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Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast

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Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue.

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Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome back to Unbreakable, a mental

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Speaker 1: health podcast with Jay Glazer. I am Jay Glazer, and look,

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Speaker 1: I have been very open about needing certain teammates in

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Speaker 1: my life, people that I lean into as I've struggled.

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Speaker 1: I used to sit there and suffer in silence. But

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Speaker 1: I've needed a fight team. I've needed people I can

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Speaker 1: lean into and walk this walk together with. And my

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Speaker 1: guest right now, I probably leaned into this man more

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Speaker 1: than just about everybody else in my life. Um, when

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Speaker 1: I struggle, he's one of the people that I immediately

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Speaker 1: called because he gets me. And you'll probably be surprised

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Speaker 1: that he gives me so much because he is man Mr. Everything.

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Speaker 1: He's Walter Payton Man of the Year Award winner, he's

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Speaker 1: a Super Bowl champion, and he is probably the most

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Speaker 1: handsome guy who's ever played in the National Football League.

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Speaker 1: Let's just say that he looks exactly like me, except

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Speaker 1: you know, eight ft taller and eight hundred pounds. Have

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Speaker 1: your that is uh, my boy, Andrew Witworth, how are

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Speaker 1: your brother? I'm good brother. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: let me come on here with you today. No, absolutely

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Speaker 1: letting you come on. You kid me and people don't

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Speaker 1: realize that. Look, when I wrote my book Unbreakable, and

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Speaker 1: I tried to explain what mental health issues were, what

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Speaker 1: the gray was, Andrew and I were sitting in Cabo

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Speaker 1: with Sean McVeigh in the famous weekend when we did

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Speaker 1: happen to run into Matthew Stafford in Cabo. Just happened,

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Speaker 1: you know, just happened. To write a lot of people

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Speaker 1: you run into in a hot tub, you know, it

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Speaker 1: started in the hot dub, went back to worth room,

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Speaker 1: next thing, you know. Matt Stafford, he's a ramp go figure.

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Speaker 1: You know. I love at first sight. No, it's uh,

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Speaker 1: that was a special week I'll never forget us visiting

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Speaker 1: and talking about you writing your book and obviously wow,

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Speaker 1: to think we're both of us have gone from there,

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Speaker 1: it's pretty crazy. So but here we are and we're

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Speaker 1: trying to explain to Sean what the gray is. And

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Speaker 1: and McVey, you know, he's our first guest we ever had.

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Speaker 1: I always say like he didn't get it because his

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Speaker 1: life was like a night light, right like man, he

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Speaker 1: didn't understand, and then you said something and he turned

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Speaker 1: to you and said, wait, what you too? You suffer

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Speaker 1: from the gray. Do you remember what you said to him?

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Speaker 1: I don't remember the exact words, but I remember that

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Speaker 1: reaction because it's one of those things that as a

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Speaker 1: you know, him being my coach and me being the player,

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Speaker 1: even though we were you know, really close friends and all,

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Speaker 1: this is really something we had never dived into together.

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Speaker 1: Like he would like say things like, hey, man, sometimes

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Speaker 1: when I can tell you're in that mood, like it's

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Speaker 1: like nothing can possibly stop you. And then there's moments

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Speaker 1: where I'm like, man, I don't know what's going on.

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Speaker 1: And he always thought that was like disinterest to play

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Speaker 1: football or something, and what he had no idea it was.

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Speaker 1: It was really like I'm battling demons over here that

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Speaker 1: are telling me like I don't belong and I'm not

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Speaker 1: even suppose to be where I am in life in general,

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Speaker 1: like forget football, like just you're not even supposed to

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Speaker 1: be here in this moment. And I think it blew

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Speaker 1: him away to hear that that's really what was going

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Speaker 1: on in that moment. Yeah, well, you also said, he

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Speaker 1: said you you said yes, Sean, you think I'm fucking normal.

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Speaker 1: What do you think gives me a forty years all

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Speaker 1: to put a helmet on his beast, Aaron Donald the

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Speaker 1: head all these years you kid me. Of course I'm

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Speaker 1: sucked up. Is exactly what I said. You have to

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Speaker 1: be to blay football at forty You've got issues. I

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Speaker 1: don't care who you are, you you and I want you.

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Speaker 1: Were telling Sean about these demons, and I think it's

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Speaker 1: real important are our listeners because they look at you again,

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Speaker 1: Maud Walter Payton Man in the Year, and they look like, man,

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Speaker 1: this guy has it so together. Um, in certain ways

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Speaker 1: you do, but certain ways you don't. You have these demons.

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Speaker 1: Explain your demons? Yeah, I think to me, it's just um.

