Speaker 1: Hey, man, what's your name?
Speaker 2: I prefer you call me the Buddha or.
Speaker 1: Buddha Buddha, the famous guy from that religion. What's going on?
Speaker 2: Well, I've been doing uh, quite a bit of nicrosocifide
Speaker 2: the last few months, and you know, I thought, I thought,
Speaker 2: I should, you know, stop and you know, for because
Speaker 2: it's really not that great for you or whatever. But
Speaker 2: and it's expensive as well. But you know, and I
Speaker 2: was kind of scared because I was having these weird
Speaker 2: illucinations and stuff, and I, uh, but I just kept
Speaker 2: doing it because it feels really good.
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 2: I I just like kept pushing myself that limit where
Speaker 2: I was having these complete dysphoric hallucinations, and I sort
Speaker 2: of realized that, you know, there was like a deeper
Speaker 2: meaning to it and that I was basically when I
Speaker 2: was doing that, I was like essentially like destroying my ego.
Speaker 2: Like I wasn't even a part of my own reality
Speaker 2: and my own body.
Speaker 1: Uh that's now nitros. That's like the balloon ship, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a gas. Yeah, you fill up balloons with it.
Speaker 1: What kinds of things were you hallucinating?
Speaker 2: All sorts of things. I was like shifting into other
Speaker 2: entities and being like godlike figures and demonic figures, and
Speaker 2: seeing like the speed of time and crease and decrease
Speaker 2: and drink and very small sizes and grow very large
Speaker 2: and become like part of the universe, and she starts
Speaker 2: being born all sart the crazy. So anyways, I was
Speaker 2: seeing all this stuff, and I was really afraid of
Speaker 2: it at first, and then you know, I kind of
Speaker 2: realized what I was seeing was, you know, that my
Speaker 2: ego was basically like leaving my body temporarily, and I
Speaker 2: don't know, I feel like it's like almost like changing
Speaker 2: my life because I've had like all these perspective shifts
Speaker 2: and like, you know, I call myself Buddha because that's
Speaker 2: what people of that religion or that lifestyle they that's
Speaker 2: what they believe, that that we're not just our body,
Speaker 2: were a part of everything essentially. And I've been doing
Speaker 2: all these things I never thought I could do, Like
Speaker 2: started working out, started painting, I built a bow out
Speaker 2: of a stick in the woods. I I I'm learning Spanish,
Speaker 2: all sorts of crazy shit.
Speaker 1: These are all things you're doing because you became addicted
Speaker 1: to the nitrosoxide.
Speaker 2: Well not really, because of the addiction to the nitrosox side,
Speaker 2: but because of the visions I had from it.
Speaker 1: You know, what was it about the visions that you
Speaker 1: had that caused you to do all these productive things?
Speaker 2: Well, basically I never thought that my mind was capable
Speaker 2: of producing those kinds of things, you know, Like the
Speaker 2: things I saw were incredible, Like, I never I never
Speaker 2: thought it was possible from my mind to like imagine
Speaker 2: those things basically, So I sort of realized that, you know,
Speaker 2: my potential is really like limitless.
Speaker 1: So have you stopped doing nitrosoxide or are you still
Speaker 1: doing it a lot? Hmmm?
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say a lot. I do it maybe once week.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like, do you feel like you have
Speaker 1: it under control?
Speaker 2: M I mean it's a matter of perspective, I guess,
Speaker 2: you know, like some people think it's not really under
Speaker 2: control if you're.
Speaker 1: Doing it at all, Right, Yeah, I think so. I
Speaker 1: think that that's the way you could look at it.
Speaker 1: Do you want to stop doing nitrous oxide?
Speaker 2: I think I just I would like to try to
Speaker 2: find a way to reach that level of enlightenment without it.
Speaker 1: You know, I've always really felt like, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna probably get some heat for this, but whatever, I
Speaker 1: always have felt like, you, really, you don't need to
Speaker 1: go to Peru and do ayahuasca or take a shit
Speaker 1: ton of mushrooms or an acid or do a bunch
Speaker 1: of nrous oxide to like have epiphanies that help you
Speaker 1: improve your life. I don't think that that's necessary. It's
Speaker 1: and it's unfortunate, right, Like I really, the few times
Speaker 1: I've done mushrooms, I really want, like I wanted so
Speaker 1: badly for there to be a thing I could eat
Speaker 1: that would improve my life. And it's just not true.
Speaker 1: The only thing that actually improves my life is like
Speaker 1: fucking doing shit, you know what I mean? Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I guess I guess that like nitrous oxide and acid
Speaker 1: and I watch whatever these things. I guess these things
Speaker 1: can be like catalysts that inspire you to do shit
Speaker 1: to change your life. But at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: they don't actually do anything for you. It's the actual
Speaker 1: things that you're doing, the learning Spanish, the fucking all
Speaker 1: the other thing things you said that are actually improving
Speaker 1: your life. And then those things have nothing to do
Speaker 1: with the nitrous oxide. They're just you making decisions to
Speaker 1: make your life better.
Speaker 2: Right, But I feel like when I shattered my ego
Speaker 2: like that, it's easier to make decisions like that.
Speaker 1: So if your ego is shattered already, why do you feel.
Speaker 2: Like it's only shattered in those moments? And then, well,
Speaker 2: if I can literally see see my perspective of reality
Speaker 2: shifting back into focus, what.
Speaker 1: Do you mean by it's only shattered in those moments?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean those visions only last like maybe five
Speaker 2: seconds at most.
Speaker 1: It doesn't sound particularly helpful.
Speaker 4: Mmmm.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean it's hard to explain. Really, you know,
Speaker 2: it's I feel like the visions are kind of like
Speaker 2: are shattering in a way because they removed my entire consciousness.
Speaker 1: You know, have you ever spoken to a real therapist
Speaker 1: about any of this?
Speaker 2: No, I'm trying to I basically, I I you know,
Speaker 2: I was trying to get one, but I called a
Speaker 2: couple of months ago and they said they would reach
Speaker 2: back to me when one was available, and I still haven't.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, man, I think it's great that you're
Speaker 1: doing things to improve your life, and I, for whatever
Speaker 1: it's worth, I really don't think that you need to.
Speaker 1: You know, the nitrous oxide was necessarily a part of it.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying to think of crap. I can't
Speaker 1: think of an example. But there's like all these cartoons
Speaker 1: that I can think of, where like, you know, someone
Speaker 1: gets like a magical power and it inspires them to
Speaker 1: like go save the day. You don't I'm fucking talking about.
Speaker 1: But then but then at the end of it's revealed
Speaker 1: that they actually never had any magical power. It was
Speaker 1: all just a placebo, and it was actually them themselves
Speaker 1: who saved the day all of their own volition. You know,
Speaker 1: that's you with nitrous oxide, right, Like you're the one
Speaker 1: who's doing all these things to protect it, to improve
Speaker 1: your life. You're the one. It's not it's And you
Speaker 1: can go on Reddit and you can type a whole
Speaker 1: trip report about how all the you know, you took
Speaker 1: acid and it made you clean your room, but at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, you cleaned your room. Right,
Speaker 1: it's not this. I don't don't attribute it to the drug.
