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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio

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Speaker 1: and two time People's Choice Award winning.

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Speaker 2: Podcast Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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Speaker 1: It's that scrubbing in life with my scrubbing in a wife.

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Speaker 3: I was thinking it'd be fun if we did a

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Speaker 3: little jingle for dear Bonya like such as, well, you know,

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Speaker 3: I just come with ideas, not exact execution.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's where we always fall flat, and that we

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Speaker 1: have ideas, we don't follow through on anything. We should

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Speaker 1: change that. Honestly, that's a really bad quality to have.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it really is.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not putting that on you. I'm putting that

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Speaker 1: on the both of us.

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Speaker 4: It's literally a store of mine, look at any area

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Speaker 4: of my life.

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Speaker 3: Really, But I just thought it be cute if it

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Speaker 3: was like who you're gonna call when you have a question,

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Speaker 3: or it was just gonna be like two lines like

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Speaker 3: who you gonna call? But something that ends with Anya.

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Speaker 4: It's kind of tough. It's very tough.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna call when there's a question, Anya, pick up

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Speaker 5: the phone.

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Speaker 4: Are you gonna call when there's a question? On Y

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Speaker 4: I have an idea, Let's call Banya.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, let's write Bonya.

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Speaker 1: It's really good forget.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because we will.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, now you're gonna call the question on ya?

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Speaker 4: I have an idea, dear Bonya. And if we can.

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Speaker 3: Add a little jingle behind it, how cute is that

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Speaker 3: we get in the studio and get that locked in?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, let's maybe get let's give a clear one.

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Speaker 1: Let's give a clear one.

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Speaker 4: Oh, we're doing this now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Who you're gonna call with the question on ya? I

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Speaker 4: have an idea?

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Speaker 1: Oh wait, No, I feel like I should say I

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Speaker 1: have an idea. Okay, you should say so.

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Speaker 4: That cuts it together, dear bond your bond.

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Speaker 1: Okay, But then I should say I have an idea.

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Speaker 4: Okay, who you're gonna call with the question on you?

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Speaker 1: I have an idea?

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Speaker 4: What the hell?

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Speaker 1: Dear? I think it was nice to cut like a

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Speaker 1: little like to hear this every day.

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Speaker 4: So just okay, who you're gonna call with the question

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Speaker 4: on you?

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Speaker 1: I have idea, Dear Bonya.

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Speaker 6: Wow, that's so good. I will do some stuff with that.

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Speaker 5: But if anyone out there is listening and wants to

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Speaker 5: give it, isolate that and put it on the face.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Excellent, idea excellent and execution around. Yeah. Yeah, top tier.

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Speaker 4: Anyways, this is.

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Speaker 1: The newest grubbing in twenty twenty sixth version. We get

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Speaker 1: it done on the.

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Speaker 4: Spot and you have to listen to us workshopping.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're pulling you behind the curtain to show you

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Speaker 1: how the sauce is made.

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Speaker 4: Who else is doing that?

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Speaker 1: And by the way, did you know that there was

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Speaker 1: like a lot of backlash on Amy Poehler winning the

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Speaker 1: podcast Work because her podcast is like eight and eight

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Speaker 1: months old or something like that.

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Speaker 4: I hate that. Why Why is that a problem?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, because they're just like so good that

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Speaker 3: there's made a more more impact than podcasts that have

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Speaker 3: been there.

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Speaker 1: For you just tell you what I read. No, I

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Speaker 1: would just on like online critics, schmidtics. Yeah, they're all

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Speaker 1: out there. They are all out there.

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Speaker 3: It's best you just don't read the comments. That's what

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Speaker 3: I've learned. The other day, I was like upset because

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Speaker 3: I can't even remember what it was about. But someone

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Speaker 3: sent me a DM that I was like like fixated on,

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Speaker 3: and Haley goes, I can believe you just open your

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Speaker 3: dms and I'm like, well, normally everyone's so nice, Like

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Speaker 3: I never have to worry about hate, Like I'm very lucky,

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Speaker 3: but sometimes one will sneak in there. Yeah, not even hate,

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Speaker 3: just just something that makes me uncozy, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate that for you. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: It is life, you know. You know what I did realize, hooper,

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Speaker 4: you're gonna get haters. Haters.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Hoopers bring haters.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, what were you gonna say?

