WEBVTT - An Unlikely Affair: Never Quit Your Job for a Man 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.920 You look so cute. I can't even stand it. Are 0:00:02.920 --> 0:00:06.960 you in like full overalls? Fuck? Yeah, Montana, look at 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:14.400 you go? Hi Amber, Hilela, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. 0:00:18.680 --> 0:00:21.520 Good day, my fellows. Welcome to another episode of an 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:22.479 Unlikely Affair. 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:29.520 Good day, mighty, Hi babe, Hi, how are you good? 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:34.320 Every time I look outside, I'm like, you cannot beat 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:38.000 what you wake up to at Amber's house outside? 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:43.559 You really can't. It really is special, it is I 0:00:43.640 --> 0:00:46.199 like the topic today. You know, I used to be 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:48.400 afraid of this topic, but now I'm just ready to 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:49.960 grab it by the saggy balls. 0:00:50.960 --> 0:00:53.159 You and I have a very different and I think 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:56.240 I have a very different I don't want to say outlook, 0:00:56.280 --> 0:00:59.080 but I think we have a different relationship with money. 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.600 I have different relationship with money than most of my friends. 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.720 And I think your relationship with money just comes from 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:10.320 your experiences, right, what you've seen, what you've seen your parents, 0:01:10.400 --> 0:01:15.840 go through your grandparents, and then obviously you develop certain habits, 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:19.000 and then whoever your partner is, and as you see things, 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:22.160 you kind of move differently when it comes to your finances. 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:29.319 I think, and prime example is I got invited to 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:33.199 Vegas and this person was told me that he would 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:39.720 book my flight and hotel and to me, which is 0:01:40.280 --> 0:01:42.959 this is just in my head, right, I'm like, if 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:49.120 you book my stuff, this is now your trip and 0:01:49.200 --> 0:01:52.800 I'm a guest, and there's some sort of control here. 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.920 If I book my flight and my room, this is 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.680 my trip. I can technically do whatever the fuck I 0:01:59.720 --> 0:02:03.080 want because I got myself here and I'll see you there. 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:07.000 It means freedom by booking your own stuff. It means 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:13.679 I'm not obligated right to show up when you want 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:15.320 me to to be in your room if you want 0:02:15.360 --> 0:02:17.160 me to to not you know what I mean. It's 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:21.640 it's a very weird. But I'm so curious. How do 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:27.280 you think from the outside looking in? And know? Oh, 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.360 I don't care. I would love to your perspective on 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:32.959 how my view of money differs from your view of money. 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:34.600 Let's get real. 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:39.200 Oh, I don't like this question because anything I are 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:40.160 you going to get offended? 0:02:40.840 --> 0:02:43.520 I just said, okay, I'm not going to get offended, 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:45.560 and if I do, I'll be like, wow, that hurt me. 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:49.840 Example when which I think this is a great idea, 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.880 but again, I feel like I'm turning over power to somebody, 0:02:52.960 --> 0:02:54.760 if a man wants to take you on a date 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:57.520 and you have children, he should pay for child care 0:02:57.560 --> 0:02:59.919 if he wants to see you. That's what I think 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:03.919 you brought that up as like an idea. I think 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:06.799 it was one of my friends or somebody was going 0:03:06.840 --> 0:03:08.799 on a date and they didn't have and we were 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:12.840 talking about how expensive child care is, and you had said, 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:16.079 if a guy and I love where your head's at, 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:19.120 just like if someone's willing to fly you out and 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:20.840 put you up in a hotel room, get you your 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:24.160 own room. That's supposed to be like a sweet thing. 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.639 But because of my trauma, I immediately go, you want 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:32.079 power over me. You're not paying for my stuff? Do 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:33.720 you get what I mean? Yeah? 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:38.560 And by the way, so I've had experience in both 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:43.120 ponds where someone was like, here's like, I would love 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:45.480 to take you out on a date, and I would 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:48.200 also love to pay for your childcare for the you know, 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:50.080 the two hours three hours that we go out. 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:55.000 Someone's offered that, Yeah, wow, that's really nice. And then 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:55.400 I have. 