Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to I Choose Me, the podcast about making choices,
Speaker 1: specifically about choices that help us find our true selves.
Speaker 1: Do you internalize self doubt as fact? Don't you feel
Speaker 1: stuck but can't explain? Why do you stay in painful
Speaker 1: but familiar patterns because change feels more dangerous? Are you
Speaker 1: an overthinker or anxious planner? Well, you've come to the
Speaker 1: right place. Summer is here again, the sun is out,
Speaker 1: and I think it is a great time to shine
Speaker 1: some of that light on something. I know we all
Speaker 1: struggle with the limiting beliefs that are stopping us from
Speaker 1: reaching our true potential, from becoming exactly who we are
Speaker 1: meant to be. As someone told me, ever so gently,
Speaker 1: it's time to get my shit together and make some
Speaker 1: changes in my life. And I want that for you too.
Speaker 1: I want you to get your shit together. And I
Speaker 1: say that with all of no judge. Most of you
Speaker 1: already know. I recently wrote a book, I Choose Me,
Speaker 1: Chasing Joy, Finding Purpose, and Embracing reinvention. And I wrote
Speaker 1: a chapter about how I found out that any change
Speaker 1: I wanted to see in my own life began with me.
Speaker 1: The problem was that for a long time I focused
Speaker 1: on wanting everybody else to change. But number one, I
Speaker 1: don't have control over anyone else. And number two, even
Speaker 1: if others in my life do change, who knows how
Speaker 1: that's going to work out. For me, that realization that
Speaker 1: it was time to stop pointing the finger and start
Speaker 1: pulling the thumb. That change begins right here. So today
Speaker 1: I'd love to share my experience with you. This is
Speaker 1: an excerpt of chapter four of my book, I Choose Me.
Speaker 1: It's called you Guessed It. Change begins inside. Change doesn't
Speaker 1: just happen because you want it. It happens when you're
Speaker 1: willing to challenge everything you've believed about yourself and take
Speaker 1: a step into the unknown. For me, that meant confronting
Speaker 1: the stories I'd been telling myself for years, the whispers
Speaker 1: that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't belong that
Speaker 1: sooner or later everyone would see I was pretending to
Speaker 1: have it all together. I believed those stories. I believed
Speaker 1: I wasn't strong enough to start over, that I couldn't
Speaker 1: succeed something new, that my best years were behind me.
Speaker 1: Those thoughts, though painful, became familiar. They felt safer than
Speaker 1: the vulnerability of change. Limiting beliefs are like invisible handcuffs
Speaker 1: keeping you stuck, holding you to where you are, chained
Speaker 1: to your smallest self. They whisper you're not good enough,
Speaker 1: you're not smart enough, you're not strong enough to handle this,
Speaker 1: And if you listen to them long enough, they start
Speaker 1: to sound like the truth. They become comfortable, almost protective
Speaker 1: when internalized, though they restrict what you believe you're capable
Speaker 1: of and keep you stuck in fear driven patterns. For years,
Speaker 1: I told myself I wasn't qualified to try something new.
Speaker 1: I convinced myself I wasn't creative or confident enough to
Speaker 1: succeed outside of my acting. My identity was wrapped up
Speaker 1: in being Jenny Gartha, actress. That was who people saw,
Speaker 1: and eventually who I believed I was allowed to be.
Speaker 1: Every new idea, home decorps, fashion books was met first
Speaker 1: with the self doubt I used to tell myself I
Speaker 1: couldn't do anything else, that stepping into a new space
Speaker 1: was too risky. It wasn't just about my career. I
Speaker 1: let every role in my life, young actress, wife, mother
Speaker 1: defined me so completely that I couldn't imagine myself as
Speaker 1: anything else. Being Jenny Gartha, actress came with a certain
Speaker 1: set of expectations, to always look a certain way, to
Speaker 1: be charming and confident, to stay relevant at home. Being
Speaker 1: mom meant keeping everything together, showing up for my kids
Speaker 1: no matter what, and often putting my own needs last.
Speaker 1: Those roles gave me direction, but they also kept me stuck.
