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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome to Stuff I've

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Speaker 1: Never told you, a production of iHeart Radio. And today,

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Speaker 1: after a brief break in our classics, we're going to

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Speaker 1: finish out the series of happiness that we did. They

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Speaker 1: were Monday Minis, so they are shorter. But this has

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Speaker 1: been a big conversation lately, both because the recent survey

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Speaker 1: that came out, but just in terms of Samantha and

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Speaker 1: I and what's going on with us and with a

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Speaker 1: lot of people that we know. So hopefully this will

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Speaker 1: bring you some joy, please enjoy.

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Speaker 2: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.

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Speaker 1: We're welcome to Stuff I've Never told you production of

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Speaker 1: iHeart Radio.

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Speaker 3: So if you have been listening to our Monday minis,

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Speaker 3: we have been talking a lot about happiness and who

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Speaker 3: are the happiest, and of course we had some interesting

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Speaker 3: articles that we looked through and talked about and dissected.

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Speaker 3: But we had a listener ask us a genuinely great

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Speaker 3: question on Instagram.

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Speaker 2: Hey, Arianna, I hope I said that right.

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Speaker 3: And they were asking about lesbian marriages and how they

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Speaker 3: affect women's happiness and just the whole marriage and happiness correlation,

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Speaker 3: which had us thinking, so Yeah, who are they happier?

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about it.

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Speaker 3: So you know that we read through that single and

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Speaker 3: childless women were some of the.

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Speaker 2: More happier group of people.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, let's take a look at who are the

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Speaker 3: happiest or at least and couple them so that we

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Speaker 3: can figure this out. We can dissect this, right Annie,

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Speaker 3: And of.

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Speaker 1: Course it's always with this. You know, we're speaking in

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Speaker 1: generalizations and from what we're able to find, right, So

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Speaker 1: there's like no one answer, but there are some some theories,

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Speaker 1: some data that's been collected.

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Speaker 3: So of course, yes, when we talk about data and statistics,

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Speaker 3: just a reminder they can be biased. It's according to

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Speaker 3: where you get that information and how you look things up,

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Speaker 3: and apparently according to Google is according to what you

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Speaker 3: like and what you've searched for, so it always leans

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Speaker 3: that way. So just to go ahead and put that caveat.

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Speaker 3: But we found some articles that we didn't want to

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Speaker 3: talk about and kind of a look deeper into what

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Speaker 3: they are saying and think of, why not let's talk

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Speaker 3: about it, so our lesbian couples happier?

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Speaker 2: Well.

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Speaker 3: In a pink news dot co dot uk article, they

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Speaker 3: found that the marital strain and psychological distress and same

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Speaker 3: sex and different sex couple studies shows quote found that

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Speaker 3: same sex spouses generally feel more satisfied in their marriages

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Speaker 3: than hetero sexual spouses do. As in fact, I think

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Speaker 3: this is a twenty twenty article just so' and it's

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Speaker 3: always good to know date because I feel like, especially

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Speaker 3: in the last three years, massive changes have happened, so

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Speaker 3: it can definitely change our perspective of what is happy,

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Speaker 3: what is it happy? As well as the fact when

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Speaker 3: we talk about in twenty sixteen versus twenty you know,

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Speaker 3: twenty eighteen versus twenty like all those things, those years

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Speaker 3: are very vastly different.

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Speaker 2: So what help is that they are?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, wo, that is true. So to get these results,

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Speaker 1: they they worked with seven hundred and fifty six US

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Speaker 1: men and women in their midlife in two hundred and

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Speaker 1: seventy eight gay at, lesbian and heterosexual marriages and they

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Speaker 1: catch these like daily diaries. So it was self reporting,

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Speaker 1: which is always another thing to take note of. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: self reporting on stress and how that was related to

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Speaker 1: their marriage their partner. Women in different sex marriages reported

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Speaker 1: the most stress, and men in different sex marriages and

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Speaker 1: women in same sex marriages fell in the middle, so

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Speaker 1: they were about the same, reporting the same levels of stress. Right.

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Speaker 3: We did definitely talk a lot about this when we

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Speaker 3: talked about women in emotional labor during the pandemic and

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Speaker 3: stress even the Great Resignation and why women were quitting

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Speaker 3: and what this looked like in the heavy loads that

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Speaker 3: they have had, And this article kind of talks about

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Speaker 3: that same narrative. It says in the article most of

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Speaker 3: them relate to traditional gender stereotyping, including expectation that women

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Speaker 3: should take on the majority of the housework. So there's

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Speaker 3: definitely that underlying stated gender norm that is heavily laid

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Speaker 3: and put a lot of responsibility onto women in heterosexual

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Speaker 3: relationships and marriages.

