1 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,040 Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. I'm one of your new 2 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:23,240 Speaker 1: mentors here on the pod. I'll stay anonymous, but here's 3 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: a hint. A long time ago, I might have been 4 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: on TV looking for love, But today you can call 5 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,440 Speaker 1: me mister Wright, and I'm here to answer all your 6 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:37,760 Speaker 1: burning questions. Anything for marriage or relationships, divorce, dating, sex, 7 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 1: you name it. I'm your resident real guy here to 8 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: give you the right advice. So I guess up to 9 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 1: this point, the show has stirred up a lot of questions, emails, 10 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: voicemails have been coming in, So let's start answering a 11 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: question and go with a voicemail. 12 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 2: Hi, my name is Maggie. Then. I live in Los 13 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,720 Speaker 2: Angeles and I went on a date with a guy, 14 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 2: me him out at a bar. You did mention that 15 00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 2: he got out of a relationship a month and a 16 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 2: half ago, and I just kind of know how that goes, 17 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:11,960 Speaker 2: because I've been in that situation before where I'm eager 18 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 2: after a relationship, eager to jump into something else, and 19 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 2: I'm just wondering, like, am I rebound? Am? Is this 20 00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 2: a red flag? Should I kind of pump the brakes here? 21 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 2: Keep going on dates? Let me know? Okay, Thanks, all. 22 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:29,440 Speaker 1: Right, Maggie, great question, And this obviously comes up a lot, 23 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: as you know there's gonna be a first date after 24 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,759 Speaker 1: somebody gets out of a relationship. We've all been there, 25 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,800 Speaker 1: and the question is, really, you know, are you missing something? 26 00:01:37,840 --> 00:01:40,160 Speaker 1: Are there red flags? And I don't think there is 27 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 1: so far. I mean, nothing that you said is said 28 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 1: a red flag. I mean, you know you're gonna date 29 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: again after a breakup or even a divorce, and who's 30 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,680 Speaker 1: to say that you aren't the right person for him? 31 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: So I think that if you're enjoying it, I think, 32 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: if it's fun, if it's not forced, I think you 33 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: keep going with it. Maybe you know you are the 34 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 1: unicorn and someone that he's been looking for. So my 35 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: advice is, you know, you know, don't get pessimistic until 36 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: you need to. But if you know you're really worried 37 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:11,120 Speaker 1: about being a rebound, I would say be cautious of that, 38 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,359 Speaker 1: look for those signs, those red flags. But I'd be 39 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: also careful not to push it too much, because you know, 40 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 1: the guy might be just kind of figuring this out 41 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 1: and he might be having a great time and really 42 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 1: enjoying it. But if he feels like he's getting pressure 43 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:27,400 Speaker 1: now something he just might have gotten out of recently 44 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 1: that might just push him away. So I would say, 45 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: listen to your heart, follow the signs, but don't push it. 46 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 3: See where it goes. 47 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: Now, along with all these voicemails you've been getting, there's 48 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 1: also been some emails that have come into the show 49 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,800 Speaker 1: that have some really pressing questions. So we got an 50 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: email from Hillary who's asking, I got divorced five years ago. 51 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: I've dated a lot since, been with my boyfriend for 52 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 1: a year, and I think I'm ready to move in together. 53 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 3: Does this seem too soon? How should I bring up 54 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 3: the topic? If he says no, then what do I do? 55 00:02:57,680 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 2: All? 56 00:02:57,919 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 3: Right? 57 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: This is the billion question. It's one person is ready 58 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 1: for something. Is the other person ready for the same thing? 59 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,399 Speaker 1: And how do you figure that out? 60 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 3: Now? 61 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: Moving in together I think should feel pretty natural, and 62 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:14,080 Speaker 1: I think the circumstances can kind of lend towards that direction. 63 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,640 Speaker 3: Does it seem too soon? 64 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 2: No? 65 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: I mean I think that if it's right, it's right. 66 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: But if you haven't brought up the topic, I would 67 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: be very cautious about that, just to make sure that 68 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,960 Speaker 1: you guys are both kind of on the same page 69 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: and something as big as moving into I don't think 70 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,919 Speaker 1: should be a mystery. And you know the last part 71 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:35,520 Speaker 1: of your question. If he says no, then what do 72 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: you do? I mean, maybe you move on if he 73 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: doesn't want to move in, if he doesn't want to 74 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 1: take the relationship to the next step. It sounds like 75 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: you're looking for something serious, So you got to make 76 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: sure that he's looking for. 77 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 3: The same thing. 