1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:37,680 Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional profession It's 2 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:41,000 Speaker 1: your Girl Ebana from the Professional Homegirl podcast, the only 3 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: place where you would hear interviews from women of color 4 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:48,879 Speaker 1: anonymously on stories that will enlighten, and expand on taboo topics. Now, 5 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,839 Speaker 1: if you hear someone that sounds familiar, mind the business 6 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: that pays you child. Please support the show by leaving 7 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: a five star review by some merch or simply share 8 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: these stories with your Professional home Girl. You never know, 9 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,600 Speaker 1: these storylines can be someone else's lifeline. Now, please keep 10 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,800 Speaker 1: in mind that all of my guests are anonymous. So 11 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: let's begin this week's episode. You spoke about him in 12 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 1: the last episode when you said that he felt like 13 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,319 Speaker 1: where you said your partner felt like like the job 14 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: was affecting your relationship. And I'm like, wait, what's she 15 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: talking about him, because y'all was on and off. Yes, yes, because, 16 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 1: like I said, he came from the streets. Let me 17 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: say this. I'm not trying to act like, oh my god, 18 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,720 Speaker 1: he was such a good person. He was a good person, 19 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,839 Speaker 1: but he had a pass or whatever. But he came 20 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: from the streets. He was incarcerated at one point while 21 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 1: he was with me before he was with me when 22 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 1: he was younger, and while he was with me, and 23 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: so two different worlds, right, living under one roof. And 24 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: when I'm coming home talking about how devastated I am 25 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 1: because somebody got slashed in their face to the point 26 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: where I could see the back of the throat and 27 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: the teeth, I don't want to hear about that shit. 28 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: He like, all right, I don't want to talk about that. 29 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: Or he he may have been in a situation where 30 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,959 Speaker 1: a correction officer came on posts, and you know what 31 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: I'm saying, like his experience was like not of a 32 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 1: helpful working correction officer, right, a lazy one, let's just say. 33 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,919 Speaker 1: And so when I'm coming home and I'm tired in 34 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,720 Speaker 1: his head, he likes, for what because y'all don't do 35 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,520 Speaker 1: shit like you know what I'm saying, I'm like, no, I, oh, no, 36 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 1: I don't work. Yeah, I work. I'm doing what I 37 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 1: gotta do. And he like, yeah, and just don't want 38 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,399 Speaker 1: to hear about that world. And it makes a difference. 39 00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, like I'm telling you, I'm dealt with 40 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 1: a correction officer, I dealt with a co worker and 41 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 1: is very, very different of course, because he understands on 42 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: a different level, right, even though he may not have 43 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: wanted to talk about that shit or day either, but 44 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: he just understands on a different level. So yeah, me 45 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,560 Speaker 1: and him, it did affect our relationship a lot of times, 46 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,960 Speaker 1: and a lot of stuff about it. You think you 47 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 1: you know, you got dinner plans and now yeah, or 48 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: you you you. It would be times when I'm standing 49 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:12,880 Speaker 1: and waiting for the transportation to get to my car 50 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,239 Speaker 1: in front of the jail and I call him like, yeah, 51 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: I got out, and they come out and be like, 52 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put your uniform back on. We got a 53 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,800 Speaker 1: hole we need phil Like that was the reality. Yeah 54 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 1: you Yeah, we went through a lot of stuff. Girl, 55 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,119 Speaker 1: I would put it we was offering on. I would 56 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 1: put his behind out and be like, I'm not messing 57 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: with you no more than he would literally be like, oh, 58 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 1: tomorrow's your last You're probably gonna get stuck. You'll be 59 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 1: calling me tomorrow. Don't more about it. I'll be like, yeah, 60 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: like stuff like that. I've been. I went through everything 61 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: with that man. When I tell you everything, I was 62 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: twenty something years though he was younger than me, he 63 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 1: was barely twenty. I think he was twenty two twenty 64 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,080 Speaker 1: three when I got with him. I was about twenty six, 65 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: twenty seven something. We don't know. Nothing, we don't know. 66 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: I asked for my elbows, seriously, everything that I am 67 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 1: as a woman, like as far as like cooking and 68 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: cleaning and stuff like that. I developed with him my 69 00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 1: entire life. The way I moved, the way I think, 70 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: the way I set things up. It was not when 71 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 1: I think because of him, is not him telling me. 72 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,239 Speaker 1: It's me learning, us learning together, you know what I'm saying, 73 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: or him just saying I was in the streets a 74 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: lot of years, girl, you better learn how to cook 75 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: because I want to home cook meal. Yeah, I'm saying, 76 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: like niggas is not trying to come home meal, you 77 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. And so he'd been through some things, 78 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,200 Speaker 1: but he was a good person. He didn't deserve that. 79 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:48,280 Speaker 1: I know that. If like I said, and I don't know, like, 80 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: but whatever the situation was, the type of person he was, 81 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 1: he wouldn't have did that to that to him, you 82 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,159 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. He might have. He might have 83 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:02,080 Speaker 1: beat the bricks off of him where he could heal 84 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: up and live another day to be whatever he is 85 00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:08,120 Speaker 1: to whoever cares about him, a father, a son, or 86 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:11,400 Speaker 1: whatever it be. I wouldna did that. That's just not 87 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 1: how he moved. That's just not who he was. Like, 88 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: he had some type of moral compass in him, right, 89 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: being a street guy or whatever or reform whatever you 90 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:28,479 Speaker 1: want to