WEBVTT - The Breakfast Club BEST OF - Self Help - Dr. Cheyenne Bryant, Wallo, Jay Shetty + More 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.040 Good morning, Usa yo yo yo yo yo yo yo 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:04.800 yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo 0:00:04.880 --> 0:00:06.720 yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:07.640 yo yo yo. 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:10.880 Jesse Hilarry asks that morning is Wednesday. 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.720 Happy in New Year's Now, today's show is all about 0:00:14.760 --> 0:00:17.200 self help. Charlamane got some special guests joining us today. 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:19.360 You always say guests the special. Who are these people? 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:20.759 Wilo, He's joining us today? 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:23.800 Very special, that's my guy, Jay Shetty yo Man, very 0:00:23.880 --> 0:00:24.360 very special. 0:00:24.400 --> 0:00:26.080 Now you see you really talking about some special people. 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:26.960 And doctor sha Ye. 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:28.920 And Briant very special individuals. 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:31.440 All three of those people will help people in various ways. 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:34.160 What I really love about all three of those individuals 0:00:34.320 --> 0:00:37.080 is their commitment to making sure that our people are 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:39.280 emotionally and mentally healthy. 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:41.160 That's right, And we're gonna be talking to those three 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:44.120 individuals next all throughout the show, so that don't go anywhere. 0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:48.280 It's to breakfast club. Good morning, this is your time 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:49.160 to get it off your chest. 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:52.000 Eight hundred five eight five one O five one. We 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:53.640 want to hear from you on the Breakfast Club. 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.760 Hello, who's this. 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:00.640 Hey to me? Cause get it off your mama? 0:01:00.800 --> 0:01:03.640 Okay, good morning. He did and be Charlsmagne. I'm a 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:07.760 saying I just wanted to get off my chest to 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:12.520 the fact that I did nothing. And now I'm broken 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.560 up with the boyfriend that I've been once for three 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:19.160 years because his girlfriend, his side girlfriend, thinks that I'm 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:19.920 her stalker. 0:01:20.360 --> 0:01:23.679 Wait a minute, his side girlfriend, did you lost the stalker? 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:24.400 M hm. 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:27.759 Explain this to me a little bit more now, So. 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:29.000 Okay, okay. 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:33.160 So I've been with this boy for like almost three years, okay, 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:37.360 and when I came out of my relationship, he came 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:41.080 out of his relationship for a long time, and he 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:43.280 still wanted to explore and all that, and we didn't 0:01:43.319 --> 0:01:47.400 know what we was. So he told me like, oh, 0:01:47.520 --> 0:01:49.840 I'm talking to this one, I'm talking to that one 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.400 and talking that one. So it's like, okay, whatever. So 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:55.639 Tom had passed and he has started moving his stuff 0:01:55.680 --> 0:01:59.000 into my apartment and we started establishing and thinks I 0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:01.880 worked for the city. I put him on my assurance. 0:02:02.480 --> 0:02:06.400 He started established smouldn't make him plans. I didn't realize 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:09.720 how strong of a connection he was making with other girls. 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.480 But then he comes to me one day and tells 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:14.440 me that's the other girl. 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:17.040 Okay, Okay, I've heard enough. So you're not his only girl. 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:18.840 No, I'm not his only girl. 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:20.440 No, okay, So what are you calling her to ask? 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:22.400 But she's upset because she put him on insurance. 0:02:24.280 --> 0:02:25.400 I wasn't asking anything. 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:28.639 Oh, you just you're just mad at yourself for being stupid. Hey, yes, 0:02:28.880 --> 0:02:29.760 how old are you? 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:30.359 Thirty four? 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:32.400 Thirty four years old? How many girls has. 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:33.480 This man got? 0:02:33.520 --> 0:02:34.600 Who knows how. 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:37.079 Many East infections have you had? Since? 0:02:37.080 --> 0:02:41.000 Your pH balance is always hard? 0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:41.440 Stop it? 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:46.560 Come on? Oh okay, I understand though, because you put 0:02:46.600 --> 0:02:48.880 him on insurance, he moved in. You thought it was 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:50.600 more serious than it was, and he was still playing 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:51.040 the field. 