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Speaker 2: So I thought that was really interesting.

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Speaker 3: I think I don't know if Ariana you are thinking

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Speaker 3: the same.

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Speaker 2: Thing, but I could see that being.

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Speaker 3: A proposent where it's when it's the same gender and

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Speaker 3: the expectations are kind of had to put to the

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Speaker 3: wayside and a lot more conversation has had to have.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a good point. I remember a

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Speaker 1: few of you listeners different in about this, and I

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Speaker 1: think it's a good point of the outside of our

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Speaker 1: traditional heteronormative. What we've been taught and what we've seen

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Speaker 1: is a very heavy quotes normal relationship. When you go

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Speaker 1: outside of that, you have to talk about things like

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Speaker 1: you have to have the conversations that I think in

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Speaker 1: a lot of hetero couples are sort of taken for granted.

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Speaker 1: But outside of that, you have to talk about it

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Speaker 1: because you might to make sure you're on the same page.

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Speaker 1: And often you haven't seen examples perhaps of how this

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Speaker 1: relationship will work. So I think there's just a lot

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Speaker 1: more conversations happening. I could be wrong. This is again

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Speaker 1: generalizations that we're speaking.

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Speaker 3: Right right there is and I think it's interesting that

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Speaker 3: again when we break it down away from that, because

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Speaker 3: even sitcoms and even shows are starting to show that

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Speaker 3: difference of like, oh, we need to step away from

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Speaker 3: this traditional house because it's not funny anymore. It's now

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Speaker 3: just tried and overly used and it doesn't make sense

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Speaker 3: and it should change. So you see that changing in

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Speaker 3: media in itself, and I feel like that reflects a

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Speaker 3: lot upon what is happening in society obviously, And then

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Speaker 3: when we talk about same sex couples, the level of

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Speaker 3: communications that have to happen. And you know, I was

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Speaker 3: thinking about this too. Queer marriage wasn't legalized until not

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Speaker 3: too long ago. We know this, and it's still kind

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Speaker 3: of in disarray as we talk about what's happening under

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Speaker 3: state legislations. But that stressor is kind of for a

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Speaker 3: minute went away, that level of discrimination, not real life discrimination,

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Speaker 3: not necessarily neighbor discrimination, not necessarily biases against a community

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Speaker 3: or biases by a community or whatever, but the federal

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Speaker 3: level of stress of like, oh, we're actually being recognized

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Speaker 3: and being able to get married. That had to alleviate

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Speaker 3: some of that stress as well. So that level happiness

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Speaker 3: I feel I should have that had a rise. I

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Speaker 3: would think, again, this is all conjecture. This is based

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Speaker 3: on my old ideas of like, well, at least one

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Speaker 3: less thing was heavily laying on the like, oh, we

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Speaker 3: can't be.

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Speaker 2: Arrested for being in our marriage anymore. Wonderful. That's a

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Speaker 2: new right like stress reliever.

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Speaker 1: Right right, And I think it's worth noting here. Samantha

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Speaker 1: and I keep mentioning this mysterious project we're working on it.

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Speaker 1: I think, you know, someday we all will be able

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Speaker 1: to tell you what it is, but for it. I

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Speaker 1: was researching the history of gay marriage, and I know

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Speaker 1: that that's a big conversation. Is you know, no group

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Speaker 1: or community is a monolith, and some people in the

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Speaker 1: gay community think like marriage is already part of the heteronormative,

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Speaker 1: like it's already bad or it's got all this stuff

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Speaker 1: that's built into it. Not everybody, again, not everybody, but like,

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Speaker 1: I think that that's an interesting conversation that's happening as well,

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Speaker 1: because it just historically and traditionally has been kind of

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Speaker 1: a real gender disparity in favor of men in our loss.