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Speaker 1: I feel I've felt the opposite in my DMS. I

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Speaker 1: feel like people have been like actually really respectful and

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Speaker 1: like saying like I don't know what happened, and like

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Speaker 1: you don't need to share when until you're ready, but

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Speaker 1: like I'm praying for you and thinking about you, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like that is so kind, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like nobody's like prying, oh yeah, or like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: but just sending their well wishes and like that's so nice.

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Speaker 1: That's literally like the nicest thing you can do, right.

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Speaker 4: That is really nice.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad you're having those types of messages.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and no haters.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm not a hooper. I beat them up and

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Speaker 1: I'm not a hooper, so I don't I don't bring

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Speaker 1: the haters.

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Speaker 3: Y. Yeah, no, when you when you become a hooper,

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Speaker 3: you'll know that. You'll know what I'm talking about.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I ever will become a hooper. I

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Speaker 1: don't think that's that's not in the cards for me.

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to find a co ed league that me

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Speaker 4: and Robbie can be a part of.

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Speaker 1: I would love that his friends actually started doing like

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Speaker 1: they were supposed to, start doing pick up basketball every like.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it's one day of the weekend. I

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Speaker 1: can't remember Saturday or Sunday mornings.

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Speaker 4: And I was just like, ugh, no, I don't do

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Speaker 4: that's the thing I'm not doing.

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Speaker 1: It was just his guy friends. Yeah, yeah, And I

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Speaker 1: was just like, this is this is the beginning of the.

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Speaker 3: End doing that, and then I'm not doing weekend mornings.

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Speaker 4: I draw the line weekend mornings weekday nights only.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Okay, let's get to deer Bonia.

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Speaker 2: Because who you're gonna call the goals, the gals, and

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Speaker 2: the the scrubbers have some questions, question all ask This

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Speaker 2: first one has me stress, so Euston.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, this is a rough one, okay, Hi, Becca Easton,

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Speaker 5: Mark Absent, and Tanya. I have to start by first

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Speaker 5: thanking you for the amazing content you put out. How

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Speaker 5: nice when life feels difficult. It's nice knowing there's happiness

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Speaker 5: and a supportive community through this pod. I've heard you

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Speaker 5: give advice to so many people, and now I'm needing

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Speaker 5: help For context. I went through a breakup during the

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Speaker 5: summer of last year. We were together for four years,

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Speaker 5: and I was the one that kept the relationship together

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Speaker 5: and was definitely more in love the entire time. After

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Speaker 5: breaking up, she started seeing a new girl in my

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Speaker 5: apartment building, which upset me, but I was able to

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Speaker 5: get through. Then I found out she's in the apartment

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Speaker 5: next to me. I am in six oh six, she

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Speaker 5: is in six oh five. It's been making my life

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Speaker 5: so uncomfortable and difficult, and I would love to get

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Speaker 5: y'all's thoughts on what I should do for context. I

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Speaker 5: have no family in the city, but I do have

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Speaker 5: a few friends. I'm a total Tanya and I always

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Speaker 5: have my heart on my sleeve. Even though this sucks,

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Speaker 5: I know all find my Robbie Haley one day, Love

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Speaker 5: you all.

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Speaker 6: And thank you from Marcie oh Man. That is rough.

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Speaker 1: She kind of move that's as clear as day to me.

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Speaker 4: That would literally be like when we lived in the

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Speaker 4: same building.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and you shared a wall.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but and you were dating someone and then y'all

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Speaker 3: broke up and your heart broken and then he started

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Speaker 3: dating me.

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Speaker 1: I would move.

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Speaker 4: I'd be like, see yea later, see you next Tuesday.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I would definitely move, which but that not

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Speaker 3: everyone has the like freedom to do that.

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Speaker 4: Like we don't know like the lease.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's just say, let's play this out. She's in

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Speaker 1: like a year lease.

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Speaker 4: To just signed a year lease? What if she bought it?

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Speaker 3: Maybe she's in a condo if you don't own, if

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Speaker 3: you're just renting, when is your lise up?

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Speaker 4: We might need some follow up here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we do need a little because my advice would

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Speaker 1: be to move. But you're right if she just signed

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Speaker 1: a year lease and she even if she's like six

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Speaker 1: months in, she saw six months still next to this chica.

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Speaker 3: Also, what if you start living your life and then

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Speaker 3: you bring someone new over.

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Speaker 1: No, we're not playing tip for tat here.

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Speaker 4: Oh we're not well because.

