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Speaker 1: Do.

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Speaker 2: I love you do.

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Speaker 1: I losten you and my son of the kills. I'll

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Speaker 1: belave it too. Can you let me know.

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Speaker 3: Right now?

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Speaker 1: Please?

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Speaker 2: Anita Apple born.

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Speaker 3: Banina Apple. God pot me on Banina apple. Boma said,

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Speaker 3: God put me on banana apple.

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Speaker 1: God poop me on Anita Apple. Bama said, you gotta

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Speaker 1: put me on banina apple.

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Speaker 3: God poop me on banana apple.

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Speaker 1: Bama said, you gotta put me on banina apple.

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Speaker 2: You gotta poop me.

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Speaker 1: On Beanita Banita. Welcome back, Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila.

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Speaker 1: And what's up birth?

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Speaker 4: What a do?

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Speaker 1: How are you good? Happy Wednesday?

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Speaker 2: Happy Wednesday. Today we have a special guest. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm saging in your face, but we have Daphnie.

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Speaker 1: Wayne's my friend that I've known for a long time.

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Speaker 2: Relationship expert, health, expert, career mom, mama of five, doula.

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Speaker 1: I mean, is there anything you can't do don't do?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean there are some things that

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Speaker 1: I'll do, but I do what I do well. I

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Speaker 1: actually met Daphnie.

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Speaker 2: You know, I was telling my mom, I remember the

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Speaker 2: moment I met you.

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Speaker 1: No, yeah, yeah, I do, because I'll never forget it.

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Speaker 2: I was like, probably it was when my mom was

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Speaker 2: working on Keenan's show and I came.

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Speaker 1: I came to see her, and I don't know what

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Speaker 1: we're doing. We're sitting yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're sitting in like that stadium seating or something.

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Speaker 2: And you came up to my mom and I just

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Speaker 2: remember you had really long, curly hair and you weren't

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Speaker 2: wearing a bra.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh my god, she's not wearing

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Speaker 1: I remember. I was probably she's still not wearing a bra.

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Speaker 2: I was probably like six years old or something, six

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Speaker 2: or seven, and I was like, she's so cool.

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Speaker 1: Girls.

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Speaker 2: I was like, because my mom's always wearing it. I

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Speaker 2: mean I'm not. I'm not at home but at work.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And I was like, she must be like super

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Speaker 1: like a she's like a hippie or something. That's so

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Speaker 1: interesting that that's what you got at six. But you

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Speaker 1: weren't far off. I will say, i'd known. Okay, so

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Speaker 1: can I just answer that? Yeah? Okay, So I'm not

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Speaker 1: a big brawhere. And I found a little piece of

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Speaker 1: information that justifies it is this book called Dress to Kill,

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Speaker 1: and this anthropologist follows women that wore bras and women

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Speaker 1: that didn't wear bras, and these small tribes or something

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Speaker 1: I don't remember where, and the women that wore bras,

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Speaker 1: they found there was a higher incident of breast cancer

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Speaker 1: than the women that didn't. Why it had nothing to

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Speaker 1: really do with the bra except that the memory glands.

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Speaker 1: These need to hang because they're connected to the lymph

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Speaker 1: nodes here and when you're jumping and they're bouncing, they

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Speaker 1: are are cleansing, relieving something like that the lymph nodes,

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Speaker 1: So it's important. So if you have them up and

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Speaker 1: tight like this bound, then they're not allowing that whole

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Speaker 1: emphatic system to work. Oh I'm so happy I now

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Speaker 1: how this face is information.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Tamila, you didn't need that piece of We're gonna

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Speaker 2: be wearing bras regardless.

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Speaker 1: So I wear them sometimes to be modest or to

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Speaker 1: be like, if I'm in front of men, I will

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Speaker 1: wear them because I want to be appropriate. But it's

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Speaker 1: not a part of my daily life. And then the

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Speaker 1: second piece that justified it was I was always breastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: I breastfed for thirteen years straight, one after the next,

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Speaker 1: so sometimes I breast fed a kid for almost four years,

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Speaker 1: and I spent a lot of time doing that, so

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Speaker 1: so there was no.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: I mean, shirts were too much even, but the braw

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Speaker 1: was just too much.

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Speaker 2: So But that's funny because actually I literally like just

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Speaker 2: thought about that moment recently and I was like, that's

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Speaker 2: the first time I actually met Daphnie, and I was like.

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Speaker 1: I was a little girl. When you guys, when I

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Speaker 1: hear stories like this, like she just told the one,

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Speaker 1: I'm always going, oh my god, was I you know,

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Speaker 1: you're just moving through life, I'm like, was I appropriate?

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Speaker 1: Did I create a good effect? Did I?

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Speaker 3: And?

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Speaker 1: Thank goodness, I always always have en't had anyone go.

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Speaker 1: You are a fucking big how my mind works. And

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Speaker 1: I know in a moment, I might be frazzled, I

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Speaker 1: might be whatever, But I just like, as I've progressed,

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Speaker 1: I have learned to just slow down and really be

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Speaker 1: there and be intention because I'm always like when she

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Speaker 1: said that, I'm like, oh my god, I did something stupid.

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Speaker 1: When she said she saw me for the first I'm like,

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Speaker 1: did I do some stupid?

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Speaker 5: It's crazy because I just told her before we started,

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Speaker 5: I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know Daphne at all, so I wasn't like

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Speaker 4: to repair or anything.

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Speaker 5: I was working out Whole Foods and Sherman Oaks when

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Speaker 5: I was in high school, like as the bad girl,

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Speaker 5: and the other cashier was like basically like pumping you

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Speaker 5: up while you're checking.

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Speaker 1: Out like this, she's the bomb. She know, she has

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Speaker 1: five kids, they all speak French. She probably wasn't.

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Speaker 5: Ring bra And I was like, wow, that's terrelating, you know,

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Speaker 5: like I've never ever wanted to wear many clothes or

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Speaker 5: bra even in you know, in high school.

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Speaker 1: So when I hear that, I think, kind, I wish

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Speaker 1: I'd said something to you. I wish I'd met you,

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Speaker 1: or I was even just like all the people, even

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Speaker 1: if it's just extraneous, extraneous or extra people kind of

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Speaker 1: around and it's not like with you, I want to

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Speaker 1: see your mom, So I didn't like, why didn't I

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Speaker 1: speak to her?

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Speaker 6: Probably you probably, But that's so interesting to now look back,

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Speaker 6: like why of all the customers of the sixteen year

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Speaker 6: old self at Whole Food's back, Like I remember that distinctly,

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Speaker 6: And it's funny that you really don't know who's watching you,

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Speaker 6: right and before we even became Oh like it happens to.

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Speaker 1: Me all day, no matter where I go in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I'm like this little Amish woman away. I don't go anywhere.

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Speaker 1: I don't see anyone. I just go on my walk

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Speaker 1: and I come home and I'm in my little sanctuary

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Speaker 1: all day long. But then the moment I go out

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Speaker 1: I stepped the toe out of the house, someone'll go,

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Speaker 1: I saw you. I saw you. No matter what. Literally,

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Speaker 1: I go on my walk. I go so early in

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Speaker 1: the morning on the weekends, there's no cars up. My

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Speaker 1: gardener came to me later on the day. He goes,

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Speaker 1: I saw you walking. So I saw you, right, I

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Speaker 1: saw you walking down the street, down the wolver Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, Why did you see me? Because I won't

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Speaker 1: see you drinking your coffee? Great, Well, you're just supposed

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Speaker 1: to be scene.

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Speaker 2: You got that type of I guess yeah, because I

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Speaker 2: remember looking at you and I was like, she's like

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Speaker 2: so free.

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Speaker 1: I mean even I don't even know what that meant.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I mean, apparently you know you got

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Speaker 1: like she's not wearing.

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Speaker 4: Your bra.

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Speaker 5: Myself, I can grow up and not wear a bra.

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Speaker 1: I just gave up on trying to like conform to that.

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Speaker 1: But it's always fun. I never wore bras either. Until now.

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Speaker 2: Now I have my boobst so now it feels like

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Speaker 2: I'm so just too because because they feel.

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Speaker 1: Your show, but I want to you want to be

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Speaker 1: obsessed with boobs? Done? Really nice? Were YouTube?

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Speaker 7: Oh is it live? I was like okay, and I

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Speaker 7: mean she's broth right recording on Yeah, okay, okay, Well

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Speaker 7: I know what.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say. I guess I'm just kidding. Wait

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Speaker 1: a minute. Though, I love it, I see them. I

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Speaker 1: should get them later. I want to know all about it.

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Speaker 1: It hurts, but I'm happy you love it, you got them. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm happy.

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Speaker 2: Really, I just feel like, I don't know, I like them.

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Speaker 2: They I feel like they balanced me out right. I

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Speaker 2: was insecure. I was kind of insecure about my boobs

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Speaker 2: after I had Iriy And.

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Speaker 1: What did you feel like? They were like small?

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Speaker 2: So you would well, Honestly, I think I was going

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Speaker 2: through a lot of things during that time, just feeling

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Speaker 2: like outside of my body, not really annoying.

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Speaker 1: Like not recognizing myself anymore.

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Speaker 2: And I when I first went to go to the doctor,

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Speaker 2: I was like, I think I need to get LiPo

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Speaker 2: section and they were like no, And I'm so glad

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Speaker 2: I didn't do that because I don't need that and

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Speaker 2: I don't need these.

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Speaker 1: It's just the one of them. Okay, So I have

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Speaker 1: a I have a worry about just about anything you

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Speaker 1: guys want to talk about. I want to hear my

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Speaker 1: boot job story. Yeah, okay. So I gone to lunch

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Speaker 1: with two of my friends and we're sitting like this,

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Speaker 1: and so this friend is like a new friend. But

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Speaker 1: she this friend introduced me, and I'm like, damn, their

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Speaker 1: boots are good, and I want to stare so bad

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Speaker 1: and i want to stare at both their boots, but

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck, Like, how do they look

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Speaker 1: so good? So finally I'm like, I'm sorry, your boots

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Speaker 1: are fucking amazing. I don't even want to try to

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Speaker 1: keep whatever. And she goes, oh my god, you have

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Speaker 1: to go to my doctor. I'm just like there, I'm

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Speaker 1: tripping her perfect they look. She goes, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: you have to go to my doctor. He's amazing. He

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Speaker 1: does me and my whole family. And I'm going to

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Speaker 1: such an la thing. I'm like, bitch, you are like

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Speaker 1: twenty three, you just got those titties. What the fuck

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Speaker 1: do you mean? Well your whole family? And I'm like really.

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Speaker 1: She goes, yeah, I'm gonna call him now. She gets call.

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Speaker 1: She gets me in the next day and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: how did I get? So I get there the next

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Speaker 1: day and I'm like, do I go? Do I not?

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Speaker 1: They like, just bring pictures of boos you want, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, hers, I don't know. I don't know, like

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Speaker 1: I really and honestly don't want to have to wear

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Speaker 1: a bra, and I don't. I just want to kind

202
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Speaker 1: of look at them out and I want that. I

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Speaker 1: kind of like being, you know, because I'm heavy bottom

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Speaker 1: moon need to be heavy bottom man tied. And so

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Speaker 1: I get there and they're like, can me see your

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Speaker 1: pictures and have all these little bitty titty pictures they're

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Speaker 1: all like your side and they go and the girl goes,

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Speaker 1: hold on, and she goes and she gets this big

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Speaker 1: giant laundry basket and she goes, you see these and

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Speaker 1: they're letters and they're falling out our hands. She goes,

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Speaker 1: these are letters from all over the world. There are

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Speaker 1: people waiting ten months to come here. Oh no, she goes.

