WEBVTT - Drunk Vegas Confessions with Chelsea + Catherine 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:02.800 Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, how are you. 0:00:02.960 --> 0:00:05.920 I'm great, Thank you. I'm been in my worka Oh delightful. 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:08.200 I love it, Simon, It's wonderful. 0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:08.440 I know. 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:13.360 Well, I have an update for us, Chelsea. This is 0:00:13.400 --> 0:00:17.440 from Ali. She called in on our Monica Lewinsky episode 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:19.760 and she was about to have a birthday, but her 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:21.720 father had died when she was very young and kind 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:24.360 of like around her birth Yes, I remember it, yeah, 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:29.280 reminded her. So Ali says, Hi, Chelsea, it's been a 0:00:29.280 --> 0:00:31.159 couple months since I came on to chat with you 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:33.960 both and Monica about grieving my dad while celebrating my 0:00:34.000 --> 0:00:37.600 thirtieth birthday. I took your advice of focusing on celebrating 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.160 him his thirty eight years on this earth and really 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:44.360 finding that distinction between grief and suffering. I'm a recovering 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:47.520 Irish Catholic from Boston, so I love an Irish week 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:50.680 style of celebrating someone who's past. My friends and I 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:53.680 toasted him and welcomed his energy into the birthday weekend, 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.920 and they reminded me that celebrating me inherently includes celebrating him, 0:00:58.120 --> 0:01:01.040 because he brought me here. Thank you for giving us 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:04.399 of quote unquote permission to approach it that way. The 0:01:04.440 --> 0:01:08.160 weekend was joyous and felt revolutionary. I absolutely turned over 0:01:08.200 --> 0:01:10.360 a new leaf, and I'm ever grateful to you for 0:01:10.480 --> 0:01:12.959 your help in that. I cannot believe I forgot to 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:15.160 tell you this, Chelsea, but my dad's favorite activity in 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:18.520 the world was skiing, particularly in Whistler. When he's not 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:20.840 hanging around us in day to day life, that's definitely 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:24.280 where he is. Maybe I know, maybe next year I'll 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:27.400 spend my birthday there. I know many folks right into 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:29.280 the show about grief, so I wanted to also share 0:01:29.280 --> 0:01:32.840 an incredible nonprofit and Power. They provide one on one 0:01:32.840 --> 0:01:35.679 mentorship to children and young adults navigating the loss of 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:38.720 their mothers or fathers. Grief is so many things, and 0:01:38.720 --> 0:01:40.920 our mission is to show children and youth that loss 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:43.680 is survivable. If anyone listening wants to share with a 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:47.040 grieving child or youth they love or has experienced parent 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:49.280 loss at any age and wants to become a mentor, 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:53.040 they can head to we are empower dot org. Thanks 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:55.280 again for your advice and for what you do each week. 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:59.400 Ali, that is so sad, that's so great. That part 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:02.120 is great. That makes me cry thinking about children grieving. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:04.280 They're my parents. I can't even. 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.200 Watch an old season of Master Chef Junior, and one 0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:09.640 of the kids had lost his dad, and it was 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:12.240 kind of amazing to see how he was dealing with it. 0:02:12.320 --> 0:02:14.800 You could tell he had processed it a lot because 0:02:14.800 --> 0:02:17.000 when he talked about it, there was just sort of 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:20.560 like he seemed okay, you know, he seemed like he'd 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:22.320 done the work. And even though he was like an 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.359 eleven or twelve year old. You know, having a kid 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.880 go through therapy and talk about this stuff can be 0:02:27.880 --> 0:02:29.200 really helpful when they lose somebody else. 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:32.040 And also to know how resilient the you know, human 0:02:32.080 --> 0:02:34.760 spirit is like, you don't know how resilient people are 0:02:34.840 --> 0:02:37.760 until you have to be resilient, right, So that's it's 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:40.200 so hard to teach that to someone like you're going 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:44.040 to survive almost anything that happens emotionally or you know, 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:47.119 or any losses, like you're going to go on. It's 0:02:47.120 --> 0:02:49.400 a hard concept, especially when you're a child. Your world 0:02:49.440 --> 0:02:52.000 is even smaller right than it is as an adult. 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.960 You don't even think about all the moving parts that 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:56.360 are happening totally. 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:59.120 So thank you Ali for updating us. And I'll make 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:01.959 sure that this empower is in the show notes, so 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:03.560 if anybody wants to check that out, there will be 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:04.079 a link there. 