Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects, And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: on the air. Happy Wednesday, y'all, welcome back to get
Speaker 1: another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl just hilarious. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna up straight and we got more voice notes. I
Speaker 1: love it, y'all, I love this ship. I still got
Speaker 1: a lot of stories to read. What I'll revisit that
Speaker 1: next week. We're gonna start with the voice notes. Make
Speaker 1: those priority this week. How I'm gonna do it is
Speaker 1: I'll do for the first two weeks out of the month,
Speaker 1: I'll do voice notes, and in the last two weeks
Speaker 1: out of the month, I'll do the red stories because
Speaker 1: I still want you guys to send in paragraphs or whatever.
Speaker 1: I joke and play. When I say, you guys, don't punctuate.
Speaker 1: I can read through it and I can make sense
Speaker 1: of it unless you just playing damn slow. All right,
Speaker 1: get your ship together. We're gonna start off, jump straight
Speaker 1: into it. Here we go. Hey, Jess, I just want
Speaker 1: to say I've been listening to since episode one of
Speaker 1: this podcast, and girl, I love you. I love you, Rails.
Speaker 1: I missed just with the mess, but I know why
Speaker 1: you stopped doing it with your son and Chadwick, and
Speaker 1: I respect that. But anyways, my mass is family related,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna try to keep it shorter than it
Speaker 1: really could get. So I have a cousin, and me
Speaker 1: and that cousin grew up kind of like sister brother cousins,
Speaker 1: similar age, and we got to be older, you know,
Speaker 1: groups mingo, I have a date his friends, he would
Speaker 1: did a few of my friends. Always was you know.
Speaker 1: That's how it went. As we got a little older,
Speaker 1: it started to seem like he wanted to kind of
Speaker 1: shut me out but still dat my friends. So I
Speaker 1: had a friend and at the time, he had a
Speaker 1: child on the way, and I invited my friend to
Speaker 1: a family event. She met my cousin, unknowing to me.
Speaker 1: They exchange numbers. Fast forward a few weeks later, him
Speaker 1: and his baby's mother fell out because she went through
Speaker 1: his phone and found messages of him and my friend.
Speaker 1: When I approached my friend about it, she kind of
Speaker 1: told me, basically, it's none of your business. I didn't
Speaker 1: tell you it's not your business, So I left it
Speaker 1: at that. Um From there, she kind of just distanced
Speaker 1: herself from me and let it be known that she
Speaker 1: didn't want to be my friend no more. Basically, she
Speaker 1: got what she was there for. So that was the
Speaker 1: end of our friendship. My cousin and I never really
Speaker 1: mended things back to where we were, but you know,
Speaker 1: feeling his family and I still was around him here
Speaker 1: and there. He meets another friend of mine, the same
Speaker 1: thing things go left with them. She's actually a closer
Speaker 1: friend of mine, and she tells me what he actually
Speaker 1: says about me when he's with her, the things he
Speaker 1: says about me, and gives me insight on why every
Speaker 1: time he dates one of my friends they stopped being
Speaker 1: my friend. He was going as far as saying anything
Speaker 1: that you hear from my cousin, don't believe it. Just
Speaker 1: completely assassinated my character, just attacking me and making me
Speaker 1: out be somebody I wasn't because he was a piece
Speaker 1: of ship, to say the least way, cheating, running around
Speaker 1: and always assumed that I was going to be the
Speaker 1: reason why he got caught up instead of realizing that
Speaker 1: everything you do when the dark comes to the light.
