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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Riley, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Stories. I'm hosts and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: My husband's new car has been totaled and I don't

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Speaker 3: know how.

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Speaker 4: To tell him.

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Speaker 5: Maybe you just hide it from him.

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Speaker 4: And there's a trigger warning here for mentions of mistreatment.

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Speaker 3: This happened earlier today and I've i twenty eight female

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Speaker 3: have been in emotional wreck all day. This will probably

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Speaker 3: only make sense if I tell you a bit about

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Speaker 3: my ex friend.

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Speaker 4: Let's call her Lucy.

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Speaker 5: Because it was her fault.

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Speaker 4: Oh was it Lucy's fault?

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Speaker 3: I met her in freshman year of college and she

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Speaker 3: was part of a larger friend group because we all

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Speaker 3: lived in the same hall. For as long as I've

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Speaker 3: known her, she has had pretty significant mood swings. And

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Speaker 3: by the way, this comes from user throw away.

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Speaker 4: A new car totaled.

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Speaker 3: And if you want us to meet your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the hert slash Okay Storytime suburday. I'm Dakota,

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Speaker 3: I'm Riley, I'm key On, and we are here collectively

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Speaker 3: to give good advice kind of Goofley.

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Speaker 4: You know whenever you don't know everything? So what do

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Speaker 4: you know? We want to know? Tell us what you

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Speaker 4: know in the comments.

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Speaker 6: Tell us your secrets, and op says.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes Lucy was super sweet and caring person, but when

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Speaker 3: she gets stressed out, she would become harmful and blame

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Speaker 3: everything in the universe if there's something negative happening in

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Speaker 3: her life.

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Speaker 5: Hm, I know people like this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, her bad side has gotten progressively worse since college.

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Speaker 3: I could write a whole book about Lucy, but I'll

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Speaker 3: spare you the details because it's not.

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Speaker 4: Directly related to the advice.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to get over the last couple of an

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Speaker 3: undisclosed period of time.

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Speaker 5: I'm gonna give it eight months.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Over the last couple of eons, each of the people

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Speaker 3: in our friend group have cut contact with her, and

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Speaker 3: I think I was probably the last one to still

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Speaker 3: respond to her. Every conversation I have with her goes

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Speaker 3: in circles, and she ends up back in a state

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Speaker 3: of anger and frustration, and I usually hang up when she.

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Speaker 4: Hurls verbal insults at me.

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Speaker 3: I met my husband twenty seven mail about three years ago,

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Speaker 3: and he has always been incredibly supportive of me. I

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Speaker 3: invented to him many times about Lucy because interactions with

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Speaker 3: her always leave me feeling emotionally drained and feeling like

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Speaker 3: I'm going crazy. He has encouraged me many times to

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Speaker 3: cut contact with her because it's not worth setting yourself

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Speaker 3: on fire to keep her warm.

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Speaker 5: Far that's a good one. I like that.

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Speaker 3: So earlier this month, I blocked Lucy. I blocked Lucy.

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Speaker 3: That's my favorite old TV show. Earlier today, I ran

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Speaker 3: into Lucy at the grocery store and she confronted me

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Speaker 3: about why I haven't been responding to her. She starts, yeah,

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Speaker 3: she started screaming. So I left the grocery store and

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Speaker 3: went home. But as I was pulling into my apartment

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Speaker 3: parking lot, I see a car speeding towards me. Sure enough,

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Speaker 3: it was Lucy's car. I think she was aiming for me,

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Speaker 3: but I steered the car away, so she ended up

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Speaker 3: crashing into the rear door behind me and destroying both

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Speaker 3: our cars. Versus wild though, your buddy Lucy just did

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Speaker 3: have tried to do a vehicular man on you.

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Speaker 5: Right now, Joe, I don't even think about that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that you could sue. No, like she needs

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Speaker 4: to be in jail. She needs to go to prison

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Speaker 4: for that. That kind of person can't just be wandering.

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Speaker 5: Around aiming their car at you.

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Speaker 4: Before I was able to.

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Speaker 3: Compose myself after the crash, she drove off with the

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Speaker 3: front part of her car missing.

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Speaker 4: I called the police and told them everything. Thankfully, I

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Speaker 4: am uninjured.

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Speaker 3: All afternoon, I've been calling insurance and trying to look

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Speaker 3: for options to get the car fixed. Nothing is finalized yet,

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Speaker 3: but the insurance agent said, judging by the pictures, he's

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Speaker 3: not optimistic that it's fixable or worth fixing. I know

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Speaker 3: I need to tell my husband, But how do I

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Speaker 3: tell him the car that he's been saving up for

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Speaker 3: for years and then spending months waiting for to arrive

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Speaker 3: is damaged beyond repair, Especially because I feel partially responsible

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Speaker 3: since in hindsight, I realized I should have cut contact

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Speaker 3: with Lucy years ago.

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Speaker 4: How could you possibly feel responsible for this?

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Speaker 3: You're insane, lunatic friend literally tried to to literate you.

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Speaker 4: With an automobile.

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Speaker 5: You were gonna You're gonna be turtle soup if you

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Speaker 5: didn't move. If he's got insurance, then it should be fine. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: insurance companies can't just be like, I can't do nothing

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Speaker 5: about that. Yeah, they can't. They can't do that. They

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Speaker 5: gotta do something about that.

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Speaker 4: If you were Yeah.

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Speaker 6: I don't know.

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Speaker 7: My insurance is pretty good. They sent like a guy

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Speaker 7: and they're like, yeah, this is total, Like this is

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Speaker 7: not salvageable. This car is totaled. You're gonna get your

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Speaker 7: money's worth. And I said, just call your insurance.

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Speaker 6: You'd be fine.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean not on you. Like, she's just scared

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Speaker 5: right now, she just doesn't know how to get the

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Speaker 5: words together.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you just gotta tell your boyfriend that someone tried

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Speaker 4: to unalive you today. Lead with that first lead with

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Speaker 4: I am the victim of here, I am all.

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Speaker 5: Here we go, babe. I was almost alive today. And

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Speaker 5: if it wasn't for your car.

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Speaker 7: You saved my And you know what that means. You're

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Speaker 7: priceless or I'm priceless, okay, prices.

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Speaker 5: If you frame it like that, I think you'll be fine.

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Speaker 3: A part of me knows that outwardly, he'll brush it

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Speaker 3: off and say that he's just happy I'm safe and

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Speaker 3: that objects can be replaced. But I'm scared that he'll

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Speaker 3: present me Oh so he's actually already a good guy

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Speaker 3: and go come on, Oh, come on.

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Speaker 4: He loves this car.

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Speaker 3: He has a strong sentimental attachment to it because it's

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Speaker 3: his first car, and he's even given it a cute nickname,

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Speaker 3: like a pet. We joke about how it's like his

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Speaker 3: firstborn child. We don't have any kids yet.

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Speaker 4: And it's the holidays.

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Speaker 3: What kind of crap holiday present is it to find

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Speaker 3: out that your brand new car that you got two

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Speaker 3: weeks ago got totaled.

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Speaker 4: I've tried looking.

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Speaker 3: At ways to buy him a new one, but I

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Speaker 3: obviously can't make such a big financial decision without discussing

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Speaker 3: it together. And the other problem is current delivery times

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Speaker 3: for this car is ten plus months.

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Speaker 4: It's a tesla for anyone wondering why it takes so long?

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Speaker 5: Oh, I see no, it's.

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Speaker 3: All the best we could buy used, but used prices

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Speaker 3: are even higher than new, and the used cars have

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Speaker 3: twenty thousand plus miles on them. He's on a business

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Speaker 3: trip right now and we'll be coming back on Friday

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Speaker 3: for the holidays.

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Speaker 6: Happy holidays, surprise.

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Speaker 3: I'm struggling between deciding to tell him now or telling

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Speaker 3: him in person when he gets back. What words can

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Speaker 3: I even use to tell him? And there are some

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Speaker 3: relevant comments here.

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Speaker 5: You tell him right now. Yeah, you say I almost

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Speaker 5: passed away, Yeah, and your car saved me.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. I would like why have him come home and

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Speaker 6: surprise him with all of this?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, no, they'll do that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I would tell him right now.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Relevant comments DEV two four six has has Lucy been arrested?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Asking the relevant questions, it sounds like you need a

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Speaker 3: restraining order, Opie says. The police arrested her and called

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Speaker 3: me to let me know about an hour later. Apparently

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Speaker 3: it wasn't too hard because she was at home and

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Speaker 3: the front part of her car was missing. My sweet

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Speaker 3: Summer sixteen says, Then, honestly, just call your husband and

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Speaker 3: tell him to start off with I'm okay, but unfortunately

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Speaker 3: this psycho literally rammed her car into yours. I've already

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Speaker 3: called the insurance company. She's been rested, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: It's a car, it wasn't your life. So hopefully he's

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Speaker 3: a bit considerate and understanding. Chryssier says, Yep, I don't

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Speaker 3: understand why Op's apprehensive about telling this to your husband

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Speaker 3: when a psycho just literally tried to get her. If

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Speaker 3: the husband actually does get upset at her. That should

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Speaker 3: tell you where his priorities lie. And there's an update

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Speaker 3: from five days later.

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Speaker 5: Like I said, good test.

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Speaker 4: Yes, that's what we all. It's all about the test.

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Speaker 3: I posted earlier this week to ask for advice about

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Speaker 3: how to tell my husband his new car got totaled

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Speaker 3: when the ex friend that I cut off earlier this

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Speaker 3: month rammed into me. I appreciate everyone taking the time

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Speaker 3: to give me advice. I wasn't thinking clearly, and it

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Speaker 3: was really helpful to get some online strangers to talk

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Speaker 3: some sense into me. In hindsight, I was too hyper

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Speaker 3: focused on the car, and I didn't really fully process

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Speaker 3: the fact that someone I've known for seven plus years.

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Speaker 4: Almost actually he unlived me.

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Speaker 3: As for breaking the news to my husband, that didn't

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Speaker 3: turn out quite the way I expected.

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Speaker 4: I knew that I had to tell.

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Speaker 3: Him as soon as possible, and I was trying to

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Speaker 3: figure out the best way to phrase it. About twenty

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Speaker 3: minutes after I made my post, he actually called me

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Speaker 3: in a panic because he was afraid I was in

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Speaker 3: a coma, in the hospital or something. Turns out, his

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Speaker 3: Desla in the phone app has a lot more bells

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Speaker 3: and whistles than I knew about it sent him notifications

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Speaker 3: and videos from the car's cameras about the crash, but

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Speaker 3: he didn't see them until the evening. His company has

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Speaker 3: a strict policy about only company issued phones being allowed

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Speaker 3: to be turned on while in the tech center office,

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Speaker 3: so when he finished work and pulled out his personal phone,

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Speaker 3: he was greeted by multiple notifications that a crash had

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Speaker 3: occurred and links to the videos. Since by that point

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Speaker 3: it had been many hours since the crash, he was

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Speaker 3: terrified that I had been seriously injured. At first, he

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Speaker 3: was incredibly upset with me for not calling him immediately

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Speaker 3: on his work phone. After I apologized profusely and explained

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Speaker 3: the whole story, his frustration turned to concern, and he

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Speaker 3: insisted I go see a doctor to get a full physical,

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Speaker 3: even though I felt fine. He then got the first

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Speaker 3: flight he could find the next morning, and he's been

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Speaker 3: spending the last few days with me and taking his

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Speaker 3: work meetings remotely. I've apologized a couple times for not

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Speaker 3: cutting my ex friend Lucy off earlier before my husband

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Speaker 3: came into my life, which is a crazy.

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Speaker 4: Thing to apologize for.

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Speaker 3: You can't apologize for somebody being an uneashed maniac ran their.

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Speaker 4: Car into yours.

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Speaker 5: There's nothing to do with cutting off a friend, and

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Speaker 5: that was in the past. Girl, You're good, it happens.

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Speaker 3: I've apologized for the loss of his car, but each

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Speaker 3: time he just brushes it off and says something that

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Speaker 3: melts my heart, like.

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Speaker 4: Well, I'm just happy that the car did its job

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Speaker 4: and protected.

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Speaker 3: You from lucy or a car is a thing and

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Speaker 3: things are replaceable and you are not.

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Speaker 4: Ah, but you are my loomest thing, you know, I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: Ew.

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Speaker 4: He didn't say that part, but maybe he should have.

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Speaker 4: That was kind of the vibe though maybe he should

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Speaker 4: have said that something to think about.

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Speaker 3: The insurance paperwork still isn't finalized yet, but it's looking

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Speaker 3: increasingly likely that the car will be a total loss.

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Speaker 3: I think my husband and placed in order or at

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Speaker 3: least too seriously contemplating placing.

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Speaker 4: A new order for a new car.

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Speaker 3: We'll probably have to wait ten to twelve months to

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Speaker 3: get it, but in the meantime we still have my

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Speaker 3: car to drive and we'll figure something out. My husband

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Speaker 3: also wants us to do some marriage counseling because he

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Speaker 3: says I have a tendency to avoid or push off

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Speaker 3: difficult conversations. After this week, I realize he's probably right,

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Speaker 3: so we'll be exploring that early next year. As for me,

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00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,839
Speaker 3: I'm glad I escaped the crash mostly unscathed. I got

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Speaker 3: an urgent care appointment for the next day, and the

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00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,000
Speaker 3: doctor concluded there wasn't anything seriously wrong with me, but

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Speaker 3: recommended I get a more comprehensive check from my primary

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Speaker 3: care physician next week. Two of my teeth have been

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00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,480
Speaker 3: hurting since Tuesday, and I'm not sure if it's related

250
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Speaker 3: to the crash. My husband suspects I might have bitten

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Speaker 3: down too hard on my teeth as I was bracing

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Speaker 3: myself for the crash and cracked something, but I made

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Speaker 3: an appointment with the dentist next week to check. In

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Speaker 3: my original post, I didn't say much about what happened

255
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,760
Speaker 3: with Lucy after the crash because the post was already

256
00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,319
Speaker 3: getting long and it wasn't directly relevant to the advice

257
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Speaker 3: I was seeking.