Speaker 1: It was you who did it, and it is you
Speaker 1: who can continue to do it.
Speaker 2: Sure, I just feel like, you know, without it, it's
Speaker 2: hard for me to have that kind of clarity, especially
Speaker 2: I would say, I mean, this is probably just an excuse,
Speaker 2: but my whole life. I have what I would consider
Speaker 2: to be like very extreme ADHD that manifests in the mind,
Speaker 2: so it's very hard to control my thoughts, you know,
Speaker 2: have that impulse control.
Speaker 1: Brother, If if if I were you, and I really
Speaker 1: a man, if I were you, man I would really
Speaker 1: go out in search of like legitimate professional ways to
Speaker 1: manage your ADHD instead of self medicating with nitrous oxide.
Speaker 1: You know that that can help me. You know, there's
Speaker 1: there's better ways to manage this. This is what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, but you know I took all those drugs
Speaker 2: when I was a kid and they didn't really help.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: I can't. I I can't give you anything more than that, man,
Speaker 1: I really, I really can't. I think you gotta like
Speaker 1: like you gotta you and at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: man like you gotta you gotta want to stop doing this,
Speaker 1: you know, And if you don't, then there's nothing I
Speaker 1: can say to you that'll make you stop. But if
Speaker 1: if you want to, then you should go, you know,
Speaker 1: talk to a professional about how you can manage your
Speaker 1: ADHD in a way that's not going to like kill you.
Speaker 1: But give yourself some credit for the self improvement that
Speaker 1: you've done on yourself thus far. Don't don't hand it
Speaker 1: over to the nitrosoxs head. The nitrosox side didn't fucking
Speaker 1: do anything for you. It was all you who did
Speaker 1: all the various things in your life that are causing
Speaker 1: you to improve. And I think it will continue to
Speaker 1: be you who does that. But what the fuck do
Speaker 1: I know? I'm a crazy person in a gecko who
Speaker 1: accidentally started a self help show.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you why I like your show?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 2: Well? I think the lizard costume is is very good
Speaker 2: because the therapist is supposed to be non judgmental, and
Speaker 2: how can you be judgmental when your dress is a
Speaker 2: get go.
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: I guess that's true. I guess that's true. What's your
Speaker 1: name again?
Speaker 2: A Buddha?
Speaker 1: Budh? Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: No, thank you very much, Lyle. I appreciate your call
Speaker 2: it very much and the opportunity to talk to you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Buddha, good luck, and Jesus Christ, stop doing
Speaker 1: so much nicsrous oxide.
Speaker 2: All right, have a good one there, Bye bye bye.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I don't know if that was helpful,
Speaker 1: or if that was judgmental or I don't know about
Speaker 1: any of this should I just I don't know what
Speaker 1: I who want I to tell that guy to stop
Speaker 1: doing so much nitrous oxide. You can stop doing so
Speaker 1: much nitrous oxide when I stopped eating fucking cosmic brownies
Speaker 1: and jacking off and smoking weed all day. So, but
Speaker 1: that didn't that didn't do anything for me. I don't
Speaker 1: think it did. I don't think that jacking off and
Speaker 1: smoking weed, eating cosmic brownies all day improved my life
Speaker 1: in any way, shape or form. I don't think that
Speaker 1: him doing nitrous oxide improved his life in any way,
Speaker 1: shape or form. And I believe both of us would
Speaker 1: probably be happier if we didn't do those things. But
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know anything, dude, I'm freaking
Speaker 1: out over here. I don't I just don't know. But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to know stuff and things. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, Hello?
Speaker 1: Hey what's up? Hey?
Speaker 5: How's it going? Hyle?
Speaker 1: It's going okay, man, it's going okay. How can I
Speaker 1: get you to the sir?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: So, I'm not sure if you read the message that
Speaker 5: I that I put on there, But I used to
Speaker 5: work at it. Well, I had multiple things, but you know,
Speaker 5: I've been hearing a bunch of stuff and I'm like,
Speaker 5: you know what, let's make it funny today. Is that
Speaker 5: all right with you?
Speaker 1: Go ahead?
Speaker 5: So I used to work at a Papa John's. I
Speaker 5: want to say about maybe three I know it's been
Speaker 5: longer than that, actually, probably like six or seven years ago.
Speaker 5: And it was fine, you know, nothing out of the ordinary,
Speaker 5: la la okay, first customers an asshole. Well okay, I'll
Speaker 5: let that one's live, because you know, customer service when
Speaker 5: it comes to delivering peaches, you know, it's not necessarily
Speaker 5: all that glorious. But you know, three, four, five, six
Speaker 5: times I had enough of these people because it's in
Speaker 5: a college town, right, So I was like, you know what,
Speaker 5: probably never going to see these people ever again, So
Speaker 5: I'm just going to violate their pieces. What I mean
Speaker 5: by that, my best friend told me not to tell it,
Speaker 5: but I want to say it anyways. So I violated
Speaker 5: their pieces in a way to where I dun'k my
Speaker 5: nuts on them. And I gave that special sauce before
Speaker 5: keyword special sauce. But it wasn't to anybody who was
Speaker 5: kind to me because it was basically to where it
Speaker 5: was rated if you're nice to us, if you tipped well,
Speaker 5: but that didn't necessarily factor in. It just added points.
Speaker 5: But if it was an individual to where they basically
Speaker 5: mistreated us, you know, demanded their every last cent then
Speaker 5: or just be an absolute dick, then yeah, I would
Speaker 5: do that. And my body saw me one time and
Speaker 5: he's like, are you kidding me? I'm like, I'll give
Speaker 5: you fifty bucks not to say anything. So I actually
Speaker 5: gave him one hundred because he moved out from up
Speaker 5: nore to actually work with me, and he was an
Speaker 5: online friend at the time, but I met him in
Speaker 5: real life and it was amazing.
Speaker 1: So how much would someone have had to tip you
Speaker 1: for you to not wipe your balls on their pizza?
Speaker 5: I would have to say, like maybe one dollar, but
Speaker 5: it's more like the principle of the matter, I would
Speaker 5: I would say, you know, it would fact like if
Speaker 5: it's like one dollar, then he would equal like ten
Speaker 5: points for you, you know, within my system, or if
Speaker 5: even like a penny, but to ask for exact chance
Speaker 5: and a manner's like, oh well, I need to have
Speaker 5: my exact change now, or something like that, and I'm like, sir,
Speaker 5: I apologize, but unfortunately I do not have that. I
Speaker 5: need to go to the stores like, oh, you better
Speaker 5: do it and give me a free beat that. Yeah,
Speaker 5: you're getting her. You're getting your dunk nut pizza for sure,
Speaker 5: with extra special sauce.
Speaker 1: Over the entire time that you worked at that Papa Johns.
Speaker 1: How long did you work at the Papa Johns?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 5: Approximately between five to eight months.
Speaker 1: So over the time that you worked at the Papa Johns,
Speaker 1: how many pizzas do you believe that you dunked your
Speaker 1: nuts on slash came onto.
Speaker 5: I would have to say an undeterminable amount.
