediately gives me

824
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: PDS PTSD feelings just thinking about conceiving again. Also, I

825
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: raised my daughter alone because her dad. Because her dad

826
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 1: and I okay missing I lived in different countries, so

827
00:39:24,719 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 1: my frame for reference for raising a child is that

828
00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: of a single parent. Even though I did have help

829
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 1: from my family, I almost can't imagine having a partner,

830
00:39:32,440 --> 00:39:35,359
Speaker 1: even though I'm confident that he will do everything he

831
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:37,720
Speaker 1: can to take care of us. It's hurting me because

832
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:43,239
Speaker 1: I want very much too. Sorry, I want to be

833
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,920
Speaker 1: able to have a child. I just don't want to

834
00:39:44,960 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 1: carry it. Do you think we'll make it any tips

835
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 1: on how to keep the conversation going until I make

836
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,480
Speaker 1: a final decision, or do we just leave it alone?

837
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: And I just hope that he's really okay with having

838
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 1: my daughter and treating her like his own m hmm.

839
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:03,080
Speaker 1: For of all, I applaud her honesty about saying that

840
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 1: she's the fear she has of dealing with all the

841
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: things from pregnancy because a lot of women are afraid

842
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 1: to speak on it because they, like we talked about,

843
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,759
Speaker 1: don't want to be judged by other women for what

844
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,479
Speaker 1: they fear or what they're going through. So the fact

845
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 1: that she's expressed that to him, I applaud her honesty.

846
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:23,360
Speaker 1: Um Ultimately, after watching Codein go through pregnancy with Jackson

847
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 1: and having having to have emergency UH surgery right after

848
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 1: almost needing a blood transfusion, I honestly believe that it

849
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: is a woman's choice to decide whether she wants to

850
00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: carry a baby or not. We don't go through any

851
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 1: of the physical challenges. And you made a joke earlier.

852
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: It was like, you know, every time we are pregnancy

853
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,280
Speaker 1: is like a near death experience, and you were joking,

854
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 1: But seriously, it's not, you know what I'm saying. So

855
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: if she's adamant about not having another child and he

856
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: loves her, I'm pretty sure he would be okay with it.

857
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: But he has to decide does he have a love

858
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,120
Speaker 1: a greater love for her or greater love for having children.

859
00:40:56,640 --> 00:40:58,680
Speaker 1: And if he decides that he wants to have more

860
00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 1: children he's well with then his right to make a

861
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: decision and move forward accordingly. Right, So that's that's my

862
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 1: thoughts on it, right, And then too, I don't know

863
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: if she's specified in here, did she that does he

864
00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 1: have any children already? He doesn't have any children. They

865
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:13,600
Speaker 1: have one daughter. She has one daughter, and yes, um, yeah,

866
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 1: And I think it's the thing where I wouldn't I

867
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: would would not want to hold someone back if that's

868
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 1: what you want, if they have the dreams of having

869
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: the twin boys or just having children in general. I

870
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 1: think that's one of the first conversations you should have

871
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 1: with somebody. Yeah, absolutely know, even just dating or deciding

872
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 1: to be in a long term relationship, that you know,

873
00:41:30,360 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: what are the intentions when it comes to having children

874
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 1: or not, because you don't want to rob him of that,

875
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 1: you know. And if this is something that you're adamant

876
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 1: about and you just don't want to, um put yourself

877
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:42,920
Speaker 1: through that again because it seems like she had a

878
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: really rough pregnancy with her daughter. Um, you may have

879
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,360
Speaker 1: to decide about this, this is something you want to

880
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 1: do or you want to go separate ways so he

881
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: can ultimately fulfill that dream for himself, because it's right.

