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Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went

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Speaker 1: on sale. It's called the Heighth and Mighty Tour. I

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Speaker 1: will be starting debuting my new material in February of

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Speaker 1: next year, so I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,

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Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,

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Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

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Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,

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Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modesto, California, and

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Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

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Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June. Those are

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Speaker 1: the cities that I'm in. Pre sale started last week,

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Speaker 1: so tickets are flying. I haven't added second shows yet,

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Speaker 1: but we probably will be to some of these. So

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Speaker 1: go get your tickets now if you want good seats

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Speaker 1: and you want to come see me perform.

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Speaker 2: I will be on the high and mighty tour.

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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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Speaker 3: How's Spain?

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Speaker 1: Spain is relaxing and reinvigorating and reduconating and regenerative with

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Speaker 1: an R.

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Speaker 4: I am so glad to hear that. What are you

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Speaker 4: spending your time doing?

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Speaker 5: Well?

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Speaker 2: Doug got arrested. I brought Doug. He is Apparently they're

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Speaker 2: not allowed.

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Speaker 1: On the beaches dogs, but that's fulltient. So I'm just

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Speaker 1: ignoring every person that says that to me and pretending

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Speaker 1: that I don't understand what they're saying.

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Speaker 3: This is where no oblo Espanol comes in real habit no.

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Speaker 2: La Espanol right now.

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Speaker 1: But he is wiped out every day. He is a

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Speaker 1: First of all, he goes in the water and he

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Speaker 1: drinks the salt water. So he hasn't gotten sick yet,

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Speaker 1: so I guess. But I think it puts him to

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Speaker 1: sleep or he's still jelacked. I can't tell. But he

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Speaker 1: loves it. We have a we had a vest for him,

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Speaker 1: but he doesn't really go far enough in for the vest.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, anyway, he loves the beaches. Somebody told me

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Speaker 1: I have to get up at before the lifeguards are

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Speaker 1: out at seven to take him on. He said, that's

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Speaker 1: when everyone goes out with their dogs. I'm like seven,

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Speaker 1: I'm on fucking vacation, buddy, you coming to get my

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Speaker 1: dog instead. It's not even light out at seven, right, right?

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Speaker 1: But yes, it's been a joy. Everywhere Doug goes, he's

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Speaker 1: treated like a lied the Lion King especially. I've noticed

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Speaker 1: though that it's discriminatory because when he's dry, people respect

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Speaker 1: him more because he's fluffier and more imposing, and when

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Speaker 1: he's wet he looks meek like a pussy.

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Speaker 3: I mean, he is just a sweet boy.

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Speaker 4: So I'm not surprised that he's getting a lot of

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Speaker 4: getting a lot of fans in your neighborhood.

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Speaker 1: Baby, Yes, so that's happening. I know there's a lot

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Speaker 1: happening in America that I'm gonna miss this weekend, like

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Speaker 1: that No King's protest.

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Speaker 5: Mmm.

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Speaker 1: So let's remind our listeners that you can find one

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Speaker 1: in your area at no Kings dot org.

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Speaker 3: And I'll put a link to that in the description.

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Speaker 1: Yes, And I also want to let our listeners know

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Speaker 1: that I am going to boycott Home Depot since they

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Speaker 1: cooperate with ICE and they have these like scanning systems.

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Speaker 1: What is it called flock. I think it's called flock anyway,

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Speaker 1: They basically surveil you when you go there, and they

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Speaker 1: could share that information, make s tovail your license plates,

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Speaker 1: and they can share that information with ICE or the

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Speaker 1: police whoever they feel like and like that's not American,

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Speaker 1: And with everything that's happening with ICE, I am looking

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Speaker 1: for companies to boycott that are profiting from ICE. And

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Speaker 1: Home Depot is also backed by Peter Thiel who runs Palenteer,

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Speaker 1: who profits off of detention centers, emputty people engages. So

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Speaker 1: I am going to boycott that store. No one that

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Speaker 1: lives in my house is going to be purchasing anything

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Speaker 1: from Home Depot.

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Speaker 3: We're a Loew's family from now on.

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Speaker 2: Low's is no good either.

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Speaker 1: I Lows has some associations with ICE as well, So

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Speaker 1: we are not going You're going to ACE Hardware now,

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Speaker 1: I guess.

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Speaker 3: Okay, okay, I can get down with an ACE hardware.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: I know.

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Speaker 4: Home Depot at least is also like one of the

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Speaker 4: major Trump donors out there, so so.

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Speaker 1: And it's not about boycotting and soil they like meet

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Speaker 1: this like you know, requirements of not cooperating with ICE.

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Speaker 1: It's literally about like why we're in this situation and

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Speaker 1: this corporate cat you know, like capitalism, and that would

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Speaker 1: they they own us? And we have to start doing

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Speaker 1: things without all of these major corporations, which is going

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Speaker 1: to be really hard for people to do, myself included.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm relying on all of this stuff, but.

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Speaker 5: We have to.

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Speaker 1: Neil Young had a post saying, like, we need to

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Speaker 1: buy locally. I know you don't think we can, but

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Speaker 1: we can. This is enough with corporate America. They are

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Speaker 1: you know, they're handing over our democracy. I didn't he

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Speaker 1: didn't see that for Radom, but that's what I took

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Speaker 1: away and I agree.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, since we've been boycatting Target since the

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Speaker 4: beginning of the year, like I am just sort of like,

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Speaker 4: what was I spending however many hundred doll or some

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Speaker 4: month there?

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Speaker 5: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: Why was I going there? It's been so easy to

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Speaker 3: switch over.

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Speaker 4: To companies that actually are doing good things that pay

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Speaker 4: their workers a living wage, like Costco is one that's

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Speaker 4: kind of where we've started going for.

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Speaker 3: Bulk stuff, and there's others as well.

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Speaker 4: But also just like forgifts for different things, like shopping

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Speaker 4: local wherever you can, like I know, at least in

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Speaker 4: our neighborhood, Like there are so many empty shop windows,

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Speaker 4: like just because these smaller companies that can't or you know,

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Speaker 4: mom and pop places can't stay in business. So whenever

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Speaker 4: you can try and patronize smaller businesses.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely absolutely. I'm reading Malala's book right now because she's

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Speaker 1: on an upcoming podcast, so I'm enjoying that her newest book.

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Speaker 3: I can't wait to have her.

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Speaker 1: And then I just finished watching the show who we

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Speaker 1: have one of the stars on of Task. If you

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Speaker 1: guys are watching Task on HBO, then you know how

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Speaker 1: good it is. It's so good, it's so good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think we're on the season finale. I ended up

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Speaker 1: going all the way, so I won't say any spoiler

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Speaker 1: alerts because we had that little access thing and I

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Speaker 1: finally got I realized how to use it. But anyway,

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Speaker 1: I first met her in the Goonies and her name

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Speaker 1: is Martha Plimpton, and that's our guest today, so please

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Speaker 1: welcome her.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeay, here we are.

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Speaker 5: Hi, oh Hi, love.

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Speaker 1: The Plimpton and I'm so happy to see you.

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Speaker 5: I'm happy to see you. How have you been? Well?

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Speaker 1: I don't say this to many people, but you kind

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Speaker 1: of remind me of myself. I don't know if a

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Speaker 1: lot of people whether or not that's a compliment or not.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if a lot of people come up

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Speaker 1: to you and say, everyone tells me that I remind

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Speaker 1: them of you.

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Speaker 5: Oh, that's nice. I find that. I think that's nice.

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Speaker 5: I think it's a compliment.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's a question.

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Speaker 1: Actually do people say they say it to Do they

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Speaker 1: say it to me that I remind them of No? No,

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Speaker 1: they don't, No, because I feel like you remind me

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Speaker 1: of me.

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Speaker 5: Well, I'm very flattered. What can I say?

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Speaker 2: I mean, there's nothing to really say.

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Speaker 1: I just feel like ever since I saw you, when

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Speaker 1: I first laid eyes on you must have been the

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Speaker 1: Goonies and I was like, that's my personality right there.

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Speaker 1: And I've loved watching you through all of your work

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Speaker 1: over the years, and most recently in Task, which is

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Speaker 1: an HBO limited series with Mark Ruffalo where you play

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Speaker 1: a real shit kicking boss who is fucking awesome.

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Speaker 2: Another great role for you.

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Speaker 5: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: How has it been working with Mark?

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Speaker 5: Oh? He's you know, it would be fine if he was,

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Speaker 5: you know, a nice guy.

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, it's ridiculous.

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Speaker 7: It's too bad that he's such an asshole, you know

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Speaker 7: what I mean. No, he's just he's the loveliest, funniest,

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Speaker 7: most dear guy. He's just a great family man, loves

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Speaker 7: his wife, loves his kids, loves you know, he's just great.

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Speaker 5: He's just a great, great human being.

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Speaker 1: So it's been a pleasurable experience working on that show.

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, absolutely.

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Speaker 1: You know, Catherine said something and not opening which I

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Speaker 1: thought you should repeat yourself.

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Speaker 2: I don't take credit for.

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Speaker 4: I told my husband, like, after the just the first

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Speaker 4: scene that you're in in that show, I'm like, she

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Speaker 4: is playing chess where everybody else is playing checkers.

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Speaker 3: Like there are so many.

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Speaker 4: Specific things you're doing as an actor, even just in

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Speaker 4: that first scene, and some of it's your character, but

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Speaker 4: some of it's I mean, it's just I was so

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Speaker 4: blown away by the nuances that you used.

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Speaker 3: It's just fantastic you.

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Speaker 5: That's very very kind. I appreciate that. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you really jump off the screen and you're on camera.

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Speaker 1: It's very obvious that you're now I don't want to

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Speaker 1: say taking over the scene because there are other actors involved,

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Speaker 1: but but you know, you really add to the flavor

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Speaker 1: of it every time you're on camera.

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Speaker 5: So I'm so glad that that's lovely to hear. I

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Speaker 5: really thank you.

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Speaker 7: It's all in the writing, really, I mean, Brad Inglesby

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Speaker 7: did all the heavy lifting for me, you know, and

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Speaker 7: you know, and when you're working with a guy like

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Speaker 7: Mark or any of these terrific actors, it's just really

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Speaker 7: it just just very easy. It just feels very very natural,

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Speaker 7: and you know, things just sort of fall into place

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Speaker 7: really nicely.

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Speaker 2: So and how did this rule.

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Speaker 5: Come to you?

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Speaker 1: Did they just offer it to you? Is that how

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Speaker 1: it works for you?

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Speaker 7: I want to say they did, although I don't know.

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Speaker 7: You don't remember, I don't remember. I know I got

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Speaker 7: the I know I got the script when I was

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Speaker 7: working on the Regime with Kate Winslet, who of course

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Speaker 7: did Brad's earlier show Me Or of Eastown.

