WEBVTT - “I’M HAVING AN AFFAIR” 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:04.040 Hey, folks, My Therapy Gecko Live Show Tour is starting 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:08.760 very soon with shows in San Diego, Los Angeles, all 0:00:08.760 --> 0:00:13.000 over the Pacific Northwest and all over the country, the 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:17.360 Country of America and like three cities in Canada. You 0:00:17.360 --> 0:00:20.160 can look at all of the cities that are available 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:24.479 and get tickets right now at therapy geckotour dot com 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:28.160 or check the link in the episode description. These shows 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:31.840 will be a combination of group gecko therapy sessions with 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:35.159 the audience. Plus I've got stories of my own that 0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:38.879 I will be telling from my travels across the universe 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:42.040 interviewing people as a gecko. The shows are always a 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:44.479 great time. If you like the podcast, you're gonna love 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.440 the live show. And if you bring friends who have 0:00:47.520 --> 0:00:50.360 no idea who I am, the show is set up 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:53.320 so that they will probably like it too. Go to 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:56.520 therapy geckotour dot com or check the link in the 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:59.360 episode description to get tickets right now. I hope to 0:00:59.360 --> 0:01:03.000 see you guys. And with that said, let's get into 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:04.120 the episode. 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:08.320 Hello. 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:13.679 Hello, is this a therapy Gecko? This is the therapy Gecko? 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:14.240 Who is this? 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:15.360 Hi? 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:16.160 When he is Lily? 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:19.520 Lily, what's going on? Lily, what's happening. 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:25.600 I'm kind of in a predicament to say the least. 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:28.960 You're in a predicament to say the least, do you. 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:31.800 I assume that you called me so that we could 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:38.360 talk about this predicament. Yes, predict me. Hit me with 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:44.479 the predict, Hit me with the predict immense. Okay, So. 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:54.960 I've been married to my current partner for about I 0:01:55.000 --> 0:02:00.840 would say about three years. Well, we've been on and 0:02:00.880 --> 0:02:03.920 off for three years. We were dating and then we 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:10.440 just got married about a year ago. My ex kind 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:13.320 of came back into my life, but it's been there 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:19.120 throughout the three years. And he is also married during 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:20.280 this entire time. 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:25.440 Okay, and. 0:02:27.080 --> 0:02:32.959 Me and him have been off and on, like pretty 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:36.359 often on let's just say that, and we both decided 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:40.920 to kind of move on with our life and we 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:45.920 got married to separate partners. Now, I didn't think I 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:50.680 would hear from him again, and it kind of started 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:53.680 to pick up, and I was like, oh, we're just 0:02:53.680 --> 0:02:56.000 picking up where we left off, I guess, And he's like, yeah, 0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.240 I'm not really happy in my marriage. Are you happy 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:02.680 in your marriage? And I'm like yes, and no, I 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:09.799 mean my partner cheated on me too, so it's kind 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:12.919 of like not like revenge, but I kind of feel 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:13.400 like it is. 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:18.480 Okay, I have multiple questions, but it says you're It 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:23.400 says you're in Japan seeing an a fair partner and 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:27.000 he's been ignoring me. So now I am bumming it 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:28.519 out in an airbnb. 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:35.520 Okay, I was in Japan a while back ago, like 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:40.360 that was almost like three months ago. Yes, that's the 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:41.160 same person. 0:03:43.280 --> 0:03:48.720 Okay. Are they Japanese? 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:49.280 Yes? 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:54.800 Okay, So let me get this situation correct. So you've 0:03:54.840 --> 0:04:02.480 been married for three years. Yes, your husband cheated on you, Yes, 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:09.840 you forgave him m hm. And now your ex boyfriend 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:18.520 is coming back and you're having an affair with your 0:04:18.520 --> 0:04:22.920 ex boyfriend on your husband. The ex boyfriend is also 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:31.880 having an affair on his wife. Yes, okay, where are 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:32.640 you right now? 