Speaker 1: I am a Yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher
Speaker 1: for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.
Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until
Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my
Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to The Rspot, a production
Speaker 1: of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Jada Pinkett Smith. We have seen her in films. We
Speaker 2: have seen her as the wife of the fresh Prince
Speaker 2: will Smith. We have seen her as the host of
Speaker 2: The Red Table Talks. We have seen her as Trey
Speaker 2: Jaden and Willow's mom. We have seen her, and we
Speaker 2: may think we know her, because when you are a
Speaker 2: public person, the public thinks they know. They have opinions,
Speaker 2: they draw conclusions, and it is easy to forget that
Speaker 2: before she was a film star or wife and mother,
Speaker 2: before she made her mark on public opinion, she was
Speaker 2: and is a person, a woman, and like every woman,
Speaker 2: she has a story. Jada is letting us in on
Speaker 2: her story in her new book Worthy. Through the pages
Speaker 2: of Worthy, Jada is letting us in on her issues,
Speaker 2: her challenges, lessons, her healing, her willingness to be vulnerable
Speaker 2: and to withstand the heat of public critique. She shares
Speaker 2: from her heart the value and necessity of learning to
Speaker 2: love and honor yourself. As I have said right here
Speaker 2: on the art Spot, the only relationship you ever have,
Speaker 2: no matter who you are with, is the relationship you
Speaker 2: are having with yourself. In this special pre season edition
Speaker 2: of the Art Spot, I am honored to have as
Speaker 2: my guest, Jada Pinkett Smith.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the our Spot, Miss Jada Pinkett Smith. You
Speaker 1: know I love you right, I've been I love you too.
Speaker 1: I've been loving you for a long time. So this
Speaker 1: is an honor to have you here on the art
Speaker 1: Spot to talk about your new baby worthy worthy. Is
Speaker 1: this your first baby?
Speaker 3: This is it? This is my first one?
Speaker 1: Okay? Are you gonna have more?
Speaker 4: Are you?
Speaker 3: We'll see, We'll see how this one goes.
Speaker 1: They grow up quick, they grow up quick, so you
Speaker 1: gotta you gotta be on it. Let me say I
Speaker 1: two things. First, I appreciate you for, first of all,
Speaker 1: talking about plant medicine. You know I'm a plant medicine Okay,
Speaker 1: so we will have another conversation about that. Did you
Speaker 1: do ayahuasca?
Speaker 3: Did you do I did ayahuasca?
Speaker 1: Goodly beautiful. So thank you for that, because I really
Speaker 1: think it's a powerful healing tool for women. I think
Speaker 1: it's a powerful tool for trauma. So the fact that
Speaker 1: you shared that with us, and I love that worthy
Speaker 1: takes us beyond the camera because most of us know
Speaker 1: you on the camera, and this thing right here, it
Speaker 1: is rough, it is gritty, it's real. Be more, be
Speaker 1: more as the first cousin of Brooklyn, and That's where
Speaker 1: I'm from. So I just I really really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Let me start here, because this is you're talking about
Speaker 1: women and their worth, and you have this comment in
Speaker 1: a statement in the book that says, my belief is
Speaker 1: that every woman is worthy, a walking treasure that deserves
Speaker 1: to live her life as the heroine of her own story.
Speaker 1: You better talk to me, talk to me about being
Speaker 1: the heroine of your own story, your story.
Speaker 4: In the statement, Yeah, it's like I really, you know,
Speaker 4: being the heroine of my own story was me coming
Speaker 4: to terms with every aspect of it, coming to terms
Speaker 4: with you know, my light and my shadow, you know,
Speaker 4: because I was just as much afraid of my light
Speaker 4: as I was of my shadow, to be honest, you know,
Speaker 4: So you know, really learning how to be my own mother,
Speaker 4: my own father, my own lover, my own brother and sister,
Speaker 4: you know, and realizing that it is my relationship with
Speaker 4: myself and the Great Supreme that is most important, you know,
Speaker 4: and was the thing that had been missing all along.
Speaker 4: And once I really put that focus in on developing
Speaker 4: an intimate relationship with myself as well as the Great Supreme,
Speaker 4: is when I really got to see my life move
Speaker 4: in the direction that I wanted to wanted it to
Speaker 4: move in, and realize that is me contacting the heroin
Speaker 4: within myself, you know, to take to take the power
Speaker 4: of my life back, you know.
Speaker 1: And so, yeah, at the R Spot, it's all about relationships,
Speaker 1: and Worthy talks about so many phenomenal relationships, dysfunctional though
Speaker 1: they may have been. Yeah, relationships, I mean from Grandma
Speaker 1: Marion to Mammy Boobie to your mom to your dad.
Speaker 1: This statement, there's so many things I want to ask you.
Speaker 1: I want to use this overarching umbrella for us to
Speaker 1: kind of line up with which are what are the
Speaker 1: basic ingredients of a woman's work? Because you laid him out,
Speaker 1: So the first thing I hear you say is your
Speaker 1: relationship with yourself. I want to go to a statement
Speaker 1: that you made in the book. You said you were
Speaker 1: talking about your dad because for me, as a daughter,
Speaker 1: I think that relationship with daddy is one of the
Speaker 1: most important ones that we ever faced. And you said
Speaker 1: about your dad because your dad had a substance abuse problem. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and as did your mom. We don't talk about being
Speaker 1: a child or two addicts. My mother was an alcoholic. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I understand that. But this is what you said.
