WEBVTT - PARANORMAL LUST 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:04.720 Hello, Hello, Tonight on Therapy Gecko, or this morning or 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:08.119 wherever you're listening to it, or whatever time in your car. 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:11.440 If you're listening to it at three am three pm, 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:16.599 doesn't matter to me. Tonight Today on Therapy Gecko, stories 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:24.640 of porn, addiction, blackmail, sleep paralysis, demons, which is mushrooms, intimacy, cats, 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:28.240 You've got it all in more And you know what, 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:31.680 Normally I go on a whole spiel, but I'm not 0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:34.920 feeling very speey right now. I think I think we're 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:38.440 doing a sans spiel episode today. I guess this in 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:41.519 and of itself is a bit of a spiel, so 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:44.440 I guess there was a spiel. The dream of a 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:49.199 no spiel episode is dead anyway. As always, you can 0:00:49.240 --> 0:00:52.520 call the Gecko every Monday, Wednesday Friday at ten pm 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:56.800 Eastern Standard Time on Twitch dot tv, slash Lyle forever 0:00:57.360 --> 0:00:59.720 and without further ado. Let's get into it. 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:17.160 Came from page page Hello. 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.679 Oh my god, I know you did it. 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:23.400 You're here, did it? 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:25.200 I called twenty times. 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:29.560 I'm sorry about twenty times. You called her persistence, You 0:01:29.600 --> 0:01:32.440 called with intent. It seems like it seems like you 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:34.600 had something to say. 0:01:34.720 --> 0:01:38.560 I had my fingers crossed. I was like, it probably 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:42.520 won't happen, but I'm thinking by if I really put 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:46.800 I was focusing on it, I'm happy. Oh my god, 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:55.680 I guess I'm twenty Okay, I got a real problem. 0:01:55.920 --> 0:01:57.520 So I was really hoping that I get you. 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:00.520 I got okay, I want Look and by the way, 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:02.920 everyone knows this by now. If you're a troll in 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.080 the chat, you know this. If you like the show, 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:09.000 you know this. I'm not a real person, guy thing 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:12.440 who does real therapy anything. 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:14.440 Oh no, I didn't think that. 0:02:14.639 --> 0:02:16.519 I'm down. I mean, hit me with the thing. 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:19.720 Oh no, it's boy problems. It's not a real issue. 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:28.280 Okay, uh yeah, hit me. Let's see, let's see what happens. 0:02:29.960 --> 0:02:33.800 I guess it comes down to I can't tell if 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:37.200 I met this dude and he's twenty seven, he's to 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:39.120 old for me, but well maybe not. 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:39.600 I don't know. 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:40.880 I don't know how to feel about that. 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:41.239 Anyway. 0:02:43.400 --> 0:02:44.080 It took me all of. 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:48.000 Five seconds to be like, I would do twenty things 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:51.080 with you. So I told him that and then he 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:51.800 rejected me. 0:02:52.880 --> 0:02:57.000 And wait, hold on, I'm sorry, I maybe I didn't. 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:59.560 You said you met a twenty seven year old guy, 0:02:59.800 --> 0:03:04.040 and you told him you would do funny things with him. 0:03:03.200 --> 0:03:04.880 Not in those particular words. 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:05.400 I told him. 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.520 I was like, that's what you just said. 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:11.640 Well, I mean that that's not what I literally said 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:13.520 to him, was that I would do funny things to him. 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:17.600 I mean I would say that, but I didn't. 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:19.559 That's a rusty. 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.400 Okay. Continue, he. 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.840 Said no because he has this he was looking forward 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:32.560 to this date and he was like, I think it's 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:36.160 going to go well. And because I was drunk, and 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.160 I can't remember the other reason. There were three things 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.200 that he said that he said no. 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.440 But ever since then, I don't know how I feel 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.360 about either of you. Could you Okay, so you like 0:03:49.480 --> 0:03:56.520 this guy? Yeah, but he's too, but he doesn't. What's 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.640 what's his deal? What is the what's the point of contention? 