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Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions.

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Speaker 1: If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or

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Speaker 1: a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got? Decisions?

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Speaker 2: You you got this?

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Speaker 1: Yes you do? No treat go out and come back

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Speaker 1: in which I give up?

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Speaker 2: I up?

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Speaker 1: Don't just make us a jingle? Do we need to

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Speaker 1: do it on fiber? Do we go on fiber and

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Speaker 1: be like, I don't know, I did so good at

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Speaker 1: GPT since that's what everybody else does?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: Wait, you you paying a twenty dollars of them up

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Speaker 1: for the chet GPT? No you can, I just typed

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Speaker 1: in the website. Now you got the basic girl, it

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Speaker 1: ain't gonna do what you need to do. You gotta pay,

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Speaker 1: you gotta pay. Wait, can you create.

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Speaker 2: A gingle? It's not just gonna jingle like it might?

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Speaker 1: Give you words for a podcast about questions.

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Speaker 2: About sucking, dirt, sex.

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Speaker 1: And dating called you Got Decisions? Wait you gotta put

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Speaker 1: the title? Okay, oh shit, I didn't, But these are good?

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Speaker 1: Got a crush? Got a question? Situationship confusion, late night

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Speaker 1: texts and mixed signals, butterflies and bad decisions?

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Speaker 2: Oh not they do tonight Hold on way.

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Speaker 1: Can you create a jingle about sex?

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Speaker 2: Bro? This is so bad. You gotta know, bro, you

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Speaker 2: gotta know how to prompt it though too well. I

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Speaker 2: don't use this.

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Speaker 1: I don't know. Look okay, three day rule, Friends with benefits, feelings, catching,

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Speaker 1: who's still matching?

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Speaker 2: What?

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Speaker 1: Swipe right? Stay the night? Is it love or is

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Speaker 1: it the vibe? Hot take heartbreak? Are we dating or

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Speaker 1: are we hanging?

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Speaker 2: You got decisions? Yeah, I don't like I don't like that.

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Speaker 2: I use mine cause you know me and me and

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Speaker 2: help go.

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Speaker 1: Way back fifteen second radio style. You really gotta train

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Speaker 1: these niggas.

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Speaker 2: I know. That's what I'm saying. Make y'all we doing.

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Speaker 1: And real life questions, no shame, just real confessions.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

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Speaker 1: I like that too, but I don't like that. We

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Speaker 1: might get with it, Hi, y'all with you am dizzel.

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Speaker 1: What's the way? This ain't for that? If y'all want

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Speaker 1: to update for me, take you all asses over to

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Speaker 1: the patrion patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. That's where

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Speaker 1: you're gonna get the tea hunt. That's where we keep

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Speaker 1: it up to date. You got a friend update or something?

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Speaker 1: Because I do you remember my friend whose man got ED. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so if anybody's been dealing with teating somebody with ED.

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Speaker 1: I talked I would never On a recent episode that

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Speaker 1: we had with Sarah, Doctor Bondon, Ana Hannah basically not

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Speaker 1: to know shorter, not to know shorter.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: So when Sarah was on Doctor Sarah was on, Mandy

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Speaker 1: posed the question about ED, and basically what I was

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Speaker 1: saying was, okay, you married your man after six six

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Speaker 1: days and no sex? What about if he had THEED?

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Speaker 1: So Mandy brought it up because my friend is experiencing that.

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Speaker 1: So she hits him up and she's like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: think we need to have a conversation because if we

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Speaker 1: think to our sex life, is it really the ultimate

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Speaker 1: pleasure that we both can receive.

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Speaker 2: Let's have a.

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Speaker 1: Chat about how we can make it better.

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Speaker 2: I was like, okay, that's good.

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Speaker 1: He writes back, what do you mean and I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: beat you playing. You've had a gummy dick for the

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Speaker 1: three months we've been dating, and we don't pretend it's hard.

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Speaker 1: So they get on the phone and she said he

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Speaker 1: started dancing around the shit and I was like, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: I think I'm having a whiskey dick situation. You know

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Speaker 1: most men get that, She says, no, most don't. Most

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Speaker 1: do not. You do, but most do not. And so

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Speaker 1: she said, I want you to get on something. He's like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I've tried the Amazon honeypack. She's like, no more Amazon.

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Speaker 1: I want you to go to a doctor. So she

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Speaker 1: said she has dates in her phone where her calendar

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Speaker 1: is going to say to her remind him, and then

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Speaker 1: she has a final one that is in twelve days.

