WEBVTT - Small Victories 0:00:01.920 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine Down with Janne Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:11.920 I just got a funny text message from my lawyer. Um, actually, 0:00:12.400 --> 0:00:13.840 well actually East and I would love for you to 0:00:13.880 --> 0:00:19.200 come on on this, uh this topic. Um. Like I said, 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:22.239 it's this has not been easy at all. But my 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.000 lawyer goes, well, that's one way to do it. And 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:29.680 there was an article like Janna Kramer poses topless after 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:33.400 following divorce. He goes, well, that's one way to approach it. 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:39.440 It was like the timing could not have been worse. 0:00:40.479 --> 0:00:45.839 Do you know what I mean for this to happen. Yeah, yeah, 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.159 I mean I can see it. I can see it 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:52.839 from that perspective. I mean, but then also like my 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:55.120 other girlfriends are like, well, like when you're ready, and 0:00:55.200 --> 0:01:00.880 I'm just like I like, oh my gosh. Um. I 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:03.720 mean I even my doctor and I joke about it. 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:06.160 He's like, well, I gave you a great divorce body, 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:08.160 and I'm like, well, that's not like why I want like, 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:15.520 oh my god. Um, but no, I'm the I I 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:19.959 don't know. It's something in a weird way. It's kind 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:21.920 of like, well that's kind of cool because I was 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:26.119 always embarrassed, you know, So now if if and when 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:29.800 I venture out onto the scene, I might have a 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:33.520 little bit more you know confidence. I guess, I don't know. 0:01:34.760 --> 0:01:37.920 I saw the picture. I shot it alike, I double tapped, 0:01:39.520 --> 0:01:43.080 just as as your co worker, as a as you're 0:01:43.200 --> 0:01:47.880 just you look great, just very I'm looking very respectfully. 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:50.520 Just wanted to bring that home. I just, honestly, I 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:55.800 just I wanted to do it because look, either way, 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:59.520 either if I had my you know, the mom boobs 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:04.440 or you know the implants, I want to feel and 0:02:04.480 --> 0:02:06.720 I want people to feel good no matter what, like 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:11.360 however that looks, however that makes you feel. And truly, 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:14.000 I was just doing it for myself because I just 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.880 I don't know, I just I really wanted. Um, it's 0:02:18.880 --> 0:02:20.799 something that I wanted for me, and I think it's 0:02:20.919 --> 0:02:22.160 you know, a lot of people like you should just 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:24.560 be proud of the body that you have, regardless, and 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:26.200 I was, like, I am very proud of it. But 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:29.960 I also like I wanted to do something for me 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:31.839 as well, And I think that's okay to be able 0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:34.280 to do something for yourself. Just like I work out, 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:35.880 I work out for myself. I don't work out for 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:38.160 anyone else. I don't work out to like, you know, 0:02:38.760 --> 0:02:40.960 compete with this person's legs or do this, like I 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:42.400 work out because I want to work out. And that's 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:43.920 kind of the same thing that I felt like with 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:47.320 getting the breast augmentation. I was like, okay, like I 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:50.720 want this for me, not for my then X or 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:55.280 the next guy. I don't know, so even weird, like 0:02:55.320 --> 0:02:58.400 thinking about that Jesus. Yeah. No, that's something my wife 0:02:58.480 --> 0:03:00.639 talks about all the time. Is because there's a lot 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:02.840 of like weird dudes that are always like, why do 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:06.080 women do you know, get their boottox and stuff? But 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.480 it's not about that. It's about what, like what you 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.200 want and how you want to look. It's your body. 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:15.079 It's uh, you know, it's I don't know, I just 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:17.560 don't see any problem with it if that's what if 0:03:17.600 --> 0:03:19.960 that's what someone wants to do. Yeah, I agree, and 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.320 I think it's I think right now though, and I 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:24.799 love that we're in the age of you know, loving 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:26.360 your body for the way that it is. But I 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.440 also think it's okay if the person wants to work 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:32.200 out a ton, or if the person wants to you know, 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:35.080 get fake boobs, are gonna knows, like whatever it is, 0:03:35.160 --> 0:03:37.480 to make yourself feel better. I think that's like I 0:03:37.520 --> 0:03:41.560 just want, I wish. And I've been so thankful for 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:44.880 the people on