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Speaker 1: Baby On this week's episode of Cultivating her.

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Speaker 2: Space, Where can I sign time in my day to day,

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Speaker 2: in my personal outside of work life to have more joy,

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Speaker 2: pleasure and firm But then also within the work that

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Speaker 2: I'm doing, Where can I sign joy, pleasure in fun

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Speaker 2: Because oftentimes, when you are doing work that you enjoy,

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Speaker 2: you're less likely to feel overwhelmed because you're enjoying.

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Speaker 1: By Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 3: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techy and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: five rooids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 4: where black women can just.

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Speaker 2: Be our clote of the day. If you die tonight,

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Speaker 2: your employer would have a job advertisement to fill your

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Speaker 2: role by the end of the month, but your friends

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Speaker 2: and family would miss you forever. Don't get so busy

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Speaker 2: on making a living that you forget to work on

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Speaker 2: making a life.

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Speaker 4: Now, that was a long one.

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Speaker 2: And so I know this one definitely needs repeating. This

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Speaker 2: quote comes to us from a Twitter user or maybe

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Speaker 2: ex user, whichever you prefer to call it. If you

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Speaker 2: die tonight, your employer would have a job advertisements to

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Speaker 2: fill your role by the end of the month, but

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Speaker 2: your friends and family would miss you forever. Don't get

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Speaker 2: so busy on making a living that you forget to

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Speaker 2: work on making a life.

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Speaker 4: See, that's a lot, it is, It's a lot. It's true.

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Speaker 4: I've seen it happen. I feel like we've all heard

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Speaker 4: about it happening when someone passes and you see the

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Speaker 4: job posting and I don't know done. I feel like

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Speaker 4: when I feel like death often can be scared to

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Speaker 4: talk about, but it also helps to put things in perspective.

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Speaker 4: And I think that when you say this quote, it

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Speaker 4: makes you think about it reminds you of the importance of,

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Speaker 4: like it says, making a life instead of just making

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Speaker 4: a living. But when we're in the day to day,

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Speaker 4: it's so easy to get caught up in and making

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Speaker 4: a living and the goals. And I feel like I'm

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Speaker 4: in a season now which will dive into a little

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Speaker 4: bit deeper later of sort of doing that and having

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Speaker 4: to constantly remind myself to wait a second, take a break, bitch,

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Speaker 4: take you sick days, yes, go take a vacation like yes, please,

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Speaker 4: do you?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 4: Like do you? And enjoy life in the midst of

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Speaker 4: doing what you have to do now to get to

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Speaker 4: where you want to be. So that's what it makes

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Speaker 4: me think about when I hear that powerful quote, what

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Speaker 4: about you, don what comes up for you?

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Speaker 2: I think about that, And I also think about something

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Speaker 2: that I have said from the from early on in

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Speaker 2: my career that I have to constantly remind myself of

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Speaker 2: is to not be loyal to a company because they

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Speaker 2: will never be loyal to you. Yes, girl, don't. So essentially,

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Speaker 2: it's like it's the same sentiment as this quote of

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Speaker 2: don't give your all, don't put everything into this any

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Speaker 2: particular company or employer, because they are not you. No

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Speaker 2: matter what people tell you. You could have an amazing boss,

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Speaker 2: but if your boss is not the actual CEO, if

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Speaker 2: your boss is not the person in HR, then you

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Speaker 2: have don't be loyal because they are not going to

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Speaker 2: be loyal to you. Their focus is the bottom line,

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Speaker 2: not on you as a human being. It never is.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So okay, I have a couple of questions. A

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Speaker 4: couple of things came up. I wanted to ask you

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Speaker 4: about the not giving your all because I feel like

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Speaker 4: we've probably both been in roles or positions where we

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Speaker 4: did give our all to the company because we were

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Speaker 4: passionate about the work. And I'm wondering if there's a

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Speaker 4: world where we can give all, but we can put

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Speaker 4: ourselves first. And what I mean by that is you

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Speaker 4: ever have a situation where you're about to leave the

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Speaker 4: company and you're like, oh, I want to put my

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Speaker 4: two weeks in, but you feel like you should give

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Speaker 4: them more time. You feel like you should be more

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Speaker 4: accommodating when maybe when they're ready to let you go,

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Speaker 4: they call everybody into that meeting, whether it's on zoom er,

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Speaker 4: in person, they let your ass go because the bottom line,

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Speaker 4: like they have to save money. So I feel like,

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Speaker 4: what do you think about that? Nown like giving your

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Speaker 4: all and you know, doing the role well, but ensuring

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Speaker 4: that you put your first in the midst of whatever

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Speaker 4: you do for the job. What do you think is So.

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Speaker 2: Here's the thing I think I want to distinguish between

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Speaker 2: giving my all and doing the job well, right, because

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Speaker 2: for me personally, the way that I look at it

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Speaker 2: and other people will look at it differently, or the

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Speaker 2: way that I look at it. If I'm giving my all,

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Speaker 2: I am giving one hundred percent of myself all the time,

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Speaker 2: and there is no one area of my life that

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Speaker 2: will en there get one hundred percent of me all

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Speaker 2: the time because we have multiple areas of our life.

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Speaker 4: That meet us right yep.

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Speaker 2: And so for me, I'm not going to give my all,

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Speaker 2: but I am going to do my job well.

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Speaker 4: Got you That makes sense?

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Speaker 2: Like that's just from an ethical professional standpoint. Even if

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Speaker 2: I were to ever be in a position where I

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Speaker 2: hate my job, I'm still going to do that shit. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I'm also going to be looking for something else read

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Speaker 2: my exit strategy exactly. But in the meantime, I'm doing

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Speaker 2: my job well.

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Speaker 4: Right, that makes sense. I don't think I've heard it

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Speaker 4: framed in that way. So that's an interesting perspective. That'shy

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Speaker 4: I was like a double tap into that a little bit. Okay,

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Speaker 4: that makes sense when oh child, Okay, we have a

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Speaker 4: lot to talk about here, lady. We're going to start

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Speaker 4: off with three questions, and you can even ask yourself

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Speaker 4: this or like ask your friends if y'all are you know,

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Speaker 4: reviewing the podcast, like your group chat or with your homegirls.

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Speaker 4: But when you think about living a full life, right,

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Speaker 4: many of us, especially if you're in the States, we

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Speaker 4: know that we are in this capitalistic society where work.

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Speaker 4: I know you've probably heard this too, down work is

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Speaker 4: viewed very differently in the States compared to other places

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Speaker 4: in the world. There's like a priority on working hard,

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Speaker 4: and people really will like work to the death, like

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Speaker 4: they will grind out. And we just our society is

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Speaker 4: just so different. We don't prioritize community, family, and rest

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Speaker 4: the way that other communities do and other countries do.