call it. He's still and I mean mean mean, 91 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: he was tough, tough, but he has something in him. 92 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: This is what made that just would be like, but 93 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm gonna just punch him in the 94 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 1: face or whatever. You know, So it hurts you more 95 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: because he wouldn't did that. Why that guns have not 96 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 1: been baying yet. They don't know how to I think, 97 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:59,520 Speaker 1: I think, um, I think what I really thought they 98 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: was going figured this shit out is when the two 99 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 1: officers that got killed, which was literally down to block, 100 00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: literally down the block for me, remember I think it 101 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 1: wasn't oh wait was it one of the It was 102 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:18,799 Speaker 1: a Spanish officer. Yeah, young, like twenty two year old 103 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 1: or something like that. My wife was one of the 104 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: officer's wife was pregnant something or like she was pregnant. 105 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: But I know that he one had a wife. Remember 106 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: about she talked about I think they argued, yes, yes. 107 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,279 Speaker 1: When she said that, I was like, oh, Lord, you 108 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 1: talking about guilt at grief. Lord had mercy and and 109 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 1: that's another thing with my grief. I have a lot 110 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 1: of guilt because me and my my husband was off 111 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: and on, you know what I'm saying, and the time 112 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: that he got murdered, we were trying to figure things 113 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,840 Speaker 1: out kind of you know what I'm saying, and you 114 00:06:56,920 --> 00:07:00,320 Speaker 1: go through all of that, you know, But I back 115 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,799 Speaker 1: to what I was saying about. I thought that um 116 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 1: Mayor Adams was going to I was like, oh, this shit. 117 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: The city is in a moment for a route awake. 118 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: And then I killed two because remember it was they 119 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: was responded to a domestic between the son and the mother, 120 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: remember actually, and he had one of those I think 121 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 1: it was a ghost gun like something when he went 122 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: in the back and flattered these officers and I was like, 123 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 1: oh my god, Oh they're gonna get this together, and 124 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 1: it felt like it was it was, and then it was. 125 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 1: It feels like the rats is more important than the 126 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 1: guns right now, you know what I'm saying, which they 127 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 1: are big problem in New York City. But I'm just 128 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 1: saying it felt like it was a highlight on it. 129 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,679 Speaker 1: I know. For the what he did do was that 130 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: he made um in the courts, like the different courts 131 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: he has the hearings, like for gun cases he expedited. 132 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 1: He expedited them. Now. But that's as certainly mean that's 133 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: a good thing. You understand. Expediting means to me is 134 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 1: that we need to show this society that we're doing 135 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: something about this. That doesn't always get it right. That 136 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: just means that they're trying to get it done fast 137 00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: to get people we were able to put behind you. 138 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 1: That means that they're putting more pressures. So that means 139 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: that some of our brown and black people and I'm 140 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: not just gonna say men, because women use fire arms, 141 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,679 Speaker 1: illegal firearms, to that black and brown people might be 142 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: forced to take deals that they might not normally take. 143 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 1: They don't have enough time to think about it. Just 144 00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:55,079 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff, you know what I mean. So, um, 145 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:57,080 Speaker 1: I just think they don't know how to get a 146 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: handle on it. They just do not know which which 147 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 1: I mean even being going through what I'm going through. Yeah, 148 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,320 Speaker 1: that's a hard task, right, I mean, like how do 149 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 1: we stop people if we took away stopping fris What 150 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 1: do we do right? It's definitely a large part. It's 151 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 1: a really big problem. That was the topic that was 152 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,840 Speaker 1: a big top of a discussion. How it was coming 153 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: in from south and how do they stop it from 154 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, a cross, it's it's a whole. 155 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: I don't have the answer. I just know that it 156 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 1: needs to be on the top of the agenda, you 157 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: know what I mean, like how to figure it out? 158 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 1: We gotta try some things. We gotta they gotta come 159 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 1: out of the meetings and come into the doing. A 160 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:54,600 Speaker 1: lot of people who make laws and make decisions and 161 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: have discussions that don't deal with the situations. They don't 162 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 1: live in the areas. They've never been by. So we 163 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: need to. I don't know. I don't know we need 164 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: I don't know community groups. I don't know the answer, 165 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:15,240 Speaker 1: but I know that we can't bury this. We can't 166 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: have children and everything that are affected. Do you feel 167 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: like the gun industry should be held more accountable? Um I, 168 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 1: it's such a It's that hard thing for me because UM, 169 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:37,200 Speaker 1: I don't in a way I think that the state 170 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:42,200 Speaker 1: laws should be those like I said, um more training 171 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:50,200 Speaker 1: harder to get you qualify after going through all of 172 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:53,079 Speaker 1: these things that need to be in place. I think 173 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,120 Speaker 1: that we have a right to bear arms. And I'm 174 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 1: not trying to sound or political, but I think that 175 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:01,000 Speaker 1: you do have a right to arms. I think that 176 00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:05,839 Speaker 1: you have a right to protect yourself. But I think 177 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: that who is able to um acquire a firearm needs 178 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: to be looked at more with a fine tooth comb. 179 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: I think that's where I think that's where it's um 180 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: we're losing in translation, Like um, in Delaware, I know 181 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,719 Speaker 1: somebody that got their gun in like fifteen minutes. Oh yeah, 182 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:39,800 Speaker 1: never never held a firearm, didn't really know about a firearm. 