Speaker 1: So now after I'm aware of this is what he
Speaker 1: says about me, I've just sense myself even more the
Speaker 1: girl that I was originally friends with that stop being
Speaker 1: friends with me has been in the background all this time,
Speaker 1: and now she's pregnant, he's gotten himself into legal trouble,
Speaker 1: and she's going to be dealing with a child on
Speaker 1: her own for a bit. I have history with that
Speaker 1: particular situation, not with the child, but with having the
Speaker 1: loved one go away because of the law, and I'm
Speaker 1: battling should I reach out to her After everything I've done,
Speaker 1: I've lost two good friends behind my cousin, but essentially
Speaker 1: those were not my friends. I've come to terms with
Speaker 1: that also that if they were supposed to be my friends,
Speaker 1: they'd be in my life, and it's you know, I
Speaker 1: I take responsibility for still allowing him to be on
Speaker 1: my friends, but I also understand that again, if they
Speaker 1: were my friends, they would be there. I respect the
Speaker 1: second one more because she at least was honest with
Speaker 1: me about it, But I'm battling with the fact that
Speaker 1: the first one is carrying a child that is a
Speaker 1: part of my blood, and then also knowing what she's
Speaker 1: gonna be dealing with because my cousin is going to
Speaker 1: be away, and I don't know if I should reach out,
Speaker 1: or if I should just be like, bitch, fuck you,
Speaker 1: this is your karma from five years ago, because I
Speaker 1: told you why, it's not the funk with him. Help me, Jess,
Speaker 1: help me girl. Girl. First of all, I just want
Speaker 1: to say, you sound just like Gabrielle Union girls. Where
Speaker 1: to God you got the Gabrielle Union voice. Hey, you
Speaker 1: sound like somebody else, but that is not why you're
Speaker 1: writing me today, all right, So anyway, let's get into it.
Speaker 1: I love your voice, by the way, girl, the raspiness, Girl,
Speaker 1: I listen. I ain't weird and nothing like that. I
Speaker 1: just love certain voices, girl, and yours is one of them. Okay,
Speaker 1: So you can go about this two different ways now,
Speaker 1: and you would be totally within your right, well within
Speaker 1: your right to pick either one. Now. The fact that
Speaker 1: he does have a child on the way, and he
Speaker 1: is by the first friend who was gonna be destined
Speaker 1: to get that karma one way or another. This is
Speaker 1: still your blood. So I can tell that you're a
Speaker 1: family person, you know, like you said, you and your
Speaker 1: cousin were raised as siblings, you know, and you see
Speaker 1: that a lot in families period. You know. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say black families. But I mean because that's the
Speaker 1: only race that I've seen it, and because that's the
Speaker 1: only race I am. But we do that. You know,
Speaker 1: my cousin London was raised as my sister. You know
Speaker 1: my cousin Terrell was raised as my brother. And we
Speaker 1: are big on family, a very big family oriented family.
Speaker 1: So I do understand that. Now, although you and your
Speaker 1: cousin are not as tight as you guys used to
Speaker 1: be thanks to the females and all the ship that
Speaker 1: he does or whatever, you seem to still have a
Speaker 1: certain attachment. You always have him in your heart somewhere
Speaker 1: because you guys were raised together. It's a lot of
Speaker 1: history there now. Just wasn't regular cousins. Y'all were like
Speaker 1: siblings slash cousins. So I get it. That's a bond there.
Speaker 1: It's just been tampered with a little bit, but it's
Speaker 1: still nonetheless a bond. I know you would love to
Speaker 1: see his child grow beautifully and you know healthy. I
Speaker 1: know you would love to be there for the birth.
Speaker 1: I can just tell. I can hear it in your voice.
Speaker 1: You love your cousin still and you would love anything
Speaker 1: that he produced and that and that would be a
Speaker 1: baby and your first friend child. Now, listen, I ain't
Speaker 1: gonna let my personal experiences and how I feel about
Speaker 1: it dictate how I speak to you with this situation,
Speaker 1: because I'm not gonna be biased at all. But Karma
Speaker 1: was definitely knocking at her door. She answered it, she
Speaker 1: got it. I would only reach out to her if
Speaker 1: it is only about the baby, just to be honest
Speaker 1: with you, because females like that, they don't tend to change.
