1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: I have been in fight or flight mode for most 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:07,280 Speaker 1: of my life. What that has done to my brain 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,680 Speaker 1: and my body, my mental well being is if I 4 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: continue at this rate, catastrophic. Hey everyone, welcome back to 5 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: Thanks to each and every single one of you that 7 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: come back every week to listen, learn, and grow, and 8 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 1: I am so excited to be talking to you today. 9 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:36,559 Speaker 1: I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of 10 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: Love is out and I cannot wait to share it 11 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 1: with you. I am so so excited for you to 12 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: read this book, for you to listen to this book. 13 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 1: I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, 14 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com. 15 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:55,640 Speaker 1: It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or 16 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,000 Speaker 1: let go of love. So if you've got friends that 17 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:01,480 Speaker 1: are dating, broken up, or ruggling with love, make sure 18 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,000 Speaker 1: you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you 19 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:07,680 Speaker 1: to come and see me for my global tour Love Rules. 20 00:01:07,959 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: Go to Jay Shelleytour dot com to learn more information 21 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:15,760 Speaker 1: about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to 22 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: see you this year. Now. I find it really an 23 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: amazing fortune that I get to sit down with incredible 24 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: people who are so open vulnerable led us into details 25 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 1: about their lives so that we can feel a sense 26 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: of connection to them, but also understand that we're not 27 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 1: alone in some of the pains that we go through, 28 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: some of the challenges that we have, and also that 29 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 1: we can learn from some of the changes they've made, 30 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: from some of the transitions and transformations they've been through 31 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:46,559 Speaker 1: as well. And today's guest has a truly inspiring story 32 00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 1: that I cannot wait to share with you. I'm talking 33 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: to none other than Lily Ryanhart. Lily has quickly amassed 34 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,040 Speaker 1: an impressive resume, is one of Hollywood's most exciting young 35 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: actors on screen and is quickly becoming a multifaceted talent 36 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: with projects as an executive producer and author. Lily will 37 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 1: next be seen starring in the incredible Netflix film which 38 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: I Want You to Go and check out, Look Both Ways, 39 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:12,919 Speaker 1: which she is also an executive producer of. Lily will 40 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: star as Natalie, whose life, on the eve of her 41 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:20,240 Speaker 1: college graduation diverges into two parallel realities I find that fascinating, 42 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: can't wait, one in which she becomes pregnant and must 43 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 1: navigate motherhood as a young adult in her Texas hometown. 44 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 1: The other in which she moves to La to pursue 45 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,920 Speaker 1: her career. I can relate to the latter. Lily recently 46 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,920 Speaker 1: starred an executive produced the coming of age drama Chemical Hearts, 47 00:02:36,919 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 1: based on the best selling novel Our Chemical Hearts, and 48 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: Lily starred opposite our dear friend Jennifer Lopez and the 49 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:46,240 Speaker 1: film Hustlers, which went on to make over one hundred 50 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 1: and fifty million at the box office. And of course, 51 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 1: Lily plays our favorite Betty Cooper in the TV series Riverdale, 52 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: and for her performance, Lily won seven Teen Choice Awards 53 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: and has been nominated for three People Choice Awards. On 54 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 1: top of all of this, I don't know how she 55 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,399 Speaker 1: has the time, and we will ask her that. As 56 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,800 Speaker 1: an author, Lily wrote Swimming Lessons, which is a collection 57 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:10,520 Speaker 1: of poems. I'm a huge fan of poetry, so can't 58 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: wait to dive into that. Beyond all of this, the 59 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: part that I'm really excited about is Lily is an 60 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,680 Speaker 1: activist for mental health and body image and uses a 61 00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:22,000 Speaker 1: platform to raise awareness to these deeply important issues. Please 62 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: welcome to the show. Well, hearing it all in front 63 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:31,440 Speaker 1: of you is a little bit like, oh right, I 64 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: forgot about those things. But thank you so much for 65 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: having me. It's truly such an honor. I'm a fan, 66 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: My friends are fans. They're stoked for me to be here. 67 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 1: So I love hearing that. That means the world. Thank 68 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: you for sharing that. Yeah, I'm deeply looking forward to 69 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:47,960 Speaker 1: this conversation. I do like to remind people of the 70 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: incredible awards and accolades and the incredible success that you've 71 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 1: achieved because you've been on your own path to get there. 72 00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:00,120 Speaker 1: It hasn't come to you. You've made changes, shifts, transitions, 73 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 1: as I said, But I wanted to start off kind 74 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 1: of how we did when you first came in, because 75 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: I love that we discovered that you're addicted to junk 76 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: food in sweets, and I can relate, and so I 77 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,000 Speaker 1: had to ask you what is your favorite junk food 78 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,680 Speaker 1: to start off with. I mean, I'm a like I 79 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 1: love taco bell. I am a fast food. I grew 80 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: up having fast food. I'm a fast food and of 81 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:25,280 Speaker 1: course it's the most addicting thing in the world, so 82 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:28,719 Speaker 1: very addicted to fast food. Well, you said to me 83 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 1: you had something on the way in and McDonald okay, regrettably, 84 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,239 Speaker 1: And I said, as I was pulling into the drive 85 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: through that I'm actively hurting my body and my brain 86 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: as I'm participating in this. But sometimes you need fast food. 87 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 1: I was like, I need to have my podcast, I 88 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 1: need to be I'm sure it'll actually be slowing down 89 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:53,480 Speaker 1: my brain. But what I needed to do I needed 90 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 1: to eat something. It was there. I could have stopped 91 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,039 Speaker 1: into air Wan and gotten something, but I've actually never 92 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: been inside an Airwan in my life, so you know, 93 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,960 Speaker 1: we had to keep it real today. I get it. 94 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: I got off a flight the other day and I 95 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: was exhausted, and I had to drive home from the 96 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 1: airport and I got myself a sprite and I got 97 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:14,000 Speaker 1: myself a Burgom Prize on the way. Sometime that's always, 98 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,080 Speaker 1: you know, even when you're trying to make the healthiest 99 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,479 Speaker 1: decisions in the world, it's just convenient. Yeah, that's the 100 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: hardest thing. You love sweets too, And I wanted to 101 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:26,520 Speaker 1: find out does that mean like sour candy? Does that 102 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: mean sweet tooth? Like? What what is sweets? Is that 103 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:33,400 Speaker 1: chocolate sweet? I'm not I mean I love ice cream Okay, 104 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:38,560 Speaker 1: I love everything I love. I love candy. I love 105 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 1: like milk Duds or my candy of choice. But I 106 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:46,920 Speaker 1: love sour Patch kids. I love savory ice cream. Like 107 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: savory ice cream, I don't know, I don't know if 108 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: that's the right word. Actually, probably not the right word. 109 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: I just love ice cream in general. Yeah. Yeah, I'm 110 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: always happy to connect on this these truths because I 111 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 1: think as soon as we start talking about health and 112 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: won as everyone everyone thinks that you live this life. 113 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: And I know I, like I said, I'm looking forward 114 00:06:02,839 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 1: to Sunday for kind of ordering my bergran fries. But 115 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,000 Speaker 1: one of the things that I find fascinating about you 116 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: when when we were doing our research, is that you 117 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: started out and you've had multiple jobs before this. You've 118 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: had multiple different careers and things I looked at was like, 119 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,960 Speaker 1: you were a hostess at a restaurant, you worked at 120 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 1: a bakery, you're a sales associate, a role at pier 121 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: one Imports. Yeah, and when I saw that list, I 122 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 1: was like, this is incredible. Talk to me about what 123 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: you learned from each of those roles in each of 124 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: those jobs. It's funny because I was literally a hostess 125 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: at a restaurant for three hours and then I quit 126 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,800 Speaker 1: because I had a panic attack in the bathroom. I 127 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: worked at a bakery for one shift five hours, had 128 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: a panic attack, quit for some reason. Peer one Imports 129 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,240 Speaker 1: is the only it's like, the only job that I 130 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,080 Speaker 1: was able to have outside of acting where I didn't 131 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: have a panic attack. Although I'm pretty sure I didn't 132 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: have a panic attack, but I didn't quit that one. 133 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I had to make money. I 134 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 1: wanted to pursue my career in LA and you obviously 135 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: need funds to move across the country and do so 136 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 1: and support myself. So I struggled through a job there. 137 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: It wasn't that it wasn't that bad. It was mostly 138 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: I know how to break down boxes really well. I 139 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,480 Speaker 1: worked in the stock room breaking down boxes. It was 140 00:07:26,520 --> 00:07:29,239 Speaker 1: fun during Christmas time opening all I was like, it's Christmas, 141 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: I'm opening all the Christmas stuff. But I also did 142 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: I was like enjoyed the cash register. I remember, it 143 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,560 Speaker 1: was so weird. I was so used to saying my 144 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: full name for self tapes, like Hi, I am Lily Reinhardt. 145 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 1: I'm however old, and I'm auditioning for So the phone 146 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: rang at pier One once and I was like, this 147 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: is Lily Reinhart and I just thought that was the week, 148 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 1: like the worst that. I was like, this person's probably 149 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:59,520 Speaker 1: like who that was such a weird thing. I would 150 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 1: think you would really professional. And I was like, wow, 151 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: this is this is phnameh Yeah, yeah, very memorable. I 152 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,480 Speaker 1: am sure that person remembers it quite well. Yeah, that 153 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: would be amazing. If that person is watching this or 154 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: finds this somehow, please let us know because we would 155 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:22,400 Speaker 1: love to love to discover you. Talk to me about 156 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,040 Speaker 1: those episodes. I mean to start a job and in 157 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: three hours to have a panic attack, to have five 158 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,680 Speaker 1: hours and have a panic attack, I mean that's you know, 159 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,080 Speaker 1: let me know how old you were in both those jobs. 160 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: But like, what was the cause of that? Where was 161 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: that coming from? How did that happen? I was eighteen, 162 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 1: so I was living in North Carolina at the time. 163 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: We had moved from Ohio to North Carolina for my 164 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 1: dad's job when I was sixteen, so I was prepping 165 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 1: to move to la and obviously needed to have money 166 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,560 Speaker 1: to do so, so I was trying to find a job. 167 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 1: My anxiety at that point really am from oh my god, 168 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: this is so not what I want to be doing, 169 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:10,600 Speaker 1: but it's the means to make it happen. So the 170 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: anxiety came from this is absolutely not where I want 171 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: to be, but I know I have to be here 172 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: because I need money. I have to make money. So 173 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: the anxiety was like, don't have money, need it, have 174 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,959 Speaker 1: crippling anxiety and can't hold a job, but I need 175 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 1: a job. So it was very, very isolating, and I've 176 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: you know, I've been fortunate enough. I have really terrible anxiety, 177 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,560 Speaker 1: but I don't suffer from too many panic attacks, but 178 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,319 Speaker 1: I obviously have had them. I know how they feel. 179 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: It's the worst thing in the world. And having those 180 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 1: in those environments was so awful, and I always immediately 181 00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:54,000 Speaker 1: text my mom. I don't know how she does it. 182 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,679 Speaker 1: She has been very much the person that I turned 183 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: to during these moments in my life of of panic 184 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,560 Speaker 1: and anxiety. She's always at the other end of the 185 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: phone or the other end of the skype or the 186 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:10,600 Speaker 1: FaceTime or whatever I need her in She's there. So 187 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 1: I feel very lucky to have such a grounded I'm like, 188 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,559 Speaker 1: if I'm having a panic attack, you know Amy is 189 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,040 Speaker 1: gonna know about that. I really appreciate you sharing this, 190 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 1: because I think so many people can relate to that anxiety. 