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Speaker 1: You know, things like Walter Payton Man in the Year

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Speaker 1: are some of the hardest things for me to accept

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Speaker 1: because I've always looked at it like, man, I just

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Speaker 1: care about people, and and so if I'm getting this award,

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Speaker 1: I'm being honored for something, It's just really about the

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Speaker 1: love I have for everybody I live life with, regardless

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Speaker 1: of where they come from, what they look like. I

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Speaker 1: don't give a crap, Like I just want us all

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Speaker 1: to have great moments together and enjoy life and reach

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Speaker 1: the next step. But whatever it is we dream to.

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Speaker 1: But for me personally, it's about you know, I understand

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Speaker 1: sometimes I can have empathy for people in tough situations

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Speaker 1: because it's even if you look at me and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: you got this NFL player who's played in a ton

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Speaker 1: of games, been to Pro Bowls, done all these things.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I still have mornings where I wake up

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Speaker 1: and just like I don't deserve any of this, like

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Speaker 1: and none of this should I be allowed to have,

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Speaker 1: Like everything should be taken for me. And sometimes I

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Speaker 1: wake up in fear like it's gonna be um just

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Speaker 1: because and that kind of like puts me in this

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Speaker 1: little web or concoction, if you will, that I almost

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm in a straight jacket and I'm not,

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Speaker 1: you know, And it's like I feel like I can't

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Speaker 1: move today because I just don't think I'm worthy of

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Speaker 1: anything that's happened to me in my life and my children,

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Speaker 1: my wife, all of it. And I can't ever predict

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Speaker 1: when it comes. It's just it's just a random thing

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Speaker 1: can trigger it, you know, whether it's so. When I

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Speaker 1: was a young kid, and I know you've shared some

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Speaker 1: of this, and obviously reading your book, I know about it,

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Speaker 1: but it was always associated with change. So like if

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Speaker 1: I went on a trip with my dad or my mom,

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Speaker 1: I went somewhere on our way back for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: when I'd be sitting in the car and we drive

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Speaker 1: back from somewhere, like I would just have these breakdowns

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Speaker 1: in the back of the car, Like I don't even

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Speaker 1: think my parents ever knew it. I would just sit

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Speaker 1: back there and cry, and I had no idea what

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Speaker 1: was going on. Like I just was like so scared

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Speaker 1: to go back to school the next day and to

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Speaker 1: like get back to normal life and and and be lonely,

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Speaker 1: if that was the word. And I would have moments

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Speaker 1: even in high school where I'd sit on the couch

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Speaker 1: and my parents be watching TV and they wouldn't even

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Speaker 1: know him in the rooms. I wouldn't speak, but I'd

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Speaker 1: be crying over there. They wouldn't even know it, like

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Speaker 1: you know, because I just keep my back to him

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Speaker 1: where It's just like I just wanted to sit in

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Speaker 1: the same room as um because for whatever reason, I

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Speaker 1: was having this feeling like I'm all alone and like

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Speaker 1: everything's gone. But I'm the only person here. It's just

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Speaker 1: those feelings like everything is about to be torn away

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Speaker 1: from you constantly. And I think it's important to two

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Speaker 1: dudes like us talk this openly, you know, and you

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Speaker 1: and I do talk about it provably. I think it's

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Speaker 1: real cool that we're able to talk about it this way.

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Speaker 1: I still have those days while I just cry for

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Speaker 1: no reason. I did it the other day and I

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Speaker 1: called you, right, I tweeted about it. Um, do you

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Speaker 1: still just wake up crying? Still have those days? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I still have moments where, you know, I don't even

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Speaker 1: know what triggered it. You know, it's like, yeah, you

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Speaker 1: hear people like you know, it's like people say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I turned the channel because I'm depressing. Like you know,

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Speaker 1: animal commercial came on with Sarah McLaughlin singing. It made

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Speaker 1: me sad. I'm like, that's how I feel on a

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Speaker 1: random Tuesday day AM when I wake up. Sometimes you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like I can hear the song going to my

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Speaker 1: song in my head. You know. It's just one of

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Speaker 1: those things that, Yeah, I still have moments even now,

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Speaker 1: like having accomplished all I have and done in my

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Speaker 1: career and then having this exciting new chapter of life

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Speaker 1: and being involved in media. There's still time is where

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Speaker 1: I just wake up and I'm like, I don't know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm so sad about it. I don't know why I

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Speaker 1: think the world's ending tomorrow, but this is how I feel.

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Speaker 1: And I think sometimes people see the juice and the

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Speaker 1: energy and the positivity you live life with and they think, well,

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Speaker 1: how would this person ever experience that? And I think

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Speaker 1: for me, it's like a conscious thing that I'm always like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm you know what. I'm bringing juice to them.