Speaker 1: And she was already grown when she made this big,
Speaker 1: gass grown decision at her big age. And then your
Speaker 1: cousin just moves so recklessly. He didn't never seem to
Speaker 1: be serious with either of your friends. It's just females
Speaker 1: that he was just fucking And you were forewarning these
Speaker 1: girls and they're still just going along with it, you know,
Speaker 1: like all whatever, whatever, because I bet he find it's hell,
Speaker 1: ain't he? I bet he fucking fine? Child? Please, But
Speaker 1: what's significant about your story is his family. I get
Speaker 1: a lot of relationships, stories and questions and and things
Speaker 1: that I would advise people on, but this is family,
Speaker 1: and so this is a little bit more delicate, you know,
Speaker 1: because y'all are always going to be blood. I want
Speaker 1: to know have you talked to him since he's been
Speaker 1: in jail, because obviously that's where he is. You said
Speaker 1: he got into some legal trouble in this girl. She
Speaker 1: will be raising the baby on her own for a while,
Speaker 1: and then he has another baby as well, because he
Speaker 1: had a girlfriend the whole time he was sucking with
Speaker 1: your friends. Man, niggas everywhere. Well he was everywhere and
Speaker 1: now he is in one place for a long time.
Speaker 1: But um, have you talked to him? Has he written you?
Speaker 1: Has he wrote you? Has he you know? Is there
Speaker 1: are there letters? Like? Because I think that you should
Speaker 1: speak to him first as well. I mean it's not
Speaker 1: not to ask his permission about the baby, but I
Speaker 1: think you should kind of bridge that gap to reconcile,
Speaker 1: be the bigger person and kind of get through to
Speaker 1: him a little bit. Like, look, man, we were raised
Speaker 1: a particular way. We were raised as brother and sister. Okay,
Speaker 1: we got older, we went our separate ways, and you know,
Speaker 1: you started dating my friends, and you know you you're
Speaker 1: a womanizer, You're not really a loyal, faithful guy. So yes,
Speaker 1: I told my friends. I was forewarning my friends. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to see my friends hurt. You're always going
Speaker 1: to be my cousin. You were in a relationship, for
Speaker 1: God's sake, so I was actually trying to save you
Speaker 1: two and save the damn girl that you were with
Speaker 1: who had your baby. You know at that time, do
Speaker 1: you walk around get one of my friends pregnant, wasn't
Speaker 1: even with her. Then you fuck enough one of my
Speaker 1: friends and the cycle would have probably still been going
Speaker 1: on today if you were physically able to fund more
Speaker 1: friends of mine. I don't think you should blame yourself
Speaker 1: for any of this, Honey. I heard you say, you know,
Speaker 1: it's my fault that I put him around my friends. Now,
Speaker 1: all people are people, it's social. You could be around
Speaker 1: women that Nigga can be around women without sickeness, dick
Speaker 1: in one. It don't matter. No, that's not your fault.
Speaker 1: You're not his supervisor. You don't have to supervise his
Speaker 1: interactions with women just because they're your friends. You shouldn't
Speaker 1: feel that. I think you should reach out to him,
Speaker 1: Definitely have a conversation with him and just be real
Speaker 1: and told him you have this baby on the way by.
Speaker 1: You know one of my former friends, and I want
Speaker 1: to reach out to her. I don't know how you're
Speaker 1: feeling about it. Do you think it's yours? First of all, baby,
Speaker 1: find out if because you know, these bitches ain't ship,
Speaker 1: maybe lie and we know what type of friend the
Speaker 1: first one is, so we don't know. But find out
Speaker 1: if the baby is his, and see if he even
Speaker 1: thinks it his or whatever. And out of the love
Speaker 1: for the baby would be the only fucking reason that
Speaker 1: I would reach out to her. But to be honest,
Speaker 1: if I can give you my like what I would do,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't reach out at all. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get to know the baby, you're gonna grow up.
Speaker 1: And then that friend may even have animosity towards you,
Speaker 1: because nobody likes to meet the person that told them
Speaker 1: that they would be here one day and they're actually there.
Speaker 1: Nobody likes that I told you so. And even though
Speaker 1: you're probably not that type of person, she's gonna feel
Speaker 1: that off the rip, and she's gonna already be probably
Speaker 1: bitter towards you because now she's in to such a
Speaker 1: waition that she never thought she would be in had
Speaker 1: she listened to her friend that one year she wouldn't
Speaker 1: be here but yes, it's out of the the cookie crumbles.