882
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 1: But I think he as the man in the relationship

883
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: has to do his due diligence and his research about

884
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: what women go through and pregnancy to understand what asking

885
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 1: a woman to go through a pregnancy means. You know

886
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, because because a lot of men say

887
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: I want kids, and then once pregnancy starts, you know,

888
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 1: I can't do this. Ship man, she has just like

889
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,440
Speaker 1: bo you ask for kids these ten months to a year,

890
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 1: this is what comes with that. And the truth of

891
00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 1: the matter is that some people are ignorant. Some people

892
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 1: are willfully ignorant, and they choose to ignore that so

893
00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:23,439
Speaker 1: they can get what they want. But if you love

894
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: this person, you have a responsibility to do do dealings,

895
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 1: understand what women go through during pregnancy, what can happen

896
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: with labor, what can happen after labor, and then make

897
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: a decision where, you know what, what's more important to

898
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 1: me having the children that I want or being with

899
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:40,239
Speaker 1: the woman that I want if she doesn't want to

900
00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 1: have children. Once he does the due diligence, he can

901
00:42:42,320 --> 00:42:45,440
Speaker 1: make a better educated decision. Yeah, and I mean the

902
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 1: experience she had raising her child on her own different

903
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: countries like all of that too, I think is compounded. Yeah,

904
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: for sure, so I think if one thing that's easy

905
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 1: for me in our circumstance, for example, is like loving

906
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 1: you to death, knowing that you are a provide there,

907
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 1: you take care of home. Those are all of the

908
00:43:02,480 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 1: reasons that make it easy for me to subscribe to

909
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,680
Speaker 1: another children, another child, or another pregnancy, because it's like,

910
00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 1: I know, I'm not doing this alone. So I can

911
00:43:08,960 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 1: imagine how that fair of feeling like you're by yourself

912
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 1: can make you a little bit africate. Absolutely, um, I

913
00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: think more conversations need to be had here for sure,

914
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 1: UM and really seeing where um, where his heart lies

915
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 1: when it comes to having children, and then with her

916
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,479
Speaker 1: maybe seeing if there's ways that she can get things

917
00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 1: to help treat things like severe knowledge. I know there's

918
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:30,359
Speaker 1: like certain medications that are approved for pregnant way to take,

919
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 1: so almost kind of being proactive knowing like, okay, these

920
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: are the things that may come with your territory, so

921
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 1: let me discuss it with my doctor ahead of time

922
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: to see if we can get proactive as opposed to

923
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:42,479
Speaker 1: So good luck to you, says I hope you'll figure

924
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:46,640
Speaker 1: that out all right. Number two. First off, congrats on everything.

925
00:43:46,640 --> 00:43:48,800
Speaker 1: I'm writing this email on the day you all announced

926
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: that you are pregnant with baby number four. So excited

927
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: for you too. I've been a fan of yours or

928
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: a fan of you all for years, to the point

929
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 1: that I feel like you guys are the big brother

930
00:43:57,719 --> 00:43:59,840
Speaker 1: and sister I never had and that I've always wanted.

931
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 1: Bro and sist, I need your advice. I've been with

932
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 1: my husband for eight years, married for six years. He

933
00:44:05,719 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: is twenty eight and seven. We both have good jobs,

934
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:11,040
Speaker 1: we have a nice living for ourselves. Our friends often

935
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,080
Speaker 1: come to us for advice as if we have it

936
00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 1: all together. We don't. Neither do we, says um. We

937
00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:19,799
Speaker 1: have a solid relation, but the one thing we that

938
00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,719
Speaker 1: we constantly go back and forth about is when is

939
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 1: the right time to have a baby. At one point

940
00:44:23,640 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 1: early in our relationship, my husband told me he wanted

941
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,520
Speaker 1: a toddler, to which I responded, you know that don't

942
00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: come out as Tyler's right, bro. The fact that she

943
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,719
Speaker 1: said you know they don't come out as Toddler's right,

944
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 1: bro is hilarious but also shows me how close they are.

945
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,239
Speaker 1: Whenever you can call your your girlfriend a boyfriend, bro,

946
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: that means your friends. So what am I supposed to

947
00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,960
Speaker 1: do with the baby until they are a toddler l

948
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: O L. We kind of laughed off that convo and

949
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 1: never really talked about it again. Now I feel like

950
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:51,480
Speaker 1: I may be getting baby for you, as much as

951
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 1: I'm nervous to admit that. But so many things for

952
00:44:53,920 --> 00:44:56,319
Speaker 1: me back from fully feeling ready. We live pretty close

953
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 1: to my in laws and we haven't always had the

954
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 1: best relationship. That's not good. Mother in law made it

955
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,439
Speaker 1: very clear that I wasn't her pick for her son.

