1 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,840 Speaker 1: I am a yamla. I had a baby daddy relationship. 2 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,800 Speaker 1: I spent time in a relationship with a married man. 3 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,240 Speaker 1: I had to learn the skills and tools required to 4 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: make my relationships healthy, fulfilling, and loving. Welcome to the 5 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: R Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. 6 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:42,480 Speaker 1: I want you to know that I love loved Aretha Franklin. Yep, 7 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: I love reread. I don't think there's anything that re 8 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: resang that just didn't work my soul to the core. Now, 9 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: there is one song that she sang in which I 10 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: have a different of opinion with her, and that's this one. 11 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: Let me see if you're gonna sing it with me 12 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: out there. Okay, before the day I met you, life 13 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:13,160 Speaker 1: was so unkind. But you're the key to my peace 14 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: of mind. Oh wait, hold that right there. You're the 15 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: key to my peace of mind. Now, I have to 16 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 1: tell you I have some real issue with giving anything 17 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 1: outside of me power over me. I really do, because 18 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:36,120 Speaker 1: when we do that, when we give something outside of 19 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 1: us power over us, dominion over us, to determine our 20 00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:44,040 Speaker 1: moods and our way of being, it's not gonna turn 21 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 1: our world for us but now the next part of 22 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 1: the song. In that same song, even though I disagree 23 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,160 Speaker 1: with that part of it, this next part of us 24 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:55,320 Speaker 1: I think is so very important. When she said, you 25 00:01:55,960 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 1: make me feel like a natural woman when you wake 26 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 1: up in the morning and see your boo and you 27 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: feel like a natural woman. Here's the question I have 28 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,520 Speaker 1: for you, my sister women, how do you define natural women? 29 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,720 Speaker 1: Because if you don't know what a natural woman is, 30 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,800 Speaker 1: it's going to be hard for him to make you 31 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: feel that way. Greeting's beloved and welcome to the R spot. 32 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: Thank you for your patience and what is your relationship 33 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 1: challenge dilemma issue that we can nibble on together today. 34 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 2: First of all, thank you so much for taking my call. 35 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 2: I feel blessed to be able to share with you today. 36 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 2: The relationship issue that I have is that my husband 37 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 2: and I have been married for about sixteen years, and 38 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 2: back in August he told me that he has changed 39 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 2: the vision of the relationship whereas instead of being monogamous, 40 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 2: he considers himself a non monogamous man and that quite 41 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:04,200 Speaker 2: possibly he is looking into an alternative lifestyle in polygraphy. 42 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 2: Polygraphy because it's one husband, multiple wives, not multiple husbands 43 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 2: and multiple wives, So I'm over whichever one it is. 44 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 2: He's looking for multiple wives, Okay, specifically four wives, three children. 45 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,679 Speaker 2: I told him that is something that that's not a 46 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 2: vision that I had nor intered the relationship end with. 47 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 2: And he said that this is who he is now. 48 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:34,800 Speaker 2: He's changed his name, legally changed his name, and he said, 49 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 2: this is the man he is now. He's changed and 50 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 2: gone to this transition. And I've told him that's where 51 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 2: I draw the line. Now, I will give you a 52 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 2: little background with the relationship. Before we got married, we 53 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 2: had a lot of back and forth going on, and 54 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 2: then I finally decided to get married to him. 55 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: Wait a minute, what does that mean? Back and forth? 56 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:02,600 Speaker 2: Back and forth meaning that when I met him, I 57 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 2: was in a long distance relationship. And then when that 58 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 2: long distance relationship became no longer long distance meaning the 59 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,880 Speaker 2: boy my boyfriend at the time, then I lived in 60 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 2: the same state. I ended the relationship with him. He 61 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 2: was upset and of course hurt, and then he went 62 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 2: on and then when I and then we ended up 63 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:23,839 Speaker 2: getting back together after I broke up in that relationship, 64 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 2: and then it went on, then he did the same 65 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 2: thing and I was hurt deeply, very deeply, and we 66 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 2: had some time together and then decided that we would 67 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 2: get back together. He relocated back to where I was 68 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 2: at and we decided to get married. Now, I will say, 69 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 2: through some self reflection and if I trust myself, what 70 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 2: I've discovered is true. But I do feel as though 71 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,680 Speaker 2: when I married him, I settled. 72 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 3: He wasn't. 73 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 2: It wasn't everything that I was looking for and a partner, 74 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 2: but I was scared and I have body image issues, 75 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:03,040 Speaker 2: lots of insecurities, and I was scared and had hoped 76 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 2: that things would be better, so I sacrificed a lot. 77 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 2: He was not. There was a lot of core values 78 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 2: that we did not share. Even before the marriage, there 79 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 2: was domestic abuse and I still decided to move forward 80 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 2: with it in the marriage. There we went further into 81 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 2: the marriage, there was more domestic abuse, and that further 82 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 2: bothered me, of course, and I would struggle with why 83 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 2: I was there for a very long time. I questioned 84 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 2: why I stayed in the relationship and felt as though 85 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 2: I could never really pinpoint the answer. Eight years into 86 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,400 Speaker 2: the relationship, but marriage, I decided I wanted to have 87 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 2: a child. So when I made that decision. I decided 88 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:49,080 Speaker 2: to myself, that's no more ambivalency. I'm staying in the relationship. 