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Speaker 1: That's for petty girls and we're not petty.

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Speaker 4: There's room for petty.

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Speaker 1: You know that.

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Speaker 4: She forgot about her gameplay and oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: I did forget about that. Okay.

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Speaker 3: If your lease is gonna be up soon, I say

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Speaker 3: it's time for a fresh start. Move far away and

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Speaker 3: start your life. I think it'll feel good to start fresh.

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Speaker 4: Anyway.

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Speaker 3: If you love your apartment and you're like, my lease

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Speaker 3: is almost up, but I don't want to go anywhere.

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Speaker 3: I love this place, then you're just gonna have to

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Speaker 3: put your biggest girl panties on and you're gonna it's

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Speaker 3: it's gonna be a process where you're eventually gonna one

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Speaker 3: day you're gonna wake up and you're gonna feel nothing

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Speaker 3: about this girl.

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Speaker 1: For sure, you're.

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Speaker 3: Gonna be like, Wow, I can't believe I spent so

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Speaker 3: much time missing her and thinking about this so much.

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Speaker 3: But in the time that you're in right now, you

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Speaker 3: are thinking about her. So I think when you see her,

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Speaker 3: you know, you just have to put on a brave

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Speaker 3: face and say hello or whatever you need to do.

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Speaker 1: And what I just I can't even imagine that would

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Speaker 1: just be so brilleft.

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Speaker 3: Well, if you're hearing things due to sharing a wall, sublet.

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Speaker 4: You gotta get out of you, got it. There's no

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Speaker 4: peace from that.

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Speaker 3: And unfortunately, dear Banya is not able to help with

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Speaker 3: that level of Yeah, I'm a firm.

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Speaker 6: Believer in.

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Speaker 1: What's the what's the saying like, uh, forget, forget, like

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Speaker 1: you can't see it, like unfollow, mute, out of side,

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Speaker 1: out of my sight, out of mind, And if you're

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Speaker 1: seeing this person every day, it's like, how are you

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Speaker 1: gonna get over it?

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Speaker 3: I really do believe in the power of out of sight,

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Speaker 3: out of minds, because once you're not reminded of something

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Speaker 3: every day, your brain naturally tends to forget, to move

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Speaker 3: on and so and the thing is, we don't know

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Speaker 3: if this new girl is. They're just like hanging out

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Speaker 3: and hooking. Flash the pan, yeah, flashing the pan.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: So oh I see, just watch the next level stuff.

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Speaker 3: So I feel like when depending on when your leases

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Speaker 3: and how long this thing lasts, because it could be

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Speaker 3: a fling, it could be a thing, but you deserve

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Speaker 3: to have peace and the space to move on and

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Speaker 3: you you obviously can't make anyone else move out or

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Speaker 3: stop showing up. So I think the power is in

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Speaker 3: your hands of how you how you go about this.

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Speaker 3: If you're able to find a new place, amazing, even

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Speaker 3: if it's in the same building. What if you found

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Speaker 3: a place, a couple floors up.

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Speaker 1: Still bad, but you know what, there's there are things

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Speaker 1: in life that you cannot control. You can only control

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Speaker 1: your emotions and how you react to them. And this

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Speaker 1: is your time, Marcie, to step up.

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Speaker 3: Marcy, you're about to be the baddest be I'm just

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Speaker 3: gonna say it, the baddest bitch in this apartment complaxt

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Speaker 3: and you need to stand your ground. You are so

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Speaker 3: worthy of a relationship and you're just because it wasn't

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Speaker 3: her doesn't mean it's not going to be someone amazing

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Speaker 3: that shows up and that fills your home with love.

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Speaker 3: And I hope that whether or not you stay or

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Speaker 3: go or whatever you choose, that you take your power

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Speaker 3: in this situation and allow yourself to be the bigger

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Speaker 3: person when you need to be, and also like own yourself,

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Speaker 3: own your power.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I'm.

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Speaker 4: Also sorry you're going through this because it's.

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Speaker 1: Something hell actual health h double hockey stix.

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Speaker 3: We love you, should we do? Excited bride? Yes, Okay,

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Speaker 3: let's take a break and we'll be right back.

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Speaker 4: We are.

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Speaker 6: I didn't know I should wait for permission to read

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Speaker 6: the email.

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Speaker 4: You don't have to wait, Okay, Well, thank.