78 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: And if he says he's not interested, you got to 79 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:53,440 Speaker 1: figure out why. Is it because he can't break his lease? 80 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 1: Is it because he's got a dog? I mean, there 81 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,400 Speaker 1: might be some mitigating factors there, but I think if 82 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: you're just trying to put on, like if you're not 83 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: ready now, will you be ready in three months or 84 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: six months or not? Like, I don't know, that's a 85 00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: risk that you might not be ready to take because 86 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: if it's a good idea in nine months, it should 87 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: be a better idea today. All right, now, we've got 88 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: another voicemail coming in with another question for the pod. 89 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,360 Speaker 4: I'm just wondering what you think kind of the golden 90 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 4: standard is for texting when you're first starting to date someone. 91 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 3: How much is too much? How much is too little? 92 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 2: How often do you want to be texting someone keeping 93 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 2: up with them versus seeing them in person when you're 94 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 2: first starting to date, and how do you think that 95 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,120 Speaker 2: evolves over. 96 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,800 Speaker 3: Time or do you think it's different for everybody. I'd 97 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,040 Speaker 3: love to get your take now. 98 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: This is a great question, and I think it is 99 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: different for everybody, But really it depends on your age category. 100 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: So I've got young kids and they have very specific 101 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 1: rules about how they text, and it's I can't decipher 102 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: it now. Me as you know a divorce dad, My 103 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: texting is very different, and I do it when it 104 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,280 Speaker 1: feels right, when it feels natural. I'm not worried about 105 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 1: the certain standards of way to day or wait two 106 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 1: days or wait six weeks or whatever the heck's going 107 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:09,240 Speaker 1: on right now. 108 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 3: I think you've got to do it feels good for you. 109 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 1: And if you're worried about sharing too much that isn't 110 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: getting responded to, then that might be an indication of 111 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: you know, where the two of you are in your relationship. 112 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 1: You know personally, you know, I want to share something 113 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: with somebody that I'm dating. I want to let them 114 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 1: know what's going on, and if I'm over sharing, then 115 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 1: that just might be a compatibility issue. But you know, again, 116 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,520 Speaker 1: I can see how people get nervous about it because 117 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 1: you think to yourself, oh, I don't want to I 118 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 1: don't want to blast. 119 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,120 Speaker 3: Them with text, And there can be that time than 120 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 3: you are. 121 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 1: I mean, let's say the other person's on a on 122 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,600 Speaker 1: a trip or on a plane or whatever else, and 123 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:46,160 Speaker 1: all of a sudden they open their phone up when 124 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:49,480 Speaker 1: they can do it again, and there's sixteen messages. That 125 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: might be a bit overwhelming and a bit much. So, 126 00:05:52,839 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: you know, I think the natural courses that give and take. 127 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: You know, you send a message and a message comes back. 128 00:05:58,320 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: You kind of do that give and take like you 129 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 1: wouldn't conversation. But now it's just electronic. But I think 130 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: there's always if there is something that pops up into 131 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,680 Speaker 1: your head, a funny photo or a meme or a 132 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,600 Speaker 1: reel you want to send, I think you should be 133 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 1: able to do that without feeling like you're flooding them. 134 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: So the way that mister Wright here feels about it, 135 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: especially in a chapter two relationship after a divorce and 136 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,040 Speaker 1: dating again, I think texting is the easiest and cleanest 137 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,159 Speaker 1: and quickest way to tell somebody that you're thinking about them. 138 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 3: Now. 139 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: You might have kids, you might have a busy career, 140 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: you might have all these things going on that prevent 141 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:30,960 Speaker 1: you from going and taking twenty minutes for a phone 142 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,560 Speaker 1: call or being available when a phone calls coming in. 143 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 1: But I can't tell you how nice it is to 144 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: see an incoming message from somebody you want to hear from, 145 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,760 Speaker 1: and it can be as quick as a hello, thinking 146 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 1: about you whatever. So I think in this chapter, this 147 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: kind of second chapter of relationship, I think that texting 148 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: is a great way to stay connected without overwhelming. 