1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:05,080 Speaker 1: And a man. 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:06,800 Speaker 2: It's amazing. 3 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 3: The other week, my friend Annabella and I got in 4 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 3: the studio to do something kind of silly for a 5 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 3: very special occasion, and I guess we. 6 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,360 Speaker 2: Should put our gloves on. Well, we can't be showing 7 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:18,760 Speaker 2: your hands. 8 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 3: No, that's actually that's really I mean, the hands are 9 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 3: so sexy. 10 00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 2: What are you gonna do with them? Where are they 11 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:25,159 Speaker 2: gonna go? 12 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:25,919 Speaker 4: Job? 13 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 5: That's disgusting. I should have a job. I don't have 14 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 5: the devil's work. 15 00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 3: If you're wondering what's going on. Annabella and I are 16 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 3: dressed as nuns today, and that is to kick off 17 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 3: the two year anniversary of my flirtation with celibacy, decenteringmen 18 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:48,920 Speaker 3: and taking time for myself an occasion I'm calling boys 19 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 3: over October. I'm hopewitdard and welcome to boys over a 20 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 3: space where we're learning and on learning all the myths 21 00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 3: we're taught about love and relationships. So welcome listeners to 22 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 3: boys Sober October. We're full force and to fall, and 23 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 3: for me, that's a time of slowing down and reflection. 24 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 2: At least. 25 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 3: It was two years ago when I first publicly announced 26 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 3: that I was going boysober as y'all know by now 27 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 3: that journey has gone in a lot of different directions, 28 00:01:34,520 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 3: but I'm happy it's landed me here on this podcast, 29 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,760 Speaker 3: exploring the different ways to reflect on sex, desire, relationships, 30 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 3: and the ways we can heal from what we were 31 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 3: taught about all of those things. This month, we have 32 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,400 Speaker 3: a lot in store. I'm going to be doing some 33 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 3: reflecting on my voiceover journey, maybe even confronting some truths 34 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:59,120 Speaker 3: about myself that are spooky, but we're also celebrating you, 35 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 3: the listener, and the community that has formed around this concept. 36 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 3: To kick it off, I brought in my friend and 37 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 3: comedian Annabel Meshki. 38 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 2: How are you feeling? How's today going? 39 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 5: Today's going good. The gloves are changing my personality. I'm 40 00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 5: so excited to be here. 41 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 3: Annabel played a big role in My Boy Sober Journey. 42 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,840 Speaker 3: When it was first starting out, Annabell tried to be 43 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 3: my voiceover sponsor. But then after I had sex with 44 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,399 Speaker 3: my first clown, she said. 45 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,680 Speaker 5: I know, I tapped out. I tapped out. I wanted 46 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 5: to be involved so bad. I did have to tap 47 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 5: out for my own mental healthiness, but in like a normal, 48 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 5: totally awesome way. 49 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 3: When Annabell quit being my sponsor. I completely understood. I 50 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 3: was a little bit chaotic at the time, and it 51 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 3: might have been hard to watch from the sidelines. 52 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 5: Watching you sort of embark upon my journey was so interesting, 53 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 5: and I think, to varying degrees of me trying to 54 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 5: like help, I was like, no, no, no, you have to 55 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:59,080 Speaker 5: sort of let someone maybe fuck a clown, maybe maybe 56 00:02:59,280 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 5: maybe fuck a cup. 57 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 3: Every time I come to you and I tell you, 58 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 3: like who I've fallen off the wagon for the first time, 59 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 3: that no, the second time I told you the shame 60 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 3: that entered my body. 61 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 5: It was very funny. I'm I apologize for any part 62 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 5: I play the same as we're bestht stressed as nuns 63 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 5: talking about shame. I'm just kidding. I'm I had healing 64 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 5: to do. Your voice sober journey made me go, wait 65 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 5: a minute, Annabelle, look at the mirror, queen. 66 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 3: I didn't bring Annabelle on to put her through any 67 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 3: more of my chaos. I brought her on to reflect 68 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 3: on this anniversary because we're such opposites in our history 69 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 3: with boys, relationships, love, and because I knew she would 70 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 3: help me seriously recommit to being boy. Sober and also 71 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 3: dress up as a nun with me, just to point 72 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 3: out how ridiculous this can all be. We're dressed as 73 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 3: nuns because we're both committed to celibacy or not sort 74 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 3: of or I am making the commitment you are trying to. 75 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 5: I don't know, man, I'm in an error right now 76 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 5: of being alone. I'm a scholar of being alone, my 77 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 5: sort of background, my qualifications of boy sopriety, or like, 78 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 5: I've never been in a relationship despite sort of existing 79 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 5: for so long, which is no shame in that game. Obviously, 80 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 5: I live it. I live it every day. 81 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 3: Tell me where you are right now with your love life, 82 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:12,760 Speaker 3: dating life, sex life. 83 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 5: I do have like an eternal sort of optimism. I 84 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 5: very much believe like what's meant for me will not 85 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:19,800 Speaker 5: pass me. But at the same time, on like some 86 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,840 Speaker 5: dating apps that make me want to simply walk into 87 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 5: the sea. I witness so many of my single friends 88 00:04:25,279 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 5: putting themselves out there and they have the emotional band 89 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 5: with to do so, and I envy that. I just 90 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 5: don't think I'm strong enough at this time to like 91 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,479 Speaker 5: go on a date that's like bad and I would 92 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,040 Speaker 5: come home and it would make me make assumptions about 93 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 5: the world that I don't particularly agree with even I 94 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 5: don't know. I don't want to make it passive and 95 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 5: make it seem like it's like the universe's fault. But 96 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 5: it's like what I was instinctually going to say is 97 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 5: like it's just nuts, and then it happens to me like 98 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 5: and it's like, well, sex, this is just something that happens. 99 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 5: It's like a choice that both people make, the you know, 100 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 5: idealing and all this. But it's like, sometimes to me 101 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,080 Speaker 5: when I'm feeling it, like oh, why is it so 102 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 5: hard for me and so easy for everyone else? That's 103 00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,880 Speaker 5: obviously like a sort of mentally ill thing. 