258
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Speaker 4: But the police arrested her soon after the crash and

259
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Speaker 4: called me to let me know.

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Speaker 5: All right.

261
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,920
Speaker 3: It was very easy because they found her at home

262
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,160
Speaker 3: with the address I gave them, and the front section

263
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,480
Speaker 3: of her car was missing, and they asked her if

264
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,480
Speaker 3: she had been in an accident earlier that morning, and

265
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Speaker 3: she told them a harrowing tale about how she barely

266
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Speaker 3: escaped a violent motorcycle gang.

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Speaker 5: Well they called them a gang, not a club. She's

268
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,360
Speaker 5: so out of touch here, what did she think?

269
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,239
Speaker 4: She just on the spot started freestyling.

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Speaker 3: She's like, yeah, I was on the highway and then

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Speaker 3: a dozen men in leather jackets surrounded my car and

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Speaker 3: then they all they all took out metal pipes and

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Speaker 3: they and they destroyed my front bumper.

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Speaker 5: They you know, like a motorcycle gang from like Power

275
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Speaker 5: Rangers or something. Yeah, it was like if a motorcycle

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Speaker 5: game was actually coming from you. They're not gonna do

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Speaker 5: it at like, you know, a grocery store. They're gonna

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Speaker 5: wait till you go home.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I don't think they're just gonna go after

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Speaker 3: your front bumper, you know. I think I think they're

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Speaker 3: more they're gonna take a tire. Well, yeah, they're gonna

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Speaker 3: they're gonna they're leaving there with something. Yeah, maybe that's

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Speaker 3: what she said they left with. They stole the front bumper.

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Speaker 3: It's a very lucrative underground black market front bumper.

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Speaker 5: What you know, I'll give her one star out of

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Speaker 5: five for creativity.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

288
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Speaker 3: When the police asked her why she didn't report this

289
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,360
Speaker 3: or seek assistance from emergency responders, she looked like a

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00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:27,720
Speaker 3: gobsmacked goldfish that was in quotes. By the way, this

291
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:29,800
Speaker 3: was all told to me by the detective assigned to

292
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Speaker 3: my case.

293
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,720
Speaker 4: I did not witness the arrest myself.

294
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Speaker 3: I've been in contact with the other people from my

295
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,520
Speaker 3: college friend group that also knew Lucy, and they all

296
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:41,040
Speaker 3: expressed a mixture of sympathy, mild surprise, and appreciation for

297
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,160
Speaker 3: me giving them the heads up.

298
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Speaker 4: M mild surprise.

299
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Speaker 3: One of my friends actually had a situation a couple

300
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,120
Speaker 3: of years ago where Lucy threatened to hurt my friend's dog,

301
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,400
Speaker 3: Jail after she cut contact with Lucy, but nothing ended

302
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,320
Speaker 3: up happening, so they forgot about it and moved on

303
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,320
Speaker 3: with their lives. My husband and I are searching for

304
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,800
Speaker 3: lawyers to help us with filing and restraining order, as

305
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,160
Speaker 3: well is exploring other possible legal actions, but we haven't

306
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,360
Speaker 3: gotten many replies back yet. Because it's the holiday is

307
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,560
Speaker 3: it's the holiday season?

308
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,120
Speaker 4: No one, Okay.

309
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,560
Speaker 3: I doubt it'll be worth the time and money to

310
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Speaker 3: sue Lucy for damages, but it's an option we're considering.

311
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:21,480
Speaker 3: The attorneys that we have had preliminary consultations with so

312
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,199
Speaker 3: far have all advised us not to speak to Lucy

313
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:28,000
Speaker 3: directly or speak too much about the situation publicly aside

314
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,800
Speaker 3: from basic facts while there's pending litigation or legal considerations,

315
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,920
Speaker 3: so I won't be posting any more about her in

316
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,960
Speaker 3: the foreseeable future. Long story short, we're overall doing pretty well.

317
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,199
Speaker 3: The craziness is settled down a bit, and my husband

318
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Speaker 3: and I are sticking to our planned holiday festivities. Thanks

319
00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:50,960
Speaker 3: again for everyone's input and Happy a Holidays.

320
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:53,199
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't talk to Lucy anymore.

321
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Speaker 4: We've got some final comments here.

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Speaker 3: Oh gosse Agentox says a violent motorcycle gang Lucy doesn't

323
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Speaker 3: strike me as being the best liar.

324
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,000
Speaker 4: Huh.

325
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,200
Speaker 3: As for your teeth, I think your husband's suspicions you're

326
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:09,240
Speaker 3: probably right. I was in a car accident a couple

327
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,440
Speaker 3: of years ago where I was rear ended. I ended

328
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,600
Speaker 3: up with some tooth pain, so I went to the dentist.

329
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,920
Speaker 3: Her first question was, did you see the car coming

330
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,640
Speaker 3: towards you? Apparently it's common for people to damage their

331
00:14:19,680 --> 00:14:22,000
Speaker 3: teeth by biting down too hard while bracing themselves for

332
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:22,800
Speaker 3: an incoming hit.

333
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,720
Speaker 4: Opie says, the strange thing is she was actually a

334
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,520
Speaker 4: very good liar. Back in college.

335
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,640
Speaker 3: Our entire friend group bought into her sad stories about

336
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,160
Speaker 3: her childhood, hook Line and Sinker. It wasn't until years

337
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 3: later that we realized she had lied about a lot

338
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,160
Speaker 3: of things and everything unraveled.

339
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:41,440
Speaker 4: But maybe we were all just too naive. That's what

340
00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,440
Speaker 4: I was gonna say. And that's the end of that story.

341
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:48,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, building is like lies that are that are building

342
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,960
Speaker 5: are like jingle blocks. They're gonna they're gonna fall in dead.

343
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Speaker 4: Yeah, if she was a good liar, her lies wouldn't

344
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:54,239
Speaker 4: have crumbled.

345
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:56,760
Speaker 8: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

346
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:57,680
Speaker 8: on to the next one.

347
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:01,040
Speaker 5: I'm jealous of my husband's new friend because she's all

348
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:04,040
Speaker 5: he talks about. Maybe she's just better than you in

349
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,920
Speaker 5: every way. I thirty one email, love my husband thirty

350
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:11,080
Speaker 5: four mail. And we've been together for nine years, married

351
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,800
Speaker 5: for six and I have been through a lot together.

352
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,640
Speaker 5: He has never given me a single reason to think

353
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:20,360
Speaker 5: he would stray away from our relationship physically or emotionally.

354
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,720
Speaker 5: He's an amazing father and very equally shares the household load.

355
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,360
Speaker 5: We have a lot of up and downs like most people,

356
00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:31,920
Speaker 5: but generally we are a solid couple and always come

357
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,440
Speaker 5: back to each other after disagreement, up and down, coming.

358
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:37,440
Speaker 6: Back to each other and sharing their load amazing.

359
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,760
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from leather Set seventy three

360
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:40,920
Speaker 5: And if you have to make your own stories, go

361
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:45,160
Speaker 5: to the our slash okay story's up subreddit. I'm Riley Ay.

362
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:47,640
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, Hi, I'm Keon, and we're here.

363
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,880
Speaker 5: To give good vice goofully, but we don't have any answers.

364
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,720
Speaker 5: Do We have a little bit of some so let

365
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,600
Speaker 5: us know what you would do in a comments down below.

366
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:59,280
Speaker 5: Now on to the issue. Oh oh, he's recently embarked

367
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,840
Speaker 5: on his mash degree. He is one of only two

368
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:06,800
Speaker 5: men in his cohort of approximately eighty people. That's a

369
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,120
Speaker 5: crazy ratio, and the only guy of our culture. We're

370
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,120
Speaker 5: in our home country. The course and the university is

371
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:17,000
Speaker 5: just incredibly multi cultured. As such, he has made a

372
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,000
Speaker 5: lot of new female friends, most of whom don't bother

373
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,880
Speaker 5: me at all. But there's this one thirties female. I

374
00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:25,720
Speaker 5: think that I just don't like his friendship with and

375
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 5: I know I'm being unreasonable. They text all the time,

376
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,360
Speaker 5: like multiple times a day. Mind you. He isn't secretive

377
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 5: about this at all. He doesn't hide his phone or

378
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,200
Speaker 5: anything like that. I can see her name at the

379
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 5: top of his screen. He talks about her all the time,

380
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:47,960
Speaker 5: how she's so nice and all the cool things she's done.

381
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:51,000
Speaker 5: He also spends a lot of time with her. They

382
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,960
Speaker 5: have just decided to collaborate on a research project together

383
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:57,600
Speaker 5: for a conference in twenty twenty six, and as such

384
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:02,360
Speaker 5: they will likely be spending either more time together. Oh no,

385
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:06,480
Speaker 5: recipe for a disaster, low key. Frankly, I'm sick of

386
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,159
Speaker 5: hearing about how nice and amazing this other woman is.

387
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,560
Speaker 5: She's also annoyed the heck out of him at times,

388
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,119
Speaker 5: like blowing like hot and cold at him when she

389
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 5: has perceived Like what.

390
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:19,880
Speaker 4: No way, dude.

391
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,960
Speaker 3: If you got like a friend, a lady friend, and

392
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,920
Speaker 3: she's doing hot and cold on you as friends, Nah,

393
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 3: that's gross.

394
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, this is that's weird.

395
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,520
Speaker 3: She's trying to like, that's that's girlfriend territory. I'm not

396
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:33,800
Speaker 3: dealing with hot and cold unless my girlfriend.

397
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like, that's come on what are we doing?

398
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,760
Speaker 5: Blowing like hot and cold at him when she has

399
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:43,440
Speaker 5: perceived he has done something wrong, though it's probably cultural

400
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,560
Speaker 5: differences that triggers this, and he'll talk about this too.

401
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 5: It's like watching someone discuss the beginnings of a relationship,

402
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,920
Speaker 5: the euphoria of dating someone new, plus all the baggage

403
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 5: they come with as they work through it, which is

404
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 5: a weird thing to watch your husband go through. I

405
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,639
Speaker 5: don't believe it's anything more than I have described above

406
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 5: when I said I didn't think it was appropriate for

407
00:18:04,359 --> 00:18:07,960
Speaker 5: him to be messaging her as frequently as he has been,

408
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,040
Speaker 5: and if the shoe was on the other foot, does

409
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 5: he really think he would be okay with me messaging

410
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 5: a man as frequently? And he offered to let me

411
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 5: read all their messages, which I didn't, So I really

412
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,800
Speaker 5: don't think he's hiding anything. I obviously don't want him

413
00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,480
Speaker 5: to start being secretive about it, so I said I

414
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,800
Speaker 5: would drop it. I just feel annoyed and jealous, like

415
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,120
Speaker 5: every time I see her name pop up on his phone.

416
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 5: I don't even think he's physically attracted to her. We

417
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,399
Speaker 5: have great, spicy sleep life, and this is not something

418
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,439
Speaker 5: I feel insecure about lies.

419
00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:44,640
Speaker 4: I detect lie. You don't feel insecure.

420
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:48,120
Speaker 3: Weren't insecure about it, you wouldn't be making this.

421
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:50,720
Speaker 4: Tell them it's okay, that's.

422
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,040
Speaker 5: You, that's that's no.

423
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 4: You gotta just go to your part and be like,

424
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,679
Speaker 4: I feel like you're gonna leave me for that lady.

425
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,680
Speaker 4: And that isn't necessarily.

426
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 3: Your fault or hers or even mine, but it just

427
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 3: means we have things to discuss.

428
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 5: I guess she's shiny and new and interesting, and they

429
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,000
Speaker 5: have a lot in common. I think I'm insecure about

430
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,560
Speaker 5: not being interesting enough for him, and maybe sometimes feel

431
00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:14,960
Speaker 5: like he'd rather talk to.

432
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:15,879
Speaker 4: Her than me.

433
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,119
Speaker 5: I'm not used to him having female friends, so he

434
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,720
Speaker 5: used to have many when he was younger, and I'm

435
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,959
Speaker 5: finding this new dynamic really difficult. Any advice as to

436
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 5: how I can just get over it and accept this

437
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,800
Speaker 5: new friendship as it is? And we have some comments,

438
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 5: I say.

439
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,359
Speaker 4: Duel, duel, good old fashioned duel.

440
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 5: You guys can pick the weapon, but yeah, duel.

441
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you guys should duel with curling irons.

442
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 3: You just had to burn eat that.

443
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:51,080
Speaker 4: No, I like, honestly, honestly, I.

444
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,840
Speaker 3: Think you just need to go to your your your

445
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:55,359
Speaker 3: your partner and be like, you're not gonna leave me

446
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:59,440
Speaker 3: for her, Right, You're not gonna write because that's what

447
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:00,479
Speaker 3: that's I'm at.

