1 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,799 Speaker 1: Welcome back Barbie Adler from Selective Search. She is a 2 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,960 Speaker 1: matchmaker and dating expert. So we are going to get 3 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: all the free information and not have to pay several 4 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars. 5 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 2: Okay, hello, hello, Hello. 6 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: So many women are so worked right now, Like everybody 7 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,400 Speaker 1: looks good no matter where you go, because if everybody's 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: got the fake hair, the fake eyelashes, all the makeup, 9 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 1: the you know, inexpensive slutty dresses, all of these things, 10 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,920 Speaker 1: Like I'll be out and it's like a sea of 11 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,680 Speaker 1: similar women. And I never feel intimidated by women thirty 12 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: years younger. 13 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 2: I don't. 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: I don't know why. I'm just very either confident or 15 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: don't care. But I see that a lot of women 16 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:53,960 Speaker 1: I was at I keep talking about this. I haven't 17 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: talked about it in a while, but I was at 18 00:00:55,240 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: an editor's dinner, beauty editors now gorgeous young women, stunning, 19 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: one pretty then the other. What everybody was worked to. 20 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: Everybody smelled good, the long hair, the curves, the shape 21 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 1: where they worked it. And they all looked very similar. 22 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: And they were all saying to me, like, how do 23 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: we meet men? It's so hard? And I'm looking at 24 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 1: them thinking what the fuck is going on here? Like 25 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 1: these women, because I do feel that there's a way 26 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,399 Speaker 1: to position yourself where you don't just look like a 27 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,479 Speaker 1: basic bee. You don't just look like a basic bee 28 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 1: that is trying so hard to show the boobs, the legs, 29 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,399 Speaker 1: the blinged out purse, the sparkle makeup, the long lashes, 30 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,759 Speaker 1: the hair. Like men judge that too. They look at 31 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 1: that and they you could be a rocket scientist dressed 32 00:01:40,959 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 1: like that, and they're gonna think you're some version of 33 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,440 Speaker 1: a basic bitch bimbo. And that's just the fact I've 34 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 1: I've seen men that I know that I'm friends with 35 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: do it. They're like reducing women to something that's an 36 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: object based on how the woman is presenting themselves. 37 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,919 Speaker 3: I also think that men are not like it's almost 38 00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 3: like you dress for women, but for men, they don't 39 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 3: follow the fashion shins like that, and sometimes it's too much, 40 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 3: it's too flashy, and they almost are run from it 41 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,400 Speaker 3: or are scared of it because they feel like there's 42 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 3: nothing inside when they look that way. 43 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 2: That's already too much high maintenance. Yeah, well, it looks 44 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 2: like she's coming from wallet, right. 45 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,359 Speaker 3: It looks like ill motives like this girl is gonna 46 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,880 Speaker 3: literally have a mission and then she's gonna eat me 47 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 3: up and chew me out, and she's not relationship oriented exactly. 48 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 1: And that's adjacent to you know, women should be able 49 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: to wear what they want and do what they want. 50 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: But these are just facts. You can wear whatever you want. 51 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: You could be Beyonca Sensory and go naked to the Grammys. 52 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 1: But the point of what I'm saying is I'm just 53 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 1: speaking on how men speak about women that look like 54 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: they are just worked head to toe. 55 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 2: It looks like she's a lot of working. 56 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,679 Speaker 3: Right, Or back it up with like maybe they're coming 57 00:02:47,760 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 3: across too unapproachable because they're not talking and they're. 58 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,839 Speaker 2: Just it's the same thing people are on their phones. 59 00:02:53,919 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 3: You can have the most amazing guy walk by you 60 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 3: and no one would even know it because they're they're 61 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 3: buried into their phone. It's like, you have to be approachable. 62 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 3: You can't have a flock of women sitting in one group. 63 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 3: A guy's going to be intimidated to even go up 64 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 3: to that table. And the guy that goes up to 65 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:08,639 Speaker 3: the table of girls, that's the kind of guy you 66 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,679 Speaker 3: don't even want because they just are on the fishure too, 67 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 3: or just they're fishing and it just seems a little 68 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 3: sus and yeah, in a little tacky. 69 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:19,960 Speaker 2: So that's why you almost have to I always say, like. 70 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 3: Whether you're going to the bathroom, where you're going to 71 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 3: the bar and meeting a friend earlier and just looking 72 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,079 Speaker 3: approachable and having something to say, if you're just getting 73 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 3: by by looks, people are gonna sniff that out and 74 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,120 Speaker 3: not trust trust you. I mean, obviously you could be 75 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 3: beautiful and smart. 