104 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 3: What I'm about to talk about, I love is the 105 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 3: stories we tell ourselves. 106 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 5: I'll say that. 107 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:09,279 Speaker 3: And for me, stepping into celibacy was like it was 108 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 3: so intentional, whereas a lot of people feel like it 109 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,000 Speaker 3: happens to them, right, and when you feel like it 110 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,919 Speaker 3: happens to you, the story you can tell yourself can 111 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 3: be so harmful. And I don't know, like I wanted 112 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 3: to ask you, do you think celibacy teaches you anything 113 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 3: about yourself? But you kind of let it teach you 114 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 3: something that's a nasty lie. 115 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 5: Well yeah, okay, so let me sort of rewind and 116 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 5: clarify as well. I've had chapters of celibacy, Like anyway 117 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 5: that you could not fuck, I've done that, And so 118 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 5: it's like by accident on purpose. Every time it's begun, 119 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 5: it's sort of been like a it's like a circumstance 120 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 5: turned into a conscious choice. And then there are moments 121 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 5: of like no one wants to fuck, like stupid, stupid, 122 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 5: But then like most of the time, it's like I 123 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 5: am so glad I'm not getting fucked badly by a 124 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:58,159 Speaker 5: psycho total, which is amazing, amazing thing to not be 125 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 5: having happened. 126 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 3: Right going into October, what do you what's October. 127 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 2: Going to be for you? Are you wanting to make 128 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,600 Speaker 2: sweet love to a man or no. 129 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 5: Perhaps I mean with when there's a chill in the air, 130 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 5: you know you want to cuddle up with some of 131 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,640 Speaker 5: the big with a big with a big werewolf. I 132 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 5: don't know, I like, don't, I don't know. Cuffing season approaches. 133 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 2: Things, are you trying to get calm? 134 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 5: I don't, you know. It's like I'm never trying to 135 00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 5: do anything. I hope, honestly, I hope someday a penis 136 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 5: falls into me and falls in love with me. I'm 137 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 5: just kidding. That was a strange way to phrase it. 138 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,720 Speaker 2: Do you want it to choose you or do you 139 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 2: want to. 140 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 5: Choose it mutual? Mutual? Sort of like, yeah, I don't know. 141 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 5: I think it's nice to have a little autumn kiss, 142 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 5: So I think that could be a goal. But then 143 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 5: sometimes you know, when you set a goal and then 144 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 5: you don't meet it, you. 145 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,360 Speaker 3: Go you have to just maybe accept that risk. Yes, 146 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,080 Speaker 3: that's that's what I want you to do, is accept 147 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 3: the risk, except the risk, you know what I'm saying, 148 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:51,159 Speaker 3: And like. 149 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 5: I do not engage with the possibility of that at all, Right, 150 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 5: I need to. 151 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 3: At least do it, to tell the story and don't 152 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 3: take that ship personally. Yeah, because you know these men 153 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 3: in New York, like you could be fucking whoever you 154 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 3: have in your mind as the person that that never 155 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:07,159 Speaker 3: happens to. 156 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,599 Speaker 2: It happens to me exactly that person. 157 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,360 Speaker 5: You know, Beyonce got cheated on honey. It could happen 158 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 5: to anybody. 159 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 3: Hello, literally, So remember that and correct me if I'm wrong. 160 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,840 Speaker 3: Maybe you like think about men and tell yourself stories 161 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 3: about them when you're like alone in your house, but 162 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 3: I'm like out in the wild, and I find so 163 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 3: much comfort in their attention, and I haven't quite found 164 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 3: the same comfort and attention from anything else. 165 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:35,560 Speaker 2: And so that's why. 166 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 3: It's I'm trying to let go of it, and that's 167 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 3: why I'm like re entering because like the hope and 168 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 3: the journey of going voiceover in the beginning was to yeah, 169 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 3: like release that validation and like find validation in myself. 170 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 3: Like when I go to a party, I'm anxious. When 171 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 3: I go out, I'm anxious. When I hang out with people, 172 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 3: I'm anxious, unless it's a person i'm like sleeping with interesting, 173 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 3: you know, And so that is like. 174 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 5: For me with someone I'm literally like. 175 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 3: Right, well, and again it like it does, so go 176 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,760 Speaker 3: back to like those like when our brain's were forming, 177 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 3: like the adolescence of it all. 178 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 5: Did you feel like the way that you lost your 179 00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:12,960 Speaker 5: virginity is like something that informs the way that you 180 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 5: approach sex as as a whole. 181 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 2: I think. 182 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 3: So we had a sex therapist on who had like 183 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 3: a really great conversation with us about that, and she 184 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 3: talked about shame in a really important way where she 185 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 3: was like don't wrestle your shame, like accept it, talk 186 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 3: to it and be like, it makes sense that I'm 187 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 3: a shame And so I think it was like really 188 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 3: informing me with a lot of shame for a long time. 189 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 3: But I'm sort of like looking at it differently now 190 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 3: to be like, yeah, I was like thirteen and I 191 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 3: was just like finding safety and the only way I 192 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,839 Speaker 3: knew how because like my family was falling apart, and 193 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 3: like my boyfriend became the world to replace that. 194 00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,959 Speaker 2: And so that's why, like you have a. 195 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:52,559 Speaker 5: Real history with finding refuge. 196 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 3: It in a man, which is so it's generational for Yeah, no, 197 00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 3: that is. 198 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 5: Real, real, real, right. But also I remembered recently detail 199 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 5: about when I lost my virginity that was like, oh, no, 200 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 5: wonder I like this. He literally jokingly but seriously threw 201 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 5: a blanket over me and was like cover yourself. And 202 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 5: I was like, oh, this isn't gonna affect me for 203 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 5: the rest of my entire life. And it's like and 204 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 5: here we are, fast forward. I'm like, here we are. 205 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 5: I've been like a snuggy in the corner of the 206 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,320 Speaker 5: room after like fucking somewhere. I'm like, just like you 207 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 5: want to so anyway, Yeah, I know, strange and I'm 208 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 5: just reflecting on that. Whatever. 