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:04.160 I can't tell if he's being nice with me, just 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:07.440 being nice to me, or and like being really friendly, 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:11.240 or if he's like he said no in the moment 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:14.520 and maybe this tender girl like didn't work out and 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:17.040 he really only said no because I was drunk. 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:23.400 Oh if he said if he said no, then move on. 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:28.480 Yeah. I mean, so he's a friend of a friend 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:32.000 and I hang out with that the friends and I 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:33.000 see him, and. 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:40.760 How often do you see it? We all have we 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:42.840 all have to hang out with I mean, we've all 0:04:43.360 --> 0:04:46.200 had a thing like that where there's a person that 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:49.240 there was a weird thing with that remains in the 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:53.680 friend group. But I don't think you're doing yourself any 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.760 favors by holding out hope. I mean, if you really 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:58.520 want to date people, you know, well, first of all, 0:04:58.520 --> 0:04:59.840 what do you what do you got going on out 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:01.039 side of your dating life? 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:04.120 I was about to leave for basic training for the 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:08.560 Air Force, and I really I don't I don't have 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:12.240 feelings for people like this often at all. So I 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:15.680 was really hoping That's why I said I wanted the 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:18.840 first thing that I said about the funny things during 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.720 the attempt, because you caught my attention, the first person 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.120 to catch my attention and quite a while, and then 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:28.440 I only I got a month to go and you know, 0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:30.800 a last last hurrah kind of. 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:36.160 So I mean I was basically looking through to make 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:37.279 me say that you know what I mean? 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:42.000 Okay, yes, but can you not what can't you do that? 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:43.640 At the Air Force? Do they kick you out? 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:47.960 Well, I'm gonna gonna be dry for two months and 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:48.800 I've already been. 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:51.039 I it's been. 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:52.479 We'll go to the club. 0:05:54.360 --> 0:05:55.520 But it's as as a girl. 0:05:55.920 --> 0:06:00.960 Oh my god, that shit isn't whenever I want, usually 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:03.880 first got to reject me since in high. 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:09.719 School it sucks, so then be then to deal with that, 0:06:09.760 --> 0:06:13.279 Well you gotta then then that's actually this is a 0:06:13.279 --> 0:06:15.680 good experience for you. This is a first person that's 0:06:15.720 --> 0:06:16.599 ever rejected you. 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:21.120 Well, I mean, I'll put myself out there like that 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:26.440 that often, and when I do, I'm like, already damn 0:06:26.480 --> 0:06:26.760 sure that. 0:06:26.839 --> 0:06:27.320 I mean, like. 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.520 It don't sound arrogant, but I'm kind of cute, you know, 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:36.000 like anime nerd wet dream because I'm short and part Asians. 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:38.640 It's true. 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.680 I think you should go. I think you go to 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.400 the Air Force. You put one hundred percent of yourself 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:51.520 into doing Air Force ship hopping through old spare tires 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:56.800 and getting mud in your face and you know, developing 0:06:58.320 --> 0:07:02.559 mental stress. Just a little immerse yourself into it. Stop 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.240 thinking about I mean, this is what I would tell 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:08.920 a guy too, you know, stop thinking about sex for 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:11.080 two months and just immerse yourself in what you're doing. 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:14.240 And don't this. I hate this twenty seven year old guy. 0:07:14.240 --> 0:07:16.120 I don't know anything about him, but I hate. 0:07:15.960 --> 0:07:17.400 Him me too. 0:07:19.200 --> 0:07:21.920 Don't even don't even think about him. Just go go 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:24.680 to training, immerse yourself in that, and then when you're done, 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:28.920 you know, go wild, do what you gotta do. But 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:30.520 for now, focus on what's in front of you. 0:07:32.280 --> 0:07:32.559 Thanks. 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.720 I probably needed to hear that. I'll try and take 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:37.440 that in for sure. 