1 00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome back to the Caryl Marcowitz Show on iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 2: My guest today is Dave Barry. Dave is a humor writer. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 3: Who has written many books, including the novel Swamp Story, 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 3: which I read while giggling my face off on trains 5 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 3: and airplanes. His substack is called Dave Barry's Substack. You 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,880 Speaker 3: should definitely check it out. So nice to have you on, Dave. 7 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 4: Thanks girl, Thanks for being for having me. 8 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 3: I'm a really big fan of yours, and I've read 9 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,319 Speaker 3: a lot of your books and just a lot of 10 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 3: your work over the years. I think you are hilarious, 11 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:36,239 Speaker 3: and I have to say that the one book I 12 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 3: haven't read is best Date ever. A Florida man defends 13 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 3: his homeland only. I'm a relatively new Floridian. 14 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: It'll be four years in January. Why do you love Florida? 15 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: What is it about this great state? 16 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 5: Well, first of all, I'm a humor writer, and I 17 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 5: moved here like forty almost forty or thirty nine years ago. 18 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,279 Speaker 4: I've moved. My joke is, I moved to Miami from 19 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 4: the United States in nineteen. 20 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 5: Eighty six, and originally I was terrified about it when 21 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,679 Speaker 5: I first came to Miami. 22 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,520 Speaker 4: I worked from the Miami Herald for many years. 23 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:12,959 Speaker 2: Where did you move from? 24 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 5: From Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, old Bucolic suburb of Philadelphia. And 25 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 5: it just couldn't have been more rural, and you know, 26 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 5: low key. And I got offered this job at the 27 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,920 Speaker 5: Miami Herald and they flew me down and like this 28 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,119 Speaker 5: was at the height of the cocaine cowboy era. There 29 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 5: were some literally bails of cocaine falling out of the sky. 30 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 2: You know, it's like, did you grab any or no. 31 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 4: I was never in the right place at the right time. 32 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 5: But actually that was one of the first columns I 33 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:49,480 Speaker 5: wrote when I got here, which was that literally did happen. 34 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 5: There was a it was a Citizens Crime Watch meeting 35 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 5: in a place called Homestead, Florida. 36 00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 2: Oh I know Homestead. Yeah, okay, shot guns in Homestead. 37 00:01:59,240 --> 00:01:59,760 Speaker 2: Well that's a. 38 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 5: Thing you can do there, right and and uh and 39 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 5: so this guy, Kurt Ivy was the chief of police 40 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 5: there and he was talking in this backyard of this 41 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,239 Speaker 5: nice little development about how the Citizens Crime Watch is 42 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:14,080 Speaker 5: supposed to work. 43 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 4: And then there's this noise overhead. 44 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 5: It was like it was a plane coming over to 45 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 5: the Bahamas with smugglers in it, and a custom service 46 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 5: jet was trying to force them down. So these guys 47 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 5: are flinging these bales of cocaine out and one of 48 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 5: them lands almost and you know it almost Like I 49 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,240 Speaker 5: later said, I wrote a come about this. If you 50 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 5: were to write a movie and you have a scene 51 00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 5: where a citizens Crime Watch meeting is interrupted by falling cocaine, 52 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 5: all the people ex that would. 53 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 4: Never happen, but it did. It happens anyway. 54 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,079 Speaker 5: So that was what was going on in Miami when 55 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 5: I first got down here. And my initial feeling was I'm, 56 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,400 Speaker 5: you know, okay, I'll work for the Miami Herald, but 57 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 5: I'm never going to move here, and they said okay. 58 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 5: So for a little while they I lived in Glen Mills, Pennsylvania, 59 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,280 Speaker 5: and I was the humor commist for the Miami Herald, 60 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:07,040 Speaker 5: but I would come down every now and then to Miami, 61 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,359 Speaker 5: and at first I got to know people, I got 62 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 5: to see the city a little different parts of the 63 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,119 Speaker 5: city where you could actually live without. 64 00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 4: Getting shot, and. 65 00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 5: It just came to kind of like it. And so 66 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 5: after a few years I moved here to Florida, and 67 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,200 Speaker 5: at the time, everybody said I was insane. Now people 68 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 5: don't say that, but they did then. 69 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:31,960 Speaker 4: And you know, I've been through here, through hurricanes and everything. 