Speaker 1: I clung to them because they felt safe, even when
Speaker 1: they no longer fit. The danger in defining yourself only
Speaker 1: by your roles is that it leaves no space for
Speaker 1: the question who am I to me? I didn't stop
Speaker 1: to ask myself what I really wanted or who I
Speaker 1: was outside of those roles. For a long time, I
Speaker 1: didn't know the answer. I was Kelly Taylor to the world,
Speaker 1: mom to my girls, babe to my husband. And while
Speaker 1: those identities held truth, they didn't capture the whole of me. Somewhere,
Speaker 1: in the hustle to perform, to parent, to partner, I
Speaker 1: lost sight of the parts of myself I actually loved,
Speaker 1: the woman who finds healing in nature, who needs solitude,
Speaker 1: who has ideas and opinions that don't hinge on anyone
Speaker 1: else's approval. Letting go of old narratives wasn't easy, but
Speaker 1: I realized that holding onto them kept me stuck in
Speaker 1: fear and self doubt, chained to an outdated version of myself.
Speaker 1: The key was learning to honor those roles without letting
Speaker 1: them define or control me. Growth isn't about rejecting your past.
Speaker 1: It's about building on it. Every role I'd played gave
Speaker 1: me strength, resilience, and perspective. Those experiences weren't meant to
Speaker 1: cage me, they were meant to equip me. The tricky
Speaker 1: thing about limiting beliefs is that they often disguise themselves
Speaker 1: as facts, when really they're just fear. I learned about
Speaker 1: the acronym fear, which stands for false evidence appearing real.
Speaker 1: Many of our fears aren't based on reality, but on
Speaker 1: distorted perceptions, assumptions, or imagined threats. These kinds of fears
Speaker 1: can arise when we feel vulnerable, or when we're afraid
Speaker 1: of failure, rejection, or loss that convince us that staying
Speaker 1: small is safer than stepping into something new. Recognizing that
Speaker 1: fear often stems from false evidence, we can begin to
Speaker 1: challenge these perceptions, leading to greater confidence my mom always
Speaker 1: told me there was nothing I couldn't do or be.
Speaker 1: I kept that mantra close to my heart, even though
Speaker 1: I didn't really believe her until I did again and again.
Speaker 1: I have proven to myself that I can take risks,
Speaker 1: I can succeed at something new, and I know, without
Speaker 1: a doubt in my mind, you can too. One of
Speaker 1: the most transformative tools I've learned for breaking limiting beliefs
Speaker 1: came from my friend, doctor Daniel Aman, the world renowned
Speaker 1: psychiatrist and founder of the Aiman Clinics. Okay, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: just take a little break from reading this excerpt from
Speaker 1: my book to say that I was so honored to
Speaker 1: have doctor Amen speak at the second annual Live I
Speaker 1: Choose Me Women's empowerment summit that we had in April.
Speaker 1: And if this story resonates with you, that conversation is
Speaker 1: one you need to hear, and it's available wherever you've
Speaker 1: listened to your I Choose Me podcasts. Okay, back to
Speaker 1: chapter four. In twenty twenty, I sought doctor Amin out
Speaker 1: to better understand my lifelong struggles with depression, anxiety, and
Speaker 1: memory issues. I had been diagnosed with clinical depression at
Speaker 1: age eighteen, and I've been under a doctor's care e person.
Speaker 1: That was when I started on prozac for the first time.
Speaker 1: I've been on some form of antidepressant meds for most
Speaker 1: of my adult life. Medication and meditation have become a
Speaker 1: part of my daily self care regime. My poor memory
Speaker 1: is well known among my inner circle and often the
Speaker 1: subject of lighthearted teasing when I can't remember a story
Speaker 1: or a detail from years ago. It always bothered me
Speaker 1: when friends would casually bring up specific stories from our
Speaker 1: past and I'd have zero recollection. Fortunately, I can memorize
Speaker 1: lines in a script and the details of my businesses,
Speaker 1: but I can't recall a story from ten or twenty
Speaker 1: years ago, or what I had for dinner last night.