191 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,960 Speaker 1: I remember when I came out of the monastery, left India, 192 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 1: moved back to London. Took me about ten months to 193 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:33,920 Speaker 1: get my first job. Finally got a job. I was 194 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: working at this big consulting firm. I was back in 195 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 1: the professional corporate world, which is what I would have 196 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: done if I hadn't become a monk, and I was 197 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 1: working at a client where I didn't really understand what 198 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,559 Speaker 1: we were doing. I'd been out of the working world 199 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: for like four or five years at that point, so 200 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: kind of lost a lot of my training in that world. 201 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 1: I struggled with small talk. I'd come back from this 202 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 1: and I remember feeling so anxious that I would take 203 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 1: the longest lunch breaks, like I would disappear from work 204 00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,720 Speaker 1: for like two to three hours because I just couldn't 205 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: have those conversations. I didn't know what to do. I 206 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: wasn't very good at my job, and I remember going 207 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: up to our senior manager at the time and saying 208 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: to him that I know there's a space for me 209 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 1: in this company, but I don't think this is the 210 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,600 Speaker 1: right role, or this is the right client because the 211 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,360 Speaker 1: work we're doing here, I feel really a deep lack 212 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: of confidence and I'm really just feeling anxious. Yeah, and 213 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 1: the way he responded increased my anxiety. I was going 214 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,600 Speaker 1: to say, was he comforted? And so I did this. 215 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 1: You did three to five hours, and you knew yourself. 216 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: I lasted two weeks, and so this is after two weeks. 217 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,440 Speaker 1: He said, Jay, you realize people work really hard to 218 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: get this job and then they do as they're told 219 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:51,160 Speaker 1: and they don't decide to shift after two weeks. And 220 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,680 Speaker 1: he said, if you shift after two weeks, you'll pretty 221 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: much be ending your career with us, like that's what 222 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 1: it's going to be like. And I just still knew 223 00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: that this was just not where I needed to be. 224 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 1: And so what ended up happening was they told the 225 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: client that we were servicing, so my company gave services 226 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: to a client. They told the client that I wasn't 227 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: performing well and so that they were going to let 228 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 1: go of me. And they literally walked me out of 229 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: the office as if i'd just been fired. And I 230 00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 1: wasn't fired, just let go of that client, but they 231 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 1: made me feel like I was fired. So to pack 232 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:28,319 Speaker 1: my box shame so painful. How did you communicate? You 233 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: obviously texted your mum, but how did you communicate? How 234 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 1: were you received by your the people you worked with, 235 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,480 Speaker 1: the person who was the boss or the owner, Like, 236 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,880 Speaker 1: how did they respond? I mean they didn't know me 237 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:40,400 Speaker 1: and I didn't know them. It wasn't even like a 238 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 1: two week it was genuinely nice to meet you. Here's 239 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,719 Speaker 1: this shift. Oh now she's quitting, right, So I genuinely 240 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: don't even know what their impression was. I remember the 241 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: bakery I worked at. The man the boss was just 242 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:57,520 Speaker 1: very concerned with getting the apron back. It was like 243 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,280 Speaker 1: a very like, okay, well make sure you return the apron. 244 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I will make sure the apron 245 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:07,199 Speaker 1: gets back. So that was strange. Did you give them that? 246 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:11,920 Speaker 1: I actually don't know if I ever did. Um, sorry, 247 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:16,840 Speaker 1: but I think I felt more shameful about it towards 248 00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:20,199 Speaker 1: like my parents and my sister, my older sister, because 249 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 1: my little sister was young and didn't have a job. 250 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:24,560 Speaker 1: But I think I just felt like, oh, look, how 251 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 1: pathetic I am. I can't even like my anxiety is 252 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: really that bad. I can't even hold down a job 253 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,679 Speaker 1: when I know My sister at the time was like 254 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:35,959 Speaker 1: a hard working waitress at a restaurant and had been 255 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: for multiple years. So I just felt pretty pathetic at 256 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:44,719 Speaker 1: the time, which is obviously a very shameful feeling. I mean, 257 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: that's so tough, and especially for it to happen twice. 258 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 1: And when you start judging yourself and you start causing 259 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,680 Speaker 1: pain towards yourself verbally or yeah, yeah, you become internally 260 00:13:54,679 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: abusive towards yourself, and as you said, you start comparing 261 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: yourself to to siblings and partners or whoever else family 262 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: that's in your life. Yeah, how did you get the 263 00:14:04,559 --> 00:14:08,200 Speaker 1: courage to try again when when you've got into such 264 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 1: a dark space of and it's not just a dark space, 265 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 1: it's like you're actually experiencing physical panic attacks. So it's 266 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: not just mental, it's physical and mental, it's emotional. Yeah, 267 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 1: how are you still getting the courage to go? Okay, 268 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to go peer one input, so I'm going 269 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 1: to go even into acting. Of course, it was my 270 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 1: drive to be an actress. It's it's something that has 271 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:32,280 Speaker 1: truly lived so deep inside me. It's the core of 272 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,400 Speaker 1: who I am, which will come back to that because 273 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: but but it was truly my undying ambition and drive 274 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: to be an actress, where I knew I needed money. 275 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,359 Speaker 1: I needed money to make this happen, and the anxiety 276 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,040 Speaker 1: was just going to have to I was going to 277 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 1: have to find something that I could handle, tolerate, I 278 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,840 Speaker 1: think was the right the right word. You know. I 279 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: obviously couldn't be going to work and having panic attacks 280 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 1: every day, so I just need to find something that 281 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: I could tolerate. And Peer one ended up being a 282 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 1: situation where I was working around mostly older women, which 283 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:10,360 Speaker 1: I think also says something about who I amn't. I 284 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 1: wasn't comfortable working around these young people, who I felt 285 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 1: because I have social anxiety, and at the time it 286 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:19,600 Speaker 1: was pretty bad. I was living a very isolated life, 287 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,800 Speaker 1: so being around these young girls who were also there 288 00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 1: made me feel even more out of place. And so 289 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:30,200 Speaker 1: I found myself more comfortable in a job where I 290 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:36,280 Speaker 1: was around middle aged women who weren't judging me, weren't 291 00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 1: necessarily interested in talking to me about my personal life. 292 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 1: I just really wanted my job to be my job. 293 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: I didn't want to make friends, I didn't want to 294 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: create relationships. I just was there to make money. And 295 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,520 Speaker 1: then bounce. Basically, that's a great lesson for all of us, 296 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 1: because I think we often feel that you can get 297 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: into such a dark place that nothing can get you out. 298 00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: But what you're saying is actually your drive to where 299 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 1: you wanted to be and who you wanted to be 300 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 1: was able to pull you out of that space to 301 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 1: try again. It was, and I'm very thankful, very thankful 302 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: for that. I never really gave myself a plan B. 303 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,400 Speaker 1: I didn't have a backup option. I knew I was 304 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 1: going to be an actress. I didn't know what my 305 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: career would look like at all, and I still don't 306 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: know what it's going to look like. But it's because 307 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,640 Speaker 1: it's still, you know, a hustle, and you're still always working. 308 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: But I really knew this is my dream. I have 309 00:16:34,440 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: to do what I have to do to make this work. 310 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 1: And I had moved to LA when I was eighteen, 311 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:44,120 Speaker 1: had had such bad anxiety while I was here, tried 312 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:48,040 Speaker 1: to hold down a job in La, was hired, didn't 313 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,600 Speaker 1: even work a shift, had a panic attack, and quit. 314 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: And that was the moment I skiped my mom, literally 315 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 1: hyperventilating in a paper bag, and said I need to 316 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 1: come home. I'm not okay because I had been there 317 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 1: for five months that I've been here for five months 318 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 1: at the time, and it wasn't making any money and 319 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,439 Speaker 1: I clearly could not handle the stress and anxiety of 320 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: holding down a job here, so moved back home for 321 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:17,720 Speaker 1: six months, went back to Pier one. It worked as 322 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: many shifts. I think I was working two to three 323 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,840 Speaker 1: shifts a week because my anxiety could not handle more. 324 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:29,159 Speaker 1: Saved up very little money. We're talking like seventeen hundred 325 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,480 Speaker 1: dollars in the span of six months because I just 326 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: could not work that much, but I moved back to 327 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,840 Speaker 1: LA because there was no other option. That's incredible. Thank 328 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,240 Speaker 1: you so much for going into detail with me. I 329 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: know we like really unpacked every job and every roley, 330 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 1: but I feel like it's so needed for all of 331 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 1: us to hear that, because obviously, when people see you 332 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: doing your thing and you know, now you're like executive 333 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 1: producing and you're an author, and you know you're acting curious, booming, 334 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,440 Speaker 1: it's like it's easy to believe that you're just confident 335 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,399 Speaker 1: and you just you know, it's easy and it's listen 336 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:03,920 Speaker 1: and even today I've met you, you're you're wonderful, Like 337 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: you have great presence, you have great energy, and it's 338 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,760 Speaker 1: like it's been so easy to connect with you. But 339 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,879 Speaker 1: to hear that that's the journey that it took to 340 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: get slightly more comfortable with these things. Yeah, it's really 341 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: useful to everyone who's listening, and of course hard when 342 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 1: you're living it. But tell me about the role you 343 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 1: played in your home. You have two sisters, and you 344 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: spoke to a bit about your mother, who I want 345 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,080 Speaker 1: to focus on in a second, But what was the 346 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,399 Speaker 1: role you played in your family like or what is 347 00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:35,680 Speaker 1: the role family? Has it changed? Middle child, two sisters. 348 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 1: My parents are happily married after thirty plus years. So 349 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: very happy to have them as beautiful, loving role models. 350 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:46,200 Speaker 1: In my life, I was the kid who was very 351 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,880 Speaker 1: stereotypical performer. Kid did the theater, did it dancing classes, 352 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: loved recitals, loved I performed in front of my when 353 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 1: we went on big family vacations. I would make my 354 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: cousins sing with me in front of the family. I 355 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 1: was that kid and Lego was terrible at sports. That 356 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 1: kind of like this kid is meant to be an 357 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:15,040 Speaker 1: artist for sure. And I began struggling with anxiety at 358 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:18,480 Speaker 1: a young age when I was like eleven as when 359 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 1: I got really bad, which sounds so young thinking back 360 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: on it, Like I really was feeling such complex anxiety 361 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:29,640 Speaker 1: and my parents had no idea where it was coming from. 362 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:36,800 Speaker 1: My older sister was bullied very badly and she struggled 363 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,359 Speaker 1: with her own issues, and so it was sort of 364 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 1: like very hard for my parents to understand why I 365 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:48,680 Speaker 1: was struggling so badly because there were no real external 366 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,720 Speaker 1: factors that made sense. Nothing was really adding up, like, oh, 367 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: you have you have friends, you have extracurriculars, you don't 368 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 1: have any of these any blaring issues. Just why are 369 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,000 Speaker 1: you so anxious? So why do you eat schools so much? 370 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:07,280 Speaker 1: Why are you feeling this way? And so I felt 371 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:12,480 Speaker 1: a lot of isolation at that age, from the kids 372 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 1: around me to my own family. It just felt very misunderstood. 