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Speaker 1: I am a Yamla, your host, your guide, a teacher

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Speaker 1: for salm, and a soft place to fall for others.

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Speaker 1: And I was a miserable failure in my relationships until

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Speaker 1: I love myself enough to be able to share my

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Speaker 1: love with other people. Welcome to The Rspot, a production

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Speaker 1: of shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: Jada Pinkett Smith. We have seen her in films. We

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Speaker 2: have seen her as the wife of the fresh Prince

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Speaker 2: will Smith. We have seen her as the host of

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Speaker 2: The Red Table Talks. We have seen her as Trey

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Speaker 2: Jaden and Willow's mom. We have seen her, and we

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Speaker 2: may think we know her, because when you are a

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Speaker 2: public person, the public thinks they know. They have opinions,

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Speaker 2: they draw conclusions, and it is easy to forget that

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Speaker 2: before she was a film star or wife and mother,

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Speaker 2: before she made her mark on public opinion, she was

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Speaker 2: and is a person, a woman, and like every woman,

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Speaker 2: she has a story. Jada is letting us in on

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Speaker 2: her story in her new book Worthy. Through the pages

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Speaker 2: of Worthy, Jada is letting us in on her issues,

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Speaker 2: her challenges, lessons, her healing, her willingness to be vulnerable

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Speaker 2: and to withstand the heat of public critique. She shares

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Speaker 2: from her heart the value and necessity of learning to

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Speaker 2: love and honor yourself. As I have said right here

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Speaker 2: on the art Spot, the only relationship you ever have,

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Speaker 2: no matter who you are with, is the relationship you

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Speaker 2: are having with yourself. In this special pre season edition

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Speaker 2: of the Art Spot, I am honored to have as

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Speaker 2: my guest, Jada Pinkett Smith.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the our Spot, Miss Jada Pinkett Smith. You

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Speaker 1: know I love you right, I've been I love you too.

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Speaker 1: I've been loving you for a long time. So this

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Speaker 1: is an honor to have you here on the art

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Speaker 1: Spot to talk about your new baby worthy worthy. Is

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Speaker 1: this your first baby?

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Speaker 3: This is it? This is my first one?

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Speaker 1: Okay? Are you gonna have more?

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Speaker 4: Are you?

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Speaker 3: We'll see, We'll see how this one goes.

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Speaker 1: They grow up quick, they grow up quick, so you

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Speaker 1: gotta you gotta be on it. Let me say I

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Speaker 1: two things. First, I appreciate you for, first of all,

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Speaker 1: talking about plant medicine. You know I'm a plant medicine Okay,

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Speaker 1: so we will have another conversation about that. Did you

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Speaker 1: do ayahuasca?

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Speaker 3: Did you do I did ayahuasca?

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Speaker 1: Goodly beautiful. So thank you for that, because I really

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Speaker 1: think it's a powerful healing tool for women. I think

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Speaker 1: it's a powerful tool for trauma. So the fact that

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Speaker 1: you shared that with us, and I love that worthy

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Speaker 1: takes us beyond the camera because most of us know

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Speaker 1: you on the camera, and this thing right here, it

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Speaker 1: is rough, it is gritty, it's real. Be more, be

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Speaker 1: more as the first cousin of Brooklyn, and That's where

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Speaker 1: I'm from. So I just I really really appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: Let me start here, because this is you're talking about

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Speaker 1: women and their worth, and you have this comment in

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Speaker 1: a statement in the book that says, my belief is

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Speaker 1: that every woman is worthy, a walking treasure that deserves

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Speaker 1: to live her life as the heroine of her own story.

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Speaker 1: You better talk to me, talk to me about being

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Speaker 1: the heroine of your own story, your story.

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Speaker 4: In the statement, Yeah, it's like I really, you know,

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Speaker 4: being the heroine of my own story was me coming

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Speaker 4: to terms with every aspect of it, coming to terms

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Speaker 4: with you know, my light and my shadow, you know,

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Speaker 4: because I was just as much afraid of my light

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Speaker 4: as I was of my shadow, to be honest, you know,

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Speaker 4: So you know, really learning how to be my own mother,

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Speaker 4: my own father, my own lover, my own brother and sister,

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Speaker 4: you know, and realizing that it is my relationship with

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Speaker 4: myself and the Great Supreme that is most important, you know,

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Speaker 4: and was the thing that had been missing all along.

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Speaker 4: And once I really put that focus in on developing

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Speaker 4: an intimate relationship with myself as well as the Great Supreme,

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Speaker 4: is when I really got to see my life move

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Speaker 4: in the direction that I wanted to wanted it to

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Speaker 4: move in, and realize that is me contacting the heroin

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Speaker 4: within myself, you know, to take to take the power

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Speaker 4: of my life back, you know.

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Speaker 1: And so, yeah, at the R Spot, it's all about relationships,

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Speaker 1: and Worthy talks about so many phenomenal relationships, dysfunctional though

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Speaker 1: they may have been. Yeah, relationships, I mean from Grandma

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Speaker 1: Marion to Mammy Boobie to your mom to your dad.

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Speaker 1: This statement, there's so many things I want to ask you.

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Speaker 1: I want to use this overarching umbrella for us to

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Speaker 1: kind of line up with which are what are the

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Speaker 1: basic ingredients of a woman's work? Because you laid him out,

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Speaker 1: So the first thing I hear you say is your

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Speaker 1: relationship with yourself. I want to go to a statement

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Speaker 1: that you made in the book. You said you were

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Speaker 1: talking about your dad because for me, as a daughter,

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Speaker 1: I think that relationship with daddy is one of the

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Speaker 1: most important ones that we ever faced. And you said

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Speaker 1: about your dad because your dad had a substance abuse problem. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and as did your mom. We don't talk about being

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Speaker 1: a child or two addicts. My mother was an alcoholic. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I understand that. But this is what you said.

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Speaker 1: You said that your dad gave you life, but in

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Speaker 1: his presence, you were your own person.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: He told you I am a drug addict and a criminal,

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Speaker 1: so I can't be your father. Wow. Wow, Okay, and

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Speaker 1: this was your your lesson from that. You're growing from that.