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Speaker 1: Which all requires that Philadelphia accent, which is very very

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Speaker 1: hard to do. It's quite an annoying accent, to be honest.

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Speaker 6: Why.

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Speaker 5: It's not an easy one.

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Speaker 7: It's not ana, which is why I opted to just

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Speaker 7: avoid it altogether. I don't I'm not even I'm not

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Speaker 7: even trying really well.

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Speaker 1: You don't really have to, though, because it's like you

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Speaker 1: guys are all detective necessary.

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Speaker 7: You don't really know, you don't have I don't. You

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Speaker 7: don't have to know where I'm from. You know, I

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Speaker 7: could be from anywhere. I could be from Ohio, I

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Speaker 7: could be from New Jersey. It could be from DC,

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Speaker 7: I could be from anywhere.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, unless you're ordering a whatder ice, you're off the hook.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Kate did a great job of it on Mayor of Eastown.

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Speaker 1: There was also I had a roombate in my early

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Speaker 1: twenties in LA. She was from the most southerly part

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Speaker 1: of New Jersey, so she had that because I was

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Speaker 1: from New Jersey and I had the Jersey accent, but

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Speaker 1: not that accent. And she would say like she would

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Speaker 1: say pantyhose and moist, like oh's too long. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, stop talking like that. I'm like that, you're

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Speaker 1: from New Jersey. You're acting like that's what we sound like.

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Speaker 1: Don't talk like that. It's already bad enough with my

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Speaker 1: My Jersey accent comes out when I have a cocktail,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Then I'm like I started slurring a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So are you sort of homeless right now or

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Speaker 1: you just moved?

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Speaker 7: Are you kind of I'm selling my house in Brooklyn,

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Speaker 7: you know, deciding to do it right now when the

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Speaker 7: world is in such a state of chaos and nobody

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Speaker 7: knows if we're going to have a massive stock market crash.

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Speaker 2: Not a great time for time.

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Speaker 7: The main thing is is that I'm leaving New York,

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Speaker 7: which is where I'm from. I'm born and raised there,

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Speaker 7: and it's very heavy to know that you're disconnecting from

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Speaker 7: your hometown and you're not going to have a base

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Speaker 7: there anymore.

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Speaker 5: It's very it's very jarring.

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Speaker 7: It's disconcerting, but you know, it's I sort of feel

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Speaker 7: like it's time. I feel like me and New York

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Speaker 7: are kind of on the on the outs right now.

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Speaker 2: I can relate to this.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a little bit on the outs,

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Speaker 1: not a little bit a lot on the outs with

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles. I'm over Los Angeles and I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: stuck here for a while until I finished this stupid

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Speaker 1: fucking house that I've been building for four years. And

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Speaker 1: it's been the biggest nightmare so far my adult to life.

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Speaker 1: So I can't wait to have it done and then

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Speaker 1: get out of here, like either sell it, rent it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know yet, but right and I'm thinking about

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Speaker 1: going to New York because that's I've never lived in

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Speaker 1: New York.

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Speaker 2: I'm from New Jersey. I feel like I.

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Speaker 1: Want to stay active. LA is a very sleepy, inactive place.

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Speaker 1: But I also know that you're going to London, which

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Speaker 1: is pretty much on par with New York in terms

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Speaker 1: of activity.

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Speaker 5: Well, I mean I think it is, but it's also good.

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Speaker 7: There's just a generally there's it's a less kind of

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Speaker 7: agitated feel there. And I don't know if it's because

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Speaker 7: it's novelty for me because I'm not from there or what,

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Speaker 7: but I just feel like there's a more of a

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Speaker 7: sense of sort of common decency there, you know, a

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Speaker 7: sense of politeness, a sense of sort of anticipating your

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Speaker 7: fellow man's humanity, you know, recognizing it, like the people

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Speaker 7: actually wait to board the train before, you know, so

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Speaker 7: people can get off, uh huh. And New York is

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Speaker 7: just for me, you know, I've lived there my whole life,

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Speaker 7: Like I said, I'm born and raised there, and right now,

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Speaker 7: I just if I want my city Jones taken care

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Speaker 7: of I think London is the place that's more sort

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Speaker 7: of my speed. Right now, I'm not I am getting

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Speaker 7: to the place where, you know, I'm all almost fifty five,

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Speaker 7: and I just want, you know, I just want some

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Speaker 7: peace and quiet for Christ's sake, you know.

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Speaker 5: I just want.

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Speaker 7: To just take a chill. I want to be around

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Speaker 7: nature as much as I can. I want to ride horses,

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Speaker 7: I want to you know, all that stuff, and feed

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Speaker 7: my birds and my bird feeders and the hummingbirds.

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Speaker 5: You know what I mean. I'm into just taking a

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Speaker 5: little breather.

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Speaker 1: So you feel like New York has become a bit

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Speaker 1: too hectic, is what I'm gathering.

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Speaker 7: It's too hectic and it's too hostile, and you know,

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Speaker 7: I mean, it's just, you know, I want some warmth.

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Speaker 5: I want some common decency.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that's because of the political aspect of

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Speaker 1: things or just because New York has been I.

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Speaker 5: Think New York is kind of well.

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Speaker 7: First of all, nobody who can afford to live there

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Speaker 7: can is like they're all wealthy or children, you know

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Speaker 7: what I mean. Saint Mark's Place, it is not the

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Speaker 7: sort of raw looking Lower East Side place it used

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Speaker 7: to be. It's now like covered in you know, outdoor

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Speaker 7: cafes with people drinking apparall spritzes and influencers, you know,

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Speaker 7: walking around with their beach waves hair, and you.

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Speaker 5: Know what I mean, it just doesn't feel like New

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Speaker 5: York to me anymore. Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 7: And on top of that, it's just mean, it's just

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Speaker 7: you know, when I walk down the street, I want

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Speaker 7: to say hello to be I want to go, hi,

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Speaker 7: how you doing.

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Speaker 5: I like your shirt? Or I let you know, hey,

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Speaker 5: you look great. I don't want to walk down the

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Speaker 5: street and have people like shove me or I'm just

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Speaker 5: over it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear you.

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Speaker 7: I think it's the political thing, you know, Eric Adams

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Speaker 7: is a disaster. Yeah, you know, we keep New Yorkers

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Speaker 7: keep electing these schmucks, and I just, you know, I'm

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Speaker 7: hoping for a mom Donnie.

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Speaker 1: Why does New York always elect such idiots?

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Speaker 6: What?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 5: It's like smart.

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Speaker 1: People ostensibly, like you would think that New Yorkers would

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Speaker 1: have their shit together above and beyond almost all cities

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Speaker 1: in this cou I know.

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Speaker 7: And I can't even believe that that Cuomo is still

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Speaker 7: like I'm under I mean, I'm just like, what is

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Speaker 7: going on where is everybody's head at I don't know.

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Speaker 7: I just I'm really hopeful for Mom Donnie. I hope

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Speaker 7: that he pulls through, and I hope he wins. But

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Speaker 7: if he doesn't, I mean, it's even more reason to

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Speaker 7: just get the hell out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Andrew Cuomo is like the death cough of American politics.

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Speaker 2: I mean, and he's not even the worst one.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he's back out, but there are so many

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Speaker 1: worse ones. But it's such a representation of how old

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Speaker 1: and out of touch the Democratic Party is is to

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Speaker 1: be holding onto Cuomo and putting him up against Mandanni

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Speaker 1: like a every you know, all the Jews are like,

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Speaker 1: because I'm a Jew, All the Jews are like, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: he's an anti semit I'm like, listen, he's walked all

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Speaker 1: these things back. There is a new like there is

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Speaker 1: new blood coming through, Like he understands. You can't say

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Speaker 1: that he understands there's tons of Jewish people in New

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Speaker 1: York City and that that kind of line of thinking

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Speaker 1: isn't appropriate. And you have to give people room to

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Speaker 1: make like make amends, make alogies, and change the goalposts

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Speaker 1: in terms of understanding who's electing you and who is

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Speaker 1: going to be living in the city that you're going

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Speaker 1: to be in charge of. So I don't look at

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Speaker 1: it from like a Jewish standpoint, Like I'm not I'm

355
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Speaker 1: not going to vote for I mean, I don't live

356
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Speaker 1: in New York anyway, but if I did, I probably

357
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Speaker 1: would vote for mont Donnie.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I probably I would.

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Speaker 7: I think it's going to be my last election as

360
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Speaker 7: a New Yorker, and I think I'm going mom, Donnie

361
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Speaker 7: and so.

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Speaker 2: So you obviously say love London.

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Speaker 5: I love it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, You've spent a lot of time there.

365
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Speaker 7: I love working there, and I get work there. You know,

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Speaker 7: I'm like here where it's a little bit harder for

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Speaker 7: you know, older women, particularly, you know, older women with

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Speaker 7: a mouth, you know. But yeah, they tend to respect

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Speaker 7: women there a little bit, more older actresses.

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Speaker 5: It's kind of it's shocking. It's just concerning. Yeah, but

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Speaker 5: I like it. I like it.

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Speaker 1: That's nice to know. That's nice enough. I know that

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Speaker 1: you refer to yourself as self coupled. Tell tell me

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Speaker 1: what that is. I mean, it's pretty self explanatory, but

375
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Speaker 1: I would love for you to open about it.

376
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Speaker 7: I am, I am happy, I am and I'm in

377
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Speaker 7: a committed relationship with myself. Love it, and I'm really

378
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Speaker 7: really enjoying it. I'm really happy. I'm not interested in relationships.

379
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Speaker 7: I'm not interested in dating. I like doing what I

380
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Speaker 7: want to do when I want to do it, going

381
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Speaker 7: where I want to go when I want to go.

382
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Speaker 5: I don't want anyone in my.

383
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Speaker 7: House farting, taking up space, taking up oxygen.

384
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Speaker 5: You know what I mean. I like a dinner party,

385
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Speaker 5: but then go home. I know what I mean.

386
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Speaker 7: I love my I love my single life. I love

387
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Speaker 7: having my space, my solitude. It's really just, you know,

388
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Speaker 7: I'm very happy. It's so interesting women our age. I'm fifty,

389
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Speaker 7: you're fifty five.

390
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Speaker 1: It's just women our age are just like anyone who

391
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Speaker 1: gets divorced or isn't in a relationship at this age

392
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Speaker 1: is almost so turned off by the idea. It's just

393
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Speaker 1: not even it's not even something I spend a moment

394
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Speaker 1: of my day thinking about. My friend said to me

395
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Speaker 1: the other day, you got to you know what I

396
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,800
Speaker 1: was telling my friend. She goes, I don't want to

397
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Speaker 1: get old and dry, and I'm like dry, what do

398
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,200
Speaker 1: you mean, are you Regina?

399
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 2: And she's like, yeah, I go you masturbate.

400
00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:15,199
Speaker 5: All the time.

