WEBVTT - Jane Lynch

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, guys.

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<v Speaker 2>I am so happy to be bringing you more many questions,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't with

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<v Speaker 2>an extraordinarily heavy heart. As my home is currently under siege.

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<v Speaker 2>It feels like from wildfires and wins. So many of

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<v Speaker 2>my friends and so many people have lost everything. I

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to acknowledge that before sharing more stuff that I've made,

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<v Speaker 2>we made it with joy. If you are able to,

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<v Speaker 2>if you feel willing, donating to the Humane Society dot

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<v Speaker 2>org in Los Angeles who have an emergency animal relief fund,

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<v Speaker 2>or donating to Pasadena Humane dot org, which is an

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<v Speaker 2>emergency shelter and may have been unbelievable in taking animals

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<v Speaker 2>in throughout this nightmarish situation. The Lafoodbank dot org and

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<v Speaker 2>the Redcross dot org are all places that would gratefully

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<v Speaker 2>receive donations that will make real time difference to people.

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<v Speaker 1>That's it, That's what I got.

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<v Speaker 2>I really hope you enjoy this season and these beautiful conversations.

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<v Speaker 2>I love making this show. This show was born in

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<v Speaker 2>Los Angeles, in my house with me and my computer

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<v Speaker 2>and my amazing producer, Aaron, and I want to keep

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<v Speaker 2>sharing through hard times and good times so please enjoy

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<v Speaker 2>these episodes, and if you are listening from California, you

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<v Speaker 2>stay safe. The very first time I met you was

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<v Speaker 2>through my car window exiting right that movie theater on

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<v Speaker 2>Sunset was The Sunset.

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<v Speaker 3>Set, Yeah, Sunset, and I've just seen.

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<v Speaker 1>Best in the show. We'd literally just been to see

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<v Speaker 1>the film and with your.

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<v Speaker 3>Sister, right, yeah, yeah, I remember that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that when we lost our minds.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, and I lost our minds.

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<v Speaker 3>That was a big moment in my life.

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<v Speaker 4>So thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, I'm Mini Driver. I've always loved Preust's questionnaire. It

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<v Speaker 1>was originally in nineteenth century parlor.

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<v Speaker 2>Game where players would ask each other thirty five questions

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<v Speaker 2>aimed at revealing.

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<v Speaker 1>The other player's true nature.

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<v Speaker 2>In asking different people the same set of questions, you

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<v Speaker 2>can make observations about which truths appear to be universal.

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<v Speaker 2>And it made me wonder, what if these questions were

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<v Speaker 2>just the jumping off point, what greater depths would be

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<v Speaker 2>revealed if I asked these questions as conversation starters.

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<v Speaker 1>So I adapted.

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<v Speaker 2>Pru's questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions that

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<v Speaker 2>I personally think are pertinent to a person's story.

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<v Speaker 1>They are when and where.

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<v Speaker 2>Were you happiest? What is the quality you like least

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<v Speaker 2>about yourself? What relationship, real or fictionalized, defines love for you?

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<v Speaker 2>What question would you most like answered, What person, place,

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<v Speaker 2>or experience has shaped you the most? What would be

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<v Speaker 2>your last meal? And can you tell me something in

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<v Speaker 2>your life that's grown out of a personal disaster? And

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<v Speaker 2>I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, ones that

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<v Speaker 2>I am honored and humbled to have had the chance

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<v Speaker 2>to engage with. You may not hear their answers to

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<v Speaker 2>all seven of these questions. We've whittled it down to

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<v Speaker 2>which questions felt closest to their experience, or the most surprising,

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<v Speaker 2>or created the most fertile ground to connect. My guest

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<v Speaker 2>today is the legend that is Jane Lynch. From playing

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<v Speaker 2>Christy Cummings in Christopher Guest's Best in Show, to Sue

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<v Speaker 2>Sylvester on Glee, to Saz Pataki on Only Murders in

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<v Speaker 2>the Building, there are very few actors who have made

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<v Speaker 2>me laugh as hard as Jane has and for so

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<v Speaker 2>many years.

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<v Speaker 1>On the show.

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<v Speaker 2>We talk about our shared love of companionship and independence,

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<v Speaker 2>and I reminded her of the first time we met

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<v Speaker 2>when I was driving out of the parking at the

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<v Speaker 2>movie theater where I just watched Best in Show, and

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<v Speaker 2>I saw her walking down the street and I rolled

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<v Speaker 2>down the window and I just screamed, like.

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<v Speaker 1>I said, she's a legend. What is the quality you

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<v Speaker 1>like least about yourself?

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<v Speaker 3>Let's see my narrator in my head.

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<v Speaker 4>Ah.

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<v Speaker 2>My boyfriend calls that the bad guest. Oh good, And

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<v Speaker 2>in fact, I was tearful yesterday morning about something, and

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<v Speaker 2>he said, the bad guest has arrived. And instead of

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<v Speaker 2>you telling them to get the fuck out of your house,

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<v Speaker 2>you're not welcome here.

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<v Speaker 1>You are a bad guest. Get out.

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<v Speaker 2>I sit down and entertain them and try to feed

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<v Speaker 2>them seven different types of food, try to appease them,

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<v Speaker 2>listen to them, and allow them to have the floor. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>so tell me about your narrator slash bad guest.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, sometimes the narrator isn't even really telling me bad

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<v Speaker 3>things about myself or damn.

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<v Speaker 4>It's like from watching television too much as a kid.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm always telling a story to comfort myself or to

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<v Speaker 3>enrage myself. There's just constant commentary that isn't even really me.

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<v Speaker 3>It's about maybe it is a bad guest. It's like

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<v Speaker 3>obsessed with fixing things. Well, we need to do that,

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<v Speaker 3>and then we need to do that, and before I

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<v Speaker 3>go over there and have to do it. It's obsessive, compulsive,

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<v Speaker 3>and it sometimes is relentless.

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<v Speaker 1>Is there any way of shutting it off?

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<v Speaker 2>Is there anything that you do that is a definitive

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<v Speaker 2>turns the volume down on the nariety there is?

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<v Speaker 4>I've been gardening a lot.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know if you can tell, Probably not, but

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<v Speaker 3>I have a bump into black eyes. They're kind of yellow.

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<v Speaker 3>I put makeup on, but I've been crazy gardening and

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<v Speaker 3>I took a big pot and I put it down

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<v Speaker 3>and I hit my head on top of the fence

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<v Speaker 3>and had like a goose egg and then woke up

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<v Speaker 3>with two black eyes.

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<v Speaker 4>They're yellow. Now I'm fine.

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<v Speaker 2>But anyway, that's honestly come by though, I mean, yes, it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Honest hard work.