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Speaker 1: I think, she goes, get yourself a little petted bra

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Speaker 1: like the little titties you want, now, let me buy

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Speaker 1: come and tell you who the person was that called

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Speaker 1: the doctor. For me to see them next day, it

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Speaker 1: takes forever to see him. Kim Kardashian, She's like, Daphney,

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Speaker 1: I gotta call you, gotta go right now, me and

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Speaker 1: my whole family and call of us. And I'm looking like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: what you just got those titties? And the other one's Brandy,

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Speaker 1: Brandy and Kim. So that's my boot drop story. So

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Speaker 1: then I decided to survey men. So I'm writing the

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Speaker 1: series of books about the feminine arts, and they range

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Speaker 1: everything from They range from how to keep a home,

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Speaker 1: the art of shutting the fuck up, the art of

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Speaker 1: being selfish, the art of femininity, like the Soft Woman,

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Speaker 1: because I want to return the Soft Woman. And so

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Speaker 1: I surveyed close to one hundred men, and I asked

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Speaker 1: them a standard a bunch of questions. So one thing

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Speaker 1: I asked them was about work, boobs, face, all these

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Speaker 1: other things. And I had some very interesting findings. Now,

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Speaker 1: did you talk to a man before you got your boobs? Okay,

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Speaker 1: no woman ever talks to men, which I was fucking

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Speaker 1: surprised because I was also right after the kid incident. Well,

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Speaker 1: I talked to like my gay homeboy was like, yeah, bait, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: gay men are the worst people to talk to me

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Speaker 1: because they'll make it. You'll just be out here looking crazy.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, not it. I don't even want to

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Speaker 1: That's what I don't want to talk about here is

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Speaker 1: gaming because I have some very unpopular opinions. But say

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Speaker 1: that conversation later. Okay. So I was out with this

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Speaker 1: group of women, these Brazilian women, and they were like,

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Speaker 1: let and I don't really like traveling packs of women

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Speaker 1: like that. I'm like more like a sisterly, one on one.

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Speaker 1: I'm not like a girl's trip kind of girl. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: and they go, let's gonna get and they all had

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Speaker 1: plans on all the shit they were getting done to

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Speaker 1: their face and whatever. And I was like, did anyone

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Speaker 1: consult their man about this? Like? And they all looked like, bitch,

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Speaker 1: we don't talk to men about what they want, like

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Speaker 1: and tell them what they're getting. I was like, men,

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Speaker 1: women hadn't talked to men about it. So when I

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Speaker 1: talked to men, they had a very different opinion. What

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Speaker 1: about what? Okay, So to the point of their different opinion, yesterday,

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Speaker 1: my significant other ran downstairs frantically to me, and he goes, Babe,

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Speaker 1: I need you to make me one promise and I

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Speaker 1: go what. He goes, just one promise, like fuck everything else?

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Speaker 1: This is really serious and I go, what what is

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Speaker 1: it like? I don't know if I can promise you that.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what like it's serious and he goes,

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Speaker 1: no work and I go, what do you mean? No work?

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Speaker 1: He goes, no getting anything done, no getting anything, no

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Speaker 1: light bulb, no tucks, no booths, no lines, no boat, tux,

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Speaker 1: no anything. And I was like, what if this I

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Speaker 1: give all all this? He goes, I don't care nothing nothing.

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Speaker 1: I can't do it. I'm telling you right now. I

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Speaker 1: can't do anything. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you right right. He's like, I can't do it if

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Speaker 1: you like, are you thinking about it? So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: why are you saying this? He goes, I'm scrolling through

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Speaker 1: Instagram and I'm looking at these women and they just

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Speaker 1: look fucking stupid. They look stupid, like weird, like they

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Speaker 1: can't smell like right. So he and I go this

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Speaker 1: last conversation now, last the whole day, and he's like, nothing,

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Speaker 1: don't like I love you? How you are if you

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Speaker 1: fucking if whatever shit changes, it changes, but it changes

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Speaker 1: by nature. I've already accounted for that. So my survey

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Speaker 1: found that men don't like it period. And the biggest

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Speaker 1: thing I heard was it makes him think she's weak.

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Speaker 1: And he didn't know anything about He's not even a

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Speaker 1: part of my servant. He said the same thing. It

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Speaker 1: makes him think she's weak and she was succumbed to that.

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Speaker 1: And it makes him not trust her, they said, because

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Speaker 1: he thinks she's weak. Yeah, it was like a very

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Speaker 1: interesting fine. And now let me just say that was

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Speaker 1: that was black men, and most of my saver were

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Speaker 1: black men. White man on the other hand, and and

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Speaker 1: I only surveyed a couple like white trainers white they

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Speaker 1: didn't care. But I found that in that space, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: I keep cutting you off. In that space, men want

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Speaker 1: to trust in the sex intimacy space, they want to

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Speaker 1: know that you're real, and that's one of the things.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, that was like very very strip.

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Speaker 4: The jumps and the d ms of the bitch with

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Speaker 4: the big old book.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm not saying that there aren't men. I feel

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Speaker 1: like they given the choice. That's like a fun toy thing.

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Speaker 1: That's not who they want to settle down with, right,

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Speaker 1: It's like settled down versus And I think they have,

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Speaker 1: you know, varying degrees of it, like how much stuff

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Speaker 1: happens with the face, Like another dear friend just got

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Speaker 1: like a lot done in our faces a lot. I'm

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Speaker 1: like tempering my words because we all know who she is.

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Speaker 1: And and her husband didn't say he didn't like it,

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Speaker 1: but he ran up to me and was like, don't

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Speaker 1: ever do it, don't ever do it? Did you tell her? No?

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Speaker 1: I just was like, the vibe was different than don't

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Speaker 1: do it. The vibe was like, how much tripped? And

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Speaker 1: she tripped? She tripped because she's a beautiful person, a beautiful,

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Speaker 1: stunning woman, and she tripped. It's messed up. We're in

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Speaker 1: a really word so well, I'm not about to do

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Speaker 1: all that.

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Speaker 2: I got my movies done. I don't regret it. Do

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Speaker 2: I think? Do men think I'm weak because of it?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: Most men don't even know I have my boobs done. Actually,

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Speaker 2: the guy that I'm seeing had no idea. He was like,

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Speaker 2: wait what because they look very natural? And no, I

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Speaker 2: didn't ask a man because I didn't do it for

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Speaker 2: a man. I did it for me and I didn't

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Speaker 2: have a man, and I don't have a man. There

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Speaker 2: was no one to ask. Oh, but I just meant

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Speaker 2: like my baby daddy had a lot of opinions about it,

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Speaker 2: and I didn't tell him.

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Speaker 1: Someone else told him, but he had opinions because he

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, so you have money to go.

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Speaker 2: I have nothing to do with the basics, like boo,

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Speaker 2: that's not my money. I handle what I have to handle.

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Speaker 2: You need to handle, you need hand at the end. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's a whole different army. That's a whole story, the

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Speaker 2: whole other area. It has nothing to do with the titties.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, I mean you're happy. Yeah, but I can't

333
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Speaker 2: imagine like doing anything like, oh, it's too sick.

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Speaker 1: I'm scared of all of it. Luckily I have lips.

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Speaker 1: I don't need them and have stunning face like you. Yeah,

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00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:15,080
Speaker 1: it would do your disservice to do anything. But sometimes

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00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,679
Speaker 1: do them they end up looking older.

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Speaker 4: Well they're doing it so young, which is really.

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Speaker 1: So they it's a thing like I want them to say.

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Speaker 1: I want them to like say when they do it,

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Speaker 1: and I know it's like you don't have to, but

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Speaker 1: I'm the whole time going it's weird, Like I'm looking

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Speaker 1: at you and I know you did something bit you

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Speaker 1: changed Like I just had dinner with my friend and

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Speaker 1: the whole dinner, I'm like, let you change your whole

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Speaker 1: face like one of the one of the top, like

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Speaker 1: fifteen most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.

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Speaker 1: She changed her teeth, she changed her lips, she changed

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Speaker 1: her teeth. Now she talks differently. She did made her

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Speaker 1: nose like it's gross. Probably yeah, probably the whole time.

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Speaker 2: His name Simon or that's what the Kardashians don't like

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00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,880
Speaker 2: building like builds a face. But what do you think

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Speaker 2: literally give you a nose job without like giving you

354
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Speaker 2: a nose job?

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Speaker 1: But do you say something or do you act like

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Speaker 1: I can't. I can't if it depends how close to girl,

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Speaker 1: because I'd be like I have bitch different.

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Speaker 5: Don't be coming to dinner pretending like you don't get

359
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Speaker 5: a new face.

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Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't say anything. I would just be staring. Right,

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Speaker 1: you hadn't seen me in fucking eight years. I should

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Speaker 1: have dinner. Oh you, but like with you, yes, now

363
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:30,240
Speaker 1: you're not gonna be like what just starts very very slight.

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00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 1: It's very subtle, and it's a little bit where you're like,

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Speaker 1: am I tripping? Like right? Should should say things to

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Speaker 1: be married?

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Speaker 6: Right?

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Speaker 1: Do I say something? Or do I just let her live?

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00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,000
Speaker 1: Or And I'm the whole time going, why aren't you

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Speaker 1: saying something like you say, I got it done right?

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Speaker 2: Well, so, because you're not on that on that wave,

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Speaker 2: and I'm sure your kids are not on that wave

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Speaker 2: because you have so you have five kids and you

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Speaker 2: phraised them to be braw.

375
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Speaker 1: Free, free, raw free, hippie and that's just what they saw.

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00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:10,720
Speaker 1: They I went hippie, and I'm like, not like I'm

377
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:15,080
Speaker 1: being that is just real deal. But I went to

378
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,440
Speaker 1: so when I went I went.

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Speaker 2: To Daphne's house the other night, and first of all,

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Speaker 2: I had like very enlightening moments.

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Speaker 1: I text you meal afterwards.

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Speaker 2: I was like, girl, I'm done having sex just for

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Speaker 2: the fun of it. Sex is for procreation and for

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Speaker 2: my husband, and like, sex is confusing because it's specifically

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Speaker 2: for procreating, and that's why we're fucking confused, because we're

386
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 2: just having sex with people just for the fuck of it.

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Speaker 2: And also, you shared with me that your kids have

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Speaker 2: never been to the doctor, which I was like, never

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Speaker 2: like for anything.

390
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,920
Speaker 1: We're like well dentistry and their.

391
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Speaker 2: Teeth, And I thought that was like and and you

392
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 2: also said they never really get sick.

393
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Speaker 1: And well they get sick. Well it's okay. They gets sick.

394
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: They don't get white. They don't need to. But we

395
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 1: have like some shit. And one has fucked up ass

396
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 1: allergies like I'm gonna die if I eat a nut

397
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:10,280
Speaker 1: allergy and flexis. The other one has like a little

398
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,120
Speaker 1: Axima situation. The other one had seizures like crazy. And

399
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 1: I just dealt with each one as they came. And

400
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,360
Speaker 1: they've been sick, like they've had colds and things like that.

401
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,640
Speaker 1: But all these things build the immune system. It makes

402
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 1: you stronger. So every time you get sick, you build

403
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:30,240
Speaker 1: the antibody for that virus. But the moment you start

404
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 1: not letting, it's a very intelligent Were you raised that

405
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,639
Speaker 1: way too or no? Everyone's like, oh she's raised Like no,

406
00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: I was raised by some some negroes that. But I

407
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 1: will say I had a very keen awareness when I

408
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 1: was really young, like I had to I had to

409
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: verify this with my mom. But when I was four,

410
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 1: I went to a doctor and I just remember not

411
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:04,920
Speaker 1: king how they were treating me, and they were gonna

412
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: give me a shot in my arm, and I was

413
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 1: sitting with my mom here and the nurse here, and

414
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,439
Speaker 1: the way she was handling me was like how you

415
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 1: handle this, like not like I'm a person, Like I'm

416
00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: just an item and she's gonna do this to me.

417
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, I had the same soft voice

418
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,760
Speaker 1: that I have now, but I was a little girl,

419
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 1: like very soft spoken, so people would assign me as shy,

420
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 1: but I wasn't shy. I just had a soft voice.