Speaker 1: You said that your dad gave you life, but in
Speaker 1: his presence, you were your own person.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: He told you I am a drug addict and a criminal,
Speaker 1: so I can't be your father. Wow. Wow, Okay, and
Speaker 1: this was your your lesson from that. You're growing from that.
Speaker 1: You said, my father gave me the lasting ability to
Speaker 1: withstand and appreciate harsh truths. Talk to me of a
Speaker 1: woman's worth and learning to accept the harsh truths of
Speaker 1: her life, because you do that books so beautifully.
Speaker 4: You know, it is the process of letting go of
Speaker 4: all the romantic fantasies, you know, of what we're told
Speaker 4: our relationships are supposed to look like. What we are
Speaker 4: told a woman's walk is supposed to be. You know
Speaker 4: that we're always supposed to be tidy, clean, you know,
Speaker 4: and in step with what society expects of us.
Speaker 3: You know. And so.
Speaker 4: For me really having to let go of the romanticized
Speaker 4: eye ideas of what I thought I was supposed to be,
Speaker 4: what I thought the people around me were supposed to
Speaker 4: be of my life. And I think that being able
Speaker 4: to learn to a certain degree because I, you know,
Speaker 4: my lesson had to deepen as time went on as
Speaker 4: far as my relationship with my father, but breaking those
Speaker 4: idealistic ideas of my mother and my father at a
Speaker 4: very early age and being able to accept them, you know,
Speaker 4: as the human beings that they presented themselves to be,
Speaker 4: you know. And as much as I wanted a father,
Speaker 4: I wasn't upset at my father at that time for
Speaker 4: not being able to show up for me.
Speaker 1: Wait right there, hold it right there. He said, you
Speaker 1: were sudden, I think, or nine?
Speaker 4: Yeah, what what what were you drawing on?
Speaker 1: Not to be upset that your daddy wasn't the story
Speaker 1: book that what men?
Speaker 4: You know what, I really I was so grateful that
Speaker 4: he had enough honor and respect for me to not pretend.
Speaker 3: You know, because there had been.
Speaker 4: So much that was going on around me so much unsaid, right,
Speaker 4: and for me not to have to like put the
Speaker 4: pieces together and figure out what's going on. You know,
Speaker 4: he was just straight up with it, you know, And
Speaker 4: then I can I can manage myself from there.
Speaker 3: I can manage my surroundings from there.
Speaker 1: At nine, because you say in the book that you
Speaker 1: appreciated the fact that he didn't pull the wool over
Speaker 1: your eyes, that you didn't have told it right out.
Speaker 1: So I think that one And you tell me if
Speaker 1: this is one of the messages for women to get,
Speaker 1: is that it is important for us to I only
Speaker 1: accept people as they are, but when we see the wall,
Speaker 1: when we hear the unspoken things, trust it, trusted it.
Speaker 3: And receive it and the best way that we can.
Speaker 3: As a gift.
Speaker 1: Yes, but you know something that I noticed in Worthy
Speaker 1: that is essential and you seem to have it first
Speaker 1: of all the gift, and that is you have an
Speaker 1: emotional vocabulary. Let me tell you where I found that.
Speaker 1: You were talking about this predator that pulled up in
Speaker 1: the car and exposed themselves to you early on, and
Speaker 1: you said, I wasn't scared, I was disgusted. That's an
Speaker 1: emotion that many of us don't have a language for
Speaker 1: you said disrupted, but not scared. And what I noticed
Speaker 1: you went on to say that I learned early there
Speaker 1: ain't no such thing as a safe neighborhood. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: want to scratch there for a moment, because so very
Speaker 1: often one of the things that I've learned impacts a
Speaker 1: woman's work is a not having an emotional vocabulary to
Speaker 1: describe what she feels and be not feeling safe, not
Speaker 1: feeling safe, not feeling safe. So you had that how
Speaker 1: many young girls know that they're feeling disgusted? Where did
Speaker 1: that come from, Miss Jada? Where did you get that?
Speaker 4: I really don't know, to be honest with you, that's
Speaker 4: just how I felt. I just remember going back to
Speaker 4: that moment and just being like em you know.
Speaker 3: It was disgusting.
Speaker 4: And I think probably my grandmother, Yes, my grandmother was.
Speaker 4: She spent a lot of time with me, and I
Speaker 4: think my grandmother knew that she wasn't going to be
Speaker 4: around long and she was very you know, she was
Speaker 4: very specific about the words that she chose. And I
Speaker 4: tell you it's so you know what, it was probably
Speaker 4: my grandmother because I remember she would say things to
Speaker 4: me like if we were sitting at the table because
Speaker 4: my grandmother couldn't cook.
Speaker 3: She's the only West Indian woman that I knew that
Speaker 3: could not cook.
Speaker 4: And I would say, this food is nasty, right, and
Speaker 4: she would say, you can say that the food doesn't
Speaker 4: taste good, but don't call food nasty. So I guess
Speaker 4: vocabulary in our house were very specific on how.
Speaker 3: We used words.
Speaker 4: My grandmother was very specific in how she used words,
Speaker 4: and that's probably where I got it from.
Speaker 1: A basic ingredient of worth, And when you go through
Speaker 1: Worthy and you're reading it, a basic ingredient is to
Speaker 1: up level your emotional vocabulary. Because you speak so eloquent
Speaker 1: throughout the book about what you felt and what it was.