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Speaker 1: You said, my father gave me the lasting ability to

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Speaker 1: withstand and appreciate harsh truths. Talk to me of a

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Speaker 1: woman's worth and learning to accept the harsh truths of

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Speaker 1: her life, because you do that books so beautifully.

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Speaker 4: You know, it is the process of letting go of

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Speaker 4: all the romantic fantasies, you know, of what we're told

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Speaker 4: our relationships are supposed to look like. What we are

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Speaker 4: told a woman's walk is supposed to be. You know

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Speaker 4: that we're always supposed to be tidy, clean, you know,

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Speaker 4: and in step with what society expects of us.

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Speaker 3: You know. And so.

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Speaker 4: For me really having to let go of the romanticized

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Speaker 4: eye ideas of what I thought I was supposed to be,

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Speaker 4: what I thought the people around me were supposed to

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Speaker 4: be of my life. And I think that being able

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Speaker 4: to learn to a certain degree because I, you know,

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Speaker 4: my lesson had to deepen as time went on as

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Speaker 4: far as my relationship with my father, but breaking those

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Speaker 4: idealistic ideas of my mother and my father at a

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Speaker 4: very early age and being able to accept them, you know,

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Speaker 4: as the human beings that they presented themselves to be,

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Speaker 4: you know. And as much as I wanted a father,

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Speaker 4: I wasn't upset at my father at that time for

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Speaker 4: not being able to show up for me.

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Speaker 1: Wait right there, hold it right there. He said, you

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Speaker 1: were sudden, I think, or nine?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, what what what were you drawing on?

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Speaker 1: Not to be upset that your daddy wasn't the story

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Speaker 1: book that what men?

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Speaker 4: You know what, I really I was so grateful that

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Speaker 4: he had enough honor and respect for me to not pretend.

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Speaker 3: You know, because there had been.

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Speaker 4: So much that was going on around me so much unsaid, right,

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Speaker 4: and for me not to have to like put the

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Speaker 4: pieces together and figure out what's going on. You know,

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Speaker 4: he was just straight up with it, you know, And

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Speaker 4: then I can I can manage myself from there.

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Speaker 3: I can manage my surroundings from there.

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Speaker 1: At nine, because you say in the book that you

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Speaker 1: appreciated the fact that he didn't pull the wool over

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Speaker 1: your eyes, that you didn't have told it right out.

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Speaker 1: So I think that one And you tell me if

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Speaker 1: this is one of the messages for women to get,

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Speaker 1: is that it is important for us to I only

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Speaker 1: accept people as they are, but when we see the wall,

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Speaker 1: when we hear the unspoken things, trust it, trusted it.

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Speaker 3: And receive it and the best way that we can.

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Speaker 3: As a gift.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but you know something that I noticed in Worthy

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Speaker 1: that is essential and you seem to have it first

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Speaker 1: of all the gift, and that is you have an

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Speaker 1: emotional vocabulary. Let me tell you where I found that.

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Speaker 1: You were talking about this predator that pulled up in

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Speaker 1: the car and exposed themselves to you early on, and

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Speaker 1: you said, I wasn't scared, I was disgusted. That's an

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Speaker 1: emotion that many of us don't have a language for

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Speaker 1: you said disrupted, but not scared. And what I noticed

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Speaker 1: you went on to say that I learned early there

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Speaker 1: ain't no such thing as a safe neighborhood. Yeah. I

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Speaker 1: want to scratch there for a moment, because so very

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Speaker 1: often one of the things that I've learned impacts a

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Speaker 1: woman's work is a not having an emotional vocabulary to

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Speaker 1: describe what she feels and be not feeling safe, not

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Speaker 1: feeling safe, not feeling safe. So you had that how

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Speaker 1: many young girls know that they're feeling disgusted? Where did

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Speaker 1: that come from, Miss Jada? Where did you get that?

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Speaker 4: I really don't know, to be honest with you, that's

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Speaker 4: just how I felt. I just remember going back to

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Speaker 4: that moment and just being like em you know.

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Speaker 3: It was disgusting.

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Speaker 4: And I think probably my grandmother, Yes, my grandmother was.

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Speaker 4: She spent a lot of time with me, and I

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Speaker 4: think my grandmother knew that she wasn't going to be

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Speaker 4: around long and she was very you know, she was

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Speaker 4: very specific about the words that she chose. And I

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Speaker 4: tell you it's so you know what, it was probably

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Speaker 4: my grandmother because I remember she would say things to

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Speaker 4: me like if we were sitting at the table because

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Speaker 4: my grandmother couldn't cook.

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Speaker 3: She's the only West Indian woman that I knew that

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Speaker 3: could not cook.

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Speaker 4: And I would say, this food is nasty, right, and

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Speaker 4: she would say, you can say that the food doesn't

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Speaker 4: taste good, but don't call food nasty. So I guess

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Speaker 4: vocabulary in our house were very specific on how.

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Speaker 3: We used words.

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Speaker 4: My grandmother was very specific in how she used words,

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Speaker 4: and that's probably where I got it from.

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Speaker 1: A basic ingredient of worth, And when you go through

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Speaker 1: Worthy and you're reading it, a basic ingredient is to

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Speaker 1: up level your emotional vocabulary. Because you speak so eloquent

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Speaker 1: throughout the book about what you felt and what it was.

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Speaker 1: I tell you I need two hours with you. But

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Speaker 1: let's just go on. Let me go back here. Let

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Speaker 1: me go back to the intro for a moment, because

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Speaker 1: here is a part I think that as women, we've

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Speaker 1: got to get this clear. And you say it so eloquently,

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Speaker 1: putting on a good face and your face covered or

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Speaker 1: hid depression and helpless. Yeah, so we go beyond the

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Speaker 1: camera where we saw a beautiful little data. Talk to

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Speaker 1: me about putting on a good face and how it

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Speaker 1: diminishes your work.

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Speaker 4: Oh man, Because I spent so much time having shame

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Speaker 4: about my reality, and I said, I felt like well made.