183 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: Um husband was law enforcement retired, and he felt like 184 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 1: because he you know, knows all or whatever about guns, 185 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: and this is that a third about protecting himself? He 186 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 1: was it was came from a good place. But I 187 00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:00,440 Speaker 1: just feel like she needed more, you know, like just 188 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:06,080 Speaker 1: don't have a record qualified her to get a firearm. 189 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 1: She could have been getting it for her son or 190 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, or not educated about how 191 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,840 Speaker 1: to lock it up and to it. So I think 192 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 1: that's where we need to start. I think the states 193 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 1: need to have stiffer laws and things put in place 194 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:29,000 Speaker 1: to make it harder to get legal guns, right, and 195 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 1: then what do we do about the illegal guns? Because 196 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 1: they're out there, you know what I mean, And that 197 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,079 Speaker 1: a lot of illegal guns. I was watching this documentary 198 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:44,439 Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, yeah, ghost gars are crazy. 199 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: Ray said in twenty twenty one in New York City 200 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: that they were able to recover I believe the number 201 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 1: was a little bit over seven thousand. Wow, illegal firearms. 202 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: Seven thousand. That's crazy, right, oh, d Like, I couldn't 203 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: believe it. I had to look at it. It was 204 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:14,120 Speaker 1: like seventy three hundred or something like that. I was like, what, 205 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 1: it's ridiculous. It's scary. It's scary, especially and the men 206 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,600 Speaker 1: in the culture that we have as far as mental health, 207 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, and not being a dress 208 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:30,560 Speaker 1: and um, like I said, a lot of bell reforms 209 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 1: and just the looseness I feel of some of the 210 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: things that go on in the world. Then we got 211 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 1: seven thousand guns out there, Like what do you do? 212 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:45,400 Speaker 1: Block yourself up and go in a bubble? Yeah. I 213 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: was thinking the other day, this is so crazy. I 214 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: was thinking the other day, you know, being quarantined, wasn't 215 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 1: that bad? Like it stopped a lot of shit out here, 216 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: like we was you know, he wasn't hearing about a 217 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:05,400 Speaker 1: whole bunch of crimes going on. People was trying to live, right, 218 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,079 Speaker 1: they had going on. They was trying to live. And 219 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: I would never want the sickness and as many people, 220 00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,120 Speaker 1: God bless them that Lord State lives. But just a 221 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 1: quarantine part I was like, because I'm afraid of rid 222 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 1: the tray, Yeah, the trains is different. I think this, uh, 223 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 1: this pandemic, it really broke a lot of people mentally 224 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:37,000 Speaker 1: thought something switch like it's crazy. It's like, it's like 225 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,720 Speaker 1: nice of the living Dad, I don't know, it's I'm 226 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:46,160 Speaker 1: I'm afraid to even I'm very comfortable in my um 227 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: like my little circumference or whatever the case may be. 228 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 1: But even then, I used to be like in my neighborhood, 229 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: I live across the street from a park, so I 230 00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: used to joke and say, we always have one homeless 231 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: person at a time. I don't know if they have 232 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: a meeting, but right here in my little area, we 233 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:10,040 Speaker 1: never have multiple homeless people. You'll see the one for 234 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: an extended amount of time, and when that one leaves, 235 00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 1: another one would come and I And it may sound crazy, 236 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: but that type of system gives you a little bit 237 00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: of comfort with that person. For me, I might be 238 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: a little bit crazy, but that person for me to 239 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,960 Speaker 1: see them continuous. I'm the one that's like they'll be 240 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 1: talking and I'll be like, hey you good or something. 241 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,640 Speaker 1: You know. I'll come into store they acting up in 242 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 1: the store. I feel like, come on, now, we don't 243 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 1: do that. Whatever case, maybe I'm afraid for that now, 244 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:45,680 Speaker 1: like because just the mental health in this world is 245 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: so off kilter, like so off kilter, it's like, what 246 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 1: do you do? What do you do? I'm afraid to 247 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: go out. We went to the movies last night and 248 00:15:56,760 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: for a quick minute, I was like they dad could 249 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 1: shoot this movie data up? Like what no? Lie. I 250 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,120 Speaker 1: was getting my nails done yesterday and I live in 251 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: Jersey now and this nigga came into the Neil salon 252 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:17,040 Speaker 1: and he was bugged out talking about like he'll shoot 253 00:16:17,040 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 1: this place of this net And a woman kept doing 254 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 1: my nails. So the lady who was talking to she 255 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: was like, can you please go? I'm gonna call the police. 256 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: And he was like and I'm like miss, how can 257 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 1: you keep doing my nails? Like and this little mair 258 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:29,080 Speaker 1: like I'm trying to look at to see what the 259 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 1: nearest exodus at, Like I don't play no games with 260 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: these niggas. No, and you can't. And you know what, Okay, 261 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: So I'm the type I used to be the type 262 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,960 Speaker 1: of person that data happened. And if I was sitting 263 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,680 Speaker 1: in no place and he could not be talking to me, 264 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 1: I'd be like, come on now, and nobody got time 265 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:49,920 Speaker 1: for all that. Nobody today that I worked at, right, 266 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: I was a little bit okay with like mental health. 