Instagram because I think people are just 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:47.560 wanting to celebrate people for whatever they want to do. 0:03:47.840 --> 0:03:50.840 And I love that. It's exactly great. You want to 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:52.400 get a boob job, get a boob job, you want 0:03:52.440 --> 0:03:55.320 to know, like whatever you don't awesome, like whatever makes 0:03:55.400 --> 0:03:58.560 you happy at the end of the day. But I 0:03:58.600 --> 0:04:02.600 have a little confession to make, um because a lot 0:04:02.640 --> 0:04:04.600 of people on here, well, no, it's not that jezy, 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:11.440 it's like a good, healthy, juicy Um, I'm ready. I 0:04:12.360 --> 0:04:15.440 talked a lot about this on this podcast about anxiety, 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:18.560 Like I've suffered from anxiety for a very very long time, 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:22.240 and I I would always wake up, and I know 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:23.760 I've said this on here. I'd always wake up at 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.840 three o'clock in the morning and have like the worst 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.279 anxiety ever. And that came from the PTSD of my 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:35.400 first abusive relationship. And when you know, Mike and I, 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:37.600 even though it's not final, but divorce, just say divorced, 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:41.280 like broke up, divorce, whatever. Um. My biggest fear is has, 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:44.799 has and always will be. I don't want to be alone, 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:49.040 Like I'm afraid of being alone. And like even before Mike, 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:52.719 like I was always like afraid of being alone, and 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:56.000 so I would even have like my girlfriend Pamelin, who 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.359 came on here um a few weeks ago as a guest, 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:00.600 and I was like, hey, girl, can you just leave 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:02.279 your phone on? Because this is like this is going 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:04.120 to be the hardest season for me. Is because I 0:05:04.160 --> 0:05:06.479 struggle with being alone. I don't like it. I wake 0:05:06.560 --> 0:05:11.120 up with anxiety and I gotta tell you, so, I 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:12.880 still wake up in the middle of the night, but 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:17.360 I don't have anxiety anymore, I know. And I told 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.719 my therapist. I just got the phone with her and 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.039 I was telling her and I was like, it's the 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:23.160 craziest thing. I'm like, usually like and I just got 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:26.600 back from NAPA for you know, for my one brick wines, 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:29.720 and I was like, usually I have anxiety when I travel, 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:31.880 I have anxiety when I do this or like that. 0:05:31.960 --> 0:05:35.719 And I'm like, since exiting this relationship, I don't have 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:38.080 any more anxiety. Like I'm sure it's maybe there, but 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.640 like not it would have. It's just the craziest thing. 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.880 And She's like because and she was saying She's like, 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:46.800 because you had so much fear and doubt and it 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:49.440 was just dragging you under that now that it's not 0:05:49.920 --> 0:05:52.080 you don't have to hold any of that anymore. It's like, 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.719 you don't you don't realize the stuff that your body 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:58.640 is going through when you're in that heaviness of of 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:01.760 everything going on. And it was like, it's been like 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:06.000 the craziest revelation, Like holy crap, like what was holding 0:06:07.240 --> 0:06:09.960 holding me down? And I was and it's it's like 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:13.599 I genuinely like almost started crying last night because I 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:15.359 was like, I don't have any anxiety and this is 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:18.400 it's just weird. It's like so I just I wanted 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.240 to say that because I think when people go through 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.560 hard times because I'm I'm still like in the thick 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.159 of it, I still have you know, still crying in 0:06:26.200 --> 0:06:28.840 the car and you know, crying at night. But I 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:31.440 think it's important to celebrate little victories. And that's been 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.440 and to me, that's a huge victory to feel that 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:38.520 wait of anxiety lifted off of me. That's something that 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:40.440 I've dealt with my entire life, and it was the 0:06:40.480 --> 0:06:42.839 worst when I was in the relationship with Mike. It 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:44.960 just was. I mean, I I would have the worst 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:48.800 panic attacks and now it's like when I usually would 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:51.200 it's I don't know, it's so it's I don't know. 