421
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 1: And I remember her trying to get right and holding

422
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 1: me so that I wouldn't move during the shot. And

423
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Speaker 1: then I just was like something, just said say it,

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Speaker 1: And I said, can I just have a medicine? And

425
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,080
Speaker 1: she was kind of like, I don't feel like doing

426
00:22:45,119 --> 00:22:47,680
Speaker 1: this anyway, let me check. And I had this real

427
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 1: strong affinity for the doctor. She walked out and she

428
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 1: asked him, and I could hear them behind me. She

429
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 1: asked me if I could take it as a pill instead,

430
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 1: and I just remember like saying this very sincere determined

431
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: prayer that if I got out of this, I would

432
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,680
Speaker 1: never see a doctor again. And I was only four,

433
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 1: but I was like, if he says, if I get

434
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 1: out of this, I ain't ever gonna be in this

435
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:18,399
Speaker 1: fucking situation again. And maybe I didn't say it like

436
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: that because I was four, but that was like a sentiment, right,

437
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,439
Speaker 1: And he goes, yeah, I don't see why not. And

438
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,439
Speaker 1: I got out of it, and then I think I

439
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,120
Speaker 1: didn't take the pills, and I was like, this ain't

440
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 1: I'm never gonna be in someone's fucking care where they're

441
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 1: just doing things to me. And I don't remember being

442
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: sick one other time after that. It was just more

443
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: like a decision, like I decided I'm not going to

444
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 1: be sick because that's not how I want my life.

445
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 1: I don't want to burden others with it. I don't

446
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: want to be in the control of other people. And

447
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,720
Speaker 1: I had another weird doctor thing happened that were something

448
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: kind of like not cool. Happened when I was younger.

449
00:23:57,119 --> 00:23:59,400
Speaker 1: So the last time I was sick, I was probably

450
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: probably like eleven years old. But my children have not

451
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 1: ever seen me sick. I just don't get sick. It's

452
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: not even like in part of something that can happen

453
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: for me. I'm like, no, that not me, Like when

454
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,959
Speaker 1: people like, don't come near I'm gonna get sick. I'm like,

455
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm not like, that's not that's not my story.

456
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 1: I sometimes it's the consideration. And when I have been sick,

457
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 1: it's weird, it's like eight hours, just like a couple hours,

458
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 1: and it's really like something stressful. What happened happened, Like

459
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:36,280
Speaker 1: I'll get scared or I'll be just some kind of stress,

460
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 1: some kind of upset. And I always feel like it's

461
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:43,199
Speaker 1: kind of this aura around you, because why wouldn't we

462
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: How can we go to public bathrooms and be out

463
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 1: in public and on planes and things like that, and

464
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,360
Speaker 1: I get sick, you have this kind of invisible bubble

465
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: around you, and the moment an upset happens, there's like

466
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,160
Speaker 1: an opening and then anything can invade.

467
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:57,440
Speaker 5: Right.

468
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:00,119
Speaker 1: So usually when someone comes to me and they tell

469
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: they're sick, I go, okay, well tell me anything upsetting

470
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 1: happened in three days, within the past three days, And

471
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 1: always always like something. There is one girl who had strup.

472
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,199
Speaker 1: She had like proper strap and you could see it

473
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: and everything, the virus in her throat, and asked what

474
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 1: happened in the past three days and she was a

475
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: model and she said, oh, well, I'm supposed to do

476
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 1: this campaign that really goes against everything I believe in,

477
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 1: but I've didn't speak up, so that not standing up

478
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: affects the throat, right. It's so funny, my landlord. She's

479
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 1: really into like holistic.

480
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 2: Healing, and she has her own line of like oils

481
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:45,880
Speaker 2: and she always drops them off to me.

482
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:47,880
Speaker 1: And I get strep throat a lot.

483
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,760
Speaker 2: I actually haven't gotten it in a while now, like

484
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 2: fully produced, I've caught it and been able to get

485
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:56,919
Speaker 2: rid of it, which normally never happens.

486
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 1: It's like when I get it, there's no going back normally.

487
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 2: She was like, there's something going on with in your

488
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 2: throat chakra, right, I was gonna say, And she's like,

489
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:07,879
Speaker 2: are you not expressing yourself?

490
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't think I have any

491
00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:12,439
Speaker 1: issues expressing myself. But maybe i'm not. Maybe i'm not.

492
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,159
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm not communicating something to someone or thing. It

493
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: could be the thing. I mean, it's just worth worth

494
00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:21,439
Speaker 1: looking at. I'm not saying don't. That's not in lieu

495
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,359
Speaker 1: of medical advice or anything like that. It's just I

496
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,679
Speaker 1: have such a low tolerance for being sick. My children

497
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: are like I'm like I always say to them, I'm like, okay, look,

498
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take care of you for three days. And

499
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 1: then I have this talk with them when I go

500
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: after three days, cause I kind of feel like they

501
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 1: get into it, like, yeah, I'm just gonna lay hair.

502
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:44,719
Speaker 1: Can I have my team, my massage. I'm gonna do

503
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 1: the most because I don't want to deal with this

504
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 1: because also when you have five children, if it spreads around,

505
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,119
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do the most. I'm gonna quarantine you. I'm

506
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,880
Speaker 1: gonna give you fresh air, lots of sleep, and liquids.

507
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: That's like my standard treatment. And then after three days,

508
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,960
Speaker 1: I'm in your ear going, hey, dude, So I'm gonna

509
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:07,240
Speaker 1: need you to know that you are in that body,

510
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: so you control that body, and I need you to

511
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:13,400
Speaker 1: make some new decisions. So make some new decisions because

512
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 1: I'm not doing this all week. So your little nurse,

513
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:21,199
Speaker 1: your little nurse mommy is about to be out. You

514
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,520
Speaker 1: go to make some new decisions. And that talk usually

515
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: is like just whips him into shape. But also, my guy,

516
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: he was one of those things. He had these kind

517
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 1: of paradigms about his health where you'd go, oh, I

518
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 1: get sick every January, every time the kid gets sick,

519
00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: I'm sick. And I'm like, will you stop with that?

520
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: Like you're not? Why would that make sense? Your kid

521
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: gets sick and you get sick. I say, it's called sympathy.

522
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:50,639
Speaker 1: Stop sympathizing with her. You don't have to. Sympathy means

523
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:55,200
Speaker 1: like same feeling. Sorry, it means same feeling, right, So

524
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 1: stop sympathizing and allow her to be sick on her own.

525
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,400
Speaker 1: You don't have to get sick cause she's sick. And

526
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: the moment he saw I was like, yeah, I am I

527
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 1: doing this like you're on your own, dude? Do you

528
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 1: want to do? Here's some sleep and some fresh air

529
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: and lots of liquid and get better. And he literally

530
00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 1: hasn't been sick and a very long time. And I

531
00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:16,360
Speaker 1: think a lot of it has to do with happiness

532
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 1: and stress level too.

533
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 2: So okay, did you give your so you know you

534
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,040
Speaker 2: have five kids? Did you give birth bagually to all

535
00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:26,600
Speaker 2: of them?

536
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,600
Speaker 1: To all of them? And good, how old are you?

537
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: I w I didn't hear him was a bab? How

538
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 1: old were you when you had your first? A very baby?

539
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: Very much? It's a baby very young. You can't tell

540
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: me cause no, cause then everyone starts doing math on

541
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 1: how Yeah, so young? So I was very young, younger

542
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:47,440
Speaker 1: than you guys.

543
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you were young when you got married as well. Yeah,

544
00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 2: I was very young and well I got married later,

545
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 2: but I was in like a married like relationship very young.

546
00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 1: How long were you married for? Well, I think it's

547
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: like fifteen years were together and then married for less

548
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,239
Speaker 1: some portion of that cause I kept having children and

549
00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: I had them all vaginally, and the first baby to

550
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 1: the last are very different experiences. I didn't even know

551
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: obviously what to expect at all, what to anticipate. I

552
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: had in my mind what I wanted, but after the

553
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,400
Speaker 1: first time of having a baby in a hospital, I

554
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: never wanted that again. Then I later subsequently start having

555
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 1: children at home, which I absolutely love the experience that

556
00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: makes me want to have five more children. Would you

557
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 1: have more children? Yes?

558
00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 4: I would.

559
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: If I got pregnant, I'd be fine with that, but

560
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:48,240
Speaker 1: I'd probably have a you know, like do it myself.

561
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,640
Speaker 1: I don't know, i'd have a doctor or anything, just

562
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 1: me and my You do an unassisted humber? Yeah? Yeah?

563
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: Have you had an unassisted humber before? No, but you

564
00:29:58,840 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 4: know you could do it.

565
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, it may be my spirit animal. Yeah, I love it.

566
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 1: I want to be your spirit animal. Yeah. I I

567
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 1: could see that doing it on my own.

568
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

569
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 5: I wanted to have Luna because I was broke and

570
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 5: my baby daddy was broken. I was like, I'm not

571
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 5: going to the hospital and I was like, I'll go

572
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 5: to the doctor up until and I told her.

573
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 4: I was like, I'm just having a baby at home.

574
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 4: I didn't TELLR I was.

575
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 5: Going to do it unassisted because I was gonna have

576
00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 5: my home, my homegirl who's had three kids at home.

577
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 5: I was like, you think your mom will come down

578
00:30:27,000 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 5: here and like help deliver the baby. I was like,

579
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 5: ask her if you think she's like, you know, experienced enough,

580
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 5: and she was like, yeah, I've seen it at least

581
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 5: five times.

582
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:34,760
Speaker 1: I think I could do it. I'm not cool.

583
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 5: So during my d date like just come down, i'll

584
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 5: pay I'll give you five hundred dollars. I was like,

585
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 5: I'll give you five hundred dollars and let's just do this.

586
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 5: I'll get the kid anyway. End up having like high

587
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 5: blood pressure and also there you know, blah blah blah,

588
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:48,120
Speaker 5: and then they like fun shu up.

589
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 1: And you know, I tell it.

590
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 5: I went to my doctor's appointment and that day she

591
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 5: was like, your boot pressure is kind of high.

592
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm going home. She's like, I think you

593
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: should stay, so that playing out the door. But I'm

594
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,680
Speaker 1: all about I feel like they can do that to

595
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: They can tell first moms just about anything. They will

596
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: tell you and then everything.

597
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 2: I wanted a home birth too, and but I had

598
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,120
Speaker 2: had no supported me.

599
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 1: I remember a couple of weeks before you were gonna

600
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: be born. I don't want to be ever pushy with it,

601
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: but it's just like it's very hard to talk to

602
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:27,200
Speaker 1: first time moms. They're very much stuck on what they know.

603
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: They're not very rarely are they willing to relinquish it

604
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: to someone who has more experience.

605
00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 5: Well, I think I think pregnancy, especially for first time moms,

606
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 5: is so over medicalized.

607
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: There's so much fear, you know, there's so much fear

608
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: around it.

609
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,960
Speaker 5: That I had an experience, a hospital experience, not at four,

610
00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,719
Speaker 5: but like I was fifteen and this girl I went

611
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 5: to high school but got pregnant early and she was

612
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 5: having a baby. We're even that close, but I was

613
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,959
Speaker 5: just like, so sympathizing, and I'm like, was there for her?

614
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: And I remember going to the hospital with.

615
00:31:55,640 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 5: Her and everybody was just moving around quickly, shit beeping,

616
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 5: everybody was obviously panicking. Did not say one word to

617
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 5: this girl or to anyone, and I'm like, I will

618
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:11,239
Speaker 5: never I remember thinking, hell, no, this is fucked up,

619
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,680
Speaker 5: like and then they're like, you have to get cut open,

620
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 5: you have to get a spearian. Oh, the baby is

621
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 5: losing its breath, and I was like, why.

622
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 1: Would anybody come do this? I'm like, this is scary.

623
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:22,479
Speaker 5: And then after that I met my friend who had

624
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:23,880
Speaker 5: three kids at home, and I was like, oh, that

625
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 5: makes way more sense.

626
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 1: I never like sat well with it. I had no

627
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: point of reference.

628
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 2: I just knew I wanted to have a home birth,

629
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 2: and then I even met with midwives, but baby daddy

630
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 2: was not supportive, family was not supportive. My doctor scared

631
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 2: me and made me feel like I'm being irresponsible.

632
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: And so I've know the difference between a just like

633
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 1: some of my children. I had and left the hospital

634
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 1: thirty minutes later, and I paid cash because it just

635
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: so that you did have somehing, so then you did

636
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: have some of your kids in the hospital. Yeah, I

637
00:32:54,840 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 1: left with no I left thirty minutes later and pay

638
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: cash was twenty five thousand dollars.

639
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 4: That was it, Like I can't I just give you

640
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 4: twenty five staff.

641
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: Made right, But it was like for like a real

642
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 1: amazing uh midwife. I think it was about four or

643
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: five five guys, yeah, four or five grand. But even then,

644
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,280
Speaker 1: why did you go to the hospital then? Because I

645
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: wasn't getting the support from my husband and then finally,

646
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 1: you know, it took some like he was nervous about it.

