Speaker 1: Welcome to Time Out. I'm Eve Rodsky, author of the
Speaker 1: New York Times bestseller fair Play and Find Your Unicorn Space,
Speaker 1: activists on the gender division of labor, attorney and family mediator.
Speaker 1: And I'm Doctor add In the Rukar, a physician and
Speaker 1: medical correspondent with an expertise in the science of stress, resilience,
Speaker 1: mental health, and burnout. We're here to peel back to
Speaker 1: layers around why it's so easy for society to guard
Speaker 1: men's time as if it's diamonds, and to treat women's
Speaker 1: time as if it's infinite like sands. And whether you
Speaker 1: are partnered with or without children, or in a career
Speaker 1: where you want more boundaries, this is the place for
Speaker 1: you for all family structures. We're here to take a
Speaker 1: time out to learn, get inspired, and most importantly, reclaim
Speaker 1: our time. Hi d hi E. I get to be
Speaker 1: on your time zone today as we're recording, so it
Speaker 1: just feels fun to be in the same time zone.
Speaker 1: I love it. You feel even closer than you usually feel. Well.
Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you a little bit about my
Speaker 1: journey to understanding goals, because goals, I think you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes we just set them out for ourselves, maybe based
Speaker 1: on other people's expectations. And I don't know if I
Speaker 1: always really thought about why I set goals, or if
Speaker 1: I even knew what those goals are. I definitely didn't
Speaker 1: have a vision board in my third grade bedroom. I
Speaker 1: had like teen Bop posters up there. But what's interesting
Speaker 1: about Find Your Unicorn Space was that in so many
Speaker 1: of my interviews with creative people, the word goals came up,
Speaker 1: and so I felt like it would be a disservice
Speaker 1: not to address them in a chapter in the book.
Speaker 1: Goal setting became very important to people living a creative life.
Speaker 1: That's I think the difference between unicorn space and a
Speaker 1: hobby not only the infrequency that a hobby connotes, but
Speaker 1: a unicorn space has goals and a lot of people
Speaker 1: level up. As my son said to me when I
Speaker 1: was talking to him about goal setting, he said, yeah,
Speaker 1: dumb mom, because whether it's life or video games, no
Speaker 1: one wants to die on level one. So if we
Speaker 1: don't want to die on level one, I think we
Speaker 1: do have to set some goals. But how do we
Speaker 1: know they're the right goals? And so I wrote that
Speaker 1: down in a moleskin. How do I know that this
Speaker 1: is the right goal for me, or how does somebody
Speaker 1: know it's the right goal? And I started to ask questions,
Speaker 1: and two things came up that felt totally contradictory to me.
Speaker 1: But you'll probably tell me from a brain science perspective
Speaker 1: why they're actually complimentary and not contradictory. But in the
Speaker 1: beginning it felt contradictory, which was so many people half
Speaker 1: said to me that they followed some version of a big, hairy,
Speaker 1: audacious goal. I want to put people on the moon.
Speaker 1: That's why it's often called a moon shot, even though
Speaker 1: I really hate I don't really like that word. It
Speaker 1: sounds I don't know, it sounds porn like porn to
Speaker 1: me or something. And then often i'd also hear the opposite,
Speaker 1: which is, well, the way I got to where I
Speaker 1: am is I took extremely small steps. And so how
Speaker 1: did I reconcile those two? Well, then I realized, okay,
Speaker 1: what was happening. It seemed was that there were people
Speaker 1: who had big, hairy, audacious goals that came from Jim Collins.
Speaker 1: That's his sort of framework. I'd like to add in another,
Speaker 1: a big hairy, audacious, authentic goals, And so they would
Speaker 1: have these big goals, like Sandy Zimmerman. She said, I
Speaker 1: want to be on American Ninja Warrior. I'm a pe
Speaker 1: teacher in the Midwest. I have no experience with parkour.
Speaker 1: I know I'm physically fit, but I want to be
Speaker 1: on that show. I see people on that show, I
Speaker 1: want to to what they're doing. So that's a big, hairy,
Speaker 1: audacious goal. And then at the same time, I would
Speaker 1: hear well to get there, I also had to just
Speaker 1: swing on the salmon ladder for seven weeks in a row.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even move my arms up to the next wrong.
Speaker 1: I just swung there until I got the courage to
Speaker 1: move up to the next wrong. And so I think
Speaker 1: what I finally realized was that you can have a big, hairy, audacious,
Speaker 1: authentic goal, and a lot of people actually were doing
Speaker 1: it in the present tense, which I found interesting. So
Speaker 1: instead of saying I want to be on American Ninja Warrior,
Speaker 1: my interviewees were saying things to me like I am
Speaker 1: cast for American Ninja Warrior, or I'm going on American
Speaker 1: Ninja Warrior. They started to say their goals in the
Speaker 1: present tense, which I found really interesting to me. And
Speaker 1: also concur it with some books out there, like Professor
Speaker 1: Benjamin Hardy, who talks about your future self. And then
Speaker 1: I would also hear my next step on my journey
Speaker 1: is the smallest, teenious thing, like buying a better pair
Speaker 1: of sneakers. But I also knew from goal setting that
Speaker 1: small steps matter. I had read many different frameworks for
Speaker 1: goal setting. One of my favorite was the smart goal framework,
Speaker 1: which is that goals have to be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,
Speaker 1: and time based. And so how do you reconcile or
Speaker 1: do you think one is more important than the other,
Speaker 1: or do you think you need big, hairy, audacious, authentic
Speaker 1: goals and the understanding that the very very small steps
Speaker 1: of goal setting also need to be there as well.