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Speaker 4: And so when I think about having a full life,

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Speaker 4: what does it look like to add more joy, pleasure

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Speaker 4: and fun when you're overwhelmed.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So when you add that piece about when you're overwhelmed,

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Speaker 2: that makes a difference, right, That kind of changes it

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Speaker 2: a little bit or a lot of it. To me

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Speaker 2: when I hear when I'm overwhelmed, like work is overwhelming me,

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Speaker 2: how do I sign joy, pleasure fun? For me, it's

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Speaker 2: not only looking at well, okay, where can I find

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Speaker 2: time in my day to day, in my personal outside

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Speaker 2: of work life to have more joy, pleasure and fun?

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Speaker 2: But then also within the work that I'm doing, Where

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Speaker 2: can I sign joy pleasure in fun? Because oftentimes, when

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Speaker 2: you were doing work that you enjoy, you're less likely

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Speaker 2: to feel overwhelmed because you're enjoying it. Like, there have

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Speaker 2: been points in my career where I have been so

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Speaker 2: immersed in the work and loving it and there was

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Speaker 2: like an awareness of girlam doing the most. Yes, but

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Speaker 2: I wasn't on this. I wasn't on the cuspl burnout

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Speaker 2: or even overwhelmed because there was lots of joy and

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Speaker 2: pleasure in what I was doing.

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Speaker 4: That makes sense.

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Speaker 2: The points when I was on the cusp of burnout

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Speaker 2: or was feeling overwhelmed, that's when I wasn't finding joy

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Speaker 2: or pleasure in the work that I was doing.

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Speaker 4: Hey, lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 4: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 4: to our podcast. We love you for real, and we

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Speaker 4: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 4: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 4: about this.

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Speaker 5: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 5: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your

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Speaker 5: business brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine

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Speaker 5: joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you can

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Speaker 5: connect with like minded black women like you and share

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Speaker 5: your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 5: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 5: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 5: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 5: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts.

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Speaker 6: And or personal wins. How does that sound? Hopefully this

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Speaker 6: is of your alley, lady, because we are taking things

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Speaker 6: to the next level this year, and we're doubling down

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Speaker 6: on investing in our community.

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Speaker 4: That means you. We want to meet you, connect with you,

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Speaker 4: and create communities of genuine women who love on black

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Speaker 4: women and push our culture and movement forward. We launched

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Speaker 4: this podcast in twenty nineteen, and to date we have

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Speaker 4: not missed a week. We've been great stewards of our platform,

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Speaker 4: all while working full time and navigating our own ups

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Speaker 4: and downs. We release fresh new content every single Friday,

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Speaker 4: Life clock Work, and we have hundreds of valuable episodes

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Speaker 4: and workshops that can really help you up level your life. So,

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Speaker 4: if you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 4: we invite you to give back and help us push

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Speaker 4: this community effort. Visit her Space podcast dot com and

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Speaker 4: click Patreon. You can learn more about our goals and

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Speaker 4: exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you

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Speaker 4: to join the Sister Frontier so that you can get

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Speaker 4: someone on one time with us. We also have an

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Speaker 4: option for you to donate on a one time basis

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Speaker 4: if that meets your needs. Again Herspace podcast dot com

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Speaker 4: and you can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 4: we'll hop right back into the conversation. That is such

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Speaker 4: a great point because I think about even with the podcast, right,

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Speaker 4: we've been having that We've had the podcast for five years,

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Speaker 4: We've been working full time and have had busy lives

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Speaker 4: in the midst of it, and even though there are

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Speaker 4: definitely days where we're like Lord, the podcast is a

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Speaker 4: lot of work, it's a different type of work because

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Speaker 4: we love it. It's our baby, it's our passion. Like,

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Speaker 4: there's so much that we get out of it. And

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Speaker 4: so I totally understand what you're saying there. I would

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Speaker 4: say when it comes to adding joy, pleasure, and fun,

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Speaker 4: when I'm overwhelmed, I feel like I'm navigating a season

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Speaker 4: of overwhelm, and not necessarily just with work, but also

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Speaker 4: with personal life as well. And so I think, especially

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Speaker 4: over the past I would say two months, I god

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Speaker 4: like I tried to get it in where I could

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Speaker 4: fit it in. So I try to think about what

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Speaker 4: is the low hanging fruit. So for me, if it's

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Speaker 4: a season of overwhelmed, sometimes the joy pleasure I fund

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Speaker 4: might be maybe one the pleasure might be like masturbate.

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Speaker 4: Prioritizing masturbation, like Okay, one night, I'm gonna take a

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Speaker 4: couple of puffs or whatever this is, you know, this

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Speaker 4: joint whatever, I might drink a little wine and I'm

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Speaker 4: just have some me time and masturbate. That might be

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Speaker 4: the pleasure, and that just might be how I'm adding

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Speaker 4: that into my life. Another one might be us having

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Speaker 4: a catch up FaceTime date, or it's like, girl, let

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Speaker 4: me get it to you, let me tell you what's

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Speaker 4: be going on, and having conversations with my girlfriends. That's

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Speaker 4: always a place of joy for me. And then I

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Speaker 4: would say fun. You made a really good point too

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Speaker 4: of adding some of that fun into the work. So

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Speaker 4: maybe you don't love the job, but these bills got

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Speaker 4: to get paid, so shit, you know you got to

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Speaker 4: be there until you find another position. So how can

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Speaker 4: we make the most out of it? And I love, love,

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Speaker 4: love to try to bridge I try to bridge the

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Speaker 4: gap between my passion and my day job whenever I can.

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Speaker 4: So I love community building, so I try to bring

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Speaker 4: that into the day job because I know that it

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Speaker 4: makes me happy and it brings me joys. So now

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Speaker 4: I can connect the thing that I have to do

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Speaker 4: to get to where I want to be and the

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Speaker 4: thing that I love to do genuinely and bring them together.

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Speaker 4: So I think those are some of the ways that

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Speaker 4: we can do it. Of course, therapy, yeah, of course,

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Speaker 4: for me, like working out, I've been pretty consistent with

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Speaker 4: my workout routine and those are some of the ways

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Speaker 4: that I've been adding enjoy pleasure of fun. I just

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Speaker 4: think down one of the things that I want to

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Speaker 4: emphasize to just ourselves and the ladies as you listen, lady,

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Speaker 4: is like, be gentle with yourself and realize it doesn't

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Speaker 4: have to look perfect. I think for me sometimes dom

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Speaker 4: I have this all and nothing mindset. Was like, if

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Speaker 4: I don't get up and go at the gym and

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Speaker 4: I'm not there at seven on the dot, that I failed,

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Speaker 4: It's like, no, like, give yourself some wiggle room, you know.