448
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 4: Like, you guys are studying the same thing.

449
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,639
Speaker 3: You guys, she's so cool, you're not gonna leave her

450
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,639
Speaker 3: for you can leave me for her, right, Yeah, you

451
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 3: tell me that.

452
00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,840
Speaker 4: Right, You're not gonna do that.

453
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 8: Right.

454
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 5: Oh, that'd be awkward, right, hope not comment. Sounds like

455
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 5: your fear is that she's becoming emotionally stimulating in a

456
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,399
Speaker 5: way that you're not. So the solution is not to

457
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:28,040
Speaker 5: restrict him from being her friend, is to reignite the

458
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,960
Speaker 5: spark in your marriage. You don't need to go into

459
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 5: competition with her, but your feelings warrant a deeper discussion

460
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:39,680
Speaker 5: with him about your emotional experience and what will help

461
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 5: you feel secure at the end of the day, I'm

462
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 5: spent with a friend, texting, phone calls in person shouldn't

463
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,840
Speaker 5: exceed time invested in your relationship. If you're not already

464
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 5: doing this, start dating again. Sometimes we get stuck in

465
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 5: our daily routines, so initiate experiences together, like trying a

466
00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 5: new restaurant, class trip, Bobby Parvel, intention connection time where

467
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 5: you're not discussing logistics or children. Great rituals like weekly

468
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 5: check ins, Friday night wine and music at home or

469
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,560
Speaker 5: out Sunday morning coffee walks together or with the kids.

470
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 5: If he ever becomes resistant to this in favor of

471
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 5: spending time with her, or he's constantly distracted by her

472
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 5: during your time, then I'd start worrying. It doesn't sound

473
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,199
Speaker 5: like your marriage is threatened at this point, especially if

474
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 5: he's being transparent, as there's still affection between you two,

475
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,919
Speaker 5: but the relationship could benefit from infusing some fresh energy

476
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 5: since he's getting a ton from school. No P replies,

477
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 5: this is really good advice. Thank you. We've tried to

478
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 5: do a bit more dating in recent months, as we

479
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,719
Speaker 5: both acknowledge how it's easy to just sort of forget

480
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 5: about one another with how busy we both are and

481
00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,400
Speaker 5: with kids. Trying to make it more of a regular

482
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 5: thing probably is in order. Though we do have a

483
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,960
Speaker 5: going out date books in a couple of weeks babysitter

484
00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,920
Speaker 5: and Everything Loo, and we actually went out during the

485
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 5: day a couple of weeks ago as well, so it

486
00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 5: is there, but could definitely be more frequent. Thank you.

487
00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 5: Update twenty three days later, love that movie Divorce Michael Jordan.

488
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 4: The owning is divorce. O'clock, dude, I think the divorce.

489
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 4: I just look. I see some weird comments people. Somebody said.

490
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,400
Speaker 3: Somebody said something along the lines of, like I understand

491
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,640
Speaker 3: having female friends before you're married, but like, how could

492
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,040
Speaker 3: you do it after you're married?

493
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 4: Like why?

494
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 2: Yeah?

495
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 3: It's like what I mean, guys, I'm joking, Like women

496
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,679
Speaker 3: don't cease to exist once you.

497
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:35,480
Speaker 4: Are in a relationship.

498
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 5: I was a little worried, you know, like, uh, and.

499
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 3: He's in his doctorate programmers master's program, like seventy eight

500
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,920
Speaker 3: of his eighty classmates are women. So it's like you're

501
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:49,800
Speaker 3: just gonna like not talk to or bond with any

502
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:50,720
Speaker 3: of his classmates.

503
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 4: You can be proudly possible, he has to You can

504
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,359
Speaker 4: do that. You can be friends with lady and be

505
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,240
Speaker 4: and be dedicated to your lady. You know.

506
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, I am more friends with girls that I had

507
00:23:03,119 --> 00:23:05,520
Speaker 5: before I dated Angie. But I don't know, I don't

508
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 5: like going one on one out with girls that are

509
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 5: my friends. Un this is like Sophia, that's the only

510
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:11,680
Speaker 5: like girl I would go hang out.

511
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 4: I'm not gonna take her on a dinner date.

512
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 3: But it's like, that's you know, I don't think that's

513
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,959
Speaker 3: what he's doing at all, you know.

514
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 5: Anyways, we have an update twenty three days later. This

515
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:25,960
Speaker 5: is not going to be a long update and we'll

516
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 5: probably not be that exciting or interesting, but some people

517
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 5: want an update for my last post. Thank you. We

518
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:35,320
Speaker 5: are those people. My husband and I discussed his new

519
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 5: friend a couple of times, and he understood where I

520
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 5: was coming from. What was a bit hurt because he's

521
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 5: never done anything on our relationship to suggest he might

522
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 5: ever be unfaithful.

523
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 4: Right.

524
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 5: I don't think she was saying that. She was just

525
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 5: kind of a little uncomfortab about y'all's friendship. That's it.

526
00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 5: I believed him when we talked about it. But he

527
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,720
Speaker 5: thought it would be better if I could just meet

528
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,600
Speaker 5: her and try to understand a bit better. And I agreed,

529
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 5: Oh wow, we're gonna have dinner together. Ah half I Oh,

530
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 5: it's a caffine.

531
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,479
Speaker 3: Sounds like, I mean, hey, maybe you guys become best friends.

532
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 3: Simple solution, Simple solution, You guys are now best friends.

533
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:15,680
Speaker 5: Wholla, and then y'all get together and leave him sligh.

534
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 5: We had a few friends over for his birthday last

535
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 5: night and she came. The birthday gift she got him

536
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,280
Speaker 5: was a picture of my whole family, me, hubs and

537
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 5: the kids and even the dog that she made herself digital.

538
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 5: She's a bit of a graphic designer on a linebox.

539
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:33,439
Speaker 5: It's really beautiful and I think it's a lovely president

540
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 5: because it includes me and the kids. She was incredibly

541
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 5: respectful all night. We actually have a bare mounta in

542
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 5: common with some shared interests and shared experiences. We both

543
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 5: have been scuba diving and are interested in marine conservation

544
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:55,080
Speaker 5: and are interested in SpongeBob SquarePants. She just seems generally

545
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,479
Speaker 5: very nice, not fake at all, and her being around

546
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:03,119
Speaker 5: very akin to my husband's other female friend that we

547
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,239
Speaker 5: also had over as well. All that to say, I

548
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 5: am no longer concerned about anything dodgy developing in her

549
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,480
Speaker 5: and my husband, and certainly don't think anything on tour

550
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 5: it has happened as.

551
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 4: Yet, no nailed it.

552
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 5: Oh. Also, I caught a glimpse of their messages this morning,

553
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 5: and she was messaged him about how nice I seemed,

554
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 5: and he was talking about how cool I am. That

555
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 5: wasn't performative because he didn't tell me about it. It

556
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 5: was just a part of their conversation they were having,

557
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,919
Speaker 5: the rest of which was about the Japanese curry my

558
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 5: husband made last night. I don't know. I'm sure Reddit

559
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 5: will tell me I'm being stupid or naive, but it

560
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 5: just feels very innocent now that I've actually met her.

561
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 4: Well that's a yeah.

562
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,760
Speaker 3: The thing in that is like once you become like

563
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 3: threatened by someone else, like with it when it's like

564
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:52,000
Speaker 3: a friendship, Yeah, your partner has like now you're like

565
00:25:52,160 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 3: hyper aware and you're gonna see every interaction that they have,

566
00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 3: Like even if it's not anything, it's now going to

567
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,359
Speaker 3: be like, oh, well that's all the time.

568
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,720
Speaker 4: That was telling from the very beginning.

569
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 3: You station he texts her all day and then it's

570
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:09,400
Speaker 3: like multiple times a day.

571
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,680
Speaker 4: It's like those are completely different.

572
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,280
Speaker 5: Like using the word all the time or never, it's

573
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 5: those are dangerous words.

574
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, because it's like, I mean, how could you Like,

575
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:25,159
Speaker 3: I'm breathing all the time, and unless I'm swimming, so

576
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 3: even that's not true.

577
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 4: Sometimes I hold my breath because.

578
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,480
Speaker 5: You shower too, you have to hold your breath? What new?

579
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,520
Speaker 5: What do you mean? Because the water will get in

580
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 5: your nose if you don't hold your breath under the water.

581
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 4: You hold your breath when you shower.

582
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, and that's the end of this story. We're gonna

583
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:42,440
Speaker 8: go on to the next one.

584
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 3: I discovered my husband's messages where he said he regrets

585
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 3: marrying me.

586
00:26:49,280 --> 00:26:50,600
Speaker 5: Or maybe he just regrets it.

587
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe he was a typo.

588
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,880
Speaker 3: I'm six months pregnant and got married a few months ago.

589
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:58,400
Speaker 3: In every relationship I've been in, I've made it very

590
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 3: clear that my mom will live with me until she

591
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 3: passes away. She is very, very ill and I've been

592
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 3: taking care of her for years. She's still my best

593
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 3: friend and I love her very much. I wouldn't change

594
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 3: that for the world. And by the way, this comes

595
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:14,080
Speaker 3: from user direct Anonymous two three six And if you

596
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r.

597
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 4: Slash showcase story time subberd it where this story was submitted.

598
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, I'm Keon, and we're here to.

599
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 3: Give good advice. But we're a goofy, We're a goofball.

600
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 3: You don't know everything well, you know by that and

601
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 3: if you know anything else to add on to that,

602
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 3: then then you can you can tell us in the comments.

603
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 5: Please, we'll read them.

604
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 3: And op says, a couple of weeks ago, I went

605
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 3: through my husband's phone. I wasn't expecting to find cheating

606
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 3: or anything like that. I was just up late and

607
00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:45,959
Speaker 3: bored before anyone says anything.

608
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:47,880
Speaker 4: I ask my husband all the.

609
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,960
Speaker 3: Time if there's anything I can work on or do better,

610
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 3: and I genuinely try to communicate to make sure we're

611
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 3: on the same page. I always get the same answer,

612
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 3: that I'm perfect and he's happy. Maybe he has avoidant

613
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 3: attachment style. I've decided to search my name in his

614
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,199
Speaker 3: messages and found a ton of them. At first, I

615
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 3: thought they were all from before we got married. I

616
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 3: was very wrong. They were from the night before. He

617
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,600
Speaker 3: was telling a female coworker that he was second guessing

618
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 3: the marriage and asking if he was in over his head,

619
00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 3: along with other things like that what He also said

620
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,679
Speaker 3: that he hates my mom and that he's stuck with

621
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 3: her until she croaks, and that there are a lot

622
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: of other pretty girls out there.

623
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:37,000
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, yo, boil boy, this is not good.

624
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 3: How long do you have to be married until you're

625
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 3: entitled to his assets? Oh wow, No, I'm just thinking

626
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:45,240
Speaker 3: like you have a kid, de raise and you have

627
00:28:45,320 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 3: your mom to take care of if you're in a divorce,

628
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 3: this guy.

629
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 4: You're leaving with something.

630
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,920
Speaker 3: You know, If he's talking to his coworker about this,

631
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 3: then he can also talk to his coworker about how

632
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 3: he's gonna have to borrow money from her because he

633
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 3: needs to pay you.

634
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,800
Speaker 4: Okay, d what the heck?

635
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 5: And you didn't suspect this at all either? That's crazy.

636
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, op bless this girl's heart because she was

637
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 3: basically like, what the f? She didn't even know we

638
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 3: were already married. He told her that we were though.

639
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,560
Speaker 3: Then I remember that he writes down his feelings sometimes,

640
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 3: so I checked his notes app and there was a

641
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 3: note written as if it was to someone, saying things like.

642
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,400
Speaker 4: What if it was supposed to be her all along?

643
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 4: Oh oh no.

644
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 3: I later found out it was about someone he used

645
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 3: to go to school with. This is all written very rushed,

646
00:29:35,840 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 3: but I truly don't know what to do. I did

647
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 3: confront him about it, and he said things like it

648
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 3: was just an in the moment feeling and that he

649
00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 3: doesn't actually feel that.

650
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,400
Speaker 5: Way, oh my gosh.

651
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 3: Which like can be true, but like, dude, like that's

652
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 3: just like a like how can you You can't.

653
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 4: How are you gonna write stuff like that?

654
00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 5: You can just say that you can't voice that coworker.

655
00:29:57,240 --> 00:29:59,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't voice that to a female cowork You

656
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 3: spent like all a bunch of time with all the time,

657
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 3: and then you have this other note.

658
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 4: Where you're like, maybe this other person was the one.

659
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,360
Speaker 3: It's like, all right, well then why are we getting

660
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 3: Why do we get married?

661
00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 4: What is wrong with you this? Yeah? And to be fair, also,

662
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 4: this is all stuff that's suposed to happen before you

663
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 4: get married. These are all thoughts you have to think

664
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 4: and work through before marriage.

665
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I don't know, also having a kid.

666
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not even kidding.

