WEBVTT - Second Date Update PODCAST: Divorces Do It With Baggage

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<v Speaker 1>car ride. Brooking Jewels second d Dat. You know, dating

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<v Speaker 1>is a lot like shopping at the grocery store for

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<v Speaker 1>a grapefruit. What you can either sift through all the

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<v Speaker 1>grapefruits to try to find that perfect one, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>or you can take the easy way and just grab

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<v Speaker 1>one of the ones on the outside that's been kicked

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<v Speaker 1>around a little bit, it's a little damaged. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>lot easier just to go for one of those grapefruits,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. Sure it might have some bugs and some bruises,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's still a grapefruit. And that's what Huxley did today.

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<v Speaker 1>Huxley is a man after my own heart and decided

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<v Speaker 1>to go after the damaged grapefruit. Still working on this analogy.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey Huxley, what's the grapefruit's name? The grapefruits name. She's

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<v Speaker 1>actual woman. Her name's Alicia. Alicia. All right, tell us

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit about Alicia. So Alicia and I go

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<v Speaker 1>like way way back. We were good friends in college,

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<v Speaker 1>and I was always like that guy that had a

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<v Speaker 1>crush on her. Okay, wait, so you're the damage grapefruit

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<v Speaker 1>or she's a damage grapefruit. Well, I guess in this scenario,

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<v Speaker 1>we're both damaged grapefruits. A couple of damaged grapefruits trying

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<v Speaker 1>to go out and have a good time. Yeah. I

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<v Speaker 1>always had a crush on Alicia. She's always been like

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<v Speaker 1>the most attractive girl. So she of course always had

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<v Speaker 1>a boyfriend, and every single time that something would happen

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<v Speaker 1>with her and her boyfriends, I was always the guy

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<v Speaker 1>that was there for. Oh, well, you're trying to position

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<v Speaker 1>yourself right, Yeah, well no, I did have a crush

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<v Speaker 1>on her, but I swear her book there was no

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<v Speaker 1>like agenda. I'm a I'm a really good grapefruit. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>one of the ones from the inside. So anyway, um

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<v Speaker 1>tatsu present day, I see her Facebook that she got

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<v Speaker 1>a divorce recently, and I saw maybe like a potential opening.

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<v Speaker 1>You saw that she had been divorced, and you're like,

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<v Speaker 1>just damage enough now that I could probably date her. Yeah, well,

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<v Speaker 1>I thought, to be honest, I thought about some of

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<v Speaker 1>the good times we had in college and figured why

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<v Speaker 1>not reach out. I did see like a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>of an opening that maybe something could develop. Like she's single,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm single. There's really no reason why not. And you

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<v Speaker 1>guys had kind of dropped off in terms of your

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<v Speaker 1>friendship post college. Yeah, she got married pretty early on,

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<v Speaker 1>and then I left and moved like a couple hundred

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<v Speaker 1>miles away. I mean, keeping in touch today it's like

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<v Speaker 1>so easy, but back then it wasn't like that easy,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess. So, yeah, we kind of fell out of

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<v Speaker 1>touch with each other, and I decided to do like

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<v Speaker 1>I said, to reach out, and then, to my surprise,

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<v Speaker 1>reached back out to me after I messaged her over Facebook.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you proposition this as a date? Um? No, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>I just kind of like shared my condolences, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>on her divorce. That's never easy, and we started to

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<v Speaker 1>like chit chat back and forth, and eventually I did

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<v Speaker 1>ask her to, like, you know, maybe we should meet

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<v Speaker 1>up for drinks. She thought that was a good idea. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>but do you know, did she consider it a date?

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<v Speaker 1>When you guys went out, I didn't cross that boundary

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<v Speaker 1>because I didn't know how fresh the divorce was, and

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't know she would be kind of turned off.

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<v Speaker 1>I asked her on a formal date, you should have

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<v Speaker 1>just sent her a message on Facebook that simply said

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<v Speaker 1>break up sex with a question. Yeah. Yeah, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know if that would have if that would have worked.