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Speaker 5: You for that, as promised an excited bride. Hi Begatania

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Speaker 5: Mark in Easton. Thank you for literally always making me

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Speaker 5: laugh on my commute to work. Your energy is magnetic

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Speaker 5: and I love starting my day with some laughter. I

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Speaker 5: love that these emails begin with a compliment. That's a

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Speaker 5: great format. Get us off on the right foot. I

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Speaker 5: need advice on a wedding guest list dilemma. I'm getting

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Speaker 5: married in September and I sent save the dates in November.

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Speaker 5: We're inviting one hundred and fifty six people, and while

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Speaker 5: our parents were great about not pushing extra guests, many

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Speaker 5: of their friends that ended up on the list because

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Speaker 5: we genuinely like them. That said, adding anyone else at

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Speaker 5: this point is very expensive, although there are about ten

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Speaker 5: more people I want to invite. My mom asked me

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Speaker 5: to invite my godmother, who's a longtime family friend through

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Speaker 5: my grandparents. I see her maybe once a year. I

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Speaker 5: barely know her now and i've never met her. Husban

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Speaker 5: that I sent them a save the date because it

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Speaker 5: seemed reasonable. Recently, my mom mentioned that I don't actually

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Speaker 5: need to invite her anymore, and now I'm stuck. I

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Speaker 5: feel awkward with sending the invite, But I much rather

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Speaker 5: use those two spots for people I'm closer to. I

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Speaker 5: don't even have her phone number, I'm not sending an

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Speaker 5: Not sending an invitation feels wrong, but so just keeping

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Speaker 5: her on the list and hoping she declines, what would

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Speaker 5: you do? Thank you xoxo and excited bride trying to

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Speaker 5: invite her favorite people without hurting feelings. And I am

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Speaker 5: an endpath, I'm.

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Speaker 1: I'm a clearers day.

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Speaker 4: I know what you're going to say, Well, you just

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Speaker 4: pay for the extra two people.

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Speaker 1: No, I mean, if you send the save the date,

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Speaker 1: you can't not invite them to the wedding, right and statistically,

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Speaker 1: even let's say all one hundred and fifty six people

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Speaker 1: were r RCP that they're coming, there's usually a couple

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Speaker 1: of people. I don't know if this is destination or

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Speaker 1: if this is like local that do drop off like

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Speaker 1: right before the wedding. So you're going to be down

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Speaker 1: a couple than you think you're going to be down

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Speaker 1: a couple of heads.

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Speaker 4: That's good advice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't send to save the day not giving them.

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Speaker 3: I don't think there's a world where you can rescind

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Speaker 3: that recent.

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Speaker 1: Rescind with this c But let this be a less

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Speaker 1: blessed lesson for anybody out there, A good lesson. Be

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Speaker 1: very mindful. You can always add people to your list,

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Speaker 1: but you cannot subtract. Looking at you, Becca, Oh that's right, Yeah.

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Speaker 4: That's right.

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Speaker 3: You got to be very intentional with the guest list. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think you have to have to have them.

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Speaker 4: I also say, just go ahead and invite.

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Speaker 1: The other two people that you like and want, yeah,

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Speaker 1: like if you want.

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Speaker 4: Like the whole.

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Speaker 3: What I loved about Tonya's wedding was that as if

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Speaker 3: she's not here. What I loved about Tonya and Robbie's

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Speaker 3: wedding was that it felt like they all the people

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Speaker 3: that were there were people they wanted to be there.

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Speaker 4: Like it didn't feel like there was this.

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Speaker 3: Like cloud of like, oh I wish I hadn't invited

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Speaker 3: someone else or not invited these people. It just felt

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Speaker 3: like everyone there was like a vibe for sure.

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Speaker 1: So that's exactly how we did it.

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Speaker 4: We didn't invite.

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Speaker 1: There was no like, well, she doesn't want to invite

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Speaker 1: Jus doesn't want to invite the godmother, which is what

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Speaker 1: she's saying. There was no that we invited to our

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Speaker 1: wedding that we didn't want to invite.

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Speaker 4: I know, but I'm saying she already did so yeah,

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Speaker 4: I'm just you got to see it through. You got

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Speaker 4: to see it through. You got to cross your fingers.