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:42.280 What'd you say? Your name was, Paige? Well page, you 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:45.440 have a good night and your good luck do it 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:48.080 stopping through the tires. I've seen like one movie about 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:50.080 the army and that's all I know, So good luck 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:52.800 doing the things that I saw in that movie. 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:56.680 All right, Thanks, I love it. 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:57.440 I'll talk to you soon. 0:07:58.240 --> 0:08:00.200 Bye. 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.320 Come from Jonathan. 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:14.760 Jonathan. Hello, Hello Jonathan. 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:20.280 Hi loo, how are you? 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:23.600 You know? I'm all right, Thank you for asking. 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:26.239 No problem, no problem. 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:28.400 You know, not a lot of people ask what were 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:28.920 we gonna say? 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:36.200 I'm just you know, ignoring cause from my ex girlfriend, 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:39.320 just so I can talk to you about a problem 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:43.600 that I had even during the relationship with her. 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:48.440 You know, all right, we can actually shortcut this real 0:08:48.520 --> 0:08:52.480 quick because I think right there is the I think 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:56.120 everything when people everything that I would tell you is 0:08:56.120 --> 0:08:58.240 to tell everything that you're about to tell me to her. 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:03.000 No no, no, no, no, this has nothing to do with her, Like, 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:07.359 this is more of a problem that I have with myself. 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:14.520 I guess. Let me just like get straight to it. 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:24.560 So I have an insane masturbation problem, Okay, Like I 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:28.280 find myself constantly like I'll wake up in the mornings 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:33.520 and then I'll just get a strong urge just too masurbate, 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:38.600 and then I'm coming at least three to five times 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:43.840 a day, like minimum, and sometimes even more, like sometimes 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:47.880 even more. And it's just like when before I got 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:50.559 into the relationship that I was like that I recently 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.199 just got out of. I was like, Okay, maybe once 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:56.240 I get into this relationship, I'm not gonna have those 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:58.720 urges anymore, since I'm gonna have like a girlfriend, you know, 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.000 I'm gonna have a girl friend to be able to 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:05.160 do stuff with. But it ended up like just making 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:11.240 it even worse, Like I would stay, Yeah, it made 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:14.360 it worse because we would have sex, you know, we'd 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:18.200 exchange nudes and stuff like that, and I find I 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:21.640 would find myself now just not even not just watching porn, 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.560 but just like looking at those news as well, and 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.640 then just jacking off even more. 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:31.960 Yeah, your your overall sexual your overall libido is higher, 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:35.000 so you're you're masterbaking even more. But here here's my okay. 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:38.320 First of all, three to five, I mean you said 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.240 three to five minimum. 0:10:40.559 --> 0:10:44.880 Minimum, minimum minimum, it goes beyond that, Like, that's just 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:46.600 like the for me. 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:53.840 I mean, I'm less concerned with the frequency of the 0:10:53.880 --> 0:11:00.760 masturbation as I am with what does is the masturbation 0:11:01.000 --> 0:11:04.400 interfere with other aspects of your life? How is it 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:07.200 affecting you? Because look, I mean I don't know what 0:11:07.200 --> 0:11:09.240 you do in your life. If you're like, if you're 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:12.559 if you're ignoring the outside world to go masturbate, if 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:15.280 your mom has called, if whatever, your parents are calling 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:17.959 you down for dinner, and you're like, I can't because 0:11:18.000 --> 0:11:21.760 you're masturbating. If you're if you're skipping school to masturbate, 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:24.920 if you're going to skip work to masturbate. You know, 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.440 if you're masturbating, you feel like it's making you depressed. 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.920 I mean that I'm more concerned about what the effects 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:32.840 of it are than I am with the bare bones 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:37.560 quantity of it. Mm hmm, what what do you think 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:38.640 those effects have been. 