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:58.640 People that have not you know, it's not even in 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:04.960 the conversation. I have never taken money, but the idea, 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:10.960 I just like the idea of them offering because it 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:15.520 tells me more about their character and they're being thoughtful of, Like, Okay, 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:19.839 she's a single mom. You know. It's the going rate 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:22.960 in Los Angeles is thirty a minimum of thirty dollars 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:27.279 an hour or thirty five dollars an hour, like most 0:04:27.440 --> 0:04:30.440 nannies or babysitters wants they want a minimum of four 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.040 hours or three hours whatever it is. 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:34.279 Yeah, Like, so it's it. 0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:38.600 Eventually, you know, it adds up, and so especially when 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:41.680 you're going on a first date with someone like at night, right, 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:42.920 if you could do it during the day when the 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:45.240 kids are in activities orre like, hey, I can grab 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:47.320 a lunch with you or something like that, we can 0:04:47.360 --> 0:04:49.160 go for a hike, that's you know. Then it's like 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:53.520 I don't it's fine. But I think for some women 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:57.679 who really just can't because financially they are so strapped 0:04:57.720 --> 0:05:01.480 that total every frickin' dollar. So I think it says 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:03.240 a lot about a guy when they can they could 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:06.120 just offer it, you know, and I would never accept it. 0:05:06.200 --> 0:05:10.599 But I think again it's the idea of like they're 0:05:10.640 --> 0:05:13.080 being mindful and it feels good to be taken care 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:14.920 of sometimes it really does. 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:18.680 So that's where I mean that our relationship with money 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:25.880 differs because I equate money to someone having control and 0:05:26.000 --> 0:05:33.000 power over me if they pay, whereas you are not 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:37.520 as traumatized, I guess as me in that area where 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.360 you can say, wow, that's thoughtful, that's sweep, and I 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:44.719 immediately go, this is a red flag. Why would you 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:46.000 want to pay for my stuff? 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:49.920 Let me tell you something. I was extremely traumatized after 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:53.960 I got divorced, extremely hush. I don't even know why. 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:59.360 It's making me emotional. I think this is a bigger 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:01.760 moment for me right now because it's just a reflection 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.360 of the work that I've done. And I want that 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:08.520 freedom for you so badly because it's just taking your 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:11.400 power back. Someone could think that they have power over 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:16.320 you because of money, right, but really they don't. It's 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:19.479 up to you to say, like, no, you should be 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.200 doing that out of the kindness of your heart. It 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:24.679 doesn't mean that I owe you anything. There's never there. 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:29.280 This is not like an exchange, right unless there's an 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:35.760 agreement beforehand. But I had to do a lot of 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:41.200 work around my relationship with money because I gave up 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:44.760 a lot of my twenties fighting for a career because 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:48.240 I was conflicted, right, Like, I had a husband that 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:53.839 was making movies all around the world at that time, 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.839 and I was like, God, I want to be a 0:06:56.880 --> 0:07:01.400 woman who has, you know, following my pa as an actor. 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.360 But I also have these two little kids that I 0:07:04.360 --> 0:07:06.720 didn't want to leave at home by themselves with a nanny, 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:09.880 and it was really really hard, and so like, I 0:07:09.880 --> 0:07:12.480 think I would be in a very different financial position 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:14.480 had I said, you know what, I'm going to go 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:15.920 out and I'm going to go do what I want 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:18.360 and I'm going to be selfish. And some women are 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.880 career women and that's the choice that they make. I 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:23.440 just couldn't do it because that's not the like you said, 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:25.480 that's not the life that I came from. I watched 0:07:25.480 --> 0:07:29.720 my mom and dad build a business out of our 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:32.160 three car garage that they converted to a two car 0:07:32.520 --> 0:07:36.160 garage as a construction company, and my mom was doing 