1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:10,520 Speaker 1: The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio. This 2 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: is what we remember and remember, this is what it 3 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:18,319 Speaker 1: sounded like. What we couldn't hear, we made up. The 4 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: rest of it is untrue. Dois? Yeah? Oh please you do? 5 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: I'm given such headache. Guiana the Guiana cutting Sir man children, 6 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: We're back, not a stitch wiser. It's been the entire 7 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,920 Speaker 1: weekful into my puddles and purposer. I kept dropping pizza 8 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,680 Speaker 1: in my land. Yes, we all have our causes to 9 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 1: bear and our bears to cross. No, no, nevertheless, time gallops. Indeed, 10 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:24,960 Speaker 1: Now what follows next, my citchlings, are the seven Londron Articles. 11 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: The words you are able to hear come directly from 12 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: each of our first person written accounts. These are the 13 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: sacred texts, whence all knowledge of the London Arts is derived. 14 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: So what was that first story? Then? The one with 15 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: Nick and Nona, That, my dear, was what we called 16 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: the beginning of the beginning, called the beatim from our 17 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: group general. Our goal with the London Articles was never 18 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: to confuse or confound with more kid do Hunsel and 19 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: gotels read clubs a tail if you will back so tired, 20 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: So the next generation could correctly the stakes we would 21 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: inevitable they make or carry on if we never returned, 22 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,240 Speaker 1: never returned, well, mistakes, sir, all will be made down 23 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:12,040 Speaker 1: in its own time and proper order. Shishlings now listen 24 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: as I unspooled the Londronautical Pariakayama Hennigan code named the 25 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: rabbitma that his middle name, Sir is Perry Japanese. I 26 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: thought I didn't submitted into the londron Out annuals. On Thursday, 27 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 1: November second, nineteen, we reconvene next at Nick Gorski's family 28 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,800 Speaker 1: mansion and Northy, Are you sure we're supposed to be Unick? 29 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,520 Speaker 1: I mean, has anyone ever been here? It's so cool. 30 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 1: We haven't made, Jonica, you sure do haven't made? And yes, 31 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: we're supposed to be here. My parents suggested it strongly. 32 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:59,760 Speaker 1: You don't have a lot of friends, do Unich. Funny? 33 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:05,800 Speaker 1: Since their return, Nick and Mona's relationship has grown increasingly complicated. 34 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: Is this what happens when you grow two sizes? Yes? No, 35 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: I've got pink lemon for the king, my queen. My 36 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:25,920 Speaker 1: lush could stand to lose. The po though has bruised 37 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: my flesh and my pride to be to Chase and 38 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:42,800 Speaker 1: new woman. Sorry next parents were filthy, rich and completely 39 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: not but they were just so darned giddy and generous 40 00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 1: all the time. It was hard not to like them. 41 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: But why would you ever? I don't hear you. Hear you? 42 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,839 Speaker 1: Our next mission shall be one of reconnaissance and reconnaissance 43 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: alone if you knew with that word manly agreed. The 44 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: big question is who goes well? I think that's obvious Me, Benny, valuable, 45 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: And I know what valuable means. Okay, I'm coming back. 46 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 1: I'm a soda pup. I meant me. I'm the only 47 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 1: one who knows what raisin sauce means, what scout gang, 48 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: I'm clearly the best burglar, not in like Billbill Baggins 49 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 1: in my favorite book, The Hobbit. And I'm the one 50 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: who's folks just bought the least to the washingtarium from 51 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:36,479 Speaker 1: Nick's pop What when? Why do you think I was 52 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: there Nick when it happened. Once the paperwork's done, i'll 53 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: have easiest access to the joint. Think you can handle it, Perry, Yeah, 54 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 1: you've got a little frazzled. Last time you crawled in there, 55 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 1: I had to take a little net didn't. I am 56 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,720 Speaker 1: clearly the best choice, and I agree that the next 57 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 1: mission should be one of Project Raisin Sauce and Project 58 00:04:56,240 --> 00:05:02,360 Speaker 1: Raisin Sauce alone. What It's not raisins Auset's Raisin Sauces, 59 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: Raisin Sauce, Recon sas and Sauce Sauce. We ultimately succumbed 60 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:18,760 Speaker 1: to Perry's tsunami of stupidity. Perry would go next into Absentia. 