373 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:21,719 Speaker 1: And that's really when I started going to therapy for 374 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 1: the first time. And I really don't remember a lot 375 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,360 Speaker 1: of the journey because I think you're just so young 376 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,959 Speaker 1: you only remember so many things. But also I was 377 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:36,359 Speaker 1: in such a weird tunnel vision stage of your life 378 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,159 Speaker 1: where you just are in fight or flight mode and 379 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 1: you're not really taking in your surroundings or really living. 380 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:47,840 Speaker 1: You're just surviving. And so it's interesting to think back 381 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:52,400 Speaker 1: on those times because I barely remember. All I remember 382 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:56,399 Speaker 1: is crying before school every morning, begging my mom to 383 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: let me be homeschooled because I couldn't stomach the idea 384 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,640 Speaker 1: of walking through the door and sitting through an eight 385 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,600 Speaker 1: hour day with the people, the kids around me. Everything 386 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:09,280 Speaker 1: was a countdown, constantly counting down. How many hours left? 387 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,640 Speaker 1: How many hours until this class is over? When can 388 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 1: I go to the bathroom so I can have five 389 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 1: minutes to be alone, When can this happen? When can 390 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,399 Speaker 1: I do this? Blah blah blah, Always counting down to 391 00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:24,399 Speaker 1: something so very much not living my life. It was 392 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: always rushing through it. If you're a business owner, the 393 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,640 Speaker 1: last thing you want to do this summer is sought 394 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,840 Speaker 1: through tons of unqualified candidates resumes when you could be 395 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,440 Speaker 1: redoing your deck or relaxing in the pool. That's why 396 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:43,560 Speaker 1: you need zipp Recruiter to find great candidates. They do 397 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: the work for you, and now you can try it 398 00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:50,160 Speaker 1: for free at zipp recruiter dot com. Forward slash on purpose. 399 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,440 Speaker 1: Zipp Recruiter uses its powerful technology to find and match 400 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 1: the right candidates up with your job. You can easily 401 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:03,160 Speaker 1: review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply. Additionally, 402 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: zippercruter has a complete suite of tools that make it 403 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:10,840 Speaker 1: easy to filter, review, and rate your candidates. Four out 404 00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:14,240 Speaker 1: of five employers who post on zippercruter get a quality 405 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,359 Speaker 1: candidate within the first day. So soak up all that 406 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: summer has to offer and let zippercruter do the work. 407 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:24,280 Speaker 1: Ready for the URL, It's zippercruiter dot com forward slash 408 00:22:24,359 --> 00:22:28,679 Speaker 1: on purpose. That's where you can try it for free. Again, 409 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:32,720 Speaker 1: that's zipp recruiter dot com forward slash O N P 410 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:37,320 Speaker 1: U r P O s E zipp recruiter the Smartest 411 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:42,399 Speaker 1: way to hire. One of the hardest things about mental 412 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,000 Speaker 1: health I feel is that it's invisible, like no one 413 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: can see it, no one understands it. And often people feel, well, 414 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: you have this, so why would you be anxious? Yeah, 415 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 1: it doesn't add that you have this, or then why 416 00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: would you experience depression? And it's hard when it's your 417 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,680 Speaker 1: own family and you know, when you're talking about being 418 00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: that young, it's probably when the mental health conversation wasn't 419 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: as open as it is now, not at all. Where 420 00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 1: I'm hoping today that at least parents are hearing about it, 421 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,720 Speaker 1: are more open to the fact that they could be 422 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,040 Speaker 1: providing a beautiful, loving atmosphere at home and a child 423 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,719 Speaker 1: could still be struggling with something. And I think that's 424 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,840 Speaker 1: one of the hardest things for parents is that it's 425 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,240 Speaker 1: almost like they see it as a reflection of them. 426 00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 1: It's like, what am I doing now? What's wrong with 427 00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,040 Speaker 1: my kid? What did I do? What did I do? Exactly? 428 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,719 Speaker 1: And that idea of what did I do stops us 429 00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,199 Speaker 1: from thinking about the other and thinking about that person, 430 00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:35,720 Speaker 1: when that's really the moment where a child is saying, 431 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,239 Speaker 1: I'm struggling with something, and the ego inside all of us, 432 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:40,720 Speaker 1: not just parents, the ego and all of us because 433 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:42,199 Speaker 1: but no, no no, no, no, that's not my fault, like 434 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 1: or I don't want, I don't know what. This can't 435 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 1: be right because I didn't do anything for them. It 436 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 1: sounds like your parents are wonderful, right like from what 437 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 1: I'm hearing, and so obviously for them, I can imagine 438 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 1: it's hard when you start going to therapy at that 439 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,040 Speaker 1: young age, when you start getting exposed to this. When 440 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:01,879 Speaker 1: do you start to feel like you're gaining rules, clarity, 441 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 1: insight that you're like, oh, I can cope with this 442 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,040 Speaker 1: because it sounds like from what we were talking about, 443 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,200 Speaker 1: it's not something that ever goes away. It's not something 444 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: that ever just disappears. But you start coping better, you 445 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,040 Speaker 1: start managing it better. Is that accurate or yeah? No, 446 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:19,080 Speaker 1: for sure, I think the therapy was a really beautiful 447 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,880 Speaker 1: For one hour a week, I was talking to someone 448 00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 1: who just got it. She was an older woman. I 449 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:31,680 Speaker 1: instantly really loved her and connected with her. I still 450 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,680 Speaker 1: felt like it wasn't okay for me to be feeling 451 00:24:33,760 --> 00:24:36,200 Speaker 1: what I was feeling like it wasn't justified and maybe 452 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,320 Speaker 1: I would be looked at as crazy. So I remember, 453 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,440 Speaker 1: even in my therapy sessions would be like, oh god, 454 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,160 Speaker 1: my allergies are so bad. As I had tears streaming 455 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,920 Speaker 1: down my face, I'm like, girl, you're in a therapy office. 456 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:52,480 Speaker 1: You're allowed to cry. And it's interesting, like the messaging 457 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:55,000 Speaker 1: from when I was a kid to what it is 458 00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 1: now is so radically different compared to even you know, 459 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,320 Speaker 1: twenty years ago, how in saying, but even just from 460 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,679 Speaker 1: when I was a kid being I feel like you 461 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,159 Speaker 1: heard the thing you heard the term don't cry. You 462 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:11,960 Speaker 1: don't need to cry. Crying is the most beautiful thing 463 00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,960 Speaker 1: you can do. I encourage people to cry. I cry 464 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: all the time, and I think it's the most healthy 465 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:23,400 Speaker 1: expression of how you're feeling. And I sometimes wish I 466 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: just could have been told you can cry. There's no 467 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 1: shame in that. There's no shame in how you're feeling. 468 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,400 Speaker 1: And also you don't need to always be justifying it, 469 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:40,479 Speaker 1: because I think I was constantly trying to come up 470 00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:45,679 Speaker 1: with reasons why rather than just being accepted for what 471 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:48,679 Speaker 1: it was. I have anxiety, I have depression, okay, but 472 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: why well sometimes there isn't and navigating that space when 473 00:25:56,280 --> 00:26:00,160 Speaker 1: I was so young and trying to defend myself, having 474 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 1: my first panic attacks and not knowing what this feeling was, 475 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: how I could escape it, what resources I had. You know, 476 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,480 Speaker 1: I was too young to really be going on the 477 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,479 Speaker 1: internet looking for help elsewhere. I just really had like 478 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,159 Speaker 1: my parents, and I guess the kids around me at 479 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 1: school who had no idea what to tell me or 480 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: how to help. You know, my friends at the time, 481 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:26,360 Speaker 1: it's not like they got it, they just didn't so 482 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: I was so isolated, and I'm happy that now this 483 00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:34,360 Speaker 1: is a space we're moving into where we are saying 484 00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:39,880 Speaker 1: feel your feelings and that they're they're justified. You don't 485 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:43,880 Speaker 1: need to defend yourself. I'm like, damn, that's the kind 486 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,159 Speaker 1: of environment I want to raise my future kids in 487 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: to where it's it is a beautiful thing to cry 488 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: and you're allowed to feel. You're just allowed to feel. 489 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,760 Speaker 1: If everyone would just listen to that over and over 490 00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: and over and over and over again every day, like, 491 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,479 Speaker 1: lives would be so much better. Because telling someone not 492 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:07,640 Speaker 1: to cry is like telling someone not to laugh. Advice, right, 493 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,760 Speaker 1: like the worst advice. It's it's such bad advice. And 494 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,159 Speaker 1: because yeah, like telling someone not to cry is like 495 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,919 Speaker 1: telling someone not to laugh. It feels a natural expression 496 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 1: that needs to be released in order to feel an emotion, 497 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,760 Speaker 1: and you're being told to block it and not feel it. 498 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 1: You would never do that with any other emotion, but 499 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 1: when it comes to crying, and especially as a man too, 500 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 1: you know, that's a big part of how boys don't cry. 501 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:37,719 Speaker 1: Boys don't cry, and boys never cry and you know 502 00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 1: you'll be fine, You're okay, there's nothing wrong, and so 503 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 1: it's like, oh, if I cry, that means there's something wrong, 504 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:48,760 Speaker 1: and that association of crying is bad is actually the 505 00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 1: biggest issue. Yeah, it's so toxic that crying becomes a 506 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:55,640 Speaker 1: negative emotion. Yea, So now when I cry, I feel sad. 507 00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 1: Even if crying was going to actually make me feel better, 508 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 1: but it does, it does. Yeah, and we cry when 509 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: there's happy tiers too. At the end of the day, 510 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,200 Speaker 1: it's a release, yes, And there are so many things 511 00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,119 Speaker 1: that need to be released from the body, the mind, 512 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:15,200 Speaker 1: the heart and everything you just said. I wish everyone 513 00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,679 Speaker 1: would just listen to that part again and again and 514 00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,439 Speaker 1: again and play it to their children and play it 515 00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:24,560 Speaker 1: to their family members, because if that's all you take 516 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: up from this conversation, it will change your life. And 517 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:30,160 Speaker 1: I know there's so many more, but that was truly, 518 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 1: truly powerful. Oh no, no, I mean I just to 519 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:37,160 Speaker 1: kind of go deeper into that. I feel the last 520 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:41,440 Speaker 1: two years have been a very large spiritual awakening for me. 521 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:47,960 Speaker 1: Really became awakened to the spiritual side of life and 522 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 1: really what wellness means. And I thought I knew who 523 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:56,640 Speaker 1: I was before and was confident, but really I was 524 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 1: so much of my identity was based off of pleasing 525 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:05,640 Speaker 1: other people and putting my identity in other people's hands, 526 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:10,800 Speaker 1: and the concept I read a lot of self help books, 527 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: you know, did a deep discovery on all those things, 528 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:18,440 Speaker 1: and the biggest takeaway I was gathering was how vital 529 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 1: it is to sit with your feelings and experience them, 530 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,080 Speaker 1: which again just goes along you know, the concept of 531 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:30,120 Speaker 1: don't cry not you're you're pushing it away rather than 532 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,120 Speaker 1: doing the opposite, which is how you heal. I was 533 00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,480 Speaker 1: on a very big healing journey two years ago, which 534 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,400 Speaker 1: is how this all really started. And the biggest thing 535 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,760 Speaker 1: I kept reading was feel like, feel your feelings, sit 536 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 1: there and let the feeling be in your body, like, 537 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: let it flow through you, observe it, don't judge it, 538 00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,560 Speaker 1: let it happen as it needs to happen, Let it 539 00:29:55,600 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 1: flow through you. And so that's what I That's what 540 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:05,040 Speaker 1: I did, and that's what I My perspective has changed 541 00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:09,480 Speaker 1: quite dramatically over even the last couple