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Speaker 1: Dearest John, it's been a fortnight since I felt your

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Speaker 1: warm embrace.

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Speaker 2: Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay

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Speaker 2: Storytime podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious

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Speaker 1: story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam.

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Speaker 2: But before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happened,

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Speaker 2: I bid thee farewell.

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Speaker 3: See you in two minutes.

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Speaker 1: My husband stood up for me, but my family didn't

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Speaker 1: like his tone. My husband, twenty eight male, and I

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Speaker 1: twenty seven female, have been together for almost ten years

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Speaker 1: and married for four years. Not long after we got married,

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Speaker 1: we started raising.

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Speaker 3: Cows as one does.

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Speaker 4: On my family's land that has gone unused for years.

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Speaker 4: I love that.

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Speaker 3: It's great.

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Speaker 1: We don't pay rent, but we maintain the equipment, own

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Speaker 1: all the cows, always asked for permission when doing things,

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Speaker 1: and have invested our own money into improving the property.

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Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from JJ Farmer. And if

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Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 1: r slash Okay Storytime sebrate it. So this past Memorial Day,

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Speaker 1: the first cow we ever bought ten female, give me

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Speaker 1: the age of the cow.

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Speaker 2: Is the age engender of the cow is the greatest

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Speaker 2: thing I've ever reatten read a story.

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Speaker 1: Ever, the one who started it all went aggressive on

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Speaker 1: me when tagging her calf. It was completely out of

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Speaker 1: character for her. She was fine one minute and the

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Speaker 1: next she was on top of me. I was lucky

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Speaker 1: to escape with a broken jaw, a broken nose, a concussion,

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Speaker 1: and scrapes and bruises on my legs. My poor sister

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Speaker 1: and husband had to watch, but without them I probably

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Speaker 1: would be in a critical state. For some context, my

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Speaker 1: family is slash was incredibly close.

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Speaker 4: In the past.

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Speaker 1: We've had issues with them being overly controlling, slash codependent,

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Speaker 1: and my husband was the one who finally gave me

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Speaker 1: the strength to set clear boundaries with them. Boundaries are

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Speaker 1: what allow us to love more and never forgets the

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Speaker 1: don't allow people to walk all over you because then

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Speaker 1: you can't love him as good.

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Speaker 3: That's right.

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Speaker 1: While I love him very much, he also does have

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Speaker 1: a tendency to stick his foot into his mouth. He

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Speaker 1: isn't being mean, but sometimes he says things to be

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Speaker 1: kidding or even helpful, but they just come out the

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Speaker 1: wrong way. In our own lives, we have an agreement

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Speaker 1: that if either one says something to hurt the other,

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Speaker 1: we always say so in the moments and work through it.

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Speaker 4: So my family does not do that.

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Speaker 1: I learned to bottle things up, hold it in until

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Speaker 1: the smallest thing causes a massive blo out and everyone

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Speaker 1: is mad.

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Speaker 4: I think you can see where this is going. After

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Speaker 4: we got back from the er from the.

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Speaker 1: Cow stampede that happened, let's not forget that op just

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Speaker 1: got absolutely obliterated by Bessie.

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Speaker 3: Like critical, condition critical.

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Speaker 1: My husband went to visit my parents to update them

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Speaker 1: on my condition and hopefully make them feel better. When

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Speaker 1: he got there, my mother was screaming that we needed

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Speaker 1: to sell the whole herd and start over. You should

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Speaker 1: stop farming, and that it wasn't worth it. My dad

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Speaker 1: said we were lucky that he didn't pew pew the

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Speaker 1: cow that hurt me while we were at the er,

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Speaker 1: and if my husband didn't do it, he would. My husband,

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Speaker 1: in the heat of the moment, said, well, it's a

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Speaker 1: good thing.

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Speaker 4: They aren't your cows. Boom game set match.

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Speaker 3: It's not too bad, not too bad.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean, like, I feel like the parents

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Speaker 1: are going like but they're just being protective of their daughter,

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Speaker 1: And I feel like the most emotionally mature thing that

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Speaker 1: ope Ope's husband could have done would be like, hey,

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Speaker 1: I understand that we're mad, but let's not make any

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Speaker 1: rash decisions. We can talk about the cows later if

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Speaker 1: it comes to that, and it probably would have died down.

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Speaker 1: They probably would have been fine, and then like when

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Speaker 1: Opee's wife, you know, gets better, can talk or whatever.

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Speaker 1: They could have come to a more chill conclusion. That

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Speaker 1: was just the straw that broke the camel's back. The

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Speaker 1: worst part is we both knew my parents were upset,

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Speaker 1: but we had no idea how mad they truly were.

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Speaker 1: Every time I've gone there, they've been nothing but smiles

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Speaker 1: and supportive. But according to my sister, things are taking

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Speaker 1: a turn. Apparently both my parents and my brother want

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Speaker 1: to have an intervention slash private talk with me about

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Speaker 1: my husband's behavior, and I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 4: Ooh.

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Speaker 1: On the one hand, I know my family well enough

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Speaker 1: that they will take the smallest slight and turn it

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Speaker 1: into a huge argument. I am literally the counselor for

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Speaker 1: both my siblings when this happens between them and my parents.

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Speaker 1: My sister and I have both been in professional counseling

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Speaker 1: because of the issues with our parents. In my eyes,

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Speaker 1: my husband is a good man who said some hurtful

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Speaker 1: things in a stressful situation, which I think is a

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Speaker 1: fair assessment. Yeah, I see both sides. What he said

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Speaker 1: was disrespectful. Agreed, but it was not my family's place

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Speaker 1: to tell us that we need to throw everything away

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Speaker 1: we've worked so hard for because of a freak act.

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Speaker 1: Also true, Yes, as far as his hurtful comments, it's

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Speaker 1: something we're working on together. We all have flaws, and

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Speaker 1: this is his. He is the most loving, caring and

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Speaker 1: thoughtful person I have ever met. So to be caught

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Speaker 1: between him and my family is gut wrenching.

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Speaker 4: I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 1: So am id a hole for standing by him and

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Speaker 1: agreeing with his statement. We got some relevant comments, We

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Speaker 1: got an update. Oh yeah, you heard right?

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Speaker 3: Are you telling you?

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Speaker 5: Here is.

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Speaker 6: More?

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Speaker 4: There is more?

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Speaker 1: But yeah, what do you think is opda hole for

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Speaker 1: standing by the husband?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 2: I would like to read if you scroll up a

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Speaker 2: little bit. Riley Leah's comment in the chat, caw is

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Speaker 2: protecting her baby. Opie's parents are protecting theirs. Every creature

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Speaker 2: overreacts when they think that their baby is hurt, which

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Speaker 2: I think is a very poetic way of saying.

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Speaker 3: It's like exactly what OPI said.

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Speaker 2: Yes, every emotions are high, there's it's very understandable on

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Speaker 2: both sides.

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Speaker 3: What has happened here.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think I don't know. I don't think

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Speaker 1: you're the A hole for standing by your husband at all.

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Speaker 4: I think I think you should.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think maybe what you could do in this

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Speaker 1: situation because like the parents are asking for an intervention

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Speaker 1: for the husband. Yeah, right, And Op's like, I think

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Speaker 1: what Opiece could say and said it's like I'm standing

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Speaker 1: by my husband is more like hey, like saying what

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Speaker 1: you just said, like hey, like, hey, let's have a

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Speaker 1: like sit down talk. What he said was like disrespectful,

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Speaker 1: but emotions were high, right, Like you don't have a

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Speaker 1: place to uh say what we do with our cows,

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Speaker 1: So like let's let's uh lower all this this tension

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Speaker 1: right here. But we got some comments. Oh and we

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Speaker 1: got some updates, So comment one not the A hole.

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Speaker 1: Although what the cow did was horrible and I'm so

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Speaker 1: sorry that happened to you. You and your husband worked

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Speaker 1: very hard on that farm. Animals are weird sometimes, and

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Speaker 1: the cow that hunted you off your farming career doesn't

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Speaker 1: deserve to pass away because of an accident. What your

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Speaker 1: husband said was hurtful, but the core message is completely

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Speaker 1: rational and you were absolutely not the a hole for

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Speaker 1: agreeing with him. Ope, he says exactly for humans or

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Speaker 1: other animals, when we see our babies in pain, we

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Speaker 1: don't know what's going on that can cause and.

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Speaker 4: In the moment and out of.

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Speaker 1: Character response, Mama just trying to protect your baby and

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Speaker 1: it's most likely just a fluke. She is the first

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day and isn't used to

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Speaker 1: seeing babies tagged, so she doesn't know what it is.

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Speaker 1: Opposed to other cows who have grown up in a

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Speaker 1: herd seeing each other get tagged and nothing bad happens.

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Speaker 1: The best response would be to say, I understand y'all

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Speaker 1: are worried for your daughter.

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Speaker 4: Let's freak it go.

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Speaker 1: This is This is the best response, and this comes

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Speaker 1: from a place of concern in talks hearts. But this

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Speaker 1: was a freak accident and we were learning how to

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Speaker 1: take better precautions in the future. But we can just

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Speaker 1: but we can't just throw our whole life away and

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Speaker 1: start over or something along those lines. But just like

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Speaker 1: the parents reacted drastically in the moment. Her husband did too,

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Speaker 1: which is humans. We often reflect the energy we are

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Speaker 1: given until we learn how to be the bigger person.

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Speaker 1: Not only was he probably emotional about his wife, that

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Speaker 1: farm took so much bloods buttoned tears that it's probably

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Speaker 1: gut wrenching to think of giving it all up, let

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Speaker 1: alone the bond they must have.

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Speaker 4: With that first cop comment.

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Speaker 1: To not the ahole, it sounds like your husband has

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Speaker 1: more of a blunt and straight to the point way

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Speaker 1: of communicating, and therefore can be seen as a more

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Speaker 1: aggressive type of communication, something I'm accused of, and your

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Speaker 1: family has a more passive and not so direct form

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Speaker 1: of communication. Mix out with your husband wanting his independence

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Speaker 1: for you and him and your family's desire to micromanage

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Speaker 1: and control things, and those different communication styles and outlooks

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Speaker 1: clash badly. I don't disagree with your husband's stance or

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Speaker 1: what he said. I'd have said the same thing, because

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Speaker 1: it's not their decision to make. It's yours and his,

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Speaker 1: and admittedly more yours given what happened than his. Your

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Speaker 1: husband is your partner of choice. Your family is a

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Speaker 1: group of people. You're biologically connected to. Sometimes in disagreements,

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Speaker 1: blood and genetics fall second to the one you chose

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Speaker 1: to call and make your family and edit one. Thank

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Speaker 1: you all so much for your advice. I want to

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Speaker 1: clarify some things because I think in my effort to

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Speaker 1: explaining things in an unbiased way, trying to be to

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Speaker 1: not be an unreliable narrator like I see so often

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Speaker 1: in these posts, I neglected to share my own opinion.

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Speaker 1: My opinion is my husband is right, and my parents,

201
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Speaker 1: while being justified in being afraid slash hurt, are in

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Speaker 1: the wrong.

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Speaker 4: I have had issues with.

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Speaker 1: Codependency in the past, and I was afraid if I

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Speaker 1: lean too hard one way or the other, that I

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Speaker 1: wasn't seeing the issue clearly. I was also trying to

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Speaker 1: acknowledge that while his comments didn't hurt me, that doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean they weren't hurtful. However, now I see that I

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Speaker 1: was doing a disservice to my husband and letting my

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Speaker 1: family's gaslighting cloud my judgment. All your nice comments about

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Speaker 1: how great my husband is, plus those saying I'm making

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Speaker 1: him the bad guy in this post, really make me

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Speaker 1: want to gass him up. Well, this man is my

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Speaker 1: whole world I've always known he was amazing, but these

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Speaker 1: last few years in particular, have really made me realize

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Speaker 1: that he's funny, kind, caring, thoughtful, and my best friend.

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Speaker 1: We do everything together. We're a team. We're human, and

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Speaker 1: while we aren't perfect, we make a point to support

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Speaker 1: the other in times of need. We call it the

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Speaker 1: teeter totter. When it went it's a bad day, the

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Speaker 1: other supports them, even if it's just a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I always knew my family was dysfunctional, but it wasn't

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Speaker 1: until I met him that I realized how bad it was.

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Speaker 1: I heared a dating I ended up going no context

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Speaker 1: of slow contact because my mom blew up at me

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Speaker 1: because I said I wanted to take birth control. I

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Speaker 1: was eighteen, but I didn't think about the fact that

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Speaker 1: I could just make my own doctor's appointments, and it

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Speaker 1: was upset. We decided to have pre marital spicy sleep.

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Speaker 1: I went from making a one and a half hour

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Speaker 1: round trip every weekend at her request and if I

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Speaker 1: skipped it was this terrible daughter who didn't care about

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Speaker 1: her to a whole semester where the only person I

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Speaker 1: talked to was my sister. I mean, it seems like oh,

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Speaker 1: he's kind of has the right like her head screwed

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Speaker 1: on correctly, Like she's supporting the husband, you know, putting

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Speaker 1: boundaries to the family and all that.

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Speaker 3: Kind of an incredible dynamic. And I will say too,

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Speaker 3: when she was saying the husband like.

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Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, he's straightforward blunt, I was like, Okay, is

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Speaker 2: this going to be like, oh, I'm just being an

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Speaker 2: honest kind of guy. But you know, he just threw

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Speaker 2: a little bit of biting sarcasm on it. But ultimately,

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Speaker 2: I think like their intentions and relationship dynamic is like

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Speaker 2: really really solid.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do think. I do think there could be

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Speaker 1: some apology in order. I agree, if you want.

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Speaker 4: To smooth things over with your family and.

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Speaker 3: It's the right thing to do, it's not just keeping

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Speaker 3: the peace.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this accident has made me realize some things that

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Speaker 1: I've known the whole time.

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Speaker 4: While I love my family, they suck.

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Speaker 1: When I got out of the hospital, the first thing

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do wasn't to call my mom, but

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Speaker 1: to call my mother in law, because I knew my

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Speaker 1: mom would somehow make it about herself slash the family.

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Speaker 1: My mother in law, however, is a normal, caring and

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Speaker 1: wonderful woman who has welcomed me into their home with

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Speaker 1: open arms. Took me eight years to finally trust that

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Speaker 1: she actually liked me and that she wasn't faking it.

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Speaker 1: I was convinced that she thought I wasn't good enough

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Speaker 1: for her son, and that she secretly hated me, even

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Speaker 1: though she has been nothing but nice. I wonder where

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Speaker 1: I get that from. And edit to my husband just

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Speaker 1: came in the kitchen and I immediately apologize for not

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Speaker 1: standing up for him to my parents all these years,

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Speaker 1: and for making it seem like.

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Speaker 4: I wasn't on his side. He's been reading this thread too.

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Speaker 1: His response was, I accept your apology, but you kind

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Speaker 1: of blindsided me. I just came in here to see

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Speaker 1: your butt. I think will be okay.

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Speaker 2: If that is not the best relationship dynamic.

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Speaker 3: That's love right there, that's love. That's freaking love.

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Speaker 4: Go and look at your partner's butt right now. Go look.

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Speaker 4: Ask for a booty.

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Speaker 3: Pick the big bessie booty cheek gets.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, get that booty cheek. This is your sign to

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Speaker 1: receive or send a butt. Everyone has a butt, so

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Speaker 1: you should either send a butt or receive a butt,

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Speaker 1: or both, so use it use that butt, use that

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Speaker 1: butt challenge.

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Speaker 3: My family is upset with my husband and I'm stuck

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Speaker 3: in the middle.

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Speaker 4: Not a good place to be stuck.

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Speaker 3: Oh God.

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Speaker 2: So today me twenty eight female, my husband thirty three,

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Speaker 2: and my three kids two female, four male, and seven male,

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Speaker 2: and my brother twenty eight, sister in law, mom, and

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Speaker 2: dad were at a late lunch early dinner. My seven

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Speaker 2: year old son, let's say, Bruce, asked for another piece

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Speaker 2: of bread and then didn't eat it. My husband got

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Speaker 2: upset about him wasting food and said, you literally asked

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Speaker 2: for it, so you're going to eat it.

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Speaker 3: Eat that bread, Son, eat it.