70 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,600 Speaker 5: I love Florida now, and partly for you know, the 71 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 5: reasons everybody says. I like that there's no income tax. 72 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 5: I like that age lot. 73 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:41,040 Speaker 4: Everyone likes that. 74 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 5: I like the weather, except for now when I hate it, 75 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 5: but I'm used to it and I'd rather have. 76 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 4: This than cold. But mostly I kind of like that. 77 00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 5: It's it's entertaining and it's like anything can happen here 78 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 5: does happen here. 79 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 4: It's a lot of really different places. Key West is not. 80 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 5: Anything like Miami, which is not eating like Fort Lauderdale, 81 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,480 Speaker 5: which is not ayting like Orlando, which is not anything 82 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 5: like Naples, which is not anything like Gainesil. It's all 83 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 5: these different places. Yeah, and it's kind of crazy, but 84 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 5: I like it a lot. 85 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 4: And as I say, if you're a humor writer. 86 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,560 Speaker 2: There's a lot that's funny here. 87 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 4: There's a lot of material. It just keeps cappening down here. 88 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 1: It's funny that you refer to moving to Miami from 89 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: America because also people in Miami don't consider themselves like 90 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,719 Speaker 1: part of Florida, like you'll say, oh, I'm from Miami 91 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: instead of I'm from Florida, because it's its own kind 92 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:32,080 Speaker 1: of entity. 93 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,000 Speaker 5: Do you find my joke for a long time. Yeah, 94 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 5: and that's kind of true of the whole state, though, 95 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 5: You're absolutely right, Miami feels people in Miami they're Miami 96 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,040 Speaker 5: people or whatever. But like, one of the things I 97 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 5: love about Florida, one of the many is we have 98 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:51,920 Speaker 5: no state pride. You know, like people from Texas are 99 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 5: all like, yeah, just so much with Texas. 100 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 4: Florida is like people say, well, that state is crazy. Yeah, 101 00:04:58,400 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 4: yes it is. It's crazy. 102 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 2: I think we do have state pride. Now, I don't know. 103 00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: Maybe again, I'm new, you willing to believe, you know, yes, 104 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 1: Converts are always the most you. 105 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 4: Have to you have to be proud of you. 106 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 2: Everybody around me. 107 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,880 Speaker 1: Like my neighbor who moved here after I moved here, 108 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 1: where's a little Florida chain around his neck, you know, 109 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: has the outline of the state. And so many people 110 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 1: wear the Florida flag hats and have the sticker on 111 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 1: their trucks. 112 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:26,680 Speaker 5: And yeah, and I mean to the extent that I 113 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 5: feel like it's like all the states that make fun 114 00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,400 Speaker 5: of us are the states where the people that are 115 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 5: moving to most. Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna I'm 116 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,119 Speaker 5: not gonna. I'm not gonna be too upset if somebody 117 00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 5: from Illinois says something bad about Florida or or on 118 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:48,680 Speaker 5: New York or California. But but but I guess my 119 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 5: point was, like we generally don't all we don't all 120 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 5: have there's nothing we all have in common, really, and 121 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,880 Speaker 5: we really don't like income tax. 122 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 4: And we do like whenever it's really horrible in elsewhere 123 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 4: in Boston, we just love to let those people know. Yeah, 124 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,719 Speaker 4: we're in a short stand. So we all agree on that, 125 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 4: and that's good enough. 126 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's about it for now. So how did you 127 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 3: become a humor writer? Did you just realize you were 128 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 3: really funny early on and that you had a writing skill, 129 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:23,760 Speaker 3: because it is two different things, it's. 130 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 5: Two very different things. And I mean I always like 131 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 5: to write. 132 00:06:29,160 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 4: I was a you know, an English major in college. 133 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 4: I was. 134 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,719 Speaker 5: The kid who was the good writer in high school 135 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 5: and English class and everything. And I always loved humor. 136 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,040 Speaker 5: I mean I was obsessed with my idol when I 137 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 5: was a kid was Robert Benchley. He was an essayst 138 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 5: nobody listens reads anymore. But I loved him. I love 139 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 5: PG Woodhouse, I love Mad Magazine, I love humor. 