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Speaker 4: I will feel more worthy, you know, to myself and

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Speaker 4: with the people around me if I play the role

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Speaker 4: I'm supposed to play, and play the role that people

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Speaker 4: want me to play. And I think that a lot

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Speaker 4: of times we as women get stuck in the roles

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Speaker 4: that we think we're supposed to play, you know, in

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Speaker 4: order to feel good about ourselves and to make sure

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Speaker 4: that the people around us feel good about themselves, and

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Speaker 4: you know, we are embraced and accepted in the way

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Speaker 4: that we want to be. And I just had so

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Speaker 4: much shame about what was actually going on within me.

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Speaker 4: And I just kept thinking to myself, if I just

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Speaker 4: if I just keep with this face, maybe one day

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Speaker 4: a miracle will happen and I'll just be the thing.

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Speaker 1: You know, shame about the depression, shame.

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Speaker 4: About the depression, shame about my unhappiness. I was like,

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Speaker 4: look at your life, like how dare you? You know,

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Speaker 4: how dare you?

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Speaker 3: And and I.

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Speaker 4: Didn't really, I just out of my shame has such

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Speaker 4: difficulty expressing.

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Speaker 3: It, and I was scared to I was scared to.

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Speaker 4: Really say, because every time I would start, people would

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Speaker 4: validate the feeling I had, which was, what's wrong?

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Speaker 3: What are you talking about? Look at look at your life?

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Speaker 1: Letting people talk you out your feelings. Yeah, yeah, And

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Speaker 1: that's and that's part of the mask, you know, you say,

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Speaker 1: putting on a good face and getting stuck in it.

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Speaker 1: But it's also the mask that we wear to make

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Speaker 1: other people comfortable, which also diminishes your relationship with yourself.

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Speaker 1: Let's look at two things where you've got into once

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Speaker 1: you've discovered your world, let's talk about that, but let's

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Speaker 1: talk about the relationship with you you had with you

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Speaker 1: under the mask? What were you doing inside of yourself?

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Speaker 3: A lot of self hatred?

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Speaker 1: What specifically did you mean? Because I think that's important,

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Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it is these words, what specifically did

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Speaker 1: you hate about jad?

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Speaker 4: You know, I really hated that I wasn't content, and

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Speaker 4: I hated that there was nothing that could make me

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Speaker 4: content no matter what I did. And I really felt

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Speaker 4: I hated feeling broken, and I hated feeling that, you know,

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Speaker 4: I was ungrateful, and I hated feeling that I was losing,

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Speaker 4: that I was growing cold, numb, and that my my

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Speaker 4: feelings of resentment and anger, and I hate it not being.

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Speaker 3: Seen, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: And that made me really angry, and I hated that

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Speaker 4: I was angry, and.

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Speaker 1: I just.

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Speaker 4: And it just made me dislike everything. It just made

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Speaker 4: me hate everything.

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Speaker 1: You know, what's the one here can only be pictured

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Speaker 1: out there exactly.

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Speaker 4: It diminishes, It diminished everything, and you know, my worth,

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Speaker 4: my personal worth and then just the worth of life.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll talk about that when we come back. Welcome

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Speaker 1: back to the R spot. Let's pick up where we

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Speaker 1: left off. I want to talk to you about this

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Speaker 1: other piece too, because you talked about miss Shirley, Grandma Shirley,

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Speaker 1: your dad's mom. This thing in the book took me

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Speaker 1: to my needs. Okay, about her leaving food on the

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Speaker 1: porch for her drug addicted son. But what I saw

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Speaker 1: in there was that she created a boundary and she

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Speaker 1: learned how to stay No loved them. She wasn't going

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Speaker 1: to abandon them, but she created a boundary. You can't

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Speaker 1: come in my house, ye, mistatee. How does a woman?

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Speaker 1: Because this impacts many women and their worth, they continue

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Speaker 1: to do for family members, for loved ones till it diminishes. Them.

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Speaker 1: Miss Shirley, although she had her issues, created a boundary

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Speaker 1: and said no, talk about the importance of that, please.

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Speaker 4: Oh And that's every stay because you know, the thing

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Speaker 4: that I had to learn and I'm continuing to learn,

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Speaker 4: is like unconditional love. Love does not mean unconditional tolerance,

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Speaker 4: you know. And I think a lot of times we

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Speaker 4: get really mixed up on what love is supposed to

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Speaker 4: look like, right, And so we're told to be absolutely selfless,

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Speaker 4: and you know, don't worry about you, you worry about

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Speaker 4: you know. You just love as hard as you need

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Speaker 4: to for the people around you. And that and that

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Speaker 4: is a woman's worth and that's how a woman is

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Speaker 4: supposed to love.

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Speaker 3: And that is just not true, you know.

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Speaker 4: And boundaries are absolutely important. It teaches us how to

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Speaker 4: love ourselves, and it teaches others who want to know

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Speaker 4: how to love us, how to love us.

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Speaker 3: And that was a big one I had to really

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Speaker 3: get with. It's like, my.

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Speaker 4: Boundaries teach the people around me who want to love

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Speaker 4: me how to love me, and it's an expression of

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Speaker 4: how I want to love myself.

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Speaker 1: That's right, and it.

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Speaker 4: Doesn't mean that I used to think putting up back

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Speaker 4: boundaries was unloving because I grew up in a house

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Speaker 4: where listen like having boundaries. When you're living with a

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Speaker 4: mother who has addiction problems and it's just the two

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Speaker 4: of you, there's a lot of you know, boundary crossing, violation, boundaries,

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Speaker 4: a lot of violations, and you think that the acceptance

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Speaker 4: of those violations is your show of love.

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Speaker 3: And I had to. I had to. I had to.

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Speaker 3: I had to re educate.

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Speaker 4: I had to unlearn that and re educate myself around boundaries.

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Speaker 4: And you know what, it's something that I deal with

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Speaker 4: every day in my life.

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Speaker 1: And particularly as a public person. I know that I,

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Speaker 1: as a public person, have to create boundaries when I'm

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Speaker 1: in the walkport or idolatry or the gas station and

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Speaker 1: people want pitches and and get all and you just

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Speaker 1: have to create boundaries. A dear friend of mine, writer

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Speaker 1: Paul Farini, says, say no to the bad behavior and

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Speaker 1: yes to the love. And I think that as women,

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Speaker 1: part of our worth is learning how to say no.