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Speaker 3: That she hasn't come a week of busy plans that

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Speaker 3: weekend you can't cancel. And then I say, just invite

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Speaker 3: the people that you want to be there and it'll

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Speaker 3: work out. At the very least, you have to pay

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Speaker 3: for them, which at the end of the day, you're

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Speaker 3: already blurting on a wedding.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why not one hundred and fifty six people. So

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Speaker 1: this is not going to be a cheap wedding.

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Speaker 3: No, you're gonna have a You're gonna get to have

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Speaker 3: a couple. Having a couple people there is more important

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Speaker 3: than extra money that you're going to pay. At the

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Speaker 3: end of the day, you're not going to look back

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Speaker 3: and be like, oh, I spent extra money on these people.

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Speaker 3: You're gonna be like, I'm so happy they were there.

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Speaker 3: But I don't think you're going to have to do that. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think it's all going to fall into place. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and congratulations, exciting.

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Speaker 1: September is still kind of Far Away actually.

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Speaker 4: This year, though it is this year and before you

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Speaker 4: know it, it will. We're so happy for you, love you.

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Speaker 4: Did you want to do? Anxiously attached?

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Speaker 1: Anxiously attached?

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Speaker 4: Okay, okay, okay.

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Speaker 5: Hey beca Tanya Mark and Easton d one scrubbery here.

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Speaker 5: I could really use some advice about my boyfriend of

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Speaker 5: three years and knowing when to walk away. No compliment there, interesting,

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Speaker 5: I'm just kidding. Aniously attached to Gubber.

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Speaker 6: I'm sorry about that.

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Speaker 5: I'm similar to Tanya and that I value personal growth, discipline,

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Speaker 5: and energy. And I've wanted a life partner for a

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Speaker 5: long time after years of bad dates in my twenties.

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Speaker 5: I met my current partner at thirty I'm now thirty three,

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Speaker 5: he's thirty five, and we both say we want marriage

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Speaker 5: and kids.

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Speaker 6: The problem is timing.

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Speaker 5: He's been slow at every relationship step because he's very

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Speaker 5: thoughtful and wants to be completely sure before making decisions.

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Speaker 5: I'm the opposite. I know early on that I wanted

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Speaker 5: to marry him, that wo'd be good partners. This waiting

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Speaker 5: season is really hard for me. It's increasing my anxiety,

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Speaker 5: especially because I worry he's taking too long He's told

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Speaker 5: me that asking about engagement makes him feel pressured.

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Speaker 6: He's avoidant.

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Speaker 5: I'm anxiously attached, and I know that pressure makes him

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Speaker 5: pull back. I don't want to push him, but I

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Speaker 5: also want to honor my own timeline. Starting over at

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Speaker 5: thirty three feels overwhelming. I have to grieve this relationship,

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Speaker 5: meet someone new, and still think about having kids. That

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Speaker 5: thought sends me into a spiral and makes it hard

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Speaker 5: to show up as my best self. Our lives are

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Speaker 5: so intertwined at this point that walking away would feel

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Speaker 5: like a divorce. How long would you wait for someone

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Speaker 5: to commit? What would you do?

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Speaker 6: From an anxiously attached scrubber.

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Speaker 3: This could have been Tanya rad riding into Dear Vonya

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Speaker 3: a few years ago at.

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Speaker 1: Thirty thirty, literally at thirty Yeah, spoiler alert, SI a

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Speaker 1: couple of years to get there all you go for? Sorry,

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Speaker 1: anxiously attached scrubber. The thought that to think that you're

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Speaker 1: even thinking about walking it feels so silly to me

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Speaker 1: because I think that it's very rare to find two

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Speaker 1: people that are exactly on the exact same page want

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Speaker 1: to do things at the exact same time. You're two

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Speaker 1: different people approaching it in from two different paths. Who

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Speaker 1: knows why he's making why he's slow, but I'm sure

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Speaker 1: there's reason for it. Obviously you probably can give us

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Speaker 1: all the context in this email. But I think you

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Speaker 1: just have to trust that when he says he wants

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Speaker 1: marriage and kids with you, that he wouldn't just say that.

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Speaker 1: You have to trust your partner and know that he's

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Speaker 1: going to do it when it feels right for him.

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Speaker 1: And if you want to take his phone and start

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Speaker 1: saying when he's like in the bathroom, engagement rings or

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Speaker 1: engagement in my pop up in his algorithm, and then

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Speaker 1: you might take it as a sign. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I'm just throwing it out there.