149 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 3: So this voicemail kind of. 150 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,039 Speaker 1: Brought up a lot of questions that have come up previously, 151 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: which is, you know, women complaining or questioning if they're 152 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 1: not getting the same text response communeication response back from 153 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: a man, and you know, I, you know, it just 154 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 1: begs the question. Is it because they're not interested, it's 155 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:10,920 Speaker 1: because they're too busy? Is it because guys just generally 156 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: aren't that good at communicating? And do you guys think 157 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: do ladies think that it's time to bring it up 158 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: and to confront them or do you kind of try 159 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 1: and hope that it just gets better on its own 160 00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 1: with more practice. 161 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 3: I mean, mister right, me personally. What I think is 162 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 3: I would much rather know in any situation, especially in 163 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 3: this chapter two of my life, in any situation when 164 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,040 Speaker 3: things are starting to go down the wrong path, if 165 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 3: the other person is feeling you know, undervalued or not 166 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 3: important or not you know, whatever that is, I want 167 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 3: to know right away. And I don't want to I 168 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 3: don't want to get yelled at. I want to get 169 00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,120 Speaker 3: get a confrontational tone. But it might be something as 170 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 3: easy as like, hey, I've noticed that some of our 171 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 3: communication has fallen off recently. 172 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 1: Is there something going on, you know, in your life. 173 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,800 Speaker 1: We're kids, that's that's making it more difficult, or is 174 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: there something else going on? So I think giving an out, 175 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: give a sense of understanding instead of just kind of 176 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: an accusatory tone, because that's the worst thing about text. 177 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 1: Text is great. The worst thing about text is that 178 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 1: there is no personality. There's no inflection of tone and 179 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: personality behind it. So text can come over and be 180 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: read in a lot of different ways, and some you know, 181 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: sometimes you know when you respond and just say yep, ohoahit. 182 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 3: Why didn't they say yes, I'd love to. Why was 183 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 3: it so quick? 184 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: Well, it might be that they were to stop light 185 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: and just responding very quickly and didn't have time. So 186 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,920 Speaker 1: I think you want to be clear on how you're feeling, 187 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:34,719 Speaker 1: but just be careful not to be too accusatory if 188 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 1: there's a very good reason why it's not being you know, 189 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:41,280 Speaker 1: quite as as fifty to fifty on that communication. Now, 190 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: in general, guys just aren't that great at communicators, So 191 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,360 Speaker 1: don't hold that against us. We're trying, we're learning. You know, 192 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: texting is tough, but I wouldn't let that worry you 193 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: too much. And I think that the real measurement should 194 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,839 Speaker 1: be So if you're starting off in a relationship and 195 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:58,960 Speaker 1: the communication is very often, if it's you know, ten 196 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: times a day or whatever, but then over time that 197 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: subsides and all of a sudden they're missing a day 198 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:06,000 Speaker 1: or missing two days or even you know, whatever, that 199 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 1: interruption in communication is without a real good reason, that's 200 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,560 Speaker 1: the time to start to get worried. Now, if the 201 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 1: relationship starts off and it's only a text a day 202 00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: or a call a day, and that stays consistent, then 203 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 1: don't get worried about that. That's just their communication style. 204 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: But if you see it like it starts to get 205 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: more distracted. If it starts to get more infrequent, there 206 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:30,200 Speaker 1: might be something else or someone else going on there. 207 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,000 Speaker 1: All right, we got another email coming in from Maria 208 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: and she writes, I saw a TikTok where someone said 209 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 1: when men meet women, they immediately put them into one 210 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 1: of three boxes. Either wants to date her, he wants 211 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: to sleep with her, or he wants nothing to do 212 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 1: with her. 213 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,320 Speaker 3: Is this true? All right? 214 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: Well, mister Wright says that pretty much starts off with 215 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:57,120 Speaker 1: two categories, and guys are just visceral, weird, chrome magnet creatures, 216 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: and there's either an immediate attraction that says they' put 217 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: into the box number one where they want to you know, 218 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: sleep with her, or box number two where they don't 219 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,720 Speaker 1: want to sleep with there I know about nothing to 220 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,320 Speaker 1: do with her. The dating part of it, I think 221 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:14,320 Speaker 1: develops over time. So there's you know, guys have this 222 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 1: instant attraction. There's just a type usually that someone meets, 223 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: especially if it's at a bar or if it's at 224 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 1: a party or something like that. And yeah, there's immediate 225 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: feelings I think that pop up that are really just chemical. 