956
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: I've come to groups with the fact that I could

957
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,439
Speaker 1: have been Beyonce and she would have found something wrong

958
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:10,360
Speaker 1: with me. Just since I want to say this, it

959
00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:14,240
Speaker 1: is not your mother's responsibility to pick your her son's

960
00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: soul mate so she can kick rocks. Mother in laws, don't.

961
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 1: They don't mean anything like I'm just I'm just being honest.

962
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: But because I wasn't, I wasn't to pick for CoDeeN either.

963
00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 1: Jesus wasn't even to pick for Codain, so I pretty

964
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 1: much had to show her like what it is. Yeah,

965
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: it made me pretty much say he I could have

966
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:36,879
Speaker 1: walked through the door with Jesus Christ himself and turned

967
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:38,600
Speaker 1: out exactly so I don't even trip on her mother

968
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 1: in law. She'll be fine. She has a tendency to

969
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: just pop up at our house, and I know that

970
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: if when we have a baby, there will be times

971
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:47,919
Speaker 1: and I may not feel up to company. So she's

972
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 1: also very opinionated. My husband is a gentle giant and

973
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,319
Speaker 1: has a heart hard time setting boundaries for a side

974
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 1: of the family, and I'm willing to be flexible with

975
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,080
Speaker 1: that when she visits. But I would really appreciate if

976
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: she could first out of respect for me, if she

977
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: could just chill first, respect, if she could call first

978
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,480
Speaker 1: out of respect for me. All this baby talks made

979
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: me nervous. Uh, my husband, I are really in a

980
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 1: great space in our marriage, and he who knows how

981
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: a baby will shake things up. See, these are all

982
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 1: the things that people be concerned about that we just

983
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 1: talked about, that they won't say because people asking him

984
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 1: for advice. And she doesn't want to say this out

985
00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 1: loud because she fears judgment, which is exactly what we

986
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 1: talked about. But I love my husband and I know

987
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:27,880
Speaker 1: he always wanted kids. He is such an amazing husband.

988
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:29,920
Speaker 1: I want to give him anything he wants and needs

989
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: from me. But I'm just afraid of change. Change in

990
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 1: my physical body, changing my marriage, changing my relationship, changing

991
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: my family, all of the things. Will I ever be

992
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 1: sure about this? I'm so glad we talked about this

993
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 1: because she literally just said all the things that you felt.

994
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, am I overthinking? Any advice to you, guys?

995
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 1: Can you know you have to help me? Thanks? Love

996
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: you guys. Just listen to this podcast. Everything she says

997
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 1: she feels, all of the changes physical body, her relationship

998
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 1: with her husband, intimacy, her relationship with her in laws.

999
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:07,000
Speaker 1: Of all of those fears, Codeine has said she had

1000
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,800
Speaker 1: and at every stage of life and pregnancy and parenthood,

1001
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:13,880
Speaker 1: and it's it sounds cliche, but there's never really a

1002
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: right time. If someone's like it just happens and you adjust,

1003
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 1: you pivot. That was the word. You remember what we send?

1004
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,719
Speaker 1: What's that both of us? We ain't having more on

1005
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 1: one kid in this apartment. We had three three before.

1006
00:47:28,400 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 1: And the reason why there was a gap between Jackson

1007
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:34,000
Speaker 1: and Cairo two reasons. One Codeine had, you know, a

1008
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: little bit of nervous nervousness after having another child, after

1009
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: everything we dealt with with the birth from Jackson. But

1010
00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 1: number two, we were trying to wait for the perfect

1011
00:47:41,440 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: financial and career time to have a second child, and

1012
00:47:44,560 --> 00:47:46,480
Speaker 1: it just seemed like after five years was like bro

1013
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:51,200
Speaker 1: bro right, Like in five years flew by and we're like, oh, shoot, kid,

1014
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,719
Speaker 1: and then it just ended up happening. I say that

1015
00:47:56,000 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 1: boundaries are very important. Yes, that's a whole another Boundaries

1016
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 1: are very important. And those conversations that we had and

1017
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:05,440
Speaker 1: it's like, sis, are we still going to harp on

1018
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 1: the fact that I wasn't the pick for your son.