61 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 1: That was voted as our name for the world beyond 62 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: the Jumble trump. Other choices were presented, the Land of 63 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,559 Speaker 1: Lost Objects or LOLA for short, the Land of Lost 64 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: and Living Objects or La la Leaf for shorts, or 65 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 1: Absentia it meant in his absence, Mona made his vote 66 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 1: on every including our code name, all in favor of 67 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:52,560 Speaker 1: the rabbit. Nay, how about the Burmese Python voted Cobra slinky. 68 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:57,279 Speaker 1: Perry ultimately relented his code name. While annoying was not 69 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:02,600 Speaker 1: his top priority getting big watch. He kept this secret 70 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 1: motivation hidden the other but in private, you're going in next, Perry, 71 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: and you're going to get big No more getting stuffed 72 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: into trash cans and jim lockers and washing machinets never again, 73 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: not in my watch, and Perry will go in alone. 74 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 1: What didn't we agree that traveling in pears might be safer, 75 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:29,480 Speaker 1: but Perry project Raisin Sauce calls for the best billboat 76 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: back and Spurgler and the barn. What other choice could 77 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 1: there be? But the Project Raisin Sauce was quickly defined. 78 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 1: Get into absentia unnoticed, gather info unnoticed, get out of 79 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,919 Speaker 1: absentia unnoticed, sess the lay of the land, a feel 80 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 1: for the natives, and most importantly, the whereabouts of Sludge himself. 81 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: We thought it would to focus to have an enemy 82 00:06:56,240 --> 00:07:00,800 Speaker 1: with a more villainous sounding name than j D. It 83 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 1: help us defeat him, even though we were trying to 84 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:07,479 Speaker 1: save him. Other suggestions included the Great Lord of the 85 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: oily Army of Darkness, or Glad for short, howbulous the 86 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: gap in month or sludge Benny immediately because there's only six? 87 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: Could you shriek that again into my other ear? Dear, 88 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: I think you've blown the cockley out of this one. 89 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:35,240 Speaker 1: There are only six laundronots. That's true, sir, There's you, Jonica, Benny, Perry, Mona, 90 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 1: and nic At six. You said there were seven, L Yes, 91 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,920 Speaker 1: I did. Is there another to join, sir? Perhaps is 92 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: j D the seven? Perhaps? Or maybe Kelly Evans? Perhaps? 93 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 1: Why do you keep saying? Perhaps? Perhaps because I haven't 94 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:59,240 Speaker 1: finished my story? Pre cance If you continued, sir, well bridged, commador, 95 00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 1: Why are you used between sides? You're a benedic donald. 96 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: I am not a bent in norld. I'm a large logical, 97 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:14,480 Speaker 1: logical beyond your lotitude, sir, never mind, proceed proceeding all 98 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: wordsla of Saint Xavier's Elementary Then the immediately began preparing 99 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,240 Speaker 1: what he called Harry's incursion plan. In the Absentia by 100 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: Benjamin Franklin King Gold gain information that will help us 101 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 1: extract j D from absential obstacles. One j D himself 102 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: a k a sludge. Two sludge is army of oily darkness, 103 00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 1: and three unknown steps prepare enter hid, explore map, exit report, 104 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: or hammer for sure? What if I have to urinate? 105 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,319 Speaker 1: Put urinate between explore in map that would make it 106 00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:06,200 Speaker 1: put humor? Your innate is part of prepare the hammer. 