WEBVTT - No one wins a misery contest

0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.720
<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:15.040
<v Speaker 1>Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:21.160
<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is that nobody wins a misery contest. If

0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:24.439
<v Speaker 1>you are going to suffer in life, make sure it's

0:00:24.480 --> 0:00:27.600
<v Speaker 1>for a good reason. If it's not for a good reason,

0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:30.600
<v Speaker 1>see if you can find a way to make it better.

0:00:31.680 --> 0:00:35.120
<v Speaker 1>My guess is that you have more resources available than

0:00:35.240 --> 0:00:40.240
<v Speaker 1>you think. My children have not had a great relationship

0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:44.040
<v Speaker 1>with sleep over the years. My fifth child's crib is

0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:47.720
<v Speaker 1>currently in the master bedroom closet because well, with five kids,

0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:51.040
<v Speaker 1>they don't all get their own rooms. The crib is

0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:53.280
<v Speaker 1>on a bit of carpet in the corner, but there's

0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:57.160
<v Speaker 1>no furniture because well it's a closet. And so when

0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.000
<v Speaker 1>the baby would be up in the middle of the

0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:01.560
<v Speaker 1>night over the past year, I'd go feed him or

0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:05.759
<v Speaker 1>hold him and sit on the floor. Now, being a

0:01:05.840 --> 0:01:08.480
<v Speaker 1>forty something mother, I am not as sprightly as I

0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.320
<v Speaker 1>was as a twenty something mother, and sitting on the

0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:14.400
<v Speaker 1>floor in the dark, in the cold, in the middle

0:01:14.400 --> 0:01:18.600
<v Speaker 1>of the night has been unpleasant, and I was feeling

0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:22.480
<v Speaker 1>pretty bad for myself. It was only after months of

0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:29.000
<v Speaker 1>this that I had a thought I could get a chair, Yes,

0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:32.759
<v Speaker 1>a chair. I could put a chair in the closet

0:01:32.800 --> 0:01:34.600
<v Speaker 1>so I could sit on the chair to feed the

0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.880
<v Speaker 1>baby or hold him. Now, I am a fairly frugal person,

0:01:37.920 --> 0:01:40.160
<v Speaker 1>so I didn't actually go out and buy a rocking chair,

0:01:40.560 --> 0:01:43.119
<v Speaker 1>but I did move an extra chair we had up

0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:45.920
<v Speaker 1>to the closet. I still don't like waking up in

0:01:45.920 --> 0:01:48.280
<v Speaker 1>the middle of the night, but at least it's less

0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:52.520
<v Speaker 1>physically painful. We can all ponder what was going on

0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:55.080
<v Speaker 1>in my head that I didn't think about an obvious

0:01:55.120 --> 0:02:00.200
<v Speaker 1>way to ease my misery. I blame sleep deprivation. If

0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:02.880
<v Speaker 1>you think about it, you may have blind spots too,

0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.920
<v Speaker 1>So it goes. Sometimes we have to think about things

0:02:07.040 --> 0:02:10.560
<v Speaker 1>for a while. But the more pernicious problem, as I

0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:13.680
<v Speaker 1>have learned over years of studying how people spend their time,

0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:18.240
<v Speaker 1>is not the misery itself. It is that sometimes we

0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:23.200
<v Speaker 1>become attached to our narratives of misery. They become part

0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:27.519
<v Speaker 1>of our identity. You know how this goes. I'm so

0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.600
<v Speaker 1>hard working that, of course I don't have time for hobbies,

0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:33.520
<v Speaker 1>or I don't have hobbies, because that's what happens when

0:02:33.600 --> 0:02:36.720
<v Speaker 1>you have kids and I'm such a dedicated parent. Or

0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:39.639
<v Speaker 1>I can't start a business, I have a mortgage, I'm

0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:43.560
<v Speaker 1>a serious person. Or I shouldn't expect to like my job,

0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:46.120
<v Speaker 1>that's why they call it work. Or I have to