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:39.000 it all. Like my mom had no help. She was 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:44.640 juggling taking three kids to basketball, golf like when we 0:07:44.640 --> 0:07:47.760 were in youth group like you name it, and then 0:07:47.840 --> 0:07:49.960 helping my dad run his business, and then on top 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:51.920 of that, taking care of the like the house right, 0:07:52.000 --> 0:07:54.200 the cooking, the cleaning, the you know, the whatever. We 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:56.880 had a horse, we had a goat at some at 0:07:56.880 --> 0:08:01.880 one point. It's really hard as a woman, and I 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:05.560 still struggle with this, like big time. It's a it's 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:07.960 a big thing, and I think a lot of women feel, 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:12.280 you know, conflicted because at the same time, a lot 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:15.440 of households needs they need two incomes. Life is just 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:17.560 expensive now, so people don't have a choice. 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:23.080 Yeah I did. I'm I feel badly the way that 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:27.800 I said that to you, because I do know how 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:30.400 hard your divorce was and how much you gave up. 0:08:30.440 --> 0:08:32.920 So when I when I said we have a different relationship, 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:36.520 I meant in the present moment, because I do know 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:38.760 how much you gave up, and I do know what 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:42.880 that looked like when you guys parted ways, and how 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:47.439 dirty you were done. Yeah, so I feel like I 0:08:47.440 --> 0:08:49.400 had to take this moment to tell you that I 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:52.679 was not trying to diminish the work that you've done 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:59.440 or what you went through and how difficult the relationship 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.680 you've had with money and how it's evolved during the years. 0:09:01.679 --> 0:09:03.280 I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.560 No, I no, no, no, I don't apologize. I please 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:10.439 don't apologize, because it wasn't that. The moment that I'm 0:09:10.480 --> 0:09:14.760 having now is like it's it's hard work. And when 0:09:14.760 --> 0:09:18.079 you say that you don't have that yet, I get 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:19.880 emotional because I knew you were. I was in that 0:09:19.960 --> 0:09:23.359 position that you were, and I want that for you. 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:27.559 You deserve to be taken care of and go out 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.760 and have a bad ass career right and make your 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.840 own money like you deserve that you It's not one 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:35.320 or the other. In my opinion. It doesn't have to 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.640 be with the right person. It doesn't have to be. 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.760 So I want that. And yeah I was. I was 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:45.600 done real fucking dirty in my divorce and I wanted 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:50.640 my family and I wasn't smart, and you know, I 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.080 signed a prenup when I when I was in the marriage, 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:56.720 and it was it was bad, it was really bad. 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:59.960 But I wanted so badly for my at the moment 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.600 meant right, because I was still so sick. I wanted 0:10:02.600 --> 0:10:06.440 my family together so badly that I was willing to 0:10:06.480 --> 0:10:10.960 go to any length and if that meant I got nothing, 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:15.800 in my mind, that meant I got nothing. I got 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:18.240 the one thing that I got nothing, But I got 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.080 everything At the same time, I got the one thing 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:23.600 that I always wanted was my family. In the end, 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:26.720 I made a lot of really dumb mistakes and maybe 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.959 one day I'll write a book about what not to do. 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.440 But would I sign a prenup again? If if I 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:34.840 meet the right person and they ask, yes, I would, 0:10:34.920 --> 0:10:38.760 But I would be very it would be it would 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:42.560 be different, right. I have a different relationship with money 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:47.640 and what a prenup represents because mine was done while 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:52.640 we were married, right after there was a lot of infidelity, 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:59.000 so it was not done on the basis of if 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:01.640 this marriage falls apart. The marriage was already falling apart. 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.360 And then it was like shoving papers down my face, 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:06.280 you have to sign this. Yeah, you were in your 0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.679 and he was already out of the house, and he 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:09.839 already out of the house. 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:12.280 And you were in your most vulnerable state going through 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:14.400 a morning process. And can I tell you I almost 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:15.920 gave up vander Pump rules for him. 