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<v Speaker 1>She keep that in mind for next time. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>So did you guys actually get together? We did? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I was. We met at a bar and when I

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<v Speaker 1>saw her walk through the door, it was like a

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<v Speaker 1>total flashback to college and like a lot of feelings

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<v Speaker 1>were immediately felt by me. She did not age at all.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like smitten to I guess, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like taken it back. It was pretty, It

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<v Speaker 1>was cool, Like it was a cool moment. So how

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<v Speaker 1>did drinks go? It was good. We had a couple

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<v Speaker 1>of drinks. We caught up, and then she kind of

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<v Speaker 1>opened up to me about her marriage, and because I

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<v Speaker 1>knew the guy and the actually like her vulnerability allowed

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<v Speaker 1>me to open up about my divorce that I had too.

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<v Speaker 1>So how did everything end with you guys? Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>mean we were you know, had another drink and we

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<v Speaker 1>decided to call it a night, and on my way out,

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<v Speaker 1>the door. I still was venting a little bit about

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<v Speaker 1>my breakup, which was nothing like hers. My marriage only

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<v Speaker 1>lasted like a year and that ended like seven years ago,

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<v Speaker 1>which it's not even all my radar. I don't even

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<v Speaker 1>know why I said this next thing, but while we

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<v Speaker 1>were walking out the door, I admitted that the last

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<v Speaker 1>six months of my marriage we didn't even like have

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<v Speaker 1>sex at all. Okay, right when I said it, it it

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<v Speaker 1>was like word vomit. You feel like that was too

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<v Speaker 1>much information for her. Yeah, she played her real cool

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<v Speaker 1>and she was real nice about everything. But it's like

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<v Speaker 1>one of those moments where you like too much and

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<v Speaker 1>now like you can't take those words back. And I

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<v Speaker 1>felt like maybe that's the reason why she hasn't called

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<v Speaker 1>or texted back. Because it was a good date other

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<v Speaker 1>than that. Okay, but did you know it was a date? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it doesn't sound it doesn't sound like it. Yeah, well

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<v Speaker 1>for me, it was a date. It was nice. You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I did ask her, like I said while we were leaving,

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<v Speaker 1>that we should hang out again as like a formal

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<v Speaker 1>date invitation. You know, so you said quote as a

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<v Speaker 1>formal date invitation. No, I'm not. I'm a great for

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<v Speaker 1>not a robot, I said, like, we should hang out again.

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<v Speaker 1>This was fun. Again, that doesn't sound like a date.

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<v Speaker 1>Well like the way I said it though, it was

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<v Speaker 1>like there was like a vibe. I was spending some

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<v Speaker 1>signals out that it was like more than just friends.

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<v Speaker 1>And what did she say to that? She said yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and she was like in twos and it was cool

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<v Speaker 1>and U And that was the last I heard of

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<v Speaker 1>you know, like I reached out to her again on

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<v Speaker 1>Facebook to try to put some dates on the calendar

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<v Speaker 1>so we could go out. And then I haven't heard

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<v Speaker 1>from her. And on Facebook you can see when they

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<v Speaker 1>see your message, and I know she's seen the messages,

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<v Speaker 1>which is have you sent her a message in all

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<v Speaker 1>caps saying I know you're seeing these answer. I'm teaching

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<v Speaker 1>you a lot of good tools here, Huxley. Yeah, you

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<v Speaker 1>lead you down some good stuff. Ready, we'll play a song,

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<v Speaker 1>come back, call her and get your second date update. Okay, awesome,

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you so much. Yeah, hang on frooking jubil in

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<v Speaker 1>the morning. Second. Hey, Huxley, I think this second date

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<v Speaker 1>update is gonna work out for you? Oh? Really? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>I do? Well, you know, because the girl that you

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<v Speaker 1>want to call, she just went through a divorce. You

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<v Speaker 1>went through a divorce. I think once you guys talk

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<v Speaker 1>about you both will realize you don't have many options,

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<v Speaker 1>and at the end of the second date, she will

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<v Speaker 1>agree to go out with you again, because hey, why not?

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm thinking you. Yeah. Nice. If you're just

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<v Speaker 1>tuning in for the second day update, Huxley is on

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<v Speaker 1>the phone. He wants to call a girl named Alicia.

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<v Speaker 1>They actually have known each other since college. They kind

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<v Speaker 1>of fell off a little bit after college, but he

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<v Speaker 1>always had a crush hunt her. She always had a boyfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>Then she got married. He recently saw on Facebook that

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<v Speaker 1>she was divorced, and they started chatting and he said, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>we should go out and talk and hang out. They did,

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<v Speaker 1>but now she's not responding to him. And maybe have

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<v Speaker 1>you thought about this, Huxley? Maybe your date was so

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<v Speaker 1>bad that she went back into the arms of her axe. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>a second date update is doing wonders for my confidence?