647
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:28,480
Speaker 1: I was like crawling in the parking lot. I was like,

648
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 1: I'll have in the parking lot before I go in there.

649
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 1: And that was how that happened. In twenty minutes, I

650
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: walked in the door, had her and was like I

651
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 1: can't do it like another motherfucker walking here just checking

652
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: on me with the fucking oh my god, that oh

653
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 1: my fucking checking us. You need to tru Are you okay?

654
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: We need to wake up? Wake up? I gotta wake up.

655
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 1: Every five seconds, I'm like, bitch, you are you introduce yourself?

656
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 1: I'm just walking here. Who the fuck are you and

657
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? What are you checking on?

658
00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,840
Speaker 1: Everything's fine? Leave? I said, one more person walking here

659
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: walked and they're like, we're calling security.

660
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 4: Bye.

661
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,680
Speaker 1: Oh, it's so important.

662
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000
Speaker 5: I can't stress it enough, like to have to do

663
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 5: research and to have like a birth plan, because even

664
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 5: I had a birth plan, I had a fat like

665
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 5: coffee that shit written it all out.

666
00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:16,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And our duelers are great because they help you

667
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 1: keep the plan. But if you if one of your

668
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 1: options is to go to the hospital once you know,

669
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 1: as a duelo, once you get to the hospital, it's

670
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 1: just a lot of it's out of your control and

671
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: you're watching them like what they're doing. You're like this lady,

672
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:35,359
Speaker 1: I just had this one client recently who weren't there.

673
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:36,919
Speaker 1: She just went to check and I was like, they're

674
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:38,720
Speaker 1: gonna check her and center back home. She's not ready,

675
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: but that was what she wanted to feel comfortable. This

676
00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 1: bitch went and broke her water. Knew she was doing it.

677
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 1: She broke. Didn't say anything to her. She was like, oh,

678
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 1: you're not ready. She was like, let me check, let

679
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: me check, let me check. She's doing it, and I

680
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 1: knew what she was doing. It just took too long.

681
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:59,359
Speaker 1: She broke her water and then she stood up and

682
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,319
Speaker 1: she's like, I think my water broke up and she

683
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,360
Speaker 1: and Lady's like, okay, you don't have to leave.

684
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 5: Now, no.

685
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,719
Speaker 1: Anything. Well, because she was like, oh, I want to

686
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 1: call my colleague to come in here. I said, no,

687
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: it's fine, you said, she's not ready, we'll go back home.

688
00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:19,319
Speaker 1: She goes, oh, no, I just want to call her

689
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: in to see my senior so she can see and

690
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: we'll just have her checking out too. And I was like, no,

691
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: I think we're good, and she's like it's okay, well

692
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 1: just whatever. So okay, she did it, and she's just

693
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,879
Speaker 1: taking a little bit too long, like wait, let me see,

694
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:36,600
Speaker 1: let me see, and you so I saw a push

695
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:39,640
Speaker 1: and she just broke the water. Baby lying. And then

696
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 1: all the time they'll scrape the membrane just you know,

697
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,040
Speaker 1: they no business doing. Yeah, they broke my water.

698
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I'm going to see section right, because

699
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 2: that's the whole you disrupted the process exactly.

700
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And they and they used, like you said,

701
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,439
Speaker 1: scare tactics. They'll sit there and they'll tell you, oh,

702
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:02,560
Speaker 1: you could die, baby could die. The baby could die.

703
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 4: And who's what, mom, You're like, great, I'll do what

704
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 4: you gotta do.

705
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: Right.

706
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 2: That's crazy. So you also, which I think is very interesting.

707
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:17,160
Speaker 2: And I guess I'm traditional, as you and your ex

708
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 2: husband live basically in the same gated community, like a

709
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 2: few houses down from each other, five houses from each other,

710
00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 2: five houses like brow Sugar and all that.

711
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:29,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes a divorce made you like were you did you?

712
00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 2: So you just moved out and got another house in

713
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:33,040
Speaker 2: the same community, or how did that work?

714
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: Okay, so we got a divorce. This is like a

715
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 1: pretty popular story. But I am sorry, just checking. Shouldn't

716
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 1: be doing this during this, but I just want to

717
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:49,279
Speaker 1: make sure got a divorce, found a house. And then

718
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:55,799
Speaker 1: I'm actually saving the story for something else, but uh

719
00:36:55,640 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: uh sorry, I was time, so uh and then he

720
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 1: moved down the street. Oh but he moved down the

721
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 1: street from you. The thing is, this is what I'll

722
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,279
Speaker 1: say when you give me the short story. Well, let

723
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: me just give you the short story. You shouldn't talk

724
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 1: shit to men with memes because I don't have ways.

725
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 1: So I'm driving down the street in my little community

726
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 1: and I'm waiting for this. I'm behind a big moving truck,

727
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: so I'm just watching, like, oh, they must be happy

728
00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,799
Speaker 1: moving into their house and they're moving stuff out, and

729
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,840
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I have a table like that,

730
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:45,319
Speaker 1: I have that face, I have a chair like that.

731
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: And then I like step back and have like a

732
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: whole pan of everything and it's all my stuff, and

733
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 1: this fucking heat wave comes over my whole body. I'm like,

734
00:37:56,320 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: what the fuck? What the fuck? And I just realized

735
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 1: this is all the stuff of my house that I

736
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 1: just lived in, just moved out of a few months ago.

737
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:15,439
Speaker 1: So and I was like, this is this can't be real,

738
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:18,360
Speaker 1: This can't be real. This can't be real. Cause he

739
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 1: said to me when we were in the early stages

740
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 1: of our divorce, he was living like further than we lived,

741
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: and life was our life was kind of centered here.

742
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:29,960
Speaker 1: And he's like, I think I should move around here.

743
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I don't know why you moved

744
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: all the way over there. That's not gonna work. He's like, yeah,

745
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 1: I think I should move around here. And I was

746
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:39,479
Speaker 1: like mmm. And then I heard him on the phone

747
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,759
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, I think I'm looking here where

748
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: Daphnie is. And I was like, wait, no, too colol,

749
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:48,000
Speaker 1: like that so too close, and he's like, yeah, I

750
00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,880
Speaker 1: don't think so maybe you're right. Mess with your vibe

751
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 1: or and I was like, yours too, I just see

752
00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,319
Speaker 1: and I connected him with a realtorn. I was like,

753
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: whatever you do, but the greedy ass realtor naked. It

754
00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:07,640
Speaker 1: was like, you wanted a house here, So how long

755
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 1: have you guys lived in the same commedy. Well, at

756
00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 1: first it was just very awkward. It wasn't the plan

757
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 1: at all. But then it worked out because we kept

758
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: we had a very consistent schedule, like one week one

759
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,440
Speaker 1: when week off, and the kids just walk down the

760
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 1: street and walk down the street. So it has a

761
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: lot of benefits because your baby daddy's down the street

762
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 1: and they have to go there anyway, and we have

763
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: a schedule, and but it also doesn't work when you

764
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 1: have as I say, little girls are they're just real humdingers.

765
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 1: A humdinger is like if you look it up, it

766
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: just I think it's like something incredible humdinger. So girls

767
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:53,040
Speaker 1: are that's what girls are. Girls are really something else.

768
00:39:53,719 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 1: As as children, you have something like I'm leaving coming

769
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,399
Speaker 1: over your house. It was like living like I might

770
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 1: get the fuck out, and you know it's just going

771
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 1: five houses down. So it does never really make you

772
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 1: work things out when you know you could just run

773
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 1: five houses. Well, so that kind of gets messy. That

774
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 1: part is like it sounds like fine and Danny, people

775
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 1: are like, you guys are just so civilized. She just

776
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,399
Speaker 1: worked it out. You lived down the street from each

777
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 1: other and made your kids together, which we did do

778
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:30,920
Speaker 1: and in the end it worked out.

779
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 2: But it initially was difficult and that people are dating

780
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 2: other people.

781
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,360
Speaker 5: You can see who's coming over, who's been there three days.

782
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 1: I can't speak for him, but for me it was

783
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 1: fine because I was never like that part of our

784
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: relationship ended and we were just so I also do

785
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:55,440
Speaker 1: in my relationship consulting, I do uncoupling and family reconfiguration

786
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 1: because I have a lot of expertise in that because

787
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,680
Speaker 1: you just realize, like, Okay, we're not a couple anymore,

788
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 1: but what are we and how do we continue to

789
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,200
Speaker 1: be that in a way and it's still a relationship

790
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:12,680
Speaker 1: you still have to work out. And so I was

791
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 1: done with that part. So it was fine whatever. I

792
00:41:15,400 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: didn't really care. I don't know about for him, but

793
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 1: it was pretty civil for the for the most part.

794
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, incident, We've never had anyone on like and discuss

795
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 2: divorce because I'm obviously I mean I'm not.

796
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 1: I never I didn't get to.

797
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:35,000
Speaker 2: The marriage part. My god, but like, what is well?

798
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 2: I mean, what is I mean your divorce? Obviously it

799
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:42,200
Speaker 2: was like a much more high profile, very expensive, which

800
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 2: all divorces canna be expensive.

801
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:49,200
Speaker 1: It's just not the business. But that was it. It

802
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 1: was arduous. It was it was arduous, It was scary,

803
00:41:54,719 --> 00:42:00,560
Speaker 1: it was lonely. It was confusing. It was miss down

804
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 1: just seeing how far I am for my destination. Sorry,

805
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: it was, uh, let me just see if I have

806
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:18,560
Speaker 1: to leave it. I'm supposed to go somewhere, And do

807
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,640
Speaker 1: you have to leave? I thought I had to leave now,

808
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:29,439
Speaker 1: but maybe not. I see it was it depends. It's

809
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 1: like I think you have to exhaust all efforts. I

810
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 1: feel like I did. I feel like he didn't. I

811
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: feel like what I thought at the time. It was

812
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,839
Speaker 1: the most confusing thing. It was never in my math.

813
00:42:44,880 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: It was never what I wanted. It was very very heartbreaking.

814
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:51,400
Speaker 1: It was the death of something and the beginning of

815
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:56,359
Speaker 1: another thing. And I think it was like something I

816
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 1: couldn't stop from happening. And now, in hindsight, I'm very

817
00:43:01,040 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 1: happy it happened because it forced me to be a

818
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:08,320
Speaker 1: different kind of person and who I probably really am,

819
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:12,480
Speaker 1: who I couldn't be in that was it mutual. No,

820
00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,520
Speaker 1: I didn't want a divorce. He wanted a divorce. I

821
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 1: think it gets the sticky because I don't want to

822
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: say things on here, But long story short, it was

823
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:25,879
Speaker 1: his origination. And yeah, at the time, I didn't think

824
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:27,799
Speaker 1: that was a good idea. I didn't want it. I

825
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:30,840
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine. I didn't want to do anything else. I

826
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 1: didn't have like you guys probably have, like career aspirations.

827
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 1: I couldn't find anything else to sound it like more

828
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,239
Speaker 1: fun than being a mom and a wife. So it

829
00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:41,359
Speaker 1: was all I ever wanted to be was a mom

830
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 1: and a wife. I didn't want to be an attorney

831
00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 1: or a teacher, none necessarily more fun than being a wife.

832
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: So I was doing my career as a wife and

833
00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 1: a mom and raising family, and I think that he

834
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: so he wanted that, And I couldn't wrap my mind around,

835
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 1: like what would life like if if someone said we're

836
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: gonna get rid of the floor of the earth right now,

837
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,320
Speaker 1: and then you're gonna and then Friday will be Friday.

838
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:11,240
Speaker 1: You're like, well, wait a minute, the ground is gone,

839
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,879
Speaker 1: the bottom's out where are we walking? Were walking like, yeah,

840
00:44:15,920 --> 00:44:17,759
Speaker 1: the sky will be gone tomorrow, And You're like, I

841
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:21,440
Speaker 1: can't even fathom that. I can't what does that mean?

842
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 1: What does that mean? We're not married? You know, how

843
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 1: does it even work? But I couldn't be who I

844
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: am in that. There's just no room for it. It's limiting.