0:02:51.080 --> 0:02:53.080 Well see see, I want to tell you that that 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:54.400 you know you can do better. 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:56.519 That's not the part that I'm mad at. The part 0:02:56.600 --> 0:02:58.800 that I'm mad at is that I have nothing to 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:03.959 do with other relationships and I'm being too of being 0:03:04.360 --> 0:03:07.519 a random girl. So why would you do you notice that? 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:08.639 Why would you even care? 0:03:08.800 --> 0:03:10.680 You shouldn't even speak care. 0:03:10.919 --> 0:03:12.760 This is what I'm saying. You've ever been a chub 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:17.760 or something who absolutely did not do yes and just frustrated. 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:21.680 But then he's also super relief because it's like you 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:25.320 never trust me in the beginning. But it's just super fussing. 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:27.000 Stops it. 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:30.480 Understand your upset, but stop cursing. But understand that the 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:33.200 truth don't need no defense. It only needs witnesses. So 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.560 as long as you know the truth, that's the most 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:37.920 important thing. But the truth is you just wanted this 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:40.720 man's holes. Now you need to ask yourself, do you 0:03:40.880 --> 0:03:42.720 just want to be one of this man's holes or 0:03:42.760 --> 0:03:44.600 do you want to be more to somebody? Because if 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:46.520 you want to be more to somebody, then you need 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:48.320 to go find that somebody because it's not gonna be 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:48.800 with him. 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:51.280 Yeah, I'm sorry you went through that, mama, but take 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:52.160 him went through it. 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:53.120 He's still going to it. 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:53.880 Now, take him off. 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:55.520 She ain't gonna do nothing. 0:03:55.640 --> 0:03:55.839 Still. 0:03:57.000 --> 0:03:58.880 Yeah, who that talking to you in the background. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:00.880 Nobody that's on the radio? 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.680 Oh yeah, man, you just another one of his holes. 0:04:03.680 --> 0:04:05.320 Man and I and you know, I think that you 0:04:05.400 --> 0:04:07.400 deserve better than that. But you know, he did keep 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:09.040 it one honey with you from the beginning. It's not 0:04:09.080 --> 0:04:09.760 like he lied in you. 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:11.720 He didn't lie, And y'all didn't have a conversation. You 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:14.720 just assumed because he moved in. But that was not 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:16.520 a great assumption, obviously. 0:04:17.600 --> 0:04:19.440 I know it's hard. I know it's hard. Three four 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.720 years of raw sex. Three you know what I'm saying, 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:23.640 him blowing in your bookie. I know it got I 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:25.359 know it got you a little open man, but you 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:26.600 know you deserve better. 0:04:27.400 --> 0:04:29.440 I'm sorry, Mama. 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:30.400 Have a good day. 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:32.960 Damn man. She's take him off insurance right now. 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:36.200 You get it off your chest. Eight hundred five eight five, 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:37.520 one oh five on the breakfast club. 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:45.799 Good morning, the breakfast Club, right right, ray. 0:04:45.920 --> 0:04:48.560 Yo, Charla man day, what up are we lying? 0:04:48.839 --> 0:04:50.440 This is your time to get it off your chest? 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:53.080 I got an indoor pool, outdoor pool. 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:54.760 We want to hear from you on the breakfast club. 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:56.000 Get on the phone right now. 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:57.120 He'll tell you what it is. 0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.040 We lie, Hello, who's this? 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.880 It's done to the Haitian therapist? 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:05.760 You forever, Sandra? Where you've been at? 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:10.760 I know, working? You know a busy seasons for depression 0:05:10.760 --> 0:05:11.480 and anxiety. 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:14.800 Yes it is seasonal. Seasonal depression is the real thing 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:15.599 around this time of you. 0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:19.440 So I listened to the doctor Scheyenne Bryant interview, and 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:22.080 I just wanted to make clear that she is not 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:25.559 a licensed therapist. Some of the things she was saying 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:31.000 was pretty concerning, especially with saying people can't change. That's 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:35.520 the foundation of our whole you know thing, is that 0:05:35.560 --> 0:05:39.040 you can change, and that it would be completely unethical 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:42.920 to see a wife and a husband separately and then 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:47.480 together for couples counseling. That is not something that counselors 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:47.960 can do. 