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Speaker 2: My son, who is really emotional, starts crying. So my

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Speaker 2: sister in law Becca tried to calm him and said,

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Speaker 2: it's fine, Bruce. I'll eat the bread so it won't

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Speaker 2: go to waste. I could tell my husband got more upset,

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Speaker 2: but I asked him to please just let it go.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Striking Garlic ninety seven

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00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,760
Speaker 2: on the r slash Charlotte No Braay YouTube supbredd it

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00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,520
Speaker 2: and if you want to sen at your own stories,

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00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,040
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subredit. So we

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00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,760
Speaker 2: ordered our food and everything was fine. Bruce ordered a

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Speaker 2: child's steak and fries with a side of fruits, and

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Speaker 2: my other two kids got a hamburger and chicken fingers

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Speaker 2: w protein. Bruce got his food and was eating fine,

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Speaker 2: except the steak. He tried it, but I could tell

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Speaker 2: that he didn't like it. My husband was getting upset

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Speaker 2: again because he once again was wasting food. I tried

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Speaker 2: to offer him some of his sister's chicken. He said no,

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Speaker 2: so Beca offered him some of her food. He said no.

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Speaker 2: He said no, thank you. My husband was getting upset again,

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Speaker 2: but only at Bruce. My four year old and two

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Speaker 2: year old were also, as he says, wasting food because

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Speaker 2: they were only eating fries and fruit. I got done

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Speaker 2: with my food and went to the bathroom. I was

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Speaker 2: gone for maybe five minutes. When I came back, my

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Speaker 2: husband was gone and Bruce was crying and Becha was

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Speaker 2: holding him. My dad and mom were also upset. I

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Speaker 2: looked around and said, I literally went to pete. What

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Speaker 2: could have possibly happened in five minutes. My mom then

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Speaker 2: explained that my husband started hounding on Bruce for wasting food.

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Speaker 2: Becca and my dad spoke up, telling Bruce that it

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Speaker 2: was okay. He ate the rest of the food as

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Speaker 2: long as he was full. It was okay by the way.

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Speaker 2: I tasted the steak, and it was indeed bland and dry.

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Speaker 2: So my husband then slammed his wallet on the table

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Speaker 2: and walked out to the car. I was trying to

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Speaker 2: call them everyone, but I could feel tears in my eyes,

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Speaker 2: so I was trying to hide my face. My husband

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Speaker 2: was texting me from the car to pay for our

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Speaker 2: food and get away from them, and our kids are

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Speaker 2: not going to go with them. My dad ended up

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Speaker 2: paying for everyone, and I thanked him and told him

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Speaker 2: I was sorry for my husband's behavior. I grabbed my kids,

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Speaker 2: who were all crying because they were told we were

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Speaker 2: going to spend the day with my parents, and I

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Speaker 2: took them to the car. My mom tried to come

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Speaker 2: over and get the kids, but I waved her away

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Speaker 2: because I knew it would just make things worse for everyone.

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Speaker 2: I did feel bad about doing that, but I didn't

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Speaker 2: want her and my husband to argue. I feel like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, it was all so stupid. My husband

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Speaker 2: feels like my dad was telling our kids not to

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Speaker 2: listen to their parents, but I know sometimes my husband

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Speaker 2: can get irrationally angry. I don't know what really went down,

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Speaker 2: because well, I had to pee forgive a girl for

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Speaker 2: trying to take yes. But I haven't really been speaking

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Speaker 2: to anyone since I got home. I sent my kids

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Speaker 2: to go swimming with their cousins, and I've just been

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Speaker 2: silent towards my husband. I don't really know what to

354
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Speaker 2: do because ultimately I feel like it was my fault

355
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Speaker 2: all this happened incorrect. I mean, what say you, Sam?

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Speaker 2: Is this all Op's faults?

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Speaker 1: I mean, wasn't she the one that was yelling at

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Speaker 1: the kid to not eat his like steak?

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Speaker 4: Wait? No, it was the father.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So he says, my husband didn't want to go,

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Speaker 2: but I asked him if he would please spend the

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Speaker 2: day with me and my family.

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Speaker 3: Well, lesson learned. I guess.

364
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Speaker 2: I feel like I can't have my family and my husband.

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00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,800
Speaker 2: It's one or the other, and they're always putting me

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Speaker 2: in the middle to choose. My husband is a wiener

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Speaker 2: and honestly, so is my dad. They fight and leave

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Speaker 2: me there to choose a side when I really want

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Speaker 2: to tell them they're both being wienerheads and putting a

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00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,320
Speaker 2: strain on me and my kids. Meanwhile, my mom is

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Speaker 2: super sensitive as well and starts with her backhanded apologies

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00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,000
Speaker 2: like I'm sorry this happened, but it's no one's fault

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Speaker 2: except your husband's.

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Speaker 3: I don't know. They're all driving me insane.

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Speaker 2: If I go with my husband, I'm a bad daughter

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Speaker 2: and mother because I took their grandkids away. If I

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00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,200
Speaker 2: saw with my parents, I'm a horrible wife who didn't

378
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,360
Speaker 2: stick up for her husband. Like I said, It's all

379
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,479
Speaker 2: very stupid to me, and I can't talk to them

380
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Speaker 2: because no one will listen. Like I said, I feel

381
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Speaker 2: like I'm stuck and have literally no one to turn to.

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00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 2: Thanks for letting me rant. We do have an edits.

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00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,560
Speaker 2: We do have an updates. I'm gonna quickly read this edit.

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Speaker 2: There has been a lot of issues with my son

385
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Speaker 2: getting a steak. Apparently, It's not like I let him

386
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Speaker 2: order a ten ounce steak and he just threw it away.

387
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,920
Speaker 2: It was a three ounce steak from the children's menu

388
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,159
Speaker 2: that came with fries and fruit. He went to a

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Speaker 2: steakhouse and I live in America in the South, so

390
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Speaker 2: everyone gets steak.

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Speaker 3: Onto the update.

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Speaker 2: Last night, after reading some comments, I sat down with

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Speaker 2: my husband and basically told him that I don't agree

394
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Speaker 2: with my dad for undermining him, but I don't agree

395
00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:56,159
Speaker 2: with him about getting upset over a six dollars steak

396
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Speaker 2: and free bread. He tried to tell me that he

397
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,640
Speaker 2: did nothing wrong, but I told him that he might

398
00:18:01,720 --> 00:18:04,640
Speaker 2: not think so, but everyone in that situation was basically

399
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,399
Speaker 2: being a wiener, especially in front of the kids. I

400
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,560
Speaker 2: don't think it was okay at all to make Bruce

401
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,159
Speaker 2: feel bad for not eating something he didn't like. Plus,

402
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 2: it's not like he paid for the food my dad did,

403
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,240
Speaker 2: so it's not like it was his money that was wasted.

404
00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,159
Speaker 2: I told him that he was going to have to

405
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,920
Speaker 2: go to anger management or we need some serious marriage counseling.

406
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,119
Speaker 2: But I know in my heart that this is something

407
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,120
Speaker 2: that's not going.

408
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Speaker 1: To happen well that I mean, I feel like that's

409
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,320
Speaker 1: like a relationship ender right there, right.

410
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:33,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

411
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,960
Speaker 4: Because something that.

412
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 1: Was interesting about what she said earlier was it wasn't

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00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:42,000
Speaker 1: that my husband's a wiener. Sometimes it was my husband

414
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:44,440
Speaker 1: is a wiener ooh, you know. And I think there's

415
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Speaker 1: a difference between being a wiener by night or being

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Speaker 1: a wiener in certain certain situations. Yeah, and being a

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Speaker 1: twenty four to seven.

418
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Speaker 4: Wiener.

419
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:53,600
Speaker 3: We've all been a wiener.

420
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 1: We've all been like like, like, you know, let someone

421
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,639
Speaker 1: throw a wiener at the man who has never been

422
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:02,400
Speaker 1: a wiener, right moon We all moonlight as wiener sometimes.

423
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,840
Speaker 1: But to be a wiener in someone's eyes twenty four

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00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 1: to seven, to identify them as a wiener, I think

425
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:13,200
Speaker 1: that is a sign that there's a problem in the relationship,

426
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,120
Speaker 1: so Obie says.

427
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,639
Speaker 2: I told him I needed a partner in my life,

428
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,480
Speaker 2: not another angry a hole that has to control everything.

429
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,760
Speaker 2: I grew up with a life like that, and I'm

430
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,199
Speaker 2: not putting my kids through it. I was tired of

431
00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,440
Speaker 2: everyone walking on eggshells because he can't control his emotions,

432
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:31,119
Speaker 2: and our kids shouldn't have to live like that at all,

433
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,240
Speaker 2: especially at such a young age. I said something was

434
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,639
Speaker 2: broken inside of him that really needed to be fixed,

435
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:39,160
Speaker 2: that I couldn't be the one to fix it while

436
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,879
Speaker 2: trying to keep our kids from growing up to be

437
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:42,400
Speaker 2: like him.

438
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,040
Speaker 3: He started to cry after I said that. I know

439
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:45,679
Speaker 3: it was harsh.

440
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,080
Speaker 2: I told him I loved him and I just wanted

441
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:49,719
Speaker 2: him to be the guy I fell in love with

442
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 2: and used to have fun with. I told him not

443
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,360
Speaker 2: to contact me unless it was about our kids. Whoa

444
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:01,800
Speaker 2: OPI has gone from zero WHOA to one hundred.

445
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:02,320
Speaker 4: I don't know.

446
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:04,119
Speaker 1: I feel like I would have backed off at the cry,

447
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,520
Speaker 1: you know, I would have been like, I feel like

448
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:10,119
Speaker 1: the cry is like maybe there's a window of change

449
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:10,840
Speaker 1: that could happen.

450
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 2: So I needed him to take a step back and

451
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 2: really look at himself and see if this is really

452
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:16,439
Speaker 2: the main he wants to be.

453
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 3: I said.

454
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,320
Speaker 2: I also needed to work on myself and learn to

455
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,560
Speaker 2: speak up more and try to be the mother I

456
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,639
Speaker 2: really want to be. I was tired of being a

457
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,199
Speaker 2: doormat and being afraid to say something to him just

458
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,480
Speaker 2: because I didn't want to set him off. I was

459
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,520
Speaker 2: refusing to live like that and shouldn't have to. I'm

460
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:33,240
Speaker 2: going to stay at my parents' house for a while

461
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,400
Speaker 2: until I figure out what to do. My parents are

462
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 2: currently staying with my nana because she lost her husband

463
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,880
Speaker 2: a month ago. I have talked to them before going

464
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 2: there about undermining parenting and they have to be the grandparents,

465
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,520
Speaker 2: not the parents, and they.

466
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 3: Both agreed it's fair. This is good.

467
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:51,400
Speaker 2: Bruce is also going to stay with his stepmother until

468
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:52,520
Speaker 2: school starts.

469
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,240
Speaker 3: Just to get away from everybody for a while.

470
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:59,679
Speaker 2: So Bruce isn't biologically my husband's, but has been in

471
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 2: his life since he was two years old.

472
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 3: My ex is currently deployed. Uh.

473
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,000
Speaker 2: They live five hours away from us, so Bruce stays

474
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 2: with me most of the time and spends most of

475
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 2: his summer and fall back with his dad and step mom.

476
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 1: Oh that changes things. Yep, Holy moley guacamole. You're seeing

477
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 1: what I'm seeing?

478
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:18,639
Speaker 7: Right?

479
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:19,160
Speaker 4: What are you see?

480
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:19,680
Speaker 3: I'm seeing it?

481
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 8: Uh?

482
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,080
Speaker 3: Hey, why are we singling out Bruce?

483
00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 4: Hmmm?

484
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:28,520
Speaker 3: Because that's not my kid, husband's words, not mine.

485
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, dude, that changes.

486
00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 2: This finding excuses and reasons to punish this poor sweet

487
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 2: innocent boy.

488
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,840
Speaker 1: Yes, because what because it represents the past relationship whatever?

489
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 1: Yeah dude, Yeah, that is so crazy. How how a

490
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: sentence just changes every one detail one? You really buried

491
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 1: the lead opgs.

492
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,439
Speaker 3: Sam closing thoughts, especially with this, I said my thoughts.

493
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 1: You you thought the thoughts right up, my thought thinker.

494
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:03,199
Speaker 3: There it is.

495
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 2: We've funked the thoughts out the the tnker and now

496
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 2: we're going to skip back into it. So I'm also

497
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 2: planning on some therapy for Bruce. He has a lot

498
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,840
Speaker 2: of anxiety and emotional distress that I know he needs

499
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 2: help with. I love my kids, and I haven't been

500
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,679
Speaker 2: a good mother by staying with someone who treats them badly.

501
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 2: I saw my mother go through it, and I don't

502
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 2: know why it took me so long to realize my

503
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 2: kids are going through the same things I did when

504
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,119
Speaker 2: I was a child. It messed up my head, and

505
00:22:29,160 --> 00:22:32,520
Speaker 2: I've accepted bad behavior because I think that's what normal is.

506
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 2: I don't want my kids to think the same things.

507
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 2: That's really all I have for now. If something else

508
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:39,919
Speaker 2: dramatic happens, I will update again. I just want to

509
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:42,680
Speaker 2: do good buy my babies, and I appreciate you all

510
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,879
Speaker 2: for basically slapping me back into reality. I appreciate you

511
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,199
Speaker 2: all for basically bringing me back into reality. Thank you

512
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 2: and goodbye for now.

513
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 4: And that's it.

514
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 2: So hopefully we can assume that there was not a

515
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:59,639
Speaker 2: drama filled update and she basically figured out what the

516
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 2: next chapter of her life was and was able to

517
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 2: do so in a amicable No.

518
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 4: It seems like she's turning over a new leaf. Yeah,

519
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,320
Speaker 4: we love to see it. We love to be it.

520
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:10,959
Speaker 3: Hey's John you og host here.

521
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,359
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a

522
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,240
Speaker 2: quick three minute break of as from our sponsors.

523
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 5: My girlfriend demands I co sign her loans, but I'm hesitant.

524
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:22,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, I would be due.

525
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 5: My significant other twenty two female and me twenty four male,

526
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 5: have been together for a total of four years. We've

527
00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 5: had a plethora of ups and downs, a lot of

528
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,280
Speaker 5: really heated arguments, with some yelling. I'm generally more quiet

529
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 5: and reserved when we bicker where he or I'm sorry,

530
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 5: where she will raise her voice.

531
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 6: And it just rubbed me in a wrong way.

532
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 5: We all have also had amazing times like vacations and

533
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,119
Speaker 5: experiences together. By the way, this comes from user student

534
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 5: loan Throne, and if you want to submit your own stories,

535
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,320
Speaker 5: go to the r slash Okay story time suburnd it.

536
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 6: So now, the problem is she.

537
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,359
Speaker 5: Recently relocated and moved in with me about six months

538
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,640
Speaker 5: ago and will be starting back up at a new

539
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:06,120
Speaker 5: college for nursing. She has no financial help from her family,

540
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 5: as her mother is twice divorced and runs a small

541
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,960
Speaker 5: personal business. Her father is not really in the picture

542
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 5: other than conversation here and there. My issue is this,

543
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 5: I've seen my ex best friend in the past, screw

544
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 5: over one of our other childhood friends by having him

545
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 5: co sign for something, and inevitably screwing over our other

546
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 5: friend's credit when he stopped making payments, ultimately defaulting on

547
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 5: the loan. I've busted my butt working hard since I

548
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 5: was eighteen to finally be in the financial position I'm in,

549
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:37,919
Speaker 5: and I'm constantly working on improving my credit as I

550
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 5: feel that it is a very important piece of life

551
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 5: this day.

552
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 6: And age and every day and age. You are correct, sir.

553
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 5: I love my significant other to death. She's amazing. She

554
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,959
Speaker 5: also has amazing credit and has purchased her own vehicle

555
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 5: brand new without a co signer. Due to her not working,

556
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,240
Speaker 5: she will need a co signer for her student loans,

557
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,760
Speaker 5: and I'm the only one available. My fear is we've

558
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,399
Speaker 5: had some bad arguments here and there over trivial things

559
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:06,000
Speaker 5: since she's moved in, and it has really started to

560
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 5: create some resentment and leave me questioning the strength of

561
00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,680
Speaker 5: our relationship and if it will last. Am I out

562
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 5: of line for being hesitant to not wanting to be

563
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 5: a co signer on her student loans. It's not that

564
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 5: I don't trust she won't pay it back. I'm more

565
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 5: worried about our future together and being bound to this

566
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,400
Speaker 5: loan if for some reason we do not work out.

567
00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:24,719
Speaker 5: I'm afraid of bringing this up to her because I'm

568
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:26,760
Speaker 5: afraid her reaction will be quite upset that I don't

569
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 5: have one hundred percent faith that we truly will end

570
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 5: up together for the long haul.

571
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:34,479
Speaker 6: This is not the case. No, you don't have to.

572
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 5: Contextualize co signing alone within your relationship.

573
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 7: That's something different, and she should understand that, and you

574
00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 7: should not don't do this.