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:08.600 So I missed Doug. I miss Doug so hard. It's 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:09.240 just at home. 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:09.919 I know. 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:11.799 I didn't want to bring him to Spain because he's 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:14.240 gonna be so fucking hot here, but now it's not 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:18.400 that hot, and now I'm like, fuck, I can he 0:03:18.480 --> 0:03:21.880 take a flat without me? Just get his own private chat? 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:23.520 I diaged that once with a dog. I s flew 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:26.359 him privately without me. Oh no, which was really stupid. 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:27.960 I don't do things like that anymore. 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:31.280 Doug will be amazing and you'll just have to reconnect 0:03:31.280 --> 0:03:33.040 with him and separate him from Mabel. 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:33.519 Yeah. 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.320 I know she went to a FaceTime with me. 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:37.280 Yes, here's your mother. 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:40.000 She's like, oh, sorry, we fell asleep. I'm like, I 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.560 bet you did. I also believe she gives him CBD 0:03:42.640 --> 0:03:45.320 because he's so oh, he's so calm when I come 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:48.840 back from being away. Yeah, and I know she's up 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:50.680 to something, you know, because she doesn't want to deal 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:53.960 with his lunacy. And I saw the CBD and I 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:55.680 was like, who is that for? And she's like, oh, 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:58.200 if we're doug sometimes I'll make sometimes or all the 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:01.680 time like are you she's All of my dogs have 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:04.280 been drugged. And this is just another example of how 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:05.200 it happens. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:06.920 You know what my aunt used to do with my 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:10.400 nephew who's like very hyper, when she would take care 0:04:10.440 --> 0:04:12.480 of him, instead of like, you know, giving him a 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:15.240 CBD or something, she would say, hey, let's have a 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:17.480 cup of tea together at the beginning of their time together, 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:19.400 and she would give him sleepy time tea and then 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:20.760 he was like totally manageable. 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.080 Oh yeah, yeah, I. 0:04:23.000 --> 0:04:25.200 Mean sleepy time tea and like an eleven year old boy, 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:26.240 it's a matchmain heat. 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:26.520 Yeah. 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:29.400 Melatonin is good for kids too. My friends are always 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:33.359 slipping their kids melatonin. I mean only the good parents, 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:36.479 though I would make them snort melatonin if I had children. 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:40.320 Oh my gosh. Okay, well, should we get into questions jelse? 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:43.960 Yes, please, let's move it. Let's move it along, let's 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.760 do it. Today's a solo episode. That means Catherine and 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:47.920 I are here alone. 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:49.880 Yes, full of our own resources only. 0:04:50.040 --> 0:04:52.640 Yeah, that means they could take more callers. Oh, by 0:04:52.680 --> 0:04:55.480 the way, tell our audience about the many episodes that 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:57.680 we're doing. We're adding ten minute minisodes. 0:04:57.800 --> 0:04:59.800 They'll come out every other week, and it's. 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:03.080 Gonna be different. It's gonna be counseling from me with 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:06.440 a group of people or a couple like friends, sisters, 0:05:06.880 --> 0:05:10.839 people in a relationship. I'm going to counsel them and 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:13.240 we're gonna break them into little ten minute episodes. So 0:05:13.279 --> 0:05:16.120 that's gonna be great. I can't fucking wait. It's gonna 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:18.360 be So we're not gonna I mean, I want people 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:20.960 to bring really stupid problems to me. So if you're 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:24.400 in a relationship and it's not a serious issue, if 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.679 it's your friend, or if it's your with your mother 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:31.680 or your sister or your lover, and you want you 0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:34.080 have something really stupid that you want to bring. Please, 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:37.520 this is our reprieve from the seriousness of the show. 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:39.719 We want to get I want to get silly. 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:42.520 Yeah, these minisos are going to be perfect for like 0:05:42.800 --> 0:05:45.200 if you have that argument with your spouse or with 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:47.800 your best friend that you like just need a tiebreaker on, 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:50.640 like who is right here? Chelsea is the person who. 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:52.200 Can to help? Yeah, I love that shit, guys. 0:05:52.240 --> 0:05:55.800 Yeah, so right in and I actually have on our 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:59.839 next couple solo episodes. I have two couples calling in. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:04.039 Oh I love finally fly. Oh my god, this is 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.840 exactly what I've been wanting. I've manifested it exactly. 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:08.880 You know, what happens a lot of the time is 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:10.760 a person will be like, I'm going to get my 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:12.960 husband to come on and talk about this with me, 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:15.719 and the person who wants to call into a podcast 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:18.400 inevitably marries the type of person who would never do 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:20.839 such a thing. So then they come back to me 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:23.520 and they're like, just kidding, forget ever emailed you, forget 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.640 my name, But today we have one and it's very, 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:28.880 very exciting. Actually, should we take a little break. 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:32.919 Okay, let's take a break first. 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:37.440 This week, we're looking for a relationship advice. If you're 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:39.760 having a problem in your relationship, want to know how 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:42.159 to do better, or need Chelsea to weigh in on 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.560 whether you're right about something. Right into Dear Chelsea podcast 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:49.680 at gmail dot com. Okay, we're back. We're back with Savannah. 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:53.280 Savannah says Dear Chelsea. I'm a thirty one year old 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:55.640 woman living in the Midwest, and I've had the craziest 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:58.159 three hundred and sixty five days of my life. I 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:00.640 went into rehab in July of twenty twenty three, and 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:03.800 I'm just over a month out of rehab, intensive inpatient, 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:06.760 and then out patient in that order. I'm just about 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:10.080 to get my first year of sobriety. I'm reacclimating to 0:07:10.080 --> 0:07:12.360 the world, and I'm figuring out where my story fits 0:07:12.400 --> 0:07:12.800 in my day. 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:13.160 Today. 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:15.720 I'm currently on the job hunt and I'm having anxiety 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:18.840 over how to address the year ish gap in my resume. 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:21.320 I work in marketing and have grown to love it, 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:23.720 mostly excluding the fifteen percent of the job that is 0:07:23.760 --> 0:07:26.760 crazy stressful but chock full of adrenaline. I know I'm 0:07:26.800 --> 0:07:28.520 good at my job and it's pretty much all I 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.080 know professionally, so switching careers is out of the question. 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:33.960 So as I begin to coordinate interviews, I'm wondering what 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:35.960 the fuck to say in my interviews about the gap 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:39.480 in my resume aka rehab. I've played with the idea 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.760 of semi fibbing and saying I was taken care of 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.280 a loved one to just being straight up honest about 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:47.120 going to rehab. I know I can hide behind hippa, 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.960 and I'm conflicted about what to say during the interview process. 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:52.320 Am I going to be met with a negative bias 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:55.240 and be dismissed because rehab could be a misinterpretation of 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:58.000 my character or my worth ethic? Or should I just 0:07:58.040 --> 0:07:59.840 be honest and leave it up to fate and hope 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:02.880 that my interviewers will be understanding. I want to be 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.000 honest and I don't mind talking about it, but I 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.480 also want a job, Savannah. 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:08.640 Can't you just say you were traveling for a year, 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.120 that you took a year sabbatical. There's no reason to 0:08:11.120 --> 0:08:13.640 tell them rehaby because people are fucking stupid. I would 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:16.240 hire somebody because they went to rehab. I'd be like, 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:17.920 oh great, completely, so I can. 0:08:17.880 --> 0:08:20.120 Yeah, I think there's no reason to give them any 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:23.320 reason to doubt you in the interview process. And like, 0:08:23.320 --> 0:08:25.480 like Chelsea said, a lot of people just like can't 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:26.760 get it together, and. 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:28.200 Taking care of a loved one is a good one 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:29.880 because that obviously makes you look good. 0:08:30.000 --> 0:08:32.959 Exactly, and you can even specifically say you can say 0:08:33.000 --> 0:08:35.200 I was caring for someone who was ill, that someone 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:38.280 was you. Let's straight up the truth. And also, you know, 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:40.400 I don't think a gap on a resume matters quite 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:41.400 as much as it used to. 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.640 Does it not as resume world? So I don't really 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.319 know what is going on out there in the business 0:08:47.320 --> 0:08:51.120 world because I'm not a business woman. You are, you know, 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:53.120 you're a I'm a different kind of businesswoman. 