0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:48.639
<v Speaker 1>spend all my time cooking and cleaning, so of course

0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.080
<v Speaker 1>I don't have any time for fun. That's just what's

0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:56.160
<v Speaker 1>expected of me. Sometimes people's conversations turn into a competition

0:02:56.800 --> 0:03:01.400
<v Speaker 1>over whose life is more miserable, whose spouse did something

0:03:01.400 --> 0:03:06.280
<v Speaker 1>more thoughtless, whose kids are more ungrateful, whose boss is

0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:12.200
<v Speaker 1>more domineering. But here's the thing, no one wins in

0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:17.080
<v Speaker 1>the misery Olympics. The real prize is in not taking part.

0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:22.320
<v Speaker 1>If something is making you miserable, instead of wallowing in

0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:24.840
<v Speaker 1>the misery or clinging to the misery as part of

0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.200
<v Speaker 1>your identity, figure out what you can do to make

0:03:28.240 --> 0:03:32.600
<v Speaker 1>it less terrible. Often small steps can make a difference.

0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:35.160
<v Speaker 1>If you hate your boss, you don't have to quit

0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.000
<v Speaker 1>your job. Maybe you could volunteer for a project that

0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:39.920
<v Speaker 1>has you working in a different department and with a

0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:43.400
<v Speaker 1>different supervisor two days per week. If your spouse is

0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:45.760
<v Speaker 1>not pulling his or her share of the load on something,

0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:50.320
<v Speaker 1>we'll ask for help with something specific. The person might refuse,

0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:53.320
<v Speaker 1>in which case you can then act on that realization.

0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:56.760
<v Speaker 1>But there is a pretty good chance that the person

0:03:56.800 --> 0:04:00.240
<v Speaker 1>you married isn't actively trying to make your life miserable.

0:04:01.160 --> 0:04:04.720
<v Speaker 1>It is hard to see things outside our immediate daily routines,

0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:11.840
<v Speaker 1>So don't suffer. Ask for what you want now. There

0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:16.560
<v Speaker 1>are sometimes reasons we voluntarily take on suffering. I know

0:04:16.600 --> 0:04:19.719
<v Speaker 1>that many people listening to this podcast have lived through

0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:24.279
<v Speaker 1>the misery of early pregnancy. Many times, it's worth it

0:04:24.600 --> 0:04:27.240
<v Speaker 1>for the wonderful new people we bring into this world.

0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:30.520
<v Speaker 1>We can all be grateful for people who do dangerous

0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:34.160
<v Speaker 1>but necessary jobs, or who put themselves in harm's way

0:04:34.400 --> 0:04:38.480
<v Speaker 1>for others. I am thankful that emergency responders will go

0:04:38.520 --> 0:04:40.360
<v Speaker 1>out in the cold in the middle of the night

0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.360
<v Speaker 1>in order to help people. But if I'm up in

0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:46.080
<v Speaker 1>the cold in the middle of the night, well, there's

0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.960
<v Speaker 1>no benefit in me sitting on the ground versus be

0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:53.200
<v Speaker 1>having a chair. There is no point in suffering when

0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:57.600
<v Speaker 1>there's no good reason for that suffering. In the meantime,

0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:02.320
<v Speaker 1>this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making

0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:12.039
<v Speaker 1>the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to

0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:15.000
<v Speaker 1>hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions,

0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:18.880
<v Speaker 1>or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook

0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:24.440
<v Speaker 1>and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b the number four,

0:05:25.000 --> 0:05:28.480
<v Speaker 1>then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me

0:05:28.520 --> 0:05:32.200
<v Speaker 1>an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media

0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:34.880
<v Speaker 1>dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all

0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.720
<v Speaker 1>the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying

0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:46.400
<v Speaker 1>in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio.

0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:49.880
<v Speaker 1>For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i

0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:53.479
<v Speaker 1>heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to

0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:54.360
<v Speaker 1>your favorite shows.