76 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: This is a good one. And I really want to 77 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: get into this because you are a person that people 78 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 1: come and pay and hire to set them up. So 79 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: presumably some of these people are consummate bachelors that have 80 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: just hit the wall and they're done and they're ready now, 81 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 1: you know. 82 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 2: I feel like that could happen. 83 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 1: And over the course of all the years, I've had 84 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 1: different people reach out to me about different people that 85 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: I'm dating, and everybody has an opinion, okay, and I 86 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 1: really do think it's important that you develop your own opinion. 87 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: And I want to explain why years ago I dated 88 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: someone who was a player and I just didn't think 89 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,840 Speaker 1: they were attractive when I met them, even though everybody 90 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 1: else did. 91 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 2: I can't explain it. I just didn't notice it. It 92 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 2: was just weird. 93 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: And so I I was after a divorce and I 94 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,359 Speaker 1: got together with them, and they had a reputation. And 95 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: I've come into this with other people too. They had 96 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,960 Speaker 1: a reputation. They had been with a different girl every 97 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,480 Speaker 1: weekend because they were single and they were bachelors, and 98 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: they didn't want to have a relationship, and that's what 99 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: they chose to do. But I mean, maybe that a 100 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 1: lot of pissed a lot of women off. Maybe sleeping 101 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,559 Speaker 1: at them not calling them the next day. Their body, 102 00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,279 Speaker 1: their choice. If you sleep with a man, he doesn't 103 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 1: have a legal obligation to call you. He's not a dick, 104 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: he's not in anything. You guys made an arrangement. You 105 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: chose to sleep with them on the first day. You 106 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,560 Speaker 1: should not sleep with someone until you are pretty certain 107 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,360 Speaker 1: that they're going to call and that you can trust them. 108 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 1: Otherwise you're on your own. That's just my opinion, like 109 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: your big or. 110 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 3: It's just liberating, and you make the decision, then you 111 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,800 Speaker 3: have to deal with the consequences. If it can't be 112 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 3: everything that you want, but it can be liberating. I 113 00:04:58,120 --> 00:04:58,840 Speaker 3: thing you choose to. 114 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: No, But you don't get to say the guy's an 115 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,159 Speaker 1: asshole because you were willing. You both got drunk, you 116 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:04,919 Speaker 1: both had sex the next day. He doesn't feel like 117 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,919 Speaker 1: calling you, he doesn't know you any It doesn't, it doesn't. 118 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: He can call you if he wants to. He doesn't 119 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:10,560 Speaker 1: have to, he doesn't want to. You were both there 120 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: as consenting adults to sign the piece of paper and 121 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: women really okay, So, and that sucks. And we've all 122 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: been there. You've all been with a guy that treated 123 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: you like he was in love. I mean, if he 124 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 1: says I'm in love with you and I want to 125 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: have kids with you, that's deceptive. But by and large, 126 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 1: if it's just you know, body and chemistry, anybody could 127 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:28,839 Speaker 1: say anything drunk. 128 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 2: Okay. So I want. 129 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,600 Speaker 1: To talk about the fact that this person became a 130 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,880 Speaker 1: serious boyfriend of mine, a very serious boyfriend, because while 131 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 1: we were in the like going on a date every week, 132 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 1: and then we wouldn't speak for a couple of days, 133 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,720 Speaker 1: and then he'd want to go the next week. 134 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 2: I said, this. 135 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 1: Has to be evolving. I don't want to go. I 136 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: don't want to this isn't who I am. I have 137 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: to evolve in friendships and work. We don't have to 138 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:51,440 Speaker 1: do this, and he was like, well, I'm not a 139 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: relationship person. I'm like, well, great, then then you. 140 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 2: Don't have to be. 141 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,359 Speaker 1: But we can peace out because I would not be 142 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 1: with you this often if I didn't eventually think it 143 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 1: could be something Otherwise, I'd rather just not do this. 144 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 1: He like bucked up and became a very loyal boyfriend. 145 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,359 Speaker 1: So I in my question is I am break the 146 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: life coach and other people do believe that people can change. 