845
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: How did that affect your kids? I think they were

846
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:41,600
Speaker 1: really young and I just told them and it was

847
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: like for them kind of scary too. I think they're

848
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 1: gonna react to the parents. They never felt like it's

849
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 1: because of them or anything like that. Thank goodness. They

850
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 1: made it very clear this is we can't figure out

851
00:44:51,680 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 1: how to work out our differences. But what I learned

852
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,120
Speaker 1: later was the same difference is you have to work

853
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 1: out in the relationship. You have to work out in

854
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 1: the divorce. And it's much nastier than the divorce to

855
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 1: work it out cause there's so many other people involved. Yeah,

856
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,279
Speaker 1: and I think when you get married, you you're kind

857
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 1: of hoping that you can continue to grow, but you

858
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: can do it together, even on your own. Everyone has

859
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 1: their own journey and so and every relationship has its

860
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:28,279
Speaker 1: own journey, and that one just had. It was at

861
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,520
Speaker 1: the end of the of the journey of that in

862
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:32,560
Speaker 1: that way, so then it had a rest of her

863
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,720
Speaker 1: journey cause we have children together and and that journey

864
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:38,839
Speaker 1: was different. But the husband wife part I think was over.

865
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,600
Speaker 1: Like we've done our our work together as husband and wife.

866
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:46,320
Speaker 2: So what's dating like with five kids after a divorce?

867
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 1: Oh? Well, I guess I also was not ever a dater.

868
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 1: I don't even get it. You know, you said to

869
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:55,399
Speaker 1: me something dating. I'm like, what does that mean? Because

870
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,360
Speaker 1: you're in and the person you're going to go? Well, also,

871
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 1: I'm like in love person, So it's I have two speeds.

872
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:05,920
Speaker 1: Like if you go in your car and there's neutral

873
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 1: and revers and all this other shit. If there were

874
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 1: driving park, that's me. There's zero and one hundred. So

875
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,359
Speaker 1: wish to me, do you want to go to zero?

876
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:15,920
Speaker 1: You want to do a hundred? And that's it. So

877
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 1: I'm like, I meet a guy and I'm like, in

878
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: thirty seconds, you want to be married? If that's a no,

879
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 1: then I'm like, oh, I have friends. What do you

880
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: want to do? I don't even understand dating what that means? Like,

881
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 1: what do you say? It sounds like constant? So you

882
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 1: test driving and.

883
00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:37,000
Speaker 2: You always whenever you're if you decide to spend time

884
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 2: with someone or become.

885
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 1: It may not work out, but you need to know

886
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 1: that that's an end goal. You want to be married, well,

887
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:44,719
Speaker 1: I have to know the end goal. The in goal

888
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,080
Speaker 1: can ever be like I give up some asks. You trip,

889
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,359
Speaker 1: you're weird, I'm tripping. No, that ain't it at all.

890
00:46:52,440 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 1: I need to know you're investing in my life, like

891
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 1: this is I can see that in you. If I

892
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,840
Speaker 1: can't see that in you, then it's not it's zero

893
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 1: speed zero.

894
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:04,880
Speaker 2: When we were talking the other night, we were talking

895
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:09,120
Speaker 2: about open relationships because you were saying how they never work,

896
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 2: and we had an episode about open relationships, and you know,

897
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 2: it was actually we probably did it about nine months

898
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:16,560
Speaker 2: ago or.

899
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:19,120
Speaker 1: I'd like to see where it works.

900
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, but nine months ago. And we were both like, yeah, yeah,

901
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 2: it was Suprian.

902
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:23,200
Speaker 4: That was like, that was last June.

903
00:47:23,239 --> 00:47:24,040
Speaker 1: I was like a year ago.

904
00:47:24,239 --> 00:47:27,719
Speaker 2: Most a year ago, and a lot of I think

905
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,320
Speaker 2: we're in a time now where so many like people

906
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 2: are want.

907
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 1: Open relationships, they want they don't want commitment.

908
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 2: And even me, like I feel like I.

909
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:40,640
Speaker 1: I definitely want commitment. I need commitment.

910
00:47:40,680 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 2: But then again like, do I think I could have

911
00:47:42,680 --> 00:47:45,200
Speaker 2: sex with one person my entire life?

912
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 1: No? Or I could? But do I want to?

913
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 2: You know and like and but you're but when it

914
00:47:50,880 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 2: gets down to the basis of it, like, well, then

915
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 2: you're talking about what sex is like is it just

916
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 2: a thing that goes and the penis goes inside of vagina?

917
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 1: Or is it like a connection thing that you're having

918
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: and is it love? And is it you know what

919
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 1: I mean? Like when I hear people say like, oh,

920
00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 1: I don't want to just have sex with one person,

921
00:48:07,880 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 1: it's so much.

922
00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:11,719
Speaker 2: I think it's definitely connection. I mean I'm not just

923
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:13,480
Speaker 2: it's not about just a penis and going in.

924
00:48:13,480 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 1: The vagina, right, So then what could you have connection

925
00:48:16,160 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: with other people without that that level of intimacy where

926
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:24,720
Speaker 1: you open up your your like most sacred treasures.

927
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 5: Say, offer that intimate and connect with people without it

928
00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:28,160
Speaker 5: being sexual.

929
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 4: Yeah.

930
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, when people say open relationships, and it's just like

931
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:36,880
Speaker 1: who you reserve that for? Because what I find most

932
00:48:36,920 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: often is people will waste it even if you're not,

933
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 1: so you know they'll waste it, something will happen or

934
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: it just gets messy and confusion, confusing. And if I

935
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:51,879
Speaker 1: have other goals. That one is my real space where

936
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 1: it'll fuck everything up. So when you're like in a relationship,

937
00:48:57,760 --> 00:49:03,480
Speaker 1: like any confusion there will affect everything else. So which

938
00:49:03,520 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 1: is why I'm not in one. Yeah, I mean it's

939
00:49:06,320 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: it's you just gotta be in the right one, or

940
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:11,919
Speaker 1: it's one where there's a mutual agreement. Right. But when

941
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,760
Speaker 1: I hear this thing about open relationships, I get it,

942
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 1: Like everyone wants, everyone wants what they want. You know,

943
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,680
Speaker 1: when I'm driving in traffic, I want a helicopter and

944
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 1: I want to say, like fuck all is try. I

945
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: wanna ram all through it. But there are you know,

946
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:32,520
Speaker 1: a few guidelines there that work for a reason. The

947
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 1: lines in the freeway work for a reason. The stock

948
00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:38,080
Speaker 1: lights are really helpful when it's my turn to go.

949
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:44,320
Speaker 1: It's it's yeah, it gets confusing in those spaces.

950
00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 5: So have you ever of all your relationship expertise coaching

951
00:49:49,200 --> 00:49:53,040
Speaker 5: that you've given. Have you ever seen or in friends

952
00:49:53,080 --> 00:49:55,920
Speaker 5: even like a successful open relationship.

953
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 1: Kind of in polygamous cultures like in Islam or kind of,

954
00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:11,319
Speaker 1: I see a little bit more order there. But it's

955
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 1: a little bit different because when I hear people say

956
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:20,440
Speaker 1: talk about open relationships you're only getting a little piece

957
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:23,200
Speaker 1: out of the relationship. You're getting sex. Do you know,

958
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 1: before I get up and get a glass of water,

959
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 1: I could have had sex twenty times. That's the easiest

960
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: thing to get. And women are giving up with so

961
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 1: sacred about them that easily. It's so easy to get.

962
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 1: So in the open relationship, the person's not It's usually

963
00:50:43,480 --> 00:50:46,800
Speaker 1: like sometimes it'll be a married couple with a person

964
00:50:46,840 --> 00:50:49,520
Speaker 1: on the side, and the person on the side has

965
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:53,879
Speaker 1: several people on the side, and they don't really get

966
00:50:53,880 --> 00:50:57,399
Speaker 1: the bit. They get like kind of partial benefit of

967
00:50:57,440 --> 00:51:01,440
Speaker 1: the They get sexual benefit from the couple, and then

968
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:04,280
Speaker 1: they have another thing going on, and it's a lot

969
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 1: of hiding. You have to do a lot of hiding.

970
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 1: And that hiding is a bit of a burden. You

971
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:13,760
Speaker 1: gotta hide your phone, you can't let the other personal Well,

972
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 1: it's not if you're in a relationship and it's open.

973
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:20,719
Speaker 1: Rarely is it really really open. But like when I

974
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 1: saw in cultures like in Islam, right where they might

975
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:29,440
Speaker 1: have several wives, they did the honor of marrying the woman.

976
00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 1: It's not like a side piece, right, You're not like

977
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 1: here's your house, here's your staff. I'm gonna take care

978
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:39,080
Speaker 1: of you having to father these children. You're only getting

979
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,279
Speaker 1: a little piece of it. So if someone's like and

980
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,400
Speaker 1: that was for other reasons, there shouldn't be single women

981
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:50,080
Speaker 1: raising children. Sons and daughters need dads and they need

982
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:55,840
Speaker 1: that kind of a figure. So when I see women

983
00:51:56,000 --> 00:51:59,160
Speaker 1: just giving it up for I mean, what are you

984
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 1: getting an open relation relationship? I don't know, Like, don't

985
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:06,799
Speaker 1: you want some commitment to that?

986
00:52:06,880 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 5: Well, I guess you could have commitment from that couple,

987
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 5: Like I guess, I don't know.

988
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:11,919
Speaker 1: I haven't seen it. Let me just answer your question.

989
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,399
Speaker 1: I haven't seen. I've seen it kind of in some

990
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 1: cultures where the person's like, no, we will formally be married,

991
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,960
Speaker 1: or my wife, this is my wife. They're not compared

992
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 1: to each other. There's not I see a little bit

993
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:27,360
Speaker 1: more cooperation in that area. I see big, big, big families.

994
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 1: I need to pro create with you. I need to

995
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,120
Speaker 1: create with you. I need to spread my seat. But

996
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 1: it's more like the powerful man. It's not like have

997
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: a bunch of wives in apartment. No, these women got

998
00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:42,879
Speaker 1: like real separate Yeah. No, like a big ass house

999
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: or a big ass bank own and you know they're

1000
00:52:46,480 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 1: that support that, Yeah, yeah, it's very different. But when

1001
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: I see open relationships, what I instantly think is these

1002
00:52:57,080 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 1: people are kind of together. But then they each do

1003
00:53:01,800 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 1: that with like three other people, and then they each

1004
00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 1: do that, and I'm like, it's a lot of transferring

1005
00:53:08,960 --> 00:53:14,720
Speaker 1: of fluids, fluids, energy, heart, a lot of it. It's messy,

1006
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 1: it's messy feelings. Actually I went on a date and

1007
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 1: then oh, then the rules there are a lot of

1008
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: over there, like especially once you start to have multiple

1009
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: partners during sex, like three some things like that, they're

1010
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:29,000
Speaker 1: actual rules like don't look her in the eyes, don't

1011
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,440
Speaker 1: catch I, don't kiss it, don't come inside or don't

1012
00:53:31,600 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: like the rules and it like, who is there a

1013
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:41,959
Speaker 1: fucking referee? Right? That titty is not to be touched.

1014
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:44,360
Speaker 1: We told you that. I saw you looking her in

1015
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: the eye. And the thing is all the intimacy is

1016
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 1: designed not only to create babies, but the reason it's

1017
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 1: the highest, the greatest feeling, is because it's the highest creation.

1018
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,840
Speaker 1: So the only thing that matters. This is what we

1019
00:54:02,920 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 1: talked about on my walk this morning with Bee, that

1020
00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:12,520
Speaker 1: the only thing that matters really is love. That's all

1021
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: that fucking matters. Like if you have all the money

1022
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:17,600
Speaker 1: in the world and you don't have that doesn't matter.

1023
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 1: If you have the greatest person in the world and

1024
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,319
Speaker 1: you don't love them, But like someone who's trash who

1025
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 1: you just love anyway, it's all that matters. It's all

1026
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:33,160
Speaker 1: that matters. So in that that's not everyone's having sex

1027
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:37,720
Speaker 1: and wanting all these experiences, but it's just a doing.

