Speaker 1: That's how you feel about Top Kit hearing Ocho, Cinco
Speaker 1: Channon Shark talk sometimes where it's like whoa you know
Speaker 1: there there's this is being recorded. Yeah, and the Shannon
Speaker 1: Shark is just like I split it up at a
Speaker 1: quarter three And that's the thing. Oo is the reasonable one? Yeah,
Speaker 1: his name is. And he's like, you have to calm down.
Speaker 1: You're like, bro, you can't keep talking like this.
Speaker 2: I gotta Liverpool, I gotta do shut.
Speaker 1: If it ain't to eighty, it ain't a lady, which
Speaker 1: is a you should get rt of that. That's pretty
Speaker 1: it's crazy. That's a big kalas racist. Oh, money turning stuff.
Speaker 1: I can't tell me. Do you know what today is?
Speaker 1: It's our anniversary. Welcome to another episode of My Mama Told.
Speaker 2: Me, the podcast where we dived deep into the pockets
Speaker 2: of black conspiracy.
Speaker 1: Theories and we finally worked to prove that the game
Speaker 1: se lo was in fact invented by slaves to teach
Speaker 1: each other man. It wasn't about gambling. So when you
Speaker 1: take eighty five dollars off your uncle at the Super Bowl,
Speaker 1: don't feel bad. You're just trying to help that nigger
Speaker 1: learn some shit. My name is David Body.
Speaker 2: I'm like Stinkerman, and I'm proud to hear that that's
Speaker 2: the best way to honor our ancestors come on by
Speaker 2: gambling against our strange relatives.
Speaker 1: Our ancestors guided me in the winning of about eighty
Speaker 1: dollars on the super Bowl this year, So I thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: good for you.
Speaker 2: Were you forty nine ers Ice Home? You were just
Speaker 2: Cisco connection.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I also had prop bets, So I bet
Speaker 1: for the first drive to be less than three minutes
Speaker 1: and fifteen seconds, and I made like eighty bucks off
Speaker 1: of that. And then I also bet for Deebo and
Speaker 1: mccaffie to get a touchdown. I lost that, and then
Speaker 1: but then I want a bunch of money in Dice,
Speaker 1: So I still won. You found you found your way
Speaker 1: back on top. Yeah, because I just bet the money
Speaker 1: line because I'm not really great about spreads. Freaked me out. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't understand a lot of the the shorthand of
Speaker 2: gambling and so intimidating asking adult men to explain it
Speaker 2: to you. Yeah, I've just opted not to play, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 1: The same way with technology.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just like I men, especially it's like you
Speaker 2: you go to them and you go, hey, I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1: Could you please? Could you please help me?
Speaker 2: And they make you feel very small, very fast.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Men love jargon. Mm hm, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Men love jargon. Bro. So it's like, because I don't
Speaker 1: know what I'm doing either, I'm saying stuff like I
Speaker 1: bet moneyline because it's for stupid people. Yeah, it just
Speaker 1: means I bet that the forty nine ers were gonna
Speaker 1: win straight up right, just working. I was thinking about
Speaker 1: becoming a gloves guy.
Speaker 2: I was wondering, what's happening here?
Speaker 1: I looked.
Speaker 2: I thought we were having a normal conversation, and then
Speaker 2: your fingers look like Dumbledore after he fucked around with
Speaker 2: that horse crux.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't sure what was happening. But is it
Speaker 1: not good? I'll take them long. I don't think it's great.
Speaker 1: It's uh.
Speaker 2: I don't think those are the type of gloves you
Speaker 2: can be a glove guy with. I don't think you
Speaker 2: can just put on two north face gloves.
Speaker 1: I thought that's cool.
Speaker 2: I think gloves cool gloves guy. Cool glove guys were
Speaker 2: like like.
Speaker 1: A hard leather. They wear like a hard leather. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they wear like.
Speaker 2: A thick, a thick motorcycling leather. They don't wear a
Speaker 2: fucking I wanted to be at Okay, they're for everyone.
Speaker 2: First of all, the north Face is a very adult company.
Speaker 2: I always wanted, did you. I always wanted to be
Speaker 2: a batting gloves guy, but I never had I was
Speaker 2: never cool enough to pull that off. Yeah, there was
Speaker 2: a few eras that I wish I could have. You
Speaker 2: Remember when like goggles were in, when like you Good
Speaker 2: Diddy and Mace and you put on like a pair
Speaker 2: of goggles with their outfit, and somehow that that wasn't
Speaker 2: a thing people ask questions about. I desperately wanted to
Speaker 2: be a ski goggles ask dude, and and couldn't pull
Speaker 2: it off.
Speaker 1: I couldn't, well because you were too young. Here's this
Speaker 1: is so funny. I was just talking about Homie about
Speaker 1: it yesterday, and his dad was from New York, so
Speaker 1: they had all kinds of bootleg shit. And he said
Speaker 1: he came to school and like, not just the goggles,
Speaker 1: the remember the Tommy the Tommy scull cap. Yeah, liked.
Speaker 1: He said he came in to school with both like
Speaker 1: the fourth grade. He was possible. It was like what
Speaker 1: are you doing? Of course not. Yeah, yeah, you're a
Speaker 1: little boy. This isn't a rap video. You take that
Speaker 1: goddamn ship off. We're here to learn multiplication, not get pussy.
Speaker 1: Yeah you're not. You out of your mind.
Speaker 2: You're gonna look cooler than me on a regular day.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, I'll fucking kill you, little boy. You're gonna
Speaker 1: look like how I want to dress the fuck you?
Speaker 1: You take that off? Man? Do you think you were
Speaker 1: a teacher? Did you ever like get some fly ship
Speaker 1: and you were like, I bet I could wear this
Speaker 1: at school? You said you took the bow tie out
Speaker 1: of the classroom. Did you ever take you know, the
Speaker 1: echo in I'm trying to frame my things. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be more professional in my manner of speaking. I
Speaker 1: got you. I want to be clear that I wasn't.