Speaker 1: So only if it's about the baby, if the baby
Speaker 1: is his. But if not, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But
Speaker 1: check back in with me, girl, check back in now.
Speaker 1: We got a commercial and if you click off of
Speaker 1: this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen. Alright,
Speaker 1: moving on, guys, Hi, juss I had a question for you.
Speaker 1: I recently ended my relationship of a year and a
Speaker 1: half with a man. We lived together. We don't have
Speaker 1: any children together, but he was very close with my children.
Speaker 1: He didn't have any children of his own. But I
Speaker 1: end up the relationship for a couple of different reasons. One,
Speaker 1: I had helped him apply for a better job because
Speaker 1: he wasn't he was working a minimum wage job, and
Speaker 1: through that I found out that he was not a
Speaker 1: US citizen, and so he lied to me about his citizenship,
Speaker 1: which is a red flag for me because I'm in
Speaker 1: the military and that could have affected me and my
Speaker 1: clearance to I ended the relationship because over a year
Speaker 1: and a half, I never got to meet his family,
Speaker 1: even though they're here locally, and that's a reflect to
Speaker 1: me because I want a family who's going to embrace me,
Speaker 1: my children and just the lying and all that. But
Speaker 1: I still feel so bad about ending the relationship because
Speaker 1: I still have love for him. How am I able
Speaker 1: to move on from this? Because it wasn't like it
Speaker 1: ended nasty per se. It was just I got to
Speaker 1: a point where I couldn't accept what was happening anymore
Speaker 1: because that was a huge lie. And then the family
Speaker 1: thing really threw me off. But my question to you
Speaker 1: is how can I move forward and moving on from
Speaker 1: this relationship. I could really use any advice that you have.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. I love you and your comedy.
Speaker 1: Oh you're so sweet. Thank you girl. I appreciate that.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that you love my comedy and also appreciate
Speaker 1: what you do for your country. So with that being said, yes,
Speaker 1: they're there's no way that he could have possibly thought
Speaker 1: to not eventually tell you the truth when he realized,
Speaker 1: like how detrimental ship could have gotten for you and
Speaker 1: your family, Like you said, they could have affected your clearance.
Speaker 1: That's a bold lie. That's a huge lie. Now, I
Speaker 1: do understand sometimes people keep these type of things from
Speaker 1: people just protecting themselves from being broken up with or
Speaker 1: you know, from being looked that crazy or being deported,
Speaker 1: or but you loved him. You know, you are in
Speaker 1: a relationship for over a year and a half, so
Speaker 1: you think I'm gonna be with you and you don't
Speaker 1: tell me about this ship, but I gotta find out
Speaker 1: because I'm actually trying to help you work, girl. So
Speaker 1: what I would say, what could also be an option,
Speaker 1: is that he knew that the only way that he
Speaker 1: could be granted citizenship is if he could get married.
Speaker 1: I think that he probably wanted to you you, to
Speaker 1: marry him, really really fall in love with you, because
Speaker 1: he probably didn't have any money because you obviously you
Speaker 1: said he was. He was trying to get him a job.
Speaker 1: You know, usually people come over here and they pay
Speaker 1: for someone to marry them so they can get their card.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I know lots of people
Speaker 1: that has has done it. That's a real thing. But
Speaker 1: because he knew he didn't have any money, he just
Speaker 1: chose to do it the more fucked up way. And
Speaker 1: I think he still felt for you. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: you don't love you. I'm just saying maybe that wasn't
Speaker 1: the initial agenda upon meeting you, and you're in the
Speaker 1: military and all that, because that could be the only
Speaker 1: reason why I'm thinking that this man didn't tell you
Speaker 1: about that ship, like you and your family could be
Speaker 1: going through some ship right now because he didn't keep
Speaker 1: it up front with you. That's not good to even
Speaker 1: put you and your kids at jeopardy like that. So
Speaker 1: do you really love me? Was this year and a
Speaker 1: half fake or what? Like? I need some fucking answers,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying? Like that, that is me
Speaker 1: speaking as you demanding for answers. They're like, just be
Speaker 1: honest with me. I already love you, We already did
Speaker 1: the work in the relationship. Is this real? Do you
Speaker 1: love me? Or did you just have a plan to
Speaker 1: be granted citizenship and you use me to do so eventually?