140 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:50,920 Speaker 2: I love Mad. Yeah. 141 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 5: Yeah, So I was just a big fan of humor 142 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 5: and I love to write, but I never thought that 143 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 5: I could make a living doing it. 144 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 4: That didn't occur to me. There's like no eye at 145 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 4: path to that. 146 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 2: Yeah. 147 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 5: So when I got out of college, I went to 148 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 5: work for a newspaper because at least that was writing, 149 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 5: and I liked it, and I thought, I'll, you know, 150 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 5: be a. 151 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 4: Newspaper person for the rest of my life. 152 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 5: And it's sort of like I crept in to my 153 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 5: professional life. I was able to occasionally write a humor piece. 154 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 5: They were reasonably well received, and then it just got 155 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 5: more and more and then like I was in my thirties, 156 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 5: really before I could possibly make a living doing it. 157 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 5: So it was something I always would have like if 158 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 5: you'd asked me when I'm sixteen, what would you want 159 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 5: to do? Make stuff up and make people laugh. That 160 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 5: would be what I want to do. But I saw, 161 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,160 Speaker 5: I know career path. 162 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 2: That way, and I didn't like, you you don't even 163 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 2: tell your parents. 164 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,800 Speaker 5: I just didn't think it was even possible, so it 165 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 5: just kind of happened organically. I was very lucky that 166 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 5: it was a time when newspapers printed syndicated columns. They 167 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 5: don't really do that much anymore. Like Art Buckwald was huge, 168 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 5: IRMA Bomback was huge, So there was sort of that 169 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 5: market existed. But it just could have happened to me 170 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,800 Speaker 5: more than I made it happen. 171 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I used to, like, even twenty years ago, 172 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 3: a lot of writing was very funny, even if it 173 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,120 Speaker 3: wasn't specifically humor writing, Like somebody would write a column about, 174 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 3: you know, something serious, but would include funny lines. I 175 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 3: definitely try to do that in my work because of 176 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 3: that's that's where you know, I first wanted to be 177 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:25,920 Speaker 3: a writer reading stuff like that. 178 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 2: But I feel like it's gotten everybody's gotten less funnier. 179 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 2: Is that? Do you notice that? Or is that just me? 180 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 3: I just think nobody includes humor in kind of more 181 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 3: serious pieces anymore. 182 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 5: In serious Yeah, I would say it is. It's not 183 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 5: true online, It's not true on Twitter or. 184 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 2: Something that we're all still hilarious on Twitter. 185 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 4: Yeah. 186 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 5: Yeah, but yeah, I think you are right that in 187 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:53,040 Speaker 5: terms of essays that people in serious publications. Yeah, it's 188 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 5: less likely that people will just go for it. And 189 00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 5: I think there's a couple of reasons for that. One 190 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 5: is just the general bifurcation of our culture year on 191 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 5: one team or the other team, and god forbid, you 192 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 5: should make to make fun of the wrong team or 193 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,440 Speaker 5: you know, or you know, offend anybody, So that there's that, 194 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 5: And then there's just this sort of I think fear 195 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,559 Speaker 5: these days of not looking cool because if you always 196 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 5: say this, if you the scary part about human writing 197 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 5: is it's like the only kind of writing where you 198 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 5: tell the reader this is what. 199 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:24,760 Speaker 4: I'm expecting you to get from this. Like, am I right? 200 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 5: If I'm like, you know, serious columnist, I can write 201 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 5: about anything and it can be horribly wrong or boring 202 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 5: or whatever, but nobody's gonna think I didn't do what 203 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,400 Speaker 5: I was supposed to do and I express my pinion. 204 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,719 Speaker 4: But if I tell you I'm a humorist and. 205 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 5: Then you're not funny, anybody in the world can anybody 206 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 5: has the right to go that that's not funny. 207 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 4: I didn't think that was funny. 