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<v Speaker 3>And then I don't have that narrator go seepy times.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think it's because it's doing this other thing.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sure that neurologically using another part of your brain

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<v Speaker 2>to do something creative does this silencing thing. But do

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<v Speaker 2>you think it's like being in nature, like physically connecting

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<v Speaker 2>with something else. I think it is now I do

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<v Speaker 2>the same thing on I I surfing, Yeah, or if

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<v Speaker 2>I go in the ocean and swim, does the same thing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the only real way of shutting.

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<v Speaker 3>That fom and it shuts everything. You become quiet of

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<v Speaker 3>mind when you're doing that. It's like meditation. It's the

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<v Speaker 3>discursive mind quiet.

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<v Speaker 1>Discursive mind quiet, Yeah, the narrator quiet.

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<v Speaker 3>All stuff that we all are habitually conditioned. The programs

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<v Speaker 3>need to keep running, yeah, they stop. And living in

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<v Speaker 3>nature is a really important thing to do.

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<v Speaker 1>They taught it in the school that I went to.

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<v Speaker 1>You were quite literally taught that.

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<v Speaker 2>But if I was fucking around in class, which I

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<v Speaker 2>think I was probably ADHD when I was a kid,

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<v Speaker 2>or maybe still am, and I couldn't sit still or

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<v Speaker 2>stop talking, and they would routinely send me outside to

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<v Speaker 2>go and run around all these fields and these orchards.

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<v Speaker 2>They were like do a lap and come back wow.

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<v Speaker 2>Or they would be like do a handstand.

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<v Speaker 3>And it worked.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it truly worked.

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<v Speaker 2>I really believe that. Yeah, it was amazing. We should

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<v Speaker 2>be teaching that in the actual ways of dealing with

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<v Speaker 2>what I think we would now call anxiety. Those voices,

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<v Speaker 2>whether that's a narrator or a commentator, or a bad

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<v Speaker 2>guest or whomever that other voice commenting negatively or creating

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<v Speaker 2>negative reaction.

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<v Speaker 1>It's quite simple.

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<v Speaker 2>The solution, remove yourself from your current situation, go and

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<v Speaker 2>do something else. And I do think that being outside,

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<v Speaker 2>even if it's a walk around your block, does that.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that is so important, you know. I called myself,

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<v Speaker 3>I said to myself, the narrator, said to myself this morning,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm kind of an Akham's razor, Gal.

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<v Speaker 4>You know what that is.

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<v Speaker 3>Okham's razor is go to the simplest solution for something.

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<v Speaker 3>And for a child losing their little mind, anxiety and whatever,

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<v Speaker 3>which is normal for a child, what's the simplest solution,

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<v Speaker 3>Move them, move them in nature. Do it absolutely, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>And I think that that's good for us too. There

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<v Speaker 3>are simple answers to so much simple simple.

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<v Speaker 2>By the way, that's the other thing that I'm a

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<v Speaker 2>huge proponent of, which is the solution to your problem

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<v Speaker 2>is never commence your in size with the problem.

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<v Speaker 1>It is always a little tiny flicker.

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<v Speaker 2>Of the needle in another direction will have this huge effect.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think we get stuck in the notion of

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<v Speaker 2>when a problem feels overwhelming, the idea that we've got

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<v Speaker 2>to find a solution that is as big as the problem,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's just not true. It really is as simple

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<v Speaker 2>as sometimes taking your shoes and socks off and standing outside.

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<v Speaker 1>Of the ground taking a shower, yeah, or going to sleep.

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<v Speaker 3>You're absolutely right, because our mind, it's our mind and

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<v Speaker 3>our narrator and the unwelcome guest that tells us how

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<v Speaker 3>big something is, and it's never that big.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that left over from like the saber tooth tiger?

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<v Speaker 2>Like is that really just like reptilian brain just going,

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<v Speaker 2>You've got to have my voice going roll the rock

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<v Speaker 2>in front of the cave because the tiger's coming, right,

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<v Speaker 2>Is it left over? Yeah, to the idea of trying

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<v Speaker 2>to foresee danger's constantly.

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<v Speaker 3>That that is my thing, is it's averting some danger.

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<v Speaker 3>But I would imagine that that that is true from

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<v Speaker 3>most of humanity, and I think that we've gotten so

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<v Speaker 3>far away from ourselves we can't even identify that that's

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<v Speaker 3>what it is. All we know is we have this

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<v Speaker 3>free floating anxiety, and it causes us to do stupid

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<v Speaker 3>things like vote, vote for stupid people and elections because

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<v Speaker 3>it feels so big, and this one person says, I

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<v Speaker 3>got it.

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<v Speaker 4>Don't you worry about it? I got it?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, fair, Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>I think fear is a big motivating thing and also

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<v Speaker 3>free floating.

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<v Speaker 4>You know that we can't attach it to anything.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, untethered anxiety agreed? When and when will you happiest?

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<v Speaker 3>I could think of one moment where I thought I

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<v Speaker 3>was going to burst out of my body. I have

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<v Speaker 3>a very good friend. Her name is Laura Coyle, and

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<v Speaker 3>we've been friends now for about thirty years. But we

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<v Speaker 3>were on Melrose in West Hollywood in like nineteen ninety five.

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<v Speaker 3>It almost sounds like I'm in love with her, and

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<v Speaker 3>I am in a way, just not that kind of

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<v Speaker 3>romantic love. And she was in the candy Slash ice

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<v Speaker 3>cream shop picking something up for us, and I was

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<v Speaker 3>sitting at the little table waiting for her and looked inside,

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<v Speaker 3>and I looked at her doing her Laura Coyle thing,

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<v Speaker 3>which is kind of ordering people around and yet at

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<v Speaker 3>the same time being really, you know, sweet and wonderful

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<v Speaker 3>and open hearted and generous and kind. And I thought,

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<v Speaker 3>I don't think I've ever been happier in my life

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<v Speaker 3>than I am right now.

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<v Speaker 4>To be in.

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<v Speaker 3>The wake of this person, of this person's energy and

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<v Speaker 3>zest for life, and it inspired it in me and

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<v Speaker 3>I will never forget that moment.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow, God, that I love that ton of phrase. To

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<v Speaker 2>be in the wake of someone.

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<v Speaker 3>She's a force of nature, you know, and I'm kind

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<v Speaker 3>of a force of nature too, but she's really a

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<v Speaker 3>force of lature in the best possible way.

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<v Speaker 1>Will you, because it's so funny.

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<v Speaker 2>I use that lyric in a song with the Ira

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<v Speaker 2>not smiling in somebody's wake, and it was in reference

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<v Speaker 2>to the notion of being in a relationship with someone

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<v Speaker 2>and you're just that kind of following to steps behind,

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<v Speaker 2>smiling in the weight that they leave. I love the

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<v Speaker 2>idea of being in the positive that you're drafting behind

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<v Speaker 2>someone's energy and joy and more.

