1 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Doctor Joy Harden Bradford, a 5 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 1: licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or to 6 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: find a therapist in your area, visit our website at 7 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,520 Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com. While I hope you love 8 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 1: listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not 9 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a 10 00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much for 11 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: joining me for session three oh five of the Therapy 12 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation 13 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:10,399 Speaker 1: afterword from our sponsors. Have you heard? My first book, 14 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,479 Speaker 1: Sisterhood Heels, is available for pre order right now at 15 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 1: Sisterhoodheels dot com. Grab your copy to learn more about 16 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,720 Speaker 1: what role you play in your sister circles, why difficult 17 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: conversations can make relationships closer, and steps to take when 18 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:25,399 Speaker 1: it's time to end a friendship. We'll have lots to 19 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: talk about this summer, and you don't want to miss it. 20 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 1: Pre Order your copy of sisterhood Heels right now at 21 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:38,759 Speaker 1: sisterhood Heels dot com. What are the guidelines you follow 22 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: about sharing information about your love life online? Are you 23 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: a fan of soft launches or do you prefer to 24 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,960 Speaker 1: keep it private? Does it mean anything to you if 25 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 1: your partner doesn't share pictures of you on their profiles. 26 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: Everyone has their own comfort level, and we're digging into 27 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: all of it today. Joining me again this week are 28 00:01:55,920 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: some members of the TBG team, Elise, Nisha and Miela, 29 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: to share their thoughts on dating and relating in an 30 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: online world. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, 31 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,840 Speaker 1: please share with us on social media using the hashtag 32 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: TVG in session or join us over in the sister 33 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: circle to talk more in depth about the episode. You 34 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 1: can join us at community dot therapy for Blackgirls dot Com. 35 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:27,279 Speaker 1: Here's our conversation. So we are back with another incredible 36 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: TVG team discussion, and this week we are talking a 37 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: little bit about dating etiquette in the online world. So 38 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: many of our team members are a little bit TikTok 39 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 1: obsessed and like many of you, have been following the 40 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: beautiful saga of Jalen Noble and monet as they've done 41 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: their soft launches and now fullard launches on TikTok as 42 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 1: all of TikTok in a frenzy, and so that led 43 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: us to a discussion around what is the etiquette around 44 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: dating online and what kinds of conversations are you having 45 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: in your relationships, about whether you share each other on 46 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,480 Speaker 1: your socials, and just all of those things. So we 47 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,920 Speaker 1: wanted to share this conversation with the team, but then 48 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: also open it up to the community for you to 49 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,360 Speaker 1: weigh in on what your rules are around dating etiquette 50 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:16,959 Speaker 1: and online profiles. So let us start with introductions. So 51 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,880 Speaker 1: we have some voices that you heard before and other 52 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: new team members who will be sharing with us for 53 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: the first time. If you would tell us who you are, 54 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: your positioned at TBG, and then a little bit of 55 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: an intro on your dating history or your relationship status, 56 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: we'll start with you at least. 57 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 2: Hey, I am Elise. I am the podcast producer for 58 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 2: TVG and I also produce for our socials. I have 59 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 2: been dating. 60 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:47,120 Speaker 3: My partner for a year and a half, but I 61 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:52,040 Speaker 3: have known him since twenty eighteen and I just moved 62 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 3: in with him, which is really exciting. But I'm excited 63 00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:59,240 Speaker 3: to talk about this, and like doctor Joyce said, it 64 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,000 Speaker 3: was cool that we were all on the same accord 65 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 3: about Jalen and Monet, the TikTok influencers, and they're like 66 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 3: super hard launch, and so I was like, yes, this 67 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 3: is a great episode, we have to do it. 68 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: What about you, Nashia? 69 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 4: Hey everyone, I am Nisha. I'm the community assistant here 70 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 4: with Therapy for Black Girls, and I also assist with 71 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 4: our Twitter page. I have been with my wife and 72 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 4: August it will be thirteen years and married nine years. 73 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: And Miela, I knew it's TVGT member. 74 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 5: Hi. I'm Meela. I'm the digital content producer at Therapy 75 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 5: for Black Girls, but I handle exclusively Doctor Joy's forthcoming book, 76 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 5: Sisterhood Heels that's coming out June twenty seventh engine twenty 77 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 5: ninth in the UK for those that are curious. 78 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: Talk about a hard launch for the book. 79 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:53,000 Speaker 5: I have been with my fiance for almost three years, 80 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 5: almost three years perfect and I realized I didn't share 81 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 5: my relationship daddy. 82 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,400 Speaker 1: So I have been married for ten years. I believe 83 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,520 Speaker 1: ten years. I think this year will be eleven years. 84 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,160 Speaker 1: So predating a little bit of some of the social 85 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:08,720 Speaker 1: media channels. But I have a very different perspective I 86 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: think on everything that has happened, and so much of 87 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: this has really popped up post me being engaged and married. 88 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,479 Speaker 1: So let us start with a conversation around what kinds 89 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 1: of conversations have you had with your partner around are 90 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: we going to share that we're in a relationship, What 91 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: are the rules about posting each other? Do you prefer 92 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 1: a partner who is not really online? Give me the 93 00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 1: scoop on like how you have even had conversations with 94 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: your partners about what happened online. 95 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 4: So Samantha and I started dating when Facebook was coming out. 96 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 4: I guess maybe like in this like fourth year, I 97 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 4: don't remember. So it was in relationship with and me. 98 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 4: I'm a social media person and she's not at all. 99 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 4: So I was like, are you gonna put in relationship with? 100 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 4: She was like, I don't care about that. While we 101 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:53,800 Speaker 4: got to tell people, I was like, I don't know, 102 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:57,800 Speaker 4: that's what's that's what's happening. So it was literally from John, 103 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 4: she's not a social media person. She doesn't just social media. 104 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 4: We do have a combined Instagram account that was for 105 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 4: our business page, but I'm a majority of the face. 106 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 4: You see her slide up and there when she wants to. 107 00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:13,000 Speaker 1: So she's not a social media person, but she was 108 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 1: not necessarily opposed to like you posting that y'all were 109 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: in a relationship, or you posting pictures of. 110 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,280 Speaker 4: Y'all now posting picture. No, she didn't mind, but she 111 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,480 Speaker 4: was like, you don't have to tag me. She graduated 112 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 4: college in two thousand and four, and she still got 113 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 4: her college profile photo on Facebook, so she real serious. 114 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,479 Speaker 1: She like, I do not care about any of this. 115 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 4: She don't care. 116 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,479 Speaker 1: What about you, Ellie. 117 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 3: I was definitely the person in the relationship who wasn't like, 118 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 3: don't post me, don't tag me. I was just reluctant. 119 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 3: I think it was less about people knowing I was 120 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:49,080 Speaker 3: in a relationship and more about like the perceptions of 121 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 3: someone when they're in a relationship. I think, so, I've 122 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 3: been dating my boyfriend for, like I said, a year 123 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 3: and a half, first like serious relationship, and sometimes I 124 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 3: had my own insecurities about oh, being in a relationship 125 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 3: and then like having a career, Like I didn't want 126 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 3: to seem like the super my man, my man, my 127 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,159 Speaker 3: man girl who doesn't care about anything else, and so 128 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 3: I think that was a big reason I was reluctant. 129 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 3: And then I was like, ah, I don't know if 130 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 3: I look good in that picture. Just like when you're 131 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 3: on your partner's social I think you're really hyper aware 132 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,720 Speaker 3: of how you look and how other people might perceive you. 133 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 3: And so I definitely think now we have check ins 134 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,040 Speaker 3: like oh do you like this photo? And can I 135 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 3: post this? Like that's a very simple asset I think 136 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,360 Speaker 3: works a lot of the time. But I will say 137 00:07:31,120 --> 00:07:34,560 Speaker 3: outside of just like the relationship dynamics, my boyfriend definitely 138 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 3: does produce my social media's even outside of the stuff 139 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 3: I post, I ask him about like a lot of. 140 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 2: Stuff like oh should I post this? Should I do that? 141 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 3: So I think we've really grown in that like comfortability 142 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 3: when it comes to social media. And for myself, I 143 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:53,120 Speaker 3: don't think I have any like hard and fast rules. 