575
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:45,960
Speaker 6: Don't do it, yeah, because this is how this is

576
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:47,359
Speaker 6: how you get screwed over.

577
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, it is like y'all break up friends, and she's like,

578
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 5: screw it, I'm stopped. I'm not gonna pay my student loans.

579
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,199
Speaker 5: No skin off my back. Yeah, I'm not the co

580
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 5: signer on that loan. Is there an appropriate way to

581
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 5: go about this? Or am I being unjust to my

582
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 5: thought process? And the first comment in the comments we

583
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:10,239
Speaker 5: have no, don't do this comment too.

584
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 6: You really shouldn't co sign her student loans.

585
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 5: If any student loan company knew her boyfriend was the

586
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 5: co signer, they would even they would advise against it.

587
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 5: You're not married You're not her parent. She could very

588
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 5: well not pay back, especially if you break up. You

589
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 5: don't know how she will react. People change. Opie says,

590
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 5: this is my sentiment exactly, just as the position my

591
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 5: who I thought best friend was in at the time

592
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 5: they stopped making payments and screwed both parties over. I

593
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 5: also did not factor in that banks may not allow

594
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,879
Speaker 5: me to co sign. However, my friends had done it

595
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 5: in the past, which is why my suspicions are high.

596
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 5: There's a reply to this that sediment is accurate. If

597
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 5: you co sign a loan, you're in for a rocky road.

598
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 5: There's some sediment right there.

599
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 6: Boom, yeah, ooh.

600
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 5: Do do you want every argument to be like dancing

601
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 5: on a fault line wondering if this is the one

602
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,960
Speaker 5: the earthquake that destroys your relationship and then you're financially

603
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 5: tied to an X for a decade.

604
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 6: Ope replies, this is a valid point.

605
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 5: I've already felt like I've been walking a thin line

606
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 5: when we've gotten into arguments over petty issues. However, when

607
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 5: I discuss my concerns with her about co signing, is

608
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,959
Speaker 5: it appropriate for me to explain I'm uncomfortable with doing

609
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 5: it because I do have faith in our relationship, or

610
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 5: do I use other underlying factors as reasoning to withhold

611
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 5: from helping reply, It's probably smarter to provide examples in

612
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 5: which you're willing to help her, rather than stir up

613
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 5: more emotional issues by bringing up the strength of the

614
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,919
Speaker 5: relationship or the lack thereof. For example, it sounds from

615
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 5: your post like you're already paying for her rent and

616
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 5: her food. She's a student with no job, right is

617
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 5: that correct? If that is not enough support and you

618
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 5: have to also take on five figure debt to be supportive,

619
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 5: then you're within your rights to rethink your relationship. How

620
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 5: much money does she want to borrow? What kind of

621
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,919
Speaker 5: job aspects will she have after getting her degree? Those

622
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,199
Speaker 5: are the kind of questions you're obligated to ask if

623
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 5: you're getting involved in a financial agreement with someone, and

624
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 5: probably the last thing you should be integrating into your

625
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 5: couple's dialogue.

626
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 6: She has to be.

627
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 5: Responsible for her own life, her own decisions, and if

628
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,800
Speaker 5: she can't get the money together or get a loan,

629
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,800
Speaker 5: how about this she gets a job, You pay the

630
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,720
Speaker 5: entire rent and she saves all her money for a

631
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,760
Speaker 5: year to pay for school and you'll have to apply

632
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 5: for a smaller loan. There are lots of options and solutions,

633
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 5: but you taking on the risk of her debt is

634
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 5: not one of them.

635
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:33,440
Speaker 6: Op says correct. She is a full time student now

636
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 6: with no job.

637
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 5: Before she left her home state, she had always retained

638
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 5: a job and was always responsible with it and everything

639
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 5: else she does, which is why part of me wants

640
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 5: to trust her. However, with me, I pay for rent

641
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 5: and groceries, I have my BMW payment, a new motorcycle payment,

642
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 5: car and motorcycle insurance, credit cards, electricity, cable TV and internet,

643
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 5: cell phone, and newly purchased bedroom furniture and a living

644
00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 5: room set. I am not complaining by any means. I've

645
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 5: taken on things I know I can be responsible for

646
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 5: and still allocate myself money to put into safe in

647
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 5: checking so we can live our lives without having to

648
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 5: worry about money. However, I feel this has caused her

649
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,480
Speaker 5: to feel I'm in a position where I should be

650
00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,440
Speaker 5: able to support her as a sign of commitment to

651
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 5: our relationship. And there's an update, And honestly, if that

652
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:14,560
Speaker 5: is the case.

653
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:17,680
Speaker 9: Red flag, yeah, yeah.

654
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 7: If she doesn't just gracefully say okay, no worries, you

655
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 7: don't have to do that, and is perfectly fine with

656
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:24,719
Speaker 7: that and moves on.

657
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:25,280
Speaker 9: This is a.

658
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,320
Speaker 6: Questionable okay update.

659
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 5: First off, I'd like to thank everyone that took the

660
00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 5: time to respond and those few of you who indiscreetly

661
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,840
Speaker 5: punned my quote sentiments.

662
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 6: It wasn't in discreet that was a much needed laugh

663
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 6: that day.

664
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 5: I figured since this generated a bit of traffic, I

665
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 5: would let everyone know an update from that day. Basically,

666
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 5: I went home Friday, and for whatever reason, there was

667
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 5: already some animosity in the air. I told her I

668
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 5: would help with dinner and cut up the steak. However,

669
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 5: I was taking too.

670
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 6: Long and going too slow. I retained my composure and

671
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 6: finished helping with dinner.

672
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 5: After dinner was prepared, I brought up the concern I

673
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 5: was having the other day with being a co signer

674
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:08,560
Speaker 5: on her student loans. I tried to be very calm

675
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 5: when I spoke and said, so, I know we were

676
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,840
Speaker 5: discussing me co signing on your student loans yesterday, and

677
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 5: I feel there are a few reasons why it wouldn't

678
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 5: be the best idea to have my name on there.

679
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:20,240
Speaker 6: I think it would be a.

680
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 5: Better idea if you got in contact with your mom

681
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 5: or dad to see if they would be willing to

682
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 5: co sign for you. Her response, in a snarky tone, huh,

683
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 5: I figured, just by your reaction yesterday, this was going

684
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 5: to be the case. Seriously, you are so naive to

685
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:37,280
Speaker 5: even think I would ask my dad ef thing. Seriously, Ope,

686
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 5: I can't believe you would even bring my father up.

687
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:43,680
Speaker 5: After she berated me and called me naive and swore

688
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 5: at me, I basically told her I don't appreciate the

689
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 5: way she came at me. With her response, I didn't

690
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 5: appreciate being called naive. If she didn't want her father

691
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 5: to do it, all she simply had to say was no.

692
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 6: Again, Like I stated before.

693
00:30:56,720 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 5: I never even got a chance to explain the reasons

694
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,760
Speaker 5: why I wasn't comfortab putting my name on the student loan.

695
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 6: I got bashed and the conversation ended.

696
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 7: Now imagine if you had been on the student loan

697
00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 7: and got into a different argument.

698
00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 6: Boom, Now you're on the hook for all her student loans.

699
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 5: I ended up not talking to her at all during

700
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 5: dinner nor after for quite some time.

701
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 6: She seems to have a problem with swearing at me.

702
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 5: After I've asked her countless times to not during a

703
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,400
Speaker 5: discussion because it adds a factor of angryness in my opinion,

704
00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 5: and even went so far to call me naive because

705
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,400
Speaker 5: I suggested her father. The following morning, she had the

706
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 5: audacity to say while we were watching TV quote, It's

707
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 5: so funny how I'm always the one who has to

708
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 5: bring things up and talk about things. If I didn't

709
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,800
Speaker 5: talk about things, we never would. I wanted to express

710
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 5: the reason I don't talk to her about anything. It's

711
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:52,040
Speaker 5: because I can't talk to her about anything. I bring

712
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 5: up something that bothers me, and she automatically thinks I'm

713
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 5: attacking her and trying to point the blame, which I

714
00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 5: never do, when she blatantly has issues with me and

715
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 5: things I do, when all I'm trying to do is

716
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 5: explain situations where I'm not comfortable. She's gotten mad at

717
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 5: me for not communicating in the past. Why would I

718
00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 5: if these are the reactions I get.

719
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 6: So here I am. It's Monday. It is Monday, and

720
00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 6: I still feel distanced from her.

721
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 5: I'm sure she can tell something is up because I

722
00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:23,040
Speaker 5: didn't really talk to her all day yesterday. Thinking about

723
00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:26,160
Speaker 5: everyone's responses and most importantly, her response has put me

724
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 5: in a crappy situation. I really don't want to pursue

725
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 5: because I can't talk to my ess so about anything

726
00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 5: that bothers me. I know if I let her go,

727
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 5: she'll find ways to twist it around to be my fault,

728
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:39,239
Speaker 5: or me wasting her time moving her out there to

729
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 5: go to school, or whatever else she can spew out

730
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 5: against me. So that's that I guess. I don't know

731
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 5: what my next step is going to be. It should

732
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:49,800
Speaker 5: be breaking up with her, Like did you not? That's

733
00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 5: insane that you just wrote that about your girlfriend, and

734
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 5: you're like, I don't know what I want to do.

735
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 9: Right, Like I thought we answered this question a while.

736
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 5: Ago, you've repeatedly answered your own question in this post.

737
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 5: I don't know what my next step is going to

738
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 5: be or the best way to handle this, but I

739
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 5: do realize how toxic our relationship is when we can't

740
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 5: even discuss things like adults. She talks to me like

741
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 5: I'm dumb, and quite honestly, I'm exhausted from it. I

742
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 5: feel disrespected after all this time and effort I put

743
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 5: into this for her, when I have nothing to show

744
00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 5: for myself and there's a second update.

745
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, this is the one where you say I've left,

746
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:31,880
Speaker 7: we're not together anymore? Yes, and then we all go

747
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 7: whooa and we cheer.

748
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 6: Yes update number two.

749
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 5: So basically things have been pretty strained since all this

750
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 5: is boiled down, and at this point we're both exhausted.

751
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 5: We have fought at least once, if not twice a

752
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 5: week so far. Our perspectives on things are completely different,

753
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 5: and quite honestly, it's almost impossible for me to talk

754
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 5: to her about anything. Example from last week, we had

755
00:33:54,840 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 5: a discussion the day previous of our feelings and where

756
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 5: the relationship stood, and have been in a position where

757
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 5: she's looking at apartments to move out, but hasn't committed

758
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 5: yet because she needs to decide what's best for her.

759
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 5: We watch some Netflix until about nine thirty ish and

760
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,640
Speaker 5: I start to doze off. She gets up and says, well, oh,

761
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 5: he's falling asleep, so it must be time for bad

762
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:16,319
Speaker 5: gets up, pulls the pillow out from under my head,

763
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 5: and goes to the bedroom and to clean up. So

764
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,240
Speaker 5: I'm left to clean up the living room. I brush

765
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 5: it off, I get myself cleaned up and in bed

766
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 5: and I lay down say I love you and put

767
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 5: my arm over. She took my arm off her, put

768
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,239
Speaker 5: it back on me, and said you're good over there,

769
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 5: and then turned over.

770
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:36,720
Speaker 6: So at this point I'm a little frustrated.

771
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,359
Speaker 5: I don't know why she's being cold to me, so

772
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 5: I just turned over and closed my eyes.

773
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:45,879
Speaker 6: Dude, stop taking this. You don't know.

774
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 5: So I don't know why she's being cold to me,

775
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 5: so I just turned over and closed my eyes. I

776
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,440
Speaker 5: can tell she is still awake, lying there looking at

777
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,879
Speaker 5: the ceiling. Then she sits up and puts her head

778
00:34:57,880 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 5: in her hands, starts crying. And I asked twice Bibe,

779
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 5: what's the matter, and get no response. So I lay

780
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:08,239
Speaker 5: back down because I'm tired of the games. She lays down,

781
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,879
Speaker 5: head under the sheets, then finally gets up and says

782
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 5: she's going to sleep on the couch. I ask why,

783
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,799
Speaker 5: and get no response. I can't even believe you ask why.

784
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 5: I'd be like, bye, this is wild. Yeah, I slept

785
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 5: it off. It's now eleven. I have to wake up

786
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:26,440
Speaker 5: at five for work. I don't have time for games

787
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:29,319
Speaker 5: this late. The next morning, we text banter while I'm

788
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 5: at work, of course, and it gets heated, so I

789
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 5: say we can talk when I get home. I get

790
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 5: home and she tells me it's because she hasn't had

791
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 5: the big O in forever and the fact that I

792
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 5: don't comfort her. I told her I was concerned, and

793
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 5: that's why I asked what was the matter? But she

794
00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,359
Speaker 5: never responded, so she kept it all in And I said,

795
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,479
Speaker 5: had she just told me a while ago, I would

796
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,800
Speaker 5: have worked harder to make sure she was getting pleasure. Brother,

797
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 5: she's lying to you. Well, to her, that was me

798
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 5: telling her what to do. I wasn't trying to tell

799
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 5: her what to do, but what could have made the

800
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:03,800
Speaker 5: situation go more smoothly.

801
00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 6: Now.

802
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 5: This has been the bane of our conversations regarding our relationship.

803
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 5: I feel like I constantly need to defend and justify

804
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:13,279
Speaker 5: the things I say and do for this relationship, which

805
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 5: to her I shouldn't be doing.

806
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 6: How can I not? I feel like I am under

807
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 6: constant scrutiny for the things I do and say, and

808
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 6: where with her.

809
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:25,760
Speaker 5: I just let most things be because I don't sweat

810
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 5: the small things.

811
00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 6: Life is too short.

812
00:36:28,320 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 7: We've passed the small things.

813
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 5: It's you're like right there, and it's like life is

814
00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 5: too short, So why should I stay with this person.

815
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 6: Where you should be at.

816
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 5: I've talked to a few people and honestly feel like

817
00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,919
Speaker 5: I am the crazy one in all this. They tell

818
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 5: me that it is not me but her manipulating me

819
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 5: with her words. She makes me feel like I'm not

820
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 5: putting anything into the relationship and tells me all the

821
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 5: time in arguments that she's living in a nightmare. I

822
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 5: will never be the boyfriend she deserves, and that I

823
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 5: should get a book on how to treat ladies nicely

824
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 5: and how to give them the big Oh. Then when

825
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 5: I say that I don't know if I see her

826
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:05,960
Speaker 5: in my future, she completely shuts down and tells me

827
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 5: that it is terrible of me to say and is

828
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:13,120
Speaker 5: just plain mean. So maybe I'm too sensitive, like she says,

829
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 5: I don't really know. My mind has been manipulated by

830
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 5: this relationship. I feel like I've changed so much over

831
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 5: the years for this woman and we still have the

832
00:37:20,719 --> 00:37:23,600
Speaker 5: same issues. She's currently looking at an apartment for her

833
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 5: to move into, and I should been trying to be

834
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 5: supportive and told her I would still help her with

835
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,800
Speaker 5: anything because I'm not one to put someone on the

836
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 5: street or give up completely. Everyone tells me I'm crazy

837
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,280
Speaker 5: for doing this and should have ended things a long, long, long,

838
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:37,200
Speaker 5: long time ago.

839
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:38,800
Speaker 6: I yeah, all of them.

840
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, you should.

841
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 5: You should have done that. The only problem is there's

842
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:51,040
Speaker 5: only one. I'm having a hard time just letting go.

843
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,040
Speaker 5: I should be able to end things after being belittled

844
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 5: very easily, but when we talk I always end up

845
00:37:56,239 --> 00:38:00,920
Speaker 5: feeling like everything's my fault and caving in Update three, So,

846
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 5: after the harsh reality set in yesterday while I was

847
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 5: at work, I took a lot of your comments to

848
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 5: heart and finally evaluated my own feelings in all of this.

849
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,439
Speaker 5: People asked why I even gave this another shot after

850
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:14,719
Speaker 5: the last update, and to be honest, four and a

851
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 5: half years was too much for me to just let

852
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 5: go of. I suppose, boo, that's a sunk cost fallacy. No,

853
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 5: if you had a broken arm for four years and

854
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 5: there was a way you could fix it, would you

855
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 5: be like, Eh, yeah, but it's been broken for four years,

856
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 5: so I might as well just leave it broken forever.

857
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:30,440
Speaker 6: That's what you're saying.

858
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:34,319
Speaker 5: I wanted to give it one last honest effort and

859
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 5: see if she could make the changes she said she would. Well,

860
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 5: obviously that never happened. It all came to a head yesterday.

861
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 5: I told myself yesterday was going to be the day.