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<v Speaker 3>Drafting tour, as you would say at drafting exactly, and

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<v Speaker 3>drafting in the way is another good one too. That's

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<v Speaker 3>a beautiful image too, unless, of course, you feel like

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<v Speaker 3>you're being dragged through it and no one's paying attention

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<v Speaker 3>to you.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, that's exactly it. My son told me a terrible

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<v Speaker 2>joke the other day that sort of pertained to this.

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<v Speaker 2>He went waterboarding in Guantanamo Bay, sounds really fun if

0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:33.400
<v Speaker 2>you don't know what either of those things are.

0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:37.160
<v Speaker 1>And quite good, isn't it.

0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:39.880
<v Speaker 2>That's quite good. It's quite a good one. But I

0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:42.640
<v Speaker 2>was just thinking about being dragged. I'm always using boat

0:12:42.679 --> 0:12:45.360
<v Speaker 2>analogies and being dragged behind boats or in the water

0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:48.240
<v Speaker 2>or something, and how it can go from being super

0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:51.320
<v Speaker 2>positive to super negative. Yeah, but in the same way

0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.559
<v Speaker 2>that someone's energy can do that to us. What is

0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:56.840
<v Speaker 2>it about your friend that was joyful to be in

0:12:57.000 --> 0:12:59.360
<v Speaker 2>her experience, to be in her wake?

0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:03.200
<v Speaker 3>She us one hundred percent. She has the knowing that

0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.120
<v Speaker 3>the world is good and kind and wants the best

0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:09.920
<v Speaker 3>for everybody. She just knows this inherently.

0:13:10.240 --> 0:13:12.320
<v Speaker 1>Do you think that's true? Do you agree with that?

0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:13.680
<v Speaker 1>Or do you want to believe that?

0:13:13.720 --> 0:13:16.440
<v Speaker 3>I want to believe that to I think everything's perception

0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:18.800
<v Speaker 3>and I don't have that. And when I'm with her,

0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:22.679
<v Speaker 3>I do or I stand back and go oh wow.

0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.800
<v Speaker 3>Like she'll see someone upset in a restaurant. There was

0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:27.640
<v Speaker 3>a girl in a restaurant who was at her computer

0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.320
<v Speaker 3>and her face went into her hands and she started

0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:33.440
<v Speaker 3>to cry, and Laura was up. She went over there

0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.120
<v Speaker 3>and she's you know, I'm like, no, let the girl

0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:38.040
<v Speaker 3>break down and you know, and let her have her

0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.040
<v Speaker 3>own moment, and I don't want to get involved that

0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:42.960
<v Speaker 3>kind of a thing. And Laura's on her haunches talking

0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:47.320
<v Speaker 3>to her and pointing into her face, but in a beautiful, caring,

0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:50.720
<v Speaker 3>compassionate way, and within like five minutes, the girl is laughing.

0:13:51.480 --> 0:13:53.640
<v Speaker 3>And her computer crashed and she was on her way

0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.520
<v Speaker 3>to a job interview and she needed her computer. So

0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:59.400
<v Speaker 3>she was very upset about that. And of course Laura

0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:01.600
<v Speaker 3>got it fit because I'm sure she got somebody to help,

0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:04.600
<v Speaker 3>because she's not technologically minded, so I'll bet somebody came

0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:07.040
<v Speaker 3>over and helped. But as I watched this whole thing,

0:14:07.640 --> 0:14:09.320
<v Speaker 3>I was like, you know, there's just no room in

0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:13.280
<v Speaker 3>her world for anybody being upset. It's just it's not

0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:16.600
<v Speaker 3>worth it to be upset about this stuff. And believe me,

0:14:16.760 --> 0:14:20.200
<v Speaker 3>Laura's not perfect. She gets upset about stuff, she gets frustrated,

0:14:20.240 --> 0:14:25.040
<v Speaker 3>but her base, that which she comes her operating system,

0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:30.440
<v Speaker 3>is the world is this adventurous place, and there are

0:14:30.480 --> 0:14:35.960
<v Speaker 3>these wonderful people, and ultimately we are all for one

0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:38.440
<v Speaker 3>and one for all. And now she's a pisces. So

0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:41.080
<v Speaker 3>every once in a while she finds out maybe that's

0:14:41.080 --> 0:14:44.520
<v Speaker 3>not true, and she'll collapse into tears. But for the

0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:46.960
<v Speaker 3>most part, it's who she is, and it's not like

0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:50.040
<v Speaker 3>fake or anything. It's it's kind of a beautiful thing.

0:14:50.240 --> 0:14:54.400
<v Speaker 2>Do you think that astrology aside, even though obviously I

0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:54.880
<v Speaker 2>love it.

0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:56.960
<v Speaker 4>I love it, dig it.

0:14:56.960 --> 0:14:59.080
<v Speaker 2>We're going to get back to that. Do you think

0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.840
<v Speaker 2>the world is divined into two kinds of people? The

0:15:01.920 --> 0:15:06.720
<v Speaker 2>people for whom it is inherently everything's not going to

0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:08.720
<v Speaker 2>work out and it's fucked up, and all the good

0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:11.000
<v Speaker 2>stuff is really just the gravy, and you have to

0:15:11.160 --> 0:15:15.320
<v Speaker 2>enjoy it because really it is. We are in the

0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.680
<v Speaker 2>hell realm here, and the people who go this is

0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:21.320
<v Speaker 2>it's an amazing place. It is inherently kind and good,

0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.720
<v Speaker 2>and we have to accommodate the hardship with our goodness.

0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:26.680
<v Speaker 3>Well, you know what, in the way you just explained it,

0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:29.080
<v Speaker 3>I would say, yes, I agree with you, But I

0:15:29.160 --> 0:15:33.520
<v Speaker 3>also think within each person is a nuanced mix of

0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:35.480
<v Speaker 3>those things. I mean, there are some people in this

0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.880
<v Speaker 3>world and we know them, they're in our lives who

0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:41.920
<v Speaker 3>do see the world as being this awful place. I'm

0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:44.800
<v Speaker 3>never going to get what I want. I'm being left

0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:48.040
<v Speaker 3>behind but then they'll have moments like when they hang

0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.200
<v Speaker 3>out with someone like my friend, where you kind of

0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.880
<v Speaker 3>lift and that lifts for a little while. But I

0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:57.080
<v Speaker 3>think there can be people who are that way, you know,

0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:59.520
<v Speaker 3>a bigger percentage. But I do think it's kind of

0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:02.440
<v Speaker 3>a spec I know that I live within a spectrum

0:16:02.480 --> 0:16:05.400
<v Speaker 3>of it, and I would say that I'm probably more

0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:09.600
<v Speaker 3>towards the more positive side of that binary, more towards

0:16:09.600 --> 0:16:12.960
<v Speaker 3>seeing the world as being positive, except when I'm in

0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:13.440
<v Speaker 3>New York.