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:39.200 I'm in Illinois? 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:48.440 Okay, where's your husband? He is currently deployed. Okay. Do 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:51.920 you guys have kids together? No? 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:52.480 We don't. 0:04:53.839 --> 0:05:03.680 Why Uh, if you you're not happy in your marriage 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.840 and you don't have kids together and there's another person 0:05:07.839 --> 0:05:12.480 you want to be with, why are you still in 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:13.719 this marriage? 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.200 Because I feel like I have to be like an 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:25.880 obligation because my family is so strict. What I don't 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:30.240 know how i'llso explain it, Like they just they feel 0:05:30.240 --> 0:05:33.000 like if you marry one person, you should be stuck 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:33.640 with that person. 0:05:36.800 --> 0:05:37.479 How old are you. 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:40.960 Seven? 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:46.520 Did your family arrange this marriage? 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:52.200 No? But they love him to death? Okay, And I 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:54.520 feel like I'm going to be like a disappointment and 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:57.800 like let my family down if they find this out. 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:13.479 What's your name, Lily? All right, I'll break here's the few, Okay. So, like, 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:24.200 if you're unhappy in your marriage, you really kind of 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:29.159 have two options, and especially you don't have kids. It's like, 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:31.279 especially if you don't have kids. Man, I mean like 0:06:32.279 --> 0:06:36.320 if you're unhappy in your marriage, like it's either like 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:40.440 you gotta try to work it out, but you don't 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.800 sound like you even like it like that, Like but 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:45.000 this is you only really you only really want to 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.279 work it out if you like like this guy, but 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:52.680 you don't even like you didn't even like this guy. 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.440 It was it was there before, but I feel like 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.240 some of the things that he did, like cheat on 0:06:59.320 --> 0:07:03.400 me and do other stuff behind my back, it kind 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:07.279 of deteriorated over time. And then I asked about like 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:11.320 therapy and maybe we should consult somebody, and she's a 0:07:11.400 --> 0:07:17.480 type to never want to do that, so it kind 0:07:17.480 --> 0:07:21.679 of just bothered me from that point on, and instead 0:07:21.720 --> 0:07:24.320 of like talking to somebody, I ended up talking to 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:27.640 my ex about it, and that's where I think things 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:28.240 were kind of went. 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:32.080 Solf, why are you? Why are you in this marriage 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:37.520 with a part? There's no there's no reason for you 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:40.600 to be in this marriage. You don't like this guy, 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:45.280 you don't have kids that you're staying together for, Like 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:48.160 what are you? Literally are are you being serious that 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.920 you're literally only doing this because you don't want to 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:52.440 disappoint your parents. 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:59.480 Pretty much like they paid for everything they paid for, 0:07:59.600 --> 0:08:04.400 like the bey paid for, like the move because we 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:07.320 move states. They like, I just don't want to let 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:09.720 my family down, and I feel like I'd be a 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:14.400 disappointment because the rest of my family is a reach together. 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:18.840 Listen. Listen, listen, I listen on this podcast. Listen. I 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:22.840 hate uh listen. I really try as hard as possible 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:25.520 to not make this like a direct advice podcast, and 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:27.720 just like I'm like chatting with people, but this is 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.320 just this is an open and shut case right now. 0:08:30.880 --> 0:08:33.720 It's just this is like an open and shut case. 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:37.679 There is no reason whatsoever at all for you to 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:41.920 be in this marriage, like like you're not you're not 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:45.679 even doing a thing of like, oh, the feelings are 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:49.360 complicated and sometimes it's like this, and sometimes it's like that, 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:51.640 and I just can't get try, like we're not even 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:55.800 getting that, Like you don't like this person at all, 0:08:56.120 --> 0:08:59.120 You have no desire to make it work or be 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:02.440 with them? What what are you doing? 