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Speaker 1: Like miss Shirley said, I mean she's feeding her leaving

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Speaker 1: food on the porch, but saying to him, and she

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Speaker 1: held that boundary. Now may it led her to the

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Speaker 1: drinking a little bit, but we won't have that discovery.

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Speaker 1: I want people to read about missus Shirley, because you

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Speaker 1: got some colorful people.

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Speaker 3: I know, I know, and she listened my grandmother. She

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Speaker 3: was something, but she was a powerhouse. You know, she

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Speaker 3: was a powerhouse.

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Speaker 1: But the beauty that I also found in Worthy is

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Speaker 1: you did have relationships with these people and you saw

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Speaker 1: or now maybe now you're realizing now that you're adult,

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Speaker 1: and you still embrace the relationships with each person as

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Speaker 1: they were for who they were, without the judgments and

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Speaker 1: taking on their stuff? Is your stuff powerful? If we

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Speaker 1: as women want to develop our worth, growing our worth

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Speaker 1: and stand in our worthy mast, we have to learn

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Speaker 1: to accept people as they are, for who they are

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Speaker 1: and not make their stuff our stuff. Have you found that?

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Speaker 1: When I got to page four hundred and fifteen, Worthy,

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Speaker 1: I was clear about what how your story first of

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Speaker 1: all is so mirrored mind, and that's the beauty of relationships. Yes,

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Speaker 1: people were each other all of the time. But when

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Speaker 1: your readers get to page four hundred and fifteen, before

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Speaker 1: they get to four sixteen and they don't want it

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Speaker 1: to end, we want to know more. What is it

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Speaker 1: that you want them to walk away? With this data,

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Speaker 1: what is it to me? It was the basic ingredients

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Speaker 1: of a woman's work. But you may have another message,

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Speaker 1: what do you want women to walk away? And men too?

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Speaker 1: I think men need to be this point. I could

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Speaker 1: be wrong too.

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Speaker 3: Thank you for saying that, because I do true I am.

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Speaker 4: I do feel like the basic ingredients of a woman's

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Speaker 4: worth for sure, and you know, to just have don't

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Speaker 4: feel shame for your walk I think in this you know,

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Speaker 4: era of social media and needing everything to look so,

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Speaker 4: you know, perfect right, And we're all here learning how

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Speaker 4: to love ourselves, learning how to love others. And this

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Speaker 4: place is a university and we all have our curriculums

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Speaker 4: and our assignments and it's not meant to always be

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Speaker 4: pre and it's okay, you know, as long as we

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Speaker 4: are staying on path of understanding that we are here

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Speaker 4: to learn, you know, and to rise to our higher selves,

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Speaker 4: you know, And that's what this whole journey is about.

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Speaker 4: And like you said, just those little breadcrumbs, those ingredients

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Speaker 4: you know of what it takes and what it looks like.

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Speaker 1: One of the things that I got was that every

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Speaker 1: single relationship you addressed was a classroom for you every

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Speaker 1: single one. Yes, And as a woman, your relationship with

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Speaker 1: your father, I think is probably the main lecture hall

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Speaker 1: The second one to that for your major lesson in

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Speaker 1: life is your relationship with your mom. Talk to me

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Speaker 1: about that because behind the behind the camera, beyond the camera,

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Speaker 1: it looks to the world and feels to the world

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Speaker 1: that you and her have a good mother daughter relationship.

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Speaker 1: How did you get there? Because I read it, but

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Speaker 1: I want to know from your heart, how did you

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Speaker 1: get there?

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Speaker 5: You know?

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Speaker 3: It just it's what you were talking about earlier.

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Speaker 4: Just that level of self acceptance, you know, and that

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Speaker 4: level of acceptance of looking at my mother. And it

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Speaker 4: was really when I became a mother myself.

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Speaker 3: Okay, when I became a that'll do it.

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Speaker 5: Okay, when I became a mother myself and I got

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Speaker 5: married and life got like real in a different way.

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Speaker 4: I really started to honor what my mother was able

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Speaker 4: to come through, you know, and I was able to

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Speaker 4: see her in a different way, and she really showed

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Speaker 4: up for me when I had my children, like I

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Speaker 4: got to see her become the grandmother.

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Speaker 5: That you know.

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Speaker 4: I didn't get to experience her as a mother, but

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Speaker 4: there was so much reconciling that happened in me being

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Speaker 4: able to watch her as the grandmother that she is.

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Speaker 1: Okay, she is now as opposed to lamenting who she wasn't.

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Speaker 4: Before was in the past, right because she was she

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Speaker 4: in her My mother got clean when I was twenty

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Speaker 4: and she became a total different person.

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Speaker 3: And so that was.

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Speaker 1: That was it.

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Speaker 4: And then I really got to see her love on

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Speaker 4: her grandchildren in a way that you know, I might

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Speaker 4: not have had, but I was felt so blessed that

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Speaker 4: I was able to experience it through her relationship with

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Speaker 4: her grandchildren.

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Speaker 1: Let me take you here, because this is an issue.

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Speaker 1: You know, I talked to lots of people, right, this

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Speaker 1: is an issue if you can talk into and share

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Speaker 1: with us, because so many sister women cannot forget or

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Speaker 1: forgive who Mama was or who she wasn't for them

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Speaker 1: long enough to accept who she is now. Is there

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Speaker 1: an instant? Is there a moment? Is there a choice

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Speaker 1: that you had to make to be able to accept

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Speaker 1: her and love her, forgive her whatever it is but

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Speaker 1: who she wasn't so that you could be present with

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Speaker 1: who she is today.

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Speaker 4: I think a big part too, was that she was

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Speaker 4: very she was willing to talk to me about her

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Speaker 4: her not being able to show up in the way

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Speaker 4: that she had wished, right, and she had so much remorse.

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Speaker 3: And then I.