1019
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: At this point, it's null and void. It never really

1020
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 1: matters to begin with. But your your your husband's gonna

1021
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,959
Speaker 1: definitely have to have those conversations with his family as well,

1022
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:17,640
Speaker 1: knowing that, yes, after you have a child, sometimes you're

1023
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,080
Speaker 1: not up for company. Me being pregnant now sometimes I'm

1024
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:21,880
Speaker 1: not up for company deviance Like I want people to

1025
00:48:21,880 --> 00:48:23,480
Speaker 1: come by, I want friends to come by, and I

1026
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,399
Speaker 1: don't feel like entertaining. I don't feel like entertaining people.

1027
00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 1: Because what happens when people come to your house. They

1028
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 1: always look at the female of the house, the woman

1029
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,040
Speaker 1: of the house, to say, you know, how is she

1030
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 1: going to treat me on my stay? They don't look

1031
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,720
Speaker 1: at the guys necessarily for that. So yeah, I understand

1032
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 1: how it is when you want boundaries within your own

1033
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 1: house and all of the changes. These are all warranted

1034
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:44,000
Speaker 1: for someone who I think is looking to become a

1035
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 1: first time parent um And it's honestly, the conversation needs

1036
00:48:48,680 --> 00:48:50,920
Speaker 1: to begin and end between your husband and you and

1037
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:55,480
Speaker 1: then know about subsequent conversations that need to be had

1038
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: with his family for example, and vice versa. But I

1039
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: will say this, this is very important. What he said

1040
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:03,840
Speaker 1: is what a lot of men think, because I did

1041
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,120
Speaker 1: think the same way he said. He wanted to toddler.

1042
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: Remember when we were first having kids, and I was

1043
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: just like, man, when this baby too and can walk

1044
00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: and party train, That's what I'm gonna step in at

1045
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:16,360
Speaker 1: alpen To Atlanta. Is nothing I can do for the

1046
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: child right that. It doesn't work like that, And a

1047
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: lot of dudes need to realize that you want to toddler,

1048
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: there's gonna be conception, pregnancy, postpartum, nursing. You have to

1049
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: take part in all of that if you want your

1050
00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: marriage to be the same it was before the baby.

1051
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:39,359
Speaker 1: Come if you remove yourself from all of that, even

1052
00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 1: as much as you are a provider. Because I think

1053
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: with Jackson, and I think I expressed this on social media.

1054
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: At one point with Jackson, I was big on just

1055
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 1: providing because I didn't understand the the the spiritual and

1056
00:49:50,560 --> 00:49:56,759
Speaker 1: um sensitive nature of being around your your spouse or

1057
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 1: your your wife when she's pregnant and the baby's in

1058
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 1: the stuff. Make My thing was I gotta get to

1059
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 1: the bag. I gotta make as much money as possible,

1060
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 1: so I was working so many hours at the gym,

1061
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 1: had multiple jobs, trying to focus on making as much money.

1062
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 1: And I feel like part of the reason why we

1063
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 1: had issues the first part of our marriage and also

1064
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 1: after your first pregnancy, is because I wasn't aware of

1065
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:18,760
Speaker 1: how important I am to the process. From the beginning,

1066
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 1: I thought that if I just gave her a space,

1067
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 1: and then once the baby was old enough for me

1068
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 1: to help, that I could help. I thought that that's

1069
00:50:24,239 --> 00:50:27,200
Speaker 1: what works. But it doesn't. I'm just being honest. It

1070
00:50:27,239 --> 00:50:30,000
Speaker 1: does not help. The more you can be involved, So

1071
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 1: when you have this conversation with him, the more he

1072
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:36,000
Speaker 1: can be involved in the process, the easier it will

1073
00:50:36,040 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 1: be for you to make that decision. Absolutely, this is

1074
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:41,800
Speaker 1: a good advice. Good job baby, all right, now, this

1075
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:44,960
Speaker 1: was some goodness. And y'all write about pregnancy a lot.

1076
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 1: It would be a lot to talk about pregnancy this season,

1077
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:50,800
Speaker 1: but people really do have a lot of that's a

1078
00:50:50,880 --> 00:50:53,400
Speaker 1: fact that's not gonna go out of style. And if

1079
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: you want to be featured as one of our listener letters,

1080
00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,160
Speaker 1: be sure to email us at dead Asset Advice at

1081
00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,800
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. That's d E A d A s

1082
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:03,239
Speaker 1: us A d v I C at gmail dot com.