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:54.039 I just want to like tell people that, you know what, 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:58.840 sometimes you might not even realize what's dragging you under 0:06:58.920 --> 0:07:02.680 until you're out that And it's one of those things 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:05.839 that because I'm sure, like I mean, so much second 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:08.280 guessing with with something like this, you know, but but 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:09.960 when something like this happens, you have that kind of 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.000 revelations like Okay, I'm on the right path, I'm doing 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:14.440 the right thing. Yeah, it's yeah, totally. It's a kind 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:17.200 of reassurance like, Okay, there was definitely something that must 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:21.360 have been it was obviously triggering me, although like all 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.960 the heaviness and the stuff and the doubt and the fear, 0:07:24.040 --> 0:07:28.080 like obviously that was causing my anxiety to be really bad. 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:31.040 And so the fact that it's literally gone and I 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.880 don't have like that anymore just kind of shows you, like, Okay, 0:07:34.920 --> 0:07:36.800 this is this was the right step and I am 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:41.080 getting I'm I feel healthier, and I think it's you know, 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:43.800 that's why I wanted to share it because there's so 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:46.720 many people that have deemed me and they're like how, 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:48.440 like how did you? Like, I'm stuck and I don't 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:50.760 know how to get out, and it's and I did 0:07:50.840 --> 0:07:53.400 not feel this on day one. Day one, I was 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:56.840 literally on the ground having a panic attack. I told 0:07:56.840 --> 0:07:58.680 my best friend Catherine, who slept over. I was like, 0:07:58.760 --> 0:08:00.720 I can't take my kids to school. She's like, yes, 0:08:00.760 --> 0:08:02.840 you can. You need to get up, and I was like, no, 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:04.400 I'm gonna have a panic attack, Like I'm gonna like 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.080 She's like, you need to get up and do it. 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:08.960 Stop saying you're not. She's like, I'm gonna tough love 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.320 you right now. She's like I will stay here until 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:12.800 your house till you get back, but like you are 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.600 taking your kids to school. You're getting off of the floor. 0:08:16.800 --> 0:08:19.440 And I'm so thankful she did that because if not, 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:23.320 I probably would have stayed in that anxious state and 0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:25.160 then like, oh, I can't do that because I'm too afraid. 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:27.840 Now it's like no, like I'm doing it and now 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:30.320 nothing's holding me back and I'm not waking up in 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:33.160 the middle of night. So I'm like, little teeny victories. 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:36.839 I need to celebrate. It makes me so happy. I'm 0:08:36.880 --> 0:08:42.400 just and everyone listening you like you'll, I hope hopefully 0:08:42.400 --> 0:08:44.840 you guys feel those and celebrate the little victories along 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:50.480 the way, because it's important to know how far you 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.959 will come when you go through anything, whether it's a 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:55.640 job loss, whether it's you know, relationship ending, like, whether 0:08:55.679 --> 0:09:01.040 it's it's like just baby steps, and celebrate, celebrate those 0:09:01.080 --> 0:09:03.200 moments that you have a little bit of peace and 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:08.559 a little less anxiety. Uh. So today I'm excited because 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:12.480 I have a guest co host and he is someone 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:18.040 that I semi worked with. UM. We were on a 0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:22.320 little dancing show together, and he's kind of been in 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:25.520 and out of the tabloids recently, so UM pumped to 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:28.320 co host with him, and I will bring him on 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:44.760 the show UM after the break. Okay, So I am 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:48.959 so honored to have um a guest co host today 0:09:49.000 --> 0:09:51.360 and that would be none other than the one and 0:09:51.440 --> 0:10:03.480 only Kio. What's it? Yes? There are you? Yeah? Yeah, 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:07.000 I'm complained. How are you doing? You know that's a 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:11.839 loaded question, but today I'm really good. I'm I'm happy. UM, 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:15.920 I'm feeling light and UM you know, yeah, I'm just 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:17.520 I'm happy to be here with you. So thanks for 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:19.400 coming on. Wine down and co hosting with me. I 0:10:19.440 --> 0:10:23.600 really appreciate it. So for those of you um listening, 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:30.080 Kio is one of the amazing professional dancers on Dancing 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:34.120 with the Stars. And I had the privilege of being 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:39.160 able to meet Kyo on my season, and I will 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:47.320 say this, you were by far the nicest, friendliest, most 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:52.720 welcoming pro on the show. And it just well, and 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:56.840 I think you because you were you pro that season. 