Speaker 1: Because get go that estimate. Give me and give me
Speaker 1: a range.
Speaker 5: All right, Let's say between fifty to about sixty five.
Speaker 1: You wiped your nuts on fifty pizzas.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 5: I was a delivery driver as well, so I had
Speaker 5: ample time to do it. An I'll just say this much.
Speaker 5: Anybody could do anything to your pizzas, So it all
Speaker 5: according to how you treat somebody, or somebody could just
Speaker 5: be having a bad day. At least I had a
Speaker 5: reason to my matteness, so to speak.
Speaker 1: You're like a fucking batman villain except Jesus on pizza.
Speaker 5: Well, thank you, I guess you can call me mister Freeze.
Speaker 1: None of what either of us just said made any
Speaker 1: sense but.
Speaker 5: Correct.
Speaker 1: Okay, So what kinds of things would people like? When
Speaker 1: you say people mistreated you, what would they do like what?
Speaker 1: I'm very curious. What's the most mild form of mistreatment
Speaker 1: that you received that you responded to by jezzing on
Speaker 1: their pizza?
Speaker 5: Well, it wouldn't be to you know, the mild version
Speaker 5: to be like to an extreme. You know, if somebody's
Speaker 5: having a bad day, you know, I would try to,
Speaker 5: you know, give a quick talk to because I'm not
Speaker 5: a horrible person, contrary to what everybody has heard, but
Speaker 5: you know, somebody's going through bad time, I would try
Speaker 5: to pay for their pizza, so to speak, because you
Speaker 5: can tell in somebody's eyes that they were going through something.
Speaker 5: And some people, you know, I've heard other callers say that, yeah,
Speaker 5: they just needed somebody to talk to, and you know
Speaker 5: I was that person. But as far as would going
Speaker 5: to that extreme for what I've done, that's only for
Speaker 5: extreme measures. It wouldn't be anything mild like oh, you
Speaker 5: know you took so long and blah, blah blah blah.
Speaker 5: It's like, yeah, that's fine because I've been there, you know.
Speaker 1: So well. Okay, but but but you said fifty pizzas.
Speaker 1: I mean that means at least fifty individual people pissed
Speaker 1: you off so much much that you jiz on their pizza.
Speaker 1: What did fifty people? What do these fifty people do
Speaker 1: to you that you felt was so deserving of them
Speaker 1: fucking eating your comb?
Speaker 5: Well, the fact that not only I mean to give
Speaker 5: that number, it's a college town and a lot of
Speaker 5: people love to drink around that area, and there was
Speaker 5: just something that were belligerent, you know, silver Spoon and
Speaker 5: Mouth and titled Bridge Hansels or the Karen that really
Speaker 5: has been drinking has been undergoing a bunch of stress
Speaker 5: and taking it out on somebody else. I have a limit,
Speaker 5: but it's like far enough to where they've called supervisors,
Speaker 5: threatened violence on me and the store. I mean, heck,
Speaker 5: we had one sister property have one individual get robbed
Speaker 5: and shot in the head because of how severe the
Speaker 5: situation was, and he was on his way to deliver
Speaker 5: a pizza. He was at a stop light apparently, and
Speaker 5: at all went down.
Speaker 1: Do you regret doing any of this seven years later, on.
Speaker 5: A logical yes, on a psychological no, not at all.
Speaker 5: They deserve it, and I serve them with a smile.
Speaker 1: Right after, what do you do with your life? Now?
Speaker 1: Where is the pizza masturbator? Seven years later?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 5: Just the way you said that was beautiful. Right now
Speaker 5: I am dealing with well, right now, I'll just say this.
Speaker 5: I work at a collision center, but I am dealing
Speaker 5: with a knee issue that has prevented me from working.
Speaker 5: I'm going through lawyers in regards to the injury because
Speaker 5: the company or the UH insurance adjusture doesn't want to
Speaker 5: pay for it.
Speaker 1: So are you still? I mean to get all right,
Speaker 1: if we can get into this for a second, I mean, yeah, look,
Speaker 1: chising on people's pizzas is really fucked up. He's really
Speaker 1: fucked up. What do you are you? I can't. I
Speaker 1: don't even do you? Do you still do fucked up
Speaker 1: ship like that?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 5: Not at all. Actually, I've been more tame since I've
Speaker 5: been married. It's calmed me down a lot. I used
Speaker 5: to be more crazier.
Speaker 1: You're how long have you been married for?
Speaker 5: I've been married. Let's see. I think it's about to
Speaker 5: going on two years now, does she know that.
Speaker 1: You used toges on people's pizzas?
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, my best friend, uh basically confirmed it and
Speaker 5: I told her about it. She said, that fucked up.
Speaker 5: Why would you do that? The simple answer is because
Speaker 5: people are answered.
Speaker 1: You still really haven't answered my question to the degree
Speaker 1: that I feel satisfied with, which is, what did these
Speaker 1: people fucking do to make you on a jiz on
Speaker 1: their pizza? Like you like, I mean, give me a
Speaker 1: specific scenario or a story like so far, you're just
Speaker 1: you just give me general answers to this question, all right.
Speaker 5: So one specific answer would be I go to somebody's house.
Speaker 5: It's in the it's in the backwoods right of the
Speaker 5: town that I lived in, and it was hard to
Speaker 5: get there to begin with because it's all rockey and
Speaker 5: the car that I had at the time was kind
Speaker 5: of a It wasn't the best in the world, but
Speaker 5: it was you know, motor transportation. Go knocking on their door.
Speaker 5: They have this scowl look that just made you want
Speaker 5: to go, oh god, why, And.
Speaker 1: You know you can't get You can't jiz on someone's
Speaker 1: pizza because they look.
Speaker 5: Mean, no, no, no, I understand that, but that's why
Speaker 5: I'm getting to that point. So they basically just after
Speaker 5: I opened the door, they opened the door. They just
Speaker 5: start yelling at me like.
Speaker 3: Why the fuck do you say?
Speaker 5: So there's a lot of explosives.
Speaker 3: Why the fuck did you take some goddamn long, motherfucker?
Speaker 3: I swear to God, I should shoot you right in
Speaker 3: the fucking throat right now. I'm like, whoa, whoa, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry that it took this or you.
Speaker 5: Know it took so long. There is this this this
Speaker 5: going on.
Speaker 3: That I don't give a fuck as I should beat
Speaker 3: you up and have like piples brick your throat out
Speaker 3: right now. I don't give a fuck. I want a
Speaker 3: goddamn refund. I want this, I want that.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, oh, yeah, you're getting your.
Speaker 3: Ship just on.
Speaker 1: So wit a minute, So how did okay, but if
Speaker 1: you were already at the door with the pizza, how
Speaker 1: did you then jizz on the pizza? So were you were? You?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 1: Hold on, I have more, I have a coupon in
Speaker 1: my car. I'll be right back. Well.