401
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,680
Speaker 1: That's all you have to do to keep the Jesus

402
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 1: juices flowing. Like that's scientific. And she's like, that's ridiculous.

403
00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 1: It's actually not ridiculous. If you lose your regina, you

404
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,000
Speaker 1: don't have to use it with another person. You can

405
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,800
Speaker 1: use it with yourself and it will remain And and

406
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:28,440
Speaker 1: she was like I.

407
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,719
Speaker 7: Just there, Yeah, you know, give give give it chores,

408
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,000
Speaker 7: use it as a cubicle.

409
00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:36,840
Speaker 5: Absolutely, yeah, give it things to do around the house.

410
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Speaker 1: And she was like, yeah, I went through this face

411
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 1: thinking like, oh, I have to keep having sex in

412
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 1: order to keep my vagina operable. And I was like, no, no,

413
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 1: that's not actually true. And and then she's like and

414
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Speaker 1: then the last couple of months, I've come to this

415
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,400
Speaker 1: place where I'm just like I don't think about men

416
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Speaker 1: at all. And I'm like, I know, it's like a

417
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:55,640
Speaker 1: coming of age. There's a time in your life where,

418
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:59,200
Speaker 1: like Catherine, you're married, so that's a different situation, happily married.

419
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Speaker 1: But there is once a woman either like gets divorced,

420
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Speaker 1: Like we don't feel the need at a certain age

421
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 1: to shack up again, because you know, realize how beautiful

422
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: being independent and untethered.

423
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:15,760
Speaker 5: Is Yes, it is absolutely beautiful.

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Speaker 7: And also, you know, let's face it, I mean I

425
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,800
Speaker 7: haven't had the best track record anyway, usually most of

426
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Speaker 7: the time. So I'm fine with just giving myself at

427
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,280
Speaker 7: a little hiatus, a little break.

428
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah, you did at River Phoenix

429
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 1: when you were really young, didn't you.

430
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, but that was forty years ago.

431
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,680
Speaker 1: Well yeah, but you were dealing with that stands out

432
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Speaker 1: of my brain because you were dealing with such adult

433
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,720
Speaker 1: issues at such a young age, dealing with his addiction,

434
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Speaker 1: dealing with fame, dealing with all of the things that

435
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 1: you had to deal with as a little girl. Basically,

436
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,920
Speaker 1: So how does a teenage girl, because you were essentially

437
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,879
Speaker 1: a teenager right when you started dating, I think, yeah,

438
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: how did you handle that those big issues as a

439
00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:04,919
Speaker 1: small like a younger person.

440
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,000
Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't think you really think about it.

441
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 5: When you're in the middle of it. You don't think

442
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 5: about it.

443
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 7: You just love the person that you're with, and you know,

444
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:15,120
Speaker 7: I still love him, I miss him every day.

445
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,480
Speaker 5: You're not really thinking about all that.

446
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,800
Speaker 7: You're just kind of going with you know what you know,

447
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:25,440
Speaker 7: which is you you know, love, kindness, you know, attachment,

448
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,840
Speaker 7: you know, a little bit of fear, a little bit

449
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 7: of nervousness, all the normal things that go along with

450
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:31,280
Speaker 7: having a first love.

451
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,120
Speaker 5: You know what I mean. Family. You know, I love

452
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 5: his family, I love you know, I loved all of that.

453
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,040
Speaker 5: I love and I loved him greatly.

454
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,120
Speaker 7: But I don't think I was like, you know, sure,

455
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 7: there were difficulties and there were hard things about it.

456
00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:48,640
Speaker 7: I just think of it as a wonderful experience, beautiful

457
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 7: time in my life.

458
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:53,919
Speaker 1: Kind a connection, right, Yeah, I know you're doing the

459
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 1: movie East of Eden. You're adapting the movie East of Eden,

460
00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,400
Speaker 1: which is really exciting. That was one of the rather

461
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 1: limited series. Yeah, really so excited. And who else is

462
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 1: in that?

463
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 7: That's Florence Pugh, great and Mike faced and Kieran Hines

464
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 7: and Tracy Letts and Zoe Cazanne adapted it and created

465
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:19,199
Speaker 7: and you know, she's sort of created this limited series

466
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,640
Speaker 7: and it's so in such an incredible book. I'm ashamed

467
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 7: to say I didn't read it until I was I

468
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 7: knew I was going to do the series, and when

469
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 7: I finally read it, I was just it's got to be.

470
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,640
Speaker 7: I think it's my favorite American novel. It's just so

471
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 7: so beautiful. And Zoe, who of course is the granddaughter

472
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,520
Speaker 7: of Elia Kazanne, who is the director of the first

473
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 7: film with James Dean. She's just done an incredible job

474
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:49,960
Speaker 7: adapting this thing and focusing really on the whole entire

475
00:21:50,119 --> 00:21:54,639
Speaker 7: life of Kathy. You know, this central female character who's

476
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:59,239
Speaker 7: so oh man, she is a dark, dark soul, that

477
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 7: one really dark.

478
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 1: Yeah. East of Eiden is one of the first books

479
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 1: that my father forced me to read when I was

480
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:04,560
Speaker 1: eight years old.

481
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 2: It was Anna Corena Anna Karenina eight.

482
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, because he had to keep me busy, because he

483
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: knew I was going to be trouble, or he thought

484
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:12,520
Speaker 1: I was going.

485
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 5: To be trouble. He wasn't wrong.

486
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 2: I read Anna Corenna.

487
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 1: I read East of Eden by John Steinbeck, which was

488
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 1: at eight years old all I remember, I mean, I

489
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,880
Speaker 1: don't I've reread it since then. But the descriptiveness of

490
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 1: John steinbad. Like the descriptive writing but also very beautiful,

491
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,439
Speaker 1: but also quite annoying when you're eight years old, you

492
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:31,720
Speaker 1: know what I.

493
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 5: Mean to.

494
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,119
Speaker 1: I mean, now I can appreciate the beauty in descriptive writing,

495
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 1: but at that time I was like, if I hear

496
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: one more thing about the leaves on the trees and

497
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 1: the color. Like I got it right. There are fucking

498
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: trees and there are fucking leaves everywhere you look. But

499
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: what an amazing and iconic American author. You know, just

500
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 1: completely And I don't know why.

501
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 7: I mean, you know, I sort of I was afraid

502
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,679
Speaker 7: because my grandfather was in the movie The Grapes of Wrath.

503
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:01,719
Speaker 7: John Chardine's my grandfather and he plays preacher in Grapes

504
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 7: of Wrath. And I don't know, I just I for

505
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 7: some reason, I was afraid to read it because I

506
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 7: thought maybe he'd be a little bit like Hemingway, who

507
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,399
Speaker 7: I can't stand. I mean, just as a writer. I

508
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:14,000
Speaker 7: just don't like him. And also he seems like he

509
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 7: was kind of a horrible person. But I was so wrong.

510
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 7: I was so wrong. It's one of the most beautiful

511
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:23,800
Speaker 7: and you really feel like you can smell that California air,

512
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 7: that mountain desert dry you know, scrub oak, you know,

513
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 7: and the soil and the dirt.

514
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,720
Speaker 5: You really feel like you can just you're just in it.

515
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:35,479
Speaker 5: And I love that.

516
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's very Americana like for there's certain authors that

517
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: just represent like American and.

518
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,879
Speaker 5: It's like biblical. It's like as a it's a biblical

519
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,480
Speaker 5: story basically what he's.

520
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:48,320
Speaker 3: Situation.

521
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 7: Yes, it's a canaan able thing, but it's also a

522
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 7: good and evil thing and the inherent.

523
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:58,000
Speaker 5: Whether or not you're born evil or if it's beat

524
00:23:58,080 --> 00:23:58,480
Speaker 5: into you.

525
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,520
Speaker 7: And it's just this wonderful all these themes of redemption

526
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,640
Speaker 7: and salvation and forgiveness.

527
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,439
Speaker 5: I mean, it's just a gorgeous book.

528
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,159
Speaker 7: And I think that the series is really it's going

529
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 7: to be really good. I have a feeling where are

530
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:17,720
Speaker 7: we exciting about it? We shot it already in New Zealand,

531
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 7: which is shockingly very similar to early California, early you know,

532
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 7: eighteen hundreds California, because it wasn't settled until the eighteen hundred,

533
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 7: so the architecture.

534
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,719
Speaker 5: All really looks like the Old West.

535
00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:36,520
Speaker 7: It's really kind of wild in the northern island of

536
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 7: New Zealand Auckland area, So that's where we shot it.

537
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,159
Speaker 5: It was incredible.

538
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, New Zealand is so nice to be in New Zealand. Yeah,

539
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 1: what do you think about that? Do you think people

540
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 1: are born evil?

541
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 7: You know, that's a good question, and I don't know

542
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 7: if we ever know the answer. There's certainly people who

543
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 7: seem they like they were born evil.

544
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, like Steven Miller, it seems like he was born evil.

545
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 5: It seems like, yeah, it seems like he might have

546
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:00,720
Speaker 5: been born that way.

547
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 1: But it also makes sense that you could be so traumatized,

548
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 1: you know, at something that happened so early on in

549
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,919
Speaker 1: your life, and be so kind of ignored neglected that

550
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 1: you could become horrible.

551
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 5: Parents were horrible, horrible, awful people too. I mean, you know,

552
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 5: I don't know.

553
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 7: But then again, you have people who are perfectly nice

554
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:22,359
Speaker 7: and then they you know, they have a Jeffrey Dahmer,

555
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,919
Speaker 7: So I don't know who knows, you know, I don't know.

556
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 5: It's a good question.

557
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 1: Are you good at forgiving people who have wronged you?

558
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 7: I'm good at for giving people up to a point,

559
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 7: and then when the when a line gets crossed, then

560
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 7: I'm done. So I'll give a person many many chances.

561
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 7: But then when that line gets cross when there's like

562
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:49,159
Speaker 7: a betrayal or like a you know, if someone really

563
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 7: really doesn't have my back in a moment when it's necessary,

564
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 7: or if someone really really seems to be just serving

565
00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 7: themselves at my expense, then I and I say Cyanara.

566
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, I have the same thing. I take on a

567
00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,280
Speaker 1: lot and then I get and then it.

568
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 7: Hits critical mass and I you know, way, Yeah, I'm

569
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 7: done now out of my face.

570
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:14,880
Speaker 2: And when I'm done, I'm really really done.

571
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 5: Yeah.

572
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 2: I don't like to go.

573
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: I don't like recidivism, especially in relationships sexually and friendships.

574
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: Like once it's over, it's a wrap, that's it. Yeah,

575
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 1: so talk to us about the relationship with abortion and

576
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,840
Speaker 1: trans writes. I think you made a comment and I

577
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,840
Speaker 1: thought that was interesting to illuminate for this conversation.

578
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 5: Yeah.