0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:15.040
<v Speaker 4>I have a hard time in New York.

0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:20.040
<v Speaker 2>That's really funny that our binary nature would just be

0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:21.840
<v Speaker 2>completely fucked by New York.

0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:23.359
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, totally.

0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Place is just completely it will either.

0:16:27.400 --> 0:16:29.080
<v Speaker 2>And yet there are people who would argue that it

0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:31.520
<v Speaker 2>is the greatest city on the earth and you don't

0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:35.400
<v Speaker 2>want to live anywhere else and it is extraordinary and

0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:35.920
<v Speaker 2>that's funny.

0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:37.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well that way, you know, I would say, from

0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.960
<v Speaker 3>like twenty ten to twenty twenty, I felt that way

0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:42.760
<v Speaker 3>that New York was the greatest city in the world.

0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.600
<v Speaker 3>I went there three or four times a year. I

0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.480
<v Speaker 3>loved it. And I also had a very good friend

0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:49.760
<v Speaker 3>who I just adored, who has now passed away.

0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:51.000
<v Speaker 4>So I'm really.

0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.160
<v Speaker 3>Feeling the absence of her in New York. But the

0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:55.400
<v Speaker 3>minute I would fly in, I mean there was such

0:16:55.400 --> 0:16:57.560
<v Speaker 3>a bounce to my step. I would we go to

0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:00.560
<v Speaker 3>the same restaurant and we'd have dinner and would sit

0:17:00.600 --> 0:17:03.840
<v Speaker 3>there for like six hours, laughing and screeching. So she

0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:05.959
<v Speaker 3>was New York for me. And now she's gone, and

0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:08.879
<v Speaker 3>New York has kind of turned too since the pandemic.

0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.520
<v Speaker 1>It's it's kind of it's a very different place.

0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:13.199
<v Speaker 4>I agree, yeah, although I.

0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.080
<v Speaker 2>Got to say the other day, I was there because

0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:17.320
<v Speaker 2>my mother and aw lives there and I was staying

0:17:17.359 --> 0:17:19.920
<v Speaker 2>with her on the Upper East Side, and I went

0:17:20.000 --> 0:17:22.639
<v Speaker 2>to a salon to get my hair done and I

0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:26.760
<v Speaker 2>was walking out of the building and fran Leebowitz was

0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:29.080
<v Speaker 2>walking out of the building at the same time, and

0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.680
<v Speaker 2>it was just one of the and I was like, hey, Frian,

0:17:31.800 --> 0:17:35.399
<v Speaker 2>and she immediately like I was just someone who was

0:17:35.440 --> 0:17:37.879
<v Speaker 2>going to bug her, And then she saw it was me.

0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.760
<v Speaker 2>And I've known her for many, many, many many years,

0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:44.040
<v Speaker 2>not well, but to say hello to and she was like, oh, hey,

0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:48.359
<v Speaker 2>a many watch now and now we're walking down Park

0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:50.280
<v Speaker 2>Avenue together and I'm like, do you mind if I

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:52.159
<v Speaker 2>walk with you? And she's like, what I mind, And

0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:57.320
<v Speaker 2>then we suddenly have this conversation about New York conservation

0:17:57.760 --> 0:18:01.159
<v Speaker 2>and architectural edicts and this and that, and she's smoking

0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:03.040
<v Speaker 2>a cigarette and walking back Avenue and.

0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:04.639
<v Speaker 1>It's just the most New Yorkkee.

0:18:04.800 --> 0:18:07.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, there's got to be a hidden camera someone

0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:10.600
<v Speaker 2>dorm and a waving at her HI brand and people

0:18:10.640 --> 0:18:13.720
<v Speaker 2>going by recognizing her. She is this extraordinary character. But

0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:16.600
<v Speaker 2>it was New York has movie moments, it does, and.

0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:17.200
<v Speaker 4>That's one of them.

0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:19.200
<v Speaker 3>For sure. The Upper East Side is a lovely place

0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:24.480
<v Speaker 3>to be too. You know, tourism is it hasn't changed.

0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:29.360
<v Speaker 1>It hasn't changed. And the tourist us now like Disneyland, Yeah, exactly.

0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:30.679
<v Speaker 3>And then I was in Soho.

0:18:30.760 --> 0:18:33.159
<v Speaker 2>I was it was, she can't be in Soho anymore.

0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.120
<v Speaker 2>I used to live there. You can't be there anymore.

0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.760
<v Speaker 2>It's it's can't walk down the street. It's so crouded

0:18:39.320 --> 0:18:42.240
<v Speaker 2>you can't walk. And many they're dead, they're like eyes

0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:44.640
<v Speaker 2>are dead. A lot of them are young, and as

0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:47.040
<v Speaker 2>they're walking around their phones. And I was in Starbucks

0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:51.480
<v Speaker 2>and there was a line out the door and everybody

0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:52.080
<v Speaker 2>in line was.

0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:54.280
<v Speaker 3>Kind of young, and they were all on their phones,

0:18:54.600 --> 0:18:57.879
<v Speaker 3>and then there was a deadness. I almost started screaming, like,

0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:01.160
<v Speaker 3>wake up.

0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:06.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, that's the moment. That's the Peter Finch moment.

0:19:07.000 --> 0:19:08.800
<v Speaker 2>Now it's study exactly mad as hell, and I'm not

0:19:08.800 --> 0:19:09.520
<v Speaker 2>going to take it anymore.

0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:10.480
<v Speaker 1>It's now wake.

0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:15.399
<v Speaker 3>Up, beautiful city. Look at these old buildings. I know

0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:17.199
<v Speaker 3>I'm not like an old lady, but I had a

0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:19.000
<v Speaker 3>really hard time there it this last time.

0:19:19.640 --> 0:19:21.600
<v Speaker 1>Well, let's move on from mel okay.

0:19:21.480 --> 0:19:24.320
<v Speaker 3>Let's move on to something nice. I started so nice,

0:19:24.920 --> 0:19:26.240
<v Speaker 3>so positive.

0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:27.960
<v Speaker 1>By the way, That's how I start every day.

0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:32.000
<v Speaker 2>And it's a it's a slow and always foreseen slump,

0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:33.360
<v Speaker 2>slump yum into mine.

0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:51.800
<v Speaker 1>What would be your life?

0:19:51.920 --> 0:19:56.080
<v Speaker 4>Last meal? A ribbi from Luckies?