months, and I 542 00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,280 Speaker 1: sort of look at things this way as someone who 543 00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 1: very much struggles with anxiety and depression. When I feel 544 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,680 Speaker 1: very overwhelmed by those things and sort of like I'm 545 00:30:19,720 --> 00:30:23,960 Speaker 1: being burdened by these things. I like to think of 546 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 1: it as if I started out as this celestial being, 547 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:35,280 Speaker 1: this just energy and the universe or God or whomever said, Hey, 548 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,400 Speaker 1: do you want to go to Earth for an incredibly 549 00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 1: short amount of time, like a blip and experience every 550 00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:46,680 Speaker 1: emotion that you could possibly feel as a human? You 551 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:53,840 Speaker 1: get to have all these experiences love, heartache, anxiety, joy, euphoria, whatever, 552 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,520 Speaker 1: all of it. Do you want to do that? Yeah? 553 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:04,160 Speaker 1: I do. And so when I am feeling these intense feelings, 554 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:08,000 Speaker 1: it's sort of like a reality check to step outside 555 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: and say, although this is a very uncomfortable, painful feeling, 556 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: it's quite beautiful that I have the capacity to experience it. 557 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 1: Just in general, like, I am so lucky to feel 558 00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,880 Speaker 1: to the extent that I feel, and to feel as 559 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 1: deeply as I feel, because it can often feel like 560 00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 1: a curse when you're having heartache, and you know, when 561 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:38,040 Speaker 1: you're experiencing love, it's absolutely euphoric, and then when it's 562 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:42,720 Speaker 1: the opposite, it's a curse. And so understanding that both 563 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 1: of those exist in the same timeline and in the 564 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 1: same life, and that is sort of something that I 565 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:54,000 Speaker 1: use to ground myself when I am stuck in a 566 00:31:54,040 --> 00:31:58,640 Speaker 1: feeling of darkness. That is probably the best description of 567 00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 1: that ever before the idea of if we were given 568 00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 1: the choice to have this diverse set of emotions, experiences, feelings. 569 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:14,320 Speaker 1: And what you rightly said was that if you're experiencing loss, 570 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:20,240 Speaker 1: it means you've experienced love. Yeah. And if you've experienced pain, 571 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:24,800 Speaker 1: it means you've experienced joy. It actually means that you've 572 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:31,880 Speaker 1: had the fortune of receiving a glimpse of greatness. Yeah. 573 00:32:32,160 --> 00:32:36,840 Speaker 1: And I lost my mentor to stage four brain cancer, 574 00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,200 Speaker 1: and I lost him a few years before that because 575 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,880 Speaker 1: of how brain cancer works in the sense that he 576 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: wasn't mentally there, even though he was spiritually there. And 577 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,400 Speaker 1: what I always referred to him as, which I found fascinating, 578 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,040 Speaker 1: was so when someone I staged four brain cancer, obviously 579 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: they start to lose aspects of their memory, They start 580 00:32:56,280 --> 00:33:00,960 Speaker 1: to lose aspects of identity. And his memory became so short. 581 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,720 Speaker 1: He had long term memory, he lost a short term memory. 582 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,360 Speaker 1: So if he'd see me, he'd be like, hey, J, 583 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:08,600 Speaker 1: how's it going, And then thirty seconds later, but, hey J, 584 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,880 Speaker 1: how's it going? Is if he'd just seen me, so 585 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,880 Speaker 1: he'd still know I'm Jay, and he'd still remember our 586 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: relationship for many, many years, but in the moment, you 587 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,800 Speaker 1: couldn't have attention. But what I found fascinating was that 588 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,840 Speaker 1: all he did was thank people for their service to God. 589 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:27,400 Speaker 1: Oh wow. So all he'd do if he saw you, 590 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:30,000 Speaker 1: and he was a community leader, he was a priest 591 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 1: in his own writing, if he saw you'd be like, 592 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:34,480 Speaker 1: thank you for what you're doing for others, thank you 593 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 1: for your service. Wow. And I was like, how special 594 00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:40,920 Speaker 1: was that? That? That was his broken loop was gratitude. 595 00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,640 Speaker 1: That's the most wholesome thing I've ever heard, literally, and 596 00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: to experience that was just unbelievable. And it's what you're 597 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:51,720 Speaker 1: saying that yes, I miss him, and yes, of course 598 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,680 Speaker 1: I wish he was there. I feel like calling him 599 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: up every day to tell him what I'm doing and 600 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,080 Speaker 1: different things that happened in my life. But the fact 601 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: that I can experience that I miss someone, yeah, means 602 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:04,640 Speaker 1: that I just had something really special. Yeah. I'm not 603 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,840 Speaker 1: saying that makes it easy. I'm saying that it reaffirms 604 00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:10,799 Speaker 1: the point that you're making that we're fortunate to have 605 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:14,400 Speaker 1: both experiences because they only come together. Yeah, And I 606 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:18,080 Speaker 1: do think no one really talks about how people leave 607 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: your life. You know what death is. You know people 608 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,560 Speaker 1: are going to die, but you don't really until I 609 00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:28,800 Speaker 1: think you're in your twenties honestly experience how often people 610 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:34,880 Speaker 1: come and go just in general, and it's loss. It 611 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,280 Speaker 1: is grief. It's not death, but it's but it's loss 612 00:34:38,400 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: and how profound of a feeling that is. And I 613 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,719 Speaker 1: almost wish and I don't know what this looks like, 614 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,319 Speaker 1: or what the teachings look like or what the advice is, 615 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,960 Speaker 1: but just that there could be more of a conversation 616 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,400 Speaker 1: of when you are growing up, like people are going 617 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:58,640 Speaker 1: to come and go, and let's find ways to accept that, 618 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:03,160 Speaker 1: because I think the last two years, I've had what 619 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,840 Speaker 1: feels like a revolving door of people in my life, 620 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 1: new people that I've tried to make connections with and 621 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:11,960 Speaker 1: then they leave, or people that I've been maybe not 622 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 1: make a connection with, so there never really is one 623 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:18,680 Speaker 1: and then the relationship kind of just ends. But you know, 624 00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:22,400 Speaker 1: there have been obviously meaningful relationships that come in and 625 00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,680 Speaker 1: then they end, and so it's weird because you are 626 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:30,279 Speaker 1: going on this journey of loss and grief, but it's 627 00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:34,880 Speaker 1: not death and the person still exists and they have 628 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,799 Speaker 1: their own conscious mind that you're sort of trying to 629 00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:42,280 Speaker 1: figure out, well, how are they experiencing this? Because in death, 630 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:46,040 Speaker 1: the person's just gone and you can think whatever thoughts 631 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,160 Speaker 1: you have and they're yours and no one can take 632 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,360 Speaker 1: those away from you. Whereas when someone leaves your life 633 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,880 Speaker 1: and they're still around, it's like, oh, there's two sides 634 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 1: to this story, and what is this person's experience? And 635 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,000 Speaker 1: I just think that's like a very interesting concept, is 636 00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:05,120 Speaker 1: how do you deal with the loss of someone who's 637 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:09,920 Speaker 1: still around and around? Yeah, especially when we've been trained 638 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:14,840 Speaker 1: in society to believe that length of time equals success. Yeah, 639 00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,840 Speaker 1: or that's the measure of love, correct, Yeah, that the 640 00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: measure of love, the measure of success is important longevity length. 641 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:25,080 Speaker 1: We know plenty of people that have been in a 642 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,880 Speaker 1: job for twenty five years that they hate yea, or 643 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,640 Speaker 1: have been in a relationship for fifteen years that they 644 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,600 Speaker 1: don't love, And you constantly find that. But also what 645 00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,680 Speaker 1: you're saying, I think more deeply the idea that we 646 00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:40,680 Speaker 1: actually deal with coming and going and the seasons of 647 00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 1: relationships far more And it's like we know that when 648 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: it's winter, you put on a coat, and we know 649 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,239 Speaker 1: when it's summer you get to put your shorts on. 650 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 1: And when it's spring you may carry if you're in 651 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: London especially, you carry an umbrella. It's fall, you get 652 00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:58,320 Speaker 1: to wear fall colors. Like you with the seasons of nature, 653 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 1: we know how to adapt our clothing, our preparation. Not 654 00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:05,680 Speaker 1: with the seasons of life. Absolutely, it just doesn't happen 655 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:07,760 Speaker 1: like you don't. You don't ever talk about the winter 656 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:09,920 Speaker 1: of life. No, it's what you're saying, if you talk 657 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:13,960 Speaker 1: about loss or death or grief, is the winter of life? Yeah, 658 00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:17,000 Speaker 1: you don't ever talk about it, and then you're unprepared. Yeah, 659 00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:21,040 Speaker 1: it's I feel very ill equipped, genuinely, and as I've 660 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,600 Speaker 1: been in the last two years dealing with so much 661 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:28,200 Speaker 1: of it, I'm like, there's gotta be some solutions out here. 662 00:37:28,239 --> 00:37:30,840 Speaker 1: There's gotta be people who are talking about it, because 663 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,600 Speaker 1: I know I'm, you know, not the only woman in 664 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,960 Speaker 1: their twenties who's going through cycles of relationships and meeting 665 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,560 Speaker 1: new people and then having those people leave or me 666 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 1: choosing to leave. So it's like, come on, guys, let's 667 00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:49,719 Speaker 1: rally in brainstorm and be there for each other because 668 00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,160 Speaker 1: I don't want to turn to Google and read stupid 669 00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:54,680 Speaker 1: articles that tell me that when someone leaves your life, 670 00:37:54,680 --> 00:37:59,720 Speaker 1: you should go on a hike, because if someone tells 671 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:04,800 Speaker 1: me to go on a hike one more time, I'm like, Okay, 672 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:08,680 Speaker 1: this is what people say. They say when someone leaves 673 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,040 Speaker 1: your life, when when something, when you're going through something, 674 00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:17,839 Speaker 1: pick up a new hobby. Oh okay, sure I'll do that. 675 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:20,279 Speaker 1: And that'll take up three seconds of my time and 676 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:23,440 Speaker 1: probably like four hundred dollars to buy all this equipment 677 00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:26,600 Speaker 1: for this new hobby, whatever it is. Maybe I'll try crocheting, 678 00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:28,880 Speaker 1: and then you know, all of a sudden, I'm spending 679 00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:31,000 Speaker 1: three hundred dollars and all these things, and at last 680 00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:34,920 Speaker 1: two seconds, it's like, there's got to be what else 681 00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:38,919 Speaker 1: can I be doing. So what I'm personally been dealing 682 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:43,520 Speaker 1: with is the struggle of what is my identity outside 683 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 1: of everything else? What is my identity outside of everyone else? 684 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:53,200 Speaker 1: So just me an outside of work, because I'm a workaholic, 685 00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 1: and I since I was a kid, as a survival, 686 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:04,960 Speaker 1: because a coping mechanism had to basically make acting my 687 00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:08,680 Speaker 1: identity to push me out of the situations that I 688 00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 1: was in and launch me into my career. So I 689 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,960 Speaker 1: feel that I have been in fight or flight mode 690 00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:20,240 Speaker 1: for most of my life and what that has done 691 00:39:20,400 --> 00:39:24,800 Speaker 1: to my brain and my body, my mental well being 692 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:31,400 Speaker 1: is if I continue at this rate, catastrophic, you know, 693 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,480 Speaker 1: I will lose my brain power. There's no way humans 694 00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,920 Speaker 1: are not meant to continue living in that state of 695 00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:43,160 Speaker 1: your adrenaline is always going, you know, just that fight 696 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,920 Speaker 1: or flight response. And I'm basically on this journey right 697 00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,840 Speaker 1: now in my life of trying to calm that down 698 00:39:50,600 --> 00:39:59,160 Speaker 1: and trying to just simply exist and sit in stillness 699 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,040 Speaker 1: without feeling like I need to fill a void. And 700 00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:07,879 Speaker 1: that is the biggest that has been like waking up 701 00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:10,440 Speaker 1: with anxiety because I'm not working the summer. I'm not 702 00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,920 Speaker 1: filming anything. I'm promoting my movie. Very thankful for that. 703 00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:17,080 Speaker 1: Um you know, I have my own production company, so 704 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:18,360 Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm doing a lot of I do 705 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,479 Speaker 1: a lot of zooms. I do all the things. But 706 00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:25,560 Speaker 1: there are days where I have nothing to do. That's amazing. Well, 707 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,920 Speaker 1: that's the challenge is where I'm thinking what do I 708 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:39,359 Speaker 1: do with myself? Because I have been programmed to constantly go, yeah, 709 00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:43,360 Speaker 1: let me do that. I'm going to do that. Besides that, 710 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:50,359 Speaker 1: I'm like, how do I find serenity and acceptance in 711 00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:56,320 Speaker 1: peace without running away from myself? Because even and I'm 712 00:40:56,320 --> 00:41:00,359 Speaker 1: stopping myself in these tracks because the past week I've 713 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,640 Speaker 1: had such bad anxiety about not working and being bored. 