Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,
Speaker 2: and speaker.
Speaker 3: And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician,
Speaker 3: writer and course creator. We are two working parents who
Speaker 3: love our careers and our families.
Speaker 2: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about
Speaker 2: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun,
Speaker 2: from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.
Speaker 2: We want you to get the most out of life.
Speaker 1: Welcome the best of both worlds. This is Laura.
Speaker 2: This episode is airing at the very end of April
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty four. We are going to be talking
Speaker 2: how we can rock that month that we now call
Speaker 2: May Somber or maybe Mayhem. There's lots of ways people
Speaker 2: are referring to this. We'll figure out what Sarah puts
Speaker 2: in the actual show notes as the title.
Speaker 1: Of this episode.
Speaker 2: But the reason we are doing this is because May
Speaker 2: can be an incredibly full time of year for people
Speaker 2: with school aged kids. Right so, there are recitals, performances,
Speaker 2: end of your concerts, awards, ceremonies, various the end of
Speaker 2: school year events for your kids and for those of
Speaker 2: us up north lots of community stuff too that happens
Speaker 2: in kind of that season in May to the beginning
Speaker 2: of June where it's finally warm enough to do things outdoors,
Speaker 2: but before everyone disappears for the summer, So lots of
Speaker 2: things associated with that. But unlike December, at work, you
Speaker 2: are not gearing up for everyone to be off at
Speaker 2: a certain point, so a lot of big work stuff
Speaker 2: just keeps rolling. So we wanted to share some ideas
Speaker 2: and some thoughts on how to make May a little
Speaker 2: bit more orderly. Because you know, complexity is not the enemy.
Speaker 2: Many of us have very complex lives and that's fine.
Speaker 2: You just have to manage all the moving parts. Chaos
Speaker 2: is the enemy, and that we can ward off. In
Speaker 2: this episode, we're gonna be talking about kind of a
Speaker 2: three part process for warding off the chaos, making sure
Speaker 2: practically that we don't get overwhelmed, finding the right balance
Speaker 2: between work and the rest of life or life in
Speaker 2: life as the case may be, and finally managing our
Speaker 2: energy so that the month feels sustainable. So just a
Speaker 2: quick side note, May is a big month in the
Speaker 2: Unger household. I guess with birthdays anniversaries, right, what was
Speaker 2: your most memorable birthday Sarah may baby here.
Speaker 3: I feel like the ones that were memorable were not
Speaker 3: necessarily the most fun. Is it weird that I immediately
Speaker 3: was like COVID and being mad in twenty twenty that
Speaker 3: I didn't get to celebrate my fortieth birthday, Like what's
Speaker 3: wrong with me? That that's what I thought of? But
Speaker 3: I also had a particularly lovely birthday pre kids in
Speaker 3: two thousand and nine where I recall champagne tasting and
Speaker 3: I consulted my blog and the memory was correct, or
Speaker 3: maybe my memory was because I had seen that post
Speaker 3: on my blog. I don't know, but looked awesome and
Speaker 3: maybe I can do that for my fiftieth or.
Speaker 1: Something like that sounds awesome. Yeah.
Speaker 3: This year, though, I just I'm like a little sad
Speaker 3: because I am someone who tries not to work on
Speaker 3: my birthday and I recognize that like that can be
Speaker 3: seen as a little extra as an adult, but that
Speaker 3: at the same time, birthdays are limited, like we only
Speaker 3: given number of them, and I try to celebrate that day.
Speaker 3: But I'm running solow on vacation time that this year
Speaker 3: I'm going to celebrate my birthday observed on the nineteenth
Speaker 3: or twenty first, so that I can still have a
Speaker 3: day for me but not use up precious paid time off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you guys got married in May as well,
Speaker 2: if I recall correctly.
Speaker 3: Yes, that was not because we like romantic blooms or
Speaker 3: the spring fever or anything like that. That is because
Speaker 3: it was between medical school finishing and residencies starting, and
Speaker 3: we wanted to pick a time when we wouldn't be
Speaker 3: stressed by either of those things. Now, I was not
Speaker 3: actually done with medical school. I had another year left,
Speaker 3: so we did get married as doctor and missus before
Speaker 3: becoming doctor and doctor a year later. But it worked
Speaker 3: out beautiful timing wise, because I think we had a
Speaker 3: few weeks off between those two things and no like
Speaker 3: open loops. You know, it was like no projects were
Speaker 3: due or anything because Josh was starting something fresh and
Speaker 3: we got to go to Hawaii for like fourteen days
Speaker 3: or something like that. It was amazing. It was great.
Speaker 2: Timing sounds awesome. Well, and how about May Somber this year?
Speaker 2: Like anything big on the calendar for you guys this month?
Speaker 3: I mean May again May, It's just always like a
Speaker 3: lot and I have to manage my expectations around May
Speaker 3: as We'll talk about because I go into it thinking like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's so magical. There's Mother's Day, there's my birthday, there's
Speaker 3: our anniversary, there's a Memorial Day. Oh my gosh, and
Speaker 3: it's like it just turns into being so still work and.
Speaker 2: Take care of your kids and everything else. Yes, yes,
Speaker 2: so they shwasher or whatever. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just keeps going.