209 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 3: Overshare just another story. You have to stop telling yourself. 210 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 3: You're beating the shit out of yourself, I know, for 211 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,280 Speaker 3: no reason. 212 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,319 Speaker 5: You know, Yeah, it's crazy style. I don't know crazy, 213 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 5: it's crazy style. It's very like just like, yeah, my 214 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 5: history with it all is very like. But we're doing 215 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 5: bad luck, you're reverse the luck is turning. I'm very 216 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,040 Speaker 5: much trying to internalize that as well as like in 217 00:09:47,080 --> 00:10:04,439 Speaker 5: a sort of woo woo way. 218 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:14,199 Speaker 3: Welcome back to our Boice Over October kickoff. As I 219 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 3: said earlier, as a part of this month's festivities, we 220 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 3: want to celebrate our voice sober community, and that means you, 221 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 3: the listeners. To do that, I invited one of our 222 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 3: producers to help with this next section. 223 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 2: Emily is on the mic today. Emily introducers. 224 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 6: I am Emily, producer of Boys Over, one of the producers, 225 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:38,240 Speaker 6: one of the lovely producers. Yeah, Hope wrangler, Hope Wrangler, 226 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:44,600 Speaker 6: conversation steerer and emotionally y r amateur therapist. 227 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 2: Of course, can we listen to the voicemail? 228 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:46,800 Speaker 4: Yes? 229 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,920 Speaker 7: Yes, So. 230 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 6: What we have here in celebration of boy Sober October 231 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,600 Speaker 6: and your two year anniversary. 232 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, and the recommitment. 233 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,719 Speaker 5: Yes, we have been comments. 234 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 6: May have noticed at the end of episodes we throw 235 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 6: out the phone number, tell people to call in, tell 236 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 6: their voice sober stories. There's a mixture of stories, questions, advice, 237 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 6: and we just want you to listen and give your 238 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 6: honest reactions and show the girls some love. Here is 239 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,080 Speaker 6: a call from Grace. 240 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 5: Oh great, amen. 241 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 8: Hi, My name's Grace, and my boy sober story is 242 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,240 Speaker 8: that I'm just beginning literally as of a week and 243 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:29,840 Speaker 8: a half ago. 244 00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 9: I have been through a tumultuous two years, well really 245 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 9: four years of relationships that just we're toxic. For some reason, 246 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 9: have always ended up with kind of very traditionally masculine men, 247 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 9: even though I myself as a bisexual woman and as 248 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 9: just a very left leaning person to be le am 249 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 9: not a traditional woman. 250 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 2: Pause it she sounds so sad. 251 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: Baby. 252 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 3: Oh my god, Grace, Grace, I want to give you 253 00:12:06,320 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 3: a hug. Yeah, me too, Grace, You're okay. 254 00:12:09,559 --> 00:12:11,800 Speaker 9: This has been a long time something I definitely need 255 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 9: to be boysover. But now my question is how do 256 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:20,720 Speaker 9: I stick to it? Because it's not that I'm tempted. 257 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 9: I'm not on any dating apps whatever, But how do 258 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 9: I pick what I'm investing in for myself and stick 259 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,559 Speaker 9: to it. I'm really great at starting things. I'm great 260 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 9: at starting all these different activities. I bought a Lego set. 261 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:44,880 Speaker 9: I'm forever. I'm working two jobs to try and distract myself. 262 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:46,320 Speaker 1: Girl. Oh yeah. 263 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,160 Speaker 9: My question is like, how do I know what to 264 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 9: stick with to help myself with my own healing? And 265 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 9: how do I stick with it? 266 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 3: Is a long run, Lord, I hope she's doing okay 267 00:12:55,679 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 3: right now wherever she is. 268 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,079 Speaker 5: Proud of you, queen, So proud of you, and. 269 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,360 Speaker 3: Congratulations on the week and a half, because it's easy 270 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 3: to not celebrate that, and so however long you've been 271 00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 3: or how ever long you made it, congratulations. 272 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 5: In terms of like planning, I think don't put tons 273 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 5: of pressure on yourself. It's helpful to set out with intention, 274 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 5: of course, but if it's a source of stress where 275 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 5: you're like, I don't know what to focus on this, 276 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,160 Speaker 5: and that trust that you will learn what you need 277 00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 5: to through the process, Like you don't need to set 278 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 5: out with those specific like the rubric because then I 279 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 5: guess that gives you more opportunity to fail in more 280 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 5: specific ways. And I feel like from what it sounds like, 281 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 5: it sounds like the planning is a source of stress. 282 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,760 Speaker 5: So I feel like it could be a nice exercise 283 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 5: to radically accept the lessons that are destined for you 284 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 5: will come just through dedication to the process. Like I 285 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 5: think in terms of every time I've gone voiceover for 286 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 5: like years at a time, it's kind of just setting 287 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,400 Speaker 5: out the action alone just to be like I'm not 288 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 5: going to prioritize, like I'm not going to go out 289 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 5: with that possibility in my brain because then I'll come 290 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 5: home disappointed. For example, it's like we don't even know 291 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 5: how much how often we're like maybe tonight is right, 292 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,200 Speaker 5: I fall in love, which is an amazing way to 293 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,320 Speaker 5: like approach life with like an open hearted you know whatever. 294 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,840 Speaker 5: But when you are someone with a history of relationships 295 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:18,040 Speaker 5: that set you back, you're welcoming energy that it might 296 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 5: not be so good. Well, that makes it sound like 297 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,760 Speaker 5: it's your fault. Maybe nothing's your fault. 298 00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 3: But it's just like nothing changes if nothing changes, So 299 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 3: it's like, what can you what steps can you take 300 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 3: that are different, Like when you. 301 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 5: The action alone of choosing not to like engage and 302 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 5: sort of shutting off that part of your brain. It's 303 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 5: an exercise enough because obviously that's like hard to do 304 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 5: for a lot of people, and so like focusing on 305 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,120 Speaker 5: just that and yeah, buying a Lego set, You're you're 306 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 5: an amazing start My love. 307 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 2: Love the Lego set. 308 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 5: You love a jigsaw puzzle. 