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:02.800 Just what? 0:09:03.040 --> 0:09:07.000 Like why are you in this marriage? This is? This 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:10.439 is this is this is crazy. Who gives your who 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:14.680 gives a fuck what your parents think? 0:09:14.840 --> 0:09:15.120 This is? 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:19.599 That's that's I listen, I'm I'm ill, i'll I'm on 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:23.440 a level with you. You must have been raised in 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:28.480 like uh uh for you to be feeling this way. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:31.079 You there must have been something going on with your 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:34.079 parents where like they conditioned you to feel this way 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.560 or something like that, because this is this is wild, 0:09:37.600 --> 0:09:43.199 Like do you like you don't like this guy at all? 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:45.360 There's no there's no reason for you to be in 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:53.080 this marriage. Yeah, it's it's hard. What okay, tell all right, okay, listen, 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:57.600 let's what all right, let's get into the parents thing, 0:09:57.679 --> 0:10:03.840 because listen from my perspe active it's it's ridiculous, but clearly, 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:10.960 clearly it has an emotional hold on you. So we 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:12.840 can get into it if you want to, Like why, 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:16.920 what's going on with your parents? 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:19.760 I kind of just grew up where it's like really strict, 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:26.360 really like Catholic family, to say the least. My mom 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:30.080 was kind of abusive a little bit towards me, and 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:33.240 I would always have to do stuff like to please 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:36.920 a guy if that made sense, okay, Like anything I 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:40.000 had to do, it had to be like, oh, you 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:41.840 have to actually put makeup on, you have to actually 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:45.440 try when you go out. You can't look like basically crap. 0:10:46.880 --> 0:10:49.640 And it was always like for male gates, like never 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:54.720 for my own, you know. And if it wasn't, like 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:56.600 if I would never get dressed up, she would always 0:10:56.640 --> 0:11:00.320 kind of put me down. So I feel like with 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:02.880 going into the marriage, like I feel like I was 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:07.760 doing everything to be perfect for somebody that I really 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.480 I thought I cared for, and then it kind of 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:13.560 fell apart. 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:19.880 Okay, that's fine, by the way, you know, Like that's fine, 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:22.839 like if you go into a thing with someone and 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:25.160 you thought that you can I mean, especially if you 0:11:25.200 --> 0:11:27.160 don't have kids, right, and especially if you're not like 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:31.640 in like some I get that some people are in 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:35.960 like kind of these crazy scenarios with like uh, like 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.560 you know whatever, like the kids are involved, or like 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:44.000 significant like financial discrepancies are involved, or like there's like 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:49.960 whatever logistical difficulties involved in like leaving a relationship, Like 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:54.800 I like, I get that those things can be difficult, 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:58.040 but in this situation, like or is anything like that 0:11:59.000 --> 0:12:02.439 in this situation that is preventing you from leaving this marriage? 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:09.640 I would say financials too. Financials and then moving. I 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.200 picked up a lot when I decided to marry this person, 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:18.240 and I picked up my entire life to be with them. 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:24.680 And then when they hurt me that way, it definitely 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:28.640 shifted my mindset because I left my job and I 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:33.480 was making somewhat decent money. I was working for the 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:39.800 government at this time, and I was making pretty good 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:44.640 and he wasn't doing too much because he was injured. 0:12:46.600 --> 0:12:49.000 So I felt like I was providing all the money 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:52.240 everything into it, and I feel bad like if I 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:55.440 was just going to pull the rug out too and 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:59.040 all the money that I saved up, you know, and 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.120 be like hey, like you're on your own, Like I 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:03.200 can't do that to somebody to you know. 