Speaker 1: It's interesting because we need both. And you can think
Speaker 1: of that big, hairy, audacious, authentic goal like your north star,
Speaker 1: what's going to guide you forward? What's that in tension
Speaker 1: that you're setting for yourself. It's incredibly value based. And
Speaker 1: that's why that second A for authentic right. It's your driver,
Speaker 1: it's what gets you up in the morning, it's your why.
Speaker 1: And when we have that north star to guide us,
Speaker 1: it gives our life meaning and purpose and helps us
Speaker 1: through the drudgery. The drudgery is part two, which is
Speaker 1: the small step goals. They're not sexy, they're not glamorous,
Speaker 1: but you need to do step by step, and you
Speaker 1: need both because you need that vision and dream to
Speaker 1: keep you going when things get difficult, but you need
Speaker 1: a plan to get there. The other thing that I
Speaker 1: think is fascinating is even though we begin with the
Speaker 1: end in mind, like the example that you gave about
Speaker 1: the park Core Championship, we may begin with the end
Speaker 1: in mind because it's incredibly motive aiding and it's a
Speaker 1: driving force. But often even those small steps, just incorporating
Speaker 1: a little bit of that into our daily life might
Speaker 1: be enough two fuel us and make us feel a
Speaker 1: sense of fulfillment, help us feel satiated. So that north
Speaker 1: star or that big hairy goal is a driver, a marker,
Speaker 1: and a way for you to be guided forward. It
Speaker 1: might not eventually be your destination, and that's okay. The
Speaker 1: fact is that you're on the journey and that first
Speaker 1: step and second step and third step of the journey
Speaker 1: is what matters. And I think that's so important because
Speaker 1: people get so hung up on that big hairy, audacious,
Speaker 1: authentic goal because they want to set something that's within
Speaker 1: limits and the second guess what that goal should be
Speaker 1: and is it too small or it's too big. But
Speaker 1: the bigger the better. It has more force and more
Speaker 1: power to drive you. The reason I want to bring
Speaker 1: that up is because I don't want people to feel
Speaker 1: blindsided if they don't meet that goal, because often what
Speaker 1: happens is when you start that journey right, like, that
Speaker 1: first step is the most difficult. We know that with
Speaker 1: Newtonian physics it takes more energy to get something in motion,
Speaker 1: but when something is motion, it takes less energy to
Speaker 1: keep it in motion. So we have to take that
Speaker 1: first step and get our bodies in motion, and that
Speaker 1: often is enough to feel that sense of fulfillment. I
Speaker 1: think that's so important because that goes back to what
Speaker 1: Ben said about not die on level one, whether it's
Speaker 1: in again, where it's in the Game of Life or
Speaker 1: or actual life. Because it doesn't necessarily mean that your
Speaker 1: level A thousand was the one you thought it was
Speaker 1: going to be, as you said a d D. That
Speaker 1: can change. But having that north star and continuing to
Speaker 1: play it doesn't mean it will be easy, but it
Speaker 1: does mean that leveling up is a good thing. It's
Speaker 1: a good thing to have a plan because it feels hard,
Speaker 1: and it feels strange to think you're going to be
Speaker 1: the one doing it. Because sometimes, like you said, with
Speaker 1: Newtonian physics, it's easier for me to stay at risk
Speaker 1: and let the person next door do it, let them
Speaker 1: be the president of United States. But when it's you
Speaker 1: and you start realizing, wow, I can do this. There's
Speaker 1: this book, The Great Work of Your Life, and it
Speaker 1: talks about how we can find that sense of meaning
Speaker 1: and purpose, how we can find that north star. What's
Speaker 1: interesting is that many people are just adjacent to their
Speaker 1: big dream or big vision. It's not a one eight
Speaker 1: turn that we have to make. Often it's like a
Speaker 1: five or ten degree turn or pivot or tilt. So,
Speaker 1: for example, in the case of Sandy's Immerman, she wanted
Speaker 1: to be a parkour star. She was already a pe
Speaker 1: teacher and physically fit, so she was already embodied a
Speaker 1: lot of the traits that she would need to then
Speaker 1: meet her big, harry audacious, authentic goal. So in many ways,
Speaker 1: when we have that aha moment, that idea or inspiration,
Speaker 1: the spark to really do something big. We already have
Speaker 1: all of the raw materials within us to make it happen.
Speaker 1: It's just a matter of aligning those maybe refining and
Speaker 1: honing certain skills. You know. One of my favorite expressions
Speaker 1: by I Believe, a Japanese empress who was profiled in
Speaker 1: Vogue magazine. Believe it or not. She talked about how
Speaker 1: she had many different lives before she became empress, and
Speaker 1: she just said a very simple statement, nothing in life
Speaker 1: is ever wasted. That resonated with me so deeply because
Speaker 1: that was the message I needed to hear at the time,
Speaker 1: and for all of our listeners. You may be on
Speaker 1: a certain path, you may want to go somewhere else,
Speaker 1: but nothing in your life has been wasted. Every opportunity, struggle, strength,
Speaker 1: and achievement that you've already had can be fuel and
Speaker 1: fire for your next journey. We're so excited to talk
Speaker 1: about all of these topics with today's guests. Robin ar Zone.