862
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 5: I was at work trying to avoid texting her, and well,

863
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 5: she decided it was a good time to text me

864
00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 5: how she wanted romance and to have a fun day,

865
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 5: and how she may never feel romance and that I

866
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 5: just might be the way I am and might never change.

867
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yes, this was all out of the blue while

868
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 6: I was at work. Then and there it clicked.

869
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 5: I told her we need to talk when I get home. She,

870
00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 5: of course, as suspected, jumped to the conclusion I was

871
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 5: done with her because she said she wanted more romance. Seriously,

872
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:11,360
Speaker 5: I told her it had nothing to do with that,

873
00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 5: and I'll talk to her when I get home. It

874
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:15,839
Speaker 5: wasn't until later when she asked me what was going

875
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,600
Speaker 5: on and that I seemed to be acting different. I

876
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 5: laid it all out and I couldn't hold it in anymore.

877
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,680
Speaker 5: I told her that she wasn't happy with me and

878
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 5: might never be. I might never be the boyfriend she deserves,

879
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 5: and right now I just need time to be alone,

880
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,359
Speaker 5: and I need her to move out, and that if

881
00:39:31,360 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 5: she needs help moving out, I will oblige.

882
00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:34,879
Speaker 6: But that is all.

883
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:37,920
Speaker 5: She cried and got upset, of course, and started to

884
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,560
Speaker 5: say that I was doing this because earlier she said

885
00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,680
Speaker 5: she just wanted romance, that I'm playing with her emotions

886
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 5: and that I'm giving up when we just talked about

887
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 5: working things out.

888
00:39:46,920 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 6: I don't care about her blah blah blah blah blah.

889
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,919
Speaker 5: Basically, she tried to play victim and never once even

890
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:53,920
Speaker 5: asked why I had the feeling of wanting to go

891
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:56,719
Speaker 5: my own way. It's always her feelings and I can

892
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 5: never have any and I'm exhausted, So I just want

893
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 5: to thank all of you for your support. It's the

894
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:03,920
Speaker 5: hardest thing I've had to do in a long time.

895
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 5: I have a huge headache right now, and I'm pretty

896
00:40:06,040 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 5: upset that things didn't work out, but I'm not sad.

897
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 5: I'm disappointed not only that we couldn't make this relationship work,

898
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 5: but I'm disappointed in myself that I allowed it to

899
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 5: go on for this long. I plan to take this

900
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 5: time to myself to get back in touch with who

901
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,280
Speaker 5: I am, go back and visit my therapist for a while,

902
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 5: and get back involved with hockey, and go back to

903
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 5: enjoying this life.

904
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 6: I've built for myself. Yeah, we're good.

905
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 7: Please tell me that's it.

906
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,720
Speaker 6: That's it, that's it, that's great.

907
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,920
Speaker 9: No more, do not get back to anymore. Go your

908
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 9: own way.

909
00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 5: Thank you again everyone, both those who said the brutal

910
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:39,799
Speaker 5: truths and those who shared sympathy. This was not an

911
00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 5: easy road to travel. User slim Shanny, thank you for

912
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 5: paraphrasing this. I actually had to log onto my computer

913
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 5: because I wanted to use what you had typed out.

914
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 5: Was having a hard time gathering my own thoughts at

915
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,360
Speaker 5: the time, and this really made things a lot easier.

916
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 5: I'm forever grateful for that quote. Here is the comment

917
00:40:56,520 --> 00:40:58,399
Speaker 5: that woke op up.

918
00:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 6: Great.

919
00:40:59,320 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 9: Let's hear it.

920
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:00,920
Speaker 4: Quote.

921
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 5: You aren't happy with me, and I don't think you've

922
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 5: been happy with me for a long time. I don't

923
00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 5: think I can make you happy. I think this is

924
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 5: something we have to do for ourselves. I wish you

925
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 5: the best, but I think I need to heal from

926
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,200
Speaker 5: our past, and I can't do that as long as

927
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,960
Speaker 5: we are in contact. I can help you move, but

928
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 5: I think you need a place you can afford on

929
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 5: your own. I cannot be a continual support in your life.

930
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,920
Speaker 5: I need to move on as well. Thank you for

931
00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 5: the time we spent together, and I wish you the

932
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 5: best and that this is the end.

933
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:32,880
Speaker 9: Of that story.

934
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:36,359
Speaker 6: God, good job. There's the blueprint right there.

935
00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,040
Speaker 5: That's how you do that, how you say goodbye in

936
00:41:40,120 --> 00:41:41,640
Speaker 5: the most honestly polite way.

937
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 6: You could say, she probably did not deserve that level

938
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:44,439
Speaker 6: of polite.

939
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:45,920
Speaker 7: No, no, But as long as we got there, I

940
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:46,399
Speaker 7: don't care.

941
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:48,600
Speaker 5: And it's like, you know, it's good for the soul

942
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 5: to not be vengeful and angry and bitter, and you know,

943
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 5: I feel like when we're in that state, it's really

944
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 5: like something's getting the better of us.

945
00:41:58,960 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 6: Right. Yeah, that was good. I oh, p, you got.

946
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 5: To learn when you need to stand on business because

947
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 5: you needed to do this a lot.

948
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 6: A lot earlier time ago.

949
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:09,799
Speaker 9: But we got there.

950
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, we got there.

951
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 4: Did get there.

952
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 9: Thank god.

953
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 7: My boyfriend's brother passed away and it changed him.

954
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 9: That makes sense.

955
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 7: I thirty four female, have been with my boyfriend thirty

956
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:26,239
Speaker 7: seven male for over five years now. The first year

957
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,680
Speaker 7: was long distance, and then he moved in with me.

958
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 7: Later on, he told me that he only moved in

959
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 7: because we were fighting too much while apart and he

960
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,680
Speaker 7: was tired of it. He said, I sort of made

961
00:42:36,760 --> 00:42:40,800
Speaker 7: him move in. That's partly true. I was extremely needy

962
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 7: and manipulative at the beginning, and he was very avoidant.

963
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,760
Speaker 7: I didn't realize that at the time, and the long

964
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:50,359
Speaker 7: distance made everything worse. By the way, this comes from

965
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 7: imaginary Ad fifteen ninety eight, and if you want to

966
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 7: make your own stories, go to the r slash okay

967
00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:59,439
Speaker 7: storytime subreddit. So we've been living together ever since. We've

968
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 7: lived two point five years at my place and then

969
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 7: one point five at his. During all this time, he

970
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 7: never told his family about me. When I asked, he

971
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 7: either lied and said he had or got defensive and

972
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:14,040
Speaker 7: said he wasn't ready, that he needed to be sure

973
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 7: of me first. He would give me this feeling that

974
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:20,280
Speaker 7: I'm not enough. He's an avoidant type, so he prefers

975
00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 7: to lie rather than argue or explain things.

976
00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 6: Why are we with him?

977
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 9: Why did we be with him? Why? Liar no?

978
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 6: Like a liar no.

979
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:33,920
Speaker 7: I have an anxious attachment style. So all of this

980
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:38,960
Speaker 7: triggered my insecurities deeply. Five months ago, his brother passed away.

981
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 7: It was sudden and tragic. He asked me to go

982
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:44,880
Speaker 7: back to our home country with him. Because he just

983
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,960
Speaker 7: couldn't do it alone. It was all a horrible and

984
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 7: tragic experience that I will never forget. When we got there,

985
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 7: I realized his parents didn't even know I existed. Oh

986
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 7: that was incredibly painful. I stayed silent out of respect

987
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:02,960
Speaker 7: for the situation and didn't want to confront him. I

988
00:44:03,080 --> 00:44:05,719
Speaker 7: was also grieving the loss deeply and fell into a

989
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 7: depression that lasted about three months. Now that five months

990
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:13,399
Speaker 7: have passed, I keep thinking about the lies, the way

991
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 7: I felt insufficient in this relationship for five years. I

992
00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,719
Speaker 7: keep wondering if the problem was always me, like he

993
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:24,040
Speaker 7: made me feel, or if it's actually him. I know

994
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,800
Speaker 7: I'm not perfect. I get angry and loud when I

995
00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:30,480
Speaker 7: feel ignored, and that only makes him withdraw further. But

996
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,480
Speaker 7: I've realized he avoid serious conversations, not just with me,

997
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 7: but with everyone, including his own family. I've been unhappy

998
00:44:39,239 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 7: with the relationship for a long time because of the

999
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:46,840
Speaker 7: lack of communication. His brother's death has magnified everything, but

1000
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,480
Speaker 7: I still can't talk about anything with him because he's

1001
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 7: grieving and extremely fragile. I don't know how long that

1002
00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 7: will last, and I don't know how long I can last.

1003
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 7: Other than the emotional distance and lack of communication, He's

1004
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 7: always been kind and loyal, but I'm not sure if

1005
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 7: that's enough during this grief phase. I once told him

1006
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:08,480
Speaker 7: that I was in pain too, and that I'd like

1007
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:11,520
Speaker 7: to talk about it whenever he wanted to. That led

1008
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 7: to a huge fight. He said, I always make everything

1009
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 7: about myself, even during his grief. He said he didn't

1010
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,720
Speaker 7: want to get stuck in my nonsense anymore. He said,

1011
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 7: that's what I've done so far while my brother was

1012
00:45:23,960 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 7: in pain. I'm ashamed to argue over nonsense with you anymore. Please,

1013
00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 7: just for once, try not to make everything about yourself.

1014
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 8: I literally, if someone said that to me, I'd be like,

1015
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,160
Speaker 8: I don't know if I can.

1016
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,720
Speaker 9: I don't think I can do this anymore.

1017
00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 7: My whole thing, too, is like it sounds like this

1018
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 7: whole relationship just started because you like manipulated each other

1019
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,280
Speaker 7: out of long distance, and you've just been together ever since.

1020
00:45:46,840 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 9: It doesn't sound great.

1021
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,680
Speaker 7: The next day, he vaguely said sorry and that he

1022
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,920
Speaker 7: couldn't deal with anything like that at the moment, and

1023
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:56,839
Speaker 7: that he needed time to grieve. I understood and backed off.

1024
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:00,600
Speaker 7: But even before this tragedy, He always saw my concerns

1025
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:04,239
Speaker 7: is nonsense coming from my insecurities. I do think he

1026
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 7: can change. He has changed slowly over the years, but

1027
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,359
Speaker 7: now everything feels ruined and I don't know how long

1028
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 7: this will go on. For the past five months, he

1029
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 7: has been so emotionally disconnected that I don't feel like

1030
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 7: I'm in a relationship anymore. It's not like he didn't

1031
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:24,319
Speaker 7: include me at all. Before his brother's death. He talked

1032
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:27,799
Speaker 7: to his coworkers about me. We did everything together in

1033
00:46:27,920 --> 00:46:32,960
Speaker 7: daily life, cooking, eating, watching shows, planning weekends, But when

1034
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 7: it came to real fundamental topics like marriage, family, in

1035
00:46:36,280 --> 00:46:40,760
Speaker 7: the future, I was completely excluded. His family was always

1036
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:43,840
Speaker 7: the line I wasn't allowed to cross. He never talked

1037
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 7: about marrying me or starting a family of our own. Instead,

1038
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 7: he focused on his brothers having families and kids and

1039
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:55,359
Speaker 7: got emotional fulfillment from their happiness, not ours. We live

1040
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 7: outside our home country. His family is back home, and

1041
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 7: in any involving them, I am shut out. But he's

1042
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:06,239
Speaker 7: also somewhat avoidant with them too. His mother told me

1043
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 7: she kept asking him who he was dating, and he

1044
00:47:08,440 --> 00:47:11,359
Speaker 7: would just brush her off. He even bought his first

1045
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 7: apartment a huge milestone and didn't tell his parents.

1046
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:15,920
Speaker 9: I don't think he tells his parents anything.

1047
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:18,799
Speaker 7: Actually, yeah, maybe he wants that's what It kind of

1048
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 7: sounds like a little boom. He wants everything to be

1049
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 7: perfect before saying anything. He won't even tell them he

1050
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:28,279
Speaker 7: bought the flat until it's fully renovated and furnished, no

1051
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:32,439
Speaker 7: matter how long it takes. He is a perfectionist. That's

1052
00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:35,800
Speaker 7: why he delays everything. I've told him in many ways

1053
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:38,439
Speaker 7: that I want to have kids and I'm thirty four now,

1054
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:39,800
Speaker 7: but he keeps delaying.

1055
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,479
Speaker 9: Girl, if you want something and.

1056
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:44,799
Speaker 8: He doesn't, or he's pushing it, and you're like, well,

1057
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 8: this is the timeline that I have, leave him.

1058
00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 6: Leave him.

1059
00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:53,439
Speaker 7: After his brother passed, he started blaming himself for being

1060
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 7: that way. He had a plan to bring his brother

1061
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,360
Speaker 7: to visit our country for a long holiday once the

1062
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:02,280
Speaker 7: house was ready because his brother was depressed, but sadly

1063
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:05,720
Speaker 7: passed before he could finish the apartment. Now he says

1064
00:48:05,760 --> 00:48:08,920
Speaker 7: he thought he had time forever, and he blames himself.

1065
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,520
Speaker 9: I don't want to sound like awful, but like this should.

1066
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,240
Speaker 7: Be a wick of call, right and if he's having

1067
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:18,680
Speaker 7: this these thoughts and he's still not like locking into marry.

1068
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 7: Then it seems like you're really not in those Plansops.

1069
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 7: It feels like a textbook anxious avoidant relationship. I always

1070
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:29,800
Speaker 7: chase and he always runs. I've been working on myself

1071
00:48:29,840 --> 00:48:33,000
Speaker 7: for a while now. I started therapy three years into

1072
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 7: the relationship, after one time that I gathered all my

1073
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,160
Speaker 7: courage and asked him if he had told his family

1074
00:48:39,200 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 7: about me and that I am thirty two at the

1075
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 7: time and want to get married and have kids. He

1076
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 7: said he didn't have that internal feeling yet. I was

1077
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,480
Speaker 7: devastated and asked him what we were even doing together

1078
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 7: if he still felt that way after three years. He

1079
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,280
Speaker 7: said he didn't know. We fought and I left his apartment.

1080
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:01,520
Speaker 7: We didn't talk for two weeks.

1081
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:05,400
Speaker 9: What, Yeah, that's like breakup. Yeah, you guys broke up.

1082
00:49:05,440 --> 00:49:07,719
Speaker 9: You guys took it up for two weeks. You didn't

1083
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 9: talk for two weeks. That's insane, that's crazy.

1084
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 7: Then I gave up and called him. He never reaches

1085
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 7: out in these situations.

1086
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:19,400
Speaker 9: Dude, So this has happened before. Oh lord, geez.

1087
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 7: We talked and I went back because during those two

1088
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:26,360
Speaker 7: weeks I had learned about attachment theory and realized I

1089
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 7: needed to work on my anxiety and neediness.

1090
00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 9: In this relationship.

1091
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 8: So she's like, I'm just too attached to needy he

1092
00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 8: I shouldn't expect him to tell his family about me

1093
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:37,400
Speaker 8: until he's ready.

1094
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 7: I've improved a lot, but our relationship hasn't made much

1095
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:45,480
Speaker 7: progress because he's still very avoidant and passive aggressive. Now

1096
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,880
Speaker 7: that he's lost one of his brothers. They were three sons,

1097
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 7: all of his avoidant traits and emotional distance have gotten worse.

1098
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 7: His family is his top priority, and I am the last.

1099
00:49:57,200 --> 00:50:00,319
Speaker 7: I understand it's normal to prioritize family during grief, but

1100
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:04,120
Speaker 7: I feel like I don't even exist anymore. I started

1101
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 7: a new job in another city just ten days before

1102
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 7: his brother passed. It's five hours away, and I've been

1103
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:15,479
Speaker 7: completely alone since then. I visited him. I visited him

1104
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 7: every weekend. He would just go to his room, close

1105
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 7: the door and cry. Even during work hours he works

1106
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 7: from home, he just cries all day.

1107
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 8: If, yeah, the relationship had been really good and your

1108
00:50:28,640 --> 00:50:31,359
Speaker 8: boyfriend lost his brother and then started acting like this,

1109
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:33,800
Speaker 8: I'd be like, you know what, give him some space,

1110
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 8: give him some time. That's a really awful thing to

1111
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 8: go through, losing any family member horrible, anyone close to you. Yeah,

1112
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:46,680
Speaker 8: it's I mean literally unimaginable. However, this is not some

1113
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 8: big change. This is consistent with how he's been treating

1114
00:50:50,080 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 8: you for five years.

1115
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 7: It doesn't sound like this has ever been good, and

1116
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 7: it sounds like you both have a lot of problems

1117
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 7: that you need to work through before you can have

1118
00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:01,600
Speaker 7: that healthy relationship, which is exactly We're just not gonna

1119
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 7: have this one anymore.