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Speaker 1: So that's also a conversation that's happening. And we've talked

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Speaker 1: before about how in things like the bdsame community or

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Speaker 1: the kink community, they similarly have to have Like I

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Speaker 1: guess there's just no assumption you have to have these

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Speaker 1: conversations right about about these things. And I think that's

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Speaker 1: so good. I think everybody should be doing that right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And in that same article, in the same study

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Speaker 3: talks about the level of miscommunication that was happening and

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Speaker 3: who was willing to talk and who was willing to

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Speaker 3: work things out. But a lot of that in this

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Speaker 3: heteronormative idea, especially when it comes to heterosexual relationships, that

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Speaker 3: there's this mystery and gameplay that's been kind of a

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Speaker 3: part of it, that you're supposed to allow the mel

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Speaker 3: to be dominant in a relationship and therefore you never question,

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Speaker 3: you never push back, and all of these narratives that

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Speaker 3: were so toxic and I'm using that word don't come

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Speaker 3: at me, but it was, and it is when you can't,

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Speaker 3: when you feel like you can't communicate and have a

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Speaker 3: open conversation. And I will say that was one of

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Speaker 3: my bigger things growing up that I was willing to

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Speaker 3: accept these norms, but I made sure to put out,

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Speaker 3: if you're willing to listen to me, yes, truly, even

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Speaker 3: though I was under this whole understanding with the religion

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Speaker 3: and all of these things like okay, this is the

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Speaker 3: way it works. But if he is a truly good

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Speaker 3: man and I'm yes, I'm putting this all in like again,

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Speaker 3: heteronormative ways of speaking, then he's listening and we are compromising.

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Speaker 2: I will allow.

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Speaker 3: Him to quote unquote speak for me, which makes me

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Speaker 3: kind of noseous just thinking about now.

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Speaker 2: If he hears me, and if.

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Speaker 3: We're talking about it behind closed doors. If that's not happening,

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Speaker 3: this is not a fulfilling relationship. But I knew that

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Speaker 3: as like I think I said this as a twelve

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Speaker 3: year old to my father because we were talking about

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Speaker 3: what was happening in our church at that point. He

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Speaker 3: asked me, which was weird, because he had more respect

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Speaker 3: for me than I can't say. It seemed like he

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Speaker 3: had more respec for me than my own mother. I

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Speaker 3: was at times, but him coming to like, what do

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Speaker 3: you think? And I said, these are these things? And

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Speaker 3: he was like, Okay, do you trust me to say

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Speaker 3: that for you? I'm like, I trust you because we're

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Speaker 3: having a conversation and you said you're listening. He's like,

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Speaker 3: you're right, I will. It's like, then that's a good relationship.

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Speaker 3: Mm hmmm, you know, like coming down to that wire

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Speaker 3: of like if it truly worked out that way, then

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Speaker 3: these are the things that would happen and come into play.

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Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. I think that's a really good point because

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Speaker 1: if you can't trust somebody to listen to you, then

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Speaker 1: that you're already starting in an unequal right part. You're

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Speaker 1: already off to a bad foot in this right right.

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Speaker 3: So one study did show that at least the queer

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Speaker 3: community in marriages may be happier.

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Speaker 1: That's what.

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Speaker 3: But we also found another article. And in this article,

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Speaker 3: it talks about what makes couples happy or the happyest.

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Speaker 3: And it's from ink dot com. So they had this

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Speaker 3: hole list of these are the top characteristics that make

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Speaker 3: for a happy relationship, and they had different studies. So

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Speaker 3: it's from ink dot com, I NC dot com, and

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Speaker 3: we wanted to read the list. We're not going to

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Speaker 3: give all we're not going to give create to all

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Speaker 3: of them. We're not going to sit and discuss all

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Speaker 3: of them. But I found them interesting and I thought

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Speaker 3: it would be something to talk about because if you're

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Speaker 3: trying to seek that happy relationship. Mm hmm, maybe these

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Speaker 3: are some of the things. Uh.

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Speaker 2: Number one, don't fight over texts.

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Speaker 3: So I thought that was pretty funny because I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 3: that's the only way I.

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Speaker 2: Had to communicate though.

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Speaker 3: I feel like that's the best way I can get

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Speaker 3: my point across. Uh huh without breaking down and sounding ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting that you say that, because I too

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Speaker 1: feel like I like to think things out. I'll write

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Speaker 1: things down, but you know, you move so much over

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Speaker 1: text without your like emojis or whatever, the emotion is lost.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes I'll write because I'm bad about I'll react emotionally.

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Speaker 1: I'll get defensive. I know this, it's a problem. But

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Speaker 1: if I'm unprepared, so I like to be prepared. I

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Speaker 1: write the thing down and then we can talk about it.

