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Speaker 1: All eight episodes of To Die For are available now

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Speaker 1: to bench absolutely free, but for ad free listening and

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Speaker 1: exclusive bonuses, subscribe to tendorfoot Plus at tenderfootplus dot com

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Speaker 1: or on Apple podcasts.

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Speaker 2: Warning, the following episode contains explicit language and sexual themes.

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Speaker 2: Listener discretion is advised.

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Speaker 3: So you went to your place, you packed up. Did

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Speaker 3: you talk to your parents at all?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: So you didn't even tell your dad you were going

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Speaker 3: to Chechnya.

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 3: Really, I just.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I just didn't speak with them. We

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Speaker 2: didn't talk for like quite a long time, for the

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Speaker 2: whole year.

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Speaker 3: Did you tell anyone else or anyone in your family? No,

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Speaker 3: out of your sister.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't speak with my sister. I mean I was

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Speaker 2: not allowed to speak with my sister.

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Speaker 3: You might have died and shash In. Your family just

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Speaker 3: would have found out.

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Speaker 2: I mean they would find out at some point.

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Speaker 3: I mean they would find out through like a letter

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Speaker 3: or someone shut up their door. But you never even

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Speaker 3: would have told them you were going.

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Speaker 2: To the war. Well, they said that I wish you

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Speaker 2: to be not alive. I was thinking, I mean, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't manter if I will go, even if I will

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Speaker 2: be Dad, they don't really care anyway. I felt like,

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Speaker 2: maybe this is it, this is the end which they'll

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Speaker 2: give me the relief to kill you. I'm really sorry

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Speaker 2: that Junyuns suit.

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Speaker 3: Suit verses, episode ten, chapter twenty two sent to die.

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Speaker 2: So in the morning I arrived at the train station

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Speaker 2: and we all lined up. I had my backpack with me,

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Speaker 2: and it.

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Speaker 3: Was one of the worst days of a Leah's life

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Speaker 3: and possibly one of the last. As punishment for rejecting

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Speaker 3: her new commander's advances, she had been sent away to

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Speaker 3: die on the front lines of a war five hundred

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Speaker 3: miles away.

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Speaker 2: So first we sat down into the train and everybody

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Speaker 2: in the car were just young boys. The eyes were

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Speaker 2: full of fears, and I looked at them and everybody

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Speaker 2: just had only one thought. Vala survive, Vla come back.

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Speaker 3: The train was bound for the border between Russia and Keshnya,

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Speaker 3: a mostly Muslim region just north of the country of Georgia.

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Speaker 3: It was annexed by Russia in the nineteenth century and

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Speaker 3: ever since then has been trying, with varying degrees of success,

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Speaker 3: to be on an next and independent again.

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Speaker 2: And when we arrived at the main station, we were

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Speaker 2: giving this uniform. It was like a thick jacket. The

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Speaker 2: color was dark green. Everything was much bigger than my size.

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Speaker 2: And to they eve as guns, but like sniper guns

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Speaker 2: VCC and SVD. I didn't have any idea even how

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Speaker 2: to use these guns.

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Speaker 3: Some nine years earlier, Checha had declared its independence, and

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Speaker 3: now Eliyah and her fellow soldiers were there fighting in

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Speaker 3: a war for Putin, who was determined to retake control

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Speaker 3: of the territory for Russia. This was the Second Chechen War.

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Speaker 2: And then I had this guy and he was standing

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Speaker 2: next to me, and he was like from Kyrgyzstan. I

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Speaker 2: think she probably so like that. I was all depressed

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Speaker 2: because I was standing there as the zombie. He was

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Speaker 2: telling me some funny stories and very stupid and I

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Speaker 2: looked at him, like, can you like stop, and he said,

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Speaker 2: is it like your first time. I'm like, yes, of course,

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Speaker 2: it's my first time. He was like, he relaxed, it's

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Speaker 2: like my second time. So no worries, nothing happened. See,

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Speaker 2: I'm still alive. I'm still here.

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Speaker 3: The newly arrived soldiers, including Aliyah and the man she

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Speaker 3: was talking to, Rashid, were then ordered onto trucks and

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Speaker 3: sent to the front lines.