579
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, I mean I think that that they fall under

580
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 7: the umbrella of bodily autonomy and doing what you feel

581
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:45,040
Speaker 7: and know is right for you and your body, and

582
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 7: not letting the state control what you do with your

583
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 7: own body and what you want to be in your

584
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 7: own body and what you are in your own body.

585
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:02,600
Speaker 7: I think that boat they're both incredibly they're completely intertwined,

586
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 7: and you know, you often don't see one restriction of one.

587
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 5: Group without the other.

588
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 7: You know, they always come in pairs or you know,

589
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 7: whenever you want, whatever formulation you want to use, and

590
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 7: they're both based in a core hatred of women and

591
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:29,480
Speaker 7: women's difference and women's complexity and women's I don't know

592
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 7: the breadth of women's experience. Americans, a large a number

593
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,320
Speaker 7: of them just really really hate us. They really hate women,

594
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,720
Speaker 7: and they don't care if we die or if we suffer.

595
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:46,680
Speaker 7: And when I think they don't especially like about trans people.

596
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 7: And of course I'm speaking to this as someone who

597
00:27:49,240 --> 00:27:52,400
Speaker 7: is not trance, so I don't have the direct experience,

598
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 7: but my guess is that what they hate so much

599
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 7: about a trans person is the person making their own choice,

600
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:08,560
Speaker 7: living their own destiny, truthfully, freely, honestly, openly. They just

601
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 7: cannot stand that's something that they are unable to do

602
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 7: someone else is able to do. They just don't like

603
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 7: anybody being able to have full self.

604
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:26,280
Speaker 5: Determination and autonomy because they believe in control and silence.

605
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: That's exactly what's happening. And it's not just in an

606
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 1: American issue. It's a global issue. Yes, absolutely, Yeah. People

607
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: don't want women to succeed in the way that women

608
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,959
Speaker 1: are succeeding, or to be as independent as women have become.

609
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 1: You co founded a women's healthcare called A is for.

610
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's basically I'm not a member of the organization anymore,

611
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 7: although I wish them well, it just was time for

612
00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 7: me to move on. But yeah, I co founded this

613
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 7: about thirteen or fourteen years ago, and it was basically

614
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:58,720
Speaker 7: an effort to take the stigma away from the whole

615
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 7: subject because abortion is healthcare. And we noticed, you know,

616
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 7: it was happening during this whole Sandra Fluck thing in

617
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 7: the ACA Obamacare, and Sandra Flick was suing Notre Dame

618
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 7: for not covering her contraceptives in when she was in

619
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,960
Speaker 7: university there, and you know, she was being called all

620
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,040
Speaker 7: sorts of horrible names, and women were being told to

621
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 7: keep their legs closed, or put an aspen between your

622
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 7: knees or what all these ridiculous things people were saying,

623
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,840
Speaker 7: and you know, it just struck us that that the

624
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 7: core of what was happening at that time. Of course

625
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 7: has changed a bit, it's mutated, it's you know, grown

626
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 7: like hideous limbs, and you know, spread in various ways.

627
00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 7: But at that time, we felt that the core issue

628
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 7: was stigma and we wanted to fight back. And so

629
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 7: you know, that's kind of what the basis of AS

630
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 7: four was to begin with. And now they do great

631
00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 7: work in supporting on the ground Abortion Fund, independent clinics,

632
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 7: legal aid organizations and things like this.

633
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:09,920
Speaker 2: What is your advice to women listening like about fighting back.

634
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 1: In the current moment we're living in, you know, in America.

635
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 7: First of all, it's very important to remember that abortion

636
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 7: is still available in this country. That MiFi pristone and

637
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 7: Mesa prost doll here by the way, here two rings

638
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 7: I have. There's a Myfi pristone and that's the Mesa

639
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 7: prostall ring.

640
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,760
Speaker 2: They do take every morning when you wake up.

641
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 7: Yeah, they're very safe and they're very available, and obviously

642
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:41,800
Speaker 7: you should check out what the laws are in your state.

643
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 7: And there are several doctors now being chased down who

644
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 7: are working in shield law states who are being attacked,

645
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 7: you know, like the doctor from New York who's the

646
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 7: Louisiana is going after him. I think there's a doctor

647
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 7: in the Bay Area who's Louisiana is going after her

648
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 7: or him attempting to sue them for wrongful death. I mean,

649
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,160
Speaker 7: it's just insane what these people are willing to do.

650
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 7: But it's important for women to know that and for

651
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 7: anyone with a uterus to know that abortion is available

652
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 7: right and you can avail yourself of the tools to self.

653
00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:23,320
Speaker 5: Manage your own abortion.

654
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 7: And anyone who tells you that you can't, or that

655
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 7: you shouldn't, or that it's reversible is lying to you.

656
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,840
Speaker 5: So that's the most important thing to know, I.

657
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 7: Think, and to remember the abortion is a community responsibility,

658
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 7: as my friend Amilia Bono at Shout Your Abortion says,

659
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 7: you know, abortion is it's everyone's job to make sure

660
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 7: that every single person in their community is able to

661
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:54,480
Speaker 7: make their own decisions about their own life. It's everyone's

662
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 7: job to stand up for them and to support them

663
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:01,680
Speaker 7: and to protect them. Yeah, So I think those are

664
00:32:01,760 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 7: just two things that I would say.

665
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, and especially to states that like Texas where abortion

666
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: has becomeing legal and I mean I know a woman

667
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: who had to fly to San Francisco to get her abortion.

668
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 2: You know that is costly.

669
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 1: So like, if you are listening to this podcast and

670
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: you live in one of those places where abortion has

671
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 1: been criminalized, please make sure that you are helping your

672
00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: friends and helping women and thinking about their healthcare as

673
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 1: an issue of health like this is every woman has

674
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 1: the right to decide what to do with her body,

675
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: not the state, not the government. So if there's someone

676
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: in your area that needs help, that needs help financing,

677
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: or you know, getting out of that state. Please make

678
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: sure that you are thinking of others and not just

679
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: of your own community. You know, try and find organizations

680
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: that help support that and help finance people's abortions in

681
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: other states.

682
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll put a few of those organizations. If you're

683
00:32:47,760 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 4: somebody who finds yourself in need, some organizations you can

684
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 4: reach out to in the description here.

685
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 5: So mm hmm, fantastic.

686
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 2: Right, we're going to take a break.

687
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 1: We're going to be right back with Martha Plimpton and

688
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 1: we're going to take some callers.

689
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 2: Okay, and we're back with Martha plumpt In.

690
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: Martha back.

691
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 2: We're giving real life.

692
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: Advice to callers on this podcast. Okay, are you ready?

693
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 5: Yeah?

694
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:10,480
Speaker 2: I bet you.

695
00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:13,680
Speaker 5: I hope. Oh man. I mean, with the state of

696
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 5: my life, I'm not sure I'm qualified, but qualified all

697
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 5: let's go for.

698
00:33:17,720 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: What I need is somebody who's not involved in your

699
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 1: situation to give you objective advice. Yes, okay, yes, that's

700
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 1: the thesis that age mark.

701
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, do it all right?

702
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 4: Well, this first one is just an email, but it's

703
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 4: continuing on with our theme of abortion. So Megan says

704
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea. In twenty nineteen, right before the pandemic, I

705
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:37,959
Speaker 4: had an abortion. It went as well as an abortion

706
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 4: could go, and I was ultimately happy with my decision. However,

707
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 4: since then, I have developed a fear around having sex.

708
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,000
Speaker 4: I've been happily married for five years, and I still

709
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,240
Speaker 4: think my husband is sexy as hell. But every time

710
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,760
Speaker 4: we have sex or even think about having sex, the

711
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 4: only thing I can think is what if I get

712
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 4: pregnant again?

713
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 3: Major buzzkill.

714
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 4: With everything happening in our country right now around reproductive rights,

715
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 4: I'm terrified that I could find myself in a position

716
00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 4: where I'm forced to go through with an unwanted or

717
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,520
Speaker 4: non viable pregnancy. Thankfully, I live in a blue state

718
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 4: where things seem to be chill on the abortion front

719
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 4: for now. But if the last few years have taught

720
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 4: me anything it's that anything can happen. All this political upheaval,

721
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 4: the pandemic, plus day to day stressors have taken a

722
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:17,800
Speaker 4: serious toll on my libido.

723
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 5: Two.

724
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,640
Speaker 4: I'd love to get back into enjoying sex. It's such

725
00:34:20,680 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 4: a great way to relax and get out of my

726
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,880
Speaker 4: head and into my body. Plus connect with my husband,

727
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 4: but I'm not sure what steps I need to take

728
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:27,120
Speaker 4: to get there.

729
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 3: Any advice, Megan.

730
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 2: It's called birth control, Megan, Hello, get them. What kind

731
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 2: of questions are these? Birth control? I ud you can

732
00:34:35,000 --> 00:34:36,279
Speaker 2: take a pill. You can.

733
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:43,080
Speaker 1: You can get the melliphystaprone, the mephisto prone memphis municiprone.

734
00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: You can get that meta musol. Get the melatonin melatonin

735
00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,160
Speaker 1: also great. No, you can get birth control. And you're

736
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:52,160
Speaker 1: in a blue state. First of all, you're safe. You

737
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: should definitely start enjoying your sexual life. You know, be

738
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 1: happy that you have someone you're attracted to. That is

739
00:34:58,560 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: a victory in and of itself.

740
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:03,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, doing some meditation just to like actually like get

741
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,320
Speaker 4: into your body totally outside of the sex stuff could

742
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,319
Speaker 4: help you learn to sink into your body when you.

743
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 3: Guys are having sex.

744
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 4: I think my other big piece of advice is like,

745
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 4: if that's not working, like find a somatic therapist.

746
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 7: Like. I also think that, you know, women put so

747
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 7: much pressure on themselves. You know, maybe it's your husband's fault, right,

748
00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:27,359
Speaker 7: Maybe he's not communicating. Maybe it you know, I mean,

749
00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 7: it might not be you, it might be him. It

750
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 7: might be you know, she says he's sexy and everything,

751
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 7: but that ain't enough. You know, you got to be

752
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,520
Speaker 7: a good communicator. You've got to be empathic, and you've

753
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,479
Speaker 7: got to you know, you didn't say really much about

754
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 7: what it was like when you went through your abortion,

755
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 7: if you went through it with your husband, if he

756
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 7: was supportive, if he was distant, or if you felt lonely.

757
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 7: So that's that's also, you know, don't try not to

758
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 7: blame yourself for all this. Blame it on somebody else.

759
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 7: Blame it on a man. They never get any blame

760
00:35:58,160 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 7: the Blame it on him.