Speaker 1: Robin is the New York Times best selling author of
Speaker 1: Shut Up and Run and Strong Mama. She's also the
Speaker 1: vice president of fitness Programming and head instructor at Peloton.
Speaker 1: Robin started her career actually as a lawyer. She's also
Speaker 1: a recovering lawyer, and she discovered her passion for athletics
Speaker 1: and so much more. Robin is a consummate goal setter.
Speaker 1: She's our inspiration today for setting goals, meeting goals, and
Speaker 1: surpassing goals. We cannot wait for her to share her
Speaker 1: story with all of you. We're so excited for our guests,
Speaker 1: Robin Arzon to be joining us. Robin does the VP
Speaker 1: of fitness Programming and head instructor at Peloton. She's also
Speaker 1: a New York Times best selling author. Hi Robin, hi
Speaker 1: dd hi Eve, thank you for having me today. So
Speaker 1: we have lots of different goals setting questions, So I
Speaker 1: think maybe we'll just start with tell us, what do
Speaker 1: you think about goal setting? Do you think of them
Speaker 1: as your big hair, audacious goals? Do you think of
Speaker 1: them as small steps? I love goals. I mean I
Speaker 1: I see goals as as mini finish lines. As someone
Speaker 1: who didn't work out as a kid, the fact that
Speaker 1: I live in a in a sports analogy is absurd
Speaker 1: to me, Like that's absurd. But I absolutely adore goals.
Speaker 1: I believe that we can have self generated momentum. And
Speaker 1: there are lots of tools that get us unstuck and
Speaker 1: out of inertia. For me, movement is not only health practice,
Speaker 1: but it is a creative practice. I actually believe that
Speaker 1: I paint and sweat and so my goals. I get
Speaker 1: just as excited about the granular goals as I do
Speaker 1: about the big ones. And I pretty much live in hyperbole.
Speaker 1: Like in my head it's like you are the baddest
Speaker 1: be on the planet. Like I am constantly digging myself up.
Speaker 1: But I also am in love with the process. And
Speaker 1: I think this is where people get a little bit
Speaker 1: miss aligned with the spirit of goal setting when they
Speaker 1: don't fall in love with the process and the boring
Speaker 1: stuff and the things that don't feel exciting, that don't
Speaker 1: feel you know that will be applauded on social media
Speaker 1: or get that serotonin response when we get the accolade.
Speaker 1: So there are many finish lines for me, and whether
Speaker 1: it's something iterative like putting a little bit of heavier
Speaker 1: weight on the barbell, whether it's major, you know, betting
Speaker 1: on myself and submitting a book proposal or something like that, Well,
Speaker 1: can we start back from the beginning. So one of
Speaker 1: the biggest goals that people would see from the outside,
Speaker 1: is that you had a complete and total I'm not complete.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're you're using your legal skills every day.
Speaker 1: But you had a very big pivot, And can you
Speaker 1: just tell us a little bit about that time in
Speaker 1: your life, because I'm assuming that some of the things
Speaker 1: were probably scary and hard and boring, but also very
Speaker 1: exciting as you start building a new this new life,
Speaker 1: you're now inspiring us all to live. We stand a
Speaker 1: lawyer pivot, don't we eat? Yeah? Reformed lawyers over here. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do use my law degree every day, so I
Speaker 1: don't regret a moment of any of it. Yeah. I
Speaker 1: practiced for almost eight years as a corporate lated getter
Speaker 1: in New York City, and I was in the grind.
Speaker 1: I was in the hustle eighty hours a week, and
Speaker 1: I actually didn't hate it. My story arc is not hated.
Speaker 1: My life created a better one. It was I thought
Speaker 1: my life was just okay. Realized that the lazy mediocrity
Speaker 1: or not the standard by which I do anything. So
Speaker 1: how could I be spending the majority of my life
Speaker 1: doing that? Then the pivot. But the pivot was a
Speaker 1: slow burn. It was a two year process, and I
Speaker 1: set a calendar appointment for ten minutes a day because
Speaker 1: we're the first person to tell ourselves that we don't
Speaker 1: have the time. And I love love your philosophy of
Speaker 1: that time is diamonds because it's a non renewable resource
Speaker 1: that we're never going to get back. But at that time,
Speaker 1: I was telling myself, girl, you don't have time to
Speaker 1: figure out a new life, like you're just trying to
Speaker 1: get these billables, like you're just trying to pay your
Speaker 1: rent like it was. You know, the corporate hustle can
Speaker 1: be can be is very real, and the stories we
Speaker 1: tell ourselves within that paradigm feel like we're never going
Speaker 1: to escape, Like it really is a super big, like
Speaker 1: Rapunzel moment. So I started telling myself a different story,
Speaker 1: but the storytelling was very small, and it was in
Speaker 1: ten minute bite sized chunks, and I set account of
Speaker 1: recurring calendar appointment Monday through Friday, and it was block
Speaker 1: time that my EA just didn't even know what I
Speaker 1: was doing. But eventually I told folks that I was meditating,
Speaker 1: which some days may have been kind of true, but
Speaker 1: I was like, what, that's the thing that they can't
Speaker 1: they won't touch because they don't know anything about so
Speaker 1: I was like, that's my meditation. So anyway, that was
Speaker 1: the way for it for me to that was Unicorn
Speaker 1: time that I carved out Unicorn space. I didn't call
Speaker 1: it that, of course, because we hadn't met yet. But
Speaker 1: in the beginning, it was like I set set a
Speaker 1: timer and just write pen to paper like something, well,
Speaker 1: how do you want to feel in your new life?