Speaker 3: But my focal point for May of twenty twenty four
Speaker 3: is hopeful going to be the Bayshore Marathon, which Josh
Speaker 3: and I are both running. We're going away for our
Speaker 3: anniversary weekend, spending it in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan,
Speaker 3: where this marathon takes place. I know a marathon at
Speaker 3: the end of May doesn't sound great from a weather perspective,
Speaker 3: but historically many years this actually does have lovely weather.
Speaker 3: I guess it's far enough north that they can have
Speaker 3: forties and fifties in the morning. So hopefully this will
Speaker 3: be a nice, cool year, and I will definitely let
Speaker 3: you all know how it goes. I'm hoping to Boston qualify,
Speaker 3: but I may not, and either way, I'm going to
Speaker 3: give it the best I can and I'll let you
Speaker 3: know what happens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, even in this part of the world, it's the
Speaker 2: weather is completely unpredictable. I mean, it's mostly nice, but
Speaker 2: it can be varied from day to day. And I
Speaker 2: remember I sort of soured on the idea of even
Speaker 2: doing races that happen on specific days because it was
Speaker 2: an early June half marathon, and the day after the
Speaker 2: half marathon it was sixty tow at seven am, and
Speaker 2: that was lovely. I would have happily run thirteen miles
Speaker 2: in that, but the particular day that this half marathon happened,
Speaker 2: it was like eighty four degrees by eight am, and
Speaker 2: it was ludicrous, like, it felt terrible. I was swimming
Speaker 2: in the air trying to get to the finish line.
Speaker 2: So I was like, well, you know, if I want
Speaker 2: to run thirteen miles, I could just run thirteen miles
Speaker 2: on a day where the weather cooperates, as opposed to
Speaker 2: timing it for this certain day that they happened to
Speaker 2: have booked the streets for the races. So anyway, that
Speaker 2: was a digression. We have a couple of cool things
Speaker 2: going on. Jasper and I are singing in Brahms Requiem,
Speaker 2: although that is late April and will probably have happened
Speaker 2: by the time this episode airs, it should have. I
Speaker 2: think it's the weekend before this. We have Sam's eighth
Speaker 2: grade graduation stuff coming up in May, which I was
Speaker 2: trying to remember back like what did we do for Jasper?
Speaker 2: But that was twenty twenty one and we had just
Speaker 2: gotten through hybrid school, like they had just come back
Speaker 2: to full time school, and I don't think they had
Speaker 2: something that everyone was there for at the same time.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that was kind of a things they didn't do.
Speaker 2: And then Ruth and I are going to be taking
Speaker 2: a trip to ye There're some were cool, so looking
Speaker 2: forward to that. So it'll be a lot of stuff
Speaker 2: on top of the usual thing. But we're just kind
Speaker 2: of talking about, like, how do you know that you
Speaker 2: have busy times of year coming up? And I think
Speaker 2: we have both noticed this. It happens in December, of
Speaker 2: course that I know what the dates of the December
Speaker 2: weekends are usually in October, but you definitely by the
Speaker 2: beginning of November, I know what those weekend dates are,
Speaker 2: and it is the same thing.
Speaker 1: In May.
Speaker 2: I knew what all the late April into May weekend
Speaker 2: dates were. Probably in February January February this year. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my goodness, this is going to be
Speaker 2: quite a stretch of time because you've looked at your
Speaker 2: calendar for those dates, because there are things you're already
Speaker 2: putting on there, and so you keep looking at what
Speaker 2: the dates are and get a sense of what the
Speaker 2: landscape of that month happens to be. And there are
Speaker 2: lots of times a year where I don't have that,
Speaker 2: you know, it's like you just figure out the weekends.
Speaker 2: A couple of weekends ahead of time, I don't.
Speaker 3: Know, and they are events momentous enough to be planned
Speaker 3: out that far in advance. I think that's the big thing. Like,
Speaker 3: these are big things. It's the end of your show,
Speaker 3: it's the recital, Like it's not just something like that,
Speaker 3: just you know, a birthday party that came up. It's
Speaker 3: like these bigger things. So that's how you know it's
Speaker 3: going to be gonna be a wild ride, going to.
Speaker 1: Be a wild ride. But the upside is it's kind
Speaker 1: of a fun wild ride.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, in many cases, one would assume
Speaker 2: that the reason you have all this stuff going on
Speaker 2: is because you are have a full calendar at work, right, Like,
Speaker 2: you know, people want you to do things. Your kids
Speaker 2: are involved and lots of fun stuff as they're figuring
Speaker 2: out their lives, and you have celebrations and you're involved
Speaker 2: in your community. These are all wins. So I think
Speaker 2: it's also helpful to approach Macember Mayhem with a yay
Speaker 2: mindset as much as a oh my goodness, buckle in
Speaker 2: here we go. So first step, don't get overwhelmed. Take
Speaker 2: some time and make sure that you have everything on
Speaker 2: your calendar, like be systematic, go through those emails from
Speaker 2: school for each of your kids, go through the calendars
Speaker 2: or emails from any sports or activities that they are doing,
Speaker 2: or for any community organizations you are part of. Like
Speaker 2: if you are part of a house of worship that
Speaker 2: tends to have a lot of sort of end of
Speaker 2: year or seasonal things that are going on at that
Speaker 2: time of year, you want to make sure those are
Speaker 2: on your calendar as well. Work. Obviously you probably have
Speaker 2: some stuff there, but if you know there are big
Speaker 2: deadlines in early June, and it might behoove you to
Speaker 2: start thinking about that a little earlier, given that time
Speaker 2: outside of work might feel a little bit more compressed.