Speaker 1: I was getting more and more concerned that my poor
Speaker 1: memory was a sign I might be heading towards something
Speaker 1: really scary, like dementia or early onset Alzheimer's. My best
Speaker 1: friend and had sent me a video of one of
Speaker 1: doctor Amen's talks, and I was instantly drawn in. His
Speaker 1: work is rooted in the idea that you can't fix
Speaker 1: what you don't understand, and to truly understand the brain,
Speaker 1: you have to look at it using a technology called
Speaker 1: spect single photon emission computed tomography imaging. Doctor Amen and
Speaker 1: his team can see patterns of blood flow and activity
Speaker 1: in the brain, which can reveal areas that are overactive, underactive,
Speaker 1: or out of balance. This visual insight helps move beyond
Speaker 1: guesswork when it comes to diagnosing and treating mental health
Speaker 1: conditions and even behavioral struggles. Rather than focusing solely on symptoms,
Speaker 1: doctor Amen's method looks at the brain as a whole system,
Speaker 1: one affected by trauma, toxins, nutrition, and lifestyle, and offers
Speaker 1: personalized strategies to support healing and long term brain optimization.
Speaker 1: His work reframes mental health as brain health, empowering people
Speaker 1: with both understanding and hope. I reached out and offered
Speaker 1: to collaborate with him on a new series he was
Speaker 1: launching called Scan My Brain. I ended up being on
Speaker 1: the very first episode. There have been many more since,
Speaker 1: and the vulnerability and honesty of those willing to show
Speaker 1: their brain scans publicly has helped so many people feel
Speaker 1: seen and less alone in their mental health journeys. The
Speaker 1: science itself was fascinating. Doctor Aman's core belief is that
Speaker 1: it's not a good idea to prescribe powerful brain altering
Speaker 1: medications without looking at the actual organ you're trying to treat.
Speaker 1: I mean, would a cardiologist prescribe serious heart medications without
Speaker 1: first assessing the health of your heart muscle. Of course,
Speaker 1: not yet, That's exactly what happens so often in psychiatry.
Speaker 1: I underwent a spec scan of my brain with doctor Amen.
Speaker 1: While the surface scan appeared generally healthy, there were some
Speaker 1: key findings that explained so much about how I was feeling.
Speaker 1: My frontal cortex was lit up, working overtime, essentially electrified.
Speaker 1: There was hyperactivity in the basal ganglia, an area linked
Speaker 1: to anxiety and emotional regulation, suggesting that my emotional response
Speaker 1: system was stuck in overdrive. There was also a slightly
Speaker 1: reduced blood flow near my hippocampus, the region critical for
Speaker 1: memory formation. And significantly, the scan showed evidence of a
Speaker 1: past brain injury. After examining me and reviewing my brain
Speaker 1: scan results, he told me that a head injury at
Speaker 1: any point in my life could have to do with
Speaker 1: some of my memory loss and even additional anxiety I
Speaker 1: was experiencing. I thought about it, and there were two
Speaker 1: times that I could recall as major head related accidents.
Speaker 1: The time Luke ran me over with a jet ski
Speaker 1: in the Pacific Ocean while filming a scene together, and
Speaker 1: the time a huge tripod mounted life fell directly on
Speaker 1: my head and knocked me over on the set of
Speaker 1: nine two one zero. Accidents happen on sets. There wasn't
Speaker 1: any wrongdoing, but still maybe they'd had some effect on me.
Speaker 1: That injury wasn't news to me, but seeing the damage
Speaker 1: on the scan made it real in a whole new way.
Speaker 1: Seeing the actual image of my brain lit up in
Speaker 1: places it shouldn't have been quiet, in places I wished
Speaker 1: were louder, was strangely liberating. It wasn't me being forgetful
Speaker 1: or me being anxious for no reason. There were real
Speaker 1: physical reasons for what I was experiencing. Doctor Amin explained
Speaker 1: that traumatic brain injuries can disrupt neural pathways, leading to
Speaker 1: symptoms like memory loss, mood changes, anxiety, and depression. Sometimes
Speaker 1: even years after the original injury, I could separate who
Speaker 1: I am from what I'd been through. It broke a
Speaker 1: major limiting belief that I was less than because my
Speaker 1: mind didn't work like everyone else's. Instead of beating myself up,
Speaker 1: I've learned to work with my brain to honor what
Speaker 1: it has been through. Doctor Amin also gave me a
Speaker 1: powerful question to counter limiting thoughts. Is that true? Is
Speaker 1: that absolutely positively true? It sounds so simple, but asking
Speaker 1: myself that question has stopped me in my tracks more
Speaker 1: times than I can count. When my mind whispers you
Speaker 1: can't do this or you're going to fail, I pause
Speaker 1: and ask, wait, is that actually true? Most of the
Speaker 1: time it isn't. The thought is fear, not fact. And
Speaker 1: when I followed up with what would my world look
Speaker 1: like if I believed I could do it? I open
Speaker 1: myself to possibility instead of spiraling in doubt. It forces
Speaker 1: me to imagine what's possible. What if I trusted myself
Speaker 1: to succeed? What if I believed I was strong enough,
Speaker 1: smart enough, capable enough to make it happen. When I
Speaker 1: started my podcast, those limiting beliefs were loud. You're not
Speaker 1: a solo podcaster, you're not good enough, no one will listen.