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Speaker 1: But I don't like going into a fight unprepared, which

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Speaker 1: I know sounds ridiculous because a lot of times they

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Speaker 1: just happen. But if there's something that you know you

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Speaker 1: need to talk about and there's probably gonna be a disagreement,

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Speaker 1: I will write it out. I'll write down my thoughts

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Speaker 1: and then I'll go in and we can.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I feel it makes sense.

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Speaker 3: I mean, texts can be bad, especially if you're just

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Speaker 3: exploding conversations back and forth.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure.

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Speaker 3: But like if I'm having like a moment and I'm

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Speaker 3: coming back and this is how I need to tell you,

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Speaker 3: it's going to be like fifteen.

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Speaker 2: Texts that's blocked. Yeah, probably should be an email.

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Speaker 1: That yet.

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Speaker 3: It makes me communicate better, but hey, who knows it

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Speaker 3: says take it to the place where you can actually

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Speaker 3: talk to their faces. But yeah, that's not always great.

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Speaker 3: If your high motion, high stress. This is kind of

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Speaker 3: I feel like that's similar to the narrative of like,

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Speaker 3: don't go to bit angry, Like that doesn't work. If

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Speaker 3: I need to calm down or I'm gonna say something

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna regret.

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Speaker 1: Right, And a lot of times exhaustion can it's not

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Speaker 1: good when you're having a fight and you're tired, it's

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Speaker 1: gonna be worse.

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Speaker 3: Right, So not always, but okay, that's one number two.

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Speaker 3: And we've talked about this before. Don't have kids, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that's what it says. By the way, I'm not telling

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Speaker 3: you to do this. I just don't have kids.

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Speaker 1: We are just the messenger. If that makes sense to

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Speaker 1: me too. I think that as lovely and the word

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Speaker 1: this article uses, as fulfilling as having children can be,

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Speaker 1: it's stressful. I don't think that anybody will fight about that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think that, especially in a relationship where there can

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Speaker 1: be these kind of inconsistencies and response abilities and that money.

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Speaker 1: That's what gets me all the time, the cost of

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Speaker 1: raising a child, and especially in a lot of like

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Speaker 1: the times we're living through now and just so much

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Speaker 1: stress on parents, Like it makes sense to me, we're

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Speaker 1: not so yes, again, we're like not anti children.

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Speaker 3: But again we've talked about the many times the different

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Speaker 3: articles who were like, these may be the happiest people,

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Speaker 3: and it may be because it's less responsibility.

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Speaker 2: I mean, let's just be real honest.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of responsibility and kudos to those parents.

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Speaker 1: Kudos. Yes, Oh my goodness. Mm hmm. This one's interesting.

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Speaker 1: Have friends who stay married. Hm hmm.

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Speaker 3: I feel like that's the same kind of narrative of

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Speaker 3: like your parents they stay married, just kind of like

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Speaker 3: that level of like, oh, it can be done.

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Speaker 1: Maybe. Yeah, I thought that too, and then my parents

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Speaker 1: had a real rough period and.

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Speaker 2: I was like, right, I would just rather you've been divorced.

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Speaker 3: Definitely, moments like that, like, just y'all would have been happier,

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Speaker 3: We all would have been happier.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I just think, like, I totally get this point,

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Speaker 1: but I think it is very risky just to put

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Speaker 1: your kind of I don't know, faith or belief in

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Speaker 1: something and someone else. It makes sense to me that

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Speaker 1: you're like, because we've talked about that before. You know,

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Speaker 1: we're mostly friends with single people because we're the same

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Speaker 1: parts in our lives. But to be like, well, they're

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Speaker 1: still together, and so that means I can be too.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a risk.