144 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 3: I just like to do what feels comfortable and generally, 145 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:59,200 Speaker 3: like I share a lot about my life, but I 146 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,960 Speaker 3: don't think it's like too for detail, like this is 147 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 3: my boyfriend and we went here on XYZ date. It's 148 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,000 Speaker 3: just like, Okay, we took a nice picture. And he 149 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 3: does film photos and videos and so it's always good 150 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 3: to share those because they like look really nice. And 151 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 3: so I think I've gone with the flow, but also 152 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 3: been very assertive and like just. 153 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 2: Express what I'm not comfortable with when it pops up. 154 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 5: When my fiance had first started dating, it was at 155 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 5: the height of the pandemic, so a lot of our 156 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 5: dating was like inside the house. I didn't really think 157 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:34,920 Speaker 5: about posting. I did say after my most previous relationship, 158 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 5: where I felt like I was embarrassed by my ex, 159 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:41,200 Speaker 5: I was like, not posting a man again until there's 160 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 5: a ring. What's the CARDI line, there's no ring on 161 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 5: my hands, You're not getting posted on the gram something. 162 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:50,679 Speaker 5: It started off as not wanting to share my relationship 163 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 5: of a fear of embarrassment. I think sometimes women experienced that, 164 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 5: Oh we post him, and then a week later, for 165 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,959 Speaker 5: whatever reason, ex girl and ex guy haveuddenly broke up. Right, 166 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 5: Sometimes I feel like people are so into the know 167 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 5: of people's relationships online just based off of what they shared. 168 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,760 Speaker 5: So it started off like that for me, and then 169 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 5: as I started to get to know my partner and 170 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,520 Speaker 5: just learning to love him, it became a protective thing, 171 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 5: like he was mine and I just wanted to keep 172 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:24,959 Speaker 5: him for myself, because you know, once you post something online, 173 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,839 Speaker 5: it becomes the internets, and I didn't want my man 174 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 5: to be the Internet's man, so it just became a 175 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 5: more intimate thing. This was the first relationship that I 176 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 5: had ever been in where I felt like I had control, 177 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 5: so to speak, in terms of posting online. He's also 178 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 5: not really a social media person on Instagram, he really 179 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 5: just posts the dogs and his shoes, and I appreciate 180 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,560 Speaker 5: that because I feel like, as a journalist and as 181 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:55,319 Speaker 5: a producer, my life exists online sometimes. So to have 182 00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:00,120 Speaker 5: the option to manage what I wanted to share and 183 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 5: that this was such an intimate thing that I got 184 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 5: to choose became like my favorite part throughout the relationship. 185 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,600 Speaker 5: So then when I did share him, it was after 186 00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 5: he had proposed. It was after like our proposal photos 187 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,840 Speaker 5: came in, and it was like, what I think, the 188 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 5: hardest launch that I'd ever done, And a lot of 189 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,079 Speaker 5: my friends would probably agree. 190 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: With me, Yeah, I think so. You know, when we 191 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: started dating, I think the only platform I was really 192 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 1: active on was Facebook, and so I'm pretty sure we 193 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,319 Speaker 1: had like an inner relationship with thing that then changed 194 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,119 Speaker 1: to engaged. 195 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 4: Once we got engaged. 196 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: And I definitely did share like wedding pictures on Facebook. 197 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 1: But as the podcast has grown, people have recognized me 198 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: and my family, more people have copied my page, so 199 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,320 Speaker 1: have made fake accounts with doctor Joy on it. And 200 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,679 Speaker 1: so I think I used to have pictures of like 201 00:10:48,679 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: my husband and my kids on my definitely on my 202 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 1: Instagram fee, but I've taken all of those down now 203 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,320 Speaker 1: because I did not want fake pages, especially with my 204 00:10:56,440 --> 00:11:00,040 Speaker 1: kids pictures like just floating out in the ether. So 205 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 1: now I'm very private, like I don't you know. Every 206 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 1: now and then I would share something like maybe in stories, 207 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 1: but never on the grid, just because I am like 208 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: really weird about fake pages, having like my life documented 209 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: in some kind of random way. But we've never had 210 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: a conversation really about whether we needed to share online 211 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 1: or anything. Again, I think much of that is related 212 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: to the fact that we were married, so which earlier 213 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: before social media was really popping like this. But you know, 214 00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: we kind of entered into this conversation with the idea 215 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,960 Speaker 1: of like a hard launch and a soft launch. But 216 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 1: I'm not even sure how that kind of language entered 217 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: into the lexicon, Like I feel like we need to 218 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,439 Speaker 1: do a little bit of digging into like where did 219 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,520 Speaker 1: that even come from? So it feels like the earliest 220 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: experiences I remember of that kind of stuff is like 221 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,440 Speaker 1: people would take certain pictures and like you would see 222 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,959 Speaker 1: somebody's like arm in the picture, so that you knew 223 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,240 Speaker 1: they were with someone, but you didn't know who it was. 224 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: And now it feels like it has very much become 225 00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: a thing. What are your thoughts around like the progression 226 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: of this and like how we are seeing even the 227 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,320 Speaker 1: idea of like a soft launch and a hard launch, 228 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 1: Like what has been your experience of the trajectory of 229 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 1: those kinds of terms, even in your relationships and just 230 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,319 Speaker 1: on your social media pages, in your communities and your networks. 231 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:18,200 Speaker 5: I love them. I am such a fan of any launch. 232 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,559 Speaker 5: When I launched my fiance, I was teasing all my 233 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 5: close friends with my friends that it was going to 234 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 5: be his probate. So I'm a really big fan of 235 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 5: people taking control of what they feel like they have 236 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 5: to push out. I feel we're so inundated with people 237 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 5: sharing relationship goals and celebrity couples that even if we 238 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 5: have the opportunity to decide when we want to share 239 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 5: our person or how I'm a big fan, like please 240 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 5: keep teasing us, give me the arm, give me the shoulder, 241 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:56,560 Speaker 5: give me a neck, give me half a face, don't 242 00:12:56,559 --> 00:13:01,400 Speaker 5: give me a face. Clearly this person is excited enough 243 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 5: about where they are and like their romantic life to 244 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 5: even give us a little bit. And I'm just here 245 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 5: for it. Like Valentine's Day, I feel like it's the ultimate, 246 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:13,600 Speaker 5: like launch day, Like if there was an Independence Day 247 00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:18,080 Speaker 5: for launch days, it would be February fourteenth, or maybe 248 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:22,200 Speaker 5: Sweetest Day, but February fourteenth for sure. And I I 249 00:13:22,280 --> 00:13:27,079 Speaker 5: just love that people feel open enough to do that, 250 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 5: and it's become this cute, like little goofy internet trend. 251 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 5: I'm all about it. 252 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 2: I love it too. 253 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 3: I think what is interesting is that Instagram really got 254 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,160 Speaker 3: popping in like twenty twelve, and that's that was right 255 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,120 Speaker 3: when I entered high school and people used to post 256 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 3: anything back then, like nobody cared any and everything like 257 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,360 Speaker 3: this is what I ate for lunch today, And so 258 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 3: it's interesting to see how on social media things like 259 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,240 Speaker 3: started off very free and I think then became very private, 260 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 3: and now people are starting to share a little more 261 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,280 Speaker 3: and I think TikTok has helped that people feel a 262 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 3: lot more comfortable being vulnerable. I also know, like a 263 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 3: lot of people they reserve posting their partner to like 264 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,760 Speaker 3: a Fensta or a private Instagram separate from their public one, 265 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 3: which I think is really great, and I, like Miela said, 266 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 3: the ability to just control your own narrative, but then 267 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 3: also at the same time like celebrate your love, celebrate 268 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 3: your relationship, I think is really cool. But I'm always 269 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 3: I'm a peeper, like who's that what's that arm? Who 270 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 3: are they at the restaurant with? Oh, it's Valentine's Day, 271 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:36,960 Speaker 3: she's out of town and it's not a girls trip 272 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 3: because I saw her friend with her man, so. 273 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 2: I know they're not. 274 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 3: But I think it's interesting and I think it's fun. 275 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 3: But I do understand why people can be hesitant to 276 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,600 Speaker 3: just do something so hard, like oh my god, I'm 277 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 3: dang this person, because we all know that there's like 278 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:59,360 Speaker 3: gossip when the post gets taken down, or when it's 279 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 3: been three months and you haven't seen her him them, 280 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 3: and like there's just all these questions, And I know 281 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 3: that can cause a lot of anxiety for people, and 282 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,040 Speaker 3: I know it has for me, but you know, I 283 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 3: want to save them for myself or I love them 284 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,800 Speaker 3: so much, just like I love what I cook for 285 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 3: breakfast this morning, and it's that natural to my life, 286 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 3: so I'm gonna share it, just like I share anything else. 287 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 4: So like at least I am a peeper. I'd be like, ooh, 288 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 4: what they're doing? Who took that picture? Oh? Whose finger 289 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 4: was that right there on the dinner table? And I 290 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 