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Speaker 1: That's break up with him. And it's not if it

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Speaker 1: gets hard or not. It's if he made the course correction.

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Speaker 1: It's if he's not mad at that. I'm not mad

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Speaker 1: at that either. She's like, girl, the way that he

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Speaker 1: spoke to me is if like she was delusional, that

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Speaker 1: she was that so he might not even be in

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Speaker 1: the phase of admitting that he has a right child dysfunction.

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Speaker 1: And she said that she got really upset in an

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Speaker 1: argument they had or a conversation they had, because he

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Speaker 1: was like, yeah, yeah, don't worry, it's me, it's you,

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Speaker 1: and she was like, I know it's not me. He's like, well,

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Speaker 1: I want to make sure you know it's not you,

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Speaker 1: and she said, I was she's like, you know how

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Speaker 1: many times I had to think of what to say

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Speaker 1: so that you could come to the conclusion that is

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Speaker 1: you and literally tell me what you're going to do.

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Speaker 3: To fix it, Like stop trying to make me feel

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Speaker 3: like I called you insecure, wondering if it's me.

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Speaker 1: She's like, I know what this that you issue is

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Speaker 1: and you do too.

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Speaker 3: And we did a lot of little googles together, her

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Speaker 3: and I kind of just figuring out the percentage of

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Speaker 3: men that suffer with this what they should do.

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Speaker 1: And she's like, worst fucking thing I've ever.

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Speaker 2: Had to tell somebody.

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Speaker 1: Worst thing ever. And I said, imagine on the flip

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Speaker 1: side if a man had to tell a woman about

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Speaker 1: her pH which I mean, we've actually had people right

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Speaker 1: in and asking that. I mean. Unfortunately, because our sexual

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Speaker 1: health isn't something that we often talk about. When something

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Speaker 1: is wrong or not acting right or operating the way

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Speaker 1: it should or smelling the way it should, or you know,

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Speaker 1: it does become a little touchy sensitive of a topic,

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Speaker 1: I think for a lot of people, because we're not

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Speaker 1: giving the tools on how to have these conver ver

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Speaker 1: stations either, and it's embarrassing for some people, you know,

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Speaker 1: m M.

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Speaker 2: It is like, but that's.

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Speaker 1: The thing as adults like.

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Speaker 3: Being able to come forth and talk about your issues

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Speaker 3: together is so important because if you smell it, if

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Speaker 3: you know it ain't getting up the other person.

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Speaker 1: You fucking know, the.

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Speaker 2: Other person knows. The other person knows. Well. Good luck

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Speaker 2: to her. We might need that update in twelve days

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Speaker 2: on what's happening.

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Speaker 1: We're on about day seven. Listen, anyways, If you want

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Speaker 1: us to help you with your du laos, send your

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Speaker 1: email over to decisions pod at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 2: Weisey and I, as unofficial.

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Speaker 1: Experts to all of this shit, will give you our

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Speaker 1: thoughts and hopefully it helps you. Okay, now this one,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting. The title is are we ethically non monogamous?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm more experienced, let's get into it. Hey, Wheezy

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Speaker 1: and Mandy, my boyfriend and I have been dating for

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Speaker 1: roughly a year.

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Speaker 2: Here's the backstory.

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Speaker 1: I was cheated on in October of twenty twenty four

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Speaker 1: by the person I thought I was going to marry.

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Speaker 2: That man told me I was fat and unattractive.

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Speaker 1: Instead of telling me he cheated, that was traumatic for me.

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Speaker 2: Instead of telling me he cheated, I don't know we'll see.

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Speaker 2: Okay whatever.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I'm like real Heabyan told me I was fat

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Speaker 1: and unattractive. Maybe that's why he said he cheated on her,

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Speaker 1: but yeah, it was traumatic for her. So to recover,

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Speaker 1: I decided I was going to sleep with whoever I

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Speaker 1: wanted whenever during this healing.

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Speaker 2: Girl, I don't know if that's.

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Speaker 1: The way to heal, but okay, during this healing. Crazy

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Speaker 1: you know, during this healing. I met my now boyfriend.

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Speaker 1: When I met him, like, I'm fat and unattractive. Fault nigga.