Speaker 5: He tried to de escalate the situation by saying, you know,
Speaker 5: I can see I can talk to my manager and
Speaker 5: see you know, since you're very displeased, if you would like,
Speaker 5: you know, to have a refunded in any way, shape
Speaker 5: or form, or get in contact with them so we
Speaker 5: can do said, yeah, I want to do that, and
Speaker 5: you better send that pizza back and have somebody else
Speaker 5: deliver it. And my they actually called the store and
Speaker 5: my manager was there on site and he said, hey,
Speaker 5: just give me the pizza that you have right now,
Speaker 5: just take this one. Everything's you know, been you know,
Speaker 5: taken care of. Just go ahead deliver it. Because I
Speaker 5: don't have any other drivers at that time, and it
Speaker 5: took me in a proxy, it could take me about like,
Speaker 5: you know, ten fifteen minutes. I took an extra like
Speaker 5: three to.
Speaker 6: You.
Speaker 5: I had the mister free sauce. And afterwards they're like, what's.
Speaker 2: About the time, Yeah, you got.
Speaker 3: Here later than normal? What the fuck?
Speaker 5: I'm like, I apologize. I hope you have a great
Speaker 5: rest of your day. Whatever you go through, I hope
Speaker 5: you were able to deal with it better than I could.
Speaker 5: You have a great day. And I just got in
Speaker 5: the car, went down the road, had a smile on
Speaker 5: my face and like, yeah, I'm enjoyed the extra happy
Speaker 5: sauce too.
Speaker 1: You got to stop with the cute names for the sauce. Yeah, uh,
Speaker 1: Jesus christ Man.
Speaker 5: I was a very fucked up individual and I realized that,
Speaker 5: and that's why I'm like, wow, I definitely need to stop,
Speaker 5: which I haven't done anything like that ever since.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I guess that's good.
Speaker 5: Changed my personality though, But I and now do I
Speaker 5: talk about it more? Yes, I do regret it for
Speaker 5: a simple fact that it's not only health code violation
Speaker 5: but other things as well. And and I haven't been caught,
Speaker 5: but I still feel remorse, you know, years later, contrary
Speaker 5: to what I said earlier.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's that's such a one from what you said earlier.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I know, right, It's like, I guess you have
Speaker 5: to talk about I suppose to actually realize what you
Speaker 5: what you've done. I mean, my best friend even said, like, dude,
Speaker 5: that's fucked and he was there with me during that time.
Speaker 5: You know, he didn't stop me or anything. I guess
Speaker 5: he's just as much of a villain than I am,
Speaker 5: by uh association, since he knew. But I'm not going
Speaker 5: to drag him into this though.
Speaker 1: That's I I don't know, do you do you still
Speaker 1: order from Papa John's.
Speaker 5: Excuse me.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Actually the only reason why because I actually tipped the
Speaker 5: individual as well. It's like, depending on what my word is,
Speaker 5: I tiped between ten to twenty dollars.
Speaker 1: I still can't, I really still can't get over the
Speaker 1: fact that you said fifty because if you were just
Speaker 1: here's here's I mean, there's a lot of things about
Speaker 1: this that are disturbing, but here's the big thing is
Speaker 1: to me, like, if you've told me if this was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this person was such a fucking cunt and they were
Speaker 1: horrible and I justed on their pizza, I'd be like,
Speaker 1: that's pretty fucked up. But I mean you're telling me,
Speaker 1: you're telling me this happened fifty to sixty five times, Like,
Speaker 1: are there, like there were really fifty people that were
Speaker 1: that much of an asshole to you?
Speaker 5: Yes? For to prove that if you know anything about
Speaker 5: uh Georgia in the central of Georgia, Yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have a way that you can redeem yourself.
Speaker 5: Pray to the almighty gek uh No, I.
Speaker 1: Don't give a ship, well, don't uh you. I think
Speaker 1: I think what you can do is you can jizz
Speaker 1: on a slice of pizza. No, call your friends and
Speaker 1: have him jizz on a slice of pizza and then
Speaker 1: eat it.
Speaker 5: Oh I can, I'll be COOKII with people. Okay, you
Speaker 5: know what, gig. If that's what it takes by your eyes,
Speaker 5: then the guck has spoken.
Speaker 1: I don't like how serious you took. I'm I'm done
Speaker 1: with this. Is there anything else you want to say
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 5: Yeah, don't do what I did? Uh, and just be
Speaker 5: kind to your fellow human beings contrary.
Speaker 1: To all right? All right, okay, bye, thanks for calling.
Speaker 5: Thank you gay.
Speaker 1: That was that was disturbing. Hello.
Speaker 2: Hello, what is your name?
Speaker 6: My name is Kai.
Speaker 1: How can I get you today? Kai? What's going on?
Speaker 4: So?
Speaker 6: My life has kind of felt like a matter of
Speaker 6: setbacks recently, and I'm just like questioning things and I
Speaker 6: feel like just talking about it may make me feel
Speaker 6: a little better.
Speaker 1: Okay, where do you want to start?
Speaker 6: I guess we'll start with like the beginning of the
Speaker 6: year my dad passed away.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear that, and thank you.
Speaker 6: It really threw me out of whack. I will say
Speaker 6: I wasn't super close with my dad, but it hit
Speaker 6: me a lot harder than I thought I was going
Speaker 6: to be affected by it. And at the time I
Speaker 6: was in school, it was supposed to be graduating, and
Speaker 6: with his passing, I ended up having to put a
Speaker 6: pause on classes. So I ended up delaying my graduation
Speaker 6: to this fall. And on top of that, I got
Speaker 6: into a car accident like two months afterwards. So I
Speaker 6: just I feel like I'm in a matter of setback,
Speaker 6: and I just I don't know what to do going forward.
Speaker 6: Like I want to finish college. I know that, but
Speaker 6: just going forward with life just seems hard because every
Speaker 6: time it's like two steps forward, one step back, and
Speaker 6: I don't really know how to change my luck. I
Speaker 6: know there's things out of my control, but there's also
Speaker 6: things in my control that I can change.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: Can I ask how old you are?
Speaker 6: I am twenty four?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well I'm curious what do you What are you
Speaker 1: in college for? What do you like? If you were
Speaker 1: to finish college, what would it be in the field.
Speaker 6: I would have gotten my BS in biology and my
Speaker 6: PA in anthropology.
Speaker 1: Okay? Are those things that excite you and interest to
Speaker 1: you that you want to do one?
Speaker 6: I was actually lined up to go to grad school,
Speaker 6: but because I delayed my graduation. I got pulled away
Speaker 6: from that grad school.
Speaker 1: Okay, what do you want to do? Like what I
Speaker 1: normally I guess what kind of jobs are the uh
Speaker 1: or at the end of those fields? Okay, I graduate me.
Speaker 6: It would be something doing medical stuff. But I'm at
Speaker 6: a point in my life where I feel like I
Speaker 6: need to re evaluate and I don't want to disappoint people.
Speaker 6: But I'm also thinking like maybe I don't do grad
Speaker 6: school and just kind of work on starting my own
Speaker 6: business like I want to.
Speaker 1: Oh, Okay, you said a bunch of interesting things. Just now,
Speaker 1: let's hold on to them. You said, I want to
Speaker 1: start my own business like I've always wanted to do.
Speaker 1: You said I don't want to disappoint people, and you
Speaker 1: said you want to reevaluate your life. So I want to.