4: think that is where the addiction of social media continues 291 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 4: is because people, you know, they'll soft launch. This is 292 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 4: my first time I've been using this in this context, 293 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:39,560 Speaker 4: but this is cool. And someone who is literally nosy 294 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 4: and maybe I could be in that category based on 295 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 4: the person will keep looking. Oh are they gonna share more? 296 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 4: Are they gonna share more? I've experienced this with someone 297 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:48,680 Speaker 4: I know, and it's just like the reason why I 298 00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 4: felt that my heart to could keep looking is because 299 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,640 Speaker 4: they were hurt in the past. And it's like, all right, 300 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,720 Speaker 4: you know you were hurt. You were public about being 301 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 4: hurt on social media, so now what are you going 302 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,080 Speaker 4: to share? This person? And then when they eventually did, 303 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 4: I was happy for them and I told them that 304 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 4: as well, that they took their time they went through 305 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 4: their own process, and I'm assuming they're just like, I'm 306 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 4: in it for myself and my happiness and joy. 307 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: So when we pose this question on our social media 308 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: channels to that the TVG community way in overall like way, 309 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,160 Speaker 1: majority of people are like, just do not do it, like, 310 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 1: don't share anything about your partner on social which I 311 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: think is interesting, right, And you know, so even though 312 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: a lot of people are saying like, don't do it, like, 313 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,560 Speaker 1: keep it to yourself, we do know that there are 314 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: a lot of people who are sharing. So one of 315 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 1: our Instagram community members say is, don't post anything that 316 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: invites advice about your relationship and definitely consider, reconsider, and 317 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: consider again before you follow any social media advice. And 318 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,360 Speaker 1: so I do think that this is an interesting conversation 319 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: around what happens when you do share your partner, right. 320 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 1: I feel like y'all have talked about like casually sharing 321 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,560 Speaker 1: your partners and Okay, if we go out somewhere, if 322 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: there's a cute picture of us, like I share. But 323 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,760 Speaker 1: we also know that there are some like content creators 324 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,160 Speaker 1: and people who are just way more public about their 325 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 1: relationships and maybe make couples content or you know those 326 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:09,399 Speaker 1: kinds of things, And so what do you think are 327 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:13,760 Speaker 1: the guidelines around because I think some would argue when 328 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 1: you make couples content, like are you inviting the internet 329 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: into your relationship in some ways? 330 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 5: Right? 331 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,760 Speaker 1: So if all you're talking about on your channels or 332 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: how you make decisions in your relationship, or like these 333 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 1: are the things we do to strengthen our relationship or 334 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,679 Speaker 1: whatever it is, are you then inviting advice and like 335 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:36,359 Speaker 1: commentary on your relationship or should there still be some 336 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,480 Speaker 1: boundaries around how you, as somebody who's consuming the content 337 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,719 Speaker 1: interact with somebody who shares couples content. 338 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 4: So when you post anything on social media, you are 339 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 4: inviting others unless you choose that disable feature don't comment 340 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,960 Speaker 4: on it, you are opening your ears, opening your heart 341 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,640 Speaker 4: to just taking commentary, no matter as negative a positive. 342 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 4: And when it comes to your partner, I think both 343 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 4: of you have to be on that same page because 344 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 4: if not, then it's gonna be some happening. And the 345 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:03,960 Speaker 4: ultimate goal is just like you need to be happy 346 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,280 Speaker 4: for you and be prepared. And as you mentioned before, 347 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,960 Speaker 4: some people be like, oh, what's happening? Are they still together? 348 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,199 Speaker 4: At least mention that are they still together. People are 349 00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,159 Speaker 4: gonna be commented. People will write on a comment, I 350 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,280 Speaker 4: saw you with this person before, where are they now? 351 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 4: It's like goodness, gracious so to me, social media just 352 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 4: like the newspaper. Before social media was a thing, the 353 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 4: news was in our hand. It's like pretty much a broadcast. 354 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,720 Speaker 4: So you are inviting people to be in your life 355 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,880 Speaker 4: for sure, which is weird, but. 356 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm with you, Naisha. Once once you hit posts, 357 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 5: that content is no longer yours. I remember the day 358 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,919 Speaker 5: that I shared our proposal photos. It was after my 359 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,520 Speaker 5: fiance and I have gone Tai Kia, and I think 360 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 5: we were sitting in like shake shack or something, and 361 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,439 Speaker 5: I said, Okay, I'm gonna post it. I'm gonna put 362 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,400 Speaker 5: my phone down, And before I even had a chance 363 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,119 Speaker 5: to put my phone down, my notifications started going off. 364 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 5: And then I think, like after a week or two, 365 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,639 Speaker 5: you know when sometimes depending on certain Instagram accounts, you 366 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 5: can see the insights. I saw the insight and that 367 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,479 Speaker 5: was a big mistake. Like the photos had been shared 368 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 5: like four hundred times, and it made me so anxious 369 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 5: because instantly my mind is like so and so sent 370 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 5: it to so and So's friend I wonder what they're saying, 371 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:16,639 Speaker 5: you know, and obviously we don't have that kind of 372 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 5: access to people's thoughts. But it made me really anxious 373 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:23,959 Speaker 5: for a couple of days, and I was like, Okay, 374 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,360 Speaker 5: this is what happens when I don't share this intimate 375 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,919 Speaker 5: parts of my life for a really long time, and 376 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:34,840 Speaker 5: then I do and it feels like the Internet has crashed. 377 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,879 Speaker 5: So I'm with you, Naisha. I think part of it 378 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 5: is like protecting peace but also understanding if you're going 379 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 5: to bring people into your joy, into the happiness parts 380 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,280 Speaker 5: of your life. There's always in the back of my mind, 381 00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 5: there's always like a third eye somewhere that's wondering what 382 00:19:55,680 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 5: are people's intentions with this? Do they have good thoughts 383 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 5: and just good vibes about what I'm sharing? But working 384 00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 5: on that through in therapy. 385 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:10,800 Speaker 3: I relate a thousand percent. I think something I've had 386 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,359 Speaker 3: to get over. It's like, well, if I'm gonna share it, 387 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 3: people are gonna talk about it, and that's for anything. 388 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 3: So like I shared that Therapy for Black Girls want 389 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 3: a Webby Award and people talked about it, and I know, 390 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 3: so maybe if I have or post a selfie and 391 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 3: I have a pimple, people will be like, oh, look 392 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:27,359 Speaker 3: at her cheek or something like that, and so you 393 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 3: have to take the good and the bad with social media. 394 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,280 Speaker 3: But I definitely would say don't look at the insights 395 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,840 Speaker 3: because I think the first time I posted. 396 00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 2: My boyfriend was. 397 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,240 Speaker 3: Like full photo, like this is why I'm dating, was 398 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,439 Speaker 3: on his birthday and it got like thirty shares and 399 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 3: I was like, and this was just on the story, 400 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,200 Speaker 3: and I was like, oh my god. I knew people 401 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 3: were gonna see it, but having thirty people like send 402 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 3: somebody else and talk about that's too much for me. 403 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,600 Speaker 3: I also think about, and I said this earlier, when 404 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,320 Speaker 3: he's posted me and people will say and it's funny. 405 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,240 Speaker 2: We were at dinner one time and. 406 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,360 Speaker 3: He posted me and this girl replied to the story 407 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 3: was like, I didn't know you had a sister, and 408 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,959 Speaker 3: I thought it was super shady, and he was like, 409 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:12,879 Speaker 3: he doesn't know if he shady. 410 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,439 Speaker 2: I'm like, it was, it was. 411 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 3: And so it's just little inter actions like that that 412 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 3: maybe for like two or three weeks, will have him 413 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 3: be like I don't want to be perceived online. Nobody's 414 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,680 Speaker 3: gonna know anything about me. But at the same time, 415 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,640 Speaker 3: I'm like people could say the same thing as I'm 416 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 3: walking down the street. We also do like a lot 417 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,000 Speaker 3: of professional things together and had to like talk about 418 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,159 Speaker 3: like are they going to know if we're dating and 419 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 3: things like that and kind of managing that. And so 420 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,440 Speaker 3: we're like in a fairly like new relationship. It's only 421 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,959 Speaker 3: been a year and a half, but it's been really 422 00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 3: grounding to have like these conversations earlier rather than later, 423 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 3: especially like as like conflict can arise or just as 424 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:51,439 Speaker 3: life comes at you. 425 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 1: More from my conversation with the team after the break, 426 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,840 Speaker 1: Have you heard? My first book, Sisterhood Heels, is available 427 00:22:02,840 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: for pre order right now at Sisterhoodheels dot com. Grab 428 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:08,480 Speaker 1: your copy to learn more about what role you play 429 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,640 Speaker 1: in your sister circles, why difficult conversations can make relationships closer, 430 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 1: and steps to take when it's time to end a friendship. 