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Speaker 1: When I met him, he was getting a divorce from

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Speaker 1: his high school sweetheart and mother of his child. When

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Speaker 1: he met me, I was the third person he ever

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Speaker 1: slept with. He is in his mid thirties and I

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Speaker 1: am in my late twenties. When we first started talking

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Speaker 1: and casually fucking, I was sleeping with a married lesbian couple.

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Speaker 2: Also, oh bitch, he.

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Speaker 1: Was ugly at all You're getting all this ass? He

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Speaker 1: was down for it, but was a little upset because

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Speaker 1: he couldn't join.

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Speaker 2: He and I are rather kinky and love to play together.

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Speaker 1: Once I ended things with the couple, we became officially monogamous.

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Speaker 1: Roughly eight months passed and he decides he wants the

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Speaker 1: ability to see other people but still loves me. He

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Speaker 1: only wants them sexually or wanted me to have threesomes

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Speaker 1: with him, but he just didn't make me feel safe

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Speaker 1: in doing that, like he would choose me over the

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Speaker 1: other person no matter what is what he said. But

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Speaker 1: I heard that wrong for a second.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we broke.

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Speaker 1: Up approximately three months where we were still seeing each

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Speaker 1: other sexually and also seeing other people. Here's where I

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Speaker 1: became a unicorn for two other couples during this time.

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Speaker 2: As my boyfriend at the time my ex.

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Speaker 1: We're still maintaining a good friendship and leading with open

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Speaker 1: and honest conversations. We decided that we wanted to be together,

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Speaker 1: but this time ethically non monogamous.

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Speaker 2: For me, I never cared.

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Speaker 1: I can be with a bunch of people or just

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Speaker 1: one as long as I'm happy and feel seen, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't matter to me. For him, I knew it was

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Speaker 1: harder because he just didn't have the experience. So now

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Speaker 1: I'm worried that because of my sexual experience, he wants

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Speaker 1: to try to get on the same level as me.

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Speaker 1: With that, with what I've done and who I've had, sexually.

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Speaker 2: And the amount of partners.

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Speaker 1: I know he loves me and cares for me, but

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Speaker 1: sometimes it feels like we are in a competition, and honestly,

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Speaker 1: I don't care for it because I know I taught

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Speaker 1: him everything and regardless, I'm still the better partner sexually.

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Speaker 1: I would love your thoughts on this now, ma'am, I

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Speaker 1: feel like you're fucking delusional. Here's why this is the

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Speaker 1: second time you said that.

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Speaker 2: I know because hold the mirror up. It's crazy because

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Speaker 2: there's a.

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Speaker 1: Part in this where you were dealing with a lesbian

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Speaker 1: couple and he could not join yet she says he

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Speaker 1: couldn't join. He was down, but was a little upset

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Speaker 1: because he couldn't join. Then you brought up how y'all

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Speaker 1: are kiky together?

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Speaker 2: Then you said there's other.

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Speaker 1: People he wants to be with you sexually and to

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Speaker 1: have threesomes with, but he doesn't make you feel safe

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Speaker 1: in doing that. There's a level of insecurity there, and

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Speaker 1: I wonder if it's your trauma coming back from being

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Speaker 1: previously cheated on by your last partner. It's not that

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Speaker 1: you're more experienced tier with ethical non monogamy. Yes, you

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Speaker 1: have more sexual partners, but it doesn't mean that you're

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Speaker 1: more knowledgeable or experienced in maintaining an ethically non monogamous

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Speaker 1: relationship with someone else, mind you. It's also very interesting

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Speaker 1: for me. You said that you were the third person

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Speaker 1: that not only he covered up with, but when y'all met,

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Speaker 1: you were sleeping with a lesbian couple, and during your

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Speaker 1: three month breakup, you were the unicorn for two couples. Ma'am,

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Speaker 1: you've never technically had to engage and create boundaries and

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Speaker 1: feel safe in a relationship where you're ethically non monogamous

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Speaker 1: with one other.

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Speaker 2: Person because you're joining it as a third to a

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Speaker 2: couple that is ethically non monogamous. You're joining them as

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Speaker 2: a unicorn where also you may not have the same responsibility.

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Speaker 3: And I think it can make someone feel experienced, but

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Speaker 3: it isn't your own dynamics. You really don't know right

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Speaker 3: right because work feelings don't necessarily have to be being

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Speaker 3: a unicorn. I mean, I don't know if it was

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Speaker 3: a threatfold situation, maybe, but.

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Speaker 2: It's not given that.