147 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: So I think that I want your opinion on if 148 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 1: a guy historically has been a total player even slash 149 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: a cheater, or a girl thinks he's in love with 150 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,120 Speaker 1: them and then he goes to the next girl like 151 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 1: a full on player. Because George Clooney was a player. Uh, 152 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: Warren Beatty was a player. 153 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 2: Well, I was just about to say, I don't think 154 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 2: there's such a thing. 155 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: Okay, So I don't. I don't care how bad someone's 156 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,960 Speaker 1: reputation is. I think if you have good instincts, you 157 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:47,520 Speaker 1: can tell if someone is different with you or has 158 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 1: the inkling to be different with you. And I don't 159 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: there's a fine line between gaslighting yourself and pretend and 160 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:57,839 Speaker 1: pretending that they can change for you and it being true. 161 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: So how do you navigate that? 162 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, look, I think when you're talking about guys in 163 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 3: their twenties, some of it they just have to grow up, right, 164 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,720 Speaker 3: So I think we're talking about different decades and dating. 165 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 2: It's different scenarios. 166 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 3: But I think I always use an example of because 167 00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 3: in our business, people pay money. 168 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: They're not players. They really want to be in a relationship. 169 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 3: They're putting their ego aside, they're paying with their wallet, 170 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 3: saying this is an investment making myself because I care 171 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 3: about meeting the right person, and they either don't want 172 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 3: to go online on dating apps because they're too private 173 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 3: and they have too much personal and professional risk. 174 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 2: So I always say to people like if. 175 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,920 Speaker 3: They know someone who's well known, like oh, I thought 176 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 3: that guy was a player, No, he's not a player, 177 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 3: he just hasn't met his person. Look at George Clooney, 178 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 3: he's so loyal and a loving father, he just has 179 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 3: didn't meet the right person. So so many people will 180 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 3: couch it like, oh that guy was just a user, 181 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 3: he was just an opportunist. No, he might really just 182 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,800 Speaker 3: not have met the person. So I think a lot 183 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 3: of it is. Yes, you have to trust them in 184 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 3: terms of how they are treating you. But I love 185 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,640 Speaker 3: what you said to this guy because you told him, 186 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 3: I'm not going to do this if I'm not evolving, 187 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 3: and so you told him chapters from your playbook. I 188 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 3: believe we don't. We do not come with owner manuals. 189 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 3: He's not a mind reader. But you did such a 190 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 3: good job communicating, Look, it's okay if this is what 191 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 3: you need, but this is what I need. If you 192 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 3: want to be with me, then you're gonna have to 193 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 3: evolve and step it up, and he did so my book. 194 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,440 Speaker 2: I don't think he's a player. 195 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 3: I just think he wanted to be with you and 196 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,560 Speaker 3: so he stepped up because he didn't want to lose you. 197 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 2: If you tell someone what you need and they don't. 198 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 3: Do it, then that's where I think that then that 199 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 3: person's not worth your time and you should trust him 200 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 3: and move to the next person. 201 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: I also don't like this whole, especially as a public person. 202 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:04,560 Speaker 1: This whole like un understanding from society that if we're 203 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: dating someone we definitely want to like go the distance 204 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: with them like it always is, like society positions it 205 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: that a woman wants to get more from the guy, 206 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: and that the guy like, you know, I like, I 207 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 1: like women just women being in charge too, women just 208 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,120 Speaker 1: deciding I'm doing this for right now. I don't think 209 00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: this is gonna last. Men do it all the time, 210 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:24,160 Speaker 1: you know. 211 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, it could be in the meantime, and it does 212 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 3: not need to be just marriage or family planning. But 213 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 3: I do think that's also good to be upfront about it, like, hey, 214 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 3: I'm having fun. Let's let's just have fun whatever it is, 215 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 3: whatever life page you're on. First you need to get 216 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 3: crystal clear about what you're looking for and what life 217 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,720 Speaker 3: page you're on, and what do you want out of 218 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:47,120 Speaker 3: this out of life with whoever you're I think if 219 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 3: you're not clear on your goals, you're going to waste 220 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 3: your own time in other people's time. 221 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, and also, if you are not true to yourself 222 00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: and what you want, you're never gonna quote unquote get 223 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: the guy, meaning if you are pretending you're okay with 224 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:05,960 Speaker 1: it and just going along with his hope. But in 225 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: other words, I could have gone out that night with 226 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:09,680 Speaker 1: the guy and then not heard from him again to 227 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 1: the next week, and for me, that wasn't working. I 228 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:13,839 Speaker 1: needed to feel evolving. And he said, I don't want 229 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 1: a serious girlfriend. I just want to be casual. And 230 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: I said, well, all right, then call the fight. 