Speaker 1: Like who can you contact? Like what can you google? Like?
Speaker 1: It was really simplistic. There wasn't a manual. I just
Speaker 1: allowed myself, you know what ultimately became hours of time
Speaker 1: cumulatively to dream and then I put those dreams into plans.
Speaker 1: So you probably were an incredible corporate litigator and now
Speaker 1: you are at this, you know, larger than life, peloton
Speaker 1: ambassador and a wife and a mom and even hates
Speaker 1: the word balance and it always makes me laugh because
Speaker 1: she eats that word and I use it pretty often
Speaker 1: in my daily life right work life balance and professional
Speaker 1: personal balance. I would love to know what you think
Speaker 1: of that word, because when I look at you, you
Speaker 1: have mastered that thing. Um. I will have to remember
Speaker 1: this conversation on the many, many moments when I do
Speaker 1: not feel like I'm good at anything. Um, I agree.
Speaker 1: I bristle at the word balance. I instead believe that
Speaker 1: I have priorities, and I'm either in alignment with those
Speaker 1: priorities or I'm not. I have a very short list
Speaker 1: of things actually that you listen family, business, priorities, friendships,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of like everything else just falls. So
Speaker 1: I don't believe in balance, but I I live, like
Speaker 1: unapologetically in alignment with my priorities. And sometimes my priorities shift,
Speaker 1: and I choose my primary identity in any given moment.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm an executive, sometimes I'm an entrepreneur. Of course,
Speaker 1: on the back like I'm always a mom, I'm always
Speaker 1: a wife. I don't relinquish those parts of myself, but
Speaker 1: I give myself freedom to say this is just going
Speaker 1: to be put here for the next hour, ninety minutes,
Speaker 1: two days, whatever, and I'm going to allow this other
Speaker 1: part of my identity to be the tip of the spear.
Speaker 1: And that has given me so much freedom to then
Speaker 1: use a work back approach. It's like, Okay, if these
Speaker 1: are my values, then how do I feel my dates?
Speaker 1: And I center my values and how I feel my days,
Speaker 1: and so yes, I feel fulfilled. I do feel like
Speaker 1: I have appropriate balance by my own definition of success,
Speaker 1: but it does require enough critical thinking for folks who
Speaker 1: use that in their own lives. The blueprint only works
Speaker 1: if you listen to yourself long enough to know what
Speaker 1: what the priorities are, and then continue to listen to
Speaker 1: yourself to know if you are in alignment or not.
Speaker 1: And when I'm not in alignment, that's when I get
Speaker 1: that sticky feeling in my gut and I start to resent,
Speaker 1: if I start to resent appointments, if I start to
Speaker 1: resent these things that I used to love and uh something,
Speaker 1: something's gotten askew what I love about that? Yes, I
Speaker 1: was gonna say it's balance is not a terrible word
Speaker 1: in it of itself, but I think the problem is
Speaker 1: so many people think of it as an input. And
Speaker 1: what Robin taught me is that it's an output, the
Speaker 1: same way that happiness is an output, the same way
Speaker 1: that jealousy is an output. That when you're doing something
Speaker 1: those feelings you pay attention to them, or again when
Speaker 1: you do other things, like when you're in alignment with
Speaker 1: your priorities, balance does follow or a version of being
Speaker 1: able to feel really good in your decision making follows
Speaker 1: because you've set in motion the way you make decisions
Speaker 1: through your values based lens, which is something that I've
Speaker 1: always really admired about you, Robin. And also I think
Speaker 1: that the beauty of you using a values based lens
Speaker 1: to how you live your life is that it doesn't
Speaker 1: hurt your life. So many people think, well, you know what,
Speaker 1: if I really think about my own values, maybe they're
Speaker 1: not what society wants from me. But look at what
Speaker 1: society is giving you back. I mean, they see your authenticity,
Speaker 1: they see you living by your values, and then people
Speaker 1: want to follow your lead, which I think is really beautiful.
Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about those small steps.
Speaker 1: One of my favorite small steps that you took was
Speaker 1: cold calling the CEO or the owner of Peloton, way
Speaker 1: back when before people knew it was a household name.
Speaker 1: So can you tell us a little bit about that
Speaker 1: space in your life? How did you have the courage
Speaker 1: to do that? What made you even think about this
Speaker 1: particular company, Like I always think about that when I'm
Speaker 1: going to do something hard. I'm like, well, if Robin
Speaker 1: can call called Peloton, like I can talk to my
Speaker 1: editor about a third book. So you always you give
Speaker 1: me a lot of inspiration. Oh wow, well thanks, thank
Speaker 1: you for that. And yes, third book, we're here for it.
Speaker 1: So I started with a vision board. I had already
Speaker 1: left my law firm and I was working on my book.
Speaker 1: I was coaching runners, and I thought, gosh, what is
Speaker 1: my next step? Like there's so many checks coming in.