Speaker 1: I want to. I want Let's hold on to all
Speaker 1: three of those. Uh what do you what about your life?
Speaker 1: Are you reevaluating.
Speaker 6: The pathway that I'm taking to get to my end goal?
Speaker 6: So I'll kind of explain my end goal, kind of
Speaker 6: going back to the business idea. I really like reptiles
Speaker 6: and I want to have a tortoise ranch, and I
Speaker 6: know that it sounds really crazy, but I want to
Speaker 6: work in conservation and just educating people on reptiles.
Speaker 1: Hold on, I thought the turtles were amphibians.
Speaker 6: No, they're reptiles.
Speaker 1: Okay, I didn't know that for a reptile. I know
Speaker 1: very little about reptiles.
Speaker 6: It's okay, it happens the best of us.
Speaker 1: That sounds beautiful. I love that idea. That's great, that
Speaker 1: sounds cool. And I'm not even saying that because I'm biased.
Speaker 1: But all right, so who are you afraid of disappointing?
Speaker 1: And how would you disappoint them?
Speaker 6: Specifically, my aunt, She's not blood related to me, but
Speaker 6: she's the closest relative that I have. She and her
Speaker 6: mom very much want to see me graduate from grad
Speaker 6: school because I've talked about, like probably since I was little,
Speaker 6: wanting to go into.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me stop you right there. Not that this
Speaker 1: is that important, but it's a little important. Have they
Speaker 1: have they funded your college experience at all? Your mom
Speaker 1: and your aunts.
Speaker 6: Not directly. Sometimes they would give me like supplies and stuff,
Speaker 6: not like textbooks or anything, just like, but but you're you.
Speaker 1: You're the one who's taking on the loans. It's not
Speaker 1: like because because look, I want to say, like I
Speaker 1: want to say, if your I want to say, if
Speaker 1: your family is like giving you a buck, like they
Speaker 1: gave you a bunch of money to go and you're like,
Speaker 1: I want to drop out. I understand that stress, but
Speaker 1: this is like your art. I'm sorry I completely cut
Speaker 1: you off while you were talking. But did you so
Speaker 1: you took out the loans to go to school?
Speaker 4: Yep?
Speaker 6: I've been putting myself through school since I started.
Speaker 1: My friend, you should do whatever the fuck you want
Speaker 1: to do, if that's the case. I, by the way,
Speaker 1: I would say that even if that wasn't the case.
Speaker 1: I think it's a little bit harder if that's not
Speaker 1: the case. But like, so, what if your aunt and
Speaker 1: your mom want you to do something because you were
Speaker 1: talking about doing it since you were a little I
Speaker 1: frankly think that's a horrible reason to do something.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it kind of is. But I have disappointment issues
Speaker 6: in the sense that, like, I feel bad making people
Speaker 6: feel bad, and I know her aunt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you can't. Yeah, but but but you you
Speaker 1: really really can't live your life that way. You really can't.
Speaker 1: You're going to actually drive yourself to insanity if you
Speaker 1: try to live your life that way. You will want to.
Speaker 1: It's just because you can't control how your mom feels
Speaker 1: about your own life decisions.
Speaker 2: Yes, A.
Speaker 1: And then B is it's your life and you have
Speaker 1: a cool and you have a cool thing that you
Speaker 1: want to do, this reptile thing. Okay, all right, what
Speaker 1: do we the three things?
Speaker 7: Uh?
Speaker 1: Your evaluation?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 1: The business? Okay, so how would you start this business?
Speaker 7: So?
Speaker 6: First thing first would be to get property in order
Speaker 6: to actually do the ranch, I need a property that
Speaker 6: would be large enough to hold tortoises because I'm looking
Speaker 6: at getting giant tortoises specifically.
Speaker 1: That's pretty cool. How do you how do this? Want
Speaker 1: to procure giant tortoises?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 6: You can actually just buy them online. I don't recommend
Speaker 6: just like buying them blindly, but there's a lot of
Speaker 6: so to speak, dealers and tortoises online that you can find.
Speaker 6: There's a guy that I follow who I'm like, basically
Speaker 6: I want his life when it comes to just tortoise
Speaker 6: ranching who just sells them for like a couple grand.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. So all right, let's talk through this. Then,
Speaker 1: what is currently between you and achieving the schal.
Speaker 6: Finances. Really just trying to get everything in order. I
Speaker 6: feel like I need to get the college stuff done first,
Speaker 6: because that's something I still want to do. I don't
Speaker 6: want to drop out of college. I'm just I'm not
Speaker 6: sure if I want to do grad school.
Speaker 1: But okay, so she haven't you even finished your undergrad No.
Speaker 6: I'm finishing this semester, so I'm really excited.
Speaker 1: Oh all right, so you're almost done. Yeah, okay, So
Speaker 1: the decision is, do I want to try to figure
Speaker 1: out how I'm gonna start this tourist ranch, versus do
Speaker 1: I want to go to grad school?
Speaker 6: Exactly?
Speaker 1: What are the reasons why you would want to go
Speaker 1: to grad school?
Speaker 6: I would be able to pay for it a little
Speaker 6: better than a tortoise ranch, and I would get a
Speaker 6: bigger return quicker when it comes to finances, because I
Speaker 6: would be almost guaranteed a job out of grad school
Speaker 6: because part of the process is like shadowing with the organization,
Speaker 6: and nine times out of ten you get a job
Speaker 6: at that organization, versus like starting a business. I don't
Speaker 6: really know much about starting a business, if I'm going
Speaker 6: to be honest, like I do do like contract work.
Speaker 6: But that's about the basics of stuff that I have
Speaker 6: for starting a business, and especially like buying land and
Speaker 6: that kind of thing to set up this sort of
Speaker 6: business is like way beyond what I know. If that
Speaker 6: makes sense.
Speaker 1: Have you done the math on this of like how
Speaker 1: much does it cost to go to grad school and
Speaker 1: how much does it cost to start up this business?
Speaker 6: Grad school would be cheaper, but that also means that
Speaker 6: I would have to delay even longer from starting because
Speaker 6: this is the end goal is always been to get.
Speaker 3: A ranch.
Speaker 1: Grad twenty four. I think, first of well, I'll say this,
Speaker 1: first of all, I'm glad that you did in none
Speaker 1: of those reasons you gave me. You said anything about
Speaker 1: your mom and your aunt. I think that's the most
Speaker 1: important thing here, Like you actually you gave me pretty
Speaker 1: pretty good solid reasons here. Is there a pathway that involves, Okay,
Speaker 1: I go to grad school, uh, and then I get
Speaker 1: this job and then I can save up more money
Speaker 1: to get the capital to make the ranch. Does that exist?
Speaker 6: Yeah, So that's that's kind of the plan for going
Speaker 6: to grad school. If I do go. I've been thinking,
Speaker 6: if I still want to go to grad school, I
Speaker 6: might just change which pathway I'm going and maybe going too,
Speaker 6: like veterinary medicine. Does that makes sense going to veterinary medicine,
Speaker 6: because after I leave working, you know, a normal mind
Speaker 6: to five job, I can still utilize those skills.