231 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 2: Call it. 232 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: And we stayed on the phone for like an hour. 233 00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 1: He just couldn't call it. I was like And then 234 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 1: finally he was like, all right, I want to do this. 235 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay. 236 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,120 Speaker 1: And it was a great relationship because I pushed it 237 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,680 Speaker 1: because I felt like I was settling for less than 238 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 1: what I deserve and I didn't like the way that 239 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 1: made me feel. And you'll end up being a dormat. 240 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,599 Speaker 1: It's energetic, like you gotta someone's got to meet you 241 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,120 Speaker 1: where you're at. 242 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:35,400 Speaker 2: That's it. 243 00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: You don't have to they don't have to. It's a 244 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,800 Speaker 1: business partnership. They don't have to do eighty percent of 245 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: the work, but they have to do fifty percent. 246 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you have to feel respected. 247 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,440 Speaker 3: The second that you start feeling taking advantage of or 248 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:47,840 Speaker 3: feeling bad about yourself, that's where you have to be 249 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 3: true to yourself or else it's it's on you. 250 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 2: If you don't do that, you have to communicate that. 251 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 3: And and what's the worst that could happen that they're 252 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 3: going to say no, I really just want something casual, 253 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 3: and you say, totally appreciate you tubbing raightforward, there's no 254 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 3: wrong answer. 255 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 2: Bye. And then you find someone that is good for you, and. 256 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 1: It's also confident you saying to someone I can't handle that, 257 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: so I'm out, Like that's empowering you saying I want 258 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 1: this and then staying makes you a dormat like. 259 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 2: You could be. 260 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 1: You could say on the first I mean you shouldn't, 261 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 1: but you could say. You could say on the first date, 262 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,199 Speaker 1: if they asked you, what are your goals? I ultimately 263 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:25,280 Speaker 1: would like to find a life partner. You're allowed to 264 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,080 Speaker 1: want that. You don't have to say, could you marry 265 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 1: me on the first date, but you're allowed to have No. 266 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 3: It's you're not gonna reak. Yeah, you're not gonna reak 267 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 3: of desperation by saying that. But I do think it's 268 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:37,160 Speaker 3: good to first internally know what it is and then 269 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,760 Speaker 3: you're staying in your place of power, and then that 270 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 3: way you don't feel so beat up about it and 271 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 3: having those internal conversations with yourself where you are gas 272 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,400 Speaker 3: letting yourself and making yourself feel bad and going bananas 273 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 3: about it, like. 274 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:48,599 Speaker 1: Just have it. 275 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,040 Speaker 3: You know how many times the girlfriends just go on 276 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 3: and on and on about something that doesn't work. It's like, 277 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 3: have the conversation, share what's important to you, what you need. 278 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,199 Speaker 3: Otherwise let it go. It's just not good for you. 279 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,239 Speaker 3: It's not healthy. 280 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:04,520 Speaker 1: Yes, I'm speaking more to the fact that women worry 281 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:11,479 Speaker 1: more about the messaging than the message. I could message 282 00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 1: anything in a confident way. That does not make me 283 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: a doormat if you are worried about the Like. What 284 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: I'm saying is I could deliver. I would like to 285 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,800 Speaker 1: get married within five minutes of a first date in 286 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 1: a confident way. That's a man would not think I 287 00:12:25,559 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 1: was a psychopath. Another girl would be playing these twisty 288 00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:31,200 Speaker 1: turney games, but like her energy is giving off that 289 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,320 Speaker 1: she is desperate, versus just like and staying in it. 290 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,000 Speaker 1: Like in other words, you could be like, I really 291 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,439 Speaker 1: want this and then the guy doesn't give it to you, 292 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,319 Speaker 1: and then you just stay I really want this other 293 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 1: thing and then the guy doesn't give it to you. 294 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:41,080 Speaker 2: Just stay. 295 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 1: You could be like, this is what I want. You 296 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:45,280 Speaker 1: have to have the courage to walk, is what I'm saying. 