Speaker 1: I don't know what is my next step. And I've
Speaker 1: never gone wrong when I bet on myself. And the
Speaker 1: vision board had a quadrant that was about business and
Speaker 1: business partnerships, and that's not the one thing I had
Speaker 1: really contemplated. I understood business as like these business folks
Speaker 1: are my clients. And I thought, oh wait, I have
Speaker 1: to smash all the paradigms, like I am here on
Speaker 1: this earth to smash the paradigms. And so I thought,
Speaker 1: what if there's a new construct of ways that I
Speaker 1: can partner being myself and I am the brand, partnering
Speaker 1: with the brand. I truly influenci Our marketing was like
Speaker 1: just bubbling up at this time. So for me then
Speaker 1: it was a very revolutionary concept, like I'm the product.
Speaker 1: And then I read a blurb about Polatan in Fast Company.
Speaker 1: I read the then CEO John Foley co found and
Speaker 1: it crystallized for me. Not because I was super techy
Speaker 1: and I knew all this stuff about tech. It was
Speaker 1: because I had put on my vision board that I
Speaker 1: wanted to work for a modern, disruptive company that is
Speaker 1: going to storytell on a global scale. In my mind,
Speaker 1: it was going to be a media company or something.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that this was gonna be the synergy
Speaker 1: that I was in fact looking for, and so I
Speaker 1: sent a cold email to the info at that I
Speaker 1: found on Google. There were only like twenty employees at
Speaker 1: the time of the company, and literally I emailed on
Speaker 1: a Monday. I had a audition on a Wednesday, and
Speaker 1: I had a contract the following week. Use this word
Speaker 1: to describe yourself, unapologetic, and I can't think of a
Speaker 1: better word to describe you as a person. How can
Speaker 1: we get there? How can we get that? Robin arzan
Speaker 1: juju uh, Little by little amounts to a lot right
Speaker 1: using your voice even when it shakes, It's wearing the
Speaker 1: thing that makes you feel good. It's I mean that
Speaker 1: this is a big one, but it's like knowing you're
Speaker 1: worth and adding tax. It's asking for the raise, it's
Speaker 1: creating a boundary around your time. It's taking the long
Speaker 1: way home because you feel like it's it's those little
Speaker 1: moments when we when we feel like we're flexing, when
Speaker 1: we feel like we're being bold, But really that's just
Speaker 1: developing that will power muscle. It's developing that confidence muscle.
Speaker 1: And I also do believe that a lot of my
Speaker 1: confidence stems from the physical embodiment of living in this skin.
Speaker 1: And I'm competitive with myself, right, and that confidence is
Speaker 1: a side effect of my hustle. And now I'm in
Speaker 1: a different chapter where I also recognize that slowing down
Speaker 1: is a strength. You know, postpartum, I had to slow
Speaker 1: down and I had to discover new parts of my
Speaker 1: identity and new parts of my self worth. And that's
Speaker 1: been really refreshing and beautiful. And so now sometimes my
Speaker 1: internal flex is, you know, thing the equivalent of my
Speaker 1: body weight over my head, you know, on a barbell.
Speaker 1: And then sometimes the subtle flex is like I'm gonna
Speaker 1: sitting here and do absolutely nothing. And I don't have
Speaker 1: this claimant to any of y'all. And so I guess
Speaker 1: the advice, you know, is think about the small moments
Speaker 1: where you feel like you're betting on yourself. I actually
Speaker 1: envision like Robin, Robin looking back and be like, yes, girl,
Speaker 1: that was the whisper that you needed to turn into
Speaker 1: a roar. And so it's like, how can we carve
Speaker 1: out those little moments where we can actually listen to
Speaker 1: ourselves and we can champion ourselves in those small ways. So,
Speaker 1: whether it's scheduling the workout, whether it's taking the time
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes to make the painting, to Google to pick
Speaker 1: out colors, pick out the paint, do the ten minute
Speaker 1: thing where you're betting on yourself, and then we get
Speaker 1: used to betting on ourselves. And you know, I would say,
Speaker 1: especially for caregivers out there, we have to model this behavior.
Speaker 1: We have to Nobody who is living, you know in
Speaker 1: our ecosystems should have to wait sixty years to realize
Speaker 1: a dream. It's like, we have the ability to do
Speaker 1: that now. So let's start practicing on ourselves and modeling
Speaker 1: it not only for the little ones, but the adults
Speaker 1: in our lives too. Like, you never know who is
Speaker 1: going to be inspired by your story. You could be
Speaker 1: someone's survival guide one day, strong mama, So let's talk
Speaker 1: about that as a survival guide. It's a really beautiful book.
Speaker 1: It's a a new children's book that you just put
Speaker 1: out into the world that is a survival guide and
Speaker 1: that it's an ability to connect with the next generation.
Speaker 1: And I want you to tell people about what inspired
Speaker 1: you to write a children's book in addition to all
Speaker 1: the other things you're doing. Amazing things you're doing. But
Speaker 1: I will say I went through my library of children's
Speaker 1: books and I was trying to find other children's books
Speaker 1: that actually focused on the caregiver, the parent, as opposed
Speaker 1: to centering the child as the be all end all,
Speaker 1: and there really aren't very any and so that's what
Speaker 1: I love so much. It doesn't say strong child and
Speaker 1: I'm going to help you be that. It's a strong mama,
Speaker 1: And that's intentional. So can you talk a little bit
Speaker 1: about this survival guide for the next generation? Yeah, so
Speaker 1: strong mama. Really, the genesis of it was it was
Speaker 1: a conversation I was having with myself and it was, gosh, like,
Speaker 1: how do you remember the strength of this moment when
Speaker 1: you are creating life? And I really I thought, you know,
Speaker 1: baby Athena and my belly was my workout partner and
Speaker 1: we were doing these things together, and I thought, how
Speaker 1: are you going to teach them about these critical self
Speaker 1: care moments? That movement is medicine and self care isn't selfish?