267 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: I worked with um what we call and most mental 268 00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 1: mentally observation and detainees that big area in the specific 269 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 1: jels I worked in, so you know, the sudden ticks 270 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:09,239 Speaker 1: and the sudden yellow that usually didn't bother me. But 271 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: this is different, yeah, in the air for the last 272 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 1: couple of years, this different. I don't know what it is. 273 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 1: I don't know if it's the legalization of marijuana. But 274 00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:25,359 Speaker 1: everybody ain't getting it from the dispensaries that you know 275 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:30,400 Speaker 1: what I'm saying me, I don't know, but out here 276 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 1: it's crazy. And so I think that all of it 277 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,560 Speaker 1: goes hand in hand. I think that we need to 278 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:40,720 Speaker 1: have them too. Observation parts. When we're talking about people 279 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:46,440 Speaker 1: acquiring firearms, right, you need to understand the effects of 280 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: a firearm. You need to understand how to break it down, 281 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,680 Speaker 1: what to do if this happens, how to secure it properly. 282 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: Like nobody is not taking all of those steps, and 283 00:17:55,600 --> 00:18:02,959 Speaker 1: they still get in shotguns and yeah, yeah, they have 284 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 1: to figure that it comes from higher up. But the 285 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,399 Speaker 1: thing about the higher up, like I said, I'm most 286 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 1: people who really don't understand it on the left this 287 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: level that we needed on the US little people down here. 288 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,480 Speaker 1: So it's like has to be a mix and a 289 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:22,399 Speaker 1: matching of people, right. We need some critical thinkers, right, 290 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,920 Speaker 1: but we need some realistic people. And I don't know, 291 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 1: we got to start some conversations and then we got 292 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:33,320 Speaker 1: to start some actual doings. Something has to happen, and 293 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: we fortunately evident we may not see a significant change 294 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: in our lifetime. But like the work of like the 295 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: Tamika Day, Malaby's the Until Freedoms, all of those people 296 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 1: that stand out and do those things there they are 297 00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,440 Speaker 1: We're living in history, right. They are the Malcolm Xin 298 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:57,560 Speaker 1: and the Martin Luther Kings of our time, people like 299 00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: me that before I'm affected personally, right, I have to 300 00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 1: join to make the twenty and the five hundred and 301 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 1: the five thousands. That's the only way that we need 302 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: to make that we're going to make a difference. And 303 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,320 Speaker 1: I don't I don't believe. And this may be an 304 00:19:14,359 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 1: unpopular opinion. I think it's more than marching and holding 305 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 1: up signs, not to say that that's not effective, but 306 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: I falk about really making serious change that we need 307 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: to become be in the rooms, right, oh yeah, changes. 308 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: And so we need to start raising our children to say, yeah, 309 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 1: you know what basketball ah thing I could tell you're 310 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:50,760 Speaker 1: not coordinated, thankful enough, but you smart as hell. And 311 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:55,120 Speaker 1: you because our children are smart, they paying attention. They 312 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:58,480 Speaker 1: are living in unprecedented times where they have to pay attention. 313 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: It's things changing in this world. When we're talking about 314 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: gender roles, when we're talking about things like gun violence, 315 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,639 Speaker 1: and we're talking about just the changes of the world. 316 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 1: They're smart. And so we have to groom our brown 317 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 1: children to become a part of the conversations in those 318 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:23,240 Speaker 1: rooms without losing touch the reasons why they're in those rooms. 319 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,919 Speaker 1: Do you understand, which is as when you start moving 320 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: in that direction, it's very hard to maintain right this 321 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:37,120 Speaker 1: part of your life and still understand that you need 322 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:42,000 Speaker 1: to be effective and way to make the changes. If 323 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: that makes sense, right, You got to marry two words 324 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 1: I've raised my children to say. I always say to 325 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:51,439 Speaker 1: set my children listen. I don't expect nothing less but 326 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,320 Speaker 1: great grades. And you got to know the book. And 327 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,520 Speaker 1: don't let people tell you that you don't need your education, 328 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,919 Speaker 1: because you dude. People will tell you you're you're not 329 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: going to use the math. That don't matter. You're still 330 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,120 Speaker 1: should know it. And then of that, but make sure 331 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,880 Speaker 1: you know these streets that your eyes watch. Make sure 332 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: that if he keep moving closer to you, that you 333 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 1: understand that this may be a potential threat and that 334 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 1: you on it right. You gotta have all of that. 335 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,560 Speaker 1: You gotta be able like my daughter. You gotta be 336 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 1: able to wear your red bottoms and your timberlands, right. 337 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,640 Speaker 1: You gotta be able to put on a ball gown 338 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: in your hoodie. But we need those type of mind 339 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: states to be in those rooms that remember right that 340 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,920 Speaker 1: the communities that they're doing this for. And I think 341 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:41,040 Speaker 1: that some people respectfully. As they move into that, they 342 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:47,600 Speaker 1: forget right, they get changed, whatever it is they let them. Why. Yeah, 343 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: And that's why I think that. And I keep mentioning 344 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 1: her name. I don't know why, but I think that's 345 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 1: why I take to to meet Cudy Malory so much, 346 00:21:55,960 --> 00:22:00,199 Speaker 1: because she I feel like she sat in some some 347 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,320 Speaker 1: you know, in situations, and she's very much a part 348 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:08,119 Speaker 1: of but I don't ever see her lose her. I 349 00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,960 Speaker 1: met her by chance. She came out of out of 350 00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 1: like some place on one hundred and twenty fifth Street, 351 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:19,600 Speaker 1: and I was mouth open, like, right, this is she's regular, right, yeah, 352 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,480 Speaker 1: her hair down or makeup on, just really like a 353 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: roundaway girl whatever. But I know her work. And my son, 354 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: my youngest son, was with me, and he was like, 355 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 1: what's up. And this was before my husband got killed, 356 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,440 Speaker 1: so he's like, what's up? And I'm like, this lady. 357 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:39,440 Speaker 