226 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: Now over time that develops into whether they want to 227 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 1: make that a date type of a relationship or goes 228 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: over you over more time. Now that's I want to 229 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,400 Speaker 1: bring up something really important, which I think is the 230 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 1: difference between meeting at a bar, meeting it somewhere just 231 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,559 Speaker 1: you know, random a concert or whatever, or meeting through 232 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: a friend or meeting at work or meeting somewhere that 233 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: you will see this person over and over again and 234 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: in different sort of situations, you know, different different kind 235 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: of components, different people around, And I think that those 236 00:10:57,559 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 1: relationships are a little bit more difficult to start to 237 00:10:59,679 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: put it into a box because it's not an immediate thing, 238 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,360 Speaker 1: it's kind of an overtime thing. But I do think 239 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:12,560 Speaker 1: that that guys are definitely responsible for being a little 240 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: bit too quick to judge simply on you know, first impression, 241 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:21,240 Speaker 1: and so you know, oftentimes that first impression can you know, yeah, 242 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:25,559 Speaker 1: maybe it works, but oftentimes that probably leads to disappointment 243 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:28,360 Speaker 1: for both sides. So I think that this email is 244 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 1: really asking can men and women be friends? And I 245 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,559 Speaker 1: think definitely when I was younger, that was probably harder 246 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 1: to come by because you know, you're you're kind of 247 00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 1: out chasing girls and you know you're not looking for 248 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,440 Speaker 1: kind of that solid female friendship relationship. But I found 249 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: as I've gotten older, some of my dearest closest friends 250 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: are women, and so I think that does change. So 251 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,800 Speaker 1: you know, on the on the part too, on the 252 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,080 Speaker 1: on the second chapter of life and dating, I think 253 00:11:57,080 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: that that guys will find themselves surrounded by more more 254 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:05,640 Speaker 1: women friends and they become such valuable sounding boards, especially 255 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: when you're going through a transition of a divorce or 256 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:13,240 Speaker 1: into a new relationship. I think that women friends can 257 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 1: be so much more valuable in offering advice and counsel 258 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: and so yeah, I think that over time, I think, 259 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: you know, female friends for me have gotten that much 260 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:35,280 Speaker 1: more valuable and important in my life. All right, looks 261 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 1: like we have another voicemail coming into the pod. 262 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 4: My name is Pina, and I have a question. So 263 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:46,360 Speaker 4: I was at CVS yesterday in the Valley of Los 264 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 4: Angeles and they have sex toys on sale next to 265 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,280 Speaker 4: the condoms, which I thought was pretty progressive. 266 00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 2: But my question is. 267 00:12:55,440 --> 00:13:01,040 Speaker 4: This, how do you get your husband or partner to 268 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 4: buy one for you if you would like that as 269 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 4: a kiss? And I guess the question is how do 270 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 4: you really introduce sex tooice into a relationship when you 271 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 4: are embarrassed to do it right. 272 00:13:17,559 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 2: That's a question. 273 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,680 Speaker 3: This is a great question, and this is an easy 274 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 3: one for me. 275 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,680 Speaker 1: I promise you there isn't a boyfriend or a husband 276 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 1: that wouldn't be curious, interested, excited and thralled over the 277 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: moon to find out that their partner is interested in 278 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 1: spicing things up, changing things up in the bedroom, especially 279 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: if you've been together for a long time. 280 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,600 Speaker 3: So if I were you, I would go back to 281 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 3: that CVS. 282 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,560 Speaker 1: I'd find the aisle with the first you know, the 283 00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,600 Speaker 1: sale items there, and I would go and maybe try 284 00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 1: a couple, and I would be incredibly surprised, and I'd 285 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: be willing to refund. Mister Wright's going to refund your 286 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: purchase of one of those items if if it isn't 287 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: met with the biggest smile and excitement you could possibly imagine. 288 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: But I'll tell you this right now that if you're 289 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: waiting for your partner to go and take that step, 290 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,559 Speaker 1: you might be waiting a long time because it's kind 291 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: of an awkward thing because you don't quite know what's 292 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 1: going to be appropriate, what's going to be you know, 293 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,640 Speaker 1: maybe too much, and if it's just going to go 294 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:24,080 Speaker 1: and upset the woman too much. 295 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 3: So I would wait. 296 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 1: For a you know, a vacation, a special occasion, something 297 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: like that. 298 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 3: I would buy it yourself. 