Speaker 1: I tell you I need two hours with you. But
Speaker 1: let's just go on. Let me go back here. Let
Speaker 1: me go back to the intro for a moment, because
Speaker 1: here is a part I think that as women, we've
Speaker 1: got to get this clear. And you say it so eloquently,
Speaker 1: putting on a good face and your face covered or
Speaker 1: hid depression and helpless. Yeah, so we go beyond the
Speaker 1: camera where we saw a beautiful little data. Talk to
Speaker 1: me about putting on a good face and how it
Speaker 1: diminishes your work.
Speaker 4: Oh man, Because I spent so much time having shame
Speaker 4: about my reality, and I said, I felt like well made.
Speaker 4: I will feel more worthy, you know, to myself and
Speaker 4: with the people around me if I play the role
Speaker 4: I'm supposed to play, and play the role that people
Speaker 4: want me to play. And I think that a lot
Speaker 4: of times we as women get stuck in the roles
Speaker 4: that we think we're supposed to play, you know, in
Speaker 4: order to feel good about ourselves and to make sure
Speaker 4: that the people around us feel good about themselves, and
Speaker 4: you know, we are embraced and accepted in the way
Speaker 4: that we want to be. And I just had so
Speaker 4: much shame about what was actually going on within me.
Speaker 4: And I just kept thinking to myself, if I just
Speaker 4: if I just keep with this face, maybe one day
Speaker 4: a miracle will happen and I'll just be the thing.
Speaker 1: You know, shame about the depression, shame.
Speaker 4: About the depression, shame about my unhappiness. I was like,
Speaker 4: look at your life, like how dare you? You know,
Speaker 4: how dare you?
Speaker 3: And and I.
Speaker 4: Didn't really, I just out of my shame has such
Speaker 4: difficulty expressing.
Speaker 3: It, and I was scared to I was scared to.
Speaker 4: Really say, because every time I would start, people would
Speaker 4: validate the feeling I had, which was, what's wrong?
Speaker 3: What are you talking about? Look at look at your life?
Speaker 1: Letting people talk you out your feelings. Yeah, yeah, And
Speaker 1: that's and that's part of the mask, you know, you say,
Speaker 1: putting on a good face and getting stuck in it.
Speaker 1: But it's also the mask that we wear to make
Speaker 1: other people comfortable, which also diminishes your relationship with yourself.
Speaker 1: Let's look at two things where you've got into once
Speaker 1: you've discovered your world, let's talk about that, but let's
Speaker 1: talk about the relationship with you you had with you
Speaker 1: under the mask? What were you doing inside of yourself?
Speaker 3: A lot of self hatred?
Speaker 1: What specifically did you mean? Because I think that's important,
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it is these words, what specifically did
Speaker 1: you hate about jad?
Speaker 4: You know, I really hated that I wasn't content, and
Speaker 4: I hated that there was nothing that could make me
Speaker 4: content no matter what I did. And I really felt
Speaker 4: I hated feeling broken, and I hated feeling that, you know,
Speaker 4: I was ungrateful, and I hated feeling that I was losing,
Speaker 4: that I was growing cold, numb, and that my my
Speaker 4: feelings of resentment and anger, and I hate it not being.
Speaker 3: Seen, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And that made me really angry, and I hated that
Speaker 4: I was angry, and.
Speaker 1: I just.
Speaker 4: And it just made me dislike everything. It just made
Speaker 4: me hate everything.
Speaker 1: You know, what's the one here can only be pictured
Speaker 1: out there exactly.
Speaker 4: It diminishes, It diminished everything, and you know, my worth,
Speaker 4: my personal worth and then just the worth of life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to the R spot. Let's pick up where we
Speaker 1: left off. I want to talk to you about this
Speaker 1: other piece too, because you talked about miss Shirley, Grandma Shirley,
Speaker 1: your dad's mom. This thing in the book took me
Speaker 1: to my needs. Okay, about her leaving food on the
Speaker 1: porch for her drug addicted son. But what I saw
Speaker 1: in there was that she created a boundary and she
Speaker 1: learned how to stay No loved them. She wasn't going
Speaker 1: to abandon them, but she created a boundary. You can't
Speaker 1: come in my house, ye, mistatee. How does a woman?
Speaker 1: Because this impacts many women and their worth, they continue
Speaker 1: to do for family members, for loved ones till it diminishes. Them.
Speaker 1: Miss Shirley, although she had her issues, created a boundary
Speaker 1: and said no, talk about the importance of that, please.
Speaker 4: Oh And that's every stay because you know, the thing
Speaker 4: that I had to learn and I'm continuing to learn,
Speaker 4: is like unconditional love. Love does not mean unconditional tolerance,
Speaker 4: you know. And I think a lot of times we
Speaker 4: get really mixed up on what love is supposed to
Speaker 4: look like, right, And so we're told to be absolutely selfless,
Speaker 4: and you know, don't worry about you, you worry about
Speaker 4: you know. You just love as hard as you need
Speaker 4: to for the people around you. And that and that
Speaker 4: is a woman's worth and that's how a woman is
Speaker 4: supposed to love.
Speaker 3: And that is just not true, you know.
Speaker 4: And boundaries are absolutely important. It teaches us how to
Speaker 4: love ourselves, and it teaches others who want to know
Speaker 4: how to love us, how to love us.
Speaker 3: And that was a big one I had to really
Speaker 3: get with. It's like, my.
Speaker 4: Boundaries teach the people around me who want to love
Speaker 4: me how to love me, and it's an expression of
Speaker 4: how I want to love myself.
Speaker 1: That's right, and it.