761
00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:04,080
Speaker 1: So there's some sound advice. But also if your issue

762
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,560
Speaker 1: is I love it. If your issue is that you're

763
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 1: worried about getting pregnant, that is so simple to fix,

764
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,200
Speaker 1: Like you, so go and get the proper go to

765
00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 1: your obgi N and figure out what the best birth

766
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: control for you is period end of story.

767
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 5: And then or have your husband wear a condom or has.

768
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:24,720
Speaker 1: Your husband yeah, getting your personality or where Yeah, wearing

769
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: a condom for men who are married. I love that idea. Yeah,

770
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,359
Speaker 1: And men are like what excuse me?

771
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:29,920
Speaker 5: Ye?

772
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:32,279
Speaker 1: Also, you know what you can do? I mean, if

773
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: you're so worried about getting pregnant. I got an oblationion

774
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: and those are available. They don't advertise those, but that's

775
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 1: where they go in and they scorch your uterine lining

776
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 1: so that you don't get a period anymore. And I

777
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: don't get a period anymore, and you can't get pregnant

778
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,160
Speaker 1: after that. I mean, you're ninety nine percent, you know,

779
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 1: safe from getting pregnant. So that's another. Or you could, yeah,

780
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,919
Speaker 1: just get your tubes tied too. You can do that too.

781
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:55,359
Speaker 1: My friend this weekend, I was away in Tafino this

782
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,640
Speaker 1: weekend and she said, I like getting my period. It

783
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: makes me feel womanly. And we just all looked at her, like,

784
00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:06,320
Speaker 1: what what fuck are you talking about? What likes getting

785
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,000
Speaker 1: their period?

786
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,560
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, she must not have very many cramps.

787
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:12,440
Speaker 4: But well, our next question comes from Teagan. It's a

788
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 4: little bit of a long one, but it's a really

789
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 4: well written email. So she says, Dear Chelsea, first, thank

790
00:37:17,719 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 4: you for being the kind of persons strangers like me

791
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 4: feel safe spilling their guts to a Few years ago,

792
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,439
Speaker 4: my father in law passed away suddenly, and my mother

793
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 4: in law, after talking it through with her kids, sold

794
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 4: her house. My husband and I live on a large

795
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 4: property and generously offered her the option to build a

796
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 4: small cottage in her backyard. The idea was she'd spend less,

797
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:38,280
Speaker 4: be closer to her grandkids, and have her own private space.

798
00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 4: Until the cottage was built, she'd temporarily live upstairs in

799
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:45,839
Speaker 4: our house with her terrible, spiteful cat. Sorry not sorry, Oh,

800
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 4: here we go. She has a bedroom, bathroom, living room,

801
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 4: and kitchenette. The plan six months while our own two toddlers,

802
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,879
Speaker 4: then ages two and three, continued sleeping in her room

803
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 4: to make space for her. We share our kitchen, a life,

804
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,400
Speaker 4: a ceiling, all temporary, right. Well, We started the cottage

805
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:04,120
Speaker 4: without permits, naively thinking it would be simple, and three

806
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,400
Speaker 4: months in the town shut it down. Since then, the

807
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,800
Speaker 4: permitting process has been a soul sucking, hope killing, multi

808
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:11,800
Speaker 4: year nightmare.

809
00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:13,360
Speaker 3: Do you know anything about that, Chelsea.

810
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,400
Speaker 4: Here we are in twenty twenty five and her cottage

811
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,240
Speaker 4: is just now almost done. That means she's still upstairs

812
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 4: and my kids, now five and seven, still share a

813
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 4: bedroom with me and my husband.

814
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 3: Oh my god, let me say this. She's not a

815
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:27,839
Speaker 3: monster in law.

816
00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 4: She's kind, She's helped us financially, she loves us, But

817
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,320
Speaker 4: she's always been a lot. Even when I was a

818
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 4: teenager dating her son, she was already the kind of

819
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,759
Speaker 4: person I felt mildly allergic to, chatting to a level

820
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:42,760
Speaker 4: that feels like psychological warfare, socially unaware, messy, kind of lazy,

821
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,799
Speaker 4: and completely incapable of reading a room. She talks through

822
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 4: every silence, she lingers in doorways when I'm just trying

823
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 4: to mother my children in peace. Being around her twenty

824
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 4: four to seven has turned all those little quirks into

825
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 4: rage triggers.

826
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:54,279
Speaker 1: For me.

827
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 3: I twitch at the sound of her footsteps.

828
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,880
Speaker 4: I get angry when she breathes too loud, and I

829
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 4: know that makes me sound up kind, but.

830
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 3: It is the truth.

831
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 4: So after three years of this, I've grown deeply resentful.

832
00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 4: Early motherhood was supposed to be sacred for me, and

833
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 4: instead I've been in this constant state of stress. Meanwhile,

834
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 4: my husband and I have tiptoed around our intimacy, spending

835
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,360
Speaker 4: three years as a family of four crammed into one bedroom.

836
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 4: I know she didn't ask for this tragedy either. She

837
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:21,479
Speaker 4: lost her husband, she's retired, she's lonely. She probably means well,

838
00:39:21,560 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 4: But just because I know all that doesn't mean I

839
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 4: know how to stop feeling the way I do.

840
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 3: My husband's on the same page. I'm not proud of

841
00:39:28,040 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 3: the tone.

842
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 4: I take with her, or how I avoid her like

843
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,480
Speaker 4: a sulky teenager, or how I let her mere presence

844
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,360
Speaker 4: ruin my day. I don't want credit, I don't want pity.

845
00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 4: I want tools to stop mentally living in this resentment swamp.

846
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,800
Speaker 4: I want to be kind, especially because she's not going anywhere.

847
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 4: She'll be fifty feet from my back door for the

848
00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 4: rest of our lives. How do I get there?

849
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 1: Sincerely, teaken Hi, this is our special guest, Martha Plimpton

850
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:51,400
Speaker 1: is here today.

851
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,439
Speaker 5: Hi. Hi, Wow, what a conundrum.

852
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 1: Yes, you've survived.

853
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 2: First of all, you've survived this. I can't.

854
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I cannot believe you've been sharing a bedroom

855
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,720
Speaker 1: with your children. I can relate seven, I can relate

856
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 1: to first. I mean, I can relate to a lot

857
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,479
Speaker 1: of it. But I can relate to the real estate

858
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 1: fiasco of it all. It is is soul crushing to

859
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,479
Speaker 1: constantly be told and to take an advantage of over

860
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 1: and over again, and be told something is going to come,

861
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 1: be ready and not be ready. It's just like the

862
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 1: emotional toll that that takes. I totally get it. But

863
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: here's the great news. She's moving into the cottage, so

864
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,240
Speaker 1: fifty feet away is going to be exactly the amount

865
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,360
Speaker 1: of space you need. That might not sound like a lot,

866
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 1: but she's going to be out of your you know,

867
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 1: like inside your house. And even though she's going to

868
00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 1: be loitering around and lingering, it's going to change the

869
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 1: dynamic like exponentially just by having your own room back

870
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,839
Speaker 1: and giving your kids their own room, you know. And

871
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: so first of all, I would if I were in

872
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 1: your situation, I would have started taking well betrin or

873
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:56,440
Speaker 1: something like.

874
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,759
Speaker 2: I would take a moodlifter.

875
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,440
Speaker 1: Honestly, I would go to my doctor and be like, listen,

876
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 1: something is really irritating me and I need something to

877
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,799
Speaker 1: take the edge off. I do that in times in

878
00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,960
Speaker 1: my life when I really need it, when I'm very,

879
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,759
Speaker 1: very irritable, and I don't do it long term, but

880
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 1: I do ask my doctor, like, what's something that will

881
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 1: take the edge off. Another way to go is to

882
00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: actually just write down the kind of relationship that you

883
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: want to have with her. Write down that now you

884
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,480
Speaker 1: can even do this together with her, You can even

885
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 1: bring her into this and go, hay usen, we just

886
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,800
Speaker 1: went through something that most families don't survive.

887
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:31,120
Speaker 2: We survived it.

888
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:34,720
Speaker 1: Let's figure out how we can move forward with giving us.

889
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 2: Each other the right amount of space.

890
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 1: She couldn't have loved living inside your house as much either,

891
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 1: Like she didn't. She probably was irritated by that whole situation.

892
00:41:43,760 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 6: Yeah. Absolutely, it's definitely been hard on all of us,

893
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 6: and we're very much aligned in that.

894
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 1: You know, we decided to do this together.

895
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,880
Speaker 6: We're going to get it, get through it all together,

896
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,080
Speaker 6: and every set of a step of the way. You know,

897
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 6: we've I've made sure to say to her, you know,

898
00:41:58,480 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 6: nobody asked for this.

899
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: We didn't know what we didn't know.

900
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 6: So I think I can definitely agree to that.

901
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 1: Good for you, Good for you for like for even

902
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: you know, doing this and going through it. But now

903
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 1: it's a great opportunity for you guys to even understand

904
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 1: each other better by sitting down together. Whether you want

905
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: to do this and include your husband, I mean men

906
00:42:17,080 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 1: are pretty useless, so you might just mean, well, just

907
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,800
Speaker 1: do it without him. You and her sit down together

908
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:23,800
Speaker 1: and go, Okay, what are some rules we can follow

909
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: for each other? To give each other some space now

910
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,400
Speaker 1: that we have it, like what's going to make you comfortable,

911
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:30,839
Speaker 1: what's going to make me comfortable? So that you're doing

912
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 1: it together and kind of like developing a road map

913
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,320
Speaker 1: in concert with each other out of respect for women,

914
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:39,640
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like like you come at

915
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 1: it like I want to respect you and I want

916
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 1: you to respect me, and I don't want any weird feelings.

917
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 1: So let's talk about these last four years. You don't

918
00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: have to like get into all of it, but like,

919
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 1: what do we want to be different moving forward so

920
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 1: that we all have our own space. I know you

921
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 1: must want your own space. I want my own space.

922
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: I can't wait to have my bedroom back. And then

923
00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,839
Speaker 1: kind of talk through it with her. Do you think

924
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 1: she would be open to something like that.

925
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:02,920
Speaker 5: She would. Yeah.

926
00:43:03,200 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 6: A lot of it is resentment, right at least on

927
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:08,680
Speaker 6: my end, So I wouldn't want to go into it

928
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,600
Speaker 6: having to bring up things that I didn't like to

929
00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,640
Speaker 6: then kind of prove a point of what I do want.

930
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 6: So I guess it would just be navigating that, if

931
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 6: that makes sense.

932
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not useful to go you did this and

933
00:43:18,960 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 1: this annoyed me. That's not the right tone, but just

934
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: you know, moving forward, Like we have a huge opportunity.

935
00:43:23,800 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 1: Let's make this since the last few years have been

936
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: kind of stressful and we've all been on top of

937
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 1: each other, let's use this as an opportunity to figure

938
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: out the best ways to help each other.