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<v Speaker 1>No problem, man, All right, I'll dial her phone number

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<v Speaker 1>right now here we go. Hello, Hi is this Alicia? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>this is Alicia. Hi Alicia, This is jebil and I

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<v Speaker 1>host a radio show called Brooke and jew bil In

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<v Speaker 1>the Morning. What my name? My name is Jubil, and

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<v Speaker 1>I host a radio show called Brook and Jewil in

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<v Speaker 1>the Morning. Have you ever heard of it? Um, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think so wonderful it means we're doing our job. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually wanted to call you today to ask you

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<v Speaker 1>about a guy that you recently went on a date with,

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<v Speaker 1>which we do a segment on our radio show called

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<v Speaker 1>the Second Date Update. That's basically where if you go

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<v Speaker 1>out on a date with somebody and then don't call

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<v Speaker 1>them back, they email us to see if we can

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<v Speaker 1>get you on the phone and ask why. Oh, okay,

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<v Speaker 1>that's that's fun. I guess it is kind of fun.

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<v Speaker 1>I like it. And the guy that emailed us about you,

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<v Speaker 1>his name is Huxley. Huxley Huxley. Yeah. Do you know

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of Huxley's. I feel like that's not a

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<v Speaker 1>very common name. No, I only know one Huxley. And

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<v Speaker 1>have you gone out with Huxley lately? Yes? I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>hang out with him recently. Okay, good, we've got the

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<v Speaker 1>right person on the phone. Then, well, Huxley he is

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<v Speaker 1>wondering why you won't answer any of his Facebook messages

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<v Speaker 1>or phone calls or anything. After you guys hung out.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I don't know, you don't know what. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know why I haven't called him back. You have

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<v Speaker 1>to know why you haven't called him back. There's got

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<v Speaker 1>to be a reason. I don't know if I should

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<v Speaker 1>talk about it. Why not. He's the one that's asking.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, we're this is a radio thing. Yeah yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>but I mean he's he contacted us to get a

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<v Speaker 1>hold of you because you won't tell him, and so

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<v Speaker 1>he's confused. Is there anything that you can tell us?

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, we used to be really good friends in college.

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<v Speaker 1>Come on, you've got to get you gotta give this

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<v Speaker 1>man something. He has been crushing on you hard for

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<v Speaker 1>a really long time. He has. Yeah, he says he's

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<v Speaker 1>had a crush on you since college, and you always

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<v Speaker 1>had a boyfriend, he could never ask you out, And

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<v Speaker 1>then he saw that you were recently single, so he

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<v Speaker 1>decided to take the chance, and you guys actually went out,

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<v Speaker 1>and now he wants to see you again. But apparently

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<v Speaker 1>you're not calling him back. Um. I mean that's really flattering,

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<v Speaker 1>but I don't think I'm going to go out with

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<v Speaker 1>him again. Oh you should have heard the way he

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<v Speaker 1>described you in your beautiful smile, and how lovely you are,

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<v Speaker 1>and what a good person you are. I know. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean he is a really nice guy. I mean, Huxley

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<v Speaker 1>is great. Okay, So if you like him so much

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<v Speaker 1>and he's a really great guy, why not give him

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<v Speaker 1>the respect of at least letting him know why you

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to go out with him again? Okay, fine,

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<v Speaker 1>I just don't want to date a guy who's been divorced.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait what what? You don't want to date a guy

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<v Speaker 1>who's been divorced. No, it's a huge turn off to me. Well, wait,

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<v Speaker 1>Huxley told us that you were recently divorced. Is that

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<v Speaker 1>not true? That is true. I just don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>date a guy who's divorced. Is it because you're just

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<v Speaker 1>not ready to date yet? No? I just I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to date a guy with all of that baggage

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<v Speaker 1>from being divorced. But you can see all that sounds

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<v Speaker 1>a little strange though, right, Like you're divorced and you're

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<v Speaker 1>saying you don't want to date a guy who's divorced. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's it's just it's just different. It's it's

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<v Speaker 1>very different. All right. So even though you've been divorced.