Speaker 1: Because like you said, you want a family, So I
Speaker 1: know you have talked about marriage, y'all had to. I
Speaker 1: don't even have to ask you that. I know that
Speaker 1: because you want a family, you want his family to
Speaker 1: accept your kids. You've been his girlfriend for over a
Speaker 1: fucking year and to something that may not be a
Speaker 1: lot of time. That's a lot of time to me,
Speaker 1: especially if you're around my kids and and you know
Speaker 1: you know my family and I don't know yours. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's a red flag, Yes, ma'am. Why the hell didn't
Speaker 1: I get to meet your mom? Why the hell can't
Speaker 1: I meet your family? What what he said to you?
Speaker 1: You said they're locally here. Did he ever give you
Speaker 1: an answer on why he hasn't let you meet them yet,
Speaker 1: or he hasn't introduced you or even you know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Have you ever talked to his mother on
Speaker 1: the phone? Have you ever even seen him face time?
Speaker 1: Just anything? If not for real, then my point is
Speaker 1: proven to be true. He never really had any real
Speaker 1: mm hmm, any real plans on keeping you around once
Speaker 1: y'all got married, You got that green called girl, that
Speaker 1: boy was gonna be out. And I really honestly believe that.
Speaker 1: I really honestly believe that, because why the hell haven't
Speaker 1: you met his mom and his other family. I'm very
Speaker 1: very sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry for
Speaker 1: you and your babies because I know that they've already
Speaker 1: gotten to know him obviously, I mean ship they had to,
Speaker 1: they had to get to know him. I do want
Speaker 1: to extend an apology, like, oh my god, I hate
Speaker 1: that you're going through that and you don't deserve it.
Speaker 1: But I think that you should let it go because
Speaker 1: it's already a year and a half of your time wasted.
Speaker 1: And the reason why because I know you love him.
Speaker 1: The reason why I say wasted is because I want
Speaker 1: to open your eyes to what funk I think he
Speaker 1: was really trying to do. And I know you had
Speaker 1: to think it in the back of your mind, but
Speaker 1: because you love him, you probably didn't want to face
Speaker 1: it that that's what he was doing, right that was
Speaker 1: his process the whole time. Like I said, I won't
Speaker 1: say he don't love you, but he definitely had an agenda.
Speaker 1: It was a motive behind all this love and this
Speaker 1: relationship and all that. I think it's best for you
Speaker 1: to leave, I do while you put a whole year
Speaker 1: and a half in it, and that is not a
Speaker 1: short amount of time. I don't think it's an extremely
Speaker 1: long amount of time for you to leave that ship
Speaker 1: alone right now, because imagine y'all could be five years
Speaker 1: in and then this motherfucker's life and then it's the
Speaker 1: way you found out. You found out because you were
Speaker 1: trying to help him get a job, so he would
Speaker 1: have never told you this. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You would have never told you this. That could be
Speaker 1: another reason why he didn't want you to meet his
Speaker 1: family either. Now they might tell it and I'm not
Speaker 1: here on it, you know, or unless the family was
Speaker 1: down with the plan from the jump, come here and
Speaker 1: meet somebody, marry them, and then you can be with
Speaker 1: us forever or whatever the fuck. You know. I'm really
Speaker 1: frustrated that she's going through this ship, So don't mind,
Speaker 1: my curson, and I'm very sorry about that. But check
Speaker 1: back in with me. You are way way wait, wait
Speaker 1: to deserve and of something else, of something more than
Speaker 1: to be dealing with this. Check back in with me, girl.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. That's some bullshit, y'all. Like,
Speaker 1: I really don't like that. I don't like that for
Speaker 1: her at all. You never know who you're sleeping with,
Speaker 1: You never know who you're sucking dealing with. You never know.