1: I wanted to give him the short of it because 358 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,639 Speaker 1: I wanted to meet her, right, So she was like 359 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,359 Speaker 1: kind of sucking her phone. I was like, this lady 360 00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:47,080 Speaker 1: fights for us, like she fights for black people and 361 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 1: the George Floyd and black Lives matter whatever. And I 362 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,040 Speaker 1: went up to her and it was something about her 363 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:58,119 Speaker 1: spirit that what you see is who she is, Like 364 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 1: you could tell you know what I'm saying. We need 365 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:05,680 Speaker 1: her a thousand times over and in these rooms talking 366 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,639 Speaker 1: about But it has to be a change. But it 367 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,159 Speaker 1: has to start. It has to start. We cannot have 368 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:17,760 Speaker 1: continue to have forty ye old man father five, or 369 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:21,159 Speaker 1: his lunch break getting gunned down in the middle of 370 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 1: a mall in Queens um by somebody who has an 371 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:32,639 Speaker 1: illegal guns right to be the story. You know they 372 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: haven't caught the person, right, No, they know who he is. Um, 373 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,120 Speaker 1: they're looking for him. You know, you know how cowards 374 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,160 Speaker 1: do they? He's on the run. I was like, why 375 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,960 Speaker 1: he wasn't Why didn't just stay around as brazy as 376 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,879 Speaker 1: you are? I mean, you might as well might as 377 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,240 Speaker 1: well just sat there a little cigarette and leaned doing 378 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,600 Speaker 1: your car because you you act like you ain't care. 379 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,200 Speaker 1: But no, his coward ass is on the run that 380 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,920 Speaker 1: they're gonna get up. Do you do you feel like 381 00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 1: law enforcement is doing everything they can. I do? I do? 382 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,160 Speaker 1: And that's another experience to have, right because you don't 383 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,159 Speaker 1: know what happens after we see the story on the 384 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,439 Speaker 1: news and somebody get killed. You don't know what the 385 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 1: family has to go through. So I have been that 386 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:23,600 Speaker 1: person that caused the detective right, that's like, well, I 387 00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: know it's gonna be harder because it's after what what 388 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 1: what we watch on TV? They after forty Yeah, was 389 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:31,840 Speaker 1: it's harder and all this other stuff. But they they 390 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,560 Speaker 1: have done what they can, you know, like they put 391 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 1: everything in place to be able to find him when 392 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:45,560 Speaker 1: it's time it's gonna happen. You cannot. You cannot just 393 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:51,679 Speaker 1: my belief. You cannot play God or think you playing 394 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 1: God and God don't take care of you. That's just 395 00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,159 Speaker 1: it's just my God don't work like that. Even if 396 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,280 Speaker 1: I know, and then whole lifetime he could think that. 397 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 1: You know, but God, it's going God is in control. 398 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: At this point, has this affected your relationship with God? 399 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 1: Like they didn't. It didn't make you question it. WHOA 400 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 1: how long is this hour because we might need to 401 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:25,560 Speaker 1: Oh girl, oh I just got chills. So from you 402 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:30,800 Speaker 1: following me, you know, I am turned up to five 403 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning, worshiping at nine o'clock. You do 404 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:39,440 Speaker 1: being church people be like, way, ain't no way. He 405 00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:42,720 Speaker 1: was just on that video she'd be in the club y'all. 406 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:47,080 Speaker 1: But she being Sunday, I'm gonna pop them and I'm 407 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,159 Speaker 1: gonna go to every spot, but I'm gonna go to church. 408 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:54,240 Speaker 1: And I'm saying I have only been a church one 409 00:25:54,280 --> 00:26:02,359 Speaker 1: time since my um husband was murdered. I have never 410 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 1: ever And I think I told you before evidence I 411 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:11,560 Speaker 1: think you could do a whole podcast year of Barbie 412 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,240 Speaker 1: because I got some stories. Girl, what topic you guy? 413 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:18,200 Speaker 1: I probably got a story from it. I'd have been 414 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: through some things, and my little my little life been 415 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 1: through some things, and I've always leaned on my faith 416 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,800 Speaker 1: like this is for a reason, even when I cried 417 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:32,320 Speaker 1: about it, even when I confused, I can't figure this 418 00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 1: one out. It's the first time that I've ever question 419 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:46,119 Speaker 1: God like like seriously, I'm this this this kill I 420 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,320 Speaker 1: have you. I literally have been in this house and 421 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 1: been like yelling out when my son is at school. Obviously, 422 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: I've literally been like why, God tell me like now 423 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:58,119 Speaker 1: and if it's a lesson in it, I need to 424 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:02,199 Speaker 1: see it now. Who the fuck am I? But I'm like, 425 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,680 Speaker 1: I need to see it now, like ain't no, Eventually 426 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: I'm gonna know. I need to know now, like why. 427 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: It's like when I tell you. And it's so crazy 428 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: because my past up and his wife, our first lady, 429 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: actually met me at my house when I came from 430 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:23,400 Speaker 1: the cruise and was here to help me tell my son. 431 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: And the very next time after that that I've seen 432 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:35,719 Speaker 1: him was New Year's Eve and my son and I 433 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,639 Speaker 1: went in his office and he said to me, and 434 00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 1: I ain't gonna hold you. I don't question when it 435 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,119 Speaker 1: comes to God. I don't question a lot of stuff. 