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<v Speaker 1>You just will not date a dude who's been divorced. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's right. You understand how hypocritical that sounds, right, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>divorced guys are just always bitter, and they're always talking

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<v Speaker 1>about how women are going to take their money just

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<v Speaker 1>like their ex life did. That is a huge, huge

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<v Speaker 1>stereotype that I don't think holds true those really. I

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<v Speaker 1>I know a lot of divorced dudes, and I've never

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<v Speaker 1>heard one of them say that, Actually, well you're not dating,

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<v Speaker 1>are you? No? Unfortunately, because a few of them are loaded,

0:11:54.080 --> 0:12:00.600
<v Speaker 1>and I would love to. Hey, Alicia, it's very interesting reasoning.

0:12:00.880 --> 0:12:02.480
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for being honest with us and giving us

0:12:02.480 --> 0:12:05.240
<v Speaker 1>an answer. Yeah, I just prefer a single guy who

0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:09.760
<v Speaker 1>is completely unattached. Just my thing, okay, And my thing

0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.480
<v Speaker 1>is surprising people by letting them know that somebody's on

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:15.240
<v Speaker 1>the other line and they're listening, and Huxley is actually

0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:18.120
<v Speaker 1>on the phone and heard this whole conversation and wants

0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:25.080
<v Speaker 1>to talk to you. No he's not. Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Okay.

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:31.679
<v Speaker 1>I don't understand your reasoning at all. It makes no sense.

0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:34.640
<v Speaker 1>It's just my thing. I don't want to date a

0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:39.640
<v Speaker 1>divorce guy, but you're divorced. Yeah, but you're a divorced

0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:43.440
<v Speaker 1>guy and I'm a divorced woman, and it's very very different.

0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:48.600
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's very very different at all. The

0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:53.640
<v Speaker 1>difference is I divorced my husband, but you lost your wife.

0:12:54.360 --> 0:12:59.840
<v Speaker 1>So that's a very it's a very different dynamic. Oh yeah,

0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 1>I won my divorce, you lost yours. So you have

0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:08.760
<v Speaker 1>more baggage because you didn't win your divorce. So are

0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.080
<v Speaker 1>you saying, Alicia that because you're the one that divorced

0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:14.880
<v Speaker 1>your husband, you have less baggage than Huxley. Yeah. When

0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:17.199
<v Speaker 1>we were at the bar, he told me that his

0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:20.400
<v Speaker 1>wife broke up with him. I mean I left my AX.

0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:24.400
<v Speaker 1>So there's a big difference there. Oh my god, I

0:13:24.440 --> 0:13:28.920
<v Speaker 1>did not know that. My my acc and I split

0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.680
<v Speaker 1>like seven years ago. It was like an amicable split.

0:13:31.800 --> 0:13:35.640
<v Speaker 1>She left, but it was completely like amicable. Both sides

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.520
<v Speaker 1>agreed that it was over. So it sounds like you're

0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.760
<v Speaker 1>chaining your story now because that's not what you told me.

0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:44.360
<v Speaker 1>It's the bar. What are you talking. I mean, I

0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:47.720
<v Speaker 1>said she left me, which implied like she left the relationship.

0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:50.199
<v Speaker 1>I mean I would have thought differently if you had

0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:53.200
<v Speaker 1>left her, But it sounds like you are not the

0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:57.800
<v Speaker 1>one in the driver's seat relationship. You are You just

0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:00.400
<v Speaker 1>being mean and petty because you're really hurt by your

0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:03.720
<v Speaker 1>own stuff you're going through. No, I'm not being mean

0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.880
<v Speaker 1>and petty. I'm telling this guy what I want out

0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.960
<v Speaker 1>of a relationship. How is that being mean and petty?

0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:16.480
<v Speaker 1>So you look me better if I divorced my wife. Yeah,

0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.720
<v Speaker 1>actually I would prefer that you weren't divorced at all,

0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 1>But since you were divorced, it is better if you

0:14:25.360 --> 0:14:29.520
<v Speaker 1>left her the other way around. Wow, I mean, look

0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:31.560
<v Speaker 1>at it this way. When some people get a dog,

0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.320
<v Speaker 1>some people like get a new puppy, and some people

0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:42.080
<v Speaker 1>like to adopt a rescue. I want a new puppy.