Speaker 1: Uh again, I really, I really I love the starting
Speaker 1: your own business idea. Uh and and and doing the
Speaker 1: ranch I do, and I understand that. To me, in
Speaker 1: my head, it's like, this is just a question of
Speaker 1: how do you get the money that it was required
Speaker 1: to upstart exactly? And uh I this is this is
Speaker 1: all very logical to me. I'm not worried about you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean, I will say that I have people
Speaker 6: like backing, Like I have a very loving and supporting
Speaker 6: boyfriend that is one hundred percent on board with like
Speaker 6: Tortoise ranching with me. We've been together for like ten years,
Speaker 6: so he kind of knows that I am like dead
Speaker 6: serious on it.
Speaker 1: No, Tortoise Ranching is I want you to know, just
Speaker 1: if you ever doubt it. I really just want you
Speaker 1: to know people have had much, much, much stupider dreams
Speaker 1: than to open a tortoise ranch.
Speaker 6: That does make me feel a little better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I I I mean, I'm sure you can. I
Speaker 1: could name ten stupider dreams than that, But I'm not
Speaker 1: going to I'm out of respect to those those people
Speaker 1: with those stupid dreams. So I'm not worried about anything
Speaker 1: that you said, except for like the trying to please
Speaker 1: your parents and shit. But you you seem you seem
Speaker 1: like you have this on a lock.
Speaker 6: I try to. I'm trying to have it figured out.
Speaker 6: It's just I hate that it's taking me longer to
Speaker 6: get to where I want to be because of all
Speaker 6: these like setbacks and just expectations of people.
Speaker 1: Well, if it makes you feel any better, you should. Actually,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something kind of weird that I don't
Speaker 1: even know if I fully believe, but I'm gonna try it.
Speaker 1: You should actually enjoy this time that is spent achieving
Speaker 1: your goal, because once you actually do achieve your goal,
Speaker 1: once you get your tortoise ranch, you might get kind
Speaker 1: of bored.
Speaker 6: I hope not. I love tortoises, but I do understand
Speaker 6: what you're saying that it's like climbing a mountain and
Speaker 6: enjoying the view, and once you get to the top,
Speaker 6: it's just like, oh I did all this for this,
Speaker 6: There we go.
Speaker 1: See You're well, no, not all this for this, I
Speaker 1: guess I don't. Yeah, I think, yeah, you don't know.
Speaker 1: That's stupid. I think when you have a tortoise ranch,
Speaker 1: you'll actually be pretty stoked about that. But again, but
Speaker 1: it's in the future. It's something to look forward to her.
Speaker 1: So yeah, again, I'm not I'm really I'm really not
Speaker 1: worried about you. You seem like if I had to
Speaker 1: place money on whether or not you would eventually start
Speaker 1: this tortoise ranch, I would do it.
Speaker 6: It's gonna happen. I'll make it happen one way or another.
Speaker 6: It's just a matter of time.
Speaker 1: You're gonna have any geckos at this ranch or just tortoises.
Speaker 6: I want to get a giant lizard, not a gecko,
Speaker 6: but a tagu.
Speaker 1: What's a taku?
Speaker 6: A tagu is a giant lizard. They're from Argentina. They're
Speaker 6: about the size of like a small to medium dog,
Speaker 6: and they're just they're really cute and friendly, like they
Speaker 6: have a very outgoing personality. They eat anything. They're like
Speaker 6: much friendlier than monitor lizards.
Speaker 1: So I will manifest a large Argentinian lizard for your future.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 1: What is your name again?
Speaker 6: Kai?
Speaker 1: Kai? Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before.
Speaker 6: We go, Please watch for reptiles when you guys drive,
Speaker 6: don't run over them. It makes me very sad.
Speaker 1: I second that. I second that I've gotten hit by
Speaker 1: several cars while walking on the streets. So thank you
Speaker 1: for your advocacy for me.
Speaker 6: Of course, of course, good night, Kai.
Speaker 3: Good night.
Speaker 1: Attention listeners of the Therapy Gecko podcast. Do you know
Speaker 1: that I do a live version of this podcast on
Speaker 1: stage in person, in front of real people, And that
Speaker 1: I'm doing this live show in several cities across the
Speaker 1: United States and Europe this fall, and that tickets are
Speaker 1: available right now at therapy geckotour dot com or at
Speaker 1: the link in the episode description. It is all true.
Speaker 1: I'm currently on my third tour doing Therapy Gecko Live
Speaker 1: all around the country and it is the most fun, sick,
Speaker 1: amazing thing ever and you should come out and be
Speaker 1: a part of it. The shows involve a mix of
Speaker 1: material and presentations from myself combined with a group Gecko
Speaker 1: therapy session where members of the audience come on stage
Speaker 1: to share things from their lives in front of a
Speaker 1: big group of people, just like we do here. On
Speaker 1: the podcast. Whether you're a fan of the podcast or
Speaker 1: you have no idea what this is and you clicked
Speaker 1: on it by accident, you're gonna have a great time
Speaker 1: at the live show once again. Tickets are available right
Speaker 1: now at therapy geckotour dot com or at the link
Speaker 1: in the episode description. These are really fun shows. They're
Speaker 1: always wild, they're always unpredictable, and I hope to see
Speaker 1: you guys there.
Speaker 6: From Addie, Hello, Hi is this guy?
Speaker 1: Yes? Who is this?
Speaker 8: This is Addie.
Speaker 1: What's up Addie? How can I get you today? How
Speaker 1: is life? What would you like to talk about on
Speaker 1: the on the on the thing?
Speaker 4: Life's pretty good right now? I have to say overall, yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know. I just I think I might have
Speaker 4: a cool story about when I had we didn't do
Speaker 4: psychosis that I could talk about.
Speaker 1: Uh, sure, go ahead.
Speaker 4: So there's a little bit of context, I guess to
Speaker 4: kind of like bring the whole situation together. From about
Speaker 4: when I was like sixteen up until twenty, I was
Speaker 4: like a chronic weed smoker.
Speaker 8: I was I.
Speaker 4: Like started off not smoking too much, but it very quickly, like,
Speaker 4: especially when I got to college, I was smoking every
Speaker 4: single day.
Speaker 8: And yeah, I stopped for about three years, and something
Speaker 8: happened in my life that was I had a lot
Speaker 8: going on and I was really stressed out.
Speaker 4: I would definitely say I was addicted to weed and
Speaker 4: I knew it. And so then I picked up smoking again,
Speaker 4: and yeah, I guess my brain is just not one
Speaker 4: of those brains that does well with weed, because I
Speaker 4: ended up having a psychotic episode. So I basically like
Speaker 4: I had never experienced it before. It was basically like
Speaker 4: I completely lost touch of reality right, like I it
Speaker 4: was so strange, like I don't know, Sorry, my thoughts
Speaker 4: are all over the place, but I basically took a
Speaker 4: hit off of a pen that was not like it
Speaker 4: wasn't obviously from like a dispensary or anything. And I
Speaker 4: remember getting into the shower and at the time, I
Speaker 4: was really into Florence and the Machine.
Speaker 9: I still am.