Speaker 2: Still wearing echo as a professional educator, but I I do.
Speaker 2: I do remember there being like they're being like sweaters
Speaker 2: or sweat shirts that I'd be like, damn if I
Speaker 2: could figure out a way to put this over my
Speaker 2: shirt and tie and still have my ties showing I
Speaker 2: could like kind of fly this up and not feel
Speaker 2: like as much of a dork. But I do think
Speaker 2: after a while, you're just a dude waking up at
Speaker 2: six am to go teach kids, and you stop giving
Speaker 2: a fuck about how you look, which is maybe the
Speaker 2: most disheartening.
Speaker 1: Part of teaching. Are they high schoolers? Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Was there ever a level of you wanting them to
Speaker 1: think you were fresh? Yeah?
Speaker 2: You do want them to think you're like cool, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like, I didn't want them to
Speaker 2: think I'm a loser, but I didn't want're not that
Speaker 2: far from their age, right. That's the hard game though,
Speaker 2: is you don't want them to think you're a loser,
Speaker 2: but you also don't want them to think you're wanting
Speaker 2: them to be cool with you, do you know what
Speaker 2: I mean? So like you gotta be fly, but you
Speaker 2: gotta be flying away that they're like, I don't I
Speaker 2: don't get it. I don't quite understand what that is.
Speaker 1: Oh interesting, interesting.
Speaker 2: And that's that's a hard little needle to thread because
Speaker 2: they immediately if you dress too cool, they think you're
Speaker 2: best friends, and if you dress to dorky, they think
Speaker 2: they're like they could talk down to you and ship.
Speaker 1: Why I would have to be a pe teacher. Oh
Speaker 1: that's smart because if I could incorporate fit physical punishments,
Speaker 1: you're going to respect you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also you do you don't have to really
Speaker 2: adhere to like teacher law.
Speaker 1: When it comes to pe teachers, it feels like it's
Speaker 1: a yeah, you can use slurs like it's a whole
Speaker 1: bunch of shit that goes on in the gym. That's yeah.
Speaker 2: I had a pe teacher tell me that Asian women
Speaker 2: have sideways pussies, and.
Speaker 1: Well, that's true. Though. He was just like a good man.
Speaker 2: He was just a man trying to inform me of
Speaker 2: what's happening out in the world.
Speaker 1: How did that? I'm up. During dodgeball, he was like.
Speaker 2: Cut buddy, buddy, I wish I knew. It was very
Speaker 2: I'll say this, it was very natural. He sort of
Speaker 2: just said, boys gather around, and then he he decided to,
Speaker 2: I guess, dispense his wisdom on us. And we were
Speaker 2: we were fourteen and very uncertain of what to do
Speaker 2: with that information.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you now? What does that help? I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do with the other ones. There
Speaker 1: also was.
Speaker 2: A curveball like, yeah, no, I had not seen a
Speaker 2: pussy yet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not ready for the straight up and down.
Speaker 2: He said it, and I had to think about which
Speaker 2: way with sideways.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm thirty six, I'm still.
Speaker 2: And also, we didn't have enough Asian women, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, like pull.
Speaker 1: From That's why he did it. No, it was.
Speaker 2: It was a true violence he did as boys and
Speaker 2: and I don't know what to do with it.
Speaker 1: Well, shout out to Asian women. I know you all
Speaker 1: all you have your pussies on street and if you do,
Speaker 1: if you don't, I don't think that's something of a problem.
Speaker 2: Listen, I cannot imagine that if I went down there
Speaker 2: and your ship was sideways, that that would in any
Speaker 2: way deter me from finishing my job.
Speaker 1: Because it doesn't. And this is the last I'll say
Speaker 1: on this. It doesn't disorient the whole. It's just all
Speaker 1: the extras.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, that's just a spider Man kiss baby
Speaker 2: girl and now let's get to work.
Speaker 1: You pussy hanging from a web, you go down. Oh.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: This is This is a rare Leangthston and David episode.
Speaker 2: I don't know if they're that rare. We do them
Speaker 2: every once in a while, but yeah, we're excited to
Speaker 2: just shoot the ship with each other. We we got
Speaker 2: some emails. We might talk some shit about some other stuff.
Speaker 2: Who knows where the conversation will take us, but but
Speaker 2: we're happy you're here, and we have an email that
Speaker 2: I think you should read.
Speaker 1: I think I think it's only right that you read
Speaker 1: this email because of the.
Speaker 2: The circumstances being presented in the email.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I read it. It's I think
Speaker 1: it's more uncomfortable if I read it, which ultimately is
Speaker 1: probably leads to the better humors. Yeah, no, I think
Speaker 1: I think that's that's exactly right. I've never it's intimate. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: let's just get into it. Hell, yeah, hi, David and Langston.
Speaker 1: You should frame who this is from. I don't think
Speaker 1: we're supposed to say her name?
Speaker 2: Are we say our first name?
Speaker 1: We don't know this is from? Joe said, Yeah, Hi
Speaker 1: David and Langston. I want to first say that I
Speaker 1: adore both of you. That's nice, David more so than Langston. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't love that far, but I'm listening. I love
Speaker 1: a deep dark chocolate man. Oh I bet he tastes
Speaker 1: like a Hershey bar, oh a girl ken dream. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: let's stop there. Let's just pause right there. I wish
Speaker 1: you did. I don't know.