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Speaker 1: I bring energy and be happiness because I know what

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Speaker 1: it feels like down in those depths, and I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: do everything I can when I walk in a room

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Speaker 1: and when I meet people to to just encase they're

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Speaker 1: having that day. I don't I don't want to let

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Speaker 1: them go there. I don't want to let them be there.

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna just be relentlessly positive with them or

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Speaker 1: re lentlessly just hey, let's have some fun. Let's make

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Speaker 1: this the best, because I just if there is anybody

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Speaker 1: sitting there with that feeling, I want them to just

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Speaker 1: change it. Right now, what Andrew is talking about right now,

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Speaker 1: it's as authentic as you get. And I was there

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Speaker 1: with them on and this one man, it'll it'll stick

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Speaker 1: with me forever. I was with Andrew after they on

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Speaker 1: the Super Bowl. We're in the car together and you'd

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Speaker 1: think you'd be jumping for joy. Instead I'm texting him saying,

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Speaker 1: what's wrong, bro, you what's going on? Right? And you

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Speaker 1: weren't jumping for joy instead you were like exactly your

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Speaker 1: response is exactly what you're telling us here. Yeah, it was.

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Speaker 1: I was sitting there like I don't deserve any of this.

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Speaker 1: Something terrible is gonna happen in the next couple of minutes.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna like take it away. Yeah. Remember you kept

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Speaker 1: like reaching out being like are you good? Are you good?

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, I'm just trying to process it.

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Speaker 1: And it was really a version of me just trying

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Speaker 1: to all right, You've had this big moment and then

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Speaker 1: right now, like those demons are talking to you, you know,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, instead of thinking about winning a Super

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Speaker 1: Bowl and you know, just the crazy, unbelievable story that

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Speaker 1: was my last year of my career, all I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about is it's over. Football is over for you.

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Speaker 1: You have no purpose it's all done. Like everything you

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Speaker 1: fall for, your whole life's over with. That was your

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Speaker 1: only purpose in life. And I knew I was retiring,

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Speaker 1: and it was like all I could think about was

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Speaker 1: every negative scenario that could come up with in my

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Speaker 1: head for why it wasn't a great moment instead of

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Speaker 1: just being in the moment and being clocked into right

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Speaker 1: where my feet were in that exact moment. And it's

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Speaker 1: and it's not like, listen, Drew didn't sign up for

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Speaker 1: his mental health issues. I didn't sign up for this ship.

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Speaker 1: I didn't sign up right, So to sit there, like, man,

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Speaker 1: the biggest moment of your life, and I'm sitting there

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Speaker 1: trying to convince you, like, bro, you're worthy, this is okay.

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Speaker 1: It was crushing me to see you so crushed. And

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Speaker 1: that's where it's just it's not fair, Like it wasn't

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Speaker 1: fair to you that your depression of your anxiety hit

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Speaker 1: you at that moment. It just wasn't fair to you. No,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't. And we don't ever choose, you know, when

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Speaker 1: we're in that space, whether it be dark or blue

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Speaker 1: or bright or whatever it is you want to call it,

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Speaker 1: you know, but I do think it in some ways.

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Speaker 1: The best thing I found to deal with it is

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Speaker 1: to honestly appreciate the moment it's when I'm not even more,

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Speaker 1: and to make sure that I look around for people

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Speaker 1: who may be in those moments, you know. And when

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Speaker 1: I take my boys to school in the mornings, I

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Speaker 1: talked to him all the time about looking for the

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Speaker 1: kid in school who looks a little sad or like

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Speaker 1: a little down that day, and making sure that they

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Speaker 1: say hello to that kid, or you know, give him

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Speaker 1: a little pound or a little handshake, and just you

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Speaker 1: never know. And so I think, to me, that's one

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Speaker 1: of those things that I make sure that my family

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Speaker 1: and people around me hear me say, because I know

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Speaker 1: I was that kid. I I can remember when people

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Speaker 1: talk about being a kid. I can remember when I

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Speaker 1: was eleven, twelve, thirteen years old sitting outside my school

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Speaker 1: waiting for my ride from school in the dark, because

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Speaker 1: my dad would pick me up after work and I

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Speaker 1: would stay after the school for like two hours and

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Speaker 1: wait for him, and like sitting out by the flagpole

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Speaker 1: and just crying and just hating life and like for

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Speaker 1: no reason, Like I was a twelve year old kid

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Speaker 1: and I didn't know why I felt that way. I

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Speaker 1: just did. And you know, so to me, it's like

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Speaker 1: making sure I let people know that there's people out

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Speaker 1: there in that space and and they need you, you know,

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Speaker 1: they need a little love, a little contention, a little hello. Uh,

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Speaker 1: It'll mean the world to them. You know what. People

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Speaker 1: when I have told people about our conversation with Sean