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:46.120 Okay, so it's mainly just affecting. Like I think it 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:49.760 honestly had a huge part to play with with like 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.880 my like my past relationship, like I said, and I 0:11:52.920 --> 0:11:57.240 think it was the main cause of why I wanted 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:01.520 to like leave that relationship. I felt like, Okay, I'm 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:05.880 looking at all these girls that I'm watching on like 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:08.600 like important and stuff, and I'm like, Okay, you know, 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.800 these girls are like very attractive, most of them are attractive. 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:16.800 And then another aspect is like you see the guys 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:19.560 like you know, a dick, and it's just like, okay, 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:26.520 these guys have unnaturally like not unnaturally, but like it's 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:30.600 not very common to have, like penis is as large 0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:33.840 as theirs, and it just has like huge self esteem issues. 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:39.560 And it literally like constantly throughout the day, it's just like, man, 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:45.360 am I like big enough? Am I? Like? You know, 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:47.559 am I actually satisfying? 0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:47.920 You know? 0:12:48.000 --> 0:12:51.280 When I was in the relationship, am I satisfying my partner? Like, 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:58.880 And it was a constant like just like questioning that 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:01.719 I just kept question myself and I would even I 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:04.920 would ask my partner, like my my ex, I'd be like, 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:07.520 you know, am I enough? And she'd say yes, and 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:10.319 even then it wasn't enough to reassure myself that like 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.520 that it was that I was enough and stuff, you know, 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:17.560 because you just like watch all these porn stars and 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:20.440 then they have like just really large jesuses and it's 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:24.440 just like that's not what I have. So it just 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:28.200 you know, messages with your mind. And that's just what 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:32.840 I kept having, like like just self esteem issues, wondering 0:13:32.920 --> 0:13:38.360 if I was enough, and and then also like wanting 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:41.480 more than what I already had because of them of 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:42.240 the point, you. 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:46.640 Know, totally, Yeah, I mean, I'm glad that you told 0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:48.480 I'm glad that you told us all that because that's 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:51.480 that kind of thing is more what I think you 0:13:51.520 --> 0:13:56.560 should be focusing on than just arbitrary number of how 0:13:56.600 --> 0:14:01.240 often you're you're masturbating so you don't feel you feel 0:14:01.320 --> 0:14:03.880 like you watch Well, also, where are you watching porn? 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.720 Because like I watched like amateur porn where like the guy, 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:10.480 I'll I'll actively go out and try to find the 0:14:10.600 --> 0:14:13.920 dude who has you know, a chubby harry belly and 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:18.960 a normal sized penis, so I throw myself in that situation. 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:20.360 Yeah. 0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:23.200 Look, look, this is the thing though, I've been watching 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:27.000 porn for a really long time, and he gets boring. 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:31.680 It really does, like just you know, like normal like 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:34.640 like girl guy, it gets boring. So I've moved on 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:40.120 from normal like nothing and nothing crazy, but I watch 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:45.880 like just pure hen tie and like just gay porn. 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.440 And I'm not like gig, I promise you, like. 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:53.600 Wait, you've been watching gay porn just to spice it up, 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:54.640 even though you're not. 0:14:54.720 --> 0:15:01.160 Gay exactly, and it like, I'm not trolling, just so 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:02.960 you know, like people are saying in it said that 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:06.000 I'm trolling. I promise you I'm not, but like, I 0:15:06.040 --> 0:15:13.320 don't know, I like it just it's more interesting than 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:14.600 just watching regular porn. 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.440 So okay, So I mean when you're in the territory 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.240 of now I'm kind of curious when you're in the 0:15:22.320 --> 0:15:26.040 territory of you're watching gay porn to spice things up, 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:29.480 is yeah? I mean at that point, are you even 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:36.840 titillating the same senses as you were? Like is it 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:39.120 even sexual if you're not? I mean, are you I 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:41.240 mean are you are you attracted to men? 