0:19:58.160 --> 0:19:58.960
<v Speaker 3>Have you been to lucky?

0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:02.560
<v Speaker 2>It's just ate the I just two nights ago and

0:20:03.400 --> 0:20:09.080
<v Speaker 2>it was in I didn't know that it was outside

0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:12.040
<v Speaker 2>of Raouls in New York. It was the best peppercorn

0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:15.720
<v Speaker 2>steak I have ever had. And I eat I'm essentially

0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:17.919
<v Speaker 2>I don't really eat meat. I don't eat I mean,

0:20:17.920 --> 0:20:20.280
<v Speaker 2>I can't say I'm a vegetarian, because once a year

0:20:20.600 --> 0:20:22.440
<v Speaker 2>I will eat a piece of meat and it will

0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:25.560
<v Speaker 2>be usually from rowls. But it was from Lucky, Isn't

0:20:25.560 --> 0:20:26.560
<v Speaker 2>It was the greatest thing I've.

0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:29.560
<v Speaker 3>Even I like the Romanian steak there, that's my favorite.

0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:30.240
<v Speaker 1>What's a Romainan?

0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:33.320
<v Speaker 3>I would have that The Romanian steak is it's not

0:20:33.400 --> 0:20:37.720
<v Speaker 3>too big, but it's the most flavorful, tender rib meat

0:20:37.960 --> 0:20:41.159
<v Speaker 3>and it's some kind of garlic oil sauce that is

0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:44.760
<v Speaker 3>just I guess it's Romanian, but it's just delicate and

0:20:44.960 --> 0:20:46.800
<v Speaker 3>wonderful and I just love it.

0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:48.520
<v Speaker 4>No, no, medium rare.

0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:51.520
<v Speaker 1>Hmm, I don't know that I could go medium rare.

0:20:51.560 --> 0:20:53.680
<v Speaker 1>I think I could go medium.

0:20:53.560 --> 0:20:56.240
<v Speaker 3>Well, and there you might even want to go medium well,

0:20:56.280 --> 0:20:59.000
<v Speaker 3>because you know it's still they're.

0:20:58.880 --> 0:21:02.720
<v Speaker 1>Just washing that they're not Yeah, they'd have it.

0:21:02.960 --> 0:21:08.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah right, right, Yeah, that's cold blue center, right, that's

0:21:08.240 --> 0:21:09.000
<v Speaker 3>cold in the center.

0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:12.880
<v Speaker 2>And then then it's signon, so it goes blue sign then,

0:21:13.359 --> 0:21:16.880
<v Speaker 2>which I suppose is bloody, and then it's rare, and

0:21:16.920 --> 0:21:19.359
<v Speaker 2>then they don't listen to you if you say anything.

0:21:19.720 --> 0:21:21.680
<v Speaker 4>We vegans with this talk.

0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:27.240
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, no, exactly. Everybody everybody's gone, everybody's gone. This just

0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:35.119
<v Speaker 1>you in there right in your life?

0:21:35.440 --> 0:21:38.680
<v Speaker 2>Can you tell me about something that has grown out

0:21:38.760 --> 0:21:39.920
<v Speaker 2>of a personal disaster?

0:21:40.720 --> 0:21:41.399
<v Speaker 4>Oh, God.

0:21:41.680 --> 0:21:45.040
<v Speaker 3>Yes, I'm a little reluctant to say it because it

0:21:45.040 --> 0:21:47.800
<v Speaker 3>involves another person, but yeah, I was married for about

0:21:47.800 --> 0:21:52.800
<v Speaker 3>a year and a half. It was disastrous. Yeah, and

0:21:52.960 --> 0:21:56.520
<v Speaker 3>I emerged from it almost I had like a spiritual

0:21:56.560 --> 0:22:00.200
<v Speaker 3>awaken when I emerged from it. So much emotional stuff

0:22:00.240 --> 0:22:04.680
<v Speaker 3>that was wrapped up into this really tight, condensed experience

0:22:05.119 --> 0:22:07.160
<v Speaker 3>that I had been carrying with me all my life

0:22:07.200 --> 0:22:09.880
<v Speaker 3>and it kind of all got thrown at this one

0:22:10.680 --> 0:22:17.120
<v Speaker 3>person relationship experience and when it popped, all of that stuff,

0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:21.640
<v Speaker 3>all of that emotional stuff fell away, so much of

0:22:21.680 --> 0:22:27.719
<v Speaker 3>my over identifying with being someone who is incapable of

0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:32.000
<v Speaker 3>living life and maybe this person will carry me along

0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:35.160
<v Speaker 3>in their way and I will do life better. Like, oh,

0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:39.040
<v Speaker 3>that's just one thing that was thrown into this, But

0:22:39.119 --> 0:22:42.119
<v Speaker 3>a lot of it was self denial. Self Yeah. I

0:22:42.160 --> 0:22:44.359
<v Speaker 3>don't even know the words for it. I just can't

0:22:44.359 --> 0:22:48.040
<v Speaker 3>even find the words. But it was this hot ball

0:22:48.280 --> 0:22:54.000
<v Speaker 3>of need ooh and it exploded and it went away forever,

0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:54.960
<v Speaker 3>I mean forever.

0:22:55.080 --> 0:23:00.000
<v Speaker 2>You know, that's really amazing that you have quite definitive experience.

0:23:00.800 --> 0:23:06.440
<v Speaker 2>It seems to me that you do learn from your

0:23:06.560 --> 0:23:09.639
<v Speaker 2>experiences or the lessons that you are presented with, like,

0:23:09.680 --> 0:23:13.080
<v Speaker 2>that's that kind of completion is I mean, I found

0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:13.840
<v Speaker 2>that quite rare.

0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:16.000
<v Speaker 3>What doesn't happen all the time, But boy am I

0:23:16.040 --> 0:23:17.840
<v Speaker 3>grateful when they do signify?

0:23:18.080 --> 0:23:21.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I mean, never underestimate the things that we carry, right,

0:23:21.600 --> 0:23:24.400
<v Speaker 2>and that when we are if we are lucky enough

0:23:24.440 --> 0:23:28.440
<v Speaker 2>to finally be unburdened of some of those things, it's

0:23:28.520 --> 0:23:32.639
<v Speaker 2>more often than not under really difficult circumstances that we

0:23:32.720 --> 0:23:36.359
<v Speaker 2>might call this is a shitty, terrible, awful thing that happened.

0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:40.520
<v Speaker 2>And yet the other side of that is this profound

0:23:40.600 --> 0:23:43.600
<v Speaker 2>letting go. But we wouldn't necessarily choose it, Like, who

0:23:43.600 --> 0:23:46.080
<v Speaker 2>knows if you'd known ahead of time that it was

0:23:46.200 --> 0:23:49.480
<v Speaker 2>going to be a torturous relationship, would.