89 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 2: I'm staying in the marriages. I want to have a child, 90 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 2: so we struggled. We had a child. He's eight years old. Now, 91 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 2: looking back at things through self reflection, I do feel 92 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 2: as though I settled when I married him, and even 93 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 2: where I'm at now with him now coming up with 94 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 2: this new vision of the relationship. I'm afraid to leave 95 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 2: because my son deeply loved him and has a great 96 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 2: relationship with him, and I struggle whether I even like 97 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 2: him that much as a person because there's just been 98 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 2: so much. 99 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: So what are you asking me I hear this story? 100 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: What is your question? What is your concern? What is 101 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: your challenge? 102 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 2: My challenge is I just don't know what to do, 103 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 2: and my challenges I'm scared. 104 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: Okay. Is your challenge that you don't know what to do? 105 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:44,800 Speaker 1: Or is your challenge that you know what to do 106 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,000 Speaker 1: but you're afraid to do it? 107 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 2: Yes, that is it? 108 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,919 Speaker 1: What is it? What is the challenge? I need to 109 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 1: hear you say it so that I'm not putting anything 110 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: in your mind and so that you can put your 111 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 1: big girl panties on and take care of yourself. I'm 112 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 1: just here to support you in doing that. So I 113 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 1: don't want to give it to you. I want to 114 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,680 Speaker 1: make sure that you know it so you can own it, 115 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 1: because until you own it, you can't make any choices 116 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 1: or decisions. 117 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 2: I believe I need to leave, okay, and. 118 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,880 Speaker 1: You believe that, or is that what you desire? 119 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:27,320 Speaker 2: It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what I desire. 120 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:33,920 Speaker 2: I desire peace, desire a relationship where I where I 121 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 2: feel compatible in, But most of all, I do desire 122 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 2: my son to be safe and healthy. 123 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: Okay, So that's what you desire? Is that what you 124 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: have now? 125 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 2: Parts of it but not all of it? 126 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: Do you want it all? Or do you want pieces 127 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: and parts? 128 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 2: I think I deserve to have it all or don't 129 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 2: just have to have pieces? 130 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: To share with you what I heard you say, because sometimes, 131 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: you know, we think we're alone in our head without 132 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 1: adult supervision, and we think about things and they frighten us, 133 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 1: and then we act like we didn't think about that thought. 134 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: I heard you say that you're married for sixteen years, 135 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 1: in a relationship with someone you settled for because of 136 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: your own insecurities. And body images, that you're in a 137 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:33,079 Speaker 1: marriage with someone with whom you don't share the same values. 138 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: You're in a relationship with someone whose vision has now changed, 139 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: and as opposed to just being in a monogamous marriage 140 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 1: with you, they now want additional wives and additional children, 141 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: and that your husband or your partner has changed his 142 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: name and he now has an alternative vision for the relationship. 143 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: I heard you say that your challenge is that you 144 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: are afraid to leave, and even if you leave, you 145 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: don't know how to do it. Now you're saying you 146 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: don't know what to decide, and that what you desire 147 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: for yourself is being in a relationship where you have peace, 148 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: where you feel you're compatible with your partner, and that 149 00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 1: your son is safe and secure, and you have parts 150 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: of that now, but you don't have it all, and 151 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,000 Speaker 1: you don't know if you should settle for less than 152 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: what you desired. Did I get it all? 153 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 2: Yeah? 154 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: Okay, Now here's the part that you didn't say. And 155 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 1: this is just what I'm hearing, and I'm willing to 156 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: be wrong that, because of your own insecurities and because 157 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 1: of your own probably negative self image, that you settled 158 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: for a relationship where you are abused, where you are 159 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:05,319 Speaker 1: probably beat down and possibly well you said beat up, 160 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: domestic physical abuse. And now you're not confident enough within 161 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,920 Speaker 1: yourself to make the decision that you need to make, 162 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: decision that you've really already made. But fear is keeping 163 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 1: you from stepping into that decision. And sometimes when we 164 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:30,240 Speaker 1: don't know how to do something, we won't allow ourselves 165 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: to know that we know what to do. For me, 166 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 1: I think you already know what to do what you 167 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,080 Speaker 1: want to do, and it has nothing to do with 168 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: his alternative vision. You're living with a man who abuses 169 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 1: you and a man you settle for. So you settled 170 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:54,079 Speaker 1: for abuse. Now that's what I hear. I could be wrong. 171 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 1: So what is the real question you want to ask me? 172 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: Because it's not I don't know what to decide, you've 173 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 1: already decided. Let me ask you this question before you 174 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 1: go there. Take a breath for me, Take a breath, 175 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: let's breathe together. Yeah, has your husband been faithful to 176 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 1: you in this marriage? 177 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 2: As far as I know? 178 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: Yes, you think that a man who wakes up one 179 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 1: day and decides he wants four wives has been faithful? 180 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: Is that what you think? 181 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 2: I guess it is something to doubt now. I used 182 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 2: to trust him five hundred percent. I didn't really trust him. 183 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 2: I trusted God would bring out what was done in 184 00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 2: the dark would become to light to me. Oh. Actually, 185 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 2: over the past year and a half, I felt my 186 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 2: trust crumble. 187 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 1: Why did you feel your trust crumbled? 188 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 2: I don't know. I just didn't feel the connection. 