667
00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 3: Figure out exactly whatever, whatever amount of time you have

668
00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 3: to stay with this thing to like be entitled to

669
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:32,320
Speaker 3: his money, do that and then and then begone. I

670
00:30:32,440 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 3: feel like I'm not getting the answers I need to

671
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 3: either move on or move forward. I'm extremely protective of

672
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 3: my mom, and I don't understand how he could say

673
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 3: something like that about her. I'm just very confused about

674
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 3: what to do and where to go. He never seemed different,

675
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 3: and of course every marriage has problems, but he genuinely

676
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 3: seemed happy. There was no slowdown in our spicy sleep

677
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 3: life at all. I found out while reading the messages

678
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 3: that he even tried to initiate right after texting all

679
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 3: of those things. Everything seemed so normal, and I'm so

680
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,080
Speaker 3: confused about how he could be having these thoughts while

681
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 3: acting the same way towards me. I'm hurt and can't

682
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:09,959
Speaker 3: stop thinking about it. But he's been acting completely normal

683
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: even after I talked to him about it.

684
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 4: Any advice would be highly appreciated. We have some comments.

685
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 3: COMI one, I advise you to go to couples counseling.

686
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 3: You must have known you would find what you did

687
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 3: and probably left it as a plant because he doesn't

688
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 3: know how to confront you directly. You two are about

689
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:27,160
Speaker 3: to have a child, and he might be getting freaked

690
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 3: out with cold feet.

691
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 7: I don't know this that like that's some really intense stuff.

692
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 7: There's a difference to your like cold feet and like

693
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 7: some waiting for your waiting for my in law to.

694
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 6: Croak is.

695
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, Like it's the and the fact that he

696
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 3: could say all that and then immediately like go to

697
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 3: you like nothing's wrong, and then try to initiate like

698
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 3: this is sposset times.

699
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,959
Speaker 4: None of your people is so disturbing, it's just crazy.

700
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 4: It's just good.

701
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 3: And the masking is so high level, it's like even

702
00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:57,800
Speaker 3: if you guys do go to counseling, it's like he'll

703
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 3: probably just continue to lie, to mask and lie, not

704
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 3: really get to anything that's real. I don't know take

705
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 3: all his money, Opie says. I don't think he would

706
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 3: have known, because I've never gone through his phone before.

707
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 3: I've never had any reason to comment. Two says, I

708
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,400
Speaker 3: hardly know what to say to you. How did you

709
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 3: broach this with him? What did he say? Ope says

710
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 3: I was trying not to cry and he could probably tell.

711
00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,640
Speaker 3: And I just told him, like step by step, everything

712
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 3: I knew and how it hurt me. And we had

713
00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 3: an extremely long talk about it, and he was reassuring

714
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 3: the whole time that he wanted to be with me

715
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,960
Speaker 3: and only me. But it was so confusing for me

716
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 3: because the messages and the conversation were only two days apart.

717
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,040
Speaker 3: So I don't even know how to tell how he

718
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:36,760
Speaker 3: really feels.

719
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 4: And there's a net it. My mom is fifty, which

720
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 4: is kind of young.

721
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 3: For her health problems. She had a heart attack a

722
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 3: few years ago. She also has a crooked spine, problems

723
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 3: with her legs going numb and giving out, craves, disease,

724
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 3: and many other issues. On top of that, she takes

725
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 3: a ton of medication. We've been fighting with disability for

726
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:56,240
Speaker 3: the last three years and finally had a court date

727
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 3: and now we're waiting for an answer. The medical doctor

728
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 3: helping with dis is completely on her side and doesn't

729
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 3: think she would be capable of any type of work.

730
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,880
Speaker 4: My husband and I both work twelve hour shifts, so

731
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 4: she does what she can. For our house.

732
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 3: It's not always perfectly clean, but we don't live in

733
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 3: a magazine. We always have a hot meal ready when

734
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: we get home from work. She helps in every way

735
00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,720
Speaker 3: she can. She does our laundry once a week because honestly,

736
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 3: we're exhausted and always have something to do on our

737
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: days off.

738
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,000
Speaker 4: I love my mom.

739
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 3: She's my best friend, and I'm so grateful for everything

740
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,680
Speaker 3: she does. My husband and I have only been together

741
00:33:29,720 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 3: a little over a year, which is a very short time.

742
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 3: Our relationship progressed extremely quickly. It sort of informs how

743
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 3: he could be thinking or saying all this stuff.

744
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,480
Speaker 5: Have some regrets happen so quick.

745
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 4: But it's still like, it's just so insane.

746
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, to put yourself in this business way he's.

747
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:53,320
Speaker 4: Doing it is insane. I'm currently six months pregnant.

748
00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 3: Our relationship started out very rocky, not from fighting, but

749
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,240
Speaker 3: because he was still in a lease with his ex.

750
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 3: When she said jump, he jumped. She lived forty five

751
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 3: minutes away. He moved in with me right away because

752
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 3: of their rocky relationship. It started as him staying the

753
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 3: night and then he just never left. Oh girls, sounds

754
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 3: so bad. For the first five months, he didn't pay rent,

755
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 3: help clean, or really do anything at all. So for

756
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 3: half of your relationship he did nothing and was just

757
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:25,320
Speaker 3: a burden. Okay, We financially supported him during that time.

758
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 3: After he finally broke the lease with her, things slowly

759
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 3: got better. We ended up moving houses and now we

760
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 3: split things fifty to fifty other than personal bills. We

761
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 3: got married about three months ago. Here's a breakdown of

762
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,520
Speaker 3: everything he said, my feelings about it, and his response

763
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:43,240
Speaker 3: when I asked him first, he said, he hates my mom,

764
00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 3: thinks she's a leech, and that he's stuck with her

765
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 3: until she croaks. So that's gonna be hard to work

766
00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 3: through and I'll just put that.

767
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 6: That's the first thing. By the way, that's the first thing.

768
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, those were mean words.

769
00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yea yea ye.

770
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,439
Speaker 3: I love my mom and I made it clear from

771
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 3: the beginning that she would be with me until the

772
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,920
Speaker 3: day she passes away. I would never change that for anyone.

773
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 3: I understand that he may not understand my relationship with her,

774
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 3: but she truly is my best friend. She goes above

775
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 3: and beyond for us, and she does not have to

776
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 3: do any of it. That's the other thing that really

777
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 3: gets me is it's not like your mom is like

778
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 3: a like a mean, difficult person that can help out

779
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 3: of like the kindness of your heart. Your mom just

780
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 3: sounds like a good person who's like got a crazy

781
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 3: bad hand of like you know, illnesses and it is

782
00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 3: basically disabled, is fighting particibility. And and he lived in

783
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 3: her house for free for five months with you this guy,

784
00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 3: this guy, this guy.

785
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,480
Speaker 5: No no no, no, no, no, no, he doesn't get it.

786
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,880
Speaker 3: And this is why you deserve you stay with him

787
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 3: until you get all that money, whatever it is the

788
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 3: arrangement is.

789
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 5: And if there is no arrangement, you get whatever you

790
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,879
Speaker 5: get right now, whatever, Leave him. I don't know he's

791
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,560
Speaker 5: calling her least just what I'm saying.

792
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 3: Come on, I don't know how I'm supposed to get

793
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,280
Speaker 3: over him saying something like that about someone so important

794
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:05,440
Speaker 3: to me.

795
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,520
Speaker 4: You're not You're not supposed to get over that.

796
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:10,640
Speaker 3: Second, he said he's second guessing the marriage and that

797
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,760
Speaker 3: there are other pretty girls out there. I could understand

798
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,000
Speaker 3: pre wedding jitters, but this was after we were already married.

799
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 3: It makes me wonder if he wants a divorce or

800
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 3: wants to move out. This is the part that confuses

801
00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 3: me the most. Every time he calls me pretty. Now

802
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 3: I question everything. I feel like I've changed my entire

803
00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 3: life for him, and he has been the most important

804
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 3: thing to me. I question whether he even finds me attractive.

805
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 3: I question what this means for our child. I don't

806
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: understand how he could act so normal towards me without

807
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:42,319
Speaker 3: me feeling anything off at all. He even initiated zuspasosly

808
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:44,120
Speaker 3: right after sending those texts.

809
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,400
Speaker 4: I keep questioning what's real and what's not.

810
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 3: When I asked him about this, he said it was

811
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:51,240
Speaker 3: pre wedding jitters that happened just after we got married,

812
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 3: and that.

813
00:36:51,520 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 4: He wants to be with me for the rest of

814
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,040
Speaker 4: his life, which is great. Those are great words, Those

815
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:56,320
Speaker 4: are perfect words to say.

816
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 5: Pre wedding jitters.

817
00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,400
Speaker 3: You can't call the pre wedding jitters. And you did

818
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:03,080
Speaker 3: it months after you got married. Yeah, that's called post

819
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:03,880
Speaker 3: wedding jitters.

820
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, that is the technical term. You're right.

821
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: Third, there was a note in his phone that I've

822
00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 3: debated posting a screenshot of.

823
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 4: There are multiple notes.

824
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 3: In one, he said he's starting to think it was

825
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,000
Speaker 3: supposed to be her all along, and that he wishes

826
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 3: she had told him sooner, and that he's starting to

827
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 3: feel a small spark.

828
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 4: This was not about his ex. It was about an

829
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 4: old friend from high school.

830
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 3: Him and this person had never had anything before, but

831
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 3: they started catching up and she told him she used

832
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:28,520
Speaker 3: to have a crush on him.

833
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 4: Oh, used used pathetic.

834
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:32,760
Speaker 3: He said it made him start thinking about what ifs,

835
00:37:32,920 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: and that he doesn't feel that way anymore. He said

836
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,399
Speaker 3: it was just an in the moment feeling dude, like

837
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 3: it is divorce o'clock.

838
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:42,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, but only once the bag has been secured.

839
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:48,239
Speaker 5: Yeah, you could definitely get like child payments like all

840
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:50,799
Speaker 5: those Yeah, I mean, child support is one thing, but

841
00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,480
Speaker 5: that one would like, he'll be paying that regardless.

842
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know figure out exactly how to get

843
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 4: the money right.

844
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,839
Speaker 5: And the way he's like been lying, you can just tell.

845
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 5: That's how we went around this relationship the whole time.

846
00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 5: And this is this is the type of person he

847
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,800
Speaker 5: is an Ope. You gotta sit down and ask yourself

848
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,239
Speaker 5: if this happened to a friend of mine, what would

849
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 5: I say? And whatever you say and the advice you

850
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 5: would give to you, a friend should implement that to

851
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 5: your own relationship.

852
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 6: The friend test and OPI is one of us.

853
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:20,399
Speaker 5: Mm hmm, oh wow, you are one of us. That's right.

854
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 5: You deserve more OP and you're special and valued.

855
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 4: Let's finish this.

856
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,240
Speaker 3: I didn't include ages originally because I've seen people react

857
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 3: differently based on age and I didn't want biased opinions.

858
00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 3: We're both twenty one. The pregnancy was unplanned, but we

859
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:38,879
Speaker 3: were both extremely excited. I've lived a lot of life

860
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:39,520
Speaker 3: in a short.

861
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:39,959
Speaker 5: Amount of time.

862
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 3: I've struggled, but it made me grow up fast. I've

863
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 3: been working since I was fifteen and supporting myself. My

864
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 3: childhood wasn't the best and I didn't always have my mom,

865
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,239
Speaker 3: but she made her amends and fought hard to do

866
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:54,359
Speaker 3: right by me. After talking to him, I still don't

867
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 3: feel like I got the answers I was looking for.

868
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 3: He always gives me the same I'm perfect answers, and

869
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,919
Speaker 3: I'm tired of hearing that when this is what he's

870
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 3: telling other people. I don't know how to approach the

871
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 3: topic again. I don't know if I should even bring

872
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 3: it up because I feel like it will be the

873
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 3: same conversation with the same answers. I'm hurting, confused and exhausted.

874
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 3: Please help me understand what to do, where to go

875
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 3: from here?

876
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 6: Yeah? I want to. I want to believe this man

877
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 6: for anything he says.

878
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,880
Speaker 3: No, zero percent, yeah, like it's always honestly, it's it's

879
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 3: it sounds backwards, but like if you can't see any

880
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 3: flaws in your partner, like that's a red flag on you.

881
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 4: Everybody has flaws. Everyone could have. She has has things

882
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:38,600
Speaker 4: where you're like, oh, yeah, well that isn't my favorite thing.

883
00:39:38,719 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 5: Yuh. One of the flaws in my partner is they

884
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:42,840
Speaker 5: can't speak Mandarin.

885
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:43,759
Speaker 4: There you go.

886
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 5: And also a flaw of mine as well, Yeah, me too,

887
00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:47,719
Speaker 5: that's my flaw.

888
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,920
Speaker 3: I can only speak a very small amount of Mandarin's

889
00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,600
Speaker 3: a very small collection of phrases like what like I'm

890
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:54,360
Speaker 3: going to touch you.

891
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 5: We got to get you a different teacher.

892
00:39:57,160 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 8: And that's the end of this story. We're going to

893
00:39:58,920 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 8: go on to the next one.

894
00:40:00,320 --> 00:40:02,959
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern bell. We're gonna

895
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,799
Speaker 1: get back to these stories. But here's three minutes worth

896
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,520
Speaker 1: of ads for our sponsors.

897
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 3: My boyfriend said, I'm too ambitious for wanting to chase

898
00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:12,320
Speaker 3: my dream.

899
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 9: I think you gotta chase down another boy today.

900
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:14,919
Speaker 10: Now.