1083
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: Moment of truth time. So for me, my biggest thing

1084
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:09,399
Speaker 1: with this whole thing is, of course, loving children, hating pregnancy.

1085
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: Find your find your group of people, find your your

1086
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: safe space that you can speak to UM candidly, without

1087
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 1: filter about your genuine concerns, because chances are they're going

1088
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 1: to feel the same way. They're going to feel the

1089
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:25,080
Speaker 1: same way, and if they don't, at least you have

1090
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:28,279
Speaker 1: a trusted person, a trusted friend, UM that you can

1091
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,359
Speaker 1: just speak to and just really kind of get those

1092
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:32,680
Speaker 1: feelings out there, because sometimes when you harbor that, especially

1093
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 1: when you're pregnant, you don't never want to harbor those

1094
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,160
Speaker 1: feelings of guild or those feelings of you know, being

1095
00:51:37,239 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 1: upset or restless while you're pregnant. You know, growing a child,

1096
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 1: um and it sometimes just helps to get it out

1097
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 1: there because we all have those moments where of course,

1098
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,480
Speaker 1: like I said, the joy and the excitement can coexist

1099
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:55,120
Speaker 1: with fear absolutely uncertainty, especially if it's uncharted territory for you,

1100
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:57,680
Speaker 1: so you know, find you try and find your village,

1101
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:00,160
Speaker 1: and likely those people will also spill over into being

1102
00:52:00,160 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 1: those people who after the baby is here, you'll feel

1103
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,239
Speaker 1: comfortable being around and also calling on for advice to

1104
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:08,399
Speaker 1: So no, I agree a thousand percent, and gentlemen, I'll

1105
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: say this, make sure you vocalize. Let's normalize you being

1106
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,280
Speaker 1: able to vocalize your feelings, your wants, and your needs

1107
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 1: not only to your partner, but to other people around you,

1108
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:22,160
Speaker 1: so that you know you're not alone. Period. You'll you'll

1109
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 1: learn how to deal with these situations if you speak

1110
00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:28,640
Speaker 1: to other people of like minds to learn how to

1111
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 1: build a positive, mature, strong foundation in your marriage with

1112
00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:35,239
Speaker 1: the mother of your child. Because if you don't vocalize it,

1113
00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 1: if you don't say it right and you just try

1114
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,640
Speaker 1: to internalize it, you're gonna end up finding a vice

1115
00:52:40,680 --> 00:52:42,719
Speaker 1: somewhere else. And Lord knows what that vice can be

1116
00:52:42,840 --> 00:52:44,799
Speaker 1: or who that vice can be or you end up

1117
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:46,960
Speaker 1: feeling guilty like a bad father because you feel like

1118
00:52:47,040 --> 00:52:49,680
Speaker 1: you don't have the same type of excitement and warmth

1119
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: that you see of other dads. So voice those feelings,

1120
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 1: those fears, those opinions, know that you're not alone, But

1121
00:52:56,760 --> 00:53:00,080
Speaker 1: most importantly, voice them to the mother so that I

1122
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:04,759
Speaker 1: can work on them together. Nice Sorry, y'all. Be sure

1123
00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:07,400
Speaker 1: to find us on social media if you have not already,

1124
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,600
Speaker 1: so on Instagram. We're dead as the podcast and you

1125
00:53:10,640 --> 00:53:12,440
Speaker 1: know you can find me Cadine, I am and I

1126
00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: Am Devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be

1127
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:19,640
Speaker 1: sure to rate, review and subscribe and share these episodes

1128
00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,759
Speaker 1: with somebody who you feel like might need a little help,

1129
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 1: you know, because I'm not giving you my phone number

1130
00:53:24,040 --> 00:53:26,480
Speaker 1: to call me. The value giving out your phone number. Yeah,

1131
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 1: I have my number. I ain't gonna answer it over

1132
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,800
Speaker 1: Dead dead Ass is a production of I Heart Media

1133
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:36,240
Speaker 1: podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia and Triple

1134
00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

1135
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 1: Podcasts and Never miss a Thing