189 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,320 Speaker 1: If this is a friend, I mean, you've lived sixteen 190 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,839 Speaker 1: years with different values, different work ethic's a different vision 191 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: who you are. What is the problem now? The fact 192 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 1: that he now wants to tell you that he's going 193 00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 1: to be with other women. It might be helpful to 194 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: you because the way I understand how polygamy works or 195 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,520 Speaker 1: whatever he calls it, whatever it is like the first 196 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,559 Speaker 1: wife gets to choose the otherwise. So you could choose 197 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: a wife that help you with the dish, do the laundry, 198 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 1: brings some money in might be helpful to you since 199 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: you don't like him, know. 200 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 2: How, That's why he said, he said to me, you 201 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,840 Speaker 2: think I just want this for sexual reasons. He's like, 202 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,160 Speaker 2: I want this because number one, he feels though he's 203 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 2: owed to it by God, but also to build his empire. 204 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: I just have to say this. Please forgive me. I 205 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,760 Speaker 1: love how you just say. I thought God would reveal it. 206 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,920 Speaker 1: Where was God when he was whipping your butt? We 207 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 1: bring God in when we want to use God to 208 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,960 Speaker 1: justify the things that we aren't willing to take responsibility for. 209 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: If God couldn't stop him from beating up on you, 210 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,880 Speaker 1: while would God's to you that he's not may not 211 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 1: be honoring his commitment to monogamy. And I don't know 212 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: if he did or not. It just seems to me 213 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:12,560 Speaker 1: what I know about polygamous relationships are men who want 214 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: to visit that as an alternative. And I don't have 215 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,200 Speaker 1: no heed or judgment about it because it's a part 216 00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 1: of who we are as African people. We use God 217 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: to justify, like I said, the things that we won't 218 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: be don't want to be responsible for. 219 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 2: I agree with that. 220 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 1: Is the problem that he wants to bring other women 221 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: into the relationship or is the problem that you just 222 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:36,440 Speaker 1: tied of dealing with his crazy and you don't know 223 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:37,319 Speaker 1: how to get out of it? 224 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 2: Then speaking to you, it is reflecting back to me, 225 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 2: and you're right. I have made the decision. I have 226 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,400 Speaker 2: been mentally been preparing for it, but I have started 227 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:52,880 Speaker 2: mentally putting in my mind that we are separating. I 228 00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 2: do just have a big concern about my son. I'm 229 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 2: afraid of. 230 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 1: Don't bring your son into it. No, no, no, no, 231 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: no no no. If you and your husband decide to 232 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 1: separate and the son is going with you, now that's 233 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 1: something that you all may have to discuss, then he 234 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: still has a responsibility as a father and that's not 235 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: your business. You shift from being his wife to being 236 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 1: his co parent. But you can't put you staying in 237 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,640 Speaker 1: a relationship or a marriage where you don't have peace, 238 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: where you don't feel compatible, where you're not being provided for. 239 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 1: You call him your husband, but if he's not providing, protecting, 240 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: performing and pleasing, then he's already fell down on the job. 241 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:43,119 Speaker 1: That's the husband's job to provide, to protect, to perform 242 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,720 Speaker 1: as a man or a partner, or whatever the parameters 243 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: are that the two of you decide and to please you. 244 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:57,680 Speaker 1: Your job as a wife is to affirm him, to 245 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: support him, to acknowledge him. That's your job. So you 246 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 1: calling him a husband was something that you settled for, 247 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: something that you're not in alignment with. I don't understand that. 248 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:15,400 Speaker 2: Yes, you and I listened to your I listened to 249 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 2: the R spot and you set each your piece. So 250 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 2: I have all the I wrote all those PE's down 251 00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,160 Speaker 2: for him as a cousin, and I've written all the 252 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 2: a's down for me as the wife. And one thing 253 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 2: I didn't get to say was that now he finally 254 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 2: is a good or a better provider now. Actually our 255 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 2: roles have shifted. He's always one of his own business 256 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 2: and didn't want to work, but and I was always 257 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 2: the corporate America person. Now I'm with my own small 258 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,360 Speaker 2: business and he is working. 259 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 1: Okay, good. 260 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 2: That's why this has just knocked me off of my feet, 261 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 2: because we have we have handled we have worked hard 262 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,280 Speaker 2: on the way we communicate with each other and those 263 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,800 Speaker 2: triggers to bring us to those really high anger spots 264 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:03,360 Speaker 2: in where they get volatile and violent. We worked on that. 265 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 2: And he wanted this. He wanted to be a provider 266 00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 2: like this is not me convincing him all these years. 267 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,200 Speaker 2: He woke up and decided he wanted that, and he's 268 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 2: doing it. So this all knocked me off my feet. Now, 269 00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:18,640 Speaker 2: it's almost not that surprising that he would be have 270 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 2: desires for other women because we've struggled in our intimate 271 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 2: relationship for ev like I never sex was never the 272 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 2: thing that I enjoyed with him. 273 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: And see, to me, that's why have you settled? Why 274 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: are you not content? To me? You walk in both 275 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: sides of the fence. You tell me all the little 276 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: horrible things, and now you tell me all the great things. 277 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 1: But the question goes back to the beginning. Why did 278 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,840 Speaker 1: you settle for someone you didn't share a vision one, 279 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:53,680 Speaker 1: but someone that you weren't didn't really feel compatible with? 280 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 1: What is that about? Because that's what this is about. 