901
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 3: I've wanted to be a veterinarian since I twenty five

902
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 3: female was a young girl. As I got older, I

903
00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 3: gave up on those dreams. But when I turned twenty three,

904
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 3: I decided to give it a go. I went back

905
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 3: to school and have sense achieved an associate's degree with

906
00:40:27,600 --> 00:40:30,240
Speaker 3: a four point o GPA, and have plans to transfer

907
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 3: to a university and then go to VET school. Long

908
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,680
Speaker 3: story short, my dreams don't seem so unattainable anymore. The

909
00:40:36,719 --> 00:40:40,360
Speaker 3: problem lies with my relationship. By the way, this country

910
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 3: user Fuzzy bat eight six seven eight and if you

911
00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:44,680
Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

912
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime subured it.

913
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 4: I am Dakota, I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and.

914
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,160
Speaker 3: We're here to give good advice goofully, but we don't

915
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 3: have all the answers. We're just a couple of goofballs

916
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 3: and know about our goofball stuff. So if you know

917
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 3: some stuff we don't know, why don't you just tell us?

918
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 5: In the comments? And OP says, with the way things

919
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 5: are going, I won't be done with school until I'm

920
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 5: thirty or thirty one.

921
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,120
Speaker 4: I've always wanted to get married and have kids before

922
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 4: that age, but.

923
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,319
Speaker 3: Since I decided to go back to school, I've reconsidered

924
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 3: when would be a good age to have kids. My boyfriend,

925
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:15,839
Speaker 3: twenty four male, wants to get married and start having

926
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 3: kids this year. Although I would love to start a family,

927
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 3: I'm so torn me starting a family with him would

928
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:25,240
Speaker 3: require me moving states back to my hometown and taking

929
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 3: time off from school. Not only that, my boyfriend told

930
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:30,800
Speaker 3: me he wants to be with a woman who wants

931
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:32,360
Speaker 3: to be a stay at home wife.

932
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,880
Speaker 4: This is a text that he sent me. Quote.

933
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:37,359
Speaker 3: I do not desire to be with a woman who

934
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,359
Speaker 3: is as ambitious as yourself. It's great for you that

935
00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 3: you have goals, but I want a big family and

936
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 3: a traditional relationship. If I don't decide to change my plans,

937
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 3: he and I are going to move on. I also

938
00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 3: want a big family, and I have no problem with

939
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,839
Speaker 3: prioritizing my future family when the time comes. However, I

940
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 3: just can't reconcile with the fact that he's asking me

941
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 3: to give up the dreams I've had since I was

942
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:01,640
Speaker 3: a little girl. I love him so much and I

943
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:04,040
Speaker 3: can't imagine my life without him, and so I have

944
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 3: been questioning if I'm making the right choice by staying

945
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 3: on this path to being a vet. I know it

946
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,879
Speaker 3: sounds stupid since I'm only twenty five, but I've been

947
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,919
Speaker 3: feeling like if I don't do this now, I might

948
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,239
Speaker 3: not find someone to marry and start a family with.

949
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 3: This conversation with my boyfriend is making me question if

950
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,759
Speaker 3: men just don't want to marry a woman who puts

951
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,439
Speaker 3: their career first for a while. Maybe I shouldn't think

952
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,439
Speaker 3: like that, but it's hard not to. On the other hand,

953
00:42:27,480 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 3: I feel like my boyfriend is asking me to give

954
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 3: up my dreams so that.

955
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:33,319
Speaker 4: He can live out his own. So I guess I

956
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:34,240
Speaker 4: just need advice.

957
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on changing my plans to pursue

958
00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 3: my dreams in order to make my boyfriend happy.

959
00:42:39,960 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 4: Is it worth it?

960
00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 3: Would I be making a mistake if I let this

961
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 3: relationship with someone that I love go. And yeah, there

962
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 3: are some comments. I think the consensus will probably be

963
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,920
Speaker 3: chase so dreams because I don't like that.

964
00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 5: I don't like that.

965
00:42:56,520 --> 00:43:00,080
Speaker 4: It's just like a because you could still you know, you.

966
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,839
Speaker 3: Can be like quote unquote traditional without just being a

967
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 3: stay at home mom. Yeah, and I think that's weird

968
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 3: for the vibe to be like, well, no, I have

969
00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:14,240
Speaker 3: the last say over what.

970
00:43:14,160 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 5: You do with your life.

971
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't like any of what I just heard,

972
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,560
Speaker 2: except for the fact that you're an ambitious woman.

973
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 9: That's what I like to hear. But everything else, no bad.

974
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,279
Speaker 9: I don't like it.

975
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't really don't like it.

976
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,280
Speaker 9: And you know, things maybe just have to look different

977
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 9: for you.

978
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:40,200
Speaker 2: Whether that means that you get married a little bit later,

979
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 2: But I don't think that should mean that you don't

980
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:43,719
Speaker 2: chase your dreams.

981
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:44,880
Speaker 9: You're only twenty five.

982
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're a.

983
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:47,759
Speaker 2: Quarter of the way through your life, and you're going

984
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 2: to give up on the rest of your life what

985
00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:50,400
Speaker 2: you want to.

986
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 9: Do with the rest of it now. No, no, no, no, no,

987
00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 9: we can marry a man.

988
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 2: Later, that text that he sent you to me literally

989
00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 2: just said that he was breaking up with you. And

990
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 2: he was like, Oh, I just don't like how ambitious

991
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,880
Speaker 2: you are. I'm this isn't right for me. That's what

992
00:44:04,160 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 2: it read as.

993
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 3: I mean, that's basically where they're at. She's like, we

994
00:44:07,320 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 3: if I don't change this, we're gonna split up.

995
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:10,360
Speaker 9: You should not.

996
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:11,640
Speaker 4: I think you're splitting up.

997
00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 9: I think you're splitting up.

998
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 2: I would change yourself from man, especially when it comes

999
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:18,000
Speaker 2: to your career. Girl.

1000
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:24,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, we have some comments from op uh he Yeah.

1001
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 3: He did say a few other things that were pretty hurtful,

1002
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 3: like insinuating that my life focus should solely be on

1003
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 3: becoming a mother. Those kind of comments really made me

1004
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 3: second guess myself. I guess I just wanted to give

1005
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 3: him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't mean

1006
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:40,080
Speaker 3: it the way it sounded. Sounds kind of ridiculous now

1007
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:43,040
Speaker 3: that I'm typing it, lol. He's always known for a

1008
00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,439
Speaker 3: very long time that I plan to become a VET,

1009
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:49,840
Speaker 3: but just recently sprang this on me. I appreciate your comments.

1010
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:51,840
Speaker 3: I think I know that I have to do the

1011
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 3: hard thing. It's just hard to accept at this moment.

1012
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 3: Maybe he loves me, but he certainly doesn't like me.

1013
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 3: Whoof Yeah, leave this. I've really been second guessing myself.

1014
00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 3: But it's true that the man I'm meant to be

1015
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 3: with wouldn't look at my passions as a flaw and

1016
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 3: try to change me. It's just a sad thing to accept.

1017
00:45:10,640 --> 00:45:13,160
Speaker 3: I can't imagine giving up what I'm passionate about for.

1018
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 10: A man, a man who would one day find some

1019
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:28,719
Speaker 10: other thing to pick me apart for and eventually lead

1020
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 10: me on my own.

1021
00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 3: A part of me does want to see it through

1022
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 3: with him, but it feels like a bigger part of

1023
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,200
Speaker 3: me is screaming at me not to do it. And

1024
00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 3: we have an update from the same day. Thanks for

1025
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 3: the replies. I read every single one, and the general

1026
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 3: consensus is that I should not give up my.

1027
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:45,399
Speaker 4: Goal of being a VET.

1028
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:48,080
Speaker 3: A part of me knows that, but I just was

1029
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,880
Speaker 3: second guessing if I was making the right decision. I

1030
00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 3: really love him and have been with him since I

1031
00:45:52,680 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 3: was a teenager. If I'm being honest, I left out

1032
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 3: some information in order to try to keep the responses

1033
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 3: as non biased as possible, be referring to my boyfriend

1034
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:10,160
Speaker 3: as my ex period. Yeah, okay, so some important information

1035
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,280
Speaker 3: or answers to some comments that I saw. My ex

1036
00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 3: has known for years about my dreams to become a

1037
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 3: VET and has only just recently sprang this on me

1038
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 3: that he doesn't want me if I go through with it.

1039
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:25,200
Speaker 3: It started with me talking about the cost of VET school.

1040
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:27,879
Speaker 3: He then gave me an ultimatum that if I go

1041
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 3: to VET school then he's going to break up with me.

1042
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 9: He just can't afford it.

1043
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:35,560
Speaker 2: He's just like, ah, I want a big wedding, So

1044
00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:37,560
Speaker 2: if you're going to spend all that money on VET school,

1045
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:38,879
Speaker 2: I can't have.

1046
00:46:38,760 --> 00:46:41,560
Speaker 9: My sparkly suit. It's so funny, like my fireworks.

1047
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 4: That's what he That's what he really wanted was a big,

1048
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 4: extravagant wedding.

1049
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 9: I can't.

1050
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 2: I can't marry someone that's spending their money on their career,

1051
00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:50,800
Speaker 2: big bib.

1052
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 3: This isn't about me being the breadwinner and you having

1053
00:46:53,719 --> 00:46:55,360
Speaker 3: no income in me having control over you for the

1054
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 3: rest of our lives. This is purely about my Sparkley

1055
00:46:58,520 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 3: diamond suit.

1056
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 2: If you can afford both, than like by all means,

1057
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:05,400
Speaker 2: but but I need fireworks at when we say I do.

1058
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 9: Okay.

1059
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,120
Speaker 3: When I told him that I'm not giving up on

1060
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 3: that goal, he kind of went back on his ultimatum. Yeah,

1061
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 3: but then a week Yeah, a shocker. But then a

1062
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 3: week later is when he brought it up again, hence

1063
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 3: my post. So yes, he did ask me to give

1064
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 3: up being a VET. He told me that I wasn't

1065
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 3: acting like a lady that is a woman. My purpose

1066
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,320
Speaker 3: is to be a mom and a wife, and that

1067
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 3: I have no idea how the world works.

1068
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 9: If you go to that school, you're gonna have to

1069
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 9: assist a.

1070
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 2: Cow being birthed or something. You gotta stick your hand

1071
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 2: all the way up in a cow.

1072
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 4: That's not womanly to be elbow deep and a cow's uterus.

1073
00:47:42,000 --> 00:47:44,279
Speaker 9: No, it is not. I can't marry someone like that.

1074
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:47,239
Speaker 3: Another comment ask why I would have to move back

1075
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 3: to my hometown. I moved out of my hometown and

1076
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 3: have been in a long distance relationship ever since. My

1077
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:55,359
Speaker 3: ex used to tell me that his plan was to

1078
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 3: move to the new city I live in now, but

1079
00:47:57,120 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 3: he randomly decided against that. He was not willing to

1080
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 3: budge and told me many times that I would have

1081
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,880
Speaker 3: to move back in order for us to be together.

1082
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,759
Speaker 4: This was another point of contention for us. I know

1083
00:48:09,840 --> 00:48:13,240
Speaker 4: what's not working, and it's this relationship. That's crazy.

1084
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 9: That's right. You can say that again, girl.

1085
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 4: So he wants a traditional wife.

1086
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,440
Speaker 2: Uh wants this guy so he could carry out in

1087
00:48:22,480 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 2: his lite pocket and whenever he wants to have her

1088
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:28,040
Speaker 2: take care of the children.

1089
00:48:28,120 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 4: He's a big old stinker.

1090
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:30,520
Speaker 9: Yeah, you know.

1091
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,399
Speaker 2: Find a man that you know was excited to have

1092
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 2: that family with you and is determined to make it

1093
00:48:36,719 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 2: work with you and your job and your ambitions.

1094
00:48:40,040 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 3: Many people were wondering if he had the resources to

1095
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 3: take care of a stay at home mother and a

1096
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:44,920
Speaker 3: big family.

1097
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 4: The short answer is maybe for a while.

1098
00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:51,160
Speaker 3: He hasn't had a stable job for months, but he

1099
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 3: has a good amount of money in assets. It would

1100
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 3: be okay for the short term, but definitely would not

1101
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 3: provide the life that he or I have expressed that

1102
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:01,399
Speaker 3: we would want. Left all of this information out because

1103
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 3: I wanted to hear people's advice at face value, but

1104
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 3: I recognize that all of this is pretty important information.

1105
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:09,760
Speaker 3: I'm not sure if I'm missing any other important questions,

1106
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 3: so I'm open to answering more if needed, but I

1107
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 3: think at this point the case is pretty cut and dry.

1108
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 3: He and I are broken up. I've come to the

1109
00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:19,840
Speaker 3: conclusion that even if I did everything he wanted me

1110
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 3: to do, he would still find something to put me down.

1111
00:49:22,719 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 4: For and end up leaving me. Anyways. It sucks, but

1112
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 4: I guess I'll just.

1113
00:49:26,719 --> 00:49:28,879
Speaker 3: Focus on becoming a VET and the whole family thing

1114
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 3: will hopefully come when it's meant to.

1115
00:49:30,960 --> 00:49:33,320
Speaker 4: Thanks to you guys again for your comments.

1116
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 3: I received such great advice and I appreciate what everyone

1117
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:37,680
Speaker 3: said so much.

1118
00:49:38,280 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 4: And we've got more comments.

1119
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 3: Comment number one man has no job and wants a

1120
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:46,879
Speaker 3: stay at home wife. I don't think he knows how

1121
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:51,280
Speaker 3: it works. Comment to why is it that the guys

1122
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 3: who seem to want a traditional wife the most are

1123
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,400
Speaker 3: the least prepared to fill the role of a traditional husband.