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.280 I think people took out it, they took it out 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:53.479 of context when she said you can't change. So she 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:55.080 was just saying that you got to be willing to 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.719 shift something in you first before you make a permanent change. 0:05:58.960 --> 0:06:03.680 No, because even even you questioned it, like you know 0:06:03.720 --> 0:06:06.719 what I mean, Like she she said that asking you question. 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.280 They don't change. People pivot, she said. 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:15.880 She said that the basis starts. 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:19.440 To therapy that you can change. And so doctor Elliott Khannie, 0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:23.039 he is like my number one. If it wasn't for him, 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:26.799 I wouldn't have gone into private practice because solution focused 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:29.080 brief therapy is my favorite. 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:30.520 It's the best modality. 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:31.960 Yes, he is. 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:33.160 It is absolutely the best. 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:36.320 You everybody should pick up Elliot Cohanne's book, Change Your Questions, 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:38.039 Change Your Futures out right now. 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.919 And thank you for calling because you can't change, no problem. 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:44.279 And I got the Family Therapist podcast on the Black 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:46.880 Effect iHeart Radio podcast network, hosted by Elliott Khan. 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:48.080 Hello, who's this? 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:51.320 Good morning? This is James called from North Carolina. 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.440 James from the Carolina Get it off your Chest with 0:06:53.520 --> 0:06:56.640 part I'm from Lumberton, Lumberton, All right, get it off 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:56.960 your chest? 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:57.200 Brother? 0:06:57.440 --> 0:07:00.200 Uh yeah, I wanted to ask y'all when y'all all 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:03.520 interviewed Julia White, did he happen to mention what it 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:07.440 was like to work with Uh, Michael Boogaloo Shrimp Chambers. 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:08.279 Who the hell is this? 0:07:09.240 --> 0:07:09.560 Michael? 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:14.560 Y'all, y'all don't remember him? Man, that's Turbo from Breaking 0:07:14.600 --> 0:07:15.320 and Breaking Too. 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:17.560 Breaking was my movie. 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:19.040 And then we can't ask about Wow. 0:07:19.400 --> 0:07:21.400 Nah, I ain't no where he worked. 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:22.520 He was in the movie. 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:22.920 Nah. 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:27.000 He was in one of the episodes on Family Matters. 0:07:27.040 --> 0:07:28.480 He played us erkle Bot. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:29.680 I don't remember that. 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:32.000 We didn't ask about that one, Brom Luthor Turbo though, 0:07:32.040 --> 0:07:35.040 you threw me off and you said, Michael Boogaloo, yeah boo, Yeah, 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:36.000 you ain't asking about that one. 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:40.280 Brother, Yeah, man, I just I was just wondering. 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:43.360 Craz I never knew Turbo's real name until you said it, 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:45.160 and I thought Boogoloo was the light skinned. 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:47.400 With the head water had m h and the nose 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:49.280 are Yeah, I ain't know that was ter Get it. 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:51.800 Off your chest. Eight hundred five eight five one oh 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:53.400 five one. If you need to vent, hit us up now. 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:56.960 It's the Breakfast Club. Good Morning, the Breakfast Club. 0:07:59.040 --> 0:07:59.360 Morning. 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:03.160 Everybody is DJ n V, Jess Hilarious, Charlamagne the God. 0:08:03.240 --> 0:08:05.560 We are the Breakfast Club. Laura Ross here as well. 0:08:05.640 --> 0:08:08.120 We got special guests in the building. We have doctor 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:09.320 Cheyenne Bryant. 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:14.120 Welcome buff And you are one of the people in 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:14.920 the mental health space. 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:17.400 Who are who's us? Who's really using social media? 0:08:17.480 --> 0:08:18.440 Right right? 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:20.240 Like you know, because you've used it to you know, 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.160 elevate your platform and just elevate the conversation around mental health. 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:23.920 So I applaud you on. 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:24.600 Yeah, thank you. 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:25.440 I appreciate that. 