Speaker 4: I love her, And while I was in the shower,
Speaker 4: I felt like I was being spoken to by her,
Speaker 4: like through her music. And also along with this, like
Speaker 4: context wise, like I used to be super super religious,
Speaker 4: I went to like a program to like get into ministry, like.
Speaker 9: I was super super religious.
Speaker 2: For a while.
Speaker 4: And so while I was in the shower. I thought
Speaker 4: that I was having a what like an epiphany.
Speaker 7: Turns out I was just going into psychosis.
Speaker 4: Didn't know that at the time, and I was like sobbing,
Speaker 4: and I was like started coming up with like all
Speaker 4: of these ideas, and like I saw this vision of
Speaker 4: like basically my life right Like it started off with
Speaker 4: just like flowers cooing in a field, and it was
Speaker 4: like these flashes of images of like different things in
Speaker 4: my life that like had happened or were going to happen,
Speaker 4: at least how it felt.
Speaker 6: And I started like.
Speaker 4: Singing to the music, thinking that I was like supposed
Speaker 4: to be calling out to other women and trying to
Speaker 4: like send a message out. And at the time, like
Speaker 4: when it first began, I thought, if this isn't real,
Speaker 4: then nothing will happen. But if this is real, then
Speaker 4: I'll get some sort of reaction like from my roommates
Speaker 4: and stuff, because I was living in a dorm. And
Speaker 4: so I sang for like an hour in the shower,
Speaker 4: just like belting my lungs out, and I was super
Speaker 4: like nervous after I can I.
Speaker 1: I'm real quick, real quick, because some people in the
Speaker 1: chat are mentioning this, Are you sure this was not
Speaker 1: a dnt vape.
Speaker 4: I'm almost I have no idea, I because it was
Speaker 4: from a friend.
Speaker 7: So, like she said, it was a weed pen. Nobody
Speaker 7: else had this reaction.
Speaker 4: Everyone else was fine, Like she was hitting it and
Speaker 4: I was hitting it, and she didn't have any sort of.
Speaker 6: Adverse effects to it. This was just me.
Speaker 1: Maybe you maybe you hit the wrong button. Maybe it
Speaker 1: was like, you know those markers have multiple colors. You
Speaker 1: know the markers you have like multiple colors on you.
Speaker 1: You probably hit the d MT button on this fucking pen. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but yeah, that sounds I have no idea. I mean,
Speaker 1: has that happened to you after the fact, has it
Speaker 1: happened to you at any other times? Fucking weed?
Speaker 4: So there was like, it's nothing like this, Like I
Speaker 4: didn't go So in this case, I completely like lost
Speaker 4: touch of reality. I thought I was the next Messiah
Speaker 4: for like three days, and I would come in and
Speaker 4: out of it. But like for the most part, like
Speaker 4: I was walking around thinking that I was like a
Speaker 4: deity on earth for like three days. I never experienced
Speaker 4: that sort of like complete loss of touch of from reality.
Speaker 6: But I did have what I now.
Speaker 4: Realized through like therapy and talking to doctors what might
Speaker 4: have been like a man induced episode from weed, like
Speaker 4: a couple of years prior. So it's all really strange,
Speaker 4: Like I don't really know how to explain it.
Speaker 1: When's the last time you spoke to weed?
Speaker 7: Over a year ago?
Speaker 4: Now? Like I think almost maybe coming up on two years.
Speaker 4: Uh yeah, maybe like a year and a half actually,
Speaker 4: And do.
Speaker 1: You do you feel do you have you had any
Speaker 1: psychotic episodes since?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: I haven't, thankfully, No are you?
Speaker 1: Are you feeling better? Does does it feel good to
Speaker 1: be attached to reality or do you sometimes wish.
Speaker 8: To touch a little more?
Speaker 4: You know, it's it's a little strange. It was the
Speaker 4: most terrifying experience of my life. I will say I
Speaker 4: feel very happy to be grounded and attached to reality.
Speaker 6: I do miss the euphoria.
Speaker 7: I guess that I felt.
Speaker 4: Kind of just like the carelessness. And I mean, if
Speaker 4: you feel.
Speaker 7: Like a god like you feel pretty great.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I think I missed the like euphoria that
Speaker 4: I had felt at the time. But I do not
Speaker 4: miss the fear that I felt when I was kind
Speaker 4: of coming down and realizing what was happening. Because it's
Speaker 4: scary to lose, uh, you know, control of your mind like.
Speaker 1: That when you said you thought you were the Messiah
Speaker 1: for three days? What did that work?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: What were those thoughts?
Speaker 4: So the night that it happened was definitely the worst.
Speaker 4: I quite literally thought that I was going through a
Speaker 4: transformation that was like I was basically taking on all
Speaker 4: of the sin of the world and like turning into Jesus,
Speaker 4: Like I was going to be the next Jesus basically,
Speaker 4: and so I needed to like and I had like
Speaker 4: some sort of message to like spread to the world
Speaker 4: about like God and mother Nature and stuff. So like
Speaker 4: I I physically like at one point was feeling like
Speaker 4: the pain of like the world on in my body.
Speaker 4: And then the next day, like after I kind of
Speaker 4: like what went throughquote unquote my like transformation the next day,
Speaker 4: this is when I started to kind of come in
Speaker 4: and out of it, where like there were moments where
Speaker 4: I like was walking around my campus like quite literally
Speaker 4: thinking like nobody here knows that I'm a god, like
Speaker 4: that I am like a deity. And then I would
Speaker 4: kind of come down a little bit and be like
Speaker 4: I'm crazy, and then I kind of like flip flop.
Speaker 4: I don't know if that makes sense.
Speaker 1: But what if you were a god, would you be
Speaker 1: a benevolent one? Or were you like or were you
Speaker 1: walking around like nobody here knows that I'm God, so
Speaker 1: they better not fuck with me.
Speaker 7: I you know, I think it's we're just saying think
Speaker 7: a little bit of both. Like I was kind of
Speaker 7: like I was super confident, and most of like I guess,
Speaker 7: what I wanted to do was like like spread love.
Speaker 7: Like I'm a very loving person, so I think mostly benevolent.
Speaker 7: But there was also a side of me that.
Speaker 4: Was like, no one can fucking touch me, and like
Speaker 4: if they did, then you know, I'll show them.
Speaker 1: You know, have you recently else at all as though
Speaker 1: you might be a god of some kind?
Speaker 4: I don't think so. Now I feel very normal, Like
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm just your average you know person.
Speaker 1: Well that's good, that's probably healthy. It's probably healthy not
Speaker 1: thinking that you're thinking that you're a god. But maybe
Speaker 1: maybe a little fun for a day.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean for a day if I could,
Speaker 4: if I could do it, I think I would do
Speaker 4: it just to you know, see what it's like.
Speaker 7: But I don't.
Speaker 4: I think that's a lot of responsibility to carry on
Speaker 4: my shoulders to do it, you know, full.
Speaker 1: Time, listen. Anytime you want, you could go into a
Speaker 1: volunt You could probably go into some form of a
Speaker 1: voluntary psychosis. Yeah, but it's not I don't think that's
Speaker 1: a good idea to voluntarily go insane because you want
Speaker 1: to feel like God.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think if something bad enough happened where in
Speaker 4: my life where I was like I don't want to
Speaker 4: be a human anymore, maybe that would be like a
Speaker 4: super you know, it would be a super helpful way
Speaker 4: to try to just let go. But yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 4: don't know.