281 00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:02,280 Speaker 1: This is about why you're willing to accept less than 282 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: you desire or deserve. 283 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 2: Why I was afraid that it was going to take 284 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 2: a long time for me to find another mate. It 285 00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 2: was the only place I had to go. 286 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, what is the price that you've paid, beloved, for 287 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 1: accepting less than you deserve and desire? What is the price? 288 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:24,240 Speaker 2: Time? 289 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: Time? Time? You know you want to talk about God? God, 290 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,400 Speaker 1: don't wear a watch. You've lost so much time? How 291 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:35,919 Speaker 1: about I've invested so much time and now that I 292 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 1: have diminishing returns, I'm ready to divest from this situation. 293 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: You haven't lost anything. The question becomes do you want 294 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: to continue to invest in this relationship and are you 295 00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:02,919 Speaker 1: willing to participate in the world the other investor is 296 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 1: structuring the deal. 297 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 2: I am scared just to be out there single. 298 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: Now, baby, you are single. Now you just live with somebody. 299 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: We'll talk about that right after this. Bring welcome back 300 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: to the R spot. Let's get back to the conversation. 301 00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 1: Are you clear that you are not in a marriage? 302 00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 1: Are you clear about that just because you got a 303 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,280 Speaker 1: license and a piece of paper and the shared you know, 304 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,040 Speaker 1: if he die, you get his social security. I'm talking 305 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,000 Speaker 1: about a marriage, a meeting of the souls and the 306 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:51,479 Speaker 1: minds for a shared vision. Is that what you're in. 307 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 1: I'm not talking about marriage because you got a piece 308 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 1: of paper. Do you and he share a meeting of 309 00:18:56,600 --> 00:19:02,959 Speaker 1: the minds? And when it comes to life, child rearing, intimacy, finances, 310 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,200 Speaker 1: do you'll share a meeting of the mind. 311 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:08,720 Speaker 2: In some of those ways? When it comes to raising 312 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:12,080 Speaker 2: our child, we both want the same outcome for our child. 313 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 2: We want him to be happy in whatever he's doing. 314 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,199 Speaker 2: But as far as his habits, there's a lot of 315 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 2: difference there. Finances, we're pretty we're more yoked there. He 316 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 2: wants more abundance, than I do. I'm great where we're 317 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 2: at right now. There are some other areas where we 318 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:33,520 Speaker 2: lack spiritually. He doesn't go to church. 319 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 1: So are y'all and not yoked spiritually? Okay, you're a 320 00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:38,919 Speaker 1: church person. 321 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,760 Speaker 2: I'm not a church person. I have started, but he 322 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: just won't go at all. He was brought up in 323 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 2: a family of theologians and the Lord and believers and 324 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:53,199 Speaker 2: all the great faith, Pentecostal, the whole nine, and so 325 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:57,160 Speaker 2: he believes. But he just has a very elevated he's 326 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 2: his own state of it. 327 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 1: You seem to be focusing on what will happen if 328 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: you'll break up. I'm trying to figure out what's going 329 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: to happen if you all stay together. I just don't understand. 330 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,840 Speaker 1: So I want to go back to this because you 331 00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 1: said the challenge is that you don't know what to 332 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:23,600 Speaker 1: decide about what to do, But that wasn't true. You 333 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 1: do know you've already decided. Now you may not know 334 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:31,199 Speaker 1: how to do it. And again, very often when we 335 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,439 Speaker 1: don't know what to do about what we know, we 336 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 1: act like we don't know it. That's very common, and 337 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,959 Speaker 1: what that does is that diminishes our self value. It 338 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 1: diminishes our self worth. You say you're afraid to be single. 339 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,600 Speaker 1: I think you're afraid to be powerful, and you rather 340 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:59,720 Speaker 1: stay disempowered because it's familiar and comfortable. You've given him 341 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 1: all the power, you know. I love, absolutely, love with 342 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 1: a passion. Okay, Alfredo sauce, the white sauce oozing with 343 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,400 Speaker 1: cream and cheese and butter, the white sauce that they 344 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: call heart attack on the plate. I love it. I 345 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: could eat it on everything. The only thing I won't 346 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 1: put Alfredo sauce on is my grits. And when I 347 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 1: go to the restaurant and I say give me extra sauce, 348 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,280 Speaker 1: they give it to me. Now, anybody with two eyes 349 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: and a brain knows that too much alfredo sauce is 350 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 1: just no good for you. But if you gonna eat it, 351 00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,920 Speaker 1: they not gonna stop you. If I go in, I say, okay, 352 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,439 Speaker 1: give me some more, They give it to me and 353 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 1: charge me the three fifty or the nine to fifty, 354 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: depending upon which restaurant I'm in. They don't care that 355 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:58,159 Speaker 1: I'm clogging my arteries and raising my cholesterol. They getting 356 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 1: what they want, yeap, So he's going to continue to 357 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 1: give you the alfredo sauce and put it even on 358 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:10,880 Speaker 1: your grits if you don't stop him. And stopping him 359 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 1: isn't about him, beloved, Stopping him is about you owning 360 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:21,120 Speaker 1: and decreeing and declaring and being willing to take a 361 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: stand for who you are and what you desire. Take 362 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,879 Speaker 1: a stand for who you are as a woman. And 363 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,520 Speaker 1: if you don't know who you are, that's your work, 364 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:38,479 Speaker 1: not his work. He could bring home six wives and 365 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: one of them could have a penis sticking out her ear. 366 00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 1: I really wouldn't care if that ain't what I want. Yeah, 367 00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,640 Speaker 1: what do you wantee? 