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Speaker 2: He was talking and then he started to smoke, and

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Speaker 2: everybody was smoking, and I just I thought, like, maybe

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Speaker 2: it will help me out. So I tried to smoke

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Speaker 2: and then I was coughing and I said, fuck it,

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Speaker 2: I'm not doing this, like I couldn't. And then he said,

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Speaker 2: good good. It's better not to smoke if you a sniper.

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Speaker 2: And it was like why, And then another guy was

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Speaker 2: sitting next to me. He said, if you smoke in

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Speaker 2: the night, your enemy may see you, and if they

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Speaker 2: can just truck or like culculate where your hat is,

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Speaker 2: they can kill you in your like hat. So it's

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Speaker 2: better not to get used to the smoke. And they

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Speaker 2: said like, oh yeah, good to know. Thanks. We were

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Speaker 2: driving for a couple hours. It became dark and cold,

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Speaker 2: and we arrived to the place where far away we

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Speaker 2: could see it was not like even town, but like

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Speaker 2: small kind of feelings with a few houses.

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Speaker 3: Leah and her new squad members were then brought to

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Speaker 3: a makeshift military base on top of a hill.

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Speaker 2: They said, okay, so this is your station. Obviously, no shower,

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Speaker 2: no TV or anything like that, no computer, no telephone,

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Speaker 2: no internet of course, no nothing. And the smell was

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Speaker 2: the smell of death, when you smell man swat together

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Speaker 2: with blood, together with the land. I can remember in

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Speaker 2: my nightmares. I mean, there were only guys that was

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Speaker 2: kind of like a little bit concern me. But you

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Speaker 2: know what, nobody even thought about sex, because the most

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Speaker 2: important instinct is to survive. The first night, I didn't

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Speaker 2: sleep at all, and I didn't hear anything. It wasn't

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Speaker 2: any you know, bombs or gun shots. And then in

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Speaker 2: the morning, around like five am, I felt so cold,

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Speaker 2: was freezing, and I couldn't even hear any birds singing

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Speaker 2: or anything like that. It was deadly quiet, and I

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Speaker 2: looked at the guys, they are sleeping click babies.

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Speaker 3: Over the course of her first day on the front lines,

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Speaker 3: Alah's friend from the train station, Rashid, became a mentor

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Speaker 3: of sorts to her. He showed her the safest corner

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Speaker 3: of the barracks to sleep in and taught her other

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Speaker 3: best practices for staying alive that he learned on his

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Speaker 3: previous deployment in Shshnya.

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Speaker 2: I was trying to wash my face. He said, don't

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Speaker 2: do it, and I was like, dude, are you crazy,

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Speaker 2: Like this is hygienical things. I need to wash my face.

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Speaker 2: And he said, now, if you're a sniper, because if

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Speaker 2: your face is clean, then the color of the clean

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Speaker 2: skin reflects the light and then the other sniper can

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Speaker 2: see you and can shoot you really really well.

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Speaker 3: Rashid totally and more about concealment and shooting a rifle.

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Speaker 3: And they were signed as buddies and giving nights lookout duty.

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Speaker 2: We were started to talk a lot, and I kind

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Speaker 2: of like get used to his stupid jokes. And while

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Speaker 2: we were like sitting there, remember he was asking me

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Speaker 2: questions like, so where did you study, what was your department?

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Speaker 2: Who was your commander? And slowly, slowly I just opened

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Speaker 2: up to him. I said, like, you know what I

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Speaker 2: can tell him? Why not? So I told him the

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Speaker 2: whole story from the beginning.

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Speaker 3: When Leah got to the part of the story about

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Speaker 3: turning down the advances of her commander, Lieutenant General Rashid

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Speaker 3: had some strong words about him.

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Speaker 2: Oh like that preck. I heard a lot of stories

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Speaker 2: about him. He sent many soldiers to the front line,

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Speaker 2: knowing that they would be killed, he still did it.

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Speaker 2: He didn't care about the families, about their lives, so

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Speaker 2: he just basically sacrificed their lives for nothing. He said,

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Speaker 2: he's a very bad commander, and and they said, well

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Speaker 2: that's why I'm here. I guess it's just bad luck.