208 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,520 Speaker 5: You suck, you know, So you you're dealing with that, 209 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 5: like fear of not being cool? 210 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:53,719 Speaker 4: Now me, I don't have that fear so because I'm too. 211 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 2: I also, yeah, it's good. 212 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 4: It's a good quality to have. If you're going to 213 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 4: do what you do and what I do, you kind 214 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,679 Speaker 4: of have to have it. Yeah. 215 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 2: So what if humor writing hadn't worked out? Did you 216 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,000 Speaker 2: have a plan. 217 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,079 Speaker 4: B underwear model? Yeah? 218 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean you can't tell the whole path. Yeah, no, 219 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 5: you know, I would have just continued to be like 220 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,199 Speaker 5: what I was actually doing when I when my humor 221 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,559 Speaker 5: writing career really took off, I was teaching effective writing 222 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 5: seminars to business people. I had left the news, the 223 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:29,480 Speaker 5: newspaper business altogether, and uh for complicated reasons. Mainly I 224 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 5: went to the Associated Press and I just hated it 225 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 5: so much. 226 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 4: That I had to leave, just because it was such boring, right. Yeah. Yeah. 227 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 5: So this this friend of mine, his dad, had this 228 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 5: consulting company, little tiny consulting company. I go around to 229 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 5: companies all around the country, a bunch of engineers or 230 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:53,199 Speaker 5: chemists or accounts or computer programmers, and I was I 231 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 5: would teach this week long seminar and how to write better, 232 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:56,360 Speaker 5: you know. 233 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 4: And That's what I was doing. And it was the 234 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,679 Speaker 4: opposite of being a humor rare except. 235 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 2: That I was standing up funny about that. 236 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 5: No, well, except that I did learn I had to 237 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 5: keep their attention for a week, and they all hated it. 238 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,160 Speaker 4: Nobody wanted to be there. 239 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 5: Yeah, so I made a lot of jokes, and so 240 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,720 Speaker 5: that was I had that going forward. 241 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:16,839 Speaker 2: Do you teach them to make jokes? That's another thing 242 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,200 Speaker 2: I think like they could be. 243 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,960 Speaker 1: If you're even slightly funny when you're giving a serious speech, 244 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 1: everybody loves it. 245 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,800 Speaker 2: It's like the best thing they've ever heard. 246 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 4: I have. 247 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 5: This has been my argument forever about public speaking. I said, 248 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 5: you don't have to do much at all, Just just 249 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 5: don't do what everybody else is doing. Do not be 250 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 5: the most boring human being on the face of the earth, 251 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 5: which seems to be the goal of most people. 252 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 4: Get up in speak. Yeah, you're right. 253 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 5: Anything you give them, any bone you throw them, Yes, 254 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 5: except the one. 255 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,079 Speaker 4: And I'm just going to say. 256 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 5: This now, and I'm on a lifelong crusade about this. 257 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 5: There's a joke that every speaker that I hate makes. 258 00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 5: If you make this joke, I will hate you no 259 00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 5: matter what else you do. 260 00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,079 Speaker 2: David Hate. Let's hear it. 261 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,240 Speaker 5: If you start by saying good morning, and everybody goes 262 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 5: morning and you, oh, we can do better than that. 263 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 4: If you do that, I hate you. 264 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,199 Speaker 2: Yeah, don't make me talk. 265 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 4: Maybe we did our part. We say good morning back 266 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 4: you know you want. We don't owe you this yet, 267 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 4: are anyway? So and that's not even a joke. But 268 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,319 Speaker 4: that's like, that's. 269 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,319 Speaker 1: The that person is trying and failing to be funny 270 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,840 Speaker 1: in like the worst way possible. 271 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 2: I hear you. 272 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 4: Many people do. Many people fail. Yeah, so that's why 273 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:33,320 Speaker 4: they don't try. 274 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: Okay, with people taking chances, that's just corny, Like take 275 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: your own chance, say something unexpected and funny, and if 276 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,680 Speaker 1: it fails, it fails, and that's fine. But don't be 277 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 1: like everyone else. I think that's that's a real good 278 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:45,960 Speaker 1: tip from you. 279 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 4: Also, don't don't talk for more than five minutes. Yeah, 280 00:12:51,720 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 4: pretty much about anything. Yes, it's people always. Everybody talks 281 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 4: too long. 282 00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,480 Speaker 5: Nobody ever, Nobody ever says at the end of a speech, 283 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:00,760 Speaker 5: I wish that going on along, yea. 284 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:03,000 Speaker 4: Almost almost nobody ever said that. 285 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,959 Speaker 3: I will say, like, you know, I guess speeches and 286 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 3: stuff people want to book you for. Like the people 287 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,400 Speaker 3: will sometimes be like, can you give an hour and 288 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 3: a half speech and I literally cannot so like not capable. 