1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 1: Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: Today's tip is that nobody wins a misery contest. If 4 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,439 Speaker 1: you are going to suffer in life, make sure it's 5 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: for a good reason. If it's not for a good reason, 6 00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: see if you can find a way to make it better. 7 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: My guess is that you have more resources available than 8 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 1: you think. My children have not had a great relationship 9 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 1: with sleep over the years. My fifth child's crib is 10 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,720 Speaker 1: currently in the master bedroom closet because well, with five kids, 11 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: they don't all get their own rooms. The crib is 12 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: on a bit of carpet in the corner, but there's 13 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 1: no furniture because well it's a closet. And so when 14 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: the baby would be up in the middle of the 15 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: night over the past year, I'd go feed him or 16 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,759 Speaker 1: hold him and sit on the floor. Now, being a 17 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: forty something mother, I am not as sprightly as I 18 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,320 Speaker 1: was as a twenty something mother, and sitting on the 19 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 1: floor in the dark, in the cold, in the middle 20 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: of the night has been unpleasant, and I was feeling 21 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 1: pretty bad for myself. It was only after months of 22 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 1: this that I had a thought I could get a chair, Yes, 23 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:32,759 Speaker 1: a chair. I could put a chair in the closet 24 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: so I could sit on the chair to feed the 25 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: baby or hold him. Now, I am a fairly frugal person, 26 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: so I didn't actually go out and buy a rocking chair, 27 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 1: but I did move an extra chair we had up 28 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: to the closet. I still don't like waking up in 29 00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: the middle of the night, but at least it's less 30 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,520 Speaker 1: physically painful. We can all ponder what was going on 31 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: in my head that I didn't think about an obvious 32 00:01:55,120 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 1: way to ease my misery. I blame sleep deprivation. If 33 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 1: you think about it, you may have blind spots too, 34 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,920 Speaker 1: So it goes. Sometimes we have to think about things 35 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: for a while. But the more pernicious problem, as I 36 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,680 Speaker 1: have learned over years of studying how people spend their time, 37 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,240 Speaker 1: is not the misery itself. It is that sometimes we 38 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 1: become attached to our narratives of misery. They become part 39 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:27,519 Speaker 1: of our identity. You know how this goes. I'm so 40 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: hard working that, of course I don't have time for hobbies, 41 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: or I don't have hobbies, because that's what happens when 42 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 1: you have kids and I'm such a dedicated parent. Or 43 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 1: I can't start a business, I have a mortgage, I'm 44 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: a serious person. Or I shouldn't expect to like my job, 45 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:46,120 Speaker 1: that's why they call it work. Or I have to 46 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,639 Speaker 1: spend all my time cooking and cleaning, so of course 47 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,080 Speaker 1: I don't have any time for fun. That's just what's 48 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: expected of me. Sometimes people's conversations turn into a competition 49 00:02:56,800 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 1: over whose life is more miserable, whose spouse did something 50 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: more thoughtless, whose kids are more ungrateful, whose boss is 51 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 1: more domineering. But here's the thing, no one wins in 52 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 1: the misery Olympics. The real prize is in not taking part. 53 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: If something is making you miserable, instead of wallowing in 54 00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:24,840 Speaker 1: the misery or clinging to the misery as part of 55 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: your identity, figure out what you can do to make 56 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: it less terrible. Often small steps can make a difference. 57 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 1: If you hate your boss, you don't have to quit 58 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,000 Speaker 1: your job. Maybe you could volunteer for a project that 59 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: has you working in a different department and with a 60 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 1: different supervisor two days per week. If your spouse is 61 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: not pulling his or her share of the load on something, 62 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: we'll ask for help with something specific. The person might refuse, 63 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: in which case you can then act on that realization. 64 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: But there is a pretty good chance that the person 65 00:03:56,800 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 1: you married isn't actively trying to make your life miserable. 66 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 1: It is hard to see things outside our immediate daily routines, 67 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: So don't suffer. Ask for what you want now. There 68 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: are sometimes reasons we voluntarily take on suffering. I know 69 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: that many people listening to this podcast have lived through 70 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,279 Speaker 1: the misery of early pregnancy. Many times, it's worth it 71 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: for the wonderful new people we bring into this world. 72 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: We can all be grateful for people who do dangerous 73 00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 1: but necessary jobs, or who put themselves in harm's way 74 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: for others. I am thankful that emergency responders will go 75 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 1: out in the cold in the middle of the night 76 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: in order to help people. But if I'm up in 77 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 1: the cold in the middle of the night, well, there's 78 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: no benefit in me sitting on the ground versus be 79 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: having a chair. There is no point in suffering when 80 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:57,600 Speaker 1: there's no good reason for that suffering. In the meantime, 81 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's to making 82 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:12,039 Speaker 1: the most of our time. Hey, everybody, I'd love to 83 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 1: hear from you. You can send me your tips, your questions, 84 00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook 85 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b the number four, 86 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,480 Speaker 1: then Breakfast p o D. You can also shoot me 87 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At i heeart media 88 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: dot com that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all 89 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,720 Speaker 1: the letters. Thanks so much, I look forward to staying 90 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 1: in touch. Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. 91 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i 92 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,479 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 93 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.