107 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: A good incursion plan on seven steps got six missing, 108 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:16,320 Speaker 1: you got eight. Benny had a special way of breaking 109 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 1: things down like a carpenter or a mechanic. His father, Mr. Kinglin, 110 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: was trained to be part of the fifty four Coast 111 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:28,199 Speaker 1: Artillery Regiment, the first all black unit of its kind. 112 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: Then he whishped his father, soaking up everything he did, 113 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: and said, Benny's brand was a machine. He could see 114 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 1: how things fit this, then this, then this, until you 115 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: had a whole. He came up with the sock suit. 116 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,199 Speaker 1: Nick and Mona were attacked because they were not by 117 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: sluds the keys to get an absentially unnoticed in the 118 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: way to do that used to go and camouflaged as 119 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,440 Speaker 1: a suck. But it's foot layer. Would you rather be 120 00:09:54,520 --> 00:09:58,560 Speaker 1: a jock struck? Perry had to appreciate the practicality of 121 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: the plat. He also had to appreciate the extra alone 122 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: time he got with Jonica, the seamstress, haberdasher Taylor and 123 00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: all around master craftswoman of the group. She was tasked 124 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,760 Speaker 1: with darning Perry into his new skins. I never knew 125 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,360 Speaker 1: there could be so many pockets in a sock. Perry 126 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: was able to carry his canteen, compass, flashlight, petzels, Swiss 127 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,960 Speaker 1: army pen knife, yo yo catch bad pencils. Lucky Walden 128 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: with picture of Grandpa Hockey inside petzels, and most importantly 129 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 1: the carrots and plum. These were voted the code names 130 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: for the first pen and pucket watch pluffed in absential. 131 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 1: The other two were now known as Karrot too and 132 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 1: plum too. Hump to to receive signal fifteen minutes to 133 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: get to gumber, try too to complete extraction, plumb to 134 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 1: send signal fifteen minutes to get to the keyhole, carrot 135 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,840 Speaker 1: to complete extraction. Jonica also offered Perry techniques to help 136 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:05,400 Speaker 1: cool when under dress decompress. You just have to breathe 137 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:09,480 Speaker 1: and stay open to what everything. Like this morning, I'm 138 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: pushing my mom along in her wheelchair, right coming back 139 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 1: from our daily visit to the war, just whistling and 140 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: skipping along, and I see this old guy across the 141 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: street with these blankets hanging off him like he's some 142 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: Roman emperor or something. He's staring into the window of 143 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: Harry's Hardware, but it's not even open. Then he starts 144 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: crying sobbing, he crumples. Next thing I know, I'm across 145 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 1: the street tugging on his shirt and telling him to 146 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:39,439 Speaker 1: buck up. Then mother yelled at me. Anyway, I wouldn't 147 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: have noticed him and been able to help if I 148 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 1: wasn't open to the moment. Wait, why blankets or just 149 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 1: make up a silly rhyme? Really do you have one? Sure? 150 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,280 Speaker 1: Most people do? Can I hear it you first? Fine? 151 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:04,240 Speaker 1: A teeny we be so gleefully free sees thee and 152 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: me sneeze and flees to these trees. Brother, Now, when 153 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:11,600 Speaker 1: you feel anxious, just say it over and over and 154 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: it'll put a butterfly in your heart and a puppy 155 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 1: dog in your head. What about a kitten up my nose, Harry, 156 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 1: let's hear yours maybe when you get back. Unfair? How 157 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,760 Speaker 1: easy with the needle? Well stop moving. A date was 158 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 1: set for Perry's and kursh His parents, hold her son 159 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: and Ocasan were visiting relations in Okinawa. Perry would stay 160 00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,000 Speaker 1: with the course keys while they were gone. Mom Poborsky 161 00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,640 Speaker 1: had no knowledge of this arrangement. Of course they very did, 162 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: but we're always happy to help. Jonica was voted Perry's 163 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: liason between the worlds you mostly to your homes foximity 164 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 1: to the washing Tior, and was given charge of plump 165 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: to and care of but Perry. This made Jonica is 166 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:02,800 Speaker 1: guardian angel, but John Nica. This made Perry her daily burden. 