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Speaker 4: Could see her making up for that lost time between

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Speaker 4: us from my childhood through our new relationship as her

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Speaker 4: adult daughter. Yeah, and how she was trying to show

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Speaker 4: up for me because we always need our mothers.

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Speaker 3: That doesn't change. We always need our mothers, So it's

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Speaker 3: never too late. And so once.

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Speaker 4: I accepted and was able to open myself up to

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Speaker 4: being willing to have a relationship with her, you know,

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Speaker 4: and embrace her as my mother today today, not she

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Speaker 4: wasn't yesterday, but for the mother that she is today,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you knew her story. One of the things

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Speaker 1: that I say to women all of the time when

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Speaker 1: you become an adult, know your mother's story, know she

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Speaker 1: is as a woman, and develop a relationship with her

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Speaker 1: woman to woman, and you lay that out so beautifully.

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Speaker 1: Here's an important question again about relationships as a married woman.

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Speaker 1: How what tips would you give give women who need

441
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,880
Speaker 1: to heal in the midst of having a relationship with

442
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: their partner, with a man, How does a woman heel

443
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 1: her little girl, her teenage girl while she's trying to

444
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: be a big grown woman with a man.

445
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 3: Let me tell you something, you and not both know

446
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,120
Speaker 3: this right here.

447
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 1: Like you said in the book, this is getting ready

448
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 1: to get real.

449
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:11,440
Speaker 4: Okay, yes, okay, because that that is probably that's probably

450
00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 4: has been one of my biggest challenges, you know, in

451
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 4: and it is a process I would tell I would

452
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:24,440
Speaker 4: tell women, make sure the partner that you're with is

453
00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 4: the proper partner for the for your curriculum, right, because

454
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 4: not all partners are the right ones. And it doesn't

455
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 4: mean and let me tell you, it doesn't mean just

456
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:38,000
Speaker 4: because it's difficult and challenging that that person is not

457
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 4: the right one. Really, I had to start looking at

458
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 4: I had to come to terms with I didn't know

459
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,480
Speaker 4: what I was doing.

460
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 3: On any level, right, on any level, Okay.

461
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 4: I had to come to terms with that, like, yeah,

462
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,800
Speaker 4: I didn't know what I was doing, okay. And I

463
00:31:00,800 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 4: had to come to terms with I came into this

464
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 4: relationship with a whole lot of stuff that didn't have

465
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 4: nothing to do with Will.

466
00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

467
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 4: And I had to stop blaming him for my stuff

468
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 4: coming up.

469
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:22,880
Speaker 1: In our stuff, the stuff he triggered, the stuff he triggered.

470
00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 4: The stuff he's triggered, and I had to start looking

471
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 4: at him as a mirror.

472
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: Beautiful, that's what relationships.

473
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 4: Do, right, And I had to stop looking towards my

474
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 4: relationship and looking towards Will to be something for me that.

475
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 3: I was not willing to be for myself.

476
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,440
Speaker 1: Right there. That's the Hallelujah truth. Say it again, Say

477
00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 1: it again, this data.

478
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:52,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had to stop looking to this relationship and

479
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 4: to Will, you know, to be for me what I

480
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 4: was not willing to be for myself. And let me

481
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 4: tell you something that was probably that that is one

482
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 4: of the most difficult detoxifications psychologically, okay, spiritually.

483
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 3: Yeah.

484
00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: So when you stop looking at him to be something

485
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: for you that you're not being for yourself, when you

486
00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 1: become willing to be that thing for yourself, what happens

487
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 1: to your relationship with him?

488
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 4: Oh?

489
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:31,920
Speaker 3: Man, it just transforms. It becomes something.

490
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 4: Totaltally different, totally different, you know. It's it's what I

491
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 4: call that when I started coming into my emotional independence,

492
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 4: my emotional and psychological independence, and I could see, I

493
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 4: could start I could start seeing where I had the

494
00:32:54,680 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 4: most unreasonable expectations of him and how unkind and yes, that.

495
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 1: Was Yeah, that's that's where a lot of us go off.

496
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:12,520
Speaker 1: I send some relationships that when we come into it,

497
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:18,960
Speaker 1: instead of saying I had unreasonable expectations, we make him

498
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 1: or her wrong. Yeah, and we walk away.

499
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:29,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, we walk away and lord knows listen a couple

500
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 4: of times. Yeah, like you know and you know and really,

501
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,120
Speaker 4: but that's part of it too, that's part of it too.

502
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 4: What made you say because he's the perfect damn mirror. Okay,

503
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 4: you know, he's the perfect mirror. And I really had

504
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,360
Speaker 4: to give with that too, And because you also having

505
00:33:54,400 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 4: to detoxify and let go of the romanticized idea that

506
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 4: your relationships are here for your to enhance your pleasure,

507
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:10,959
Speaker 4: like no, no, no, you're here to please me. That's

508
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:15,279
Speaker 4: why you're here, right, And it's like, look, you get moments,

509
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 4: of course, you know, you have.

510
00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 3: Moments of that.

511
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 4: But what I realized was that, you know, in order

512
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 4: for me to get to those that authentic happiness, to

513
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 4: that authentic intimacy, that authentic connection, I had to be

514
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 4: willing to do the work.

515
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 1: You know, that's my theme song to work. I willing

516
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 1: to write me a song, do the work.

517
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 3: That's one thing.

518
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:48,040
Speaker 4: You know, we're almost three decades into this thing. You know,

519
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 4: I realized that he is where.

520
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 3: My work is.

521
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:53,880
Speaker 4: You know, it's like, sure, I could go off and

522
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 4: you know, find a new partner, and you know it

523
00:34:56,840 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 4: could be but that person is not going to There'll

524
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 4: be other lessons, for sure, But the having done this

525
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 4: for three decades, there's ways that he knows me and

526
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 4: ways that I know him. In depths of buttons that

527
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 4: get pushed that you know is where is where our

528
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 4: work sit.

529
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:20,399
Speaker 1: So when buttons get go back to when you first

530
00:35:20,560 --> 00:35:24,879
Speaker 1: got together, before you detoxified yourself and found the word

531
00:35:26,640 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 1: a button get pushed back then, and a button getting

532
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:33,239
Speaker 1: pushed now, what's the difference. What's the distinction.