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Speaker 3: That's a risk, yes, And also even the most perfect marriages,

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Speaker 3: you don't realize there's a lot happening.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, here's another interesting one fight at the beginning,

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Speaker 1: then not a lot.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I've done this means I'm winning, right.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure looking at relationships in terms of winner loss

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Speaker 1: is definitely the way to go. I think this makes

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Speaker 1: sense too, though, because you want to kind of get

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Speaker 1: those prickly fights out at the beginning, right, and hopefully

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Speaker 1: that will give you indication of whether or not you

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Speaker 1: can work together. Do you think And this is like

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Speaker 1: it's strange to say, but there's a skill in fighting

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Speaker 1: without hurting somebody. I think you've learned that when you

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Speaker 1: get older. Because I don't want people to like just

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Speaker 1: go out and be raging and hurting other people, but

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Speaker 1: to have like a good, healthy fight. Yeah, it's not

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Speaker 1: a bad thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I think is interesting because that's what

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Speaker 3: I was talking about. How I know if you get

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Speaker 3: me when I'm angry, I'm gonna black out and say

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Speaker 3: something really mean because I am cruel, Like I can

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Speaker 3: be cruel and I see your weaknesses and I'll come

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Speaker 3: at it. So I need a moment so I don't

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Speaker 3: go below the belt. Like I've said this so many times,

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Speaker 3: I'm like, if you don't leave me alone, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to say something that's gonna be so hurtful and I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna feel bad about it, and you're gonna feel bad

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Speaker 3: about it, and we're never gonna be able to forget it,

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Speaker 3: and then it's gonna be even more. You need to

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Speaker 3: let me calm down so I can push that aside

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Speaker 3: and be the nicer me. But I also think about,

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Speaker 3: like how people talk about marriages, that the first year

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Speaker 3: can be the roughest, and then you can survive that,

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Speaker 3: then you're okay, essentially working things out, readjusting essentially into

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Speaker 3: what is now a coupled them and being in hopefully

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Speaker 3: an equal partnership. And how that can look at it

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Speaker 3: at the beginning fairly rough, And if you can get

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Speaker 3: through those and you can actually establish how to communicate,

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Speaker 3: actually established boundaries, being able to know that this is

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Speaker 3: the moment we need time out that type of thing,

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Speaker 3: then possibly, So that makes sense to me because I've

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Speaker 3: heard that all my life. The first year is the roughest,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, that supposed to be the honeymoon period, but

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Speaker 3: it's actually not. And another one are I guess this

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Speaker 3: is more of a like a legis statistic as opposed

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Speaker 3: to a strategy. So it says are comprised of one

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Speaker 3: firstborn child and one last born child, which I feel

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Speaker 3: like is so specific. Yeah, I want to know how

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Speaker 3: they got these numbers. That is so specific. I have

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Speaker 3: nothing really to say on that because I I don't

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Speaker 3: know if that could be true.

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Speaker 1: I guess I'm like out for the count.

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Speaker 3: You just well like sexuality. Because you're the middle child,

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Speaker 3: you can't have anybody, So.

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Speaker 2: That's you're not supposed to be with anybody.

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Speaker 1: I will, I'll just always be kind of middling, never great.

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Speaker 1: I guess that is interesting. I have some theories why

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Speaker 1: that might be.

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Speaker 3: It's almost like the opposites taking care of each other. Yeah, then, yeah,

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Speaker 3: where does the middle child come?

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Speaker 2: Who come from? Are they? They feel like?

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Speaker 3: I feel like, if that's this is what we're to say,

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Speaker 3: then the middle child can be with anyone because they

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Speaker 3: are the neutral.

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Speaker 1: Oh negative, Yeah, yeah, there you go.

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Speaker 2: There's the universal lovely one.

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Speaker 1: I'll take it. I'll take you go. It probably just

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Speaker 1: means they're boring.

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Speaker 3: And then this one, and I feel like we talked

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Speaker 3: about this at the beginning with the gender roles.

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Speaker 2: Know who does what when it comes to house.

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Speaker 3: I think that's very good and talking about it, but

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Speaker 3: that that'd be a little too organized for my scattered brains.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, sometimes I'm in the mood to do this,

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Speaker 3: sometimes I'm not. I am never in the mood to

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Speaker 3: fold laundry. So if my partner wants to do that,

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Speaker 3: I will be glad for them to do that. I'll

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Speaker 3: wash it, I'll bring it back up you folded and

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Speaker 3: put it up.

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Speaker 1: I'm the same with dishes. I hate doing dishes. I mean,

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Speaker 1: and we've talked about that before, and I think we

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Speaker 1: used to joke. Bridget used to joke with me, never

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Speaker 1: move in unless they have a dishwasher. That you can

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Speaker 1: definitely put stressors on relationships these kind of task.

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Speaker 3: I've only had one again for the first time in

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Speaker 3: five years in the last three months.

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Speaker 2: Love it, love it so much.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's pretty good. It's pretty good. Here's an interesting one.