297 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: You have to have the courage to walk from a 298 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,079 Speaker 1: business deal from the housewife. All the housewives used to 299 00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: go in and pretend to the house how to the 300 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,360 Speaker 1: to Bravo this. I can name five examples. They'd pretend 301 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,200 Speaker 1: they were leaving. It happens on Beverly Hills. Now, all 302 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,640 Speaker 1: the time these cast mates, I was gonna leave, I'm 303 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: gonna lea If I threaten to leave, they were never 304 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 1: gonna leave. They were their fifteen years. You were never 305 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:06,199 Speaker 1: gonna leave. I left twice, so everybody fucking knew that. 306 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 1: I was always business. If I say it, it might 307 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: actually happen, and then you get a little nervous and 308 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 1: you know you're dealing with I remember four different housewives 309 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,080 Speaker 1: telling them they were going to leave, but then all 310 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,120 Speaker 1: of a sudden, the minute that the show started shooting, 311 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,319 Speaker 1: they would come and take less money. So they never 312 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: had any bargaining power forever. And it's the same thing 313 00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: in dating. It's like say what you mean and mean 314 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 1: what you say. If you say you need this in 315 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 1: a relationship or for someone you're dating, and then you 316 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 1: don't get it, you have to be willing to walk. 317 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,080 Speaker 3: It's the same thing of raising a child, like no 318 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 3: means no. There needs to be consequences. It's you have 319 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,200 Speaker 3: to realize that if you if you say something to 320 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:43,800 Speaker 3: a guy and then there's no consequences and then you 321 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 3: cave why, he's not gonna be motivated to do anything 322 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 3: because he's gonna call bullshit. He doesn't care because he 323 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 3: can do it and get away with it because you're 324 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:51,839 Speaker 3: enabling him to get away with. 325 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,320 Speaker 1: It one hundred percent. And you know what I do 326 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:55,440 Speaker 1: want to talk about with you. I don't know how 327 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 1: long we're going to talk this. I want to talk 328 00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 1: about breakups. I think there's an art to a breakup, 329 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,240 Speaker 1: and I think I think breakups are very interesting things. 330 00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: I think that in the same way that when you 331 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: get into a relationship, it's the oxytocin and serotonin. You 332 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 1: get all excited and you think you're like in love 333 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 1: with the person. They're effectively a stranger, as you've pointed out, Okay, 334 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: I think when people break up with someone, they get 335 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 1: all heated and panicked and they have this big gamification 336 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: and strategy of it, and you can't cash the checks 337 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: you're writing, so for example, you think, like you know 338 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 1: this person isn't right for you, okay, because you're seeing red, 339 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: but you never know if they could be right for 340 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: you eventually, And it doesn't mean you're going to stay 341 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: in like a zone where you're going to give them 342 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 1: the milk without them buying the cow. But there are 343 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 1: people that I've been in relationships with that I'm not 344 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,520 Speaker 1: sure that I don't have a future with. It just 345 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,440 Speaker 1: means that it wasn't right at that time. And I 346 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: think that the only reason that there's a possibility for 347 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,720 Speaker 1: a future is the way that we've broken up. Just 348 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 1: like a juice fast, you prepare for it, you do it. 349 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,360 Speaker 1: It's drastic, and the way you come off a juice 350 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: fest is like with half the intensity that you were 351 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: in it. You don't just drink vodka the day after 352 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: you've been juice festing. And my opinion with breakups is 353 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: they have to be very clear and direct. You have 354 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: to stick to the program that you set out for yourself. 355 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:21,440 Speaker 1: But you should not be burning the house down even 356 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:25,240 Speaker 1: no matter what happened. No matter what happens, you should 357 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: walk out gracefully, stick to what you've said you're going 358 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 1: to do. If it means you go in cold turkey 359 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: and you're not going to speak to them at all, 360 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: or you could frame it in a way where it's loose, 361 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: but just stick to your own boundaries of how you're 362 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 1: going to communicate. 