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:26.080 Yeah. 0:08:26.080 --> 0:08:27.720 I always say I didn't get into this field to 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:30.680 become a celebrity. But God has his own plans, right, 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.280 So I literally am my master's and my doctorate program. 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:36.200 I remember my professor was saying, everyone who's gonna get license, 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:38.319 raise your hand. I didn't raise my hand everybody else did, 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:40.200 and he's like, Doc, you going you know with Shayan 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:41.080 at that time, you're going. 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:42.199 Through all this not your license. 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:44.280 I'm like no, because I'm gonna be on a platform 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:46.880 where I'm able to change lives. Didn't think that it 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:49.439 ended up being a platform where to this magnitude one 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:51.800 and then to the place where literally I didn't want it, 0:08:52.200 --> 0:08:54.839 the whole celebrity status and lifestyle. And not that I'm 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:56.360 saying I don't want it now, I don't like it, 0:08:56.360 --> 0:08:58.640 It's just this is not where I expected it to go. 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:01.520 But again, if God needs to use a celebritiness, you know, 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:05.000 whether the celebrity status brings me the naysayers or the sayers, 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:06.800 whatever it brings, as long as they can get a 0:09:06.800 --> 0:09:08.920 tip R two that gives them a better quality of 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:11.640 life and helps them become better mentally, then run the 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:12.640 play with it. 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:14.839 Now, you talked about your calling, so when it came 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:16.920 when it comes to your calling, what is your calling? 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:19.160 What do you specialize in? Is it relationships? Is it 0:09:19.200 --> 0:09:20.400 dealing with people's problems? 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:21.360 Is it just listening? 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:23.240 What is your specialty when it comes to and what's 0:09:23.240 --> 0:09:23.679 your calling? 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:24.240 I love that? 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.400 So I started off as a marriage and marriage iman 0:09:26.480 --> 0:09:29.320 child therapist, and I tell God, I said, listen, I'm 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:30.520 a little girl from the hood. 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:31.760 You know what I come from. 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:34.080 Don't put me in the hood, and don't put me 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:35.880 with court order DCF kids. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:37.320 Not that I had a problem with them. 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.559 I didn't want to be triggered dealing with them and 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:40.800 I didn't want to have to deal with what I 0:09:40.840 --> 0:09:43.200 came from. I wasn't in the system, but I came 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.640 from that type of adversity. And the first place God 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:48.679 put me was off of Hotdale and Sloughs and I 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:50.800 don't know if you're familiar with LA, but a block 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:52.160 away from Sloss and swap. 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:55.800 Meet in the hood and every one of my clients. 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:59.280 Were court ordered DCFS Department of Family and Child Services. 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:02.200 We had mom in there who were pregnant, still hitting 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:04.000 the pipe asking me can I sign off on the 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:07.000 documents so they can get the kids back, because I 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:10.480 was predicated on their reunification with their kids, and so 0:10:10.720 --> 0:10:13.000 started off as doing that. When I got my doctor, 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:16.679 I transitioned to a psychology expert life coach. My specialty 0:10:16.800 --> 0:10:19.960 then was marriage faman child therapy, So that is my foundation. 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:22.880 So now that I am a psychology expert life coach. 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:26.200 I can't get rid of that because that's my foundation. 0:10:26.360 --> 0:10:28.680 I do psyched on MMSCVT, but I couple it, which 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:32.080 is my hybrid approach with coaching. So it's therapy and coaching, 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:34.560 which is hybrid. And I say this without humility. That's 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.280 why I'm so effected because therapy is tell me more, 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:39.520 let me hear about your trauma, your daddy issues, to 0:10:39.600 --> 0:10:40.160 mom issues. 0:10:40.360 --> 0:10:43.120 Why are you who you are? And then once you're 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:45.559 finished dealing with that and you process that? Okay, DJ ANDV, 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:47.320 what the hell you going from there? 