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Speaker 1: Are gay or straight and feminist? Mm? Yeah, I could

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Speaker 1: see this. I can see this too.

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Speaker 3: Oh so the study they got this from is called

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Speaker 3: feminism and romance go hand in hand.

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Speaker 1: I like that.

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Speaker 2: I want this as a pamphlet to hand it out

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Speaker 2: to people.

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00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, me too. All right, here's another one that

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Speaker 1: is very interesting. We have talked about this before. If

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Speaker 1: hetero are comprised of a lovely lady in a not

390
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Speaker 1: as lovely man, which is sort of what we were

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Speaker 1: talking about with this kind of traditional sitcom couple. I

392
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,120
Speaker 1: just find this so interesting. I was watching a movie

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Speaker 1: the other day where this came out, but they made

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Speaker 1: it as if it was like we should be the

395
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Speaker 1: woman is so nice and kind she can be with

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Speaker 1: this not as attractive man, right, which I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of I actually have a happy hour. I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about this. A lot of thoughts about this,

399
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:04,040
Speaker 1: but like it's painted is a great trait for her,

400
00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 1: which it is. You shouldn't really judge people by their looks.

401
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 1: But at the same time, it's like, he's not like

402
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 1: that was the thing he said about her, And the

403
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: thing he said was she could see past all of

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Speaker 1: my terrible qualities and looks the fellas that's always what

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Speaker 1: they say.

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Speaker 2: I just heard that line. What movie was I watching,

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Speaker 2: and there's they said that you see.

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Speaker 3: So the show that I keep telling you about essentially

409
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:31,800
Speaker 3: is the Bell the beauty is in love with Rubbel Stelskin,

410
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:34,120
Speaker 3: the dude that's super ugly and like he keeps saying,

411
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Speaker 3: because you can see past the monster, and it's that

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00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,760
Speaker 3: same level. But I do want to read from this

413
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,520
Speaker 3: the article. So the study came from the Journal of

414
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:46,880
Speaker 3: Personality and Social Psychology, and it says, quote, when husbands

415
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 3: view their wives as the more attractive of the pair,

416
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 3: not only are they more satisfied in the relationship, but

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00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,360
Speaker 3: the wives are too. The opposite was not true. When

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Speaker 3: husbands thought they were better looking, they weren't as happy.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that has.

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Speaker 3: A lot to do with male fragility, and we should

421
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,960
Speaker 3: come back to this and have this conversation because this,

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Speaker 3: and again it may be on the side of social

423
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Speaker 3: media that I'm on, where we see a lot of

424
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 3: women just really taking on the part of I don't

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Speaker 3: need men, I am who I am and whatever, and

426
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 3: being a single is not a threat. So I don't

427
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:24,480
Speaker 3: know why you pretend like it is. But so many

428
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:27,720
Speaker 3: men are so angry when women say they are attractive.

429
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Speaker 3: They find that offensive even though that's what they want,

430
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Speaker 3: but they want to be the ones to tell them

431
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Speaker 3: that they want this whole like song level of oh

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Speaker 3: she doesn't know she's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Type of conversation.

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Speaker 3: I was like, but they do, and they should, and

435
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,240
Speaker 3: they should appreciate themselves as you appreciate them as well.

436
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 3: Why is that a bad thing? Technoledge that you might

437
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 3: be like you might look good that day? Like I

438
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,439
Speaker 3: love that confidence. And it took me forever to realize

439
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,960
Speaker 3: that's not a fault to have friends who are like,

440
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:56,879
Speaker 3: oh I look good today. And I was like, how

441
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 3: dare you like yourself?

442
00:22:58,920 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: Yeah?

443
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,560
Speaker 2: Brag it like appreciating what Yes?

444
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. I also think like this is a commentary or

445
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 1: just a piece of our bigger conversation of women's value

446
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 1: still being like largely in their looks and men's value

447
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 1: kind of being in more of the economic strength level,

448
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 1: so that it's more acceptable to have a more attractive

449
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: woman with a less attractive man than the other way around.

450
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 1: When I think it'd be like, oh, he must pity

451
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:31,080
Speaker 1: her right as opposed to a man, and with a

452
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: more attractive woman it's like good for him, he yea

453
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: bagged a hot lady or whatever like.

454
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 3: Have that sentiment was today phrasing bagged and then you

455
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 3: went to old school like a hot lady.