1120
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, you could have it with someone else once you've

1121
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 8: done the work, Yes, but there's more.

1122
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,800
Speaker 7: When we video chat with his family, he keeps it together.

1123
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 7: He smiles and talks, but he doesn't put that effort

1124
00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:17,400
Speaker 7: in with me. Maybe he feels like he can be

1125
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 7: himself with me, or that I'm strong enough to handle it.

1126
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:24,719
Speaker 7: But still I felt invisible. My birthday was a month ago.

1127
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:28,080
Speaker 7: He forgot. I didn't say anything because I was too

1128
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:32,320
Speaker 7: depressed to celebrate. I spent the day alone. Two weeks later,

1129
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,880
Speaker 7: it was his sister in law's birthday, wife of the

1130
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:38,360
Speaker 7: living brother. His brother had planned a surprise trip for

1131
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:41,120
Speaker 7: her and they followed through with it. My boyfriend knew

1132
00:51:41,160 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 7: about it, and they called me on a group video

1133
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 7: call to celebrate. I was devastated. He didn't call me

1134
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 7: on my birthday at all, but participated in all of that.

1135
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:53,280
Speaker 7: I cried but said nothing. You need to say things,

1136
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 7: We need to say things. Yeah, yeah, he realized I

1137
00:51:57,400 --> 00:52:01,000
Speaker 7: was upset, but didn't ask. After the call, nothing happened,

1138
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 7: no follow up, no message, no explanation. We've been in

1139
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 7: no contact ever since for twenty days. I called him yesterday,

1140
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:12,719
Speaker 7: he didn't pick up. Then he blocked me everywhere.

1141
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:15,760
Speaker 9: Yeah you're broken up. Yeah you've been the worst way possible,

1142
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:16,440
Speaker 9: but you're broken up.

1143
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1144
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:19,759
Speaker 7: I love him and I want to continue supporting him,

1145
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,560
Speaker 7: but I'm feeling more and more invisible. How do I

1146
00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 7: navigate this without making things worse for either of us?

1147
00:52:25,640 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 7: And we have comments? Comment one, you're putting his needs

1148
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:32,799
Speaker 7: above yours and continue to do so, As evident in

1149
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 7: your last paragraph, He's been putting himself first from the

1150
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,400
Speaker 7: day you met, and for the last five years you

1151
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:42,719
Speaker 7: haven't been included or even given a peek into the

1152
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 7: other half of his life, his family. Putting yourself first

1153
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:50,480
Speaker 7: doesn't necessarily make things worse. It may, however, seem like

1154
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,879
Speaker 7: it from what I'm reading there isn't a healthy relationship.

1155
00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:57,440
Speaker 7: He's always kept you at bay. You lost yourself a

1156
00:52:57,520 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 7: long time ago, trying to keep a relationship together. Other

1157
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:07,520
Speaker 7: that maybe isn't even a relationship. Save yourself, and Opie responds, yes,

1158
00:53:07,719 --> 00:53:10,160
Speaker 7: I do put others first. This is one of the

1159
00:53:10,200 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 7: things I've learned about myself in my therapy. The only

1160
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 7: thing that made me come along so far was the

1161
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 7: hope I had for the right time to come. Like

1162
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,160
Speaker 7: I said, he is a perfectionist, and I was always

1163
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,440
Speaker 7: hoping that he had certain milestones in his mind that

1164
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:27,880
Speaker 7: only after reaching them all, it will be my turn.

1165
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:31,719
Speaker 7: Like I am also a milestone in his mind, but

1166
00:53:31,800 --> 00:53:35,239
Speaker 7: he wants to first secure his job, buy a house, renovate,

1167
00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 7: invite family over, and then he will introduce me to

1168
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 7: his parents and so on. Comment to says, you're wasting

1169
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 7: your time. Even before his brother passed, you were wasting

1170
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,440
Speaker 7: your time. Yep, move on and find someone who wants a.

1171
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:51,600
Speaker 9: Future with you. Yep. That's it. That's all.

1172
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 7: Yeah, I fully agree with those comments.

1173
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 9: Indeed, on the nose, get out the OPI.

1174
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 5: My sister has special needs, but our parents won't listen

1175
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,279
Speaker 5: to me listen, so I'm currently in my second year

1176
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,319
Speaker 5: of college, child's genius got fast tracked through grades. And

1177
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 5: I have two younger sisters, Jess fourteen female and Anna.

1178
00:54:13,280 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 5: Anna was born fully deaf and is starting elementary school

1179
00:54:16,480 --> 00:54:18,560
Speaker 5: this year. By the way, this comes from us your

1180
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:20,839
Speaker 5: oldest sibling throwaway and if you want to submit your

1181
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,560
Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

1182
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:27,000
Speaker 5: So I'm not trying to throw my parents into a

1183
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 5: negative light. They do love us, and they've provided us

1184
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:33,720
Speaker 5: with every opportunity possible, and we have wanted for nothing

1185
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,520
Speaker 5: growing up, even though my parents were thrown when they

1186
00:54:37,680 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 5: found out Anna was deaf. They are musicians by trade,

1187
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:42,759
Speaker 5: and both me and Jess have been involved with music

1188
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:46,040
Speaker 5: from a young age. They learned asl along with me

1189
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 5: and my sister, and tried their hardest to adapt. That said,

1190
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:52,839
Speaker 5: I've always been closest with Anna as she's grown up,

1191
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 5: and she's like my best friend. She's always come to

1192
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:57,520
Speaker 5: me if she's afraid or sick. She looks for me

1193
00:54:57,600 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 5: to interpretation or context when we're at and she's always

1194
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:02,400
Speaker 5: been my little shadow.

1195
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 6: So out of everyone in our family, I feel I

1196
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 6: know her the best.

1197
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:09,480
Speaker 5: My parents are sending Anna to a private special needs

1198
00:55:09,480 --> 00:55:12,600
Speaker 5: school in the coming year, and I personally disagree with

1199
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,200
Speaker 5: their choice. I looked into the place and took a

1200
00:55:15,239 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 5: virtual tour, and from everything I've seen and read, it

1201
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 5: seems to be catered more to students with severe mental

1202
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 5: disabilities or mobility impairment. In fact, I couldn't see a

1203
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 5: great deal of detail about the services provided for deaf

1204
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,759
Speaker 5: students at all. I brought all of this up to

1205
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 5: my parents, but they just brushed me off, saying it

1206
00:55:33,880 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 5: was what was best and they'd take care of her.

1207
00:55:36,719 --> 00:55:38,760
Speaker 5: I asked why she can't go to a mainstream school,

1208
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:40,520
Speaker 5: but they said there were no services for her.

1209
00:55:41,080 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 6: Well, I did a bunch of research.

1210
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:48,120
Speaker 5: I contacted district superintendent's, local councils, and even schools directly themselves.

1211
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 5: I even found a deaf school only very slightly out

1212
00:55:51,160 --> 00:55:54,120
Speaker 5: of our boundary, who said they were willing to be flexible.

1213
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:56,680
Speaker 5: When I brought this to my parents, they got annoyed,

1214
00:55:56,719 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 5: saying that they knew what was best for their daughter

1215
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 5: and I should stay out of it, and that no

1216
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 5: school would be able to handle her hearing impairment and

1217
00:56:03,640 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 5: behavioral problems. I was stunned. Anna doesn't have behavioral problems.

1218
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 5: She's a bit willful, sure, she has a mind of

1219
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 5: her own, and she's always had a mischievous streak, but

1220
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,400
Speaker 5: she's never acted out of control. She can read and

1221
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:19,759
Speaker 5: write above average for her age. I know because I

1222
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 5: read with her, and while she's a little slow on

1223
00:56:22,160 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 5: the math front. I doubt it's any real cause or concern.

1224
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:29,160
Speaker 5: I asked if she had been diagnosed, and they cited

1225
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:31,440
Speaker 5: the time she's wandered off during trips to the theater

1226
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:34,840
Speaker 5: or made noises during the performance. They haven't seen a

1227
00:56:34,920 --> 00:56:38,200
Speaker 5: doctor or any professional about this. They just saw a

1228
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:40,839
Speaker 5: deaf child being forced to sit still for hours, not

1229
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,440
Speaker 5: understanding everything that's going on around her, and acting out

1230
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 5: of boredom and frustration, and decided she's got behavioral issue.

1231
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:51,839
Speaker 8: Yeah she's gotta sit there literally Apparently it doesn't sound

1232
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:54,200
Speaker 8: like it, but there's apparently no translator.

1233
00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 9: So she's sitting there being like, I don't know what's

1234
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 9: going on.

1235
00:56:57,960 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm gonna wander around.

1236
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:00,160
Speaker 9: I don't know what's going on.

1237
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:03,200
Speaker 5: Anna is a bright kid, and while the school they've

1238
00:57:03,239 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 5: picked out looks amazing for kids with disabilities, I just

1239
00:57:06,080 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 5: don't think it would suit her specifically. But despite all

1240
00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 5: my arguments, and despite me spending more time with Anna

1241
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,160
Speaker 5: than either of them combined, they still tell me to

1242
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:18,440
Speaker 5: shut up and not get involved with their decisions because

1243
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 5: they're the adults, which really annoys me because I've been

1244
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 5: forced to act like an adult my whole life, but

1245
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 5: as soon as I want a say on something actually important,

1246
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:30,960
Speaker 5: they shut me down and potentially take away my sister's

1247
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:32,040
Speaker 5: potential to thrive.

1248
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 6: And there is an edit.

1249
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 5: I just wanted to clarify a few recurring points that

1250
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 5: have arisen throughout both comments and PMS one. I mentioned

1251
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 5: the skipping grades thing because I thought it would explain

1252
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:46,040
Speaker 5: why I was a seventeen year old sophomore in college

1253
00:57:46,120 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 5: and why I felt like I was qualified to intervene

1254
00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:52,200
Speaker 5: with the decision making process. I've been involved in adult conversations,

1255
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 5: been surrounded by adults who regard and treat me as

1256
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 5: a peer most of my life.

1257
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:57,680
Speaker 6: I apologize if I was unclear.

1258
00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:01,200
Speaker 5: Someone mentioned that my parents would recognized behavioral issues in

1259
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,760
Speaker 5: Anna because they have raised two children before her. I

1260
00:58:03,800 --> 00:58:05,960
Speaker 5: would disagree with this, as one every child is different.

1261
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 5: Jess and I have very different temperaments and personalities, just

1262
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 5: like Anna and two. My parents have raised two hearing

1263
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 5: children who are regarded as intelligent and mature for their age.

1264
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:16,400
Speaker 5: Seeing a deaf six year old acting like a six

1265
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 5: year old, I would argue, is relatively new for them.

1266
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 9: That's crazy.

1267
00:58:19,640 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 8: That's great to say that a six year old has

1268
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:23,840
Speaker 8: behavioral issues because she's made a couple of notes like

1269
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 8: hearing children do that, Like hearing children make noises in

1270
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:32,640
Speaker 8: long you know, like long auditorium meetings or whatever.

1271
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, hearing children.

1272
00:58:33,920 --> 00:58:34,800
Speaker 9: Will wonder around.

1273
00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:38,120
Speaker 8: This isn't like exclusive to her just because she's deaf,

1274
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,520
Speaker 8: she doesn't have behavior problems. And also it makes even

1275
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:41,919
Speaker 8: more sense because she's deaf.

1276
00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,360
Speaker 5: Third point year from OP, I've actually gotten involved with

1277
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:47,760
Speaker 5: a local deaf advocacy group for deaf.

1278
00:58:47,600 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 6: And hard of hearing adults and their friends and family.

1279
00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 9: I love how much OP is advocating for their sibling.

1280
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 5: We're having a meeting via zoom on Monday night, and

1281
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:59,440
Speaker 5: I'm looking forward to getting their insight. Number four, On

1282
00:58:59,480 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 5: a slightly more serious notes, some of you have expressed

1283
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 5: concern about my mom and dad's parenting and that I'm

1284
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,280
Speaker 5: being parentified, that they are ablest, and that I'm too

1285
00:59:06,320 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 5: young to have these concerns regardless of my intelligence or maturity.

1286
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 5: I have thought on this a lot, and on some level,

1287
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 5: I think you might be right. My parents don't like

1288
00:59:14,200 --> 00:59:15,800
Speaker 5: to be told they're wrong or made to feel like

1289
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 5: they don't know something, and I don't think they've adapted

1290
00:59:18,160 --> 00:59:20,440
Speaker 5: to Anna's hearing impairment as well as they believe, and

1291
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:24,720
Speaker 5: on some level they think it reflects badly on them. Admittedly,

1292
00:59:24,760 --> 00:59:26,760
Speaker 5: I can see some of their flaws reflected in me,

1293
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,280
Speaker 5: and I'm trying to work on that. I do wonder

1294
00:59:29,320 --> 00:59:31,240
Speaker 5: if one of the reasons Anna is so attached to

1295
00:59:31,320 --> 00:59:33,600
Speaker 5: me is because I do give her affection and attention

1296
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:37,160
Speaker 5: where our parents aren't as forthcoming. Regardless of whether I'm

1297
00:59:37,160 --> 00:59:39,240
Speaker 5: too young, there is a little girl that needs someone

1298
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:41,160
Speaker 5: to rely on, and if that's me, then I'll take

1299
00:59:41,240 --> 00:59:43,640
Speaker 5: up that mantle. I love my sister and I want

1300
00:59:43,680 --> 00:59:47,120
Speaker 5: to strive to make the world better for her. Five

1301
00:59:47,240 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 5: I'm gonna try a more subtle approach to this rather

1302
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:51,400
Speaker 5: than treating it like a debate with my parents. I'm

1303
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,000
Speaker 5: working on those flaws. If anything comes out of it,

1304
00:59:54,080 --> 00:59:56,360
Speaker 5: I'll be sure to update you. Thank you for all

1305
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 5: your comments and advice. It's been great to hear from

1306
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 5: so many people and there's an up eight should we

1307
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 5: just get into it?

1308
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 9: Yeah?

1309
01:00:02,920 --> 01:00:03,920
Speaker 6: Hi everyone.

1310
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 5: About ninety eight percent of you were super wonderful on

1311
01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:08,840
Speaker 5: my last post and seemed genuinely invested, so I thought

1312
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:11,080
Speaker 5: i'd give you an update. It's been just under a

1313
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 5: week now, and after trying some of the different tactics

1314
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:16,080
Speaker 5: and talking points you suggested in addition to reaching out

1315
01:00:16,120 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 5: to the deaf slash heart of hearing community, my parents

1316
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 5: and I have come to a compromise, if only to

1317
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 5: shut me up, but I'm not the one that's important here.

1318
01:00:23,960 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 6: That would be Anna's six female.

1319
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:26,640
Speaker 3: So come the new.

1320
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 5: School year, Anna will be going to the school my

1321
01:00:28,360 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 5: parents chose, but we, including me, will be keeping in

1322
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:35,680
Speaker 5: close contact with her teachers, specialists and her progress, and

1323
01:00:35,760 --> 01:00:38,440
Speaker 5: talking to Anna herself about how she feels. If it

1324
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:40,120
Speaker 5: seems like it isn't a great fit, we will be

1325
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 5: transferring her to the deaf school.

1326
01:00:41,840 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 6: It's a little out of the area, but I think

1327
01:00:43,320 --> 01:00:44,160
Speaker 6: we can make it work.

1328
01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 5: I did open up to my parents a bit as

1329
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:48,640
Speaker 5: much as they can, as much as they could handle,

1330
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 5: and told them that I feel like I've been not robbed,

1331
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:54,360
Speaker 5: but had a stunted childhood and that my academic abilities

1332
01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 5: forced me to grow up quickly. That, coupled with their

1333
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:59,560
Speaker 5: emotional distance and lack of physical presence with Anna, made

1334
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,120
Speaker 5: me angry and frustrated that my opinions on her future

1335
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:04,720
Speaker 5: weren't being taken into account. I wish I could say

1336
01:01:04,720 --> 01:01:06,919
Speaker 5: that was what did it, but honestly, my points about

1337
01:01:06,960 --> 01:01:09,880
Speaker 5: the school not teaching Anna independence and other arguments brought

1338
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 5: up on the original post probably eased them over to

1339
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 5: my side a bit. I kept my temper even this time.

1340
01:01:16,120 --> 01:01:16,960
Speaker 6: I'm sorry your.

1341
01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:19,320
Speaker 5: Parents can't accept that they raised a really smart kid.