Speaker 1: What teachable things like? How are you going to teach
Speaker 1: this value? Of course, by example? But then I envisioned
Speaker 1: myself sitting next to my kid and being like, this
Speaker 1: is why mommy went out a two hour run over
Speaker 1: the weekend, because I must take care of myself in
Speaker 1: order to take care of you. And the beauty of
Speaker 1: having the caregiver be the center of that story is
Speaker 1: that I think it enables all of us to have
Speaker 1: these conversations about these concepts with kids, so then they
Speaker 1: can realize when they should also be utilizing the same
Speaker 1: tool kit of movement as medicine, and self care is
Speaker 1: something that should be really revered and respected. Well, then
Speaker 1: if we can move on to this idea of practical
Speaker 1: steps for people who are just getting started, who are
Speaker 1: just now realizing they can't do this anymore, that burnout
Speaker 1: has reached an all time high for them, They can't
Speaker 1: live this way anymore. What would you say is a
Speaker 1: good place to start? I guess it's like a four
Speaker 1: pronged approach, A movement practice is crucial, Like I think
Speaker 1: a movement practice physically metabolizes, you know, not I don't
Speaker 1: mean calories, I mean like emotions, like you know, there's
Speaker 1: just stress and stuff and gunk and news feeds. We
Speaker 1: have to be able to move. So in any way
Speaker 1: that you can move, it feels good to move. Develop
Speaker 1: a movement practice, even if it's ten minutes a day.
Speaker 1: And then that goes to the second piece of my
Speaker 1: four product approach, which is that I have a monster
Speaker 1: mirror moment, Like I have like a moment where I
Speaker 1: looked myself in my eyes in the mirror and I
Speaker 1: bang on my chest and I just talked to myself.
Speaker 1: And at first it was really weird, but I developed
Speaker 1: this as preparing for race day, and I realized that
Speaker 1: in the race corrals I would get so nervous because
Speaker 1: you know, there's just a phrenetic energy, you know, I
Speaker 1: needed like a positive trigger and for that that like
Speaker 1: banging on my chest, like I still do that for
Speaker 1: almost every Palton class. Actually, um so I would say
Speaker 1: a self talk moment, whether that's more contemplative and you
Speaker 1: consider that more of a meditation moment, but I actually
Speaker 1: think like looking yourself in the iyron mirror is powerful
Speaker 1: as hell. So this let's dial into our self talk
Speaker 1: and maybe develop some positive triggers around that conversation, because
Speaker 1: it's the most important conversation we're gonna have. I guess
Speaker 1: in the last two are pretty straightforward. It's owning your
Speaker 1: note to protect your yes. It's actually practicing the full sentence.
Speaker 1: That is an oh no without explanation, without apology. That's it.
Speaker 1: It's a no no. And we're just going to make
Speaker 1: ways and they're just gonna have to learn how to
Speaker 1: swim like I just cannot. It's so no. And then
Speaker 1: the fourth is an interesting I guess compliments. That is
Speaker 1: I really try to put a gratitude lens on a
Speaker 1: lot of what I do. I asked myself often, what
Speaker 1: is it that you used to wish for prey, for hustle,
Speaker 1: for vision board four that you have right now that
Speaker 1: might even annoy you? You know, I'm sitting in my
Speaker 1: beautiful home and then something on the sink breaks and
Speaker 1: I'm like, and it's like, you gotta you gotta dishwasher, honey,
Speaker 1: Like you live in New York, got you better comment
Speaker 1: all the way down, you know, So there's I try
Speaker 1: to put that gratitude lens. Often we are onto the
Speaker 1: next thing, We're onto the next finish line, we're onto
Speaker 1: the next victory. And when this whole thing is about
Speaker 1: goal setting, rights like goals are incredible, we have to
Speaker 1: take time to sell the tiny victories. And I do
Speaker 1: try to have that gratitude moment. Sometimes it's in a
Speaker 1: journal I love journaling, but oftentimes it is just like
Speaker 1: that check, like you need to check yourself because somebody
Speaker 1: would take your problems and call them blessings right now.
Speaker 1: But what it's so important about what you're saying, because
Speaker 1: I do think that the idea of goal setting is
Speaker 1: so forward thinking, possibly right, that I don't want people
Speaker 1: to lose sight of the fact that we're not saying
Speaker 1: you always have to be moving forward, you always have
Speaker 1: to have something new, You always have to necessarily be
Speaker 1: productive in the same way that maybe a capitalist patriarchy
Speaker 1: would think of you as productive. But I do think
Speaker 1: it's really interesting that part of goal setting, even in
Speaker 1: your framework about where to start, is looking back at
Speaker 1: things that you have accomplished. And I can can you
Speaker 1: talk a little bit about that, What do you look
Speaker 1: back on and you say, I can't believe I did that.
Speaker 1: Oh that's part of my favorite So I call it
Speaker 1: creating a mental movie reel. You know how like movies
Speaker 1: have sizzle reels, Right, It'll be like thirty seconds of
Speaker 1: like the most amazing clips of the next superhero movie.