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Speaker 4: So if you're in the season, you know you can't

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Speaker 4: do self care the way you want to. You can't

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Speaker 4: have a weekly massage or you know, a facial every

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Speaker 4: four to six weeks. Okay, do what you can with

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Speaker 4: what you have where you are, and maybe we're gonna

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Speaker 4: keep on chugging chugging, you know, like the engine, the

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Speaker 4: Little Engine that could. We're gonna keep on keep this

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Speaker 4: show on the road and do what we can when

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Speaker 4: we're in this stage and phase. So that's what I

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Speaker 4: think about. I thought about that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that it's important to point out those

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Speaker 2: concrete examples, right and because for a lady that's listening.

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Speaker 2: They might not. Oftentimes, when we're in that space of overwhelm,

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Speaker 2: it's hard to identify the little thing it's we're like,

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Speaker 2: I mean, I know, I know that there are things

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Speaker 2: that I could do, but like I'm at a loss

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Speaker 2: for what it could be. Yes, Because when you're in

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Speaker 2: that space of overwhelm, your brain is so focused on

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Speaker 2: that thing, is so caught up in that thing that

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Speaker 2: it really is it's like a fault, yes, and it's

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Speaker 2: hard to think for yourself on what are the things

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Speaker 2: that I could be doing right? And oftentimes to the

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Speaker 2: other thing that I want to point out is that

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Speaker 2: when we're in that space of overwhelmed, oftentimes those little

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Speaker 2: things that we typically naturally gravitate towards for joy and

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Speaker 2: pleasure are usually the first things to go when we're

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Speaker 2: feeling overwhelmed. And so for me, that's a sign. If

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Speaker 2: working out consistently is something that you are that you

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Speaker 2: normally do right, it makes sense. It's perfectly normal that like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: if your routine is you're you work out terry. I

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Speaker 2: know we've talked about this, that you work out Monday,

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Speaker 2: Wednesdays and Fridays. Right, if one week you're like, you

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Speaker 2: wake up on Friday morning and you're like, today is

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Speaker 2: just not it, and you skip that Friday workout. Okay,

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Speaker 2: skip that Friday workout. But Monday rolls around and you're like,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna skip it again. Wednesday comes and you're skipping again.

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Speaker 2: Then that's a sign to say, Okay, wait, let's pause,

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Speaker 2: what's happening. What shifted that?

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Speaker 4: Now?

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Speaker 2: The thing that I normally consistently do to take care

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Speaker 2: of myself that brings me joy and pleasure, I've stopped

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Speaker 2: doing that. What's happening? Let me take Let me take

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Speaker 2: a moment and reevaluate. That's a really good point because

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Speaker 2: I definitely do that domin for me. I feel like, unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: when I get anxiety and I get really busy and overwhelmed,

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Speaker 2: eating regularly is the thing that often suffers because sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's like I just got to get this work done.

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Speaker 2: I can't do it until I know I can't eat

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Speaker 2: and take a break until I do this. And so

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Speaker 2: it's good to yourself and be aware of what that

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Speaker 2: looks like for you. But it makes me think about

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Speaker 2: our next question, where it's like, how do you stop

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Speaker 2: making excuses and just make a move, So how do

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Speaker 2: you just make a move? And for me, what this

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Speaker 2: question is asking is like, how do you stop making

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Speaker 2: excuses and just add just add the fucking joy and

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Speaker 2: pleasure to your life?

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Speaker 4: Like, just do it right? And so I think one

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Speaker 4: of the things that okay, a couple of things real quick.

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Speaker 4: So I've had sometimes I'll have a task on my

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Speaker 4: to do list and baby, I will keep moving that

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Speaker 4: task and I'll look up months later and be like, oh,

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Speaker 4: I still haven't complain with this. I'll just shift to

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Speaker 4: the do dates, or I'll leave an email on read

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Speaker 4: and it takes forever for me to get back to it.

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Speaker 4: And what I realize now is literally just do it

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Speaker 4: for me means putting it on my calendar or sharing

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Speaker 4: it with a friend to hold myself accountable, but just

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Speaker 4: stop everything and really just think, Okay, what is the

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Speaker 4: next thing I can do? What is the one thing

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Speaker 4: I could do this week that will bring me joy

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Speaker 4: pleasure and fun or joy pleasure or fun, you know,

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Speaker 4: what is the one thing? And I think that just

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Speaker 4: thinking about it as an easy baby step that's easily

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Speaker 4: consumable for you, that's something you can put on the

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Speaker 4: calendar and you kind of map out. Okay, what do

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Speaker 4: I need to do to make sure this happens? I

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Speaker 4: feel like that is one of the things that I

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Speaker 4: do to stop making excuses and just just do it.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I like that idea, and I think you know

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Speaker 2: something that I think about too is also okay. Well,

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Speaker 2: maybe if I'm making excuses, depending on what that thing is,

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Speaker 2: I maybe need to consult with someone. So, whether it's therapists,

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Speaker 2: my coach, a mentor a friend, I need to talk

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Speaker 2: it out with somebody about what's happening. Right, Because as

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Speaker 2: we're specifically talking about, like the work life balance, what's

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Speaker 2: coming up for me is Okay, if I am not

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Speaker 2: finding joy in this work anymore, if I if I

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Speaker 2: feel burned out or overwhelmed or whatever, the thing is right,

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Speaker 2: maybe the move that I need to make is a

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Speaker 2: new job. Yeah, And so I need to consult my

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Speaker 2: team for my people, yeah, and really think this through.

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Speaker 2: Like if I've been in this job for ten years,

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Speaker 2: haven't gotten the promotion, watch people less qualified than me

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Speaker 2: get promoted, Okay, haven't seen a raise? Like all these

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Speaker 2: things are piling up that says this job is no

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Speaker 2: longer for you? Why am I still here?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: So then I need I need to consult my team

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Speaker 2: whoever that who, and maybe it's multiple people on that team,

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Speaker 2: to decide what's going to be the next move out

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Speaker 2: of this job, because it is going to be out

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Speaker 2: of this job.