1342
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:22,000
Speaker 5: That's the dumbest thing to me is like parents who

1343
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:24,920
Speaker 5: were like, like, someone goes off to like college, and

1344
01:01:24,960 --> 01:01:27,480
Speaker 5: then you go back and it's like, you know, you

1345
01:01:28,040 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 5: got a little up on the you know, you've learned

1346
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 5: some stuff, and.

1347
01:01:31,640 --> 01:01:34,360
Speaker 6: Then they're like, oh, look at big shot things. They

1348
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:37,160
Speaker 6: know stuff. It's like, yeah, you guys sent me here

1349
01:01:37,200 --> 01:01:39,160
Speaker 6: to learn things.

1350
01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 5: What I mentioned in my edit on the last post

1351
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,680
Speaker 5: that I'd gotten in contact with a death advocacy group

1352
01:01:44,720 --> 01:01:48,120
Speaker 5: and they've provided some wonderful resources. So hopefully sometime soon

1353
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:50,400
Speaker 5: Anna will finally be able to meet kids and adults

1354
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:50,880
Speaker 5: like her.

1355
01:01:51,320 --> 01:01:53,840
Speaker 6: She's super excited by this. She's the least.

1356
01:01:53,600 --> 01:01:55,920
Speaker 5: Reserved and most outgoing sibling out of the three of us,

1357
01:01:56,320 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 5: so I have no doubt she'll make friends quickly. I've

1358
01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,200
Speaker 5: also made the decision to start seeing a therapist to

1359
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 5: maybe work on some of the issues that I've been

1360
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 5: reflecting on and to get some emotional support. Where my

1361
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 5: mom and dad dropped the ball, I don't see them

1362
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:10,520
Speaker 5: changing or even admitting they need to change anytime soon.

1363
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 5: But that doesn't mean I have to stay complacent. And

1364
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:14,640
Speaker 5: that is the end of that story.

1365
01:02:14,920 --> 01:02:17,600
Speaker 8: My parents are furious that I'm moving in with my

1366
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:26,240
Speaker 8: boyfriend and I'm staying silent. Uh trigger warning accusation of I.

1367
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 8: Twenty three female, currently live with my parents. I've been

1368
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 8: dating my boyfriend, twenty four male for almost a year now,

1369
01:02:32,880 --> 01:02:35,720
Speaker 8: and we have known each other for many years. Recently,

1370
01:02:35,800 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 8: him and I started talking about the future and when

1371
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:41,080
Speaker 8: we would like to move in together. Originally we were

1372
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 8: talking about waiting another year so I can finish college.

1373
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:45,080
Speaker 9: By the way, this.

1374
01:02:45,000 --> 01:02:47,840
Speaker 8: Comes from ic resident six' three four one and if

1375
01:02:47,880 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 8: you want to submit your own, stories go to the

1376
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 8: r Slash okay storytime suffered. It so after my mom

1377
01:02:53,800 --> 01:02:56,440
Speaker 8: caught wind of him AND i having these, conversations she

1378
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 8: lost her. Mind she told me THAT i shouldn't even

1379
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:02,160
Speaker 8: be thinking about a future with my boyfriend at this

1380
01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 8: point in my, life that him AND i needed to

1381
01:03:05,040 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 8: back off of our. Relationship then she went as far

1382
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 8: as telling me That i'm not allowed to See i'm

1383
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:12,920
Speaker 8: more than once a week for a couple, hours and

1384
01:03:12,920 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 8: that he will no longer be allowed over at the house.

1385
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:18,200
Speaker 8: Anymore and it's her, house So i'll respect. That so

1386
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:22,080
Speaker 8: it sounds like you are moving out and you need

1387
01:03:22,120 --> 01:03:27,360
Speaker 8: to move out just. Maybe, yeah sounds like the solution

1388
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 8: is moving, out and that was also the. Plan my

1389
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:33,680
Speaker 8: mom is a very controlling and manipulative, person AND i

1390
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:36,680
Speaker 8: have spent most of my life doing whatever she wanted

1391
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:39,800
Speaker 8: to make my life. Easier, HOWEVER i am ready to move,

1392
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:42,200
Speaker 8: out and my mom would physically stop me IF i

1393
01:03:42,240 --> 01:03:44,480
Speaker 8: tried to. Leave but her and my dad are going

1394
01:03:44,480 --> 01:03:47,160
Speaker 8: to some convention this weekend and my boyfriend AND i

1395
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 8: plan on moving out while they're. Gone, yeah, Okay so

1396
01:03:51,280 --> 01:03:52,840
Speaker 8: AM i the a hole for packing up my crap

1397
01:03:52,880 --> 01:03:53,800
Speaker 8: and leaving without saying?

1398
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:55,360
Speaker 9: Anything what do you.

1399
01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:59,360
Speaker 8: Say To kota, hmmm, no, no.

1400
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 9: No if you think that your mom is going to

1401
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:01,720
Speaker 9: physically stop you.

1402
01:04:02,320 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 8: Comments old And slow sixty two says dad advice, Here,

1403
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:09,160
Speaker 8: no you're not the a. Hole when my parents started

1404
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:11,240
Speaker 8: to tell me HOW i needed to live my, LIFE

1405
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:14,920
Speaker 8: i packed my crap and left. Too and here's the

1406
01:04:14,920 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 8: flip side to, THIS i was fully independent from my

1407
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:20,360
Speaker 8: parents and supported myself from day.

1408
01:04:20,400 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 9: One be prepared to do the.

1409
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:25,160
Speaker 8: Same school funds being cut, off the possibility of having

1410
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 8: to drop out of school to work full time to

1411
01:04:27,160 --> 01:04:27,720
Speaker 8: now support.

1412
01:04:27,720 --> 01:04:30,960
Speaker 9: Yourself no more health insurance. Either LIKE i tell.

1413
01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:32,680
Speaker 8: My own, kids you're old enough to make your own

1414
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:36,080
Speaker 8: decisions and you're old enough to live with the. Consequences be,

1415
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:39,720
Speaker 8: Prepared opie, Says i'm already working full. TIME i pay

1416
01:04:39,720 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 8: for my own car and have my own health. INSURANCE

1417
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:44,080
Speaker 8: i don't have to pay anything for my college due

1418
01:04:44,080 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 8: to THE Gi, bill AND i have my own health.

1419
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:50,120
Speaker 8: Insurance old And slow, says then there you. Go sounds

1420
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,000
Speaker 8: like you have your crap together and just needed to

1421
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:53,479
Speaker 8: deal with the fallout of moving.

1422
01:04:53,520 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 9: Out good.

1423
01:04:54,480 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 8: Luck sounds like your mom's gonna freak, Out opie, says

1424
01:04:58,160 --> 01:05:02,280
Speaker 8: she definitely, will AND i expect her to manipulate the

1425
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:05,160
Speaker 8: rest of my. Family but it's on them if they believe,

1426
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 8: her because they know what she's. Like old And slow,

1427
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:11,400
Speaker 8: says hang in, there don't take crap off.

1428
01:05:11,440 --> 01:05:13,160
Speaker 9: OTHERS i Like old And. Slow.

1429
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 8: Yep update five days, Later so my boyfriend AND i

1430
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 8: have officially decided to go through with getting me out

1431
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:23,880
Speaker 8: of my parents'. House i've had my job saving boxes

1432
01:05:23,880 --> 01:05:26,080
Speaker 8: for me for the, week And i've been storing.

1433
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 9: Them at his.

1434
01:05:26,360 --> 01:05:30,000
Speaker 8: House my parents leave town tomorrow, morning and tomorrow night

1435
01:05:30,040 --> 01:05:32,720
Speaker 8: after work my sister and my sister goes to, bed

1436
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:35,439
Speaker 8: my boyfriend AND i will start packing everything. Up none

1437
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:37,600
Speaker 8: of my family has any clue that my boyfriend AND

1438
01:05:37,640 --> 01:05:39,800
Speaker 8: i signed and paid for the lease on a really

1439
01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:43,960
Speaker 8: nice apartment about twenty minutes away from my. Parents both

1440
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 8: mine and my boyfriend's therapist are both telling us it's

1441
01:05:47,320 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 8: in my best interest to leave IF i want to

1442
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:51,919
Speaker 8: be able to grow as a. Person my friend says

1443
01:05:51,960 --> 01:05:54,240
Speaker 8: that my mom is controlling And i'm twenty, three you

1444
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:56,680
Speaker 8: need to get on with my. Life, truthfully WHILE i

1445
01:05:56,720 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 8: agree with all, THIS i feel.

1446
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,000
Speaker 9: GUILTY i don't plan on cutting.

1447
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:02,880
Speaker 8: Off all contact and everything is signed and paid, for

1448
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:06,280
Speaker 8: so there's no going back. Now AM i irrational for

1449
01:06:06,320 --> 01:06:08,920
Speaker 8: feeling guilty about all? This or AM i a knucklehead

1450
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:12,400
Speaker 8: for leaving without saying? Anything and there are some comments

1451
01:06:13,200 --> 01:06:16,120
Speaker 8: you kind of have said. Something you said you were

1452
01:06:16,120 --> 01:06:18,400
Speaker 8: going to move, out didn't tell them, when but you

1453
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:19,120
Speaker 8: said you were doing.

1454
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:21,560
Speaker 5: It you, KNOW i think you knew that regardless of

1455
01:06:21,600 --> 01:06:23,880
Speaker 5: what you, said they'd be like, No so that's not

1456
01:06:24,000 --> 01:06:25,400
Speaker 5: there's no conversation to be mad.

1457
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:26,960
Speaker 9: There, yeah they're not going to listen to.

1458
01:06:27,000 --> 01:06:28,640
Speaker 8: You you already know you want to do, it so

1459
01:06:29,480 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 8: Either management eight thirteen says you're doing the right.

1460
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,920
Speaker 9: Thing but what if your sister wakes up and here's?

1461
01:06:34,960 --> 01:06:37,600
Speaker 9: You will she call your? Parents you should do this.

1462
01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:40,080
Speaker 8: Anyway they have no legal hold on. You but think

1463
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 8: through how you'll handle it if this. Happens if this

1464
01:06:43,480 --> 01:06:45,600
Speaker 8: didn't come up, already are you on their phone? Plan

1465
01:06:46,120 --> 01:06:49,320
Speaker 8: do they pay for your? School are there other expenses

1466
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 8: such as health? Insurance they might cut. Off if you

1467
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:54,720
Speaker 8: have a bank account that they have access, to likely

1468
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,880
Speaker 8: from before your adult, age they may still be able

1469
01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:00,880
Speaker 8: to access them if you didn't change, accounts they might

1470
01:07:00,920 --> 01:07:03,680
Speaker 8: take the. Money so plan and get your money transferred

1471
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 8: to a separate, account car, payments or car title in

1472
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:10,000
Speaker 8: their name car. Insurance opie, says my sister is a

1473
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,840
Speaker 8: very heavy. Sleeper i'm going to pack boxes in my

1474
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,360
Speaker 8: room and my boyfriend is going to take them to

1475
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,439
Speaker 8: our apartment in his truck WHILE i stay. Behind i'm

1476
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 8: on their phone, plan but my boyfriend AND i have

1477
01:07:20,520 --> 01:07:23,360
Speaker 8: decided that if they take me, off he'll add me

1478
01:07:23,440 --> 01:07:26,000
Speaker 8: to his. Plan my boyfriend AND i are on a

1479
01:07:26,040 --> 01:07:28,840
Speaker 8: car insurance policy, together AND i have my own vehicle

1480
01:07:29,520 --> 01:07:32,360
Speaker 8: and my own health. Insurance i've already filled out the

1481
01:07:32,360 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 8: paperwork for my bank accounts to be. CHANGED i don't

1482
01:07:35,320 --> 01:07:37,160
Speaker 8: have to pay for college because my dad's A, vet

1483
01:07:37,240 --> 01:07:39,760
Speaker 8: so it's all paid for by THE v. Eight and

1484
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 8: there is a second, update, folks five days.

1485
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:46,320
Speaker 9: LATER i think they moved. OUT i think let's just jump.

1486
01:07:46,360 --> 01:07:47,160
Speaker 6: In life is.

1487
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:50,920
Speaker 8: Good my boyfriend AND i have officially moved in.

1488
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:54,080
Speaker 9: Together oh, yeah my mom is extremely.

1489
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:56,080
Speaker 6: Angry oh yeah.

1490
01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:59,720
Speaker 8: No she called me and yelled at me for thirty

1491
01:07:59,760 --> 01:08:03,800
Speaker 8: minute and told me THAT i was alone and THAT

1492
01:08:03,840 --> 01:08:05,720
Speaker 8: i had no one to turn. To she told me

1493
01:08:05,760 --> 01:08:08,640
Speaker 8: that everything is always about, me and that she would

1494
01:08:08,640 --> 01:08:11,680
Speaker 8: be calling my therapist because CLEARLY i must have lied

1495
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:14,320
Speaker 8: if my therapist was telling me to. Leave Oh, god

1496
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:17,439
Speaker 8: her and my dad are repossessing my truck even Though

1497
01:08:17,439 --> 01:08:20,479
Speaker 8: i'm paying for it because it's in my dad's. Name

1498
01:08:20,680 --> 01:08:23,080
Speaker 8: they say me having it is a liability for. Them

1499
01:08:23,760 --> 01:08:26,160
Speaker 8: my mom called me yesterday telling me she was worried

1500
01:08:26,200 --> 01:08:28,040
Speaker 8: THAT i might THAT i may be living with a.

1501
01:08:28,160 --> 01:08:31,200
Speaker 8: Sociopath she said she spoke to my therapist and she

1502
01:08:31,280 --> 01:08:33,640
Speaker 8: told her that she didn't tell me to. Leave my

1503
01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:35,519
Speaker 8: mom then called me and asked me if her and

1504
01:08:35,560 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 8: my dad could pick me up and talk to.

1505
01:08:37,240 --> 01:08:37,320
Speaker 7: Me.

1506
01:08:37,479 --> 01:08:40,439
Speaker 8: Nope they claim that my boyfriend has manipulated me into

1507
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:43,639
Speaker 8: cutting off my, family when he's actually done the exact.

1508
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:47,680
Speaker 8: Opposite through this, process my boyfriend has actually been encouraging

1509
01:08:47,720 --> 01:08:50,200
Speaker 8: me to reach out and even said that my family

1510
01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:52,760
Speaker 8: was welcome to come. Over he even said that if

1511
01:08:52,760 --> 01:08:54,720
Speaker 8: they wanted him to leave the house when they come see,

1512
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:56,560
Speaker 8: me Then i'll do that because he doesn't want to

1513
01:08:56,640 --> 01:08:58,960
Speaker 8: keep me from my. Parents your mom's just making stuff

1514
01:08:59,000 --> 01:09:02,000
Speaker 8: up to get you to. Come your, Mom your, mom,

1515
01:09:02,120 --> 01:09:04,759
Speaker 8: man your. Mom but there's a little bit left the, story.

1516
01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:07,839
Speaker 8: Folks my mom has reached out to other family members

1517
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:09,960
Speaker 8: and spoke to Them i'm not aware of what she

1518
01:09:10,120 --> 01:09:12,679
Speaker 8: said to, them but they sent me a message telling

1519
01:09:12,680 --> 01:09:13,160
Speaker 8: me they.

1520
01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 9: Didn't wish to get.

1521
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:17,799
Speaker 8: Involved my mom has made not one but Two facebook

1522
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:20,960
Speaker 8: posts telling everyone HOW i have abanded my sister twenty

1523
01:09:21,080 --> 01:09:24,639
Speaker 8: seven female and left her to pass. Away she has

1524
01:09:24,720 --> 01:09:27,000
Speaker 8: even gone as far as telling everyone my boyfriend is.

1525
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:28,840
Speaker 6: Abusing, me oh my, gosh which is a.

1526
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:32,479
Speaker 8: Lie she even said in her most recent post that

1527
01:09:32,560 --> 01:09:35,080
Speaker 8: she was going no contact and asked everyone else to

1528
01:09:35,080 --> 01:09:37,040
Speaker 8: do the same because if they, didn't they would be

1529
01:09:37,120 --> 01:09:37,720
Speaker 8: supporting an.

1530
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:40,559
Speaker 9: Abuser she, said what.

1531
01:09:41,080 --> 01:09:44,280
Speaker 6: Your mom is just your mom's. Crazy my, mom it's

1532
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:45,080
Speaker 6: very mentally.

1533
01:09:45,080 --> 01:09:47,920
Speaker 8: Ill mandy nineteen eighty four to twenty one, says you're an,

1534
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:50,120
Speaker 8: adult SO i don't believe your therapist talked to your.