Speaker 2: Let's this is worth a dressing that that I do
Speaker 2: think more often than than certainly than myself. Women are
Speaker 2: throwing a lot of pussy at you in these d
Speaker 2: in these messages, You're you're getting more more thrown at you,
Speaker 2: I I think than than most would.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I this is not I was
Speaker 1: not prepared to address these allegations. Well, it's the state
Speaker 1: of the union, my man. You don't get to.
Speaker 2: Just skip over everything that's happening in the country, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Thank you to all the little mamas thrown at me,
Speaker 1: uh via DMS and or emails. I currently have a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: It's very nice to you. I appreciate your comments on
Speaker 1: my skin that are borderline harassment. I appreciate it, and
Speaker 1: I feel seen and I feel beautiful.
Speaker 2: Yeah, David, unfortunately he has chillsen a lover.
Speaker 1: I don't like it what you say it like that.
Speaker 2: Well, it's unfortunate for you all. It's not unfortunate for him.
Speaker 2: It's a beautiful thing that he's he's found a special
Speaker 2: someone that said, uh, you bitches gotta calm down. Because
Speaker 2: you're you're really, you're really trying to suck my man off,
Speaker 2: and it's.
Speaker 1: Really it's not it's not that you know, it sound
Speaker 1: like I'm getting d MS where people are like, let
Speaker 1: me suck your dick. It's like if anybody you taste
Speaker 1: like a hershey bar, which is which is if that's
Speaker 1: what you're coming in is hoping for, let me tell
Speaker 1: you right wrong flavor. Yeah, tastes a lot like the
Speaker 1: other ones you've had. But let's not be okay, But
Speaker 1: to be fair, if we're talking about who's getting explicit
Speaker 1: d M, sure between you and I, George, it's still
Speaker 1: you win.
Speaker 2: Well, let me let's also be clear that the explicit
Speaker 2: d MS that I get, it's not even it's not
Speaker 2: even people that I've I would even remotely entertain. Why not,
Speaker 2: because it's mostly just men who Okay, I get it
Speaker 2: in very not only has nothing to do with homophobia.
Speaker 2: It's displeasure. It's displeasure, it is not fear. Let me
Speaker 2: be clear, I surprise, I am an ally. I support
Speaker 2: your right to suck whichever dix you choose. I choose
Speaker 2: was not to allow you to put my dick in
Speaker 2: your mouth. And that is sort of the position I
Speaker 2: take in all.
Speaker 1: Of this, because, let's be fair, fellas, my man has
Speaker 1: a family. You can't have a family. You're sending them
Speaker 1: whole You're sending them hold dog. Come.
Speaker 2: I will say that men are unfortunately the exact same
Speaker 2: despite their sexual orientations. Men are out of control with
Speaker 2: women and they are also out of control with men,
Speaker 2: and so I get very aggressive emails, DMS and sometimes
Speaker 2: even message just straight up fucking comments underneath pictures of
Speaker 2: my daughter where.
Speaker 1: Men will.
Speaker 2: It's just me and my fucking daughter and they'll be
Speaker 2: like a kiss this shit out.
Speaker 1: Of you, and it's like, man, man, stop it. You
Speaker 1: gotta chill the fuck out. Yeah, it's Tuesday. Here's my question, though,
Speaker 1: is it comforting to know that if you go to
Speaker 1: the other side you would be well received? Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: kind of cool. I don't. I don't. Nobody ever thinks
Speaker 1: I'm gay. Mmm. Like, never I had a gay roommate,
Speaker 1: I'd go out with them. Sometimes. None of those dudes
Speaker 1: were ever like, hey, you are what you're doing? Yeah? Never, never, never,
Speaker 1: never never. It's probably camouflage on. But yeah, no, dudes
Speaker 1: everything that I'm a gay guy. So that's like nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, listen, I'm not offended by the warmness of
Speaker 2: the reception. It is not lost on me that it
Speaker 2: is very sweet that people would find myself you attractive.
Speaker 2: I think we both can agree. It's a very nice feeling.
Speaker 1: It feels it does. It feels good to everybody wants
Speaker 1: to be wanted, and I would. I'm glad we're not
Speaker 1: like an ugo podcast, Like I'm glad people aren't like, damn,
Speaker 1: take the videos down. Yeah no, we don't need to
Speaker 1: look at you. Just listen to your your assaultry voices
Speaker 1: because that would hurt my feelings. Yeah, that would be
Speaker 1: hard for me if people were just sending email because
Speaker 1: I was talking to somebody about this before we get
Speaker 1: to the rest of this. Have you noticed Black people
Speaker 1: are the only people with the courage to just straight
Speaker 1: up call people ugly and believe them for being ugly.
Speaker 1: Nobody else like does that like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I black people do it in a way where
Speaker 2: like they'll say it with affection, they presumed, like if
Speaker 2: I think I wouldn't be surprised that they were, like
Speaker 2: these two ugly niggas are hilarious, and it's like, Bro,
Speaker 2: you didn't even have to say that first part. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you ain't have to mention how we look that that's
Speaker 2: how ping, But that's just that's that's the way we
Speaker 2: speak to each other.
Speaker 1: I do appreciate it because I was thinking about the other.
Speaker 1: I just have never seen like even like black men
Speaker 1: to each other all the time, call each other ugly,
Speaker 1: but like I've never seen white guys do that. Really. Yeah. Now,
Speaker 1: sometimes I even people I don't think are ugly, I'll
Speaker 1: like see.
Speaker 2: A lot of times, a lot of times from a distance,
Speaker 2: I'll be like, look, this is ugly, motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Yeah. People people in my family. I think I have
Speaker 1: a very brother is very attractive. I'll call him, what's up,
Speaker 1: ugly little boy? Yeah, you guys, all of them? Yeah, no, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know why what that is, but it certainly is. Uh,
Speaker 1: it's part of our cooking. Yeah, all right, Well, anyways,
Speaker 1: so we got past that. She wants to slurt me down.