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Speaker 4: That's a good point. Those are some good signs to

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Speaker 4: consider as well. Be in that place, like, hold up,

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Speaker 4: am I make it? Let's get to the root, right,

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Speaker 4: not just focusing on the excuse and making move, but like,

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Speaker 4: let's get to the root of it. And then I

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Speaker 4: feel like we should dive into the last question later

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Speaker 4: in the conversation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, let's come back to that one.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. So when you think of like the importance of

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Speaker 4: work life balance, I know, for me, I used to

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Speaker 4: think that it's about the balance, But the more I

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Speaker 4: just live and experience life and I'm working and managing

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Speaker 4: all these things, I think it's more about harmony, you know,

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Speaker 4: like it really is about harmony, because when I think

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Speaker 4: about balance, it's sort of balance alludes to I want

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Speaker 4: to say, equity, right, or having equal parts of yourself

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Speaker 4: or yeah, I think of it as having equal parts

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Speaker 4: of yourself in each of these sort of categories of life.

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Speaker 4: And for me, why don't want work to be equal

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Speaker 4: to the life that I'm living. I want life to

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Speaker 4: be higher on the you know, on the scale, and

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Speaker 4: so I think it's more about harmony. And it's like,

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Speaker 4: you know, I remember, for the longest time, I had

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Speaker 4: this ideal life narrative and I was like, Okay, I

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Speaker 4: want my life to look and feel this way, and

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Speaker 4: this is not a dress rehearsal, so it's not. One

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Speaker 4: of the things I had to realize is stop putting

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Speaker 4: it off and saying, oh, when I make this amount

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Speaker 4: of money or when I get in this career, do

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Speaker 4: it now. Because life is precious. And so even if

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Speaker 4: you're in the job that you don't like, maybe you

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Speaker 4: have a plan to go somewhere else, what does it

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Speaker 4: look and feel like to have the life that you

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Speaker 4: desire and how can you build that harmony. So with

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Speaker 4: the job I have now, there's a bit of flexibility

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Speaker 4: with my schedule, which is great, but we're doing the

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Speaker 4: podcast after work. This is a part of that fermony,

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Speaker 4: adding in the thing that I enjoy doing and my

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Speaker 4: passion and purpose into my life, integrating all things together,

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Speaker 4: so the working out, the family time, the podcast, and

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Speaker 4: then also being intentional about taking breaks For me, that's

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Speaker 4: what harmony looks like, taking meal breaks, drinking my water,

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Speaker 4: like doing the things can I want to do?

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate that perspective and the framing of it as harmony.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I hadn't thought about it like that before, in the

403
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Speaker 2: sense of harmony, because I think, for me, when I

404
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Speaker 2: think of balance, I didn't think of balance as everything

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Speaker 2: always being equal. I thought of it as everything always

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Speaker 2: adding up to one hundred I see. And how I

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Speaker 2: thought about it is that there are gonna be times

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Speaker 2: where work may be seventy five percent.

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Speaker 4: Mm h.

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Speaker 2: I don't like them times, liin' aw them times. I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna just be real, okay. And then that means everything

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Speaker 2: else is like twenty five percent. But then there are

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Speaker 2: other times where things shift and ideally work is like

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Speaker 2: twenty five percent and everything else is seventy five percent.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: The reality is that that waxes and wanes and ebbs

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Speaker 2: and flows, right that, Like on a Sunday, I might

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Speaker 2: be one hundred percent in life in my personal life,

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Speaker 2: right lord, yes, Lord, and then Monday rolls around and

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Speaker 2: it's like, oh, hold on, work has instant's way up

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Speaker 2: in there, and life, this personal life is no longer

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent, but work is taking up more of

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Speaker 2: my time and my mental capacity. But it ebbs it falls,

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Speaker 2: and even throughout the day, like so Monday until six o'clock,

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Speaker 2: it might be all work and then I shift to podcasts. Right,

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Speaker 2: And so to me, balance was more so about it

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Speaker 2: all adding up to one hundred and because in recognizing

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Speaker 2: that you're never you are never going to going back

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Speaker 2: to what I was saying before. You were never going

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Speaker 2: to be able to be one hundred percent of everything

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Speaker 2: all the time.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: But I do like how you explained it about having

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Speaker 2: that hamity.

435
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 4: Yeah. I like the way you explained it too, because

436
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 4: I didn't think about balance in that way. I sort

437
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:01,240
Speaker 4: of saw a scale. It's like these all competing interests

438
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,919
Speaker 4: versus just having everything added to one hundred. So that

439
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 4: is interesting. I'm glad that you share that though, and

440
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,120
Speaker 4: it makes me think about, let's see, identifying and prioritizing

441
00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:12,560
Speaker 4: pleasure and joy. And when I think about this, I

442
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 4: feel like it's important to be intentional about self care

443
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 4: and finding joy. But I think in order to do that,

444
00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 4: it'd be really helpful for each of us to identify

445
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 4: what does self care look like to me? And we

446
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:27,239
Speaker 4: have episodes other episodes lady about self care. But think

447
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 4: about it, it's going to look different. It's not gonna

448
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 4: look like everyone else's form of self care. So I

449
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 4: may love massages, you may be like, I don't want

450
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,840
Speaker 4: to buy such to me right Like I may be

451
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 4: trying to journal and you're like, yo, my hand hurt.

452
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 4: I don't want a journal. So think about what does

453
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 4: your self care lists look like? What does self care

454
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,840
Speaker 4: look like for you? And then what brings you pleasure?

455
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 4: I think these are really great questions to ask ourselves,

456
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,359
Speaker 4: so we can write them out, list them out so

457
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 4: that when it does come time for us to prioritize it,

458
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 4: we know what we're prioritizing. We're not in the moment

459
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,240
Speaker 4: now trying to think of it on the fly, and

460
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 4: they're wasting time because now it's time for bed, or

461
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,720
Speaker 4: it's time that, you know, take the kids to school,

462
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 4: and they we're like, dang, I could have done this

463
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 4: thing that I'm not even I don't have the self

464
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,480
Speaker 4: awareness to know what it looks like for me, so

465
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 4: I can't really prioritize it because it isn't identified yet.

466
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,639
Speaker 4: If that makes sense. That does.

467
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 2: And I think the other thing that I would add

468
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 2: to that is also thinking about in acknowledging that there

469
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 2: are seasons and so there are points in your life

470
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:31,639
Speaker 2: where what gives you pleasure today and what works for

471
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 2: your life today might not work so well in a

472
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 2: different season, right, Like I think about for myself being

473
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 2: in academia, my whole career has been working on a

474
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:54,679
Speaker 2: college campus, and so what I am accustomed to is

475
00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 2: summertime is fun time because summer time, summertime is a

476
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:08,280
Speaker 2: lot slower not I still work, but the work is

477
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,800
Speaker 2: a lot slower pased than it.