0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:44.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, Hey, Alicia, would you like to go

0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:48.000
<v Speaker 1>out on a second date with Huxley? I probably know

0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.040
<v Speaker 1>the answer, but we will pay for a date if

0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.840
<v Speaker 1>you go out with him again. You know, I think

0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:56.080
<v Speaker 1>I made my point pretty clear, but I still would

0:14:56.120 --> 0:15:00.880
<v Speaker 1>like to be friends with him. Oh, how can I

0:15:00.920 --> 0:15:03.840
<v Speaker 1>possibly just be friends with you? After all of the

0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:08.440
<v Speaker 1>stuff you just said about me? You're damaged. I just

0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.440
<v Speaker 1>don't want that in a relationship. But I'm fine working

0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:18.000
<v Speaker 1>with you through it as a friend. Your damage damage,

0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:22.320
<v Speaker 1>but here yourself, you are damaged. You are the damaged one.

0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.000
<v Speaker 1>But I'm not as damaged as you because I left

0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:29.840
<v Speaker 1>my husband. I'll let you guys argue this out later

0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:33.480
<v Speaker 1>about who's the more damaged in this situation. Alicia, thank

0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:35.840
<v Speaker 1>you for your time. Huxley. I'm sorry you didn't get

0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:38.360
<v Speaker 1>a second date out of this whole thing. Yeah. Thanks,

0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:40.720
<v Speaker 1>But you know what I will do for you, Huxley.

0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:43.240
<v Speaker 1>What's that I'll ask our listeners? Text in at seven

0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:45.440
<v Speaker 1>eight five nine two. We have a beautiful rescue on

0:15:45.440 --> 0:15:47.520
<v Speaker 1>the phone. His name is Huxley. If you'd like to

0:15:47.520 --> 0:15:51.600
<v Speaker 1>adopt him, text us seven eight five nine two in

0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.760
<v Speaker 1>the morning. Text in at seven eight five nine two

0:15:54.840 --> 0:16:00.400
<v Speaker 1>saying She's right. All divorce guys have baggage. Can jewel

0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:02.560
<v Speaker 1>in the morning. If you don't know what I'm talking about,

0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm talking about today's second date update. Not really the point.

0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 1>Huxley wanted to call this girl named Alicia. He'd had

0:16:08.920 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 1>a crush on her, and like high school and everything,

0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:13.760
<v Speaker 1>they reconnected. Finally went out. Well, she didn't want to

0:16:13.760 --> 0:16:17.000
<v Speaker 1>go out with him again because he's divorced. Yeah, shocker,

0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:21.000
<v Speaker 1>she just got divorced, and she says she doesn't date

0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:24.160
<v Speaker 1>divorced guys even though she's had a divorce. I mean,

0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:27.080
<v Speaker 1>she treats it like she won the divorce somehow, which

0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.320
<v Speaker 1>I always I mean, I've never been a divorce, but

0:16:29.360 --> 0:16:31.840
<v Speaker 1>I always thought everyone was a loser in this situation.

0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:36.880
<v Speaker 1>She says, because she chose to have the divorce, it's okay,

0:16:37.040 --> 0:16:40.240
<v Speaker 1>she doesn't have baggage. But his wife left him. That

0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:42.400
<v Speaker 1>means he has baggage and she doesn't want to date

0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:44.400
<v Speaker 1>him because he's been divorced and he didn't win his

0:16:44.440 --> 0:16:46.960
<v Speaker 1>divorce like she did. Wow, He's like, dude, it was

0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:49.960
<v Speaker 1>seven years ago and I was only married for his years.

0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.640
<v Speaker 1>I swear I'm fine and everything else was great, Like

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:57.080
<v Speaker 1>that's the only thing I'm pretty much everybody texting in

0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:59.400
<v Speaker 1>at seven eight, five to nine two is saying that

0:16:59.440 --> 0:17:02.080
<v Speaker 1>he dodged a bullet with that one. I think so too.

0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:04.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean, come on, but they agreed not to go

0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:08.080
<v Speaker 1>out because of course he's got baggage. Yeah, but she

0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.720
<v Speaker 1>she can be his friend and help him through through

0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:14.560
<v Speaker 1>his package. Remember, she sounds like a good person to

0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:16.280
<v Speaker 1>get advice from. If you want to do a second

0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:17.880
<v Speaker 1>day update, all if to do his email the show,

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.159
<v Speaker 1>and we will call the person who didn't call you

0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.160
<v Speaker 1>back five