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:05.160 What on your what you wait, your husband? You said, 0:13:05.160 --> 0:13:06.280 your husband's on his own. 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:13.080 Yeah, he was injured, okay, related accident. 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:20.240 But he's deployed. Now he's your husband's employed, yes, currently, Okay, 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:22.520 so your husband's currently deploy your your husband has a 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:30.600 career with the military. No, no, yeah, okay, so it's 0:13:30.640 --> 0:13:32.520 not even like again, I'm like trying to find and 0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:34.640 I'm like literally trying to find anything like I like 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:40.079 that of like it's not like your like even it's 0:13:40.080 --> 0:13:42.600 not even a thing of like like a financial provider, 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:44.720 and like what are they gonna do without me? Like 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:46.120 your husband's employed. 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.280 So you think that to leave? 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.480 Well yeah, I'm no, I'm like he's the thing I 0:13:56.600 --> 0:14:04.280 like U for for for whatever, Like I like, I 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:09.720 understand like the various emotions and difficulties in life that 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.400 cause people to do things or stay in relationships they 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:14.440 shouldn't be in or whatever. Like I understand that, And 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:19.760 I'm really like trying to like search in your situation 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:24.520 for anything remotely that is that. But if the only 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.240 thing that you're bringing up is that you don't want 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:39.000 to disappoint your parents. It's feeling it's feeling open and shut. Okay, 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:40.800 do you know that, right? 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:42.000 Do you? Like? 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:44.840 I don't. What is the benefit of that? 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:46.000 Yeah? 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.520 Yeah? What is the benefit to you of staying in this? 0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:50.320 Like? 0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:52.480 Like, I can't I can't even make a pros and 0:14:52.520 --> 0:14:54.840 consolest with you, Like I can't name a single pro. 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:00.520 I guess to go back home. I feel like that's 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:01.000 the pro. 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.280 You get to go back home if you don't divorce 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:08.600 your Like, what's the pro of not what is the 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:12.000 advantage of What is the advantage of being in this? 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:13.240 Like? 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:17.160 What is the blockade of leaving this marriage with this 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:18.400 person that you don't like? 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.000 I just think it's it's something that I built for 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:29.400 a little bit, but it was built on I guess, 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:36.480 mistrust and two different things. So I guess nothing. You're right. 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:40.720 I mean, there's really nothing holding me back, and I 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.280 feel like my family has to be they have to 0:15:43.280 --> 0:15:47.040 come to terms to it, Like eventually, is that I. 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:51.480 Genuinely want to know? Is that the main issue that 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:51.840 you have? 0:15:55.920 --> 0:15:59.800 I think? So that's all I can really list. I 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:03.640 did care about him, but we both done things, like 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:06.240 I said, to hurt each other. And I feel like 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:11.560 it's just not there. I just didn't want to disappoint 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.240 my family, but it's like they. 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:16.040 Have to get over it. You know, does he even 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:19.480 I mean I'm looking for anything, like does he is 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:22.200 it even a thing of like he really likes you 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:23.560 and wants to make it work. 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:34.880 Yeah, I mean he was before he left. Yeah, I 0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:38.120 could say that he put an effort, but I feel 0:16:38.120 --> 0:16:40.520 like it was like guilt, you know what I'm saying, 0:16:40.560 --> 0:16:43.600 Like when somebody goes out of their way to do 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.640 stuff when they did you dirty, like they hurt you. 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:50.960 That's what I kind of got out of that. Like 0:16:51.040 --> 0:16:54.640 after I found out, it went all downhill and he 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:58.240 would try to do anything to stay with me, but 0:16:58.360 --> 0:17:00.320 I felt like everything he was doing was just like 0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.800 a facade, like it wasn't real at all to me. 