714 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:07,560 Speaker 1: The fear of being bored has been haunting me, and 715 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,759 Speaker 1: I've been thinking, what trips can I go on? Okay, 716 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,719 Speaker 1: I'm going to reach out to like literally everyone I know, 717 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,319 Speaker 1: when are they available? I'm filling I'm looking at the 718 00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:20,000 Speaker 1: calendar on my phone, going, I'm alone that day. Need 719 00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:23,040 Speaker 1: to fill that up, Like, genuinely, how can I fill 720 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:27,759 Speaker 1: my time so I'm not alone because loneliness equals my 721 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:33,160 Speaker 1: existential crisis thoughts and I'm going to spiral. So I 722 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:37,719 Speaker 1: am very much on that journey of because I know 723 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:40,520 Speaker 1: I don't want that. I do not want that. I 724 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:43,120 Speaker 1: do not want to be someone who has to fill 725 00:41:43,320 --> 00:41:46,399 Speaker 1: that void. I pride myself on being someone who will 726 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:50,480 Speaker 1: never just succumb to that and be the person who 727 00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,160 Speaker 1: always has to have friends around, always needs to be 728 00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:55,880 Speaker 1: doing something. I don't want that. That's not the identity 729 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,480 Speaker 1: that I want. I want to be able to be 730 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:06,359 Speaker 1: okay by myself. And that's a really hard thing to do. Yeah, 731 00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:11,440 Speaker 1: it's sort of like how do you do that? But 732 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,359 Speaker 1: even hearing you verbalize and vocalize it is so powerful, right, Like, 733 00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:19,440 Speaker 1: even to have that as an aspiration is an unbelievable 734 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:25,399 Speaker 1: power because it's a recognition of your true feelings. Going 735 00:42:25,440 --> 00:42:27,920 Speaker 1: back to what we were speaking about before, you're actually 736 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:32,560 Speaker 1: responding to and listening to how your body, mind, and 737 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:36,840 Speaker 1: heart feel. And so you're already making so much progress 738 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,799 Speaker 1: because if you weren't listening, then you would be going 739 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:41,759 Speaker 1: against the advice that we should be allowed to cry 740 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:43,200 Speaker 1: and we should be allowed to do this. And so 741 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,960 Speaker 1: you're saying, well, I just need to take the next 742 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:49,680 Speaker 1: three months or however long it is, off, because that's 743 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:53,319 Speaker 1: what I'm feeling I need, And even if you don't 744 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,759 Speaker 1: know yet what that looks like, you're still deeply responding 745 00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,000 Speaker 1: to that need. And so I think there's a real 746 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:02,799 Speaker 1: power in that because identifying it is one thing. Then 747 00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,600 Speaker 1: implementing it, which you are as another thing. And then 748 00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:08,520 Speaker 1: as you said, building your identity as this new identity 749 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,600 Speaker 1: is almost like step three. I want to dive into that, 750 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,000 Speaker 1: and how we do that with you and how you 751 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,560 Speaker 1: have found ways of doing it, because I'm guessing that 752 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:21,799 Speaker 1: you've had glimpses in these last two years where you 753 00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:24,680 Speaker 1: have felt at peace with yourself, or you have had 754 00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:29,359 Speaker 1: moments where you recognize the value of solitude over loneliness, 755 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:32,520 Speaker 1: or there are moments where you're starting to realize you 756 00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,560 Speaker 1: said it in your own words, I don't want to 757 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,760 Speaker 1: live based on the opinions of others or for others. 758 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:41,520 Speaker 1: So there are glimpses of what this looks like, and 759 00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,920 Speaker 1: you're piecing together the puzzle. But you were saying that 760 00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,680 Speaker 1: you know you're going through this transition in your life 761 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:52,760 Speaker 1: right now, and our identity gets wrapped up in other people, 762 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,560 Speaker 1: our jobs, our work, everything around of us. And so 763 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,040 Speaker 1: when you're saying you're trying to understand your identity beyond 764 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:03,600 Speaker 1: this as Lily, not today, who are you beyond those 765 00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:08,360 Speaker 1: things right now? It's a process for me. I'm trying 766 00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:13,920 Speaker 1: to take it day by day because I overwhelm myself 767 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:16,719 Speaker 1: by trying to fix it all right away. I'm a 768 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:21,560 Speaker 1: very all or nothing person, and I'm a very compulsive person, 769 00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:24,680 Speaker 1: like once I find out what's wrong, oh gotta have 770 00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:29,919 Speaker 1: a solution immediately. Can't. I don't want to wait for time. Yeah, 771 00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to that's the worst when people say 772 00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:34,839 Speaker 1: just give it time. No, I don't want to do that. 773 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,200 Speaker 1: But I would like to do it right now. Yeah, 774 00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:41,360 Speaker 1: to be honest, I was just in Maui recently and 775 00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,680 Speaker 1: one of the most beautiful moments I had there was 776 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:51,120 Speaker 1: when I was in a very spiritual it was like 777 00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:55,080 Speaker 1: a spiritual shop. They had crystals, they had but they 778 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,719 Speaker 1: had a labyrinth like a maze on the ground that 779 00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,480 Speaker 1: you could walk in and just sort of it was this. 780 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,960 Speaker 1: It took you like good fifteen minutes to walk through 781 00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:08,080 Speaker 1: all the little pathways and then you get you get 782 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,719 Speaker 1: to the center and you can meditate or and then 783 00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,600 Speaker 1: you can and then you walk out and it's it's 784 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:17,440 Speaker 1: a it's there was like a whole book about about 785 00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:21,920 Speaker 1: the ideology behind this labyrinth and I didn't I didn't 786 00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:24,279 Speaker 1: read it, but I but I took it as an 787 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:28,560 Speaker 1: opportunity to use it as just like a just meditating, 788 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:33,520 Speaker 1: a moment of meditation. And I felt so close to 789 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:40,160 Speaker 1: myself when I was doing that, like it was so 790 00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,600 Speaker 1: true to who I was in that moment to just 791 00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:48,000 Speaker 1: be doing this activity. It was so comforting. It's hard. 792 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:51,640 Speaker 1: Just like anything, you can lose yourself in something you know, 793 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:58,120 Speaker 1: you can lose yourself in becoming overly like awakened, and 794 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:03,239 Speaker 1: your whole identity becomes I'm a spiritual guru and I'm 795 00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:06,160 Speaker 1: healing like all about heal, Like it's so easy to 796 00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,799 Speaker 1: just fall into that trap, and I'm obviously trying not 797 00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:12,040 Speaker 1: to do that as well, and I'm definitely not, but 798 00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:15,359 Speaker 1: I my friends would would never I would never let 799 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:20,520 Speaker 1: me do that. But I do find so much therapy 800 00:46:21,239 --> 00:46:25,000 Speaker 1: through even just talking about it, even if I don't 801 00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:28,400 Speaker 1: have the answers. Yes, I don't have the answers to 802 00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:33,880 Speaker 1: who really am I outside of my fight or flight mode? 803 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,440 Speaker 1: And who am I outside of being an actor? I 804 00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:40,600 Speaker 1: don't really have the answers to those questions, But just 805 00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:44,480 Speaker 1: even saying that out loud, it makes me feel like 806 00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:48,200 Speaker 1: I'm closer to figuring it out. And I really appreciate that, honestly, 807 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,840 Speaker 1: because I agree too, Like I'm I'm hearing you speak 808 00:46:50,880 --> 00:46:53,720 Speaker 1: and it feels the same way to me where I'm like, Okay, 809 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:57,000 Speaker 1: you're not forcing yourself at least in this moment to 810 00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:01,400 Speaker 1: arrive at an answer or to give an answer to 811 00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:05,080 Speaker 1: complete the sentence. But at the same time, I'm seeing 812 00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:09,280 Speaker 1: a self awareness, I'm seeing a acceptance of that path, 813 00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:12,000 Speaker 1: and that's what's so useful. And you are right that 814 00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:15,800 Speaker 1: if you've never allowed yourself to be yourself, how would 815 00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,040 Speaker 1: you know how to describe it? So if I ask 816 00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:20,719 Speaker 1: you to describe yourself as an actress, you'd be able 817 00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:23,000 Speaker 1: to describe yourself. It'd be pretty easy because you've been 818 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:26,160 Speaker 1: an actress plenty of times, or you could describe those 819 00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,560 Speaker 1: roles that you've played. But then when someone asks you 820 00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:32,439 Speaker 1: who are you to pretty much nine percent of people 821 00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:35,720 Speaker 1: on the planet, we can't answer because we've never actually 822 00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:41,359 Speaker 1: let ourselves be ourselves. So it's not alien to not know. Yeah, 823 00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,720 Speaker 1: well I think we know who we are in relation 824 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:49,840 Speaker 1: to other people. Yeah, into things, role, yeah, one hundred percent. 825 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:52,960 Speaker 1: But then when you take take the roles away, what 826 00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:56,719 Speaker 1: are you? Yeah? Whoa whoa? Whoa? I do not know. 827 00:47:57,800 --> 00:47:59,880 Speaker 1: I do not But that is the beginning of figuring 828 00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,080 Speaker 1: it out, Like that's yeah, that's the biggest you now 829 00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:06,040 Speaker 1: can go, Okay, am I playing Lily the actress? Or 830 00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:10,839 Speaker 1: am I playing Lily the daughter friend whatever? Or am 831 00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 1: I trying to discover what Lily would do. Yeah, right, 832 00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:16,560 Speaker 1: And it's and it is that conversation of It's kind 833 00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:18,880 Speaker 1: of like when my sister when I'm giving her relationship advice, 834 00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:21,440 Speaker 1: and She'll be like, stop being j Sherry, like you know, 835 00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:24,640 Speaker 1: being my brother, right, And it's like, that's what my 836 00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:28,120 Speaker 1: sister would say to me, because she doesn't want a 837 00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:30,759 Speaker 1: coaching conversation with her brother. She wants me to be 838 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,880 Speaker 1: her brother. And so then I'm like, okay, so she 839 00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:37,160 Speaker 1: gets the brother version, and then there's this version that 840 00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:39,759 Speaker 1: this community gets. But then it's like, but then who 841 00:48:39,760 --> 00:48:42,120 Speaker 1: am I beyond all of those things? And I really 842 00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,959 Speaker 1: realized that when I left the monk would because even 843 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:49,160 Speaker 1: so much of my identities had become wrapped in being 844 00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,920 Speaker 1: a monk, ye, And the whole point of being a 845 00:48:51,960 --> 00:48:55,000 Speaker 1: monk was to not have an identity that you're wrapped 846 00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:57,520 Speaker 1: up in. Yeah, that was the whole goal. Everything you're 847 00:48:57,520 --> 00:48:59,759 Speaker 1: talking about is exactly what we were working on for 848 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,759 Speaker 1: when I was there for three years. But even then, 849 00:49:02,840 --> 00:49:07,359 Speaker 1: it was so easy to get wrapped up in another identity. 850 00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:11,120 Speaker 1: And so when that identity collapsed after three years, when 851 00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:15,080 Speaker 1: I when it all fell apart for me, that was 852 00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,400 Speaker 1: when I allowed myself to learn about who I was 853 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,719 Speaker 1: beyond that identity, and even now I have to hold 854 00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:24,600 Speaker 1: onto that. I'd say that the first of it was 855 00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:29,640 Speaker 1: a sense of and this sounds painful, and it is. 856 00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:37,640 Speaker 1: There is a sense of role destruction, panic and feeling 857 00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,319 Speaker 1: something and a part of you that you use for 858 00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:45,759 Speaker 1: safety to dissolve. And that's the hardest part. It's hard 859 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:49,520 Speaker 1: to let go of the false identity because it's a 860 00:49:49,560 --> 00:49:52,080 Speaker 1: sense of safety. That being a monk is a sense 861 00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:54,560 Speaker 1: of safety. Being an actor is a sense of safety. 862 00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,440 Speaker 1: Being whatever is a sense of safety. And unless you're 863 00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:01,600 Speaker 1: willing to go, I'm letting that safe to go. To 864 00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:04,080 Speaker 1: some degree, it's very hard to say, okay, well I'm 865 00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:06,000 Speaker 1: open to what this is. So that was the first part. 866 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:10,319 Speaker 1: It was like letting go of that identity externally in 867 00:50:10,400 --> 00:50:14,840 Speaker 1: my language, in my intellectual thoughts about who I was, 868 00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,759 Speaker 1: in how I thought people perceived me. And then the 869 00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:21,880 Speaker 1: next step was saying, rather than who am I was, 870 00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:25,320 Speaker 1: who do I want to be? So what I realized 871 00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:27,879 Speaker 1: was with trying to figure out who we are rather 872 00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,520 Speaker 1: than create who we are, and we do this as humans. 