368 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,679 Speaker 2: I want peace and I want good luck. But you 369 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,640 Speaker 2: told me to not think about this, But I am 370 00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,720 Speaker 2: concerned about my son handling it at such a young age. 371 00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,960 Speaker 1: He'll get over it. He's not gonna lose his father 372 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:07,200 Speaker 1: unless his father walks out of his life. His relationship 373 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,119 Speaker 1: with his father will have a new normal. But I 374 00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 1: don't want to go there yet, because that's how your 375 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: highly developed deceptive intelligence takes you off track, making you 376 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: focus on your son. How about your internal relationship with 377 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,920 Speaker 1: yourself that has a strong no and a powerful yes. 378 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 1: How about that one? How about you looking for love 379 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:33,880 Speaker 1: outside of you? And until you love you, nobody can 380 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 1: love you. They can make you feel good, they can 381 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,520 Speaker 1: occupy your time and your space. But the first relationship 382 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 1: you must have, my beloved sister woman, is the relationship 383 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 1: you have with yourself. And if you're willing to compromise 384 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:55,200 Speaker 1: yourself and settle yourself and diminish yourself, huh, you ain't 385 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,520 Speaker 1: never gonna find nobody that's gonna love on you the 386 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:58,280 Speaker 1: way you want to be. 387 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 3: Yeah. 388 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 1: Never. You can't take a stand for yourself in the 389 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:10,800 Speaker 1: relationship with the person you sleep with. You can't take 390 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,000 Speaker 1: a stand for yourself and that and you've been in 391 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 1: this marriage sixteen years and you're not satisfied intimately. Have 392 00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,399 Speaker 1: you ever told him, look, stop that lower slower a 393 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,720 Speaker 1: little to the left. Have you ever told it that 394 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 1: you can't take a stand for yourself in the bed? 395 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,639 Speaker 1: How you going to take a stand for yourself in 396 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,360 Speaker 1: the world you have? But you settled for not getting it. 397 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 1: If you got to get a picture book and teach him, 398 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,639 Speaker 1: see what he doing, do that, Let's see how that feel. 399 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 1: You know what? This is what I want to say 400 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:48,439 Speaker 1: to you. Go to the mirror and snap the first person. 401 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 1: I ain't fooling with. You know more, you know what 402 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: to do, and you should be scared. You should be 403 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,840 Speaker 1: scared to do it because for the first time, you 404 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,480 Speaker 1: may be standing up for yourself. For the first time, 405 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:11,679 Speaker 1: you may be using the Whitney Houston empowerment formula. You 406 00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 1: know what that is? Oh hell to the No, that's 407 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:20,520 Speaker 1: the Whitney Houston empowerment formula. You can't take care of 408 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: me and you want four other women. You bumped your head. 409 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:26,399 Speaker 1: You don't bump your head somewhere, and you mean to 410 00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: go somewhere and sit down. You've got many, many, many 411 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,560 Speaker 1: sister women who are just learning who am I? Is? 412 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:36,320 Speaker 1: This me? Is this what I want? You don't know 413 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: who you are and what your natural womanness is. You 414 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 1: don't know what that is. 415 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,639 Speaker 2: I think I've crushed it down for so long. 416 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,120 Speaker 1: No, no, you crushed it down so long, settling for 417 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,879 Speaker 1: less than what you desired and deserved. That's how you 418 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,440 Speaker 1: did it. Don't give him all of that power. Don't 419 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,440 Speaker 1: blame him for that. You own that. 420 00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,520 Speaker 2: I've realized that I do have a relationship with myself 421 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,040 Speaker 2: that has been damaged, and I have been working on that. 422 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,000 Speaker 2: I've been working on that a lot, because I do 423 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,919 Speaker 2: understand that love for myself, I have to have. 424 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, because so many of us as women didn't have 425 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: a demonstration. We looked at women who didn't know themselves 426 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,080 Speaker 1: or women who settled in their lives, and we were 427 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,239 Speaker 1: so busy saying I'm not going to be like that, 428 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,119 Speaker 1: till we never discovered who we were going to be like. 429 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:33,880 Speaker 1: Does that make sense? And don't diminish the fact, beloved, 430 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 1: that you've already decided I don't want this and I'm 431 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:41,080 Speaker 1: afraid not to have it. But you should be. You 432 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: should be so afraid that a little pea is dribbling 433 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,639 Speaker 1: down your legs, because if you don't pee on yourself, 434 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,159 Speaker 1: then your vision isn't big enough. Your vision needs to 435 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,360 Speaker 1: be big enough to scare the pee out of you. 436 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,960 Speaker 1: I am so excited for you. I am so excited 437 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:04,280 Speaker 1: I did for you because you get to grow up. 438 00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,960 Speaker 1: You get to grow yourself up and become a natural woman, 439 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: whatever that is. Oh, I lost my caller. We must 440 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 1: have blown her circuits. Oh, she blew her circuits. You 441 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:22,240 Speaker 1: know that happens sometimes when the energy gets real high 442 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 1: and you're hearing something that you don't think you can handle. 443 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 1: You just blow the circuit. So I hope she gets 444 00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: a chance to call back in, but if not, and 445 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,879 Speaker 1: you hear this show, my beloved sister, I want you 446 00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,840 Speaker 1: to know how excited I am for you that you're 447 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:45,240 Speaker 1: going to have an opportunity to define, redefine, clarify, renew, strengthen, 448 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:52,160 Speaker 1: rebuild or build your natural womanness. After the break, we'll 449 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,160 Speaker 1: come back with my second caller, who has a similar issue, 450 00:27:56,480 --> 00:28:05,359 Speaker 1: but for a very different reason. Welcome back. I am 451 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:10,719 Speaker 1: Yan'm learning this is the our spot. Sometimes it doesn't 452 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 1: matter when you come into the realization. Oh wait a minute, 453 00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:18,760 Speaker 1: I've lost my natural womanness here. I have forgotten the 454 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:24,600 Speaker 1: truth of who I am. I have forgotten the truth 455 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:29,480 Speaker 1: of myself. I've lost the knowledge of myself because I've 456 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 1: been so busy looking out, reaching out, giving out. Doesn't 457 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:37,880 Speaker 1: matter if you're thirty, forty, fifty, sixty or older. That 458 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: wake up, that moment, that realization is simply a call 459 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 1: for you to begin within. Go back in, just listen. Greetings, beloved, 460 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 1: welcome to the our spot, and thank you for your patience. Now, 461 00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: what is your relationship issue, challenge dilemma that we're going 462 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 1: to stir up and chew on today. 