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Speaker 3: After a few days, Aliah began to realize the full

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Speaker 3: grim nature of her assignment, shooting at people who she

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Speaker 3: didn't know and couldn't see who were also shooting at her,

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Speaker 3: and wondering at the same time, was she even on

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Speaker 3: the right side here.

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Speaker 2: We were attacking civilians. We were fighting normal families they

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Speaker 2: will protect in their country. We were attacking them. And

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Speaker 2: then I heard a lot of stories about cheaching men,

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Speaker 2: how cruel they are, how do they torture people, How

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Speaker 2: they would cut you apart just for their pleasure, just

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Speaker 2: to have fun. They would cut off the head of

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Speaker 2: the Russian soldiers and they would send it to either

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Speaker 2: Russian commanders just to kind of like piece them off

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Speaker 2: and scare them. Call these like stories made me nauseous.

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Speaker 3: Alia didn't know whether these stories were true or just

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Speaker 3: dehumanizing propaganda, but it kept her close to the base

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Speaker 3: and an high alert in case of attack.

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Speaker 2: We didn't have enough food, and one day a small

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Speaker 2: troop of my colleague soldiers decided to go to the

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Speaker 2: village to get some food. I mean, not to get

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Speaker 2: some food. They would basically almost like robe this village, right, So,

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Speaker 2: I mean the Russian soldiers with guns hungry, So of

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Speaker 2: course the village population would just give wherever devoted, just

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Speaker 2: to leave them alone and not to kill their families

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Speaker 2: and their kids.

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Speaker 3: But this time the raid didn't go as planned.

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Speaker 2: There was an old guy, old enough to fight, but

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Speaker 2: he still had a gun in the house, and he

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Speaker 2: tried to kill my colleagues, but they shot him first.

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Speaker 2: So it was it was terrible, you know, it was

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Speaker 2: terrible because they're like old people in that village who

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Speaker 2: were just killed for nothing.

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Speaker 3: It's unclear whether one man in the village was killed

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Speaker 3: or several people. But this act of senseless brutality shattered

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Speaker 3: the quiet on the base.

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Speaker 2: When the broad of food, it was the feeling that

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Speaker 2: this food had like blood, you know, like it's just

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Speaker 2: you couldn't just even eat it. It's almost like poisoned

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Speaker 2: by the blood of innocent people.

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Speaker 3: The next day, snipers began shooting at the base. Evidently

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Speaker 3: the villagers had informed the Chechen militia about what had happened,

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Speaker 3: and now they were taking revenge, a revenge that in

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Speaker 3: some respects Leah could understand.

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Speaker 2: It really peaceed that mercenaries off. That's why they came

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Speaker 2: and they started to basically kill us. If he wouldn't

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Speaker 2: do it, or if they wouldn't go to the village,

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Speaker 2: you wouldn't have this problem.

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Speaker 3: Despite Elia's empathy for what the Chechens were going through,

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Speaker 3: she was also a Russian soldier target of these mercenaries,

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Speaker 3: and she had her orders.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 2: Our commander wanted to terminate them by killing them.

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Speaker 3: So that night Aliah and Rashid went to their lookout location,

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Speaker 3: knowing that this time they might not come back. Chapter

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Speaker 3: twenty three, Aliah's prayer.

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Speaker 4: Flahood.

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Speaker 1: Russia has waged a brutal war against Chechen separatists since

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Speaker 1: the nineteen nineties. The violence began when a former soul.

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Speaker 5: We have fought against the Lastian occupations for centuries. We

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Speaker 5: even had our own Holocaust. Stallion deported the entire book.

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Speaker 6: The Minister for a Defense provided a report on Zechhniya.

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Speaker 6: Let me quote from the text. In Russia's interest, this

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Speaker 6: region must be rendered devoid of life.

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Speaker 4: The Chechens were pretty formidable. They were a strange mix

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Speaker 4: of volunteer, local militias, ex military and foreign fighters.

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Speaker 3: This is doctor Mark Gailiadi, who is one of twenty

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Speaker 3: nine British journalists that the Putin regime banned from Russia

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Speaker 3: in twenty twenty two. He's also the author of several

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Speaker 3: books on Russia, including Putin's Wars.