478
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 4: Is during the fall, winter and spring.

479
00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 2: And so for me, what self care might look like

480
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 2: in the fall, winter and spring, or when I'm able

481
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 2: to do self care or when I have to do

482
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 2: self care and what I do for self care will

483
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 2: look different than what it looks like in the summer,

484
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 2: and having to just have that realization and that acceptance

485
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 2: right that, like I might not be able to take

486
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:58,040
Speaker 2: a three week vacation in the middle alls the fall

487
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 2: quarter ay semester. Some people do, but for me that

488
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 2: might not work. Right Whereas because of the way my

489
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 2: workflow is set up, summer might be a lot easier.

490
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:20,000
Speaker 2: And so then when when the foul quarter is hitting

491
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:24,200
Speaker 2: its peak point and I'm ready to be like, I'm out,

492
00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: let's take that three week vacation, and I have to

493
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 2: remind myself that hold on three weeks, ain't it that's

494
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: not happening right now?

495
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:35,959
Speaker 4: Ye?

496
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:43,440
Speaker 2: What can I do that will sustain me, will refill

497
00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 2: my cup during this particular season.

498
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 4: I love that I'm writing this downside, don't forget so

499
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 4: that that's so powerful. It made me think of a

500
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,720
Speaker 4: couple of things. One just looking at our life and

501
00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 4: see since they're realizing. I think it's just so important

502
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,880
Speaker 4: to do that and realize that you aren't defined by

503
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 4: where you are right now. You're not going to be

504
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 4: in the season that you're in forever. And I think

505
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:13,040
Speaker 4: using nature as our guide is just I think that's

506
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 4: so important as well. Nature is a beautiful guide for

507
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 4: us on the seasons. Right, Like, you go through a

508
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 4: winter season and we've done an episode about this. I

509
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 4: can't remember what it's called, but we did an episode

510
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 4: about the seasons of life, and you think about the

511
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 4: winter season, this is the time of purging, right, It's

512
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 4: a time for us to reflect, to go within. You

513
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 4: think about summer time, we outside, you know, we outside,

514
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,040
Speaker 4: we do you know, we out here doing stuff and

515
00:30:35,080 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 4: things are blossoming and we're building more relationships stuff like that.

516
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 4: But also thought about what you said, I feel like

517
00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 4: you do this really well down with your scheduling, like

518
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 4: vacations and seeing family, always having something to look forward to. Yes,

519
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 4: I feel like in this season i've been in where

520
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 4: I've been on, I've been on the verge of brunout

521
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:57,000
Speaker 4: because there's been so much going on personally and professionally.

522
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 4: I've been a bit more intentional about just putting things

523
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 4: won on the calendar. And one of my scheduling hacks

524
00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:05,600
Speaker 4: is to try my best to schedule my self care

525
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 4: at the beginning of the month. That way, before the

526
00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 4: schedule fills up, I already know, okay, I got this.

527
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 4: Besides scheduled, I have this girl's chat schedule, like I

528
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 4: have stuff scheduled. But then also just having a vacation

529
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 4: or having a special day, or it's just something that's

530
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,959
Speaker 4: pleasurable and exciting for you to look forward to. So

531
00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,440
Speaker 4: I have my little sister visiting tomorrow and we've been

532
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 4: counting down the days since she planned her trip. I'm

533
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 4: so excited. So that's coming up. Then we have a

534
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 4: little family vacation next week, and then we're planning another

535
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:37,040
Speaker 4: vacation for the fall. So having something on the calendar

536
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 4: doesn't have to be this big, extravagant plan, but something

537
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,640
Speaker 4: to bring you joy so that when you're in the

538
00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 4: trenches and you're grinding out and you're like, lo, it

539
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 4: helped me. You're like, Okay, I know I got this

540
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,040
Speaker 4: thing coming up. So I just wanted to point those

541
00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,040
Speaker 4: out because you made me think about that as you

542
00:31:51,080 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 4: were sharing time.

543
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 2: Yes, that is the having something to look forward to

544
00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 2: has always been on my radar. That is something that

545
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 2: like I constantly do. And I realized that I that

546
00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:07,720
Speaker 2: I was like, when did I start doing that? And

547
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 2: I think I know for sure that I was doing

548
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:15,840
Speaker 2: that when I first started working for real, but I

549
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 2: probably was also doing it. Probably also started in grade school,

550
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 2: because in grade school they programmed you to look forward

551
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,440
Speaker 2: to the holidays, whether it was whether it was we're

552
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 2: doing something big for Martin Luther King Day, or we're

553
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 2: doing something for Mother's Day or Thanksgiving or Christmas or

554
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,080
Speaker 2: summer vacation, whatever it is, you were guided by a

555
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 2: calendar in school, and so as I started working, I

556
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 2: was like, no, I need something to look forward to.

557
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,960
Speaker 2: When's the next vacation, yes, or when's the next fun

558
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:53,760
Speaker 2: thing that's happening right exactly. But then I think the

559
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: other thing too that you mentioned or that reminded me,

560
00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 2: was my doing nothing day once a month, right of

561
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,720
Speaker 2: I schedule that like I like to like you like

562
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 2: at the beginning of the month, like, look at my

563
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 2: calendar for the month and see what do I have?

564
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 2: When do I I have scheduled so far? When can

565
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 2: I take a day for myself? Let me block it

566
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 2: out on this calendar. And that's a reminder I need

567
00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 2: to go on ahead and set that day for this month. Like,

568
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 2: let me go on ahead and get that done and

569
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 2: put on the calendar so that I don't end up

570
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:32,920
Speaker 2: getting halfway through the month, like where was my day

571
00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 2: for me? All the back up I need and for me?

572
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 2: And again, that is a whole day. I don't care

573
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: if I had multiple days through the month where I

574
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,720
Speaker 2: might have only met up with somebody for dinner, or

575
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 2: I might have only met up with somebody for brunch. Nope, nope, nope,

576
00:33:50,320 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: A whole day of nothing planned. I feel like that

577
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 2: also can give you energize your spirit. You know, I

578
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 2: remember when when I you know, I look the calendar

579
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 2: often and we're mapping out project plans and stuff for

580
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 2: the podcast and for life. And I know that when

581
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,200
Speaker 2: I knew we were planning for the live show, I

582
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:12,240
Speaker 2: was trying my best to think, Okay, let me mentally

583
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 2: prepare for this busy season we're about to go into,

584
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 2: and let me try to be intentional about how I'm

585
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 2: spending my time, like infuse those moments of joy and pleasure.