289 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,679 Speaker 2: I do forty minutes, top, I do what you do. 290 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 5: And yeah, and the other thing I have to deal 291 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 5: with is like they will always do a Q and 292 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 5: A and I always go, look, I'm not going to 293 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 5: say one useful thing. 294 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,359 Speaker 4: I'm not going to impart any information. People will actually. 295 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 2: Come out, people are going to write. 296 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,199 Speaker 5: But that's because you have something to say. I always 297 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:34,599 Speaker 5: say I have nothing to say. People are going to 298 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,120 Speaker 5: come out of this stupider than they went in. 299 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 4: Don't answer. 300 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 3: They're not really going to ask you or anything. It's 301 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 3: going to be like this is more of a comment 302 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,680 Speaker 3: than a question. And yeah, you know, it's just going 303 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:44,480 Speaker 3: to fill the time. 304 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, coming up, we'll have more from Dave Barry. But first, 305 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:52,559 Speaker 1: it was nearly two years ago that terrorists murdered more 306 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: than twelve hundred innocent Israelis and took two hundred and 307 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: fifty people hostage. Today, it seems as if the cries 308 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: of the dead and dying have been drowned out by 309 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 1: shouts of Antisemitic hatred, and the most brutal attack on 310 00:14:05,559 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: Jewish people since the Holocaust has been forgotten. Yet as 311 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: the world looks away, a light shines in the darkness. 312 00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 1: It's a movement of love and support for the people 313 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 1: of Israel called Flags of Fellowship, and it's organized by 314 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews. And on October fifth, 315 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: just a few weeks away, millions across America will prayer 316 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: fully plant an Israeli flag and honor and solidarity with 317 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 1: the victims of October seventh, twenty twenty three and their 318 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 1: grieving families. And now you can be a part of 319 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,440 Speaker 1: this movement too. To get more information about how you 320 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: can join the Flags of Fellowship movement, visit the Fellowship 321 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: online at IFCJ dot org. That's IFCJ dot org. More 322 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: from Dave Barry on The Carol Markowitz Show is coming up. 323 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 1: Switching gears is more serious. 324 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,640 Speaker 2: But what do you worry about? 325 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 4: Is this one of the three quests? Ask everybody questions? 326 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 2: I snuck it in, you get in right, you know, 327 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,840 Speaker 2: you don't see it coming. It just it just it's 328 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:07,960 Speaker 2: just one of the things I ask. 329 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 5: Okay, Well, I I wrote a book, a memoir, my 330 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 5: most most recent book, probably my last book. But anyway 331 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 5: I end the book, it's like it's it's meant to 332 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:23,560 Speaker 5: be a funny book, but it's it has probably more 333 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 5: serious content than most books that I write, because like 334 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 5: part of it, I had to tell the truth. 335 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,840 Speaker 4: I don't like to do, but I have to. 336 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,720 Speaker 5: But anyway, at the end of the book, I do 337 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,320 Speaker 5: talk about actual things I have learned, things I let 338 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 5: and the I am answering your question. 339 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,680 Speaker 2: I know it doesn't seem like take the long way around. 340 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 4: I'm getting there. I'm getting there. 341 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. 342 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 5: But the end of the book, the lesson that I say, 343 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 5: the most important lesson I think that I would impart 344 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 5: that I would say to people if I you know, 345 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 5: at risk of sounding like an old guy pretending to 346 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,560 Speaker 5: be wise, is it's. 347 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,120 Speaker 4: Going to be okay that you know? 348 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 5: And when I talk about all the time, like I'm 349 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 5: seventy eight years old from my early childhood, when we. 350 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 2: Were gonna have to say you're seventy eight years old, yeah, I. 351 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,920 Speaker 4: Say, no, you're not. Yeah, I am stop it, No, 352 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,000 Speaker 4: I really am. 353 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 2: Are you kidding me? 354 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 4: No? 355 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:17,080 Speaker 2: I mean you look super super young for seventy eight. 356 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 4: Well I'm not super young. I'm seventy eight. 357 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. 358 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:21,560 Speaker 4: So anyway, I started. 359 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 2: I'm going to need your skincare regime. 