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:17.160 Wow. 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:19.800 Yeah, he had asked me to do that. And I 0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:22.160 remember being in a parking garage being like, Okay, I 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:24.160 I think I'm going to do that. This is this 0:11:24.240 --> 0:11:27.120 is worth giving that up for. And my mom was like, 0:11:27.440 --> 0:11:33.440 what the fuck are you talking about? Absolutely not. Thank 0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:34.240 god I did it. 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:36.920 Thank God we have women in our life, Like I know, 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:39.120 if you were to come to me, or my mom 0:11:39.160 --> 0:11:42.680 were to come to me, or any other woman that 0:11:42.800 --> 0:11:46.480 I really trust in my life and say Amber, what 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:49.720 the fuck? I would now I would now listen Because 0:11:49.800 --> 0:11:54.439 I had people telling me that I had attorneys saying 0:11:55.640 --> 0:11:58.120 do not sign this document, and I was like, I 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:02.480 am signing it my family. I want my kids. I 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:04.640 didn't want my kids to come from a broken home. 0:12:04.960 --> 0:12:08.200 So that prenup slash post up, whatever the you want 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:09.880 to call it, because I remember I never knew what 0:12:09.920 --> 0:12:12.760 to call it. It represented so much for me. But 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:18.240 now guess what, Like I'm sober, I'm wise, I'm like 0:12:18.320 --> 0:12:22.440 I'm stepping into a relationship with different intentions. If I 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:26.720 choose to get married, it's like you just get to rewrite, 0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:31.280 rewrite what has been done. I don't know, That's what 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:31.720 I feel. 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.440 Can you still do this may sound so dumb? Can 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:47.040 you still do some sort of documentation? Like if you 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:50.080 choose not to get married, does can you still have 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:53.199 like a prenup? Because let's say you're in a partnership, 0:12:53.520 --> 0:12:56.520 a committed relationship with someone for twenty seven years. Okay, 0:12:56.559 --> 0:13:02.600 it's a long time. Some vitual marriages signed licenses don't 0:13:02.600 --> 0:13:06.720 even last twenty seven years. So in that timeframe, you 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.320 guys break up. I guess it would depend on what 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:13.640 state you live in because of common law marriage. But 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:17.920 I'm wondering because, as you know, I don't want to 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:21.160 get married, but I feel like there needs to be 0:13:22.120 --> 0:13:25.199 some sort of documentation, whether you would still call that 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:28.160 a prenup or not. I don't know where it's like, 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.840 even if we have like a long life together and 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:35.319 we build a lot, whatever is yours is yours, whatever 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:37.600 is mine is mine, and we just get to part 0:13:37.640 --> 0:13:40.520 ways and call it a day, Like, I still feel 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.360 like you have to have some sort of agreement. 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:45.840 Yeah, I don't. I know that the laws have definitely changed. 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:48.320 Whereas like if you were married for ten years you 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.080 would get alimony for life. That is not the case anymore, 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:54.680 I believe, not corn I think that that's actually changed, 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.880 like or you could at least argue that you could 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:01.000 have whatever document in your marriage. There's this guy, There's 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.880 an attorney in New York that I follow. He's a 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:09.200 very Instagram social media famous, and he talks about some 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:15.400 of the weird things that people put in their pre nups, 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:18.640 like weird like if you gain more than fifteen pounds, 0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:22.480 like fucked up stuff like not normal, unhealthy. 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:24.120 Can I tell you, though, I don't know that that 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:27.520 would actually hold up in court, because I remember during 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.600 my prenup process I said, I want a clause in 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:36.000 there that says, if you cheat, I get X. I 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:39.440 remember my attorney being like, we can absolutely put that 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:43.160 in there, but just know what we want. If it 0:14:43.280 --> 0:14:46.000 makes it into like litigation where you guys are at 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.520 each other's throats because this doesn't work out, it's gonna 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:53.680 get thrown out. That's not it's kind of It reminds 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:57.520 me of when couples put in their agreement you can't 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:01.640 introduce somebody, like during a custody case, you can't introduce 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:05.800 the child to a partner unless you've been dating that 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:07.840 person for at least a year. And it's like, Okay, 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:09.960 that sounds really beautiful. I'm glad you guys could agree 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:13.000 on that and you both signed off baptida. Let's just 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:16.120 say one person breaks that rule and you're furious and 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:17.680 you're like, I'm going in to see a judge. The 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:21.400 judge would be like, I'm taking this out because you 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.280 can introduce whoever the fuck you want to this child. 