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Speaker 1: The fact that it wasn't given that because also she

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Speaker 1: was able to start dating this guy while she was

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Speaker 1: being a third for the lesbians. Then when they broke

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Speaker 1: up for the three months she said she was a

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Speaker 1: lesbian for two other couples.

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Speaker 2: So it's not even giving that it's a thruple union.

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Speaker 2: It's giving your a unicorn.

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Speaker 1: Which is fine, which is to me, not the same

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Speaker 1: as drawing the boundaries of your own relationship. And so

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Speaker 1: when you say that he wanted to have threesomes with you,

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Speaker 1: but he didn't make you feel safe, it gives me

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Speaker 1: that you actually aren't past the trauma or healed from

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Speaker 1: being cheated on with your last partner. To me, I

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Speaker 1: think that we have a large issue here with isn't

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Speaker 1: he recently divorced?

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Speaker 2: He is?

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Speaker 1: This is not the relationship you want if he's recently

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Speaker 1: divorced and has only slept with three people. If that's

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Speaker 1: the truth, Oh, this man needs this open relationship so

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Speaker 1: that he can actually be single and explore there okay,

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Speaker 1: problem with understanding open relationships right, Like, it's interesting. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: I've had disagreements with my partner about certain things we

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Speaker 1: want or want to do, and the number one thing

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Speaker 1: he says to me is like, you're not getting it.

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Speaker 1: I don't care about being open, I care about us

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Speaker 1: honoring this boundary, Like you're not getting it. I don't

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Speaker 1: care about fucking bitches like this is not I'm not

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Speaker 1: an animal. I don't need to fuck bitches all the time,

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Speaker 1: like this could stay or go. I want to make

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Speaker 1: sure this is fixed first.

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Speaker 3: Right, And it does feel a lot different than when

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Speaker 3: I had would obey in the realm of sometimes I

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Speaker 3: would feel like when I was with Old Bay if

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Speaker 3: you've listening to the show that longer read No Holds

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Speaker 3: Bard that when he would say we were in an

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Speaker 3: open relationship.

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Speaker 1: That's really what was in his brain.

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Speaker 3: I could mark for other hosts, whereas currently in my

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Speaker 3: open relationship because both of us maybe we're just emotionally

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Speaker 3: more mature. It's like, hey, I'm in this open relationship

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Speaker 3: because you and I both get to experience pleasure and

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Speaker 3: I'm cool with that. That fact of it alone would

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Speaker 3: have led him to sit and not want to join

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Speaker 3: or understand and let you know that, Hey, the selfishness

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Speaker 3: of sexuality doesn't exist, and that's what you really want

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Speaker 3: to know, because imagine how many women are in open

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Speaker 3: relationships just so their nigga to fuck another bitch and

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Speaker 3: make them feel like they're just getting them all hyped

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Speaker 3: up and being like Oh yeah, I want a threesome

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Speaker 3: with you, baby. They just want some other buzzy they experience.

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Speaker 3: That's unfair.

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Speaker 1: I think what's also unfair is because you've had more

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Speaker 1: sexual partners, you're making it seem like you're this pro

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Speaker 1: at essentially a relationship dynamic you've never had with one man,

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Speaker 1: if that makes sense like and so for me, I

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Speaker 1: think you need to sit with what would your boundaries

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Speaker 1: look like?

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Speaker 2: And what could he do to make you feel safe?

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Speaker 1: Because the fact that you were dealing with these lesbian

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Speaker 1: women but didn't even want him to join.

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Speaker 2: What would your boundaries look like? How can you have

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Speaker 2: a mature and.

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Speaker 1: Expert because you're the expert, right, How could you have

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Speaker 1: that conversation with him to where you can lead him

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Speaker 1: to where you guys can have a safe, open, or

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Speaker 1: ethically non monogamous relationship. But I also found it very

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Speaker 1: interesting that this is someone that you broke up with.

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Speaker 1: You mentioned that y'all broke up for three months and

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Speaker 1: within that breakup you were still fucking him. Then y'all

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Speaker 1: got back together, And what does that look like realistically?

