WEBVTT - Sex Ed w/ Danielle Bezalel 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:01.960 There's a lot of boys in Los Angeles, and so 0:00:02.000 --> 0:00:05.200 sometimes you'd be like, you look familiar. I don't know why, 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:07.280 but I've started to go. I assume that we slept 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:07.720 with each other. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:09.799 That's just the baseline. 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:12.959 So I'm gonna I'm gonna approach this with love and 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:16.599 compassion and like, hey, clicks the other way. So that's 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.439 my advice. My advice is to assume that you slept 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.279 with them and treat them kindly, and then you'll click 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:22.640 and be like, oh, I don't actually know the middle. 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:32.120 You know what we do here destroy shame around sex 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:35.760 by talking about sex. Now, let me tell you something messy. 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:38.800 I would like to make a public service announcement for 0:00:38.840 --> 0:00:42.080 those of us who are receiving dick pics. Uh, and 0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.479 for those of you who are sending dick pics, please 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.919 don't send us a dry dick pic that you know. 0:00:48.520 --> 0:00:50.879 I don't know how else to say this. I invite 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.480 you to moisturize your dick before you take a picture. 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:58.960 I have received several dick pics you know, of different 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:03.680 you know, races and ethnicities, and they are dry. I like, 0:01:03.720 --> 0:01:06.039 I could see that it's scaling, Like I just I 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:08.760 don't want to write back anything. I just want to 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:11.200 send you a link to get some aveno. And I 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:15.120 mean that respectfully. Like your dick is beautiful, but it 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:18.000 is a part of your body and it should be 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:20.840 moisturized the way that your hands should be moisturized, the 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:24.160 way that your elbows need to be moisturized, your knees. 0:01:24.280 --> 0:01:28.120 You're now this Now this does get a little cultural 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:30.800 because I you know, I have a husband who is 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:35.200 white h and I had to learn about moisturizing from me, 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.520 just moisturizing in general. Like he didn't He doesn't believe 0:01:38.560 --> 0:01:41.360 in lotion, and I don't understand that. And when we 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:44.560 first started dating, I'd be like, when white people get ashy, 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:49.520 it's a problem. Why, Like you know us, you know melanin, 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:53.600 it's a I'm reapplying moisturizer all the time, all day, 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:55.480 all day, all day, because you know, the moment I 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:58.040 get dry, you scratch me. You could see the frost. 0:01:58.120 --> 0:02:00.080 But for white people it's not as easy. But if 0:02:00.120 --> 0:02:03.640 I can see it on a white person, that means 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:06.080 you really hate moisturizing and you don't give a fuck 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:08.680 about nothing. And I would like to say you should 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:12.040 really care about that. Moisturizing. And if you decide not 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:15.360 to moisturize your legs and your hands on your chest, 0:02:15.480 --> 0:02:19.679 that's fine, but please moisturize your dick, and please moisturize 0:02:19.680 --> 0:02:21.120 your dick before you take a picture of it and 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.120 send it over. This is just my little you know 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:26.919 what it is. I was watching, okay, let's go in here. 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:34.320 I was watching a documentary on birds, because I do 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.160 watch things that are educational. So it was, you know, 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:39.760 like the one of those Planet Earth things and the birds, 0:02:40.040 --> 0:02:43.600 and this bird he was making a like this nest, 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:45.920 like this fabulous fucking nest because he was trying to 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:49.079 check this female bird, and so he's making this fabulous 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:52.079 fucking nest and he had these fabulous feathers and he 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:54.960 had found like this like blueberry I think or something, 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:58.320 which apparently the narrator was saying that blueberry is everything. 0:02:58.320 --> 0:03:01.639 And he had that one blueberry that is like gold, 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:05.079 and he found two of them, but she got distracted 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.400 by another bird. That another male bird that came, I 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:11.040 guess look cuter, and I think it's because his dick 0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:15.959 was moisturized. Fuck them blueberries? How supple is that dick? 0:03:16.360 --> 0:03:18.959 Those male birds go through all the attent, like all 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:23.679 that work, building nests, finding blueberries, and moisturizing their dick 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:27.000 to attract mates. I think the very least that you 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:31.280 human males can do is moisturize your dick. It is loving, 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:35.440 It is kind, it is it shows that you care. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:42.000 It's an investment. Now if you need, if you need recommendations. 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:45.680 I love and Aveno. I do you know Jennifer Aniston 0:03:45.840 --> 0:03:47.800 promotes the Avino and I love an Aveno. You know 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:51.800 it's my dream job to endorse and promote Avino, to 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:55.360 be an a Veno girly. I love almond oil. That's 0:03:55.360 --> 0:03:58.800 a great one. You could use some shade butter okay 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:01.440 or some shame more. Your keels makes one. Now that's 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:03.480 something that's fancy. If you want to use that keel, 0:04:03.560 --> 0:04:06.560 So that's some fancy. That's fancy. Moisturize. I'm not saying 0:04:06.600 --> 0:04:09.040 you have to do that, but you can't. Or a 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:12.720 jejoba oil, which is j o j o b A 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.280 all of these coconut oil if you want. That's also 0:04:15.320 --> 0:04:18.680 to that also works. There are so many options. There 0:04:18.680 --> 0:04:26.600 are so many fucking options. Please even even Loube silicone 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:30.080 loup Will Will will moisturize or at least oil up 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:34.160 your dick and make it look shiny and beautiful and appealing. 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:38.800 I've now talked about for five or six minutes about 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:42.560 not having dried dick, and I hope that you hear me. 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:46.320 Uh and I know that my Volva owners, if you 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:48.240 just want to send this to a person with a 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.680 penis who has a dried dick and just like let 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:52.960 them know that you want them to do better, you 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:55.680 want better for them. Okay, by the way, welcome to 0:04:55.720 --> 0:04:57.479 the show. This is telling me something messy. I'm your host, 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:02.560 Brandon Kyle Goodman, but you could call me Nate moisturizer sexy. 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:06.640 That's hot, that's good. Okay. One thing about me, My 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:09.320 dick is not dry. I can say that loudly and proudly. 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.320 That is not I'm not boasting, I'm not being arrogant. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:15.560 I'm just letting you know that when I'm moisturized, my 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:20.159 dick gets moisturized too. So you know everyone's happy. Okay, 0:05:21.000 --> 0:05:23.159 maybe you know what that means. It's time for a 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:26.159 guess now why they get situated. We'll get our messy. 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:30.680 Kikey started with a ho manifesto, repeat after me aloud 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:34.279 or in your head. Grant me the serenity to unpack 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.480 my shame, the courage to heal, the wisdom to know 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:40.880 that sex is not just about penetration, the audacity to 0:05:40.920 --> 0:05:43.960 advocate for my pleasure and boundaries, the strength to not 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.720 call my ex that fuck boy, fuck girl, or fuck they. 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:49.760 For it is better to masturbate by myself in peace 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:53.000 than to let someone play in my motherfucking face. That 0:05:53.160 --> 0:05:58.560 the community say hoolujah. I am so excited to have 0:05:58.720 --> 0:06:01.760 d B on the show. Debe is the creator, executive producer, 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.680 and hosts of sex Ed with dB, your go to 0:06:04.880 --> 0:06:09.880 podcasts for smart, science based sex education, delivering trusted insights 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:13.680 from top experts on sex, sexuality, and pleasure. I'm going 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:15.760 to be a guest on the show. I'm very excited. 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:20.000 dB earned a Master of Public Health with expertise and sexuality, 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:26.680 sexual and Reproductive health from Columbia University. dB lives in Oakland, California, 0:06:26.720 --> 0:06:29.600 and I'm so excited to talk to her today. Y'all 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:35.400 please help me welcome d Bay. How are you today? 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.560 I am absolutely thrilled. I am stoked to be here. 0:06:38.600 --> 0:06:40.320 Thank you so much Brandon for having me. 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.440 I'm so excited to have you here. Before we jump 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:45.800 into our messi kiki, we have some messy mandates to 0:06:45.839 --> 0:06:48.320 help us, you know, facilitate the whole situation. Yes, on, 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:52.360 things get to be unprocessed. Any thoughts or opinion shared 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:55.080 have the right to evolve, shift or change today tomorrow. 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:57.480 We're ten years from now. And if during the kei 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:01.120 ky something feels too personal or unintentionally offence, we use 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.919 the safe for it foosball, which gives us a chance 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:08.560 to pivot or address accordingly. Sound good, excellent, gorgeous. How 0:07:08.600 --> 0:07:10.200 about we start with a lube breaker. 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:11.720 I love that title. 