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:15.440 M Yeah, listen, what's your name again, Lily? Lily? Well, 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:17.440 literally listen. You should talk to a real therapist about 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:21.000 all this stuff going on with your family. But if 0:17:21.040 --> 0:17:25.440 you did want Gecko therapy perspective, I mean your family 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:30.359 like like dude, like I mean, I mean, you're twenty seven, 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:34.200 but I mean, like I know, like what the whole 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:37.480 thing of like I'll disappoint your your family. It's like, dude, 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:43.199 fuck them, what the fuck? Like that's like I don't like, 0:17:43.240 --> 0:17:48.679 that's ridiculous. You know, it's totally ridiculous to like stay 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:50.679 in a marriage that you don't want to be, Like, 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:56.480 what the fuck does your family have to do with 0:17:56.800 --> 0:18:00.240 like you staying in an unhappy marriage? For Lily, there's 0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:09.840 really no reason, like like let them suck it up. Okay, 0:18:10.160 --> 0:18:10.439 do you know? 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:11.720 Do you do? 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:12.280 You do? 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:12.760 You do? 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:16.080 You do? You see why? That's I don't want to 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:20.760 discount it because clearly this is like again it's from 0:18:20.760 --> 0:18:23.280 my perspective it's ridiculous, but clearly from your perspective, it's 0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.480 a big thing, and I want to I want to 0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:26.480 understand why. 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.920 Like I said, I just think the way I grew 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:38.080 up is just a lot of disappointment if I do 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.080 certain things that aren't in the like the right eyes 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:40.880 of my family. 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:42.440 I e. 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:44.600 Like, they paid for a wedding and then I turn 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:48.440 around and get divorced three years later. It's like why 0:18:48.440 --> 0:18:49.480 do they even pay for it? 0:18:49.600 --> 0:18:54.280 You know, like yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, but you know what, 0:18:54.480 --> 0:18:57.600 you know what, fuck them because you know what, you 0:18:57.640 --> 0:19:01.800 don't pay for your fucking daughter wedding. You pay for 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:08.160 your daughters, like like, okay, you have to fuck them. 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:12.119 And here's why, because listen, it was listen, it was 0:19:12.320 --> 0:19:15.960 nice of your parents to pay for your wedding. This 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:17.399 is my but this is really what I believe. This 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:18.760 is what what I what I want you to believe 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:22.720 to Listen, it was nice of your parents to pay 0:19:22.760 --> 0:19:25.480 for your wedding. And if your parents are going to 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:27.800 do some ship like that, if they're gonna pay for 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:31.680 your wedding, they should be doing it because they love 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:34.160 you and they want to help you out and they 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:37.640 want to pay for the wedding. They're not doing it 0:19:37.800 --> 0:19:40.360 because it's not You're not in a business deal with them. 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:43.200 You didn't they're they're not making you sign a contract. 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:46.240 We're paying for your wedding so you can never get 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:52.280 divorced even if you're unhappy. Like that's completely insane, right, 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:59.920 like you know what I yeah, yes, yeah, no, yes, 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:02.119 how I'm know how I'm describing it. If that's how 0:20:02.119 --> 0:20:08.320 they act, that's their fucking problem. That is not your problem, Lily, 0:20:08.440 --> 0:20:13.480 that is not your problem. That's a fucking insane mentality 0:20:14.080 --> 0:20:18.760 to have. I'm deeply sorry for you, Lily. I'm very 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:21.239 sorry that you have parents that have that kind of 0:20:21.359 --> 0:20:24.960 like insane mentality, But I want you to recognize if 0:20:25.000 --> 0:20:27.840 nobody else in your life is telling you this, that 0:20:27.840 --> 0:20:32.680 that's an insane mentality. It makes no fucking sense. It's 0:20:32.840 --> 0:20:36.960 like it's stupid. I'm sorry. Your parents are supposed to 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:43.159 be people who like have have some form of like 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.120 something that you can you can trust in and and 0:20:47.240 --> 0:20:50.159 look into. And I'm sorry that like they have that mentality, 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:51.960 but like, I just need you to realize, if nobody 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:54.200 else has told you this, that that is an insane mentality. 