Speaker 2: But make sure it's all recorded in your one source
Speaker 2: of truth, calendar, because you are better off actively choosing
Speaker 2: to not do something that is on there versus forgetting
Speaker 2: it even existed, right, Sarah.
Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, and I would say going even granular as
Speaker 3: you possibly can, possibly more than is offered at times.
Speaker 3: So a lot of times school will throw out like
Speaker 3: save the dates, but I'm like, well, also, what time
Speaker 3: is that specific event? I actually just got one for
Speaker 3: Genevieve's kindergarten graduation. Now this actually was June, but it
Speaker 3: was like, it's June fifth. I'm like, Okay, that's great,
Speaker 3: but i have a full day of patience and I'd
Speaker 3: rather not cancel the entire day If the event is
Speaker 3: at five pm, I have no idea, So ask for
Speaker 3: specifics if they're not volunteered, because you're gonna want to
Speaker 3: understand how all of those pieces fit. We did talk
Speaker 3: about calendaring very recently in an episode. But everything I
Speaker 3: get goes into my hope in ECHI. That is my
Speaker 3: source of truth, and I have not committed to anything
Speaker 3: if it's not in there, If that makes sense, Like
Speaker 3: anytime I'm confirming something, it gets written in there. So
Speaker 3: I always have a clear understanding of exactly how crowded
Speaker 3: things are, so that I can then start to say
Speaker 3: no or start to cancel things if it really just
Speaker 3: gets too overwhelming.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and generally, weekly planning works pretty well, I mean
Speaker 2: for the vast majority of life. I mean, I've talked
Speaker 2: a lot about planning on Thursday or Friday for the
Speaker 2: upcoming week, and this will, for the most part, give
Speaker 2: you a good sense of what is truly happening. Like
Speaker 2: you can see the landscape for the next week, and
Speaker 2: you can figure out your priorities for the week based
Speaker 2: on larger goals. Sure, but having a good mindset of
Speaker 2: the upcoming week tends to be enough most.
Speaker 1: Of the time.
Speaker 2: But when you get into these really sort of thicker
Speaker 2: times of years in terms of the stuff that is
Speaker 2: on your calendar, it might behoove you to look ahead
Speaker 2: an extra week or two. So when you were doing
Speaker 2: your Thursday or Friday planning, look at the upcoming week,
Speaker 2: for sure, but then flip forward or scroll forward and
Speaker 2: your electronic calendar and look at the next two weeks.
Speaker 2: Definitely the week in front of the week you're looking at,
Speaker 2: and maybe even the week after that, because if there
Speaker 2: is something big coming up that you're going to want
Speaker 2: to think about more than a week ahead of time.
Speaker 2: You probably want to get some of that on your
Speaker 2: calendar earlier. So as an example, if you have teenagers
Speaker 2: that you're going to be helping with prom shopping, okay,
Speaker 2: like you may not want to be doing that on
Speaker 2: Wednesday for Saturday. There's many things that could go wrong
Speaker 2: in that scenario where you're shopping for address on Wednesday
Speaker 2: for Saturday or trying to find the tech at the
Speaker 2: rental place on Wednesday for Saturday. So you know, you
Speaker 2: might want to pull that forward another week or two
Speaker 2: and make sure it's on there. Or you know, if
Speaker 2: you've got a big work conference toward mid May, probably
Speaker 2: you want to know that and really have that in
Speaker 2: your mental model a week or more than a week
Speaker 2: ahead of time so that you can reach out to people,
Speaker 2: make sure you have prepared to make the most of
Speaker 2: this time if you are choosing to be there during
Speaker 2: this this very busy season.
Speaker 3: Yeah. For me, it's also like the special edition of
Speaker 3: that is paying really close attention to where those call
Speaker 3: weeks are because I know they mess up not just
Speaker 3: that week but often the week after. And fun fact,
Speaker 3: I do have one in May, but it is like
Speaker 3: the special kind where I get overnight coverage, so it's
Speaker 3: not quite as bad as the usual awesome. Yeah, that
Speaker 3: looking ahead is key.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take a quick ad break and
Speaker 2: then we'll be back with more on figuring out the
Speaker 2: right balance during this month. So we are back talking
Speaker 2: all things Maycember, Mayhem. How are we going to rock
Speaker 2: this month even though it is a very very busy
Speaker 2: time for a great many of our listeners. So yeah, Sarah,
Speaker 2: I mean, when you have something like call week and
Speaker 2: you know that you're on and you have big stuff
Speaker 2: during it, what's your approach for something like that?
Speaker 3: Really more looking what I can get done beforehand, like
Speaker 3: to make sure I'm not going to be recording episodes
Speaker 3: like during call, which is very very stressful, and then
Speaker 3: also trying to make sure that the week after isn't
Speaker 3: too cluttered. This is very much easily more said than done.