167 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:09,120 Speaker 1: Once Perry overcame his initial fear of the JumboTron, using 168 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 1: Jonica's new comic technique, be so gleefully free, He's beaten 169 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: me feed. His experience of entering Absentia was bubble, bubble, flash, slash, 170 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,920 Speaker 1: and falling in the sky pillows. He could have bounced 171 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,760 Speaker 1: around in that marshallow loveliness flowers, but he was on 172 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 1: a mission, so he let the current carry him down 173 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,160 Speaker 1: through the bowels of the mountain, spit him out of 174 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:43,520 Speaker 1: crevice down a flowing succulent for he was finally sprayed 175 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:46,479 Speaker 1: out onto the foothills. With the rest of the footwear 176 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:51,840 Speaker 1: he made like suck. Absentia was just as Nick and 177 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:55,680 Speaker 1: Mona had described. At the foot of the slope, the 178 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,800 Speaker 1: ground leveled off and ran across a rainbow striped plane. 179 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:04,480 Speaker 1: That meant an ominous looking forest. That was where sludge 180 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 1: had come from with his army of oil. That was 181 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: where Perry would need to go. Perry spun to the sound. 182 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: There was no one our swords, even years of hide 183 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: and seek with his siblings, and it tuned Perry to 184 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: something beyond sight beyond sound. It was more like smell 185 00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: or taste. Perry called it smaced once activated, never wrong. 186 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: Perry was being watched. He slowly reached into his socks 187 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: and spun back, brandishing his Swiss army tweezers. Damn it, 188 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: I can never make Perry could neither complete the sentence 189 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: nor the thought for. Standing in front of him was 190 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:58,800 Speaker 1: a fifteen foot living, breathing, or as it's known in 191 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:02,600 Speaker 1: the English for nack suck. This was the first time 192 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: Perry had spoken Japanese and three years such was his 193 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 1: suck shock. The giant creature was plaid patterned, thatched, and tweety. 194 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:17,400 Speaker 1: Loose threads jangled from it like tufts of hair. Hi, 195 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:22,680 Speaker 1: I'm a lad. The suck archdown loading. Perry stayed still 196 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: as I twisted around him like a corkscreote python, examining 197 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:31,920 Speaker 1: him from every possible angle. It reached out a tendroom 198 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: and touched his arm. A tiny bolt of lightning leaped 199 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:42,520 Speaker 1: between them. Perry jumped, the sock recoiled like a tape picture. WHOA, 200 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: that was utterly intercontinental. Hey you know I do that 201 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,600 Speaker 1: lightning thing in my bed sometimes put the sheet over 202 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 1: my head, rub it with my fingers. It's a little 203 00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,920 Speaker 1: electrical story, you know. It was at that moment that 204 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 1: Perry realized he'd barely been in absentia for five minutes 205 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,680 Speaker 1: and he had already failed in his primary directive, no 206 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 1: engagement attainey, we be so gleefully free sees the This 207 00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: thing thinks from a sock. It hasn't even seen my face. 208 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,960 Speaker 1: It's only heard my voice. And maybe socks don't speak 209 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: in absension. That puts me in a position of power, right, right, right. 