Speaker 1: She was in a relationship with this man for eighteen
Speaker 1: months and he lied. Now what I want to know
Speaker 1: and she didn't tell me, was when she found out
Speaker 1: was that recently? Was that when she just broke up
Speaker 1: with him? Is that what she just broke up with
Speaker 1: him for or did she continue to be in a
Speaker 1: relationship with him? Because she says she just can't deal
Speaker 1: with it anymore, that means that she was actually trying
Speaker 1: to deal with it. And you see what we do
Speaker 1: as women. I can't say men do this, because I'm
Speaker 1: not a man. I don't know, but I know women
Speaker 1: do this. We often. I'm gonna say it right, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna just saying the way I know how to say it,
Speaker 1: and then y'all can take it exactly how y'all want
Speaker 1: to take it. We actually will dem our happiness for
Speaker 1: someone else's and I actually spoken this before in the
Speaker 1: previous episode. We'll dem our happiness and even be a
Speaker 1: little miserable, a little miserable for somebody else to be
Speaker 1: happy for our man, or our women, or our husband
Speaker 1: or our wife. Like we we will do that. Why
Speaker 1: why why why? Why why should you being happy cost
Speaker 1: me any of my happiness? People make love difficult. I
Speaker 1: don't really think that love is difficult. I don't think
Speaker 1: that love is working. And listen, I'm actually contradict to
Speaker 1: myself because in previous episodes I've said this, love is hard.
Speaker 1: Love is work. Love is no. Love is what you
Speaker 1: make it. It's not the love. And I was just
Speaker 1: talking to my best friend about this. Take this, and
Speaker 1: I'm in this episode. It's not that love is hard.
Speaker 1: It's about these people that's jumping in these relationships and
Speaker 1: they're trying to love and they're fucked up in their
Speaker 1: brains individually. So then when you try to go fucking
Speaker 1: be with somebody, you ain't got yourself together. So now
Speaker 1: you're trying to offend for two and you mentally don't
Speaker 1: even know what the funk you want or you don't
Speaker 1: know what the fund is going on with you. You've
Speaker 1: got issues that you don't even know you have, and
Speaker 1: you don't even see the issues until somebody else is
Speaker 1: there to ignite that ship in you. That's your significant other.
Speaker 1: When you jump in these relationships, people don't know themselves
Speaker 1: until they get with somebody else. Because people, you have
Speaker 1: to learn how to use people as mirrors. Oh ship,
Speaker 1: this is what I'm doing this? Why are you acting
Speaker 1: like this? Because what I'm doing And then sometimes that's
Speaker 1: even dangerous. That's why you gotta make sure you know
Speaker 1: who you are and you get all your ship together
Speaker 1: before you try to be with another motherfucker, because now
Speaker 1: that you're in a relationship and you're seeing these issues
Speaker 1: now that you never even knew you had before, Now
Speaker 1: you blame it on the other person because none of
Speaker 1: this was happening. I wasn't like this until I met
Speaker 1: you know, you were like this. You just what, never
Speaker 1: with nobody that showed you this ship. It's deep, it
Speaker 1: gets deep, it gets deep, and that's why a lot
Speaker 1: of people need therapy before they get in relationships. You
Speaker 1: can't take two funked up people, put them in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and then now they go seek counseling together. Na, No, no no, no,
Speaker 1: because y'all just learning how to be together. You're not
Speaker 1: even learning how to be alone yet. When you know
Speaker 1: how to be alone, that's when you can fathom learning
Speaker 1: how to be together with someone else. If you can't
Speaker 1: be alone, that's scary because you ain't always gonna be
Speaker 1: with your partner. So what the funk will you do
Speaker 1: when you're alone? You'll go crazy. People don't understand that
Speaker 1: it's deep, and I could go deeper, but y'all gonna
Speaker 1: have to wait untill next week. And just like that,
Speaker 1: we come to the end of this episode with your
Speaker 1: Girl just hilarious. Carefully Reckless. Y'all need to tune in
Speaker 1: each and every Wednesday, seven am and watch Reckless only
Speaker 1: on YouTube every Wednesday seven pm. Catch it tonight. Happy
Speaker 1: Holidays and happy New Year. Found talk to y'all. Carefully
Speaker 1: Reckless is a production of I Heart Radio and The
Speaker 1: Black Effect. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit
Speaker 1: the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.