436 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,560 Speaker 1: But when he said it to me, I was like, 437 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: he's just looking for some shit to say. I swear 438 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,560 Speaker 1: and I've never been like that. But he was like, 439 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 1: I don't know what I saw you walk there and 440 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:58,879 Speaker 1: he was like the message I have for you is 441 00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:04,639 Speaker 1: go through it, but remain faithful. Don't don't let your 442 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:08,280 Speaker 1: faith slide. And I was like yeah, And I didn't 443 00:28:08,280 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 1: get it then, but slowly. I've never been in my 444 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:17,680 Speaker 1: I've been in church since I was three years old. 445 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: I ain't had much gaps where I wasn't like I 446 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 1: can't even think of a time when I like literally 447 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: didn't go for like months or whatever case may be. 448 00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,119 Speaker 1: I'm so comfortable not going to church right now. I 449 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 1: don't have not even prayed for myself. I have not 450 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 1: even prayed for it. I don't have the words because 451 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: I don't know what to say because, first of all, 452 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:40,960 Speaker 1: every day is not real to me. Second of all, 453 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:46,480 Speaker 1: what the Bible says is that your life, the destiny, 454 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,920 Speaker 1: has already been planned and ordained by God. This couldn't 455 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 1: have been your plan God, like you telling me that 456 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,760 Speaker 1: I was with somebody for seventeen years. I got a 457 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:59,480 Speaker 1: thirteen year old son, and the plan was to take him. 458 00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:04,239 Speaker 1: Like what, Like, I just don't I don't get it, 459 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: but my faith is enough that I won't turn my 460 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 1: back completely. I'm afraid too, because I know God is 461 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,840 Speaker 1: what governs my life. So I'm talking to him like 462 00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:20,920 Speaker 1: why no, no that. Later on then I'm crying because 463 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, please God, dude, I'm sorry. Riya didn't mean it, 464 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: but I'm hurting or whatever case may be. So for me, 465 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 1: that's one of the biggest things. Like you know what 466 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: I mean, Like grief has me in a choke, bold girl. 467 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 1: I can't figure that shit out most days, and even 468 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:44,720 Speaker 1: with my faith, which is everybody is like hmm, like 469 00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:49,800 Speaker 1: they can't believe it, right because I've been faithful evidence 470 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: you're understand. I ain't perfect, but one thing I have 471 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: been is faithful. You understand, like I do my kids. 472 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:00,680 Speaker 1: You know my son's singing a quiet Yeah. My daughter 473 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: she when she hears, she do like us for real, God, 474 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,240 Speaker 1: like what is the plan? And not to even be 475 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 1: like that because this might sound a little crazy, but 476 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:14,600 Speaker 1: I have three children. I have three each one of 477 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 1: them have different fathers. My two oldest children, My oldest son, 478 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,000 Speaker 1: his father is h you know what I'm saying, like 479 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 1: he's been there. My daughter her father, and out of all, 480 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,720 Speaker 1: my husband is the only father that she knows. My 481 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: husband was a part of his son's life, like the 482 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 1: one that's active. You understand I'm saying, you gotta do 483 00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: like work. It just don't make sense to me, and 484 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,520 Speaker 1: so it makes you angry and then it makes you 485 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:46,280 Speaker 1: feel like and then it ain't. I use the party 486 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,280 Speaker 1: and the stuff excuse or I'm tired. But like I said, 487 00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:51,959 Speaker 1: I used to do that. Another reason why I haven't 488 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: going to church, and church doesn't have anything to do 489 00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:56,600 Speaker 1: with faith. I don't have to go to church, It's 490 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,720 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But for me, it's a big deal. 491 00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:03,840 Speaker 1: I don't. It's because people come from a loving place, 492 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: but they don't understand that. Sometimes I just need a minute, 493 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:11,960 Speaker 1: see what I'm saying. My son is thirteen, he's trying 494 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,560 Speaker 1: to figure this out. He's trying to process. So the 495 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,560 Speaker 1: one time that we did go to church, it was 496 00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:22,280 Speaker 1: very overwhelming, very very old. And sometimes you don't want 497 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 1: to hear it like you just you just give me 498 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:26,760 Speaker 1: love physically, but I don't want to hear it hear 499 00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:29,720 Speaker 1: it verbally because that could be a lie. You need 500 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: whatever and it comes. Let me tell you something now, 501 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 1: my church family has been an anchor. You understand. It 502 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:41,600 Speaker 1: was so many of them at the services that it 503 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,560 Speaker 1: probably took the first thing that took me aback before 504 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,480 Speaker 1: I realized, like I'm really at a funeral for this nigga. 505 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,640 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. But when I walked in 506 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:53,440 Speaker 1: my church family, like the way they rose, like you know, 507 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:58,240 Speaker 1: it's like it's very touching. But I don't know everything. 508 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 1: I'm changed, and I don't. I don't for some people 509 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:05,320 Speaker 1: that may not know me all the way. You know 510 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:10,320 Speaker 1: your people that's listening, that means nothing to me but 511 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:14,920 Speaker 1: to them. But I'm so changed everything like and I'm 512 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,600 Speaker 1: not I'm not changed. Like I don't don't say I mean, 513 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:24,120 Speaker 1: I'm not that. I'm just I'm not the same. I'm 514 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,960 Speaker 1: not is this is the biggest thing that has happened 515 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,240 Speaker 1: to me in my life thus far. And don't get 516 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 1: me wrong, I know it could be much worse, but 517 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,560 Speaker 1: this is bad. And I lost my father. It's a 518 00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,920 Speaker 1: different type of love. When I was fifteen years old 519 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:45,040 Speaker 1: when I lost my father, Okay, he just he passed away, 520 00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 1: passed away, but it was sudden, and it was he 521 00:32:47,720 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 1: was very much prevalent in my life and I thought 522 00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:52,040 Speaker 1: that was But it's a different type of love. You 523 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,520 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. As my dad, this is my husband, 524 00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:59,960 Speaker 1: I'm a grown woman. I'm definitely changed, like just the way. 525 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,640 Speaker 1: I don't know how to explain it, but definitely my relationship, 526 00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:08,800 Speaker 1: my relationship with God hasn't changed. My faith is a 527 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 1: little bit rocky. If that means have you seen the 528 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:20,200 Speaker 1: change your kids? Yes, my son that it was his father. 