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Speaker 4: Not that it's not something you did personally.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't like with ring, engagement rings, emerald cuts, engagement engagement,

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Speaker 1: beautiful engagements.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I also think, like, if this is the person you

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Speaker 3: want to spend the rest of your life with, don't

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Speaker 3: you have to trust what he says? Like isn't that

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Speaker 3: such a huge part of choosing your person as trusting

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Speaker 3: that they're gonna follow through with what they say? Yeah,

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00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,280
Speaker 3: And like if he's trying to plan this and you're

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Speaker 3: just bombarding him with questions about it. It's kind of

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Speaker 3: taking probably the fun and joy out of him getting

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Speaker 3: to do that and surprise you. So I would just say,

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Speaker 3: let yourself rest in the comfort of knowing that you

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Speaker 3: have someone if you trust his word, if that's something

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Speaker 3: that is important to you in this relationship, and you

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Speaker 3: trust his words, then trust that it's gonna happen and

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Speaker 3: he's going to do it and make it special for you.

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Speaker 3: But don't ruin it for yourself, like, let it be

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Speaker 3: a surprise and let it be.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I would be worried if he wasn't saying he

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Speaker 1: wants marriage and kids with you, But he's literally saying that.

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Speaker 4: So that's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 3: If if this is someone you trust and he follows

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Speaker 3: through with his words, then you can trust that he's

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Speaker 3: gonna do it for you. And I also think I

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Speaker 3: think about how well Tanya waited and she let Robbie

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Speaker 3: know that she was ready for years, and he was

427
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Speaker 3: very thoughtful with every step in y'all's relationship, you know everything.

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Speaker 3: You were like ready, chomping at the bit, and he

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Speaker 3: took his time. He didn't let you pressure him, And

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Speaker 3: that sounds.

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Speaker 4: Like we shirt, and that sounds like what this guy.

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Speaker 3: Has a similar personality and how he's moving in this relationship.

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Speaker 1: But I think it's important to note that if he

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Speaker 1: is this way like Robbie, I'm just equating him to

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Speaker 1: Robbi because this is kind of how he was. If

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Speaker 1: he were to do something just because you're forcing him

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00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,600
Speaker 1: to or he feels pressure to, that leads to resentment. Yes,

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Speaker 1: so at the end of the day, you do have

439
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 1: to trust your partner and that they're doing things in

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Speaker 1: their own time, because if they feel pressure to do

441
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 1: something because of you, that's where resentment builds. And that's

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Speaker 1: the type of thing that you can't put back into

443
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,760
Speaker 1: a jar, like once the resentment starts to build, like,

444
00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:56,680
Speaker 1: that's not good.

445
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 3: I also feel like, because you mentioned y'all are avoidant

446
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:05,879
Speaker 3: versus anxious, I really think like couple's therapy are counseling.

447
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 3: It could be really helpful because that Haley and I are. Haley,

448
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 3: especially at the beginning of our relationship, was more anxious

449
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:15,679
Speaker 3: and I'm more avoidant, and that was something that just

450
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,720
Speaker 3: learning how to communicate and navigate each other really helps

451
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 3: so much just with that in general, outside of the

452
00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 3: proposal stuff. But it's gonna happen, and don't leave him

453
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 3: just because it's not happening at your time.

454
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 1: No, gosh, that would be the worst thing to do.

455
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:33,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, he loves you, and let him.

456
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 3: Let him do this, and let it be a fun

457
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 3: time and let it be a surprise and trust him

458
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 3: because you're going to marry this man.

459
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can honor your own timeline by allowing it

460
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:52,680
Speaker 1: to be flexible. Did that make sense? Yeah, because she

461
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 1: says she wants to honor her own timeline, like I

462
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: want to have kids and I want to get married

463
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: by let me tell you something.

464
00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,600
Speaker 4: You did that too. How did you like go of that?

465
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,160
Speaker 1: How did I like go that? I mean, my timeline

466
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 1: was like twenty six that I wanted to be married by.

467
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:11,840
Speaker 3: So like timeline, you were still trying to honor your

468
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,120
Speaker 3: timeline with Robbie.

469
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:15,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I did give him some I

470
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: did give him an ultimatum. I was like, if you

471
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 1: don't propose by jan one. I can't remember what it was,

472
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: I think, but he didn't, And I say.

473
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 4: There, yeah, it was a false alarm.