Speaker 2: Jausette is a girl can dream, and she's looking a
Speaker 2: slur But you can dream.
Speaker 1: You can dream about me and my big huge Hershey bar,
Speaker 1: it's not over selling. Well, let's sell the product she's
Speaker 1: looking to buy. I think I think I'm sweating very uncomfortable. Anyway,
Speaker 1: enough with the pleasant trees, there we go. When we
Speaker 1: got through it, every one of my girlfriends has the
Speaker 1: same irrational fear of a snake coming up through the
Speaker 1: toilet and biting our kits Cat bars. I never even
Speaker 1: called kat.
Speaker 2: I haven't either, And at first when I read it,
Speaker 2: I thought to myself, what, And then I thought about
Speaker 2: it in the second I was like, oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: No, it's great, give me a break, you know what
Speaker 1: my problem was.
Speaker 2: And then I'll be honest, when when kick cat bar
Speaker 2: first got introduced, is I pictured the four kit cat
Speaker 2: bars next to each other, but then when you make
Speaker 2: it the two kit cat bars, and yeah, then it's
Speaker 2: like okay, yep, yep, yep.
Speaker 1: Or whatever you're inside. Look, I'm not general. Yeah, kick
Speaker 1: cat bars. Some people got fruit roll ups, it's all hey,
Speaker 1: some people.
Speaker 2: Some people got a spilled bag of groceries, and and
Speaker 2: that's just fine with me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But to come down with my spider Man mask
Speaker 1: nasty episode discussing.
Speaker 2: We're calling upon you because we have new merch. We
Speaker 2: have very exciting merch that we are now selling and
Speaker 2: it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 1: We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on,
Speaker 1: you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we
Speaker 1: have three different types of hats, which is really fun.
Speaker 1: We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat
Speaker 1: the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
Speaker 1: the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
Speaker 1: on it since my mama told me. And then we
Speaker 1: have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
Speaker 1: who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to Mamma
Speaker 2: told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want you
Speaker 2: to have all the sweet stuff, So get it.
Speaker 1: Anyway. Okay, Yeah, samurai rational vielle of a snake coming
Speaker 1: up and biting our kit kat bars. We don't you
Speaker 1: know why we have this fear? Why do we all
Speaker 1: have this irrational fear but nobody talks out loud about it.
Speaker 1: How did it come to be that we all have
Speaker 1: this similar, fair, same fear as women. Well let me
Speaker 1: stop you here, Josette, Me and my giant hersheybar are
Speaker 1: also afraid of the same thing, are you. I'm afraid
Speaker 1: of that. Yeah. I don't think it's just women. I'll
Speaker 1: be honest.
Speaker 2: That is not where my fear lives with the toilet.
Speaker 1: Do tell I.
Speaker 2: We've actually talked about it a little bit in previous episodes,
Speaker 2: But I'm much more afraid of what could come in
Speaker 2: via the doors than I have ever been afraid of
Speaker 2: what could rise up from inside of the toilet.
Speaker 1: Well, here's just to push back a little bit. The
Speaker 1: thing about coming in is you still at least have
Speaker 1: some way to see it and protect yourself. Coming from
Speaker 1: under you gotten a snake could just bite your beatings.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but but I also don't know snakes to be
Speaker 2: like just Dick biting for the hell of it. I
Speaker 2: think there are you kind of have to provoke the
Speaker 2: snake and do shit to the snake.
Speaker 1: I mean, meant to come in and assault you from
Speaker 1: a toilet.
Speaker 2: I think that's statistically, I think that's probably more likely
Speaker 2: than the snake just biting Dick.
Speaker 1: Who do you know that that's happened to.
Speaker 2: Assaulted a man while he was sitting on the toilet, or.
Speaker 1: A man was assaulted when he got was on the twilet.
Speaker 2: Nobody personally, But I've heard more I've seen enough movies
Speaker 2: that there's not it could happen to somebody.
Speaker 1: When was the last time somebody walked in on you
Speaker 1: taking a shit. Hmm.
Speaker 2: That's a good question. Man, it's been years. It's probably
Speaker 2: been since like since like fucking like living with roommates
Speaker 2: or high school even like really, you seem like you.
Speaker 1: Would be very vigilant about not having someone see you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I can't afford for that to get out, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? I know that, I know, I know
Speaker 1: that for sure. You don't. I can see. That makes
Speaker 1: sense to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, real, Jean's moving silence like lasagnya and I can't.
Speaker 1: What do you even think you're doing on that?
Speaker 2: I don't know, but I'm I think that's the thing
Speaker 2: is like, and maybe this is.
Speaker 1: Do you have a pee when you're no? I almost
Speaker 1: exclusively sit down to pee at home now off that
Speaker 1: damn we I don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't understanding exclusively at home. Yeah, I'm saying I'm sitting. Wow,
Speaker 2: the public, I'll stand, you know, I respect the society
Speaker 2: we've built. But now at home, I sit down. I'm
Speaker 2: wrestling at nighttime. At nighttime, that's when I sometimes sit
Speaker 2: for longer than the pee. Oh, let just give it
Speaker 2: a nice rest sometimes.
Speaker 1: Uh.
Speaker 2: And maybe this is a familiar thing for a thirty
Speaker 2: six year old man. And sometimes you sit down and
Speaker 2: you pee and then you realize, I got a little
Speaker 2: bit more in there, and it takes a while for
Speaker 2: you to find that a little bit more and you
Speaker 2: just that comes out and then you're like, oh, now
Speaker 2: I'm truly empty, and that was fucking tight.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Sometimes I'll sit to poop and then realize that
Speaker 1: I got peace don't come out as much as I
Speaker 1: used to. Mm hmmm, mm hmmm hm. And that's just
Speaker 1: getting old, you know. Yeah, it's unfortunate, and I'm not
Speaker 1: proud of it.