Speaker 4: Doesn't mean that I used to think putting up back
Speaker 4: boundaries was unloving because I grew up in a house
Speaker 4: where listen like having boundaries. When you're living with a
Speaker 4: mother who has addiction problems and it's just the two
Speaker 4: of you, there's a lot of you know, boundary crossing, violation, boundaries,
Speaker 4: a lot of violations, and you think that the acceptance
Speaker 4: of those violations is your show of love.
Speaker 3: And I had to. I had to. I had to.
Speaker 3: I had to re educate.
Speaker 4: I had to unlearn that and re educate myself around boundaries.
Speaker 4: And you know what, it's something that I deal with
Speaker 4: every day in my life.
Speaker 1: And particularly as a public person. I know that I,
Speaker 1: as a public person, have to create boundaries when I'm
Speaker 1: in the walkport or idolatry or the gas station and
Speaker 1: people want pitches and and get all and you just
Speaker 1: have to create boundaries. A dear friend of mine, writer
Speaker 1: Paul Farini, says, say no to the bad behavior and
Speaker 1: yes to the love. And I think that as women,
Speaker 1: part of our worth is learning how to say no.
Speaker 1: Like miss Shirley said, I mean she's feeding her leaving
Speaker 1: food on the porch, but saying to him, and she
Speaker 1: held that boundary. Now may it led her to the
Speaker 1: drinking a little bit, but we won't have that discovery.
Speaker 1: I want people to read about missus Shirley, because you
Speaker 1: got some colorful people.
Speaker 3: I know, I know, and she listened my grandmother. She
Speaker 3: was something, but she was a powerhouse. You know, she
Speaker 3: was a powerhouse.
Speaker 1: But the beauty that I also found in Worthy is
Speaker 1: you did have relationships with these people and you saw
Speaker 1: or now maybe now you're realizing now that you're adult,
Speaker 1: and you still embrace the relationships with each person as
Speaker 1: they were for who they were, without the judgments and
Speaker 1: taking on their stuff? Is your stuff powerful? If we
Speaker 1: as women want to develop our worth, growing our worth
Speaker 1: and stand in our worthy mast, we have to learn
Speaker 1: to accept people as they are, for who they are
Speaker 1: and not make their stuff our stuff. Have you found that?
Speaker 1: When I got to page four hundred and fifteen, Worthy,
Speaker 1: I was clear about what how your story first of
Speaker 1: all is so mirrored mind, and that's the beauty of relationships. Yes,
Speaker 1: people were each other all of the time. But when
Speaker 1: your readers get to page four hundred and fifteen, before
Speaker 1: they get to four sixteen and they don't want it
Speaker 1: to end, we want to know more. What is it
Speaker 1: that you want them to walk away? With this data,
Speaker 1: what is it to me? It was the basic ingredients
Speaker 1: of a woman's work. But you may have another message,
Speaker 1: what do you want women to walk away? And men too?
Speaker 1: I think men need to be this point. I could
Speaker 1: be wrong too.
Speaker 3: Thank you for saying that, because I do true I am.
Speaker 4: I do feel like the basic ingredients of a woman's
Speaker 4: worth for sure, and you know, to just have don't
Speaker 4: feel shame for your walk I think in this you know,
Speaker 4: era of social media and needing everything to look so,
Speaker 4: you know, perfect right, And we're all here learning how
Speaker 4: to love ourselves, learning how to love others. And this
Speaker 4: place is a university and we all have our curriculums
Speaker 4: and our assignments and it's not meant to always be
Speaker 4: pre and it's okay, you know, as long as we
Speaker 4: are staying on path of understanding that we are here
Speaker 4: to learn, you know, and to rise to our higher selves,
Speaker 4: you know, And that's what this whole journey is about.
Speaker 4: And like you said, just those little breadcrumbs, those ingredients
Speaker 4: you know of what it takes and what it looks like.
Speaker 1: One of the things that I got was that every
Speaker 1: single relationship you addressed was a classroom for you every
Speaker 1: single one. Yes, And as a woman, your relationship with
Speaker 1: your father, I think is probably the main lecture hall
Speaker 1: The second one to that for your major lesson in
Speaker 1: life is your relationship with your mom. Talk to me
Speaker 1: about that because behind the behind the camera, beyond the camera,
Speaker 1: it looks to the world and feels to the world
Speaker 1: that you and her have a good mother daughter relationship.
Speaker 1: How did you get there? Because I read it, but
Speaker 1: I want to know from your heart, how did you
Speaker 1: get there?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 3: It just it's what you were talking about earlier.
Speaker 4: Just that level of self acceptance, you know, and that
Speaker 4: level of acceptance of looking at my mother. And it
Speaker 4: was really when I became a mother myself.
Speaker 3: Okay, when I became a that'll do it.
Speaker 5: Okay, when I became a mother myself and I got
Speaker 5: married and life got like real in a different way.
Speaker 4: I really started to honor what my mother was able
Speaker 4: to come through, you know, and I was able to
Speaker 4: see her in a different way, and she really showed
Speaker 4: up for me when I had my children, like I
Speaker 4: got to see her become the grandmother.
Speaker 5: That you know.
Speaker 4: I didn't get to experience her as a mother, but
Speaker 4: there was so much reconciling that happened in me being
Speaker 4: able to watch her as the grandmother that she is.
Speaker 1: Okay, she is now as opposed to lamenting who she wasn't.
Speaker 4: Before was in the past, right because she was she
Speaker 4: in her My mother got clean when I was twenty
Speaker 4: and she became a total different person.
Speaker 3: And so that was.
Speaker 1: That was it.