529 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: I just had to have a conversation with him. So 530 00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 1: he goes to grief counseling. He started in which he 531 00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,480 Speaker 1: likes in God. You know, he don't like it, but 532 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:34,200 Speaker 1: we found somebody that you know, what I'm saying. That's 533 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:40,200 Speaker 1: good to him, So that's good. But he how was 534 00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,720 Speaker 1: He's thirteen. So we've had conversations, especially early on when 535 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:48,800 Speaker 1: it first happened, and I was like okay, okay, okay, okay, 536 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,280 Speaker 1: and he was like, yeah, my, like I'm sad, but 537 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,800 Speaker 1: I don't feel like I want to cry. And I 538 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,640 Speaker 1: was like, that's fine, you don't have to cry, you 539 00:33:57,640 --> 00:34:01,760 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Like then I noticed I just 540 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,720 Speaker 1: had a conversation with him last week because he has 541 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:09,440 Speaker 1: been very snappy, like angry and snappy and and just 542 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,919 Speaker 1: will like not even like disrespectful, just like I gotta 543 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:15,440 Speaker 1: be tough and I gotta be strong, you know what 544 00:34:15,440 --> 00:34:18,520 Speaker 1: I'm saying. And I had to have a conversation with him, 545 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:21,360 Speaker 1: and I was like, you don't have to be sad, 546 00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,400 Speaker 1: but you also don't have to you you did not 547 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,399 Speaker 1: step into your father's shoes. You understand. I'm still very 548 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,279 Speaker 1: much your mother and I still got you. I could 549 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:35,520 Speaker 1: never be him, but I understand that you lost your dad. 550 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,960 Speaker 1: You understand I'm saying so like, and I'm one of 551 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,640 Speaker 1: the toughest the mother, you don't gotta be tough. I 552 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: just need you to be thirteen, and I need you 553 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: to be okay being thirteen and being okay you know 554 00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,160 Speaker 1: what I mean, like regular thirteen. Shiit, you just happen 555 00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:52,640 Speaker 1: to be at thirteen year old that happened to have 556 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,839 Speaker 1: a father that I was murdered. But we're not gonna 557 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: make that your life. You understand, you don't have to 558 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:01,879 Speaker 1: adopt that and be hard or whatever. And we kind 559 00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:06,759 Speaker 1: of cried it out, and it just was last week, 560 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:08,800 Speaker 1: but I think it made a little bit of a difference. 561 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 1: It kind of let her feel like, oh, Okay, yeah, 562 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 1: I don't have to You don't have to have the 563 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:20,400 Speaker 1: responsibility of anything. You know nothing, all right, child, Yeah, 564 00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,799 Speaker 1: you're a child, and it's okay for you to be 565 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:25,360 Speaker 1: a child. It's okay for you to hurt. It's okay 566 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,439 Speaker 1: for you to be confused. It's okay for your your 567 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,480 Speaker 1: attitude to be different towards it today than it is yesterday. 568 00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:35,320 Speaker 1: But you don't got to be tough and hard whatever. 569 00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:38,200 Speaker 1: So I've seen that my other children, all of my 570 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,600 Speaker 1: children are total opposite of me. Right, So I'm just 571 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 1: standing on the couch and the kind of standing in 572 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 1: the corner for the most part. So they introvert, so 573 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:52,839 Speaker 1: I won't ever know which is bad. Is the reason 574 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:56,360 Speaker 1: why I got him to greet counselor because they hold 575 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:57,880 Speaker 1: a lot of stuff. I always say my kids are 576 00:35:58,120 --> 00:36:03,600 Speaker 1: obedient kids. They're good kids, and they obedient, But this 577 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 1: is one of the times where I want them to 578 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 1: talk a little bit more, you know what I'm saying, 579 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 1: and not obedient, Like I'm my kids and I like, 580 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 1: sit down or whatever case they be. They just are 581 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 1: like they're just cool kids. I'm saying. Kids, I don't 582 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,359 Speaker 1: get a lot of backlashes, like get dressed with goll 583 00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,279 Speaker 1: to church. They get dressed with all the church. I don't. 584 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,600 Speaker 1: I don't I know kids. My kids are thirteen, twenty 585 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,040 Speaker 1: and twenty eight. I know people that got kids that's 586 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,880 Speaker 1: younger than that and be like, I don't want to 587 00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:30,880 Speaker 1: go my kids, don't do that. But let them know 588 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:34,799 Speaker 1: that they have a voice. But I just don't think 589 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,319 Speaker 1: they know what they're supposed to be feeling and what 590 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,239 Speaker 1: this feels like. It is new for all of us, 591 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,400 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And so and I'm really 592 00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,000 Speaker 1: really messed up. So I think that they feel like 593 00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: they have to keep it together a little bit because 594 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,160 Speaker 1: I'm real bad and I try to. I try to 595 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: not have those type of breakdowns and stuff when they 596 00:36:58,880 --> 00:37:02,880 Speaker 1: are around, but I'm not always so good at it. 597 00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:07,520 Speaker 1: So yeah, we're just working together. My daughter is very 598 00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,160 Speaker 1: good at connecting because she goes, you know a way 599 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,919 Speaker 1: to college, so she's very good at connected with me 600 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:19,160 Speaker 1: and with her brother and stuff like that. So we 601 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: just working through it, right, And nobody can't tell you. 602 00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,439 Speaker 1: There's no manuscript for that, you know what I'm saying. 