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:54.680 You have IMDb in that arrest. 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:56.959 I like the word two to four hours a week 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:58.000 and that is it. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.199 And we make it work. So I think they or 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.880 less than they used to, especially like pre pandemic and stuff. 0:09:03.120 --> 0:09:05.679 But another good trick for this too is rather than 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:08.360 saying like I worked here from like January twenty twenty 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:12.320 one to like June twenty twenty three, just use years 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:14.880 I was here from twenty twenty one to twenty twenty three. 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:17.520 We're barely into twenty twenty four, so then you only 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:21.120 have a you know, few months gap on your resume. 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:23.400 And I think if they do, if they do ask 0:09:23.520 --> 0:09:26.600 good advice, Yeah, you just say you took some personal time, 0:09:26.720 --> 0:09:28.440 or you say I was caring for someone who was ill, 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:29.520 and I think you leave it at that. 0:09:29.600 --> 0:09:31.319 Yeah, I don't think. I think if you say caring 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:33.400 for someone who was ill, you're not going to get 0:09:33.400 --> 0:09:34.840 one and more question about it. 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:37.840 Yeah, because they're really not supposed to be like so 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:40.240 how's your mom doing with that? You know, whatever? Does theseanse? 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:42.400 Well, obviously, if you were caring for someone that was 0:09:42.440 --> 0:09:46.240 ill for that period of time, they're probably dead, So 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:51.800 there's a dead end er conversation, exactly. Perfect. 0:09:52.360 --> 0:09:54.079 Yeah, and then if you just change the subject right 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:56.640 after that, I think approach it with confidence and boys 0:09:56.760 --> 0:09:58.840 and like move on after that, I think you'll be 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:02.360 just fine. And also like congratulations and good work. 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:03.000 Yeah. 0:10:03.200 --> 0:10:05.520 Yeah, we love rehabit. We love when it sticks. Right 0:10:05.679 --> 0:10:06.080 mm hmm. 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:08.439 It works if you work it works if you work it. 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.000 I do not work it. I've been smoking a ton 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:13.320 of marijuana lately, actually smoking he or have you been 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:15.960 doing I've been smoking it because my doctor gave me 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:18.960 these pills for my throat, so it doesn't bother me anymore. 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:22.280 I know I'm on a bender right now with marijuana. 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:24.920 I just need it, Like I'm like, oh, where's a joint? Okay, 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:27.920 let's well, because of my kids, you know, I'm around 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:30.160 the kids, so I can't be soberdoing. 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:33.319 That right right. Well, our next question comes from Emma. 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:37.120 It's kind of a tricky one. She is thirty five. 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:41.000 Emma says, your Chelsea, my fiance and I are getting 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.840 married in September of this year. A couple of years ago, 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.080 his mother had a stroke and started needing round the 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:48.680 clock care, mostly provided by his eighty year old father, 0:10:48.760 --> 0:10:51.520 as we live three hours away. A few weeks after 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:54.200 visiting to do our engagement photos, we received the most 0:10:54.240 --> 0:10:58.200 earth shattering call. My fiance's father had died by suicide 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:00.920 and was found in the house. His mother immediately had 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.840 to go into long term care. We're so filled with 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:06.640 grief and stress, having just bought a house and planning 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:09.320 a wedding, Driving back and forth to tackle things, it's 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:14.360 so overwhelming. Life just truly feels irrevocably changed. I'm grateful 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:17.439 to feel sure about marrying my fiancee, but our relationship 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.280 has been rocked and the cracks are definitely there. We 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.800 have so much to figure out, with the estate emptying, 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.640 their packed house, selling everything, and now taking care of 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:29.160 their very, very loud dog. I miss our lives, and 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:31.520 while I'm trying my best to be a fully supportive partner, 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.800 I feel myself failing daily. My fiance is doing the 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.080 best he can, but I miss his level of engagement 0:11:37.120 --> 0:11:39.320 in our relationship and life. And while I know I 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:42.319 need to give him grace. It's difficult day today. There 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.680 are things I was already sad about during wedding planning 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:47.360 as I lost my mom ten years ago. Overall, I 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:49.800 feel like the focus is the horrible situation we're in 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:52.199 rather than being a happy time, and my feelings are 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.959 lost in all of it. I'm in therapy working through 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:57.040 forgiveness and letting go of anger, but it's so hard 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.000 not to feel like our wedding will forever be linked 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:03.800 to this horrific time in our lives. Thanks Emma, Hi, Emma, Hi, Chelsey, 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:04.280 how are you? 