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Speaker 1: and they say, Andrew, wait Worth, I go, yeah, what

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Speaker 1: do you think made a multi patent Man of the Year,

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Speaker 1: Like that's the darkness makes us be of service, makes

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Speaker 1: us because we're almost I don't know about you, but

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Speaker 1: for me, I'm always trying to convince him myself that

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Speaker 1: I'm not the worst piece of ship who ever lived.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I try and do these big things. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think so, because the darkness makes you think that,

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Speaker 1: you know, you're listening to all those voices in your

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Speaker 1: head instead of talking to them. And and so I think,

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Speaker 1: to me, my version of talking back to all those

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Speaker 1: voices is what I myself. Can I give up to

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Speaker 1: make a difference for somebody around me, whether it be

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Speaker 1: my money and my time, just my energy and passion

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Speaker 1: for life, Like can I find it and give it

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Speaker 1: to somebody else? And it almost feels like if I

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Speaker 1: give a piece of me to somebody else, Um, not

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Speaker 1: only are they getting this thing that's inspiring them or

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Speaker 1: better for them, but they're taking some of that off

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Speaker 1: of my brain and my body, Like that burden's going

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Speaker 1: away by just giving a piece of them, uh you know,

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Speaker 1: of me to them. And so I think to me,

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Speaker 1: like when I thought about winning Walter Payton Man in

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Speaker 1: the year, it was really tough for me because I

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Speaker 1: wasn't one of these athletes that had this massive pause

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Speaker 1: that you were trying to raise money for or this

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Speaker 1: one thing that you did one time. It was really

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Speaker 1: about a life sentence of like, this is just how

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Speaker 1: I live life. I always felt like if I got

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Speaker 1: a new contract that I based it off of, this

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Speaker 1: meant I can do this for the community I live in.

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Speaker 1: And if I get this cool opportunity that I'm taking

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Speaker 1: somebody with me or I'm making a difference for a

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Speaker 1: community that I live in. It was always like anything

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Speaker 1: that ever happened to me in a good way, I

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Speaker 1: can only feel good about it if I did something

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Speaker 1: good for somebody else around me. And that's really what

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Speaker 1: my community service was about, is just living with the

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Speaker 1: people that I lived with, you know, and like, actually,

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Speaker 1: all of us get better together, and Drew as one

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Speaker 1: of the best best gangsters of a wife you'll ever have,

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Speaker 1: and Melissa, whose mama very for for all of us.

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Speaker 1: But you know, in that same conversation, she said to like, yes,

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Speaker 1: sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of night Andrew

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Speaker 1: be crying and I'd go just rub us back and

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Speaker 1: get him to be good. When in your relationship, did

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Speaker 1: you really tell your wife, Okay, this is what you're

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Speaker 1: signing up for, this is what I have. I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I told her. She just realized, Man, I'm

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Speaker 1: married some dude that's absolutely whack. But you know, so

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Speaker 1: it probably happened to all those weeks of facing James

290
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Speaker 1: Harrison and Torrel sugs and everything else's young player and

291
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Speaker 1: I would just have to go to these dark places

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Speaker 1: to get in the mindset of like, all right, I'm

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Speaker 1: playing a great player, a guy who's just physically nasty

294
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Speaker 1: and just this is the kind of game that's gonna be.

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Speaker 1: And she would see like how much I would shut

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Speaker 1: down those weeks and like literally like it was almost

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Speaker 1: like her and the kids like nobody existed in those

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Speaker 1: weeks because I would go to such a dark place

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Speaker 1: and like this is my signment and my role, and

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Speaker 1: like the pressure would get so big that it's almost

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Speaker 1: like I had to shut everything out of my life

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Speaker 1: to be able to do my job. And she just

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Speaker 1: started to learn, like, hey, all right, we'll attacking him

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Speaker 1: during those weeks or bringing about like when I know

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Speaker 1: he's in those spaces, what's the best thing I can

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Speaker 1: do to helping me to get out of it or

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Speaker 1: just kind of help him get through those days, and

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Speaker 1: I'll be here once things kind of brighten up for

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Speaker 1: him to bring him back out of that mode. And

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Speaker 1: she tells a great story. One time I heard Christa

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Speaker 1: are former nanny decided they were mad at me because

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Speaker 1: of the week before and we were playing James Harris

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Speaker 1: and the Steelers, and they decided that there med at you. Yeah,

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00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,320
Speaker 1: they're like, listen, here's our decision. They're they're mad at

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Speaker 1: me about something. I don't even know what it was.

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Speaker 1: I probably didn't pay attention to something. And they're like,

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Speaker 1: we're not talking to him this week, like we're just

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Speaker 1: ignore him every time he talks. So we go through

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Speaker 1: the entire week. It's a Sunday night, We've beat the Steelers.