Speaker 3: Like I try, I really do try. But then every
Speaker 3: once in a while, stuff comes up that is fairly urgent,
Speaker 3: and since it can't fall on the call week, it's
Speaker 3: going to fall in those two flexible slots on the
Speaker 3: Tuesday and Thursday. But to the extent that I can,
Speaker 3: I try to minimize that kind of stuff. And I
Speaker 3: definitely think this is the time to you know, during May,
Speaker 3: when we have so many things on top of each other,
Speaker 3: this is not the time to have less childcare. This
Speaker 3: is maybe the time to have a conversation about, hey,
Speaker 3: summer is going to be a little bit slower, but
Speaker 3: this month might actually have to be. I may need
Speaker 3: like a little bit of extra support just so we
Speaker 3: can get through all of this stuff and enjoy it
Speaker 3: and not feel necessarily stressed out about all the p
Speaker 3: is fitting together.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think it's great too, as you're looking forward, spot
Speaker 2: conflicts ahead of time so you can make a plan.
Speaker 2: I mean, because obviously you could call in other relatives
Speaker 2: for special events, you can split duties and all this
Speaker 2: as much easier if you know about.
Speaker 1: It ahead of time.
Speaker 2: We'll put in a plug for if you have older
Speaker 2: kids and younger kids, hiring a sitter for the little
Speaker 2: one so you're not chasing a little one around a
Speaker 2: ceremony that you're hoping to pay attention for for the
Speaker 2: big kids, for instance. That's I know it doesn't always work,
Speaker 2: but it might be worth building that into your model
Speaker 2: so you can enjoy yourself a little bit more, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, side not.
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, we often talk about there it's
Speaker 2: the work life conflicts that seem to get the headlines.
Speaker 2: But I have found that there's a lot of like
Speaker 2: life life conflicts.
Speaker 1: Especially in May.
Speaker 2: If you have multiple kids, there's things that happen at
Speaker 2: the same time for different kids, especially if they're in
Speaker 2: different schools. Those tend not to spawn the overwrought think
Speaker 2: pieces of like oh I was, you know, miss whatever
Speaker 2: the softball banquet because my plane was delayed. It's like, well,
Speaker 2: I missed this softball banquet because the other kid had
Speaker 2: the lalante I made at the same time. So you know,
Speaker 2: they don't know what do I do with that? Can't
Speaker 2: get rid of the kids. I guess we just accept
Speaker 2: that life doesn't always go as we might wish it were.
Speaker 2: But you actually have you have, Sarah, a work life
Speaker 2: conflict in May this year that you kind of made
Speaker 2: a decision on.
Speaker 3: And no overwrought think piece, because honestly, like this stuff
Speaker 3: does conflict, and sometimes we might make one choice and
Speaker 3: sometimes we might make another, and having to make those
Speaker 3: choices doesn't mean that it's bad that you're working or
Speaker 3: something like that. So I guess I'll share that. Like,
Speaker 3: my annual endochronology meeting that I usually go to is
Speaker 3: being held the first weekend in May, as it usually is,
Speaker 3: and I had a kid related thing that this kid
Speaker 3: had been talking about and talking about, and I was like,
Speaker 3: you know what, I don't really want to miss it.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's a once a year thing and there's
Speaker 3: kind of like a tryout piece of it, and I
Speaker 3: just felt like I wanted to be there for that.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, you know, this meeting does come every year.
Speaker 3: I can go next year, and truthfully, if this event
Speaker 3: did happen again next year, it wouldn't be the first time.
Speaker 3: And so I think I would choose the work event
Speaker 3: next time, and we can. We can make one choice
Speaker 3: sometimes and one choice the next time. And then since
Speaker 3: I made that decision, another kid event came up that
Speaker 3: same weekend, which I would have been annoyed to miss.
Speaker 3: So now I'm like very much grateful that I kind
Speaker 3: of just preemptively made this choice. But again, like sometimes
Speaker 3: I think, as Laura mentioned, people take this a step
Speaker 3: further and say like, oh my gosh, I just can't
Speaker 3: do it, and it's like, actually, I can not every
Speaker 3: meeting is mandatory, and we can make different decisions different times,
Speaker 3: and that's okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But the reason of course to look ahead is
Speaker 2: because if there are avoidable conflicts, then obviously, you know,
Speaker 2: it'd be better to like, you know, somebody wants to
Speaker 2: meet and they're like Wednesday or Thursday, and you're like Wednesday,
Speaker 2: and then it turns out that Wednesday was the huge
Speaker 2: end of school thing. Probably nobody would have cared if
Speaker 2: you'd said Thursday, but now you've said Wednesday, and now
Speaker 2: you have to dig yourself out of this or deal
Speaker 2: with it in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 1: So, yeah, or their ahead.
Speaker 2: You can spot conflicts, the more ways you can come
Speaker 2: up with to solve them. One thing I've always appreciated,
Speaker 2: I've usually been able to go, but our nursery school,
Speaker 2: our preschool used to call it the mother's day Tea
Speaker 2: or something like that, and then they began calling it
Speaker 2: the Special Person's Tea, And that is so much better
Speaker 2: because it's like you send a special person. It could
Speaker 2: be Grandpa, it could be your older sibling if they
Speaker 2: happen to have a day off school or something. You know,
Speaker 2: it's just there's so many ways that it could be
Speaker 2: differently interpreted when it's a special person's tea, and so
Speaker 2: I think that's.