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Speaker 4: The Chechens themselves think of themselves as wolves, but they

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Speaker 4: regard the wolf as being essentially something to live up to.

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Speaker 4: But on the one hand, absolutely ferocious in defense of

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Speaker 4: the pack, but one that ultimately depends on and protects

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Speaker 4: the pack.

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Speaker 3: Because this region and the Caucasus Mountains and the Chechens

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Speaker 3: who lived there are very little understood, I've called doctor

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Speaker 3: Gailiadi to help explain the war that a Leo was

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Speaker 3: fighting in.

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Speaker 4: Of all the various parts of the Soviet Union, the

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Speaker 4: one that was probably the most unruly, the most reluctant

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Speaker 4: to be under Moscow's control was Chechnya. It had been

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Speaker 4: finally annexed by the Russian Empire back in the mid

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Speaker 4: nineteenth century, and essentially, whenever the central government looked weak,

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Speaker 4: the Czechen's rebelled.

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Speaker 3: Doctor Gailiadi explains that when the Soviet Union dissolved, Chechnya

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Speaker 3: took the opportunity to declare independence, and though the Russian

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Speaker 3: army tried to stop them, they didn't succeed. This was

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Speaker 3: the first Chechen War.

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Speaker 4: And in effect, the Chechens fought the Russians to a

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Speaker 4: draw at that time.

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Speaker 3: Then Putin came to power and decided to finish Russian

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Speaker 3: business in Chechnya, but first he needed a reason to

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Speaker 3: go back to war.

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Speaker 5: A few weeks later, there were several terrorist bombs in Russia.

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Speaker 5: Over three hundred were killed. It wasn't clear who had

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Speaker 5: done it, but most Russians were ready to blame the Chechens.

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Speaker 5: But some now say that these events were orchestrated by

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Speaker 5: the spies inside Putin's power base, the FSB successor to

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Speaker 5: the KGB.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to tell you without any doubts that the

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Speaker 3: second war was initiated by FSB as a provocation they

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Speaker 3: provo Jitchu. This became the second Chechen War, the one

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Speaker 3: that a Leah was now caught up in. Here's doctor

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Speaker 3: Gailliardi again, who also hosts the podcast in Moscow Shadows.

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Speaker 4: So essentially, yes, this is very much Putin's war, and

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Speaker 4: also this was his opportunity to essentially demonstrate to Russians

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Speaker 4: across the country that things were going to be different now.

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Speaker 4: It gave him a chance to pose with tough guy,

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Speaker 4: macho rhetoric, but also make the point that Russia was back.

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Speaker 3: Even by the low standards of war. The Second Chechen

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Speaker 3: War was a brutal and horror filled conflict on all sides,

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Speaker 3: which included torture, assassination, mass murder of civilians, and suicide attacks.

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Speaker 4: All civil wars have a tendency to be deeply unpleasant,

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Speaker 4: but in this case, brutality was mobilized as another weapon

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Speaker 4: of war. I mean, there were at least forty thousand

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Speaker 4: civilians who died. We have cases of cities like Grosny

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Speaker 4: being leveled even when their civilian populations within, But we

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Speaker 4: also have a huge range of everything from outright atrocities

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Speaker 4: to just simply heedless brutality. Looting, for example, was widespread.

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Speaker 3: This is audio of a Chechen fighter returning a laptop

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Speaker 3: that was looted by Russian forces. How he got it

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Speaker 3: back we probably don't want to know. In the end,

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Speaker 3: Houtin ultimately won his war, but at what cost.

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Speaker 4: What happened is essentially Chechnia was brought under control. But

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Speaker 4: it was brought under control firstly by massive levels of brutality,

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Speaker 4: secondly by promising the new Chechen elite huge amounts of

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Speaker 4: money and considerable autonomy.

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Speaker 3: With this context, now let's return to Alah at her

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Speaker 3: fellow soldier Rashid as they walked their lookout point on

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Speaker 3: the Russian Chechen border. With the looting of Russian troops

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Speaker 3: has led to a retaliatory attack by the Chechen militia.

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Speaker 2: So we we went to our location with Russia at

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Speaker 2: the small hill. And while we were laying there, like

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Speaker 2: I was just looking at the vauge all the time.