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Speaker 1: Because if you could be broken up with him quote unquo,

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Speaker 1: well but still fuck him while both of y'all are

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Speaker 1: fucking other people. Maybe realistically, this isn't a person to

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Speaker 1: be with, and maybe you're genuinely not healed. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: are in a realm where you're still trying to find

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Speaker 1: what makes you feel safe in the bedroom and how

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Speaker 1: you can bring what more you want to a partner

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Speaker 1: and be able to communicate that. To me, the layer

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Speaker 1: of this too that you just said that I thought

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Speaker 1: about with like not healed yet. Someone telling you you're

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Speaker 1: fat and unattractive wish I don't believe is the lowest

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Speaker 1: they can go to try to hurt your feelings. And

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Speaker 1: the way you were like healing and hoeing, Like here's

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Speaker 1: the thing. We had a clip that came out on

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Speaker 1: the Cammy Crawford podcast where I was like, nah, like

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Speaker 1: I fucked his own boy and I felt better. And man,

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Speaker 1: He's like, na, hoen doesn't make you feel better? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, yes, it does. No regrets, fuckinge holing

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Speaker 1: or two different things bade but revenge fucking well. To me,

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Speaker 1: this is a bit nuanced, right.

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Speaker 3: I think personal insults like that making you question your

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Speaker 3: self worth, There's got to be something that makes you

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Speaker 3: feel good in saying.

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Speaker 1: This person was your boyfriend, Like getting chose. Listen, I

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Speaker 1: don't care what woman, I'm not that person today, but

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Speaker 1: we've all been there. Being chose can feel good. Being

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Speaker 1: It's like winning. You get to win, you get to yebody.

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Speaker 1: It's a real thing, right. But the older you get

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Speaker 1: and the more you sit with yourself, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, this is actually lame, and it's actually

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Speaker 1: the reason why being single the last five years because

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Speaker 1: that just so much more confident didn't bother me. Like

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Speaker 1: the last five years of my single time, I was

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Speaker 1: just like, oh, I let a fuck nigga go or

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Speaker 1: I'm not in a relationship that doesn't make me happy.

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Speaker 1: Like you start to realize single as a superpower more

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Speaker 1: than it is a diff you know what I mean, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: everybody makes me feel And I think because someone made

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Speaker 1: you feel so low, the relationship or knowing you can

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Speaker 1: have one makes you feel higher.

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Speaker 2: I'm not mad at that thought process.

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Speaker 1: Like I said, I think that because you've had all

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Speaker 1: these sexual partners and maybe had threesomes, and because he's

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Speaker 1: less sexually experienced than you, you feel like you know

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Speaker 1: how to have an ethically non monogamous relationship and I

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Speaker 1: believe you do not agree.

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Speaker 2: I don't believe you're healed.

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Speaker 1: And I think that you need to find what would

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Speaker 1: make you feel safe with this man and if he

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Speaker 1: has the capacity to do so, before even introducing ethical

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Speaker 1: non monogamy, because trying to get to learn someone and

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Speaker 1: feeling safe with them while also adding other people to

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Speaker 1: the bedroom is a recipe for disaster. I will say this,

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Speaker 1: I don't I'm in an ethically non monogmous relationship and

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Speaker 1: been dating this way for a long time, and I

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Speaker 1: can tell you this. When people would try to tell

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Speaker 1: me monogamy was safer, it wasn't. Like everything is bullshit, right, yep.

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Speaker 1: The one thing that's really bullshit is open relationships. Because

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Speaker 1: niggas want other pussy.

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Speaker 3: You have got to make sure that this is an

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Speaker 3: exchange of pleasure comparsion.

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Speaker 1: You've never heard the word.

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Speaker 3: It's the joy of someone else receiving pleasure. And I'm

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Speaker 3: telling y'all open relationships just so someone can do them.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes it's not a real relationship.

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Speaker 2: It's just not.

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Speaker 1: This is so much more layered than threesomes in fun.

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Speaker 2: It is.

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Speaker 1: It is well, would love to know where you end

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Speaker 1: up in this relationship.

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Speaker 2: Or not, and I do bid you ado Idio Journey

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Speaker 2: Appealing Bitch listen, good luck. Okay.

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Speaker 1: If you want to send your letter to us to

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Speaker 1: help you with the dilemma that you have or the

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Speaker 1: problem so that you can have a solution, hit us up.

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Speaker 1: Send your email to decisions pod at gmail dot com.

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Speaker 1: If you want to watch this full episode, make sure

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Speaker 1: you head on over to Patreon and join us on

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Speaker 1: the video tier that's Patreon dot com.

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Speaker 2: Backslash or thank you guys so much. See y'all next week.

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Speaker 1: Ma