1028
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:40,120
Speaker 1: This is what I'm trying to say. It's like it's

1029
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:42,919
Speaker 1: just a machine kind of a thing or a mechanical

1030
00:54:43,040 --> 00:54:45,760
Speaker 1: kind of thing. It's not. It's lacking the piece that's

1031
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:51,120
Speaker 1: really there, because you can have orgasmic like experiences without

1032
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 1: ever even touching. But the woman is giving up and

1033
00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 1: putting so much wear and tear on ourself for what's

1034
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:03,520
Speaker 1: there be very sacred about her. And it's not like,

1035
00:55:04,239 --> 00:55:08,800
Speaker 1: you know, vagina's vagina, right, it's the beings the person

1036
00:55:08,880 --> 00:55:11,759
Speaker 1: that I don't know. I don't want to get like

1037
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:13,759
Speaker 1: on a tangent about preaching about her.

1038
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 2: No, well, I mean you when we were talking the

1039
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 2: other night and I was like, oh my god, she's

1040
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 2: so right.

1041
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:19,920
Speaker 1: I told Jamia. I was like, I don't think I

1042
00:55:20,040 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 1: want I can't do an open relationship.

1043
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:25,040
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm essentially, I'm not really doing that right now.

1044
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:27,040
Speaker 2: So I'm not in a I'm in a relationship with someone.

1045
00:55:27,080 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 2: I mean I'm in I have a relationship with Jamila.

1046
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:32,879
Speaker 2: I mean this person's right, but the intimate right. But yeah,

1047
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't. I don't think I can

1048
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:36,719
Speaker 2: do it, like I thought, the idea of it sounds good,

1049
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 2: like appealing because of this, this I think a lot

1050
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 2: of it is because in my last relationship, you know,

1051
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:46,920
Speaker 2: there were so many there was so much miscommunication, there

1052
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,640
Speaker 2: was not there was a lot of lies. There was

1053
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 2: a lot of lies, there was a lot of cheating

1054
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:54,440
Speaker 2: and all those things. And so part of me was like,

1055
00:55:54,560 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 2: do I feel like I want to open relationship because

1056
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:57,800
Speaker 2: I feel like I don't deserve.

1057
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,160
Speaker 1: Right, it's a compromise from what you're original. It sounds

1058
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:04,360
Speaker 1: like a compromise from what your original what do I

1059
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:07,640
Speaker 1: call it? Purposes? Right? So it's like a failed purpose.

1060
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:12,720
Speaker 1: Like if I say I'm on my way to Paris

1061
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 1: and then something happens and I go, well, just go

1062
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 1: to Paris, California instead, It's like, that's not what my

1063
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:21,280
Speaker 1: journey was. My journey was to do this. Your journey

1064
00:56:21,360 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 1: was to be married, and I don't want to tell

1065
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 1: you about you. I'm just saying, suppose this right was

1066
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 1: to be married and have a happy family and all this,

1067
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 1: but thing one and two weren't right. You're a fucking liar,

1068
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 1: which is fine, just keep that over there, like you

1069
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 1: can't or we can be together. I just know you're

1070
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:43,240
Speaker 1: a liar. So everything you do, I'm gonna go, you lie,

1071
00:56:43,280 --> 00:56:45,359
Speaker 1: you're lying. I'm gonna call you out every time. I'm

1072
00:56:45,360 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 1: not gonna act like you know, like you have to

1073
00:56:47,600 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 1: it's okay. I want to create a safe space for

1074
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: you to just tell the truth. And a lot of

1075
00:56:51,960 --> 00:56:54,239
Speaker 1: times I see women who go, he's a liar, and

1076
00:56:54,239 --> 00:56:59,319
Speaker 1: if he lies to me, and I go. Sometimes if

1077
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 1: you're asking someone to tell you the truth, you have

1078
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,839
Speaker 1: to just allow them to do that. You can't be

1079
00:57:04,920 --> 00:57:08,640
Speaker 1: punitive after you have to allow someone to fuck up.

1080
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 1: So are you willing to love that person through that?

1081
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:15,040
Speaker 1: Because again, we all came with our whole set of

1082
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 1: blue our blueprint for our lives, and then we incorporate

1083
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:21,320
Speaker 1: people in it. But my blueprint is still to get

1084
00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:24,760
Speaker 1: from here to there. It's so easy to you know.

1085
00:57:25,120 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 1: And there are a couple of things like why buy

1086
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:30,080
Speaker 1: the cow. You get it for free. But it's also

1087
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 1: what is your goal If you're just in it to

1088
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 1: just have sex, that that's a goal, But what is

1089
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 1: that leavy feeling like? Right?

1090
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:43,840
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1091
00:57:43,840 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 1: I used to think like just love. It's okay to

1092
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: let people be free.

1093
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,320
Speaker 5: I don't want to like continue from doing what you're

1094
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 5: going to do regardless. And I think that it's maybe

1095
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 5: not natural, like our animal instinct isn't to be monogamous. Maybe,

1096
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 5: but I've come to the conclusion that I probably could

1097
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:04,800
Speaker 5: not be in an open relationship because I'll cut you,

1098
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 5: and also I don't.

1099
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 1: And we live in a like a higher kind of

1100
00:58:09,080 --> 00:58:12,120
Speaker 1: an animal, right, Like, yeah, we're thinking and reasonable. It's

1101
00:58:12,120 --> 00:58:14,800
Speaker 1: not like we're totally like animal. Like a whale has

1102
00:58:14,840 --> 00:58:18,880
Speaker 1: been a well forever. A human has created airplanes and

1103
00:58:19,320 --> 00:58:23,000
Speaker 1: iPhones and computers. And so it's our minds that make

1104
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:26,400
Speaker 1: us quote unquote superior. It's not because we say we are.

1105
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 1: It's cause our mind is able to break the laws

1106
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 1: of life. Right. So, I think in a society, if

1107
00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:41,960
Speaker 1: a they said I'm I'm definitely not gonna touch I'm

1108
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:46,960
Speaker 1: not gonna touch that promise. In a society where the

1109
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:50,600
Speaker 1: family is the cornerstone of that society because the world

1110
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:55,920
Speaker 1: and the cornerstone of that is the family, and then

1111
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:59,280
Speaker 1: the cornerstone of that is the marriage. Then there's a

1112
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 1: breakdown of that and it just gets to be a

1113
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:08,120
Speaker 1: big chaotic. And the term of those marriages, though, you know,

1114
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: is something else, like how long they are meant to

1115
00:59:11,080 --> 00:59:16,520
Speaker 1: last these kind of relationships. But I don't know, it

1116
00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:20,320
Speaker 1: breaks down the whole family. And women are out here

1117
00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:26,680
Speaker 1: just you're designed to be attractive to men, you don't.

1118
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 1: I see women work way too hard. I understand in

1119
00:59:31,240 --> 00:59:35,120
Speaker 1: cultures where they're they're modest, because it's too much. In

1120
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:41,720
Speaker 1: the one of the kind of disciplines of Islam is

1121
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: you don't look a woman in her eyes because it's

1122
00:59:44,200 --> 00:59:46,919
Speaker 1: too damn much. It is just too much. You don't,

1123
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:50,800
Speaker 1: It says, lower your gaze, she's too much. Her voice

1124
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 1: is too much her. I see it all the time

1125
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:58,959
Speaker 1: I answer the phone. But you both have the same

1126
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 1: soft voice too. Mine might be a little bit more powdery.

1127
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 1: But it's just the design that men should be attracted

1128
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,200
Speaker 1: to women. So when I see women, titties pushed up,

1129
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 1: asshole out, and that's fun, but it's so it's a

1130
01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 1: lighter touch than that.

1131
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:20,080
Speaker 2: Does what you mean when you say like the soft

1132
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 2: bring back like the soft yeah woman.

1133
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:25,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, Because when I ask men what they like to

1134
01:00:25,120 --> 01:00:27,560
Speaker 1: see a woman in, that was one of my questions.

1135
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:32,120
Speaker 1: It's never body con mules, you know, like fat squeeze,

1136
01:00:32,160 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 1: not on the side. It's always they don't know how

1137
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 1: to call it, but they call it a sun dress

1138
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:44,400
Speaker 1: and some flip flops, clean nails and smelling like soap,

1139
01:00:45,040 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 1: and because they want to smell a woman, and it

1140
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:54,520
Speaker 1: allows them to imagine, to have their imagination, and their

1141
01:00:54,560 --> 01:00:57,520
Speaker 1: imagination never is like, oh it's hard to unbuckle her,

1142
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:00,680
Speaker 1: she got a big bron and un and I gotta

1143
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 1: stick my foot on her back to on different dress.

1144
01:01:03,200 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 1: It's always like you just lift up her dress like

1145
01:01:05,720 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 1: a tissue, or it's very light, she flows past and

1146
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 1: they can imagine. So it's a much lighter touch in

1147
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:17,800
Speaker 1: that men are designed to be a tragedy a woman.

1148
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:20,000
Speaker 1: There's never a woman that walk by, and men will

1149
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:25,200
Speaker 1: tell you every woman that walks by, I just consider.

1150
01:01:26,320 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if she's working on a market or

1151
01:01:29,360 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 1: if she's in a tight dress, or it's a lighter

1152
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 1: touch in that. So the soft woman has. Her power

1153
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:42,040
Speaker 1: is her softness. Her power isn't in being like a man,

1154
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 1: being loud and boisterous and masculine. What if you are

1155
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 1: just loud and boisterous, what can you like? You can't?

1156
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:51,040
Speaker 1: Can you bring that back? What? I don't mean like

1157
01:01:51,120 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 1: you have to have a soft voice. It's just like

1158
01:01:54,680 --> 01:01:58,840
Speaker 1: we've been putting a position, a horrible position where we're

1159
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:06,600
Speaker 1: like now become competitive with men. And the wholeness of

1160
01:02:06,640 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: life is when a man and a woman together. That

1161
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:12,600
Speaker 1: actually is the recipe for life is a man and

1162
01:02:12,600 --> 01:02:15,120
Speaker 1: a woman together. No person is. I don't care how

1163
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 1: gay you are, how one way you are, you're not

1164
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 1: exempt from being part man and part woman, part mom,

1165
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 1: part dad. So the wholeness of life is the reconstitution

1166
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 1: of that from the two of you come back together.

1167
01:02:30,760 --> 01:02:33,120
Speaker 1: Men can do I don't want a man that can

1168
01:02:33,160 --> 01:02:35,600
Speaker 1: do what I can do. I don't need you to

1169
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:37,880
Speaker 1: do any of the things I'm expert at. I don't

1170
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:44,400
Speaker 1: need to. It's not a competition. And I see men

1171
01:02:44,520 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 1: sometimes say like, oh, I can cook, I can whever.

1172
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:50,120
Speaker 1: It's okay. You can also go chop down a tree.

1173
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 1: You can do some physical labor. You can do some

1174
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 1: things I don't want to do, and I you know,

1175
01:02:56,560 --> 01:03:00,840
Speaker 1: you can be you know, security minded or things like that.

1176
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:03,160
Speaker 1: We don't have to do the same thing. That's what

1177
01:03:03,200 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 1: a compliment is a compliment. If you look at a

1178
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 1: color chart, the compliment of orange is green, No is that? Right?

1179
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 1: Green is made of what blue and yellow? No? Green

1180
01:03:20,640 --> 01:03:27,000
Speaker 1: is yellow? Blue is yellow? Right, blue is anyway, it

1181
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: doesn't contain Yeah, blue is orange, I'm sorry. Blue is orange? Right?

1182
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:35,240
Speaker 1: And red is green because red has no green in it.

1183
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 1: Green is made of blue and yellow. Right, So green

1184
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:40,880
Speaker 1: has no red in it, red has no green in it.

1185
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:44,439
Speaker 1: And they intensify each other on a color wheel. Right,

1186
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:48,840
Speaker 1: So it's the same thing like you intensify each other,

1187
01:03:48,960 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 1: but without encroaching on one another. So I never want

1188
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,160
Speaker 1: to encroach on a man's masculinity. I'll let you do

1189
01:03:56,280 --> 01:03:59,720
Speaker 1: what men do, and I'll do what women do.

1190
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:03,440
Speaker 2: I agree, I can, But who defines what women do

1191
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:04,720
Speaker 2: and who defines what men?