309 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 2: Get in, just like get into a show, you will. 310 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 5: Find you know, hopefully you'll have a lot more emotional 311 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 5: bandwidth to pollinate more of your friendships on like a 312 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 5: wider scale and build a source of support for yourself, 313 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:00,840 Speaker 5: like a support network for yourself. Yeah, you know, I 314 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,640 Speaker 5: think that's a big part of what I'm grateful for 315 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,120 Speaker 5: never having been in a relationship. 316 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 3: Also, I think go absolutely one day at a time 317 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 3: where I messed up the most I think is being 318 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,360 Speaker 3: like I'm going to do this for a year and 319 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 3: having that timeline a timeline to me messes everything up 320 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 3: because you're just like, like you said, you've got this 321 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 3: expectation on you where it's like much better. 322 00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,200 Speaker 2: Just like one day moves slow and be proud. 323 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 3: Of yourself every day that passes, and then. 324 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 5: Suddenly you'll probably wake up and it'll be like, oh, 325 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 5: my god, it's been like a month, you know, or like, oh, 326 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 5: it's been. 327 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 2: A couple months. 328 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:33,720 Speaker 5: I mean, one day at a time. Money, that's where 329 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 5: it is. 330 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:36,200 Speaker 2: Okay, next one, Yes, Okay. 331 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:40,800 Speaker 6: This person is anonymous, but maybe we'll call her Mary Mary, 332 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 6: Mother Mary, Mother Mary. 333 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 10: I've been single for about a year and a half, 334 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 10: and I was in a pretty roller coaster relationship for 335 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 10: about three years before that, and I have really since 336 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 10: then learned how to stand up for myself and I 337 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 10: feel really great about where I am in life, and 338 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 10: I make sure I put myself in situations where I 339 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 10: feel happy, and I don't put myself in situations for 340 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 10: it doesn't feel good. But the point is I have 341 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 10: a friend who is in a really different space than me. 342 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 10: Right now. I've just really decentered men, and my friend 343 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 10: is living her best single life, which is so fucking great. 344 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 10: I feel like I should have no problem with that, 345 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:38,320 Speaker 10: but for some reason, it just is triggering me, I guess, 346 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 10: and I'm trying to figure out why. It's just when 347 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 10: she gets really excited over boys attention, and I think 348 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 10: it's all these things that I used to be and 349 00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 10: she's really excited, and I don't know how to react 350 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,200 Speaker 10: around it because those things don't make me excited. They 351 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:57,680 Speaker 10: sound like red flags to me. And it's like the 352 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 10: friction between where I'm at and where my friend is 353 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,679 Speaker 10: that which is a place that is very opposite to me, 354 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 10: and it's a place I don't want to go, I guess, 355 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:09,719 Speaker 10: but I don't know why I feel a way about it, 356 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 10: Like what the fuck? You can just do whatever he wants. 357 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:14,080 Speaker 10: It shouldn't really affect me. So that's what I'm been 358 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 10: working through, And I would love any ideas you have, 359 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:20,119 Speaker 10: because this is a new kind of experience for me. 360 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:21,560 Speaker 2: Have you ever. 361 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,760 Speaker 5: Experienced such a such a joy like in that way, 362 00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,880 Speaker 5: or like just like an unnamed discomfort at like someone 363 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,880 Speaker 5: engaging in a behavior you're specifically avoiding, Like that's kind 364 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 5: of I do understand. I've felt those feelings before as well. 365 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,920 Speaker 5: You know, don't let a lack of understanding translate to 366 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 5: a lack of empathy, I guess, or like a lack 367 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 5: of patience. I think it's also a translation of the 368 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,280 Speaker 5: way that you care for your friends, like you don't 369 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 5: want them to be putting themselves in situations you wouldn't 370 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 5: put yourself in, and then watching them do that with 371 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,480 Speaker 5: abandoned and even joy is like if you let it 372 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 5: go unchecked, it can definitely turn into like a thought spiral. 373 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 5: So I feel like, just like I don't know an 374 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 5: acceptance that everyone's got different approaches to this kind of 375 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,240 Speaker 5: stuff and when they come to you for help, obviously 376 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,840 Speaker 5: to be there for them, but I can't prevent people 377 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 5: from learning the lessons the hard way sometimes. 378 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 3: So true, what can you do with this friend that 379 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 3: like waters the seeds of the things you love to do? 380 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 2: So, like what can y'all do together? 381 00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:12,720 Speaker 3: Where like this part of her life is just sort 382 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 3: of like put on the shelf for a second, Like 383 00:18:14,880 --> 00:18:17,679 Speaker 3: can y'all go on a hike together and like be 384 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,400 Speaker 3: like hey? Because I think what can get tough about 385 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,320 Speaker 3: friends who maybe haven't decentered men? What I will say 386 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 3: I don't support like kicking them to the curb completely 387 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,399 Speaker 3: because I think what happens when you kick someone to 388 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,439 Speaker 3: the curb who hasn't quite decentered a man? It's like 389 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 3: then the only thing they have to center is. 390 00:18:33,240 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 2: Is it the male? 391 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,280 Speaker 5: Like you know what I mean with the male? 392 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,119 Speaker 3: So but I think maybe the conversation of like just 393 00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,159 Speaker 3: being like hey, when I spend time with you. 394 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,160 Speaker 2: I just want to be. 395 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 3: Really clear that, like I would love to talk about 396 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,880 Speaker 3: things outside of this, So let's talk about ourselves, let's 397 00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,600 Speaker 3: talk about Let's watch a movie and talk about that, 398 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,719 Speaker 3: Let's go to a museum and talk about that. Like 399 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 3: I want to celebrate you and know that I am 400 00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 3: celebrating you and this era of your life, but also 401 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 3: like our time together, I want it to be a 402 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 3: little bit sacred because even for me, like I can 403 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,240 Speaker 3: have conversations with my sisters or my family members or 404 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 3: people I love, and they can spend fifteen. 