Speaker 4: And then I really got to see her love on
Speaker 4: her grandchildren in a way that you know, I might
Speaker 4: not have had, but I was felt so blessed that
Speaker 4: I was able to experience it through her relationship with
Speaker 4: her grandchildren.
Speaker 1: Let me take you here, because this is an issue.
Speaker 1: You know, I talked to lots of people, right, this
Speaker 1: is an issue if you can talk into and share
Speaker 1: with us, because so many sister women cannot forget or
Speaker 1: forgive who Mama was or who she wasn't for them
Speaker 1: long enough to accept who she is now. Is there
Speaker 1: an instant? Is there a moment? Is there a choice
Speaker 1: that you had to make to be able to accept
Speaker 1: her and love her, forgive her whatever it is but
Speaker 1: who she wasn't so that you could be present with
Speaker 1: who she is today.
Speaker 4: I think a big part too, was that she was
Speaker 4: very she was willing to talk to me about her
Speaker 4: her not being able to show up in the way
Speaker 4: that she had wished, right, and she had so much remorse.
Speaker 3: And then I.
Speaker 4: Could see her making up for that lost time between
Speaker 4: us from my childhood through our new relationship as her
Speaker 4: adult daughter. Yeah, and how she was trying to show
Speaker 4: up for me because we always need our mothers.
Speaker 3: That doesn't change. We always need our mothers, So it's
Speaker 3: never too late. And so once.
Speaker 4: I accepted and was able to open myself up to
Speaker 4: being willing to have a relationship with her, you know,
Speaker 4: and embrace her as my mother today today, not she
Speaker 4: wasn't yesterday, but for the mother that she is today,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you knew her story. One of the things
Speaker 1: that I say to women all of the time when
Speaker 1: you become an adult, know your mother's story, know she
Speaker 1: is as a woman, and develop a relationship with her
Speaker 1: woman to woman, and you lay that out so beautifully.
Speaker 1: Here's an important question again about relationships as a married woman.
Speaker 1: How what tips would you give give women who need
Speaker 1: to heal in the midst of having a relationship with
Speaker 1: their partner, with a man, How does a woman heel
Speaker 1: her little girl, her teenage girl while she's trying to
Speaker 1: be a big grown woman with a man.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you something, you and not both know
Speaker 3: this right here.
Speaker 1: Like you said in the book, this is getting ready
Speaker 1: to get real.
Speaker 4: Okay, yes, okay, because that that is probably that's probably
Speaker 4: has been one of my biggest challenges, you know, in
Speaker 4: and it is a process I would tell I would
Speaker 4: tell women, make sure the partner that you're with is
Speaker 4: the proper partner for the for your curriculum, right, because
Speaker 4: not all partners are the right ones. And it doesn't
Speaker 4: mean and let me tell you, it doesn't mean just
Speaker 4: because it's difficult and challenging that that person is not
Speaker 4: the right one. Really, I had to start looking at
Speaker 4: I had to come to terms with I didn't know
Speaker 4: what I was doing.
Speaker 3: On any level, right, on any level, Okay.
Speaker 4: I had to come to terms with that, like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was doing, okay. And I
Speaker 4: had to come to terms with I came into this
Speaker 4: relationship with a whole lot of stuff that didn't have
Speaker 4: nothing to do with Will.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And I had to stop blaming him for my stuff
Speaker 4: coming up.
Speaker 1: In our stuff, the stuff he triggered, the stuff he triggered.
Speaker 4: The stuff he's triggered, and I had to start looking
Speaker 4: at him as a mirror.
Speaker 1: Beautiful, that's what relationships.
Speaker 4: Do, right, And I had to stop looking towards my
Speaker 4: relationship and looking towards Will to be something for me that.
Speaker 3: I was not willing to be for myself.
Speaker 1: Right there. That's the Hallelujah truth. Say it again, Say
Speaker 1: it again, this data.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had to stop looking to this relationship and
Speaker 4: to Will, you know, to be for me what I
Speaker 4: was not willing to be for myself. And let me
Speaker 4: tell you something that was probably that that is one
Speaker 4: of the most difficult detoxifications psychologically, okay, spiritually.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So when you stop looking at him to be something
Speaker 1: for you that you're not being for yourself, when you
Speaker 1: become willing to be that thing for yourself, what happens
Speaker 1: to your relationship with him?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Man, it just transforms. It becomes something.
Speaker 4: Totaltally different, totally different, you know. It's it's what I
Speaker 4: call that when I started coming into my emotional independence,
Speaker 4: my emotional and psychological independence, and I could see, I
Speaker 4: could start I could start seeing where I had the
Speaker 4: most unreasonable expectations of him and how unkind and yes, that.
Speaker 1: Was Yeah, that's that's where a lot of us go off.
Speaker 1: I send some relationships that when we come into it,
Speaker 1: instead of saying I had unreasonable expectations, we make him
Speaker 1: or her wrong. Yeah, and we walk away.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we walk away and lord knows listen a couple
Speaker 4: of times. Yeah, like you know and you know and really,
Speaker 4: but that's part of it too, that's part of it too.
Speaker 4: What made you say because he's the perfect damn mirror. Okay,
Speaker 4: you know, he's the perfect mirror. And I really had
Speaker 4: to give with that too, And because you also having
Speaker 4: to detoxify and let go of the romanticized idea that
Speaker 4: your relationships are here for your to enhance your pleasure,
Speaker 4: like no, no, no, you're here to please me. That's
Speaker 4: why you're here, right, And it's like, look, you get moments,
Speaker 4: of course, you know, you have.