939
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:36,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, and what the dynamic is going to be moving

940
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,959
Speaker 4: It's like a perfect sort offlection point where like things

941
00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:41,279
Speaker 4: are already changing and you can set new boundaries, even

942
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,360
Speaker 4: if you don't call them.

943
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:43,280
Speaker 5: That, right.

944
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 6: I was just going to say, this reminds me of

945
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,240
Speaker 6: like like a pleasant boundary.

946
00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 5: To ehet it.

947
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:51,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that way she can invoke her desires and wishes,

948
00:43:51,320 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And she can also say, oh,

949
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 1: you know, from six to nine, I would like for

950
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: the kids not to come over, Like, you know, use

951
00:43:58,200 --> 00:43:59,719
Speaker 1: that as a starting point. I know, you don't want

952
00:43:59,719 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 1: the kids probably running over your house all day long.

953
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: Is there a time of day that you'd prefer to

954
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 1: be left alone? And then that opens the door for

955
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:08,600
Speaker 1: the times of days you want to be left alone,

956
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,160
Speaker 1: And like how you're going to communicate coming back and forth,

957
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: or if it's just gonna be casual, or if there

958
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,080
Speaker 1: are certain nights that you want some privacy. You know,

959
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 1: all of these things can come up very organically. I

960
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 1: think you've handled yourself with such a plum thus far, like,

961
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 1: way to fucking go, way to be a team player,

962
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:26,480
Speaker 1: and yeah, come over here.

963
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:30,560
Speaker 7: You're applauding your your fortitude, your strength and your ford.

964
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 7: It can tell it's not it's not been easy, but

965
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,400
Speaker 7: I admire your strength.

966
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,840
Speaker 5: You're doing great. Thank you.

967
00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: I appreciate that.

968
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 6: I definitely don't like to feel like on this like

969
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 6: not so kind person, because most people I have great

970
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:50,239
Speaker 6: relationships with. It's just a it was a difficult situation

971
00:44:50,440 --> 00:44:54,040
Speaker 6: and it just kept going and going, and we would

972
00:44:54,040 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 6: see the light at the end of the tunnel and

973
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,359
Speaker 6: then it was it was pushed back some more.

974
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 1: So the night is very very close.

975
00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:03,920
Speaker 6: I do have to say, probably you know, within the

976
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 6: next couple weeks.

977
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 2: Right, perfect and perfect?

978
00:45:07,760 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank goodness for that, right Yeah, And celebrate yourself

979
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 1: for putting up with that and dealing with it and

980
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 1: being so accommodating like that.

981
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:17,200
Speaker 5: Is a lot.

982
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,359
Speaker 1: That's a lot to take on. Yeah, and you're going

983
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,400
Speaker 1: to have privacy now with your husband. You can have

984
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,839
Speaker 1: sex with your husband if you're still attracted to him

985
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: after all of this.

986
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 2: That would be a victory, you.

987
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 1: Know, And it's going to be like a nice new

988
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: beginning for the whole family because the kids are going

989
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,400
Speaker 1: to benefit from this too, and they're also going to

990
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,320
Speaker 1: benefit from having their grandmother so close.

991
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,279
Speaker 6: I remind myself of that a lot, and she, you know,

992
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:40,600
Speaker 6: has all great intentions as far as the kids, and

993
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 6: I know it's going to be really really good for them.

994
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:46,439
Speaker 6: And there they love it, and they've for little kids,

995
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,080
Speaker 6: they really understand the situation and they know, Okay.

996
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 1: We're going to get our bedrooms soon. We're going to

997
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:52,800
Speaker 1: go pick out the paint colors.

998
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,480
Speaker 6: Like they're on board with it too, So we're definitely

999
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,520
Speaker 6: all on the same page. And I think what you

1000
00:45:58,520 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 6: said would be a great idea to start almost in fresh.

1001
00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 6: What we should have done when she originally moved in

1002
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 6: been like, okay, let's figure out how we can make

1003
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:08,919
Speaker 6: this work.

1004
00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 1: Seamlessly, and but we didn't know. We just were winging it, like.

1005
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 6: Okay, it'll be a couple of months. Oh, okay, a couple

1006
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:15,840
Speaker 6: more months, yeah, and then here we are and.

1007
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:19,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, bonus bonus that you can set up when

1008
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:22,279
Speaker 4: you sit down and have this conversation is figuring out

1009
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 4: babysitting nights, like, hey, we love if like Tuesdays and

1010
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,480
Speaker 4: Saturdays you take the kids for three hours each night

1011
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 4: and then you can have sex with your husband also

1012
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 4: or go out or do it. But that way you

1013
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 4: have days where you know, you get some private time.

1014
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 4: So this is even a bonus. That way the kids

1015
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 4: are out of the house too. Yep, exactly. I think

1016
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 4: that's great idea too.

1017
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 1: We'll take advantage and don't beat yourself up for like

1018
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,320
Speaker 1: having thoughts that you're a bad person.

1019
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 2: That's just women, that's just female guilt.

1020
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 1: So that is us just wrestling with all of our

1021
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:53,040
Speaker 1: responsibilities and feeling bad about having negative feelings. It's totally

1022
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: normal to be annoyed that somebody's in your house for

1023
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 1: that long. It doesn't matter, and especially your mother in

1024
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 1: law like that is yeah, completely normal.

1025
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:00,080
Speaker 2: You're not a bad.

1026
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, I appreciate you saying that.

1027
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 3: Thank you keep us updated. All right, Tea again, I

1028
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:06,960
Speaker 3: will thank you.

1029
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: Thank you ladies so much, thanks for your time for

1030
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:09,919
Speaker 1: hearing me out.

1031
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks to again.

1032
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 4: All right, Well, our next caller is dev. Dev says

1033
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 4: dear Chelsea. I'm twenty five and from the Midwest. I'm

1034
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 4: currently experiencing the worst betrayal of my life. I've been

1035
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 4: cheated on in almost every one of my relationships, and

1036
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:26,839
Speaker 4: when I got to this most recent one, I felt

1037
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 4: I finally healed and was ready to trust. We had

1038
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 4: so many what I thought were honest conversations about our

1039
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:34,719
Speaker 4: past and how we could be good partners for each other.

1040
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 4: I found out after posting the first time, my first

1041
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 4: post with him, after about five months of dating, that

1042
00:47:41,160 --> 00:47:43,239
Speaker 4: he had been having a full blown affair under my

1043
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:44,760
Speaker 4: nose and now I can see.

1044
00:47:44,640 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 3: Basically rubbing it into my face.

1045
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 4: The girl DMed me, and he denied it until I

1046
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 4: was reading him the damning messages he sent to her.

1047
00:47:51,920 --> 00:47:54,319
Speaker 4: In hindsight, I had a few moments of questioning. I

1048
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:57,000
Speaker 4: always chose to trust him to avoid the toxic patterns

1049
00:47:57,040 --> 00:47:59,440
Speaker 4: of relationships I've been in the past. He was never

1050
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 4: going to tell me or end it, and his reaction

1051
00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 4: to be finding out truly makes me believe he's not

1052
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 4: even sorry. Logically, I know all I can do is

1053
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 4: move forward. That the best revenge is looking, feeling and

1054
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,520
Speaker 4: doing my best. I have hobbies, friends, and I'm outgoing

1055
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,720
Speaker 4: I'm a catch and this is the last thing I deserved.

1056
00:48:14,080 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 4: For the purpose of brevity, that's all I could just

1057
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 4: stand to hear any wisdom you can offer, any laughs

1058
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,960
Speaker 4: or lighthearted spins on the situation and the support from

1059
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:22,520
Speaker 4: this community you've created.

1060
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:27,600
Speaker 1: Love dev Hi dev Hy Chelsea Hi, this is our

1061
00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:30,160
Speaker 1: special guest Martha Plimpton here today.

1062
00:48:30,360 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 5: How you doing so this pattern.

1063
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:36,280
Speaker 1: Of behavior you speak of, you pick men that are cheating.

1064
00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 1: Is that the same pattern that you're referring to.

1065
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 8: I think the pattern is that I'm attracted to narcissus

1066
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 8: because I confuse their confidence as an attractive trait, and

1067
00:48:49,560 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 8: I need to get better at discerning when it crosses

1068
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 8: a line.

1069
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:57,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you do, because there's a lot of narcissists

1070
00:48:57,239 --> 00:48:59,280
Speaker 1: out there, and you need to protect your mental health

1071
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 1: and you need to protect yourself because if you have

1072
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: a lot to offer, you want to be able to

1073
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 1: give that to somebody who deserves it.

1074
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:06,480
Speaker 2: Have you read the book Attached?

1075
00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:09,000
Speaker 8: I actually am in the process of reading it on

1076
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 8: my next stand.

1077
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 1: Great, Well, that's going to help you a lot, because

1078
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,640
Speaker 1: that's going to make you understand which kind of version

1079
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 1: you are anxious attached, you know, and you're going to

1080
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,400
Speaker 1: understand why you keep going after the same kind of person.

1081
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,760
Speaker 1: It's called a breakup because It's Broken is a decent

1082
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,320
Speaker 1: book about breaking up. It sounds pretty kind of silly,

1083
00:49:26,360 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 1: but it actually has some good stuff in there about

1084
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 1: not repeating patterns.

1085
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 2: But are you in therapy right now?

1086
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,400
Speaker 5: I am. Yeah.

1087
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:37,600
Speaker 1: Well, then you really want to really make sure that

1088
00:49:37,680 --> 00:49:40,760
Speaker 1: you are cementing the signs of narcissism. Write them fucking

1089
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: down and put them on your refrigerator and on your

1090
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 1: mirror so that when you are dating somebody, the first

1091
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 1: red flag is the last red flag. You don't need

1092
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 1: to go through this again, because life is about patterns

1093
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 1: and behavior, and the minute you break a cycle, you're

1094
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,600
Speaker 1: able to elevate and get onto the next version of you.

1095
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 2: And that's what you want to do.

1096
00:49:58,120 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: You don't want to keep running around with the same

1097
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,400
Speaker 1: lose It's an unfortunate byproduct of our society that there

1098
00:50:03,440 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 1: are so many narcissists. But you can combat that, you

1099
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 1: know what I mean, with your own education and your

1100
00:50:08,719 --> 00:50:11,759
Speaker 1: own self reliance, and also maybe take a break from

1101
00:50:11,880 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 1: dating anybody for a while until you have a real

1102
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 1: handle on how to identify somebody who is out for

1103
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 1: themselves versus somebody who's actually really caring and interested in

1104
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:27,120
Speaker 1: a relationship. And also, don't confuse confidence, you know, narcissism

1105
00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:29,920
Speaker 1: for confidence. Does that sound right, Martha? Do you want

1106
00:50:29,920 --> 00:50:31,320
Speaker 1: to add anything to this listen?

1107
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 5: I could not agree more.