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Speaker 1: I'm finally relaxing, having a drink, and both of them

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Speaker 1: are like, you know what, we have to get this

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Speaker 1: off our chests. I'm like, what's that. They're like, we

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Speaker 1: haven't spoke to you in a week and you haven't

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Speaker 1: even freaking noticed. And I'm like, oh, I didn't even

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00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,960
Speaker 1: know you are mad at you know, like bad tactic

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Speaker 1: to take with somebody who goes in the darkness. Okay,

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00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,920
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to you anyways, but that's

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Speaker 1: the truth. Like they just had to get used to, Hey,

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00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 1: this is who he is, and so she just found

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Speaker 1: ways to either one helped me get out of the

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Speaker 1: dark or are kind of support me. Once I came

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Speaker 1: through and I was like, all right, if I was

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Speaker 1: a rough week for you, I'm gonna be here for

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00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker 1: you this week to kind of rub your back and

335
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Speaker 1: just make you feel better. What would you tell Andrew

336
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 1: Witworth now that you know everything you know about more

337
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,680
Speaker 1: about your mental health, what it takes to play in

338
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,360
Speaker 1: this league and the pressures of of your life, and

339
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,480
Speaker 1: also now that you're more cognizant of your gray, your depression, anxiety,

340
00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,480
Speaker 1: things like that, what would you tell rookie Andrew Worth

341
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,480
Speaker 1: right now? I think what I do a better job

342
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,600
Speaker 1: of now is is talk like tell somebody like reach

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Speaker 1: out to your buddies that get it, or tell people

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Speaker 1: that love you, and you know, love you can unconditionally

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Speaker 1: that you trust where you're at. I think for so

346
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,000
Speaker 1: long in my life that was weakness, you know. And

347
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,160
Speaker 1: and I've always been somebody who that's my biggest struggles.

348
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 1: I never want to show weakness, you know, like and

349
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Speaker 1: anything I do. And I was trained that way. I

350
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,640
Speaker 1: was brought up that way through all the training I've

351
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,840
Speaker 1: done in my life, and and so, but when it

352
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 1: comes to mental health, I think you say, this is

353
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Speaker 1: the best I've ever heard. It is like if I

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Speaker 1: tore my achilles, like I'm I'm gonna go get treatment

355
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,600
Speaker 1: for it, you know, if I tear up a bicep

356
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,320
Speaker 1: or pull a muscle or whatever, if I have cramps,

357
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna get an ivy, you know. And for

358
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,160
Speaker 1: whatever reason, we are prey approach brain and mental health

359
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:29,800
Speaker 1: totally different. And some reason it's weak to say that

360
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,880
Speaker 1: you're mentally not feeling good, and it just doesn't make

361
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,360
Speaker 1: any sense, you know. And so for me, it's like

362
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,200
Speaker 1: finally learning like when I'm in those spaces, reach out

363
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,960
Speaker 1: to the people I love and I care about and

364
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:43,800
Speaker 1: tell them like, hey, hey, you know what you know

365
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,400
Speaker 1: all those times I've been there for you, you you know,

366
00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 1: all those times that we have this relationship, like we're

367
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,000
Speaker 1: not just buddies and we're not just friends for the

368
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,680
Speaker 1: good times, Like I'm here for you all the time.

369
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,800
Speaker 1: So like right now, in this moment, I kind of

370
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:56,440
Speaker 1: need one of my friends to be here for me

371
00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 1: in this moment, you know. And it's not a great time,

372
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:00,520
Speaker 1: but I just need you. Yeah, you know. You and

373
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 1: I do that great with each other, and we're real

374
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: with each other. There's been times I've been going off

375
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Speaker 1: the rails and Andrew will be like, a man, what's wrong? Like,

376
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:11,040
Speaker 1: what what's really going on here? Um? And there was

377
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,800
Speaker 1: a time you and I are in Vegas. I was like, hey, man,

378
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,359
Speaker 1: this this isn't you. You're not being you. I'll let

379
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,080
Speaker 1: you get it off your chest, okay, but what's going on?

380
00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,879
Speaker 1: Why are you not being you? Right? And that's the

381
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 1: first time I've ever seen you ramble like that. But

382
00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:26,880
Speaker 1: you know, I want people to understand that we are

383
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,240
Speaker 1: we probably are looking at it like we're at our worst.