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:00.560 I think it was the next year, but like I 0:11:00.600 --> 0:11:03.200 just remember like we because we had like dance together, 0:11:03.440 --> 0:11:05.280 or like you were helping, like you were just like 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:10.280 so nice, and I just I just I always appreciated 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:14.720 like your kindness. So yeah, because I felt like I 0:11:14.760 --> 0:11:17.280 always feel like Dancing with the Stars such a family. 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:20.800 So who ever comes into the family, I always say, 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.040 all the celebs coming into the season, it's like they 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:27.720 come into our Christmas dinner every night, you know. So 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:29.920 it's like you want to make people feel at home, 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:32.640 you know, because we all make Dancing with the Star, 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:36.320 the celebs, the pros, the producers, like we all make 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.640 the show. So I feel I feel like we need 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.199 to make you guys feel at home and comfortable. Whatever 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.040 you need, we got you. You know. That's why they 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:46.480 say the pros are like, you know everything pretty much. 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:51.080 You know. So you when did you start dancing? I 0:11:51.080 --> 0:11:54.760 started dancing when I was five years old, and I 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:57.320 thought it was bom dancing. So I've been doing that since. 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:00.960 And where did your were you in in South Africa 0:12:01.120 --> 0:12:04.160 then or South Africa? When did you move to the States. 0:12:05.200 --> 0:12:09.680 I moved to the state twenty two thousand and twelve, 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:12.400 and I went to Florida at first, because I did 0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:15.520 I did a show called burned the Floor for yeah 0:12:15.800 --> 0:12:19.800 in Campa Florida, Bush Guidence, Oh my god. And then 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.559 I traveled them around the world. And then twenty fourteen 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:28.680 I came on Dancing Starts in August. That's awesome. Nine. 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:31.880 So how did you What was it like for you, 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:34.320 you know, living in South Africa being a five year 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:39.480 old and wanting to do ballroom dancing. Well, it didn't 0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.959 start with me just going to ballroom dancing. I think 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:45.520 I just grew up watching Michael Jackson a lot. And 0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:47.720 there was a show in so that we're called the Summit. 0:12:48.800 --> 0:12:53.880 The Summit followed Top Ballroom Cup bo Room Dancer Couples. Yeah, 0:12:53.920 --> 0:12:55.800 in South Africa. So I used to watch it on 0:12:55.920 --> 0:12:58.840 tiv I just fell in love with like music and dance, 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:01.760 and like see Michael Jackson dance all the time, and 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.480 I was like, man, I can do this, you know. 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:07.840 And yeah, and then I just fell in love with 0:13:07.840 --> 0:13:10.800 with dancing. I remember playing soccer with all my friends 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.720 is like, bro, listen, dancing. I mean, soccer is not 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:15.680 for you. I mean, you can play soccer, but it's 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.160 not for you for sure. I'm gonna take you somewhere. 0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:21.720 So he took me where my house is like houses 0:13:21.840 --> 0:13:25.800 down there's a lady who started at dance school. And 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.360 then he took me there and I remember walking in. 0:13:28.440 --> 0:13:32.040 I was like, this is gonna be fun. Saw like 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.559 the guys dakes me the girls, and I was like, yeah, 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:37.240 this is gonna be fun. This is why I want 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:40.640 to be And he did it for the girls. No, no, no, 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.280 it doesn't surprise me that much because you are one 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:53.440 of the best flirts out there. So no, no, I'm not. 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.080 I'm not a flirt. I'm not. I'm just that's an 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.040 okay thing. I you know, that's you know, I'm it 0:13:59.520 --> 0:14:02.560 just means love, you know, Yeah, I have I have 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.840 so much love to give. I have so much love 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:10.640 to give. I feel like I just exude love inside me. 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.160 You know, everything that I do, everything that I even 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:17.559 talking to my friends or like out there at the 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:20.000 grocery store. I just have so much love to just 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:23.040 pull to people. So was it tough at all? Like 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:25.480 did you, as a you know, guy in dancing, Like, 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:30.200 did you ever get bullied or um? I wouldn't say 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:34.200 a good bully because this is how my day went. 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.960 Like I'll go to school in the morning, I'll stay 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.320 in school for like another two hours for like what 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.000 we call study. I went to a Catholic school, so 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:47.359 we had like sisters, and we no sports, no extra activities. 