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.480 It's like an icebreaker, but you know, lube. 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:15.600 Because we need a little bit of loob. 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:20.040 We always needlub, silicon, a water bas whatever. Just please 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.560 lub it up, just use it, just use it. Okay. 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:24.520 So let's play a game of smash or pass. I 0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:26.840 will give you a prompt and you'll tell me if 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:29.760 you would smash or pass it. Okay, great, smash or pass. 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:34.720 Sucking toes, sucking toes okay, let me tell you that, yes, please, 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:38.840 Sucking toes for me personally does not get my goat. 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:42.080 That does not turn me on. However, I was listening 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:45.560 to your podcast earlier today and you're our fight Master 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.000 is on and they said something along the lines of 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.160 if it turns them on, then it'll probably turn me on. 0:07:51.280 --> 0:07:54.360 And that's what I will adapt here to this answer, 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:58.720 which is, if my partner is like, hey, I'm interested 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:02.080 in you sucking on I toes because it'll really turn 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:04.680 me on, I'm going to say, wash those feet and 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:05.640 let's get this going. 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:07.920 Absolutely was let's wash the feats. 0:08:09.320 --> 0:08:12.760 Anyone speak can be dirty, Yeah, I was it. Yeah, 0:08:13.000 --> 0:08:15.440 not my thing. But if my partner is into it, 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:17.760 then I'm going to explore that because I want them 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:18.520 to feel pleasure. 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:20.800 So it's like a so we'll call it here like 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:24.440 a smass, it's a smash passes. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:25.640 It's it's a smass. I would say it's directly in 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:28.640 the middle. But for me, it's not like a Absolutely, 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:29.800 I would never ever do that. 0:08:30.360 --> 0:08:33.440 Yes, I get that. I I've talked about it on 0:08:33.480 --> 0:08:35.640 the show. I recently discovered that I think I have 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:39.120 a foot fetish. I need to do more about this. 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:43.480 I don't know more about it, DV except that we 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:47.079 have I'm like learning about it. But like I I 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.880 realized that like when I'm in the locker room or 0:08:49.920 --> 0:08:52.640 the steam room. I'm always like, like I could care 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:54.800 less about anyone's Like Dick, I'm like looking at their 0:08:54.840 --> 0:08:58.160 feet x on the wiener more on the I'm like, 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.880 what are those feet doing? And then my boyfriend has 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:02.880 the most beautiful v and I love putting in my 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:05.360 mouth and I I just like I've been able to 0:09:05.400 --> 0:09:07.280 explore it with him, and I'm like, oh, I think 0:09:07.360 --> 0:09:11.360 feet really turned me on in a way that I 0:09:11.440 --> 0:09:13.240 like put it on my chest, like rub your feet 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:15.240 on my nipples and it really does something for me. 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.839 I will suck on your toes. Wow, I please, stuff 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:22.280 on my face like I Wow, something got unlocked. This 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.680 is this is like only a couple of months old. 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:28.439 Journey made it journey. So I'm learning more about what 0:09:28.480 --> 0:09:32.360 it means because there's a like, is there a stigma 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.240 around a foot fetish? It feels so like obvious or 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:35.959 it feels like. 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:39.040 Such a well known you know, but it's still but 0:09:39.080 --> 0:09:42.120 it's still not like celebrated. I would say, yes, there 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:42.320 you go. 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:45.240 It's a well known fetish, but not a celebrated fetish. 0:09:45.280 --> 0:09:47.640 And so there is a part of me, Oh dB, 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.079 let's unpack this real time. There is a part on 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:53.800 here that feels like a little bit of shame which 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:57.320 I have not looked at or pulled at. But I 0:09:57.360 --> 0:10:00.000 guess like part of my like hesitation to say, oh 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.120 I love feet is there's a bit of shame because 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.240 it's like, oh, I've always thought that was gross. 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:08.880 I understand that, and it's because we have been conditioned 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:12.360 to think that Kingston fetishes are weird and should not 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:15.000 be celebrated and should not be talked about. But I 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:17.160 do think that right now we are kind of going 0:10:17.160 --> 0:10:19.640 through a moment for better and worse, which again we 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:23.520 can unpack this, but like thinking through which fetishes and 0:10:23.559 --> 0:10:27.120 which kinks get airtime on certain shows and what is 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:30.960 dangerous about that if it's not explained. So should I 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:31.679 give you an example? 