Speaker 2: And I hate that my body is rejecting itself in
Speaker 2: the way that it is.
Speaker 1: But to feel bad about it, man, it's not crazy.
Speaker 1: I think it's just hard to forget the.
Speaker 2: Veracity of my youth, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like strong stream ones. Yeah, bounce back and hit me
Speaker 1: in the chest. Yeah, I need a flash guard coming
Speaker 1: out crazy, I gotta back up.
Speaker 2: Hold on, hold on, I'm going to first thall, there's
Speaker 2: not enough room.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I remember who I was and it's hard to let
Speaker 2: go of that. And I think that is why NBA players,
Speaker 2: you know, after they retire a while out the way
Speaker 2: that they do. And Paul Pierce is getting, you know,
Speaker 2: doing fucking Instagram live with strippers just because he remembers
Speaker 2: the Paul Pierce he used to be and not the
Speaker 2: Paul Pierce said he should be at at forty eight
Speaker 2: or whatever the fuck he is.
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't think it's okay for a man
Speaker 1: to be single at forty eight.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's okay for Paul Pierce to be
Speaker 2: single at forty eight. I think that's a man structure desperately.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I listen to those conversations with him and Kevin Garnett,
Speaker 2: and Kevin Garnett is being like the mature one and
Speaker 2: being like Paul, you gotta chill. And it's like, bro,
Speaker 2: if Kevin Garnett is scolding you because you're out of line,
Speaker 2: You're you've gotta reflect. They're not supposed to be by themselves,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I think leets in general. Do you think it's
Speaker 1: because their whole life was so regimented that when you
Speaker 1: kind of like cause, like athletes lives for the most part,
Speaker 1: it's like a it's a job about discipline, right, you
Speaker 1: gotta be in the gym, Yeah, put your time in
Speaker 1: learning all that shit. So it's like when they let
Speaker 1: that go, you think, it's just like they've never been
Speaker 1: free to just make all their own decisions in their life, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: I think certainly it has like a little bit of
Speaker 2: a militaristic I guess energy about it, where it's like
Speaker 2: you wake up at this time, you go and you
Speaker 2: do this and this exercises and then practice and then
Speaker 2: jim again, and like it sort of fills your day
Speaker 2: with like motivation and dedication and reasons to do whatever
Speaker 2: the fuck you're doing. And then when you have all
Speaker 2: these recreational behaviors, it certainly at least is earned behavior,
Speaker 2: and so you're you're like managing it to some extent,
Speaker 2: but then it just becomes, oh, I have mega millions
Speaker 2: and no reason to wake up in the morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all these strippers and my dms.
Speaker 2: Everybody remembers who I used to be, so like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna take to be.
Speaker 1: Fair, you're still that man. Don't take that from him. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: I mean everybody remembers when you were worth something contributing
Speaker 1: to us. No. I mean, I don't know what he's
Speaker 1: contributing now, but I certainly think Paul Pierce Paul Pierce
Speaker 1: gave us a lot, you know what I mean, he
Speaker 1: really did man pants pants and then Brian Scalabrini and
Speaker 1: carry him out. Uh, what a great moment in history.
Speaker 1: That was a big time I listen, man, I it's
Speaker 1: someone who that's a big fear of theirs. It's just
Speaker 1: like nice to see it played out not so terrible.
Speaker 2: You know, And I'd say played out maybe the best
Speaker 2: anyone's ever played it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for real, for real.
Speaker 2: No, Like, no person in history has ship themselves more
Speaker 2: efficiently and effectively than.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like, because if I did, man, I should my
Speaker 1: pants had a safeway. Once it's fucked up, suck. I
Speaker 1: don't even really want to talk about it. It's just
Speaker 1: really awful. It's really really awful. What happened? Did it
Speaker 1: go down your leg? No? Man, I I was driving home.
Speaker 1: This is that's how long ago is I had a
Speaker 1: driver's license. I was driving home from work and I
Speaker 1: went to safe way to grab some ship and then
Speaker 1: I was in line and my this girl I knew,
Speaker 1: was behind me with her boyfriend who's the worst, and
Speaker 1: we started talking and I had my back to him
Speaker 1: because I turned around, and then it just this fucking happened.
Speaker 1: I was wearing a baby blue button down as was
Speaker 1: the time, you know, as was the time. So I
Speaker 1: had to kind of like keep talking and back like
Speaker 1: I had to keep talking to them and then like
Speaker 1: back up to the card reader and turn and pay
Speaker 1: and then kind of just like back.
Speaker 2: All, oh, you still had business to do.
Speaker 1: Cause it was and it was I'm pretty sure it
Speaker 1: got to the back of my shirt. God damn. So
Speaker 1: I didn't want it, you know what I mean. So
Speaker 1: I had to kind of like back out of the
Speaker 1: safe way. Then I had to get my car and
Speaker 1: I had to drive another like fifteen miles home. And
Speaker 1: then when I got home, it was during the Western
Speaker 1: Conference Finals. I thought you were gonna say it was
Speaker 1: nine to eleven. No, you know. I got home, I
Speaker 1: looked on the TV and the second tower fell. It
Speaker 1: was like it was like, it's the Western Conference Finals,
Speaker 1: the one with the Nuggets and the Lakers. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I had like ten twelve people in my house and
Speaker 1: I forgot that. So I as I opened the door,
Speaker 1: I was like, fuck because my roommate had let everybody in.
Speaker 1: This is insane. It sucked. And then I was like
Speaker 1: and then I was like I can't even I'm not gonna.
Speaker 1: I can't get from the front door to downstairs. So
Speaker 1: I just had to be like listen, man.
Speaker 2: Hey, everybody, thank you for coming.