Speaker 1: A really cool idea.
Speaker 2: So one question for people to think about is they
Speaker 2: are looking at their work life balance or work life
Speaker 2: fit or whatever you want refer to it as in
Speaker 2: the course of May, is do you actually have enough
Speaker 2: time to work?
Speaker 1: Now?
Speaker 2: This may not be the normal way that people think
Speaker 2: of work life conflict. It's usually that work needs to
Speaker 2: dial down because we have so much stuff going on.
Speaker 2: But we have both had the experience of when you
Speaker 2: do have flexible hours and days in your schedule, often
Speaker 2: you put the stuff there because you can, and then
Speaker 2: your work hours wind up getting quite compressed. I have
Speaker 2: certainly had this experience with you know, have kid meetings
Speaker 2: during the school day. I may have had physical therapy
Speaker 2: going on for months, which hopefully by the time this
Speaker 2: air is that is over. But you know that when
Speaker 2: there's enough stuff during the work day, you can wind
Speaker 2: up with fewer hours to work than you may need
Speaker 2: to actually meet your obligations.
Speaker 1: So you need to be careful with this.
Speaker 2: I know Sarah, you've encountered this reality as you have
Speaker 2: your Tuesday and Thursday entrepreneurial days, I'll be like texting
Speaker 2: Sarah and she's like, I'm at the dentist.
Speaker 3: I'm at the oral surgeon, I'm at the dentist, I'm
Speaker 3: at the obi Joyanne, I'm at the kid I appointment. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Like it's I swear. I have three relatively healthy children,
Speaker 3: and yet the sheer number of various things they need
Speaker 3: to go to that are at least medically aligned is high.
Speaker 3: I think I counted once. It was like nineteen a
Speaker 3: year or something, and I don't know a lot anyway.
Speaker 3: So I mean there's two ways of thinking of this.
Speaker 3: There is the Okay, I need to figure out my
Speaker 3: strategy to have more work hours outside of those days.
Speaker 3: And then there's also the acceptance that some months are
Speaker 3: going to be more productive than others. And so sometimes
Speaker 3: giving myself that permission that, like, this is not the
Speaker 3: month I'm going to take on XYZ big project is fine,
Speaker 3: especially if I have a month when I know that
Speaker 3: I can be really really focused and get after it.
Speaker 3: And I'm already thinking about May as Honestly, I don't
Speaker 3: think it's going to be a month of a lot
Speaker 3: of extra work, but April could be a really good
Speaker 3: month for extra work. I have no call week. I
Speaker 3: have really like no travel, Like I can really take
Speaker 3: my Tuesdays and Thursdays and try to keep them as
Speaker 3: clear as possible. Working ahead. I know we're super ahead
Speaker 3: in our best of both world recordings, so that's kind
Speaker 3: of awesome, and so I would have.
Speaker 1: Been lightning to strike us, Sarah.
Speaker 3: I know these are all tracks are going to be
Speaker 3: deleted and we're going to have to record them in May,
Speaker 3: all of them. Just kidding, but you know, like as
Speaker 3: Cal brought up during his interview a few weeks back,
Speaker 3: you know, sometimes the seasonality can be helpful. And I
Speaker 3: do think May and December for me are probably well.
Speaker 3: December is special because I have a lot of kind
Speaker 3: of year ending stuff that I have to lean into professionally,
Speaker 3: so I can't do a lot of extra things in
Speaker 3: addition to that. But I think May is kind of
Speaker 3: a month of like I think I do just have
Speaker 3: to be okay with working a little bit less, especially
Speaker 3: a May when I have a call week in there
Speaker 3: and a couple's trip with my husband. So that's kind
Speaker 3: of how I'm going to solve things this year. But
Speaker 3: that means April and June are going to be really
Speaker 3: kind of devoted more to productivity and trying to keep
Speaker 3: those Tuesdays and Thursdays clear.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and even if you do have flexibility and wind
Speaker 2: up covering a lot of this stuff, you can be
Speaker 2: smart about when you schedule it too. I mean, batching
Speaker 2: things as much as possible. I've certainly wound up with
Speaker 2: them batching kid doctor appointments to the extent that that
Speaker 2: was possible. I think I did three and two this year,
Speaker 2: which was better than going five times. We're doing everyone's
Speaker 2: dentist appointments in one day that will have been long
Speaker 2: over by the time this errors, but can report back
Speaker 2: on how that went the or just asking for later
Speaker 2: in the afternoon appointments. I mean, this is kind of
Speaker 2: upside of the kid not missing as much school if
Speaker 2: it's you know, something with that. But it's also for
Speaker 2: those of us who do tend to be more productive
Speaker 2: in the morning, Like a ten am appointment is just
Speaker 2: a killer, right because that's your entire productive hours then,
Speaker 2: whereas if you have an appointment at two thirty, you
Speaker 2: might have been able to work from eight to two,
Speaker 2: and you're getting most of what you probably would have
Speaker 2: gotten done between eight and five done. Between eight and
Speaker 2: two if you a tendency to, you know, kind of
Speaker 2: not be as productive in the afternoon, So just being
Speaker 2: very careful of that, and then if you do wind
Speaker 2: up taking a lot of during the daytime, being totally
Speaker 2: okay with scheduling some night and weekend sessions to make
Speaker 2: it up is not necessarily a sign that something tragic
Speaker 2: has occurred if you are working on the weekend. I
Speaker 2: know some people feel that way, but I would encourage
Speaker 2: people not to be so precious about it for certain
Speaker 2: kinds of work, because like if you took three hours
Speaker 2: off on Tuesday, the time has to come from somewhere
Speaker 2: and unless you are reducing your responsibilities so you taking
Speaker 2: that means especially if you have a partner and they
Speaker 2: did not take that, that that person should probably take
Speaker 2: three hours on Saturday so you can make up whatever
Speaker 2: you did on Tuesday.