384
00:17:30,280 --> 00:17:33,479
Speaker 1: But again, as our brothers here, as our friends, we

385
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,800
Speaker 1: didn't run away from each other. Instead, we leaned into

386
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,000
Speaker 1: each other even more. Yeah, I think that's it. I

387
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,200
Speaker 1: mean I get times where I know you do this too,

388
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,000
Speaker 1: but I want to holpe smash everybody and everything in

389
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,040
Speaker 1: the room. And I got no idea why, Like I

390
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,359
Speaker 1: really have no reason to be that way, but I

391
00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,720
Speaker 1: just I get there and I have to like get

392
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 1: it out and get it over with to honestly be

393
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 1: in a good space. Like Melissa and I have this

394
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,240
Speaker 1: dynamic and even in our marriage, like when it comes

395
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,000
Speaker 1: to business stuff, not business stuff, but just stuff around

396
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,679
Speaker 1: the house or people who may be working on the

397
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:03,840
Speaker 1: house or things that come up that may be a

398
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,199
Speaker 1: little confrontational, Like I always tell her like, hey, you know,

399
00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:11,639
Speaker 1: I know this is it used to we used to

400
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,840
Speaker 1: fight about this all the time. I used to be like, hey,

401
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,840
Speaker 1: I can't go have that conversation and she'd be like,

402
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,080
Speaker 1: why you're the man, you know, like you go do it,

403
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 1: And I'm like, listen, I just I need you to

404
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,359
Speaker 1: do it. Fuck things up, we'll look people up. You

405
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,240
Speaker 1: can't do that, Yeah, I will power bomb the window

406
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,160
Speaker 1: on the concrete in the front patio. All right, so

407
00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,600
Speaker 1: I can't do that. Yep, we're a card We will

408
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 1: leave too much cards. And that's actually one of my

409
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,520
Speaker 1: problems is I don't know how to problem solve without

410
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:41,440
Speaker 1: smashing somebody like I have a have zero or a hundred.

411
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 1: And you see it sometimes. I mean, you go, you

412
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,280
Speaker 1: and I a boxing match and there's somebody driving me

413
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 1: nuts next to me. You're like, Okay, I'm gonna stand

414
00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:51,959
Speaker 1: right over here now because you just know me, right.

415
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,320
Speaker 1: I was. I was kind of in one of those

416
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:55,560
Speaker 1: rent zone nights one night, and I don't want to

417
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,000
Speaker 1: be like that. I don't ask for it, but sometimes

418
00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:00,600
Speaker 1: yet it's hard to turn it off. And you know,

419
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 1: and the thing is that for me, Yeah, my graat

420
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,160
Speaker 1: makes me angry a lot of times, Like I'm then

421
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 1: sign up for the ship. I don't want it right,

422
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,400
Speaker 1: so again angry and we lash out the wrong way. Yeah,

423
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 1: there's no doubt. And I think that's the thing is

424
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 1: you start to learn to, especially when we're not in

425
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:17,360
Speaker 1: our gray moments, like be more lenient and just let

426
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:19,360
Speaker 1: people make it sometimes because we don't know what each

427
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,040
Speaker 1: other are dealing with. And I think that's one of

428
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,440
Speaker 1: the coolest things you've done through your book and your

429
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,919
Speaker 1: outreach and everything that you've you know, tried to do

430
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 1: around this space. It's just really what we're saying is

431
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 1: give people some grace and understand that sometimes people are

432
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 1: dealing with some stuff and you've got to deal with

433
00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,800
Speaker 1: your own stuff and also be able to say, hey,

434
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,040
Speaker 1: you know what, like let people make it every now

435
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,239
Speaker 1: and then and maybe maybe ask what's going on with

436
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:44,400
Speaker 1: them before you decide to judge them or you know,

437
00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,920
Speaker 1: make a decision about who they are just because they're

438
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,320
Speaker 1: having a bad moment. How have you been since Have

439
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 1: you been able to again that night was? If you

440
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 1: are you able to appreciate it now you're able to

441
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: feel the joy yet I think I'm definitely able to

442
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 1: appreciate the people and the moments. Um, I don't know

443
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,199
Speaker 1: if I've really like fully gone through everything that is

444
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 1: the super Bowl and what it was, and I think

445
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:10,879
Speaker 1: that'll take time. But yeah, right now, the best motherfucker

446
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,000
Speaker 1: that's what it means. There's no doubt about that. Uh No,

447
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,399
Speaker 1: I'm kidding, but yeah, it's one of those things I

448
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,080
Speaker 1: think for me, it's been you know, retirement going with it,

449
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: it's been kind I've been dealing with more of the

450
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:24,160
Speaker 1: feeling I have of being retired mentally, like that's that's

451
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,159
Speaker 1: been kind of the thing. It's been in my focus

452
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 1: right now, and I'm really enjoying it. I love it.

453
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 1: I mean, I couldn't be happier right now in the

454
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 1: space I'm in. And it's definitely made some of those

455
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 1: moments less often right now because and it's more just

456
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,000
Speaker 1: because a lot of that stuff sometimes was triggered around

457
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 1: how much of a leadership role and captain role that

458
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,280
Speaker 1: I always tried to play with the organization when I

459
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 1: was there, not just with the players but the whole building.