Speaker 1: I gotta go, I gotta I'll be back up in
Speaker 1: like an hour.
Speaker 2: I got the I got the girlceries, but I also
Speaker 2: have a little bit of a problem, so I'll see
Speaker 2: y'all in a minute.
Speaker 1: Fucking it's not a good day.
Speaker 2: No, that's a that's a that's a sad story, big dog.
Speaker 1: I'm not and we lost the Lakers. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was about to say it doesn't end well either
Speaker 2: for the Western Conference finals.
Speaker 1: No, Olivia hit the group chat and said experienced his
Speaker 1: own nine to eleven. Thank you in that in that
Speaker 1: I will never forget. Fuck. Yeah, that's that's a low low.
Speaker 2: It was shipped myself, for sure, but I've managed to
Speaker 2: keep it private every time.
Speaker 1: Bro, it was like double public. It was a double
Speaker 1: public fuck I mean, but that's what it is. That's
Speaker 1: why it can be a clown on stage for money,
Speaker 1: you really have to humble yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't know if this changes whether or
Speaker 2: not you wanna you wanna suck him off, But.
Speaker 1: I was about to slow down to a trickle after this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there ain't gonna be so many. You taste like chocolates.
Speaker 1: Look at your sex. Simple Now this is your kid.
Speaker 1: Shoot himself in a Safeway afterwards.
Speaker 2: Shot himself in a mid tier grocery store.
Speaker 1: I wasn't even home, oh man, I was probably drinking
Speaker 1: Safeway brand soda. Shout out the Safeway select.
Speaker 2: We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch.
Speaker 2: We have very exciting merch that we are now selling
Speaker 2: and it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 1: We love it so much. Just sleek, it's sexy. Come on,
Speaker 1: you want to tell them what we have? Yeah, we
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Speaker 1: We have a two tone hat, an alien dad hat,
Speaker 1: the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
Speaker 1: the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
Speaker 1: on it since my mama told me. And then we
Speaker 1: have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
Speaker 1: who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
Speaker 2: Mama told me dot Merchcentral dot com and we want
Speaker 2: you to have all the sweet stuff, So get it.
Speaker 2: Well to the question of snakes popping up from the toilet.
Speaker 2: I did a quick googling how often do snakes come
Speaker 2: out of toilets? Because they do say that this is
Speaker 2: a real thing that happens, that sores can be hiding
Speaker 2: ground for a hiding ground for mice and rats. Snakes
Speaker 2: will enter the sewer to get their next meal. They
Speaker 2: can make their way through a swre and slither their
Speaker 2: creepy way through a through the bend of a toilet
Speaker 2: the s bend. However, that's this still doesn't mean this
Speaker 2: is a common incident, and they said that the possibility,
Speaker 2: the frequency at which this happens is extremely low. It
Speaker 2: is a rare experience, not often experienced.
Speaker 1: By an We're talking about once or twice a year.
Speaker 2: I think there's much rarer than that. I think we're
Speaker 2: talking like nobody you know, is likely to ever have
Speaker 2: this personal experience.
Speaker 1: Now, look up bathroom attacks.
Speaker 2: Though, Okay, I think snakes snake attacks in bathroom.
Speaker 1: No, I was just saying in general, oh, stranger attacks
Speaker 1: in bathroom because I think that's like because when we
Speaker 1: had talked about it before, you said, even when you
Speaker 1: lived alone, you would shit with the door closed. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I get very nervous of people entering when I'm at
Speaker 2: my most vulnerable state. I keep doors closed when I sleep,
Speaker 2: I keep doors closed when I shit. I keep doors
Speaker 2: closed at all times.
Speaker 1: I don't even think shitting is my top three most
Speaker 1: vulnerable states.
Speaker 2: Okay, list them?
Speaker 1: What ambout the movies by myself? Why is that so funny?
Speaker 1: You can get up and leave? What do you mean?
Speaker 1: I just really locked in in a way where I'm
Speaker 1: like not very aware of outside.
Speaker 2: Well, I really lived that that Nicole Kidman commercial you
Speaker 2: really like?
Speaker 1: Uh? I like the movies a lot. I enjoyed it
Speaker 1: as an experience. I like it as a group. But
Speaker 1: I like going to myself a lot, and when I
Speaker 1: if it's a really good movie, I'm like locked locked in.
Speaker 2: You know what what we just did is we went
Speaker 2: and saw me and of some comedians. I hear Jordan
Speaker 2: Temples at Fox other cool names. But we went and
Speaker 2: saw a double feature of a Goofy movie.
Speaker 1: And Baba's Kids at the New Beverly. At the New Beverly.
Speaker 1: That's when I was in Los Angeles. I saw at
Speaker 1: the New Beverly, I saw a booty Call with Jordan's Ye,
Speaker 1: yeah what you're talking about? Yeah, that's a good double feature.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a goofy movie is a perfect film. Yeah, truly
Speaker 2: is just it's so funny, it's so it's it's it got,
Speaker 2: it's got heart. It moves you in all kinds of
Speaker 2: cool ways.
Speaker 1: Baba's Kids is is uh, come on, don't be like that.
Speaker 2: Like based Kids is a is a classic and I
Speaker 2: take nothing from it and if I never see it again,
Speaker 2: that's okay.
Speaker 1: That's that's my family. That's like, we love that movie.
Speaker 1: We're a Baby's Kids family. Really. Oh man, even my
Speaker 1: littlest brother loves it. Whoa, Yeah, come on all the
Speaker 1: songs straight.
Speaker 2: Jacking straight Jacking is a good song.
Speaker 1: Come on.
Speaker 2: It's weird that it comes three quarters into the movie.