1192
01:04:04,880 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 1: What men do? This is what you would do by nature, right,

1193
01:04:08,840 --> 01:04:11,440
Speaker 1: there's some roles that are a little bit more suited

1194
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:14,440
Speaker 1: for a woman. A woman like we pay attention to

1195
01:04:14,640 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 1: small fine details in life. Men don't. When I would

1196
01:04:18,360 --> 01:04:20,640
Speaker 1: ask my husband to watch the children. I come back

1197
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:24,160
Speaker 1: and be like, what level of shit show is this?

1198
01:04:24,760 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 1: Like babies and diapers, hair and done? Oh rice all day,

1199
01:04:30,000 --> 01:04:33,240
Speaker 1: that's what you guys have. And he would go very simply,

1200
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,920
Speaker 1: ain't nobody dead? And if that is a man watching

1201
01:04:36,920 --> 01:04:39,960
Speaker 1: a kid, he's making sure no one dies. And I'm like,

1202
01:04:40,400 --> 01:04:42,000
Speaker 1: do you want to learn how to clean it? Would

1203
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:43,720
Speaker 1: you like to learn how to make a cup of tea?

1204
01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,200
Speaker 1: And we could learn your alphabets while we're sitting here,

1205
01:04:46,600 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 1: and you can write and you can clean up after yourself.

1206
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:52,680
Speaker 1: I have a million things that are gonna happen in

1207
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,960
Speaker 1: that time. And a man's like, hey, did nobody get hurt?

1208
01:04:56,600 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 1: And that's kind of how they see the world's road

1209
01:04:59,720 --> 01:05:03,640
Speaker 1: in a very broad macrossy men or macro women or

1210
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:07,680
Speaker 1: micro and it's you know, women who create like fine

1211
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:10,680
Speaker 1: detail and beauty. A man when you go to a

1212
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:12,960
Speaker 1: man's house, he is like a TV and a sopha

1213
01:05:13,760 --> 01:05:16,600
Speaker 1: one pillow on a towel. I know some women like

1214
01:05:16,640 --> 01:05:20,680
Speaker 1: that though too. You know that our macro and not micro. Yeah, yeah,

1215
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 1: I think that the design is to kind of merge

1216
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:27,320
Speaker 1: the two. But I like it when they have two

1217
01:05:27,360 --> 01:05:31,560
Speaker 1: different roles. That's just my personal preference. And it's also

1218
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,400
Speaker 1: like just because you can doesn't mean you have to.

1219
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:40,959
Speaker 1: So marriage, would you do it again? Absolutely? Like legally yeah,

1220
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:45,520
Speaker 1: even after divorce and everything. I only I don't I

1221
01:05:45,560 --> 01:05:48,640
Speaker 1: don't like I don't like dating. I would marry. I

1222
01:05:48,680 --> 01:05:52,439
Speaker 1: always only want to be married. So given the right

1223
01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,920
Speaker 1: circumstance and we can work it out the man i'm with,

1224
01:05:57,040 --> 01:05:59,160
Speaker 1: I'm always with a man that I want to be

1225
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:02,600
Speaker 1: married to, So can you work out the kinks to

1226
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,680
Speaker 1: get to that point? But I start off? That's thing one?

1227
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 1: Is there like a time limit or do you just

1228
01:06:08,760 --> 01:06:11,439
Speaker 1: know when you know? Like as far as like being

1229
01:06:11,440 --> 01:06:14,560
Speaker 1: with someone before, I think it's like a communication thing.

1230
01:06:14,840 --> 01:06:16,920
Speaker 1: I want to see. Can we work out a problem?

1231
01:06:17,040 --> 01:06:19,320
Speaker 1: I think in order to say how great something is,

1232
01:06:19,360 --> 01:06:21,560
Speaker 1: you have to see how the level of bad it

1233
01:06:21,640 --> 01:06:24,280
Speaker 1: can get? Like what does your mad look like? What

1234
01:06:24,320 --> 01:06:26,920
Speaker 1: does your angry look like? What does your hurt look like?

1235
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:30,120
Speaker 1: What happens when I if I hurt you or if

1236
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 1: I How ape are we to communicate and work out

1237
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:39,520
Speaker 1: untangle a problem we can't? How much are you're gonna

1238
01:06:39,520 --> 01:06:41,840
Speaker 1: hold on to? Are we friends? Do I feel like

1239
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:46,400
Speaker 1: you're my friend, because that's all these relationships are just friendships,

1240
01:06:46,760 --> 01:06:49,520
Speaker 1: even with your mom. Once you don't need your mom

1241
01:06:49,640 --> 01:06:52,880
Speaker 1: to kind of show you and rear you in that way,

1242
01:06:53,200 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 1: it becomes a relationship of choice. You are with your

1243
01:06:56,200 --> 01:06:58,920
Speaker 1: mom not because you need her teaching you mom things,

1244
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:03,200
Speaker 1: but because she did a good job as being a mom.

1245
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:06,160
Speaker 1: So you continue that, but you choose that. You choose

1246
01:07:06,200 --> 01:07:08,320
Speaker 1: every time like, this is a friendship I want to have,

1247
01:07:08,880 --> 01:07:11,000
Speaker 1: So the same thing in marriage. I feel like it's

1248
01:07:12,040 --> 01:07:13,920
Speaker 1: more like who you make love to and who you

1249
01:07:13,960 --> 01:07:16,760
Speaker 1: wake up with every day. So once I get the

1250
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:19,400
Speaker 1: feeling of like like I wake up every day and

1251
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:22,640
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so happy you're here, and I go

1252
01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:24,959
Speaker 1: to sleep and I think, I'm so happy you're here.

1253
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:28,840
Speaker 1: So could I do that for another you know? Could

1254
01:07:28,840 --> 01:07:31,160
Speaker 1: I commit to doing that waking up and trying to

1255
01:07:31,280 --> 01:07:34,240
Speaker 1: do that every day for a long time. That's what

1256
01:07:34,280 --> 01:07:40,560
Speaker 1: I'm looking for, beautiful. Oh, hopefully I'll find that one day.

1257
01:07:41,400 --> 01:07:44,600
Speaker 1: We well, I think you can if you like, make

1258
01:07:44,680 --> 01:07:48,560
Speaker 1: the other pit stops along the way it gets in

1259
01:07:48,600 --> 01:07:52,240
Speaker 1: the way. You just have to, you know, I always

1260
01:07:52,280 --> 01:07:55,760
Speaker 1: say it's like eating, Like I don't ever I eat

1261
01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:59,040
Speaker 1: what I eat. Right, So some things aren't food for me.

1262
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:01,240
Speaker 1: So when I hear people, well all they had was

1263
01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:09,120
Speaker 1: burger king, that would never be my story for three days. Right,

1264
01:08:09,200 --> 01:08:11,320
Speaker 1: that's not even food for me. That's not even in

1265
01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:15,479
Speaker 1: my realm of an option. So if you go, well,

1266
01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:18,800
Speaker 1: it's only these piece of shit ass niggas. So I'm

1267
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:22,120
Speaker 1: just gonna know, you can change them. You can change them.

1268
01:08:22,120 --> 01:08:26,640
Speaker 1: We have the ability to inspire that. It's not a

1269
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:29,040
Speaker 1: heavy hand. It's not like I'm gonna sit here and

1270
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:32,400
Speaker 1: change you, because that's not fun for anybody. But they

1271
01:08:32,479 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 1: will change. Right now, he is something else, But he's

1272
01:08:38,479 --> 01:08:42,080
Speaker 1: changed not because I had some heavy hand and a whip,

1273
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:46,040
Speaker 1: like you don't change. It wasn't that at all. It's

1274
01:08:46,120 --> 01:08:50,000
Speaker 1: just like you know, constantly saying like what's the right

1275
01:08:50,000 --> 01:08:52,920
Speaker 1: thing to do? What is the right thing? And right

1276
01:08:53,080 --> 01:08:59,360
Speaker 1: is really like estimation of effort. Like if I go

1277
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:01,920
Speaker 1: to push the door open and I pushed too hard

1278
01:09:02,360 --> 01:09:06,120
Speaker 1: and it breaks the glass, then that was too much effort.

1279
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:08,320
Speaker 1: If I pushed the door and it doesn't open enough

1280
01:09:08,320 --> 01:09:11,080
Speaker 1: for me to walk out, that wasn't enough effort. So

1281
01:09:11,200 --> 01:09:14,040
Speaker 1: which is right and wrong? Is you know, compared to

1282
01:09:14,080 --> 01:09:16,800
Speaker 1: the situation. Right, I'm not gonna sit here and say

1283
01:09:16,840 --> 01:09:19,719
Speaker 1: cake isn't bad. If all you eat is spinich, cake

1284
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:25,600
Speaker 1: is great. So you know, it's just constantly asking the

1285
01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:28,320
Speaker 1: other person where you have to say. Sometimes I have

1286
01:09:28,360 --> 01:09:31,160
Speaker 1: to say, look, I'm not being your girlfriend right now,

1287
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:34,200
Speaker 1: I'm being your friend, So talk to me like your friend,

1288
01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:36,880
Speaker 1: like you do the homies, like you do your friend.

1289
01:09:37,520 --> 01:09:40,040
Speaker 1: And then the other times I'm like, no, it's your

1290
01:09:40,040 --> 01:09:42,640
Speaker 1: fucking wife speaking right now, you know. And it's just

1291
01:09:42,680 --> 01:09:47,000
Speaker 1: different hats that you have to wear in any relationship,

1292
01:09:47,360 --> 01:09:50,960
Speaker 1: even with my own children, I have to say, oh,

1293
01:09:51,040 --> 01:09:54,080
Speaker 1: I'm telling you this as a friend, and then there

1294
01:09:54,080 --> 01:09:56,759
Speaker 1: are other things I'm saying as your mother. I'm telling

1295
01:09:56,800 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 1: you this, So I think it's the same thing. You

1296
01:10:01,320 --> 01:10:04,599
Speaker 1: just have to not you know. The other stuff sounds

1297
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:08,080
Speaker 1: like enticing, but you can. I always say that I

1298
01:10:08,080 --> 01:10:10,519
Speaker 1: would do most of my dating on the phone because

1299
01:10:10,520 --> 01:10:12,559
Speaker 1: I'd be like, see each other, what do you mean?

1300
01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:15,200
Speaker 1: See each other? Like we have about two more months

1301
01:10:15,280 --> 01:10:19,519
Speaker 1: where the phone calls, because I feel like once they

1302
01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:22,680
Speaker 1: see you, it's now clamoring for sex. Now you just

1303
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,400
Speaker 1: want to get in the bed, like I don't. I'm

1304
01:10:25,439 --> 01:10:28,200
Speaker 1: not here to prove to you that the poem is good.

1305
01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:34,479
Speaker 1: It is God made it that way is good. Just

1306
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:40,479
Speaker 1: imagine whatever you imagine, it probably is as fire. Really,

1307
01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:43,680
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, you don't have to go right. You

1308
01:10:43,720 --> 01:10:46,840
Speaker 1: have five kids out of it, but it's just basically

1309
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:50,479
Speaker 1: it's all the same and it's good. So once we're

1310
01:10:50,640 --> 01:10:54,800
Speaker 1: past proving that point, then you know, sometimes you just

1311
01:10:54,800 --> 01:10:59,040
Speaker 1: want to have some conversation like how, you know, how

1312
01:10:59,360 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 1: what does the comversation like? What is the person's mind?

1313
01:11:02,520 --> 01:11:12,240
Speaker 1: Like what happened? No? Okay? Is it videoing or no? Yeah? Okay? Yeah.

1314
01:11:12,320 --> 01:11:15,040
Speaker 1: So I could see myself being married again, I can't.

1315
01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:17,679
Speaker 1: The other piece of it, too, is I can't see

1316
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:21,960
Speaker 1: myself being Tawny's age and not married like that is

1317
01:11:22,000 --> 01:11:25,679
Speaker 1: not my story, her grandmother's angel and not being married.