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:27.880 There's just certain things that you may sign off on, 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:31.360 but once it hits a judge, the judge can say, 0:15:31.440 --> 0:15:32.960 I'm vetoing this. It's stupid. 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:35.920 Yeah, But I think when you're in high net worth 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:44.280 divorce cases, it goes more probably into mediation and then 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:47.280 and sometimes you have to mediate and you can't go 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.080 to trial, like you have to do mediation first, right, right, And. 0:15:51.080 --> 0:15:53.000 It also depends on where you are. I think there's 0:15:53.000 --> 0:15:56.080 some states that would be like, yes, we take infidelity 0:15:56.200 --> 0:15:59.480 very seriously. You have to pay for that. California. I 0:15:59.600 --> 0:16:02.040 remember we were talking about infidelity and they were like, 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:04.520 you want to know what they said to me, Welcome 0:16:04.520 --> 0:16:08.480 to Hollywood, La La. I go, that doesn't fucking work 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:11.080 for me. Sorry, doesn't work for me. 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:12.800 Wait, I have a question. Did you guys have a 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:17.680 prenup done before you guys we're gonna get married. 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:20.400 We were in the process. I don't know if I've 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.680 ever asked you this. We were in the process of 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:27.680 doing the prenup and the next phone call to my 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:32.400 lawyer was I'm leaving him, and I need a case 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:34.840 number so that I can leave this fucking house with 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:36.920 my child in tow and have him not call the 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:41.080 police on me. So he goes, oh, that was this 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:45.120 that changed very quick Amber. I wish that I could. 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:50.000 The day those photos came out October fifteenth, I remember 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.600 it like it was yesterday. I was blowing Daryl up. 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:58.160 I said, Daryl, I need a fucking family attorney immediately. 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:01.280 I'm leaving this person and I need to be teed 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:06.560 up with my daughter now. Today it was like nine 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:08.639 pm and I got a phone call from the family lawyer. 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:10.800 That was like things changed quickly. I was just looking 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:13.159 over your prenup. I thought that's why you called. I 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:17.240 was like, no, oh mm hmm. 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:19.280 You can't fucking write this. 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:23.280 I know. And I remember the girl who was assigned 0:17:23.280 --> 0:17:25.960 in my case. She was like, la, la, just because 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:28.119 I would call every day, where's my case number? Where's 0:17:28.119 --> 0:17:30.080 my case number? I can't leave without my kid. I 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.600 he will call the police on me, He's told me. 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:36.560 She was like, you just got a hang tight, I promise, 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.960 see what's going to happen. And it was on The 0:17:39.960 --> 0:17:43.600 pictures came out October fifteenth, and it was October twenty 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.679 seventh that I knew what I had to do make 0:17:46.760 --> 0:17:49.720 him feel comfortable enough to get the fuck out of town, 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.200 and so I did. I remember walking down the stairs 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:56.240 and I called him, babe, and I felt like I 0:17:56.280 --> 0:18:00.240 was gonna throw up, and I told him, I think 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:04.359 I'm almost ready to let you back in the bedroom. 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:08.679 We're gonna work through this, and then he was he 0:18:08.800 --> 0:18:14.280 had to get to Florida next day. He leaves. He's 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:16.639 so sad, he doesn't want to go. Amber he just 0:18:16.680 --> 0:18:21.280 doesn't want to go. And I said, I'm gonna be 0:18:21.320 --> 0:18:23.720 here when you get back. It's fine. Do what you 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:27.399 need to do. As he left, I hit him with 0:18:27.520 --> 0:18:30.760 the phone call and said, you know, we don't need 0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:32.880 the nanny to come in or the housekeeper or anybody 0:18:32.880 --> 0:18:34.320 today because we're going to be out of the house 0:18:34.359 --> 0:18:35.919 and I'm going to take the kids because it's going 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:37.920 to be my mom's last day. And he goes, your 0:18:37.920 --> 0:18:40.080 mom's going to go home. I was like, yeah, she's 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:44.919 gonna leave tomorrow. She's flying out. His assistant calls me, 0:18:45.119 --> 0:18:47.359 Now he really thinks we're all good, Right, Lisa, the 0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:50.399 mediator is going back home Waters are calm. Assistant hits me, 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:53.159 he's on the plane. I call my gaze. I was like, 0:18:53.480 --> 0:18:56.320 roll up the fucking minivans. They fucking roll up the 0:18:56.320 --> 0:19:00.119 mini vans. Jessica's covering every single camera with paper or 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:02.440 so it looks like maybe we just had a package 0:19:02.440 --> 0:19:04.560 and they covered the camera outside. 