431 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 1: We'll have lots to talk about this summer, and you 432 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,960 Speaker 1: don't want to miss it. Pre Order your copy of 433 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:27,920 Speaker 1: Sisterhood Heels right now at Sisterhoodheels dot com. I feel 434 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,600 Speaker 1: like it has been a while since I have checked 435 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:33,399 Speaker 1: any stats on like social media and the impact of 436 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,840 Speaker 1: like technology on relationships. But I know at one point 437 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,360 Speaker 1: there was like a high rate of like marital dissatisfaction 438 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 1: and like discord in relationships related to stuff like Facebook, right, 439 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,960 Speaker 1: because when Facebook first started and people were like reconnecting 440 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,359 Speaker 1: with like high school crushes and people that you maybe 441 00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,880 Speaker 1: hadn't seen in years, right, like maybe you run into them, 442 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: like when you go back to your hometown. But like 443 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,639 Speaker 1: Facebook and the advent of social media really made that 444 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,399 Speaker 1: much easier to connect with all these people from your past. 445 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,760 Speaker 1: And so hearing y'all talk about it is making me 446 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 1: think of the increase, Like it just feel like it 447 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,679 Speaker 1: escalates all these different kinds of things you have to 448 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 1: weigh in relationships now that like technology in these networks 449 00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,199 Speaker 1: are so much more a part of our lives. You know, 450 00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: I hadn't even thought about the angle that you and 451 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: Mila at least talked about in terms of checking insights, 452 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,840 Speaker 1: but I definitely have heard that like just related to 453 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:29,320 Speaker 1: other things, right. But I do think when people check enticing, 454 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,640 Speaker 1: they realize like that there is so much interest in 455 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,240 Speaker 1: their partner or love life or whatever. That is what 456 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: then encourages them to maybe make more Right. So I 457 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 1: hear you both saying like, oh, this made me like 458 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,119 Speaker 1: really anxious, and I feel like I need to like 459 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,320 Speaker 1: pay attention to not doing that. But I think for 460 00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,239 Speaker 1: some people it has the opposite impact in that, you know, 461 00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: if you're especially if you're trying to monetize your socials 462 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,480 Speaker 1: in some ways, right, Like, people get really excited about that, 463 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 1: and so then that makes them want to share more. 464 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:58,640 Speaker 1: So I think that that's really something interesting to consider 465 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,560 Speaker 1: because I had not thought about that, like whether seeing 466 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,000 Speaker 1: how much you know somebody sharing about your love like 467 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,719 Speaker 1: on a particular post makes you more anxious or does 468 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 1: it make you want to share more about that. 469 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,680 Speaker 4: Doctor Joey, I'd love to weigh in on that. As 470 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 4: I mentioned, my wife and I have a business page 471 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 4: literally two mommy's and the baby that's. I was like, 472 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,199 Speaker 4: we're going to be this and it started from my 473 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 4: personal page, and I said, oh my god, people like 474 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 4: seeing us together. Let's monetize this. Because our children's book 475 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 4: came out, so we had to create something for the 476 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 4: children's book and people just started saying thank you for 477 00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 4: having this page. We had teenagers dm us and saying 478 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,880 Speaker 4: thank you for being open. You make me feel comfortable 479 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 4: with myself and things like that. Wrong joy. So I 480 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:39,680 Speaker 4: did use that to an advantage and still to this day, 481 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,320 Speaker 4: this is one person who's been following us for years 482 00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,760 Speaker 4: and she's like Abigail, our daughter, Abiyel is so big now, 483 00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,439 Speaker 4: and I'm like, goodness, it's crazy. She knew like she 484 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 4: knew Abiyil when Abyel was in a womb. According to 485 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,960 Speaker 4: social media. Never met this person in person. But we 486 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 4: invited people into our lives. We weren't doing it intentionally, 487 00:24:57,440 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 4: but we're like, oh, it's working out in our favor, 488 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,640 Speaker 4: which have given us different entrepreneurial goals and opportunities to meet. 489 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 4: And we did, like you know, from being booked on 490 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,240 Speaker 4: TV shows and being even more comfortable in the LGBT community, 491 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 4: like we are a voice. So it worked to our 492 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 4: advantage and I'm still working it to my advantage. So 493 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 4: that's my take on social media. 494 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, and see, I think that makes sense, right, Like 495 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,520 Speaker 1: then you realize like, okay, this is how I can 496 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: monetize this in this very particular way, right, Like we 497 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: make a book and we you know, advertise around it. 498 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: So the other commentary our community really talked about was 499 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:32,360 Speaker 1: the model that Lisa has shared as well, as Carrie Washington, Right, 500 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,000 Speaker 1: So we didn't even know Lisa. Well. I think some 501 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,280 Speaker 1: people had seen pictures of like Lisa and her now 502 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 1: husband at like random events, like there were a couple 503 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 1: of pictures, but like she really popped out with a 504 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,360 Speaker 1: whole wedding and then even made a joke about it like, oh, 505 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,880 Speaker 1: this was a production, you know kind of thing, which 506 00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 1: I think speaks to this idea of like wanting to 507 00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,199 Speaker 1: really take control of the narrative. And Carrie Washington, I 508 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:55,880 Speaker 1: believe maybe did she share wedding pictures at some point, 509 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:58,560 Speaker 1: but she definitely has not shared her kids. So it 510 00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,200 Speaker 1: definitely feels like it is a continue of those early 511 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:04,920 Speaker 1: conversations that Beyonce talks about having Oprah had told her 512 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: like make sure to save some stuff for yourself, right, 513 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:10,080 Speaker 1: and like to be very careful about talking about your relationship. 514 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:13,080 Speaker 1: So what do you think about Like the celebrities who 515 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: really kind of it feels like, have taken control of 516 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,760 Speaker 1: this and really have not done any kind of launching 517 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 1: at all, have been very very protective around their relationships. 518 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 5: ASA's goals. I aspire to be like Acera. I aspired. 519 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:31,439 Speaker 5: I feel like I cracked under pressure self pressure. I 520 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,600 Speaker 5: love what is ray did? I love the Carrie Washington 521 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,479 Speaker 5: like doesn't really post photos of like her and her 522 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 5: husband who is also in the industry, or their kids. 523 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 5: I think having that control when your life is so public. 524 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,600 Speaker 5: Celebrities don't owe us anything, like I know that they're 525 00:26:47,600 --> 00:26:52,879 Speaker 5: in the business of performing, but I appreciate like a 526 00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 5: certain level and attention to privacy in my own life. 527 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 5: I feel like I'm my own celebrity, like I'm the 528 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 5: main character, So I try to exude that same methodology 529 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 5: when I share things. I imagine if I ever have 530 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,919 Speaker 5: the blessing and the honor to be someone's parent, that 531 00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 5: I too will be like hesitant or careful or apprehensive 532 00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 5: to share my own kids. I think the same way. 533 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 5: Like you mentioned Doctor Joy, You're privacy right. Anything can 534 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 5: be screenshot online and I'm not at like doctor joy 535 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,320 Speaker 5: fame where people are making fake pages about me and 536 00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 5: my family. But I imagine if I was, I too 537 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:38,400 Speaker 5: would be very careful about what I shared. I think 538 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,600 Speaker 5: it also speaks to and this is slightly related, but 539 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,200 Speaker 5: when people share where they are like in real time, 540 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,000 Speaker 5: I don't do that, like as a woman, I don't 541 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:52,479 Speaker 5: do that, but We've seen how sharing where you are 542 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 5: in real time has led to tragedies in celebrities lives, 543 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:59,720 Speaker 5: for example. So yeah, there's just a level of like 544 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 5: and I think in care that I take to what 545 00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 5: I post when I post it, how I post it, 546 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,239 Speaker 5: and it's not within it with the intention of it 547 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,679 Speaker 5: being curated or being fake, but it's with the intention 548 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 5: of protecting my peace and keeping me safe. 549 00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 3: I constantly go back to a Beyonce quote from her 550 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 3: spread in Harper's Bazaarre where she says who I am 551 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,640 Speaker 3: is reserved for the people I love and trust. Those 552 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 3: who don't know me, have never met me, and who 553 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 3: have never met me my interpret that as being closed off. 554 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:35,879 Speaker 3: I just really love that entire spread, and she was 555 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:38,120 Speaker 3: talking about privacy and not sharing her kids, and I 556 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,840 Speaker 3: think that's something I really resonate with, and I respect 557 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 3: celebrities for that as well. And like Miela said, like 558 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 3: we all are our own celebrities in our lives. But 559 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 3: I think it's great to just have a little something 560 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 3: for you, And it can be really hard, especially now 561 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 3: when your profile as like a professional is like mixed 562 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,239 Speaker 3: in with your social media profiles and like that can 563 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 3: help grow your career, and it's like it feels like 564 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:03,680 Speaker 3: people have. 565 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,760 Speaker 2: To be like personalities to be successful. 