533
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:38,240
Speaker 4: The distinction is I don't look to him and blame him.

534
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:43,160
Speaker 4: The distinction is now I go ooh, all right.

535
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,920
Speaker 3: I'm triggered. Something is going on with me.

536
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,800
Speaker 4: Let me, let me take a minute and look at

537
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 4: what is going on with me. And I just know

538
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:59,879
Speaker 4: that he this moment is helping me see a dynamic

539
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 4: in myself.

540
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 1: That yes, oh boy, miss Jada, you have done the work.

541
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: But you can bottle this up and and spread it

542
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:17,440
Speaker 1: out among the sisterhood because I'm watching relationships crumble, I'm

543
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:23,200
Speaker 1: watching them fall apart, unworthy. You you go into the cornerstone,

544
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:30,560
Speaker 1: your mother, your father, those caregiving parents. You see them

545
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 1: for what they are. You lay it out, You take

546
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 1: off the pieces you need need to take off. I mean,

547
00:36:38,840 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 1: like I said, this thing is rough. It is gritty,

548
00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:48,239
Speaker 1: it is real. Get your popcorn, people, get your popcorn

549
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:52,440
Speaker 1: because you can. You're gonna have butter all over the pages.

550
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: It is as I would say the list shots. It

551
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,919
Speaker 1: is delicious. It is delicious. We'll talk more about it

552
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: when we come back. Welcome back to the R spot.

553
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,320
Speaker 1: Let's get back to the conversation. A couple of things,

554
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: and because I know, we gotta go the basic ingredients

555
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:22,520
Speaker 1: of a woman's world. Take the mask on and let

556
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:27,359
Speaker 1: yourself be your own person in the presence of other

557
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 1: people you love. But I get that good. Okay, that's right.

558
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:36,239
Speaker 1: Don't be a shame or afraid of your shame in

559
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:36,760
Speaker 1: your field.

560
00:37:37,200 --> 00:37:37,719
Speaker 3: There you go.

561
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't be a shame of your shame. If you

562
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 1: have it, look at it. You talk in there. I

563
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: love those little interludes between each chapter. You talk about journaling,

564
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: you talk about looking at your shadow. You know how

565
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: many women don't even realize they have a shadow.

566
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,560
Speaker 3: I know, I know.

567
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,800
Speaker 1: If you've grown up with trauma, you have a shadow

568
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:08,719
Speaker 1: Yours had a name, mine too. Mine has a name.

569
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:13,240
Speaker 1: And you didn't speak to it, but you talked about

570
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,759
Speaker 1: being bullied and then when you acted out, Korin was

571
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 1: and how you gave mine is Ronnie, Ronnie from Brooklyn,

572
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: and she speaks to the beast. She will cush you, fulfilled.

573
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,040
Speaker 1: All my spirituality goes. I had, you know what I

574
00:38:31,080 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 1: had to do. I had to train her. I had

575
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 1: to give her something.

576
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:37,600
Speaker 3: Else to see me too. That's right, give them different jobs.

577
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,360
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, don't be ashamed of your shame and your fear.

578
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 1: The other thing is, and you made this statement, I

579
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 1: want to repeat it again. Your father gave you the

580
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 1: lasting ability to withstand and appreciate harsh truths. If we

581
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,400
Speaker 1: really want to step into our work, we've got to

582
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,680
Speaker 1: dismantle all the lies that we've told ourselves about us,

583
00:39:00,719 --> 00:39:03,960
Speaker 1: about other people, about who we are who were not.

584
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: Would you say that that's what you want us to

585
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: get out of this?

586
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 3: Yes, that is That's it. That's the key right there.

587
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 1: And not only being able to do the work. The

588
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 1: thing that I loved about worthy you didn't know what

589
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 1: the work was and you were willing to try everything

590
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 1: to see what it worked and not have any barriers

591
00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:35,200
Speaker 1: on it. Talk to me about your introduction to experience

592
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:37,400
Speaker 1: with plant medicine and how it helped you.

593
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am. I was at. I was really in

594
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 3: a dark, dark, dark place.

595
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 4: And a father of some of Jaden's friends had just

596
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 4: done a journey in Peru of.

597
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 3: Ayahuasca and I was.

598
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 4: He was telling me about the journey and I just

599
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 4: so I saw, I saw something so different than him,

600
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:07,359
Speaker 4: and I was like, I need that, I need that,

601
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,959
Speaker 4: and I just asked the universe, and the universe opened

602
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 4: up a door for me to have my first.

603
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 3: I A journey, and.

604
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:23,480
Speaker 4: Oh hi, and it was it was. It was rough,

605
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 4: you know, but it was really intense. It was really intense.

606
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:32,520
Speaker 4: But I tell you, after that one journey of four

607
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:36,959
Speaker 4: nights back to back, I didn't.

608
00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,320
Speaker 3: Have I really got to see my shadow.

609
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 4: I got to see my level of self hatred and

610
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 4: make friends with it.

611
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 3: And I haven't had a suicidal thought since now. That

612
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 3: was just that was just scratching the surface, you know

613
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:54,839
Speaker 3: what I mean. I thought I was. I thought I.

614
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,240
Speaker 4: Had a rived, you know what I mean, I'm cured,

615
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:00,360
Speaker 4: only to realize, oh no, baby girl, you got a

616
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 4: whole journey ahead of you, you know. And I kept

617
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 4: my relationship with the plant medicine, you know, even till

618
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 4: this day.

619
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciate the fact that you said, if you

620
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:15,839
Speaker 1: want to do it, make sure you do it under

621
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: supervised guidance, and don't because people are out here doing

622
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: all manner of wonderfulness. Yes, I want to invite and

623
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 1: encourage women, particularly on the journey toward they're worthiness, to

624
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: be able to explore, investigate alternative ways of getting because

625
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 1: the system that we're operating in that gave us the

626
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,040
Speaker 1: false notions, that puts the mask on us and wants

627
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:44,239
Speaker 1: us to keep the mask, that violates our boundaries, that

628
00:41:44,320 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 1: doesn't keep us safe. That system doesn't work.