Speaker 1: And there is nothing wrong with that. It is just
Speaker 1: how the world kind of works.
Speaker 3: I agree, it is not tragic. I did record a
Speaker 3: podcast episode at six thirty pm. It was the best
Speaker 3: way to plans episode and it wasn't my favorite ever
Speaker 3: time to be doing it. But honestly, if I have
Speaker 3: a deadline, it's not the worst either. I'm like, it's
Speaker 3: not eleven o'clock, it's not three in the morning. Like
Speaker 3: I can talk about planners at six pm.
Speaker 1: It's okay.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, we can talk about planners at any point of
Speaker 2: the day. Well, we're going to take a quick ad
Speaker 2: break and then we'll be back with talking about ways
Speaker 2: that we can manage our energy, which is sort of
Speaker 2: a topic of whether we are working at three am
Speaker 2: or not. We are back talking about all things May,
Speaker 2: Sumber May, how we manage the month of May. We've
Speaker 2: been talking about making sure you know when everything is happening,
Speaker 2: and being able to spot conflicts before they occur, making
Speaker 2: sure that you have a work life balance that works
Speaker 2: for you, which can include creating some extra times to
Speaker 2: work if a lot of your work hours wind up
Speaker 2: being taken up with personal things, and that can certainly
Speaker 2: happen for people who have more flexible jobs in May.
Speaker 2: So this last part we want to talk about is
Speaker 2: how we manage our energy, because we want to do
Speaker 2: things that add to our energy levels. And one really
Speaker 2: cool idea we heard from one of our Patreon community members.
Speaker 2: So Mother's Day occurs in May, and I think in
Speaker 2: many of our minds we have the idea of like
Speaker 2: things we might do to add to our energy levels
Speaker 2: as a celebration.
Speaker 1: Of our motherhood.
Speaker 2: People want to you know, go to the spa, you know,
Speaker 2: have a day to themselves or all that. But that
Speaker 2: is probably not how your family wants to celebrate Mother's
Speaker 2: Day with you. Like they you know, if you have
Speaker 2: a partner, they might take the kids for a few
Speaker 2: hours or whatever, but like they're going to want to
Speaker 2: do stuff with you, or if you have you know,
Speaker 2: extended family around, you might wind up being part of
Speaker 2: celebrations that are more aimed at kind of family matriarchs
Speaker 2: or something. And and so it can wind up being
Speaker 2: a little bit maybe not what you were hoping for
Speaker 2: on that particular day. And so if that is the case,
Speaker 2: our Patreon community members suggested having Mother's Day observed so
Speaker 2: when a holiday that like the government or post office
Speaker 2: would have off falls on a weekend, they then have
Speaker 2: it observed at some point, like on the Monday. So
Speaker 2: you can do that, you know, instead of Mother's Day
Speaker 2: on Sunday, have Mother's Day observed on Monday or Tuesday
Speaker 2: or whatever happens to work for you. Maybe you could
Speaker 2: even take some paid time off from your job if
Speaker 2: that is an option, and go to the spa on
Speaker 2: that day and so that way you get the best
Speaker 2: of both worlds.
Speaker 3: I'm totally doing this, and I'm also taking my birthday observed.
Speaker 3: And no, I am not bundling them to one day
Speaker 3: because that would not be fair to me. So I
Speaker 3: love this idea. I think that's great and it's true,
Speaker 3: that's not I mean, the family wants to spend time
Speaker 3: with you. You want to celebrate being a mother by
Speaker 3: enjoying time with your family, but then to have a
Speaker 3: little bit of extra time on another day is such
Speaker 3: a beautiful idea. So thank you for that idea, Patreon member.
Speaker 3: And we also will go beyond that in terms of
Speaker 3: managing your energy to make sure and we talk about
Speaker 3: this during the HOLI so this is a recurring theme,
Speaker 3: but make sure you have something during this season that
Speaker 3: you are looking forward to. So, Laura, what is that
Speaker 3: going to be for you in May?
Speaker 1: Yeah? That's well.
Speaker 2: I mean I haven't been running as much, so I
Speaker 2: mean often would be run somewhere pretty that I enjoy.
Speaker 2: But I think even having some weekend downtime where I
Speaker 2: am not running around after kids, especially if I get
Speaker 2: the house to myself. Oh I love that. But I
Speaker 2: like going to botanical gardens. I might do some of
Speaker 2: that in May, going on a walk somewhere.
Speaker 1: I like going out to eat.