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Speaker 2: One am, two am, three am, four am. By five am,

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Speaker 2: I noticed that I was shaking. I was called as well.

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Speaker 2: But you know, like this feeling when you scared so much,

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Speaker 2: it's like your heart is shaking and it gives this

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Speaker 2: shake to all your body. So six am, we've heard

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Speaker 2: some gunshots from outside. It wasn't that long for a

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Speaker 2: few minutes and Rushet he touched me with my shoulder

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Speaker 2: and he said, okay, now like now, and he pressed

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Speaker 2: the trigger and he shot them the enemy. He said

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Speaker 2: to me, it's simple. Now it's your turn. And I

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Speaker 2: saw through the scope. I saw the face with the

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Speaker 2: beard and with the hat, and I stop breathing at

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Speaker 2: that moment, but I waited. I felt like the blood

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Speaker 2: and the heart beatings through my ears, like I could

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Speaker 2: feel that my heart is beating so loud, or she

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Speaker 2: told me, like do it now. I pressed the trigger

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Speaker 2: and it was the silence pressed the trigger. I didn't cry.

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Speaker 2: I didn't feel anything that time. That moment, I just

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Speaker 2: didn't feel anything. I felt the metallic, you know, metallic.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how do you say it. I just

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Speaker 2: felt the strength of the gun and I didn't look again.

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Speaker 2: I just close my eyes like that. And then Raschid

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Speaker 2: told me, good job. Was it a good job? I

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Speaker 2: don't know. I laid there for maybe an hour in

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Speaker 2: the silence. Raschett also didn't talk. And then in the

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Speaker 2: morning later we returned to our pace. I didn't want

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Speaker 2: to talk to anyone. I drank a little bit water,

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Speaker 2: but I couldn't even I couldn't even eat anything. When

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Speaker 2: you experience something like that, it's just so much stressed.

305
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Speaker 2: It was like almost like nauseous to even think about

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Speaker 2: the food. I fell asleep. When I woke up, it

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00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 2: was already dark and only Rashid came to me. He

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Speaker 2: said to me, do you feel like okay? Like yeah,

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Speaker 2: and he said, well, let's go, Let's go back. We

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Speaker 2: need to, you know, to go back to our position.

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Speaker 2: I said, like, yeah, let's go.

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Speaker 3: As Aliyah and Rashid walked together, he spoke to her

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Speaker 3: about his own challenges and come to terms with a

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Speaker 3: horrible act of killing, trying to help her feel better

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Speaker 3: about the events of the day before and likely the

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Speaker 3: day ahead.

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Speaker 2: We're walking and he talked to me. His eyes were

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Speaker 2: always warm, you know, like he was really kind and

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Speaker 2: he loved nature. He always was like looking at the

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Speaker 2: sun and telling like it's so beautiful and leaves and

321
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Speaker 2: trees and and he was a perfect sniper and killer.

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Speaker 2: Told me about the wolf. He was a young boy.

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Speaker 2: His father took him for the hunting and he said,

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Speaker 2: I saw a big wolf and he said his eyes

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Speaker 2: were so beautiful, and he said he looked at me,

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Speaker 2: and father said, like, don't hesitate pressed the trigger and

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Speaker 2: he said, I I couldn't do it because the wolf

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Speaker 2: was so beautiful, like just beautiful animals, just like strong eyes.

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Speaker 2: And he said he felt really bad after. He made

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Speaker 2: me to feel a little bit better. I told him, listen,

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Speaker 2: it's still human being, and it's still someone's son, perhaps father, brother, husband.

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Speaker 2: And he said to me, never think this way, he said,

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Speaker 2: when I hunt animals, they also have families, but you

334
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Speaker 2: are the hunter. Never think that these people are somehow

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Speaker 2: cescated to anyone else, because if you will start to

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Speaker 2: do this, when you hesitate to press the trigger, that

337
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Speaker 2: exactly the moment when you will be killed. You said,

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Speaker 2: you just don't think like you aim it you press

339
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Speaker 2: the button. We came to the position that night. It

340
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: was quite I could hear how the wind was going.