405 00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 2: Thirty forty five minutes, even depending on. 406 00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 3: The situation, hell at hour, yeah, talking about a man 407 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,160 Speaker 3: or talking about a date or talking about a kiss 408 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 3: or whatever, and just being like, I love you so much. 409 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 3: I want to talk to you about something outside of this, 410 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:22,280 Speaker 3: though I think it's okay to say that. And then 411 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,360 Speaker 3: if your friend is like upset with you for that, 412 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:26,640 Speaker 3: that's a whole other conversation. 413 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,280 Speaker 5: If it makes you nervous to announce that, you can 414 00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:32,879 Speaker 5: just start asking about other things, you know what I mean, Deer, deer, 415 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 5: you know what I mean. 416 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 6: Maybe she could give her a lego set and that 417 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 6: would spark a conversation. 418 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 5: For our last cab, for. 419 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:56,000 Speaker 7: Our last Yeah, lego. 420 00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 2: Next, we've got a couple. 421 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,199 Speaker 6: Now, like more stories of people's experiences, bad relationships, how 422 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,320 Speaker 6: they've healed. 423 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 3: I has to get commentary on this. 424 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 6: First one is one who has some religious trauma. 425 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:11,640 Speaker 2: Let me turn this one up. 426 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:12,320 Speaker 11: Hi. 427 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 1: I grew up in a very Catholic family, Catholic church, 428 00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:20,280 Speaker 1: and so sex was always something that was very shameful. 429 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: I never really discussed in length, but growing up I 430 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 1: felt a lot of shame around sex in general, especially 431 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,119 Speaker 1: because I realized from a young age that I was 432 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,919 Speaker 1: gay or at least bisexuals. What I thought for a 433 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 1: long time and they literally probably wasn't until I was 434 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: seventeen or eighteen that I could even like stay that 435 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 1: out loud without crying. In high school, I was seeing 436 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:50,240 Speaker 1: a Christian therapist. So I feel like a lot of 437 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:53,639 Speaker 1: work that I was doing internally was like always being undone. 438 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,560 Speaker 1: I left the Catholic church and joined a like youth 439 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 1: ministry organization called Young Life. 440 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,159 Speaker 2: Oh my god, pose it. 441 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 3: My my dad brought Young Life to my hometown. They 442 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 3: would have meetings in my living room. Yes, and my 443 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 3: mom was like very anti and me and my siblings 444 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,200 Speaker 3: were not in young Life. 445 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 5: So it was like, are really your dad was just 446 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 5: being like, these are kids that are better. 447 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, So like what is it? How was it different 448 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:23,200 Speaker 2: than ministry? 449 00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 3: Young life is in high school, it's like maybe college 450 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,119 Speaker 3: kids or like community leaders or whatever will like lead 451 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,399 Speaker 3: these sort of like youth group meetings, right, so like 452 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 3: after football games it will be like, let's go to 453 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,719 Speaker 3: this gymnasium and have like very clean Christian fun. Right, 454 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,640 Speaker 3: Let's have this dance party that's like very clean Christian 455 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,440 Speaker 3: fun whatever. And so yeah, like that is young life. 456 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 3: When you're in high school, you're participating, and then when 457 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,880 Speaker 3: you're in college you can sort of be a part 458 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,399 Speaker 3: of the group that's facilitating for kids that are younger. 459 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,719 Speaker 3: And there's like a young Life camp that happens over 460 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 3: the summer that people go to. 461 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,040 Speaker 2: It's like a very I'm just realizing. 462 00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:58,679 Speaker 6: I went to Catholic middle and high school and we 463 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 6: definitely we just called it life Team, but it's the 464 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,239 Speaker 6: same thing. And my best friend who later came out 465 00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,480 Speaker 6: as gay, was also in it, so shout out shout 466 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,320 Speaker 6: out to her and shot. 467 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:11,040 Speaker 5: Okay. 468 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,360 Speaker 1: In college when I really realized that, like I definitely 469 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 1: gay or bisexual or whatever, but I was still very Christian, 470 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 1: so it's very difficult to live in like this full. 471 00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 10: Reality, of course. 472 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,440 Speaker 1: And then I was outed against my will and kicked 473 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:27,200 Speaker 1: out of your life. 474 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:30,680 Speaker 2: Oh my god. Yeah, and now I can say it 475 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 2: young life, Okay, to keep going. 476 00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: So after that religion was done for me, I was 477 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,960 Speaker 1: nineteen and I was like, I'm ready to fuck like 478 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,600 Speaker 1: I've been a good Catholic girl my whole life. I 479 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,879 Speaker 1: was like, it's time, but got on the apps forward. 480 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:50,920 Speaker 1: I'm in a three year relationship with a straight man 481 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: because growing up I was very very much fueled by 482 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,280 Speaker 1: male attention. 483 00:22:58,359 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 4: Of course, but I'm finally in a reliefationship with a man, 484 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:06,120 Speaker 4: and I'm like, wow, this is great, right news splash 485 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:07,919 Speaker 4: foreshadowing It was. 486 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:09,879 Speaker 1: News. 487 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,480 Speaker 5: I love your storytelling prom her, Okay, keep going. 488 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,600 Speaker 1: It was not. So I'm in this relationship with this 489 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,520 Speaker 1: very straight guy. We saw a lot. He called me 490 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,000 Speaker 1: a bitch. 491 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 10: I left him good. 492 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:30,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. I moved back in with my family in Ohio, 493 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: and after that I realized I had never had a 494 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,240 Speaker 1: hope face pause. 495 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,480 Speaker 5: Having a hope fase in Ohio is amazing. 496 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,760 Speaker 3: Moving back in with her family and realizing I've never 497 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:44,440 Speaker 3: had a hope face. 498 00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 5: Come on, you said, there was one thing my family 499 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 5: teaches me, you need to get no but for real, Like, 500 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 5: that's so I love that course of action me too, Okay, 501 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,320 Speaker 5: So immediately when. 502 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,640 Speaker 1: I get back to Ohio, I am back on the app. 503 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,439 Speaker 1: And when I tell you, from Timber of twenty twenty 504 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: three to probably September twenty twenty four, so almost a 505 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:13,840 Speaker 1: full calendar year, I'm hooking up with so many people. 506 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 1: My body account went from two to twenty two. At 507 00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:24,119 Speaker 1: the beginning. It was so fun and it felt so 508 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 1: good to like try new things sexually be with other people. 