629
00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 3: That's right, it doesn't, you know.

630
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 4: And I agree with you if we can, you know,

631
00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:58,200
Speaker 4: to just keep our minds open for however, you know,

632
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 4: there's so as you just there's so much wonderfulness out

633
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 4: here right that is off the beaten path, you know,

634
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: And if we can just keep an open mind, you know.

635
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 1: So when you wink now and you stand in this data,

636
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 1: this data. What does what does that feel like for you?

637
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:25,239
Speaker 1: Who you are today, worthy and available to yourself? What

638
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: does that feel like? Maybe if you can describe it

639
00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 1: people and want to go get someone.

640
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:35,360
Speaker 3: Yes, I just I feel so proud. I'm like, you

641
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:35,839
Speaker 3: did it.

642
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 4: You know all those times I wanted to quit, all

643
00:42:39,360 --> 00:42:41,520
Speaker 4: those times I couldn't see the light at the end

644
00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 4: of the tunnel, and to be able to wake up

645
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 4: every morning and be happy to be me right, and

646
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:55,279
Speaker 4: it is nothing special going on. It's just me right,

647
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying. Just happy in my skin,

648
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 4: happy to be with me, you know. And it feels

649
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:08,839
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm looking forward to my day every day.

650
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 4: I feel like that no matter what's happening in the

651
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,040
Speaker 4: outside world, what's going on in my.

652
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 3: Internal world is so yummy. You know that whatever the

653
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 3: world wants to bring my way, it's gonna be okay.

654
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,879
Speaker 3: You know that I know my worth with my.

655
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:33,440
Speaker 4: Divine self and with the Great Supreme you know what

656
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 4: I mean. And I don't have to convince nobody of it,

657
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:44,840
Speaker 4: you know, And I can just be the thing that

658
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 4: I am and whoever wants to share in it. Fantastic

659
00:43:48,719 --> 00:43:51,800
Speaker 4: and whoever does it, that's okay too, you know what

660
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 4: I mean.

661
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:53,760
Speaker 3: And that feels good.

662
00:43:54,080 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: That's vibrational authenticity. That is your vibrational independence. No matter

663
00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: what's going on, you can stand in it. So, you know,

664
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: because of social media and everybody needs tips, So give

665
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 1: us our three tips, this data. So I want that

666
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: they hear it from your mouths when they go out

667
00:44:15,640 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 1: and get worthy, they will they will have your tips

668
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,320
Speaker 1: right just down now are spotters.

669
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 5: You know.

670
00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 4: I think really spending time with yourself is a big one,

671
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 4: you know.

672
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 3: I think, look, not everybody's into meditation and all of that.

673
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:37,760
Speaker 4: I get it, But even if you just spend time

674
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 4: with yourself, whether it's reading, whether it's writing, just with

675
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 4: you and you every day, just take some time, whether

676
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 4: it's in a bathtub, whatever that is, to just be

677
00:44:50,719 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 4: with you and develop a relationship with you and you.

678
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,359
Speaker 3: I think it's just so important.

679
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 4: You know, we feel like we need all the put

680
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:06,280
Speaker 4: the phone down, to get off Instagram, just be with you.

681
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

682
00:45:06,239 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 4: And I think one of the biggest things too, is

683
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:16,800
Speaker 4: really working on curing self judgment in the world today.

684
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 4: The world can be such a harsh place and I

685
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:26,319
Speaker 4: feel like part of my you know, happiness has for

686
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 4: myself and my level of self worth has come from.

687
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:33,160
Speaker 4: What matters is not what other people think about me,

688
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,120
Speaker 4: but how I think about myself.

689
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 3: And it's the self judgment that people weaponize.

690
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: Yes. And for those who don't know what self judgment

691
00:45:42,640 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 1: is or the should as, the kuldas, the shouldn't have yes. Now,

692
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:52,360
Speaker 1: you know I always tell people, don't should on yourself

693
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: and don't let other people should on you.

694
00:45:56,840 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 4: That's right, you know what I mean. Don't allow other

695
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:04,799
Speaker 4: people's ideas and judgments of you. If somebody's making you

696
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,000
Speaker 4: feel bad, that means that's an area for you to

697
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,280
Speaker 4: look at because you are not confident in that area.

698
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 1: Right.

699
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:15,320
Speaker 4: It's like, no one can you know, forge a weapon

700
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 4: against you that we don't assist.

701
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:21,720
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And if somebody is making you feel bad,

702
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 1: they're also giving you the gift of helping you identify

703
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 1: a trigger. There you go, get in there and you

704
00:46:30,719 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 1: know nobody can keep right. That's right, that's right, unplugged

705
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:38,880
Speaker 1: the trigger.

706
00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 3: The third one is just keep stepping.

707
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 4: You know, people will say I tried this, I did that,

708
00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,759
Speaker 4: you know, I try therapy of it? Man, Listen, you

709
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 4: gotta keep stepping. That's what the journey is all about.

710
00:46:52,200 --> 00:46:55,359
Speaker 4: Just keep going, don't stop, don't say this doesn't work

711
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,960
Speaker 4: for me. And that's the one thing about my journey.

712
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:02,160
Speaker 3: I I just have trying.

713
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, until you push the right.

714
00:47:04,880 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 6: Button, until you push the right curtain, until you find

715
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,040
Speaker 6: the right information, until you find that right therapist, and

716
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 6: do you find that right book, until you find that

717
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,280
Speaker 6: right activity, do you find the right thing that works

718
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 6: for you, because it's not just going to fall in

719
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:17,640
Speaker 6: our lab.

720
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: The thing that I noticed and worthy too, and which

721
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 1: is what most many people I've encountered, you were consistent.