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:07.800 Oh? Wow, that was very moving your story. 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.520 Yeah, lots of stuff this year, a lot of things 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:15.080 we're trying to kind of move through while also enjoying ourselves. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.200 Right, can you tell me where you are, like with 0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:19.679 your wedding planning with all the you know, emptying out 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:20.360 the house now. 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:24.800 Yeah, so we're pretty much everything is set. We're just 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.560 kind of in those last few months of figuring out 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:32.040 like little stuff. So everything is you know, moving ahead, 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:35.240 is planned, and he unfortunately was going to be our 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:37.560 efficient Bob's dad, so we ended up finding a new 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:40.000 efficient and all of that. So we're in a good 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:42.840 spot with all that, and honestly, Bob and I are 0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:45.360 in a really good spot too as a couple. It's 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:50.679 just that it's very hard to not associate these two things, 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:55.080 and especially our wedding will be near the end of September. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.880 This event will be, you know, just a few weeks 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:01.199 after it, like the first your anniversary will be a 0:13:01.240 --> 0:13:03.160 few weeks after it, So it's kind of hard not 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:05.040 to have those two things tied together. 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.679 So are you and your fiance like communicating about how 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:10.200 you're dealing with all of this stuff. 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:11.880 Yeah, we are. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:16.760 I'm definitely more communicative and a lot more open about 0:13:16.800 --> 0:13:18.520 how I'm feeling day to day. 0:13:19.400 --> 0:13:23.400 He I think to get through things. 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:26.120 I think he shuts down a little bit and isn't 0:13:26.480 --> 0:13:28.520 not that he needs to like lean into the feelings 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:31.600 of everything that's going on, but I think that sometimes 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:33.640 it's easier, especially with going to work, he just kind 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:35.720 of shuts it down a little bit. So I just 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:39.000 worry about him a lot that you know that this 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:42.920 is a really big thing, an event that's happened in 0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:46.679 both of our lives, but definitely in his life, So 0:13:46.760 --> 0:13:49.520 I just worry, like where that will bubble up, right, 0:13:49.640 --> 0:13:51.000 you know, in the future. 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:53.920 Can you would he be open to talking to a therapist? 0:13:54.200 --> 0:13:57.280 So he does, he does see somebody, not I think 0:13:57.360 --> 0:14:00.360 like I think he wants to see somebody more in 0:14:00.360 --> 0:14:03.400 the future, but he does talk to somebody yet. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:05.360 Yeah, Like it sounds like what you guys really need 0:14:05.400 --> 0:14:07.360 to do in this moment. It's a period of time 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.040 in your life that wasn't planned, so it's a little 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.000 bit difficult and harry, but in this moment you need 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:16.400 to double down on like talking and being communicative with 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:18.600 each other, even when he doesn't want to be. You 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:21.120 have to be like, listen, this is this We're going 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.480 to go through this together. Like this, I'm having a 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.480 really difficult time on certain days and certain days you're 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.680 doing better. It sounds like, but we have to be 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:32.960 helping each other get through this time because obviously this 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:35.680 is trauma and you I am going to you know, 0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.440 insist that you are talking to somebody on a more 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:41.600 regular basis. For him, he needs to talk to someone 0:14:41.680 --> 0:14:45.240 on a regular basis during this time because what you said, 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:47.480 where where is it going to bubble up later? Like 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:49.960 it is going to bubble up later, So you have 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:52.640 to in the moment you're in, like really double down 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:55.600 on both of your therapists and talking to each other 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:59.120 about what's happening and taking each day at a time. Yes, 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:01.200 this wasn't what you pla. But what is a way 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:04.280 to differentiate your wedding day from the anniversary of his death? 