Speaker 1: Even though I had been co hosting the nine Out
Speaker 1: two one OMG podcast for a couple of years, this
Speaker 1: felt very differ because it was so personal and because
Speaker 1: I was doing it on my own. But when I
Speaker 1: ask myself if those thoughts were really true, I couldn't
Speaker 1: find any proof, and when I imagined what my world
Speaker 1: would look like if I believed in myself, I saw
Speaker 1: a whole new version of me, one who was brave
Speaker 1: enough to try. This exercise, adapted from Byron Katie's Mythology,
Speaker 1: is one of the most powerful ways I know to
Speaker 1: dismantle limiting beliefs. By questioning your thoughts, you strip them
Speaker 1: of their power. Left unchallenged, they grow challenged, they dissolve.
Speaker 1: Try it for yourself. Start by writing down the negative
Speaker 1: or limiting belief you're experiencing. Then walk yourself through these questions.
Speaker 1: Is it true? Can I know for sure it's absolutely true?
Speaker 1: How do I feel when I believe this thought? How
Speaker 1: would I feel if I didn't have this thought? How
Speaker 1: can I turn the thought around and see if the
Speaker 1: opposite is actually more true. Here's an example of how
Speaker 1: this worked for me. My limiting belief was no one
Speaker 1: will be interested in coming to my live event. So
Speaker 1: I ask myself the five questions. Is it true? Well, honestly,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Is it absolutely true? Absolutely no, I
Speaker 1: can't say it's absolutely one hundred percent true. How do
Speaker 1: I feel when I believe this thought, I feel bad
Speaker 1: about myself. I feel like I shouldn't even try to
Speaker 1: do new things. How would I feel if I didn't
Speaker 1: have this thought? I guess I would feel free from
Speaker 1: doubting myself, like I can try new things. How can
Speaker 1: I turn the thought around the right? People are going
Speaker 1: to be so excited to come to the Eye Choose
Speaker 1: Me summit, and I really am looking forward to it.
Speaker 1: Walking through those questions showed me how much power I
Speaker 1: was giving to a thought that wasn't even true. By
Speaker 1: challenging it, I shifted from doubt to possibility. That's the
Speaker 1: gift of this practice. You don't have to erase every
Speaker 1: limiting belief. You just have to question it enough to
Speaker 1: loosen its grip, and when you do, you create space
Speaker 1: for a new, more empowering story to take its place.
Speaker 1: It's not always easy. Stepping into change requires courage, but
Speaker 1: when you believe that you're capable of change, you unlock
Speaker 1: potential that's been waiting inside you all along. You stop
Speaker 1: telling yourself this is how I am, and start asking
Speaker 1: instead who do I want to be today? I will
Speaker 1: always be the little girl with the blonde pig dells
Speaker 1: from Illinois, the one I picture wandering the fields around
Speaker 1: my childhood home, searching for ears of corn left behind.
Speaker 1: I think about her, and I tell her I love her.
Speaker 1: Everything that I'm doing now to take care of myself
Speaker 1: is for her, because she deserves to feel safe, strong,
Speaker 1: and deeply loved, and so does the fifty four year
Speaker 1: old version of her. Well that's it. I hope you
Speaker 1: enjoy that portion of chapter four of my book, I
Speaker 1: Choose Me. I want you to remember something. You are
Speaker 1: not alone, and yeah, change begins on the inside, so
Speaker 1: you've got to be brave. I hope you feel seen
Speaker 1: and walked with on this journey to becoming. If you
Speaker 1: need more tools, please reach out for help or continue
Speaker 1: reading my book. I read the audiobook so it will
Speaker 1: be like we're working on this side by side. Please
Speaker 1: know that there is hope, There is hope, and we're
Speaker 1: in this together. That part is true, absolutely true. Until
Speaker 1: next time. I love you, guys,