Speaker 1: And I thought when I was preparing for my first
Speaker 1: ultra marathon, I thought, oh, but like I'm living all that,
Speaker 1: Like I'm like living that, So why should we create
Speaker 1: our own superhero movie reels? And it could be the
Speaker 1: small like the small moments where you flex, the small
Speaker 1: moments where you bet on yourself, whether it is like
Speaker 1: an actual workout, or whether it's you know, speaking up
Speaker 1: in the meeting, whether it's not apologizing for taking a
Speaker 1: day off, whether it's asking your partner, collaborator, whoever it is,
Speaker 1: to be like, yeah, you can take this one today
Speaker 1: and asking for what you need. The world needs us
Speaker 1: to tell our stories. We need us to tell our stories.
Speaker 1: And I think in looking bath, you realize that you've
Speaker 1: survived all of it, You survived a hundred percent of
Speaker 1: your worst days and despite it all, you're still here.
Speaker 1: But now you have that story to tell, Like what
Speaker 1: was it all worth? If you can't now tell yourself
Speaker 1: the story that you are the hero in it. Take
Speaker 1: it with you, so you know, A practical application of
Speaker 1: that is picking three, four or five of those winds
Speaker 1: and actually creating a visualization practice around it, like I
Speaker 1: have a visualization of practice around my training winds leading
Speaker 1: up to race day, and then I also have some
Speaker 1: as it relates to business, some as it relates to
Speaker 1: personal relationships. Just to conjure and remind myself of that
Speaker 1: I am already listen, I'm already funding the script. I'm
Speaker 1: already living it, Like I might as well write something
Speaker 1: that I'm going to watch so good. I'm like it
Speaker 1: would be in my real to me when I hear
Speaker 1: you with all of these tips and tricks and these
Speaker 1: daily strategies, there is so much good science behind every
Speaker 1: single thing that you are doing for yourself, suggesting to others,
Speaker 1: and in my mind, you have cracked the code for
Speaker 1: living a more authentic life, a life that's really centered
Speaker 1: on longevity. Right for people who are earlier on in
Speaker 1: their journey to really having a life of impact that
Speaker 1: they want. What can people do early on in when
Speaker 1: they get those whispers like you say, how can they
Speaker 1: chase that to make it into our roar so that
Speaker 1: they can act and live their truest, most authentic self.
Speaker 1: One of my most profound and most recent mantras was
Speaker 1: postpartum consistency over intensity, because I am so apt to
Speaker 1: go hard and intense and like I will be there forever,
Speaker 1: I will be in the in the dark, just like grinding,
Speaker 1: but that that that's not always certainly not the spirit
Speaker 1: of what we're trying to build, right, Like, that's not
Speaker 1: the energy that we need to put into every single thing.
Speaker 1: And I certainly couldn't do it physically, you know, I
Speaker 1: obviously couldn't do that postpartum. So consistency over intensity became
Speaker 1: a really important, profound mantra for me. And I would
Speaker 1: say that that is really applicable to the beginning of
Speaker 1: any journey and what small iterative steps I'm talking like
Speaker 1: be the person and who did five minutes a day
Speaker 1: like that actually chemically changes, not only like you want
Speaker 1: a cellular level, but then you start telling the story
Speaker 1: to yourself that I am the person that does this
Speaker 1: every every day. I am this person, right and and
Speaker 1: I hide it behind pretending it's meditation in my office.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't matter but but that, but consistency over intensity,
Speaker 1: because especially because we we do see a lot of
Speaker 1: other people's highlight reels, we do see a lot of
Speaker 1: sizzle reels, and we're under this impression that we need
Speaker 1: to go all in and it's hard in the pain
Speaker 1: and it's throwing the books off the desk and quitting
Speaker 1: the job. It's not that sweeping aim for something that
Speaker 1: you can do consistently. That is moving the needle slightly
Speaker 1: closer to the person you want to be and how
Speaker 1: you want to feel when you get there. So funny
Speaker 1: you just said that because I just I screenshot this
Speaker 1: woman who said this morning, I'm just showing you this
Speaker 1: thing because it just reminded me of that. She said, Hi, Eve,
Speaker 1: I want to share how meaningful Unicorn Space has been
Speaker 1: for me. I have a two year old and a
Speaker 1: four month old. My husband is a basketball coach, and
Speaker 1: I've been doing most of the parenting and housekeeping. I
Speaker 1: was going through one of the worst oppressive episodes I've had.
Speaker 1: I started to listen to Unicorn Space and I discovered
Speaker 1: a heel's dance class. I didn't even know what that was. Actually,
Speaker 1: I have a bone spur and like a Bunyan. So
Speaker 1: I couldn't do that from dance, but I'm assuming that's
Speaker 1: dancing in heels. It's become a unicorn space, and I
Speaker 1: love how empowered and film I feel there. I don't
Speaker 1: think I would have ever considered going. So, I mean,
Speaker 1: that's not that transformative, but it sounds like it changed
Speaker 1: her whole life. Right, she just signed up for one
Speaker 1: heel's dance class. Right, you may just be on a
Speaker 1: ride with you and that starts to change things, but
Speaker 1: it's not the heels dance class. So I was wondering, like, what, like,
Speaker 1: what do you see the people that you coach or
Speaker 1: that are in your audience, Like those types of people
Speaker 1: who say I did this, I signed up for the
Speaker 1: Hills dance class and it's changed my life. What is that?