456
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:51,160
Speaker 1: I'm not good with the phrases today. I have never

457
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: been cool with me either.

458
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 2: I appreciated it, thank you, thank you.

459
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:04,639
Speaker 1: Yeah. Another one is our best friends, which again that

460
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,200
Speaker 1: makes sense to me.

461
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 3: Right, but you know I could never do this, So

462
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 3: people that I friended, I couldn't date. I never I

463
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,399
Speaker 3: still to this day. If I am friends with you,

464
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,800
Speaker 3: you go beyond that and you become a sibling. And

465
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's not protective barrier and like

466
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 3: I need you to remain safe for me or what.

467
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,080
Speaker 2: But that was never our thing.

468
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:27,800
Speaker 3: If you're like, maybe after the fact, yes, after the

469
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 3: fact that we started the relationship, we grew and then

470
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 3: you become a confidant person. I trust absolutely, But I

471
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 3: could not be with someone who was a friend first.

472
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,199
Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel like it's sort of always backfired for me.

473
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: Where and this is a lot more to do with

474
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,400
Speaker 1: like my own sexuality and stuff where I thought we

475
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:52,159
Speaker 1: were friends and then he did not think that, and

476
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: then those moments.

477
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 2: I don't have those moments.

478
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: I have a few, but I think I shut it

479
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,879
Speaker 3: down so quickly that it becomes like, okay, yeah, we

480
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 3: could never.

481
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 2: I have this weird like, oh you're my best friend.

482
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 3: I would never touch you, like immediately type of conversation

483
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 3: And I don't mean to, but it's just an automatic

484
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 3: response for me.

485
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 1: Uh.

486
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 3: Speaking of which they have a lot of friends in

487
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 3: common is what's also on the list. And I feel

488
00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:21,159
Speaker 3: like that's a good and bad thing, because what happens

489
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 3: if you break.

490
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: Up exactly you kind of know though, like where it's

491
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 1: gonna split. Yeah, you've got it in your head, like

492
00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:27,640
Speaker 1: the divorce.

493
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 3: I think I made a list of like these are

494
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 3: the people you will not see ever again.

495
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,919
Speaker 2: If we break up, you know, just say you are aware.

496
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 1: I feel like I have, like a lot of times

497
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: I've had like my group of friends there group of friends,

498
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:47,160
Speaker 1: and we all become friends, but then when we break up,

499
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: it's over. It's no longer. Yeah, it's sad, but yeah,

500
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 1: makes it happens.

501
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 2: Spends money in similar ways.

502
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 3: I feel like that's a lot of practical applications, so

503
00:25:58,280 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 3: that although that could also be a detriment. One person

504
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 3: likes to spend a lot and the other person is like, yeah,

505
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:04,639
Speaker 3: me too. Then you just both run out of money.

506
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, there could be problems for sure, but again, I

507
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 1: think there are a lot of fights do stem from

508
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: money or financial issues, so that also makes sense to me.

509
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 3: That's always been one of those things where I'm like,

510
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 3: maybe because I remember coming in young seeing good relationships

511
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,000
Speaker 3: that we have different finances, we keep it.

512
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 2: I was like, I think that's smart.

513
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: Too, me too. That was never a question. I was like, no,

514
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 1: this is like we.

515
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:31,439
Speaker 3: Can have one account where we put all of our

516
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,199
Speaker 3: utilities and all of that, but everything else. My pacheock

517
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,240
Speaker 3: comes to mind, your pateon goes to yours, and then

518
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 3: we put our little bits here equal amounts.

519
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 1: I agree. I agree. Well here's an interesting one. Have

520
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 1: sex at least once a week?

521
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sure, why not? This one came from two

522
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 3: thousand and four, so I feel like it's a little dated,

523
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,879
Speaker 3: especially when we talk about the queer world actually coming

524
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 3: out and having a conversation about what their sexuality means

525
00:26:59,840 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 3: to them or it doesn't, and we're acknowledging and recognizing

526
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 3: the differences. Maybe it's just my world because you're in

527
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 3: my world, but I feel like we've become a lot

528
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 3: more open and aware and that sex shouldn't be the basis.

529
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,439
Speaker 3: And then again, the pandemic has taught us quite a

530
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:16,119
Speaker 3: bit about whether to do or do without.

531
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, the numbers have changed a lot during this pandemic,

532
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,040
Speaker 1: which could be for stress reasons, could be for tons

533
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 1: of stuff. But right, that's an interesting see.