363 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 3: Yes, I believe so much in an elegant ending that 364 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 3: it makes it speaks everything to who you are as 365 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:46,280 Speaker 3: a person, like this is not when you spill private 366 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:50,200 Speaker 3: conversations and facts about that person. I think that again, 367 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 3: it makes you look like such a class act in 368 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 3: terms of taking the high road. Like you said, it 369 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 3: might just be not the right time, and it could 370 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 3: be the right person, or it could be someone that 371 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 3: introduces somebody else how you treat that person. So I 372 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,280 Speaker 3: just feel like, not just for optics, but you'll feel 373 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,560 Speaker 3: so much better about yourself if you just don't go 374 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 3: there and unravel and start being ugly as a person. 375 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: No matter how you no matter how it ended to. 376 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: I mean, even if the person cheated on you, literally, 377 00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: just you walk out the way you walked in, with 378 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: class and with dignity. You never know what's going to happen. 379 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,800 Speaker 1: You never know if they're going to it's just no 380 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: upside to trashing the joint even and the same thing 381 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 1: in a business, Yeah, there's no upside to trashing the joint. 382 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,000 Speaker 1: And this is an interesting thing that I've found too. 383 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:52,320 Speaker 1: So with breakups, we get so black and white about 384 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: it because we want the drug out of our system. 385 00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 1: You want to detoxify, and some people know if they 386 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,200 Speaker 1: can't handle any version of it. I have found with 387 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: people that if I frame it, even if you don't 388 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 1: end up talking to them at all, you may end 389 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 1: up talking to them less. But if you frame it 390 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,240 Speaker 1: in your mind that you take the candy out of 391 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,360 Speaker 1: the house there's no candy in the house, you might 392 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:12,880 Speaker 1: be wondering, like, what if I had a piece of candy, 393 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,119 Speaker 1: I might want to drive to that store and get 394 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:16,479 Speaker 1: a piece of candy. If you frame it and discuss 395 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 1: with the person, let's keep this positive. We never know. 396 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,560 Speaker 1: We could be friendly, even though that's not what you want, 397 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,560 Speaker 1: even though you don't want to be their friend. Maybe 398 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,600 Speaker 1: we could date, even though that's not what you want. 399 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 1: It's just to keep the candy near you and you 400 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,000 Speaker 1: you won't even want to eat it, Just so it 401 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,160 Speaker 1: doesn't seem like such a thing with a person. 402 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:33,960 Speaker 2: Well, it's your ego. 403 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 3: It's it's your ego that gets the way, because either 404 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,280 Speaker 3: if you're the one that's gotten broken up with, it's 405 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 3: a it's a crush to your ego. If you're the 406 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,679 Speaker 3: one breaking up, it's a lot of anxiety because you 407 00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 3: know you're about to hurt someone. So there's like different feelings, but. 408 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,640 Speaker 1: It's more than that. I mean more than like, Let's 409 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,840 Speaker 1: say you were with someone for years and they were 410 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 1: in your life every day and you think you can 411 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 1: handle it, but like, you just want to be able 412 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: to ask them something, not in a desperate way, not 413 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:02,359 Speaker 1: every day, but like casual, cute and casual five days 414 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,199 Speaker 1: after you broke up. You don't want it to be 415 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: so drastic. So if you had something that, like let's 416 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 1: say was something in business, something you had to tell them, 417 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 1: something that you would want them to tell you, an 418 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,520 Speaker 1: idea that like something something about your kid that like 419 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,359 Speaker 1: could help you them get into school, something, keep it well, 420 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 1: you got to let the wine breathe right. 421 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:19,680 Speaker 2: Well. 422 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 3: That's why I always say sometimes girlfriends could be your 423 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:25,119 Speaker 3: bust friend, but sometimes they could be your enemy because 424 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 3: they're going to give you advice that they think is 425 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,399 Speaker 3: well served, but they'll say, don't ever talk to him again, 426 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 3: and they'll angrily bash him and tell you and shame you. 427 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,159 Speaker 3: If you decide that you want to be friends with 428 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 3: him and have a civil relationship. And I think that's 429 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,960 Speaker 3: the absolutely wrong advice. I completely believe with you in 430 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 3: aligned that you never know how someone could be helpful 431 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,160 Speaker 3: to you, or just the peacefulness of knowing that there's 432 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 3: not anger and that it doesn't have to be this dramatic. 