360 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 4: After this, I thought you're gonna ask my driver's license, 361 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 4: I believe you. 362 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 2: It's just crazy. Wow. 363 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 5: My entire life, starting with early childhood. You know, I 364 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 5: actually did literally go under the desk to you know, 365 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 5: because the nuclear war might come. 366 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 4: Mean add us do that? We did it, you know. 367 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 4: And then from from then on, there's always been something 368 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 4: that was going to you know, the communists, we're going 369 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,000 Speaker 4: to take over. 370 00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 5: Sure, Yeah, global heating, global cooling, you know, the comic's gonna. 371 00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,400 Speaker 4: Take with the government. Nazis has taken over the government. 372 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,920 Speaker 5: Yeah, It's always always been something and it never happens, 373 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 5: you know, Like, and yet I know a lot of 374 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 5: people who think it's happening right now. 375 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,760 Speaker 4: They think it's happening, and they but the same people 376 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 4: thought it was happening before. 377 00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:14,720 Speaker 5: It just and it never Actually the thing that you're 378 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:17,840 Speaker 5: worrying about so much never happens, which is to say 379 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,159 Speaker 5: nothing bad will happen to you. And it's nothing to 380 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 5: say that bad things on a major level, a macro 381 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 5: level don't sometimes happen. They do, but in the end, yeah, 382 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,479 Speaker 5: if things work out pretty well for most people, and 383 00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 5: that's a pretty good assumption you can make and you 384 00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:36,080 Speaker 5: know why. That's why you should have kids when you 385 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,160 Speaker 5: grow up, you know, and not so I can't have. 386 00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 2: Kids because the world's so bad. 387 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:40,760 Speaker 4: The world so bad, you know. 388 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 5: And I always want to say, like, you were not 389 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,800 Speaker 5: around in the sixties when there were snipers on the 390 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,760 Speaker 5: roofs uh, and the cities were burning down and there 391 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 5: was a war going on it they weren't and the 392 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 5: president was shot and then the people running for president 393 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 5: got shot. 394 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 4: It was pretty shitty, right, and. 395 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 2: People still have kids. 396 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 5: Yeah, and we got through it, you know, and that 397 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,399 Speaker 5: was worse than now. And then in our generation, that 398 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,720 Speaker 5: was nothing compared to my parents generator. You know, all 399 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,919 Speaker 5: of the sixties didn't even begin to add up to 400 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 5: one year in the forties when people are dealing with 401 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,920 Speaker 5: depression and World War so things bad things do happen, 402 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 5: but things generally work out. So so I'm trying to 403 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,199 Speaker 5: answer your question, what do I worry about? And I 404 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 5: really might My honest answer is I don't worry about 405 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:23,200 Speaker 5: that much. 406 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 4: If I have to pick one. 407 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 5: Issue thing to say that I do worry about now, 408 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,399 Speaker 5: it's the fact that the federal government cannot seem to 409 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 5: control it's spending. 410 00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's the thing. 411 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 5: I think I'm not smart enough to really understand all 412 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,439 Speaker 5: the reasons I should be terrified about that. 413 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,120 Speaker 4: But people who seem right, people who people who seem. 414 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 5: Really smart, yeah, do worry about that. And I have 415 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 5: kids and grandkids, and I do worry about that. 416 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 4: I mean, my joke is i's been oh, well, I'm 417 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 4: going to be dead, right, not my problem. 418 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 2: No, I worry about that too. 419 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,120 Speaker 1: I just feel like I've said this on previous shows, 420 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 1: but I feel like we've lost that argument. Like it's 421 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:01,720 Speaker 1: just like nobody you can't get anybody to care about 422 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,280 Speaker 1: that anymore. 423 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,959 Speaker 5: So, No, we just had this giant I just I 424 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,920 Speaker 5: may I write this year and review every year and 425 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 5: year my favorite thing. 426 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 2: I read it every single year. 427 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 4: Thank you. It's what a painting he asked to write 428 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:15,600 Speaker 4: that is. But it's just it's I've made. 429 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,760 Speaker 5: The same joke you after hear, and I'm gonna make 430 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 5: it again this year. Like they have this huge budget battle, 431 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,000 Speaker 5: but you know, between the Republicans and the Democrats budget 432 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:26,399 Speaker 5: battle it's huge, it's you know, and one side wants 433 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 5: to spend way more money than we have, and the 434 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:32,479 Speaker 5: other side wants to spend way more money, and then 435 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 5: they finally reach a compromise and we're spending way more. 436 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,160 Speaker 4: Money and then we move on. You know, I think, 437 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,879 Speaker 4: what that's doesn't seem right? Wouldn't there sitting there be 438 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:42,960 Speaker 4: one side that doesn't want to you would. 