Speaker 2: Like my husband and I have often been doing casual
Speaker 2: dinners on Friday night on the nights when we have
Speaker 2: childcare for Henry's that can be a fun thing too.
Speaker 1: Obviously, a sing with my choir.
Speaker 2: That's something I do almost every weekend, although I can
Speaker 2: see that there are going to be several May weekends
Speaker 2: where I'm not going to make it to church because
Speaker 2: of various things, and so it's like a well, you know,
Speaker 2: but just think about this, Like, what's going to be
Speaker 2: restorative for you over the course of a weekend, even
Speaker 2: if there is a ton of community or family related
Speaker 2: activities that you need to do. I mean, how about you, Sarah,
Speaker 2: what is it that adds to your energy levels?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean on the weekends I love really it's
Speaker 3: non negotiable getting in the long run, usually on Saturday morning.
Speaker 3: I love doing a date night of some kind on Saturday,
Speaker 3: or at least a family like out to dinner kind
Speaker 3: of a night. And like you, I just enjoy some
Speaker 3: total downtime. Like if I can get on the couch
Speaker 3: for two plus hours while the kids are having some
Speaker 3: device time one afternoon, then that is considered a huge
Speaker 3: win in my book. And I usually will read and
Speaker 3: then I'll fall asleep and it's like the best thing ever. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, in your non negotiables too, I mean, you get
Speaker 2: your morning routine, you're running during the.
Speaker 1: Week as well. I know that even on a very
Speaker 1: busy day, you tend to do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it helps that my non negotiables are
Speaker 3: usually during the time when everybody else is asleep, so
Speaker 3: it makes it it work for me. But I mean, yeah,
Speaker 3: that is not something that I would be happy to
Speaker 3: give up just because our season happens to be busier.
Speaker 3: It's still really really important to me, and certain elements
Speaker 3: of it still feel like treats to me, even though
Speaker 3: it's just a regular old Monday. I meet with a
Speaker 3: group two of those days, and those are just like
Speaker 3: built in fun time where I'm getting to do something
Speaker 3: that is purely something I look forward to and enjoy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, become more militant about my bedtime, which isn't that early,
Speaker 2: but you know, I have to be up at around
Speaker 2: six thirty most mornings during the week, and so bedtime
Speaker 2: lights out has to be eleven. That's seven and a
Speaker 2: half hours, and so pretty much, no matter what happens,
Speaker 2: I'm going to be in bed at eleven o'clock. And
Speaker 2: I've found that if I do that regularly, I just
Speaker 2: feel a lot better about life.
Speaker 1: So I've been.
Speaker 2: Trying to do that and just one thing that can
Speaker 2: make like the down time you do have more fun
Speaker 2: with getting outside, and especially those of us who are
Speaker 2: in place where the weather does start getting nicer that
Speaker 2: time of year, We've been doing a lot of what
Speaker 2: we call toad time, that is time outside after dinner,
Speaker 2: and you know, I just sit outside in the nice
Speaker 2: weather and the kids play on the swing set, or
Speaker 2: run around the yard, or ride their bikes up and
Speaker 2: down the driveway or something. And that's feels like it's
Speaker 2: a little bit more low key on the nights that
Speaker 2: we do have that option. It's just a reminder that
Speaker 2: even during busy stretches, it's not over the top busy,
Speaker 2: right there does tend to still be some space.
Speaker 3: I like the openness of toad time too, because you know,
Speaker 3: it can be a little kid playing on a swing
Speaker 3: set but it could also be you know, a big
Speaker 3: kid just moving their homework outside and doing it in
Speaker 3: a nicer setting, or everybody enjoying like I don't know,
Speaker 3: a popsicles outside or something like that. Like it can
Speaker 3: be so flexible. It could be taking a dog for
Speaker 3: a walk and just enjoying better weather. So yeah, I
Speaker 3: like the openness of that, even if it's not necessarily
Speaker 3: as easy executable where we are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, well, you guys can do toad well promise,
Speaker 2: then it's still dark with the.
Speaker 3: Time I mean, I call it mosquito time around this.
Speaker 2: Yes, that seems a little bit less appealing, all right,
Speaker 2: So these are some ways that we can think about December.
Speaker 2: I mean, making sure everything is on the calendar, making
Speaker 2: sure that we spot conflicts ahead of time so we
Speaker 2: can strategize to solve them. Making sure that you still
Speaker 2: have enough time to work, particularly for those with flexible schedules,
Speaker 2: and then managing your energy to make sure that you
Speaker 2: are not feeling like you are completely depleted by the
Speaker 2: end of this, that even the busiest weekends have something
Speaker 2: that you personally are still looking forward to. So this
Speaker 2: listener question kids at weddings. This is obviously wedding season
Speaker 2: May June. What do you think, Sarah, kids at weddings?
Speaker 1: Yes or no?
Speaker 3: I mean, as a general rule, it depends on the
Speaker 3: vibe that bride and groom wants, so I'm happy to
Speaker 3: generally oblige either way. I enjoy both kinds of event. However,
Speaker 3: the caveat is kind of like relating to the kids' ages,
Speaker 3: where I have found that family events have recently become fun,
Speaker 3: but only fairly recently, like I'd say, when Genevieve turned
Speaker 3: five or so, the age where you can basically let
Speaker 3: them run with their big siblings and not worry that
Speaker 3: something catastrophic is going to happen within a relatively closed environment.