Speaker 3: Moments of that.
Speaker 4: But what I realized was that, you know, in order
Speaker 4: for me to get to those that authentic happiness, to
Speaker 4: that authentic intimacy, that authentic connection, I had to be
Speaker 4: willing to do the work.
Speaker 1: You know, that's my theme song to work. I willing
Speaker 1: to write me a song, do the work.
Speaker 3: That's one thing.
Speaker 4: You know, we're almost three decades into this thing. You know,
Speaker 4: I realized that he is where.
Speaker 3: My work is.
Speaker 4: You know, it's like, sure, I could go off and
Speaker 4: you know, find a new partner, and you know it
Speaker 4: could be but that person is not going to There'll
Speaker 4: be other lessons, for sure, But the having done this
Speaker 4: for three decades, there's ways that he knows me and
Speaker 4: ways that I know him. In depths of buttons that
Speaker 4: get pushed that you know is where is where our
Speaker 4: work sit.
Speaker 1: So when buttons get go back to when you first
Speaker 1: got together, before you detoxified yourself and found the word
Speaker 1: a button get pushed back then, and a button getting
Speaker 1: pushed now, what's the difference. What's the distinction.
Speaker 4: The distinction is I don't look to him and blame him.
Speaker 4: The distinction is now I go ooh, all right.
Speaker 3: I'm triggered. Something is going on with me.
Speaker 4: Let me, let me take a minute and look at
Speaker 4: what is going on with me. And I just know
Speaker 4: that he this moment is helping me see a dynamic
Speaker 4: in myself.
Speaker 1: That yes, oh boy, miss Jada, you have done the work.
Speaker 1: But you can bottle this up and and spread it
Speaker 1: out among the sisterhood because I'm watching relationships crumble, I'm
Speaker 1: watching them fall apart, unworthy. You you go into the cornerstone,
Speaker 1: your mother, your father, those caregiving parents. You see them
Speaker 1: for what they are. You lay it out, You take
Speaker 1: off the pieces you need need to take off. I mean,
Speaker 1: like I said, this thing is rough. It is gritty,
Speaker 1: it is real. Get your popcorn, people, get your popcorn
Speaker 1: because you can. You're gonna have butter all over the pages.
Speaker 1: It is as I would say the list shots. It
Speaker 1: is delicious. It is delicious. We'll talk more about it
Speaker 1: when we come back. Welcome back to the R spot.
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the conversation. A couple of things,
Speaker 1: and because I know, we gotta go the basic ingredients
Speaker 1: of a woman's world. Take the mask on and let
Speaker 1: yourself be your own person in the presence of other
Speaker 1: people you love. But I get that good. Okay, that's right.
Speaker 1: Don't be a shame or afraid of your shame in
Speaker 1: your field.
Speaker 3: There you go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't be a shame of your shame. If you
Speaker 1: have it, look at it. You talk in there. I
Speaker 1: love those little interludes between each chapter. You talk about journaling,
Speaker 1: you talk about looking at your shadow. You know how
Speaker 1: many women don't even realize they have a shadow.
Speaker 3: I know, I know.
Speaker 1: If you've grown up with trauma, you have a shadow
Speaker 1: Yours had a name, mine too. Mine has a name.
Speaker 1: And you didn't speak to it, but you talked about
Speaker 1: being bullied and then when you acted out, Korin was
Speaker 1: and how you gave mine is Ronnie, Ronnie from Brooklyn,
Speaker 1: and she speaks to the beast. She will cush you, fulfilled.
Speaker 1: All my spirituality goes. I had, you know what I
Speaker 1: had to do. I had to train her. I had
Speaker 1: to give her something.
Speaker 3: Else to see me too. That's right, give them different jobs.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, don't be ashamed of your shame and your fear.
Speaker 1: The other thing is, and you made this statement, I
Speaker 1: want to repeat it again. Your father gave you the
Speaker 1: lasting ability to withstand and appreciate harsh truths. If we
Speaker 1: really want to step into our work, we've got to
Speaker 1: dismantle all the lies that we've told ourselves about us,
Speaker 1: about other people, about who we are who were not.
Speaker 1: Would you say that that's what you want us to
Speaker 1: get out of this?
Speaker 3: Yes, that is That's it. That's the key right there.
Speaker 1: And not only being able to do the work. The
Speaker 1: thing that I loved about worthy you didn't know what
Speaker 1: the work was and you were willing to try everything
Speaker 1: to see what it worked and not have any barriers
Speaker 1: on it. Talk to me about your introduction to experience
Speaker 1: with plant medicine and how it helped you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am. I was at. I was really in
Speaker 3: a dark, dark, dark place.
Speaker 4: And a father of some of Jaden's friends had just
Speaker 4: done a journey in Peru of.
Speaker 3: Ayahuasca and I was.
Speaker 4: He was telling me about the journey and I just
Speaker 4: so I saw, I saw something so different than him,
Speaker 4: and I was like, I need that, I need that,
Speaker 4: and I just asked the universe, and the universe opened
Speaker 4: up a door for me to have my first.
Speaker 3: I A journey, and.
Speaker 4: Oh hi, and it was it was. It was rough,
Speaker 4: you know, but it was really intense. It was really intense.
Speaker 4: But I tell you, after that one journey of four
Speaker 4: nights back to back, I didn't.
Speaker 3: Have I really got to see my shadow.
Speaker 4: I got to see my level of self hatred and
Speaker 4: make friends with it.