460
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,400
Speaker 1: So there were things that would trigger Gray and me

461
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 1: just because I would get down about maybe how we

462
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,639
Speaker 1: handled something or how the culture was or something one

463
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 1: of the players was going through that just like was

464
00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,080
Speaker 1: Man made me hurt and so it made me go

465
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,600
Speaker 1: to dark places. So not having as much of that

466
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,199
Speaker 1: interaction right now, it's it's it does help me some

467
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 1: not have as much Gray. But you know, obviously as

468
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,520
Speaker 1: I get more into this space, there'll be more things

469
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 1: I'm involved with, and I don't know what's gonna happen.

470
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 1: But I've learned now with this freedom I've had, that

471
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,199
Speaker 1: it's a lot easier. Just pick your phone up or

472
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 1: text somebody or call somebody and tell them what's going

473
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 1: on and where you're at is a much better answer

474
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 1: than all the others. No, but you're also deflecting the

475
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:28,000
Speaker 1: original question was have you been able to enjoy the

476
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 1: shoot bull? Yeah? You think, like, man, we gotta get

477
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,360
Speaker 1: you where you can enjoy it, where you've gotta literally

478
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 1: look at this, you know what. Okay, I deserve it.

479
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: I'm okay to look at myself and have some blue here.

480
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 1: I think it's all responsibility drew to being the blue

481
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 1: to help everybody else who was in the gray, to

482
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 1: show them it's okay to be in the blue. And

483
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 1: that means feeling worthy and deserving when you do accomplish things. Yeah, no,

484
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 1: you're here's no doubt. And I I say all the time,

485
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 1: that's one of the hardest things I have a time with.

486
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 1: I mean, to me, it's really tough to celebrate victories.

487
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: I don't really know why, but I just it's it's

488
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 1: one of the hardest things I struggle with. I mean,

489
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:10,880
Speaker 1: I I could go take on anybody can say, hey, man,

490
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 1: just let's go do this and sane workout is just

491
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 1: gonna destroy you and you're gonna want to kill yourself.

492
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,199
Speaker 1: It's gonna be so hard, and I'm gonna be like,

493
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,400
Speaker 1: sign me up every day. But if you said, hey,

494
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: let's go to this event and they're gonna talk good

495
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 1: about you for a twenty minute, not not me talking,

496
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,160
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to sit there and they're gonna talk

497
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,840
Speaker 1: good about you for thirty minutes. I mean that to

498
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,520
Speaker 1: me sounds like the worst thing on the planet. I

499
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,000
Speaker 1: don't want to hear one thing of it. And I've

500
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: always struggled with that. Yeah, and again, that's why I

501
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,399
Speaker 1: think you do all those great things. You do it

502
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:46,240
Speaker 1: for everybody else. That's and that's where we have to

503
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 1: look at it. That's we're sitting in the blue is okay,

504
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 1: we have our funk up this, but we're gonna use

505
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 1: it to help others, to be a blessing to others,

506
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 1: you know. And until I wrote the book, I just

507
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: I felt like I was cursed with depression anxiety. And now,

508
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: for the first time in life, I feel like God

509
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 1: bless me with depression anxiety, game this pain and purpose,

510
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,280
Speaker 1: so I can help you and others through theirs. Yeah,

511
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,119
Speaker 1: there's no doubt. And that's kind of what I was saying,

512
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,000
Speaker 1: you know, is that I finally started to realize that

513
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: it's really a blessing because it's an opportunity to know,

514
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 1: you know, real empathy and real people that are able

515
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 1: to touch and lead can understand where somebody else sits,

516
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:26,000
Speaker 1: and they can understand how they feel. And I finally

517
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 1: started to realize that because I understand it, and because

518
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 1: I feel it, like it's a disservice that I don't

519
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 1: make sure other people feel that way or other people

520
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: feel special and that they feel if they're in that moment,

521
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 1: I'm not there for them and I'm not in the

522
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,239
Speaker 1: blue trying to get them out of that moment. And

523
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 1: so I've realized that it's really a blessing to know

524
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,679
Speaker 1: that feeling and to be able to control it as

525
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 1: best we can, Like we have to get to where

526
00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 1: we're at even though we have that, and help other

527
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: people get to that point where they're comfortable to help

528
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 1: the people around them, they're comfortable to reach out to

529
00:23:56,119 --> 00:23:58,920
Speaker 1: people when they're down, Because the more people that can

530
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:01,399
Speaker 1: do that, the more we start to attack this and

531
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 1: make it okay to admit it when you're feeling that way. Well,

532
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: my goal is your friend, is to get you to

533
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,960
Speaker 1: really feel that Super Bowl. That's my goal. I'm gonna

534
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: make it happen, and no I can't do man, I'm

535
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 1: gonna make it happen that I know you can do that.