0:19:04.680 --> 0:19:11.360 FedEx put the stamp, missed package, miss signature package. 0:19:11.080 --> 0:19:14.400 Packed whatever. I coult into those cars and was out 0:19:14.480 --> 0:19:16.800 that bitch amazing. 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:17.320 Wow. 0:19:17.920 --> 0:19:21.800 Yeah, wow, long winded story about a prenup. So, in 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:23.840 other words, yes, it was done, but it quickly turned 0:19:23.880 --> 0:19:37.439 into a custody custody paperwork instead. Yeah. 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:40.400 I wish I had a different experience, but you know. 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:45.600 What, Amer you were about twelve. I don't exactly I 0:19:46.119 --> 0:19:50.160 it would have gone very very differently had I been 0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:55.439 younger and not sober, So give yourself some grace. 0:19:56.160 --> 0:20:01.159 Out of the entire prenup, the only thing, well not 0:20:01.240 --> 0:20:04.200 the only thing, but one of the biggest things, the biggest, 0:20:04.200 --> 0:20:08.399 like ninety percent of my ah, Man, I really fucked 0:20:08.480 --> 0:20:15.160 up was I left the house. I should have asked 0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:22.040 for a house because let me tell you why. I 0:20:22.160 --> 0:20:26.000 begged him to buy a house, and we almost came 0:20:26.040 --> 0:20:30.960 close to buying many houses several times to have that 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:34.840 like foundation to raise our children. Right, it was about 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:41.080 like putting down roots somewhere, and he would never do it. 0:20:41.720 --> 0:20:44.800 He never We went from renting a house. 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:45.159 We moved. 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:47.560 I moved in my marriage. So I was married almost 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:52.159 eight years. We moved seven times in eight years, every year, 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:55.840 almost every year except for one house we stayed eighteen months. 0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:58.959 I was packing my entire family up and moving, and 0:20:59.000 --> 0:21:01.720 of course he was quote working when we were in 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:06.600 the moving process. And that's the biggest regret is that 0:21:06.720 --> 0:21:09.280 I should have said, no, you want to go out 0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:12.440 and you you want to be with Laala, you want 0:21:12.440 --> 0:21:14.040 to go fuck other women, whatever you want to do, 0:21:15.240 --> 0:21:17.679 but you need to give me a house so I 0:21:17.680 --> 0:21:20.719 can continue to raise our children. Let me tell you something, 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:24.120 I'm as much as I it really hurts me. Right, 0:21:25.040 --> 0:21:26.760 I don't think I would be where I am today. 0:21:27.359 --> 0:21:29.120 You wouldn't be right. 0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:32.639 I wouldn't have the drive, I wouldn't have the the like. 0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:35.320 I'm going to show my girls that, like, you can 0:21:35.359 --> 0:21:38.119 stand on your own two feet if you have the 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:41.639 willingness to do uncomfortable things. 0:21:41.480 --> 0:21:43.960 And you've done a lot of uncomfortable things. Zamber and 0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:45.880 what you you know, I know that there's a lot 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:51.240 that you gave up when you decided to, like, you know, 0:21:51.400 --> 0:21:53.560 really hone in on your family. I think it was 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:59.040 Lily what is her name, She's the British singer Lily Allen, 0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:03.240 And she said, you cannot have it all. You cannot 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:07.920 have a thriving career, be a present mother, be the 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:12.080 wife that is a housewife. You can't be all of 0:22:12.119 --> 0:22:15.879 those things. And I think, yes, if you look back, 0:22:16.240 --> 0:22:19.159 you could say I picked this, that and the other, 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:20.520 and I should have been smart and I should have 0:22:20.520 --> 0:22:22.960 done that. But the way and I know that your 0:22:23.000 --> 0:22:25.640 kids are at a difficult age right now. What age 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:27.679 isn't difficult. I'm like, have a two year old, it's 0:22:27.720 --> 0:22:31.160 a really difficult age. But you can just tell how 0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:37.600 safe they feel. You're their rock. There's there's a bond 0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:40.960 there that I don't think you can always feel because 0:22:41.000 --> 0:22:43.320 you're in the thick of it. But as an outsider, 0:22:43.640 --> 0:22:46.440 you know, you're like Riley's at a stage where she's 0:22:46.440 --> 0:22:47.760 not nice to me, and I'm like, well, she calls 0:22:47.760 --> 0:22:50.199 you about four hundred times a day, so there's gotta 0:22:50.200 --> 0:22:50.720 be something. 0:22:50.760 --> 0:22:53.680 If they're punching bag. I am their punching bag. 0:22:53.480 --> 0:22:56.600 That is. But they know that there's unconditional love there. 0:22:56.680 --> 0:22:59.920