509 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,159 Speaker 1: At the time, for the first few months of that, 510 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,959 Speaker 1: I was really only hooking up with men still because 511 00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:35,600 Speaker 1: that was familiar. 512 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 10: It's what was comfortable, of course. 513 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,480 Speaker 1: And then in the summer of twenty twenty four, I 514 00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,199 Speaker 1: slept with the girl for the first time, and that 515 00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,320 Speaker 1: really like opened my world for me and it was 516 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 1: very validating to be like, oh, like I loved that 517 00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 1: I really am gay because I dealt with a lot 518 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,800 Speaker 1: of imposter syndrome about being gay, Like I've never been 519 00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,680 Speaker 1: with a girl, I've never dated a girl. 520 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:00,640 Speaker 10: How at I be gay. 521 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:06,320 Speaker 1: But after that, I continued to hook up with men, 522 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:10,199 Speaker 1: because while looking up with a girl was amazing, it 523 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:14,119 Speaker 1: was still scary, and I think I still felt like 524 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: I needed to seek male attention for whatever reason, and 525 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,199 Speaker 1: I couldn't understand why. And then Hope appears on my 526 00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:27,239 Speaker 1: Instagram talking about voiceover and decentering men, and I was like, 527 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,919 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like that's what I need in my life. 528 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,760 Speaker 1: So very after listening to the first episode, I realized 529 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 1: very similar similarly to Hope, I tried being voiceover and failed. 530 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:44,600 Speaker 1: It was like an addiction, like trying to kick an addiction, 531 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 1: like I would try for a bouts at the time 532 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:49,680 Speaker 1: to delete the apps and block people and stop talking 533 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,119 Speaker 1: to them, and I just kept going back. Then, in 534 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,639 Speaker 1: early fall of twenty twenty four, I made a career change. 535 00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,359 Speaker 1: I was doing lots of work and reading about like 536 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:04,640 Speaker 1: loving yourself as a woman and loving who you are 537 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:08,439 Speaker 1: like without needing men to do that, And then I 538 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:12,919 Speaker 1: went on a date with my now partner, who is 539 00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 1: non binary in a trans woman. 540 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 10: Right when I. 541 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:22,840 Speaker 1: Met them, everything was so different from anyone that I'd 542 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: ever been with. It just felt right, And I am 543 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 1: realizing now that I am just fully a lesbian, I think, 544 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 1: and just fully gay because you know, this is the 545 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:41,240 Speaker 1: love of my life together for a long time. But 546 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 1: for whatever reason, if not, I truly do not see 547 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,399 Speaker 1: myself going back. I feel like I also relate to 548 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: a lot of women who have come out as lesbian 549 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: or whatever later in life, and who have dated men 550 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:59,680 Speaker 1: and been with men then the idea of heteronormativity and 551 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: sing like you need to be with men and have 552 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: a prince charming and have a husband because you're a girl. 553 00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 1: And I feel like I very much. I felt that 554 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:12,640 Speaker 1: growing up the way that I did and a very 555 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,640 Speaker 1: religious upbringing. And I'm very proud of myself and how 556 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:22,120 Speaker 1: far I've come with realizing who I am and being 557 00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,720 Speaker 1: with someone that I love, and I feel like I 558 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,679 Speaker 1: am more myself than I ever have been. But I 559 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,439 Speaker 1: feel like I can now officially ye that I am 560 00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: permanently boy sober. 561 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 2: I love her. 562 00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,119 Speaker 5: Wait, I'm so glad that a happy end. 563 00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:41,920 Speaker 2: Totally. 564 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:42,440 Speaker 7: I wasn't. 565 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,000 Speaker 12: We were scared. 566 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:44,680 Speaker 10: I was scared. 567 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 5: I love that also speaks obviously just we're like, well, 568 00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 5: something must go horribly well. In fact, actually it went 569 00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 5: incredibly right. That's such a common theme of like meaning 570 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,680 Speaker 5: the person for you, like it's different from anyone else, 571 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,960 Speaker 5: like I guess when you know you. Damn No, that's amazing. 572 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,320 Speaker 3: And I think the moment she met her person was 573 00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 3: when she was specifically not looking but she. 574 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 6: Was on like a self improvement journey. 575 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,639 Speaker 2: She was doing the internal works. She was reading books. 576 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,760 Speaker 6: Yeah, of like searching, searching for herself, doing some introspection. 577 00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:14,679 Speaker 2: Yes, totally. 578 00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:20,680 Speaker 3: So she was being intentional but wow, not particularly looking. 579 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 2: For her person and then found them. 580 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:27,440 Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, next, okay, next we have Drea Drea. 581 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,080 Speaker 11: Reya Hi voiceover. 582 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 10: This is Durea. 583 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,680 Speaker 11: So I'm forty nine years old, about ready to hit 584 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:40,240 Speaker 11: my fiftyeth. I am single, but I have always had boyfriends, 585 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 11: Okay always since I was five years old. I chased 586 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 11: boys on the playground to try and get them to 587 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 11: kiss me. And I think I got victored to that 588 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,600 Speaker 11: they're in the head of like winning, it's like winning 589 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:57,719 Speaker 11: the guy over. I think what I've learned is chasing people. 590 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 11: Although it might work temporary where I would get somebody 591 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,040 Speaker 11: to become my boyfriend, I think I would just overgive 592 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 11: and overchase in that relationship. And I think I was 593 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,920 Speaker 11: just happy to have anybody with a nice smile and 594 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:17,080 Speaker 11: a pulse. I'm still growing from that. But I was 595 00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:19,480 Speaker 11: in a relationship for about a year with a guy 596 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 11: from the Czech Republic. I met him in Prague when 597 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:26,480 Speaker 11: I was traveling, and he was wonderful in all the 598 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 11: ways I can't even tell you. It was the best 599 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 11: romance and that worked out because of a long distance issue. 600 00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,240 Speaker 11: There's a little bit of an age difference to but 601 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:40,160 Speaker 11: that guy had me raise my standards because after being 602 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,520 Speaker 11: with him, he I think he healed a lot of 603 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:44,680 Speaker 11: my attachment. 604 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:47,640 Speaker 2: Styles because I was going to say disorganized, because. 