1124
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 3: No steady job or a low paying job that can

1125
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 3: in no way support the size family they want. They

1126
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:07,480
Speaker 3: usually can't even support themselves. Opie says it's because they

1127
00:50:07,520 --> 00:50:10,879
Speaker 3: are mediocre that they want a traditional wife. These men

1128
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:14,200
Speaker 3: are losers, and they don't have the intelligence, perseverance, or

1129
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 3: the hygiene to make themselves better Therefore, the shortcut to

1130
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 3: feeling better about themselves is to latch themselves onto a

1131
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 3: system where they are above women by default. That way,

1132
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 3: they don't need to do any self improvement. They can

1133
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:27,880
Speaker 3: just bask in the luck of their birth.

1134
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:32,280
Speaker 9: That's actually really well put sentence right there. That's very true.

1135
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 8: Ah.

1136
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,319
Speaker 3: It's similar to how diddlers gravitate towards religion because the

1137
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 3: system protects them and authority instead of actually working to

1138
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 3: prove their deserving of it. Comment three says, I'm porking

1139
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:50,359
Speaker 3: up with you because you're too ambitious for me. Her

1140
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 3: answer should have been, oh, that works for me, because

1141
00:50:52,560 --> 00:50:53,759
Speaker 3: you're not ambitious enough for me.

1142
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:57,040
Speaker 9: Yeah.

1143
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 2: I feel like that's a more common thing that I've

1144
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,120
Speaker 2: heard of people breaking up because like one person isn't

1145
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:06,600
Speaker 2: as ambitious as the other and they're like boring pretty much,

1146
00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 2: and you are boring me.

1147
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 4: I was thinking that from the beginning.

1148
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 3: But to find in her second post that he doesn't

1149
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:17,760
Speaker 3: even have a job right now was just the cherry

1150
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,920
Speaker 3: on top of this Sunday And that is the end

1151
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 3: of that story.

1152
00:51:22,360 --> 00:51:25,279
Speaker 9: Boom, end of the story, end of the relationship.

1153
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here and

1154
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 2: we're going to get back to the stories, but here's

1155
00:51:34,120 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 2: a three minute ad break from our sponsors. I've been

1156
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 2: dating three different people without even knowing it.

1157
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 4: I think we need to up our situational awareness.

1158
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,360
Speaker 2: I don't know where to begin, so everything may sound

1159
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 2: just as confusing as I feel right now. A few

1160
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 2: months ago, I started seeing a guy I met through

1161
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 2: my new job. We don't work together, we connected in

1162
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 2: an incredible way. We started out simply talking for one

1163
00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 2: or two hours a day after work by video call

1164
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 2: since we were both working remotely, and almost every Saturday

1165
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 2: we would go.

1166
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 9: Out to do something together normal dates.

1167
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from a great emphasis forty

1168
00:52:11,760 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 2: three to ninety three, and if you want to submit

1169
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime

1170
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:16,560
Speaker 2: separate it.

1171
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 4: And I'm Angie, I'm Dakota.

1172
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,480
Speaker 9: I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

1173
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:22,040
Speaker 4: Goofily.

1174
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 9: But we don't have all the answers.

1175
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:25,600
Speaker 2: We just know we would do in these situations. So

1176
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,440
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do in the comments,

1177
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 2: so Opie continues. Then he finally got a job he

1178
00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:34,400
Speaker 2: had been trying to get, but it was in person,

1179
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 2: so we stopped the video calls. He began calling me

1180
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:39,439
Speaker 2: as soon as he left work, and we would talk

1181
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:42,080
Speaker 2: the whole way until he got home, made something to eat,

1182
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 2: and so on.

1183
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:44,440
Speaker 9: I'm talking about.

1184
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 2: Four hours or more of conversation every day Monday to Friday.

1185
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:50,719
Speaker 9: We stopped going out so much on Saturdays.

1186
00:52:51,080 --> 00:52:53,720
Speaker 2: At first, I thought it was because he was tired

1187
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:56,480
Speaker 2: and adjusting to working in person again after such a

1188
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:57,919
Speaker 2: long time working from home.

1189
00:52:58,239 --> 00:52:59,799
Speaker 9: But now I think he noticed that I was all

1190
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:01,640
Speaker 9: becoming suspicious of something.

1191
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 2: I could say I'm very perceptive, but I think I'm

1192
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 2: simply not stupid. From the beginning, I noticed a few things.

1193
00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 2: Sometimes he seemed very confident, and at other times he

1194
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:17,520
Speaker 2: seemed shy. Our conversation topics were very varied, ranging from

1195
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 2: very superficial everyday things like preferring to cook with garlic

1196
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 2: or onions, to deep and philosophical subjects. We have literally

1197
00:53:25,160 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 2: discussed the theories of some philosophers.

1198
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,840
Speaker 4: I think garlic is pretty philosophical.

1199
00:53:31,280 --> 00:53:33,880
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying a person can't be interested in

1200
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 2: a wide range of topics, because I am. But it

1201
00:53:36,560 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 2: simply didn't feel like I was talking to the same person.

1202
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:42,480
Speaker 2: But caught my attention. The most was his choice of words.

1203
00:53:43,280 --> 00:53:45,280
Speaker 9: He wrote differently, spoke differently.

1204
00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 2: For example, one day he would use abbreviations, the next

1205
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:51,160
Speaker 2: day he wouldn't, or he would abbreviate words in a

1206
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:54,040
Speaker 2: different way the same when speaking. It's hard to explain,

1207
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 2: but imagine a friend who has just learned the meaning

1208
00:53:56,680 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 2: of a word and starts using it in a conversation.

1209
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:00,920
Speaker 2: You can tell, well, it's not a word that he

1210
00:54:00,960 --> 00:54:03,640
Speaker 2: would normally use, and that it's something new.

1211
00:54:03,880 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 9: That's the feeling, only on a much larger scale.

1212
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 2: At first, I didn't think about multiple personalities obviously. In fact,

1213
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:16,080
Speaker 2: until he told me that he had a dissociative identity disorder,

1214
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:19,280
Speaker 2: that hadn't crossed my mind at all. I just felt

1215
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,799
Speaker 2: that something was wrong. So yesterday I decided to ask

1216
00:54:22,920 --> 00:54:25,680
Speaker 2: him directly. We don't go to each other's homes. In

1217
00:54:25,719 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 2: the title, I said he was my boyfriend, just to

1218
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:29,960
Speaker 2: keep it short. But we've known each other for four months.

1219
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:32,400
Speaker 2: I don't know where he lives, and he doesn't know

1220
00:54:32,440 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 2: where I live either. In any case, even if I

1221
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,520
Speaker 2: did go to his place, I think I would still

1222
00:54:36,560 --> 00:54:39,759
Speaker 2: have preferred to have this conversation somewhere neutral. I chose

1223
00:54:39,800 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 2: a cafe that had some more secluded tables in case

1224
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:47,839
Speaker 2: the conversation turned to very personal topics. I'm very straightforward

1225
00:54:47,840 --> 00:54:50,080
Speaker 2: and I hate when things are sugarcoated. So as soon

1226
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 2: as we sat down, I simply said, explain. I didn't

1227
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:56,800
Speaker 2: give any more context because I didn't have any Wow.

1228
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:00,319
Speaker 2: I just needed him to explain, and I knew he

1229
00:55:00,320 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 2: would know what I was talking about.

1230
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 4: That's good technique.

1231
00:55:03,480 --> 00:55:06,080
Speaker 9: Yeah, sit down, explain, Explain.

1232
00:55:06,719 --> 00:55:09,520
Speaker 2: You bring it your own, like lamp to table lamp

1233
00:55:09,560 --> 00:55:11,240
Speaker 2: and you turn that on and shove it in their face.

1234
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 4: Explain.

1235
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 3: Explain, and you sound like an old explain your phone.

1236
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:19,919
Speaker 2: So he must have been expecting it, because he didn't

1237
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 2: even pick up the menu when we sat down. As

1238
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,320
Speaker 2: a positive point, I can say that he answered directly

1239
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 2: saying that he did have dissociative identity disorder. As you

1240
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,240
Speaker 2: can imagine, I started asking a lot of questions because

1241
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:32,680
Speaker 2: I had.

1242
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:34,080
Speaker 9: And still have many doubts.

1243
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:36,880
Speaker 2: As a negative point, I can say that he left,

1244
00:55:37,480 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 2: not physically, but the him who had been talking to

1245
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 2: me initially left internally. I saw his expression change, and

1246
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,320
Speaker 2: it was the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life.

1247
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 9: I get chills just remembering it.

1248
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 2: It was frankly frightening. I was in shock, not knowing

1249
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 2: whether to run away or say something. First thing the

1250
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 2: new him did was take out a small green notebook

1251
00:55:58,920 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 2: that he always.

1252
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 9: Carries with him and flipped through the pages.

1253
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:03,799
Speaker 2: Then he said he would need some context and ask

1254
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:05,160
Speaker 2: what we were talking about.

1255
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 9: I told him that he had told.

1256
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 2: Me about the disorder and that I was asking questions,

1257
00:56:10,560 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 2: and he completed it by saying that the coward had

1258
00:56:13,719 --> 00:56:14,280
Speaker 2: run away.

1259
00:56:15,239 --> 00:56:16,880
Speaker 4: WHOA, this is freaky.

1260
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is a little I mean, it's really it's

1261
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:21,240
Speaker 3: it's a little intense.

1262
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's intense.

1263
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,160
Speaker 9: That's intense, because I know it's like a real thing.

1264
00:56:26,200 --> 00:56:31,439
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm sure even if you're being super chill

1265
00:56:31,480 --> 00:56:33,600
Speaker 2: with it and accepting of it and everything, I'm sure

1266
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,319
Speaker 2: it's still like pre freaky see happening in front of you,

1267
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,879
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, especially like with those words too,

1268
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:41,760
Speaker 2: where you like forgot everything from before.

1269
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's that's that's pretty gnarly.

1270
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 9: Because I thought that that's not quite what it was like.

1271
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:48,920
Speaker 2: Don't you not just forget everything that just happened, like

1272
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 2: you still remember what happened?

1273
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,239
Speaker 4: And I don't really know that much. I'm sure there's

1274
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 4: like a spectrum. I'm sure that, but.

1275
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 9: I also didn't totally All the information I have is

1276
00:56:59,160 --> 00:56:59,920
Speaker 9: based on movies.

1277
00:57:00,040 --> 00:57:02,880
Speaker 4: So yeah, the movie split. Yeah, well yeah, which apparently,

1278
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 4: but I don't think.

1279
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 3: I don't think that one's hyper accurate all the time. Yeah,

1280
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:13,560
Speaker 3: but you know, yeah, he doesn't turn into a monster.

1281
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:18,000
Speaker 9: Yeah, the coward had run aways spooky wooky.

1282
00:57:19,080 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 2: After the initial shock and after that comment, I have

1283
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 2: to admit that really irritated me. I know this isn't

1284
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,840
Speaker 2: a normal situation, but he left me talking to myself,

1285
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,160
Speaker 2: walked away in the middle of the conversation, and we

1286
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 2: weren't even arguing. I was just asking questions anyway. The

1287
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:38,800
Speaker 2: conversation continued with the new him, it became clear that

1288
00:57:38,920 --> 00:57:41,800
Speaker 2: I was talking to the more self confident version of him.

1289
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 2: He was relaxed, as if everything were normal. He said

1290
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 2: he was hungry and that he preferred to answer my

1291
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:50,760
Speaker 2: questions while eating in shorts. I felt a bit stupid

1292
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,440
Speaker 2: for not thinking about multiple personalities before, but now it

1293
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:56,480
Speaker 2: all seems so obvious. I repeated the questions I had

1294
00:57:56,520 --> 00:57:58,440
Speaker 2: asked and that he hadn't answered.

1295
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:00,800
Speaker 4: I don't think you should feel stick stupid for not

1296
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:04,120
Speaker 4: considering multiple personalities.

1297
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 9: Yeah, pretty rare. Yeah, like mental health disorder. Right.

1298
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1299
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,520
Speaker 2: I asked many questions. I won't remember all of them,

1300
00:58:13,560 --> 00:58:15,600
Speaker 2: but I'll mention the ones that I think are most important.

1301
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:18,560
Speaker 2: I asked about how many personalities he had, and he

1302
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 2: said he had five diagnosed. Then I asked about specific

1303
00:58:22,160 --> 00:58:24,760
Speaker 2: situations in which I had noticed the changes, so I

1304
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 2: could identify who was who. Apparently, over these past months,

1305
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 2: I've had contact with three personalities. I called the main

1306
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 2: one Gareth because it's the first letter of his name.

1307
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:39,480
Speaker 2: He suggested calling him C for the coward, but I

1308
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 2: found that offensive. The one who usually talks to me

1309
00:58:43,160 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 2: about philosophical topics I called Paul, And the one who

1310
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:50,200
Speaker 2: took over to answer my questions, I called Kevin because

1311
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,760
Speaker 2: he said he was the one who kissed me, which

1312
00:58:53,000 --> 00:58:56,120
Speaker 2: was the only physical contact we've had so far. I

1313
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:57,800
Speaker 2: asked about the other two that I don't know, but

1314
00:58:57,920 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 2: he didn't want to talk about them, and I didn't

1315
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:03,040
Speaker 2: push it. I asked whether they communicate internally, and I

1316
00:59:03,080 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 2: felt very stupid asking that, and he said no, that

1317
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 2: they don't know what the others do and don't remember anything,

1318
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,160
Speaker 2: but they've developed a system, which is the notebook he

1319
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:15,200
Speaker 2: carries everywhere. They write down what they think is important

1320
00:59:15,240 --> 00:59:17,240
Speaker 2: so that if another one takes over their sort of

1321
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 2: up to date interesting. He also said he hardly has

1322
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:23,600
Speaker 2: any triggers and that very few things cause the switching.