Speaker 3: And I haven't had a suicidal thought since now. That
Speaker 3: was just that was just scratching the surface, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. I thought I was. I thought I.
Speaker 4: Had a rived, you know what I mean, I'm cured,
Speaker 4: only to realize, oh no, baby girl, you got a
Speaker 4: whole journey ahead of you, you know. And I kept
Speaker 4: my relationship with the plant medicine, you know, even till
Speaker 4: this day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate the fact that you said, if you
Speaker 1: want to do it, make sure you do it under
Speaker 1: supervised guidance, and don't because people are out here doing
Speaker 1: all manner of wonderfulness. Yes, I want to invite and
Speaker 1: encourage women, particularly on the journey toward they're worthiness, to
Speaker 1: be able to explore, investigate alternative ways of getting because
Speaker 1: the system that we're operating in that gave us the
Speaker 1: false notions, that puts the mask on us and wants
Speaker 1: us to keep the mask, that violates our boundaries, that
Speaker 1: doesn't keep us safe. That system doesn't work.
Speaker 3: That's right, it doesn't, you know.
Speaker 4: And I agree with you if we can, you know,
Speaker 4: to just keep our minds open for however, you know,
Speaker 4: there's so as you just there's so much wonderfulness out
Speaker 4: here right that is off the beaten path, you know,
Speaker 4: And if we can just keep an open mind, you know.
Speaker 1: So when you wink now and you stand in this data,
Speaker 1: this data. What does what does that feel like for you?
Speaker 1: Who you are today, worthy and available to yourself? What
Speaker 1: does that feel like? Maybe if you can describe it
Speaker 1: people and want to go get someone.
Speaker 3: Yes, I just I feel so proud. I'm like, you
Speaker 3: did it.
Speaker 4: You know all those times I wanted to quit, all
Speaker 4: those times I couldn't see the light at the end
Speaker 4: of the tunnel, and to be able to wake up
Speaker 4: every morning and be happy to be me right, and
Speaker 4: it is nothing special going on. It's just me right,
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. Just happy in my skin,
Speaker 4: happy to be with me, you know. And it feels
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm looking forward to my day every day.
Speaker 4: I feel like that no matter what's happening in the
Speaker 4: outside world, what's going on in my.
Speaker 3: Internal world is so yummy. You know that whatever the
Speaker 3: world wants to bring my way, it's gonna be okay.
Speaker 3: You know that I know my worth with my.
Speaker 4: Divine self and with the Great Supreme you know what
Speaker 4: I mean. And I don't have to convince nobody of it,
Speaker 4: you know, And I can just be the thing that
Speaker 4: I am and whoever wants to share in it. Fantastic
Speaker 4: and whoever does it, that's okay too, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean.
Speaker 3: And that feels good.
Speaker 1: That's vibrational authenticity. That is your vibrational independence. No matter
Speaker 1: what's going on, you can stand in it. So, you know,
Speaker 1: because of social media and everybody needs tips, So give
Speaker 1: us our three tips, this data. So I want that
Speaker 1: they hear it from your mouths when they go out
Speaker 1: and get worthy, they will they will have your tips
Speaker 1: right just down now are spotters.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 4: I think really spending time with yourself is a big one,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 3: I think, look, not everybody's into meditation and all of that.
Speaker 4: I get it, But even if you just spend time
Speaker 4: with yourself, whether it's reading, whether it's writing, just with
Speaker 4: you and you every day, just take some time, whether
Speaker 4: it's in a bathtub, whatever that is, to just be
Speaker 4: with you and develop a relationship with you and you.
Speaker 3: I think it's just so important.
Speaker 4: You know, we feel like we need all the put
Speaker 4: the phone down, to get off Instagram, just be with you.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
Speaker 4: And I think one of the biggest things too, is
Speaker 4: really working on curing self judgment in the world today.
Speaker 4: The world can be such a harsh place and I
Speaker 4: feel like part of my you know, happiness has for
Speaker 4: myself and my level of self worth has come from.
Speaker 4: What matters is not what other people think about me,
Speaker 4: but how I think about myself.
Speaker 3: And it's the self judgment that people weaponize.
Speaker 1: Yes. And for those who don't know what self judgment
Speaker 1: is or the should as, the kuldas, the shouldn't have yes. Now,
Speaker 1: you know I always tell people, don't should on yourself
Speaker 1: and don't let other people should on you.
Speaker 4: That's right, you know what I mean. Don't allow other
Speaker 4: people's ideas and judgments of you. If somebody's making you
Speaker 4: feel bad, that means that's an area for you to
Speaker 4: look at because you are not confident in that area.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: It's like, no one can you know, forge a weapon
Speaker 4: against you that we don't assist.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And if somebody is making you feel bad,
Speaker 1: they're also giving you the gift of helping you identify
Speaker 1: a trigger. There you go, get in there and you
Speaker 1: know nobody can keep right. That's right, that's right, unplugged
Speaker 1: the trigger.
Speaker 3: The third one is just keep stepping.
Speaker 4: You know, people will say I tried this, I did that,
Speaker 4: you know, I try therapy of it? Man, Listen, you
Speaker 4: gotta keep stepping. That's what the journey is all about.
Speaker 4: Just keep going, don't stop, don't say this doesn't work
Speaker 4: for me. And that's the one thing about my journey.
Speaker 3: I I just have trying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, until you push the right.
Speaker 6: Button, until you push the right curtain, until you find
Speaker 6: the right information, until you find that right therapist, and
Speaker 6: do you find that right book, until you find that
Speaker 6: right activity, do you find the right thing that works
Speaker 6: for you, because it's not just going to fall in
Speaker 6: our lab.