0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:56.600 Your parents should only pay for your wedding if they 0:20:57.000 --> 0:21:00.480 want to because they want to help you, not because 0:21:03.480 --> 0:21:06.000 it's a contract that you can never get the voice 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:09.200 if you're unhappy, that's fucking insane. And if your parents 0:21:09.680 --> 0:21:14.200 say some shit like that to you, to fuck them, Okay, 0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:17.199 Like that's just that's completely insane. I don't know if 0:21:17.200 --> 0:21:18.959 anyone else in your life has been telling you this, 0:21:19.400 --> 0:21:23.479 but like that's that's just insane. And I get it 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:26.040 you have a relation, Like I'm not I'm not your parents' daughter. 0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:28.760 I'm not dealing with the giant emotional brunt of it 0:21:28.800 --> 0:21:30.840 that you have to, but like just from an outside 0:21:30.840 --> 0:21:32.800 of perspective, like you, I just need you to know 0:21:32.880 --> 0:21:36.240 that that is an insane mentality for your parents to have. 0:21:36.920 --> 0:21:43.560 That you don't have to be responsible for their insane mentality, 0:21:43.600 --> 0:21:48.400 and you should feel free as a twenty seven year 0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:56.959 old adult woman to leave a marriage that's making you unhappy, 0:21:57.080 --> 0:21:59.359 not to stay in it because of what your parents 0:21:59.400 --> 0:22:05.800 will think, Like like, that's just completely insane. 0:22:06.000 --> 0:22:09.120 You have no clue, Like how much that just made 0:22:09.119 --> 0:22:12.760 me feel like ten times lighter. I'm not even kidding you. 0:22:13.359 --> 0:22:17.320 Every time I talk to somebody, they think anybody in 0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:20.480 my family thinks, oh well, I'm so ungrateful I'm this 0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:22.600 I'm not, And I'm like, it's not even that, it's 0:22:22.680 --> 0:22:26.160 just when your family acts like a debt collector instead 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:29.040 of actually being there for your daughter. 0:22:30.000 --> 0:22:31.080 No, that's insaney. 0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:34.560 Like I tried to talk to my mom too about it, 0:22:34.600 --> 0:22:37.360 and she's like, you have everything set up for you. 0:22:37.520 --> 0:22:40.280 Why are you acting so ungrateful? Like you're such a brat, 0:22:40.400 --> 0:22:42.879 Like you had a happy life, Like why are you 0:22:42.880 --> 0:22:44.679 gonna throw it away? And I'm like, okay, but if 0:22:44.680 --> 0:22:46.560 I'm not happy, what am I going to do, like. 0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:52.439 You know, there's a different like there's a difference, right, 0:22:52.520 --> 0:22:58.680 like in terms of like, but it's just for specific 0:22:58.760 --> 0:23:01.639 things like this, like your parents paying for your wedding, 0:23:02.200 --> 0:23:04.120 Like it's okay for you to get a fucking divorce, 0:23:04.960 --> 0:23:08.719 like it's your life like it like your parents like childhood. 0:23:09.000 --> 0:23:13.320 This childhood is not a thing, and you're like the 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.080 gifts that your parents give you, you're supposed to just do 0:23:17.160 --> 0:23:21.399 that shit because you want to, not because it's a 0:23:21.520 --> 0:23:25.840 fucking debt that you have to repay. Like that's insane. 0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:29.040 Like you bring a child into the fucking world and 0:23:29.080 --> 0:23:31.679 you want to help them do these things, but you 0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:36.119 don't do it as a way to like repay like 0:23:36.400 --> 0:23:39.240 your your parents can't act like fucking like debt collectors 0:23:39.240 --> 0:23:42.960 to you. That's fucking insane. 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:46.600 And every time something goes wrong in their life it 0:23:46.720 --> 0:23:50.480 always has to be because my job, Hey, can we 0:23:50.560 --> 0:23:51.280 borrow X. 0:23:51.359 --> 0:23:51.720 Y and Z? 0:23:52.720 --> 0:23:55.359 And I'm like, I should be able to tell you 0:23:55.400 --> 0:23:58.520 no without you getting mad at me or throwing back 0:23:58.520 --> 0:23:59.080 in my face. 0:23:59.400 --> 0:24:02.520 Yes, of course, yes, there could be no reception with 0:24:02.640 --> 0:24:06.919 how I'm feeling. Yes, yes, yes, please leave this marriage 0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:09.399 if you're not happy and and if you're not happy 0:24:09.400 --> 0:24:13.359 in this marriage and the only reason, Again, there's a 0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:16.960 lot of complicated reasons why people stay in relationships and 0:24:16.960 --> 0:24:20.000 whatnot if the only one is that you're afraid of 0:24:20.000 --> 0:24:25.840 disappointing your parents, Please like reconcile that it's completely insane. 0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:30.640 Okay, I definitely will. I'm like, I'm sorry I called 0:24:30.680 --> 0:24:34.000 in about something else, but I feel like this one, 0:24:34.119 --> 0:24:36.119 like this convo went a little bit further, and I 0:24:36.200 --> 0:24:39.520 feel like I needed to hear that my family was 0:24:39.560 --> 0:24:40.320 driving me up the wall. 0:24:41.240 --> 0:24:45.760 No, and then you can just be with who I mean, Yeah, 0:24:45.800 --> 0:24:47.159 I mean, and then you can just be with whoever 0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:48.680 you want. Doesn't have to be like a because you're 0:24:48.720 --> 0:24:52.520 just you're you're you're tangled up in the eight thousand 0:24:52.520 --> 0:24:55.439 different chords that I is just I don't even know 0:24:55.440 --> 0:24:58.760 how you like that. That's just I don't know how 0:24:58.800 --> 0:25:01.439 you exist like that, Like that's this is crazy. You 0:25:01.440 --> 0:25:03.680 don't you don't have to tangle yourself on that shit. 0:25:04.920 --> 0:25:08.000 It'd be nice to just kind of do what I 0:25:08.040 --> 0:25:11.320 want without having other people kind of tell me what 0:25:11.400 --> 0:25:14.320 to do. So thank you for saying that. 0:25:15.040 --> 0:25:18.800 Yeah, for sure, Is there is there anything else you 0:25:18.840 --> 0:25:20.400 want to say to the people of the computer before 0:25:20.400 --> 0:25:20.680 we go. 0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:27.040 You know what, I just want to let people know 0:25:27.119 --> 0:25:30.280