586
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 2: So I love that you pointed that Outdime, and it

587
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,960
Speaker 2: takes us to our next topic here about infusing fun

588
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 2: into the work and daily activities. And we kind of

589
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: talked about this before, right, bridging your passion your passion

590
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 2: to your day job. But I think there are other

591
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,279
Speaker 2: ways to do this as well, like think about the

592
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 2: things that you just love and enjoy doing. I really

593
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 2: like connecting with people, and so at my day job,

594
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:45,839
Speaker 2: we are asked to go into the office twice a week.

595
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 4: I work work from home the other days, and so

596
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 4: on the days I go into the office, I love

597
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 4: to try to eat lunch with my colleagues, Right, have

598
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 4: the conversation. There's something about just connecting with people that's fun.

599
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 2: Right.

600
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:59,800
Speaker 4: You hear about the movies they're a watching, or the music,

601
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 4: or just things about life that brings me joy. So

602
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,160
Speaker 4: doing that and then also just trying to find ways

603
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,160
Speaker 4: of infusing the things that you already enjoy into the work.

604
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,920
Speaker 4: And one of the things I shared on our previous

605
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 4: episode is about how we have the podcast right, and

606
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,879
Speaker 4: then my day job they had they have employee resource groups, right,

607
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:23,520
Speaker 4: and so these sort of affinity groups. They often have

608
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 4: a bottom line, and one of the companies I worked at,

609
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 4: they had a bottom line of getting more diverse talent.

610
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,479
Speaker 4: So I'm like, Okay, how can I tie my goal

611
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,719
Speaker 4: and passion to the company's bottom line so that one

612
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,160
Speaker 4: it creates well, it creates a win win for everyone

613
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 4: the company helps achieve their goals. I look good because

614
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 4: I'm like bringing more value and bringing diverse people. Right,

615
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 4: So we were able to years ago, I was able

616
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 4: to host a talk show at the job after hours

617
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 4: and a lot of black women, a lot of women

618
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 4: of color came out and it made everyone look good.

619
00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 4: Everyone had a great time, and so things like that,

620
00:35:56,680 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 4: just being creative and trying to figure out how can

621
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 4: I insuse the things that I enjoy into my work.

622
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:07,359
Speaker 2: Right, yes, I like that, And I think another thing

623
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 2: to add to that is to think about your work environment,

624
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 2: the physical environment. Right and lady, I know that we

625
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 2: have people from diverse, diverse backgrounds that are listening, and

626
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 2: some of you might not shout the privilege or luxury

627
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 2: or flexibility in your work space to have any say

628
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:39,839
Speaker 2: so on what the environment is like. Right, But if

629
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 2: you are in a space where if your work setting

630
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 2: is one in which you have say so over the environment,

631
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:56,239
Speaker 2: the physical environment, create an environment that works for you, right, Yes,

632
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 2: Like if you have, lady, if you have an office

633
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:06,320
Speaker 2: to yourself, decorate that ulsis in a way that feels

634
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 2: comfortable for you. Make it feel warm and inviting for you.

635
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:18,439
Speaker 2: Because when we're in spaces where we feel comfortable, where

636
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:24,320
Speaker 2: we feel safe, where we feel seen, we are also

637
00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 2: more likely to do the work and engage in the

638
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:34,480
Speaker 2: work that needs to be done. So if having some

639
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 2: throw pillows, I'm good for having pillows is having a blanket.

640
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:52,680
Speaker 7: If having having plants, now, I'm gonna be completely honest here,

641
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 7: I am not a plant marmal.

642
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 2: But if you are watching a Patreon then you see

643
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 2: right here in my background, we got some q little

644
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: pu answer. They ain't real.

645
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 4: They look good though, but.

646
00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 2: They look good and they look for you do they do?

647
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 2: And so you'll figure out what you need in your

648
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 2: environment that makes you feel comfortable so that you're you're

649
00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,920
Speaker 2: able to do the work, because we know that people

650
00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:24,040
Speaker 2: when you're not comfortable, you're not going to do the work.

651
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 4: Exactly. That's so good. That's so good, and it's a

652
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:33,680
Speaker 4: great transition into just the importance of mindset, like practicing

653
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 4: mindfulness and gratitude. That's also really important. I remember when

654
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:43,920
Speaker 4: I first started my new job and they had changed

655
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 4: up the company policy and basically we went from a

656
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 4: remote world because of COVID of course, and then told

657
00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:53,160
Speaker 4: people to come into the office. And I was so

658
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,720
Speaker 4: bummed out because I was like I was anticipating working

659
00:38:56,719 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 4: from home every day and I forget up and go

660
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 4: to the office. That would for those of you that

661
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 4: were working from home during the pandemic and who had

662
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,319
Speaker 4: to go back to work, you know that feeling right,

663
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 4: the discomfort. Now it's like I gotta I gotta look presentable,

664
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 4: I gotta fine clothes, I gotta commute, and so I

665
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,960
Speaker 4: mapped this whole thing out, and I catch BART when

666
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 4: I go into the office because lifts in uberts are

667
00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 4: too expensive. I'm like too much, We're going up the

668
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 4: street too much. So it was like a whole thing.

669
00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,680
Speaker 4: It was a whole mental exercise for me mathing on

670
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 4: my route. I remember, this sounds like it's going to

671
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,680
Speaker 4: sound silly, but even the first day that I went

672
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 4: on BART for this particular job to go my new route,

673
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 4: it was a little anxiety docing because I didn't catch

674
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:41,120
Speaker 4: Bar often after COVID, and it just I wasn't comfortable

675
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 4: or familiar. Bouse, this is what I'm going to do.

676
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,200
Speaker 4: And I started to think about, Okay, if I know

677
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 4: that I want and need this job or what I

678
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 4: call my dream funder because it's helping me fund my

679
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 4: dream until we're financially independent and we're multimillionaires on the podcast, right,

680
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,200
Speaker 4: if I know this is what I'm the phase in

681
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 4: season I'm in, it has to get done, I might

682
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,399
Speaker 4: as well shift my perspective around it. And then when

683
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,239
Speaker 4: I start thinking about the gratitude, I'm grateful that I'm

684
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 4: able to make this money to do the things that

685
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 4: I want to do. I'm grateful that I'm in a

686
00:40:14,520 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 4: role that's up leveling my skills and keeping me sharp,

687
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:20,239
Speaker 4: like thinking about the perspective and even thinking about you know,

688
00:40:20,320 --> 00:40:22,719
Speaker 4: being able to connect with colleagues, and I began to

689
00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 4: shift my mindset around it, and it made for an

690
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,680
Speaker 4: enjoyable experience. So when you're faced with something, lady, where

691
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,200
Speaker 4: you know you got to do this shit anyway, I

692
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,520
Speaker 4: give yourself time to you know, wallow and be bitchy

693
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,240
Speaker 4: or sad about it, and then let's shift our mindset.