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:49.280 I do have one other questions when it comes to 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:51.880 the therapy aspect. I'm sure the world has been watching 0:10:51.920 --> 0:10:54.760 the Mendas brothers, right, And I had a question, right. 0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:57.800 So the Mendas brothers, if you don't know, they confess 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:01.400 their crime to the therapists, and they believed that the 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:05.120 therapists could not tell police officers because it was I guess, 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:09.679 patient client privilege, but they did. So does that mean 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:12.360 anything that I tell a therapist or that anybody tells 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:15.320 a therapist can and can possibly be used against them 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:15.720 in the court of. 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:16.840 Law one hundred percent? 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:20.680 So a therapist is only under confidential oath unless you 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:23.280 are threatening to kill yourself and someone else, And it 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.440 can't just be a threat, it has to be you 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.280 have you actually have like an action plan to do so. 0:11:28.360 --> 0:11:28.480 Right. 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:29.719 You can't just come to me and say, hey, Doc, 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.199 look you know I want to kill myself. I will 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:34.400 help you process through that and hopefully talk you off 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:36.120 the ledge. But if you say I got a plan. 0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:37.920 At nine pm, I'm leaving the house. I'm going to 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:39.640 do X, Y and Z to my wife, then I 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:43.880 have a duty to report. If I'm subpoenaed to court, 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:45.480 I have to speak on that. 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:47.040 Can you reach out to the court and say, subpoena 0:11:47.040 --> 0:11:47.360 me I. 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:47.640 Need to be. 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:53.439 Would never do that just because I believe in the 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:55.520 following the oath of and maybe I just love and 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:57.320 respect my clients too much. But if you came to 0:11:57.360 --> 0:11:59.560 me and said something, I'm just not And I know 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:02.520 this is dollars in murder, but I've had married couples 0:12:02.559 --> 0:12:05.400 who come separately and together and the husband is just 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:08.520 lighting it up in his individual sessions, like I'm cheating, 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:11.360 I'm intimate with this person and that person is family 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:13.720 members is this and I'm and I'm having to just 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.960 make sure I process my count of transfers, because I'm 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:16.600 sitting there like. 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:20.440 Damn, and I have her in one hour, in one hour. 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:21.079 God. 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:23.640 Now, of course, if it was like my girlfriend, I'd be. 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:31.800 Like butlfriend, because my best friend couldn't be that's that's 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:34.080 a complication. She could never come to me as her 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.680 as a psychology exerting that. But I then I'd be 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:38.880 I'd be you know, ripping into in talking to me 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:39.160 from the. 0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:42.680 Human perspective, because you still you're still a real stuff 0:12:42.720 --> 0:12:44.280 like that. When you hear a guy come in one. 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:45.800 Hour he's doing X, Y and Z and the woman 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:47.400 coming to the next what is going through your mind 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:48.400 about to do? 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:51.040 You know, in my mind, honestly, what I tried to do, 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:53.080 and and and and and some of my clients have 0:12:53.160 --> 0:12:56.560 followed this guidance. I have one client now, he's he's 0:12:56.640 --> 0:12:58.840 married and the wife is attempted to divorce him, and 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:02.040 she's divorcing him because he cheated, but she doesn't have any. 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.000 Hard facts on him. 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:07.079 So I've actually been able to process with him whether 0:13:07.120 --> 0:13:09.120 you're going to be with this woman or not, if 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:10.480 you want to be with her or you want to be. 0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:11.439 Able to leave and do better. 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:13.400 At some point, you got to be able to be 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:14.840 real with yourself and real with her, and you got 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.160 to be transparent. When do you plan on doing that? 