1323
00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:27,160
Speaker 2: He said he's a functional man. He lives alone, works,

1324
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:30,200
Speaker 2: and so on. Some of the questions I asked seem

1325
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,600
Speaker 2: to have offended him a bit, such as whether he

1326
00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:36,720
Speaker 2: takes medication and what kind of treatment he has for this. Overall,

1327
00:59:36,800 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 2: I think then I ended on good terms, even though

1328
00:59:39,320 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 2: everything was a bit strange.

1329
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 9: But he hasn't spoken to me since.

1330
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 2: He hasn't sent me any messages, and I don't know

1331
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 2: whether he'll call me tomorrow when he.

1332
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,440
Speaker 9: Leaves work like he always does. This is the situation

1333
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:50,960
Speaker 9: I'm in now.

1334
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 2: I like him, but we don't have a relationship that's

1335
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 2: lasted for years, and I think that if I'm going

1336
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 2: to end things, I better do it now before I

1337
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:01,240
Speaker 2: get more emotionally involved. Other hand, I wonder whether this

1338
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:03,200
Speaker 2: is really a reason to end things between us.

1339
01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:04,160
Speaker 9: I imagine it's.

1340
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:07,040
Speaker 2: Similar to being with someone who has a disability. I

1341
01:00:07,040 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 2: don't know because I'm not part of that world. But

1342
01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:12,280
Speaker 2: those people also have relationships, get married, and start families.

1343
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 2: Am I being prejudiced? I can't deny that I'm worried

1344
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 2: about my safety. I spent today researching this and found

1345
01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:22,800
Speaker 2: out that did is caused by some kind of trauma.

1346
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 2: Could one of his personalities be dangerous or violent? But

1347
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 2: then again, anyone could be. He didn't want to talk

1348
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 2: about the other two, but that may simply be because

1349
01:00:31,840 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 2: it's something very personal. I also don't tell him many things,

1350
01:00:35,520 --> 01:00:38,600
Speaker 2: considering that we don't yet have the level of intimacy

1351
01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:39,680
Speaker 2: needed to get into that.

1352
01:00:40,120 --> 01:00:42,200
Speaker 9: I even thought about asking him to give me.

1353
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:45,280
Speaker 2: A report from his psychologist with basic information about each

1354
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 2: personality so i'd know what I'd be.

1355
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 9: Dealing with, But that feels extremely invasive.

1356
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:52,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like getting like an official report from

1357
01:00:52,760 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 2: your psychologist would be a little much.

1358
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:57,520
Speaker 9: But if you ask him about each one, just.

1359
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 4: I think for me, it's a little bit too much

1360
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 4: for me to bite off, you know, I just, uh,

1361
01:01:05,080 --> 01:01:06,240
Speaker 4: that's just how oft be you.

1362
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think if the question of are you

1363
01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:11,960
Speaker 3: like medicating this at all was met with.

1364
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:17,600
Speaker 4: Like sort of like hostility, m m ah, goodbye.

1365
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could understand if it's kind of like, oh, well,

1366
01:01:22,160 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 2: do you think it should like, do you think it's

1367
01:01:24,640 --> 01:01:27,080
Speaker 2: a prop like I can understand being defensive of that,

1368
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:31,240
Speaker 2: I guess, but but yeah, I mean I I would

1369
01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:33,320
Speaker 2: I would want to know that too, if they would

1370
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:36,240
Speaker 2: be like medicated or something of how you're treating it,

1371
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 2: if anything to do.

1372
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 9: Yeah, oh yeah, I know you're a little more.

1373
01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:44,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm very confused, and I really need

1374
01:01:44,800 --> 01:01:47,240
Speaker 2: an external point of view. Has anyone ever been in

1375
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:50,240
Speaker 2: a similar situation or dealt with someone with the idea,

1376
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 2: even if not romantically. Are these just prejudices or is

1377
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 2: my fear valid? Should I break up with him? We

1378
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,920
Speaker 2: do have an update. I'm grateful for all the replies

1379
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 2: I've received, even the most absurd ones. Some raised new

1380
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 2: questions for me, and others simply shocked me. I'll clear

1381
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:07,040
Speaker 2: up a few doubts from the comments before talking about

1382
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,960
Speaker 2: what happened today. First of all, he didn't ignore me.

1383
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:12,760
Speaker 2: I said he hadn't spoken to me since Saturday. But

1384
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 2: I also didn't message him. In other words, there was

1385
01:02:15,160 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 2: no conversation because neither of us initiated one. As for

1386
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 2: him being upset about the question, regarding medication. He didn't

1387
01:02:21,760 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 2: become aggressive or irritated. It simply seems like a sensitive topic,

1388
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:29,560
Speaker 2: and he appeared slightly offended. I think anyone would feel

1389
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 2: that way, and his reaction seemed completely normal to me.

1390
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 2: That leads me to the questions about whether he receives

1391
01:02:35,920 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 2: any kind of treatment. Yes, when I asked about the medication,

1392
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:42,160
Speaker 2: he said he doesn't take anything, but he does there

1393
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 2: be twice a week. Regarding the switches being constant and

1394
01:02:45,200 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 2: whether he's actually functional with this, I don't think the

1395
01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:50,800
Speaker 2: switching is that frequent, as far as I can tell,

1396
01:02:50,840 --> 01:02:53,800
Speaker 2: I spoke to Paul once and Kevin twice. The rest

1397
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:57,000
Speaker 2: of the time I interacted only with Gareth. I noticed

1398
01:02:57,040 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 2: it more because the differences were very striking, not because

1399
01:03:00,840 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 2: it happened often. I'm not in contact with him all day,

1400
01:03:04,200 --> 01:03:05,919
Speaker 2: only for a few hours a day, so I really

1401
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:09,280
Speaker 2: can't say whether he switches throughout the day. I believe

1402
01:03:09,320 --> 01:03:11,280
Speaker 2: he doesn't because, as I said, he.

1403
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:12,520
Speaker 9: Lives alone and works.

1404
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:14,840
Speaker 2: He likes cooking, and I don't see how it would

1405
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:17,360
Speaker 2: be very feasible to follow a recipe if they forget

1406
01:03:17,400 --> 01:03:21,080
Speaker 2: things when they switch. I don't feel uncomfortable with him

1407
01:03:21,240 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 2: or with the situation, I simply don't understand it. I

1408
01:03:24,000 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 2: would have the same reaction if you told me he

1409
01:03:26,000 --> 01:03:29,800
Speaker 2: was missing a leg, or had an autoimmune disease, or

1410
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 2: anything else that was different and outside of what's normal

1411
01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:35,560
Speaker 2: for me. I would have many questions and would wonder

1412
01:03:35,600 --> 01:03:38,360
Speaker 2: whether it's something I should worry about and what I

1413
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:41,680
Speaker 2: should take into consideration. In shorts, I have doubts, not

1414
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 2: fear about me not knowing much about him and about

1415
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:47,320
Speaker 2: our dates. Yes, I don't know where he lives, and no,

1416
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 2: I don't know any of his family members or friends.

1417
01:03:49,920 --> 01:03:52,560
Speaker 2: But he doesn't know mine either, nor does he know.

1418
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 9: Where I live.

1419
01:03:53,480 --> 01:03:55,920
Speaker 2: In other words, were on equal footing. I do know

1420
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:58,800
Speaker 2: people from his previous workplace. We were introduced, so he

1421
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:02,480
Speaker 2: isn't a complete strain. We've gone out almost every Saturday

1422
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:05,840
Speaker 2: over the past four months. He didn't suddenly stop wanting

1423
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 2: to go out, but he stopped suggesting plans. Before he

1424
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,320
Speaker 2: was the one excited about making plans, and in the

1425
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 2: past month I was the one proposing them. My assumption

1426
01:04:14,840 --> 01:04:16,960
Speaker 2: is that either he was very tired from working in

1427
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 2: person and simply didn't want to leave the house in

1428
01:04:19,480 --> 01:04:21,920
Speaker 2: his free time, or he had already noticed that I

1429
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:26,000
Speaker 2: was finding something strange and wanted to avoid being more exposed.

1430
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,959
Speaker 2: As for him hating himself or having issues with his personalities,

1431
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 2: I can't really say from my perspective. If he has

1432
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:36,880
Speaker 2: a personality that only appears intense situations and has to

1433
01:04:36,920 --> 01:04:39,800
Speaker 2: solve the problems he gets himself into, I think I'd

1434
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:42,920
Speaker 2: be irritated too, Or maybe he was just annoyed because

1435
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:45,040
Speaker 2: there was no information in the notebook.

1436
01:04:45,360 --> 01:04:46,200
Speaker 9: The impression I.

1437
01:04:46,120 --> 01:04:49,800
Speaker 2: Get is that because he has did anything he does

1438
01:04:49,920 --> 01:04:52,200
Speaker 2: is seen in a negative light, even things that are

1439
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 2: perfectly normal. I see him as an intelligent, independent man

1440
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 2: with plans.

1441
01:04:56,120 --> 01:04:56,640
Speaker 9: For the future.

1442
01:04:57,160 --> 01:04:59,880
Speaker 2: He has a degree, which I imagine must have been difficult

1443
01:04:59,880 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 2: to achieve given his condition, and it also explains why

1444
01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:05,680
Speaker 2: he's so reluctant to do a master's degree, even though

1445
01:05:05,960 --> 01:05:08,919
Speaker 2: he says it would be good for his career and

1446
01:05:09,000 --> 01:05:11,800
Speaker 2: he has a job he enjoys. The fact that he

1447
01:05:11,840 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 2: has a disability only makes me think that he must

1448
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:16,000
Speaker 2: have faced more difficulties to get to.

1449
01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 9: Where he is now.

1450
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:19,760
Speaker 2: He says he's functional, and I believe him, especially based

1451
01:05:19,800 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 2: on what I know about him so far. He seems

1452
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:23,920
Speaker 2: to have found a way to function, and I find

1453
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:27,720
Speaker 2: that admirable. He uses the notebook a lot. I'd already

1454
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:30,200
Speaker 2: noticed it during our video calls. Sometimes he would stop

1455
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:32,760
Speaker 2: talking to write things down. I thought it was just

1456
01:05:32,800 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 2: like a notepad where he wrote things he remembered at

1457
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 2: the moment so he wouldn't forget them again something he

1458
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:40,520
Speaker 2: had to do or buy, for example. But this shows

1459
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:43,120
Speaker 2: that he takes seriously what must have been suggested by

1460
01:05:43,160 --> 01:05:46,400
Speaker 2: his psychologists. Some new questions that came up for me

1461
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 2: from the comments were about whether he had reached some

1462
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:53,200
Speaker 2: kind of internal consensus about me. Could he have personalities

1463
01:05:53,200 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 2: that don't like me? Until now, I had been seeing

1464
01:05:55,960 --> 01:05:59,040
Speaker 2: him as one person, just split but still one. But

1465
01:05:59,200 --> 01:06:01,520
Speaker 2: this raises the question of whether I should treat them

1466
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:05,040
Speaker 2: as separate people. Could one personality be interested in someone

1467
01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:07,480
Speaker 2: else and cheat on me? I know I ever think,

1468
01:06:07,600 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 2: but that's how my brain works. I see one thing

1469
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 2: and think of thirty possibilities, both positive and negative.

1470
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:14,720
Speaker 9: Now the actual update.

1471
01:06:15,200 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 2: He didn't talk to me at all today and neither

1472
01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:19,920
Speaker 2: did I, but at the same time he usually calls me,

1473
01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:22,480
Speaker 2: he sent me a message asking whether he could call.

1474
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:25,240
Speaker 2: It was strange at first, as if we had seen

1475
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,760
Speaker 2: something very embarrassing about each other and didn't know how

1476
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:30,920
Speaker 2: to act. There were long periods of silence on both sides.

1477
01:06:31,240 --> 01:06:34,800
Speaker 2: He apologized for not staying to answer my question. I

1478
01:06:34,880 --> 01:06:37,560
Speaker 2: tried to understand what had caused the trigger, because I

1479
01:06:37,640 --> 01:06:41,280
Speaker 2: wasn't irritated and I hadn't been demanding or aggressive. I

1480
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:44,440
Speaker 2: was simply trying to understand, and I had doubts. But

1481
01:06:44,600 --> 01:06:46,920
Speaker 2: he didn't want to go too deeply into it, and

1482
01:06:46,960 --> 01:06:50,160
Speaker 2: I didn't push. I accepted all of the its complicated

1483
01:06:50,160 --> 01:06:52,600
Speaker 2: responses as him not wanting to talk about it, and

1484
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 2: I respected that. Little by little, our conversation became normal again,

1485
01:06:56,560 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: like our previous conversations. The truth is that I didn't

1486
01:06:59,720 --> 01:07:01,680
Speaker 2: want did to be the main topic.

1487
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:02,760
Speaker 9: I wanted us to go.