694
00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 4: Because the more I shift my mindset dom the more

695
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:44,359
Speaker 4: it made me enjoy the experience. And I'm accustomed to it.

696
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 4: It's a part of my routine and now it's familiar

697
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 4: to me because I've done it so many times. So

698
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:49,839
Speaker 4: I think it all goes back to mindset as well,

699
00:40:49,880 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 4: and then reframing it and thinking about what am I

700
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 4: grateful for for where I am in the season.

701
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:58,799
Speaker 2: I love that. I think what I appreciate about that

702
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 2: is that like that gret to write and recognizing, like

703
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 2: one of the phrases for me that I've had definitely

704
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:12,120
Speaker 2: since graduate school is either work hard so I can

705
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:19,560
Speaker 2: play harder, hell yes, and so what that then forces

706
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 2: me to then shift not thinking into okay, girl, you

707
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 2: know the lifestyle you want, You like to travel, you.

708
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 4: Like nice thing.

709
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,920
Speaker 2: Okay, you like to be able to do for others.

710
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 2: So how we doing that? How we affording that? We're

711
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 2: not sitting on no trust fund or we ain't win

712
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:52,439
Speaker 2: the lottery. We're working for this. So okay, we got

713
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,759
Speaker 2: to work to be able to support the life that

714
00:41:55,840 --> 00:42:00,080
Speaker 2: we want. If I got to do the work, and

715
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 2: how what can I do to enjoy this work? And

716
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 2: it goes back to me, like you said, that mindset right,

717
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 2: and for me it also goes back. It also goes

718
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:19,360
Speaker 2: to part of that mindset is I am grateful for

719
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 2: this role that I sham in this season and time

720
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 2: in my life. So even in those moments where I

721
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 2: may have chad, I may have been in positions where

722
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 2: I'm trying to focus on the as a strategy because

723
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 2: this ain't it anymore, I am grateful for it in

724
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:43,640
Speaker 2: this moment because it's also keeping food on the table,

725
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:48,480
Speaker 2: my lights turned on a roof over my head and

726
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:52,839
Speaker 2: preparing me for that next role.

727
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:56,839
Speaker 4: I guess, a what can I like?

728
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 2: What are the lessons that I can learn from this

729
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 2: current experience that I'm in. What can I take away

730
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 2: from this current experience that I'm in to make me

731
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 2: even better in the next thing.

732
00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 4: Yes, a man, I love that. It's all our perspective.

733
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 4: It's all our perspective. And then lastly, I think another

734
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 4: way that we can add more of that joy, pleasure

735
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:27,839
Speaker 4: and fun pursuing you have these interests like I am

736
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:32,440
Speaker 4: a huge fan of new experiences and don this past

737
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 4: month I had so many new experiences. I was kind

738
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:38,840
Speaker 4: of stalling, like, oh, I was taking forever to just

739
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,760
Speaker 4: put things on the calendar, and so I was like, boom,

740
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,400
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna do I've been saying this forever. Let

741
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 4: me just go do it. So I went to a

742
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 4: rage room. So fun, next time you come up here.

743
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 4: I don't know if you've ever been to have you?

744
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 4: I haven't no weather do that together? Will you literally

745
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:53,799
Speaker 4: go into a room with a sledge tammer and you

746
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,080
Speaker 4: just function it up. There was like a vacuum cleaner

747
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 4: and like a keyboard, all kinds of things and you

748
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 4: and I good. Was this is therapeutic one? It was

749
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,879
Speaker 4: a workout two or three. How often do we ever

750
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:10,359
Speaker 4: get to exert all of our energy or frustration out

751
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 4: on something. I feel like we always hold back a

752
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,479
Speaker 4: little bit. So you could scream in here, you could yell,

753
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 4: just get this rage out, because some people are just

754
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 4: you know, you live a life where you have to

755
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,640
Speaker 4: suppress a lot of things. And so it was great.

756
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,520
Speaker 4: Did a salsa class got some new tattoos? I mean,

757
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 4: just like out here doing stuff that is enjoyable to me,

758
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,160
Speaker 4: So I think yes, finding new hobbies and insurants is

759
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:34,080
Speaker 4: always a great way to add more of that into

760
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 4: our lives. And really, I have some one of my

761
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 4: old colleagues, we used to call her a weekend warrior

762
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 4: because she would live for the motherfucking weekend. Okay, that

763
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:43,880
Speaker 4: girl had she was doing a little bit of everything

764
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 4: every weekend, and I'm like, damn girl. But it was

765
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,839
Speaker 4: great because she's like, I work all week, I'm gonna

766
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 4: live on the weekends, and so she would really prioritize that.

767
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, that's where that is where my work hard,

768
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 2: play harder, machra. Really that was the like the impetus

769
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 2: for that was that, Like literally, oh, actually I said

770
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 2: grad school earlier, but no undergrad Oh what was that?

771
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 2: Because I was the work hard clay harder because I

772
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:17,359
Speaker 2: said it started in grad school, but no, as I'm

773
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 2: saying this, it started in undergrad because really it was

774
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:25,800
Speaker 2: Sunday through Thursday. I was focused on studying, like school

775
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 2: and work was the focus, and the weekend was party

776
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 2: turn in undergrad. It was party term in grad school too.

777
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:38,880
Speaker 2: And then but then how that translated when I started

778
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 2: working was the weekends were my turn, right, the weekends,

779
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 2: what that's the term that I would do the things

780
00:45:48,719 --> 00:45:53,760
Speaker 2: for me? Yeah, And what I've done over the years

781
00:45:53,880 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 2: is that different seasons in my life, I've ensued some

782
00:45:57,800 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 2: fun and some play throughout the week and some working

783
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 2: the weekends. Like I found different ebbs and flows depending

784
00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 2: on the season, But I made time for the things

785
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 2: that brought me joy, right in terms of hobbies and interest,

786
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:19,720
Speaker 2: Like I took a pole dancing classes for a couple

787
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 2: of years, ka, and that was something that allowed me

788
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: to step outside of myself of like what of the

789
00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 2: image that I thought I wanted to portray versus what

790
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 2: was really who I was?

791
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 3: Right?

792
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 2: And that was so that was so fun and so freeing,

793
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 2: and then thinking about like what are other things that

794
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:49,520
Speaker 2: are of interest? Right, Like right now for me in

795
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:52,640
Speaker 2: this season, traveling, yes.