722
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:32,600
Speaker 1: You were consistent, you were observant, you took copious notes. Okay,

723
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,040
Speaker 1: I'm doing this. Wait a minute, that's let me that's

724
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 1: not working, Let me do this. You were consistent. And

725
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,960
Speaker 1: I think what happens very often is we get this thing,

726
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:47,240
Speaker 1: we try this thing, and instantly we want cleaner, whiter

727
00:47:47,320 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 1: teeth and fresher breath. And if we don't get the

728
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: whiter teeth fresher breath in thirty seconds, then it didn't work,

729
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 1: and we go on, but we don't make the investment

730
00:47:56,160 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 1: in it. I want to acknowledge the investment miss Jata,

731
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:02,799
Speaker 1: that you made in yourself.

732
00:48:03,239 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 3: Thank you so much.

733
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 4: And I think that's such a good point. You know,

734
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 4: in this day and age, looking for that instant gratification,

735
00:48:10,600 --> 00:48:13,880
Speaker 4: and you can't microwave this journey. You can't microwave it.

736
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 4: And you're right, you know, being consistent.

737
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:23,160
Speaker 1: So are spotters worthy? It's Jada said that. I just

738
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 1: want you to understand at the pore at the bottom,

739
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 1: by page four fourteen or four fifteen, you will have

740
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 1: a beautiful, beautiful road now for developing a divine relationship

741
00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:45,239
Speaker 1: with yourself that makes you the heroine of your story,

742
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 1: and that allows you then to have authentic relationships with

743
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 1: other people based on who you are and not on

744
00:48:55,719 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 1: what they can give you. So that's how I upworthy.

745
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 3: Well I like it. That's that's it right there.

746
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 1: Oh, miss Dada. I want to thank you for joining

747
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:10,239
Speaker 1: me here on the art spot. I want when you

748
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:12,239
Speaker 1: come to bothom I'm coming to see you, I might

749
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:16,759
Speaker 1: do something that I've never I've never done. I want

750
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:21,279
Speaker 1: to bring four books for my four granddaughters. I want

751
00:49:21,320 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 1: you to sign them, okay, because they love you. It

752
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,439
Speaker 1: will be I'm gonna have five. I'm not gonna ask

753
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,359
Speaker 1: you to sign mine or books. I want you to

754
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 1: sign them for my four granddaughters and because I just

755
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 1: want them to to have this as a part of

756
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: their life. Thank you, deep bow to you spiritual warrior

757
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,720
Speaker 1: that you are. Thank you for giving us clips beyond

758
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: the camera. Thank you for your authentic transparency.

759
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:55,879
Speaker 3: I can't wait to see you and get a hug

760
00:49:55,920 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 3: from me.

761
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:59,200
Speaker 1: Okay, and tell me miss Data. I know this may

762
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: be a a weird, bizarre question, but I love to

763
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 1: ask them. How can I support you? How can I.

764
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 4: Support I'm just so glad that you you had me

765
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 4: here on your podcast.

766
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 3: You know, I really thought it was.

767
00:50:15,120 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 4: Important to speak with you because I've I've been I've

768
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,360
Speaker 4: just loved your work all these years, you know, and

769
00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,320
Speaker 4: I just knew that we would be able to have.

770
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:28,799
Speaker 3: A real conversation, you know.

771
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:37,360
Speaker 7: I knew you would get it, and I just really

772
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:40,879
Speaker 7: I really wanted your wisdom, and you know, you're such

773
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:41,840
Speaker 7: a beautiful teacher.

774
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:46,040
Speaker 4: And even in even in talking to you about it today,

775
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 4: you know, you got me thinking about certain aspects of

776
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:52,359
Speaker 4: it in a different way, you know, and I knew

777
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 4: that would happen.

778
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 3: So that's it. I'm just so happy that you. You

779
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:58,760
Speaker 3: had me here with you to speak.

780
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:03,319
Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to call upon my grandmothers and my

781
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 1: greatest greatest grandmothers and ask them to unite with your grandmothers,

782
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 1: including Miss Shirley and Miss Marion and all of the

783
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:17,360
Speaker 1: women in your life. And I ask them to use

784
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 1: worthy and to lift worthy to the highest heights, that

785
00:51:23,239 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 1: women all over will read worthy and become new distribution

786
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: centers of light and love on planet, and that the

787
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:37,240
Speaker 1: broken places in their hearts and minds will be healed

788
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:43,439
Speaker 1: through your authentic transparency and love, so that we as

789
00:51:43,560 --> 00:51:47,920
Speaker 1: women may stand together in a different way for the

790
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: healing of the planet. And I ask the grandmothers, the

791
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:57,320
Speaker 1: greatest greatest grandmothers, to give power and efficacy to these words,

792
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 1: to shape it and it become the reality that we

793
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:05,400
Speaker 1: know in twenty twenty three and beyond, for all we

794
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:08,200
Speaker 1: have received and all that is yet to come. I

795
00:52:08,239 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: say thank you. I let it be. I thank you,

796
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 1: Miss Jada. Good luck on your journey. May this be

797
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,000
Speaker 1: the first of many many babies, and may you're healing

798
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 1: continue in a way that blesses us are.

799
00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,680
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, thank you so much. I I just

800
00:52:24,760 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 3: love you.

801
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 1: I love you, thank you.

802
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 2: So there you have it. Jada Pinkett Smith, a woman

803
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 2: sharing her story, her journey to becoming worthy in her

804
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 2: own mind, her own heart, and in her own life.

805
00:52:44,080 --> 00:52:47,720
Speaker 2: It is a journey that I and many women have taken,

806
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 2: although our stories may be different. The journey to worthy, oh,

807
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:57,680
Speaker 2: it is such a worthwhile endeavor in order to become whole.

808
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,280
Speaker 2: So if you have not picked up your copy of Worthy,

809
00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,319
Speaker 2: I encourage you to do so today because that too

810
00:53:05,480 --> 00:53:08,880
Speaker 2: will be a worthwhile endeavor. And be sure to tune

811
00:53:08,880 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 2: in on November fifteenth for Season two of The R Spot,

812
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:18,440
Speaker 2: brought to you by Shondaland and iHeart Wherever you listen

813
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 2: to podcasts in the meantime, stay in peace and not

814
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:31,359
Speaker 2: in pieces. The R Spot is a production of Shondaland

815
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 2: Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio,

816
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

817
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 2: to your favorite shows.