1535
01:09:50,160 --> 01:09:53,240
Speaker 8: Mother she's, Lying and if your therapist did talk to your,

1536
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:55,720
Speaker 8: mother then that is an ethics violation and you could

1537
01:09:55,720 --> 01:09:58,439
Speaker 8: get her in serious trouble because they're supposed to have

1538
01:09:58,560 --> 01:09:59,720
Speaker 8: doctor patient confidential.

1539
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:02,559
Speaker 9: Out your mom is pulling lies out of her.

1540
01:10:02,360 --> 01:10:05,080
Speaker 8: Butt to try and continue controlling you right. Now the

1541
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:06,880
Speaker 8: best thing for you to do is sit your mother

1542
01:10:06,920 --> 01:10:09,160
Speaker 8: down and tell her that you're a grown woman and

1543
01:10:09,200 --> 01:10:11,320
Speaker 8: you'll be making your own choices and she needs to

1544
01:10:11,320 --> 01:10:13,160
Speaker 8: get on board with, it or she can get out

1545
01:10:13,160 --> 01:10:16,160
Speaker 8: of your life and go either low contact or no

1546
01:10:16,320 --> 01:10:19,800
Speaker 8: contact until she can learn to respect your.

1547
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:21,200
Speaker 9: Wishes good, Luck.

1548
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:24,120
Speaker 8: Opie opie says she has already chosen to go no

1549
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:26,320
Speaker 8: contact with me BECAUSE i chose to stay with my.

1550
01:10:26,400 --> 01:10:29,519
Speaker 8: Boyfriend mandy, says then that's on her and sounds like

1551
01:10:29,560 --> 01:10:31,400
Speaker 8: your life will be much better in the long, run

1552
01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:33,320
Speaker 8: and that is the end of that.

1553
01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:34,880
Speaker 9: Story, yeah so.

1554
01:10:34,880 --> 01:10:37,120
Speaker 6: There you, go and ya life will be better in the.

1555
01:10:37,160 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 9: Life, OH i think it'll probably be a lot.

1556
01:10:39,479 --> 01:10:43,160
Speaker 5: Better san's your boyfriend ended up not being a cool,

1557
01:10:43,200 --> 01:10:45,400
Speaker 5: guy but it sounds like he's a cool guy.

1558
01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 6: Night so as long as he's a cool, guy then we're.

1559
01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:49,679
Speaker 6: All everything's, Cool everything's.

1560
01:10:49,760 --> 01:10:51,920
Speaker 3: Fine, hey It's john. Here we're gonna get back to the.

1561
01:10:51,920 --> 01:10:53,800
Speaker 2: Stories put a quick three minute ad break from her

1562
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:54,840
Speaker 2: sponsors that keep the show.

1563
01:10:54,840 --> 01:10:58,960
Speaker 5: GOING i invited my son's ex to a family gathering

1564
01:10:59,080 --> 01:11:00,719
Speaker 5: where he brought his current.

1565
01:11:01,040 --> 01:11:05,839
Speaker 6: Girlfriend why did you do? That why did you do?

1566
01:11:06,040 --> 01:11:09,519
Speaker 5: THAT i am a fifty five year old mother of,

1567
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:15,240
Speaker 5: Three carl, Thirty trista twenty, Seven nate twenty, five male

1568
01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:19,240
Speaker 5: and grandmother De rose seven female who belongs To carl

1569
01:11:19,680 --> 01:11:20,960
Speaker 5: and his ex Girlfriend.

1570
01:11:21,040 --> 01:11:24,640
Speaker 6: LEXI i am married De renee forty eight.

1571
01:11:24,760 --> 01:11:28,759
Speaker 5: Female my Mother lynn is the matriarch of the family

1572
01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:30,040
Speaker 5: AND i am an only.

1573
01:11:30,200 --> 01:11:33,120
Speaker 6: Child, Backstory carl And, lexi.

1574
01:11:32,960 --> 01:11:36,200
Speaker 5: Unmarried and dating only a few, months decided to have a.

1575
01:11:36,240 --> 01:11:40,240
Speaker 5: Baby they were successful and moved in. Together during that,

1576
01:11:40,360 --> 01:11:44,240
Speaker 5: Time carl became close with her dad and grandmother and

1577
01:11:44,280 --> 01:11:47,120
Speaker 5: they spent a lot of family time skiing at their vacation.

1578
01:11:47,280 --> 01:11:50,760
Speaker 5: Home their family also included my younger son and his.

1579
01:11:50,840 --> 01:11:54,760
Speaker 5: Girlfriend this comes from users saying Three Kids ago on

1580
01:11:54,840 --> 01:11:57,240
Speaker 5: The Charlotte dobray YouTube subredda and if you want to

1581
01:11:57,240 --> 01:12:00,200
Speaker 5: submit your own, stories go to the arslagal.

1582
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:04,160
Speaker 6: Case times Separated it believes.

1583
01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:07,040
Speaker 5: So every summer since twenty and twenty, one my mother

1584
01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:09,479
Speaker 5: reserves an airbnb for seven to nine days on the

1585
01:12:09,520 --> 01:12:13,439
Speaker 5: lake nearby and invites, family extended family and. Friends we

1586
01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:17,280
Speaker 5: invite my, kids, friends partners and their, families and invite

1587
01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:19,960
Speaker 5: some other friends of ours who have great relationships with in,

1588
01:12:20,080 --> 01:12:24,200
Speaker 5: laws exes and share relationships and friendships with other. Families

1589
01:12:24,760 --> 01:12:28,840
Speaker 5: the invite list is pretty. LONG i Like, lexi her

1590
01:12:28,880 --> 01:12:32,200
Speaker 5: mom and grandma and dad When carl And lexi broke,

1591
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:35,160
Speaker 5: up that didn't. Change carl And lexi were great co.

1592
01:12:35,320 --> 01:12:38,960
Speaker 5: Parents lexi's parents AND i are co. Grandparents you're just

1593
01:12:39,320 --> 01:12:41,320
Speaker 5: not a. Thing you're just, grandparents not a.

1594
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:42,280
Speaker 6: Thing you're just.

1595
01:12:42,320 --> 01:12:47,160
Speaker 5: Grandparents for, example they had a joint birthday party every

1596
01:12:47,240 --> 01:12:51,280
Speaker 5: year For, rose and we grandparents would coordinate grandparent events

1597
01:12:51,360 --> 01:12:51,800
Speaker 5: at her.

1598
01:12:51,960 --> 01:12:55,160
Speaker 6: School so of COURSE i invited them every year to

1599
01:12:55,200 --> 01:12:55,519
Speaker 6: our lake.

1600
01:12:55,600 --> 01:12:59,360
Speaker 5: Getaway none of them ever, came but the invite was always.

1601
01:12:59,400 --> 01:13:04,320
Speaker 5: There last, Year lexi had some very traumatic, experiences so

1602
01:13:04,360 --> 01:13:06,600
Speaker 5: she decided to come be with us and let go a.

1603
01:13:06,600 --> 01:13:10,320
Speaker 5: BIT i was really glad Because i've been concerned about

1604
01:13:10,360 --> 01:13:12,599
Speaker 5: her when she was dealing with the. STUFF i had

1605
01:13:12,640 --> 01:13:14,599
Speaker 5: asked my son how she was, doing and he, ANSWERED

1606
01:13:14,640 --> 01:13:14,920
Speaker 5: i don't.

1607
01:13:14,920 --> 01:13:15,960
Speaker 6: Know have you called?

1608
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:16,120
Speaker 7: Her?

1609
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:17,400
Speaker 6: No why WOULD?

1610
01:13:17,400 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 5: I because whatever happened and she may need some extra

1611
01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:25,719
Speaker 5: support or. Something he didn't get. It SO i had called,

1612
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:28,120
Speaker 5: her and she did need. SUPPORT i don't.

1613
01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:29,479
Speaker 6: Think he didn't get. IT i think he's just, Like

1614
01:13:29,520 --> 01:13:30,800
Speaker 6: i'm not the guy who does that.

1615
01:13:30,880 --> 01:13:34,440
Speaker 8: Anymore, like if it's not child, related it's not Really.

1616
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:37,000
Speaker 6: It's like there's a lot of people out there who need.

1617
01:13:37,040 --> 01:13:37,639
Speaker 6: Support right.

1618
01:13:37,680 --> 01:13:39,720
Speaker 5: Now are you going to also tell him he needs

1619
01:13:39,760 --> 01:13:42,120
Speaker 5: to call of them or is it just because it's

1620
01:13:42,320 --> 01:13:42,679
Speaker 5: his ex?

1621
01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:46,080
Speaker 6: Wife BUT i don't, know it's not it's.

1622
01:13:46,120 --> 01:13:48,559
Speaker 5: Weird it's weird to say that as an ex husband

1623
01:13:48,560 --> 01:13:50,479
Speaker 5: you need to be there to comfort your ex wife

1624
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:51,840
Speaker 5: in a time of like.

1625
01:13:52,160 --> 01:13:55,080
Speaker 8: Need, yeah it's LIKE i, think, yes they need to

1626
01:13:55,080 --> 01:13:58,120
Speaker 8: be effective co parents and there shouldn't be, animosity, right

1627
01:13:58,240 --> 01:14:00,320
Speaker 8: they should be able, to, like you, know if they

1628
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:02,360
Speaker 8: should be able to talk about the. Kid they should

1629
01:14:02,400 --> 01:14:07,080
Speaker 8: be able to like communicate and stuff without arguing. Whatever

1630
01:14:07,479 --> 01:14:09,559
Speaker 8: BUT i don't know if that necessarily means he has

1631
01:14:09,600 --> 01:14:13,759
Speaker 8: to you, know like in an angel maybe he, like

1632
01:14:13,760 --> 01:14:15,479
Speaker 8: like there are some stories where we have people who

1633
01:14:15,520 --> 01:14:19,760
Speaker 8: are very very amical separations and they're, like, yeah you,

1634
01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:22,240
Speaker 8: know for the, kid we get along, GREAT i check,

1635
01:14:22,280 --> 01:14:25,479
Speaker 8: IN i, HELP i give, money blah blah. Blah, yeah

1636
01:14:25,479 --> 01:14:27,639
Speaker 8: but if it doesn't have to do with the, CHILD

1637
01:14:27,800 --> 01:14:28,200
Speaker 8: i don't know.

1638
01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:29,280
Speaker 9: WHY i hope he necessarily.

1639
01:14:29,320 --> 01:14:33,440
Speaker 5: Expects SO i called her and she did need. Support

1640
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:35,400
Speaker 5: she called me one day and asked IF i could

1641
01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:37,200
Speaker 5: Take rose for a night or, two and then came

1642
01:14:37,280 --> 01:14:40,400
Speaker 5: to pick her up. Early mom needs help sometimes and

1643
01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:41,800
Speaker 5: she is the mom of his.

1644
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:45,759
Speaker 6: Daughter SEE i. Digress if it's about the, kid that's. Different,

1645
01:14:45,840 --> 01:14:47,120
Speaker 6: yeah that's that's perfectly.

1646
01:14:47,200 --> 01:14:50,639
Speaker 8: Normal if she if he was, like, yeah she called,

1647
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:51,920
Speaker 8: me AND i was, like why are you calling?

1648
01:14:51,960 --> 01:14:52,640
Speaker 9: Me but it's about the.

1649
01:14:52,720 --> 01:14:56,720
Speaker 8: CHILD i, yes he should absolutely help her out in that,

1650
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:58,479
Speaker 8: regard that's totally.

1651
01:14:58,479 --> 01:14:58,839
Speaker 4: Different.

1652
01:14:59,040 --> 01:15:03,360
Speaker 5: Yeah the lake trip last, Year, trista her fiance and

1653
01:15:03,560 --> 01:15:07,479
Speaker 5: his family were, There my wife's parents were, there and

1654
01:15:07,520 --> 01:15:11,040
Speaker 5: some of the kid's. Friends lexi came to the lake

1655
01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:13,960
Speaker 5: on the third day when my daughter was There, trista

1656
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:17,840
Speaker 5: because they are still. Friends carl was stressed because his

1657
01:15:17,960 --> 01:15:21,960
Speaker 5: new girlfriend felt uncomfortable With lexi being. There he thought

1658
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:23,720
Speaker 5: it was his fault because he had not talked with

1659
01:15:23,760 --> 01:15:26,200
Speaker 5: her much about the situation as a, whole because they

1660
01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:28,920
Speaker 5: had not been together very. Long lexi hung out with

1661
01:15:29,040 --> 01:15:30,880
Speaker 5: us during the day and stayed with a friend who

1662
01:15:30,880 --> 01:15:34,120
Speaker 5: lived nearby at. Night lexi was very nice to her and,

1663
01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:37,800
Speaker 5: said this doesn't have to be. Weird the girlfriend didn't

1664
01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:40,519
Speaker 5: have any interest in getting to know her and stayed far.

1665
01:15:40,560 --> 01:15:43,920
Speaker 5: Away carl and she just went off alone a lot

1666
01:15:44,000 --> 01:15:47,040
Speaker 5: and kept to. Themselves When lexi was. There it was

1667
01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:49,559
Speaker 5: uncomfortable for. Everyone did he know that she was?

1668
01:15:49,600 --> 01:15:52,120
Speaker 9: Coming did he tell his girlfriend that she was?

1669
01:15:52,160 --> 01:15:53,080
Speaker 6: Coming it feels like he.

1670
01:15:53,160 --> 01:15:55,799
Speaker 8: Knew it feels like he, knew, Right, yeah it feels

1671
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:57,479
Speaker 8: like he was, Like, OH i didn't realize he would be.

1672
01:15:57,560 --> 01:16:00,439
Speaker 5: Uncomfortable so this wasn't a. Secret, yeah, wow this is

1673
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:01,600
Speaker 5: just like everyone here is.

1674
01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:05,599
Speaker 6: Silly if he knew not on?

1675
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:08,559
Speaker 9: You, no if he knew it's not on.

1676
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:11,400
Speaker 6: You he, didn't but we don't really.

1677
01:16:11,479 --> 01:16:13,160
Speaker 4: Know, yeah.

1678
01:16:13,560 --> 01:16:16,200
Speaker 6: Weird it was uncomfortable for.

1679
01:16:16,280 --> 01:16:19,759
Speaker 5: Everyone lexi handled it well and we all just acted

1680
01:16:19,800 --> 01:16:20,479
Speaker 5: like there wasn't an.

1681
01:16:20,479 --> 01:16:22,680
Speaker 6: Issue it Was carl's, problem not.

1682
01:16:22,920 --> 01:16:25,880
Speaker 5: Ours carl had a girlfriend before this one who eventually

1683
01:16:25,960 --> 01:16:28,840
Speaker 5: became friends With. Lexi there were some boundaries That carl

1684
01:16:28,840 --> 01:16:31,200
Speaker 5: had to set at that, time but all those nuances

1685
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:34,200
Speaker 5: that you have to work out when parents separate were handled.

1686
01:16:34,200 --> 01:16:37,280
Speaker 5: PEACEFULLY i was proud of my son for. THAT i

1687
01:16:37,320 --> 01:16:40,240
Speaker 5: had some reservations about his girlfriend after the. Lake we

1688
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:43,439
Speaker 5: didn't interact with her Until christmas and then nothing since. Then,

1689
01:16:44,080 --> 01:16:46,200
Speaker 5: okay she comes with a lot of baggage That i'm

1690
01:16:46,240 --> 01:16:49,040
Speaker 5: not sure she has truly dealt. With i'm not going

1691
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:51,000
Speaker 5: to share much because it's not mine to. Share BUT

1692
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:53,599
Speaker 5: i am mindful of, it AND i sympathize with her.

1693
01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:57,040
Speaker 5: Situation she's forty three and should have gotten the therapy

1694
01:16:57,120 --> 01:16:59,720
Speaker 5: she needs by. NOW i am not pleased with a

1695
01:16:59,720 --> 01:17:03,880
Speaker 5: girl bringing this type of attitude into my son's and granddaughters'.

1696
01:17:03,960 --> 01:17:07,240
Speaker 5: Lives she doesn't have, friends she's estrange from all of her,

1697
01:17:07,240 --> 01:17:10,719
Speaker 5: family she doesn't have, furniture and absolutely zero social media

1698
01:17:10,800 --> 01:17:13,360
Speaker 5: Or internet. Presence how do you know all this if

1699
01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:14,680
Speaker 5: you only met her once and then At?

1700
01:17:14,760 --> 01:17:16,040
Speaker 6: Christmas that's my.

1701
01:17:16,200 --> 01:17:20,960
Speaker 5: Question background check shows only car family addresses and other

1702
01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:22,040
Speaker 5: residents of those.

1703
01:17:22,040 --> 01:17:24,560
Speaker 6: Addresses i'm, sorry it's hard to Explain.

1704
01:17:24,280 --> 01:17:25,599
Speaker 9: Crown checks on your son's.