796
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 8: I'm going, I'm always I'm always somewhere right, yes, and

797
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:04,800
Speaker 8: then reading, and.

798
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 2: That for me, that's my thing, right figuring out spending

799
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:13,439
Speaker 2: time with friends and family and so figuring out what

800
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,799
Speaker 2: that actually looks like, that might mean, traveling, what that

801
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 2: might mean. Okay, well, let's it's Saturday, like finished with clients,

802
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:28,839
Speaker 2: We've finished recording an episode. Okay, what are what am

803
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 2: I going to do with friends and family now?

804
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 3: Right?

805
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 2: Like going for a walk, going to the movies, like

806
00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:37,919
Speaker 2: we're going for a happy hour, what we're doing right

807
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 2: and so, and but recognizing that also depending on your

808
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 2: season in life, things may shift. Yep. And the thing

809
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 2: that I also want to point out to all the

810
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 2: moms out there is having something for you, Yes, Lord,

811
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 2: like you're working, you've got kids, you and if you

812
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 2: have a partner as well, you have all of these

813
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 2: people that are pulling from you, having a shabby your

814
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:16,719
Speaker 2: interest that is solely your own, because like I think

815
00:48:16,719 --> 00:48:18,920
Speaker 2: about you know, I think about my friends that like

816
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 2: swim lessons, tennis lessons, soccer, football, ballet dance, all the

817
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,279
Speaker 2: things that their kids are pulling them. You know that

818
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 2: they have to show up for for their kids, and

819
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 2: that is time consuming. But what is the thing that

820
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 2: you have for you that is not related to work,

821
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:46,160
Speaker 2: that's not related to your kids, not related.

822
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 4: To your part. What do you truly have for you? Ooh,

823
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 4: that's a great mic job to just like ask herself

824
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 4: that question, lady as you listen to the podcast, whether

825
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,439
Speaker 4: you're a mom or not, like, what do I have?

826
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 4: That's just for me? Very powerful and just to kind

827
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,240
Speaker 4: of recap ladies. So we talked about working to live,

828
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 4: not living to work. We want to reiterate the significance

829
00:49:09,719 --> 00:49:14,279
Speaker 4: of intentionally adding joy, fun and pleasure to our lives.

830
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 4: It's so important, Like this is not a dress for her,

831
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 4: So don't wait until you get the job of your dreams,

832
00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:21,560
Speaker 4: don't wait until you get the relationship, don't wait until

833
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,200
Speaker 4: you're at your ideal waight go do the things that

834
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:27,239
Speaker 4: bring you joy now, infuse that into your life now.

835
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 5: Yes.

836
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:30,240
Speaker 2: Oh, and that I want to bring up the question

837
00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 2: that we said we were gonna wait till again. Right.

838
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 2: I know some of you are listening and you're like,

839
00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 2: but domd T, we ain't got y'all's coins? Should I

840
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 2: still need more coins? But we're on a book. How

841
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 2: you doing this on a budget? Should I be on

842
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 2: a budget too? Child?

843
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:50,319
Speaker 4: Oh, listen.

844
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: You. When I was taking pole dancing classes, let's be clear,

845
00:49:57,600 --> 00:50:00,479
Speaker 2: I was not making I was not making the money

846
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:05,719
Speaker 2: that I'm making now. And so what I did was

847
00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 2: I found I found the term fe I figured it

848
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:14,760
Speaker 2: out was in my budget. Right, And there are ways

849
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:19,319
Speaker 2: in which you don't have to spend any money or

850
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 2: very little money to do something that will bring you joy. Right,

851
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 2: You like to read now, I will own so I

852
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 2: look at there's a discount website that I use that

853
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:38,359
Speaker 2: I get my books. I don't pay more than five

854
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:43,879
Speaker 2: dollars for my ebooks, Okay, never. If I'm paying more

855
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:47,200
Speaker 2: than five dollars for a book, it is because that

856
00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:49,360
Speaker 2: book hasn't gone on sale yet and I really wanted

857
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 2: it in that moment. Or your library, your local library

858
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:59,600
Speaker 2: is still free. You want to take a dance class,

859
00:51:00,600 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 2: there are lots of free dance classes. No matter where

860
00:51:06,200 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 2: you live, there's a free dance class somewhere. It's a

861
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 2: matter of maybe doing a little bit of research to

862
00:51:14,600 --> 00:51:18,920
Speaker 2: figure it out to find it. Group down still exists,

863
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 2: Janes meetup dot com. Yes, nature bing out in nature.

864
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 4: I know we live in a place where there's a

865
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 4: natures for places to hike, but nature's free. Those are

866
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 4: some other great options for sure. Mm hmm. Thank you

867
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,640
Speaker 4: for making sure we didn't forget that question. And honestly,

868
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 4: I think the last thing here is just dy prioritize

869
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 4: your self care, find join everyday moments, and make sure

870
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:46,120
Speaker 4: you are building the life that you desire right now.

871
00:51:46,320 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 4: You're not waiting, and that's literally that's what became here

872
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,480
Speaker 4: to share. So we're going to hop over to the

873
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:54,120
Speaker 4: after show ladies, so visit her Space podcast dot com,

874
00:51:54,320 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 4: click on Patreon to join us on Patreon and support

875
00:51:56,719 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 4: shout out to our We have some new patrons, will

876
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 4: shout you out. Wish our talk next time. Trying to

877
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 4: make sure I get everyone's names correctly, but we appreciate

878
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 4: you for listening and we'll see you next week.

879
00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:10,480
Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

880
00:52:10,560 --> 00:52:14,560
Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

881
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 3: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

882
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

883
00:52:25,520 --> 00:52:30,520
Speaker 3: That's D R D O M I N I Q.

884
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 3: U E B R O U S S R D

885
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:40,759
Speaker 3: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I

886
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:46,360
Speaker 3: look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for joining us today.

887
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:52,239
Speaker 3: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

888
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:57,080
Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but is by no means

889
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 3: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing form relationship

890
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 3: with a trained mental health provider. If you are someone

891
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:08,440
Speaker 3: you know is in need of mental health care, please

892
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:13,680
Speaker 3: visit a Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or

893
00:53:13,719 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 3: contact your insurance provider.

894
00:53:15,680 --> 00:53:17,440
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

895
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 4: the conversation going, visit our website at Herspace podcast dot

896
00:53:21,920 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 4: com and be sure to click the Patreon tab to

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Speaker 4: get access to video content bonuses in our weekly after

898
00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:32,919
Speaker 4: show and before we meet again, repeat after me, I

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00:53:32,960 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 4: am worthy of a happy life.