Speaker 1: What's your name again?
Speaker 8: Addie?
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go? Addie?
Speaker 4: Yeah, tell someone that you love them today.
Speaker 1: Tell someone that you love them today. Tell God that
Speaker 1: you love them today. Maybe he'll love you back, especially
Speaker 1: if it maybe he'll stop making all those horrible, horrible
Speaker 1: things happen to you if you tell them you love
Speaker 1: them once in a while. All right, Bye, Eddie, Bye.
Speaker 6: Thanks guy.
Speaker 1: Hello. Hello, what is your name?
Speaker 6: Wow?
Speaker 9: It's Alyssa. I can't believe this. I've been watching the
Speaker 9: stream for years.
Speaker 1: Well, glad to have you here, Alyssa says, here that
Speaker 1: you are concerned you're becoming too much like your mother.
Speaker 9: Yes, and I don't mean that in a bad way.
Speaker 9: I love my mom. She's my best friend.
Speaker 3: But I just.
Speaker 9: I don't know. It's kind of having an impact on
Speaker 9: some of my decisions. I think I messaged you before
Speaker 9: that saying that I'm thinking about becoming a therapist and
Speaker 9: my mom's a therapist. So I've always thought I don't
Speaker 9: want to do that because that's what she does. But
Speaker 9: now I do want to do it, but I don't
Speaker 9: know if I should because that's what she does. Does
Speaker 9: that make sense?
Speaker 1: It makes sense in theory, but in practice, why do
Speaker 1: you care?
Speaker 9: Yeah, exactly. I don't know. It's just me and my
Speaker 9: mom are literally the same person she's We're both the
Speaker 9: same personality type, we're both Leo's, We're very similar. I
Speaker 9: love her, she's my role model, but I don't want to.
Speaker 9: I guess it's a stupid thing. Like if I, quote
Speaker 9: unquote grew up to be like my mom, that wouldn't
Speaker 9: be a bad thing because she's great.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, take your mom out of it. Like,
Speaker 1: do you want to be a therapist?
Speaker 9: Yeah? I do, I've I always have, but I've always
Speaker 9: told myself, I'm not going to do that because that's
Speaker 9: what my mom does. I don't want to do what
Speaker 9: my mom does. But it's the only thing that I
Speaker 9: keep coming back to, Like I'm so unsatisfied in my
Speaker 9: job right now, and I'm just I've always told myself
Speaker 9: like maybe when I'm older, somewhere down the road, but
Speaker 9: it's just the thing I keep coming back to. So
Speaker 9: I don't know. I guess that's saying it out loud
Speaker 9: makes me realize it's kind of a silly concern.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, like I mean, point case closed. If
Speaker 1: you want to be a therapist, then why does it
Speaker 1: matter if your mom was one?
Speaker 9: Well that's true, but also like I'm worried. I guess
Speaker 9: nobody is one hundred percent uh mentally healthy. Like I
Speaker 9: definitely still have my own stuff I'm working out, So
Speaker 9: I guess another part of my concern is, like, is it,
Speaker 9: you know, should I be the person giving people advice
Speaker 9: when I don't even have my own shaw worked out?
Speaker 9: You know?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm depressed and anxious and completely insane, and
Speaker 1: for some reason people continue to ask me what they
Speaker 1: should do with their lives. Oh true, But I'm also
Speaker 1: I'm not a real therapist. I'm a fucking internet streamer guy.
Speaker 1: So but I I don't. I look, here's my final
Speaker 1: opinion on this. What's alyssa is that, like, I mean,
Speaker 1: stop giving yourself reasons not to do a thing that
Speaker 1: you want to do, and they're not good. They're not
Speaker 1: good reasons. Like if you want to do the thing,
Speaker 1: go do the thing.
Speaker 9: Yeah, no, that's a good point. It's good to have
Speaker 9: somebody else to tell me that I just wish. So
Speaker 9: I feel so directionless, Like sometimes you.
Speaker 10: Just want what do you mean you feel hold on?
Speaker 10: Hold on what you keep saying this thing? What do
Speaker 10: you mean you feel directionless? You have a direction, you
Speaker 10: have a thing you're telling me over and over again
Speaker 10: that you want to do. That's the opposite of direction
Speaker 10: list that's the.
Speaker 9: Direction out of the country. So that's the other part
Speaker 9: of it. So what I don't know, I also want
Speaker 9: to move out of the country, so that's the other
Speaker 9: part of it. So it's like I can I can
Speaker 9: apply to grad school here, but then I'm kind of
Speaker 9: like locking myself into I guess I'm not because I
Speaker 9: could work remotely once I'm licensed. But the other option
Speaker 9: would be to apply to grad programs outside of the country.
Speaker 9: I just can't decide what route to take.
Speaker 1: What country do you want to move to?
Speaker 9: Kind of I'm very open honestly. That's like France is one.
Speaker 9: I just got back from a trip to France. It
Speaker 9: was really lovely. I can speak a tiny tiny bit
Speaker 9: of French. Uh, maybe the UK. Those would be my
Speaker 9: top two.
Speaker 1: I would say, Okay, this all sounds good. I can,
Speaker 1: I can, I can. I be honest with you, Yeah,
Speaker 1: please you there's no reason to invent reasons why you
Speaker 1: shouldn't go do fun, cool, exciting things, right, You're like,
Speaker 1: That's what I'm observing is that you're inventing reasons. Yeah,
Speaker 1: be scared and happy that don't that don't exist.
Speaker 9: Yeah, because it's just I guess hard to actually like
Speaker 9: do the thing. You know, you just have to decide to.
Speaker 1: Just that's the thing. I mean, your mother, the fact
Speaker 1: that your mom was a therapist, like who, like, who cares?
Speaker 1: That doesn't matter at all. You want to do this thing,
Speaker 1: We'll go do it.
Speaker 9: No, you're right, You're totally right.
Speaker 3: Uh have to figure out.
Speaker 1: Where I mean being a therapist in French? That sounds cool?
Speaker 1: They make a lot of sad, it probably would be sad.
Speaker 1: They make a lot of sad, It probably would be hard.
Speaker 1: They make a lot of sad, black and white French
Speaker 1: movies that make people very sad. So I say, France,
Speaker 1: I think you should go to friends because that's probably
Speaker 1: where the most that's probably where the most depressed people are,
Speaker 1: and that's where you'll get make the most money being
Speaker 1: a therapist.
Speaker 9: So I gotta learn the language a little better than
Speaker 9: I I do know it already.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else you want to say to the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 9: No, I don't think so. Thanks for calling, Thanks for.
Speaker 1: Thanks for talking to me on the phone anytime.
Speaker 9: Bye bye.
Speaker 3: Never Beacond goes on the line making us oone calls
Speaker 3: every night.
Speaker 1: Never Beacon goes to side, just teaching news.
Speaker 3: Good line.
Speaker 1: Money's not really exper