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.520 I mean I don't think I am like genuinely like 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:49.000 saying because I'm on, I'm on the phone with you, 0:15:49.080 --> 0:15:51.360 like you don't know who I am, and I would 0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:54.800 tell you literally anything in this like moment, I'm not 0:15:54.840 --> 0:15:58.240 afraid like to say anything, but like I genuinely don't 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:02.920 think I am gays. Okay, Okay, So it's just like 0:16:03.640 --> 0:16:05.840 I feel like it's just an aspect or a way 0:16:05.920 --> 0:16:09.320 to spice it up, because I just I've been masturbating 0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:12.560 for so long, and I've been like watching porn for 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:18.440 so long, and it just got so boring that I 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:20.360 had to spice it up. And the way that I 0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:23.280 spiced it up was watching different kinds of porn, and 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:27.040 I just watched either gay or him time and it 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.520 just actually works. 0:16:33.680 --> 0:16:36.200 You know. I would love to this is this is 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.760 what I would love to hear, Like what have you 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:40.480 so have you talked to like a real therapist about this? 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:46.600 I've never never Are my mom's doing that? My no? No, 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:51.080 because okay, so I'm I'm pretty young, like I'm I'm eighteen, 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:52.960 so it's hard for me like to do stuff like 0:16:53.000 --> 0:16:58.840 that without like consulting like my parents. I guess about it. 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.800 And are you in college? 0:17:03.960 --> 0:17:04.840 Yeah, I'm in college. 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:09.199 And you can check and see if you can, like 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.560 go to your colleges like counseling service and ship and 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:15.359 find someone. I understand why you don't want to, Like, 0:17:15.520 --> 0:17:18.400 I'm sorry, were you about to say, have you talked 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:19.280 to your parents about this? 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:22.560 I'm assuming no, no, No, that's something I don't think 0:17:22.560 --> 0:17:25.160 I would ever do, honestly, like talk to my page. 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:28.840 Like I think my mom, for sure, she knows like 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:33.240 that about my sex life, Like she's just cool about 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:35.320 it and stuff. But it's not like I go into 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:40.879 detail about it. But she doesn't know this aspect of 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:43.160 what I'm doing, you know, in my own free time. 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:46.159 But she's known that I have sex and I've like 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:47.119 done stuff like that. 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:49.440 But it's just right. 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.800 But what you're talking about, I feel like, is I mean, 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:56.959 unless if you know, I mean, if you're I think 0:17:57.000 --> 0:17:59.720 it'd be one thing if you know, maybe you're you're 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:06.520 you're further to the gay side of the spectrum than 0:18:06.560 --> 0:18:10.720 you originally thought. But that it doesn't seem like that's 0:18:10.760 --> 0:18:13.080 what's going on. It seems like you're trying to like 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:16.560 you might have like a I think this is like 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:17.080 an addiction. 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:21.800 Yeah exactly, I think it is, honestly, And it's just 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:29.040 like I feel like I can't really just get enough. 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.840 But at the same time. 0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:41.200 Oh, oh no, you're right. 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.320 Oh shit, it's said call failed. 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:50.320 But I guess the Yeah, okay, weird we did. 0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:53.320 Wait where was I. 0:18:55.320 --> 0:19:04.360 You were talking about? Fucking fuck what we're talking about? 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:06.200 Hmm? 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:11.240 Oh you said we were talking about how this is 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:12.000 probably in an addiction. 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:15.639 Yeah, exactly. But I feel like it's spreading onto something 0:19:15.720 --> 0:19:20.119 like much more since I'm just exploring different things. I 0:19:20.119 --> 0:19:26.800 guess it's it's just a way for me to kind 0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:30.439 of experiment, I guess with things that I might like 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.760 and might not like. And I feel like, but you 0:19:33.800 --> 0:19:35.000 weren't phrasing you like that. 0:19:35.040 --> 0:19:37.479 You weren't phrasing it as like you were experimenting. You 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:42.600 were phrasing it as if you have exhausted every frickin' 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:47.280 uh everything else, and so now you're moving on. You 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:49.520 didn't really didn't. You didn't phrase it as if you 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:51.960 were like, oh, this was cool. Now I'm gonna try this. 