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.800 It was just like school. Study. Study is like a 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.520 like an hour and a half away. You know. If 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:57.120 you had questions about something like your whatever subject, whatever, 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.400 you go ask right and then from they go home. 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:02.400 When I get home, my mom will say, make sure 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.680 that your school uniform is clean, make sure that your 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:06.600 shoes are clean, make sure that your books are ready 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:08.680 for tomorrow, blah blah blah. And then from there, I'll 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:12.240 go to dancing. After dancing, and then I didn't even 0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:14.360 have time Sometimes I don't have time to play with 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:18.800 my friends, like it was just like constant school dancing 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:21.760 every day every single day. And then like on Sundays, 0:15:21.760 --> 0:15:25.800 it's like uh church with my parents and my sisters, 0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:27.560 and then when we come back home, we eat and 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:30.120 it's like a family day. We all sit together, we 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:32.520 all chill. There's no you know, like there's not like 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:37.680 busitors coming over. And one funny story, actually my mom 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:42.080 talking about girls. My mom never wanted any girl to 0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:46.320 come to my house. Never. I really remember when girl 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:48.880 came to my house. You just like to bring something 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:52.400 from me from school. And then she said, don't even 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:56.800 touch that that gate. And I was like, she goes, 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:00.720 You'll only be able to do that when you out 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:06.000 of my house, and I was like, okay, right enow Um. 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:09.480 In a way, I think it helped in a way 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:14.360 in situation, and we'll get into that. But well, speaking 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:17.360 of you know, relationships, you were just in a very 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:23.040 public breakup and you know, I can I can definitely relate, 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.480 and I'm curious, like how you dealt with the public. 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.640 You know, it's it's tough, Like I reading tabloids and 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:34.320 you know, not a part of me like wanted to 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:35.800 reach out to you, but I knew that you were 0:16:35.840 --> 0:16:38.720 like probably getting bombarded, um, and you have to like 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:42.480 walk through that season. But I mean that's that's been 0:16:42.520 --> 0:16:48.240 your first pretty public relationship, right, yeah, my first How 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:50.560 how was it for you to deal with you know, 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:57.880 reading things and um, I feel like the first few days, 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:05.040 I like, I would read things and I'll be like, 0:17:05.640 --> 0:17:08.640 you know, what what does this do for me? Like 0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:13.040 what is it doing for me for myself? Like reading this? 0:17:13.280 --> 0:17:16.560 Like I go, I feel when I read something negative 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:20.000 and I feel like this like cringe in me and 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:23.560 I'm like and then I read something positive and I'm like, 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:26.440 oh my god, like the change of energy, the change 0:17:26.440 --> 0:17:29.680 of the shoot right, yeah, different heads. So I go, 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:34.080 what if I don't read anything, then I'm like, don't 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.320 look at anything, just block yourself from that everything, right, 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:42.679 And just my faith and talking to my aunt all 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:45.520 the time and my family back home and my good 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:49.240 friend um and my publicist all the time. It just 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:52.040 gave me so much strength. And talking to other other 0:17:52.080 --> 0:17:54.199 friends and it just gave me strength to stay away 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:58.360 and to know my worth and what as a person, 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:03.720 what do finds me that this define me? Whether good 0:18:03.800 --> 0:18:06.439 or bad? It doesn't define me? And no, it doesn't, 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.439 you know, the person we defines me is what I 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:13.359 believe who who quire is right? If if people say, oh, 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:15.959 he's a cheater, he's this and this and this, I'm like, 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.280 but no, you don't. You don't know me, So why 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:22.000 do you Why why do you say what? You just say? 0:18:22.400 --> 0:18:24.840 You know what I mean? So I feel like not, 0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:27.639 I feel like actually I know