474
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 1: But he knew that. No, we have like a certain

475
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,000
Speaker 1: we have like a family medical situation going on that

476
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 1: kind of held up art proposal, which I totally stood

477
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 1: by him and I agreed with. But yeah, you just

478
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:43,200
Speaker 1: kind of have to roll with the punches. Timelines, who

479
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 1: needs them?

480
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 4: Eh, It's just a construct, you know.

481
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,120
Speaker 5: Does an ultimatum need to happen at a certain point

482
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 5: though I can't hurt.

483
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 4: No, here's the thing you can't hurt. Here's the thing.

484
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 3: I don't know that it helps in terms of like,

485
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 3: I don't know if that it helps anything. It might

486
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,600
Speaker 3: make her feel less anxious of being Okay, I got

487
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,480
Speaker 3: this off my chest, like, but Tanya was all talk.

488
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,880
Speaker 4: She'd be like I need to.

489
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,120
Speaker 3: Honor myself and what I want, and I'm like, you're

490
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 3: not going anywhere.

491
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,160
Speaker 1: Yes, actually Christmas, I think I gave him the jan

492
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:16,000
Speaker 1: one date of like proposal and then and he got

493
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 1: me the promise ring on Christmas and I was like, oh,

494
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 1: this is so bad. So yeah, it's like salt in

495
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 1: the wound.

496
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 6: I mean, I had to kind of do like I

497
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 6: wanted to.

498
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,919
Speaker 5: I knew I wanted to propose to Alison, but in

499
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 5: my head, I was like, well, I want I need

500
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 5: to be like making this much money for all those things,

501
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,399
Speaker 5: and I wanted to move in with her, and she

502
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 5: was like, I'm not going to move in with anyone

503
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:39,640
Speaker 5: unless I'm engaged.

504
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,360
Speaker 6: I was like, looks like a ring is in the.

505
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 5: Shop a cart, And then I did it and it

506
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:47,320
Speaker 5: was the best decision I've ever made.

507
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, are they living together? Did she tell us in

508
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:54,720
Speaker 1: the email? I don't think she told us. I don't

509
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 1: think I held out too. I didn't fully move in

510
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: until we were engaged.

511
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 3: I think that if you have a time, I mean,

512
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,280
Speaker 3: obviously we are women, and if you're wanting to have

513
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 3: kids like that, you do have to think about time.

514
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 3: So I think if you want to communicate, and maybe

515
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 3: this is something you'll do like with a therapist or

516
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 3: counselor where you can say, like, my fear is that

517
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 3: I'm going to get to a certain age and I'm

518
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 3: going to be frantically trying to figure out what my

519
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 3: next step in life is because I'm still waiting on

520
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:27,200
Speaker 3: an engagement and that makes me anxious.

521
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 4: And then let him be able to tell you, like,

522
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 4: I know your timeline.

523
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,600
Speaker 3: He probably knows the obviously he knows that you're waiting,

524
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 3: so like maybe it needs to be just communication of

525
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:43,399
Speaker 3: like I'm not anxious I'm not just anxious because I

526
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 3: want to rush this and get married. I'm anxious because

527
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 3: I do have to think of my biological clock like unfortunately,

528
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 3: that's a reality. And so I think it's just more

529
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 3: so letting him in on why you have a timeline

530
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,440
Speaker 3: and then letting him calm those anxieties and fears. Yeah,

531
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 3: because he should be able to at least go. I understand,

532
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,240
Speaker 3: and I'm not going to make you.

533
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 4: I'm not going to.

534
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: Put you believe you're not going to be anxiously attached

535
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,680
Speaker 1: at some point. I believe that. I feel like I'm

536
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 1: securely attached now.

537
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I would hope.

538
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 3: So I do hope that once you have a wedding

539
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 3: and lock it in, that you.

540
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 4: Find security.

541
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen for everybody, no, but I'm.

542
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 3: Happy it happened for you, and I feel like it's

543
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 3: going to happen for our anxiousnes.

544
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 1: I do too.

545
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:35,879
Speaker 4: Okay, we have one more so we're going to take

546
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 4: a break and we'll be right back. We're back, Okay.

547
00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 3: So I asked this question on Instagram and then someone

548
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 3: brought it. Someone brought it to dear Bonia, So Easton,

549
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 3: you want to read.

550
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 6: It I do. Uh, Becky.

551
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,680
Speaker 5: You posted on Instagram asking Haley, if you could play

552
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,679
Speaker 5: a role in any movie, what would it be, and

553
00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,280
Speaker 5: you said Kate Winslet and Titanic.