873 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:34,839 Speaker 1: We go into finding and seeking rather than creating and 874 00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:38,880 Speaker 1: being and finding and seeking is the never ending journey 875 00:50:39,040 --> 00:50:41,680 Speaker 1: because there's nothing to look for, there is only things 876 00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:45,240 Speaker 1: to be and create. And so I realized that everything 877 00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,600 Speaker 1: I was currently being and creating was based on values 878 00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:53,160 Speaker 1: I'd adopted from family, friends, or society. So I literally 879 00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:55,920 Speaker 1: made a list of what are my current values? I 880 00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,320 Speaker 1: then asked myself where do they come from? And so 881 00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,440 Speaker 1: it was like my parents, some kid in school who 882 00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:04,719 Speaker 1: bullied me, my teacher who told me I wasn't this 883 00:51:04,880 --> 00:51:07,920 Speaker 1: or that, a friend who thought I was cool or uncool, 884 00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,400 Speaker 1: based on whatever. And then I asked myself, do I 885 00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:12,680 Speaker 1: still have that value? Do I still want to live 886 00:51:12,719 --> 00:51:16,160 Speaker 1: that value? And so I shifted to creating a new 887 00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,319 Speaker 1: list of values and principles that I wanted to live by, 888 00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,560 Speaker 1: and I just started practicing them with everyone I met. 889 00:51:24,080 --> 00:51:26,440 Speaker 1: And that's how I started to create and be my 890 00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:30,120 Speaker 1: new identity rather than subscribing to an old one. If 891 00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:31,799 Speaker 1: that makes sense, it makes a very quick verson. No, 892 00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:36,200 Speaker 1: it makes perfect sense because I recently I've been having 893 00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:40,040 Speaker 1: those thoughts to myself, as like, who have I really? 894 00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:44,440 Speaker 1: If I were to explain myself, describe myself in a 895 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:47,840 Speaker 1: couple words, there are characteristics that I use that I 896 00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:52,720 Speaker 1: don't actually like. I don't like being a negative person. 897 00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:56,799 Speaker 1: But I think I would describe myself or I used 898 00:51:56,840 --> 00:52:00,799 Speaker 1: to describe myself as a negative person, as a pessimist, 899 00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:05,240 Speaker 1: as a full realist, not entirely hopeful kind of person, 900 00:52:06,040 --> 00:52:12,800 Speaker 1: and recently was thinking, well, I don't like that. I 901 00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,120 Speaker 1: don't I don't actually if I had the choice, I 902 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,880 Speaker 1: would choose to not be that person. I would not. 903 00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:20,080 Speaker 1: I don't want to be a negative person. I don't 904 00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:23,640 Speaker 1: want to be a pessimist. But it's safety. Yes, it's 905 00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:27,680 Speaker 1: not getting my hopes up, it's protecting my heart. It's shelter. 906 00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:33,719 Speaker 1: And how do you part ways with something that you 907 00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:37,400 Speaker 1: have identified with for so long? And that's obviously a 908 00:52:37,520 --> 00:52:40,840 Speaker 1: challenge in itself, but it's something that I'm very much 909 00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,400 Speaker 1: trying to do, even with my food choices, like someone 910 00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:48,560 Speaker 1: who has enjoyed really food that's really terrible for you 911 00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:52,920 Speaker 1: your whole life, and now making the conscious effort to 912 00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:56,600 Speaker 1: change that and fuel my body and treat my body 913 00:52:56,760 --> 00:53:00,440 Speaker 1: in a better healthier way. It's it's all just making 914 00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:03,760 Speaker 1: these conscious decisions of oh do I I'm just fully 915 00:53:03,800 --> 00:53:07,600 Speaker 1: an autopilot right now, just choosing the same thing because 916 00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:11,279 Speaker 1: that's what I've always done. Oh, I'm just being pessimistic 917 00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:15,960 Speaker 1: because that's what I've always done. And it takes pausing 918 00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:20,920 Speaker 1: and reflecting and making an active effort to shift that behavior. 919 00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:25,280 Speaker 1: And that's so hard. It's so hard. We're simply living patterns. 920 00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:28,399 Speaker 1: Yeah right, that's literally as simple as it is. It's 921 00:53:28,440 --> 00:53:31,920 Speaker 1: like we've adopted a pattern and now we have to 922 00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:35,400 Speaker 1: choose to practice a new pattern based on who we 923 00:53:35,400 --> 00:53:36,960 Speaker 1: want to be. And that's why I think the journey 924 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,080 Speaker 1: of who am I is really who do I want 925 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:41,279 Speaker 1: to be? Who do I want to create? Who do 926 00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,319 Speaker 1: I want to live as? Because we've never known who 927 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,040 Speaker 1: we are, so trying to figure out who we are 928 00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,640 Speaker 1: is a full's errand because you just keep getting stuck. 929 00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,080 Speaker 1: And then, like you just said, now you accept oh 930 00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,439 Speaker 1: I'm a negative person because that's who I've always been, 931 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,200 Speaker 1: not realizing it's just a pattern you developed, it's just 932 00:53:58,239 --> 00:54:02,759 Speaker 1: a habit you adopted. It's just what you absorb through 933 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:07,440 Speaker 1: your environment as opposed to selected it. That's truly, I mean, 934 00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:10,839 Speaker 1: it's such a profound thing. That's just like settling into 935 00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,640 Speaker 1: my brain now is even the last couple of days 936 00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,359 Speaker 1: been thinking I need to find out who I am, 937 00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:18,920 Speaker 1: like find I need to find it. I need to 938 00:54:19,000 --> 00:54:23,960 Speaker 1: search for it rather than I will never get anywhere 939 00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:27,520 Speaker 1: if I do that. It's a matter of who do 940 00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:31,640 Speaker 1: I want to be? And then actively doing that, Yeah, 941 00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:35,640 Speaker 1: and selecting those values, selecting those principles, selecting the habits 942 00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,279 Speaker 1: Like you just gave for your food. It's like if 943 00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,480 Speaker 1: you just said who am I, I'd be like, Yeah, 944 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:42,440 Speaker 1: I'm someone who loves chocolate, Like I'm someone who loves 945 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,479 Speaker 1: ice cream. I'm someone who loves junk food, fast food. 946 00:54:45,080 --> 00:54:47,040 Speaker 1: But that's not who I am. That's just a pattern 947 00:54:47,080 --> 00:54:49,600 Speaker 1: I built, and I can change that pattern. Yes, it's hard, 948 00:54:50,239 --> 00:54:52,399 Speaker 1: and I'm I'm with you on that, like it's been 949 00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:55,040 Speaker 1: when I met my wife, She's the one who transformed 950 00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:58,000 Speaker 1: my diet because I was always someone who is focused 951 00:54:58,000 --> 00:55:00,839 Speaker 1: on mastering the mind and I kind neglected the body 952 00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:03,759 Speaker 1: and kind of didn't care. And my wife is a 953 00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:07,640 Speaker 1: nutritionist and dietitian and iradic chef, and so her whole 954 00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:11,160 Speaker 1: world is food. Quite convenient, very convenient, huge inconvenient if 955 00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:14,160 Speaker 1: you want to change your life. Yeah, And it was 956 00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:16,520 Speaker 1: like she got me off refined sugar. She got me 957 00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,680 Speaker 1: off the wrong oil. She got me off like packaged 958 00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,520 Speaker 1: and processed foods on a daily basis. And it was 959 00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:25,400 Speaker 1: so much education and so much coaching that I received 960 00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:29,840 Speaker 1: from her that allowed me to make transitions where the 961 00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:31,560 Speaker 1: first thing I said to was like, I don't know 962 00:55:31,600 --> 00:55:34,719 Speaker 1: how I would live without sugar. Yeah, like I don't know, 963 00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:38,279 Speaker 1: And it sounds ridiculous now, but it's like, yeah, when 964 00:55:38,280 --> 00:55:39,759 Speaker 1: I when we got married six years ago, and I 965 00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:41,640 Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I don't know what you want me 966 00:55:41,680 --> 00:55:44,040 Speaker 1: to do. And then we started looking for alternatives. And 967 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:46,960 Speaker 1: now if you ask me, I pretty much would each 968 00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,439 Speaker 1: like I guess, refine sugar maybe like once a month 969 00:55:51,320 --> 00:55:54,640 Speaker 1: and so and that's amazing for me, Like that's a 970 00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:58,239 Speaker 1: big thing for me because I didn't know. I grew 971 00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:00,400 Speaker 1: up being four chocolate products a day. I'm getting me 972 00:56:00,440 --> 00:56:02,960 Speaker 1: a chocolate biscuit, a chocolate bar, a chocolate yogurt, and 973 00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,719 Speaker 1: a chocolate ice cream every day, and I was addicted 974 00:56:05,800 --> 00:56:10,080 Speaker 1: into sugar. And so it's pattern formation though, and yes, 975 00:56:10,160 --> 00:56:13,560 Speaker 1: you're so right, it requires discipline, it's painful, it's it's hard, 976 00:56:13,600 --> 00:56:15,680 Speaker 1: but I love that that's dropped for you, Like, and 977 00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:18,360 Speaker 1: I love that you took us there today because I 978 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,840 Speaker 1: think too many people are finding and looking and seeking 979 00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:25,080 Speaker 1: and searching, and it's being and creating and building and forming, 980 00:56:26,040 --> 00:56:28,760 Speaker 1: which is where our energy needs to go. Because you've 981 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:35,000 Speaker 1: seen yourself build a career, you've seen yourself create your roles, 982 00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:37,800 Speaker 1: you've seen yourself create a book, you've seen yourself create 983 00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,319 Speaker 1: a show. Like you created those things. You didn't find them, 984 00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,160 Speaker 1: very true, you didn't search for them, you didn't seek them, 985 00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:47,880 Speaker 1: so you know you have creative energy and creative power. Yeah, 986 00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:51,560 Speaker 1: my damn got to create myself now? Yeah? How exciting? 987 00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:53,960 Speaker 1: It is very exciting. And then there's a sense of 988 00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:58,080 Speaker 1: selection and control and not control in a control freak 989 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,400 Speaker 1: way really in a sense of like you can choose, yes, yeah, 990 00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:04,960 Speaker 1: I can make the choice. And in my first step 991 00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:08,279 Speaker 1: was definitely the epiphany of oh wait, I actually don't 992 00:57:08,320 --> 00:57:12,520 Speaker 1: want to keep identifying with this. Yeah? Yeah? Were you 993 00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:17,480 Speaker 1: always you use the word spiritual? Was that a word 994 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:20,919 Speaker 1: in your vocabulary? Always? Did it arise two years ago? Like? 995 00:57:21,360 --> 00:57:24,120 Speaker 1: How did that become a path to a lot of 996 00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:26,760 Speaker 1: this healing and journey that you've been on as opposed 997 00:57:26,800 --> 00:57:29,720 Speaker 1: to something else? Like I think there's so many options? Yeah, 998 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:34,000 Speaker 1: why this why I mean I grew up Christian. It 999 00:57:34,120 --> 00:57:38,040 Speaker 1: was I went to a Presbyterian church, which I definitely 1000 00:57:38,080 --> 00:57:41,760 Speaker 1: do not align with those teachings anymore. But I do 1001 00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:45,240 Speaker 1: believe in God. I do call myself a Christian, but 1002 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:49,320 Speaker 1: I also call myself very spiritual. And I think two 1003 00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:54,400 Speaker 1: years ago the lockdown was was forcing me to go 1004 00:57:54,480 --> 00:58:01,800 Speaker 1: through this this healing journey by myself. And my journey 1005 00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:09,200 Speaker 1: through healing was through spiritual healing and through working with 1006 00:58:09,280 --> 00:58:14,960 Speaker 1: actual healers and energy. And I studied, and I started 1007 00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:18,480 Speaker 1: to study reiki, and I'm gonna get my master, and 1008 00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:20,600 Speaker 1: my master's I mean, I'm going going to be a 1009 00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:23,680 Speaker 1: raiky master at the end of the summer, I'm taking 1010 00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:28,280 Speaker 1: thank you. So it became a I'm going to look 1011 00:58:28,320 --> 00:58:31,680 Speaker 1: inward a sort of what it was. And I found 1012 00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:35,040 Speaker 1: that that became, Oh, that's clearly a very spiritual route. 1013 00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:37,880 Speaker 1: You're looking in towards your spirit, towards your soul, You're 1014 00:58:37,880 --> 00:58:42,120 Speaker 1: doing shadow work, soul searching. So I was like, okay, okay, 1015 00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:46,320 Speaker 1: spirituality is the word that I'm resonating with. And I 1016 00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:51,360 Speaker 1: actually went to Mount Shasta, which which is a very 1017 00:58:51,800 --> 00:58:55,840 Speaker 1: high vibrational, highly spiritual place in northern California, and I 1018 00:58:55,880 --> 00:58:58,600 Speaker 1: went there by myself and I worked with a she 1019 00:58:58,640 --> 00:59:02,280 Speaker 1: calls herself a sound healer, and I worked with her 1020 00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:06,760 Speaker 1: and found the experience I just again felt, I felt 1021 00:59:06,880 --> 00:59:10,480 Speaker 1: very much like I was so at home with myself 1022 00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:14,360 Speaker 1: while I was doing those things, so connected to myself, 1023 00:59:14,880 --> 00:59:17,680 Speaker 1: connected to my higher self, the person that I want 1024 00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,800 Speaker 1: to be, and so I thought, yes, this is the 1025 00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:25,000 Speaker 1: right path for me. And so kind of ever since then, 1026 00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:30,720 Speaker 1: I've been very into spirituality. And you know, I've always 1027 00:59:30,800 --> 00:59:34,160 Speaker 1: loved crystals. Everyone else crystals, but like looking past that 1028 00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:38,680 Speaker 1: into a deeper form of energy healing. And that led 1029 00:59:38,720 --> 00:59:43,600 Speaker 1: me to raiki, which led me to sound healing and 1030 00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:48,600 Speaker 1: going to sound baths and then meditation, and I took 1031 00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:52,200 Speaker 1: a course and I learned TM Transcendental Meditation, which wasn't 1032 00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,800 Speaker 1: really the It didn't super resonate with me. It hasn't 1033 00:59:56,840 --> 00:59:58,760 Speaker 1: stuck with me, but it is something that I tried. 