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:19.440 So he just literally this week or last week, because 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:21.120 this week you told me doc. I sat with her 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.600 and I told her that has been you know a 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.040 few times that I did cheat. And I said, how 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:28.280 does she respond? He said, she said, now we can 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:31.240 have a conversation because now you're keeping it real. And 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:34.679 when I had her in session, I said, listen, dragered right. 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:35.520 Yeah. 0:13:35.920 --> 0:13:38.240 When some guys said, look, you have two options, said either, 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.560 if you're willing to learn to love a dog, we 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.720 can start that process because you know, or we could 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.480 start the process of you leaving and starting over. And 0:13:46.520 --> 0:13:48.280 she goes, what do you mean by a dog? He said, 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:49.840 but he didn't. We've been together for ten years. 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:50.520 He's never cheated. 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:52.440 The first time I said no, no, baby, I said, he'd 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:55.000 been quiet for ten years. He decided to bark on 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:56.480 your number ten Jesus. 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:58.520 So you don't think that he could change in that 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.000 marriage and not cheat anymore. 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:03.160 First of all, nobody changes, including me. We shift, and 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:05.200 that changes our life. And when I say we shift, 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:07.720 we shift out of the things and behaviors that don't 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.680 serve us after we learn they're not working, gotcha, And 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:13.520 then we have to learn to manage those. So I 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:17.400 am very firecrackery. When I was younger, I was very temperamental. 0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:19.200 I was very you know, who. 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:20.480 Are you talking to? Real quick? 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.440 I just because of my trauma, because of things, I 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.760 just had a very protective by all means necessary. I'm 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:28.760 an otus of seven, so I was you know, I've 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.200 like this place up? Is that still in me after 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:31.920 all of my healing? 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:32.360 Hell? 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:35.400 Yeah? Do I manage it? Absolutely? 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:38.120 Managing it just means that I'm high function I'm able 0:14:38.160 --> 0:14:41.160 to regulate my emotion, identify my emotions, don't get into 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:44.360 my feelings because emotions are healthy. Feelings cause problems, and 0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:47.520 I can just say, okay, identify that I'm angry, I'm frustrated. 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:50.000 So now let me choose my response. Before I was 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.360 low functioning. Once I felt it, I was triggered and 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.080 everybody here was going to know and it was gonna 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:54.600 be a problem. 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.640 So does that still come up? Yeah? But do I 0:14:57.680 --> 0:14:59.960 have self talk that says we're not doing that? 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.760 So you would never date a man that cheated before 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.480 because you feel like he will always be a cheated 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:05.480 Is that what you're saying. 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:08.400 I think that's also circumstantial. So I do believe that 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:11.080 different relationships bring out different things in us. I was 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:13.600 also in extreme alpha in my first engagement. I had 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.240 two engagements called off, two weddings my first relationships I 0:15:16.240 --> 0:15:16.760 was engaged to. 0:15:17.040 --> 0:15:18.040 I was extreme alpha. 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:21.400 So even if he tried to be alpha, I left 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.520 no space. It was like hell no, by all means necessary, 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:27.040 because I said, so you can walk like I'm chasing 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:27.600 my career. 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:30.280 I know my value. I'm not fatherless. I got a daddy. 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:32.880 He spoiled me good day. So even in that, do 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:35.000 you feel like that he wasn't man enough for you? 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:37.240 Or like, what was that? Do you think that's your fault? 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:39.360 Do you look back and be like, ugh, I was 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:41.560 trying to be the man, not trying to be the man. 0:15:41.640 --> 0:15:44.160 But I actually I gave him because you just said 0:15:44.200 --> 0:15:46.000 you gave no work for him to do it. So 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:48.680