605 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:51,280 Speaker 11: He always made me feel heard and you know, always 606 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:55,760 Speaker 11: kind of dik my feelings into account and I had 607 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 11: never really fully had that before in a lot of 608 00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:04,240 Speaker 11: my relationship ships. So and he's adorable, by the way, 609 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 11: just cute, oh my god, good looking. Getting treated like 610 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 11: that raise my standards. I realized this is how I 611 00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,240 Speaker 11: need to feel in a relationship. 612 00:30:13,800 --> 00:30:14,080 Speaker 2: Amazing. 613 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 11: And I was listening to the podcast and I remember 614 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,520 Speaker 11: one of you guys talking about just dating people that 615 00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 11: you don't like me and I have so many stories 616 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:24,040 Speaker 11: about that. 617 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,120 Speaker 5: I mean, that is such dating people who don't like 618 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 5: so many people are doing that. 619 00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 2: It's crazy. 620 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,600 Speaker 5: And you say and you do this, and you say 621 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:36,800 Speaker 5: you do this. I mean, yeah, I guess if I 622 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:39,200 Speaker 5: were dating, I probably would perhaps as well. 623 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 2: I don't know. 624 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,719 Speaker 3: There's like I think it's like could obviously be so 625 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 3: many reasons. Yeah, number one, you'd rather be with someone 626 00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:48,920 Speaker 3: than be alone, regardless of if you like him or not. 627 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 3: Sex is awesome with someone, and when you don't like them, 628 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,800 Speaker 3: you can like ignore the fact that you don't like 629 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:54,640 Speaker 3: them if you're having. 630 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 5: Having good sex. Yeah, I hear, I hear that stuff 631 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:57,240 Speaker 5: rocks you. 632 00:30:57,200 --> 00:30:59,040 Speaker 2: Get you ignore everything else. 633 00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 3: I think that's what I had to take sex off 634 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,280 Speaker 3: of the table in my life because I was like, 635 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:07,880 Speaker 3: I keep ending up in these situationships that are bound 636 00:31:08,000 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 3: by sex, because having sex is like you're not alone 637 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,719 Speaker 3: for like ten minutes, that's at the end of the day, 638 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 3: the awesome thing about it. 639 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,240 Speaker 5: Anywhere from two to ten to three to even four minutes. 640 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,160 Speaker 3: You don't have to look at your phone. You're not 641 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 3: thinking about how broke you are. You're just like both 642 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 3: of your hands are being used to I want to 643 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 3: know more about her, Okay, keep going. 644 00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:32,200 Speaker 11: I mean I need a ups guy. Oh I need. 645 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,560 Speaker 11: A guy who crushed me. I put him on such 646 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 11: a pedestal and it took me me two or three 647 00:31:38,160 --> 00:31:40,960 Speaker 11: years to get over that I had breast cancer. When 648 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 11: we were together, he wasn't very supportive, and when I 649 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:47,200 Speaker 11: asked him, he just flatly said he could not prop 650 00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:47,840 Speaker 11: me up. 651 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 5: Hello, I'll kill this man. No, actually, okay, also sorry, 652 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,360 Speaker 5: Just like a thing, if you're going through something like 653 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 5: that and your partner is anything less than so supportive, 654 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 5: it's so hard, obviously, as the person who's suffering chiefly 655 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,840 Speaker 5: in that situation, to also be in charge of letting 656 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:07,960 Speaker 5: that person go out of your life, you know what 657 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 5: I mean, And so I know the instinct when you're 658 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 5: going through stuff like that, like wow, is to keep 659 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:15,000 Speaker 5: that person close to you because that's but god, how 660 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 5: hard it is making it difficult, that is, when you're 661 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 5: when you're sick, when you're Oh God, that's terrible. I'm 662 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 5: so sorry that happened. 663 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:21,680 Speaker 10: My life. 664 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:22,480 Speaker 2: Keep going. 665 00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,160 Speaker 11: It's been a lot of worker myself in therapy and 666 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,800 Speaker 11: beyond and books, and right now I'm just focusing on 667 00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,480 Speaker 11: being single for the most part. I'm back on the app. 668 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 11: I'm back on an eight app. But the brilliant thing 669 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 11: is I do not I don't know what's going on 670 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 11: with me. Let's talk about therapists about this. But I 671 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:45,520 Speaker 11: don't have that urge, that urge to hunt. I am 672 00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 11: so tired of chasing and trying to get someone to 673 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,600 Speaker 11: like me, improve how awesome I am. I'm done with that, 674 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:58,080 Speaker 11: you know, And I just really would rather be pursued 675 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 11: and treasured, appreciated. And at this point, I'm not going 676 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 11: to settle for anybody that was just a nice smile 677 00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 11: and a pulse. And I'm learning how to be intentional 678 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 11: and hang out with my friends and like the last podcast, 679 00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,440 Speaker 11: find things that bring me joy. So in the past 680 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:18,520 Speaker 11: thor year, I have been really getting involved in community 681 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,760 Speaker 11: theater and meeting new people and just making new friends. 682 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:25,920 Speaker 11: So on Tuesdays now I jam with the fellow artists 683 00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 11: here in town. We play guitar brings me so much joy. 684 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:31,600 Speaker 11: So those are some things that I've done. Anyways, just 685 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,640 Speaker 11: wanted to share my story a little bit, and I'm 686 00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 11: going to shut the hoop up. 687 00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 2: Got here a girl, come on, I'm obsessed with her. 688 00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 3: I love that she's forty nine years old and she's 689 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:49,760 Speaker 3: like sounds so aware of like what she does that 690 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:51,920 Speaker 3: makes her kind of her own worst enemy, you know, 691 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:54,880 Speaker 3: Like I feel like so many people get to be 692 00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 3: fifty fifty five sixty and they're like, oh, I like 693 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 3: because I'm older means I don't need to change anything. Yeah, 694 00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:04,800 Speaker 3: Like age does not totally equal wisdom, Yeah, it can. 695 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,920 Speaker 3: But she sounds so wise to me, just because she 696 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:11,480 Speaker 3: sounds like someone who's okay to admit she might need 697 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:12,799 Speaker 3: to go at something. 