1318
01:11:26,240 --> 01:11:29,640
Speaker 1: I haven't. And what I find is all these amazing

1319
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:35,439
Speaker 1: independent women are lonely as fuck. They are so that

1320
01:11:35,560 --> 01:11:38,800
Speaker 1: it's like having everything and nothing. And I just spent

1321
01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:41,960
Speaker 1: some time with my ninety eight year old aunt and

1322
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:44,960
Speaker 1: she said to me, we saw a couple in the

1323
01:11:45,040 --> 01:11:46,920
Speaker 1: husband's help and the wife and she goes, I always

1324
01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:50,080
Speaker 1: thought I was gonna have that, And I said, what like,

1325
01:11:50,160 --> 01:11:52,600
Speaker 1: you're queen independent. I could do it by myself, do

1326
01:11:52,640 --> 01:11:55,360
Speaker 1: it for myself everything, Like, what are you talking about

1327
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:57,920
Speaker 1: she goes marriage? I always thought, I said, when when's

1328
01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:01,200
Speaker 1: the last time you're in love? She fucking said when

1329
01:12:01,240 --> 01:12:06,320
Speaker 1: I was thirty five sixty eight about being fucking in love?

1330
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,720
Speaker 1: And you thought that was your story. But I see

1331
01:12:08,720 --> 01:12:10,760
Speaker 1: it all the time. I see women get pickier and

1332
01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:14,080
Speaker 1: pickier and pick here instead of just finding someone, you

1333
01:12:14,160 --> 01:12:17,080
Speaker 1: fucking like, they gotta have this, they gotta have that,

1334
01:12:17,120 --> 01:12:20,839
Speaker 1: they gotta know, find someone who's a good fucking person

1335
01:12:21,120 --> 01:12:22,240
Speaker 1: who you're nuts about.

1336
01:12:23,080 --> 01:12:25,120
Speaker 5: So you think women are getting pickier, You think women

1337
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:28,599
Speaker 5: need to be less picky?

1338
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:33,120
Speaker 1: I mean, or like, is it the justifies the mean?

1339
01:12:33,280 --> 01:12:34,840
Speaker 1: Is it working for you right?

1340
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:37,559
Speaker 5: No, Know that if you have to try too hard

1341
01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:40,200
Speaker 5: to get them to come to your level, then it's

1342
01:12:40,240 --> 01:12:40,680
Speaker 5: not worth it.

1343
01:12:40,760 --> 01:12:43,040
Speaker 1: But also know that there is you have is someone

1344
01:12:43,560 --> 01:12:47,000
Speaker 1: is someone workable, Like we're not all women are showing

1345
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:49,880
Speaker 1: up to the table perfect without our ship. Like, focus

1346
01:12:49,920 --> 01:12:52,840
Speaker 1: on getting your own shit together. Once you change your

1347
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:55,800
Speaker 1: whole environment, you change, and you'll change. We have the

1348
01:12:55,840 --> 01:12:59,360
Speaker 1: power to change the world around us. So keep getting

1349
01:12:59,360 --> 01:13:01,599
Speaker 1: your shit together. How would your How would your kids

1350
01:13:01,600 --> 01:13:03,560
Speaker 1: feel if you got married? What do you think? I

1351
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:06,360
Speaker 1: don't think they care the care I think I just

1352
01:13:06,439 --> 01:13:09,920
Speaker 1: know that sometimes it's like it's it's kind of burdensome

1353
01:13:09,960 --> 01:13:12,320
Speaker 1: to have a parent that's not this just out there

1354
01:13:12,360 --> 01:13:15,160
Speaker 1: on their own and not you know, like, oh, what

1355
01:13:15,240 --> 01:13:19,200
Speaker 1: is she gonna do for labor Day? What I'm gonna

1356
01:13:19,240 --> 01:13:27,240
Speaker 1: be that bitch? Let's take her plate, see if she

1357
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:29,320
Speaker 1: wants to come. Like, I'm not trying to try to

1358
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:32,639
Speaker 1: have my own life, like I still have a whole life.

1359
01:13:32,680 --> 01:13:35,080
Speaker 1: I want that for them. I want that. I don't

1360
01:13:35,080 --> 01:13:38,520
Speaker 1: want to worry about them as a mom. I'm like, okay,

1361
01:13:38,800 --> 01:13:41,800
Speaker 1: like I love when they're enthusiastic and in love and

1362
01:13:41,920 --> 01:13:47,200
Speaker 1: with someone, So I don't think they I kind of

1363
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:49,559
Speaker 1: low key don't even care what you know, much's grown.

1364
01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:52,439
Speaker 1: I don't care what they think about if I get

1365
01:13:52,479 --> 01:13:54,360
Speaker 1: married or not. Do they How do I feel abou

1366
01:13:54,360 --> 01:13:56,760
Speaker 1: your partner? Now? Do they like him? Yeah? But they

1367
01:13:56,760 --> 01:13:58,760
Speaker 1: don't have to. I don't need any want to else

1368
01:13:58,800 --> 01:14:00,920
Speaker 1: to like them, Like I need him to be like

1369
01:14:01,120 --> 01:14:04,160
Speaker 1: kind and polite to you know, Yeah, but not in

1370
01:14:04,200 --> 01:14:07,439
Speaker 1: the house that right now? Yeah, isn't that the.

1371
01:14:07,400 --> 01:14:10,120
Speaker 2: Whole family thing like having that I mean the family dynamic.

1372
01:14:10,240 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 2: Is that only including you and your partner or does

1373
01:14:11,960 --> 01:14:12,800
Speaker 2: that include your kids?

1374
01:14:13,040 --> 01:14:17,720
Speaker 1: You well, it's kind of ther merging of those things together.

1375
01:14:17,560 --> 01:14:22,320
Speaker 2: In a happy re and genuinely like interacting in a

1376
01:14:22,320 --> 01:14:23,000
Speaker 2: genuine way.

1377
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:27,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I'm not that's like churchary to my primary Like,

1378
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:31,160
Speaker 1: if I choose this man, my children's feelings are like

1379
01:14:31,280 --> 01:14:33,880
Speaker 1: way down the road because they are grown up and

1380
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:37,920
Speaker 1: unless they were like, we just think he's a piece

1381
01:14:37,920 --> 01:14:40,320
Speaker 1: of ship, and I would know that, right. He's a

1382
01:14:40,360 --> 01:14:42,679
Speaker 1: piece of ship and needs a worst needs a liar,

1383
01:14:42,720 --> 01:14:45,639
Speaker 1: and needs a you know which, he's none of those things.

1384
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:49,920
Speaker 1: He's kind of polite and mannerable. That's it. That's all

1385
01:14:49,960 --> 01:14:52,639
Speaker 1: I need him to be with them. I'm not trying

1386
01:14:52,680 --> 01:14:55,880
Speaker 1: to have someone raise them or influence them or anything.

1387
01:14:57,080 --> 01:14:59,360
Speaker 1: It's like I also and from my children, I also

1388
01:14:59,439 --> 01:15:02,200
Speaker 1: want them to have a regard for the fact that

1389
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:09,040
Speaker 1: I'm happy, Like that's not you know, that's not a delusion, right,

1390
01:15:09,160 --> 01:15:12,000
Speaker 1: My happiness is important and it may not be what

1391
01:15:12,040 --> 01:15:14,160
Speaker 1: they want from you or I mean, I don't have

1392
01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:16,040
Speaker 1: that with my kids where they're like, we want this

1393
01:15:16,120 --> 01:15:18,519
Speaker 1: for you now. When my kids are kind of that,

1394
01:15:18,680 --> 01:15:22,400
Speaker 1: you know, millennial generation or whatever comes after millennial, where

1395
01:15:22,400 --> 01:15:26,920
Speaker 1: they're like, do you like, are you happy? Does it

1396
01:15:27,000 --> 01:15:31,439
Speaker 1: make you happy? Then go for it. So that's not

1397
01:15:31,479 --> 01:15:34,520
Speaker 1: really like a factor in it. But I will say

1398
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:41,400
Speaker 1: that a woman has more power to inspire a man

1399
01:15:42,160 --> 01:15:45,760
Speaker 1: than and it's not so much change him. It's a

1400
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:49,160
Speaker 1: very like I said, it's a very light touch. This

1401
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:53,479
Speaker 1: man that I'm with now, he is just a very

1402
01:15:53,479 --> 01:15:55,720
Speaker 1: different person because he also was in a space where

1403
01:15:55,760 --> 01:16:00,200
Speaker 1: he just wanted better for himself. So a person will

1404
01:16:00,240 --> 01:16:02,960
Speaker 1: observe life and see what they want for themselves and

1405
01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:05,320
Speaker 1: go after it. You just have to sit there and

1406
01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:07,840
Speaker 1: be a good example. That's also what good parenting is.

1407
01:16:08,400 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 1: Good parenting a lot of times is like you want

1408
01:16:11,439 --> 01:16:13,720
Speaker 1: to tell them, tell I find that the telling them,

1409
01:16:13,840 --> 01:16:17,599
Speaker 1: telling them, beating them over the head with it doesn't work.

1410
01:16:17,880 --> 01:16:22,160
Speaker 1: If ever, I want my teenager and adult children to

1411
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:26,000
Speaker 1: do anything, I just didn't have an atomic conversation with you,

1412
01:16:26,040 --> 01:16:28,960
Speaker 1: And I know they're within earshot, and they pick and

1413
01:16:29,040 --> 01:16:33,040
Speaker 1: choose what works. O conversation conversation with you about it

1414
01:16:33,400 --> 01:16:36,559
Speaker 1: about how I feel about certain things and what kind

1415
01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:40,280
Speaker 1: of works. But to you, they're within earshot, and they're

1416
01:16:40,400 --> 01:16:44,120
Speaker 1: selecting their own their own ideas, and you have to

1417
01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:48,680
Speaker 1: just like hold your stomach and bite your lit and

1418
01:16:48,760 --> 01:16:51,840
Speaker 1: let them fall. Sometimes. That's one of the chapters in

1419
01:16:51,880 --> 01:16:54,880
Speaker 1: my book, the Lessons in the Fall. Sometimes you got

1420
01:16:54,880 --> 01:16:58,160
Speaker 1: to allow them a lot of times, it's not you

1421
01:16:58,920 --> 01:17:03,760
Speaker 1: saying the thing over and over you go, fall? Can

1422
01:17:03,800 --> 01:17:05,680
Speaker 1: I help you with that? Do you need anything? Do

1423
01:17:05,720 --> 01:17:12,200
Speaker 1: you like? That's what the lesson is? So cool? I'm

1424
01:17:12,240 --> 01:17:20,639
Speaker 1: going to take all that advice very She's just.

1425
01:17:20,800 --> 01:17:27,479
Speaker 2: A yeah, yes, I start calling her that.

1426
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:33,680
Speaker 1: I'm telling you, got to look it up something incredible.

1427
01:17:33,840 --> 01:17:37,080
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Well, thank you for coming on, Thank

1428
01:17:37,120 --> 01:17:40,240
Speaker 1: you for having me. I feel like I just talked NonStop.

1429
01:17:40,400 --> 01:17:42,720
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, who is that much to say that

1430
01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:47,120
Speaker 1: much opinion about anything? Did I answer everything? We covered health,

1431
01:17:47,240 --> 01:17:49,160
Speaker 1: We talked about health.

1432
01:17:48,880 --> 01:17:55,040
Speaker 5: And men and lombirds, pregnancy, parents, parenting, open.

1433
01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:56,560
Speaker 4: Relationship, no, open relationship.

1434
01:17:56,720 --> 01:18:02,960
Speaker 1: Yeah for coming. Shoot, Okay, well we will see you

1435
01:18:02,960 --> 01:18:05,840
Speaker 1: guys next Wednesday. I'll make her follow up next the

1436
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:08,599
Speaker 1: one at been Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.

1437
01:18:09,360 --> 01:18:12,960
Speaker 2: You can follow Daphne at daphn your names and have

1438
01:18:13,400 --> 01:18:15,320
Speaker 2: amazing Apple boom.

1439
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:18,000
Speaker 1: You gotta put me on Patina apple boomb.

1440
01:18:18,200 --> 01:18:20,800
Speaker 3: You got to put me on Patina apple. Poma said,

1441
01:18:20,800 --> 01:18:23,760
Speaker 3: you got put me on Panina apple boomb. You guys

1442
01:18:23,800 --> 01:18:26,800
Speaker 3: plot me on banita Applebama said, you gotta put me

1443
01:18:26,880 --> 01:18:30,639
Speaker 3: on Panina apple boom. You guys put me on banina apple.

1444
01:18:30,680 --> 01:18:33,599
Speaker 3: Boma said, you guys put me on Patina apple boomb.

1445
01:18:33,840 --> 01:18:36,840
Speaker 3: You guys put me on beanita banita