554
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:13,080
Speaker 6: Why was that?

555
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 3: I just feel like I was so obsessed with young

556
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,200
Speaker 3: like Leonardo DiCaprio in that movie. And I also it's

557
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 3: one of my favorite movies of all time, and I

558
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 3: just feel like it's so iconic, it stands the test

559
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 3: of time. I love the costumes. I just thought it

560
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 3: it's just amazing. It's it's such an epicic though. Yeah,

561
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 3: but it's a movie. Yeah, I mean it really did happen.

562
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 3: But like the love, you know, the love story of

563
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 3: it is a movie. I just think it would be

564
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 3: so iconic to get to play that role. What would

565
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 3: you choose, either of you? Marty Supreme, I'd probably.

566
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: Choose Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. The answer

567
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 1: not the movie, the series.

568
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:58,879
Speaker 4: This is a movie. Oh my gosh, my series was friends?

569
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 1: Oh, Rachel, Yeah, I guess movie, and you know I'm

570
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: gonna do the I was thinking about Kate Winslet for

571
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: some reason because you said her, and I was thinking

572
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 1: the holiday. Oh that's being Cameron Diaz that's a good one,

573
00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: you know, like she's like, oh, then yeah, and then

574
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: she's like swept away by a handsome Jude Law.

575
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:20,760
Speaker 4: That's a really good one.

576
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 3: Another really good one I heard was Kate beckhenceell in

577
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:24,679
Speaker 3: Pearl Harbor.

578
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 6: Oh, that's a good one.

579
00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: I never saw Pearl Harbor.

580
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 3: Wow, Tania, please take this a moment and watch it.

581
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:34,120
Speaker 1: How long is it?

582
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 4: I don't know.

583
00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,000
Speaker 3: Split it up into two nights if it's too long,

584
00:27:38,080 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 3: but it is amazing yours Easton.

585
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 5: I mean, I think I have to go with Marty

586
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:45,760
Speaker 5: mcflyan back to the future.

587
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:46,880
Speaker 6: I want to sit in that car.

588
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 5: I want to walk around in the town I want

589
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:50,520
Speaker 5: to wear the costumes.

590
00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 6: That's that's what I would choose.

591
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:53,480
Speaker 4: Is there a set you can visit for that?

592
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:54,080
Speaker 6: There is?

593
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 5: Oh really, yeah, the Universal Studios. There's the town Square

594
00:27:57,520 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 5: is still there.

595
00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: You know, there's a house else that they filmed. It

596
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 1: is like somewhere close by here in like Studio City.

597
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: And Robbie loves that movie. And I remember like one

598
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: of our like it was like early days, and I

599
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 1: was like, I'm going to take you on a surprise.

600
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 1: I like blindfolded him or something, and like took him

601
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 1: to this house and he was like, where are we Like,

602
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:19,480
Speaker 1: what are we do? He's like, oh is the fact

603
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: to the future house.

604
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 4: Having to explain the surprise. It's tough. Appreciated the thought.

605
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, I did.

606
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 5: Actually, I think was when we went to Palm Springs

607
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 5: for the Airbnb thing. Yeah, I took I said Alison,

608
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 5: I have a surprise for you, and I took her

609
00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 5: to the neighborhood from Don't Worry Darling and she was

610
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 5: so blown away, she was so excited.

611
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, immediately.

612
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 4: Not everyone has that experience surprise.

613
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 6: I admired the effort.

614
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, the effort was there, Tonya. The thoughtfulness was there.

615
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: It matters.

616
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:58,719
Speaker 3: That's all for today, folks, Another podcast down the hatch.

617
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:00,160
Speaker 4: We hope you enjoyed it.

618
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:01,600
Speaker 1: We hope it only gets better.

619
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 4: We hope it only goes up from here.

620
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:11,120
Speaker 3: If you ever have questions, comments, concerns, less comments, I

621
00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,480
Speaker 3: mean less concerns, but if you have them, you can

622
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 3: d m us on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or

623
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 3: email us at scrubbing in at iHeartMedia dot com.

624
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 4: Holy Tonia just going so.

625
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: Bad waiting for the copy to hit.

626
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 3: We love y'all so much. We'll be back Monday, have

627
00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:32,280
Speaker 3: a wonderful weekend.

628
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 1: Love you, bye bye