1108
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:38,280
Speaker 7: I've gone through similar situations as to what you're going through,

1109
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,920
Speaker 7: and for a long time it was the bane of

1110
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:44,880
Speaker 7: my existence. I went with one narcissist after another a

1111
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:47,960
Speaker 7: lot of time. It's about, you know, we're attracted to

1112
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 7: something that sort of reflects back our initial wound or

1113
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,799
Speaker 7: you know, a childhood wound, and maybe something in your

1114
00:50:55,840 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 7: family or something in a parent that you see as

1115
00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,440
Speaker 7: sort of hard to get in a way that confidence

1116
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 7: can seem like sort of and you want to attain

1117
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:08,239
Speaker 7: it so you can, I don't know, communicate with that

1118
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 7: part of you, that little kid in you. And I

1119
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,479
Speaker 7: know I'm sounding kind of ridiculous right now, but that's

1120
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,920
Speaker 7: kind of what I've done. I've sort of looked back

1121
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 7: in therapy with my with my shrink and my reading

1122
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 7: and gone, Okay, what am I trying to correct from

1123
00:51:23,320 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 7: my youth or my little girlhood that is feeling so

1124
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 7: left behind? Are so in need of approval and love

1125
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 7: from somebody who's really just about kind of themselves. You know,

1126
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:38,879
Speaker 7: I think everything Chelsea said is exactly right, and you're

1127
00:51:38,920 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 7: gonna be fine, and she's right. You know, maybe taking

1128
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:45,000
Speaker 7: a little break is okay. I certainly am, and I'm

1129
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 7: loving it. You know, you don't have to wait till

1130
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:50,840
Speaker 7: you're fifty to take a break from dating and getting

1131
00:51:50,880 --> 00:51:54,880
Speaker 7: to know yourself better. But you know, listen, I'm terrible

1132
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 7: for this because I've been through the same thing so

1133
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:57,799
Speaker 7: many times.

1134
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:58,759
Speaker 5: It's ridiculous.

1135
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 7: So know, all I can say is your way ahead

1136
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:03,560
Speaker 7: of where I was at your age.

1137
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:05,680
Speaker 1: And you also have to remember that you set the

1138
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 1: tone for like who's in your life.

1139
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 2: You set the standard.

1140
00:52:08,120 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 1: Like a personal story for me, recently, somebody tried to

1141
00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 1: set me up. This was a few months ago. Somebody

1142
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:16,279
Speaker 1: tried to set me up. This person was rich, famous, gorgeous,

1143
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,920
Speaker 1: all of the like, you know, very attractive qualities. And

1144
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: then I sat I had a couple of conversations with

1145
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 1: him before you know, I decided to go out with him.

1146
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 2: I was like, let me just talk to.

1147
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,319
Speaker 1: This guy, because I don't really want to waste my time.

1148
00:52:27,360 --> 00:52:29,160
Speaker 1: I'm in a place in my life. That's not dissimilar

1149
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:31,680
Speaker 1: from where Martha is. Where I enjoy my own company.

1150
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 1: I like to be alone. I like my time alone.

1151
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 1: I'm happy alone. I mean, I'm not very self sufficient,

1152
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 1: so that's where I have a conflict because I need

1153
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 1: people to help me all the time.

1154
00:52:40,719 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 2: But so this guy was all of these things.

1155
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,200
Speaker 1: I talked to this guy three times and I was like,

1156
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:48,680
Speaker 1: definitely not. This guy talked about himself in like, he

1157
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,560
Speaker 1: didn't ask me any questions about myself. He talked about

1158
00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: himself NonStop. Everything was about him and his schedule and

1159
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: what his work and when he was shooting this and

1160
00:52:58,719 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: when he would be available to meet based on his openings.

1161
00:53:02,239 --> 00:53:04,760
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, this is a huge red flag,

1162
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,600
Speaker 1: Like this is not a relationship. This is not somebody

1163
00:53:07,600 --> 00:53:09,719
Speaker 1: I want to be in a relationship with. And the

1164
00:53:09,760 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: biggest narcissist that I ever dated. And I've dated a couple,

1165
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: but I don't have a repeated pattern of dating narcissists,

1166
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 1: but one I did, like, it's very obvious when someone

1167
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: is out for themselves and their own best interests supersede yours,

1168
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 1: Like that is a very obvious thing to identify. So

1169
00:53:26,239 --> 00:53:28,839
Speaker 1: now that you've had exposure to that, you should have

1170
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 1: no problem identifying it.

1171
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:34,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, and I already had the epiphany that I was

1172
00:53:34,680 --> 00:53:38,440
Speaker 8: the common denominator in this pattern, and so the calls

1173
00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 8: coming from inside the house and.

1174
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:43,560
Speaker 5: Working on Matt.

1175
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 7: But also just remember a common theme today is don't

1176
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:52,240
Speaker 7: get down on yourself. You know, these guys they're the problem.

1177
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:56,320
Speaker 7: You know, you might you know, you're looking for something

1178
00:53:56,840 --> 00:54:01,320
Speaker 7: that is exciting and interesting and makes you feel loved

1179
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:05,840
Speaker 7: and appreciated, and they're the ones who are who are disappointing,

1180
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 7: not you. So it's okay to not be down on

1181
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 7: yourself and to go you know what. Sure, there are obviously,

1182
00:54:13,360 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 7: or maybe there are things about you know, your childhood

1183
00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 7: or where you come from that make you seek out,

1184
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,040
Speaker 7: you know, a thing that you want to repair from

1185
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 7: your past. But that's not a fault, that's not a flaw.

1186
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:29,839
Speaker 7: That's a normal human thing that all human beings do.

1187
00:54:30,440 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 7: It's a question of whether or not the person that

1188
00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:36,560
Speaker 7: you seek out is able to see that and respect.

1189
00:54:36,080 --> 00:54:39,120
Speaker 5: It and meet you where you are. That's what it's about.

1190
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:42,799
Speaker 7: Yeah, don't bring yourself down, don't talk yourself down, you know,

1191
00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:43,640
Speaker 7: talk them down.

1192
00:54:43,680 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 1: They're the assholes and talk yourself up for you know,

1193
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: knowing that there's a problem you change. If you change

1194
00:54:48,640 --> 00:54:50,799
Speaker 1: your behavior, you're going to change the outcome, you know

1195
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:51,239
Speaker 1: what I mean.

1196
00:54:51,440 --> 00:54:52,760
Speaker 2: That's as simple as it gets.

1197
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:55,680
Speaker 1: So as long as you start making better decisions and

1198
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,799
Speaker 1: identifying patterns of behavior, which you're doing by calling in,

1199
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 1: by admitting all this, you're going to change, and you're

1200
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,400
Speaker 1: going to and the men you're going to date are

1201
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:04,279
Speaker 1: going to change as well.

1202
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 8: I do feel like I've already had a change from

1203
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 8: feeling like so wounded in my ego to realizing that

1204
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 8: I am not my ego and the fact that someone

1205
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:17,600
Speaker 8: else wasn't able to value me and everything I have

1206
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 8: to offer doesn't diminish my value great and like I

1207
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,480
Speaker 8: have not to toot my own horn, but such a

1208
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:27,440
Speaker 8: bright light that I can share and touch in so

1209
00:55:27,480 --> 00:55:31,839
Speaker 8: many people's lives that it's their loss fully completely hard.

1210
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:35,520
Speaker 8: Stop he is such a loser.

1211
00:55:38,239 --> 00:55:39,640
Speaker 5: I love it. I love your.

1212
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:45,279
Speaker 3: Listeners. Focus on that, Yeah, focus more on that.

1213
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,799
Speaker 4: And you know what, you're in your twenties and dating it,

1214
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 4: dating secks in your twenties. You know, maybe that's part

1215
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 4: of the common denominator that you know, dating always sucks,

1216
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 4: always suck.

1217
00:55:54,520 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 8: Thank you so much, and it's been really good to

1218
00:55:57,400 --> 00:55:59,840
Speaker 8: talk to you. Nice to meet you, Martha Chelsea. I

1219
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:02,680
Speaker 8: listened to your podcasts for a long time and I

1220
00:56:02,719 --> 00:56:04,759
Speaker 8: applied some of the advice. I heard your voice in

1221
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:07,960
Speaker 8: my head and I was writing in in the middle

1222
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:10,799
Speaker 8: of my crashout. Time has already kind of done its thing.

1223
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 8: But talking to you here today, I feel rejuvenated and.

1224
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 2: Then I'm going love it direction. I love it you

1225
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:18,760
Speaker 2: are going in the right direction.

1226
00:56:18,960 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 1: Thanks for calling in dev Yeah, thank you, Bye bye bye.

1227
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:27,359
Speaker 4: This is where twenty five year olds are at with

1228
00:56:27,400 --> 00:56:30,200
Speaker 4: their mental health and their personal growth. Like they're talking

1229
00:56:30,239 --> 00:56:34,359
Speaker 4: about like moving toward the light and their attachment styles.

1230
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,399
Speaker 3: You know, nothink their ego. I think it's great.

1231
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1232
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,239
Speaker 1: I didn't find out about my ego until I was

1233
00:56:40,239 --> 00:56:42,799
Speaker 1: about thirty five years old. So it seems people seem

1234
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 1: to be way ahead of the game. Boys too, young

1235
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 1: boys too. For the most part, they seem to be

1236
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 1: with it a little bit more than guys our age.

1237
00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:52,239
Speaker 2: I feel like there's an expiration day.

1238
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,759
Speaker 1: Like everybody who's above fifty, as a white male, needs

1239
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 1: to be updated, like an iPhone updated.

1240
00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 5: They need a soft world.

1241
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to be right back with Martha Plimpton

1242
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,440
Speaker 1: to wrap up with today's episode with one last question.

1243
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 2: Do we have one last week?

1244
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 1: We have one last question. Yeah, we'll be right back

1245
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,399
Speaker 1: and we're back with Martha Plimpton. Okay, we do love

1246
00:57:15,400 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 1: our commercial breaks.

1247
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:16,920
Speaker 5: We do.

1248
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 4: This is another like parent behaving badly, but it's sort

1249
00:57:20,200 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 4: of a different situation. So Ali says, Dear Chelsea, I'm

1250
00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 4: a thirty year old woman with a husband and daughter,

1251
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 4: and my dad is driving me fucking nuts. My parents

1252
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 4: had me when they were young and were never married

1253
00:57:31,440 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 4: and separated when I was too little to even remember

1254
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:36,160
Speaker 4: them being together. But my dad was always very involved

1255
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:39,080
Speaker 4: in my life. My parents co parented fantastically and had

1256
00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 4: a close friendship. He contributed greatly to paying for my college,

1257
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 4: never missed a child support payment, and was the furthest

1258
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,400
Speaker 4: thing from a deadbeat dad. We got along great during

1259
00:57:47,400 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 4: my childhood. He was like the Disneyland dad type of parent.