1488
01:07:02,800 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 2: Back to our routine, and that's what happens. He's getting

1489
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:07,920
Speaker 2: a few friends together at his place on Friday and

1490
01:07:08,000 --> 01:07:10,400
Speaker 2: invited me. He told me to bring some friends as well,

1491
01:07:10,480 --> 01:07:13,800
Speaker 2: so i'd feel safer. Maybe now that I know the secret,

1492
01:07:13,960 --> 01:07:15,240
Speaker 2: he feels safe enough to.

1493
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 9: Be more open. I'm going.

1494
01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:20,200
Speaker 2: I've already asked a friend to come with me. As

1495
01:07:20,240 --> 01:07:21,760
Speaker 2: for whether I'll break up with him or not, I

1496
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:24,280
Speaker 2: still haven't decided. I don't think I have enough information

1497
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:27,000
Speaker 2: to make that decision. Yet there are enough good things

1498
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:29,200
Speaker 2: in our relationship to make me feel I need to

1499
01:07:29,240 --> 01:07:30,520
Speaker 2: take my time to think through it.

1500
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:33,000
Speaker 9: Maybe I should give you a few examples and you

1501
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:36,120
Speaker 9: can better understand the position I'm in. We love examples

1502
01:07:36,160 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 9: over here.

1503
01:07:36,720 --> 01:07:39,280
Speaker 4: I do love a good little example.

1504
01:07:39,800 --> 01:07:41,840
Speaker 2: I have a lot of responsibilities at work, and I

1505
01:07:41,920 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 2: manage a large team. There are weeks when I barely

1506
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,640
Speaker 2: have anything to do. The team is running like a

1507
01:07:46,680 --> 01:07:49,800
Speaker 2: perfectly tuned machine. And then there are a few weeks

1508
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:51,960
Speaker 2: when it feels like no one is working or there's

1509
01:07:52,040 --> 01:07:54,720
Speaker 2: simply too much demand for the team to handle, and

1510
01:07:54,760 --> 01:07:57,920
Speaker 2: I have an overwhelming amount to do. I barely sleep

1511
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:01,120
Speaker 2: and barely eat. Give you an idea. I have someone

1512
01:08:01,160 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 2: who cooks for me. She brings me a plate of

1513
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:06,200
Speaker 2: food while I'm working and has been instructed to come

1514
01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:08,160
Speaker 2: back from time to time to check whether I'm eating,

1515
01:08:08,320 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 2: to remind me to finish my meal because I get

1516
01:08:10,480 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 2: so focused on work.

1517
01:08:11,440 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 9: That I forget.

1518
01:08:12,720 --> 01:08:14,880
Speaker 2: She takes the plate away when the food gets cold,

1519
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,680
Speaker 2: reheats it, and brings it back to me until I

1520
01:08:16,760 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 2: finish eating. Wow, that sounds like a if you can

1521
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:23,960
Speaker 2: afford that, dude, that sounds like a great thing to have, Yeah,

1522
01:08:24,000 --> 01:08:24,559
Speaker 2: in your life.

1523
01:08:24,720 --> 01:08:26,040
Speaker 4: A designated reheater.

1524
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:29,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna make sure I don't get too distracted

1525
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:30,479
Speaker 2: to eat.

1526
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:33,040
Speaker 9: I need that for sure.

1527
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:36,240
Speaker 2: And on the days she doesn't work during these very

1528
01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:39,400
Speaker 2: busy periods, I don't eat anything all day and only

1529
01:08:39,439 --> 01:08:42,040
Speaker 2: eat when I finish work around five to six pm,

1530
01:08:42,200 --> 01:08:45,080
Speaker 2: and that's the only meal I have. That said, it's

1531
01:08:45,120 --> 01:08:47,960
Speaker 2: obvious that our video calls coincided with those periods, and

1532
01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:50,839
Speaker 2: while he in every call was always very well presented,

1533
01:08:51,080 --> 01:08:53,240
Speaker 2: I don't know whether because he got ready for them

1534
01:08:53,360 --> 01:08:55,679
Speaker 2: or simply because his job involved a lot of meetings.

1535
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:59,400
Speaker 2: Many times I wasn't imagine someone who has slept for

1536
01:08:59,439 --> 01:09:01,960
Speaker 2: four hours for several days in a row, got out

1537
01:09:01,960 --> 01:09:04,919
Speaker 2: of bed straight to sit in front of the computer,

1538
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:08,360
Speaker 2: worked all day and barely eaten. In many of those calls,

1539
01:09:08,400 --> 01:09:11,200
Speaker 2: I was disheveled, hadn't even had time to wash my face,

1540
01:09:11,280 --> 01:09:14,240
Speaker 2: and had just stopped working to go and eat, looking

1541
01:09:14,320 --> 01:09:15,599
Speaker 2: and feeling like a zombie.

1542
01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:18,600
Speaker 3: I think my final thought on this would be like

1543
01:09:19,240 --> 01:09:23,280
Speaker 3: kind of exactly what I've already said that like, if

1544
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:25,360
Speaker 3: this was just like someone like a cob or like

1545
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:29,120
Speaker 3: a friend. This is a friendship. It's like, okay, I can,

1546
01:09:29,640 --> 01:09:31,320
Speaker 3: we can, I can do this.

1547
01:09:31,640 --> 01:09:36,280
Speaker 4: That's okay. But in like a relationship, it's just too

1548
01:09:36,520 --> 01:09:37,080
Speaker 4: much for me.

1549
01:09:37,600 --> 01:09:41,280
Speaker 9: Yeah, and person in person, I feel like that's okay.

1550
01:09:41,960 --> 01:09:45,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, not to say that, like anyone with this guy's

1551
01:09:45,560 --> 01:09:50,160
Speaker 3: condition at the level it's at like can't date totally,

1552
01:09:50,360 --> 01:09:53,960
Speaker 3: but like it would be it would require all of

1553
01:09:54,000 --> 01:09:57,120
Speaker 3: that would have to be required upfront, which is.

1554
01:09:57,800 --> 01:10:01,599
Speaker 4: Probably really hard to do. Yeah, but I can't.

1555
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:03,800
Speaker 3: You can't be talking me for like four months and

1556
01:10:03,880 --> 01:10:07,360
Speaker 3: have never told me that you have legitimate split personality,

1557
01:10:07,880 --> 01:10:11,160
Speaker 3: because that's yeah, that's like you're leaving too much off

1558
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:11,719
Speaker 3: the table.

1559
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:14,839
Speaker 9: Yeah, I get you. You know you want to upfront.

1560
01:10:15,160 --> 01:10:17,680
Speaker 4: I would have needed it up front. Yeah, if I

1561
01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:18,639
Speaker 4: was going to make a run.

1562
01:10:18,520 --> 01:10:20,160
Speaker 9: At it, I get you. I get you.

1563
01:10:20,880 --> 01:10:22,360
Speaker 2: There is a little bit more to the story, though.

1564
01:10:23,000 --> 01:10:25,559
Speaker 2: The first time I apologized and explained that I had

1565
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:27,960
Speaker 2: been very busy and simply didn't have the energy to

1566
01:10:28,000 --> 01:10:30,639
Speaker 2: get ready for our call, he didn't mind and didn't

1567
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:33,400
Speaker 2: run away from my mad looking appearance, And that was

1568
01:10:33,520 --> 01:10:36,000
Speaker 2: right at the beginning. In short, I bring things to

1569
01:10:36,040 --> 01:10:38,240
Speaker 2: the table too, and I think we both need to

1570
01:10:38,240 --> 01:10:40,800
Speaker 2: decide whether we can handle each other's baggage. I told

1571
01:10:40,880 --> 01:10:43,960
Speaker 2: him today that I will probably be prejudiced, disrespectful, and

1572
01:10:44,160 --> 01:10:47,839
Speaker 2: unintentionally touch on sensitive topics with my questions and fears,

1573
01:10:48,280 --> 01:10:50,160
Speaker 2: and I asked whether he's willing to deal with that.

1574
01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:52,439
Speaker 2: I don't think it's very pleasant to deal with someone

1575
01:10:52,439 --> 01:10:54,560
Speaker 2: who doesn't know what they're doing this.

1576
01:10:54,960 --> 01:11:01,000
Speaker 3: Honestly, though, part of me is a little suspicious that

1577
01:11:01,000 --> 01:11:02,120
Speaker 3: that's not that.

1578
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:09,120
Speaker 9: He's making it up or something. Whoa, whoa.

1579
01:11:09,160 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 3: I'm just a little sprinkle of suspicion there. I'm just

1580
01:11:15,240 --> 01:11:17,559
Speaker 3: because it's like when you're like, when you're like trying

1581
01:11:17,600 --> 01:11:19,160
Speaker 3: to get more into it, be like, yeah, so, what

1582
01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:20,080
Speaker 3: how is what has it?

1583
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:21,040
Speaker 4: What's what's exactly?

1584
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:22,400
Speaker 5: It's complicated?

1585
01:11:23,120 --> 01:11:25,320
Speaker 3: Well, that's a great way to not explain something you

1586
01:11:25,360 --> 01:11:29,639
Speaker 3: can't explain, right, if you were to not be telling

1587
01:11:29,680 --> 01:11:31,920
Speaker 3: the truth, however, he could be.

1588
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:33,360
Speaker 9: I'm sure someone's faked it.

1589
01:11:33,960 --> 01:11:34,479
Speaker 4: I'm sure.

1590
01:11:34,760 --> 01:11:36,640
Speaker 9: I'm sure there have been people who have faked that.

1591
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:39,200
Speaker 9: Fake it a couple of years ago, did.

1592
01:11:39,080 --> 01:11:42,880
Speaker 3: She I'm sure, but you know it would be it

1593
01:11:42,920 --> 01:11:46,120
Speaker 3: would be a really hard thing to fake convincingly to.

1594
01:11:46,080 --> 01:11:49,160
Speaker 9: Be clear who's doing it so like subtly.

1595
01:11:49,160 --> 01:11:50,559
Speaker 2: I don't think he would have gone through all that

1596
01:11:50,600 --> 01:11:54,000
Speaker 2: trouble of carrying a notebook and stuff and like really

1597
01:11:54,560 --> 01:11:56,479
Speaker 2: really working on it to make it work.

1598
01:11:57,200 --> 01:11:57,559
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1599
01:11:57,600 --> 01:11:59,439
Speaker 3: This could have just been like, uh, you know, a

1600
01:11:59,520 --> 01:12:02,280
Speaker 3: quirky high school lie that's spun out of control for

1601
01:12:02,320 --> 01:12:04,960
Speaker 3: this guy, A you know what I mean.

1602
01:12:05,600 --> 01:12:08,360
Speaker 4: But it also might not. But I don't know.

1603
01:12:09,160 --> 01:12:10,760
Speaker 3: I think at the end of the day, that's the

1604
01:12:10,800 --> 01:12:12,400
Speaker 3: thing that's making me be like, I don't think that

1605
01:12:12,479 --> 01:12:15,040
Speaker 3: this would work because it's like there's not one hundred

1606
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:19,360
Speaker 3: percent like upfrontness and openness with like what it is

1607
01:12:19,479 --> 01:12:22,800
Speaker 3: and how it impacts him and like what affects him

1608
01:12:22,920 --> 01:12:25,080
Speaker 3: like more like I just yeah, there's too much in

1609
01:12:25,120 --> 01:12:25,519
Speaker 3: the dark.

1610
01:12:25,720 --> 01:12:27,960
Speaker 9: I guess you a lot going on in this one.

1611
01:12:28,320 --> 01:12:29,920
Speaker 9: This is the long update I have for now.

1612
01:12:30,080 --> 01:12:32,240
Speaker 2: I may come back on Saturday or Sunday if I

1613
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:34,680
Speaker 2: have anything to add after Friday's get together. I don't

1614
01:12:34,720 --> 01:12:37,679
Speaker 2: think anything relevant will happen before that. In any case,

1615
01:12:37,720 --> 01:12:40,439
Speaker 2: I appreciate any new advice, especially from those who seem

1616
01:12:40,520 --> 01:12:43,400
Speaker 2: to have real experience with people with DID and on

1617
01:12:43,840 --> 01:12:46,639
Speaker 2: whether or not to treat the personalities as separate people.

1618
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:49,280
Speaker 9: And that's the end of that story. Yeah, I mean

1619
01:12:49,320 --> 01:12:50,680
Speaker 9: I think that.

1620
01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:54,280
Speaker 2: Was a really good thing that she said to him,

1621
01:12:54,320 --> 01:12:57,840
Speaker 2: where she was like, you know, I'm probably going to

1622
01:12:57,960 --> 01:13:01,519
Speaker 2: end up being prejudiced or insensitive on accident because I

1623
01:13:01,640 --> 01:13:04,360
Speaker 2: like don't know about it or when I'm trying to

1624
01:13:04,400 --> 01:13:07,519
Speaker 2: ask questions about it, are you willing to deal with that? Like,

1625
01:13:07,680 --> 01:13:11,160
Speaker 2: you know, it's not on purpose, I'm just don't know. So, yes,

1626
01:13:11,320 --> 01:13:12,920
Speaker 2: that that is something that he's going to have to

1627
01:13:13,000 --> 01:13:14,880
Speaker 2: choose too. He might know he wouldn't want to be

1628
01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:17,680
Speaker 2: with someone that doesn't understand or is.

1629
01:13:18,439 --> 01:13:19,479
Speaker 4: Fearful of it, you know.

1630
01:13:19,600 --> 01:13:22,559
Speaker 8: Yeah, and that's the end of this story.