Speaker 3: When you have like that toddler and they want to
Speaker 3: invite kids and the whole family, yes, I get that
Speaker 3: it's pretty in the pictures to have this cute little cherubic,
Speaker 3: you know, flower girl running around, but I personally found
Speaker 3: it a bit of a kill joy. So one compromise
Speaker 3: would be to bring the big kids who can have
Speaker 3: fun and are still cute, and maybe leave the baby
Speaker 3: home with a sitter if it is a kids are
Speaker 3: invited type of wedding, because really, the little one is
Speaker 3: not going to have memories from the event anyway, and
Speaker 3: everybody else's time will be elevated. But adults only events
Speaker 3: are great too. I don't complain if I get but
Speaker 3: you know, unless it's like if my sister like was
Speaker 3: having a wedding and didn't invite my kids, I might
Speaker 3: be a little offended because it's like we're that close
Speaker 3: of a relationship. But beyond that, I mean I'm fine.
Speaker 3: Adults only is fun. Then you get to be a
Speaker 3: grown up and party and enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you could definitely.
Speaker 2: I would say kids under five, somebody is going to
Speaker 2: need to watch them the entire time, So somebody will
Speaker 2: not be participating in most of the adult conversations or
Speaker 2: the ceremony and enjoyment of the wedding. So you just
Speaker 2: have to know that going in, and you know, you
Speaker 2: could split this or you can also just if it's
Speaker 2: not that particular person's family, maybe they might be willing
Speaker 2: to take one for the team. I know that my
Speaker 2: husband wound up chasing Henry around my little brother's wedding.
Speaker 2: That was you know, when he was, oh boy, like
Speaker 2: a toddler, and he was just everywhere, and so Michael
Speaker 2: took him and I could talk to my family and
Speaker 2: that was great, but you know, it wouldn't have worked
Speaker 2: for both of us to be able to interact with
Speaker 2: people given that reality. So yeah, kids under five really
Speaker 2: just think through that reality. And one option you bring
Speaker 2: them for part of the time, because particularly if summary
Speaker 2: you've like gone somewhere and you have a hotel room there,
Speaker 2: maybe you can bring the little kids for a little
Speaker 2: bit so they get in the photos, and then you
Speaker 2: book a sitter at the hotel. They go back and
Speaker 2: watch movies and order pizza from room service, and you
Speaker 2: can go have the conversations with relatives and friends for
Speaker 2: a few hours and then come back. And that might
Speaker 2: be a way to have kind of best of both
Speaker 2: worlds with little ones and weddings. All right, So love
Speaker 2: of the week, Sarah, What are you enjoying this week?
Speaker 3: We had a recent trip to do some kids shopping,
Speaker 3: and I think I still stand behind Abercrombie Kids being
Speaker 3: my current favorite kids retailer. Like the price point is
Speaker 3: not super low, but they have sales. It seems like
Speaker 3: it's well made. My kids like the styles, but I
Speaker 3: like them too, which is not always going to be true.
Speaker 3: And so right now. They're kind of like our number
Speaker 3: one go to for tween and little not necessarily boys
Speaker 3: as much, because Cameron's much more into like Nike under
Speaker 3: Arm or whatever. But I guess for the girls, we're
Speaker 3: into Abercrombi kids.
Speaker 1: Awesome.
Speaker 2: Well, my love of the week is going to be
Speaker 2: wireless chargers, So I probably should bite the bullet and
Speaker 2: buy a new iPhone. I've had mine since the beginning
Speaker 2: of twenty nineteen, so it has made it through over
Speaker 2: five years, which I think is impressive for a phone.
Speaker 2: But the plug part basically stop working, like I can't
Speaker 2: plug it in, you know, and charge it with a
Speaker 2: regular wall charger. So I bought a couple of wireless chargers,
Speaker 2: which are fairly inexpensive. So you plug the it's like
Speaker 2: a little sphere, well flat circle, and that gets plugged
Speaker 2: into the wall and then you put your phone on
Speaker 2: top of it and it charges the phone that way,
Speaker 2: and that works, so it doesn't matter that the little
Speaker 2: port doesn't work anymore. Again, I probably need to bite
Speaker 2: the bullet and buy a new phone, but this has
Speaker 2: bought me another few months, so I mean, you know,
Speaker 2: it's more economical doing it that way, and I just
Speaker 2: put it down on my desk. It's chugged in and
Speaker 2: my phone is constantly charging and it's awesome.
Speaker 3: Cool, great to extend the life of your electronics.
Speaker 2: Yes, I know, I'd like to use things up when
Speaker 2: it all possible. Well, this has been best of both worlds.
Speaker 2: We've been talking all things may, how to survive and
Speaker 2: perhaps even thrive in what tends to be a very
Speaker 2: busy month for people with school age kids. We will
Speaker 2: be back next week with more on making work and
Speaker 2: life fit together.
Speaker 3: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the
Speaker 3: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram,
Speaker 3: and you.
Speaker 2: Can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This
Speaker 2: has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join
Speaker 2: us next time for more on making work and life
Speaker 2: work together.