210 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:26,000 Speaker 1: Mostly satisfied with the results of his internal debate, Perry 211 00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:29,960 Speaker 1: took a residute step towards the creature name and rank soldier. 212 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:35,480 Speaker 1: Sucks sprang to attention, tremor ran through its scenes. Are 213 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: you mute? I wish I had a mute button. Sometimes 214 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 1: it's like I have to say every little thing that 215 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,040 Speaker 1: comes into my head, even when I have no idea 216 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 1: what it is. I'm actually like the Christian began to quiver. 217 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: Are you laughing at me? Sucks stopped and shrub as 218 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,920 Speaker 1: much as a sock shrub happens all the time. I'm 219 00:16:55,960 --> 00:17:00,320 Speaker 1: a friend of your leader. J D. Sludge swir old 220 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:04,199 Speaker 1: buddies actually sock began quivering again. This time it was 221 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: not from lefter, but not good buddies, What's what's wrong? 222 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 1: Verry activated the snake. Something was approaching. The sock collapsed 223 00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:20,400 Speaker 1: the little pile of laundry. There's a cold shadow crept over. 224 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:25,199 Speaker 1: Perry released a nicey breath and slowly turned. Nick and 225 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:29,320 Speaker 1: Mona were right. J D was much older. His hair 226 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:33,399 Speaker 1: was long and gray, draped over his shoulders. His thick 227 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 1: silver whiskers moved as if they had a will of 228 00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:42,120 Speaker 1: their own, but he was still wearing those stupid glasses 229 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 1: with tape on the frames. Perry brandished the Swiss Army tweezers. Hey, JD, 230 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 1: it's me, remember Perry, pack me in a true one 231 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 1: ship to Kalamazoo. Perry, Hey, easy, buddy. Verry did not 232 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 1: even realized he was walking backwards until he slammed into 233 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: something solid behind him. He looked up. It was the sock. 234 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 1: It had again stretched to its full height and was trembling. Sludge. 235 00:18:12,680 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 1: Pointed his oily finger at the creature. You're already in 236 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:21,640 Speaker 1: deep trouble, suckling, don't mind it, he worse. The suckling 237 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 1: looked don at Perry. Perry looked up. He could have 238 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 1: sworn it, smiled as much as a sock and smile. 239 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 1: Then the suckling punched you. Perry been used as a 240 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,960 Speaker 1: substitute for many inanimate objects in his life second vase, 241 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,240 Speaker 1: door stop, toilet puncher, but never before had he been 242 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,440 Speaker 1: used as a football. For a moment, Perry was one 243 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: with the air. Then he hit the canopy of the 244 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:49,359 Speaker 1: forest and smashed through it. He landed, and landed and 245 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,160 Speaker 1: landed some more. Fortunately Jonica had some own sock absorbers 246 00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: into his suit. Perry activated the space no one. The 247 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,960 Speaker 1: gloom was thick around him except for muted globe beneath 248 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: his feet. A faint hum in the air. Perry placed 249 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 1: his ear against the ground, a vibration like an approaching 250 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 1: trolley on a train track. You're gonna find the source 251 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:19,920 Speaker 1: of that sound, Perry, You're gonna blaze this true for 252 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,960 Speaker 1: the laundronauts like Sharascio Boom, you rascally rabbit. You so 253 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 1: I think he's written down? Or what excuse me? These 254 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,840 Speaker 1: laundron articles? Are they actually written down somewhere? Are you 255 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: just making them up as you go along? Because it 256 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:42,680 Speaker 1: sounds like the unabashed audacity to challenge the voracity of 257 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:49,720 Speaker 1: my where are the pages? I certainly can't be tripishing 258 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 1: about with them on my person, can I? There is 259 00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:58,920 Speaker 1: I thereabout? And whereabouts? Is thereabouts? Thereabouts? Is whereabouts they 260 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:04,120 Speaker 1: per happenstand? Might be that doesn't make any sense. Neither 261 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,960 Speaker 1: does your lack of faith. She's like a honey badger. 