463 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,560 Speaker 3: I've been married going on almost two years now. I've 464 00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 3: met my husband off of dating apps, and we were 465 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 3: married seven months after meetings. I think the issue started 466 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 3: after we had our first setis win. Something just changed 467 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 3: with him. I don't know what happened or what may 468 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 3: have clicked, but he is non appreciative. It has been 469 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,240 Speaker 3: physical altercation. I feel like my husband is like a 470 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:29,040 Speaker 3: complete narcissist. He doesn't help me with our children when 471 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 3: he's home because he's always on the road. He drives 472 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 3: trust for a living. I've written to the Show of 473 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 3: plenty of time just trying to get help. At this point, 474 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,080 Speaker 3: I'm sitting in my house right now and I'm ready 475 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,200 Speaker 3: to attack my bags and my children up and leave. 476 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 3: At this point, this is how bad things I've gotten 477 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:47,000 Speaker 3: for me if. 478 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 1: He's not there most of the time. Define bad. 479 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 3: Everything just went downhill. So when I say bad, I 480 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 3: meaning the way he speaks to me. He's inconsiderate. Again, 481 00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 3: he doesn't help with the kids, the physical for alccasions. 482 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,640 Speaker 3: We have had verbal abuse, mental abuse. Just even now, 483 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 3: we're back and forth through text message and he's just 484 00:30:07,720 --> 00:30:10,760 Speaker 3: saying outrageous things to the point where I'm just ready 485 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,800 Speaker 3: to go. So it's just I feel like I love 486 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,480 Speaker 3: my husband, but there's no fix in this situation. I 487 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,280 Speaker 3: just cannot see it being fixed at this point. 488 00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:23,080 Speaker 1: So what is the question that you're asking me? What 489 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 1: is the question you're asking? What is the challenge you're facing? 490 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 3: The challenge I'm facing is getting up and actually leaving. 491 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,040 Speaker 3: I'm at the point to where should I leave or 492 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:34,840 Speaker 3: should I stay? For my children's say. 493 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: So, let me ask you a question, belove It. I 494 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 1: want you to know that I've heard you throughout this marriage. 495 00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: There have been physical altercations from him, yep, that you 496 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: have experienced mental abuse of verbal abuse. And your question 497 00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:56,480 Speaker 1: is should you leave? Is that the question? 498 00:30:57,960 --> 00:30:58,880 Speaker 3: Yes, that's a question. 499 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 1: Ask you a question, belove It, Should you leave? 500 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 3: I think so? 501 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:11,520 Speaker 1: Is it that you're asking should you leave? Or are 502 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:14,760 Speaker 1: you asking how should you leave? I? 503 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,640 Speaker 3: Think how? Because why I didn't stop my life so 504 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:21,160 Speaker 3: he can live his, stop my dreams and all my 505 00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 3: aspirations that I had, so he can do what he 506 00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,239 Speaker 3: wanted to do as far as income. And I had 507 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 3: started my cleaning business and I gave that up so 508 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 3: I can stay home with the kids while he just 509 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:34,120 Speaker 3: out on the road, and now it seems like things 510 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:36,800 Speaker 3: are even getting worse. I'm literally looking at my closet 511 00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 3: and ready to start packing. 512 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:38,400 Speaker 2: My things up. 513 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 1: Do you have a place to go? 514 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I have another place. I'm a victim of sex trafficking, 515 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,560 Speaker 3: and I live in this apartment homes for battered women, 516 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 3: and I left that place even though I still have 517 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,720 Speaker 3: that place to move in in a home together that 518 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,600 Speaker 3: we purchased together. And at this point, I'm just ready 519 00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:00,560 Speaker 3: to drop it all and just go back to my 520 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 3: little shack and be content there. 521 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 1: So let me ask you a question, why don't you 522 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,120 Speaker 1: want to go? In other words, why do you want 523 00:32:08,160 --> 00:32:10,360 Speaker 1: to stay Vaio Dreams. 524 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:13,800 Speaker 3: I didn't grow up in the house with both parents. 525 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:16,080 Speaker 3: I did not have my father there. I wanted to 526 00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,920 Speaker 3: give my kids that, So I'm trying to do anything 527 00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 3: I posably can to make it work in my marriage. 528 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,800 Speaker 3: Maybe I should just keep trying for my kids, say 529 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,040 Speaker 3: so they can have that father secure in their life 530 00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,400 Speaker 3: and watch two parents in one home together, because that's 531 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,120 Speaker 3: something that I did not have, and that's something that 532 00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:34,880 Speaker 3: I always wanted and I did not get. 533 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,760 Speaker 1: About ten years ago, which would have made me sixty 534 00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:44,400 Speaker 1: about ten years ago, I woke up one day and 535 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 1: I said, oh my god, I was raised in a 536 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:59,160 Speaker 1: two parent household, and it was disfunctional as hell, domestic violence, alcoholism. 537 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: I was sexually abused in that household, but the household 538 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,600 Speaker 1: was so crazy and chaotic, so I didn't even recognize 539 00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: there were two parents, two adults in the household. So 540 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: this whole thing that we give to two parent household 541 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 1: when there is physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse, for 542 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: us to try to make that work, to give our 543 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 1: children something that we didn't have, not give them what 544 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 1: they need, which is safety, security, self sufficiency, how to 545 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,880 Speaker 1: make good choices and deal with the consequences of their choices. 546 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:44,680 Speaker 1: Not a household where they know they are loved and 547 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 1: safe and protected. We just want there to be two parents. 