1705
01:17:25,640 --> 01:17:28,840
Speaker 5: Girlfriend you did a background check on, her and then you're,

1706
01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:32,880
Speaker 5: like it came back. CLEAN i don't get. It what's going.

1707
01:17:32,920 --> 01:17:36,280
Speaker 5: On it's hard to. Explain since she has only graced

1708
01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:38,120
Speaker 5: us with her presence three times over the last.

1709
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:39,880
Speaker 6: Year the only thing we know about her is what we.

1710
01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:42,400
Speaker 5: See so then, again how did you say she has no,

1711
01:17:42,479 --> 01:17:44,519
Speaker 5: friends she's a strange from all her, families she doesn't own.

1712
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:46,200
Speaker 6: Furniture how do you know all this? Stuff you only

1713
01:17:46,200 --> 01:17:48,080
Speaker 6: saw her three. Times she doesn't want anything to do with,

1714
01:17:48,160 --> 01:17:50,760
Speaker 6: you so. Weird you're. Weird this is.

1715
01:17:50,760 --> 01:17:54,840
Speaker 5: Weird we are very accepting and find joy and everyone

1716
01:17:54,840 --> 01:17:57,240
Speaker 5: who comes into the, family but she has just made everyone.

1717
01:17:57,320 --> 01:17:59,640
Speaker 8: Uncomfortable, sorry there's no way that you can be very

1718
01:17:59,680 --> 01:18:02,519
Speaker 8: excit opting a new. Background, jackson your son's, girlfriend your

1719
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:07,320
Speaker 8: adult son's. Girlfriend that's not accepting that eighty, three that's.

1720
01:18:07,400 --> 01:18:09,920
Speaker 8: Weird rose's birthday was a.

1721
01:18:10,080 --> 01:18:12,920
Speaker 5: Mess he did, nothing And lexi invited us to the

1722
01:18:12,960 --> 01:18:15,640
Speaker 5: party she was giving For. Rose carl didn't respond to

1723
01:18:15,680 --> 01:18:17,840
Speaker 5: text from his brother or sister asking if he was

1724
01:18:17,880 --> 01:18:19,439
Speaker 5: having a separate party or.

1725
01:18:19,400 --> 01:18:19,880
Speaker 3: Going to this.

1726
01:18:19,920 --> 01:18:23,120
Speaker 5: One everyone went To lexi's, party But carl wasn't. There

1727
01:18:23,439 --> 01:18:26,559
Speaker 5: he didn't go to his own daughter's birthday. Party maybe

1728
01:18:26,600 --> 01:18:28,800
Speaker 5: he is going to do his own. Thing he has

1729
01:18:28,920 --> 01:18:31,320
Speaker 5: been invited to other, events dinners and such this, year

1730
01:18:31,360 --> 01:18:33,799
Speaker 5: but doesn't show. Up he's told me that his girlfriend

1731
01:18:33,800 --> 01:18:36,040
Speaker 5: doesn't feel comfortable around us because the last time she

1732
01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:38,880
Speaker 5: was around we talked about his previous, girlfriend who doesn't

1733
01:18:38,880 --> 01:18:40,800
Speaker 5: even live on the same continent and has kept in

1734
01:18:40,840 --> 01:18:42,519
Speaker 5: touch With, Lexi, trista And.

1735
01:18:42,600 --> 01:18:45,080
Speaker 6: Rose no one dislikes, her but no one likes her.

1736
01:18:45,120 --> 01:18:46,400
Speaker 6: Either what's to?

1737
01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:51,080
Speaker 5: Like so this year my Mom, lynn the matriarch of the,

1738
01:18:51,080 --> 01:18:53,720
Speaker 5: family Said lexi was invited as well as her dad and,

1739
01:18:53,720 --> 01:18:55,679
Speaker 5: grandmother just like every other.

1740
01:18:55,760 --> 01:18:57,280
Speaker 6: Year she enjoyed.

1741
01:18:56,920 --> 01:18:58,880
Speaker 5: Having her there last year and she wants her to

1742
01:18:58,880 --> 01:19:01,320
Speaker 5: be there, again AND i she's going to be there

1743
01:19:01,360 --> 01:19:03,120
Speaker 5: a couple of days and said she won't spend the

1744
01:19:03,240 --> 01:19:06,720
Speaker 5: night If karl is. There here is How carl responded

1745
01:19:06,720 --> 01:19:09,920
Speaker 5: when he found out he tried to Uninvite lexi by

1746
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:11,760
Speaker 5: text saying we didn't get his.

1747
01:19:11,880 --> 01:19:14,280
Speaker 6: PERMISSION i told her to ignore.

1748
01:19:14,320 --> 01:19:14,679
Speaker 8: Him she's.

1749
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:18,720
Speaker 6: Coming you're a bad. Mom you are being a bad.

1750
01:19:18,760 --> 01:19:21,120
Speaker 8: Mom the, text he, says he probably, says, hey you,

1751
01:19:21,120 --> 01:19:24,120
Speaker 8: know they didn't ask. ME i would prefer if you didn't.

1752
01:19:24,160 --> 01:19:26,760
Speaker 8: Come my girlfriend's got to be. There and then she

1753
01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:28,759
Speaker 8: goes behind his back and, says.

1754
01:19:28,720 --> 01:19:29,639
Speaker 9: Ignore, him you're.

1755
01:19:29,680 --> 01:19:33,080
Speaker 6: Coming, Huh, yeah what baden?

1756
01:19:33,920 --> 01:19:38,479
Speaker 5: Bad then he decided he would go When lexi wasn't, There,

1757
01:19:38,920 --> 01:19:42,120
Speaker 5: okay that was his. Boundary WHEN i informed him the

1758
01:19:42,200 --> 01:19:43,600
Speaker 5: dates of the three days that she was going to be,

1759
01:19:43,680 --> 01:19:45,320
Speaker 5: there he SAID i should have checked with him, first

1760
01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:48,040
Speaker 5: and he did not want her to be. There, yeah

1761
01:19:48,120 --> 01:19:50,200
Speaker 5: my mom put her foot down and said she's, coming

1762
01:19:50,240 --> 01:19:51,000
Speaker 5: and he could do with.

1763
01:19:51,080 --> 01:19:53,080
Speaker 6: That what he, wants all, RIGHT i would not go

1764
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:55,320
Speaker 6: AND i would also stop talking to.

1765
01:19:55,400 --> 01:19:58,680
Speaker 8: You, Yeah i'm, Sorry, like what is going on by

1766
01:19:58,800 --> 01:19:59,800
Speaker 8: ruining your relationship with.

1767
01:19:59,800 --> 01:20:03,200
Speaker 5: Your so for the last three months we've discussed. This

1768
01:20:03,439 --> 01:20:06,479
Speaker 5: his position is that co parenting to this extent is not.

1769
01:20:06,720 --> 01:20:09,720
Speaker 5: NORMAL i should have known not to Invite lexi because

1770
01:20:09,760 --> 01:20:12,560
Speaker 5: of what happened last. YEAR i knew the girlfriend was

1771
01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:14,840
Speaker 5: uncomfortable and he didn't want his ex on his.

1772
01:20:14,960 --> 01:20:16,840
Speaker 6: Vacation i'm creating the.

1773
01:20:16,920 --> 01:20:20,080
Speaker 5: Drama, last but not, least we will see How granny

1774
01:20:20,120 --> 01:20:23,120
Speaker 5: feels about this after the. TRIP i think it's hilarious

1775
01:20:23,160 --> 01:20:25,040
Speaker 5: that he thinks he's going to teach my mom a.

1776
01:20:25,120 --> 01:20:28,800
Speaker 5: Lesson the points, are he's not in, charge he's not

1777
01:20:28,840 --> 01:20:32,320
Speaker 5: paying for, it it's not his. Vacation Co parenting is

1778
01:20:32,320 --> 01:20:35,360
Speaker 5: what is best For, rose whether normal or, not and

1779
01:20:35,400 --> 01:20:36,800
Speaker 5: the girlfriend can deal with it or.

1780
01:20:36,840 --> 01:20:38,240
Speaker 6: Not that's his. Issue.

1781
01:20:38,360 --> 01:20:41,120
Speaker 5: Again this is just like if you would have told

1782
01:20:41,200 --> 01:20:43,400
Speaker 5: Him lexi's gonna be there, again he could have been,

1783
01:20:43,439 --> 01:20:45,559
Speaker 5: like all, right THEN i GUESS i won't be bringing

1784
01:20:45,600 --> 01:20:48,559
Speaker 5: my girlfriend to the lake howse so that there's not

1785
01:20:48,560 --> 01:20:50,160
Speaker 5: an uncomfortable dynamic.

1786
01:20:49,840 --> 01:20:53,160
Speaker 8: And ALSO i personally. One he never said co parenting

1787
01:20:53,200 --> 01:20:55,000
Speaker 8: is not what's best for my, kid he. Said co

1788
01:20:55,160 --> 01:20:58,680
Speaker 8: parenting in this way where you're inviting my ex to

1789
01:20:58,760 --> 01:21:00,519
Speaker 8: like family, vacations is that's what he?

1790
01:21:00,560 --> 01:21:02,840
Speaker 5: Said, yeah because then it's gonna be mixed, signals because

1791
01:21:02,840 --> 01:21:05,360
Speaker 5: then it's like they are broken up and not, together

1792
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:07,920
Speaker 5: and Then rose is going to be, like, wait but

1793
01:21:07,960 --> 01:21:10,639
Speaker 5: my parents are still spending all this time? Together are they?

1794
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:12,920
Speaker 5: Together where's my why my mom and dad like spending time?

1795
01:21:12,920 --> 01:21:15,160
Speaker 5: TOGETHER i have confusing and.

1796
01:21:15,160 --> 01:21:17,640
Speaker 9: Two why are you? Inserting why do you think that

1797
01:21:17,720 --> 01:21:18,000
Speaker 9: you know?

1798
01:21:18,120 --> 01:21:21,360
Speaker 8: Best i'm assuming that your son and your son's ex

1799
01:21:21,760 --> 01:21:25,600
Speaker 8: have figured out a parenting agreement that they at least you,

1800
01:21:25,600 --> 01:21:27,120
Speaker 8: know both are chill.

1801
01:21:27,200 --> 01:21:29,400
Speaker 9: With may not be the best, one may not be

1802
01:21:29,479 --> 01:21:30,120
Speaker 9: something you agree.

1803
01:21:30,160 --> 01:21:34,040
Speaker 8: With does it matter because you're not their child's, parent

1804
01:21:34,360 --> 01:21:38,120
Speaker 8: so stop getting involved with their. Agreement you might not agree.

1805
01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:39,960
Speaker 8: With it doesn't, matter literally doesn't.

1806
01:21:39,960 --> 01:21:42,360
Speaker 5: Matter she can't feel comfortable around. Us that has more

1807
01:21:42,400 --> 01:21:44,519
Speaker 5: to do with her issues than with. Us you background

1808
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:47,840
Speaker 5: checked her three. Times we've always been kind to. Her

1809
01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:50,080
Speaker 5: we are not going to change how we do things

1810
01:21:50,120 --> 01:21:52,400
Speaker 5: because he has a girlfriend who doesn't like.

1811
01:21:52,479 --> 01:21:53,800
Speaker 9: It he doesn't like.

1812
01:21:53,880 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 8: It, yeah, yeah his girlfriend also doesn't Like he doesn't like.

1813
01:21:57,439 --> 01:22:02,160
Speaker 5: It, yeah your, son my son is. LIVID i don't

1814
01:22:02,160 --> 01:22:05,280
Speaker 5: know who he is. Anymore i'll tell your son is

1815
01:22:05,320 --> 01:22:09,160
Speaker 5: a man who's no longer married To. Lexi THAT'S i

1816
01:22:09,160 --> 01:22:14,000
Speaker 5: think that's your fundamental. Misunderstanding he hardly talks To lexi About.

1817
01:22:14,080 --> 01:22:16,320
Speaker 5: Rose he has not let me see my granddaughter for three.

1818
01:22:16,360 --> 01:22:18,799
Speaker 5: WEEKS i used to have her. Weekly he has decided

1819
01:22:18,840 --> 01:22:20,160
Speaker 5: not to go to the lake at all now and

1820
01:22:20,280 --> 01:22:22,519
Speaker 5: is not Allowing rose to go on the days he has,

1821
01:22:22,560 --> 01:22:23,760
Speaker 5: her which is half the.

1822
01:22:23,800 --> 01:22:27,320
Speaker 8: Trip what did you think was gonna? Happen you literally, Said,

1823
01:22:27,680 --> 01:22:28,680
Speaker 8: well he doesn't have the.

1824
01:22:28,720 --> 01:22:32,559
Speaker 9: Power he's not paying for. It, well he's. Exercising the

1825
01:22:32,600 --> 01:22:33,599
Speaker 9: power he does have.

1826
01:22:33,960 --> 01:22:37,000
Speaker 6: Is Free rose to suck, girl the power OF i

1827
01:22:37,080 --> 01:22:38,320
Speaker 6: can choose to not.

1828
01:22:38,560 --> 01:22:41,720
Speaker 8: Go, yeah he, Went, okay you're gonna pull. That i'm not,

1829
01:22:41,800 --> 01:22:44,200
Speaker 8: going and my daughter's not going because she's my. Daughter

1830
01:22:44,720 --> 01:22:46,479
Speaker 8: you're so, Silly, oh you're so.

1831
01:22:46,560 --> 01:22:50,120
Speaker 5: Silly my daughter was able to get her fiance's, niece

1832
01:22:50,160 --> 01:22:52,760
Speaker 5: who is friends With rose there this. Year she even

1833
01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:55,479
Speaker 5: tried to talk to her brother About rose because she

1834
01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:57,559
Speaker 5: wants time with her at the lake when she is not.

1835
01:22:57,760 --> 01:23:00,639
Speaker 5: There rose is, sweet so she won't make a. Stink

1836
01:23:00,680 --> 01:23:02,280
Speaker 5: but she cried to me about, it AND i feel.

1837
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:05,080
Speaker 5: Guilty you, should But i'm angry that he is using

1838
01:23:05,080 --> 01:23:05,760
Speaker 5: his daughter this.

1839
01:23:05,800 --> 01:23:10,439
Speaker 8: Way this is your, fault, fault you did everything literally.

1840
01:23:10,520 --> 01:23:14,400
Speaker 5: Simple i'm seeing all these comments coming up about, like,

1841
01:23:14,479 --> 01:23:17,040
Speaker 5: well it's like the like the mother of your, child

1842
01:23:17,040 --> 01:23:17,960
Speaker 5: and you have to deal with.

1843
01:23:18,000 --> 01:23:21,200
Speaker 6: Them this is a one week, vacation.

1844
01:23:20,960 --> 01:23:22,760
Speaker 9: And he, SAID i don't want my ex to.

1845
01:23:22,720 --> 01:23:25,720
Speaker 10: Be it's not she doesn't need to be, there she

1846
01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:28,080
Speaker 10: doesn't need Any and he even made the. Compromise he's,

1847
01:23:28,080 --> 01:23:30,679
Speaker 10: like all, Right i'll just be there the days that she's,

1848
01:23:30,760 --> 01:23:34,280
Speaker 10: NOT i. Guess and it's like she's that's also not.

1849
01:23:34,320 --> 01:23:36,120
Speaker 6: Allowed you're not allowed to do that at. All so he's,

1850
01:23:36,160 --> 01:23:36,800
Speaker 6: like Then i'm not.

1851
01:23:37,000 --> 01:23:39,600
Speaker 5: Going and now you're gonna say it's his fault and

1852
01:23:39,640 --> 01:23:42,160
Speaker 5: he's using his daughter as a Prop you're?

1853
01:23:42,320 --> 01:23:45,280
Speaker 6: Crazy AM? I and my mom the a holes for

1854
01:23:45,320 --> 01:23:49,400
Speaker 6: standing firm on. This, yes, yeah, YES i mean like.

1855
01:23:49,560 --> 01:23:52,920
Speaker 8: You Literally the crazy thing is that she literally, went

1856
01:23:53,280 --> 01:23:55,559
Speaker 8: what's he gonna? DO i have all the power and then,

1857
01:23:55,600 --> 01:23:58,320
Speaker 8: went oh, no he had something THAT i.

1858
01:23:58,479 --> 01:24:01,840
Speaker 9: Wanted oh, no. Oh there were consequences To WHAT i.

1859
01:24:01,880 --> 01:24:05,240
Speaker 8: DID i tried TO i tried to insert myself into his,

1860
01:24:05,360 --> 01:24:06,479
Speaker 8: family and it.

1861
01:24:06,560 --> 01:24:07,120
Speaker 6: Backfired