262 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: So I've ascertained, Yes, they are written down, that they 263 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 1: are currently beyond our reach, which is why I have 264 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 1: committed them to the most trusted vault in all the land. 265 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:25,040 Speaker 1: My brain, I need to see them. I'm sorry. I'm 266 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: a very literal little girl. According to the entire planet 267 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,639 Speaker 1: that would be our mother. Sure, quiet, literally, you are 268 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:37,120 Speaker 1: a scientist, my dear, You're a beacon of hypothesis, evidence, conclusion. 269 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,760 Speaker 1: Let us pledge to retrieve the nauticles together. I can 270 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: think of no better protective for them. Yes, I guess 271 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 1: you guess. There's no time for the washing of a wishy. 272 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: If you had the text in your hands, you would 273 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: protect them with life and limb if necessary, Yes or no? Yes? 274 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:03,480 Speaker 1: Why I would? They were real and once knowing, there's 275 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:10,560 Speaker 1: no not knowing. Indeed, it's not always like that, though, 276 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:15,240 Speaker 1: What do you mean, dude, what do you do when 277 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,800 Speaker 1: what you thought you knew is no longer true? Did 278 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 1: you be more specific? No? I can't swer, Mom and Dad. 279 00:21:25,920 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: I think I understand myself. Not only are you are 280 00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,720 Speaker 1: stitchling of the highest order, you're a guardian of the 281 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:39,119 Speaker 1: gate and a knight of the broken table. Yeah, I 282 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:46,760 Speaker 1: guess I am trying to tell your shoe because I'm happy. 283 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:52,879 Speaker 1: I'm attempting to bow me warriors sister's meticulous magnificence. It'll 284 00:21:52,920 --> 00:22:01,399 Speaker 1: have to wait. Perry was equally the tickets with his mapping. 285 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:06,200 Speaker 1: He had so failed in his non engagement and hide 286 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: orders that he's more determined than ever to make a difference. 287 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:15,320 Speaker 1: Using his flashlight encompass, he began tying purple twine to 288 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:19,880 Speaker 1: a tree every minute, noting down the direction, counting off 289 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:24,119 Speaker 1: the seconds, checking his accuracy against the plum, which continued 290 00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:28,200 Speaker 1: to take off real world seconds and minutes and two 291 00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: hours it feels like two months. Perry went socks still, 292 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:41,080 Speaker 1: clicked off his flashlight. The sound came again, followed by 293 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:45,200 Speaker 1: a rumbling, followed by a clanging. Perry dumped behind a rock. 294 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 1: Sounds surrounded him. A basket weaver the ground beneath his 295 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: feet was rising. Something smooth, huge, rounded the rocks and 296 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 1: trees rolled off its surface. Perry started to slide with 297 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:04,200 Speaker 1: the breath. It looked down glass. He was sliding down 298 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,480 Speaker 1: a dome of glass, like the face of a giant 299 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,359 Speaker 1: pocket watch. He could see the city below, a city 300 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:15,760 Speaker 1: shaped like the inner workings of a Perry hit solid 301 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: ground and everything went swirly stars. The dome was hinged. 302 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,840 Speaker 1: It was now opening towards Perry. He curled up into 303 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: a sock ball, closed his eyes and prayed, continuing, be 304 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:36,119 Speaker 1: so bleefully freezes these and free. Perry opened his eyes. 305 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:40,600 Speaker 1: The dome was standing at an I degree angle, rising 306 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 1: up through the tree tops, a huge hole and opening 307 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:48,080 Speaker 1: the ground. On the other side of the dome, something 308 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:52,240 Speaker 1: was approaching the whole, rumbling through the trees. As Perry 309 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:57,160 Speaker 1: described him upon his return, watches the size of tanks. 