341
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Speaker 3: As they set up their guns, and they waiting in

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Speaker 3: this irrequiet. Elia's dreads soon came back. Despite Rashid's talk.

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Speaker 2: That smell and that coldness, and that disgusting feeling of

344
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Speaker 2: the metallic cold weapen in your hands constantly, where your

345
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:03,360
Speaker 2: finger is just stuck closer to the trigger, and you're

346
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 2: always in pressure, waiting.

347
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Speaker 3: Even after several more nights of stillness broken by gunfire,

348
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Speaker 3: Alah never became comfortable with the horrible task required to survive.

349
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 3: The constant terror. Sleeplessness and discomfort made away at.

350
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Speaker 2: Her like I came to the point where I just

351
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:36,719
Speaker 2: was thinking that I don't care what will happen. I

352
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,840
Speaker 2: just want to get out, Like you don't care anymore even,

353
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Speaker 2: you know, like at some point you're so scared, you're scared,

354
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Speaker 2: You're scared, You're scared, you're scared, and then you at

355
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Speaker 2: some point you're just like so tired to be scared

356
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Speaker 2: that you like, fuck it if I will be killed,

357
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Speaker 2: I don't care anymore, Like I'm so tired, you know,

358
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Speaker 2: Like it's like you're just so exhausted. You just feel like,

359
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:01,679
Speaker 2: even if it will happen to me, it's okay. I

360
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:06,399
Speaker 2: saw enough, it's fine. I just want to go to

361
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Speaker 2: somewhere else, maybe in another world.

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Speaker 3: But instead it just got worse. One night in particular,

363
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Speaker 3: just before a big mission, Aliah was plagued by nightmares

364
00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 3: and found herself praying in her half sleep.

365
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 2: Please God, please just get me out of here, please.

366
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 2: I don't want to be here. Do something so I

367
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 2: can leave this place, and I want to go home.

368
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 3: She slept fifthully, and then suddenly she woke to noise

369
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Speaker 3: and chaos all around her.

370
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Speaker 2: When I woke up, I felt like something was going

371
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 2: wrong and people like running, and it's some kind of

372
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 2: like tension, but I didn't know exactly what happening.

373
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Speaker 3: What was happening is that our base was being pounded

374
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Speaker 3: by grenades and waters.

375
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Speaker 2: Behalf of the base. It was just bombard like that,

376
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Speaker 2: and the holes like land and sun and everything just

377
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,879
Speaker 2: with all this, you know, like soil. It just flew

378
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 2: under my on the top of my head, like just

379
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:29,159
Speaker 2: with a how do you call it, like with the

380
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:39,600
Speaker 2: with the bomb like pup pressure. And because I was

381
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 2: laying in the corner like rush, it gave me that.

382
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 2: He gave me that. He gave me that corner because

383
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Speaker 2: it was the most safest place, he said, And he

384
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 2: gave me that safe place. They all were under the

385
00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 2: not all of them, but like eighty percent of my friends,

386
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 2: they who killed. Parts of bodies were everywhere. I couldn't

387
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 2: stand because my left she had something fall on it,

388
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 2: like the wooden a huge stick which was next to

389
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,320
Speaker 2: my place where I slept. It's like it falls on me,

390
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 2: but it falls exactly on my leg and it broke

391
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 2: my bone. And I didn't know exactly what happened, but

392
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 2: I couldn't stand up. And when I took this like

393
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,680
Speaker 2: leant out and all this stuff I saw the bone,

394
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 2: the white bone, which was like out of my chin,

395
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:48,200
Speaker 2: through the through the trousers, which I was worrying all

396
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 2: the time, and I couldn't do anything. I started to scream,

397
00:29:53,120 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 2: like like help, help, but I couldn't hear anyone, the lieutenant.

398
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:13,000
Speaker 2: It was a light, but wherechid wasn't I just remember

399
00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 2: Rashid's face laying just next to me, and he didn't

400
00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 2: have half of his body. It was just his head

401
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 2: and arms and just his shoulders. And he was joking

402
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,360
Speaker 2: the last time. He said, Hey, why don't you marry me?