603 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,879 Speaker 1: And last and not least, if you could say one 604 00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:40,840 Speaker 1: last thing to your husband, what would it be? Oh, back, 605 00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:53,920 Speaker 1: that's a good one. Um, I don't know. It's like 606 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,960 Speaker 1: ten different things just went through my head. I wanted 607 00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,600 Speaker 1: to say, tell him I love him, but I know 608 00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,480 Speaker 1: he knew that, you know what I'm saying, so I 609 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:04,120 Speaker 1: wouldn't want to waste it or something that I know 610 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:06,600 Speaker 1: he knew. I want to say I got this, but 611 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,440 Speaker 1: I know he know I got it as much as 612 00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:11,040 Speaker 1: I to the to the death for me, I got 613 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:19,080 Speaker 1: these kids. Um, I don't know. I'm sorry this happened 614 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,680 Speaker 1: to him. I don't know. He didn't deserve this because 615 00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:26,000 Speaker 1: everything else. I feel like I'm a great communicator and 616 00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:28,520 Speaker 1: he knew and he felt each other, like I knew 617 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,080 Speaker 1: he loved me, you know what I'm saying. So I 618 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: don't know, but that's a good one. I don't know. 619 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know, and I don't want 620 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,399 Speaker 1: to take the easy route. I don't want to say 621 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 1: I love you because, like I said, I know he 622 00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:50,120 Speaker 1: knew that, but um yeah, probably that. It's so funny 623 00:38:50,160 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 1: because he did. He did get shot and died right 624 00:38:55,920 --> 00:39:00,040 Speaker 1: at the scene. But I wondered when he sattled for 625 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,919 Speaker 1: you know, if he had a minute too. They said 626 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:05,800 Speaker 1: he went to go say something. That's when the blood 627 00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,920 Speaker 1: came out of out Like what was his sport? You 628 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,600 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. What was he thinking about? Do 629 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:17,840 Speaker 1: you only have time to say, oh shit? Or please God? 630 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,040 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Because he had a relationship 631 00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,359 Speaker 1: with God. You know, my my experiment used to wake 632 00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 1: up and whisper. This is something I never told anybody. 633 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:34,080 Speaker 1: He used to wake up and whisper. And he doesn't 634 00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:37,640 Speaker 1: know until right now he's listening that I knew it. 635 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,640 Speaker 1: And he used to always whisper and say thank you 636 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,160 Speaker 1: God for waking me up. He's allowed me to have 637 00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:45,840 Speaker 1: a good thing please allowed me to be safe to 638 00:39:45,880 --> 00:39:49,000 Speaker 1: make it back home to my family. Every single morning. 639 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 1: He used us for that every single morning, And that 640 00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:56,319 Speaker 1: in and of itself is a relationship with God, you 641 00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,640 Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like just that you can get 642 00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,960 Speaker 1: to the first thing when you opened your odd So 643 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:05,080 Speaker 1: I wonder if he had a minute to say anything 644 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:09,640 Speaker 1: or what was his thought but to him, I don't know. 645 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,279 Speaker 1: I just I just love him so much. I mean, 646 00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:18,680 Speaker 1: like he is my soul mate. You know people say 647 00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,799 Speaker 1: that all the time, but he was. He was, He 648 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:24,840 Speaker 1: was my soul mate. I know he is exactly what 649 00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:28,239 Speaker 1: God intended for me, even if it was just for 650 00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:33,120 Speaker 1: this amount of time, the short time, you know, if 651 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,120 Speaker 1: it was for that, I know that God wanted me 652 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,719 Speaker 1: to experience. I love like that, you know what I mean. 653 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:43,000 Speaker 1: I know he did. I know he did. So I 654 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: don't know, Well, I appreciate you for coming on and 655 00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:52,319 Speaker 1: sharing your story than heaven smiling. This is a beautiful conversation. 656 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,719 Speaker 1: I know he is. I know he's like, oh that 657 00:40:55,880 --> 00:41:02,080 Speaker 1: girl always, I'll be like you doing you. I'm gonna 658 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:07,360 Speaker 1: stay all your mom forever one way up like right, yeah, yeah, 659 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:13,319 Speaker 1: we had that type of crazy, crazy love. We had hm. Well, 660 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,040 Speaker 1: I appreciate you to the listeners. If I have any questions, 661 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,480 Speaker 1: comments or concerns, please make sure to email me a 662 00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:22,640 Speaker 1: hello at the PhD podcast dot com. And thank you 663 00:41:22,680 --> 00:41:25,040 Speaker 1: so much to my guests. We would definitely want to 664 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:29,799 Speaker 1: follow a real song. Again, thank you so much. You 665 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,640 Speaker 1: don't even notice. Is this was like therapy, a little 666 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:35,800 Speaker 1: bit for me to be able to talk and remind 667 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:38,000 Speaker 1: myself to keep it together because people don't want to 668 00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:42,400 Speaker 1: hear no snot and blubbering. They wanted that information and 669 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,040 Speaker 1: so I was able to talk about it in a 670 00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:48,040 Speaker 1: way that haven't been able to in these last two muths. 671 00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,480 Speaker 1: So I thank you, thank you for even thinking about me, 672 00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,400 Speaker 1: and thank you for the platform. Like I said before, 673 00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:58,759 Speaker 1: um let's figure this out people whoever's listening, Let's let's 674 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:00,960 Speaker 1: come together and a type the way. Don't be a mean? 675 00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:03,879 Speaker 1: Is that a good thing to say? Don't be a mean? 676 00:42:04,680 --> 00:42:06,919 Speaker 1: May not be that could be a you. I think 677 00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,400 Speaker 1: that we should just be We all have to be 678 00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:13,919 Speaker 1: more proactive. Yeah, like you may not be roll to pars, 679 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:16,319 Speaker 1: but let's stand. Let's stand behind the people that do 680 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:20,439 Speaker 1: step up, and let's different in this world. I don't 681 00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:25,280 Speaker 1: want to sound corny, but let's let's let's make a difference. 682 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:30,520 Speaker 1: Let's try to live a little bit. Yeah, and let's 683 00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:36,360 Speaker 1: make people accountable for illegal guns and illegal behavior and 684 00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:39,080 Speaker 1: all of that other stuff. Let's work to that. That's 685 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:41,759 Speaker 1: my massa. You know what's so funny. I had a 686 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,840 Speaker 1: conversation with Eric's Garner's daughter, one of his daughters, and 687 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,160 Speaker 1: she said the same thing, how you'll be surprised how 688 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,359 Speaker 1: just standing with somebody and being supportive can really change 689 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,080 Speaker 1: their day. So I agree. I think that we all 690 00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:58,319 Speaker 1: should be way more proactive when it's his our communities. 691 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:03,480 Speaker 1: That's the message. Let's be pro people. Let's let's change 692 00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:08,080 Speaker 1: the world. We already live in history, m in the 693 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:11,360 Speaker 1: in the times where people are going to definitely read 694 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:16,560 Speaker 1: about more profound than other times in this history of 695 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,239 Speaker 1: this world. Let's make it. Let's make it a good one. 696 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:24,960 Speaker 1: Let's difference. Thank you having it? Are you welcome? And 697 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:32,280 Speaker 1: until next time, everyone, later you're gonna say bye bye. 698 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:36,240 Speaker 1: I thought you hi. Thank you for listening.