0:23:49.320 --> 0:23:49.960
<v Speaker 4>You have done?

0:23:50.280 --> 0:23:53.600
<v Speaker 3>Even though I'm really glad what happened, sometimes I go

0:23:53.680 --> 0:23:56.280
<v Speaker 3>back in my mind and try to find the point

0:23:56.280 --> 0:23:58.040
<v Speaker 3>where I could have walked away.

0:23:58.920 --> 0:24:01.280
<v Speaker 1>Oh I do that all It's a waste.

0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 3>It is a totally in the moment, I'm kind of

0:24:03.119 --> 0:24:06.439
<v Speaker 3>excited about it. Yeah, like, oh, there that was the

0:24:06.440 --> 0:24:08.040
<v Speaker 3>point I should have just booked it.

0:24:09.119 --> 0:24:12.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's so funny though, that whole you know, I've

0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:16.440
<v Speaker 2>had an interesting relationship with the notion of forgiveness, because

0:24:17.040 --> 0:24:21.479
<v Speaker 2>I really genuinely think being encouraged to forgive isn't always

0:24:21.840 --> 0:24:25.040
<v Speaker 2>the right thing to do. I think you have to arrive, yes,

0:24:25.040 --> 0:24:31.600
<v Speaker 2>but sovereignly, independently, completely in the moment. The idea of

0:24:31.640 --> 0:24:35.439
<v Speaker 2>it being an immediate response that's going to make you

0:24:35.480 --> 0:24:37.719
<v Speaker 2>feel better, it's like telling someone to calm down when

0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:38.760
<v Speaker 2>they're really angry.

0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:40.320
<v Speaker 1>It just won't do well.

0:24:40.359 --> 0:24:44.320
<v Speaker 3>It's a cultural thing, Judeo Christian cultural conditioning that says

0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:47.360
<v Speaker 3>that's exactly want to just forgive them and then and

0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:51.080
<v Speaker 3>so you forgive too fast before you're anywhere near I

0:24:51.080 --> 0:24:55.280
<v Speaker 3>mean forgive means forgetting anyway. You have to be ready

0:24:55.280 --> 0:24:58.640
<v Speaker 3>to let it go. And it's a process that happens organically.

0:24:58.720 --> 0:25:01.679
<v Speaker 3>It's not a decision we make. Because we make that

0:25:01.800 --> 0:25:05.080
<v Speaker 3>decision from our smallest self, the part of our self

0:25:05.160 --> 0:25:08.200
<v Speaker 3>that is still injured, that still feels like we were

0:25:08.240 --> 0:25:11.879
<v Speaker 3>done wrong. You can't forgive from that place. It doesn't

0:25:11.920 --> 0:25:13.720
<v Speaker 3>happen no at all.

0:25:13.880 --> 0:25:16.120
<v Speaker 1>And I think also allowing it to be.

0:25:16.320 --> 0:25:20.919
<v Speaker 2>A process that doesn't look like one day I felt

0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:22.960
<v Speaker 2>like I was resentful and couldn't forgive them, and the

0:25:23.000 --> 0:25:27.160
<v Speaker 2>next day I could it's really interesting how it's a spectrum. Yeah,

0:25:27.400 --> 0:25:30.000
<v Speaker 2>I think I will probably be working forever on this

0:25:30.080 --> 0:25:36.119
<v Speaker 2>one particular relationship that I think forgiveness is a huge

0:25:36.119 --> 0:25:40.560
<v Speaker 2>part of it. But it's fascinating just allowing that to

0:25:40.560 --> 0:25:44.000
<v Speaker 2>be true and not thinking you have to radically do

0:25:44.200 --> 0:25:47.040
<v Speaker 2>something and immediately feel better about it. I think that's

0:25:47.080 --> 0:25:49.919
<v Speaker 2>a huge misnoment and I definitely got the wrong end

0:25:49.920 --> 0:26:04.440
<v Speaker 2>of the stick around that for a while. What relationship,

0:26:04.640 --> 0:26:07.120
<v Speaker 2>real or fictionalized, defines love.

0:26:06.960 --> 0:26:11.119
<v Speaker 4>Fear, say, a room of one zone.

0:26:11.160 --> 0:26:16.120
<v Speaker 3>But she killed herself, But that's okay, by the way,

0:26:16.240 --> 0:26:18.720
<v Speaker 3>that's a version of love. It is, it is.

0:26:18.920 --> 0:26:19.239
<v Speaker 4>It is.

0:26:19.600 --> 0:26:23.680
<v Speaker 2>Weirdly, Virginia Wolf killing herself was an expression of of

0:26:23.720 --> 0:26:25.560
<v Speaker 2>love because she I don't know.

0:26:25.640 --> 0:26:27.840
<v Speaker 1>That's hard to qualify, but I feel like for her

0:26:27.920 --> 0:26:28.280
<v Speaker 1>it was.

0:26:28.960 --> 0:26:31.320
<v Speaker 3>I do too, and I think that Nicole Kidman did

0:26:31.320 --> 0:26:33.080
<v Speaker 3>a very good job of it in the movie.

0:26:33.520 --> 0:26:38.600
<v Speaker 2>I did beyond her nose prosthetics, I don't know.

0:26:38.640 --> 0:26:41.359
<v Speaker 3>I guess I forgave that that was I guess I didn't.

0:26:41.359 --> 0:26:42.200
<v Speaker 3>I didn't even forgive.

0:26:43.280 --> 0:26:45.320
<v Speaker 4>She's so brilliant. Yeah, she's brilliant.

0:26:45.480 --> 0:26:48.560
<v Speaker 1>She's just brilliant. But the nose was a bit warm.

0:26:48.960 --> 0:26:51.439
<v Speaker 2>It's a bit distracting, but it shows how good of

0:26:51.440 --> 0:26:52.000
<v Speaker 2>an actor she.

0:26:52.160 --> 0:26:53.280
<v Speaker 1>I think that it didn't matter.

0:26:53.359 --> 0:26:54.560
<v Speaker 4>She acted past it.

0:26:55.840 --> 0:26:59.480
<v Speaker 1>She acted past her eyes. That should be a down.

0:27:00.040 --> 0:27:02.960
<v Speaker 3>Give us both credit for that. Oh yes, best defines

0:27:03.400 --> 0:27:07.320
<v Speaker 3>love or a relationship, relationship and also real or fictionalized

0:27:07.359 --> 0:27:09.399
<v Speaker 3>that could be in a poem or in a book.