1034 00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:02,760 Speaker 1: So it's in a trial, you know, trial of just 1035 01:00:02,880 --> 01:00:07,600 Speaker 1: different things. And I guess that's just what I call 1036 01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,080 Speaker 1: when I say I'm spiritual. I'm I'm on that very 1037 01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:16,840 Speaker 1: personal journey with myself looking inward. Yeah, So what I 1038 01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:19,640 Speaker 1: mean by that, Yeah, But but I love those examples 1039 01:00:19,720 --> 01:00:24,000 Speaker 1: because it is a practicing of different methods and techniques 1040 01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:26,640 Speaker 1: to find what works for you. And you've obviously found, 1041 01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,800 Speaker 1: you know, both in raiki and sound healing, what really 1042 01:00:29,960 --> 01:00:33,680 Speaker 1: sued your soul and your your your healing, which I 1043 01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:35,680 Speaker 1: think is such an important part of it. I think 1044 01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:39,680 Speaker 1: spirituality or healing or any of these terms can often 1045 01:00:39,720 --> 01:00:43,760 Speaker 1: get they're so big, yeah, and they can get a 1046 01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:46,080 Speaker 1: good or bad name based on a particular practice. And 1047 01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:49,360 Speaker 1: the idea is that it's just such a big umbrella 1048 01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:53,280 Speaker 1: term for so many practices that it's so important that 1049 01:00:53,280 --> 01:00:56,120 Speaker 1: people keep an open mind to finding what works for them. 1050 01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,320 Speaker 1: And you're right, there may be a certain aspect that 1051 01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:01,400 Speaker 1: just doesn't you know, float your boat and doesn't make 1052 01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:04,160 Speaker 1: you feel great, but there's other parts that could reveal 1053 01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:06,880 Speaker 1: it to you, you know, very powerfully. I think when 1054 01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:08,360 Speaker 1: I lived as a monk, we traveled a lot in 1055 01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:11,680 Speaker 1: southern India where a lot of temples around two to 1056 01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:15,400 Speaker 1: five thousand years old, and I never had been anywhere 1057 01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:18,080 Speaker 1: that old. Like my school was five hundred years old 1058 01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:19,880 Speaker 1: that I went to in England, and so that was 1059 01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:24,560 Speaker 1: pretty old. Yeah. But then when you go yeah, yeahol 1060 01:01:24,600 --> 01:01:27,640 Speaker 1: is fifteen seventy three I think was the year old 1061 01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:32,880 Speaker 1: found by the queen and so yeah, and so our 1062 01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:35,240 Speaker 1: school was pretty old and had this big history. But 1063 01:01:35,800 --> 01:01:37,800 Speaker 1: when I when I went to these temples that were 1064 01:01:37,840 --> 01:01:39,720 Speaker 1: like two thousand, five thousand years old and you see 1065 01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:43,200 Speaker 1: this incredible architecture, it's you know, it's a mainta I 1066 01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:46,440 Speaker 1: never realized that I found going on pilgrimage to be 1067 01:01:46,560 --> 01:01:51,720 Speaker 1: so deeply healing for me because I would go into 1068 01:01:51,720 --> 01:01:58,360 Speaker 1: these chambers where sound it similarly has been maintained and 1069 01:01:58,480 --> 01:02:04,320 Speaker 1: preserved for that of years. People have meditated, chanted, played balls, gongs, 1070 01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:07,320 Speaker 1: whatever maybe in these spaces and you can still feel 1071 01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:11,439 Speaker 1: the reverberation when you walk in, and it's and it's 1072 01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:14,320 Speaker 1: really powerful, like it really feels like you know. And 1073 01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,680 Speaker 1: so again that was something that I never would have 1074 01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:20,040 Speaker 1: known growing up in London. And you know, having to 1075 01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,080 Speaker 1: go to that experience and those temples I mainly in 1076 01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:24,760 Speaker 1: Southern India, it sounds like I need to go to 1077 01:02:24,800 --> 01:02:27,760 Speaker 1: southern India. Yeah, where you see that like real ancient 1078 01:02:27,840 --> 01:02:32,320 Speaker 1: history of spirituality in Southern India. And so those kind 1079 01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:34,760 Speaker 1: of places for me were like things that I never 1080 01:02:34,800 --> 01:02:37,640 Speaker 1: thought i'd discovered and then there's parts that I'm like, yeah, 1081 01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:39,840 Speaker 1: I would never go and do X y Z. So 1082 01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:43,440 Speaker 1: how did you find these things? Or where their friends 1083 01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:45,840 Speaker 1: where their recommendations was at the internet, Like how were 1084 01:02:45,880 --> 01:02:48,800 Speaker 1: you discovering certain things for you? Because I feel like 1085 01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:52,360 Speaker 1: that's quite difficult for people to Yeah. I mean it's 1086 01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:56,840 Speaker 1: easy in LA because you're surrounded by people who are 1087 01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:03,160 Speaker 1: You're there's a crystal shop on every genuinely and truly. 1088 01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:07,360 Speaker 1: And I think I was always like, oh, taro was interesting. 1089 01:03:07,480 --> 01:03:09,960 Speaker 1: That happened a couple of years ago about my first 1090 01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:15,000 Speaker 1: tarot deck and Raki actually my makeup artist on Riverdale 1091 01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:17,600 Speaker 1: who worked on the first and second season. She was 1092 01:03:17,640 --> 01:03:20,440 Speaker 1: a raky master and she was telling me about it 1093 01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:23,680 Speaker 1: and one day performed raky on me and I was like, whoa, 1094 01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,960 Speaker 1: this is so cool. And so I was always super 1095 01:03:27,000 --> 01:03:29,440 Speaker 1: interested in diving into that, and then the lockdown just 1096 01:03:29,520 --> 01:03:33,520 Speaker 1: kind of gave me a boost to explore that because 1097 01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:35,439 Speaker 1: I was like, damn, I could use some healing. Maybe 1098 01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:38,480 Speaker 1: I should heal myself. And then it also just came 1099 01:03:38,600 --> 01:03:42,160 Speaker 1: from I think the word wellness, like what is well wellness? 1100 01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:47,840 Speaker 1: And I googled wellness or retreats in California, and I 1101 01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:49,720 Speaker 1: was like, Okay, maybe not a retreat. I don't really 1102 01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:53,080 Speaker 1: want to be doing yoga and eating vegetables for a week, 1103 01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:55,680 Speaker 1: like not necessarily my vibe. But I wanted to be 1104 01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:59,560 Speaker 1: a little bit more personalized and grounding for just me. 1105 01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:03,040 Speaker 1: And I found my sound healer in Mount Shasta, and 1106 01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:06,320 Speaker 1: so I went and saw her by myself and really 1107 01:04:06,400 --> 01:04:10,200 Speaker 1: kind of had a firsthand experience of sound healing and 1108 01:04:10,360 --> 01:04:15,800 Speaker 1: past life readings and chord cutting ceremonies and not astral 1109 01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:18,720 Speaker 1: projection but just sort of your astral bodies and things 1110 01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:20,840 Speaker 1: like that. It was like this world that was suddenly 1111 01:04:20,880 --> 01:04:22,920 Speaker 1: opening up to me. That was so I've always just 1112 01:04:23,000 --> 01:04:29,560 Speaker 1: found this kind of the afterlife, I guess, very fascinating. 1113 01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:33,640 Speaker 1: I've always been terrified and intrigued at the idea of 1114 01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,720 Speaker 1: ghosts and like what are what? What's that? Like? What 1115 01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:40,440 Speaker 1: is talking to a spirit? You know? It's so weird. 1116 01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:44,400 Speaker 1: And I've always felt like I've been very highly intuitive, 1117 01:04:45,120 --> 01:04:48,080 Speaker 1: kind of intuned person. Oh, I see symbols and I 1118 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:52,760 Speaker 1: see things are very serendipitous, and there's not there's all 1119 01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:57,560 Speaker 1: these coincidences that are happening. And so I also was 1120 01:04:57,600 --> 01:05:06,919 Speaker 1: looking into and to be honest, TikTok was, but there 1121 01:05:07,160 --> 01:05:13,040 Speaker 1: is such a spiritual side of TikTok that is so yes. 1122 01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,560 Speaker 1: I mean it's the algorithm. You start seeing one video 1123 01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:17,800 Speaker 1: and then you're seeing a million of them, And and 1124 01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:20,960 Speaker 1: I was stumbling on these pages of just like highly 1125 01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:25,280 Speaker 1: intuitive people, and I reached out to one of them 1126 01:05:25,320 --> 01:05:29,040 Speaker 1: and said, do you offer mentorships or something? And she 1127 01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:31,560 Speaker 1: said yeah, And so I did a mentorship with a 1128 01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:35,640 Speaker 1: psychic for three months where she taught me how to 1129 01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:41,600 Speaker 1: heal my ancestral trauma. And I believe we all have 1130 01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:44,920 Speaker 1: psychic abilities. It's a matter of training your brain. Some 1131 01:05:44,960 --> 01:05:48,400 Speaker 1: people are just born being more in tune and tapped 1132 01:05:48,440 --> 01:05:50,480 Speaker 1: into that skill, but I do believe that we all 1133 01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:53,600 Speaker 1: have the ability to tap into them. So I was 1134 01:05:53,640 --> 01:05:55,680 Speaker 1: really just trying to learn how to do that because 1135 01:05:55,720 --> 01:05:58,920 Speaker 1: I thought that was so fascinating. She did teach me 1136 01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:03,400 Speaker 1: how to talk to the deceased, not that I can 1137 01:06:03,440 --> 01:06:06,360 Speaker 1: do it well. I will say I've only I feel 1138 01:06:06,400 --> 01:06:11,080 Speaker 1: that I've only successfully done it like twice or three times. 1139 01:06:11,400 --> 01:06:13,640 Speaker 1: And even then, while you're doing it, you're sort of 1140 01:06:13,680 --> 01:06:16,959 Speaker 1: like why doing It's like most people when they would 1141 01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:20,240 Speaker 1: hear these things there's judgment about that's just wacky or 1142 01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:23,959 Speaker 1: that's whatever, like, but what I'm seeing in you, which 1143 01:06:23,960 --> 01:06:26,920 Speaker 1: I'm appreciating, is just, Hey, I'm trying to be me, 1144 01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:30,240 Speaker 1: Like I'm right now, I'm exploring this right now, I'm 1145 01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:34,160 Speaker 1: experimenting with this, learning this. Yeah, maybe it's something that 1146 01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:36,520 Speaker 1: I believe, it's true, maybe it isn't, but I'm at 1147 01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:39,600 Speaker 1: least doing what I want to do now without worrying 1148 01:06:39,640 --> 01:06:42,240 Speaker 1: about what everyone else thinks and believes. Yeah. I mean, 1149 01:06:42,240 --> 01:06:44,520 Speaker 1: when I chose to become a monk at twenty one 1150 01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:47,400 Speaker 1: going on twenty two, nineteen percent of my friends thought 1151 01:06:47,400 --> 01:06:50,520 Speaker 1: I was absolutely insane because they're like, why would you 1152 01:06:50,560 --> 01:06:52,200 Speaker 1: do that? Like why would you not want to go 1153 01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:55,320 Speaker 1: make money and date more women and get into another 1154 01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:58,080 Speaker 1: relationship and get at home or whatever it was. And 1155 01:06:58,120 --> 01:07:00,240 Speaker 1: so I know what it feels like to make a 1156 01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:04,440 Speaker 1: decision that most people around me feel doesn't make any 1157 01:07:04,560 --> 01:07:07,440 Speaker 1: sense and it is completely against the grain of But 1158 01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:10,000 Speaker 1: it was the best decision I ever made in my life. Yeah, 1159 01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:13,840 Speaker 1: And I have zero regrets about that decision or how 1160 01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:16,880 Speaker 1: I spend that three years, and I look back at 1161 01:07:16,880 --> 01:07:20,240 Speaker 1: it all the time, but at the time everyone around 1162 01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:22,920 Speaker 1: me thought I was making the worst decision. My family 1163 01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:26,200 Speaker 1: said I was committing career suicide. You know, my friends 1164 01:07:26,680 --> 01:07:31,160 Speaker 1: were completely confused. My society and people in our community 1165 01:07:31,240 --> 01:07:33,640 Speaker 1: were like, oh, you're letting your parents down and you'll 1166 01:07:33,680 --> 01:07:35,560 Speaker 1: never get a job again. You know, there's just so 1167 01:07:35,640 --> 01:07:38,640 Speaker 1: much judgment. But I was just trying to do what 1168 01:07:38,800 --> 01:07:41,720 Speaker 1: felt right in my intuition at this time, and it 1169 01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:45,120 Speaker 1: wasn't harming anyone. And that's you know, that to me 1170 01:07:45,200 --> 01:07:47,680 Speaker 1: is like the barrier where it's like, well, you're trying something, 1171 01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:49,800 Speaker 1: it's not harming anyone. It's harming you. It's not harming 1172 01:07:49,800 --> 01:07:52,880 Speaker 1: anyone around me. And if that's allowing you to explore 1173 01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:55,080 Speaker 1: a part of yourself, you just never know where it 1174 01:07:55,080 --> 01:07:57,440 Speaker 1: could go. So it's very comforting for people to hear 1175 01:07:57,480 --> 01:08:02,200 Speaker 1: about being into unique things. Is we all it's almost 1176 01:08:02,200 --> 01:08:05,040 Speaker 1: like we all followed the same people, we all watch 1177 01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:07,400 Speaker 1: the same things, and there's nothing wrong with that. But 1178 01:08:07,520 --> 01:08:11,560 Speaker 1: it's nice to have a few things exactly right from 1179 01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:14,760 Speaker 1: the norm. I want to talk to you about a 1180 01:08:14,800 --> 01:08:17,559 Speaker 1: bit about you know, this this new show, and we 1181 01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:20,240 Speaker 1: were talking about this idea of you get to play 1182 01:08:20,280 --> 01:08:23,200 Speaker 1: these two parallel lives, which kind of with everything you're 1183 01:08:23,200 --> 01:08:29,639 Speaker 1: talking about is interesting, and I love that idea of 1184 01:08:29,960 --> 01:08:34,479 Speaker 1: parallel universes, of multiple lives of the multiverse right now 1185 01:08:34,640 --> 01:08:37,479 Speaker 1: is a big, big thing and a big talking point. 1186 01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:41,840 Speaker 1: When you're playing these roles, how much of these roles 1187 01:08:41,840 --> 01:08:44,400 Speaker 1: are you identifying with, especially I guess like moving to 1188 01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:46,920 Speaker 1: la for a career that's very much in line with you, 1189 01:08:48,320 --> 01:08:54,479 Speaker 1: and then obviously becoming a pregnant experience. Like when you're 1190 01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:58,320 Speaker 1: doing that, how much of what you've just talked about 1191 01:08:58,320 --> 01:09:00,639 Speaker 1: that you're interested in kind of feeds into those roles 1192 01:09:00,680 --> 01:09:03,799 Speaker 1: and when you're playing those roles and becoming these new identities. Well, 1193 01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:06,639 Speaker 1: for the I mean for the film, people are people 1194 01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:10,320 Speaker 1: asked like, was it so hard to play to two 1195 01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:14,040 Speaker 1: different characters? No, that's the same woman. So it's the 1196 01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:18,240 Speaker 1: same girl, just experiencing two very different things. And so 1197 01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:23,200 Speaker 1: that was amazing to play this this woman and I 1198 01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:25,599 Speaker 1: knew who she was and I created her as a character. 1199 01:09:25,680 --> 01:09:28,840 Speaker 1: I knew what she valued, what she wanted, and I 1200 01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:31,400 Speaker 1: was you know, were fortunate enough as an audience to 1201 01:09:31,479 --> 01:09:35,240 Speaker 1: see both things play out. It is weird because I 1202 01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:38,240 Speaker 1: I'm very into I do have those existential like if 1203 01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:42,679 Speaker 1: I did make this decision what would have happened and how, 1204 01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:45,680 Speaker 1: you know, how how would things have panned out? And 1205 01:09:45,760 --> 01:09:48,160 Speaker 1: the reason why I loved the script so much when 1206 01:09:48,160 --> 01:09:53,200 Speaker 1: I read it was She's okay in both lives. She 1207 01:09:53,400 --> 01:09:57,960 Speaker 1: ends up being okay. And there is no one path 1208 01:09:58,240 --> 01:10:00,680 Speaker 1: that you go, oh, that was the right path or 1209 01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:04,639 Speaker 1: that was the wrong path. It's truly just two different paths. 1210 01:10:04,880 --> 01:10:10,519 Speaker 1: And I think, especially in your twenties, things happen every day, 1211 01:10:10,960 --> 01:10:15,120 Speaker 1: relationships and things, you know, people, you can get pregnant 1212 01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:17,920 Speaker 1: and you think, oh, my whole life is just gone 1213 01:10:18,120 --> 01:10:21,639 Speaker 1: or my whole world is shifting. And I don't think 1214 01:10:21,680 --> 01:10:24,200 Speaker 1: that's always a I don't think that's a has to 1215 01:10:24,200 --> 01:10:29,040 Speaker 1: be a bad thing. I think there are millions of 1216 01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:32,040 Speaker 1: ways your life can turn out. It's based off decisions 1217 01:10:32,080 --> 01:10:35,160 Speaker 1: you make every single day. But in the end, things 1218 01:10:35,160 --> 01:10:38,960 Speaker 1: are okay. Things end up okay. I think if you 1219 01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:42,800 Speaker 1: stop and put too much thought into every decision you make, 1220 01:10:43,439 --> 01:10:46,160 Speaker 1: you're going to live a very treacherous life of feeling 1221 01:10:46,160 --> 01:10:49,280 Speaker 1: like you're walking on eggshells. I think it's it's a 1222 01:10:49,360 --> 01:10:53,280 Speaker 1: matter of saying. I mean, I personally like to look 1223 01:10:53,280 --> 01:10:55,960 Speaker 1: at it as the universe has my back, and so 1224 01:10:56,680 --> 01:10:59,240 Speaker 1: I think this film also resonates with how I feel 1225 01:10:59,439 --> 01:11:03,559 Speaker 1: in that art of this woman had she had a 1226 01:11:03,560 --> 01:11:08,040 Speaker 1: positive pregnancy test and a negative one, and you see 1227 01:11:09,080 --> 01:11:12,599 Speaker 1: two possible scenarios out of a million of what her 1228 01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:16,240 Speaker 1: life could have been, and you see the journey she 1229 01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:18,599 Speaker 1: goes on through both, and how she still has the 1230 01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:24,599 Speaker 1: same ambition and she doesn't lose herself in having a child. 