548 00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:51,680 Speaker 1: So you want to be in a two parent household 549 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: so your children can see two parents where one is 550 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:59,720 Speaker 1: physically abusing the other, when one is verbally abusive to 551 00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 1: the other, where one is inconsiderate of the other, where 552 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:07,320 Speaker 1: one is not present for the children, doesn't participate in 553 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: their maintenance care. You got two kids that are under 554 00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:16,160 Speaker 1: three years old, but you'd rather have that than your 555 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: dignity your respect, your freedom, your right to choose, your 556 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:25,960 Speaker 1: right to be loved and nurtured and protected. You'd rather 557 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:29,200 Speaker 1: have just two people? Is that what I'm hearing you say? 558 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,360 Speaker 3: That's worse. 559 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,319 Speaker 1: Yet you need to go get a lobotomy, get your 560 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,080 Speaker 1: brain cleaned out. Oh, I said all the time. I 561 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:44,520 Speaker 1: will never advocate, ever, will I advocate for the dissolution 562 00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:48,960 Speaker 1: of a family, the end of a marriage. That's not 563 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:54,480 Speaker 1: what I'm advocating. But I will always advocate the rights 564 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:58,640 Speaker 1: of every individual, male or female, man or woman to 565 00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:05,600 Speaker 1: be safe and secure and empowered and loved and respected 566 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 1: and honored in their personage. So what is the question 567 00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:11,799 Speaker 1: that you have to ask me? 568 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:14,400 Speaker 3: No question. 569 00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 2: At this point, the. 570 00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:23,200 Speaker 1: Question becomes how. And here's another very important question. I 571 00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:26,680 Speaker 1: want you to just think about your body, your back, 572 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,720 Speaker 1: your belly, your breast, your feet, your legs, your toes, 573 00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 1: your fingers, and ask yourself, this, is there any part 574 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:38,279 Speaker 1: of me that still wants him? Check your toes, check 575 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,400 Speaker 1: your fingernails, check your eyelashes. Is there any part of 576 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:46,719 Speaker 1: you that still wants him, not wants the marriage, but 577 00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:50,759 Speaker 1: still wants him that man? Is there any part of you? 578 00:35:51,480 --> 00:35:52,840 Speaker 3: I don't think so. 579 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,480 Speaker 1: No, you gotta know. You gotta know, because if it's 580 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 1: right in between your little toe in the fourth toe, 581 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,000 Speaker 1: if there's any part of you that still wants him, 582 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,320 Speaker 1: you'll be in and out of this thing for years. 583 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:11,120 Speaker 1: You cannot leave. I don't care if you go, you'll 584 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,839 Speaker 1: come back. As long as there is any part of 585 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:19,399 Speaker 1: you that wants him as a man, she that part 586 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:23,759 Speaker 1: of you will not get out of this. You cannot leave. 587 00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:27,120 Speaker 1: Of course, you don't want the situation in the marriage. 588 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:31,080 Speaker 1: You don't want to be verbally, mentally, physically abused. But 589 00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:33,920 Speaker 1: do you want him? That's the question. 590 00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 3: That's the person I told Yeah, so you do want it? 591 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,640 Speaker 3: Yeah you change? 592 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:47,000 Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, No, you can't. It's not gonna change. It's 593 00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:47,920 Speaker 1: not gonna change. 594 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:48,400 Speaker 2: Baby. 595 00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:52,160 Speaker 1: You can't bank on that. You cannot bank on it changing. 596 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,919 Speaker 1: Tell me why you're crying. 597 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:05,439 Speaker 3: That. I'm long now. I don't know what to do. 598 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,720 Speaker 1: The first thing you can do is you're a woman. 599 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 1: You get to be the queen and the castle if 600 00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:16,239 Speaker 1: you're willing to stay in an abusive situation. And I'm 601 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: laying it out to you like cold water in your 602 00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,600 Speaker 1: face because I want you to be clear. I don't 603 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:23,640 Speaker 1: want you to go and come and go and come. 604 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,560 Speaker 1: That'll give you something else to beat yourself up about. 605 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 1: And when he gets home, you grab up the kids 606 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:31,680 Speaker 1: and him and you say, we'll go into the councilor 607 00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:33,360 Speaker 1: you can't sleep here if you don't come to the 608 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,120 Speaker 1: councilor you don't come to the counselor you can't be here. 609 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,319 Speaker 1: You put your hands on me, I'm gonna call the police. 610 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:42,080 Speaker 1: I'll get a restraining order to keep you away from here. 611 00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,200 Speaker 1: But if you want to be married to me, we 612 00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:48,759 Speaker 1: go into counseling today, right now. That's one thing you 613 00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 1: could do. Another thing you can do is if there 614 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:55,680 Speaker 1: is evidence of physical abuse, and I could be wrong, 615 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,399 Speaker 1: please forgive me. I could be wrong. But you don't 616 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,799 Speaker 1: sound like no punk to me. And you say that 617 00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 1: there's physical altercations. I don't think you just stand there 618 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,640 Speaker 1: and let it whip up on you. I think you'd 619 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,120 Speaker 1: be whipping up on him too. Would that be accurate? 620 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:18,120 Speaker 1: This is what your children are seeing, Okay, two parents 621 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,839 Speaker 1: in the household whipping up on each other. But if 622 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,640 Speaker 1: that's where you are right now, I'd rather that you 623 00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:29,560 Speaker 1: walk through the process to get your healing and to 624 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:33,680 Speaker 1: get your strength and to stand in your womanness in 625 00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:37,000 Speaker 1: a way that's gonna honor you, because if you leave 626 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:39,160 Speaker 1: and go back to that place, you'll be thinking home 627 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,000 Speaker 1: with got I got a better refrigerator over there, and 628 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,279 Speaker 1: I got my TVs over there. I don't want to 629 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,799 Speaker 1: stay here because he's gonna come begging, he's gonna come promising, 630 00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,160 Speaker 1: and you'll go back and then three years from now, 631 00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,799 Speaker 1: five years from now, you'll be beating yourself up. So 632 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,640 Speaker 1: let's not do that. Because as long as there's any 633 00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:01,520 Speaker 1: place within you that wants him, you cannot leave. You 634 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:05,160 Speaker 1: will not. You'll go for a little while. What are 635 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:06,040 Speaker 1: you willing to do? 636 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:10,640 Speaker 3: I'm willing to try the counsel in and put my 637 00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:14,640 Speaker 3: foot down in just saying he's not willing to do that, 638 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:17,120 Speaker 3: then maybe I should just. 639 00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,840 Speaker 1: You don't have to leave. It's called the order of protection. 