536
00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,320
Speaker 1: Before I let you go and ask all my guests,

537
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 1: give me your unbreakable moment, that moment that should have

538
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,040
Speaker 1: or could have broken you and didn't, and you came

539
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:28,199
Speaker 1: through the other show at time. I think anytime in sports,

540
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: you have lots of moments that maybe you could break

541
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,800
Speaker 1: you from a sports standpoint, But I think for me,

542
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 1: my unbreakable moment would be when I when I went

543
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,600
Speaker 1: to the NFL with the Cincinnati Bengals. A lot of

544
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 1: people don't realize the beginning of this story, and everyone

545
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 1: heard the Walter Payton Man of the Year speech about

546
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,119
Speaker 1: Derek Barnes and our interaction on the field and me

547
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 1: going to a boys and girls club and meeting him

548
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 1: was I was a rookie in the NFL, and sixteen

549
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,880
Speaker 1: years later he's on an NFL field with me and

550
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: tells me, like, man, you influenced my life, and you

551
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,639
Speaker 1: made a difference, and I couldn't wait to get to

552
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: the NFL to tell you thank you. Um. But what

553
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: they don't realize is that when I got drafted in

554
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 1: the NFL, I was fresh out of a divorce in college.

555
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: I married a girl in college for six months and

556
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: got divorced. Uh drafted in the league, and two weeks later,

557
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 1: my best friend in life, Lee Deal, was killed in

558
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:23,000
Speaker 1: action in Iraq, and I went through a divorce of

559
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,359
Speaker 1: a relationship and the divorce of you know, my friend dying,

560
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 1: who's one of my closest people in life. We grew

561
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,359
Speaker 1: up together, we were college roommates. He then went and

562
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: went and joined the Navy and was on a special

563
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 1: recon team was killed in action. And so what people

564
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: don't realize about that Derek Barnes story is that as

565
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: much as I was there for Derek Barnes those Tuesday

566
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: visits to sit with him and his buddies and talk

567
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 1: about life and to sit on a just a step

568
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,639
Speaker 1: on the side of the concrete and throw the football together,

569
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 1: I spent time with those kids because I was so

570
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: empty inside and so like, I don't know what's worth

571
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: living for that, Derek Barnes was as much there for

572
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,959
Speaker 1: me as I ever was for Derek Barnes. And so

573
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,879
Speaker 1: when he walked up to me last November after that

574
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 1: game and told me, dude, I couldn't wait for the

575
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: moment to tell you I made it to the NFL,

576
00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,320
Speaker 1: I blacked out when that happened. I literally asked our

577
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 1: PR person afterwards, like what did I say back to him?

578
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: Do you remember? Because just give me his number. I

579
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: need to talk to him because I have no idea

580
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 1: what happened, because to me, it was like, man, like

581
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: I went back to that spot, that unbreakable moment where

582
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: I didn't know who I was or what I ever

583
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: wanted out of life or anything that had no passions, nothing,

584
00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 1: And it just took me back to that concrete step

585
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,880
Speaker 1: sitting with those kids and realizing like wow, like you're here,

586
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: but wow, I'm here too, and I have no idea

587
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 1: how we got here, you know, And it's just it's

588
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 1: so that will always be what I'll remember, Like I

589
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,440
Speaker 1: remember the Super Bowl, I remember watspet Man in the

590
00:26:56,520 --> 00:27:00,080
Speaker 1: year all that's really cool, that moment um Man, and

591
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: it took me back to a place where not only

592
00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: was I dark. I had no idea what tomorrow was.

593
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,320
Speaker 1: It was just an empty place. But it's really cool

594
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 1: that now it's a place that's filled up with so

595
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: many cool memories and joy and awesome moments. Way to

596
00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 1: take us home, strong, big boy. There you go, Sasquats.

597
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 1: That's what I'm taking. You can close it, you know. Wow,

598
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: that is a closer, pulling the closer, absolutely doing a

599
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:30,480
Speaker 1: Mariner of Vera for us. Man. Hey, Drew, brother, you

600
00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 1: know I love you. I don't think I can ever

601
00:27:33,119 --> 00:27:37,399
Speaker 1: show enough gratitude for you for those days when I

602
00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:39,439
Speaker 1: needed just a big buddy and pull me up out

603
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,199
Speaker 1: of that hole. So I appreciate you doing that for me. Always,

604
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 1: you too, brother, I love you too. Man, Thank you

605
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,160
Speaker 1: so much for walking us walk together. Yes, sir, always