310 00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:01,280 Speaker 1: A caravan of watches cooking together as they rumbled forward 311 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:06,160 Speaker 1: like years playing meat frock to mean looking clock guards appeared, 312 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,919 Speaker 1: and the caravan came to a halt. One of the 313 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,679 Speaker 1: watches rolled forward and clicked open its body. Inside was 314 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,199 Speaker 1: a cycling bound and stretched on its inerts like on 315 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:21,280 Speaker 1: a medieval torture rack. The watch snapped shut, swallowing suckling again. 316 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: Caravan rumbled forward and vanished into the city below. The 317 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 1: clock guards followed, and the whole process reversed itself. The 318 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:35,679 Speaker 1: dome closed, sunk back into the ground. The earthen trees 319 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: rolled back over the top utterly intercontinental Perry the n 320 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 1: mapping like a crhotographer on cracker jacks. The encircled the 321 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 1: area with purple twine and sketched down all the landmarks, 322 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 1: noted every detail. Hours later, exhausted, Perry stopped to admire 323 00:24:56,840 --> 00:25:01,080 Speaker 1: his work. Hot bad. He slipped out his lucky wallet 324 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,000 Speaker 1: and took out the weathered photo of his grandfather, his 325 00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 1: father's father, a Kiakira Akiyama, as a boy. This is 326 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,680 Speaker 1: as good a final resting spot as any Grandpa. You 327 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: put the photo back in the wallet, bowed to it, 328 00:25:14,560 --> 00:25:17,600 Speaker 1: knelt and buried the wallet in the ground. I pronounce 329 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 1: you a state of cataclysmia. Flowering bush of crimson wallets 330 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:30,680 Speaker 1: sprouted from the ground. The wallets took flight, fluttering like butterflies, 331 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,320 Speaker 1: swirling around Perry. They won't be able to miss that. 332 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,720 Speaker 1: Then Perry gathered up his things, fought every instinct to 333 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:42,280 Speaker 1: explore the city further, and resumed his mapping of the 334 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 1: forest projects. Raisin sauce was not yet complete. Onwards. Hours later, 335 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,480 Speaker 1: hours that felt like days, Perry reached the edge of 336 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:57,240 Speaker 1: the ominous forest and poked his nose out of the 337 00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:02,679 Speaker 1: trees to discover nothing. Everything was gone, suck mountain, the 338 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 1: invisible keyhole, the rainbow striped playing gone. He'd emerged into 339 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:12,560 Speaker 1: a tundra of utter absence. He turned back, but the 340 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 1: forest had also vanished. His heart began thumping like a 341 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,200 Speaker 1: bunny caught in a bear trap. You are a laund 342 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,679 Speaker 1: or not. You are a great explorer like Sharassi Nobu. 343 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,960 Speaker 1: You are Perry Akiyama Hanagan. Perry turned defiantly and held 344 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 1: out the carrot. He closed his eyes, took a deep 345 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 1: breath and spoke a teeny wee be so gleefully free 346 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 1: sees thee and he sneeze and flees to these trees. 347 00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:52,360 Speaker 1: And answer that came with a voice, melody songs Basco 348 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: and the gamma. Then again hand again, everybody Halla, sir Francis, 349 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 1: and again begin again to quivering quick rasty you knew 350 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,040 Speaker 1: what sits A Starctic was not too far for him 351 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: or for you. Rass No give you what to do. 352 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:14,960 Speaker 1: That Darctic was not too far for him for you. 353 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:21,200 Speaker 1: JOSSI are Actiamna. Make you want to shake your little 354 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:32,120 Speaker 1: body atiam a preemdonna. I am i be JAROSSI had 355 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: a hankering for polar exploration of a ninety ten, settled 356 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:44,879 Speaker 1: on a plus for himsel nation, and I did wellthy 357 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,680 Speaker 1: raised just like okay, Edward laugh noways away for all 358 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,760 Speaker 1: the people of Japan. Noble place to wait for all 359 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:57,240 Speaker 1: the people of Japan. You know what to do. Etarctica 360 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 1: was anti far for him, all for you. She from 361 00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 1: him for you. Perry opened his eyes. The carrot glowed 362 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:17,080 