439 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 2: Think, right. I thought that that was the Republican side. 440 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,200 Speaker 4: It used to be. 441 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,239 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then Musk like went into the government. It 442 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 3: was like, oh, I'm sad they don't really care about this. 443 00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 4: Yeah. 444 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:56,159 Speaker 5: Yeah, So like I I do worry that nobody worries 445 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 5: about it except really really smart people. 446 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,200 Speaker 4: And they seem to. 447 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:03,120 Speaker 5: Say, well, we're we're screwde you know, but anyway, we'll 448 00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 5: be dead whatever, We'll be dead. 449 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 2: It's fine. 450 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll be I'll be way dead. I'm seventy eight already. 451 00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,840 Speaker 3: I'll be a little bit behind you, hopefully dead, you know, 452 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 3: something to shoot. 453 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 2: For somebody else's problem. You know, not no. 454 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,160 Speaker 4: Reason why I met death. You could. 455 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 2: I'm Russian. You can't scare me with death. 456 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 3: I know my kids are always like, can you not 457 00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 3: talk about your death so much? 458 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:30,200 Speaker 4: But I've been to Russia. I want to wow, Yeah 459 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,200 Speaker 4: I had. I went there for our State Department. 460 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,919 Speaker 2: Really, yeah, take you over to make you better. 461 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,560 Speaker 4: To improve relations. What a mistake that was. 462 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,000 Speaker 5: But anyway, they don't amazing. I think I think I 463 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 5: was the last one they. 464 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: Said that wouldn't be a bad idea though, sending funny 465 00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,879 Speaker 1: people over to Russia to improve relations. 466 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,640 Speaker 4: They got the jokes that the audiences did. 467 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 2: Anyway, Yeah, they're funny people. 468 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 4: They are are They're pretty funny. I thought so too. 469 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 2: You have to you have to have humor. 470 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know through that history. 471 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,439 Speaker 1: So looking back on your life, what advice would you 472 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: give your sixteen year old self, Like what a sixteen 473 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: year old dave need to know? 474 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 5: Well, I was going to say, you know, don't don't 475 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,359 Speaker 5: be such a wise ass, because I really was. 476 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 4: I was insufferable. But in a way that would have 477 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,680 Speaker 4: I would have had no career. 478 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 2: Kind of you know, maybe still say a wise as. 479 00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,040 Speaker 5: I think I would have said, like, you know, you 480 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,080 Speaker 5: can continue to be a wise ass, but you should not. 481 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 4: You should be nicer. 482 00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 5: I don't think I was a very nice Like I 483 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 5: think back to like does does everybody do this? And 484 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,440 Speaker 5: like in high school when it's you're just feerial and 485 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 5: and I was really good at insulting people putting people down. 486 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,120 Speaker 4: Good at that I was, and and. 487 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,720 Speaker 5: I kind of feel I want to go back to 488 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,919 Speaker 5: some of some of the people and just say I'm sorry, 489 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,200 Speaker 5: even though you were an asshole. 490 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,680 Speaker 2: Right, I'm sure they mean too. That's the thing. 491 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 3: You get very good at insulting people because you were 492 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:01,120 Speaker 3: being insulted. 493 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 2: Probably I was, yeah, because I was a response. 494 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 4: It was a defensive defense. Was the only weapon I had. 495 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 5: I was a small, hairless young man, and I was like, 496 00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:13,440 Speaker 5: I wasn't good at sports. 497 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:14,800 Speaker 4: Girls didn't like me. 498 00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,960 Speaker 5: I was in you know, I was class clown. I 499 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,440 Speaker 5: was literally elected class colwn. 500 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,200 Speaker 3: So so you had you had the words to make 501 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,199 Speaker 3: them think twice about messing with you. 502 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 2: I did. 503 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 5: But well, you know, like I I've read a million 504 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 5: times in magazine articles when they used to have magazines, 505 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 5: and I still read it online that one of the 506 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 5: things women most prized in a man is a sense 507 00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 5: of humor. 