that for me, what 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:29.840 got me through it was just staying away from the media, 0:18:31.080 --> 0:18:36.280 keeping my my silence and staying away from everything and 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:39.120 just be like, you know what, God will sort this out. Man, 0:18:39.480 --> 0:18:41.960 He's done so many times in my life in so 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:44.520 many situation, whether good or bad. I leave it out 0:18:44.560 --> 0:18:47.480 to him. You know. I prayed a lot. I prayed 0:18:47.520 --> 0:18:52.960 a lot. I yeah, you know, I think God pulled 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:56.720 me through. I am confident enough to say that God 0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:00.520 put me through this. Yeah. Do you have any do 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:04.000 you have any regrets from anything in that relationship that 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:06.119 they You're like, I'm gonna do this differently in the 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:16.280 next one. Um, No, No, I don't, I don't. I 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:22.399 just I just there's just so many things for me. 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:28.600 I I said, I have this thing ritual if I'm 0:19:28.640 --> 0:19:31.399 if I break up with a friend, you know, just 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:34.720 hold me or like a best or whatever I go through. 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:36.520 I have a seat outside in a bout. When I 0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:38.879 sit down and let's take a pen and a book 0:19:39.280 --> 0:19:43.840 or a paper whatever. There's two columns in there's two 0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:48.439 columns negative or positive. Right, And I write everything that 0:19:48.480 --> 0:19:52.119 I feel that's it doesn't do do me justice, it 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:55.480 doesn't make me feel this is worth it for me? Right, 0:19:55.880 --> 0:19:58.240 And I write something that I'm like, oh my God, okay, cool. 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:03.440 So then if negative is more than the positive, then 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:06.320 I'll scratch that and I'll light a fire and I 0:20:06.440 --> 0:20:09.359 let God like and I have this straight I think 0:20:09.359 --> 0:20:11.280 I take it from my mom. Actually, I have the 0:20:11.359 --> 0:20:15.199 strength of when I let go of something done like 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:19.120 it's like it never happened. It's like cut never happened. 0:20:19.119 --> 0:20:22.880 It's like I'm like sometimes I'm like, wow, I don't 0:20:23.400 --> 0:20:26.679 have that feeling because when something happens, I give it 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:29.560 a chance. I'm like, how can I fight? How can 0:20:29.600 --> 0:20:31.879 I fight? In which way? Like, let me fight, let 0:20:31.920 --> 0:20:34.000 me do this, let me let me figure it out, 0:20:34.320 --> 0:20:39.320 you know. But if there's no strength in me to 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:42.359 do that, and with the with the with the help 0:20:42.400 --> 0:20:46.480 of God, I I just let go. I literally let go. 0:20:46.600 --> 0:20:49.800 I just and I think that's one of my strength 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:52.440 that I can let go. I can deal with it 0:20:52.800 --> 0:20:56.240 and let go. But this was rough. Why I say 0:20:56.280 --> 0:21:01.160 that because like the person I turned to when things 0:21:01.359 --> 0:21:04.920 hit the firm, it's my mom. And not having her 0:21:05.760 --> 0:21:09.879 it was like and now, like there was days with 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:13.399 my house where I looked at the walls and there 0:21:13.440 --> 0:21:20.159 was pitch black, not even joking, and I remember just like, no, 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:22.920 you know what, I got this. I got this, and 0:21:22.920 --> 0:21:24.560 and I spoke to my friends for a little bit 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:29.480 and then I just stayed silent literally just like working out, 0:21:30.359 --> 0:21:33.120 working out twice a day and like working out twitter day, 0:21:33.680 --> 0:21:38.280 um see my therapist, and like it was just talking 0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:41.399 to my family a lot. Then it was that, yeah, 0:21:41.600 --> 0:21:45.240 this was right because I had It's not just a breakup, 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:46.919 it's a public breakup, you know what I mean. So 0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:50.720 everyone has an opinion, you know, which I'm like, don't 0:21:50.800 --> 0:21:53.960 talk to me if you don't know the story, you 0:21:54.000 --> 0:21:56.639 know what I mean. So I'm like, don't say anything, 0:21:56.720 --> 0:22:00.080 let me just you know. But then I had to 0:22:00.200 --> 0:22:04.560 grieve my like my mom, you know what I mean. 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:07.280 So it was it was it was rough. It was rough, 0:22:07.520 --> 0:22:10.480 you know. So but now I'm in a place where 0:22:10.520 --> 0:22:14.600 I am I'm flying like a bird, you know, and 0:22:15.520 --> 0:22:20.680 I'm still still grieving obviously. Um yeah, is there any 0:22:20.760 --> 0:22:30.480 chance for reconciliation. I'm leaving it to the universe. That's good. Yeah, yeah, 0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:33.320 I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I can't imagine, like, 0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:35.560 you know, she was your rock, and I can't imagine 0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:39.159 you know, going through that and then having you know, 0:22:39.200 --> 0:22:42.640 not being able to talk to her. I'm I'm really 0:22:42.640 --> 0:22:46.080 sorry about that. Yeah. It's like waking up in the 0:22:46.119 --> 0:22:51.040 when I'm like, oh, yeah that. I like what you 0:22:51.040 --> 0:22:56.640 said though about because I feel like other um men 0:22:56.680 --> 0:22:59.040 that I know, or I don't mean to say it 0:22:59.080 --> 0:23:00.639 like that, I like a dig, but I feel like 0:23:00.640 --> 0:23:02.960 a lot of men they don't deal with it. They 0:23:03.000 --> 0:23:04.720 just kind of go on to the next thing, or 0:23:04.760 --> 0:23:10.000