1260
00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 4: And then in twenty to nineteen, I started therapy and

1261
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:55,040
Speaker 4: I have started consuming a lot of what I call.

1262
00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 3: Therapy podcasts like yours.

1263
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 4: Being in therapy, becoming a mom and learning about attachment styles,

1264
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 4: mindfulness and boundary setting has been a huge transformation for me.

1265
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 4: Without sounding too patronizing, I'm now hyper aware of everyone's

1266
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:09,760
Speaker 4: emotional maturity around me, and this has led to my

1267
00:58:09,840 --> 00:58:12,960
Speaker 4: dad driving me fucking nuts. I think he has undiagnosed

1268
00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:16,160
Speaker 4: ADHD anxious attachment, and he's very paranoid of other people

1269
00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 4: since my daughter was born. He's very needy of my attention,

1270
00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:23,480
Speaker 4: sometimes calling me multiple times today. He's disrespectful of boundaries

1271
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 4: and will frequently say things like I need to come

1272
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 4: over this week, or I'm running errands, but I'm going

1273
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:29,440
Speaker 4: to call you soon, so make sure you pick up,

1274
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 4: or you better stop breastfeeding soon.

1275
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 3: He calls me all.

1276
00:58:32,480 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 4: The time, but we'll only talk about himself and has

1277
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 4: a lot of difficulty paying attention to what I'm saying,

1278
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:38,760
Speaker 4: or he just wants to sit on the phone and

1279
00:58:38,800 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 4: has nothing to really say. He's an ass to his girlfriend.

1280
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:43,920
Speaker 4: He constantly interrupts her and tells her what to do.

1281
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 4: He owns his own Company's very bossing to everyone around him.

1282
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:49,440
Speaker 4: I've noticed a lot of patterns of misogyny where he

1283
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:51,800
Speaker 4: pretty aggressively complains about the women in his life and

1284
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 4: Judge's mothers. Every time I try to set a boundary,

1285
00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 4: he pushes back. If he's on a paranoid rant about

1286
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 4: someone who's bothering him, and I try to offer other perspectives,

1287
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:03,080
Speaker 4: he gets and defensive. It's becoming intolerable to spend time

1288
00:59:03,120 --> 00:59:04,520
Speaker 4: with him, and I feel myself being.

1289
00:59:04,440 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 3: Short and more confrontational with him.

1290
00:59:06,600 --> 00:59:08,760
Speaker 4: My question is, how do you cope with maintaining a

1291
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:11,200
Speaker 4: positive relationship with a loved one who drives.

1292
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 5: You up the wall?

1293
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 3: Am I being the asshole? After going through therapy?

1294
00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 4: Do I now just require everyone around me to also

1295
00:59:17,240 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 4: be in therapy in order for me to stand them.

1296
00:59:19,560 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 3: Thanks for reading this very long email.

1297
00:59:21,120 --> 00:59:23,560
Speaker 4: And I apologize for any typos as I am dyslexic.

1298
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 4: I got that from him too, Ali.

1299
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: I would send that letter to your father, Seriously, why not?

1300
00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:33,040
Speaker 1: I mean, he's not going to fucking listen any other way.

1301
00:59:33,040 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: I would send exactly that letter and go. I had

1302
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:38,080
Speaker 1: to write into a podcast because of how much time

1303
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 1: you're taking up out of my life because it's right.

1304
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 2: There, it's right there.

1305
00:59:41,120 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, It's much more effective, in my opinion, to put

1306
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:47,040
Speaker 1: something in writing, because saying it out loud it could

1307
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:49,960
Speaker 1: be obfuscated, and it could be turned around, and it

1308
00:59:49,960 --> 00:59:52,320
Speaker 1: can be manipulated. And if you put it there, he

1309
00:59:52,360 --> 00:59:54,880
Speaker 1: can reflect and look back on it. And while it's harsh,

1310
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:57,560
Speaker 1: some people really need to be treated harshly so that

1311
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 1: they could actually get their shit together. And yeah, I

1312
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,400
Speaker 1: would man that he has to go to therapy in

1313
01:00:01,520 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 1: order to be around you.

1314
01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:05,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, Martha thoughts.

1315
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 5: I agree. I agree.

1316
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:09,480
Speaker 7: So I say, even just send the letter that you

1317
01:00:09,520 --> 01:00:11,840
Speaker 7: wrote into the podcast like verbatim.

1318
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:13,680
Speaker 5: However, he's gonna respond.

1319
01:00:13,720 --> 01:00:15,640
Speaker 7: At least you've gotten it off your chest and you've

1320
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:18,760
Speaker 7: said it, and then once you've said it, then you

1321
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 7: can go, Okay, this is what I was talking about

1322
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 7: in that letter. Yeah, so I got to go, or

1323
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 7: this is what I was talking about in that letter,

1324
01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:28,520
Speaker 7: and I'm gonna end this conversation now, or I'm going

1325
01:00:28,600 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 7: to hang up now you know what I mean, And

1326
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 7: you don't have to say it meanly, and you don't

1327
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:34,120
Speaker 7: have to get angry, you don't even have to raise

1328
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:35,960
Speaker 7: your voice. You have to go, see, this is what

1329
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 7: I was talking about. So if you want to take

1330
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:40,520
Speaker 7: note and maybe change it, that would be great.

1331
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 5: Otherwise I got to go now.

1332
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:43,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that because pointing it out in the

1333
01:00:43,920 --> 01:00:45,360
Speaker 4: moment of like did you hear how you just talk

1334
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 4: to your girlfriend or did you hear how you just

1335
01:00:46,960 --> 01:00:47,840
Speaker 4: boss that person around?

1336
01:00:47,920 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 3: Or like what would you know about breastfeeding? And when

1337
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:53,240
Speaker 3: it's time to stop you when I.

1338
01:00:53,160 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 7: Feel like asking questions about these people is usually a

1339
01:00:58,200 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 7: road to ruin for me. It's not about asking questions,

1340
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,800
Speaker 7: it's about Okay, this is what I was talking about,

1341
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:08,280
Speaker 7: and this is what bothers me. And if you want

1342
01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:11,280
Speaker 7: to change it, that's great. If you don't, goodbye. It's

1343
01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 7: very cut and dried with me, particularly with men, I

1344
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:16,760
Speaker 7: just feel like it's very important not.

1345
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 5: To leave them an inch, not an inch.

1346
01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 7: Because they will take it. They will take it and

1347
01:01:23,480 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 7: they will run and they will take that literally. I

1348
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:28,760
Speaker 7: mean it's the oldest expression in the book, because it's true.

1349
01:01:29,440 --> 01:01:31,280
Speaker 7: You know, you give men an inch and they take

1350
01:01:31,320 --> 01:01:34,880
Speaker 7: a mile. Laying down those boundaries and also knowing that

1351
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:38,560
Speaker 7: you're right, you don't have to argue, You don't have

1352
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:40,439
Speaker 7: to argue with him, you don't have to tell him

1353
01:01:40,880 --> 01:01:44,479
Speaker 7: you know anything other than what it is. You just say, look,

1354
01:01:44,480 --> 01:01:47,440
Speaker 7: this behavior is just not okay with me, and I'm

1355
01:01:47,480 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 7: not going to get into it.

1356
01:01:48,480 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 5: I'm not going to fight with you. I don't have

1357
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:51,000
Speaker 5: time for that.

1358
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 7: So you can change it and that will be great

1359
01:01:54,040 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 7: and we'll have a lovely afternoon or a great conversation,

1360
01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 7: or I can get off the phone and not.

1361
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:00,840
Speaker 5: Talk to you today. Yeah, exactly, that's simple.

1362
01:02:00,920 --> 01:02:03,440
Speaker 1: I think you should really be firm in your response,

1363
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 1: and you know, in your act of telling him that

1364
01:02:06,480 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 1: that's a very firm way of telling him.

1365
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 5: And show him the letter first. Then he has a excuse.

1366
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,760
Speaker 7: That's his reference point, right, And then and you don't

1367
01:02:15,800 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 7: have it's not a discussion. We're not talking about this.

1368
01:02:19,400 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 7: This is the way it is from now on, because

1369
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,280
Speaker 7: I think men they want to have a discussion so

1370
01:02:23,320 --> 01:02:25,440
Speaker 7: they can talk you out of it, or you know,

1371
01:02:25,720 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 7: make it seem like this is all your fault or whatever.

1372
01:02:28,520 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 5: No, don't no, bye.

1373
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:33,040
Speaker 3: And then if all else fails, give him a software upgrade.

1374
01:02:33,480 --> 01:02:34,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, good luck with that.

1375
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:35,960
Speaker 2: Okay.

1376
01:02:36,040 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 1: Well, I hope you are enjoying Martha Plimpton on Tasks,

1377
01:02:39,320 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 1: which is on HBO right HU Sunday nights, yep.

1378
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:43,640
Speaker 2: Sunday nights.

1379
01:02:43,680 --> 01:02:45,800
Speaker 1: And then I think the season by the time this airs,

1380
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 1: I think we're going to be on the season finale. Yes,

1381
01:02:48,160 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 1: and then we'll be looking forward to you on East

1382
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:50,760
Speaker 1: of Eden.

1383
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:52,440
Speaker 2: I cannot fucking wait for that.

1384
01:02:52,960 --> 01:02:57,960
Speaker 1: Thank you Martha for sharing your wonderful wisdom about men.

1385
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:03,480
Speaker 5: Ah. Thank you so much. This was really fun. I

1386
01:03:03,520 --> 01:03:04,560
Speaker 5: really appreciate it.

1387
01:03:04,600 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 1: Love it.

1388
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:06,480
Speaker 2: I have a great time in London.

1389
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:10,040
Speaker 5: Thank you, thank you, Bye bye, bye bye.

1390
01:03:11,120 --> 01:03:12,960
Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went

1391
01:03:13,000 --> 01:03:16,400
Speaker 1: on sale this week. That's called the High and Mighty Tour.

1392
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:20,720
Speaker 1: I will be starting in February of next year, so

1393
01:03:21,120 --> 01:03:24,120
Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June.

1394
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 2: I haven't added second shows.

1395
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:27,959
Speaker 1: Yet, but we probably will be to some of these.

1396
01:03:28,320 --> 01:03:30,520
Speaker 1: So go get your tickets now. If you want good

1397
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:33,000
Speaker 1: seats and you want to come see me perform, I

1398
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 1: will be on the High and Mighty Tour.

1399
01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1400
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:40,800
Speaker 4: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1401
01:03:40,840 --> 01:03:44,440
Speaker 4: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at.

1402
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:45,200
Speaker 3: Dear Chelsea pod.

1403
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:49,640
Speaker 4: Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

1404
01:03:49,640 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 4: producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our

1405
01:03:52,160 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 4: merch at Chelseahandler dot com