566 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 3: And so I always do look at other creators, influencer 567 00:29:10,760 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 3: celebrities and like, how are they kind of managing leveraging 568 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 3: their talent and their craft with like all this other 569 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 3: stuff that's cool about them to like grow professionally as 570 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,680 Speaker 3: people but also save a little that's like intimate for themselves. 571 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 3: And I think Issa has really done that so beautifully. 572 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 3: Like we know she was at Coachella and they were 573 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 3: turned up doing all the foolishness and all the ratchetness, 574 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,960 Speaker 3: but she saved her wedding and those photos and had 575 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 3: to be like a production, like you said, And so 576 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:43,160 Speaker 3: that balance is really cool, And I'm glad a lot 577 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,280 Speaker 3: of celebrities, especially black women celebrities, have taken their power 578 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 3: back from the paparazzi, from the blogs, from places like 579 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:52,200 Speaker 3: the Shade Room who comment on people's kids, who like 580 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 3: can encourage negative commentary, and so I think it's really great. 581 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,440 Speaker 3: And some people might think it's like prissy or you know, 582 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,200 Speaker 3: bougie or being stuck up, but I think it's protecting 583 00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,480 Speaker 3: our piece, especially when as black women, people are very 584 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:07,160 Speaker 3: critical of us, especially when it comes to like how 585 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 3: big you got after having a baby and a snap 586 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,200 Speaker 3: back and did her baby daddy che on her? 587 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 2: Whatever? Whatever, And so I love seeing people kind of 588 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 2: take that power back. 589 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,080 Speaker 4: So when Mielo was mentioned a location, I tried because 590 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 4: it's I don't even know why it's a thing, but 591 00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,640 Speaker 4: we like, we want to share it. So what I 592 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 4: try to do is I'll just get the brand name. 593 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 4: Like we were at sky Zoned and I was like, Skyzone, 594 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,040 Speaker 4: but not this one because there's like seventeen of them. 595 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 4: But Abigail's school, it's brand new, and they've been asking 596 00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,320 Speaker 4: us to post it. I'm not posting it. And I'm 597 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 4: part of the volunteer team. Of course, I want to 598 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 4: be involved in everything. And they were like, you know, 599 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,720 Speaker 4: we're going to be handing out flyers, great, I can 600 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:42,480 Speaker 4: do that. You want me to canvas, I can do that. 601 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 4: But they were like, Okay, can you post us on 602 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:46,479 Speaker 4: your social media? And I respectfully said no, I'm not, 603 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,480 Speaker 4: it's not happening. So that is an invite. That is 604 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 4: literally an invite for anything. 605 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:54,720 Speaker 5: Doctor Joy, Can I ask you a question? 606 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 2: Yeah? 607 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,960 Speaker 5: Is that okay? I'm curious. Hey, I know you already 608 00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 5: spoke to you know, your prime to see and fake 609 00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:06,360 Speaker 5: pages and your startup. I get it, but how as 610 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 5: someone who is so public, I mean, people can close 611 00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:13,280 Speaker 5: their eyes and know when your voice sounds, Like, how 612 00:31:13,320 --> 00:31:15,480 Speaker 5: do you protect your peace when it comes to social media? 613 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 5: How do you choose what to share and one not 614 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,240 Speaker 5: to share? Obviously, your content is largely focused around therapy 615 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,080 Speaker 5: for black girls, so maybe there is a separation with family, 616 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,200 Speaker 5: but I'm sure there are people that want to know 617 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 5: who doctor joy is, and who doctor Joyce a husband is, 618 00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:31,880 Speaker 5: and her kids and so on and so forth. 619 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,120 Speaker 1: You know, it's so funny that you asked that me, Ella, 620 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: because I was thinking about that as at least was 621 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,240 Speaker 1: talking about it. Does feel like there is this pressure 622 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: now to kind of like share who you are as 623 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 1: a way of advancing your career. And in some ways 624 00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:46,040 Speaker 1: I'm kind of thankful that like I grew up so 625 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,160 Speaker 1: to speak, and had a career before like there was 626 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,680 Speaker 1: that pressure. I'm also laughing because my husband jokes that 627 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:57,640 Speaker 1: he is the third most googled search for doctor Joy. 628 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,200 Speaker 1: It's so funny people will search like I think around 629 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 1: like where I go to school with sorority I'm in 630 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,960 Speaker 1: and then like move my husband, which is so funny 631 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,480 Speaker 1: because he produces for the podcast, so like he's very 632 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 1: much a part of what's happening. I think because again 633 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,880 Speaker 1: I have really kind of come of age and become 634 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 1: a mom and all of these things, Like before social 635 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: media was really big, I don't really think about like 636 00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:21,960 Speaker 1: when I want to share pictures of my kids, like 637 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 1: I share it in my family group chat, like I 638 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,400 Speaker 1: don't necessarily even think so always share them on social 639 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,760 Speaker 1: like it is not my first instinct, but I do 640 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,240 Speaker 1: feel like there has been when you hear marketing classes 641 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,640 Speaker 1: and you know, like different kinds of things, especially as 642 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 1: I'm in like book sale mode right now, right, like 643 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,520 Speaker 1: about people buying things from people they know, like and trust, right, 644 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 1: And so in my mind, you're listening to me every week, 645 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 1: like I feel like you know the things about me 646 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:50,880 Speaker 1: that I really want people to know. But I do 647 00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:55,720 Speaker 1: think probably like I may have more downloads or like 648 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,920 Speaker 1: more followers if I shared more about my family and 649 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 1: my relationship and my kids and those kinds of things. 650 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 1: I'm just not really interested in that though, because it 651 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 1: just doesn't feel comfortable to me, Like you, Naisha, like 652 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 1: I'm not sharing anything about like where they go to 653 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:12,040 Speaker 1: school or where we you know, like now of course 654 00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 1: when we go to spring break or whatever. Like i 655 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,880 Speaker 1: will share usually like the backs of them when we're 656 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,840 Speaker 1: doing stuff. But I'm not at all interested in like 657 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:22,680 Speaker 1: my family becoming like a huge part of the brand, 658 00:33:23,240 --> 00:33:25,640 Speaker 1: just because that doesn't feel comfortable to me. So we 659 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: started this conversation by talking about how we were all 660 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 1: so excited about like Jalen and Monette, but I think 661 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 1: we also like know the boundaries around like what to 662 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,680 Speaker 1: say to somebody online who you don't actually know, right, 663 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,080 Speaker 1: So like we are all like, oh, this is so cute, 664 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,640 Speaker 1: and like, oh, they finally you know a public or whatever. 665 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: But y'all have all shared instances where you've seen people 666 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,960 Speaker 1: in comments say things that are like do you really 667 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,000 Speaker 1: know these people? And so I'm curious to just to 668 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: hear what you all think is happening that people do 669 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: feel so free to comment as if they actually know 670 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:07,560 Speaker 1: influencers are content creators or celebrities in ways that life 671 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,840 Speaker 1: feel very familiar when they do not know these people 672 00:34:09,880 --> 00:34:11,960 Speaker 1: beyond the tiktac or on Instagram. 673 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:16,239 Speaker 3: We've talked a little bit about like parasocial relationships and 674 00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:21,480 Speaker 3: our producer meetings. And I think it's the frequency at 675 00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,799 Speaker 3: which we see someone. So I know there are influencers 676 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,840 Speaker 3: who I follow who if I'm scrolling on TikTok, I 677 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 3: will see them at least once a day. I don't 678 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,120 Speaker 3: even see I don't The only person I see one 679 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,200 Speaker 3: today is my boyfriend because I live with him, and 680 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 3: maybe I don't know the guy at the bodega if 681 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:40,360 Speaker 3: I'm going there all the time. And so when you 682 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,160 Speaker 3: have that routine in your life, you do start to 683 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,680 Speaker 3: feel comfortable with someone. You know the layout of their 684 00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:49,399 Speaker 3: kitchen maybe, or the vanity where they're getting dressed. And 685 00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,759 Speaker 3: it can be almost a little scary living in the 686 00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 3: same city as an influencer and it's like, oh, I 687 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,160 Speaker 3: know where that coffee shop is, and oh, I recognize 688 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:01,720 Speaker 3: that core power location. And so I've seen social media 689 00:35:01,760 --> 00:35:04,040 Speaker 3: work in like great ways where people have built friendships 690 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:06,799 Speaker 3: and you see influencers link up or like I've had 691 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,719 Speaker 3: Black Women podcast producers reach out to me and it's like, Hey, 692 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 3: do you want to chat get coffee? 693 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:11,800 Speaker 2: And it's like that's great. 694 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,359 Speaker 3: But I do think it just seems very invasive when 695 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,320 Speaker 3: I see people comment, and so I think it's because 696 00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,000 Speaker 3: of the routine in which we see them. And then 697 00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:25,279 Speaker 3: I think another part of that is sometimes people can 698 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,200 Speaker 3: take advantage of how much people share. And so there 699 00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 3: is a food content creator I follow who's a black woman. 