534
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 3: Oh and I love this last one because I feel

535
00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 3: like it should be with every relationship and not just couples,

536
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 3: but celebrates each other's achievements.

537
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: And yes, if.

538
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: You're one to be jealous, then that's a problem.

539
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:44,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. I definitely dated the guy who never

540
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:45,640
Speaker 1: like every time I'd be like, oh I got to raise,

541
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:48,360
Speaker 1: it'd be like silence, And then I think I might

542
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 1: get a job promotion. So he never would acknowledge any

543
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,880
Speaker 1: of my things that I accomplished.

544
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 2: That's not cool, No, that's not cool.

545
00:27:57,359 --> 00:27:59,600
Speaker 1: Still remember it clearly many years ago.

546
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 3: Obviously, Like I think about this with my friends too,

547
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 3: Like there are moments where I'm super jealous of my

548
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 3: other friends and I'm like, oh my god, whatever whatnot,

549
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 3: But also celebrating with them because you want them to

550
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 3: have the best one life. Just because you don't get

551
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,280
Speaker 3: that doesn't mean that they shouldn't either.

552
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:15,879
Speaker 2: Like such a weird thing. But yeah, but jealousy does occur.

553
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:20,240
Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, that was me, but congrats.

554
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like I have a pretty I didn't

555
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: used to. I was a pretty jealous kid when I

556
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: was younger, but now I feel like I've got a

557
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,159
Speaker 1: healthy like I am jealous for you, but happy for you.

558
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 3: Yes, but yeah, I think it's always good to celebrate

559
00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 3: each other. And if you can't celebrate together, then what

560
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 3: the freak was the point you know of being together?

561
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 3: Like that's what you want, right, I feel like that

562
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 3: makes things happy. I will say right now, I'm in

563
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,920
Speaker 3: the process of possibly buying a house, y'all.

564
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 2: My partner has been.

565
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 3: Really great in my stressful moments of being like can

566
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 3: we celebrate though you're about to buy a house? You know, like,

567
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 3: try to remind me this is a good thing, even

568
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:58,800
Speaker 3: though I'm about to have a painic attack every thirty seconds.

569
00:28:58,840 --> 00:29:00,200
Speaker 1: So it like that.

570
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 3: I feel like that's what makes a great relationship in general.

571
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 3: That's a brag that I have a great relationship, just

572
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 3: in general, like knowing that this is like, okay, that's

573
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 3: a plus, that's a green flag.

574
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: Yes, you know, yeah, absolutely absolutely.

575
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 3: Obviously, as we were talking about before the number of

576
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 3: statistics are ever changing. We talked a little bit about

577
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 3: how the pandemic has affected couples, and many studies can

578
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:23,600
Speaker 3: be biased, like I.

579
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 2: Said earlier, so it's always good to.

580
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 3: Keep in mind when comparing your own situations to what

581
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 3: we're talking about, because, like, as we even talked about, like,

582
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 3: I don't think this is true for us individually, but

583
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 3: that's always important to know that even though we have

584
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:42,480
Speaker 3: a generic, overarching like conversation about it, it doesn't fit

585
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 3: everyone right.

586
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 1: Right, absolutely, absolutely, and happiness can look different ways. Happiness

587
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 1: can look different ways, exactly, and clearly we had a

588
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 1: lot to say about this, and in fact we have

589
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:56,440
Speaker 1: even more to say about it.

590
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 2: Of course.

591
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 1: Yes, I feel like this is part four.

592
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 2: The old Part four. We're doing a lot of the talk.

593
00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: About happy, yes, being happy, Yes, well, it's very important.

594
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: And in part four we're going to talk about the

595
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: happiest cities yeahb for women, So keep an eye out

596
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:17,040
Speaker 1: and ear out for that. In the meantime, if you

597
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 1: have any thoughts about this, you can email us Stuff

598
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 1: Media mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You can find

599
00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:22,920
Speaker 1: us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast or on Instagram

600
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 1: at stuff I never told you. Thanks as always to

601
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 1: our super producer Christina.

602
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 2: You make us happy, Christina Yes.

603
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 1: And thanks to you for listening stuff on our total

604
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 1: restreection of iHeart Radio. For more, podcast on my heart Radio,

605
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: Busy I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, Regulus and to

606
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,120
Speaker 1: your favorite shows