299 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 1: Whatever you feel is comfortable, whatever you think is you know, appropriate, 300 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,960 Speaker 1: But do it. You'll find something that you're that you're 301 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: comfortable with. And uh, and don't wait on him, do 302 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: it yourself, quite literally, do it yourself. 303 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 3: All right. 304 00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: We've got an email coming in from Natalie and she writes, 305 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,800 Speaker 1: I've been cheated on in every relationship I've ever been 306 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 1: in Leaf that's said, I'm now in my late forties 307 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 1: and have never been married. And I think it's because 308 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,800 Speaker 1: of my trust issues. What fred flags am I overlooking 309 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 1: that I should be more aware of what I'm getting 310 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 1: to know a guy? Well, Natalie, I gotta say, there's 311 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: an old adage that says, you know, fool me once, 312 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool 313 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: me five times. And there might be something major that's 314 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 1: going on here that that you're not seeing. And maybe 315 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 1: they don't realize that you guys are even dating because 316 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 1: being cheated on just doesn't seem right. And and you know, 317 00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: I think that the red flags should be very obvious. 318 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,480 Speaker 1: You know, are they are they taking you out to 319 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:37,040 Speaker 1: public places or they only doing secretly dark places on 320 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: Tuesday nights. Have you met their friends? Have you met 321 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 1: their family? If not, you know, why not do they 322 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,600 Speaker 1: not have friends? Do not have family? Because I think 323 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 1: at some point you should start, you know, being more 324 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,000 Speaker 1: involved in their life, not just romantically, but just kind 325 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 1: of socially as well. You know, there's other things like 326 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 1: are they, you know, sneaky with their phone? Are they 327 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,480 Speaker 1: not sharing passwords? Are they you know, hiding things from you? 328 00:15:57,560 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 1: And I think that a lot of times, unfortunately, men 329 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: and women both get so enthralled in a relationship they're 330 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 1: almost willing to overlook these things because they don't want 331 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,040 Speaker 1: to be right that the person might be cheating or 332 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 1: might be straying off because you wanted to work so badly, 333 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 1: we're willing to overlook those little things. But too many 334 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: of those little things all compiled, you might have a 335 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 1: problem there. And so, you know, the obvious red flags 336 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: like we just listed, But then within your own relationship, 337 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,600 Speaker 1: you just got to kind of feel it is this 338 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: not feeling like it's progressing in a relationship from the 339 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 1: first date to the second date, there should be progress. 340 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: From the second date to the fifth date, there should 341 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: be progress. And whenever that gets too kind of static 342 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,760 Speaker 1: and doesn't move, probably start thinking that there might. 343 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 3: Be something else going on. 344 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: And if I was speaking directly to Natalie, that's so damaging. 345 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: And you want to make sure you're getting the right 346 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 1: sort of help, therapy, guidance, counseling to make sure that 347 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 1: you know that you are a looking for the right guy, 348 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:01,880 Speaker 1: you're not just putting yourself in a situation, but b 349 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 1: that you're not taking that hurt and putting it on 350 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 1: to the next guy that comes along. He didn't do 351 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,440 Speaker 1: anything wrong, so make sure that you're not taking your 352 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: previous experience and compounding that by making it worse with 353 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: the next person that you date, because that's, you know, 354 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: that's a burden that he'll never be able to get over, 355 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:23,159 Speaker 1: you know, paying the price and consequence or something he 356 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 1: didn't even do. So make sure that you're you know, 357 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:30,439 Speaker 1: getting counseling, advice direction that make sure that you're in 358 00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: a good headspace, and also make sure you're not putting 359 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:34,240 Speaker 1: that on somebody else. Now, I got to say, we 360 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:38,719 Speaker 1: did not expect this influx of questions and comments, So 361 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,960 Speaker 1: mister Wright's gonna have to take a break here, and 362 00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 1: we're gonna have to continue this on the next episode 363 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,320 Speaker 1: answering all of these questions. Look forward to getting to 364 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:56,600 Speaker 1: all of the dirty details.