700 00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:33,839 Speaker 3: I forgot her name, but she's getting a divorce and 701 00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,799 Speaker 3: it she shared so much about like moving in with 702 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,640 Speaker 3: her partner and they moved across the country and did 703 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,120 Speaker 3: all these things together, and she made a TikTok and 704 00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 3: was like, I don't want to talk about it. I 705 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,440 Speaker 3: just want to, like, you know, start this new chapter, 706 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,480 Speaker 3: like I'm grieving on my own. And every TikTok since then, 707 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:51,680 Speaker 3: people are still asking questions, questions, questions, And so it's 708 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,719 Speaker 3: sad because I know some people will try to use 709 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:55,920 Speaker 3: that as and I told you so well. You shared 710 00:35:56,000 --> 00:35:58,040 Speaker 3: X y Z in the past, so of course people 711 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 3: will think that you can share this, And so I 712 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 3: do think sometimes people will cross these digital boundaries and 713 00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:05,880 Speaker 3: a lot of influencers have to be very hard and 714 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:07,400 Speaker 3: fast and say, you know what, I don't want to 715 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,960 Speaker 3: talk about this, and not all the time is it respected. 716 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 4: So we've invited people to be in our lives as 717 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,239 Speaker 4: soon as we put something on social media, it's like, hey, 718 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,680 Speaker 4: do you like this? Are you ready to comment? Please? Share? Boom? 719 00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:22,960 Speaker 4: Do it please? Then there's been times where you know, 720 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:24,520 Speaker 4: someone will put something up and they'll take it down 721 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,759 Speaker 4: because they'll regret it possibly or they feel some different 722 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,080 Speaker 4: type of way and not regret necessarily. So as soon 723 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 4: as something goes up, it's like, here, let's talk about it. 724 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,040 Speaker 4: And this is why celebrities don't owe us anything, as 725 00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:39,360 Speaker 4: Mila mentioned, but they're hoping to become more private because 726 00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 4: people are just over there talking. For example, the Shade Room, 727 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,280 Speaker 4: it was a little girl, she's from Princess and Tierras, 728 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:48,680 Speaker 4: one of those little girls, Honeyboobo child. So she's had 729 00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,320 Speaker 4: her prom and they put her picture up. What do 730 00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:53,480 Speaker 4: y'all think about this? What the heck? She's a child, 731 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,399 Speaker 4: like she's graduating from high school. Why are we talking 732 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:59,239 Speaker 4: about her? What's the point? But her mom did put 733 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:02,560 Speaker 4: her on TV and it's like you're literally inviting them 734 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,280 Speaker 4: in for a form of entertainment for people to comment. 735 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 4: So it's like hard, like what do we do? You 736 00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:09,400 Speaker 4: either put it up or don't. And one more thing 737 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 4: I want to add. It's so interesting, you know, we're 738 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,080 Speaker 4: hanging out this weekend with the Sister Circle, and some 739 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:14,920 Speaker 4: people don't want to be on social media, so we 740 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,440 Speaker 4: have to give to that. We're all going to talk 741 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,680 Speaker 4: about it. I'm happy about that. And then I haven't 742 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:23,840 Speaker 4: had Snapchat since like I don't know, two thousand and fourteen, fifteen, 743 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:26,680 Speaker 4: I don't remember, and someone mentioned, yeah, I'm gonna put 744 00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:28,440 Speaker 4: us on Snapchat. Is that okay? And I was like, well, 745 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:29,960 Speaker 4: I haven't had it, but I'm going to download it 746 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 4: just so I can have fun. So we can just 747 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,600 Speaker 4: be fun together, because not everybody you know, steps outside 748 00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:36,839 Speaker 4: to even be on social media. 749 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:43,000 Speaker 5: Sometimes I feel like there are some unspoken rules to 750 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,640 Speaker 5: social media. Instagram doesn't have, you know, like one through 751 00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,840 Speaker 5: fifty of like how to how to share your content, 752 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:51,600 Speaker 5: or like what to do or what not to do. 753 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,319 Speaker 5: Someone needs to do a case study about the stock 754 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 5: of joy. I'm sure you know somebody, but I think 755 00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,480 Speaker 5: one of the unspoken rules is that, yeah, when you 756 00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:02,680 Speaker 5: post something online and like no longer becomes yours anymore. 757 00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 5: It becomes like this web, this microcosm of like everyone 758 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,719 Speaker 5: else that's posting something. These days, I feel like it's 759 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,480 Speaker 5: a lot easier to get like more negative comments on 760 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,920 Speaker 5: TikTok because TikTok is like silks, very questionable space, like 761 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,920 Speaker 5: we're still trying to figure out what it is, whereas 762 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:24,520 Speaker 5: like Instagram, it's so much easier to just reach your 763 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:28,160 Speaker 5: friends as opposed to like other people. And I also 764 00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:33,799 Speaker 5: feel like folks sometimes are just haters and oftentimes pray 765 00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:38,000 Speaker 5: on people's downfall. And I think that's also why people 766 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,640 Speaker 5: are so hesitant to like share their like setbacks or 767 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:42,719 Speaker 5: their downfalls, right. They don't want folks to know when 768 00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:46,040 Speaker 5: they've been like down. But sometimes I feel as though 769 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 5: that's what people are searching for, and that's why negative 770 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:54,160 Speaker 5: comments come up. Like there was a trend on TikTok 771 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:59,040 Speaker 5: where people showed what they're before and afters were for 772 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:04,640 Speaker 5: their hardline, so I participated as a hard launch expert 773 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,200 Speaker 5: now in my mind, and one of the first comments 774 00:39:08,239 --> 00:39:10,880 Speaker 5: that I got, we're so negative. A guy was like, oh, like, 775 00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:12,399 Speaker 5: who do you think you are? Why do you think 776 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 5: you're the main character of your life? Whatever? Whatever, whatever, 777 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,840 Speaker 5: And it took me back to I think my reply 778 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:22,080 Speaker 5: was slightly petty, and I just quoted part of what 779 00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,799 Speaker 5: Tabitha Brown had said to Wendy Williams when Wendy Williams 780 00:39:26,239 --> 00:39:30,360 Speaker 5: spoke so negatively about Tabitha Brown and her relationship with 781 00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:32,800 Speaker 5: her husband. At this point, I just pray for the 782 00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:36,040 Speaker 5: hitters because I'm good where I'm at and I love 783 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,080 Speaker 5: who I'm with. But if y'all feel like you have 784 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:41,720 Speaker 5: to say something negative, like go visit www dot Therapy 785 00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 5: for Black Girls dot com. 786 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,680 Speaker 1: More from my conversation with the team after the break. 787 00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,120 Speaker 1: Have you heard? My first book, sisterhod Heels, is available 788 00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,600 Speaker 1: for pre order right now at Sisterhoodheels dot com. Grab 789 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,799 Speaker 1: your coffee to learn more about what role you play 790 00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 1: in your sister circles, why difficult conversations can make relationships closer, 791 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,520 Speaker 1: and steps to take when it's time to end a friendship. 792 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,920 Speaker 1: We'll have lots to talk about this summer, and you 793 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,279 Speaker 1: don't want to miss it. Pre Order your copy of 794 00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:20,839 Speaker 1: Sisterhood Heels right now at sisterhood Heels dot com. I 795 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,280 Speaker 1: do think it's interesting because even as we have talked, 796 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,160 Speaker 1: like even if I think about my own evolution and 797 00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,920 Speaker 1: like relationship to social media like Facebook, like I keep 798 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,440 Speaker 1: talking about, like what's the big thing when I was 799 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,840 Speaker 1: really coming of age, and it feels like it very 800 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:37,280 Speaker 1: much was for like friends and family, so it felt 801 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,960 Speaker 1: okay to kind of like share about your relationship and 802 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,680 Speaker 1: your kids and whatever, because it feels like people that 803 00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,200 Speaker 1: you actually know like that you could actually call or 804 00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:48,480 Speaker 1: like email and they would answer back. Whereas now I 805 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:53,000 Speaker 1: think because monetization and like different opportunities and things have 806 00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,640 Speaker 1: come from social media, it feels like we very much 807 00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:01,000 Speaker 1: view it as a entertainment, right. It feels like content 808 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,720 Speaker 1: as opposed to an extension of your relationships with people 809 00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 1: that you actually know in real life. And so I 810 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,880 Speaker 1: think that is what makes it easier, you know, just 811 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,480 Speaker 1: like we have commentary about like some of our favorite shows, 812 00:41:12,520 --> 00:41:14,840 Speaker 1: like all the episodes we did about Insecure, we just 813 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,120 Speaker 1: did an episode about on Prison, right, Like we talk 814 00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:21,160 Speaker 1: about these characters because they're characters, and I think now 815 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:25,959 Speaker 1: people are kind of perceiving real people as characters, which 816 00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 1: then invites this commentary as if they're just like watching 817 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,200 Speaker 1: a soap opera. But it's not. It's actual people's lives. 818 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:35,080 Speaker 1: So I do think it is important to remind ourselves 819 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,279 Speaker 1: that you're not actually watching an episode of Insecure when 820 00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,200 Speaker 1: you are watching somebody's TikTok, like these are real people 821 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:44,040 Speaker 1: with real feelings and to be mindful of the boundaries 822 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:45,600 Speaker 1: and like would you say that to them if you 823 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,080 Speaker 1: saw them in person? And if not, it's probably not 824 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,160 Speaker 1: a good idea to leave it as a comment either. 825 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:52,680 Speaker 1: So the thing that we have not talked about is 826 00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:56,480 Speaker 1: like what happens when a relationship ends on social media? 