Speaker 1: Yeah, also that weird freedom song with the robots that
Speaker 1: it is also strange.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of sort of like a poorly structured
Speaker 2: build to that film in a way that you know,
Speaker 2: it truly felt like it was a Robin Harris brainchild.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they just took a bit and then evolved it
Speaker 2: into a film, and then he didn't even get to
Speaker 2: see it come to fruition and they had to let
Speaker 2: fase on Love finish it out.
Speaker 1: Which I'm saying this on the record right now. If
Speaker 1: I die, do not let don't recast.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you said that because he was actually the
Speaker 2: first guy I thought.
Speaker 1: It was. I was like, if he dies, love with
Speaker 1: this big Hershey chocolate ass, but fair enough. I won't
Speaker 1: call him.
Speaker 2: I won't.
Speaker 1: You can't call If I die, you replaced me with
Speaker 1: the light Skin guy. You changed the name to light On.
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, dark Skin replace me. Like if
Speaker 1: I die quick killer mic in here, I'm gonna haunt you,
Speaker 1: all right, It'll be me and Benningham. Just no, you
Speaker 1: don't get another African either, God damn no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no Africans, no dark skin dudes. I fucking I'm the
Speaker 1: only I'm like a, I'm like a jealous boyfriend over here.
Speaker 1: You have no one but me. Nobody else wants you.
Speaker 1: Oh man, yeah, no, it's it.
Speaker 2: It's a I don't think that it's great, a great film,
Speaker 2: but I recognize the joy, the nostalgic sort of like
Speaker 2: thrill it offers.
Speaker 1: It's funny still though.
Speaker 2: Robin Harris still has like some funny ass like joke
Speaker 2: jokes in there that you're like, damn, that's just that's
Speaker 2: just a good ass joke.
Speaker 1: This is the first time I heard everything. Anybody called
Speaker 1: somebody a test tube baby. Mm hmm.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, he really he was groundbreaking as a as
Speaker 2: a comedian, an artist, and it's a shame that he
Speaker 2: died so young.
Speaker 1: Was he young? I think so. I think he was
Speaker 1: younger than he looks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think he was just an old faced ass dude.
Speaker 1: I could be wrong. There used to be more of those.
Speaker 2: I think it was an entire generation for a while.
Speaker 1: I mean, have you seen that shit online where they're
Speaker 1: saying millennials, we are we like, are aging properly. I
Speaker 1: think they're actually saying millennials are the ones that are
Speaker 1: aging pretty well. It's gen Z that's not aging probably, No,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying, Like, we're aging too good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Millennials, for whatever reason are we're the youngest looking
Speaker 2: of all the generations. And then gen Z is going
Speaker 2: back to like those nineteen seventies niggas who know what
Speaker 2: it is forty five when they were twenty.
Speaker 1: It's hope. We're the last year our history to grow
Speaker 1: up with any kind of hope. We had genuine hope. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's our life before the Internet, before nine to eleven
Speaker 1: turned us into whatever it is we are now. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean. We grew up. We all thought
Speaker 1: that we could get a house and have kids and like,
Speaker 1: and that was what the world was. These kids now
Speaker 1: have nothing to live for. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, they truly are born with a fucked up cynicism
Speaker 2: that just makes their face turned to mush.
Speaker 1: That's why they're prudes. They're all eighty year old women.
Speaker 1: You don't want to see tits and movies. Get out
Speaker 1: of here. Yeah, you don't want to see titties and movies.
Speaker 1: It's like one of the main reasons that go.
Speaker 2: My only motivation when I was sixteen years old was
Speaker 2: sand titties and playing basketball. Come on, I didn't care
Speaker 2: about the world. I wasn't interested in like being a
Speaker 2: hero or a savior of any kind. I just wanted
Speaker 2: to hoop and look at somebody naked.
Speaker 1: Yep. And now they have so much weight on.
Speaker 2: Their shoulders that of course they look like absolute garbage.
Speaker 1: So I think we figured it out.
Speaker 2: Robin Harris, and this is gonna blow your fucking mind.
Speaker 2: Robin Harris died at thirty six years old. Fuck really, dog,
Speaker 2: he was he was our age.
Speaker 1: Oh god, damn. And he was playing kids, Daddy, he
Speaker 1: played kids.
Speaker 2: Oh fuck, they were probably the same age while he
Speaker 2: was pretending to be his father.
Speaker 1: That's that's bad, jeans, bro. He looked rough for thirty six. Man. Fuck,
Speaker 1: I mean he was one of those guys who looked
Speaker 1: so crazy that he had to be hilarious. Yeah, what
Speaker 1: were you gonna do? What else? What was your job?
Speaker 1: What could you do? Scraps? That's crazy alright, pe man,
Speaker 1: he was hilarious.
Speaker 2: He was so funny, so funny, so old looking.
Speaker 1: So looking, so fun The two go ahead and hand.
Speaker 1: Some of the funniest looking people I've known in my
Speaker 1: life are the funniest people I've.
Speaker 2: Ever I looked up your question of whether or not
Speaker 2: the toilet attacks are thing and unfortunately, and this is
Speaker 2: a pretty telling sign of the society we live in.
Speaker 2: Mostly when you google that, it immediately just gives you
Speaker 2: a laundry list of transgender people being attacked in public restrooms. Great,
Speaker 2: which is maybe worth noting that maybe maybe my fear
Speaker 2: is not as much the active one, but certainly being
Speaker 2: attacked in public restrooms is a active fear that some
Speaker 2: people need to struggle with, and we wish that they didn't.
Speaker 1: Yep, hot riffs. Yeah, I get it, you don't want
Speaker 1: to tack in on No, it was kind of really.
Speaker 2: The other thing Olivia sent Us is a article from
Speaker 2: USA Today of very reputable website and newspaper periodical bum
Speaker 2: Biting Python. It says woman bitten by a five foot
Speaker 2: snake hiding in toilet.