433 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 2: It could be Okay, we weren't. 434 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,120 Speaker 3: Right for each other, but let's save what was right 435 00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,040 Speaker 3: and maybe there's a friendship, maybe there's connection. 436 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,240 Speaker 1: Or what if it's a month later you're feeling a 437 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,080 Speaker 1: little lonely, you just want to say something. It's Valentine's Day, 438 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: you're alone. Maybe they're alone too, You're not going to 439 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,119 Speaker 1: be together, but they just say, yeah, I'm thinking of 440 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,560 Speaker 1: you too, hard like that could fill you up. It 441 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,239 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you're desper calling him every day, what are 442 00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,000 Speaker 1: you doing stocking them? It just means you might need 443 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,280 Speaker 1: the methodome program. You might need to have the candy 444 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: near you, and then knowing it's near you, you won't 445 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 1: even want to eat it. 446 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 2: That's what I think, absolutely right. 447 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,240 Speaker 3: I agree with that approach, and I also think that 448 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 3: it shows mental health evolvement that you are mature enough 449 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,359 Speaker 3: to realize like, Okay, yeah, that sucks out. You really 450 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 3: liked him, but fine, but I'm just going to be 451 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,160 Speaker 3: the class act and it will make him, It will 452 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 3: make you look better. 453 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 2: He might be like, what did I do? Like she's 454 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 2: so lovely about it? 455 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:40,679 Speaker 1: And what I think too, I think it's jarring for 456 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: someone to be healthy about it and also them thinking 457 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,680 Speaker 1: you can have a healthy relationship with Energetically, they'll know 458 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 1: whether you care or not. It doesn't matter, That's what 459 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 1: I'm saying too. Energetically the opposite sex or the same sex, 460 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:54,720 Speaker 1: the person knows whether you care or not. They can 461 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,680 Speaker 1: feel it. They could feel you pulling away, they could 462 00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 1: feel you leaning in, So it doesn't matter. Think about 463 00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,400 Speaker 1: a person you don't give a shit about the text 464 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,000 Speaker 1: you You'll text them five times in a row because 465 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: you don't give a shit. 466 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 2: You're not overthinking it. 467 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:08,919 Speaker 1: People can smell and feel the game, and playing an 468 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 1: intense game means you're gonna get a game player. You're 469 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 1: gonna have a game You're not gonna be based some 470 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,240 Speaker 1: real reality with what's going on the two of you. 471 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 3: And then unfortunately, you're gonna bring that nervous energy and 472 00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 3: the anxiety into the next relationship and you're not gonna trust, 473 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 3: and then you're gonna you're not gonna lead with your 474 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,880 Speaker 3: warmth and your happiness and the interesting and interesting program. 475 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 3: You're gonna lead with guarding and anger and undistrusting, and 476 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,879 Speaker 3: like literally being on a date will be an interrogation 477 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 3: versus a playful, fun conversation. 478 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:40,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're operating from fear and not love. 479 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 3: And then actually just that backfire is on yourself, so 480 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,440 Speaker 3: it's just harmful to yourself. It's it's also I always say, 481 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,879 Speaker 3: it's like putting poison into your head when you have 482 00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,480 Speaker 3: negative thoughts. I always say, like, your brain is like 483 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,800 Speaker 3: precious real estate. You you don't want to go to 484 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 3: bad places. You want to treat yourself. I'll say, if 485 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:00,200 Speaker 3: someone's saying something bad, I'm like, you just ate five 486 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,440 Speaker 3: cheeseburgers for McDonald's, Like why are you doing that to yourself? 487 00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:05,920 Speaker 3: Like you wouldn't do that to yourself, but you're doing 488 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 3: that with your thoughts, whether they're so toxics, so angry, 489 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,440 Speaker 3: it's the same thing. 490 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,679 Speaker 1: And that's back to Mel Robbins too, talking about we 491 00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 1: can we can control the amount of time we spend 492 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,960 Speaker 1: thinking about. What we can't control is toxic. So that's 493 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,679 Speaker 1: that's a good advice. That's a good note to end on. 494 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:27,480 Speaker 1: So let's all try to eliminate from our mental diet 495 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,640 Speaker 1: toxins and like poisonous thoughts. It's bad for us. It's 496 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: in our body, whether it's yeah, whether it's towards someone 497 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,200 Speaker 1: else or towards ourself, it's still bad. Awesomeraze crazy. 498 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 2: I know we could talk all day. Well, I love it. 499 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 2: Thank you as always for heaving. I love you, thank you. 500 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:42,800 Speaker 2: We'll be talking so I love you so much. 501 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 1: Best to be, got to look to be out there.