827 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:57,360 Speaker 4: You e. 828 00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,360 Speaker 1: Miela have already talked about, like you know, having a 829 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,279 Speaker 1: previous relatelationship, and you know, I do think there is 830 00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,759 Speaker 1: some thinking around like, Okay, I'm maybe not gonna share 831 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,680 Speaker 1: pictures because if this doesn't work out, then I don't 832 00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:08,759 Speaker 1: have to take them all down. But what are the 833 00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,240 Speaker 1: rules around there? Like I feel like people approach those differently, 834 00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,360 Speaker 1: Like sometimes people would just leave pictures and videos up 835 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,320 Speaker 1: because it's like, okay, that was a part of my past. 836 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,760 Speaker 1: And then other times people will go through and delete 837 00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:20,680 Speaker 1: everything and you know all of that, So what are 838 00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:21,839 Speaker 1: people's thoughts about that. 839 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:25,440 Speaker 3: I saw a TikTok from a creator his name is 840 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:28,040 Speaker 3: Therapy Jeff, and he was like five questions you should 841 00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:30,480 Speaker 3: ask before you get in a relationship, and one of 842 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:32,560 Speaker 3: them was what are our rules on social media? And 843 00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:35,560 Speaker 3: then like how will we break up, and I thought like, okay, 844 00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,640 Speaker 3: those are kind of related questions in today's environment. So 845 00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:41,839 Speaker 3: I think I was one of the people who was like, 846 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:43,920 Speaker 3: I don't want to post on social media because I 847 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,680 Speaker 3: was always anticipating, like, Okay, what if we break up? 848 00:42:46,719 --> 00:42:50,399 Speaker 2: How am I going to handle that? And personally, I. 849 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:53,080 Speaker 3: Don't not manifesting the end of my relationship, so I 850 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:55,839 Speaker 3: try not to think about it. But I am very 851 00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:59,320 Speaker 3: supportive of girls who I scroll through their page. I'm like, Okay, 852 00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:02,839 Speaker 3: this was the two eighteen person, this was twenty twenty two, 853 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,239 Speaker 3: and I'm like, people just keep it up, and I'm like, 854 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,920 Speaker 3: it's just like their life. Like I know there are 855 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:11,360 Speaker 3: things I wore in twenty eighteen I would never wear again, 856 00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,760 Speaker 3: but it's still on my page because it's an extension 857 00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:17,560 Speaker 3: of me. And so I think that is a really 858 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:21,360 Speaker 3: freeing way to look at relationships and look at life 859 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:23,839 Speaker 3: in general. But then I know for some people, even 860 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:27,879 Speaker 3: with friendships, once somebody's out their life, they're unliking every 861 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,040 Speaker 3: photo of the person, making sure that they're not tagged 862 00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,880 Speaker 3: in anything related to the person, and so it's like, 863 00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:36,920 Speaker 3: I get it. I think people in breakup they talk 864 00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,480 Speaker 3: about no contact and I think that can be an 865 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,880 Speaker 3: extension of no contact. I don't want to be reminded 866 00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:44,920 Speaker 3: of them, have kind of any trace that'll lead me 867 00:43:45,000 --> 00:43:47,400 Speaker 3: to like possibly hitting them up thinking about them again. 868 00:43:47,640 --> 00:43:48,920 Speaker 3: And then some people are just like you know what, 869 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,319 Speaker 3: it's life. It ebbs and flows, and this is just 870 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:52,239 Speaker 3: one piece of that. 871 00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:55,600 Speaker 5: I like that, Elise, and that's interesting. I don't know 872 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,040 Speaker 5: that I've ever come across like a friend or like 873 00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:02,560 Speaker 5: a community person's page where they leave up old photos 874 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:06,759 Speaker 5: of like their partner. I feel like when the relationship ends, 875 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:10,040 Speaker 5: people are so quick to delete a archive because they 876 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:13,719 Speaker 5: want their grid to be a reflection of who they are, 877 00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,120 Speaker 5: and like that person is no longer a part of 878 00:44:17,120 --> 00:44:20,600 Speaker 5: who they are. Like you, I do not think about 879 00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:23,880 Speaker 5: the ending of my relationship. That's not an option. But 880 00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,400 Speaker 5: what I told a homegirl of mine was that if 881 00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:30,920 Speaker 5: she was in a relationship and it ended, I think 882 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 5: she should just do what celebrities do, put out a 883 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,680 Speaker 5: press release. So and so are no longer together doing 884 00:44:36,680 --> 00:44:39,400 Speaker 5: differences at that point, right, folks are not gonna go 885 00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:42,320 Speaker 5: looking like why they ended. They're not gonna go see 886 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,440 Speaker 5: why said posts were archived or are no longer on 887 00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:49,160 Speaker 5: the grid, just let folks know we are no longer together. 888 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:52,720 Speaker 5: I'm happy to write said plush releases for my friends. 889 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:57,520 Speaker 3: The conscious uncoupling, make a nice layout, a nice little 890 00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:02,920 Speaker 3: carousel in the comments, the heartbreak moji, some bittersweet news. 891 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:04,760 Speaker 4: But you know, I've. 892 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:07,759 Speaker 1: Actually seen people do that right now. What's interesting though, 893 00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,640 Speaker 1: is that, of course, like depending on the algorithm, certain 894 00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,160 Speaker 1: people are not going to see it right, and so 895 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,239 Speaker 1: then they just realize like, oh, I haven't seen so 896 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,239 Speaker 1: and so in you know, some weeks, and then maybe 897 00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:18,839 Speaker 1: they go back to your grid and try to find 898 00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,160 Speaker 1: the statement or whatever, or go back to the TikTok 899 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:24,760 Speaker 1: and see. But I've actually seen couples, you know, especially 900 00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,279 Speaker 1: people who have done like lots of couples content. They 901 00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,520 Speaker 1: will typically make like a video or some kind of 902 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,080 Speaker 1: thing saying, you know, we are kind of going our 903 00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:34,919 Speaker 1: separate ways. Please restrict our privacy. Of course nobody does, 904 00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:37,319 Speaker 1: but they do at least make the effort to let 905 00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:39,800 Speaker 1: their community people and you know, people who have followed 906 00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:41,800 Speaker 1: their pages know that the breakup has happened. 907 00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:44,759 Speaker 4: That's something that Sam and I what was me? I 908 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:46,480 Speaker 4: brung it up? I was like, what if we break up? 909 00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:49,600 Speaker 4: And she was again she doesn't really care about the 910 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:52,319 Speaker 4: social media world. But I would put something public out 911 00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:54,960 Speaker 4: because it's rather that than people talking, especially since we've 912 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,640 Speaker 4: built a community online. I think it's also as former 913 00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,719 Speaker 4: respect because if my favorite person just cut, I'm like, dang, 914 00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,960 Speaker 4: what happened? You know, because we are community online, and 915 00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:05,880 Speaker 4: you know, I just want to give them that love back. 916 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:07,880 Speaker 4: But to me, it's just like planning for the future. 917 00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:09,920 Speaker 4: So I would definitely put out announcement. 918 00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:14,040 Speaker 1: So is there anything about like online behavior and stuff 919 00:46:14,040 --> 00:46:16,399 Speaker 1: that we haven't discussed that y'all think is important to 920 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:16,759 Speaker 1: touch on. 921 00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,960 Speaker 3: I'm very curious and this is maybe something we post 922 00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:22,960 Speaker 3: like to the audience to comment when we release the episode. 923 00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:27,040 Speaker 3: Is for people who are like more casually dating, how 924 00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,479 Speaker 3: do they approach that? Like if you have a date 925 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:35,080 Speaker 3: with Bob G on Thursday, but Bob G sees a 926 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:39,000 Speaker 3: hand on Tuesday, are they gonna be upset? 927 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:40,640 Speaker 2: And like, how do you navigate that? 928 00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:41,520 Speaker 4: Technically? 929 00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,040 Speaker 3: You know, being single with dating multiple people and maybe 930 00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,600 Speaker 3: you have intentions with someone. So I'm curious about that. 931 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 3: For people who are like dating more casually, how they 932 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,840 Speaker 3: navigate that? And I'm thinking of the TikToker who I 933 00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:57,360 Speaker 3: love Clark. She talks about all her different dating experiences 934 00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:00,239 Speaker 3: very openly on TikTok and I respect it because it's 935 00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,160 Speaker 3: a model for other girls on kind of how to 936 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,399 Speaker 3: maneuver these situations. But I'm wondering, it's like, do these 937 00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,560 Speaker 3: guys ever see what you're talking about? And so for 938 00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:11,200 Speaker 3: people who aren't at the stage and like, oh, having 939 00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:15,680 Speaker 3: very serious and concrete conversations about like boundaries and social media, 940 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:17,840 Speaker 3: do people ever come to you and are like, I 941 00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:19,319 Speaker 3: don't like that you've said that you were going on 942 00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,600 Speaker 3: a dating They could see my risk and my watch 943 00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,839 Speaker 3: or see the logo on my vest or something like that. 944 00:47:25,000 --> 00:47:27,319 Speaker 1: That I think is a really really good conversation because 945 00:47:27,320 --> 00:47:29,959 Speaker 1: I do feel like there is something to be said 946 00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:34,600 Speaker 1: around like casual dating also becoming content right, Like you 947 00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:37,600 Speaker 1: will see people share like screenshots of like a text 948 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,359 Speaker 1: message thread that they've had with somebody, and then they 949 00:47:40,360 --> 00:47:42,480 Speaker 1: will ask like the internet to like weigh in, like 950 00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:44,960 Speaker 1: or was I wrong or you know that kind of thing, 951 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,600 Speaker 1: and it is, you know, like depending on how long 952 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,640 Speaker 1: you date, like you could have a very thriving like 953 00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:54,239 Speaker 1: public persona and somebody you're dating not even know about 954 00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:56,600 Speaker 1: that for a while, right, because they may not be online, 955 00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:59,400 Speaker 1: and so, you know, it does feel like some early 956 00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,680 Speaker 1: conversations almost need to be had around like your comfort 957 00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:05,319 Speaker 1: and being on somebody else's social media, even from like 958 00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:06,000 Speaker 1: a first date. 959 00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,080 Speaker 4: My mom, she's young and she's into social media, and 960 00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:11,919 Speaker 4: her fiance is not in the same age, but he's 961 00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,200 Speaker 4: not into social media, and she loves it. She goes, Naisha, 962 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,239 Speaker 4: I'm so happy he's not on social media. I'm so 963 00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:18,799 Speaker 4: happy I ain't gotta worry about nothing. So when hearing 964 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:20,840 Speaker 4: of that, I'm happy that she got joy out of that. 965 00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,239 Speaker 4: So it's an unseen I guess conversation. 