Speaker 1: Ah dot So fuck yeah.
Speaker 2: As a fifty nine year old woman sat on her
Speaker 2: relative's toilet, she felt a shocking pain. A five foot
Speaker 2: carpet python had bitten her bottom. Why are they writing
Speaker 2: this so fucking British?
Speaker 1: I hate it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I get okay now, I see why it was
Speaker 2: in Australia. Helen Richards of Australia. So it seems like
Speaker 2: USA Today is just usurping the language from a different.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think there's like truly no integrity left in journalism,
Speaker 2: so I think they're just basically copy and paste and
Speaker 2: some shit. Helen Richards of Australia told ten News First
Speaker 2: Queensland she felt a sharp tap on my bottom along
Speaker 2: with some pain on Tuesday afternoon, and she handler Jasmine Zelaney,
Speaker 2: who removed and relocated the non venomous pike. Like, okay
Speaker 2: now I'm venomous, so singing no poisoned.
Speaker 1: Her, and poison is not what I'm worried about. What
Speaker 1: are you worried about my dick getting bit by a snake? Okay,
Speaker 1: fair enough.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just the general pain of a of a
Speaker 2: bite on your your dick from a snake.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, I think it should be referenced that in
Speaker 1: the chat, Olivia is throwing some slurs. Yeah, she's she's
Speaker 1: saying some nasty things about Australian people. Yeah, which who knew,
Speaker 1: I didn't. It's fun to win. It's fun to learn
Speaker 1: new racism that people have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you find out your friend is actually deeply
Speaker 2: big at it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's always crazy because it's like it's like on
Speaker 1: some weird shit where it's like, oh, you don't want
Speaker 1: to go to the Brazilian steakhouse because why? You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, it's always really weird that. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they really show their true colors. And then you
Speaker 2: kind of have to decide if if this is a
Speaker 2: reflection of their greater humanity or if this is just
Speaker 2: a moment that that you caught them because they had
Speaker 2: a bad day or whatever.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it could go either way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is worth noting that they said that the
Speaker 2: reason that the snake bit in all likelihood is because
Speaker 2: these snakes preferred an exit point. She had that big, old,
Speaker 2: thick bottom, and that the snake just wanted to nibble.
Speaker 1: You want to bite.
Speaker 2: They said the snake's preferred exit point was block after
Speaker 2: being spooked by the customers sitting down, and it simply
Speaker 2: lashed out in fear.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what I would think would happen.
Speaker 2: So I guess to your point, Uh, it is more
Speaker 2: likely that the snake will bite if you sit down
Speaker 2: down on top of it and block it's its pathway.
Speaker 1: And let's be honest, we've seen what I'm working with.
Speaker 1: I'm blocking. Yeah, you're gonna block.
Speaker 2: Ain't no light getting through when when you sit down
Speaker 2: on that toilet.
Speaker 1: All that.
Speaker 2: So, Josette, it seems as if that your conspiracy does
Speaker 2: have some legs that that there are legitimate concerns that
Speaker 2: a snake could come up through the toilet, although it
Speaker 2: seems like that's much more of an Australian possibility than
Speaker 2: an American reality.
Speaker 1: So if you live in America, I think you'll be fine.
Speaker 2: I don't imagine that you have a ton of snakes
Speaker 2: wherever you live, and if you.
Speaker 1: Do get out of there, Yeah, I ain't got to
Speaker 1: live like that. You deserve Yeah, and he ain't gotta
Speaker 1: live like that. You can live somewhere where there ain't snakes.
Speaker 1: I want to read the nice part of her letter too.
Speaker 1: She closing, she said, I super appreciate you too, and
Speaker 1: hope you remain the same beautiful assholes you've always been.
Speaker 1: Love you both to the moon and back. Bye, bitch,
Speaker 1: Love Joe Set A proud.
Speaker 2: Little mama, A proud little mama. Yeah, Josette, thank you
Speaker 2: for this very lovely email. And we hope that you
Speaker 2: and your kitcat bar and the ladies that you can
Speaker 2: noodle with remain remain safe from snake bites in all forms.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly that. Thank you for thinking. I'm so damn fine.
Speaker 2: Do you want to tell the people where your finance
Speaker 2: is gonna be?
Speaker 1: And yeah, if you want to cut your going on,
Speaker 1: you want to come out and double click your mouth,
Speaker 1: you can come see me. I actually don't have my
Speaker 1: dates pulled up. Who got jokes? Citty seven on Instagram?
Speaker 1: It'll be there. Yeah. Watch Royal Crack News February twenty
Speaker 1: ninth on Adult Swim the next day streaming on Max.
Speaker 1: You know, be good to yourselves. And if you want
Speaker 1: to watch the YouTube, you can see my finance, Langston's finance.
Speaker 1: And if you want to send us hole or tell
Speaker 1: us how we make you feel, don't. But other than that, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know what, watch all the ship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, watch watch all that stuff.
Speaker 1: Follow me at Langston Kerman.
Speaker 2: I don't have a ton of dates coming up because
Speaker 2: I'm knocking this special out next week.
Speaker 1: And then and then I'm going to rest for a
Speaker 1: little while.
Speaker 2: But if you want to buy merch, you can go
Speaker 2: to my mama told me that merchcentral dot com. And
Speaker 2: if you want to send us your conspiracies, if you
Speaker 2: want to send us your your glowing love letters, if
Speaker 2: you want to send us whole, send it all to
Speaker 2: my mama pod at gmail dot com. We would love
Speaker 2: to hear from you. And and that that's it. I
Speaker 2: think we covered everything.
Speaker 1: Bye, bitch, bid your ankle. Whala bears are racist by
Speaker 1: the also player for ows and money. As a man
Speaker 1: of Turkey stuff, I can't tell me nothing