0:10:31.800 --> 0:10:32.560 Please? Yes? Please? 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.280 So when we think about euphoria, right it's one of 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:39.440 like the most watch shows about you know, sex, sexuality, teens, 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:41.880 that that kind of thing. And we did an episode 0:10:41.960 --> 0:10:43.959 kind of recently on my podcast on sex Side with 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.760 dB where we talked about how teens are choking each 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:51.520 other during sex, but they're not doing it in a 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:54.600 way that is that properly, and like, you know, it's 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:58.240 based off of this Peggy Rangstein New York Times article 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:01.080 about this, where there's research being done and that essentially 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:05.520 shows that when you're choking someone, they there is research 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:10.240 that essentially maps like brain damage, the same kind of 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:14.079 CT scan that like a football player with a concussion 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:17.680 potentially has. Definitely, yeah, definitely we want to unpack this 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:19.640 article because the article says it way better than I do. 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.480 But essentially the idea here is that like, this is 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:25.960 something where boys in particular are doing to sist girls 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:29.000 and they are not getting their consent, and all of 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:32.760 these things are happening with this kink, but the BDSM 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:36.800 community actually says you can't actually choke anyone safely. It's 0:11:36.840 --> 0:11:39.120 more about breath play. So it's like, how can we 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:42.880 listen to the BDSM community and to experts while also 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:46.360 recognizing that shows like Euphoria have millions and millions of 0:11:46.440 --> 0:11:49.440 viewers and we need that middle ground, that conversation that 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.520 shows this is media and this is media's depiction, and 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:55.360 how do we reconcile that with reality of what needs 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:55.760 to happen. 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:59.520 Oh my god, I think that that is. Wow, there's 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:02.640 a lot, there's there's a lot there, but it's incredible 0:12:02.679 --> 0:12:05.920 because I think it is it's specifically doing a show 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.520 like this. The obstacle that I feel like I'm always 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:10.719 coming up against and a lot of us in the 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:12.920 sex space are coming up against, which is there is 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.400 the depiction and there's a reality, and how do you 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:19.040 find the middle ground Because the depiction that most people 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:20.599 see is going to be on their TV shows or 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:24.360 their movies. And you know, as a TV writer, sometimes 0:12:24.360 --> 0:12:26.640 you can do that really well or you can do 0:12:26.960 --> 0:12:29.440 a really surface version of it and I and it 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:33.720 can either help or or be harmful because people are 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:35.480 not doing more research. 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:37.160 You know they're not. 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:44.719 Yes, yeah, that's so anyways, that's very fascinating. But I like. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:49.080 Toast put those toes in. 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.559 Okay, smash or past temperature play. 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:59.200 Oh definitely smash, id be like cold hot? 0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:00.440 What is your I'm kind. 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:01.320 Of interested in both. 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:01.640 Yeah. 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:05.200 I think that, Like, I love sensuality and massage like 0:13:05.240 --> 0:13:07.520 back to feet. I love my feet being rubbed. I 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:10.120 think that that feels so incredibly. 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:15.880 If you rub my feet. I love that. 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:20.880 Yeah, I love that consent piece there. That's hilarious. And yeah, 0:13:20.960 --> 0:13:24.560 I just think that you know, a hot waxy candle, 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:28.280 it can feel very sexy, and the idea of being 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:32.000 able to temper it so that it's hotter when it's 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:33.880 close to your body and it drips, but it's cool 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:36.720 like cooler if it's farther away from your body. I 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.440 love the idea of someone else like having an ice 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.720 cube in their mouth and then like transferring that all 0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:47.040 over my body, the nipples, the vulva, like putting it 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:49.880 back back in our mouth. Like it just like feels 0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:53.840 very sexy to me, and it just really like adds 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:55.480 a new dimension to play. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:13:59.560 I would also add that because it also requires so 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:01.760 much more intimacy, because temperature play is not something you 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:04.679 just like start doing randomly, Like you have to have 0:14:04.720 --> 0:14:06.720 a conversation about it. You gotta work to it. But 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:10.400 it also requires so much intimacy and care with the 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:12.320 pouring of the wax or with the ice cube. And 0:14:12.400 --> 0:14:15.760 so there's there's a deepening of the sexual relationship that 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:17.880 I that I enjoy about temperature play. 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.280 Yeah, the communication of like because and this should will 0:14:21.360 --> 0:14:23.120 you know, of course we'll get into this, but like 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:26.200 we should be communicating with our partners no matter what 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:28.320 we're doing. Does this feel good? Can I look at 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.160 you you can, I kiss you, can I touch you? 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:32.560 Are you coming? Are you about to come? Like, there's 0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:36.160 so many ways to talk through what's going on and 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:38.760 make sure both people feel good, and especially like you said, 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:42.560 for toys, for temperature play, for extra accessories, there has 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.480 to be that extra level of communication. 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:48.120 Yes, agreed, Agreed. I went to h I talked with 0:14:48.200 --> 0:14:50.400 this on the show. I went to a sex party, 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:54.080 however long ago, but they were there was a performance 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:58.640 to start the show, to start the party, and it 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:04.600 was this guy I who had his partner female bound 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.600 and was using like fireplay on her. Wow, and it 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:10.560 was the sexiest. My boyfriend was with me. He was like, 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:13.960 absolutely not, I'll never do that. But I was like, 0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:17.720 like tri it was the sexiest, uh, most beautiful use 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:19.880 of fire that I feel like I've seen. It felt 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:26.480 like like like high class, just like sexy act. So 0:15:26.480 --> 0:15:32.080 so I'm gonna graduate from candle wax to dB. You 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.800 won the game I did, because you win, you win 0:15:34.880 --> 0:15:43.360 my additional lah. Yeah, it was very very Yeah. If 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:47.480 you have any uh prompts or game ideas or you 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:49.480 want to tell me something messy, you can email tell 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:52.720 me something messy at gmail dot com. Speaking of which 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.800 dby you. Uh, can you tell me something, Merci, I have. 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:06.560 A little something for you today. So in general, I 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:09.640 would say I kind of keep my shit on luck. 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:10.080 You know. 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:14.240 In general, I'm someone who loves to participate in other 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.960 people's kind of information. But I think because I've been 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:22.480 in a monogue relation for almost nine years. Yeah, I 0:16:22.520 --> 0:16:24.760 got married last year, there's there's not as much mess, 0:16:25.040 --> 0:16:26.800 thank you so much. There's not as much mess as 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:29.040 some of my other gals you know, and people in 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:32.520 my life. But I did think back to a college 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:37.040 story that I do love to share with you. So 0:16:37.360 --> 0:16:42.040 I yeah, like debatable on you know how great this is, 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:43.880 but for better or worse. I was part of a 0:16:43.960 --> 0:16:49.280 sorority for all four years at UC Berkeley Goberts and 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:51.720 you know, I did meet my best friends. You know. 0:16:52.160 --> 0:16:54.440 I lived in our sorority house. And this is a 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:59.400 gigantic house of like sixty five women live in this place. Yeah, 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:01.360 and eventually we had. 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:02.640 You know rooms. 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:06.080 Yeah, so they were mostly doubles. There were a few triples, 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.680 one or two quads and one like five so it 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:13.640 was like double bunks sixty one. It's a huge house. 0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:17.760 It's like three floors of like mostly rooms. It's crazy. Wow, 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:19.800 I know, And this is this is a thing like 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.600 on a lot of college campuses that have sorority houses, 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:24.480 Like there were one hundred and twenty five women in 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:27.400 the sorority at one time, and then there were yeah, 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.320 sixty five ish people eighty I don't know who lived there. 