966 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:29,280 Speaker 3: Mm hmm, I guess that is us follow up question 967 00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,520 Speaker 3: or common about that. Was there ever a point where 968 00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:34,680 Speaker 3: you've wish, like, oh, I wish I was dating someone 969 00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,239 Speaker 3: or who wasn't on social media at all? 970 00:48:37,719 --> 00:48:40,239 Speaker 1: I do love that my husband is on social but 971 00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,040 Speaker 1: not really really on social right, like, so he will 972 00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,600 Speaker 1: you know, primarily post about like the kids, and most 973 00:48:45,600 --> 00:48:49,320 Speaker 1: of his followers and community are like people he's worked 974 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,000 Speaker 1: with and like people he's met through the podcast or whatever, 975 00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,920 Speaker 1: and so it's still relatively small. So I love that 976 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,400 Speaker 1: he's like on, but not really really on. 977 00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,680 Speaker 5: One question that I would love the community to answer 978 00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:02,560 Speaker 5: is is is it a deal breaker if the person 979 00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:04,040 Speaker 5: that you're dating or the person that you're in a 980 00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:06,600 Speaker 5: relationship with doesn't want to post you on social media 981 00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:10,200 Speaker 5: or doesn't want to post aspect of your relationships. I 982 00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,040 Speaker 5: asked this because the guy that I was seeing prior 983 00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:15,279 Speaker 5: to my fiance, it was a time when I was 984 00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:20,320 Speaker 5: insecure and there were so many nuances, but I shared 985 00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,680 Speaker 5: intimate aspects of our relationship and he wouldn't. Like you 986 00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:27,520 Speaker 5: could go on my Instagram and I was in a relationship, 987 00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,560 Speaker 5: you would go on his and you wouldn't know that 988 00:49:30,719 --> 00:49:33,840 Speaker 5: he was. And that was an issue for me. Granted 989 00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,520 Speaker 5: two three years later, it's not and I love that, 990 00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:40,480 Speaker 5: but it took growth. I wanted to feel seen and 991 00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:43,600 Speaker 5: I wanted like people to know that he was in 992 00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:48,279 Speaker 5: a relationship. Whereas for him, he thought that as long 993 00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,239 Speaker 5: as he knew he was in a relationship, it didn't 994 00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,280 Speaker 5: matter who else knew, right, So I'm curious where people 995 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:55,160 Speaker 5: follow on that. 996 00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,600 Speaker 4: So that was Sam's reaction. She said, why do I 997 00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,880 Speaker 4: need to tell other people I'm in a relationship? I know, 998 00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,400 Speaker 4: but she doesn't post on social media at all. So 999 00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,040 Speaker 4: if you post your sports, your outings and I'm not 1000 00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:07,399 Speaker 4: on it, then I'm gonna have an issue. I'm gonna 1001 00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,080 Speaker 4: have an issue. 1002 00:50:08,200 --> 00:50:11,400 Speaker 3: I think I used to feel actually very much like 1003 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:15,040 Speaker 3: scared of being posted, and then I went to the extreme. 1004 00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:17,839 Speaker 3: It's like, Okay, now that I have been I kind 1005 00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:19,279 Speaker 3: of got used to it, and now I'm like, oh, 1006 00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:20,120 Speaker 3: it doesn't really matter. 1007 00:50:20,160 --> 00:50:21,440 Speaker 2: Like, I know I'm a relationship. 1008 00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:24,880 Speaker 3: He knows it, people who follow both of us know it, 1009 00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,560 Speaker 3: and so it's more like a free for all. But 1010 00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:29,560 Speaker 3: I think I'm the type of person if we take 1011 00:50:29,560 --> 00:50:33,040 Speaker 3: a cute picture together, everyone needs to see it. 1012 00:50:34,320 --> 00:50:36,200 Speaker 1: So the post thing really depends on whether you love 1013 00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:36,600 Speaker 1: the picture. 1014 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:42,399 Speaker 3: Yes, But I think it's because I feel like we 1015 00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:44,560 Speaker 3: take so many like selfies or like send each other 1016 00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:46,680 Speaker 3: photos individually, so when we get a good one together, 1017 00:50:46,719 --> 00:50:48,200 Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, this is such a good moment, Like 1018 00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:50,799 Speaker 3: I do want to share it and I really appreciate it. 1019 00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:53,920 Speaker 3: But you know, I see so much online about like 1020 00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,600 Speaker 3: oh if he doesn't post you, it means x y Z. 1021 00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,360 Speaker 3: But I do think some people like that part of 1022 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:01,520 Speaker 3: their life just seems more private. They want to have 1023 00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,239 Speaker 3: more control over it. They may have been hurt in 1024 00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:06,680 Speaker 3: the past and kind of like hiding their partner from 1025 00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:09,400 Speaker 3: the world, not hiding the world, or whatever the saying is. 1026 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,880 Speaker 3: I think everyone has their own reason. I do understand 1027 00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:15,160 Speaker 3: how someone could have a lot of anxiety and feel 1028 00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,040 Speaker 3: like it's very shady, like you post everything else, but 1029 00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:22,120 Speaker 3: you won't post me. And I also think that fees 1030 00:51:22,160 --> 00:51:25,120 Speaker 3: into something I said before, like before you're dating someone 1031 00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:28,000 Speaker 3: or just in general, your social media is tied to 1032 00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:30,879 Speaker 3: a certain persona of you, and some people in their 1033 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:32,880 Speaker 3: mind they love you and they want to be with you, 1034 00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:36,200 Speaker 3: but like other people perceiving them as like the boyfriend 1035 00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:38,960 Speaker 3: or the girlfriend or the partner, it can be very 1036 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,439 Speaker 3: overwhelming and they don't want people to think like their 1037 00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,400 Speaker 3: life is just that. So I do get it. But 1038 00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,160 Speaker 3: I do understand how some people it's like, oh, do 1039 00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,920 Speaker 3: people like flirt with you on Instagram? And so if 1040 00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,240 Speaker 3: you post your partner, you don't get that attention anymore, 1041 00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:54,560 Speaker 3: and you want that attention, And so I think there 1042 00:51:54,560 --> 00:51:56,760 Speaker 3: are just so many different dynamics. So I am interested 1043 00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:59,640 Speaker 3: to hear what our listeners have to say about that. 1044 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, so we do feel like this is an episode 1045 00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:04,680 Speaker 1: that there will be lots of feedback about and we 1046 00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,640 Speaker 1: are excited to hear your thoughts. If you agree with us, 1047 00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:11,080 Speaker 1: if you disagree, have different thoughts around how you handle 1048 00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,920 Speaker 1: social media and the dating world, whether you're casually dating 1049 00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:16,480 Speaker 1: seriously dating. We definitely want you to wait in so 1050 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,480 Speaker 1: make sure you use the hashtag tbg in session and 1051 00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,640 Speaker 1: participate in the conversation. Let us know your thoughts. So 1052 00:52:22,719 --> 00:52:25,160 Speaker 1: we will wrap up by all of you sharing where 1053 00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:27,480 Speaker 1: people can find you online. If you do want to 1054 00:52:27,480 --> 00:52:30,040 Speaker 1: be found online. 1055 00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:32,680 Speaker 5: I love that, Doctor Joey, thank you for giving us 1056 00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:36,880 Speaker 5: that option. You can find me on Instagram and TikTok 1057 00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:40,680 Speaker 5: at me la fatu m I E l A F 1058 00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:41,960 Speaker 5: E t A W. 1059 00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:44,719 Speaker 4: Doctor, thanks for letting us share that I am at 1060 00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:47,160 Speaker 4: two mommies and the baby on Instagram only because I'm 1061 00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:50,640 Speaker 4: not in a TikTok street that is two mommies and 1062 00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:51,240 Speaker 4: a baby. 1063 00:52:51,719 --> 00:52:54,400 Speaker 3: I am at e L l I C E l 1064 00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,160 Speaker 3: l I s elise Ls, but the e's are connected 1065 00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:02,440 Speaker 3: on Instagram and then on TikTok it's Leasycakes so l 1066 00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,799 Speaker 3: l I c E y cakes and I post about 1067 00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,080 Speaker 3: therapy for black girls on there. I share a lot 1068 00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:11,239 Speaker 3: about Therapy for Black Girls on there, so definitely follow. 1069 00:53:11,040 --> 00:53:13,600 Speaker 1: That perfect well. We will be short to include all 1070 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,359 Speaker 1: of that in the show notes. Thank y'all for joining 1071 00:53:15,400 --> 00:53:18,520 Speaker 1: me for this very exciting conversation. I really appreciate it. 1072 00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:20,040 Speaker 4: We appreciate you, Doc Joy, thank you. 1073 00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:25,960 Speaker 1: Yes, I'm so glad Alis, Niasha and Miela were able 1074 00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:28,879 Speaker 1: to join me for this episode. To learn more about them, 1075 00:53:29,160 --> 00:53:31,439 Speaker 1: visit the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot 1076 00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:34,520 Speaker 1: com slash Session three oh four, and don't forget to 1077 00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,040 Speaker 1: text two of your girls right now to encourage them 1078 00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,319 Speaker 1: to check out the episode. If you're looking for a 1079 00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:42,560 Speaker 1: therapist in your area, check out our therapist directory at 1080 00:53:42,600 --> 00:53:46,120 Speaker 1: Therapy for Blackgirls dot com slash directory. And if you 1081 00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,360 Speaker 1: want to continue to get into this topic or just 1082 00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:51,080 Speaker 1: be in community with other sisters, come on over and 1083 00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:53,800 Speaker 1: join us in the Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner 1084 00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:56,440 Speaker 1: of the Internet designed just for black women. You can 1085 00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:59,680 Speaker 1: join us at community dot Therapy for Black Girls dot com. 1086 00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:03,280 Speaker 1: This episode was produced by Frieda Lucas and Elise Ellis 1087 00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:06,439 Speaker 1: and editing was done by Dennis and Bradford. Thank y'all 1088 00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:08,799 Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. I look 1089 00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,920 Speaker 1: forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. 1090 00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:13,359 Speaker 4: Take good care. 1091 00:54:17,239 --> 00:54:19,160 Speaker 5: What have you heard? 1092 00:54:19,480 --> 00:54:22,440 Speaker 1: My first book, Sisterhood Heels, is available for pre order 1093 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:25,760 Speaker 1: right now at sisterhood Heels dot com. Grab your copy 1094 00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:27,719 Speaker 1: to learn more about what role you play in your 1095 00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:31,960 Speaker 1: sister circles, why difficult conversations can make relationships closer, and 1096 00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,200 Speaker 1: steps to take when it's time to end a friendship. 1097 00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:36,560 Speaker 1: We'll have lots to talk about this summer, and you 1098 00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:38,960 Speaker 1: don't want to miss it. Pre Order your copy of 1099 00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:42,840 Speaker 1: Sisterhood Heels right now at sisterhood Heels dot com