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:52.800 Now I'm gonna try this. 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:56.000 You know, you're right, You're right, You're right. So it 0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:58.679 is it's like that, like I just I got tired 0:19:58.720 --> 0:20:02.760 of just regular like cliche porn, you know, and I 0:20:02.880 --> 0:20:04.840 just I don't know. It was just something about like 0:20:07.040 --> 0:20:10.560 I guess just how long it's been since I've been 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:12.639 watching for because I've been watching porn since I was like, 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:18.600 I don't know, twelve eleven. Maybe I used to, you 0:20:18.640 --> 0:20:20.600 know what, I used to masturbate too. I used to 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:25.960 masturbate too, Tonami. I would watch Naruto, like I would 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:32.720 watch Naruto and I would watch like some the female characters, 0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:34.640 like I would stare at them and I would masturbate. 0:20:34.640 --> 0:20:36.800 And I was in the sixth grade when I would like, 0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:39.560 do this, and I that's when I started masturbating, like 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:44.560 since the sixth grade, and from there on out, that's 0:20:44.560 --> 0:20:47.639 when it's just started. Like at first, it wasn't a problem, 0:20:47.640 --> 0:20:50.240 Like it really wasn't. It was just once every every 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:53.399 week like or so like, which is completely normal I 0:20:53.400 --> 0:20:56.439 would say for any like male, I guess to do 0:20:56.480 --> 0:21:00.119 it just once every once or twice a week. And 0:21:00.840 --> 0:21:03.080 of course it was like that for a really long time. 0:21:03.160 --> 0:21:06.399 And then I don't think it was until two years 0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:11.640 ago where it just became really like it became an addiction, 0:21:11.760 --> 0:21:15.840 like an actual addiction. I think I'm legitimately addicted, and 0:21:17.359 --> 0:21:20.160 it's it's been so hard to stop, like the way 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:28.200 I've gone for like a week. That's the longest I've 0:21:28.200 --> 0:21:31.960 gone ever since like this problem began. And then I 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:35.640 find myself just thinking I'll go back into like I'll 0:21:35.640 --> 0:21:38.000 fall back into it. And I was what gets me 0:21:38.160 --> 0:21:40.879 is this thought, like what am I exactly trying to 0:21:40.960 --> 0:21:42.680 achieve by stopping? 0:21:44.320 --> 0:21:48.760 Like regardless, yeah, you need you sort of feel like 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:51.400 you I get very confirm you feel like you need 0:21:51.400 --> 0:21:54.320 a goal in mind that you're working towards as you 0:21:54.400 --> 0:21:55.280 try to stop. 0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:58.600 And when I can't find it, I just say, you 0:21:58.640 --> 0:22:02.520 know what, fucky Like I'm yeah, then why not? And 0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:04.679 that's exactly what happens. And then I end up just 0:22:04.720 --> 0:22:08.520 going back. And it's just like it's a cycle, like 0:22:08.640 --> 0:22:12.120 I've tried stopping, and now it's been I want to say, 0:22:12.160 --> 0:22:17.040 it's been like more than half a year or so 0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:22.199 since I've gone on an actual break, like on a 0:22:22.320 --> 0:22:28.240 break longer than a day, and it's just like so constant, 0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:32.720 and I was really like wondering, how am I gonna 0:22:32.800 --> 0:22:35.959 stop somebody like this? And I feel like and I 0:22:36.040 --> 0:22:37.639 was just watching your show and I'm like, Okay, I 0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:41.879 see people coming on here, you know, talking like obscure 0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:44.760 things that they've done and and just you know, problems 0:22:44.760 --> 0:22:47.760 that I guess they might they want fixed, and and 0:22:47.800 --> 0:22:50.120 I'm like, what are the chances that I actually get 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:51.800 into this? And I'm like it's gonna be very low, 0:22:51.840 --> 0:22:55.160 so I'm just gonna do it. And and I guess 0:22:55.160 --> 0:22:57.600 I just kind of I spam called a bit just 0:22:57.640 --> 0:22:59.320 to see if I would actually like work, and I 0:22:59.359 --> 0:23:03.320 was like, okay, uh, this isn't gonna work. So I 0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:05.160 just called one last time and then I was like, oh, 0:23:05.160 --> 0:23:07.720 what a coincident. I actually got in and and just 0:23:07.760 --> 0:23:10.760 to like share this, like like what was I going 0:23:10.840 --> 0:23:13.520 to lose? Honestly, like most people don't really know no 0:23:13.880 --> 0:23:16.240 anybody on here, like disn't know who I am and stuff, 0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:20.480 So when there's nothing really at stake, I was just 0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:23.480 feeling like I could just you know, go all out 0:23:23.520 --> 0:23:25.560 and just share what I'm like going through. 0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:31.240 So too, would you be willing to do exactly what 0:23:31.280 --> 0:23:34.800 you just did for all of us but to an 0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:37.639 actual therapist. 0:23:39.119 --> 0:23:41.320 To an actual therapist, I feel like. 0:23:41.440 --> 0:23:44.879 I mean, I mean, I know that this is anonymous 0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:47.160 and it's way different when you're talking to a therapist, 0:23:48.400 --> 0:23:50.399 of course, but would you would you? I mean because 0:23:50.440 --> 0:23:52.840 a therapist who was like trained in like a therapists 0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:56.080