Speaker 1: The thing that I noticed and worthy too, and which
Speaker 1: is what most many people I've encountered, you were consistent.
Speaker 1: You were consistent, you were observant, you took copious notes. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm doing this. Wait a minute, that's let me that's
Speaker 1: not working, Let me do this. You were consistent. And
Speaker 1: I think what happens very often is we get this thing,
Speaker 1: we try this thing, and instantly we want cleaner, whiter
Speaker 1: teeth and fresher breath. And if we don't get the
Speaker 1: whiter teeth fresher breath in thirty seconds, then it didn't work,
Speaker 1: and we go on, but we don't make the investment
Speaker 1: in it. I want to acknowledge the investment miss Jata,
Speaker 1: that you made in yourself.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.
Speaker 4: And I think that's such a good point. You know,
Speaker 4: in this day and age, looking for that instant gratification,
Speaker 4: and you can't microwave this journey. You can't microwave it.
Speaker 4: And you're right, you know, being consistent.
Speaker 1: So are spotters worthy? It's Jada said that. I just
Speaker 1: want you to understand at the pore at the bottom,
Speaker 1: by page four fourteen or four fifteen, you will have
Speaker 1: a beautiful, beautiful road now for developing a divine relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself that makes you the heroine of your story,
Speaker 1: and that allows you then to have authentic relationships with
Speaker 1: other people based on who you are and not on
Speaker 1: what they can give you. So that's how I upworthy.
Speaker 3: Well I like it. That's that's it right there.
Speaker 1: Oh, miss Dada. I want to thank you for joining
Speaker 1: me here on the art spot. I want when you
Speaker 1: come to bothom I'm coming to see you, I might
Speaker 1: do something that I've never I've never done. I want
Speaker 1: to bring four books for my four granddaughters. I want
Speaker 1: you to sign them, okay, because they love you. It
Speaker 1: will be I'm gonna have five. I'm not gonna ask
Speaker 1: you to sign mine or books. I want you to
Speaker 1: sign them for my four granddaughters and because I just
Speaker 1: want them to to have this as a part of
Speaker 1: their life. Thank you, deep bow to you spiritual warrior
Speaker 1: that you are. Thank you for giving us clips beyond
Speaker 1: the camera. Thank you for your authentic transparency.
Speaker 3: I can't wait to see you and get a hug
Speaker 3: from me.
Speaker 1: Okay, and tell me miss Data. I know this may
Speaker 1: be a a weird, bizarre question, but I love to
Speaker 1: ask them. How can I support you? How can I.
Speaker 4: Support I'm just so glad that you you had me
Speaker 4: here on your podcast.
Speaker 3: You know, I really thought it was.
Speaker 4: Important to speak with you because I've I've been I've
Speaker 4: just loved your work all these years, you know, and
Speaker 4: I just knew that we would be able to have.
Speaker 3: A real conversation, you know.
Speaker 7: I knew you would get it, and I just really
Speaker 7: I really wanted your wisdom, and you know, you're such
Speaker 7: a beautiful teacher.
Speaker 4: And even in even in talking to you about it today,
Speaker 4: you know, you got me thinking about certain aspects of
Speaker 4: it in a different way, you know, and I knew
Speaker 4: that would happen.
Speaker 3: So that's it. I'm just so happy that you. You
Speaker 3: had me here with you to speak.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to call upon my grandmothers and my
Speaker 1: greatest greatest grandmothers and ask them to unite with your grandmothers,
Speaker 1: including Miss Shirley and Miss Marion and all of the
Speaker 1: women in your life. And I ask them to use
Speaker 1: worthy and to lift worthy to the highest heights, that
Speaker 1: women all over will read worthy and become new distribution
Speaker 1: centers of light and love on planet, and that the
Speaker 1: broken places in their hearts and minds will be healed
Speaker 1: through your authentic transparency and love, so that we as
Speaker 1: women may stand together in a different way for the
Speaker 1: healing of the planet. And I ask the grandmothers, the
Speaker 1: greatest greatest grandmothers, to give power and efficacy to these words,
Speaker 1: to shape it and it become the reality that we
Speaker 1: know in twenty twenty three and beyond, for all we
Speaker 1: have received and all that is yet to come. I
Speaker 1: say thank you. I let it be. I thank you,
Speaker 1: Miss Jada. Good luck on your journey. May this be
Speaker 1: the first of many many babies, and may you're healing
Speaker 1: continue in a way that blesses us are.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I I just
Speaker 3: love you.
Speaker 1: I love you, thank you.
Speaker 2: So there you have it. Jada Pinkett Smith, a woman
Speaker 2: sharing her story, her journey to becoming worthy in her
Speaker 2: own mind, her own heart, and in her own life.
Speaker 2: It is a journey that I and many women have taken,
Speaker 2: although our stories may be different. The journey to worthy, oh,
Speaker 2: it is such a worthwhile endeavor in order to become whole.
Speaker 2: So if you have not picked up your copy of Worthy,
Speaker 2: I encourage you to do so today because that too
Speaker 2: will be a worthwhile endeavor. And be sure to tune
Speaker 2: in on November fifteenth for Season two of The R Spot,
Speaker 2: brought to you by Shondaland and iHeart Wherever you listen
Speaker 2: to podcasts in the meantime, stay in peace and not
Speaker 2: in pieces. The R Spot is a production of Shondaland
Speaker 2: Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio,
Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
Speaker 2: to your favorite shows.