1231 01:11:24,640 --> 01:11:27,559 Speaker 1: She still stays who she is and she doesn't lose 1232 01:11:27,560 --> 01:11:30,240 Speaker 1: her ambition. And when she goes to LA and goes 1233 01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,599 Speaker 1: through the hardships of trying to make her career work, 1234 01:11:32,720 --> 01:11:35,559 Speaker 1: she doesn't give up. You know. It's sort of a 1235 01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:39,720 Speaker 1: perseverance story and how you don't have to lose yourself 1236 01:11:39,920 --> 01:11:42,360 Speaker 1: in the things that happened to you, you can still 1237 01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:47,160 Speaker 1: stay you. Yeah. The thing that resonates most with me 1238 01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:49,400 Speaker 1: with that message in the whole conversation we've had today 1239 01:11:49,479 --> 01:11:53,120 Speaker 1: is this idea that even in one life, you can 1240 01:11:53,160 --> 01:11:55,280 Speaker 1: be so many things. Yeah, And I think we always 1241 01:11:55,320 --> 01:11:57,400 Speaker 1: are trying to make this choice. As you're saying, like 1242 01:11:57,439 --> 01:11:59,280 Speaker 1: it's like what do I do this and how will 1243 01:11:59,360 --> 01:12:01,080 Speaker 1: that impact me? Do I do this? And it's like 1244 01:12:02,080 --> 01:12:04,479 Speaker 1: you could probably do both. I mean, we've probably You've 1245 01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:07,680 Speaker 1: lived so many different lives, and I know most Yea 1246 01:12:08,640 --> 01:12:11,120 Speaker 1: and most people I know have lived loads of different lives. 1247 01:12:11,160 --> 01:12:13,920 Speaker 1: And I think we feel forced to live one life 1248 01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:17,240 Speaker 1: and one truth. And I don't think that's true for 1249 01:12:17,400 --> 01:12:21,360 Speaker 1: anyone in reality. And when you force yourself to live 1250 01:12:21,439 --> 01:12:25,320 Speaker 1: one life and one truth, you actually limit what you 1251 01:12:25,400 --> 01:12:28,320 Speaker 1: started with was with all these experiences and all these 1252 01:12:28,800 --> 01:12:32,280 Speaker 1: experiments and an openness to all these feelings. So you know, 1253 01:12:32,320 --> 01:12:36,240 Speaker 1: I like that idea of the two lives into ultimately 1254 01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:39,639 Speaker 1: that both work out okay, and recognizing in one life 1255 01:12:39,680 --> 01:12:42,680 Speaker 1: you can live three lives or seven and things can 1256 01:12:42,720 --> 01:12:46,759 Speaker 1: be okay. With that in mind, I want to shift 1257 01:12:46,800 --> 01:12:49,559 Speaker 1: towards You've made so many changes in your diet, your health. 1258 01:12:49,560 --> 01:12:52,200 Speaker 1: You've experienced chronic fatigue, you know, and we haven't talked 1259 01:12:52,240 --> 01:12:54,360 Speaker 1: about that, So let's let's dive into that. Actually deeply, 1260 01:12:54,880 --> 01:12:57,160 Speaker 1: I've been through chronic fatigue. Get it lasts a wrong time. 1261 01:12:57,200 --> 01:13:01,479 Speaker 1: It led to deeper gut issues. It's led to so 1262 01:13:01,520 --> 01:13:04,360 Speaker 1: many lifestyle changes. It was stuff that also just snuck 1263 01:13:04,439 --> 01:13:07,479 Speaker 1: up on me without me even being aware, because I 1264 01:13:07,560 --> 01:13:09,479 Speaker 1: was living so much in the mind in my heart 1265 01:13:09,520 --> 01:13:11,360 Speaker 1: that I wasn't even aware of what my body was 1266 01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:13,839 Speaker 1: going through. Yeah, and so I was, you know, grounding 1267 01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:17,040 Speaker 1: back into my body. How does it feel to live 1268 01:13:17,080 --> 01:13:20,439 Speaker 1: your career and experience chronic fatigue? You know, active days 1269 01:13:20,439 --> 01:13:24,519 Speaker 1: is sometimes eighteen nowadays, if not more, early mornings, late night. 1270 01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:27,920 Speaker 1: So I think people don't realize the lifestyle of making 1271 01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:30,280 Speaker 1: a movie or making a show where you're in a 1272 01:13:30,320 --> 01:13:34,120 Speaker 1: trailer rule day. It's not the most comfortable inspiring atmosphere 1273 01:13:34,520 --> 01:13:38,880 Speaker 1: as people think. The career, Yeah, how does that work 1274 01:13:38,920 --> 01:13:42,519 Speaker 1: with chronic fatigue and diet and yeah. I mean I 1275 01:13:42,560 --> 01:13:45,120 Speaker 1: say to myself, I'm like, damn, I'm in the wrong career. 1276 01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:48,000 Speaker 1: Not that I don't actually believe that, but you know, 1277 01:13:48,040 --> 01:13:51,080 Speaker 1: when I when I I'm someone who very much needs 1278 01:13:51,200 --> 01:13:55,240 Speaker 1: at least eight hours to function, And so sometimes when 1279 01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:58,599 Speaker 1: it's a four hour turnaround or I have to get 1280 01:13:58,680 --> 01:14:01,439 Speaker 1: up and go on a plane quickly, I'm like, oh God, 1281 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:05,240 Speaker 1: this is a challenge for me. But because it's something 1282 01:14:05,280 --> 01:14:10,000 Speaker 1: that I love to do so much, I truly just 1283 01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:13,240 Speaker 1: run off of the pure joy I find and what 1284 01:14:13,360 --> 01:14:17,599 Speaker 1: I do, and it's not something you know. I take 1285 01:14:17,720 --> 01:14:20,880 Speaker 1: naps when I can, but I also am very much 1286 01:14:20,920 --> 01:14:23,880 Speaker 1: understood now at this point in my life, really taking 1287 01:14:23,920 --> 01:14:28,040 Speaker 1: my gut health seriously trying. I've treated my body like 1288 01:14:28,080 --> 01:14:30,760 Speaker 1: a junkyard for a very long time with what I've 1289 01:14:30,800 --> 01:14:36,360 Speaker 1: been eating, and it's got to a point where earlier 1290 01:14:36,400 --> 01:14:39,719 Speaker 1: this year, I knew I needed to make real changes 1291 01:14:39,880 --> 01:14:45,120 Speaker 1: because I was so unhappy with how I looked one 1292 01:14:45,240 --> 01:14:48,200 Speaker 1: but also I felt that I was doing a great 1293 01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:51,080 Speaker 1: disservice to my body. I spend so much time trying 1294 01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:53,200 Speaker 1: to better my mental health and I don't put any 1295 01:14:53,240 --> 01:14:56,160 Speaker 1: of that into my physical body. And there's all this 1296 01:14:56,280 --> 01:15:00,439 Speaker 1: new research on how depression is directly related to your 1297 01:15:00,479 --> 01:15:02,920 Speaker 1: gut and all these things, and I'm like, Okay, we're 1298 01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:06,960 Speaker 1: going to take this seriously. And it is a truly 1299 01:15:07,040 --> 01:15:10,479 Speaker 1: reprogramming of bad patterns and habits that I've grown up, 1300 01:15:10,600 --> 01:15:13,839 Speaker 1: just immediately going to the fast food to processed foods. 1301 01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:19,479 Speaker 1: And it's truly been about educating myself on the better 1302 01:15:19,520 --> 01:15:26,560 Speaker 1: options and reading ingredients and choosing the less convenient alternative. 1303 01:15:26,840 --> 01:15:29,839 Speaker 1: And actually think that the chronic fatigue has slowly started 1304 01:15:29,840 --> 01:15:34,599 Speaker 1: to because of it. I mean me too. It's been 1305 01:15:34,680 --> 01:15:37,759 Speaker 1: I've been dealing with this basically since I was diagnosed 1306 01:15:37,760 --> 01:15:42,599 Speaker 1: with depression when I was fourteen, so it's it's just now, 1307 01:15:42,840 --> 01:15:45,559 Speaker 1: and it's it's always. I don't know if it'll fully 1308 01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:48,200 Speaker 1: cure itself with my with my diet. We're getting there, 1309 01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:52,519 Speaker 1: we're trying, but it is a it's an everyday thaying 1310 01:15:52,600 --> 01:15:56,800 Speaker 1: small steps, not trying to completely change everything all at once. 1311 01:15:56,920 --> 01:16:00,800 Speaker 1: And I think obviously in these hard times, food is 1312 01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:04,559 Speaker 1: a great comfort and offers a lot of to me 1313 01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:06,760 Speaker 1: at least it can be very comforting, So I do 1314 01:16:06,920 --> 01:16:11,280 Speaker 1: turn to food sometimes to fill that sort of emotional need, 1315 01:16:11,479 --> 01:16:15,720 Speaker 1: but again recognizing that, not judging myself for it. Just 1316 01:16:15,840 --> 01:16:20,960 Speaker 1: trying to make healthier decisions overall is what I'm very 1317 01:16:21,040 --> 01:16:24,000 Speaker 1: much trying to do me too. Yeah, yeah, I can 1318 01:16:24,000 --> 01:16:26,639 Speaker 1: relate to everything you just said. So it's a daily yea, 1319 01:16:27,400 --> 01:16:30,559 Speaker 1: it's a daily practice. How would you describe your current 1320 01:16:30,680 --> 01:16:33,280 Speaker 1: purpose in life? Like, you know, as in where you're 1321 01:16:33,320 --> 01:16:36,800 Speaker 1: at right now or even today or And the reason 1322 01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:40,760 Speaker 1: why I asked that is because I believe that you 1323 01:16:40,800 --> 01:16:42,599 Speaker 1: know when you're healing, when you're growing, when you're going 1324 01:16:42,600 --> 01:16:46,000 Speaker 1: through all these journeys, like there's somewhat of an intention. Yeah, 1325 01:16:46,040 --> 01:16:48,519 Speaker 1: if you will, what is your intention? Then if that's 1326 01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:54,400 Speaker 1: easier my intention And I've actually had this intention for 1327 01:16:54,439 --> 01:16:57,880 Speaker 1: a very long time, and I don't really believe that. 1328 01:16:57,960 --> 01:16:59,960 Speaker 1: You know, you make a birthday wish. If you don't, 1329 01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:02,800 Speaker 1: don't tell some of your wish, you know. Like I, 1330 01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:06,640 Speaker 1: ever since I can remember, every time I've seen a 1331 01:17:06,720 --> 01:17:11,639 Speaker 1: shooting star blown out birthday candles, my wish always has 1332 01:17:11,680 --> 01:17:17,160 Speaker 1: been I want to be happy and I my intention 1333 01:17:17,520 --> 01:17:26,840 Speaker 1: is to find true happiness and peace with myself. And 1334 01:17:26,960 --> 01:17:32,120 Speaker 1: that is my purpose right now to find that. And 1335 01:17:32,160 --> 01:17:37,000 Speaker 1: that's a big task, but um, but it is. But 1336 01:17:37,160 --> 01:17:40,840 Speaker 1: that's the that's the intention and to I find it. 1337 01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:45,439 Speaker 1: So the spiritual journey has has been so encouraging to 1338 01:17:45,479 --> 01:17:49,400 Speaker 1: me because once you start, you never stop. It's it's 1339 01:17:49,400 --> 01:17:51,799 Speaker 1: not something that one day you're going to go, I'm healed, 1340 01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:56,120 Speaker 1: I'm done. It's truly a For the rest of my life, 1341 01:17:56,280 --> 01:17:59,559 Speaker 1: I will be seeking out growth and that is so 1342 01:18:00,800 --> 01:18:03,600 Speaker 1: I'm so happy about, so liberating it is. I'm like 1343 01:18:03,760 --> 01:18:07,759 Speaker 1: I will always There's always more things to learn, There's 1344 01:18:07,800 --> 01:18:12,040 Speaker 1: always something else to explore within myself, and that is 1345 01:18:12,080 --> 01:18:16,040 Speaker 1: so exciting and wonderful. Yeah, I love that. I am. 1346 01:18:16,280 --> 01:18:19,600 Speaker 1: You're so right, Like the feeling of something ending or 1347 01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:22,680 Speaker 1: figuring something out is where all the pressure comes, yeah, right, 1348 01:18:22,680 --> 01:18:24,640 Speaker 1: when you're trying to complete something, or you're trying to 1349 01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,920 Speaker 1: end something, you're trying to get something over the finish line. Like, 1350 01:18:27,960 --> 01:18:31,040 Speaker 1: that's where all the stress and pressure and intensity comes from. 1351 01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:34,640 Speaker 1: Whereas when you say, well, I'm pretty much going to 1352 01:18:34,680 --> 01:18:35,880 Speaker 1: live with this. I had some of the other day 1353 01:18:35,920 --> 01:18:39,240 Speaker 1: ask me, actually, it's just jog my memory. Someone said 1354 01:18:39,240 --> 01:18:42,200 Speaker 1: to me. They were like, well, how do I forget 1355 01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:45,920 Speaker 1: my past so I can move forward? I was like, 1356 01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:49,760 Speaker 1: you probably won't forget your past, and it's probably not 1357 01:18:49,800 --> 01:18:52,880 Speaker 1: a useful place to put your focus, right in trying 1358 01:18:52,920 --> 01:18:55,840 Speaker 1: to forget your past, Yeah, And knowing you'll never forget 1359 01:18:55,920 --> 01:18:58,960 Speaker 1: it liberates you, and then you can actually move forward 1360 01:18:59,400 --> 01:19:02,240 Speaker 1: and keep eloping. And I find that sometimes our fixations 1361 01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:05,080 Speaker 1: on completely the wrong target. I agree, And so we 1362 01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:07,880 Speaker 1: spend all this time trying to forget something, yeah, and 1363 01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:10,759 Speaker 1: knowing that pretty much none of us can actually physically 1364 01:19:10,840 --> 01:19:13,120 Speaker 1: do that. Well, that's what I feel about our conversation. 1365 01:19:13,200 --> 01:19:15,840 Speaker 1: I'm like, damn, I truly have been thinking I need 1366 01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:19,080 Speaker 1: to find myself, and now I am, oh, I actually 1367 01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:21,960 Speaker 1: need to just create it. Yeah. So that's been Yeah, 1368 01:19:22,240 --> 01:19:25,000 Speaker 1: thank you for that. That has been will you led 1369 01:19:25,040 --> 01:19:30,040 Speaker 1: us impactful? Yeah? Thank will you let us there? Well? 1370 01:19:29,840 --> 01:19:32,560 Speaker 1: We got there, all right. Now we'll go to the 1371 01:19:32,560 --> 01:19:34,559 Speaker 1: final five. They have to be answered in one word 1372 01:19:34,760 --> 01:19:38,600 Speaker 1: to one sentence maximum one sentence is I don't know 1373 01:19:38,680 --> 01:19:41,000 Speaker 1: what the official breakdown. It's maybe seven words. I don't know. 1374 01:19:41,000 --> 01:19:43,800 Speaker 1: I'm making it okay, all right? So what is the 1375 01:19:43,840 --> 01:19:47,320 Speaker 1: best advice you've ever received? I will say my dad 1376 01:19:47,360 --> 01:19:49,920 Speaker 1: always told me growing up, find a job that makes 1377 01:19:49,920 --> 01:19:52,280 Speaker 1: you happy. Have a career in something that makes you happy. 1378 01:19:52,280 --> 01:19:54,519 Speaker 1: It makes the world of a difference. That's great, ye. 1379 01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:57,760 Speaker 1: Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard 1380 01:19:57,840 --> 01:20:05,120 Speaker 1: or received? Probably don't yep. Question number three, Something especially 1381 01:20:05,120 --> 01:20:06,559 Speaker 1: that your mom did for you when you called her 1382 01:20:06,600 --> 01:20:09,439 Speaker 1: all those times. Something that you remember that stood out. 1383 01:20:09,960 --> 01:20:13,280 Speaker 1: I think just her telling me that she would be 1384 01:20:13,320 --> 01:20:16,680 Speaker 1: there whenever I needed her. Sometimes, just hearing that is 1385 01:20:16,720 --> 01:20:22,120 Speaker 1: so calming. So her reassurance that you can text me 1386 01:20:22,160 --> 01:20:26,200 Speaker 1: when you need me. Okay, thank you, absolutely? I love that. 1387 01:20:26,920 --> 01:20:31,400 Speaker 1: Question number four. Something you think people misunderstand about you 1388 01:20:31,400 --> 01:20:36,520 Speaker 1: if they don't know you deeply. I think my outspokenness, 1389 01:20:36,880 --> 01:20:45,439 Speaker 1: I think is sometimes misinterpreted as ignorance, whereas or attention 1390 01:20:45,479 --> 01:20:53,240 Speaker 1: seeking whereas I just sometimes can't keep my thoughts to myself. 1391 01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:56,000 Speaker 1: But it's never from a bad place. It's from a 1392 01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:59,040 Speaker 1: place of let's have a conversation, not this is my 1393 01:20:59,080 --> 01:21:01,360 Speaker 1: opinion and it's right. It's no, I'm just trying to 1394 01:21:01,400 --> 01:21:05,240 Speaker 1: add my bit to the conversation, whether it's helpful or not. Yeah, 1395 01:21:05,360 --> 01:21:08,120 Speaker 1: it's going to be there. I love that. And fifth 1396 01:21:08,120 --> 01:21:10,800 Speaker 1: and final question, which we ask every guest since the 1397 01:21:10,920 --> 01:21:13,720 Speaker 1: day one, is if you could create one law in 1398 01:21:13,760 --> 01:21:15,880 Speaker 1: the world that everyone had to follow, what would it 1399 01:21:15,920 --> 01:21:19,840 Speaker 1: be law? Yeah, it can be anything. Take your time, 1400 01:21:19,920 --> 01:21:22,160 Speaker 1: take your time. This is a Okay. One law that 1401 01:21:22,200 --> 01:21:25,479 Speaker 1: anyone had to follow. The law that I would create 1402 01:21:25,640 --> 01:21:28,040 Speaker 1: is you are not allowed to tell another human being 1403 01:21:28,400 --> 01:21:33,840 Speaker 1: what they can and cannot feel. Period. That's a great one. 1404 01:21:33,880 --> 01:21:35,559 Speaker 1: We've never had that, man. Okay, good. I was like 1405 01:21:35,720 --> 01:21:37,240 Speaker 1: people have probably said that no, no no, no, no no, no, 1406 01:21:37,439 --> 01:21:42,880 Speaker 1: that's and it's and it's completely aligned with with this episode. Yeah, everyone, Lily, 1407 01:21:42,960 --> 01:21:46,520 Speaker 1: Ryan h so grateful to have had this amazing conversation 1408 01:21:46,520 --> 01:21:48,400 Speaker 1: with you. I have talked about hours, we have talk 1409 01:21:48,840 --> 01:21:51,200 Speaker 1: It's it was so much fun getting to know you 1410 01:21:51,479 --> 01:21:54,559 Speaker 1: and honestly hearing about your journey in such an intimate, 1411 01:21:54,640 --> 01:21:56,960 Speaker 1: vulnerable way was so special for me. Past the name 1412 01:21:58,120 --> 01:22:00,439 Speaker 1: and so looking forward to the thank you. It's such 1413 01:22:00,479 --> 01:22:03,240 Speaker 1: a great time. And everyone who's been listening or watching 1414 01:22:03,760 --> 01:22:06,000 Speaker 1: back at home, I want to make sure that you 1415 01:22:06,080 --> 01:22:07,800 Speaker 1: share what stood out to you. I think there were 1416 01:22:07,840 --> 01:22:11,280 Speaker 1: so many incredible things that Lily mentioned genuinely, so many 1417 01:22:11,280 --> 01:22:16,280 Speaker 1: amazing points, so many insights, so many great reflections that 1418 01:22:16,320 --> 01:22:19,519 Speaker 1: she had, And I love knowing what connected with you 1419 01:22:19,640 --> 01:22:22,679 Speaker 1: because and I know she'd love to know. She's nodding 1420 01:22:22,720 --> 01:22:25,559 Speaker 1: along if you're not watching, she'd love to know too. 1421 01:22:25,600 --> 01:22:28,680 Speaker 1: So please do tag us on Instagram, on TikTok on 1422 01:22:28,720 --> 01:22:32,320 Speaker 1: Twitter you're allowed TikTok Instagram, Twitter like, do tag us 1423 01:22:32,320 --> 01:22:34,320 Speaker 1: to let us know what stood out, what was the point, 1424 01:22:34,600 --> 01:22:36,320 Speaker 1: what was the part? Because this is one of those 1425 01:22:36,320 --> 01:22:38,200 Speaker 1: ones that I think you're going to listen to a 1426 01:22:38,200 --> 01:22:40,639 Speaker 1: few times. And as I said before, there are moments 1427 01:22:40,680 --> 01:22:42,720 Speaker 1: in this episode that I want you to repeat and 1428 01:22:42,760 --> 01:22:45,639 Speaker 1: listen to over and over again, maybe multiple times a week, 1429 01:22:45,680 --> 01:22:49,240 Speaker 1: because that repetition to hear that message again is what 1430 01:22:49,360 --> 01:22:53,320 Speaker 1: really gives us that permission to do it in our lives. Lily, 1431 01:22:53,360 --> 01:22:56,080 Speaker 1: any final words, any thoughts, anything you want to share 1432 01:22:56,520 --> 01:22:58,920 Speaker 1: just thank you. Thank you for having a space to 1433 01:22:58,960 --> 01:23:03,040 Speaker 1: talk about things that I two years ago didn't know 1434 01:23:03,439 --> 01:23:06,280 Speaker 1: were things to talk about. So I'm very grateful to 1435 01:23:06,360 --> 01:23:11,640 Speaker 1: have come into this world of wellness genuinely and that 1436 01:23:11,760 --> 01:23:15,160 Speaker 1: you create this environment for the conversation. Thank you, I 1437 01:23:15,680 --> 01:23:18,040 Speaker 1: deeply appreciate. Thank Chris, thank you, thank you.