0:27:09.680 --> 0:27:11.879
<v Speaker 3>Oh how about? And I forget who said this? I

0:27:11.880 --> 0:27:15.520
<v Speaker 3>think it was Khalil Joe Brown. Let the winds of

0:27:15.560 --> 0:27:21.560
<v Speaker 3>heaven dance between you and I have have that with

0:27:21.600 --> 0:27:23.360
<v Speaker 3>my beautiful partner, wife's spouse.

0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:28.119
<v Speaker 2>Do you, yes, let the winds of heaven dance between you? Okay,

0:27:28.520 --> 0:27:32.360
<v Speaker 2>practically because that is a really beautiful and etheric idea.

0:27:33.160 --> 0:27:37.440
<v Speaker 2>How does one do that on a rainy Wednesday in November?

0:27:38.000 --> 0:27:38.960
<v Speaker 1>How do we keep that?

0:27:39.080 --> 0:27:41.680
<v Speaker 2>How do we do that when life isn't as poetic

0:27:41.720 --> 0:27:42.359
<v Speaker 2>as it sounds?

0:27:42.359 --> 0:27:44.320
<v Speaker 4>Well, it sounds kind of poetic to me, I know.

0:27:47.200 --> 0:27:49.840
<v Speaker 3>I think what it's talking about is now falling into

0:27:49.880 --> 0:27:55.159
<v Speaker 3>each other where you lose yourself so you're deeply, deeply

0:27:55.200 --> 0:27:57.080
<v Speaker 3>in love. And there's that do you know that painting

0:27:57.280 --> 0:28:01.360
<v Speaker 3>where he's bringing his wife flowers and he's flying Basically

0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:05.320
<v Speaker 3>he's levitating. Yeah, he's soofering. Yeah, but he's in his

0:28:05.640 --> 0:28:10.840
<v Speaker 3>studio and he's doing his thing, and yet he's still very,

0:28:10.960 --> 0:28:15.359
<v Speaker 3>very in love. I've never been tempted to have that

0:28:15.480 --> 0:28:18.880
<v Speaker 3>kind of codependent relationship. So for me, it's always been

0:28:19.040 --> 0:28:22.399
<v Speaker 3>getting into relationships and going to stay back, let the

0:28:22.400 --> 0:28:26.240
<v Speaker 3>winds of heaven dance between us. But I have found

0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:28.399
<v Speaker 3>they're people who are like that.

0:28:28.440 --> 0:28:31.280
<v Speaker 2>It's gonna say one thing, you're super hot, but let

0:28:31.320 --> 0:28:32.159
<v Speaker 2>the winds of having Dan.

0:28:36.359 --> 0:28:39.240
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to be in my art studio thinking about you.

0:28:39.720 --> 0:28:42.840
<v Speaker 3>In fact, I'm gonna be levitating. I'm gonna be hovering.

0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:46.640
<v Speaker 3>But don't knock on my door except to bring the flowers,

0:28:46.840 --> 0:28:50.480
<v Speaker 3>which she's doing. Actually she's levitating. Oop, there's my doorbell.

0:28:51.280 --> 0:28:52.040
<v Speaker 1>You need to get it.

0:28:52.240 --> 0:28:55.400
<v Speaker 3>You can't hold on our dog groomers stop by to

0:28:55.440 --> 0:29:02.600
<v Speaker 3>bring me some peach rum jam What do you mean

0:29:03.680 --> 0:29:05.480
<v Speaker 3>that's delicious?

0:29:06.440 --> 0:29:08.880
<v Speaker 1>Go and taste it, peach rum jama. Then it smells

0:29:08.920 --> 0:29:09.560
<v Speaker 1>super rum.

0:29:09.920 --> 0:29:12.280
<v Speaker 3>It's a little you know, I'm sober. I could get

0:29:12.360 --> 0:29:13.040
<v Speaker 3>drug from this.

0:29:15.480 --> 0:29:17.360
<v Speaker 1>Maybe they're scraping on your turst.

0:29:17.800 --> 0:29:20.640
<v Speaker 2>Okay, wait, I'm now really thinking about the winds of

0:29:20.680 --> 0:29:23.320
<v Speaker 2>having danced between the two things. First of all, my

0:29:23.480 --> 0:29:26.880
<v Speaker 2>boyfriend really early on we're six years in now, he

0:29:27.080 --> 0:29:31.080
<v Speaker 2>said that our relationships, and I think this is the robot.

0:29:30.880 --> 0:29:33.520
<v Speaker 1>Version of the Khalil Gibran.

0:29:33.720 --> 0:29:37.320
<v Speaker 2>It's a then diagram that we are both those circles

0:29:37.360 --> 0:29:40.160
<v Speaker 2>and we have that space in the middle where we

0:29:40.200 --> 0:29:45.440
<v Speaker 2>cross over. But you know, ninety percent is us ourselves,

0:29:45.480 --> 0:29:48.280
<v Speaker 2>and then there's the area that we cross over. And

0:29:48.480 --> 0:29:50.680
<v Speaker 2>you must never think that it should be more than

0:29:51.120 --> 0:29:55.120
<v Speaker 2>or more than that is healthy. I think you're absolutely right.

0:29:55.200 --> 0:29:58.120
<v Speaker 2>I have been tempted into super codependent relationships and like

0:29:58.200 --> 0:30:00.440
<v Speaker 2>nothing good lies down, well, you.

0:30:00.440 --> 0:30:06.280
<v Speaker 3>Lose yourself ultimately, you you you invest your happiness into

0:30:06.320 --> 0:30:09.360
<v Speaker 3>someone else, and you know another person can't take that.

0:30:10.080 --> 0:30:10.400
<v Speaker 1>Who's that?

0:30:10.920 --> 0:30:11.360
<v Speaker 3>Mildred?

0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:16.600
<v Speaker 1>Who's there? Mildred? Mildred coming on? Cookie, Mildred on cookie

0:30:16.800 --> 0:30:19.880
<v Speaker 1>over here? You want some peach? Mildred? Let me see?

0:30:20.200 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 3>Oh are you right there?

0:30:21.400 --> 0:30:21.600
<v Speaker 4>See?

0:30:21.720 --> 0:30:24.760
<v Speaker 3>What are you doing? She is a Belgian shepherd.

0:30:25.640 --> 0:30:30.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh look she's she's.

0:30:28.920 --> 0:30:32.640
<v Speaker 3>Trying to look all sexy. So I'll rubber belly. It's enticing.

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:35.960
<v Speaker 3>But I'm on a podcast with milk Driver.

0:30:38.240 --> 0:30:38.480
<v Speaker 4>Love.

0:30:38.640 --> 0:30:40.840
<v Speaker 2>What about the living next door to each other, like

0:30:41.040 --> 0:30:43.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, Helen the bottom cart and Timber and live

0:30:43.200 --> 0:30:45.680
<v Speaker 2>next door to each other with a connecting tunnel.