640 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,880 Speaker 1: If you have evidence that there's been physical abuse, of 641 00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,719 Speaker 1: physical violence, you take your babies, you march right down 642 00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:30,840 Speaker 1: to the courthouse. You get an order of protection. He 643 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:33,399 Speaker 1: can't come within five hundred yards of you. And I'm 644 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:36,160 Speaker 1: not saying use that as a way to turn them off. 645 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,600 Speaker 1: I'm saying use that as a way not to disrupt 646 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:42,080 Speaker 1: your life and your children's life. I'm not advocating that 647 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:46,319 Speaker 1: you leave, nor am I advocating that you stay in 648 00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:50,920 Speaker 1: a situation where there's violence. I'm not advocating either one 649 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:54,120 Speaker 1: of them. What I'm saying is based upon what you've 650 00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,960 Speaker 1: shared with me. I want to support you in creating 651 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:02,279 Speaker 1: a plan and a process that serves you. One of 652 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,319 Speaker 1: the things that you want to put on your to 653 00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:09,000 Speaker 1: do lists is to find a way for you as 654 00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:14,799 Speaker 1: a woman to begin to earn your own I don't 655 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,560 Speaker 1: care if it's four hours as a cashier in the 656 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:20,719 Speaker 1: local drug store where you have one hundred dollars that 657 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:24,879 Speaker 1: you could stick down in your broad drowe because it's 658 00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:28,360 Speaker 1: a poor rat that only got one hole. Okay, you 659 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,800 Speaker 1: got to have even as if even if you stay, 660 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,600 Speaker 1: you gotta have that. You don't need a man buying 661 00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:38,840 Speaker 1: your sanitary napkins. You know that that is just crazy. 662 00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:40,960 Speaker 1: Tell me what you're going to do different when you 663 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:41,759 Speaker 1: get off this car. 664 00:40:42,040 --> 00:40:43,399 Speaker 3: The first thing I want to do is praise. 665 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:48,920 Speaker 1: What's your prayer? What's your prayer? Oh, my godness, what 666 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:49,279 Speaker 1: is it. 667 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,000 Speaker 3: I'm going to talk to God to give me the 668 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:56,480 Speaker 3: courage and the strength to actually confront him with these things, 669 00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,600 Speaker 3: because that's something I have not done. I know I've 670 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:01,520 Speaker 3: said it lot to you, but it's something I have 671 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:05,000 Speaker 3: not done for him. I have not expressed all of 672 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:09,840 Speaker 3: this to him. I've just bottled it in. So yeah, 673 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:13,919 Speaker 3: I have never it just expressed that. And I don't 674 00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:15,560 Speaker 3: know why I couldn't tell you. It's not that I'm 675 00:41:15,600 --> 00:41:16,120 Speaker 3: afraid to. 676 00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:17,840 Speaker 1: You didn't know how to? 677 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:19,399 Speaker 2: I didn't. 678 00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:21,440 Speaker 3: There we go. He took the words right on my mind. 679 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:21,920 Speaker 1: How to? 680 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:22,439 Speaker 2: Yeah? 681 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:28,960 Speaker 1: How Now you know that's good? So when you get 682 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,840 Speaker 1: off this call, I want you to go kiss up 683 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,640 Speaker 1: and hug up your babies because they'll make you smile. 684 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,120 Speaker 1: And then you got any chocolate. You got any chocolate 685 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,520 Speaker 1: in the house, Oh, I keep it all right, eat 686 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:47,000 Speaker 1: you some chocolate. Do you know what to do? Here's 687 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:51,239 Speaker 1: your instructions. Finish crying, then go hug the babies, then 688 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:57,879 Speaker 1: go eat chocolate, then go pray in that order. Okay, okay, 689 00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:04,640 Speaker 1: all right, my love, take good care, but bye. The 690 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:09,720 Speaker 1: topic of domestic violence is very tricky because, on one hand, 691 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:15,960 Speaker 1: I would say, never ever accommodate, tolerate, put yourself in 692 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:22,480 Speaker 1: a situation where there's violence being perpetrated against you, although 693 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,600 Speaker 1: I did it for nine years, I would say that. 694 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,080 Speaker 1: And on the other hand, I would say it's a 695 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:35,359 Speaker 1: symptom of something much larger. And if we can get 696 00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:38,800 Speaker 1: to the root of the problem, the cause of the problem, 697 00:42:39,719 --> 00:42:45,560 Speaker 1: chances are the violence can be addressed. And even if 698 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:50,480 Speaker 1: that healing is, no not doing this, Even if that 699 00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,960 Speaker 1: healing is let me save myself, let me save my children. 700 00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:59,319 Speaker 1: Even if that healing is, I'm just not willing to 701 00:42:59,320 --> 00:43:02,960 Speaker 1: put up with it. So start with the question. I 702 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,759 Speaker 1: ask you, who am I? Who am I? Who am 703 00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:08,640 Speaker 1: I in the world? Who am I in my mind? 704 00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:10,680 Speaker 1: Who am I in my heart? Who am I in 705 00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,960 Speaker 1: the kitchen? Who am I in the bedroom? In the kitchen, 706 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:19,439 Speaker 1: I am Emerald Legassi. And in the bedroom I won't 707 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:23,880 Speaker 1: tell you what her name is, but as a natural woman, 708 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:28,520 Speaker 1: I got an identity for every place. I am. So 709 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:32,279 Speaker 1: my sister, I know you know what to do, and 710 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:35,719 Speaker 1: I know you're afraid, but just know this, there are 711 00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:40,280 Speaker 1: hundreds of thousands of your sister women out here cheering 712 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:47,319 Speaker 1: you all answer that question, identify yourself and rise. I 713 00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,680 Speaker 1: hope this has been helpful to someone, And if you 714 00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:54,200 Speaker 1: have a question about this, or any other relationship issue. 715 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,799 Speaker 1: You can call me live at seven seven five three 716 00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:01,440 Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six now be sure to follow 717 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:04,640 Speaker 1: me on social media for all of the calling times, 718 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The 719 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:16,759 Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 720 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:21,920 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the 721 00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:26,680 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 722 00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:27,560 Speaker 1: favorite shows.