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:04.640 Yeah? 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:06.800 Why not make that a celebration of him? You know, 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:09.040 why does it have to be the anniversary of his death. 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.280 Why can't it be a celebration of his life? Why 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:13.640 can't it be an extension of your wedding anniversary in 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:15.960 some regard, like maybe you can tie those two events 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:18.720 together in a positive way rather than looking at it 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:20.240 in the way that you're looking at it because it 0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:23.240 just happened, so I understand, but you can adjust your 0:15:23.280 --> 0:15:27.240 framework on that and have a better way forward, and 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:30.400 also sharing that with your fiance, Like I'm thinking about 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:33.200 these things. This is how I think we can make 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.880 peace with this. I mean, obviously it's very early on, 0:15:36.040 --> 0:15:39.080 but that's why talking is so important, because things get 0:15:39.120 --> 0:15:41.840 so built up. There's resentments. You don't know what people 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.680 are dealing with on their own, you know for sure. 0:15:44.800 --> 0:15:46.600 And I think that's one of my biggest fears too, 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:49.000 is that because I would say my emotions are a 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.280 little bit louder than his is. Make like, again, even 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.760 though this is something that you know, we're going through 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:57.080 together and I'm going through, I don't want to take 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.840 away the fact that this is something that he's going 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:03.280 through with his parent and his other parent. We're kind 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:06.560 of on a knife's edge too with her care and 0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:08.400 when we might lose her. It is kind of like 0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:11.520 that we're kind of just like on this edge through 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.920 this whole next few months of oh is she gonna 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:15.440 make it? You know, So it's hard not to be 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:18.480 in that like constant kind of fear stress stat of, yeah, 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:20.520 are we going to be going through another loss in 0:16:20.560 --> 0:16:22.160 the next few months that we're going to have to 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:24.120 deal with, And you know, there's a lot of selfish 0:16:24.120 --> 0:16:25.920 feelings of like, oh, please don't. 0:16:25.760 --> 0:16:27.400 Let anything happen by then. 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.280 But also we don't know if she's even going to 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:31.800 be in a state where she can come, so you know, 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:33.920 it's hard to reconcile out of that. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:36.440 Yeah, but those things are important to talk about. But 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:38.320 you know what I mean, when you're you know for sure, 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:40.240 all of that stuff is really important and it will 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.920 bring you guys closer. And when I say you don't 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:44.400 know what the other person is thinking, Like he could 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:47.640 be resentful of his parents for pulling this shit at 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.560 the most important moment in his time. He could be 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:52.120 resentful of you for some some weird reason, Like that's 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:54.480 why it's so important for him to talk, because you 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.200 don't want that to fester. Whatever his reaction to their 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:57.640 death is. 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:02.040 Absolutely you know, we haven't really approach the topic of 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:05.479 because I have anger towards his dad that like he doesn't. 0:17:05.560 --> 0:17:08.360 You know, I have so much empathy for that he 0:17:08.480 --> 0:17:12.040 was in this position and this was where he ultimately, 0:17:12.400 --> 0:17:15.000 you know, his path led him to so I you know, 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:18.800 I loved this person, but I also still have a 0:17:18.840 --> 0:17:22.000 lot of anger about the situation, and he hasn't really 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.840 gotten into that. Like he at least does not expressed 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:27.800 that he has any anger that this happened. 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:29.520 So that's hard. 0:17:29.720 --> 0:17:32.560 Like I think he's very very protective of his dad, 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:36.360 and I understand that, but also it's like trying to 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:37.240 make sure he knows that. 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:39.520 There's space to be angry about it, and that's okay. 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:42.280 Everything that is going to come up for him is 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.480