403
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: You know you would be such a good couple. I'll

404
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 2: take it to Syberia to introduced to my mom. She'd

405
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 2: love you so much. I was laughing. I said, you

406
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 2: said he did. I wish I would never say it

407
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 2: to them. I wish I would say yes. I felt guilty.

408
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,320
Speaker 2: He cared about me, you know, not like others. He

409
00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:05,040
Speaker 2: really did. He never tried to like even touch me

410
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 2: in a way where he would like hit on me

411
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 2: or something like, not like any other man. He was

412
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:10,479
Speaker 2: really noble.

413
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 3: These thoughts flashed through a Lea's mind as she lay

414
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 3: under the rabble, unable to move.

415
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,280
Speaker 2: Everything was like in a dream, my commander lieutenant was

416
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:25,080
Speaker 2: like screaming and calling like is anyone, is anyone anyone

417
00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 2: can hear me? And I screamed like here here, like

418
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 2: I'm here. He came with another guys. He looked at

419
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 2: me like like you know, like what's going like what happened?

420
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:37,880
Speaker 2: Like where depends? Like you injured?

421
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:38,000
Speaker 4: What?

422
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 2: And I showed him on the leg like yes, yes,

423
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 2: I broke my leg. They helped me from my arms

424
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:49,000
Speaker 2: to get me out. We went out from the from

425
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:51,640
Speaker 2: the base a little bit further like under the hill,

426
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 2: and we sat over there from about like forty soldiers.

427
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 2: There were only ten people left on the ten all

428
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 2: these boys, the boys view like twenty three, twenty two,

429
00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 2: even twenty five, they're just little kids. They've didn't seen

430
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 2: anything in this life. And they were killed just in

431
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 2: front of me. They were just killed. And that that's

432
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 2: And when you see like these young kids like dying

433
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 2: for nothing, how do you feel like is it fair?

434
00:32:30,440 --> 00:32:33,719
Speaker 2: Even like where is the justice?

435
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 5: Why?

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Speaker 2: Like what's the reason of doing that? You know, like

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Speaker 2: even like it doesn't make any sense.

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Speaker 3: A support team eventually showed up in a military truck

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Speaker 3: along with two medics who examined a Leah.

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Speaker 2: They said to Lieutenant, I mean, she's like pointless soldier

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Speaker 2: right now. She can't do anything. She can't to properly.

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Speaker 2: So when they started to untie the bandages, I started

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00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 2: to scream and they gave me. I think it was

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00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 2: more for or something like that. I don't know, because

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00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: I remember that feeling. I was laying just in front

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00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: of the car and I looked at the sky and

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00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 2: the sky I remember exactly clouds and it was blue,

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00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 2: so blue that you felt like it was like I

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00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 2: haven't and I just closed my eyes and I like

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00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 2: passed over, and in the car, I remember I woke

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00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 2: up and I started to scream, and then my commander said,

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00:33:54,400 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 2: like relax, rest, rest, it's gone too stressed in Nicholas

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Speaker 2: Mayus again.

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Speaker 3: The Leah's story continues in episode eleven. If you're experiencing

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00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 3: a post traumatic stress, mental health or suicidal crisis, you

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00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 3: can call her text nine to eight eight for immediate support.

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00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,320
Speaker 3: Veterans can press one to be connected with the Veterans

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00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 3: Crisis Line. To Die For is a production of Tenderfoot

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Speaker 3: TV in association with iHeart Podcasts. The show is hosted

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00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 3: and written by me Neil Strauss. With additional writing assistants

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00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 3: by Tristan Bankston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright, and

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00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 3: Payne Lindsay. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Matt Frederick

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Speaker 3: and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Banks.

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00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:05,280
Speaker 3: Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer

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Speaker 3: Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin, Valiza day, Chelsea Gooden, and

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00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 3: Jamie Albright. Artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music by Makeup

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00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:20,319
Speaker 3: and Vanity Set, mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our

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00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 3: theme song is Killer Shangui Law by Psychotic Beats featuring Pattiamore.

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Speaker 3: Special thanks to Orren Rosenbaub and the team at Uta

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Speaker 3: Beck Media and Marketing, Aarren Siegel, Becky Jensen, the Nord Group,

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Speaker 3: Meredith Stedman and Alex Vespustaed