Speaker 1: in his hand like an orange sun about to go supernova, 363 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:22,760 Speaker 1: Utterly intercontinental. He stabbed the pen into the nothingness and 364 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:29,199 Speaker 1: squeezed a delta of orange rivulates shut out. Bonsai trees 365 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,320 Speaker 1: sprouted from the rivulets. Roots snaked out from below the 366 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:37,080 Speaker 1: Bontaie trees, filling the ground with dimension and depth. The 367 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: cobalt blue exploded from out of the bonsaide branches, filling 368 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:46,280 Speaker 1: the sky with hue and hype. Just strange feeling is 369 00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: a Jane Barry. Perry searched for the source of the 370 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:57,800 Speaker 1: thunderclap that had just rattled his molars. Noah, he engaged 371 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: the space. I felt the same when I first arrived 372 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:11,760 Speaker 1: at Absent Shan. Nice name, by the way, Absana. Funny 373 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 1: How I never thought your name this place. I just 374 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:20,360 Speaker 1: didn't see The boy very heldly carried out of the sword, 375 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:29,480 Speaker 1: his hand trimming. Is that you hello? Sludge? Please? I 376 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:37,280 Speaker 1: prefer sudge? Come on? Were you sludge? That's your name 377 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 1: for me? Sad sludge? Sluge? Su Hey, it wasn't my choice, okay, 378 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:54,920 Speaker 1: yours was worse gloved. How could he know that? How 379 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 1: could he know wh his name is? Sludge? How could 380 00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 1: he know? Around you? Pary p? He did and swooned 381 00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: his bonds. I forest, it stopped growing, The trees barely 382 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 1: reached his waist. He could see suck Martain in the distance, 383 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 1: the sucks falling from the indivisible keyhole. In the sky. 384 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:16,720 Speaker 1: He could see the ominous forest, the rainbow striped plane, 385 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 1: and beyond. Did you see everything? I'm I'm big, Yes, 386 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,880 Speaker 1: you are very ki Yama head again a k a. 387 00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:34,560 Speaker 1: The rabbit? Hey, how do you know my middle name? 388 00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: I've never told in you in my middle name. I've 389 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,640 Speaker 1: never even told anyone I had a middle name, and 390 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: answered J. D. Belzel. The one time punching bag of 391 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:49,160 Speaker 1: Saint Xavier's Elementary rose out of the ground like a 392 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:53,160 Speaker 1: mountain of coal until he and Perry were standing eye die, 393 00:30:53,680 --> 00:31:01,640 Speaker 1: nose to nose, giant to giant, hi sludge. Hello, Perry, 394 00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: you ready for what? The Laundronauts a potentially untrue tale 395 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:21,680 Speaker 1: based on actual events, Conceived, written and directed by Colin 396 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:26,600 Speaker 1: mackenzie Mitchell. Original music, sound design and editing by Dave McKeever, 397 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,760 Speaker 1: Produced by Monica Michless and Dave McKeever. Script supervision and 398 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:37,240 Speaker 1: editorial assistants by Christina Brian, Casting by Mary Claire Sweeters. 399 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:42,360 Speaker 1: Executive producers John Cameron Mitchell ed Asner and Colin mackenzie Mitchell, 400 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:47,960 Speaker 1: starring in order of appearance, Isaac Robbins and Smith as 401 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:53,240 Speaker 1: the Man, Alison Fraser as the Woman, London Johnson as 402 00:31:53,320 --> 00:32:00,680 Speaker 1: Benny Bluebell, Saracino as Jonica, Kate Prendergast as morg Whiskey 403 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:06,120 Speaker 1: and Mother La Fleete, Lilly Resto as Mona Narvon Paul 404 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:12,720 Speaker 1: as Nick, Trevor Bernardino as Perry, Trent Mills at Pop 405 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:18,640 Speaker 1: Gorski ed Asner as the Narrator, Evan tok as the Sister, 406 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:24,680 Speaker 1: Max Mitchell as the Brother, Corey Krueger as Sludge, John 407 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:29,280 Speaker 1: Kara Mitchell as Absentia. The laundron Outs is a collaboration 408 00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:39,040 Speaker 1: between I Heart Media and Little Brother Sam Productions. For 409 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 1: more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart 410 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 1: Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. 411 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:50,080 Speaker 1: The Laundronauts is a production of I Heart Radio.