Speaker 1: What are Is it confidence that they get? Is it introspection?
Speaker 1: What do you think is happening to them in that
Speaker 1: process on a cellular level, or what do you see? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean obviously there's like the physiological chemical stuff that
Speaker 1: happens with movement, But the corrupx of it for me
Speaker 1: is we put ourselves in a scenario where we can
Speaker 1: answer the question why not meet whether it's it's a
Speaker 1: curiosity of what like, can I lift my leg a
Speaker 1: little higher in this dance move? Can I master this step?
Speaker 1: Can I pick up this weight? Can I run this distance?
Speaker 1: Can I meet a friend on the leader board? You know,
Speaker 1: it's not always based on the metrics and the and
Speaker 1: all the data points. Sometimes it's based on the feeling
Speaker 1: in the community and the who am I in this?
Speaker 1: And it is that constant questioning of identity. But we
Speaker 1: have all these little opportunities through movement that really are rituals.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is an age old practice where we
Speaker 1: are anchoring ourselves a community and meaning and answering the
Speaker 1: question why not me? So it's like, why not me
Speaker 1: to sign up for the heels dance class? Why not
Speaker 1: me to go to the triathlon training? Put in a
Speaker 1: ten minute core class on peloton? You are a different
Speaker 1: person on the other side, and the deep, deep knowing,
Speaker 1: like the soul that chose your body, knows that you
Speaker 1: did something to create self generated momentum and that is
Speaker 1: life changing. Why not me? Thank you? You are about
Speaker 1: to go teach, so we were you. We're gonna let
Speaker 1: you go, but you're the best. Hi, it's me Eve,
Speaker 1: I wrote find your Unicorn Space as a permission slip
Speaker 1: for you to reconnect and discover that thing that makes
Speaker 1: you come alive without the guilt, without the excuses. Especially
Speaker 1: in our all too busy world, making time for ourselves
Speaker 1: is essential work. It improves our health, our relationships, and
Speaker 1: it just might be the antidote to burnout. Join me
Speaker 1: on a journey to find your unicorn space. Visit unicorn
Speaker 1: space dot com for today's time out. We're going to
Speaker 1: walk you through a four step method for goal setting. One,
Speaker 1: you're going to set your big hairy, audacious authentic goal.
Speaker 1: Write one down. We don't care what it is, whether
Speaker 1: you think you will ever achieve it, just the first
Speaker 1: one you can think of. Write it down. That step one,
Speaker 1: write down a big hairy, audacious authentic goal. Step two
Speaker 1: is gut checking to make sure that it's actually authentic.
Speaker 1: How do we do that well? When you have a
Speaker 1: big harry dacious authentic goal, that means the goal aligns
Speaker 1: with your value system. So please visit page of Find
Speaker 1: your uniform Space, or go to www dot fair play
Speaker 1: life dot com where you can find a list of values.
Speaker 1: Circle your top three values. Look at your big hairy audacious,
Speaker 1: authentic goal and make sure that it's an alignment with
Speaker 1: those values. So, for me, when I decided to devote
Speaker 1: myself two women's economic security for the rest of my life,
Speaker 1: I went and understood that that goal did align very
Speaker 1: deeply with the values that I hold community, fairness, and justice.
Speaker 1: Step three, You're going to start where you are and
Speaker 1: a dity will tell you what that means. Now that
Speaker 1: you've identified your big, hairy, acious, authentic goal and double
Speaker 1: check to make sure that it's authentic and in line
Speaker 1: with your values. Then take a life inventory. What raw
Speaker 1: materials do you already have to get there, what life
Speaker 1: experiences have you had, what resources do you have to
Speaker 1: put into it? And then the last step, what small
Speaker 1: incremental change can you make to bring your big, hairy, audacious,
Speaker 1: authentic goal to life. And so we want to think
Speaker 1: of that small bite size nugget as your smart goal, specific, measurable, achievable, relevant,
Speaker 1: and time based. For Robin, it was small in time,
Speaker 1: ten minute increments that she would put in her calendar
Speaker 1: so she could figure out how she could fulfill her
Speaker 1: dreams and her audacious, authentic goal. And we know all
Speaker 1: of this can feel overwhelming, scary, difficult, and so next
Speaker 1: week is about facing your fears. If this exercise feels
Speaker 1: scary to you or uncomfortable, maybe table it and come
Speaker 1: back to it after you listen to the next episode.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Time Out, a production of
Speaker 1: I Heart Podcasts and Hello Sunshine. I'm Ev Rodsky, author
Speaker 1: of the New York Times bestseller of fair Play and
Speaker 1: Find your Unicorn Space. Follow me on social media at
Speaker 1: Ev Rodsky and learn more about our work at fair
Speaker 1: Play Life. And I'm Dr Add Narucar, a Harvard physician
Speaker 1: with a specialty and stress resilience, burnout, and mental health.
Speaker 1: Follow me on social media at Dr add Narucar and
Speaker 1: find out more about my work at doctor d D
Speaker 1: dot com. That's d R A D I t I
Speaker 1: dot com. Our Hello suns Shine team is Amanda farrand
Speaker 1: Aaron Stover and Jennifer Yonker. Our I Heart Media team
Speaker 1: is Ali Perry, Jennifer Bassett, and Jessica Kranchich. We hope
Speaker 1: you all love taking a much needed time out with
Speaker 1: us today. Listen and subscribe to Time Out on the
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.