0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:33.280 So that was a crazy experience. And it was a 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:36.879 dry sororities of it, like no drinking, no drugs like 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:40.600 inside of the sorority. Yeah, and no bringing men, no 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:43.520 bringing boys to the sorority was the rule. 0:17:44.280 --> 0:17:45.160 Was it followed. 0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:55.280 And I had met this guy who me and my 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:57.560 friends deemed as Grimy Grady. 0:17:57.960 --> 0:17:58.080 Uh. 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:01.080 He was just kind of a me dude. I don't know, 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.880 but I was kind of attracted to the grime. We 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:08.000 understand this, Like, yeah, you can be attracted to somebody 0:18:08.040 --> 0:18:10.320 who is very sexy and at the same time is 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:18.119 exhibiting sketchy ass red flag behavior. Yes, and Grimy Grady Okay, 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:21.360 And you know, Grimey Grady and I had met at 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:24.919 his frat one night. We had hooked up whatever we like, 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:27.920 didn't bone. He was kind of like one of those 0:18:28.119 --> 0:18:31.920 douchey guys who like very much tried to like get 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:34.600 me to go down on him without communicating that I 0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:35.240 feel like, so. 0:18:35.280 --> 0:18:35.800 You know, like. 0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:40.320 Exactly the head hush. We need to talk about the 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:46.680 head push just in general, because this is assault number one. Yeah, 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:50.439 it is non consensual. And I know so many women 0:18:50.600 --> 0:18:53.560 and people and queer people who this has happened to 0:18:54.200 --> 0:18:56.560 in their lives, and I just want to name like 0:18:56.640 --> 0:19:00.800 this is a very common and not normal experience. It's like, yeah, 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.080 this is a fucked up thing that we all go through. 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:08.480 Yeah, it's a really common thing. And it just feels like, 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.760 come on, let's speak speak your words. 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:15.560 We're twenty years old, like you could do it. And 0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:18.359 so yeah, hence Grimy Grady, right, And at the time, 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:20.360 I was kind of like, oh, he's hot. All these 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:23.439 guys kind of do this whatever, right, We listen and 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:27.320 we don't judge as we hear. And one day I 0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:31.080 was particularly horny and I texted Grimy Grady and I 0:19:31.119 --> 0:19:34.280 was like, hey, you know, come over to the sorority house. 0:19:34.640 --> 0:19:37.560 And my roommate was already asleep, and so I had 0:19:37.560 --> 0:19:40.880 to figure out where in the sorority house we could 0:19:40.960 --> 0:19:45.040 go that was indeed a public space in order for 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:49.360 me to get the D and so what we ended 0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:53.320 up doing was going to my sorority date room, which 0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:56.680 literally was like just an open like a room with 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:58.720 a door on it where people could go hang out. 0:19:59.040 --> 0:20:02.600 And they're technically like this like little slit at the 0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:05.520 bottom of the door because like one hundred years ago 0:20:06.119 --> 0:20:09.480 they wanted to see three legs on the ground, two 0:20:09.600 --> 0:20:11.639 at least that were men, and one that was a 0:20:11.680 --> 0:20:14.360 woman because her other leg had to be crossed over her. 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:20.480 This is like, wow, this is like horror story shit, 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:26.280 like ghost Town eighteen hundreds sorority behavior, I know. So 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:28.440 that's the that's the deal with the door. I don't 0:20:28.480 --> 0:20:29.880 know if the door is like that anymore, but that's 0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:31.280 what I heard when I was rushing. I was like, 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:36.479 fucking yike, that is wild yikes on that fact. Yeah. Yeah, 0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:40.280 So basically me and Grimy Grady hooked up on the 0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:44.600 fucking carpet and of the date room, and you know, 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:47.440 kind of like exhibition behavior. I think. I in college, 0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:49.520 you know, you have roommates, You're like, I kind of 0:20:49.840 --> 0:20:51.920 have to hook up with this person. I definitely hooked 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:55.240 up with multiple people while roommates were asleep, as many 0:20:55.240 --> 0:21:01.000 people in college did, of course. Yeah, but this particular instance, 0:21:01.160 --> 0:21:04.440 anyone at any moment could have walked into the date 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:07.280 room and it was like very busy, very loud, kind 0:21:07.280 --> 0:21:10.000 of outside, and I kind of got it in and 0:21:10.040 --> 0:21:11.920 said bye bye and then went to my bed. 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:17.040 You know what, good for you. But it's a little. 0:21:16.840 --> 0:21:19.879 Messy of being like they are like sixty five other girls. 0:21:19.920 --> 0:21:21.960 Anyone at any time could kind of be walking in. 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:27.800 It's a little it was a little kinky, public, formy grady, 0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:29.720 but yeah, that's I do. 0:21:29.760 --> 0:21:33.040 Know those rooms though we had in my dorm at NYU. 0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:35.800