698 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 5: Like really to be to have the expression of the 699 00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 5: lack of desire, like the ceasing of the desire to 700 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:24,720 Speaker 5: hunt quote unquote you know, like that is so congratulations, honestly, 701 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 5: Like because there there is that constant sort of anxiety 702 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 5: humming underneath when you're like I should be I should 703 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 5: be looking around the room, I should be sitting up straight, 704 00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:34,759 Speaker 5: I should be doing this, I should be Like you know, 705 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 5: any moment could be the moment you meet the one. 706 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,440 Speaker 5: It's like, while that is true, you don't have to 707 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,479 Speaker 5: let that govern your every single move and every single breath, 708 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:46,000 Speaker 5: and like releasing yourself from that is so relaxing in 709 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 5: certain ways. And like the longer you do that, I 710 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,839 Speaker 5: feel like in my experience, it's like you can really 711 00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:54,680 Speaker 5: settle into like yourself, like, because you know, we don't 712 00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,279 Speaker 5: really realize a lot of the time how we're doing 713 00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,960 Speaker 5: backflips and m and molding ourselves to the people that 714 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:01,759 Speaker 5: around especially the closer we are to them and. 715 00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 2: More intimate the relationship, you know, the more you can bend. 716 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,759 Speaker 5: Yeah, So like it's good that she met someone that's 717 00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 5: set a standard. And then now is just like I'm 718 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,680 Speaker 5: doing community theater and rock. 719 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,360 Speaker 2: I'm a faster. You have to go to the Czech Republic. 720 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,920 Speaker 5: Maybe I guess, maybe I guess, But then we'll be 721 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,799 Speaker 5: heartbroken because of the long distance. 722 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:21,759 Speaker 2: And that's okay because we'll have learned. We'll take something 723 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:22,080 Speaker 2: with us. 724 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:28,360 Speaker 6: I want Yeah to end, though. I wanted to say, 725 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,560 Speaker 6: we've been doing this podcast for a couple of months now, 726 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:35,640 Speaker 6: Hope and our classic question, what have all these conversations helped. 727 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,319 Speaker 3: You unlearn about me personally? 728 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,880 Speaker 2: You personally? And then it's you Annabel already. 729 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,520 Speaker 3: So like it's October now, Like we've been really working 730 00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:48,400 Speaker 3: on this since January. Where I was in January feels 731 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 3: so far away from where I am now, to be 732 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,239 Speaker 3: totally frank, For the first six months of this year, 733 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:56,319 Speaker 3: I was like in a deep state of limericks about 734 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,640 Speaker 3: someone who was like unavailable to me. But then I 735 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 3: finally sort of popped that balloon for myself, and right 736 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:05,920 Speaker 3: now I'm on like a sober, sober journey whatever, because 737 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:08,560 Speaker 3: I was just like, I have actually been avoiding so 738 00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,759 Speaker 3: much for a long time. I think since like the 739 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:13,839 Speaker 3: beginning of twenty twenty four, I've been trying to get 740 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:16,799 Speaker 3: out of my own brain and body and emotions, and 741 00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 3: I'm like deeply in that feeling era. What's something I've 742 00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 3: had to unlearn is to like not be embarrassed about 743 00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,480 Speaker 3: how long it takes, because I think I have felt 744 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,439 Speaker 3: like so much embarrassment about like, holy shit, I'm still 745 00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,319 Speaker 3: talking about this. Holy shit, I'm still doing this, Like 746 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,239 Speaker 3: oh my god, I still haven't figured out how to 747 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,720 Speaker 3: exist in the world in a way where I don't 748 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,960 Speaker 3: need like a man in my ear, you know what 749 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:39,520 Speaker 3: I'm saying, and. 750 00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:44,160 Speaker 5: In my in my bleep, in my bleep, any bleep. 751 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:48,520 Speaker 3: So that's something I've had to unlearn is like it 752 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,960 Speaker 3: might literally I could be fifty years old relearning this lesson. 753 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:56,000 Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a really meta answer that you unlearned. How 754 00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:01,400 Speaker 6: long it will take to unlearn. 755 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,800 Speaker 3: Learning about it never stops. 756 00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,279 Speaker 2: There is no finish line. Okay, you're turning out. 757 00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:11,719 Speaker 5: Okay, what I'm learned about love, I think that something 758 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,600 Speaker 5: I've learned is that that is that love looks like 759 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,400 Speaker 5: well one thing, you know what I mean. Like, I 760 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,920 Speaker 5: think a lot of people see not having romantic relationships 761 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,719 Speaker 5: as like a deficit. I'm like, I learned so much 762 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:24,359 Speaker 5: and I witness so much, and I have so many 763 00:37:24,360 --> 00:37:26,800 Speaker 5: amazing experiences with my friends, and I don't know, unless 764 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,399 Speaker 5: it's blown me out of the water, I'm fine. I 765 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,719 Speaker 5: feel like I've got lots, like enough love in my life. 766 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,440 Speaker 5: I don't feel like I'm like lacking because I don't 767 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:36,400 Speaker 5: have a boyfriend or anything like that. In fact, most 768 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,360 Speaker 5: of the time, I'm like, I don't need a parasite 769 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:39,879 Speaker 5: smoking my weed and pissing me off. 770 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,640 Speaker 2: Annabel, thank you so much for coming on. Thank you 771 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 2: for leading me talking. 772 00:37:44,360 --> 00:37:49,040 Speaker 5: To microphone and meeting new people. And have a good day. 773 00:37:50,360 --> 00:37:55,080 Speaker 3: Okay boys. Oprah October is officially launched. I loved having 774 00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:57,720 Speaker 3: Annabel on, And if you want to see us stressed 775 00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:01,399 Speaker 3: as nuns, go over to our Instagram at voiceover dot 776 00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:02,440 Speaker 3: pod and give. 777 00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:02,919 Speaker 12: Us some love. 778 00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,440 Speaker 3: We loved listening to your voicemails. Please keep them coming. 779 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,399 Speaker 3: We always want more calls, so please keep ringing us 780 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,440 Speaker 3: at five one eight eight three seven six' two three 781 00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,280 Speaker 3: seven to tell us how your voiceover journeys are. Going 782 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:18,719 Speaker 3: what are you struggling with any recent? Triumphs are you 783 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,920 Speaker 3: also doing something This october to recommit to a personal? 784 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:25,919 Speaker 3: Goal let us know again that number is five one 785 00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:30,840 Speaker 3: eight eight three seven six' two. Three seven, as always 786 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,520 Speaker 3: thank y'all so much, for listening and we'll be back 787 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:34,760 Speaker 3: next week with another. 788 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:56,279 Speaker 12: Wild episode. 789 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:51,240 Speaker 3: Voiceover is a Production Of iHeart Podcasts I'm, Your. Host 790 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:56,680 Speaker 3: hopewordard our executive Producers Are christina Everett And. Julie pinero 791 00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:01,279 Speaker 3: our supervising Producer Is. Emily meronoff our assistant Producer Is. 792 00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:07,040 Speaker 3: Logan palau Engineering By bahid fraser and mixing and Mastering By. 793 00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:11,719 Speaker 3: Abu zafar if you liked, this episode please tell a 794 00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,759 Speaker 3: friend and don't forget, to, rate review and subscribe To 795 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:18,800 Speaker 3: boy sober On the, iHeartRadio App, apple podcasts and wherever 796 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:19,440 Speaker 3: you get your. 797 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:20,200 Speaker 12: Favorite shows