508 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,040 Speaker 4: Definitely, what a lie? You lie? 509 00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 5: So true? 510 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,399 Speaker 4: Well I had you. 511 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,879 Speaker 2: It can't be funny if I can't laugh. 512 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 4: It's carol, Where were you when I was in high school? Well, 513 00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 4: you were not born. You were not born yet, you know. 514 00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:49,760 Speaker 5: But they're like, they say that, but when I was 515 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 5: in high school, I had a sense of humor. 516 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:52,200 Speaker 4: Didn't do me. 517 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,080 Speaker 2: The girls didn't care about when you got older. 518 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:57,480 Speaker 4: Now it worked out better when I. 519 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:00,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think maybe high school isn't the greatest example. 520 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,679 Speaker 4: But now happily married grandfather. Though it doesn't do many, 521 00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,159 Speaker 4: it doesn't help anymore. 522 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:06,919 Speaker 2: I don't know. 523 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:11,840 Speaker 3: My husband definitely my funny guy attraction to him. 524 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:12,720 Speaker 2: Was he's hilarious. 525 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,439 Speaker 3: He's really funny, makes me like crack up, and that 526 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,919 Speaker 3: I think that's the most important thing in a relationship. 527 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,240 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I mean mostly right. 528 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 4: Well, yeah, one of one of the things. 529 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,199 Speaker 2: One of the things, definitely. Well, I've loved this conversation. 530 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,399 Speaker 3: I'm not exaggerating when I say this is one of 531 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:30,760 Speaker 3: my favorite interviews. 532 00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 2: I've ever done. Oh thank you, Yeah, this has been great. 533 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 2: I could talk to you. 534 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:36,440 Speaker 1: I think we're already over the time and I could 535 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 1: just keep going. 536 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,560 Speaker 2: But leave us here with your best tip for my 537 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 2: listeners on how they can improve their lives. 538 00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,160 Speaker 4: I have two, Okay, all right. 539 00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 5: The first one is, and this is like old wisdom 540 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,920 Speaker 5: that you probably have imparted yourself many times. 541 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:53,439 Speaker 4: It's just like, just. 542 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:57,959 Speaker 5: Don't confuse anything you see on the internet. Ever, with 543 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,160 Speaker 5: real life, they much more attention to your real life, 544 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,040 Speaker 5: your family, you. 545 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 4: Know, definitely, don't get out of that. And the other 546 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,200 Speaker 4: is you don't need to refrigerate ketchup or mustard. 547 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,119 Speaker 2: But of course you do. 548 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,400 Speaker 5: No, you don't welcome to any restaurant in America. Where 549 00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:15,959 Speaker 5: is the ketchup and where's the mustard? 550 00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 4: But shut up, Carol, just listen. Listen to me. 551 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 2: I hope they put it in a fridge at the end. 552 00:24:20,920 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 5: Of the night. 553 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 4: No, they do not. 554 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 5: It sits out on the table, day after day, day, 555 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 5: week after week. 556 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,320 Speaker 4: No it it's fine. 557 00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 5: You don't need to You're putting cold condiments on your 558 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 5: hot dogs and hamburgers for no reason. 559 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 2: Cold ketchup tastes so much better than warm ketchup. 560 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 4: That must be a Russian thing, isn't it. I'm gonna 561 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 4: know they don't even have refrigeration. They don't even have refrigeration. 562 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,119 Speaker 5: Now, if the listeners think about it, and I know 563 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:45,880 Speaker 5: they will, they'll come to the right conclusion. 564 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 2: You don't think so, I think we're okay. I'm gonna 565 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:50,440 Speaker 2: we're gonna find out. 566 00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 5: Those two pieces of advice, The first one is probably 567 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,880 Speaker 5: more the more important. 568 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 2: One, but the second one is more controversial. 569 00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:58,680 Speaker 4: Yes, yeah it is, but I'll go to the grave 570 00:24:58,720 --> 00:24:58,959 Speaker 4: with that. 571 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,480 Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Dave. He is Dave Barry. 572 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,360 Speaker 3: Check out his substack. You are just fantastic. Read all 573 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 3: of his books. Every one of them is so funny. 574 00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,120 Speaker 4: Or just buy them you don't need to read them. 575 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:10,200 Speaker 2: No, buy them and read them, okay, or. 576 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,720 Speaker 4: Send me money in a box. Either one. 577 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 2: Thank you, Dave. Thanks my pleasure. 578 00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:14,679 Speaker 4: Thank you.