0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:48.280
<v Speaker 1>I think it's the most brilliant.

0:30:47.840 --> 0:30:51.200
<v Speaker 3>Modern and brilliant, and it's wonderful and it's great for.

0:30:51.160 --> 0:30:52.960
<v Speaker 1>The kids everyone has.

0:30:53.040 --> 0:30:54.720
<v Speaker 3>You know, if I had, it's really fun.

0:30:55.040 --> 0:30:56.480
<v Speaker 1>I would have a slide.

0:30:56.440 --> 0:30:59.480
<v Speaker 3>To connect them. Yeah, you know, Queen Christina. Though Greta

0:30:59.480 --> 0:31:02.400
<v Speaker 3>Garbaum would be and I love Greta Garbo. She's talking

0:31:02.440 --> 0:31:05.960
<v Speaker 3>to her man servant and she said, I would love

0:31:06.000 --> 0:31:08.040
<v Speaker 3>to have a man as a lover, but I should

0:31:08.080 --> 0:31:09.400
<v Speaker 3>like for him to live next door.

0:31:11.280 --> 0:31:14.880
<v Speaker 2>That is essentially well, I believe. I don't believe in

0:31:14.920 --> 0:31:18.400
<v Speaker 2>sharing bathroom. I think you share a bed intentionally. But

0:31:18.560 --> 0:31:21.600
<v Speaker 2>I like sleeping into a sort of sacred and singular.

0:31:21.880 --> 0:31:24.480
<v Speaker 2>But I know that it's it's not easy.

0:31:25.520 --> 0:31:28.600
<v Speaker 3>I could never do that. And now let me give

0:31:28.640 --> 0:31:31.400
<v Speaker 3>some support and some validation. I don't know if they

0:31:31.440 --> 0:31:35.640
<v Speaker 3>need it, but like I'll hear about relationships where people

0:31:35.720 --> 0:31:37.840
<v Speaker 3>just can't get enough of each other, you know, they

0:31:37.960 --> 0:31:41.560
<v Speaker 3>just can't. My parents they loved each other so much.

0:31:41.720 --> 0:31:44.160
<v Speaker 3>My father would go away for a weekend to do something,

0:31:44.200 --> 0:31:48.400
<v Speaker 3>and God, when he would come home they'd be like, oh,

0:31:49.040 --> 0:31:52.000
<v Speaker 3>I missed you so much. My dad did summer school

0:31:52.120 --> 0:31:54.240
<v Speaker 3>when we were growing up, and we grew up on

0:31:54.280 --> 0:31:55.800
<v Speaker 3>the South side of Chicago, and he went to the

0:31:55.880 --> 0:31:59.200
<v Speaker 3>University of Wisconsin, and we found the love letters between them.

0:31:59.200 --> 0:32:02.680
<v Speaker 3>He was gone like four weeks, and you know, five

0:32:02.680 --> 0:32:05.240
<v Speaker 3>o'clock comes around every day and I think of you

0:32:05.480 --> 0:32:08.080
<v Speaker 3>and I get into bed and I miss you so much,

0:32:08.280 --> 0:32:11.520
<v Speaker 3>and oh, it's just so beautiful.

0:32:12.000 --> 0:32:13.080
<v Speaker 1>It's really sweet.

0:32:13.120 --> 0:32:16.200
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I really do think, like, like whatever blows

0:32:16.240 --> 0:32:20.760
<v Speaker 2>your hair, like, is it just being entwined and that's

0:32:20.800 --> 0:32:24.800
<v Speaker 2>your reality or is it more ostensibly aloof But your

0:32:24.840 --> 0:32:29.040
<v Speaker 2>intimacy is really intimate because you choose it, and it's

0:32:29.240 --> 0:32:31.280
<v Speaker 2>it's as long as a choice.

0:32:30.920 --> 0:32:33.720
<v Speaker 3>And it suits who you are. You know, it's not

0:32:33.800 --> 0:32:36.400
<v Speaker 3>coming from fear. It's not coming from fear of intimacy,

0:32:37.080 --> 0:32:40.040
<v Speaker 3>but it's it suits who you exactly. One of the

0:32:40.040 --> 0:32:41.959
<v Speaker 3>things I've learned over the years is, I'm sure you

0:32:42.000 --> 0:32:43.640
<v Speaker 3>have too, is what suits me?

0:32:44.320 --> 0:32:47.320
<v Speaker 2>I think it's a very intrepid and wonderful exploration to

0:32:47.360 --> 0:32:49.400
<v Speaker 2>figure out what suits.

0:32:49.040 --> 0:32:51.040
<v Speaker 3>One and have no shame around it.

0:32:51.160 --> 0:32:54.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, that's a good point to have no shame

0:32:54.920 --> 0:32:58.120
<v Speaker 2>and not be worried about identifying it to other people,

0:32:58.360 --> 0:33:01.760
<v Speaker 2>right right, And thank you so much for sharing all

0:33:01.800 --> 0:33:02.840
<v Speaker 2>your beautiful insight.

0:33:03.720 --> 0:33:04.600
<v Speaker 1>It's so lovely.

0:33:04.680 --> 0:33:09.480
<v Speaker 2>I love hearing all the expansive things that you think.

0:33:09.880 --> 0:33:12.320
<v Speaker 1>Thank you so.

0:33:11.720 --> 0:33:14.080
<v Speaker 4>Much and enjoy well.

0:33:14.800 --> 0:33:16.080
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you, thank you.

0:33:16.080 --> 0:33:17.080
<v Speaker 4>You're welcome. You're welcome.

0:33:19.400 --> 0:33:21.720
<v Speaker 1>Mini Questions is hosted and written.

0:33:21.400 --> 0:33:26.120
<v Speaker 2>By Me Mini Driver, Executive produced by Me and Aaron Kaufman,

0:33:26.560 --> 0:33:31.160
<v Speaker 2>with production support from Jennifer Bassett, Zoe Denkler, and Ali Perry.

0:33:31.720 --> 0:33:35.520
<v Speaker 2>The theme music is also by Me and additional music

0:33:35.960 --> 0:33:40.479
<v Speaker 2>by Aaron Kaufman. Special thanks to Jim Nikolay Addison, O'Day,

0:33:41.000 --> 0:33:45.760
<v Speaker 2>Henry Driver, Lisa Castella, Anick oppenheim A, Nick Muller and

0:33:45.800 --> 0:33:51.080
<v Speaker 2>Annette wolf A, w kPr, Will Pearson, Nicki Etoor, Morgan

0:33:51.160 --> 0:33:53.760
<v Speaker 2>Levoy and Mangesh had Tiggadore